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#update: the song is BANGING. good stuff.
seattlesolace · 9 months
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you've got me wrapped around your little finger // jay (ENHYPEN)
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pairing: jay x fem!reader
summary: you and Jay have been friends forever, and it took you one slow dance, and a couple glasses of wine, to finally realize that you might have harbored feelings of love for him.
genre: fluff, suggestive // trope: friends to lovers // warning: suggestive themes towards the end, hyung-line make an appearance in texts, mentions of being drunk
word count: ~1.8k
author's note: this account is in need of an update, so have this little treat! I might be making more of these little one-shots based on old songs since I already have a whole playlist...
if you feel like this one feels a little different than my other works, it's because this is an old fic that I edited. I made this one maybe in 2016? for a different kpop idol. I've been thinking of reusing/recycling my old fics so I can post them to my accounts, and I hope you don't mind! (the fics haven't been posted elsewhere, so in a way I really am releasing it for the first time)
the song for this fic is this version by Beth Rowley, specifically this version. it's an OST for the movie An Education, but that's totally unrelated.
anyway, hope you enjoy this one!
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The lights shone on the wet pavement as the car halted to a stop. The heavy rain that poured down for more than two hours was still persistent making the whole earth soaking wet. You opened the car door with a blazer over your head.
“Thank you, Sir! Jay, quickly!”
Another figure hopped off the car, not forgetting to thank the driver and closing the door shut. Jay took a side and held the blazer with you, running towards the porch of your apartment.
“Your poor jacket,” you said once you were inside. You gave the blazer some pats, attempting to clean it from water droplets.
“It’s fine. It’s not like it’s Armani,” Jay checked his reflection in the mirror beside the doorway, ruffling his hair.
You squinted. “It’s not? It’s really good quality.”
“It’s H&M. Do you really think I would wear an expensive suit to a party with a lot of careless people who can spill wine on you anytime?” Jay took the blazer from you and gave it a good shake. “This will do.”
“Thank God we are dressed up enough for the Uber guy to take us in and not scold us for being in the rain, right?” You climbed up the stairs with Jay following you from behind.
Jay nodded. “If I were wearing my usual clothes I don’t think he’d let us in. He’ll probably think I’m homeless.”
“I would disagree,” you murmured.
“Sorry?”
“I’m starving,” you said, grinning awkwardly.
“Then hurry up and get us inside your apartment and I’ll fix you something up,” Jay nudged you so you can move faster. You struggled with the keys before finally opening the door.
“My good man,” you said, inviting Jay in. Jay walked past you while blowing your bangs. You shrieked a little and quickly fixed your hair.
Jay hung his blazer on the coat hanger by the door and threw himself on the sofa. You waddled and sat down beside him, bending over to take off your high heels.
“No wonder you looked so tall,” Jay peered over at your shoes. “You could literally sprain your ankle if you trip while wearing those, right?”
“Please don’t say stuff that will make me dread wearing heels,” you sighed. “Beauty is pain. High heels look nice. I will sacrifice and put myself in pain in order to look nice.”
Jay nodded. “It does accentuate your legs—OUCH!”
You had slapped Jay's forearm before he could even finish his sentence. Jay chuckled and went on.
“I don’t even know why I decided to go to such a fancy party like that,” Jay leaned on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “And to bring you with me.”
You made an ugly noise. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I thought I’d be bringing one of the guys, but they were all busy—“
“So I’m your backup plan.”
“No, what I meant was—“
“You regret taking me?”
“Can you let me finish?” Jay threw a death stare which made you zip up and continued to listen. “The party was pretty boring. I should have taken to you somewhere more fun.”
You nodded. “Which is why we’re back home early. I feel bad, though. I bought this pretty dress and I only got to wear it for an hour.”
You and Jay continued to stare at the ceiling.
“We left so early that we didn’t even get to the dance part,” Jay sighed and ruffled his hair. You turned your head to look at him.
“What were you expecting?”
“A dance with you, of course,” Jay still had his eyes glued to the ceiling. Your eyebrows furrowed.
“You know I can’t dance,” you said as you sat up and stretched out your arms.
Jay stood up and walked over to your laptop that was on the desk, open and untouched. He typed and clicked here and there and suddenly the sound system in your room turned on, playing Beth Rowley’s You’ve Got Me Wrapped Around Your Little Finger.
“Good choice,” you mumbled as you started to close your eyes. Jay walked over to you and reached out his hand. “What?” you asked nonchalantly.
“Dance with me,” Jay’s voice was stern and he looked serious. You laughed.
“I will if I’m drunk,” you refused before you went back to close your eyes. Jay set the song on repeat and walked over to the kitchen. After spending so much time looking around, you just had to finally ask.
“What are you doing?”
“You have wine, don’t you?” Jay opened the kitchen counters one by one. “If drinking will make you dance then let’s open one.”
You stood up, kicked away your high heels, and waddled over to where Jay was. You tiptoed a bit to reach the top kitchen counter and pulled out a bottle of wine.
“That looks too fancy,” said Jay, checking the bottle out. “Isn’t there a cheaper one?”
You shook your head. “It’s my only bottle.”
Jay scrunched his nose, unsure. “And you’re willing to open it?”
“Might as well,” you shrugged. Jay grabbed the corkscrew laying on the counter and skillfully popped open the bottle. You were subtly impressed.
“I don’t have proper wine glasses,” you peered into the drawers where you kept your mugs. “These will do, I guess.”
Jay looked at the Ryan-shaped mug and the Cony glass that you took out. He burst out laughing while pointing at the Ryan mug.
“I know someone who would love this,” he said as he poured the wine into it. You decided to keep quiet about how it was your ex-boyfriend who gave it to you as a random gift.
After pouring the wine and clinking your mugs together, and two to three more mugs later, you were already tipsy. Jay was still looking sober, and he wouldn’t shut up about how your tolerance was so low.
Your laptop then died of low battery about two glasses ago. Jay set his empty mug on the coffee table and plugged in your laptop to play the same song again. As the intro played, he walked over to you and reached out his hand one more time.
“Fine,” you sighed. “But I’m bringing this,” you raised your mug, still half full. Jay shrugged and pulled you up from the sofa.
You've got me wrapped around your little finger If this is love, it's everything I hoped it would be You've got me wrapped around your little finger You will see, by my words just how much you mean to me
Jay was fully aware of how unskilled you were at dancing, so he kept it lowkey and just took you for a slow dance. You had one hand around Jay's neck, the other close to your chest, still holding the mug. Jay placed both his hand’s comfortably around your waist.
“Is this dancing?” you asked. Your voice was starting to become hoarse. Jay wasn’t sure if it was the wine or just you being tired, but you sounded a thousand times more attractive.
You look a thousand times more attractive too, he thought.
“For you, I think you could get away with calling this slow dancing. I’m just worried you might break something if I spin you around.”
With that being said, you spontaneously spun yourself around and landed back into Jay's embrace. He laughed wholeheartedly.
“Wasn’t expecting you to do that,” he said. “Spin again.”
This time Jay took the mug out of your hand and hold your other hand to properly help you turn. Your flushed cheeks became even redder with your laughter.
When we kiss, it's as if our lips agree that we were meant to be When we touch, it's too much Oh the sparks that fly, are lighting up the sky
The song continued and you were already dizzy from spinning just two times. Jay decided it was best not to give your mug back. After mumbling-complaining for a while, you gave up and went back to slow dancing.
Both of you weren’t really paying attention to the lyrics, but somewhere along the song your eyes locked. Without blinking, you moved your head closer so that your nose touched Jay's. There was a brief silence before Jay finally closed the distance between your lips and you shared your very first kiss ever. Sweet, sour from the wine, and definitely warm.
You gasped and broke the kiss as you felt liquid seeping through your dress. Jay pulled back. His eyes widened at the huge red stain starting to form on your precious new dress.
“Jay…”
“I am so sorry, do you want me to—“
“Leave it to someone sober to spill wine on you, huh?” you gave Jay a little punch as you chuckled. Jay's face was already pale from the paranoia of being scolded by you. Especially after a kiss.
“I’m gonna go clean this up,” you said, swiftly making your way to the bathroom. When Jay wasn’t looking, you grabbed your phone and rushed away.
---
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” you whispered as you looked at yourself in the mirror, cheeks still flushed and red. Either from the wine, or the kiss. Or both.
You unlocked your phone and opened the group chat with your two friends, which already had 145 unread chats.
You: MAYDAY Isa: there she is Yoon: we were wondering where you were You: Jay and I just kissed
Isa and Yoon both started typing at the same time.
