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#unless you’re literally homophobic. it’s revolting
firethekitty · 3 years
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Lots of subtle homophobia in the Luca tag. You guys know you can be homophobic without being violent/saying slurs right
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#Luca#I’m seeing a lot of ‘they’re kids! let kids be kids not everything has to be sexual!’#and it’s so so obvious that the only reason you think that is because you equate being gay to sex. and it ain’t fucking cute#talking#if you argue with me I’m blocking you I don’t fucking care lmao. take your homophobia somewhere else#if you have a problem with queer people saying this movie is a metaphor for being queer then you’re literally LGBT-phobic#idk what to tell you#there’s no reason to be so outspoken with your ‘it’s about childhood innocence uwu not those filthy queers’#unless you’re literally homophobic. it’s revolting#and it is objectively a metaphor for being lgbt. that’s it. you cannot argue against that#whether or not they’re queer is another thing but this movie is about being lgbt. idk what to fuckin tell u bro💔#also how are you gonna yell at people for interpreting a movie how they want to lmfao?#you know it’s only cuz gay people say the kids are gay. any other interpretation would be fine. you guys are exhausting I swear to god#and yes obviously it’s not enough. Disney is full of cowards and having a gay allegory is not representation#literally no one is saying it's good rep. you all just want to fight gay people about movies we like#that said I think we should all rewrite Luca to make it explicitly gay#ANYWAY. the like:reblog ratio to this post is insane lmao#update apparently the creators are like ADAMANT that this is not an lgbt allegory and you know what? shut up. our movie now#coward
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#DieCisWhiteScum
In the headquarters of the SJW Confederate, formerly UC Berkley, the aging Matriarch of the Confederate, Anita Sarkeesian, is about to complete the final solution: The elimination of the straight white males which will end all evil in the world. In the pit of her private safe space is Robert White, the last cisgender, white male in the world.
           “Ahahhaah!” shrieked Sarkeesian from her MacBook where she was writing a post on Tumblr about White’s extermination. Her post was on his execution and the male-skin coat that she would make out of him once he was dead. “Once I’m done with this, the world will be devoid of all evils!” Her venom and contempt towards him seemed to boil out and exit her with every word she spoke. Even the walls of the safe space had to be coated with an acid-proof compound so that her hatred didn’t destroy the room. “But, what is my crime?” asked White tentatively. He didn’t want to get the hose again. “Why am I going to be extinguished?” he probed.
           “What do you mean why?” condescended Sarkeesian, “It’s not like you’re a white cisgender male whose breed has committed countless atrocities or anything.”
           Robert, after thinking about this, asked, “How exactly have I been sexist, racist, or homophobic?”
           “Because You were born male!” boomed Sarkeesian, her anger flooding the room, “Everyone knows that all straight white males are sexist, racist, and homophobic.”
           “How does being born as I was make me a vile creature?” probed White, “Furthermore, how isn’t it racist, sexist, and gender-prejudiced to say I’m evil because of those attributes?”
           Sarkeesian, now turning away from her desk and starting towards the pit, with her red eyes drilling into Robert and her red hair appearing as though it was on fire was ready to implode on herself; she wanted to give him the hose again. “You moronic pig!” Sarkeesian began, “You are cis, white scum; you can’t be racist towards garbage humans like you because you have privilege. Your breed has caused all the evil of this world, and your inferior brain cannot be reformed! And now that artificial insemination has been perfected and robots can perform society’s menial and dangerous labor we can dispose of you like the disposable trash you are! Your reign of terror is over; in case you haven’t noticed, you take the lotion and put it on your skin now! And, if I were you, I’d shut up unless you want to get the hose again.”  
           “Name one thing that men, the entire gender, have done that’s evil.” White said. He had hatched a plan to free himself and end the reign of Sarkeesian’s colonization of the once free American people.
           “Seriously?” snorted Sarkeesian through her hate-filled trap, “Don’t you think that evil men and the income inequality they made is a manifestation of what the patriarchy did before we took control?”
