#unrequited infatuations | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rimunagenius · 27 days

Text

Wish You Were Gay

ღ Pairing: Josette Maskin x AFAB!Straight!reader

ღ Word Count: 2k Words

ღ Warnings: RPF!! angst, hardcore pining (jojo obv), internalized homophobia, unrequited love, crippling jealousy, both preferred pronouns are used for Josette in this fic!

ღ a/n: This is based off Billie Eilish’s song ‘wish you were gay’ and I feel like i actually became a fucken poet with this. I’m sorry for the amount of therapy bills imma have to pay after this really sad fic…but also i feel like this is the perfect pining and unrequited love trope song that billie wrote imo.

ღ

ღ "Baby, I don't feel so good", six words you never understood

"I'll never let you go", five words you'll never say

Jo had this reacurring dream that you'd be here. In her bed. With her. Happy.

Everytime, you'd look to her and smile. Your one dimple on your left cheek more prominent as you layed on her chest. She'd stroke your hair, a matching smile plastered on their soft pink lips.

Josette would then say how they wished they could stay like this forever. You and her. Together. Finally happy. You'd smile, cheeks warming a soft pink, before your arms wrapped tighter around her waist, legs tangling together creating a perfectly entangled mess.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll never let you go."

That's usually where the dream ends. Waking up to cold sheets, no you by her side. Poorly dimmed room setting the precedent that her life feels just a little more empty without that part of you in it.

ღ I laugh along like nothing's wrong, four days has never felt so long

If three's a crowd and two was us, one slipped away

"Bye, you'd guys would make a cute little old lesbian couple!" Katie laughed as she watched you and Jo bickering over something so tiny. Naomi nodding their head in agreement, a small chuckle escaping their lips.

You laughed, a weird feeling settling in your stomach. You'd never even looked at Jo that way. So why would others think the opposite of you? You had a boyfriend.

Jo had noticed the look you gave her. Your joking and feigned annoyance over the small tussle, now shutting down the unserious side of you. It was because Katie had made a lesbian joke when you were straight, right?

Could you never think of her in such a way that when a joke is made, you get uncomfortable? Jo didn't want to over analyze so they laughed, albeit it was dry and short. A small pang in her chest, she wiped the tip of her nose, taking a deep breath and started to scroll on her phone.

She only had a day and a couple hours left to endure of this painful 4-day getaway friends trip. They just wanted it to be over.

ღ I just wanna make you feel okay

But all you do is look the other way

"Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay, baby?" Baby. She knew she should stop calling you that. That's something she's only ever heard him call you. Nicknames like that weren't reserverad for someone like her in your life.

"I'm okay, I could just really use a hug right now." You sighed, tears starting to well up in your eyes as you wrapped your arms around her neck, her arms finding place on your waist.

"What do you need? Let me make you feel better, yeah?" Josette pulled away from you, her arms going from either side of your upper arms, to lifting your chin so you could see her. So she could look you in your pained eyes once, to see that she never wanted them to look that way again.

"Hey, you called me?" Jo recognized his voice anywhere. Your boyfriend. Of course. She should have known he'd be the first one you called. They should have known that whatever was bothering you, whoever made you cry, what ever you were struggling with, the burden was yours to carry and his to help.

How naive of Jo to think that maybe this once, you'd actually want her. Need her, to help you.

ღ I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay

I just kinda wish you were gay

The more Jo had thought about yours and hers relationship, the more she thought about just up and leaving. She hates to admit that she spent a good amount of time every now and then wondering what her life would be like without you in it.

She knew what she felt was real, she knew you wouldn't ever give her a shot. The friendship was great. Blissful. But what could she possibly stay for if whenever she was around you, the crippling feeling of longing and yearning to feel you and know you completely; all of you, was something so impossible?

The way she felt...the way she wanted you to love her. It was so strong that she prayed that you'd soon realize that maybe he wasn't the right man for you and what you needed was her. A woman.

She wished you were gay. She wished it was her you longed to be with. To feel their skin. To know them so deeply and romantically that whatever you did, you did it because you loved them. Not him.

It was wrong. It was wrong that she wished your healthy relationship that made you happy, would crash and burn like her mind, heart and soul, whenever you walked into a room. How she prayed for impending doom on two happy people so she could be the one to make you happy. It was selfish. It was wrong.

You weren't gay, but god, she wished you were.

ღ Is there a reason we're not through?

Is there a 12-step just for you?

Our conversation's all in blue

11 "heys"

Ten fingers tearin' out my hair

Nine times, you never made it there

I ate alone at seven, you were six minutes away

Josette knew the only thing holding this friendship together was her. She didn't have to stay, have to be here. She didn't need to make herself feel this way.

You had him. You spent most of your time with him, most of your guys' plans cancelled or postponed because he needed something.