Isa: WHAT????? Yoon: YOU DID NOT! Isa: HOW WAS IT Isa: TELL US EVERYTHING Isa: SPILL IT Yoon: UNNIE YOU DID NOT!
After spending a couple of minutes too long, you heard a knock on the door.
“Are you okay in there?” asked Jay from the other side.
“I’m okay,” you shouted back. “The stain is just too hard to remove.”
Not hearing a reply, you went back to the chat. “Maybe I shouldn’t have?” you asked.
Isa: hey, the heart wants what the heart wants Yoon: we’re in no place to judge but you go, unnie!
Meanwhile, Jay took the time to check on his own group chat with his boys. He announced the same thing and all three of his friends freaked out.
Sunghoon: You finally did? Jake: How was it? Heeseung: Tongue?
Jay had to tell the boys to chill before explaining and finally ending his rant with a simple “I should have kissed her sooner.”
He didn’t have a chance to reply to the responses since you suddenly came out of the bathroom, helplessly walking back to the couch with the red stain on your dress only faintly cleaned.
Jay slipped his phone into his pockets real quick while you left yours in the bathroom. You both exchanged a silent, long, but meaningful glance at each other. Jay had to break the ice.
“I guess you have to take it to the laundry then?”
You smiled awkwardly. “Yeah.”
You both shifted your gaze somewhere else before looking at each other again. The song was still on repeat.
“Do you… want to…”
“Dance again?” you cut him off. Jay wasn’t quick enough to offer his hand because you instantly wrapped yours around his neck again. With a smile, Jay moved closer until your foreheads touched.
If this is love, it's everything that i've been dreaming of
-END-
© seattlesolace 2023, all rights reserved
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wangxianficfinder · 2 years
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Lan Wangji leaves the Lan Sect
~*~
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problemduetest4life · 4 months
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Forget me not playlist
(playlist for @unohanabbygirl 's fic Forget me not on ao3)
Bitch - Allie X
Bang Bang Bang Bang - Sohodolls
Paper Planes - M.I.A.
Black Treacle - Arctic Monkeys
Criminal - Fiona Apple
Seventeen - MARINA
Goth - Sidewalks and Skeletons
Oblivion - Grimes
Blue Monday - New Order
Bad Things - Cults
*
No Surprises - Radio Head
The Gold - Manchester Orchestra, Phoebe Bridgers
Mama's Boy - Dominic Fike
**
Roommates - Malcolm Todd
Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys
About You - The 1975
The Bomb - Florence + The Machine
Cinnamon Girl - Lana del Rey
Fuck and Run - Liz Phair
***
Vampire - Dominic Fike
False Alarm - The Weeknd
Delicious (demo) - Ayesha Erotica
Erotic Electronic - Slayyyter
After Hours - The Weeknd
****
Agnes - Glass Animals
Self Control - Frank Ocean
Disappear - Beyonce
*****
Remember My Name - Mitski
Ptolemaea - Ethel Cain
Swim Good - Frank Ocean
Liability- Lorde
Crack Baby - Mitski
******
Spotify Link
explanation under the cut ;)
I made this playlist because I noticed I was listening to similar songs whenever reading FMN, so I started to make it all into one playlist. I also wanted to get better at fitting themes to songs etc... for other playlists and this was good practice.
I was mostly inspired by music mentioned in the fic, stuff I already listen to that was angsty teen esc, or kind of dark and funky tunes.
It does follow the story chronologically (for the most part) and I divided it into sections to explain my thinking. The first section is the start of the story, just stuff that fits Luke's vibe and character in foster care and prison.
Section two is short and just his starting relationship his "family" and all the confusing feelings that come from that.
Section three is pretty much him and Aemond's relationship. It starts with yearning, gets kind of sweet and fluffy before it takes a darker turn. Luke's past trauma starts peeking through more in this section.
Section four I defintly think I'm going to add more too. It's basically just the "club chapters." Ayesha Erotica was mentioned so I obviously had to include her and all of Slayyyter's music also fits that style so I added that. Their music needs to be blasted with bass so loud it shakes your rib cage. I wanted to find music that had a more sinister sound for this section as well, but I'm still on the hunt. You can imagine this section ends with the hookup during After Hours.
SECTION FIVE! Aemond's POV. Angsty, concerned, confused, frustrated, guilty, all of the above.
Section six is the aftermath of everything. It's desperate and sad, but perhaps with sprinkles of hope underneath??
Anyways, I will keep updating when I find more music that fits because 30 songs isn't a whole lot. I just wanted to post this now because I'm on a break and I have time to extra stuff like this :))
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choliosus · 6 days
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Happy one year to the QSMP!!!!
There’s a lot going on with the server right now that is being sorted out, but I just want to share my appreciation for every part of this project.
This server means so much to me. I used to watch DSMP and it will always hold a special place in my heart, but as anything does, it ended. It was already dwindling out but I think the thing that really did it was technoblade passing. And I’m gonna be honest I’m still not over that. I watched him more than any other creator, he means so much to me. The time in between his death and the start of the qsmp was especially sad. I was just missing a lot. Him, the server he played on, that community, etc.
I wanted to engage with the content from the people that he played with, but it was hard. Every update about him, such as technodad streaming, dream making the song about him, was a lot emotionally.
Also not to mention I was sooo hyperfixating on both him and the dream smp as a whole. So it left a big void in my life. I wanted to be wholeheartedly invested in something again.
Around the beginning of 2023, I started watching old Quackity vods and that became my new comfort thing. Just the silly ones where he was watching soap operas and stuff.
Then not so long after I had started doing that, he announced the QSMP. I cannot describe to you my excitement. That week or so before it started I was just so excited. And before that lmaoooo I was not thriving. School was crazy busy, I cut my own bangs and it looked terrible, and that pretty much exemplifies where I was at.
I remember switching to slimecicle’s perspective at some point during the first stream and I followed him, fit, roier, and Mariana as they went mining and were very silly. I smiled the whole time. And then, I watched more the next day, and the next day.
I had forgotten what it felt like to be a part of something that was actively taking place. It had been a while since that was how the dream smp was. I would go weeks or months without any updates, and I would just be by myself reading fanfics.
It felt really fucking good to be able to enjoy something new. Not to replace what I had before, but to start a new adventure. That’s what it feels like to me.
There was a lot to keep up with at first and luckily I had social media to sum things up for me.
Fast forward and the Brazilian members join, then the French. Each time I was a little hesitant to accept them with open arms into my mind palace but it wasn’t very long until I couldn’t imagine the server without them.
And from day 1 I was so impressed with the planning and story of the server, forcing people to stay interested. That’s something the dream smp didn’t have. I honestly don’t think I would need any of the events to have a good time, but oh my god do they make it so fun.
And the animatics???? Hello?????? I love it so much.
Now I’ve learned to accept any new members immediately. Korean members join? TIME TO DRAW THEM!
Quackity started this project with a clear vision. It is so clearly a huge passion project for him. I don’t doubt for a second that it will keep going no matter what happens.
This server has exposed me to so many creators I would never have even heard of and that’s the point. I only speak English. Without this server, I would not know half of my current silly little blorbos.
I can’t believe how creative and funny Roier is. I think about Cellbit Bagi’s lore all the time. I find myself saying “I am the best!” After Etoiles. I’ve tried to absorb as much of the fuga impossivel lore as I can. I adore Baghera’s chaos. Even some of the English speaking people I didn’t really watch that much, like jaiden, fit, even slimecicle, who I now watch probably more than anyone else.
The other day, I watched the stream of cellbit and roier playing hospital 666. In Spanish!! I don’t speak Spanish!!! I only understood about half of what they’re saying and I’m sure that half is because of QSMP. That’s incredible. This is something so much bigger than any one of us.
QSMP has given me so many people to start watching and drawing/writing/thinking about. It has given me hours upon hours of laughing and smiling. It has given me a new hyperfixation to occupy my thoughts before bed.
It means so much to me. Ever since it started, I’ve been so much happier. I could never have imagined something like this would come around. Honestly, there is not anything like this. It is the first of its kind, hopefully not the last 👀
A year went by fast. And I’m so glad to have been here since the beginning. But even then, new people join this community all the time. That’s so cool. This server has in just a year added so many more content creators, and by extension, fans. It’s insane.
And I am so, so excited for what the future will bring us 😊
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dykedragonrider · 3 months
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Got all the secret reports in NEO: The world ends with you, so I'm finally laying out my thoughts on it. Also read-more-ing and am gonna do so in the future given Post Size.
