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#unless i don't idk my phone's screen sucks
angy-mouse · 9 months
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Puck Bunny Part 3
5.7k, no smut but definite M-rated banter and important plot (unless you're just here for the foursomes in which case you can skip this chapter ig but its pretty integral for the finale)
<previous next>
do you wanna go on a date?
Read 5 Minutes Ago
You stared at the message, sent directly instead of through the group chat. As if that wasn't weird enough, you'd just gone on a date (with heavy air quotes) with the three of them and you had yet to get your panties back, thank you very much. You started drifting down memory lane and forced yourself to snap out of it. This was not lecture appropriate thinking.
You get another text.
with me, idk if that was obvious lol. sap + sam are stuck running drills all afternoon bc they suck
Okay, so not a group thing. That was good, at least. You might be able to walk after all. Except…
Honestly, you don't feel like sex. Not even mind-blowing, four-orgasms-in-a-row, written-by-a-woman sex. You were tired, and still sore, and really craving something fruity but also sweet? Maybe a chocolate orange. Point being you did not feel sexy and imagining a naked man only stirred thoughts of needing to buy lotion.
i was thinking shopping and dinner - my treat ofc - but whatever you want is cool too x
Fuck, you do need a sweater. Damn changing seasons making your sundress collection obsolete. 
You flipped your phone over and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and rolling your shoulders back. Fuck the rest of the lecture hall, you were aceing this class anyway and you needed to check in.
Do you want to see Punz today?
You didn't even have to think about it. Of course you did, you wanted to see all three of them and maybe shove your face in their perfectly perky pecs, but so far seeing them entailed sex, which you were not up for. You didn't think for a second that Punz wouldn't accept a no, but you were 50/50 on whether you would cave at the first touch just to experience that intimacy.
Call yourself a slut, but it was kinda hard to deny a man who acted like you were a literal goddess. 
Next question: do you want to go on a date today?
As long as it was a date-date and not their last idea of a date, that would actually be nice. You were past the awkward small talk stage with Punz, so no fumbling or awkward silences should happen. Plus you already knew he would compliment you to the high heavens, which certainly couldn't hurt your mood.
So what were you waiting for?
You thought, but you couldn't find an answer. A handsome, fit guy who treated you amazing and was great in bed wanted to take you shopping and treat you to dinner. You'd have to be a fucking idiot not to.
You flipped your phone back over and found another text.
no pressure ofc, but id be a fucking idiot not to try spending time with you without the peanut gallery
You snorted, thumbs gliding over the screen to save him from his nerves. Even if he was cute when he rambled.
tbh shopping and dinner sounds exactly what I need rn
A beat where you thought too much and got lost for just a moment. You bit the bullet, putting a heart on the end and hitting send. Then, as an afterthought:
should I change?
what are you wearing?
For a moment you considered telling him you forgot about a lecture you can't miss, and you actually can't go and you're so sorry but maybe next time-
omg wait not like THAT
i just mean last two times i saw you you were wearing a cute asf dress and then that nice shirt with big sleeves and the black skirt so as far as im concerned anything you wear is perfect
He's talking about your lantern sleeve blouse. Something about the way he fumbles, not knowing anything about what things are called and only knowing that he liked them enough to remember makes you just melt.
oh lol well thank you. Did you wanna meet somewhere or…
The response is instant.
ill come pick you up! whens your last class get out?
You tell him and get a thumbs up and heart emoji pairing, then a gif of snoopy doing his happy dance that makes you laugh under your breath.
"Stop sexting in class,"
You flinch and clutch your phone to your chest before recognition kicks in and you glare at Niki. "I'm not sexting," you hiss. "Punz is picking me up for a date." She rolls her eyes. "An actual date." You didn't know why you needed her to be happy for you so badly. Maybe with both your long term best friend and slightly less long term boyfriend both kicked out of your life, you were just craving companionship. It would certainly explain your current disaster of a dating life. 
"Okay," she says but it doesn't sound like she means it. "Just so you know, I only have one romcom binge weekend in me a year, so if this harem breaks your heart, too, you're on your own." 
"I appreciated that, you know." She blinks like she wasn't expecting anything less than snark, but you meant it. You came into your dorm with eyes so full of tears you didn't even realize she was there until she was coaxing you into your PJs and shoving a carton of Ben & Jerry's into your lap. Suddenly your mysterious roommate you only saw once in a blue moon when your schedules rarely overlapped was the shoulder you were crying on, voice ringing through your ears promising you were still the baddest bitch and he was the loser here.
"It's no big deal," she finally decided. "You need to learn people don't deserve praise for not treating you like crap." 
You didn't have a comeback for that, so you finished class in silence.
"Do I get to meet this one, too?"
You can't fight your smile. "You want to?"
"Gotta make sure you're not dropping your standards. Again." 
"I changed my mind: fuck off." She curled her hands into a heart with a grin before you turned away, hearing her chase after you. 'Chase' very loosely translated to 'took four quick steps to easily catch up because she's a lot fitter than you.' Damn skinny people.
"If he just pulls up and honks, you are not getting in the car. Date ends there."
"Any particular reason?"
"A man who can't wait to get out of the car to greet you can't wait long enough for you to come."
You grinned over your shoulder as you walked into the afternoon sun. "Oh, believe me: not a concern."
"Ew,"
"You started it."
"And I'm finishing it." 
Tires screeching on pavement caught your attention, just in time to watch two students nearly get run over by a cherry red Challenger. You bit your cheek. "You don't think…" 
The car came to a stop right in front of the stairs (only because it was physically incapable of climbing them, you were sure) showing off the VAL-U sticker on the back window.
"I do think," Niki said solemnly. A single honk came from the car. "Oh, fuck no-"
"Niki, please," you begged as you watched Punz climb out of the driver's seat in a crisp collared shirt, buttoned only enough to be appropriate in public. You practically melted as he gave you that sparkling grin, running a hand through his blond locks as he climbed the stairs two at a time to join you. 
"I had one rule for you-"
"Sorry," Punz breathed out, pressing a tender kiss to your cheek, close enough you could feel the faint heat rushing through his face. "I slammed my elbow on the horn trying to unplug my phone."
You'd be embarrassed by the loud snort that left you if you weren't so grateful it drowned out Niki's, "you're lucky, valley."
"You look beautiful." It was hard to believe when you'd just sounded like a literal pig. At least, it would be if he wasn't looking at you like you hung the stars, hands sliding back on either side of your waist until he was holding you gently against him. His lips ghosted over yours. "I missed you, bunny."
You missed him, too. “You saw me two days ago,” you say instead, but you let your hands link against the nape of his neck as he gives you a soft kiss. Something more than a peck, but nothing you were embarrassed to do in front of Niki. Something just right.
“And it was painful,” he announced, squeezing you tighter against him like he knew it would make you giggle into his neck. “Forty-eight hours with Big and Rich for company.”
“Are you ever going to run out of demeaning nicknames for them?”
“Haven’t yet. Hi-” It takes you a second to realize he’s talking to Niki over your head. “Friend?”
That one was directed at you, so you hum an affirmative and gently peel yourself away to run through introductions. Punz only lets you get out of one arm, the other moving to hang over your shoulders with a squeeze that clearly said ‘that one stays.’ “This is my roommate, Niki. Niki-”
“Punz,” she mused, offering her hand. “I know all about you.”
“Is this a shovel talk?”
“No. I don’t talk before shoveling.”
“Niki,” you beg, but Punz gives her a firm shake.
“Big fan of that,” he declared with a grin. “I’ve got a buddy with a truck, we should get you two in contact.”
She nodded solemnly. “Alright,” she directed at you, “you can go on the date.”
“Niki!”
She took your keys off your bag. “I’ll take your car back to the dorm. Don’t get pregnant.”
“NIKI!”
“Bye, Niki,” Punz cheered with a cackle, arm around your shoulders keeping you from chasing after her to commit some mild manslaughter. “Nice to meet you!”
“Don’t say, ‘nice to meet you,’ when she’s humiliating me.” You got a kiss pressed to the side of your head instead of an apology as he started down the steps, dragging you along with. The gentle pressure of his arm on your neck solidified your feeling like a yappy chihuahua being tugged along by the leash. It all felt a stark difference to the usual sultry air that followed you around these three. This actually felt like a… date. Not a sex on the nearest surface date, but a proper meet the parents soon date. 
You tried not to think about how scary that was.
Instead, you thanked Punz as he held open your door, your hand in his as he helped you climb in. You held in a giggle as he shut the door behind you and raced around the hood like he was worried you’d leave without him. “What are we shopping for,” he asked as he threw himself into his seat, but you were distracted.
“Why do you have a suicide knob?”
He grinned, wide and toothy, tongue poking out as he used the knob to wiggle the steering wheel. “Because it’s fun.”
