When Fall came
They fell in love with your flowers, not with your roots, but when Fall came, they didn’t know what to do.
It is outraging to see how you were treated during your Fall; a neglected flower, being stepped over consistently by myopic people that couldn’t see true beauty around them, neither your true potential, nor your promised blossoming to come that strictly a few could truly envision.
Last year, when I got to genuinely know you, it was Fall indeed, and it was truly the Fall when I fell for your roots. Then I started falling harder, slowly, gracefully, subtly. The more I got to know you better, the more I felt that my roots began connecting with yours, truly a unique experience that I never had before.
It pains me even more to realize that given the current circumstances, it’s been almost a year we haven’t seen each other again, especially when I am able to visualize with total clarity, how much I relate to you, how deeply we are connected, and how similar we are, yet, so opposite, as a yin to its yang.
You are truly one of a kind, you must know that. For in my deepest and heartfelt intentions, I appreciate every tiny part of your roots, and you cannot imagine how joyful I would be when I water down your deepest roots with love, acceptance, affection, and appreciation. I cannot think of how beautifully you would grow because of that, and I cannot picture enough how infinitely you could blossom. Sadly, I came to a realization lately that you may never trust anyone enough again, forbidding anyone, sometimes even your closest friends at instances, of being allowed that close of a distance to you, that much distance in which you would be vulnerable, in which one could either water you with healing love, or god forbids, harm you..
I do not blame you, the world hasn’t treated you kindly, and it is certainly not a fair place. But I wish you could give a caring man a chance, to lay down the stone walls of the fortress you built, and to open up its gates; for I have met a thousand people, and I have crossed oceans and continents, from the land of the rising sun to where it sets, yet I have never encountered someone as you, nor have I ever felt drawn to anyone as much as to you. Sometimes, I think a lot, and thought of every reason not consider you, but I miserably failed at that, and only realized in my subjective mind that you’re the other missing piece of two, that would bring us together to our wholeness.
I held my utmost secret and pure love for you for so long that my grip is weakening, not because I’m giving up hope, but because I was fated to be a warrior, fighting battles constantly, internally and externally, being constantly torn in the battlefield, tested by superior forces, while having to maintaining composure, steadiness, and ultimately holding on to the cradle of your love, your flower of the ages, the that is seemingly beginning to wither. Not only that, more battles are ahead, and this is just the beginning of it for me.
I feel that only when I can truly water your mesmerizing flower and see it blossoming; is when I could regain my full strength from your efflorescence: to conquer every demon within, to defy every odd without, and to bring harmony altogether to both worlds, a harmony that would last for an eternity, reshaping the course of our history eternally.
Here’s to you, a heavenly scent of Jasmine.
Artist: Jabid Arsalan
“Oh, don’t tell me that you actually convinced yourself that I cared?” that laugh in front was at your expense. It was cruel, patronizing, and really, had you’d let yourself be convinced that it was ever going to be more than this?
This cycle of give-and-take that never seemed to end.
Unknown simply laugh at the look in your eyes as you cowered, back against the cold wall as he invaded your space and made no mistake as he slowly strode to you, his boots heavy against the ground and echoing in your ears. Why had you let yourself listen?
Yet, when you lowered himself just enough to your height for him to grasp at your cheek and rip your attention back to him, you knew why. You knew why when you felt his piercing gaze burn at the very fiber of your being. No matter how dangerous it was, you felt drawn to him.
Just as he let you slowly weave yourself into… not his heart, you couldn’t say that anyone fit inside of his heart any longer, but there was no denying that after all this time, that you had to mean something to him. Cruel words aside, he was a horrible liar.
A horrible liar that liked to remind himself that he could be strong by pushing down others.
“Pathetic,” his haughty voice caught you. He knew the way that you were sizing him up without fear. “And you like that, you like how fucked up I am, what a freak you are… you know that? You belong here, you belong here at my feet. There’s no other place that you were meant to be. Remember that.”
No looking away.
“Only if you remember that your lip quivers when you lie,” you found yourself retorting, hands still sitting at your side instead of touching him as you wanted to do. His eyes narrowed at you. Instead of scolding you, he just laughed, and let himself laugh at how twisted you were.
His mint eyes bore into yours.