This is a pretty good sequel, in the ways it takes the original, and iterates on it. I do wish it was a little more sequel-y in some ways, mostly because I feel like the starting hook is kinda weak as a returning fan. It took me til almost the end of week 2 to actually feel invested, but the moment it hit and delivered it was REALLY worth it each time it did. How do you take something as blunt as the first game and iterate on it? Well, you add some nuance and update the commentary. The digital age and the masks we wear is a good way to do that, and the cherry on top of "life has meaning because of the people in it" iterates well for what is basically Antisocial Human Recovery Game. On the note of humans, this game's supporting cast is really fucking strong. People from 1 come back as supporting members, and we get some standouts in Motoi and Kanon (Kanon my beloved she is in the apartment complex in my brain), and we have Nagi+Beat, and to a much lesser degree Neku in the main party doing it. Nagi especially works imo because she's constantly there and we do see a lot of her as a main party member, but her emotional development isn't really central. She's instead working off everyone else as a pseudo-mentor, emotionally. This is mostly relevant in week 3, but it's still present elsewhere. The music fucking bangs! Again, gets really good in week 3 imo, but I'm a rock/post hardcore kinda girl and this scratches that first itch pretty well. It's kinda poppy rock but I think that works for again, iteration with the pop with some rock from the first game. Shoutouts to, unsurprisingly, Breaking Free, probably my second favorite song from these games (behind Calling), Revelation, DIVIDE, and Unpainted. The game also uses the lyrics in its songs to elevate scenes/reinforce things the game wants you to feel/know REALLY well. I'm generally a fan of in-your-face things and this delivers hard there. I do wish this game was a little more driven by its characters before the end, because something I liked about the first was how strongly driven it was by its characters, but the plot here (especially with the information granted by the secret reports) is good enough I'm not bent out of shape about it? It's a personal preference thing but this is my personal preference zone. Again, still a good plot, it just took so long for me to get invested as opposed to the first game's strength with the Neku+Shiki opening stuff that I do lament that. All in all, even if it took me a hot minute to get through, this game is really fucking nice. It's got good style, a lot of heart, and a message I think that a lot of people could benefit from, especially as we get more and more wound up and isolated by social media's trappings.
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overdevelopedglasses · 4 months
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Alright I'm trying to get over myself and actually start sharing my original stuff (le gasp!).
Welcome to Essence.
I'm writing it to be a video game series but it can easily be adapted into anything.
Essence is a world of energized spirits, fantastical powers, but with a story of found family and usurping destiny. The best way to describe it is: a mix of Xenoblade Chronicles and Yakuza/RGG.
Let's start at a good spot. The characters. I'll keep this post updated as they get updated
For today, let's introduce the main party of 6! Feel free to send asks about them, as this is the Very Bare Bones stuff.
Lily Tovio (she/her):
17-20 years old. Lily is the main protagonist of the series. She's a kind-hearted girl but also doesn't take shit from anyone. She is very clever, is a good leader, and adheres to her beliefs, but sometimes her emotions can get the better of her. She is really confident in herself, until things start becoming unclear, and then her doubts crawl in. She has a lot of self doubt in many aspects of herself, especially as she's assigned the role of the world's hero.
Background Inspirations: Shionne (tales of arise), Kazuma Kiryu (yakuza 5 specifically)
Personality Inspirations: Phoenix wright (aa3 specifically), Wonder-Red (The Wonderful 101), Noctis (post crystal dive, FFXV)
Character Songs: The Fighter, Superman, Stab Unjust
Battle Themes Inspo: My Own Style, Cornered, Hopes and Dreams
William Paladi (he/him):
19-22 years old. As Lily's older cousin, William is a stoic man, trying to play tough and emotionless. He wants to be a sturdy pillar for Lily to lean on. He shoulders a lot of burdens and emotions but bottles them up until they implode. Underneath it all, he cares for Lily and the rest of the team, but also yearns for his goals to be fulfilled.
Background Inspirations: Taiga Saejima, Dunban (Xenoblade)
Personality Inspirations: Dunban, Testu Tachibana, Gladious (FFXV), angy Roy Mustang
Character Songs: Shield of the King
Battle Theme Inspo: Unstoppable, The Blazing Tactician
Alex Russel (he/him):
17-19 years old. Alex is very smart, but also steadfast and honest. He's Lily's best friend, and is often her voice of reason. Despite his origins and newfound discoveries, he chooses to stand by the people he loves.
Background Inspirations: none as of yet....
Personality Inspirations: Prompto (FFXV), Reyn (Xenoblade), Apollo Justice (AA4 specific), Nanba (LaD)
Character Songs: Blood, Sound of My Heart
Battle Theme Inspo: In A Trance, Devil Trigger
Percival "Percy" Ignaza (he/him)
18-20 years old. Percival is a suave man, confident to a fault, almost. To those close to him, he's a big nerd and is very chaotic. His mysteries draw people in, and he quickly sees the world as a vain and hollow place. Selfish people is all he's known. That is, until he encounters Lily.
Background Inspirations: Percival De Rolo (CR), Miles Edgeworth
Personality Inspirations: Ignis (FFXV), Akiyama (Yakuza 4-6), Han Solo (OG Star Wars)
Character Songs: Bang!, Darkness before the Dawn, Traveler's Song
Battle Theme Inspo: I need to find one soon ack
Robin Vasili (she/her)
18-20 years old. Robin is the heir to the throne of a nation-state. She's well-respected, but doesn't fancy herself in the role of ruler. She considers herself too hot-headed and improper for that role. In fact, she's a bit confused that she's the chosen heir, when her older sibling is right there and is more than willing to lead. So she runs to get a taste of life away from her duties, and crosses paths with the team.
Background Inspirations: Melia (Xenoblade), Dohalim (Tales of Arise)
Personality Inspirations: Saeko (LaD), Katara (A:TLA)
Character Songs: none yet...
Battle Theme Inspo: The Flower of Chivalry, Fatal Blooms in the Moonlight
Enzo Wilson (they/them)
16-18 years old. Outwardly, Enzo is very quiet and their appearance is very intimidating. Spend some time with them however, and you'll find they're a huge softie. Taking after their older brother, they act like papa bear to the rest of the cast. But, they still have their grudges, and their issues...
Background Inspirations: Higashi (Judgment)
Personality Inspirations: Ichiban (LaD), Sig (Puyo Puyo), Caduceus Clay (CR)
Character Songs: Brokenbrow, A Reason to Fight
Battle Theme Inspo: also doesn't have any yet
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KEIKO - CUTLERY (2023) Album Review
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I was thinking of giving this album a review immediately after it came out but I had very lukewarm feelings about the new songs and wanting to let them sink in a little so I left my review for a little bit. Anyway, without further ado:
Overall:
Similar to dew's Album covers, I think these are really boring. The dress is really nice, but I really hoped the album cover wouldn't be just Keiko sitting in front of a plain background like all the single covers, but alas. Again, doesn't really relate to the title or even the themes of 'ordinary people' throughout the album.
The Analog edition only coming with two songs is silly. Charging basically 7k more Yen for I'm assuming enlarged album art, a photo book and a vinyl with two songs on it is embarrassing. This could've been a stretch, but maybe an audio version of the Blu-Ray tracks or just a couple of acoustic tracks on there? Even just increasing 2 songs to 5 from the original album would be better.
There seems to be a few issues throughout the album with the quality of the vocal recordings. In Hitori Janai Kara and Yoru no Uso to you can frequently hear pops that the pop filter (the small shield in front of professional microphones) are supposed to hide. In situations like this, I'd expect the staff or even Keiko to realise this and redo the lines, but it didn't seem like they noticed or cared. This isn't as egregious as Hikaru's microphone peaking during basically the entirety of Kawaisou da yo, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
They decided to do the opposite of dew's album, where instead of making a music video for every song they made none. I'm very disappointed by this, would have liked to see at least one. Because of the structure of this album's release though, I'm not sure what the lead single would even be. If I chose one it'd either be Alcohol or Hitori Janai Kara. (I'd like a music video of Amanojaku though tbh)
Even though I like most of the songs of the album, I'm personally disappointed almost all of the songs have Keiko singing in this higher tone with very little emphasis on her heavier tone and lower notes. I get this is how she likes to sing these songs, but I can't help but gravitate to why I fell in love with Keiko's voice in the first place. This has been a running issue with Keiko's solo music for me, but I'd rather her continue to sing the music she wants to sing or hear rather than singing Yuki Kajiura-discount/rip-off music.