You buckled your seatbelt. 
“Oh, come on,” he huffed, pulling out of the parking lot. “I’ve never gotten into so much as a fender bender with this car.”
“This car?”
“Don’t say it like that! I haven’t gotten into an accident since I was a teenager, is that better?” 
“Yeah, and what are you now, twenty?”
“Twenty-five,”
“Oh my god, you’re old.”
You regretted it as soon as you said it. You were so not at the stage where you could make fun of each other and especially not something as potentially sensitive as his age and why he's still at University-
"Well, you're a brat, so I thought we made a good pair." There's a beat where your mind races, but Punz reaches over to take your hand off your lap and cuts it short. "That was a joke. I know you're not a brat." 
"Only a little bit," you admit, and squeeze him back, a little promise that you didn't take it harshly. "If you were serious about taking me shopping, I could use some warm clothes for fall.”
The car pulled to a smooth stop at the light, and he fixed you with a look like you’ve accused him of secretly kicking puppies. “Dead serious. I love shopping.”
“You’re clearly very passionate about this.” 
He took his stare off you to pull through the light, bringing your joined hands up to his lips. “Well, I have an addictive personality, a great credit score, and excellent fashion sense.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Hey, what’s with the doubt?!”
“Don’t get me wrong,” you promise, using your joined hands to gesture to his open shirt, “today’s pirate-with-no-inhibitions look is super sexy, and I’m a big fan of the pleather pants, but every other time I’ve seen you, you wore a hoodie and basketball shorts.”
“That’s not fair: you always see me after practice! I can't squeeze into these pants while I’m still sweaty.”
“Well, I’m very appreciative of your sacrifice.” You wait until he’s looking at you to pointedly eye up his thick thighs, practically seran-wrapped in black fabric. “Very appreciative.”
“Bunny’s secretly a pervert,” he accused, “God, I’m not a slab of meat.”
“Really?”
He finally broke, laughing so hard he hit the rumble strips and had to swerve back into the lane. “You’re such a little shit! You’re lucky it makes you lovable instead of annoying.”
“You three practically snap me in half every time I see you: I’m allowed some eye candy!”
“I’ll be your eye candy,” he promised, and flicked open another button on his shirt. “Boom.”
“Whoa, now,”
“Too hot?”
“I nearly creamed.”
“I hate you,” he wheezed, shoving the gearshift into park. “Get the fuck out of my car.”
“Rudeness!”
His hand snatched yours when you reached for the door. “Wait, I wasn’t serious!”
“I’m getting out!”
“No, wait for me!”
“I’m getting out, and I’m telling Sam you let me open my own door!”
“No, he’ll kill me!”
“Good!” Despite the snap, you can’t pry the smile off your face and you find yourself staying perfectly still in your seat as Punz races around the hood again. “Oh, Merci,” you chirped, taking his offered hand as you stepped out.
“De nada, my little bunny." 
His arm laid across your shoulders again like you were boyfriend-girlfriend on an average date. He even reached out to open the door for you as you walked into the mall. But you weren't boyfriend-girlfriend, you were a puck bunny brat. "Every time I think you're kinda sweet, you call me that." 
"It's a talent of mine: making an ass of myself. Where do you wanna look first?" 
“I usually go to Salvation Army.”
Punz started walking towards the Aeropostale, dragging you along with. “I’m offended you think I’d offer to take you shopping and take you to Salvation Army.” 
You started struggling, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to try and curb him. Your heels tried to find purchase on the tile, but he slid you across the floor like dragging a sled. “I’m a college student! And so are you, for that! I’m not letting you spend your food cash for the week on clothes for me- Jesus Christ, how are you this strong?!”
He stopped, but it had nothing to do with your attempts. He spun you in his arms as if you were nothing more than a doll to him, something he could carry with him and arrange however he wanted. The thought made you feel equal parts small and bratty, but his hands on your hips made you bite your tongue as he held you close. His eyes were stern, a slight tremble in his features betraying his nerves.
“Alright, I’m gonna tell you something, and I don’t want you to freak out.”
Oh, you were totally going to freak out.
“I didn’t want to say this so soon because it totally changes how people think of me, but you’re clearly going to fight me on this, so here it is.” He took a deep breath, eyes screwed shut in a wince. “I’m a trust fund kid. My parents are loaded.”
It didn’t click at first. Not until you blinked. “... oh my god?”
He nodded solemnly. “I know.”
It was a shock, the same way any new information about someone you knew was a shock: mild brain buffer as your mental file was updated. Other than that, though… You couldn’t seem to care. Other than, of course, another chance to mouth off. “Oh my god,” you performed, shaking his shoulders. “Eat the rich, Punz!”
“I’m not into butt stuff,”
“I hate you,” you lied, trying to push away. “I hate you and your gated mansion community-”
“I live in the frat house, it’s practically a homeless shelter.”
“You and your diamond studded underwear-”
“Where are you getting your information on rich people: Richie Rich?”
“You’re an old rich guy, too!” You gasped, clapping your hands on either of his cheeks. He gave a minor wince from the impact, but it was swept away just as quickly by rapt attention as you pressed your forehead to his. “Am I a sugar baby?” 
“Well, you haven’t actually let me buy you anything yet-”
“Wrong answer.”
He shook his head between your hands, essentially making you slap him repeatedly. “No, bunny, you’re not a sugar baby, not in the slightest. Now, can I buy you more clothes than you can ever wear?”
Your gaze narrowed, but it probably wasn’t as intimidating as you hoped when you had to cross your eyes to look at him. “You swear your wallet won’t feel it?”
“May lightning strike me down.”
It took a moment, but with not even a rumble of thunder, you supposed you had to believe him. “Alright,” you conceded, “but we’re going somewhere that actually carries my size.”
<3E>
“I’ve never been in a Torrid,” Punz admits to you as you walk in.
“Really? You don’t lurk in the lingerie section hunting for big women?”
“There’s a lingerie section?” He’s too excited at the prospect to entertain your sass, but evidently not too excited to take the pants you were looking at right out of your hands. “You’ll have to try everything on for me. Even though I’m adamantly opposed to anything that covers your legs.” 
You tried to take them back and he casually moved out of reach, adding a blazer to his haul. “Just because I’m built like an elephant seal doesn’t mean I’m actually insulated-”
“Hey-” You jump at the sudden appearance of a sales associate, a beautiful woman with an undercut and dangly earrings, and flush at the reminder that you were in public. She points an empty hanger at you sternly. “We don’t do self deprecation in here.” The hanger tip shifted over to Punz. “Are you not telling her how beautiful she is enough?”
You can feel your face turning purple as Punz claims, "I can't: I need to eat and sleep sometimes," and starts plucking one of everything off the racks without bothering to check sizes. 
"Wha- Punz! Stop that! I don't need-"
"What you need is to let me love you!"
Undercut woman has a giant grin as she turns to walk away. "I'll get a dressing room open for you. Name for the door?"
"I don't need-"
If Punz wasn't trying to smother you in twisted affection, you might've started to get pissed off at the way he interrupted you again. "Bunny!"
"You're gonna get a foot up your ass in a minute here!" 
"She don't bite," he insists, wrapping a thick arm around your neck to yank you against him. He starts pressing fat kisses to your hair, the kind where he just puckers his lips ridiculously and smacks them against you. The first few are gross. The next annoying. Then he starts cooing about she's just a sweet little thing and your attitude crumbles like a wall, entire body melting against him like a stray that's finally caving into affection. 
You can feel his lips curl into a wide grin against your head, but you can't make yourself rebuild that wall when he's nosing your hair away from your ear so he can whisper, "are we done being a brat, baby?" 
“...yeah,”
His finger crooked under your chin, gently lifting your lips to his for a soft kiss. “Yeah? My sweet girl’s gonna let me dress her up?” 
My girl.
You stole another kiss, dropping one on Punz’s jaw as you pulled away for good measure. “At least grab the right size, you big lug.” 
You may as well have promised him a puppy. His grin stretched wide across his face, bottom lip pulled between his teeth before he ducked his head, hiding from you. He nuzzled into your neck, puckering his lips so they just barely grazed your jugular, feeling your pulse race. “Yay,” he murmured, arm around your shoulders sliding down your back until he could grip your soft waist. “Because as hot as you look in this dress, I don’t approve of how the leggings hide away our tummy.”
“You mean my tummy?”
“I’m filing for joint custody. You don’t appreciate her enough.”
“I appreciate her just fine. It- fuck me, now I’m doing it! Give me something to put on!” 
He cackled, tugging your collar aside to check the tag and leaving you to rifle through the racks. “I’m gonna build you some outfits,” he promised, flicking through some camisoles to add to his armful. “And I wanna see every single one.” 
“I thought you wanted to make it to dinner at some point.” 
