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ukrfeminism · 3 months

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Tens of thousands of sexual assaults and incidents have been reported in NHS-run mental health hospitals as a “national scandal” of sexual abuse of patients on psychiatric wards can be revealed.

Almost 20,000 reports of sexual incidents in the last five years have been made in more than half of NHS mental health trusts, according to exclusive data uncovered in a joint investigation and podcast by The Independent and Sky News.

The shocking findings, triggered by one woman’s dramatic story of escape following a sexual assault in hospital revealed in a podcast, Patient 11, show NHS trusts are failing to report the majority of incidents to the police and are not meeting vital standards designed to protect the UK’s most vulnerable patients from sexual harm.

Throughout the 18-month investigation, multiple patients and their families spoke to The Independent about their stories of sexual assault and abuse while locked in mental health units.

Rivkah Grant, 34, was targeted by an NHS staff member and sexually abused, while Stephanie Tutty, 28, made similar allegations. Alexis Quinn, a former GB swimming star, alleged she was sexually assaulted twice – once when she was forced to sleep on a male ward and a second time on a mixed gender ward.

Dr Lade Smith, president of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, called the findings “horrendous”, while shadow health secretary Wes Streeting said it was a “wake-up call” for the government.

Among the key revelations were:

At least 19,899 sexual incidents were reported across more than 30 NHS trusts between 2019 and November 2023 – including staff assaults on patients and patients assaulting other patients

The figures suggest that just 982 – less than 5 per cent – of sexual incidents reported to hospitals were referred to the police over the same period

800 allegations of rape and serious assaults on women

Mixed sex wards, despite being banned a decade ago, are still in use across NHS mental health care with more than 500 reports of sexual assault since 2019

Just six out of 50 hospitals were able to prove they were meeting NHS standards aimed at protecting patients from sexual harm

Dr Smith told The Independent: “There is no place for sexual violence in society, which has a profound and long-lasting negative impact on people’s lives. Today’s horrendous findings show that there is still much to do to make sure that patients and staff in mental health trusts are protected from sexual harms at all times.

“It is deeply troubling to see that so many incidents in mental health settings go unreported.”

Mr Streeting said: “It will appal every decent person that these horrific crimes were committed against patients at their most vulnerable. The fact these have taken place in the NHS is chilling.

“Very serious questions must urgently be asked of hospital leaders, who have to explain why the vast majority of these incidents were kept from the police.

“The Conservatives promised to end mixed-sex wards in 2010, yet soaring numbers of patients are treated alongside patients of the opposite sex. Patients often find this humiliating and, as this investigation shows, it leaves women in particular vulnerable in hospital.

“The government must treat this investigation as a wake-up call and act against the soaring number of mixed-sex wards in the NHS today.”

Dame Vera Baird, the former victims’ commissioner, said attacks by people who were supposed to care for the vulnerable were particularly troubling.

“The results of this investigation are a national scandal,” she said. “The [figures on assaults] from staff on patients are the height of concern because it may mean that there is insufficient scrutiny and insufficient vetting of people coming into hospitals.

“These people are going to be let loose on the most vulnerable of people, whose testimony may not be believed when they say something.”

Sharon Brennan, from the patient charity National Voices, said the examples uncovered by The Independent were among the ”worst breaches of trust we have heard of”.

Our latest exposé comes as the Healthcare Safety Investigation Branch prepares to launch a national inquiry into mental health care in England following a series of reports by The Independent over the past year.

Freedom of information figures show that patients are at risk from staff in numerous hospitals, with more than 300 incidents reported on patients over the five-year period.

Recalling her experience, Ms Grant told how she was sexually assaulted by an NHS staff member at Chase Farm Hospital in north London in 2016. Staff initially ignored her, she claimed.

She was then made to sleep in the same room the following night, she said, even though a complaint had been made to the trust and the staff member suspended.

Ms Grant says her trauma was made worse when she was then moved to a mixed-sex ward, making her too scared to leave her room due to the male patients outside.