Watashi Update (私アップデート) - (6.5/10)
This song seems to be a mix of Amanojaku and Kirai to me. The opening in particular sounds very Amanojaku-esque, while the synth aspects are very Kirai. I appreciate a few parts of this song, like the part right before the chorus, that guitar hits very nice. I like the melody of 「No,それを決めるのは今の僕たちじゃない」 and also the three-part harmonies throughout the song. Random belted D5 as well? Good stuff. Other than that, this song is kind of mediocre to me, not fun enough to dance to but not rock enough to head bang too, just kind of in the middle. I also wish the instrumental mix was a bit louder, it sounds like Keiko is overwhelming the arrangement.
Alcohol - (4/10)
This songs grown on me a little since I first listened to it and I appreciate what it's trying to do, but similar to Latte from dew, it's just not my thing. I find the repeated synth phrase and chorus melody to be a bit grating and overall this song just doesn't do much for me. I appreciate the harmonies in the chorus, especially the low octave. The lyrics are fun and carefree and I find the control of Keiko's vocals, singing a fast melody in a carefree way, to be very impressive, even if a couple moments seem to be autotuned.
Yoru no Uso to (夜の嘘と) - (8/10)
This song sounds very Kajiura-esque, especially with Keiko's vocals and I really appreciate it. I like how the arrangement increases to a crescendo, starting with piano then acoustic guitar, then adding electric guitar, drums and strings and ending with adding another harmony for the last chorus. It's simple, but I appreciate it. I don't think I'll ever get over the chorus' melody and how Keiko subtly adds emotion to it, especially the 「この愛をどうすればいい」 in the last chorus. The richness of her voice really brings the entire song together and elevates the song for me. The only things I wouldn't say I like about the song is that the melody and structure of the verses and bridge are a bit boring and don't add much to the song except to elevate the chorus, which is fine but I'd like if they gave me more to chew on.
Kirai. (キライ。) - (5/10)
This song has gotten a lot of hate (hehe) and I didn't like it at all at first either, but comparing it to the other song most similar to it (Alcohol), I like it more than than that song for sure. I appreciate the vibes of this song a lot more and very much delivers the city-pop feeling Alcohol kind of failed to bring for me. I like the switch between the lower toned verses and the very high chorus. I will say the chorus is a little grating on the ears, and I'm sure most of it is autotuned a little bit. Given Keiko most likely isn't going to sing that D#5 live, I don't know if I'll ever figure out if she ever sang it or if it was autotuned. At the end of the day though, this type of song still isn't really for me and I don't find myself listening to it much.
Close to you - (6/10)
Similar to Kirai, didn't like this song at all at first. Thought it was very boring and forgettable for a long time. But after many listens, I kind of like it? Doesn't hit as much as Yoru no Uso to, but I'd say it's a good song. I like the blend of the piano and Keiko's gentle singing with the electronic elements (they kind of hid the string synths lol), even if I would appreciate a more pulled back version. I quite like the first verse and bridge/second-verse, sounds kind of romantic. I don't have much really to say about this song, it's kind of a cheesy chill love song that's just kind of okay I guess?
Amanojaku (天邪鬼) - (8.5/10)
This song catchy as hell! Took me a bit to warm up to this song, but this is definitely my kind of song. The fun guitar arrangement and relatively heavier mix is really my kind of tea. It makes when it pulls back and explodes back in even more effective. I love really all of this song, it's so fast-paced, interesting and catchy. I also love the lyrics with the theme of following Japanese folklore, interesting stuff. If there was anything I could complain about, it'd just be usual of Keiko not singing in a heavy-enough tone for my taste. Makes it sound more poppy than intended in my opinion. Probably my favourite song on the album ngl.
Fly, Black Swan - (7.5/10)
Keiko's lower range and tone is back (for one more song) baby! I don't know how I'd describe this, sounds a bit jazzy and I like it. I really like the arrangement and instrumentation of the verses, the fast-paced percussion with the scattered guitar and bass phrases created an interesting vibe. The muted and subtle sound of whatever brass instrument is present is nice as well. This track is kind of sexy as a whole, especially the pre-chorus. I don't usually like multi vocal layering, but I like the choice in this case. I've got it as 7.5 because while I really like it, I don't absolutely love it. I wish there weren't any electronic elements like the synths and keyboard and didn't rely on electronic percussion at times, I feel as if it clashes with the rest of the song at times. Also, overthrill definitely isn't a word lol.
Yura Yura (ゆらゆら) - (6.5/10)
Similar to Close to you, took a while for me to warm to this song but I like it more than that song to be honest. Thought it was very forgettable. I think I keep getting disappointed after not hearing a more dramatic or heavy song and forgot to just appreciate the song as it is. And this song is very sweet. Keiko's singing style in this song isn't off-putting and in fact fits the song very well. I love the arrangement with the strings, especially in the bridge, sounds very dreamy. The verses are very sweet and cute, adds to the whole vibe of the song. While I really like this song, it isn't a song I'd listen to a lot and I don't like the chorus as much as the rest of the song.
Your (ユア) - (1.5/10)
Here it is, the Revolution of this album. At this I've listened to Revolution a few more times and like her singing in that song. This entire song just screams 'cheesy' to me, and not in the charming way. It's trying really hard to very uplifting and bright, but none of it hits for me. I hate the electronic elements and especially the English sections. The 'I will fall in loooooooove' line is.... ugh, it sounds like Keiko's just shouting it (I know she's not, it just sound just she is). I don't like the verse, the chorus, the bridge, the arrangement or instrumentation. Keiko's singing is impressive as usual throughout most of this song, so I'll give it that.
Hitori Janai Kara (ひとりじゃないから) - (6/10)
I definitely like this song more than when I first heard it, but I don't have overwhelming positive feelings for it either. I like the melody most of the song and my favourite part is definitely the bridge, definitely the height of the song, especially the 「変わりのいない君と」. Keiko sings that entire part with such power. Despite that, the song is mostly a bit boring and the issues with the recording bring me out of the atmosphere of the song a bit. It's a nice song, but nothing too memorable to me. Looking forward to hearing it in every single live performance from here out.
Bottom Three Songs: 3. Kirai, 2. Alcohol, 1. Your
Top Three Songs: 3. Fly, Black Swan, 2. Yoru no Uso to, 1. Amanojaku
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taehyungfirst · 6 months
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honestly i kind of wish both taehyung and jungkook's solos were more personal. don't get wrong, i loved layover and i'm sure golden will be fun. and i bet they both added in their own personal details in regards to the albums, but it would've been nice to see their names on the song credits. and this isn't me trying to be shady or anything because just because they weren't involved in the process, it doesn't make them any less of real musicians. it's just a personal preference i guess. but i think taehyung and jungkook are extreme perfectionists when it comes to this and we know they have a habit of deleting the songs they work on. this is shown through tae scrapping his original album, and bang pd saying jungkook was considering not doing an album at all. i think that both of them probably felt pressured to put something out before they enlist, and since everyone else was doing it too. and with enlistment, they only had a limited time to do this. and i know they've talked about making mixtapes in the past but that's different than a whole album. basically i don't blame them for how things happened but i really hope we'll get more personal things from them eventually
Hi anon! First of all, I wanna start saying that having expectations is not a bad thing, and it’s completely valid if you expected them to have some credits in the tracks, since they have shown in the past how good they are at songwriting. Now, let’s get into what i think, I’m gonna start with Taehyung because I just know more stuff about him ahaha.
Taehyung songwriting skills are actually brilliant, I always loved the snippets he showed us and some of his lyrics were actually incredible (the heart of the loveless lyrics is printed behind my eyelids), Blue and Grey which was initially a personal song debuted at #13 on the hot100, a b-side mind you. And Taehyung has always been honest to us, he updated us every time he wrote a song, every time he deleted one, every time he worked a lot, he has always told us everything and he also told us how he was “unable” to finish a song, he just starts it and then never finishes it which is why he scraped a lot of his work before, so I think he was just a bit unsure and the he confronted Mhj, who was someone who could share his vision.
Now.
There is a difference I think between having someone writing songs for you, for your vision, for the vibe you want in the album and someone who gives you pre-made songs that apparently don’t connect to eo (i’m saying this for the presence of 3D and seven, which are like sore thumbs between those angsty titles), I have no doubts Jungkook will say he listened to the songs and felt like he had to sing them because he liked them (which is okay i guess, most of artists don’t write their stuff), but if the credits were not visible, if Layover hid the credits, I would have believed 100% Tae wrote all of them, because every single track is so taehyung, Mhj listened and studied him to create perfect tracks.