He found one in your size and handed you the completed stack. “Then you’d better run that cute ass into a stall for me. Ooh, swimsuit sale!” 
You huffed and rolled your eyes all the way to the back of the store and all the way into the dressing room until the door was shut behind you. You only allowed yourself the time it took to strip and redress to think about how warm you felt inside. How nice it felt to have someone who wanted to drape you in silks and pouted when you made him settle for overpriced plus-size fashion. Someone who was ready to watch you try on one of everything, knowing full well how long it’d take.
You settled the blazer over your shoulders and turned to the mirror, lips pressing together.
By no means were you ashamed of your body… but you leaned more towards ‘screw the world I don’t owe it to you to fit your beauty standards’ and less towards ‘I’m fat and fuckable.’ 
The flared pants sat just too low to tuck away your muffin top. No matter how you tugged on the camisole, it couldn’t cover that inch of skin- unless you wanted to walk around with your bra out.
“Shoppin’ for my baby!” Your gaze snapped to the door, hearing the rhythmic shuffle of feet. “Shoppin’ for my bunny!” You slapped a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing- if he heard you, he might stop singing. “Shop ‘til you drop! Bop-bop-bop! Gonna get a crop- top! Yeah, I could’a been a rapper. Fuckin’ missed my calling.”
“You so did,” you called out, threading the buttons on your blazer as you bumped the door open. “What would your rapper name be?”
“Lil’ Pucky,” he called back without hesitation as he turned. Blood rushed through your ears as his jaw dropped open, eyes cruising up and down your form so intensely you worried you’d forgotten to put clothes on at all. “Hello, bunny.”
“Hi,” you giggled. You gave a twirl and laughed when a swoon of “oh, ass,” passed his lips. “You like?”
“I love.” He groped for your waist, pulling you into his chest until you could feel his heartbeat through your right tit. “I changed my mind: you can wear pants, but only these.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yup.”
“These are better than the leggings?”
“Leggings are too tight. Anything that delays me from getting in your guts for more than six seconds is going in the bonfire.” 
Your hand came down on his shoulder and he pretended it hurt, stumbling into one of the plush chairs. “That’s why you wanted to take me shopping! You figure if you buy me enough, you can get rid of everything you don’t like!”
He couldn’t even pretend to feel guilty, a grin wider than a fucking canyon stretching across his face. “It’s gonna be short dresses and tight pants if I have my way.”
“And what makes you think you’ll get your way?”
He held out his hand, a silky two-piece bathing suit with a halter strap top and a skirt layered with frills dangling from his fingers. “Because I found this in your size-” his other hand revealed a mesh shopping bag half full, “and enough panties for Sam to steal as many as he wants.” 
You accepted the swimsuit to try on, but gave an apologetic smile. “I’m very picky about my underwear: I don’t want you to be upset if I don’t wear what you pick out for me, okay?”
“Don’t worry, I’m working off a reference.”
There’s two beats where you process his words before you’re beating him with the swimsuit. “You’re the one who ended up with my panties?!” 
Punz didn’t even move to block your hits, hand coming up to lay over his heart. “I pledge my allegiance every morning, first thing.” 
“Where did you hang them?!”
<3E>
“I can carry something, you know.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Punz piled the bags all onto one arm as if he took your offer as a personal offense to his strength and very manhood, looping the other around your waist. “Taking a fine lady out and making her carry her own bags- who do you think I am?”
You’re getting used to his dramatics: you barely acknowledge him as a stall catches your eye. “Ooh, boba!”
His arm doesn’t budge around you, but it doesn’t keep you in place like you’ve experienced before. Your path shifts towards the drink shop and his elbow pulls straight for barely a second before he shifts right with you, letting you lead him wherever you desired. “That milky stuff with the gross balls?”
“Yes, but no.” There’s laminated menus on the tables so you pick one up and scan the flavors. “You’re thinking milk tea with tapioca pearls. I get fruity tea with popping pearls.”
“You’re really cute, but I don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I’m gonna blow your mind right now.” You slipped your card out of your purse as you walked up to the counter to make sure Punz knew you were buying this time. “Hi, can I get a large strawberry fruit tea with green apple pearls?” 
He barely gets out the total and asks for a name for the order before Punz slaps his card on the machine from the side. "'Punz': exactly how it sounds, but with a 'Z'."
"I was gonna pay for it, asshole!" The only response you get from him is his signature on the pad- which is nothing more than a colon and a 'P'. You stuck your tongue out right back, skipping out of reach to snatch up a straw from the pick-up counter. "You're gonna let your guard down sooner or later." 
"You make it sound like you're gonna kill me." You drag the straw across your throat. "Wow," he snorted, pecking the tip of your nose, "total savage." 
“I know. I’m totawy scawy.”
“Fwightening.” 
“You’re a dork,” you informed him with a huff of laughter, stabbing your drink as soon as it arrived. “Poison check,” you claimed, taking the first sip. You skewered a pearl for him before handing it over. “Alright, taste that thang.” 
You waited eagerly as the straw passed his soft lips, on the edge of your nonexistent seat as he took his first sip.
He shrugged. “Yeah, it’s alright.”
You rescued your drink before smacking his arm. “No taste!” 
“It’s about as good as fruit can get, but it still tastes like fruit. Give me a burger any day.” 
“I’ve never met such a dumb man,” you huffed, sipping for yourself.… Okay, so it had too much ice, but it was still delicious!
“Liar,” Punz accused as you started your walk again. “You’ve met Sapnap.”
You bumped into him with purpose. “Yeah, but it’s cute on him.”
“Ouch, you’re really wounding my pride there, bunny,” he drawled, making sure his sarcasm seeped through every word. “As if I could be jealous of Sappy.” 
You could feel your lips curling into an evil grin around your fat straw before the thought of what to say even formed. “I don’t know: he’s cute, and strong, and a gentleman, and he’s great with his tongue-”
“Alright, you’re pushing it!” A cry left your lips as he snatched your cheek, pinching only hard enough to pull it around a bit. “Talking about another freaking guy this much, even if he is my teammate-” 
“Leggo uh meee!”
He gave another yank before releasing you with a huff. “Such a little brat…”
His tone changed. It was slight, but there was a definite change- enough to make you stop and backtrack. Did you push too far? Was he actually insecure and being compared to Sapnap was a jab in the gut? Or maybe he was just getting sick of your attitude when he was treating you like a princess. 
“I’m sorry.” Punz let out a small noise from the back of his throat that you took as prompting to continue. “I don’t know why I even said that, but I’ll try not to be such a- such a brat.”
“It’s okay,”
“It’s not-”
“Why are you upset?” He turned to look at you properly, pulling you to a stop once he saw your expression. 
You huffed, frustrated that you had to say it out loud, but more frustrated at yourself. “Because you’re wonderful to me-” His hand came up to your cheek, warm and soft, and suddenly your eyes were clouding up. “And you don’t deserve all the snapping I do-” There’s a lump growing in your throat. “And I don’t even know why I say that kind of shit because I’m having a great time with you-”
“Oh, honey bunny.” You caught a glimpse of his handsome face twisted into concern before he was pulling you into a nook for some semblance of privacy, setting your bags on the floor before hauling you tight against his chest. “Oh, you’ve really worked yourself up over this, huh?” You know it’s not really a question, but you find you’re nodding into his shoulder anyway. You don’t even feel like you’re crying: there are tears streaming out of your eyes, but that’s it. Almost like someone’s left the faucet on and forgot about it. 
Punz’s lips press firmly against your head, hands rubbing circles against the tense muscles in your back, like he was trying to find the button that would make it all better. “Can I tell you something, bunny?” His lips briefly twitch into a tiny smile when you nod mindlessly against his shirt. “I know you’re having a good time. And I am, too. And I know you just like chatting shit. Makes you feel strong, huh? Like you’re big and in charge?” You didn’t even realize it before he put it into words, but he was exactly right, earning another nod. “And you wanna know something else?
“I like chatting shit, too.” You pull back as you realize the tears have stopped, and he only lets you go a few inches before he’s holding you still with warm hands on your waist. “The boys told me all about your drive before our movie night. You know how Sammy threw his little tantrum over your seatbelt?” His choice of words pulls a throaty laugh from you that makes him grin. “We all want different things when we’re with you, bunny. Sam wants to make sure you’re taken care of, so when you brat, he’s gonna nod and take it until you run out of steam and ask him nicely, then he’ll give you anything you want.
“But I kinda like to fight, bunny. Nothing mean, but when you poke me, I wanna poke back. I think it’s fun just like you do, and I think we could have a good time pushing each other to the limit to see who gives.” His lips twitched. “Now, Sappy: I think that boy just wants to die under a big woman, so you gotta watch out for him, make sure he’s still breathing when you sit on him-” 
You try to smother your laughter because this is serious, but then you’re imagining a headline that says, ‘Local Man Attempts Suicide By Pussy,’ and you break into manic giggles that send you right back into Punz’s chest as he laughs with you. His hand rubbed up and down your back, slow and soft, melting your form against his. 