“I have struggled with trauma since then and I’m scared of asking for help [from mental health services],” she said. “When I’m feeling bad, I don’t know where to turn to. You believe when you’re in a hospital, you should be safe. I’ve learned that there is no safety in mental health hospitals.”

Her attacker was convicted in June 2017 following a police investigation. North London Mental Health Partnership, which now runs Chase Farm Hospital, said it was “deeply sorry” for what had happened to Ms Grant and insisted the safety of its users was their top priority.

In another alleged case, Ms Tutty, a mother of two, told The Independent her harrowing story after seeking help from Essex mental health services having been raped in her youth.

Instead of getting treatment, she claims she was subjected to five months of horrific sexual abuse by a staff member.

A year later she says she was traumatised again after being admitted to another Essex-run unit, where a security guard sent her sexually explicit text messages, seen by The Independent. The police later said there was insufficient evidence to prosecute in relation to the alleged sexual abuse.

Essex Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust, which is currently facing a public inquiry into 2,000 patient deaths, refused to respond to questions from The Independent when asked about the serious allegations.

Our investigation shows at least 500 sexual assaults and incidents have been recorded on mixed-sex wards or mixed-sex communal areas within trusts since 2019.

Ms Quinn, a former swimming star and teacher, was admitted to Littlebrook Hospital in Kent in 2013 after seeking support from mental health services following her brother’s death.

Within hours of her admission, she claims she was sexually assaulted by a male patient after being placed on an all-male ward.

Ms Quinn immediately ran to tell staff who tried to send her back to the ward where her attacker remained, she claimed. Distressed and panicked, she was restrained and then placed in solitary confinement.

Ms Quinn said: “You know, I blame the system for putting me in that situation, for not safeguarding me – this is a systemic problem. I thought it was just me, but it’s not just me, it’s thousands.”

The trust eventually apologised. However, within months she was placed in peril again in a mixed-sex ward, where she alleges she was the victim of a second assault.

Kent and Medway Partnership Trust, which runs the hospital, said it continues to offer its “sincerest apologies” for the “unacceptable behaviour” she experienced in its care, and that it was fully investigated and acted upon at the time.

As part of our investigation, The Independent and Sky News uncovered thousands of allegations of sexual incidents, ranging from abuse and rape to sexually inappropriate behaviour or language across more than 30 out of 52 NHS mental health trusts since 2019. The scale of the scandal is likely to be even worse as figures do not include private hospitals where hundreds of NHS patients are sent to each year.

Among them was Nima Cass Hunt, who was groomed and abused in a Huntercombe Group hospital when she was 16. Her abuser, care worker Marcus Daniell, was jailed for 11 years in 2020 for his crimes. Ms Hunt warned that under-staffed mental health services are failing to protect patients.

“Nobody at the hospital looked or listened to obvious signs,” she said. “There is something terribly wrong with the protocols that intend to keep patients in mental health hospitals safe when patients are still exposed to sexual abuse despite obvious signs, indicators and even disclosures.” Former owners of the hospital, Eli Investments, were approached for comment.

Melanie Leahy told The Independent that staff in Essex failed to investigate her son Matthew’s claims of rape while he was an inpatient in 2012 – he died just two days later.

“It makes me sick,” she said. “I believe this incident led to the loss of his life. I believe this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

A report in 2019 by the Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman found staff failed to take appropriate action in response to his allegations. The trust said in response it offers its condolences for Matthew’s death.

Meanwhile, in 2014, Gaia Pope, who was a victim of rape in her youth, reported sexual harassment while in a mixed-sex ward at Dorset NHS Hospital but staff failed to issue any safeguarding alerts.

Her cousin, Marienna Pope-Weidemann, said: “I believe the failures [to address her concerns] directly contributed to her death later that year. They took absolutely no action and they discharged her 48 hours later without any [support].”

Dorset Health Care chief executive Matthew Bryant said the trust acknowledges it should have done more to make sure Gaia felt safe in its care and ensure she felt her concerns were taken seriously.

