#unlearning your life is hard

[average-exxistence]

This woman’s NINE year old daughter told her that she’s getting made fun of for having body hair (fucking insane btw) and instead of telling her 'Girl, fuck them kids. You’re a mammal so you grow body hair and that’s completely normal. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re great just the way you are and you shouldn’t change yourself to appease others.'

(You know, like ACTUALLY teaching her self confidence?? Helping her feel like she’s good enough despite the fact that our sexist society will constantly try to tell her otherwise??)

She decided to basically teach her that those bullies are right and there actually IS something wrong with the way her body naturally looks.

'Oh, you’re getting bullied for having body hair? Yeah, having body hair is a bad thing, the way your legs and arms look like is shameful but thankfully razors exist and they can fix you!! 😁😁 #girlmum #selfcare #selfconfidence'

Do those people not think? Like at all?

What’s next?

My 14 year old daughter told me she’s getting bullied for having a big nose so we scheduled a nose job for her to 'make her feel better'?

My 10 year old daughter is getting teased for having small lips so she’s getting lip fillers soon?

My 8 year old daughter is getting made fun of at school for having a big forehead so I am chopping half of her fucking head off??

Stop. Just stop.

#so infuriating #don’t condition your daughters into believing that they should change themselves for others #it won’t end well #and i understand that it’s easier said than done since she’s only 9 but this mindset will be very hard to unlearn later in life #beauty standards #radfem #radfem safe #feminism #radfems interact #🎙️

[canisalbus]

For how much Machete is described by others as off-putting, he really is a beautiful dog. Does Vasco ever tell him so? That his eyes make him look earnest, his fur the most comforting shade of white like cream, the way his ears catch light like stained glass? If someone doesn't tell him so, he'd forever think he was ugliest duckling

I think Vasco definitely tries, sincerely and often, but Machete is very reluctant to accept compliments and positive feedback. Especially if it's about something as personal and innate as his looks.

#he quietly spends a lot of time and effort trying to make himself look his best so appearances aren't a trivial thing for him #he's always very clean and neat and presentable #except on those occasions when he's soaked in blood but that's totally besides the point #white fur is kind of high maintenance any tiny bit of dirt or staining becomes an eyesore and if it dries it may be hard to remove #he bathes very frequently way more than average considering the time period #some of the outfits he wears are worth more than the combined lifetime earnings of like six generations of his family #silk was outrageously expensive and the brightest red dye came from pulverized cochineal insects that had to be imported from America #which had been colonized less than a century ago so those tiny little cactus bugs were really troublesome to get and the demand was huge #he doesn't quite have the nerve to wear perfume despite it's widespread popularity at the time #but he makes sure the smell of frankincense burned during church services sticks to his fur and clothes #in general when you spend your entire life around strict emotionally congested highly religious men #you might not end up developing a very healthy self-esteem or body image #once you've internalized that sense of inferiority it's hard to unlearn it #he's so thirsty for approval and praise but when he receives some he immediately gets uncomfortable and distrustful and vaguely angry #he absolutely struggles to compliment people back as well at least on any meaningful and personal level so there's that #answered #anonymous #Machete

[thueenz]

for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like

#thank god i finally found some friends who are like this too it was so rough before #it sucks tho bc ive been so tired lately its hard for me to live up to this #which i dont hate myself for its valid its just like waaah i wanna have the energy to really put my all in friendships again #for half my life my biggest want and goal in life has been to be someone approachable and who seems kind #even to people with anxiety and i think growing up with anxiety greatly shaped that #i value being kind and compassionate and understanding to such a degree that i spent and still spend time actively working #towards that goal and unlearning being judgemental and bitter #bc i want to be kind so badly and to put kindness in the world... #no but seirously why do people date ppl they dont like #wym you guys arent so unabashedly in love that you practically see hearts thinking of them #wym your entire chest doesnt fill with joy and the simple prospect of them experiencing lifes small joys no matter how little and mundane #to love so wholly that you strive to be a good person not out of guilt or feeling like you are bad but because you desire so deeply to be #good for them and put as much goodness in their life as you can because its what they deserve...💙💙 #ANYWAY LMFAO! im sappy asf as a person sorry everyone but also not sorry #pers

[diluc33rpm]

2/2 Do you crave approval and/or praise?

yeah? what do you mean you don’t like tumpet ? 🎺bwaaa?