You turned your head once the giggles calmed down, taking a deep breath of his cologne while you listened to his heart. “I still feel bad,” you admitted. “Like I pushed too far.”
“I promise you didn’t, baby.” The speed of his answer makes you melt just a bit more. “I get being worried about it, though, because I do, too…” He hummed as he thought. “Sappy said you guys decided on a safe word?”
You nodded against him. “Pineapple,”
“Pineapple. Okay, so how about we both promise that if the other crosses a line, we say ‘pineapple.’ Then we know it’s an actual ‘no’ and not just more playing. How’s that sound?” You give another nod that he returns with a squeeze. “You want me to take you home, baby?” You’re shaking your head without a second thought, pressing yourself deeper against him. You get another squeeze in response, a silent, ‘I won’t leave you.’ “You wanna get some dinner?”
You forced yourself to pull away, his fingertips trailing over your body as long as they can until they hook onto yours. You beamed at him. “That sounds really nice, old man.”
Punz laughed. “Let’s go, then, brat.”
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fenharel-enaste · 1 year
Text
A lesson in patience || CEO!Elendil x Fem!Reader (modern AU)
Rating: +18 (smut)
Summary: You visit Elendil in his office and decide to tease him a bit. What you don't know is that he doesn't like you playing with him when he's busy…
Content/warnings:  Dom!Elendil, brat!reader, explicit sex content, unprotected sex (don’t do this pls), p in v sex, cockwarming, orgasm denial, dirty talk, light choking, oral sex (f and m receiving), cum swallowing... ok there's no plot here, just pure filth lol
Word count: 3.2k
Notes: Being an AU I don’t even know if Elendil’s in character here, idk I was just horny I guess 😂
This is a oneshot I've written thanks to my lovely Elendilfer friends @starlady66, who inspired it with this post I'll never get over, @thetempleofthemasaigoddess, who suggested to write a fic about it. Thank you both so much!! 💖💖
Tagging: @grinkitty, @wint3r-h3art
It’s also on AO3!
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You can’t wait to see Elendil today. He loves it when you sometimes surprise him by visiting him in his office close to his time to leave. You like to spend some time together there while he finishes some last minute paperwork before going out for dinner with you. 
You cheerfully greet the receptionist and he lets you in, as you've been there many times before and he knows you don't need Elendil's permission to enter his office, unless he's in an important meeting, of course. 
You knock on his door and enter when he tells you to come in; his face lights up with a smile, as it always does when you drop by. You greet him with a kiss on his lips that he gladly returns. "I'm so pleased to see you baby, come here." He invites you to sit on his lap to talk about your day and keep him company while he finishes his work. 
Some minutes later, you are both laughing as Elendil tells you an amusing incident that happened in the building earlier today when his mobile phone goes off. “Oh, I’m sorry, princess, I forgot I was expecting this call. I promise it’ll only take a few minutes, don’t worry,” he apologises before giving you a quick peck on the cheek and answering the call. 
There's not much you can do while you're waiting sitting on his lap, so you just stare at him as he talks. He seems very focused looking at his laptop screen as he listens intently to what his interlocutor is saying. He looks so sexy like that, and he's wearing the tie you bought him last week. You remember the way he tied you to the bed with it the day you gave it to him; you lost count of how many times he made you come while holding you still, always demanding one more. 
You feel a tingle between your legs at the memory and you squirm on his lap. He looks at you with amusement, as he's well aware of how much you like it when he has you sitting on him like this, with his arm around your waist to hold you tight against him. He squeezes your hip affectionately, in a gesture that says 'be patient and as soon as I'm done you'll have my absolute, undivided attention'. 
But the call is taking longer than you expected and you start getting impatient. You feel especially horny today and every passing minute is agony; you need him to touch you. You then decide to act playfully for once, push him to his limit. So you begin to move your hips again, slowly at first, but then you start touching him all over, his face, his hair, his chest, you bring your mouth to his jaw and kiss your way down his neck, then bite and suck him right where you know it drives him insane. 
Elendil glances warningly at you, he's starting to find it hard to keep up with the conversation, clearing his throat from time to time and he has to ask his interlocutor to repeat himself. You then position yourself so that you have one of his thighs between your legs and rub yourself against it repeatedly, lifting your skirt to can feel the friction through your underwear, just enough to show Elendil the new lacy panties you’re wearing for him. 
It's getting more and more difficult for him to speak, but he reaches his limit when you bring your hand to his crotch, making him let out a soft groan. He's already hard, you're so proud of yourself. “No, I’m... I’m okay, I’m sorry, something came up. I’ll call you later.” Elendil hangs up abruptly and you give him a playful smile, but his gaze is not playful at all. Oh no. 
“Get off me and lock the door. Now.” You feel a shudder down your spine when he uttered that last word. He hadn't done anything yet, but now that he's no longer under your control, you begin to regret your actions. You get up and approach the door slowly, locking it as you've been told. 
“Come here.” You walk up to him again and you feel your body shaking, maybe with fear, maybe with anticipation, maybe both. “Stop,” he orders you just before you reach him. “Strip. Slowly.” His deep, commanding voice never fails to turn you on even more, you love it when he orders you around like that; you’re so happy to comply. So you move slowly, swaying your hips, touching your body as you take off your clothes, piece by piece, putting on a show for him, as he lays back on his chair. 
You can feel his lustful gaze everywhere, especially when you take off your bra and he asks you to play with your tits. “Fuck, baby. Look at you...” And then you turn your back to him and lean forward very, very slowly as you slide your panties down your legs, exposing your already glistening cunt to him. 
“Stay like that and put your hands on the desk, love.” So you do, and he moves his chair closer to you, grabs your ass, squeezing it firmly with his large hands, and brings his mouth to your cunt, slipping his tongue between your soaking folds before devouring it hungrily. It is driving you insane. You hear him moan, sending vibrations against your skin. Your legs tremble and you have to rest your forehead against the surface of the desk, not wanting to feel anything but his warm tongue spoiling you and his raspy beard against your folds. 
You whine when he pulls his mouth away from your cunt. “Come here, love,” he murmurs as you hear him unbuckle his belt and unzip his trousers. You feel a pressure in your belly as you anticipate how you want to fuck him on his chair, with your back to him, as you've done so many times before. Elendil then guides you onto his cock, one hand on your hip and the other holding his hardness as you slide down the length of his cock. He presses your hips even harder against his pelvis to reach even deeper. “Oh fuck...” He fills you so good. 
You grab the arms of the chair to help you rock your hips, but you are unable to do so, as Elendil won't let go of his tight grip on you. You try to move forward, backwards, anything to feel more friction. It's in vain. “Please, baby... I want to fuck you...” 
Elendil leans forward so that he can speak directly into your ear. “Do you really think I was going to let you get away with it just like that, hmm?” You feel a shiver run across your skin at the low tone of his voice. “You knew I was on an important call and you decided to behave like a brat even so. Now, be a good girl and stay still while I finish my work.” 
Then, Elendil calls back the person he was talking to earlier to continue the previous conversation. Frustration runs through your body; you've been looking forward to having fun with him ever since you walked through the door and now, you're not having any of it. Even worse. You have exactly what you wanted inside you, but you couldn't get the pleasure you were craving. 
You try to follow his instructions, but it's too damn hard. His mouth had left you so ready for him, and you can feel him throbbing, sometimes twitching inside you. You can’t help but squirm on his cock. You immediately feel Elendil tugging lightly on your hair and briefly pull the phone away from him.
“Shh, I told you to behave, darling, can’t you do that just for five minutes?” he scolds you and bites your shoulder before resuming his work. That’s not helping you at all. 
Minutes pass, but they feel like ages. Now he's sliding his fingers lazily down your naked back, giving you goosebumps, while keeping his focus on the call. You lose it when he moves that hand around your body to reach one of your breasts and caresses it gently, playing with your nipple as if you were just a toy for him to casually play with while his attention is somewhere else. He’s being so unfair. 
You’re so horny your hips move again against him involuntarily, so he stops caressing your breasts and moves his hand back to your hip to give it a squeeze of warning. You obey him for a while, but you can’t help but keep squirming on him from time to time, you have no control over your body any longer, and the grip on your flesh becomes tighter and tighter, letting you know he’s far from finishing with you. 
You haven't heard a word of the conversation, but you're fully aware of the silence in the office when Elendil finally ends the call. The next thing you hear is his voice, this time aimed at you. “Apparently this doesn't work with you, I’m afraid, but don't worry, I still have some other methods to teach you how to be patient.” 