In 2020, after the Care Quality Commission raised national concerns over sexual abuse in mental health services, the NHS set up guidelines under its “sexual safety collaboratives”.

Despite the known risks, NHS trusts are not meeting their requirements of the standards to this day, with just six hospitals providing evidence they have met the collaboratives’ guidelines.

Gemma Byrne, Policy & Campaigns Manager at the charity Mind, said the investigation’s findings were “horrifying” and called for greater accountability for trusts who are failing to address such serious sexual safety incidents.

Professor Charlie Brooker, one of the few academics in the UK who has examined the relationship between sexual assault and mental illness, told The Independent and Sky News there should be an inquiry into sexual safety in mental health wards.

He said: “It would be fascinating to see how many people came forward and wanted to give evidence. I won’t be at all surprised if it wasn’t several thousand.”

Professor Brooker said a big factor in the development of mental illness is sexual trauma, adding: “What is happening to these vulnerable people, these vulnerable women, is retraumatisation which seems to be occurring in an environment where they're [meant] to safe. They end up worse than when they came in.”

Eli Investments which owned Huntercombe Group said it was “saddened” by the allegations and regrets that the hospitals owned by the group failed to meet standards expected for high quality care.

NHS England said sexual assault would not be tolerated and said it was rolling out better reporting mechanisms and training for staff as part of its new NHS Sexual Safety Charter.

It said all trusts will have to appoint a domestic violence and sexual assault lead. However, it did not specify how it would monitor and hold trusts to account who were failing to meet its new guidelines.

The Department of Health and Social Care said NHS organisations have a responsibility to protect both staff and patients.

If you need to seek support for anything sexual that happened to you without your consent you can call Rape Crisis on 0808 500 2222, 24 hours a day, every day of the week.

#Articles #health #MVAWG

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popponn · 8 months

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call you later; 2.

notes: what if you didn't pick up their call? they left a voicemail, in their own ways. so we still got uh... aryu chigirin and im considering reo. idk who else will come later but i had fun writing this!! character: itoshi rin, bachira meguru. [ part 1 : isagi, sae, nagi ]

itoshi rin

What did you do? This guy is the type to only left anything if it’s urgent, about nii-chan, or about football. Other than that high chances are they are actual death threats and you are not an exception.

Though, he can not deny that you are sort of his favorite in a way—won't admit that to your face too, though. That’s why he even bothers calling you and not just left a message or tell some poor soul to call you instead. While he probably feels a bit irked that you didn’t pick up, he will save the nagging when he finally met you face to face later. And even then, most of teammates will clarify that rather than nagging it’s more like his way of asking for your extra attention. It’s adorable, if you ignore the fact that the next movie night will definitely without a doubt would have to be a horror movie night just to cheer him up. Prayers and thoughts, if you dislike horror.

The message he will left is exactly like him, in a way. Rude, doesn’t have many words, but if you squints you could hear what sounds like a caring nosiness. While he isn’t the type to suddenly get clingy because of one unpicked-up call or thing about it too much, call him back soon as you can even if he didn’t say or rush you to do so. Would never say it to your face, but having you around him calms him down a lot and that includes your voice.

“Where are you right now?” Rin sounds like he was angry, as usual. “You better not be picking up problems left and right or I swear I will—”

A background noise that sounds like a chirpy teasing interrupted him, reminding him not to be so scary, which Rin replied with a snarling growl, “Shut up! And that wasn’t for you—I got a match so you better fucking watch it and fucking message me where you are while you are at it. I will get you home later so you better wait for me or else…..that’s all. Later. Next time don’t just go somewhere without telling me, stupid.”

bachira meguru

Do you know how long of a voice message can someone left on an unpicked up call? If you don’t you will find out soon.

He probably would not really question why you are not picking up, but mostly because whenever you got separated he will always call you in the most ungodly timing possible just for chatting. Somehow. So, at this point, it has become more of a norm for you to not pick up and just call him again later. He is not being nosy, it’s just more of how he expresses his love—sharing literally everything with you. This has led to several one-sided awkwardness from your part between you and some of his teammates, but hey Bachira Meguru’s Hottest Soccer Gossips is a very important segment in your daily life with him.

