#unfortunately for dick

[deadsetobsessions]

He could overlook a lot of things, but this was getting ridiculous. You’d think seasoned vigilantes would have better excuses prepared, but Danny had caught that flash of panic that crossed Tim’s face as Danny came face to face with Tim dragging an unconscious Steph to her designated room in the manor.

“Uh.”

“Danny! Uh, Stephanie brained herself- uh, sliding down the bannisters and- pleasedon’ttellBruce.”

Danny blinks, staring at Tim and then very pointedly, very slowly, turned his head back towards the direction he came from: the main hall… where the bannisters were. He wonders what vigilante hijinks they were trying to hide from B this time.

Tim coughs, trying to inch Stephanie away. “Uh. She was doing… cartwheels?”

Danny let his eyes slowly take in the bruises that were clearly not from “cartwheeling in the mansion” on the both of them. There’s a huge bandaged cut on Steph’s forearm and a giant bruise on the edge of Tim’s jaw. Tim’s face twitches nervously, not that anyone else would have noticed- except Danny has enhanced ghost senses and could feel the panic coming off of his adopted brother.

“You know…” Shit, what does he do? Not knowing would be so much easier if these idiots gave him good excuses! “I don’t think I want to know what you two have been up to… but should I be worried for your, uh, physical health?”

“Nope!”

“… Okay.” He says. Tim opens his mouth to make further excuses but Danny adds quickly, “But don’t tell me, because if Bruce asks, I want plausible deniability.”

Cartwheels, Danny’s ghostly ass. Luckily, this show of doubt reaffirms Tim’s belief that Danny believes them all of the other times. Danny grins inwardly, planning capitalizing on the guilt that flashed over Tim’s face.

“Deal.”

“Want help?” The halfa points at Steph, who’s still being dragged over the carpet by a noodle armed Tim. Danny knows Tim’s strong, he’s a vigilante, but it’s funny watching him pretend to struggle.

“Please. I’m so tired right now.” He looks it too. Danny’s brows furrow with genuine concern when he takes in Tim’s drowned raccoon look. He picks up Steph, firmly removing her from Tim’s suddenly weak grip. Being careful to avoid her injuries, Danny nods at the door to her room. Tim cracks it open and does a little showy gesture towards the inside.

“C’mon, we’ll tuck her in and then I’ll tuck you in.”

“What, you don’t have to do that.”

“If you don’t let me tuck you in and make sure you sleep, I’ll tell Alfred who really accidentally poured boiling hot coffee on his azaleas last week. And I’ll sic Dick on you and tell him you haven’t been sleeping enough.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” Tim grumbles. “But fine. It’s really not my fault I’m this tired. A missing spleen is hard to handle, you know.”

“Yeah, missing an organ sucks,” Danny says, shit eating grin hidden long enough to catch the contemplative bloodhound look that passes over Tim’s face.

“Which- uh, which one of your organs is missing?”

“Liver.” Danny says, remembering the flashes of pain. He tilts his head away to hide the grin at Tim’s panicked face.

When he tucks Tim in, he pretends to believe Tim’s sleeping act and left his room while mumbling about the Wayne’s clumsiness and bruises and stocking up on bruise cream. He couldn’t even enjoy Tim’s floundering, this time, worried as he is.

——

“Brother.” Danny half turns his head, just to beam a sunny smile at Cass. He signs an exuberant hello. The halfa hangs up his coat as he addresses his adopted sister.

“Cass! What’s up?”

“Dinner.” She smiles back, signing that Alfred wanted them to the dinning room post haste. The main dining room, because rich people were fruit loops and Batman is totally included. Cassandra looks down and gasps.

What…?

Oh. Fuck. Danny glances down. He genuinely forgot about that.

“Huh.”

“Okay?” Suddenly, Cass is right next to him, hand reached out and hovering over the actual knife Danny forgot was sticking out of him. At least it’s where his liver should be, so he won’t have to pretend.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m good. Don’t have a liver.” Danny decides on the spot that he’s not gonna mess with Cass. She smiled the same as him. “Got mugged on the way back but I think they said I could keep the knife, right?”