#the... normal amount i’d guess #i used to certainly #but i think that’s disappeared as a ‘craving’ in that sense and is a lot more of a mundane form of occasionally seeking reassurance #i get nervous about it sometimes but i’ve been beginning to accept that it’s ok to want to feel out differences in perspectives with others #so that’s fine #also helps a lot with feeling motivated about creative work and other kinds of pursuits #note on that though i am talking about PEER approval the first step in even getting here was being ok approving of myself first #mainly had to do with deprogramming and just. unlearning a bunch of self beliefs (i at least was sorta aware of it but its hard even then) #but once you have that particular baseline of respect for yourself as a person imo you don’t really crave anything so much? #there’s no subsisting off of other people inasmuch as conducting a relationship with them because you’re not trying to replace a lack of it #relating to others in a healthy way very much is about genuinely believing yourself and trusting your own pov first #before you can get to the rest. hell of a climb if you’ve spent any part of your life mostly hearing critical gaslighting or indifference #but in my experience at least it’s a lot of burden off both yourself and the people you care for once you finally make it there #gonna have a hard time constructing anything more if youre not standing on solid ground first (..& hopefully not somewhere prone to floods)

[ethereiling]

microdosing on self love by making myself strawberry shortcake and buying myself drinks i like and putting my favorite soup into smaller containers so i can eat it without being stressed abt it spoiling

#avpswjy #been pondering many things the past few weeks and its been rough but im working on it #i think part of it is bc my birthday is this thursday and i always get a lil introspective around then #also bc i have that seasonal anxiety in the summer. but anyway #im really coming face to face with how i dont know how to exist if i am not loved #or not loved enough or in the right ways #or dont know that im loved 100% of the time #and like. ive known im like this for a while but im starting to realize how huge of an issue it is for me and its not good!! #i want to do stuff without looking to others for approval first #i want to enjoy things that other ppl think is cringe #i want to love people without demanding the same amount of love in return #i want to just like. exist #and thats very hard for me! and its something ive been working on for a while but its Rough #like this has been a thing my entire fucking life idk how to unlearn it now lmao #but i have to try #its kind of shitty having all your sense of existence tied to other people and im sick of it #its gotten better. but i want it to be a much smaller part of who i am #one day ill go to therapy again. and probably get on anxiety meds. but itll take a lil while #aaaannyway im okay just going thru kind of a sad time as i process a lot of stuff #mostly veeery old feelings and experiences that i never acknowledged were like. bad. #but thats part of living babey #it all boils down to self love tbh which is a very difficult thing for me but something i can still learn #enough sadposting on main. time to play video game

[nyctophiliac-muse-alafire]

It’s frightening to stay open and stay vulnerable instead of escaping.

Feelings are really fucking hard, particularly when you’ve always been told that they make you unlovable.

Keep feeling. Accept that it will get ugly. Stand up for your right to feel. Feel and feel and feel and you will get more beautiful. Those who don’t see that clearly, can’t see clearly at all.

You are going through something. That’s all. You’re dark now. This is how you’re going to let in the light.

Believe it and so will everybody else.

BE PROUD of this fear and sadness, because it will lead you to substantial happiness and love. Be patient with yourself and you’ll come out on the other side of this stronger than ever.

Your vulnerability is courageous.

- (from Heather Havrilesky’s response to an Ask Polly letter, published in The Awl)

#quotes #quote #feelings are fucking hard #Your vulnerability is courageous. #heather havrilesky #Ask Polly #life quotes #QOTD #dark musings #unlearning #learning #surviving #heartache

[sundown-draws]

I'm done posting art of the Arcane Order, the tags just feel full of proshippers or colonizer appeasing stuff, both of which overlap.

I'm tired of trying to educate people about how they treat the Arcane Order, hm if they wanted to learn they'd also learn in general about decolonization from indigenous and native people.

Breathes...

#smh like yea colonialism hard to unlearn but its everyones job. yeah the world is more cruel than you expected. #life is more full of everything than expected. more complicated. but dont leave us behind because its uncomfortable to do the work #it sucks more to live as indigenous.. in lands being taken from you.. displaced.. then your culture commodified and sold back to all #like some prop #sorry for being defensive/not really... there have been more and more rich white gringos buying our land tax free. #not to mention how i n c e s t ...takes place in colonization... when people were forced to.. #whatever.. if you want to learn you will eventually know #the arcane order #was never ours. its source material was so deeply bigoted

[honeyprincesshour]

.