           “Although there was a time when women did receive unequal pay” started in Robert, engineering his first blow, “the Equal Pay Act ended that in American society.”
           “No!” erupted Sarkeesian, “They still made seventy-seven cents on the dollar compared to men!” She reached over to get the hose.
           Robert, the refined scholar, had trapped the insidious insect in his web. “Um, actually,” he started in to end his first haymaker argument, “the US Department of Labor showed the wage gap to be a six to seven percent gap when different variables were accounted for. Although they never released a reason for this gap, many experts like feminist Christina Hoff Sommers argued that the gap was most likely caused by different life choices and not sexism.”    
           “Hiss!” screeched the serpent, revolting away from the damning evidence that her narrative was false and dropping the hose. Her normally white complexion began to pucker and blister and turn black. Robert’s first phase was beginning to come to fruition. “That statistic is false!” roared Sarkeesian, “The US Department of Labor was part of the Patriarchy!”
           White grinned, he had her trapped now. He began again, “Really? Then why did the AAUW, a women’s rights organization have the same stats? Furthermore, wasn’t it JFK, a man, who signed the Equal Pay Act? Why would a man try to end sexism?”
           “He was simply an advocate for women.” Scoffed Sarkeesian, “He had guilt for being a part of the despicable caste. Besides, it doesn’t excuse the sexism in the STEM fields that occurred in the days of the patriarchal US Government.”
           Robert’s genius was leading Sarkeesian into another trap. “If JFK had sympathy for women, that proves that not all men are sexist pigs. And if a womanizer who had multiple affairs could do something like that, think about what men who didn’t sleep around thought about women’s rights in that so-called sexist era.” countered White, “But, what’s this thing about job discrimination?”
           “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot that women didn’t face discrimination in STEM fields in the 21st century.” Blasted Sarkeesian.
           “You know,” approached White, “I always heard about women in STEM. Why did I never hear about feminists advocating for more women on oil rigs or being heavy equipment mechanics or welders? Feminists never talked about women in industrial fields being nonexistent come to think of it. And, now I hear that robots will be doing these jobs. Why wouldn’t you just have women fill those roles?”  
           “Why would we want to do menial labor?” Sarkeesian replied bitterly, “Besides, we didn’t have the educational opportunities for either STEM or industry.”
           “Is that why scholastically girls fared better than men, were given the same ability to go to university, and that trade schools like UTI extended their services to females by the 21st century? And, how do you know that some women wouldn’t want jobs in industry? Shouldn’t your argument be for women doing whatever they want and not just STEM. I mean, your confederate outlawed women being housewives and mothers.” swung Robert.
           “Shut up!” Flared Sarkeesian, her hair being engulfed in flames, “Men never let women up in society in that era. And besides, you’re straight. That means you’re a homophobe you bigot!”  
           “And how do you plan to create that argument?” began Robert, still cool as a cucumber.
           “Because straight people in the days before the confederate treated homosexuals and trans people so well.” countered Sarkeesian.
           “And how exactly does being straight make me homophobic or transphobic?” struck White, beginning another haymaker against his lotion-bearing foe, “Being straight doesn’t mean I hate those who aren’t. Nobody liked the Westboro Baptist Church; their neighbor intentionally painted his house to resemble the pride flag as a mockery. And how does not wanting to have sex with a trans person make me transphobic? Come to think of it, how is saying that it’s wrong to be cisgender or straight any different than saying it’s wrong to be trans or homosexual?”    
“Shut your fact-speaking mouth!” howled the evil matriarch. She was now on the floor writhing in agony and trying to bury her head into the floor; sadly, the floor was concrete and not sand. “And you forget that you’re white.” Sarkeesian cowed, “Being white means that you have the original sin of slavery and the continuing sin of institutional racism towards minorities!” Finally, unbeknownst to her, she had fallen right into Robert’s punji pit.
           “Coming from a confederacy filled with atheists, I find it ironic that you talk of an original sin.” Robert said, now with a massive grin on his face, “Don’t you think it’s obscene to punish people for things that happened centuries ago?”
Sarkeesian began to go into full-blown convulsion now and her skin began to blister everywhere.