“Danny.” She’s frowning at him. He feels like he just kicked tiny Cujo. But he doesn’t feel bad enough to blurt everything out.

“Here. You can have it if you want?” Danny casually pulls out the knife and holds the wound together with his bare hands. Cass looks more alarmed. She bodily picks up Danny and starts running.

“Woah!”

Cass throws him at Alfred, gently.

“Miss Cassandra! Why, I never-!” Alfred pauses in surprise.

“Uh. Wow, Cass. You’re really strong.” Danny pipes up, hand still over his gushing wound.

She ignores him, pointing at Danny and telling Alfred, “Hurt. Got mugged. Dumb.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault Gothamites are ready to jump people at any moment. Besides, it’s daytime. It’s not like the vigilante furries are out to save my butt. I think I did really well coming back safe, you know?”

“Hurt. Forgot the knife. Was in him.”

“Master Danny!”

Danny pouts. He also knows there’s a discreet camera in the corners of the sitting room, so he’s definitely hoping he could phase into the cave when Barbara eventually tells the group that he called them “vigilante furries.”

Alfred clucks his tongue and set to work patching him up. Danny tries not to bask in the careful way Alfred tended to his wounds. It reminds him too much of Jazz, if Jazz was British and a man with greying hair.

But because they were watching him and he was watching them in return, Danny noticed the moment Alfred’s hands stalled and Cass’ gaze got intense. What now…?

Oh, fuck, his vivisection scar. Oops. Danny smiled, channeling Dani (his lovely clone sister) at her most innocent.

Cass smiled back, just as sunnily, fists tightening at her side in repressed fury.

——

“Cass? Why’d you call us?”

“Yeah, baby bat. I got a couple o’ smugglers to talk to.”

Cass paces.

“What is it, Cassandra?” Damian tuts impatiently.

“Danny. Has… scars. Autopsy. But was struggling. When cut.”

“What.”

“A vivisection, Master Jason.” Alfred’s voice was crisp and eerily cold. His hands are folded, rage only held back by his sheer will and a well practiced sense of propriety.

“We find. Who hurt him,” Cass snarls. “We. End.”

Jason’s eyes glint green, hands going to his guns. “Fine. By. Me.”

“It does tie in with the dead comment. I wonder what happened to him.” Tim clacks away at the bat computer, furiously looking into the matter already. Bruce has taken to prowling, stressed out at the prospect of one more of his children- not a vigilante at that- getting hurt the way Jason had. Worse, even. A vivisection. He was alive, dissected. Aware enough to struggle. Dick looked like he was torn about hunting down and lunging at whoever hurt Danny to rip their throats out with his bare teeth versus the urge to go back up to the manor and wrap Danny in bubble wrap.

In the corner, Danny was having a quiet breakdown because he came here to watch them react to vigilante furries, not offering to murder the people who vivisected him. What the fuck?? He ran his hands through his hair, invisible.

——

“Oh, by the way, we should consider more daytime shifts.”

“Why?” Spoiler asks Barbara.

“Danny got mugged. And called us the nightly furries.”

“The fuckin’ what-?” Jason chokes out, laughing. Bruce stops his pacing, body language becoming slightly offended.

Danny muffles a laugh only Alfred would have heard.

#danny phantom #Danny ‘plausible deniability’ Phantom #Jason Todd #red hood #batman #tim drake #dick grayson #cassandra cain #black bat #Tim usually would be a better liar #but usually he lies to Batman #not Danny #Cassandra Cain and these idiots that she unfortunately loves #Danny: you stabbed me so I’m keeping the knife #Danny plays finders keepers with Gotham muggers #he wins #cartwheeling in Wayne manor #dc x dp #dp x dc #bamf danny phantom

[nerdpoe]

Danny has too much on his plate to care about anything past paperwork and schoolwork, so he shoves the weird shit onto Tucker and Sam.

And Tucker and Sam, upon realizing that Danny can be summoned at any time, decide to fuck around.

Now, if anyone wants to summon the High King of the Infinite Realms, they have to say the entire chant in UwU.