And Jk also opened up on how he was in a burnout period, which is also why he relaxed at home mostly and took a break from everything (which is valid i repeat) and honestly I think that all of this is happening because of the enlistment. Because Taehyung said after Layover he wants to release his songs, so this means that if enlistment wasn’t literally behind the corner he would have had more time and worked on his own songs, same goes for Jungkook. The enlistment had a big BIG part in all of this, I think they felt pressured and they thought they couldn’t enlist without releasing something for the fans (which is not a very healthy mindset, you’ve been working hard for 10 years, you can enlist without dropping a whole album or taking trips every two weeks to film something for the fandom)… well all of this can be summarized in: I think there are differences between Tae and Jk situations (which is also their goals with Jk wanting to become a pop star in the usa market), that yes time and enlistment are partially the reasons behind everything and that they will for sure release some stuff more personal whenever they get the chance again because they are both incredibly talented artists :)
Sorry for the rambling and typos I can’t seem to find my glasses tonight.
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linzod · 6 months
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Tag Game
Tag 9 people you'd like to get to know better!
Thanks for the tag, @signiorbenedickofpadua!
Last Song: I have had The National’s First Two Pages of Frankenstein in my mix since it came out earlier in the summer. I love me some Sad Dads, and this album feels like a return to form after their last, it really gives me the nostalgia and all the feels. Last track I listened to was New Order T-Shirt, I mean, really: “I keep what I can of you, Split-seconds glimpses and snapshots and sounds, You in my New Order t-shirt, Holdin’ a cat and a glass of beer.”
Currently Watching: I had never watched the 2005 Pride and Prejudice movie, so I started it the other day and literally lost my mind that Tom Wambsgams (OK, Matthew Macfadyen) was Mr. Darcy. I’m also about to re-start The Good Place which I somehow never finished. My partner and I are also getting caught up on the MCU because we stopped about halfway through years ago.
Currently reading: I literally just finished Ordinary Monsters by JM Miro last night which had some fun world-building- kind of like a Victorian era X-men situation. I am listing to Circe by Madeline Miller during drive/chore time, and I am about to start The Cloisters by Katy Hays which I saw in a local bookstore and has The Met’s Cloisters featuring in a supernatural mystery so I’m pretty excited at the dark academia potential. I’m also about to read @ml-nolan’s Love, Lies and Cryptids as my kindle book because I love her fics! Lastly, I am also reading the Sandman graphic novels! Finally! I have to stop and go a bit with the graphic novel format, also that book is fricking heavy. So yeah, I am that kind of reader. And also on maternity leave from work, so this will eventually slow down. Oh, wait! Also, reading a ton of awesome ongoing fics, including your retirement AU @signiorbenedickofpadua and trying to go back and read some Endless Big Bang stuff I didn’t get to but saved! Also loving the updates on @blueberrymffn’s Ruffled Feathers, As I Stranger I Know Myself (which is crazy good and EVERYONE needs to read it like, now) by @phinofthestorm and @sleepsonfutons and The Unknown and Static Strange by @qqueenofhades. And like a million more.
Current obsession: Um, you’ve seen my dash maybe? Still obsessed w/ Sandman, and Good Omens, and working my way back to some level of Witcher obsession. I did check out Discord for the first time today- belatedly because I’m old and crazy busy and am kind of maxed on social media, but I signed up for the upcoming Dreamling big bang on the Sadman server, so doing the thing.
Also, I just celebrated my one year anniversary of writing/ posting fic, which I started as a way to get back into some writing and to work on dialogue/fiction since it is not my usually space. Since then, I’ve written 178,000 words somehow!
Tagging everyone above if they feel like doing this one :)
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youn9racha · 1 year
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uhhh hi
*ahem* umm,,, this is awkward,,,
so its been a while since ive last posted, and by awhile i think around october-november which makes it 3-4 months 😭 but im here posting.
first things first, i want to wish you all a late happy new years, and i also want to add that today’s my birthday !!! i am officially 22 years old as of today, turning me into a taylor swift song lmfao.
now you maybe wondering, “ella where have you been?”
well lemme tell ya, it has been a wild past few months, and not in a good way. i won’t get into too much details but i genuinely never felt so miserable as the past few months and 2022 had just ended so miserably for me to the point i couldn’t celebrate new years eve. but on the brightside i got over the stressful stuff and the last year had ended and this year has started.
i also would like to mention that i’m currently recovering from my surgery (yup once again, i’ve gotten surgery right around my birthday lmfao) but i’m doing just fine and alright so theres no need to worry.
what updates have i got? well, its safe to say aside from the deteriorating mental illness that i had, some good things have started to established. y’all remember my crush? well we’re still not together but we are getting closer than we ever been before and she was the first person to ever wish me a happy birthday. i surpassed a very tumultuous semester where it took a toll on my creative drive and thankfully passed the semester. i could go on but again there are certain things i’d like to keep private.
anyhow, if you’re wondering, yes, i’m still very much a stay, and i still actively thirst over bang chan like i usually do. i just haven’t been writing much thanks to my stressful environment. idk when will i come back to writing on here, but all i know is rn i won’t be able to due to my recovery.
i’d like to write some more in the future but idk when it’ll happen so please do be patient with me. but then again, i wouldn’t be surprised if people unfollowed me and forgot my existence lmfao.
anyway, i’m just here to remind y’all that i’m alive and well, just needed some time off of posting here. stay safe y’all and take care of yourselves 🫶
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death2normalcy · 1 year
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This is I.N.!
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That’s his stage name. His full name is actually Yang Jeongin. He was born in South Korea on February 8, 2001 and speaks basic English. I’d say he’s about on the same level as Lee Know, but he’s constantly working hard to learn more! He’s also the youngest in the group, and is referred to as the ‘maknae’.
Short video of I.N. speaking English! (Pretty much all of the clips are pretty old, but I couldn’t really find another video of him speaking English that was up to date) (So, just to be fair, I found a video of the boys ending ments during their Chicago show a couple months ago, I.N.’s part begins about 7:18!)
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I.N. is mainly a vocalist in the group, and is the second part of Vocalracha, but he’s very skilled at dancing as well, to the point that he was in the dance group portion of the show Kingdom. He’s improved as a performer so much over the years, it’s so cool to watch videos of him from debut times to now and see that growth!
Songs I personally love him in:  Gone Away; Waiting For Us; Sorry, I Love You; My Universe; Scars (Okay, his parts in this song are actually quite short, but I’m linking their ‘First Take’ performance, because I love it, and even with his shorter parts, his parts are some of my favorite. But honestly, this is a great video for all of them.)
He’s posted a couple of covers on Youtube as well! Most recently, he posted this one:
I.N.’s most recent cover!
His covers tend to be much slower and softer than what Seungmin posts, which honestly isn’t my cup of tea, but he sounds amazing. So if you enjoy slow and soft songs, I highly recommend them!
Like Seungmin, I’m not going to recommend any specific dance videos, but I’ll link some fancams in his playlist! Also, while he has done a little rapping, mostly out of official contexts, I don’t really have anything to recommend there.
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As mentioned above, I.N. is the maknae of the group and he is a little spoiled because of it. There is even a song that he helped write with Bang Chan and Changbin called ‘Maknae on Top’. I definitely recommend checking it out, it’s hilarious.
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I.N. tends to smile a lot during performances (and honestly, outside of performances too), and he honestly has the best smile. He always seems like he’s having a good time, and I love that. (I would say that, next to Felix, I.N. is the other force of sunshine in the group.)
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Not really sure what a lot of fans consider a defining physical characteristic for I.N., but I’m going to go with either his eyes or his smile. They are both so beautiful; honestly, he’s just a very pretty person.
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Despite being a force of sunshine, he’s considered part of ‘savageracha’, along with Lee Know and Seungmin. He definitely has his moments where he roasts or teases the other members.
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I.N. definitely posts the most photos of Instagram, way more than any other member. He’s regularly updating Stays with his outfits of the day, and they are always an interesting to see. (Honestly, if you’re bias is I.N., you’re never really going to want for pics, he’s constantly putting stuff out.)
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I.N.’s SKZOO character is a fox named FoxI.Ny, because everyone always says he looks like a fox with his facial features!
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I.N. is a big fan of trot music. I wasn’t 100% sure what this was, honestly, other than the fact that it’s a genre of Korean music. There’s even videos of him singing it. Again, don’t know much about the genre, but it suits him!
I.N. singing trot!
Random fun fact: One of I.N.’s nicknames is ‘baby bread’, used by both of the members and the fans! I’m not 100% certain on the origin, but it’s very cute. (Although, these days, many fans make jokes about him being ‘adult bread’ or ‘toasted’ because he’s grown up so much!)
‘baby bread’
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‘adult bread’
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Another random fact: I.N. has a very...special way of eating, and I just want to share it. (This is the best gif I could find, but basically, he takes very big bites and it’s stressful to watch, lol.)
