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pygmeys · 4 years

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Hey so this is kinda important

i woke up today to see that a poem/rant i had written a few years ago had resurfaced and was getting notes again. the rant was about all the shitty complicated feelings surrounding my at the time ongoing struggle with eating disorders. and, as it has happened before, it making rounds again caused a surge of new followers on my blog. i wont say these people are proana or thinspo blogs because i dont think they all are, however by glancing at their blogs its easy to tell that eating disorders and other mentall issues are a common thread among them.

i wrote this rant when i was 19. im 22 now and although i wouldn't say im fully recovered from the things i experienced (can any of us truly recover from something like that in this hell of a society?) i am doing much much better. ive dedicated myself to healing for about 4 years now and its not always great but i can say i am doing good, i even manage to feel hot and pretty sometimes, fat and all. but it is very hard and complicated, even now i can hardly go through a meal without second guessing myself, so i understand what its like to be in that place mentally and i really dont judge anyone for holding on to whatever coping mechanisms they can find out there.

that said i do think proana and thinspo groups are horribly unhealthy. and youre not an idiot, you also probably know how harmful it is in the long run to seek out communities made up of a neverending stream of self hate. and i do get it, but you need to stop. so if you wanna take some advice from someone whos been through it here it is: when you are very hurt and alone it is comforting to surround yourself with more pain, its an instant form of validation that can be so hard to find in a world thats so harsh at times and that probably has been very harsh to you. but by doing this you are only trapping yourself in a cycle where it feels like hurting is the only real thing you can get yourself to feel. being cruel to yourself can become so satisfying when you think that it makes you the one in control, because at least then you are the one delivering the blow. but the truth is that it just makes you loose sight of all the other options that are available to you. eating disorders and other mental issues twist your perception so much, its unreal. the truth is that absurd as it sounds, a better, healthier, happier way of living is within your reach. recovery is so hard, specially at first and relapses are inevitable but once you start realizing that you can actually heal and improve yourself, your world really starts opening up for the better.

if any of these new followers of mine have read through this without getting upset at me and want to know what i reccomend doing next here it is:

find therapy, any kind of therapy, and if you feel like its not working or that youre being hurt/judged by it, find another form of therapy. for me personally what really did it was going to a nutritionist that focused on helping people out of eating disorders through healthy eating habits.

unfollow people and tags that post triggering or upsetting content, start following whatever makes you truly happy, fandoms, cute animals, positivity blogs, yoga, meditation, etc.

it wont always work but try countering whatever negative thoughts and words come out of your head. tell yourself as much as you can that theres good and worth and kindness in you. you might not always believe it but its a good start.

find out ways in which other people can help you and explicitly ask them to do that for you. try not getting upset if this doesnt work with everyone all the time, but the people who love you will try to do whats in their capabilities to help you out.

thats all i can think of right now. for some other things you can look up the positivity and recovery tags in my blog. i know im just some idiot on the internet and you really dont have to listen to me, but hopefully some of the helps out. as for me, you can reach out if you need some help or advice finding resources, but the truth is that im not qualified to be anyones therapist, eating disorders are still a sensitive and triggering subject to me, and i also need to take care of myself.

#yea thats about it #sorry for the long post i have some Things i needed to get out #bird talk #fyi i have no problem with you people following me but understand if i want to keep my interactions with these topics to a minimum #eating disorders tw

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