Which being said, yeah, get ready. He will talk into the phone as if you were there replying to him—and indeed he always manage to predict how you will react. Listening to his voicemail during work is a good replacement for podcasts and such as in case you are bored by them. Though, sometimes, when he is in a rush and have to keep the message shorter than usual, it’s really sweet! He rarely manage to remind you to call him back though, as it feels like norm for you to do so. Don’t forget it, so you don’t get a Bachira Meguru species asking to be carried around for the whole day on the next holiday. He has muscles and those things are not light.

“So, so, so!” Meguru began with his chirpy voice, not leaving any greeting as usual. “Today Isagi and Chigirin kind of clowned and I really, really want to tell you that story—but I gotta go fast, so I will tell you at home later, okay?” Meguru worded out each word in a rushed manner, akin to an excited buzzing bee waiting to run somewhere with skips in his steps and ball for him to dribble.

“Last night I dreamt about Zico so I will definitely win today! But I also dreamt you were there bundled up because you got a fever. Not like I’m complaining if I get to take care of you with my specials, but stay healthy, ‘kay, ‘kay?” Meguru said, jokingly yet dotting. Then, immediately, he continued, “Oh, well! That’s all—I will call again later or you could! So, see ‘ya, Lovely! Love you! Muuuach!”

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viscerax · 3 months

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Resources to help

Arab.org is a wonderful reliable source, by clicking, you are generating money from their donors that goes to aid those in Palestine!

If you can donate, here are some reliable links

Want to stay up to date?

Al Jazeera is a reliable news source, with constant live updates

Here is a list of people to follow to keep up to date

Who to boycott?

DO YOUR BEST TO USE YOUR PLATFORM RESPONSIBLY. THE PEOPLE OF PALESTINE ARE RELYING ON US TO BE THEIR VOICE. EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A SMALL FOLLOEING. DO YOUR BEST.

Bisan has called for a strike. During this time, please do your best to post about Palestine rather than your interests. If you can, do not contribute to the economy (buying, going to work, going to school. If you can't do this, it is okay, but please try to contribute in other ways.)

If your parents/people who don't support Palestine follow your social media, try to make new accounts, or share to close friends stories or stuff along those lines. Small audience is better than no audience.

#free palestine #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #palestine #ceasefire #ceasefire now #if i have left anything out let me know so i can add it #i will do my best to not post anything that is not palestine related this week #free gaza #call for ceasefire

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bullet-prooflove · 2 months

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Prey!Series Part Four: Free - OA Zidan x Reader

Tagging: @trublu2u @mrspeacem1nusone @greenies-green @rosaliedepp @whateversomethingbruh @anime-weeb-4-life @daydreaming-belle @burningpeachpuppy @scarlettsakura @divergent146 @upsteadlogic @malindacath @skyesthebomb @yezzyyae @redpool

It’s another basement, but this time it’s a happier ending.

Omar sincerely believes that as he stands outside of a house that costs upwards of a million dollars and watches the girls who now stand in the garden, that overlooks the beach. There’s over twenty of them.

They’d been crowded into another damp basement, one that was barely bigger than his kitchen. The conditions were cramped, squalid. Each one is in a state of disarray, their clothing is brightly coloured, barely there. Most of them had still been turning tricks up until the moment you’d gotten your hands on Snake. Now they’re mostly huddled together in groups, thermal blankets wrapped around their shoulders as paramedics review their vitals, triaging the ones that need the most urgent care.

Seeing them all out here in the fresh air, the sun on their faces…

It settles something in his chest because for the first time since stepping into country they’re free.

As soon as the perps are taken into custody, you’re on the phone. The Human Trafficking Division has crisis teams in place to handle large scale operations like this. It won’t take them too long to scramble. He knows it’s going to be a long night for your team, there’s going to be interviews with the girls, strategy meetings, leads to chase down, connections to other networks.