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And that’s the end of the individual guides! I would argue that both Seungmin and I.N. tend to be a bit underrated, but at the same time, it’s not often I see them ignored? I try to follow a lot of people on social media who either bias all 8, or at least acknowledge all the members when they can. I.N. has definitely come out of this shell more recently, so hopefully, more people will see how awesome he is!
I.N.’s playlist!
Bonus pics!
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made-ofmemories · 1 year
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When Life Tears You Asunder, But You’re Not Alone
(Chapter 5/17)
General Warnings/tags: Found family, implied Wayne/Susan in future chapters, Max & Eddie have a sibling like relationship, fluff, hurt/comfort
Chapter specific warnings/tags: Nothing way too detailed but there is some talk of shitty parents, past childhood traumas and parental death, Billy’s abuse is also mentioned in this chapter 
Word count: 2559
Summary: Billy was a pretty shitty brother, there was no denying it, but Max still finds herself mourning for the sibling relationship they never got to have. With him gone she thinks so are her chances of ever having the big brother figure she’s always wanted. Then in a turn of events that she never saw coming, Eddie Munson waltzes into her life. Or more like, almost runs her over.
Notes: A lot of the stuff about Billy and Max in this chapter directly references or was heavily inspired by the book ‘Runaway Max’
Co-written with the wonderful @ladydorian05 and crossposted on AO3. Updates every Friday.
Series Masterlist
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Max is in a bad mood and has been since the first period of the day, English with Mrs. Ross. By the time the bell rings at 3 pm and she’s stomping out of the building to where Eddie is waiting for her, she's long past hiding it. She spots the van across the parking lot. Eddie seems revved up, as usual, his hands on the steering wheel are drumming along to whatever song is playing on the stereo and he’s banging his head back and forth to the rhythm of it.
The entire vehicle shakes when she slams the van door behind her. Eddie flinches at the sudden noise and she feels a little guilty for startling him. He must pick up on her mood pretty quickly because he doesn’t make a remark about it like she would expect from him any other time.
“How was school?” He asks tentatively as they’re leaving the parking lot.
“Fine.” She grumbles. She really isn’t in the mood for small talk, she can feel a headache coming on and to make matters worse Eddie just had to be playing that song, “Can you turn this off?” She snaps, maybe a little too harshly.
“Uh- sure.” He sounds confused and Max can’t blame him. Usually, she loves anything by Metallica, just last week she had been shouting along to the lyrics of the very same song with him. Right now though, all it’s doing is dragging up memories she’d really rather not deal with.
He turns off the stereo and they travel in silence until Eddie stops somewhere that very much isn’t the trailer park. Max had been too caught up in her own head to even realize they had been driving the completely wrong way for the past 5 minutes.
“What are we doing here? I just want to go home.”
“I’m hungry, aren’t you hungry?”
“No. Eddie. Please can we just go, I have… homework.” It’s a lame excuse, unconvincing even to her own ears.
“It’s Friday, you have the whole weekend to do homework. Come on.” He’s hopping out of the van and heading towards the diner they’re parked in front of before she can get another word in.
She groans, throwing her head back against the seat. He’s impossible sometimes. She weighs up her options, she can either stay here in this freezing cold rust bucket of a van which is only going to get colder or she can go along with whatever the hell this is.
“This is technically kidnapping of a minor you know.” She complains when she catches up to him.
“Yeah yeah, add it to the list.”
She waits close to the entrance while Eddie orders to go. She’s skated past the building several times before, but it’s the first time she’s ever been inside. There are a few servers bustling around and one or two customers but overall it’s not too busy. Some old 60’s pop song is playing quietly on the jukebox.
Max insists that she doesn’t want anything. Eddie orders her a hot cocoa anyway and despite her grumbling, she has to admit that the warmth of the hot drink is appreciated. She takes a sip of it once they’re back in the van, it’s good.
“There used to be a place just like this near where I grew up.” Eddie says breaking the silence they’ve once again fallen into, “My mom used to take me there when I had a bad day and we’d eat ice cream and drink milkshakes until we both felt sick.”
He looks sad despite the faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips, a bittersweet memory Max thinks.
“She sounds nice.”
“She was. Things got hard, near the end, but sometimes she’d have a good week, manage to stay clean for a few days and I’d get my mom back for a little while.”
“What happened to her?” She asks cautiously. He’s never really spoken about his birth parents to her before and she’s more than a little wary of crossing some kind of line.
“She passed away when I was a kid. My dad had always been kinda shitty but he went totally off the rails after that and ended up in jail a couple of months later.” He taps his fingers against the steering wheel, his rings clinking against each other, “I was, uhhh about 10? At the time. I didn’t have anywhere to go so Wayne took me in and I’ve been with him ever since.”
"My stepdad, Neil, was kind of shitty too before he left. My real dad is… less shitty, but I don’t even know where he is right now. I lost contact with him when we left California."
“Shitty parents are the worst,” Eddie confirms. He starts the van which rattles to life with a splutter and they fall into another silence while he drives.
Max is less surprised this time when they come to a stop and it’s somewhere other than the trailer park. She has to admit Sattlers Quarry seems like an odd choice, but trying to figure out how Eddie’s brain works rarely gets her very far.
“Come on, let’s eat.” He grabs the paper bag containing the food as well as his own cup of cocoa.
Max follows when he hops out of the van and takes a seat on the floor beside him. They’re at the bottom of the quarry, next to the water. She hasn’t spent much time out here, but it’s kind of pretty when the sun low in the sky hits the water just right illuminating it to a vibrant shade of blue.
“I’ve always liked how quiet this place can be,” Eddie says, reaching into the bag to pull out a carton of fries. Max reaches over to steal some, she’d barely eaten at lunch and now that she’d calmed down somewhat the hunger was starting to creep up on her.
Eddie rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything. He reaches into the paper bag and pulls out 2 burgers wrapped tightly in foil, he sets one onto his lap for himself and hands the other to Max.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He chuckles, handing her a paper napkin from the bag when she takes a bite of her burger and smears ketchup across her face in the process, “I can assure you I’ve dealt with worse just walking down the street.”
Max doesn’t doubt that it’s true, she’s heard the things people say about him even now after his name has been cleared. None of it is true, of course, but she thinks maybe that makes it worse. Eddie never seems to let it get to him. She’s not sure how he does it, her fists clench just at the thought of some of the awful things she’s overheard.
“Someone said something, at school,” Max says, picking up the disposable cup of hot cocoa from her side and swirling the remnants around in the bottom of the cup.
“Said something? About you?”
“About Billy.” She’s staring down at the plastic lid covering the cup in her hands, not able to bring herself to make eye contact, “And it’s stupid really because I thought I was over all that shit but turns out I’m not.”
“He was your brother, right?” Eddie asks and Max forgives him for needing the clarification. Just as he never talks about his birth parents Max doesn’t have a tendency to talk about her family either.
“Stepbrother, technically.”
“And the mall fire, I’m guessing that wasn’t a fire?”
“No. Not exactly.” She scoffs at the lame government-issued excuse, mall fire, sure.
She forgets sometimes that he’s been around for even less of all the crazy upside-down stuff than she has, usually they make an effort specifically not to talk about it. He wasn’t there for the demodogs, the underground tunnels, or the mind flayer versions one and two. All he knew from the pre-Vecna days was the very brief and massively oversimplified version of events given to him the day they had found him hiding out in Reefer Rick’s boathouse.
It sounds crazy, even to her own ears when she starts recounting the events of the past 4 years. She tells him briefly of the stuff Lucas had recapped to her from the year when everything began and Max was still back in California thinking the biggest problems in her life were going to be an asshole of a brother and a shitty step-dad. She goes into a little more detail when she gets to her own experiences with the upside-down after moving to Hawkins, but puts the most focus on the Summer of ‘85. She tells him about starcourt, about the mind flayer, the flayed, and what happened to Billy. What really happened to Billy, not the watered-down excuse that had been fed to everyone who wasn’t there to witness the truth.
“Well, shit.” It takes him a moment to process, understandably, “And you still miss him.” It’s more of a statement than a question, he’s expecting her to agree but she hesitates. She shrugs and her eyes dart to Eddie’s for the first time since she started talking. Eddie has never judged her for anything, but she’s worried this might change that.
“It’s complicated.”
“Complicated?”
“He was an asshole.” She states matter of factly, “I was so excited when my mom told me I was going to have a big brother. Then Billy came along. I thought he was cool at first, but that didn’t last. He was awful to me, and my friends. He hated me, I hated him. And Neil… Neil didn’t know how to deal with him and only ever made things worse. He thought all of his problems could be solved with a belt. Or his fists.”