But if they're doing it on a Thursday, it has to be in OwO.

BUT if they're doing it on the fifteeth of any month it has to be in pig latin.

If the Fifteen falls on a Thursday, pig latin in esperanto.

If the fifteenth falls on a Wednesday, then it has to be in interpretive dance.

The offerings are the following;

Monday; Pot Roast

Tuesday; case of soda

Wednesday; $30,000

Thursday; Pizza coupons

Friday; cheese

Saturday; cars

Sunday; the most up to date hand built computer

if any of these days is the fifteenth, the offering must be one of the ones mentioned above and also some cool bones.

All offerings must be performed in the ceremonial garb of dressing up as a being from another wor-cosplay. it's fucking cosplay.

As far as Sam and Tucker are concerned, job done. It's so weirdly specific and offputting that no one will summon Danny.

Danny, on the other hand, manages to get summoned by some weird blond guy speaking in OwO, dressed as a catgirl from some anime, in a circle made of pizza coupons.

The cosplayers look just as shocked to see him.

Meanwhile, Bruce is getting frantic calls from Tim that GothCon (some Anime Convention held in Gotham every year) is currently playing host to some sort of interdimensional being.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #tim's dressed as the catgirl #he is DESPERATELY trying to tell bruce not to let any of his brothers go to the expo #he would never live it down #unfortunately for him #multiple selfies with the interdimensional being already show tim in the background #Bab's already knows #which means Dick already knows

[welcometogrouchland]

ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)

#dc comics #batfamily #damian wayne #stephanie brown #dick grayson #talia al ghul #duke thomas #cassandra cain #mine #woo new art tag. please god let me keep this up all year #uhh anyway yeah! still a big backlog of sketches but i got burnt out which means i had time to collect some #i feel like my art looks. extremely different w/o lines compared to with? idk i worry that's it weird/off-putting #but hey at the end of the day I'm hardly worrying about my brand integrity on tumblr dot com #duke and cass being at poetry club is based on them canonically being into poetry and for a good while duke and jason got along well #Steph is there for both jason and cass' emotional support (unfortunately there's a design flaw. she can't do both simultaneously) #(which is fine bc cass is fleeing the scene at the idea of having to casually hang out with jason) #(they're the exact amount of similar and more importantly different that it's like putting two firecrackers together. bad) #i really like the steph mask designs... it'd be fun to do something with them but idk what y'know? #I'm just like. if we're assuming that her mask has to be different from both babs and cass then this is what I've got as alternatives #i mostly wanted to practice character interaction with the talia and damian one... and also i love them #looking at james gunns batman movie proposal. you keep your hands OFF HER MR GUNN #please if shes evil in a movie they're never gonna let her be good in the comics again 😭 #dc when you inevitably cave and do your next big reboot let the ppl finally have the son of the demon origin (w/ tweaks of course) #idk it's canon in my heart. heartcanon if you will <3 #anyway yeah uhhhhhh enjoy?

[mysterycitrus]

let dick grayson have sex with a man on page

#unfortunately outsiders 2003 was off panel so. doesn’t count. #dick grayson #nightwing #dc comics #spokes

[abreca]

Desperate times call for desperate measures: getting into Batman (actually just Dick Grayson) again.

Are there things I don't like abt this piece? yes.

Am I so proud of myself that I'll let them slide? yes.

#batman #nightwing #dick grayson #richard grayson #fanart #batfam #robin #dick robin #abreca #art #batmm #was going to write “i love redheads” on the tshirt #unfortunately i never learned to write

[pearlypeacepeacock69]

Shadow Demon but

BABEE

Jim Gordon's pal, the Shadow demon describes baby Dick

The Shadow Demon and the Blue Jay describes baby Jason

Finding Tim(e) describes baby Tim

Part one: sketch

Part three: Taser

#batblob #batman shadow demon au #shadow batman #cryptid batman #cryptid batfam #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #my art #unfortunately #dc fic rec #sketch dump #batman batblob #that creecher sure is creeching #creecher #batdad #batboys

[remindertoselfto]

@gumworthweek 2023 Day 1 - Fancy Food / Comfort Food 

Imagine Gumshoe bringing Edgeworth oranges for lunch every once in a while to cheer him up, and then after they're together it becomes kinda like a symbol of love between them, and they always make sure to share an orange on their anniversary, sappy romantics that they are.