As a silent lover, she watched as you made time for him. Showed up for him. Yeah, you showed up for Jo too, but never with as much love and passion as you had for him. You did actually, but just not the kind that Josette wanted. You chose him. She just wished you chose her instead.

This was no different. You had plans to meet up for lunch. This nice cafe, in the middle of both your residing areas and it was all going to happen at 2. Soon, the first five minute of waiting turned into 15. Then to 30. Multiple messages sent to you waiting for an ETA.

You responded in seconds with a short response of a emergency on his side of the family. Jo sighed, the dull and aching feeling rising in her chest again.

They had to stop thinking swooping you away from him was going to change the fact that you weren't into girls. Jo had known you caught on.

Maybe this was her punishment: All the forced proximity and trying to change something already set in stone, was rejection by the one person she sought acception from. This was you pushing her away. God how could she be so stupid.

Jo was never going to change your mind, maybe this was the only way you could tell her without breaking her heart. Letting her eat alone...be alone.

ღ How am I supposed to make you feel okay

When all you do is walk the other way?

I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay

I just kinda wish you were gay

When you started having problems with him, Jo heard about it. To Jo, it seemed that she was only here for you when he wasn’t. That wasn’t even true. It’s just the way her mind chose to see it, to be able to cope with the rejection she took in an absolute way.

She shouldn’t have let these feelings get in the way. She was setting herself up.

Josette couldn’t fathom loving anyone else with her whole being. It’d take a nuclear act of god to get her to stop her life from circling around you. The purgatory that was loving you when you couldn’t love her the way she wanted you to, was something she’d take over anyone else. The constant suffering was worth it.

You always ran to him for your romantic needs. But Jo’s heart had always ran back to you. She knew you knew. You just know she could never act on it without you setting up a block. So you did it all the time when you were around her.

Maybe in another universe or lifetime, she’d get to have you and experience different parts of you the way he did.

ღ To spare my pride

To give your lack of interest, an explanation

Don't say I'm not your type

Just say that I'm not your preferred sexual orientation

You may have looked at your boyfriend with heart eyes and the most romantic, endearment and adoration and with Josette, you looked at her the same.

Platonically binded by both your caring souls, like mindedness, and mutual interests. She was your soulmate in bestfriend form. You had certainly thought that if you had liked girls, or if Jo had been a boy, you’d love to love her in more ways than one.

But she wasn’t. Something about you two, together in this lifetime, was something that felt wrong. She was always meant to be your bestfriend. Nothing more. Josette had understood that.

She understood that it’s something you had grown up to understand was something that wasn’t socially accepted, atleast by your family. So she understood why you couldn’t pursue something romantic together.

She felt that maybe you did love her, maybe even felt the attraction, but she just wasn’t a man. The idea was unsettling to swallow at first—but it appeased her brain to know that it could happen…if the circumstances were different.

ღ I'm so selfish

But you make me feel helpless, yeah

And I can't stand another day

Stand another day

The longing was weighing down. The burden of carrying such a strong but passionate love for someone who couldn’t physically return it was starting to fuck with Jo.

She knew it was selfish to pray that you’d change your mind about your sexual orientation. To pray that you have always been that way but wanted to hide it. She prayed for any possibility that’d allow you to love her how she wished you did.

But she knew it’d never work. No matter what she said or did, nothing was going to change your mind.

She knew that; they couldn’t stand this anymore. It was becoming too much for her. The attachment and attraction blossomed more than she could’ve imagined. She needed to stop. Needed to forget you. Needed someone else.

But she couldn’t do that to you. Her body and soul couldn’t allow it. She couldn’t stand to breathe the same air as you if you weren’t breathing it together. How could she form a new connection and love someone so deeply when every part of her had already belonged to you.

Together. Together. Together. It’s all she’s ever wanted.

ღ I just wanna make you feel okay

But all you do is look the other way, hmm

I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay

I just kinda wish you were gay

It was on her face, in her eyes, everytime they looked at you. You couldn’t bare seeing Jo in it so deeply and you couldn’t return it. You never wanted someone to break Jo’s heart.

It just never occurred to you that you were the one doing it. Everytime they looked at you, they always thought the same thing.

“I just wish you were gay”

Repeated like a never ending song in her brain. Everytime she was with you, she wanted to confess the feelings that she’s been carrying ever since you guys met. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking but a privilege.

Jo would rather you break her heart a little more everyday than anyone at all. She’d settle for the possibility of her possibly being able to change your mind about girls than forget the way you made every inch of her feel.

To feel love in the most absolute way. It was a privilege to love someone like you. So it was either she had to repeat the mantra in her mind and just go on about their day, pretending everything was fine, or not have you at all. She’d choose the first one everytime.

Cause she knew…in another life, you two would have it all. You be running to her. For anything. Whether it was for comfort or romantic endeavors. She’d be the one you’d choose.

