June 2nd 2020
Today I got to studying again after the long weekend eith the two Whitsun days (apparently it’s not common to have two of those?).
Studying went great and I got a lot done. Tomorrow I’ll have a talk with my academic counselor about what my study plan will be for the next academic year. I’m both excited and nervous, but we’ll see.
Stay positive ❤
Hey there! I’m melissa and I’m from the sunny island of singapore!! I’m going to start university in august and will be studying human resource management with a minor in psychology. The main reason why I’m creating this studyblr is to keep myself accountable and motivated. I believe that learning never stops and I hope to see myself grow through whatever adversities that may come my way! In my free time, I enjoy reading and listening to music. Cheers to a new journey with this studyblr!
I’m angry at myself for reacting to uni this way.
I love learning. One of the few passions of my life is linguistics and contrary to certain fears of mine, it wasn’t killed off by this degree; if anything, having access to a guided curriculum for my curiosity only fueled my love and cemented my enthusiasm for learning about how people learn and understand and speak and mix and forget languages.
but between the shit that happened at back at home while I couldn’t reach my family and then the pandemic, my yearly burnout came hard and fast and I’ve paused my studies until next year because I was losing my mind. I was honest to goodness unravelling past any point I’ve ever been at while I was depressed. No showers, no eating, no going outside, minimal contact with anybody who didn’t live with me and had the unfortunate task of checking whether I was still miserably continuing to be alive behind my bedroom door.
It took about a month and a half of spiralling, but now that I’m not panic-ridden or numbed out every goddamn moment of the night and day, I’m reading hungrily, I’m sewing, I’m cooking, I’m going outside without company, and I’m taking care of a body that I must have thoroughly disassociated from, because it’s in a sad and much-neglected shape - all little cuts and burns, strained and stinging eyes, sore neck and shoulders, rough-dry cracked skin, overgrown nails. Ruined sleeping schedule. I’m trying to write and draw again but that’s currently proving too much.
Uni always tires me out, makes me homesick, wears my mental health down to survival mode. It did during my undergrad, though less and less every year as I learned how to look after myself in different ways. I was expecting the impact to hit around February of this year, which it did.
It’s too late to be asking this now, now that I’m supposed to step away from my studies, now that I’ve waved my white flag and unloaded my troubles to the department office and my programme director, but I wish I could figure out why it’s so hard to be where I ought to want to be.
I wish I had a few more years to grow up. I feel so desperately underqualified to exist in this space. Most of my classmates this year are much older than me, people who have either started or are in the middle of careers as teachers or speech therapists or ambassadorial positions; they’re here to consolidate their own experience with a bit of research and some lectures. I feel like a kid, and I feel lost, and I feel, again, like I don’t know what I’m doing in this new degree, and like I don’t have the energy necessary to catch up to the others (something that I explicitly assured my professors that I had in abundance when I was applying last November).
I wish I had some time away. This field is where I want to be. Researching and academia will always feel like home to me, as someone who was brought up with university and a doctorate degree as inevitable steps in her future. But maybe if I had time to recover and grow up and… rest? I’m not sure what it is I need, but it involves a break from studying, my god. If I had time, maybe these burnouts wouldn’t hinder me once I came back. Because I know that if I’m able, I’ll be back (but not before then, because though I learn slowly, I do learn my lessons).
I hate being reduced to begging for extensions on every project, listing my new excuses (there’s always something, my own mother remarks), and I hate that it ends again as “just pull through and survive the end of this year”, when I used to strive for excellence, when I have memories of being the student who went the extra mile, who delighted in understanding. It’s embarrassing only to be able to do the minimum because my body (and the mind; or my mind and accompanying body) have reached its exhaustion point in March and the degree doesn’t end until September.
I hate myself … i am literally an epitome of failure. Like i hate myself and how i ruined my life. I was very happy person and loved to study and enjoyed educating myself.. and now i think i will fail most of my uni exams bc i am so fucking stupid bc i never plan out things correctly.
I’ve pretty much finished uni now and I feel…not a lot. This whole situation has led to these final few weeks being very anticlimactic. Whilst it may not seem like a big deal on the face of it (and maybe it isn’t, at least to some people), that I never got any of those typical “lasts” on campus (I.e., last time through the gates of the library, last lecture, last seminar, last tea on campus, etc.), or the obligatory picture by the university sign with a print-out of my dissertation, it does make me feel sad that I either never will experience those things, especially after all the work I put in.
When you start uni, you can’t help but imagine what your final moments might be like. You’re always working, not only for your degree, but for that moment where you can tell yourself: “yes, I’ve done it. I’ve made it. And here’s the proof”.
When I started in 2016, obviously I had no way of knowing this would happen: that my final moments would come and go without me even realising it; that I would spend the final, most crucial weeks, working at home - a place I have always struggled to work - in the middle of a ‘lockdown’. Obviously, I can do nothing about that, I know. So it frustrates me that I feel I can’t mention this to my family (who have barely acknowledged that I’ve just finished my degree), who always seem to say something along the lines of: “it is what it is”. Yes, I know 'it is what it is’, but that does not mean that I don’t have a right to feel upset about how things have turned out.