#ace attorney #gumworth #nokomitsu #dick gumshoe #miles edgeworth #gumworthweek2023 #your honour i love them #unfortunately this will be my only contribution this year 😭 #but i put a lot of love into it so i hope you like it #mitsunoko

[lygma-nygma]

Thinking about writing a fic where a “post getting kicked off of robin” Tim actually gives in and says yes to Jason pressuring him to become his sidekick.

But instead of being super angsty or dark Tim decides the best way to get his “revenge” is to become a plague on Richard John Grayson’s home. Mainly, Titans Tower.

This culminates with Jason, Tim, and Steph getting a bunch of their friends together and making their own team (led by Cassie and Jason) called ‘The EVIL Teen Titans.’ They’re just like the normal titans when it comes to saving people and stuff, it’s just that sometimes they decided to attack Titans Tower for their own enrichment.

Basically they’ve become the Titans own Injustice League. Except they’re not actually trying to kill the Titans off, they just get into fights with them. In fact some members of the JL are even encouraging this. After all the regular attacks help the Titans pinpoint holes in their defences.

Dick has never been more tired.

#nygma rambles #this was definitely based on those ‘young justice would turn evil for each other in a heartbeat’ posts #because yeah they would #I think they should lock the robins in a tower and have them beat the shit out of each other more often #I don’t think dick would like it all that much but unfortunately for him I do think it would fix the rest of them #batfam #batfam au #fic idea #should I do character tags? #I’ll just do the main ones #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Dick "unfortunately that bitch" Grayson:

Joker killed my baby brother? Imma kill him. Don't worry, I know family members being near guns triggers you B. So I'm going to end that "clown" with my bare hands.

Alternatively:

Jon Stewart: I don't mean to jinx anything but why does the Joker go out of his way to avoid Blüdhaven?

Bruce: There's a reason Nightwing is my contingency plan

Dick: If he is in my city for more than 30 seconds, I will introduce his face to every brick there. Setting a good example for my siblings is the only reason he's alive and he knows that

#batfam #unfortunately dick grayson appreciation time #i set out determined to not like the oldest brother #but he has won me over #dick grayson #just siblings being siblings #nightwing

[necromycologist]

rip ianthe tridentarius... born to be the one and only fucked up failgirl forced to somehow end up as the voice of reason

#like. ianthe is pretty insane we can all agree on this. #she ate a guy. she has nasty infectious rizz she had a girl homoerotically regrow her arm she did a lobotomy. she is a genius and a loser. #in any other fandom she would win hands down. unfortunately this is not any other fandom. #gideon and harrow are doing their whole orpheus and euridyce shit camilla was so codependent w/ her necro she merged her soul with him #pyrrha is a 1000-yr-old butch living in the corpse of her best friend alecto is the fucking vengeful soul of the earth. #don even get me started on mercymorn or commander wake or coronabeth... infact maybe dont get me started at all. #what imsaying is that ianthe may be insane but at least she's logical about it. #she killed a man for ultimate power. dick move yeah. but gideon killed HERSELF out of LOVE and took her gf tryna SAVE HER as a REJECTION. #one of these gals is more fucked in the head than the other BY FAR. rip ianthe second place even at being a failure #ianthe tridentarius #tlt

[yesiknowimshort]

no one:

dick, jason, tim, bruce:

#i never trust a blue-eyed bugger #should’ve been placed on the mountain side to die like the ancient greeks #(unfortunately i’m in love with them) #dc comics #batfam #tim drake #batfamily #batboys #red robin #jason todd #dick grayson #batman #bruce wayne #nightwing #red hood

[dykefaggotry]

u could make a post that literally just says "croissant 🥐" on here, but if it managed to get over 1k there would be nuclear levels of discourse in the notes where someone is calling you an idiot, 4 people are arguing over politics, and a french person has written a 5 paragraph rant about how annoying americans are on the internet