You have no idea what he's going to do next. You feel your own breathing quicken before finding yourself pinned against the desk, your legs practically dangling off it. One of Elendil’s hands holds your head still against the surface, the other one restrains your wrists and holds them behind your back. His cock’s still deep inside you. 
Without warning, he starts slamming his pelvis against you, yet you are so wet his cock easily slides inside you and you can't stop the loud moans escaping your lips, he had teased you and made you wait so long the pleasure he’s giving you feels like a first sip of water after hours lost in a desert, it felt heavenly. You won't last long, not long at all if he keeps up his relentless pace. 
“Fuck! Please, please... I’m so close...” It is just there, just a few more thrusts... you know it’s going to be an intense one. And just when you feel the pressure in your core is about to be released through your whole body, Elendil removes himself from you. 
“No! No no no, please, please, keep going...” you beg desperately, trying to pull your hips back to feel him again. 
“I told you, pretty one, I have ways to make you learn patience. Let’s do it again.” And he guides his cock back into you and resumes his thrusts, just as hard as before, hitting right where he knows it drives you insane. You need to cum so badly you try to hide your spams of pleasure from him. But he always knows, and he stops, and you try again, but he keeps stopping, edging you again and again and again. 
After countless attempts you just have to give up and take what he gives you, accepting the waves beginning to form in your belly just to feel them abruptly disappear at the very last moment. 
When you think you can’t take it anymore, you hear his voice again. “Alright, baby. Are you going to behave now?” he asks, releasing his hand from your head to caress your face and wipe away the tears you had shed in frustration. 
“Yes...” you say in almost a whisper. 
“What did you say?” You know him well enough to know what he wants you to say. 
“Yes, sir.” 
“Good girl,” he responds before turning you around and making you lie on your back on the desk, resting your legs on his shoulders. From this position, you can clearly see his lustful eyes and his mischievous grin as he enjoys the mess he’s made out of you, knowing exactly what he's going to put you through next. 
He then starts fucking you again, from a different angle this time, but not a less pleasurable one, your laud cries feeling the room once again. You can feel now the fabric of his shirt, slightly rough against your soft skin, the intoxicating scent of his cologne invading your senses, and the soft grip of his hand, now around your neck, pressing just enough to not completely cut your breath, but enough to make you feel his control over you. “Fuck, baby, you love this, don’t you?” he asks with a smirk on his face. 
Again you feel your orgasm approaching; this time, you pursue it in the hope that this time he'd let you come. But once again, you let out a long whine of frustration when you hear his words. 
“Don’t,” he commands. However, he doesn't stop his thrusts like before, but slows them down just a little. “This time you’re going to hold it, understood? I’ll tell you when you may come.” 
What??? You can’t, you just can’t. 
“No, please! Please, sir, let me cum, ple-” Your pleas are interrupted when your mouth is filled by two of his fingers. 
“That’s not an answer, my dear. Is. That. Understood?” His stern voice almost made you come and disobey him right at that moment, but you manage to fight it back and nod your head as you suck his fingers. 
“Alright, let’s try it again.” And he carries on with his brutal pounding once again, playing with your breasts and clit now, forcing you to deny your orgasm yourself. It is unbearable, he’s being so fucking unfair with you. You have to use all your willpower not to come, with tears running down your face and sweat all over your body due to your effort. It seems to you like you've been like this for hours. 
“You're doing so well sweetheart. Is there anything you want to say now?” Anything. You’d say anything for him to have mercy on you. 
“Please. Sir... I’m begging you, please...” You’re a sobbing mess right now, pleading for release. 
“That’s not what I want to hear, baby, try again.” 
“I’m so sorry.” 
“For what?” His hand on your clit begins to move faster, urging you to speak. 
“I’m so sorry for behaving like a brat... oh fuck!!” you cry out when you feel his hand slapping your ass, hard.
“And?” he demands lowering his voice even more. 
“I won’t do it again,” you finally manage to say between sobs. 
“Good girl.” 
“Please, please, sir... I can’t...” you beg, now panting heavily. 
“Hold it a bit longer, we’re almost there,” Elendil orders you once more as he keeps rapidly rubbing your clit, torturing you with both his cock and fingers. He leans forward to push your legs a bit and reach even deeper. You can’t take it any longer, you’re going to come and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just when you think you're going to be denied your climax again, you hear the so long desired words. 
“Alright, baby, you may come now.” And the pressure you've been building up in your core for so long finally explodes, releasing all over your body, and you come more violently than any other time you can remember. You lose all sense of where you are, not even aware of the screams leaving your lips uncontrollably. Elendil is well aware the whole floor is definitely hearing you, but he doesn't care - in fact, the thought of everyone knowing who's making you scream like this turns him on even more. So he continues his rough ramming into you as you come, and you can barely discern one orgasm from the next. He makes you come over and over again, praising you with every powerful orgasm. 
“Look at you. You’re so pretty when you come...”
“Again? Such an insatiable girl, you want more?”
You don’t know how many times he’s pushed you over the edge already. Your whole body feels so sensitive and overstimulated now, but he’s always able to give you more, and you welcome it gladly. 
When Elendil is sure that you are so exhausted and sated you won't be able to come any more, he carefully gets you off the table, slowly helps you get on your knees and guides his cock to your mouth. “You did it so well, baby, just one more thing for me...” 
You wrap your lips around him almost unconsciously. You feel numb by the intensity of your many orgasms, but you bob your head eagerly. There's few things you like more than pleasing him. "There you go, just like that." 
It barely takes him any time to reach his climax. He wanted to teach you patience and deny you your pleasure, but he's also had to deny himself all the time, and he must admit it's been a challenge, so now he just needs to feel your warm, soft tongue sliding along his throbbing cock and the back of your throat against his tip to spill his cum on your tongue and deep inside your mouth, letting out low grunts of pleasure. 
He tastes so good in your mouth that you can’t help but moan around his cock as you keep sucking him off; not stopping until you feel no more cum getting out of him. You love the proud look of his face when he sees you swallow it all. 
“Fuck baby... well done, such a good girl,” he praises you once more when he sees you run your tongue along the length of his cock to clean off any remaining drops. 
As soon as you’re finished, he helps you up and sits you in his chair. He kneels in front of you to cup your face in his hands and carefully look you in the eye to make sure everything's okay. “Are you alright, love?” You nod your head as you smile at him reassuringly.
“It’s been... quite intense and I feel a bit lightheaded, but I’m alright.” 
As soon as he hears you say that, he gets up, not before sweetly kissing your forehead and lips, and heads to the minibar to bring you a bottle of water. He opens it for you and helps you take the first sips. “Keep drinking, darling, I’ll be right back.” And you do as he asks as he heads to the restroom and comes out shortly after with a washcloth. He wipes it over your forehead, your face, your neck, absorbing the beads of sweat from your body. 
“Feel a bit better?” he asks with concern in his eyes.
“Yes, I feel much better now, thank you, my love.” And he gives you the sweetest smile as he brushes your cheek with the back of his hand. 
Suddenly, you remember the reason why Elendil had made you sweat like that. “Elendil, I’m so sorry I distracted you earlier, I don’t know what...” Your quivering voice is cut off by his warm lips on yours, which he tenderly kisses multiple times. 
“Don’t worry about that now, princess, you need to rest first. In fact, you should eat something. How about going to that restaurant you mentioned a few days ago? Sounds good?” 
Your stomach rumbles at the thought, and your tiredness seems to have vanished as you eagerly get up and begin to get dressed, drawing a beautiful laugh from Elendil, who watches you as if you were the most precious thing in the world.
“I’m so in love with you, sweetheart, you know that, right?” he says staring captivatedly. Your heart melts at his words and you reach up to wrap your arms around him and bury your face in the crook of his neck. 
“I love you too, Elendil. I love you so, so much...” 
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carltonlassie · 1 year
Text
I thought about digital detox and maybe, like, switching to a dumb phone where all I can do on it is make calls, send texts... But then I went outside and found out that it won't work because there's so many things that require a smart phone these days -- ordering from a restaurant, paying, etc. Also I miss convos on apps like discord and stuff. (Maybe good thing? Idk.) But again that'd require me to buy a dumb phone bc 3G is dead and old phones don't work anymore, so. That's more #consumerism that I'm trying to avoid.
So I decided to simplify the launcher on my phone so I only really see the apps I really need (mail, text, phone, camera) and the entertainment apps are hidden behind a second click. At least that layer of separation puts a stop to my brain mindlessly scrolling to find apps that I find shiny and scrolling in a different direction in said app! But it is definitely not as satisfying as carrying a brick phone and an mp3 player and an e-reader, and being like, ha! Look at me. I'm a retro warrior. Check out my phone that I can also use as a weapon. My e-reader battery lasts a whole month without charging. My mp3 player has a headphone jack. I'm not that cool yet.