#it’s so hard and confusing and exhausting going from believing that you stole this life that it’s a borrowed one and feeling guilty to #to trying to enjoy life to come to terms that you didn’t choose to be born but that it’s good that it happened #that you deserve to live your life to the fullest #like #need a tutorial on how to unlearn 10 years worth of the wrong coping mechanisms and thoughts/believes #delete later

[babybearnini]

Anytime I think "I'm my that sick I'm just bring dramatic" I forget other people's fingers and toes aren't a blue purple color, other people don't see stars if they stand up quickly, other people don't feel absolutely exhausted after they just take a normal shower and other people most definitely do not have a doctor look at them in the eyes and go "honey you've been very sick for a while now" and maybe I'm not actually dramatic or lazy

#its hard to unlearn things I've been told #& now people in my life are feeling like gaint assholes for saying i was just lazy even when i told them i felt sick #now look at you. you should've listened. #text #trying my to beat up on myself but I'm like damn maybe i am lazy then i do activities and I'm like...actually no i feel sick #if i could give you any advice it would be too cherish your health. #you never know when it'll go downhill suddenly. #take care of yourselves moots #not that i could have prevented this at all just yea please take care of yourselves

[elusiveink]

wish us cluster b bitches were allowed to make mistakes the same as anyone else without being crucified for it -_-

#do you know how hard it is to do anything healthy in a rekationship when youve never had that kind of example in your own life and #also your brain is hard wored to be a psycho bitch #i just want someone to say like. youre doing well. youre not the worst person in the world. #unlearning toxic behaviours as a cluster b gives you so much self hatred and then thats just like #validated by other people instead of challenged #anyway support your cluster b friends theyre trying their best it is a thankless horrible job just to exist that nobody appreciates

[agangofwolves]

Hey, fat trans woman out there, who has never made a post, who has only ever lurked. I know youve tried a million different methods for dieting. I know youve wrestled with body image issues and dyspmorphia in a way that rivals the burning self-hatred of dysphoria. I know how bad that feeling is. I know you have a closet full of clothes that dont fit you, but you'll wear them "when you lose weight."

Maybe you will lose weight, and thats great, but maybe you wont.

Maybe you cant right now.

Maybe a diet is too hard for you to handle at this point in time.

But that's okay.

I need you to know that, if youve had your life eaten up by this constant, 24/7 anxiety about your body weight, you arent alone in that. Fat trans femmes dont talk a lot about our own experiences, we arent represented like skinny trans femmes. Im real. You're real.

We have been, our entire lives, conditioned to believe in very rigid, strange ideas of cishet beauty, from our assigned gender roles to our weight,

But queer love and queer beauty supersedes that idea. Unlearning that self-hatred is so hard for many fat trans folks, but you can take a step. Its probably a big one, and its a tall order, but, i need you to do something.

I need you to accept that you are fat, at this point in your life. Wear clothing that fits your figure. Look at other girls that look like you. There is happiness in a fat girl's life, i promise you from the bottom of my heart that there is.

#trans woman #mtf #t4t #fat girl #lgbtq #transgender #fat trans femmes #transblr

[headspace-hotel]

College is good for several things. In the USA, it's good for learning facts about history and the rest of the world that high school either didn't tell you or flat-out lied about. Without college, most people would never encounter the academic resources necessary to unlearn lies and biases instilled by the overwhelmingly USA-centric, whitewashed viewpoint taught in most school systems, or the vocabulary needed to ask after those resources.

If (and only if) you are already extroverted and gregarious, college is good for making friends. It's probably good for some other things too.

But college is not very good for many of the things it supposedly does for people. College appears to be good for personal growth, but any environment with unfamiliar people, new experiences, and a large library would do. In fact, the academic rigors of college are probably mostly incidental to personal growth that occurs there. You learn about yourself in college in spite of, not because of, the rigid and demanding academic expectations, which serve to cement you further in what you think you already know about yourself because that is safer than discovering you might be something totally different.

It also doesn't prepare you very well for any other environment, because it is so different from any other environment you might encounter. At least in the USA, there are hardly any communities that are similar to college. College has an environment of communal living among mostly same-aged people, numerous public spaces, an endless hemorrhage of community-run events, and constant mother-henning by the institution as they encourage you to take advantage of all the services they fail to do a good job at providing. Authority figures are clearly delineated from peers and you have a clear hierarchical relationship with people that are not also students. It is an opportunity to practice adulthood, but one that supports you in the wrong ways and fails to support you in the right ones, both stifling and neglectful.