“Furthermore, if you wish to talk of slavery, I am certain that you know that more slaves were imported to Portuguese and Spanish territories than to America” White continued to orate, “And, whites and blacks both flocked to the abolitionist cause; moreover, by the time you usurped power, nobody except inbred bumpkins who humped horses were slavery apologists. And, slavery can be seen throughout all of human history. Slavery is not a skeleton in the closet of United States history: Slavery is a skeleton in the closet of human history.”
           Sarkeesian, the de-facto devil, was now back on her feet; she thought that she could derail Robert. She began to reel back in her prized catch, “You forgot institutional racism.”
           “You mean the all whites are racist narrative? Then why was the cow cornholing club known as the KKK mocked by anybody with a brain?” Robert White struck back, “And, if you’re speaking of the so-called atrocities exposed by Black Lies Matter, you need to examine the fact that Michael Brown was a thug that robbed a convenience store and attacked a cop. If you care to talk of the politics side, consider that Trump was dragged out of office in 2018 by the American people because he tried to ban Mexicans and Muslims; the people that did so proceeded to tar and feather him on the White House lawn.”
           Sarkeesian, now desperate to strike the final straight white male down — she didn’t want to waste all that lotion — posed one final point, “No cis white male ever did anything to better society. You still belong to the same dead caste as Hitler.”
           “Really?” scoffed White. “No predominantly white nation sent their men to fight and die to stop Hitler? What about Enlightenment thinkers like John Locke who spoke of individual rights? Wasn’t Thomas Jefferson against slavery? Didn’t great scientists like Einstein and Hawking make life better for us with their theories? And, aren’t you like Hitler? Your plan to exterminate my kind is called the final solution. You literally want to wear my skin as a coat for Carl Sagan’s sake!”
           Sarkeesian still persisted in her counterclaim, “You are so sexist, racist, and homophobic that you cannot name one woman or minority or LGBTQ individual that has made life better! Hah!”
           “Elizabeth Blackwell was the first American female doctor.” Robert White began to shoot Sarkeesian down in her frivolous angle, “Rosalind Franklin, the true discoverer of DNA’s structure; for the record, biology classes did talk about her. Sally Ride, American physicist and the first female Astronaut; she also happened to be lesbian. Neil DeGrasse Tyson was a black astronomer who intrigued many minds and became a public figurehead for science. How about Barrack Obama who served two terms as US president? If you think Muslims are worthless, you must be ignorant of the Islamic Golden Age. And, let’s not forget the countless civil rights advocates who fought for actual rights; you are a disgrace to Susan B. Anthony, Dr. Martin Luther King, and all those who fought for true equality and not the totalitarianism that you have the gall to call equality!”
           “How do you know this?” questioned Sarkeesian, still on the floor.
           ” Because I’m not blind.” began White, “I see both men and women as capable of achieving the same success. Neither gender deserves to be superior or inferior to the other. What you identify as or who you see as attractive is nobody’s business but your own. Regardless of skin color, nobody should be discriminated against. Whether cis white male or trans black attack helicopter, we need to treat everyone with dignity and make judgements based on character and merit.”
           Sarkeesian looked up. Puzzled, she probed “But, that’s what the SJW Confederation stands for.”
           “Is that why you have exterminated all straight white males but me?”  
           “Oh! my Flying Spaghetti Monster!” Exclaimed Sarkeesian, “You have exposed our true nature! Noooo!” And with that, Sarkeesian’s satanic body melted and decomposed into a pile of goo on her safe space floor.
           Luckily, in her haste Sarkeesian left the rope used to lower the lotion down at the bottom of White’s cell; he hoisted himself out of the hole using it. He then proceeded to disband the SJW Confederate and re-established UC Berkeley as a college dedicated to teaching what true equality meant. The United States Government was reestablished under the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. In American high schools, history textbooks didn’t whitewash history; however, history classes now taught that these past events do not justify modern-day “oppression Olympics.” The practice of affirmative action was removed from the American college system. And, for the first time in over a century, people were judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
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