(Speaking of e-readers, I wish there were phones with e-ink screens. All I do is read things on it. Imagine it was e-ink so it's easier on the eyes?! It would suck at videos and stuff and that's why it's so great. Making it impossible to waste time on it.)
I also feel weird listening to the same album over and over on Spotify because it makes fun of me at the end of the year, but ... That's how people used to listen to music until streaming services came out. They bought albums and listened to it over and over. So why shouldn't I? I've been downloading albums on Spotify and listening to them, but now I'm wondering if I should dust off my old mp3 player and put some albums in there. 🏴‍☠️
I keep on going back and forth between digital vs physical. Like sure, having physical things take up a lot of space and it's hard to carry it around, but then digital storage costs a lot of money and requires either a subscription or shelling out a lump sum to get an external drive... Which will run out of storage again in the future as you continue to fill it with things you love... It's so hard to find the right balance. I know drives aren't as fragile as it used to be but I also think about babying the device so it doesn't skip LOL like I'm not dealing with a hard drive with a needle here, it's an SD card, like c'mon.
Also I remember when apps used to be like, one time payment to remove all ads and unlock pro features! And now it's impossible to find ones like that unless it's an old app. It's all Free*! I hate that so much. Just take my money (once) and unbind me from thy grasp.
maybe one day I'll be free from subscription services. Because I hate having the mindset of oh, I paid for it. I need to maximize it to get my money's worth, and end up spending way too much time on it. Let me live my life on my own pace!!!!!
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cripple-council · 1 year
Note
Just need to vent
I wish living wasn't so freaking painful
And I'm talking about general chronic pain but I'm also talking about pain from things I don't see talked about as often
Like the fact that if I knew how to get my hands on a decent free screen reader I'd use it because it just hurts to read and it hurts to see sometimes
Yes I have glasses but they're for astigmatism not my eyes randomly decided haha f you and checking out
The fact that I randomly have spots of vision where I can't see isn't fun either
And hearing why does hearing hurt
I'm HoH but I try to use any sort of thing to help and my sound sensitivity says haha screw you so I stick to captions except sometimes my eyes decided screw reading all together that hurts so I have half an idea of what's going on because I'm not looking at the screen (I'm looking at the least painful thing I can) and unless I've watched the stuff before I need to rewind CONSTANTLY so I know what's going on just suffer the pain
My eyes are hurting reading my own writing right now and I literally can't make it any easier for them I don't know what to do
Yeah yeah talk to my eye doctor but idk when my check up is and until then I'm stuck with glasses that don't help my actual problem and literally nobody to talk to because everyone says go to your eye doctor and yes I know
And I feel like I can't actually use any sort of screen reader or anything because that's just me being lazy (it's not) or it's for actually visually impaired people screw off there's no reason for you to use it you can still read when your eyes hurt
Except that's ignoring all the times my eyes have hurt so much I literally couldn't open them so I ended up hiding under a blanket until they felt better because I still have to go to school and nobody bothers to listen to me
I don't know I don't know I don't know I feel like I'm faking everything even though I desperately desperately just wanna make my little eyeballs feel better so we can function in unison again without all the pain and the effort and the strain
It helps that with seeing seeing I have a decent memory and synesthesia can actually be useful as well as the well-practiced ability to figure out where I'm going based on a very tiny sliver of sight but it still sucks and I still hate it and I still just want to talk to someone about it without feeling like I'm using resources or taking up extra space because aren't I messed up enough already how possibly could I be messed up more now???
Uggggh I'm so tired I just want to either see painlessly or don't look at everything to deal with the pain and that be okay
Sorry if this is insensitive or something I'm so tired and so done and just needed to vent thank you
Is this even a place to vent
I just realized I don't remember what blog I was posting this too
I'm so sorry if it's not
Um, I offer lavender and bees if you like bees, especially if this is the wrong blog, thank you
hey!
i’m sorry that you’re in pain and that people aren’t listening to you. and i know how frustrating it is when people keep suggesting things you already do/know about, it’s really annoying.
if you believe that a screen reader could help, you could always give it a try! but i do understand that the feeling of “being lazy” is there, i get that too (in other situations though). i don’t know much about them but i know some phones have built in ones, so you could look for that, and if you don’t have that, i hope someone here can give recommendations on free and good ones!
disability aids are there for you to use them if you need them, i completely understand feeling like you’re faking or are being lazy or that you’re taking resources or whatever mean thought your brain can produce. but please try to remember that you are allowed to use them, it’s your brain being mean, and i know that it’s hard to go against those thoughts, but i believe in you!
and remember that no one knows your body and pain better than you. if someone else tries to dismiss your pain, ignore them because they don’t know shit.
you are always welcome to vent here, i will always listen.💜
and i love lavender & bumblebees (other bees scare me haha)😌
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smurphyse · 1 year
Note
Oh wow yes, it’s me, I’m the “4th date anon” haha 😅 and yeah it’s 3pm the next day (I’m from Europe) and he just said last night that he was sorry but he wouldn’t be home in time to meet up (he said that if he got home before 8 we could still meet up and then I waited and he texted at 8:30 to say that he couldn’t make it). I said it was totally fine and that I hoped everything was okay and since then I haven’t heard from him 😕 I hoped that maybe he’d text in his lunch break or something.. what sucks is that I’m kind of waiting for him to text this whole day because I thought maybe we could see each other tonight then but yeah.. and maybe I’m at fault here because I don’t want to text him again now because I don’t want to annoy him 🥺 the thing is I don’t even recognise myself normally I’m like you with texting but now Im suddenly upset about this idk sorry Im sure I sound really annoying 🙈
Ahahah hello again!! Well, he did let you know that he may not make it ahead of time and didn't leave you hanging all night without you knowing for sure he couldn't come. 3pm the next day, he's likely working. I don't text during my work day, and I barely look at my phone unless it's a work reason or one of my employees (I manage a staff of 50 off-site workers). My personal texts/emails often get ignored until 6pm or later.
I don't think you're at fault for wanting to talk to this person. It's totally normal to want to talk more to someone. When I first started dating my boyfriend I texted a lot more and faster than I do now. I know he's gonna be there in a few hours so I'll wait to text. He'll let me know if he needs me to be more present because he knows what I'm like. I'll forget to look at my phone until the next day half the time because by the end of my work day I'm sick of looking at a screen.
I'd say don't overthink it. It's new, it's shiny, and you want to be in it and I get it. However, just let things fall as they may and have a real conversation with him and ask if he thinks it's working or not. If he thinks it is like you do, then just politely ask if he can make an effort to call or text more. But again, fourth date is very early so maybe let the relationship establish itself a bit more before letting yourself go down a mental rabbit hole. If it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. You'll find people in your life who are more than happy to accommodate the way you communicate. You just have to be willing to have a conversation about it.
As always, your relationship with yourself is the most important thing. It'll be the best romantic/platonic/etc relationship of your life if you let it be! You know how to treat you best, a partner is just someone who kinda accentuates that.
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theluxuriansecret · 2 years
Text
Dear Diary 7.9.2022
12:41 am
Dear diary, the days surely do fly by. So much has happened in what feels like such a short span of time. It's a lot, but because I have neglected to write down my feelings I am currently feeling overwhelmed. I'm really hoping that i can real myself in before I explode. (I'm also on my period, but just because I am doesn't mean my feelings right now in this moment aren't valid)
So, to begin, in may I broke with my boyfriend after the third attempt that month. It was after I got back from vacation. on vacation not only did I get my clothes stolen (and spend practically every night drunk) but I had met this guy on my very last night. After arguing with my bf I decided then and there I was done, and I was going to hook up with this guy. I didn't though, but I did make out with him. That proved to me that I was over him for real. So the day after I got home I told him I was done. It did not go down well. He screamed and he cried and he begged me to love him, but I couldn't, and I didn't and I still don't. I have love for him, I DO love him, but I am not in love with me. Today (or i guess yesterday) he told me he is still waiting for me to tell him I want him back, that I love him and I want him to be my boyfriend. But that's where that ends for right now.
For the past two weeks I have spent basically everyday drowning myself in some distraction. Going to the beach, the fair, to bars, video games, drinking, so much fucking drinking. Literally anything. Which brings to two Fridays ago. I was out at a bar with my friend. I met this guy who seemed sweet. I gave him my # not really thinking about it. And that night he tells me he wants to take me on a date. Fast forward a week after talking and he tells me we should speak on the phone so there isn't much anxiety. And even though our date was set for Saturday it happened that Friday. It went great, or so I thought. IDK. We ended up hooking up. The first person I have been with since my bf. And it ended weird. No one finished and he just sat there, like defeated. There was basically radio silence since that day. He messages me yesterday telling me he had went and enjoyed his birthday vacation with his ex (it wasn't his ex by the way, he's just a cheater) and that he was reconsidering their relationship. Okay. That story is over. It ends just like that. I just hope that when he re-reconsidered he doesn't come crawling in my fucking messages. Fuck That.