It never ends. There’s always going to be another and then another.

He understands to most people it’s a game of whack amole but when he looks at these girls, the difference it makes on an individual level, he gets why you do it. He sees the reason you keep hammering away at the problem despite the fact you’re swimming against the tide.

It takes a special person to do what you do and not become jaded. He’s still thinking about that when he sits across from you in a coffeeshop later that evening. You’ve chosen somewhere lowkey, open late. There’s jazz playing in the background, something he recognises from a lifetime ago.

You’re wearing your hair down tonight; it falls across your features, hiding the bruise that’s now blossoming across the left side of your face. He resists the urge to reach out and brush it back behind your ear. He likes this version of you, the woman outside of the job. You smile a lot more, you’re more relaxed, carefree.

The music has him telling you about his teenage years, how he used to sneak out at the age of seventeen and visit jazz clubs in Harlem. He’s still a fan of the genre, he has a few friends who play in a band, they have a gig coming up in a couple of weeks. You make plans to attend, work permitting, and he realises in that moment that he’s not the only one looking towards the future.

He finds himself laughing when you tell him you used to be a ghost walk tour guide back in Delaware. You were good at it too; you show him a recording of one of your tours and he finds himself enamoured. You have such a talent with words, the way you tell the stories, it’s so visual, he gets chills up his spine.

“I have a podcast.” You reveal, a blush creeping up your cheeks. “It’s on Spotify, I tell ghost stories from around the city. I don’t usually tell people about it.”

“Show me.” He urges.

You end up on his side of the table, his arm resting on the back of the seat as you lean in close. The scent of your perfume floods his senses, nectarines, and something floral. Jasmine, he thinks. The two of you scroll through your episode list as you describe each of the stories to him. The way you light up when you talk about your passion, truly it’s beautiful.

You tilt your head up towards him and you have that look in your eyes, the one that makes his heartbeat just that little faster in his chest. His thumb chases over the line of your jaw, and you close your eyes, savouring the sensation. It’s been a long time since you’ve allowed yourself to be touched, he can tell from the way you respond to him.

“Hanna…” He says, tipping your chin up and you know what he’s asking.

If this is as far as you want to go tonight, he has no problem with that. He’s ready to take things at your pace, as slow as you need to go.

“Kiss me.” You whisper and he does.

His mouth is heated, soft. He kisses you with a tenderness you’ve never felt before, and you know in that moment that you’ve met the man that you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

Your soulmate.

Omar Zidan.

Love Omar? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#fbi cbs #omar zidan #omar zidan x reader #omar zidan x you #oa zidan #oa zidan x reader #oa zidan x you

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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 4 months

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i'm at urgent care waiting to be seen and there's this old man sitting across from me watching misogynistic tik tok podcast at full volume on his giant ass ipad without a case lmao it's the wild fucking west

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year

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What does a day in your life look like?

Hi love! Great question because it's equally mundane and exciting.

On Weekdays:

I usually wake up around 8 AM and immediately start brewing my coffee (I couldn't survive without my 2 large mugs of black coffee daily – it's my most productive addiction lol);

Do the whole bathroom/skincare routine, chug 1-2 large glasses of water, and change into my "workwear" for the day (I WFH, so that's usually some sort of black knit set or structured sweatshirt, especially on Fridays); Put on light daily makeup, brush hair, etc.

Read through a few newsletters to my shuffle or French instrumental music (Morning Brew, The Skimm, Business of Fashion, Glossy, among others but these are the daily ones)

Check my email and plan my day (use the Intelligent Change Productivity Planner): I own my own copywriting/editorial business, so I usually have a main task for the day, such as writing a web page, email series, blog post/article, creating a content strategy, press releases, etc. and answer my most important/urgent emails. I try to leave one admin day to deal with most of my contracts/invoicing/calls/Zoom client meetings per week

Some days, I have certain industry events (like press previews, brand or product launches, or shows/presentations during Fashion Week), so I account for those on the days I'm going! My clients are located all over the world (Milan, London, NYC, LA, Sydney, etc.), so most of my face time with them is virtual. Love to see them if they're in town, though!