If I had had a choice, and the financial backing to do so, I probably would have chosen to redo this year - or at least the last term.
But for now, here we are and I have no idea what to do with myself now.
told my dad that I might fail this sem and his response was that if I fail I get to stay home next semester
Hi guys, so I’m back after a little bit of a break. It wasn’t exactly planned; I just didn’t realize how much time it would take to really get used to this new situation. There have been all kinds of new obstacles and I’m just glad to be in a more comfortable place right now.
I wanted to offer some new, original content here, as I realized we have a lot of time right now. But all that free time has kind of become a double-edged sword for me. While I’m here with my family, I noticed I’ve been having moments of pretty bad anxiety and hopelessness. Whether it’s missing friends or wishing I could do more or longing for a deeper connection, these feelings have been coming in waves all throughout social distancing and quarantining.
I think part of it is because we’re out of a normal schedule, one that usually distracts us. Now, I’m feeling like I have no purpose as I’m stuck at home, and it can be a pretty scary feeling. I wanted to reach out because, as a community focused on studying and academics, I’m sure many of us must be feeling this way as we live day by day.
Our purpose right now, and in life in general, can be anything. But we are here for a reason, and that’s to smile, live life, be happy. Do something every day that makes you happy. Maybe hang out with your pet or talk to a friend. You can go outside, appreciate nature, even have a dance party in your kitchen! Make yourself feel fulfilled each day.
Maybe your purpose can be to create, and delve into your art. We can all be creators as long as we make the effort. Whether it’s making music, painting, writing, or baking, putting something you’ve made out into the world is ground-breaking. Even if you keep it to yourself, you’ve used your hands, mind, skills to make something all of your own. I’ve found this an especially helpful purpose. On some days, I write thoughts or poetry in a journal before going to bed, and baking has been a fun new hobby I’ve picked up. When you’ve put your love out into the world in this way, the feeling of satisfaction is extraordinary.
Maybe your purpose is to learn and share. With all this time on our hands, why don’t we take the time to educate ourselves on topics we haven’t learned about before? Read an article a day about something new, pick up a new non-fiction read, or start a course in a topic of your choosing. Then, you can pass on what you’ve learned, even start a movement. You can start by telling someone one new thing you learned during the day or share an informative social media post. Spreading the word provides a purpose to all.
Maybe your purpose is to help others. We’re all going through a difficult time right now, and some more than others. Make sure your loved ones and friends can rely on you by sending them a quick message, make sure they’re okay. You can go out and volunteer if it is safe to do so for yourself and others you live with. Even put a donation out there for a worthy cause. A little step to help others can make a huge difference in their lives and make them feel as if they matter.
All of this sounds easier to do than it actually is. Finding the effort and energy to look for this purpose can feel pretty exhausting, especially when we’re stuck with our own thoughts during this time. But we have to live in the present moment and keep moving forward. Take everything one step at a time and applaud all your movements throughout the day. You made breakfast? Awesome! Watching some TV? Woohoo! Sent out that final email? Look at you! The biggest thing to ask yourself as you do something is “why am I doing this?” Most of the time you’ll have an answer, which means your action has purpose. And purpose is what fuels our passion and desire to be better people. You mean so much to other people, and your existence is proof that you matter. With every action in life, you are important.
the first of my uni reading for next year has arrived………. it’s over 1000 pages…….
Over the past few days I have been feeling pretty down about the amount of ‘work’ I have been doing. For example: I wanted to squeeze in 1-2 more hours of coding today, but I just didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t concentrate on the task at hand.
But then I realized that I was only considering work that was tied to a physical product. Hours of taking notes, writing papers, coding, etc. I wasn’t counting all of the hours that I spent thinking about work or planning out projects. Once I included those hours I realized that I have actually been doing quite a bit of work!
I’m going to make a reminder in my planner that mental work is valid work. Thinking counts as work! Making plans counts as work! Taking time to sit on ideas is work! I’m doing a good job!
Anyone else struggle with eating, meal planning, food budgets etc as a uni student? Just me?
I’m getting a masters in tropical disease and just had to check google that immunoglobulin = antibody
My profs: This paper is not allowed to be any longer than 3 pages.
Me, on Page 3 and did not even finish the description: *sweating*
I’m wondering if I can underline two (2) words to bring attention to a very specific point I’m trying to make in this paper but now I’ve decided against it bc academia sucks and I hate it.
bitches be putting commonly used geographical terms in quotation marks and think they did something.
i am bitches.
being a student nurse on placement is like: *registered nurse appears* go have a cup of tea! have you had a cup of tea? go have another cup of tea! have you had your break yet? go read patient notes! go have another cup of tea! okay time for medication rounds, are you coming? *patient appears* can you get me/am I allowed/can I have/do you know…? *me* idk ask the RN. im sorry. im so sorry. is it okay if I take your blood pressure.
I’m terrible at online universitying