Anyway, I went on another date this past Wednesday. It was like okay I guess, good at best. The guy was super sweet and kind. I wanted to hookup him, like I did. But I didn't and I still don't even know why. I also think he is on the Autism spectrum, actually not think, I know. He even mentioned it "he thinks". That doesn't bother me at all though, actually the only thing that bothers me is that he isn't sure (or officially diagnosed) when it's obvious. Unless he was just trying to test out the waters to see how I would react. I do kinda wanna see him again though.
Today was the first Friday in a while that I wasn't out. And idk, I have been in my feelings all day. That guy one can just go back to his girl like that. I mean, I didn't want a relationship with him but I did want a little more fun out of him I guess. It just sucks because I keep looking at my phone hoping he texts me... Sigh, I wanted to experience hookup culture so bad for some reason, but it's not anything like I thought it would be. I think I jumped in too fast. I need to focus on myself and my goals and dreams like I said I would, but here I sit. Unemployed, secretly sad, and finding every and anyway to distract myself. Also I cracked my phone screen so, theres that as well.
I want to take the time away from my ex to find myself, to find hobbies, passions, learn something new. But right now I feel like I have fallen deep into 15 year old me's bad habits. Except I'm older now, and it's so much easier to make bad decisions. I guess you live and you learn though.
SOTD: Girl With No Name - Jules Larson + AG
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c4sp3rmoved · 3 years
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!!!! :D sorry this is my only headcanons now :)
//Don't tag ship's
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idk if i actually want to do a full review bc i anticipate getting sucked in too deep and having to battle my idiot brain all day to not look up meta and then block tumblr on my phone like i'm a misbehaving child who's had too much screen time, so imma just do a quick (spoiler heavy) tl;dr:
-it was the opposite of shippy between daryl and leah. daryl used his past relationship with her as leverage to get her to believe him so that he wouldn't die. this isn't speculation, kang confirmed it in a thing after episode aired
-that was actually really funny bc daryl was straight up like "leah, i have never lied to you, and i'm not gonna start now"
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-leah was legit at one point like "i never said we loved each other wtf?" to pope, and they explicitly never call each other anything other than like "person i cared about" or the equivalent
-pope looks like if walter white and sir patrick stewart had a love child and once i had that thought i couldn't stop having it
-the reapers are a weird religious cult that used to be military before the turn, and ig god saved them so now they murder people? idk, i was putting away laundry and emptying trash cans at the shelter and holding my phone in one hand while sir walter stewart was explaining everything, tho i don't think they ever did actually explain why they want maggie dead so badly
-sir walter stewart is fucking batshit, obviously
-ik we don't know that many specifics about daryl's adolescence and twenties, but i'm pretty sure that was the worst date he's ever been on
-i wasn't convinced back during "find me" that leah was supposed to mirror carol's appearance, but uh. she really mirror's carol's appearance, dude. i still don't know if that's intentional, but if it is then it's extremely telling
-last caryl related note, but after leah's brother-figure was murdered (while trying to murder maggie and crew for reasons still unspecified unless i missed that part), she implied that the last time she lost someone close to her was daryl, and daryl was like "bro, i didn't leave, i tried to find you" and she was like "no, you left!" and daryl says that it was because he was afraid of letting go, which i find interesting, bc he only went back to her after carol told him she wasn't going to be able to see him anymore. do with that what you will
-this is not a tl;dr, why am i like this
-k that's all, goodbye
✌🏼
-diz
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meichenxi · 3 years
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Hey, could I ask you how you do shadowing? Like the different ways you do it? You mentioned in your tag that shadowing is good and I'd love to hear how you do it! I do not attempt shadowing much so I don't really know what helps, etc. ToT (my studyblr is rigelmejo)
Hellooo! Thank you for the interesting question!
Tbh I think I do it fairly basically - I don’t use any particularly fancy software, but software like Language Learning with Netflix has certainly made it easier. There’s a whole video on how to get the most of it here: [on mobile, link didn't work - How to study Chinese with Netflix! by Chinese Zero To Hero] (I’d recommend checking out all of their videos actually, they’ve done a bunch of livestreams recently and they place a lot of emphasis on shadowing + the course they are trying to sell you is…actually phenomenally good)
(Also, I have to preface this by saying that I have been very lucky in terms of pronunciation: I learnt about 80% of my current vocabulary by ear without characters or pinyin. I have been in China for eight months in total, and while I didn’t speak Chinese for all of that, I was constantly soaking in info on natural sentence intonation. I still often don’t know officially what the tone of a vocabulary item is, especially if it changes tone like 教, 为 or 相, but I don’t get yelled at so I have definitely internalised a lot of those changes. I definitely would have more trouble with this if I hadn’t had that experience - my other areas are waaaay weaker because of this though- my reading SUCKS lmao and I can literally handwrite about ten characters)
Anyway. How I shadow:
1) Quite simply by playing the line, and repeating it with all the emotion it has!! I usually use Netflix or Viki for this. I try to do it as fast as possible, and if I can’t do the whole thing, I ‘chunk’ it: if I were doing the sentence 我们还不知道他会不会来, I would start from the end with 他会不会来, then 不知道他会不会来, and then the whole sentence. Notice that this isn’t breaking it down into words or even grammatical phrases, but intonational phrases: it would be perfectly sensible to just do 会不会来 without the 他 but realistically, since this is a question, it’s likely that a strong stress will be placed on the first 会, and you wouldn’t be able to replicate that without also included the more weakly stressed syllable before.
2) I locate (intentionally or subconsciously) the main locus of stress within the sentence, and I focus on that accordingly. Tones may become less extreme if they are not stressed, and may become more exaggerated if stressed. This is always a good exercise. I accompany this with physical actions - I throw my hands down, I sigh, I groan!
3) I put away the text, and don’t look at the tones or even my computer screen - more on this below.
4) Finally, when I think I’ve got it reasonably accurate, I’ll record them speaking the line into my phone with an appropriate pause for copying and play it back to myself at various points throughout the day.
5) I then go and find other words with the same tone contour to slot in, and copy it again. After that, I find words that are slightly different tonally and pop them in too.
6) I finally do fun things like hold a conversation with myself. This can be really simple phrases imbued with some kind of emotion - 这个女子到底是谁呀?为什么不认识我?应该是新手吧。You can do this either really informally, or very formally, or both - trying to speak in the latter way is very fun! So then it’d be idk something more like: 那位姑娘是何人,来自何处?This is fun because you can really slow down your speech and sound as elegant as you like!! (this will sound stilted if you do it for modern speech, but it’s a very fun exercise)
Choosing your media!!
1) Don’t use donghuas. Seriously. The voice actors usually speak at a ridiculous pace and not with the same range of ‘normal’ intonation
2) Your Chinese is definitely good enough to recognise when anyone is quoting poetry or speaking in a paricularly sexy literary way so, uh…don’t do that. That rules dramas like Nirvana in Fire OUT.
3) Modern dramas and reality TV shows CAN be great, but they can also be quite intimidatingly quick and almost too mushy at times. I’d recommend informal speech in guzhuang dramas more, because they have professional voice actors and extensive sound editing, meaning that although it might be fast and the vocabulary harder, it’s actually much more accessible and easier to copy. You don’t want to be stuck with the awfulness of 50% failed foreigner and 50% 12 year old boy who can’t enunciate properly!!
4) CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON WISELY. I try to find characters that speak in a dramatic, whiny or childish way. This is so important! There’s literally no use copying Lan Wangji unless you want to be able to have that particular cadence and tone of voice you get reciting poetry. Childish/whiny/dramatic characters on the other hand stress some words very strongly, and rush others together - this is great for hearing what actual real speech sounds like. Whininess wins. In The Untamed, characters like Wei Wuxian (not yllz!wwx but just…regular wwx), 一问三不知 Nie Huaisang, Jin Ling, and Jingyi are all great. Also Jiggy, who is just very extra constantly and speaks much slower as well, which really helps. In SHL characters like Gu Xiang are good.
5) CHOOSE YOUR VOICE WISELY! If you are really aiming to copy them 100% (which you should try at least sometimes), you want somebody with your pitch range to sound normal. I have a sort of party trick in Chinese that because I’ve spent so much time listening to women in guzhuang dramas I can change my voice and sound like a) a scheming concubine with honeyed words, or b) the voice of the Beijing metro. My teacher found it hysterically funny. But it’s not my natural voice, and if I speak like that for too long it hurts. The women usually are too high for me, and the big burly manly men too low - so I’d recommend finding a man with a higher voice, or an older woman (like some of the female characters in Nirvana in Fire). Again, sorry that this is mostly the Untamed (I’m just most familiar with it) but the voice actors for Wei Wuxian and some of the juniors (+jiggy) has a higher voice. Likewise Chengling in Word of Honour.