She glances at Eddie. The hand resting on his leg balls up the fabric of his pants so hard his knuckles are turning white. She’s never seen him angry. Frustrated, or scared? Yes, but never truly angry. She thinks judging by the sullen expression on his face that this is as close as she’s ever going to get.
“He never touched me, didn’t think I was worth it, I guess. I was just some stupid little girl to him most of the time.” She’s quick to clarify and Eddie lets out a relieved breath, though he still seems tense. He encourages her to continue with a little nod when he realizes she’s paused, "I just- for a long time I would have given anything to have Billy out of my life and now that he’s  actually gone, I don’t know. It feels like it was my fault, maybe if I hadn’t had those thoughts or if I’d done more than just stand there he’d still be here. And maybe things wouldn’t have changed and we’d have still hated each other and he’d have continued making my life hell, but I wish we’d gotten a chance to try to be real siblings. I didn’t want us to hate each other.”
She takes a deep breath and fixes her eyes on the cup of hot cocoa in her hands again. It stirs up a strange mixture of emotions talking about everything, the guilt she still feels over Billy, the fear she feels when she wakes up from a nightmare and isn’t sure if she’s still in her bed or trapped in the upside-down, and the longing she would feel for a real sibling bond on those rare occasions when Billy wasn’t terrorizing her and everyone around them. But she also feels the relief of finally getting so many years worth of bottled-up emotions off her chest. She’s barely even scratched the surface and still, she’s never shared this much before, not even with Lucas.
“I had no idea. Shit.” She hears rather than sees him lie back onto the crunchy dry leaves scattered around them. It’s a lot, she knows that. She doesn’t think she’d know how to respond either, “It wasn’t your fault. None of this was ever your fault. Not Neil, Not Billy being an asshole, and certainly not Billy’s death.” He says after he’s taken a moment to process everything. It’s said with a fierce tone, one that doesn’t leave room for negotiation,  she’s only ever heard him use it a few times, usually when he’s arguing with Mike or Dustin about something.
She sniffles, managing to hold back the tears that are starting to sting at the back of her eyes. She doesn’t trust herself to speak so she just nods in acknowledgment, she’s done enough talking for now anyway, she thinks.
“I’m sorry that you never got your second chance with Billy.” His voice is softer this time and she peeks over to him and sees him sitting upright again, “Hey, you have Harrington though. He seems pretty awesome, surprisingly.”
It’s meant to lighten the mood and it works, the mention of Steve bringing a small smile to her face. Steve had shown her a kindness she never would have expected in those first few months in Hawkins. He had put himself right in the face of danger to protect her and the others without second thought time and time again. He’s a mother hen for sure and a good friend, but he’s not the first person who comes to mind when she thinks of the word brother.
“Yeah. He’s pretty cool.” Her voice wobbles just a little, but her smile grows wider, “If you ever tell him I said that I will end you.” She jokes, jabbing a finger in Eddie's direction.
“I’m sworn to secrecy!” He raises his hands in surrender. He gives Max a few minutes, before he asks, “You ready to go?”
They gather up their trash, balling up the foil from the burgers and placing their empty cups into the paper bag which Eddie then tosses into the back of his van. Max is slowly starting to understand why it’s always such a mess in there.
Eddie drops her off in front of her trailer, as usual. She grabs her things, says her goodbyes, and starts making her way inside. She makes it as far as the front door before the thoughts gnawing away at her brain finally win. She dumps her school bag and skateboard outside and turns to face the other side of the street.
“Eddie!” She yells when she sees that he’s just gotten out of his van and hasn’t made it inside yet. He stops in his tracks and turns to look at her with a confused expression when she calls him. He looks even more confused when she’s jogging across the street towards him.
“Hey, did you forget somet- oof.”
She wraps her arms around him in a hug so fierce it makes him stumble back a step or two. It takes him a couple of seconds to register what’s happening, but when he does he brings his arms to wrap around her and squeezes her back just as tightly.
“You’re a pretty great big brother.” She says from where she’s squished against his chest.
If she happens to glance back on her way over to her trailer and notice him wiping at his eyes, well no one needs to know.
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maeglinthebold · 1 year
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AO3 Wrapped
From this ask game.
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How many words have you written this year?
438,169 posted to AO3, and though this is artificially inflated by a good portion of it being RP and continued works from 2021, I also wrote way more than that besides (isolated scenes, pure wank material, stuff that will never see the light of day, etc.)
I’d like to thank a new fandom getting its hooks in me (OFMD) and the ending of Roswell New Mexico being so inspiringly bad for those high numbers, up from 166k in 2021 and getting me almost up to my 2020 levels (514k). 
2. How many works did you publish this year?
69 - LMAO that was NOT on purpose.
(That's an average of 6.3k per fic.)
3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?
I really enjoyed writing Hell of a Night: it was angsty and dramatic, but I liked making Stede and Ed fight a literal Kraken before they could get back together.
4. What work of yours has the most hits?
World Enough and Time - OFMD, rated E, published at a sweet spot for people interested in reading Stede/Ed. I was proud of the use of contemporary poetry, though, and very proud of the goofy sex those old men got up to in that. 
5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?
Start Where You Are (and Change the Ending) had some great conversations in the comments I feel like, mostly about Izzy. I wanted to get the antagonist thing right and not make him cartoonish. I feel I did that, but it’s way more work than I want to put into his character in the future, as I just don't care for him personally. Anyway, good conversations were had in the comments here, and that’s what I consider to be good feedback.
6. Favorite title you used
How the Mighty Fall (They Fall in Love) I suppose!
7. If you use song lyrics, which artist's songs did you pull from the most?
I think I saved myself from being a Fall Out Boy bitch by being a Halsey bitch first and foremost. Am I mad I used “The Lighthouse” lyrics for RNM fics before I started writing OFMD fics? Yes. Still mad. 
8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?
Malexa with 28, followed by Blackbonnet at 16
9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?
Definitely those two, Malexa and Blackbonnet. I not only can't choose between them but I'll add Kyle/Max/Liz, Michael & Liz, and Maria/Kyle as honorable mentions. 
10. What work was the quickest to write?
That’s not an entirely fair question because I have so many short works that I banged out in one sitting. Also I usually have no problem getting words down once I have an idea and I have the time: it’s why I love prompts. 
11. What work took you the longest to write?
What We've Built probably took the longest by word count ratio because I kept crying during the writing of it. 
12. How many WIP's do you have in your docs for next year?
Shhhhhh. If I don’t promise anything I don’t disappoint anyone (including myself).
13. What's your longest work of the year?
With @haloud, and also continued from 2020: I Was Just An Only Child of the Universe (And Then I Found You) (117,908 words)  
With @singerofsongs: Ask for forgiveness, never permission (41,989 words)
Solo, but also a continuation from 2021: Never Let You Go (40,800 words)
14. What's your shortest work of the year?
I had quite a few double-drabbles all coming in at 200 words (by Google Doc’s count, if not AO3’s): 
Deep
Hautdesert
Watching
Adrenaline
Aftermath
Reading
15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?
All of them. I have 17 works marked as incomplete and I will always consider them on my to-do list. Updates could happen at any time. You don’t know.
16. What's your most common "Additional Tags" tag?
Established relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Polyamory, and Humor. 
I made an effort to add “Humor” to my tags this year because it’s something I consider myself good at and thought I should advertise. 
17. Your favorite character to write this year?
By the numbers, Maria DeLuca, and that’s as it should be lol.
As far as an interesting new challenge, I’d say Stede Bonnet: it’s hard to reconcile him sounding fancy half the time and using scientific names for moths and yet also coming up with “Mr. Wavy-Blade.”  
18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?
Alex Manes. Missing from most of season 4. Missing in our hearts since season 1. The version in my head is cool, it just kept getting harder and harder to reconcile him with canon. 
Also Izzy Hands, for reasons mentioned above. 
19. What's one pairing you want to explore next year?
I don’t know what new ones will grab me, otherwise more of the same! 
20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?
Probably How the Mighty Fall (They Fall in Love)
21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?
5,792
22. Which work has the most comments?
I Was Just An Only Child of the Universe (And Then I Found You) but again, that one’s been going since 2020!
23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?