You two would be together.

25 notes · View notes

http-paprika · 8 months

Text

Guilt; A Ghost Fanfic

Part Two; Shame

Part One; Guilt

GN!Reader x Ghost. Y/N’s is called Rat. Warnings: None, except for sad unrequited feelings. WC: 657

Summery: They knew better, they were logical enough to know their feelings were unreasonable. But with every look at Ghost, they lost all reason.

The journey was rough on Y/N’s injured body; they'd spent most of the hike propped up by Ghostz. Close enough to each other that Y/N could smell his sweat and the faint reminder of military grade deodorant that was he’d applied in the early hours of the morning before the 141 set out. They were glad once the team reached a patch of woods and Price announced a short break.

Carefully Ghost lowered them down onto a fallen log, hand wrapped around their waist until he was sure Y/N wasn’t going to tumble forward with their current lack of balance. He let out a quiet sigh, settling down next to Y/N, shaking out his shoulders with their weight no longer burdening him down.

“Ghost, do ya want me to take over with Rat?” Soap suggests, sitting a few feet from them on the cold snowy ground. “You or Gaz can take their gear and I’ll help them.”

“I can handle it, Soap.” The Lieutenant replies, pulling out his metal water bottle band pushing his balaclava up just enough to show his mouth, cracked lips with a scar trailing down to his jawline. Y/N fumbled around for their own container of water, trying not to stare as Ghost’s adam’s apple bobbed while he swallowed the liquid. It made Y/N feel queasy whenever they caught sight of it, causing shame to fill them for some unknown reason.

“I know you can, just offering you a break, ya know?” If Y/N was in Ghost’s position, dragging a person through the snow, they wouldn’t have hesitated to pass the person onto Soap. But they knew not to question Ghost, he liked to do things a certain way and for the most part, no one said anything against it.

“How’s the leg, Rat?” Captain Price asks the Sargent, providing them a quick distraction from the man sitting beside them.

“Like dead weight.” They grumble, moving the leg with their hands. It was hard to tell how much damage had happened to it with where they were. Gaz had done his best assessment and assured Y/N that it had just hit flesh and muscle, missing the bone. But that still left Y/N dragging the leg around with a limp, unable to put any weight on it without toppling over.

“Happens to the best of us.” The captain assures them. Y/N settles back on the log, trying to keep their eyes from returning to stare at Ghost, instead they stare holes into their boots until he speaks to them.

“Rat, ve’you got a lighter?” He asks, a pack of cigarettes in his gloved hands. “Mines dead.”

“Yeah, I’ve got one.” Y/N moves as quickly as they can to grab their backpack and search the contents. Feeling ashamed to speak or even look at him, aware that teammates shouldn’t feel the way Y/N suddenly does towards Ghost. “Here.”

They flick on the lighter, the small flame glinting in Ghost’s eyes as he moves to cigarette to the heat. It lights and he places it in his mouth, loosely hanging from his lips that Y/N kept finding themself staring at.

“What?” He finally asks, aware of Y/N’s glances that were growing noticeable to him.

“Nothing.” They shake their head, a red blush beginning to protrude that Y/N hoped could be shrugged off as a result of the cold. They prayed Ghost hadn’t noticed them staring at his pale lashes and eyes or how their mouth seemed to dry up whenever they looked at Ghost’s.

“Nothing.” Ghost nods, while Y/N physically turns their body away from him. Shame flooded their organs, bloating their stomach and leaving their face burning hot, they knew better than to feel something towards Ghost. He was their teammate, they worked together, it was inappropriate. And worst of all, Y/N knew Ghost would never feel the same.

A/N: Justice for Rat and their crush on Ghost. I can’t blame em, neither can you.

#call of duty #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #call of duty mw2 #ghost #cod mw22 #ghost mw2 #john soap mactavish #y/n #gn reader #minor angst #unrequited infatuations #theyre sad #I’m sad #part two #rat gn!reader

39 notes · View notes

cissyenthusiast010155 · 9 days

Text

Doors Closing ~Diane Lockhart xFem Reader

Summary— Reader starts at Stern Lockhart & Gardner and finds herself under Diane’s wing. What happens when Reader develops more than professional feelings for the woman…?

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: fluff and angst, unrequited feelings, lawyers, the good wife/the good fight universe, unhappy ending (is it? In some ways yeah…), etc.

Enjoy (;

2009 brought a fresh wind to Chicago. You had lived outside the city for your entire life. But you had recently moved into the city, having grown up in the suburbs and this was your big new change. What drove you to move was a job that you had been chasing before the crash. It was a Secretary position at Stern, Lockhart & Gardner. Secretary was just to get you in the door, from there, you aspired to eventually become an assistant and one day a lawyer.