On intonation in general:
- The thing is that whilst shadowing is useful it requires prior ability in a whole bunch of other skills that you can train - it relies on your ability to accurately mimic pitch, emotion and other contrasts. Training this in ANY language, including your native one, will help your ability to do this in Chinese - so I’d recommend spending a fair amount of time practicing shadowing (or speaking just after somebody whilst listening to a string of text, like monolingual simultaneous interpreting) in your native language too. Any training copying accents or mimicking other people is going to similarly help, regardless of the language.
So, with that in mind, further tips:
1) Hum / try to copy the intonation without any words. What this does is force you to pay attention to what the intonation actually is, versus what you may think it should be.
2) Don’t look at the text! Do! Not! Look! At! The! Text! If you look at the characters or pinyin you’re telling yourself ‘ok this is a third tone here’ etc, but you want to override the part of your brain that has gotten into bad habits and is supremely self-confident in how you’re pronouncing the third tone, and actually just go straight back to mimicking.
3) Don’t be afraid to do it with vocabulary that is way beyond your level. Actually, I find this can sometimes be helpful, because you don’t have a prior idea about how a particular tone pair should be useful - and you don’t know which tone you should be producing.
4) Learn vocabulary by ear - listen to a vocab podcast or even make one yourself (I often do this; I record my daily Anki and listen back to it through headphones copying throughout the day - if you’re not confident in your pronunciation you can get Google Translate to do it). Similarly, pick unknown vocabulary out of a longer segment and remember it, trying to internalise the tones instead of figuring out which tone it is.
5) Find emotional sentences, and copy them with emotion. This is SO CRUCIAL!!! We remember things when we relate to them, and when we imbue them with emotion - and it also helps in hearing exactly how an angry second tone sounds, for instance.
6) When you’re copying, look up, and imagine you are having an actual conversation. Carry yourself with conviction and poise!! Really try to whine like wwx or slime like jgy. After a couple of turns copying them, try to turn off the audio and keep delivering it in the same manner.
7) Swap individual words out. Once you have a line properly figured out, swap a word or two that has a different tone pair, and focus on delivering it with the same pattern of stress.
8) Finally, practice doing this in your native language too!! It’s a skill that we don’t use often, and it can be trained. Some people are terrible at it at first go even in their native language, but you can work on it!
About intonation in general:
1) I think a lot of pronunciation problems with people sounding unnatural or stiff ultimately come down to a fundamental misunderstanding of what intonation looks like across different languages. In English we mark it by pitch: and we are so used to the rhetoric that Chinese has ‘tone’ and not ‘intonation’ that we try and focus on blindly copying every single word textbook perfect without listening to how it actually sounds.
2) Chinese does have intonation!!! Except that, unlike English, when you stress a word, the pitch doesn’t change, but the tone contour is exaggerated - basically the only time you will ever hear a full third tone is in isolated or very exaggerated speech. If you have a Chinese friend, get them to record a sentence like the English ‘I didn’t ask her to steal his rucksack’, and put stress on the different elements of it - I didn’t ask, I didn’t ask, I didn’t ask, and so on. Notice and copy how the tones change. When shadowing, you should always be paying attention to where the stress is in the sentence: when you speak by yourself, practicing saying a sentence neutrally, and then with stress on one component, the next, and so on. If it feels unnatural, it’s because you might not have practicised like this before - it’ll get better!
Hope that’s somewhat helpful / interesting!
- 梅晨曦
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I really appreciate that you've talked more than once about growing up with a stutter. If you feel comfortable, would you share anything you wish people would know when they talk to people who stutter? I mean, the obvious "don't be a dick" and "let the other person finish their sentence" seem to apply (I hope!!), but is there anything else people should know or do which maybe they don't? Thanks and hope you and your mom are doing well ❤️️
I’m happy to share, but your “don’t be a dick” is the best tl;dr
So obviously, everyone with a stutter is different and has their own process and their own rules to follow when speaking with them. These are just a few of mine:
1) You can finish my word/sentence only if I give you permission. I won’t though, bc I hate it when people do that. Even friends and family. I know people do it bc they think they’re helping me, but I just interpret it as a sign of impatience. The only time I allow it is if I’m really tired and I don’t have the mental energy to maintain fluency anymore. In that case, I’ll usually just wave my hand at you mid-word/sentence and let you say whatever you want (even if it wasn’t what I meant at all).
2) Piggybacking off that: Stutters are physically and mentally draining. I can’t even fully explain everything it takes for me to talk to somebody, especially for long periods of time. By the time I’m done, I’m exhausted bc I literally spend the whole time planning out everything I’m gonna say in my head and how I’m gonna say it. Fluent people just expect a certain pacing to their conversations that I can’t maintain as easily as they can and tryna keep up with that pace is tiresome. So if you see me getting tired or taking longer to respond to you, it’s not you. My brain is just overwhelmed.
3) With that being said, I don’t care if it takes me 5 whole minutes to say one word, DO NOT:
  A) tap your foot   B) look at your watch/at a clock   C) sigh really loud   D) make that pinched :\ face   E) interrupt me   F) look away, like you’d rather be anywhere else   G) finish my word/sentence (without my permission)   H) or any combination of those
People think they’re being subtle, but I know the exact second someone’s losing interest in what I’m saying, and nothing shuts me down quicker than seeing someone mentally checking out of the conversation just bc I’m struggling to maintain fluency.
4) I use a lot of “filler words” (um, uh, hm, ah, like, etc.) because they get me out of stutters quickly. I know how I sound, but if you want fluency, then you’re gonna have to suck it up and listen to me say “uh” for the thousandth time.
5) Idk if I should be revealing this bc I’m kinda afraid to get called out on it if I use this method with y’all lmao, but I pretend I don’t know a word/phrase just so I can get out of saying it. All the time.
Like, if I already know I can’t say something without stuttering and I don’t have a replacement word/phrase for it, then I’ll just be like, “uh, you know that, uh. what’s it called? sweeper thingy you get dirt up with?” “broom?” “yes! that. you got one? I spilled my will to live…”
6) I also repeat words and claim it’s “for emphasis”, but really it’s just bc I’m about to stutter on the word after it and saying the previous word again usually gets me out of a stutter (“that’s really, really strong tea”). It’s not. I just struggle with st- words and words ending in -ly are easy transition sounds for me.
7) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HERSELF, STOP 👏INVITING 👏ME 👏TO PLAY 👏TIMED 👏GAMES 👏If a game involves me having to verbalize a thought before a timer goes off to win, I will throw fucking hands! And, yes. I’m looking at you Pictionary, you piece oF SHIT (ง'̀-‘́)ง
8) I have a very strained relationship with fast food drive-thrus. Have I had a breakdown in a Full Moon drive-thru bc I couldn’t order my food clearly enough which led the employee to get pissed and ask why I was “wasting her time”? Maybe... That’s why I always walk in to order unless I already know exactly what I’m ordering. I also have to order it in the same exact way or I’ll stutter and the employee won’t understand me.
9) Speaking of strained relationships, phones. Fuck those, too! If I hear one more person say “You’re breaking up” while I’m tryna talk to them, I’m gonna scream. People hang up on me all the time bc they think the connection’s bad or the phone cut out. Even after I explain that I just have a stutter, they usually have no idea what that means. The more extreme people think I’m playing a joke on them so they get angry and start yelling or cussing at me before eventually hanging up. So using a phone is extremely difficult and has led to many an anxiety attack. I avoid them altogether unless I’m talking to someone who already knows to expect long pauses and skips.
10) And I know I’ve said this before over the years, but I’m gon’ say it again: I want more positive stutter representation in media.
I’m talking (lmao *finger guns*) verbal representation of a heavy stutter. Not a stutter on a word or two periodically with no obvious tics or one sentence in a flashback to explain why she doesn’t speak anymore (looking at you, OitNB). The split second rep stuff is okay, but let’s be honest, the vast majority of fluent people need to be exposed to heavier stutters. They need to see what a heavy stutter looks like, physical tics included. Otherwise, they’re not gonna know shit when they meet someone with a heavy stutter bc they’ve never been exposed to it. And it ain’t even their fault, but people like me suffer for it. If there were more true-to-life depictions of people with stutters on mainstream media, then it would go a long way in de-stigmatizing us and teaching people how to properly interact with us.
And maybe just because I want to see that aspect of myself on screen. I mean, I got wlws coming out my woolawoo atm, but ain’t none of them sound like me. And I’m tired of it. Damn it.
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