Colleges are brutally insistent on this peculiar style of community structure that you probably won't ever encounter again in your life, all the while being incredibly unforgiving if you fail to adapt to it. There are lots of rules, some of which are plain-attired descriptions of consequences as real as a granite wall, most of which reflect nothing except the fact that someone in authority would like to prevent a specific type of bad-faith exploitation of a more forgiving policy. The pure-hearted student is supposed to be able to ignore these rules and be judged according to the unspoken, more forgiving policy that is invoked when an authority likes your vibes.

This means part of surviving college is cultivating the right vibes, and part of cultivating the right vibes is being abled and not experiencing any extenuating circumstances ever. If you are having a mental health crisis that is stopping you from succeeding, the truth is as good as a lie; of course everyone struggles with mental health in college in these specific pre-cut ways, have you tried breathing exercises? If you are stressed and terrified all the time and whenever you sit still it feels like the universe is screaming through you, you will be abandoned because crisis is rare and interrupts otherwise normal life, and everyone claims to be having a crisis right now. "This system works!" and if we just repeat it hard enough the system will start to work.

If the truth is as good as a lie, then a lie is as good as the truth, and the ability to receive help when you need it is determined not by actually needing help but by being a better liar.

What if people lie to get accommodations they don't really need? I don't know the answer to this, because I find a different question more compelling: What if people lie to get accommodations they do really need?

Institutions are terrified of the possibility of a person that pretends to be disabled, and often they impress that terror into disabled people, who become terrified that THEY are pretending to be disabled, when probably almost all disabled people must pretend to be disabled because the raw Reality of what they experience as a person would be a brain-melting arcane and eldritch encounter for an Institution. Institutions don't see us. They see broad human tropes, masks worn by any number of actors. Some people are diligent students and some are lazy; some hone their potential and talent and others refuse, for whatever reason, to unlock it. This belief is so fundamental to our entire philosophy of shaping and educating students that if it directly encountered the Truth (whatever that may be), the truth would not survive.

If you want to be a good student (and I wanted to be and I was) the mask will become welded to your face and you will forget it's a mask partly because you will like how much better you were treated with the mask on. I sit in a therapy session, thinking, "Why am I framing my pain in a way that makes it seem less complicated and more solvable but doesn't cut to the truth of the matter? Which one of us benefits from that?"

The world is slowly, woundedly crawling into being a performance where everyone competes to pretend that they aren't dying. I have a version of me that struggles with school because I am autistic, but secretly I suspect successful, well-adjusted college students that manage their mental health and friendships and work do not exist in the way we think they must. After all, what of the numerous college students that cheat, that plagiarize, that make ChatGPT write their essays? My professors can all give examples of students that did, and their poor and shoddy attempts, but all this suggests is that the clever and cunning ones seldom get caught. In dealing with institutions, anything an honest person can do through their honesty, a good enough liar can do better with their lies.

#college #actually autistic #autism

[fozmeadows]

tools not rules: the importance of critical thinking

More than once, I’ve talked about the negative implications of Evangelical/purity culture logic being uncritically replicated in fandom spaces and left-wing discourse, and have also referenced specific examples of logical overlap this produces re, in particular, the policing of sexuality. What I don’t think I’ve done before is explain how this happens: how even a well-intentioned person who’s trying to unlearn the toxic systems they grew up with can end up replicating those systems. Even if you didn’t grow up specifically in an Evangelical/purity context, if your home, school, work and/or other social environments have never encouraged or taught you to think critically, then it’s easy to fall into similar traps - so here, hopefully, is a quick explainer on how that works, and (hopefully) how to avoid it in the future.

Put simply: within Evangelism, purity culture and other strict, hierarchical social contexts, an enormous value is placed on rules, and specifically hard rules. There might be a little wiggle-room in some instances, but overwhelmingly, the rules are fixed: once you get taught that something is bad, you’re expected never to question it. Understanding the rules is secondary to obeying them, and oftentimes, asking for a more thorough explanation - no matter how innocently, even if all you’re trying to do is learn - is framed as challenging those rules, and therefore cast as disobedience. And where obedience is a virtue, disobedience is a sin. If someone breaks the rules, it doesn’t matter why they did it, only that they did. Their explanations or justifications don’t matter, and nor does the context: a rule is a rule, and rulebreakers are Bad.