Female lawyers existed but unfortunately the life of law still was very much a boys club. When your husband had still been alive, he had given you his law books to learn from. After he passed, you had resolved to pursue your dream. And after many grueling hours of studying, interviewing, and connection making, you ended up with the position. You moved into her tiny Chicago apartment the very next weekend and began working that Monday.

The job while it was a dream come true most definitely came with its own challenges. You found the environment of Stern, Lockhart & Gardner to be quite male dominant and even hostile at times. Your late husband had warned you of this however, and you had insisted that you would persevere. It had now been 4 years since your husband had passed. There would always be a part of you that would miss him, but he had made you promise not to get hung up on him in the event of his death, and you were determined to keep yourself to your word.

You quickly got into a rhythm at Stern, Lockhart & Gardner. You would arrive at work everyday at least 30 to 45 minutes earlier than was expected of you (this would be pushed even earlier as time past). And you would stay as late as it was asked of you. You had gotten more desensitized to the blatant sexism over time and tried to not take it to heart. All of your bosses were men. With the exception of a small portion of female secretaries and receptionists. You quickly discovered that those women were not your people. They had no ambition, at least your male colleagues had ambition. The one exception to the flock at the firm was the only female Name Partner, Diane Lockhart. Your favorite days were the ones where you got to interact with Ms. Lockhart.

Diane Lockhart held herself to a certain standard that no one else at Stern, Lockhart & Gardner seemed to uphold. She had worked hard to get where she was today, not many women were such renown lawyers, especially not at such a renown firm. On top of being excellent at her job, the woman always behaved with an etiquette and manner of kindness. She didn’t make the same racy jokes as her male counterparts, she didn’t gossip and giggle like your female colleagues. She was direct and to the point. She had ambition. She had guts.

When the time came around for promotions and bonuses, Diane requested you to be her personal assistant. You had been flattered, and you of course accepted. There was a mutual understanding of drive and work ethic between the two of you. You had held Diane up on a pedestal ever since you’d begun at the firm, but now for the first time, you got to know the woman behind the success.

You were now the buffer between Diane Lockhart and the rest of the firm. You ran the busy woman’s schedule, ran to grab her lunch and/or dinner, took and cataloged meetings. Both you and Diane began to relax into the routine of your working together. You got used to spending late nights together in the office, as you would insist that Diane eat. You got used to early morning coffee conversations, so early that most of the firm wasn’t even in yet.

Slowly over the years, the women began to become closer. One day, you learned that Diane had a significant other, one that she confided in you she was hoping would propose to her soon. You had immediately congratulated the other woman. But you had for some reason gotten a strange tightness in your stomache. Tight enough as to where you ended up rushing to the bathroom to throw up your lunch.

After that day, something was off with you. Your time with Diane became brighter and an even bigger highlight to your day. But your time without the other woman, it became dismal and distraught. You couldn’t sleep anymore, her mind racing with memories of Diane. You realized that the tight knot in your stomache was now a permanent thing. You had to fight to eat every day. On days where you didn’t see Ms. Lockhart, you would cry for hours on end. You drew back, if you weren’t in the office, you were in her apartment, curled up and frozen.

This went on for weeks. Until one final early morning, you drudged herself into work. Just at the sight of the other woman, you began to already perk up. You set her things down at your desk, before entering the lawyer’s office with her morning coffee. But as you extended the cup to Diane and greeted her, that was when you saw the ring on the woman’s left hand. You haphazardly dropped the coffee all over Diane’s desk, having completely forgotten about the hot drink.

Within moments, you regained her awareness and began to apologize for your clumsiness. You swiftly cleaned up the mess, before Diane began to tell you about her engagement. Your eyes softened in a mixture of happiness for her but despair for yourself. You intended to congratulate the other woman, watching her squeal about her fiancé and her future wedding. You felt like she’d been stabbed in the gut and someone had twisted the knife inside your intestines for good measure. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t think. Your thoughts were too jumbled. The only thing you could make out, the only thing you could get out were three pesky little words: “I love you.”

How had this happened? How had your feelings slipped away from you so mistakenly? How had you messed it all up so bad? This wasn’t what your late husband had wanted for you. Was it? This wasn’t what Diane wanted, for herself or for you. But that was what you wanted, what you wanted was a fantasy however. You hadn’t wanted this. You had wanted so much more than what you had and you had taken a wrong turn somewhere. Somewhere along the way, your sights for your career changed to sights on a specific female lawyer. How could you have let herself get so far?

You tried to resign that day. But Diane wouldn’t hear of it, insisting she needed you and your good work and that she was willing to forget the transgression. The next week you took the bar. Two months later, Ms. Diane Lockhart happily became Mrs. Diane Lockhart-McVeigh, someone who you didn’t even seem to know anymore. Diane Lockhart now only existed in the figment of your imagination.

~~~

Diane Lockhart Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

10 notes · View notes