“This is why I’ll never let anyone have you. Why I’ll never let him have you.”
christie tanuki (tanuki family sister)
birthday: unknown, 1985
sending an emoji on anon does nothing beloved 💞
My sensitivity is my best gift.
the first show saeran and seven binge-watched together was schitt’s creek
So all this Death around me lately got my creative mind flowing in a way.
So I had a wild imagination growing up. And with it I would picture scenes and people and all that, Well is also have these storylines, basically act out a plot to whatever I came up with Ofer a span of days or weeks. One lasted for years almost.
So with one of these storylines was about a town, where suddenly folks stared dying. They weren’t sick, old, poisoned, murdered, etc. They just died randomly. No one could explain it, and folks naturally panicked. As soon as it happened, it stopped. And folks kinda went their normal lives afterwords.
So who wants to read “The Rockville Incident” as I’m calling it, when and if I ever put it to writing?
He’s just too angry and spiteful to allow himself to be vulnerable. I’m not saying that it won’t happen because you’ve definitely got a chance for it to happen over different periods of time. That is to say, after he comes back to the room after he was forced to down more elixir than normal? When his eyes are bleary and he can’t even remember his own name or how to make himself hack… you’ll take him into your arms and hold him close, hiding your tears from him as you just started to discover that he wasn’t the real monster of Mint Eye.
Or, when he lets you clutch onto him at this desk, but that’s it. It’s only likely to happen when he’s in a vulnerable state already and he can’t hide it from you. So, instances where someone pushes him on his toes and makes things hard, that’s going to be your Prime opportunity to make a move on him like that.
SE Saeran is also a little spoon. For the same reasons as stated with GE Saeran. He can’t hold onto you without fearing that he’ll lash out or that he’ll hurt you without intending to. He does really struggle with flashbacks and PTSD. It’s even harder for him to be able to cuddle with his MC, much less sleep with them as he does it. He isn’t always worried that he’s going to fuck up and ruin all the good in his life. You’d never know it from his deadpan expression but he’s definitely overwhelmed and constantly thinking that he’s going to ruin everything that he touches. He just has his bad nights.
You set the pace. He only keeps his arms around your waist and he doesn’t often touch you any other place. It takes him time to work up to this point so you have to give him the benefit of the doubt and give him the time to open up on his own means. He likes when you brush or card your fingers through his hair. That’s the only time he feels truly safe.
Unknown is… also a very unlikely candidate but he’s definitely no not on the little spoon team like the others. He just can’t let himself be vulnerable in any capacity and that means not letting himself be a position where he’s not in control of what’s going on. So, much like Suit Saeran, he is going to need to be the big spoon or he’ll need to face you. The most you’re going to get out of him is sitting on his lap while he’s working and facing him, he’ll let you fiddle with his hair and rest on him but it’s really a guise. He needs you to feel and himself to feel like you need him more than he needs you.
It’s not the truth. So, this is what you do. You keep him grounded and away from his worst dissociative fits that he can’t swallow down any of those feelings without you right there.
Oh, is it one of those rare moments late at night when the line blurs between what the two of you are supposed to be and the way that things were meant to be? After being stuck with him for God knows how many months at that point, there were these moments when his toughened exterior would crumble just for a fraction of a second.
He wouldn’t comment on it and you knew better than to let yourself point out anything like that with him in the room.
Even when the line blurred, there was still a silent understanding that he couldn’t stand to be thought of as someone that needed affection or devotion. He would say that he expected it to a degree, but it was more about him leaning into your body and using you for his own comfort.
Comfort that he would say isn’t something he needs.
Yet, the feeling of his arms around your waist would often tighten when you would start to doze off, face pressed into the nape of his neck as your shallow breaths became the only sound in the room other than the clatter of his keys against the desk.
He’s not going to humor your little fucking games. So, he won’t say a damn word when your lips press to the flat of his palm. You let his hand go not long after you took it. It would burn from where you touched it, but he would ignore that feeling as it etched into him.
Neither of you acknowledges these changes. Neither of you dares to question or comment on whatever this is. He knows that he’ll push you away and you know that you’ll step on his toes after trying so hard to get to know him for more than he was known as to the world.
To everyone, he’s Unknown.
But to you, he’s something more, something dangerously close to your heart even if you knew in the worst kind of ways that there was something wrong with this place.