In this kind of environment, therefore, you absorb three main lessons: one, to obey a rule from the moment you learn it; two, that it’s more important to follow the rules than to understand them; and three, that enforcing the rules means castigating anyone who breaks them. And these lessons go deep: they’re hard to unlearn, especially when you grow up with them through your formative years, because the consequences of breaking them - or even being seen to break them - can be socially catastrophic.

But outside these sorts of strict environments - and, honestly, even within them - that much rigidity isn’t healthy. Life is frequently far more complex and nuanced than hard rules really allow for, particularly when it comes to human psychology and behaviour - and this is where critical thinking comes in. Critical thinking allows us to evaluate the world around us on an ongoing basis: to weigh the merits of different positions; to challenge established rules if we feel they no longer serve us; to decide which new ones to institute in their place; to acknowledge that sometimes, there are no easy answers; to show the working behind our positions, and to assess the logic with which other arguments are presented to us. Critical thinking is how we graduate from a simplistic, black-and-white view of morality to a more nuanced perception of the world - but this is a very hard lesson to learn if, instead of critical thinking, we’re taught instead to put our faith in rules alone.

So: what does it actually look like, when rule-based logic is applied in left-wing spaces? I’ll give you an example: 

Sally is new to both social justice and fandom. She grew up in a household that punished her for asking questions, and where she was expected to unquestioningly follow specific hard rules. Now, though, Sally has started to learn a bit more about the world outside her immediate bubble, and is realising not only that the rules she grew up with were toxic, but that she’s absorbed a lot of biases she doesn’t want to have. Sally is keen to improve herself. She wants to be a good person! So Sally joins some internet communities and starts to read up on things. Sally is well-intentioned, but she’s also never learned how to evaluate information before, and she’s certainly never had to consider that two contrasting opinions could be equally valid - how could she have, when she wasn’t allowed to ask questions, and when she was always told there was a singular Right Answer to everything? Her whole framework for learning is to Look For The Rules And Follow Them, and now that she’s learned the old rules were Bad, that means she has to figure out what the Good Rules are. 

Sally isn’t aware she’s thinking of it in these terms, but subconsciously, this is how she’s learned to think. So when Sally reads a post explaining how sex work and pornography are inherently misogynistic and demeaning to women, Sally doesn’t consider this as one side of an ongoing argument, but uncritically absorbs this information as a new Rule. She reads about how it’s always bad and appropriative for someone from one culture to wear clothes from another culture, and even though she’s not quite sure of all the ways in which it applies, this becomes a Rule, too. Whatever argument she encounters first that seems reasonable becomes a Rule, and once she has the Rules, there’s no need to challenge them or research them or flesh out her understanding, because that’s never been how Rules work - and because she’s grown up in a context where the foremost way to show that you’re aware of and obeying the Rules is to shame people for breaking them, even though she’s not well-versed in these subjects, Sally begins to weigh in on debates by harshly disagreeing with anyone who offers up counter-opinions. Sometimes her disagreements are couched in borrowed terms, parroting back the logic of the Rules she’s learned, but other times, they’re simply ad hominem attacks, because at home, breaking a Rule makes you a bad person, and as such, Sally has never learned to differentiate between attacking the idea and attacking the person. 

And of course, because Sally doesn’t understand the Rules in-depth, it’s harder to explain them to or debate with rulebreakers who’ve come armed with arguments she hasn’t heard before, which makes it easier and less frustrating to just insult them and point out that they ARE rulebreakers - especially if she doesn’t want to admit her confusion or the limitations of her knowledge. Most crucially of all, Sally doesn’t have a viable framework for admitting to fault or ignorance beyond a total groveling apology that doubles as a concession to having been Morally Bad, because that’s what it’s always meant to her to admit you broke a Rule. She has no template for saying, “huh, I hadn’t considered that,” or “I don’t know enough to contribute here,” or even “I was wrong; thanks for explaining!” 

So instead, when challenged, Sally remains defensive: she feels guilty about the prospect of being Bad, because she absolutely doesn’t want to be a Bad Person, but she also doesn’t know how to conceptualise goodness outside of obedience. It makes her nervous and unsettled to think that strangers could think of her as a Bad Person when she’s following the Rules, and so she becomes even more aggressive when challenged to compensate, clinging all the more tightly to anyone who agrees with her, yet inevitably ending up hurt when it turns out this person or that who she thought agreed on What The Rules Were suddenly develops a different opinion, or asks a question, or does something else unsettling. 