#anyway people are now being Obnoxious on that trek lost I'm like excellent ur getting blocked for mildly annoying me #who cares. I think the new costumes are bad. sue me. punch me in the dick. I don't care brother #LIKE WJDGSHSH #and this is just general too tho like this is my experience having...... many. many high note posts unfortunately #*post

[bruciemilf]

The justice league taking pictures with Bruce like men do with fish

#just thinking abt bruce and co again djdjd #when bruce joined the team he forgot one critical issue: they're a band. they're a glorified boy band. at that #and as an eye witness to dick's meltdown when 1D broke up - he knows he can never leave #and unfortunately some of them are so popular that they MUST HAVE PR #basically give me the JL treating bruce like the autistic orange tabby cat they found in an alley #bruce wayne #dc #dc comics #batman #clark kent #diana prince #arthur curry #hal jordan #oliver queen #the justice league #jla #text post

[happypeachsludgeflower]

XIE LIAN PETS E-MING.

HE PETS HUA CHENG’S SWORD.

A SWORD WITH ONE EYE.

WAS THAT A DICK JOKE??!

#I’m pretty sure it’s a dick joke guys #mxtx absotluly would but idk if that’s a dick reference in China as well #mxtx does like her dick jokes or at least she did in svsss with cucumber bro and airplane bro #I’m not well versed in Chinese dick puns unfortunately tho so while it’s absolutely a dick joke here I have no clue if it is there #I feel like it should be because it feels like such an obvious joke #and yea I did notice it the first time I watched but I didn’t think to make a post about it til now #it’s kinda a double pun dick joke too #one eyed (snake) AND the sword!! #it’s absolutely a dick joke #i refuse to believe otherwise #hua cheng #hualian #xie lian #hua cheng x xie lian #mtxt #mxtx tgcf #tgcf donghua #tgcf #tgcf novel #tgcf xie lian #tgcf hua cheng #tgcf spoilers #tgcf season 2 #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing

[mysterycitrus]

i read a post (that i now can’t find) that said if u mischaracterise dick grayson u then mischaracterise every other batman character and like…. yeah pretty much. he is literally patient zero of every weird fanon take

dick controls so much about how bruce and every successive character operates, thinks, and works with each other that interpreting him badly (whether on purpose or by accident) throws canon completely out of balance. like his relationship with bruce dictates jason being adopted. his particular run as robin dictates every other robin and/or batgirl and auxiliary sidekick. his relationship with bruce post ditf dictates tim’s introduction and run as robin. his run with the titans dictates young justice and tt03. what would gotham be without her robin? on and on and on it goes.

not to say that other characters don’t affect canon obvsly — but i don’t think it’s unfair to say that he is so foundational to how these characters exist that removing his influence corrupts the narrative. where would tim be if he wasn’t a dick grayson fan who recognised the quad? where would jason be if dick hadn’t left robin behind and then accepted him into the role? where would cass and steph and duke be if bruce didn’t have that experience raising dick?

#this has been sitting in the drafts since last year but once again the diskhorse around fanon continues #dick grayson #dc comics #spokes #batfam #unfortunately he IS just that important

[adhdslugcrimes]

Mei

Exorcist: I'm here to exorcise the demon.

Wally: I didn't call you.

Dick, tired and wants to go back to hell: I did.

Later

Dick, sobbing: I'm stuck with you!?

Wally, holding Dick: there, there, you'll get rid of me eventually. *Looks at the exorcist* uh you can leave, he's going to need a moment.

Exorcist: … you're babying a demon, a high level demon sir.

Wally: and you're judging!? Get out of here, let a poor demon cry, he's missing his son down there.

Dick: what if he's not alive anymore!? I failed him!

Wally: great, look what you've done.

Exorcist: *left*

Dick, stop crying: damn, he sucked at his job.

Wally: you got him off Craigslist, what did you expect!?

#dick grayson #wally west #birdflash #mei au #i mean it's from Craigslist #what he expected #first part from a tweet i only have a picture of unfortunately #got it off here a long time ago rip