Yes, loads! It’s the best part about writing fic! Thanks to my rp partners: 
@haloud: Without Question, foolish men have tried, but only you have shown me how to love being alive, stranger in a strange land, Even If It's Just in Your Wildest Dreams, love and life lines, I Was Just An Only Child of the Universe (And Then I Found You), there is a lighthouse in the middle of the deep end, You Make Me a Believer, From Roswell with Love, Kiss Me Like Your Ex Is in the Room, 
@a-singer-of-songs: Ask for forgiveness, never permission, Tell me all your thoughts on God / Cause I'm on my way to see her
@lizzy-leo: Sinking in your Eyes, Chasing Golden Nights
24. Did you write any gifts this year?
Yes! In addition to my birthday ficlet gifts (Maeg's Hobbit Birthday Gift Ficlets 2022), I wrote a few other fics I gifted to people this year: 
The E-Word for @dr-lemurr
Embedded for @haloud
Oh, she's sweet but a psycho for @primalmusic
If You Really Loved Me You Would Share Him for @haloud
Drawn for @haloud
25. Did you receive any gifts this year?
Yes! I got some lovely ones this year: 
You Bring Me Hope by @tasyfa
ours by @infp-obsessing-over-everything
i sleep to dream (the trail beneath your feet) by @haloud
26. What's your most common category?
“Multi” (the tag I use to indicate a poly ship) is my top category! 
27. What do you listen to while writing?
I like to watch video game playthroughs actually. Shoutout to @nyssaismyrealname for endless hours of HZD, HFW, AND GOW:R to have on in the background while I write.
28. Favorite work you wrote this year?
Though it’s still a WIP, I’m really loving Dangerous. Miluca Witch/Werewolf who have caught Hunter Alex and will probably fall in love with him knowing me. Turned Alex into a bunny rabbit so what’s not to love?
29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?
“And a stake to the heart kills you?” [Michael asked.]
“Doesn’t it kill everybody?” Alex chuckled. 
“Yes,” Maria said. “Though I don’t know about—what the limits are of blood healing us? Haven't had much opportunity to test it, luckily. But I’ve definitely killed a vampire with wood through the heart.” 
“Any kind of wood?” 
“Heh,” Alex interjected. 
“This isn’t Supernatural, Michael. It doesn’t need to be a holly branch or something.” 
“Wow, you…” Michael grinned. “You had that right there, didn’t you? For someone who claims her life is nothing like hit CW series Supernatural.” 
“Shut up.” 
Michael grinned. “Okay. Okay, how about garlic?” 
“No worse than any other human food.” 
Michael nodded thoughtfully. He would really miss eating if he became a vampire. Not like these Civil War vets who could only miss hard tack and gruel. “If I drop a bag of marbles…”
“I would be pissed that you dropped a tripping hazard in front of a disabled veteran,” Alex said sternly, but Maria laughed before Michael had a chance to worry he was serious. Alex smiled. “No counting compulsion.”
(From “Drawn.” It made me laugh.)
30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?
I had no idea I wrote quite that much! 🙃 Probably a cry for help.
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bring-more-sorrows · 1 year
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I posted 703 times in 2022
That's 534 more posts than 2021!
46 posts created (7%)
657 posts reblogged (93%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@sp1n
@iero
@awsugar
@emo-stuff
@psychotic-gerard
I tagged 370 of my posts in 2022
Only 47% of my posts had no tags
#gerard way - 56 posts
#mcr - 52 posts
#frank iero - 44 posts
#josh talks - 33 posts
#ray toro - 18 posts
#mikey way - 15 posts
#my show - 11 posts
#trying to queue the inevitable - 7 posts
#toya - 7 posts
#my chemical romance - 7 posts
Longest Tag: 115 characters
#the only good part is the guitar solo and the part right before the last chorus where gerard’s voice gets all quiet
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
trying to upload all my concert videos from the last few days to YouTube. ill post a link to a playlist when they're done
Update: Here’s the link to the playlist!
7 notes - Posted September 27, 2022
#4
“if all my enemies” knocks the air out of my lungs every single time
9 notes - Posted October 15, 2022
#3
List Of Songs I’ll Pass Away To If MCR Plays Them At One Of My Shows
Demolition Lovers - my favorite mcr song. spontaneous human combustion
Drowning Lessons - cursed mcr song. curse wipes out the whole audience
Desert Song - will cry and probably dehydrate to death
Our Lady of Sorrows - breaks neck head banging
To The End - same as above
Sleep - If its anything like the way they played it on TBPID, the la lalalala la in the bridge will give me heart failure
House of Wolves - hhhhhhh brain shuts down
Sister To Sleep - As the Sister To Sleep advocate I feel this one should be obvious
15 notes - Posted May 26, 2022
#2
COOL NOW RELEASE SISTER TO SLEEP
20 notes - Posted May 12, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
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Why’s this bitch cosplaying as me???
20 notes - Posted September 24, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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agilneanrose · 2 years
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A OOC moment..
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I just need to write a bit. I met Alanden’s player back in 2010.  OOC we became instant friends and I mean instant. It was so quick that people around us thought it was more - nope! IC our characters were the same, instant friends. We had long nights of writing together to create the friendship we had IRL and boy could he write!  IRL we would drift apart when life took us, him with the military and me with children. But we would come back together as if no time had passed - share updates about our IRL antics, do some gaming and so on. This is the mark of a good, strong friendship. Time doesn’t change things.  I am going to disclaimer that friends fight. Fighting does not mean being cruel, it means fighting. That is it. And we fought! Whew did we fight. Mostly because I am passive and he is not. While he was a social butterfly and knew everyone's name, he also called people out and could flip a switch to become savage which in turn would flip my protective switch. And then we clashed.  And made up. Clash and make up.  Ethan made sure to at least always send me updates via facebook when he was deployed, ask me about my family, and then go dark again. Even when we were fighting! Even. When. We. Were. Fighting. Last year he came back to RP and Raid/PVP and brought with him his typical energy. He started raiding with the group, dabbed in PVPing again. Icly, our characters actually tried to bridge the friendship to couple gap after 11 years of being best friends and were going to get married. This was the weirdest and funniest thing we’ve ever done with him - I think. It was so awkward and ...weird.  We couldn’t do it, we would just laugh ooc at their one chaste kiss and then Alandan IMMEDIATELY going to Araian to ask for Rosemarri’s hand. While he was back his thoughtfulness always surprised me. “I am going to stream because I know Rose likes to watch.” Or random game mails with silly things in it. Weeds. Flowers. He even made a Tumblr to write for his character because I worked when he was free and he wanted to post things that I could read. Even though his dog passed, he was going through a toxic break up - he still did that stuff. He encouraged me to think of my body as a temple, he would always say it.  “Shu Ray - your body is a temple, one of the pillars of happiness. You need to take care of yourself, work out in a way that feels good to you.”  And then he would send me pictures from the gym each morning. Sing me songs. He wrote a song and played it for me.  His pressure is what really got me into yoga (also drinking BANGS. -sighs-) And then we drifted apart again. It was fine. It was normal. He was in a new IRL relationship and she was amazing! He was giving her his all and still in the military with plans to move to live closer to his son.  We got into a fight over WoW things, not even between us but regarding that same savagery about other people. Again.  There was a silly expectation in the back of my mind that things would be as they were for the past 12 years. It wasn’t. Dec 6th 2021 he committed suicide. I don’t have details and I don’t want them.  I went to message him today, just like we always do when too much time has passed and got blasted with all the heartache from the people who adored him.  E-Tan, I will miss you. I will miss you forever. I missed you when I messaged you and it was too late and I didn’t know it.  Mend your fences, folks. Talk to people that fade way and check on them if you will care at all if they die. Mend your fucking fences. 
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saitseeing · 2 years
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SAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your playlist was soooo good omg, it felt like I was listening to one of my own playlists bc I seriously didn’t feel the need to skip any of the songs they were all great! Also I’d heard a lot of them and it was a great refresher on the songs I’d only listened to once (i.e. excalibur, killing me, thrilla killa)! Slide by The Goo Goo Dolls sounds like Crash Into Me by The Dave Mathews Band to me??? Also Bad Friend… I love that song soooo much, Rina is a staple in my playlists for SURE. Songs that were immediate downloads from this playlist were: Bang-Up, Get Outta My Way, Not That Type, and I Love You. Anyways, thank you again for sending me music!🥰💖 Also why is it the reds playlist?
Yayay! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I tried to pick a mix of songs from artists that were on your playlist/songs with a similar feel or beat/my faves. I definitely feel you on Slide! I feel like The Goo Goo Dolls and Dave Mathews Band were kind of a similar era of alt rock. And yeah!! Rina is so amazing, I absolutely love her stuff. Bad Friend, Chosen Family, and Comme de Garcon are my faves from her. Also her cover of enter sandman is just excellent. I'll shoot you an ask if I have time to update with some more songs! And that was a typo woops, it was the recs playlist haha
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