Pushed to this sort of breaking point, some people in Sally’s position go back to the fundamentalism they were raised with, not because they still agree with it, but because the lack of uniform agreement about What The Rules Are makes them feel constantly anxious and attacked, and at least before, they knew how to behave to ensure that everyone around them knew they were Good. Others turn to increasingly niche communities and social groups, constantly on paranoid alert for Deviance From The Rules. But other people eventually have the freeing realisation that the fixation on Rules and Goodness is what’s hurting them, not strangers with different opinions, and they steadily start to do what they wanted to do all along: become happier, kinder and better-informed people who can admit to human failings - including their own - without melting down about it.   

THIS is what we mean when we talk about puritan logic being present in fandom and left-wing spaces: the refusal to engage with critical thinking while sticking doggedly to a single, fixed interpretation of How To Be Good. It’s not always about sexuality; it’s just that sexuality, and especially queerness, are topics we’re used to seeing conservatives talk about a certain way, and when those same rhetorical tricks show up in our fandom spaces, we know why they look familiar. 

So: how do you break out of rule-based thinking? By being aware of it as a behavioural pattern. By making a conscious effort to accept that differing perspectives can sometimes have equal value, or that, even if a given argument isn’t completely sound, it might still contain a nugget of truth. By trying to be less reactive and more reflective when encountering positions different to your own. By accepting that not every argument is automatically tied to or indicative of a higher moral position: sometimes, we’re just talking about stuff! By remembering that you’re allowed to change your position, or challenge someone else’s, or ask for clarification. By understanding that having a moral code and personal principles isn’t at odds with asking questions, and that it’s possible - even desirable - to update your beliefs when you come to learn more than you did before. 

This can be a scary and disquieting process to engage in, and it’s important to be aware of that, because one of the main appeals of rule-based thinking - if not the key appeal - is the comfort of moral certainty it engenders. If the rules are simple and clear, and following them is what makes you a good person, then it’s easy to know if you’re doing the right thing according to that system. It’s much, much harder and frequently more uncomfortable to be uncertain about things: to doubt, not only yourself, but the way you’ve been taught to think. And especially online, where we encounter so many more opinions and people than we might elsewhere, and where we can get dogpiled on by strangers or go viral without meaning to despite our best intentions? The prospect of being deemed Bad is genuinely terrifying. Of course we want to follow the Rules. But that’s the point of critical thinking: to try and understand that rules exist in the first place, not to be immutable and unchanging, but as tools to help us be better - and if a tool becomes defunct or broken, it only makes sense to repair it. 

Rigid thinking teaches us to view the world through the lens of rules: to obey first and understand later. Critical thinking teaches us to use ideas, questions, contexts and other bits of information as analytic tools: to put understanding ahead of obedience. So if you want to break out of puritan thinking, whenever you encounter a new piece of information, ask yourself: are you absorbing it as a rule, or as a tool? 

#critical thinking #logic #rhetoric #purity culture #fandom #evangelism #hierarchy #thinking

[inkskinned]

it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.

it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.

at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.

yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.

they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.

#before any motherfucker is like <3 #''i know more about this and it IS WRONG to do this THING'' #shhhhh #unless ur a doctor and a patient has specifically asked... shut the FUCK up dude #one of the ways my life has changed in the last few years is like #taking coffee for granted #isn't something i can do #can you stand up for the entirety of making a meal? i can't always #and having some pompousass person be like #MICROWAVE THE WATER? FOR TEA? like . yeah actually i've been in prison for it ever since #''it tastes different!!!'' cool. it's not going into yOUR body. #i personally don't ever make hot chocolate with water. only ever oat/soy milk #but i wouldn't be like ... SIR. I WILL NOW JUDGE THEE #it's just like ableism all the way down innit #ableism and classism and #the expectation of the mental load as a form of being ''good'' #also. besides the like. pots and [redacted medical information] #im doing GREAT actually #>:) i have visible abs even when not flexing #it's bc god prefers me as a lesbian n has rewarded me lately for presenting more openly

[stuckinapril]

how do you fall in love with yourself

unlearn the idea that confidence is conceit. i see this belief imposed on women especially, that if they’re very unapologetic about loving themselves it automatically means they’re narcissistic / think they’re better than everybody else. that’s not true at all. you can love yourself while also acknowledging you’re not inherently better than anyone else. you can love yourself while also being kind & supportive to others. it’s okay to be both of these things at once.

let go of the scarcity mindset. women (everyone really, but especially women) get pitted/compared against each other all the time. you see it w female celebrities in the media, but it’s very prevalent in real life as well. this is very much years of societal conditioning & both women & men partake in this behavior. ignore it. rest easy knowing that there can be multiple beautiful women, multiple smart women, multiple funny women in any environment at any given time. there is enough clout to go around; you don’t need to feel like if there’s another pretty/smart girl it means you no longer have the space to also be a pretty/smart girl. instead operate from an abundance mindset: always (alwaysss) be happy for other girls when they succeed, when they’re praised, when they’re loved, whatever. see them not as competition but as inspiration. envy is such a colossal waste of time bc nobody else’s accomplishments have any bearing on your own!!

get to know yourself more. i love the analogy of dating yourself bc it’s true. i went through a rough period of being around my ex 24/7 to the point i didn’t even know myself, and then i spent the post-breakup year hanging around everyone else constantly to numb my thoughts. now i’m spending more time alone than ever & i’m getting to know myself so much. learning about my taste in fashion, music, everything. and i’ve had so much more time to invest in hobbies & skills, which is very instrumental to building healthy self-esteem. ofc there’s a more balanced way to do this, but make sure you’re not running away from yourself!

what do you like outside of everybody’s opinion? don’t interpret this the wrong way—it’s completely fine to be inspired. every single person you know has copied someone else to an extent. but if you find yourself going too far, not trusting yourself to make the simplest decisions, just following trends blindly and nothing else, you’ve left the inspiration territory and started crossing into plagiarism. move from a place of self-direction and really think about what is naturally appealing to you. it doesn’t matter if it’s not popular or nobody else likes it. if you like it & if it makes you happy, that’s all you need.

practice self-love! i had to do this lol but it works wonders. i started intentionally telling myself that i trust my own taste, that i trust my own choices, that if i think something’s cool it’s good enough, talking to myself kindly etc etc. eventually all this stuff will become natural to you & you won’t find yourself having to expend so much energy into simply loving you for you. don’t give up even if it’s hard to believe at times.

don’t give a fuck. seriously. just don’t give a single flying fuck what someone else has to say. there will always be That One Person who tries to tear you down, belittles you, gaslights you etc etc and if you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, just ignore and keep it pushing. you can’t be everyone’s favorite person (nor should you want to be). think of your favorite celebrity. anyone ever. they probably all got subjected to hate. now think of how they’re successful still & how it didn’t take anything away from them. there you go <3

if literally everyone on this planet starts hating you, loving yourself is still the antidote. to clarify, how others perceive us does hold weight. but if legit every single person i know started hating me, and i still loved myself, i’d probably still live a full life bc my perception is all that really matters in the end. i don’t need anyone else to be my #1 fan—i can do that myself just fine. it technically is actually your world & everyone else is just living in it. so enjoy that! stop giving a hard time to the one person who will always be w you through thick and thin (yourself). eat good food & watch good shows & read good books & just have fun. i love u

#i have a lot to say ab this bc i went from being in a very low place to now being my own favorite girl in the world so #also i refer to women a couple of times here but really this is applicable to everyone!! #ask

[saturnrevolution]

Saturn through houses

1st house Growing up, you might have struggled with your self-image. It might be that you grew up with a lot of expectations put on you, which have hindered you from your true self expression. You might have had to mature early on in life and sometimes struggled with your body image. The more you grow and learn that other people are not your enemy, but can be a great support system and ask for help, the more confident you will be in your ability to move forward with confidence, without taking all the responsibility on yourself. You will also get to know yourself enough to inspire others with your ability to stay true to yourself.

2nd house From early on in your childhood, you were made to feel like you wouldn’t be able to succeed on your own. It could have been because of the limiting beliefs you grew up within your family or because you have been given everything on a plate. No matter which one it is, your relationship to resources and money have been greatly impacted by your childhood. The more you grow, you understand how you are worthy of building a secure foundation for yourself and very capable. You are likely to see monetary success later on in life, as long as you let go of outer pressure and follow your own way of doing the work.

3rd house There has been a period in your childhood in which you were made to feel unheard, as if your voice was not good enough. You might have been bullied in school or been told what to do by your family, which made you shut down and shy away from sharing your opinions. It put you in a state of always worrying and internalizing your feelings. The more your grow, you start to unlearn all the things you have been taught and through hard work you make your voice your greatest asset. No matter the career you have, you won’t be scared to keep your words away from the world anymore and will create huge change with your vision.

4th house Your environment while growing up was a difficult one. You grew up with either distant or suffocating family members. It feels as though you are expecting to be the responsible one for your family’s mistakes or hardships. How can you learn to have a family of your own now? As you grow, if you actively take action towards healing those familial wounds, no matter how painful, you will be able to create a new safe environment for yourself. Once you reparent yourself, you learn how you were deserving of love all along and you are opening your heart to it in all the ways it wants to come into your life and all the opportunities that come with it.

5th house Growing up, you might have felt as though joy has been kept away from you or like you were lacking the attention you needed as a kid. Your self-expression was hindered, as you were made to feel as though you are not talented enough. As you mature, you start to have a hard time with expressing your creativity and fully relaxing. You start to either overindulge or suppress your needs when it comes to your desires of any nature. In time and with effort, you start to prioritize your senses. You get in touch with the internalized creativity and create magic through your talents, while focusing more on expressing your sensuality.

6th house As a child, your environment might have been very restricting. You were either criticized or imposed strict rules or you grew up in a chaotic environment. This has left you with in innate need of control. You might struggle with perfectionism and fear of failure. This keeps you in a freeze mode, which doesn’t allow you to finish your projects or keep a disciplined routine. Your relationship to food or health might be affected as well. As you mature, you learn you don’t have to be hard on yourself. How you are doing a lot and that voice is just your way to cope. Inviting relaxation in helps improve health and live in the now.

7th house When you were young, you might have been put in familial situation that you didn’t want to be in. As you grow up, the relationship patterns of your family stay with you and influence the way you relate to them, on a subconscious level. You might struggle with maintaining long-term relationships or with feeling trapped in existing ones. You are either too cold or too attached. It feels as though you need to parent your partner. This savior tendency stays in the way of fully accepting your flaws. In time, you realize how opening up is your only way of attracting people that meet your values. And so you do that.

8th house The environment your grew up in might have felt unsafe. You could have dealt with a childhood trauma early on in life which has kept you from truly opening up to your family. Maybe you grew away from them or there was always this emotional distance. This has influenced your adult life as well, making your close off and making it harder to truly opening up and create deeper bonds. You might have also had financial troubles, debt or trouble with intimacy and sex. When you are ready to be truly self-aware, you realize how much you actually crave the intimacy you weren’t given and you see how rewarding opening up is.

9th house While you were young, you might have moved a lot or there might have been a permanent distance in your family dynamic - weather physical or emotional. Or you might have been imposed your family’s beliefs. This made you grow up feeling like you don’t belong and not having a stable sense of home. You are always looking for meaning in life and you seem you can’t find it. It’s harder for you to put your ideas into action or to share your beliefs with the world. In time and with work, you allow yourself to explore, travel and form your own opinions and identity. As you open towards the world, blessings come back to you.

10th house Growing up, you might have been imposed a career path or not had access to the right tools to figure out what it is you want in terms of your long-term goals. You take your career seriously, but sometimes it feels as though things are moving slower in comparison to others. You have high expectations of yourself, have a hard time with authority figures or have strong feelings of failure. As you work on this, you realize that everyone’s path is unique and start to manage your time better, see your talents and skills, while you stand up for yourself and demand what you deserve for maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

11th house As a child, you might have made to feel like your core personality traits were weird or unaccepted. You grew up feeling left out and like you never belong, not being able to fit in groups of people, despite your efforts. Sometimes it just feels like you are physically present with your friends, but not truly there. In time, you will understand how you have built a wall out of fear of being judged and you’d rather keep people at a distance. When you start speaking about your struggles, you will start attracting like-minded people and communities that make you feel like you belong, without even trying to fit.

12th house Early childhood trauma might keep you stuck in the pain of the past. You always feel dissatisfied with your life, a lack of energy or a lack of motivation. You might be struggling with mental health issues, sleep or a tendency of isolation. It seems as though your life is lived by someone else. The truth is this is your comfort zone. Getting out of a victim-like mentality, trusting your intuition and getting clarity is a choice. Once you break free from the past, by addressing it and accepting it, you understand how it doesn’t define you. Healing pushes you to look out for those going through similar issues and thrive in time.

#astrology #saturn #houses #placements #posted