After working until at least the late afternoon or evening (usually start around 9 am), I'll take a walk or do a pilates workout if it's raining. Then, shower to reset, and take care of any late-day emails or extra work I want to finish for the day before dinner, especially if I take an earlier walk

Finally, I'll change into sweats, have dinner, clean up, do my skincare, go on Tumblr/Pinterest/Insta/Reddit, etc. read some articles then journal and read a bit (unless I scroll on TikTok lol, which happens more than I would like!) with a cup of tea before going to bed. I'm such a night owl naturally, so I've learned to go with it (being in bed by 1 am is an accomplishment for me!).

On Weekends:

Sleep IN (earliest is 9:30-10 AM); Coffee because I'm an addict, whole bathroom/water routine, change into sweats, have a dance party while the coffee gets brewing lol, and read some articles to wake up. Then, it's either chores day – Clean for the cleaner, laundry, organizing, groceries, you know the deal or a free-for-all – going on Tumblr, Netflix, listening to Podcasts, journaling, reading, etc. and always a walk or light workout

** Obviously, I'm missing the meals here but for anyone struggling with an ED or food issues, please know that I DO have 3 meals a day and 1-2 snacks or 2 meals and 2-3 snacks a day. Fuel your body!

Hope this answers your question xx

#femmefatalevibe #dailyhabits #healthy habits #healthylifestyle #productivity #career path #self care #day in the life #it girl #queen energy #dream girl #q/a

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springgirlwaiting4fall · 2 years

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John Moxley Taking Care of You Bullet Point Style

Dedicated to the beautiful @sasha2234 I hope you start to feel better soon! 💛💚💜

Jon Moxley was not a romantic or soft person. When the two of you met, you weren’t even sure that he liked.

Eddie Kingston was actually the one that told you that he liked you. He said that he never seen Mox be so open with anyone before. Which was so confusing considering that you two were just talking about what you were going to do on the weekend.

Jon even showed he loved you differently than anyone else you had dated previously. He would hide fake mice and snakes around his place and in your luggage, hoping to scare you.

But that was your man and you loved him, even if no one else got it. You two understood each other and that was what mattered.

Plus they never seen how sweet and worried he was with you. Especially when you were sick. You had just moved in with each other, the first time you got strep throat.

Considering Jon never went to the doctors if he was sick or injured, he was very demanding that you go to urgent care right away.

When you were diagnosed and given medication instructions, he was right there next to you. Holding your hand and putting alarms on his phones for when you would need to take your antibiotics.

Getting home, Jon made you get into your most comfortable pajamas and sent you right to bed. He wasn’t going to cook your homemade soup or anything like that. But he would warm up all the leftover in the fridge. And when they ran out, he would order all you favorite take out.

At night Jon would crawl into bed with you and let you put on whatever silly and girly movie your heart desired. He wouldn’t even roll his eyes or mock the over the top lines.

Even when you were starting to feel better, Jon would want you to stay in bed until you were finished all your antibiotics. And once you were all done and you were one hundred percent better. He would go back to hiding realistic spiders in the pantry.

Than there were the days you were physically okay, but mentally you were out of it. It made you feel even more miserable. Because you only had a limited amount of time during the week that Jon was home, and you couldn’t even get out of bed.

He never made you feel bad or guilty about it. You helped and supported him through his dark times. And while he wasn’t much of a talker or into big romantic gestures; he made a promise to you and himself to do the same for you.

Jon would come home and he knew you weren’t in a good place. He couldn’t find you working in the living room with a podcast on as background noise or in the kitchen baking and singing to yourself.

You were in bed light off and blinds down, either sleeping for over 15 hours or trying to sleep after going days without it. Jon would drop his bags on the floor, crawl into bed, and spoon you from behind.

You would melt right into him. Sometimes you would cry, other times you were mad at him for being away so much. But he would keep holding you, letting you get some of the pain out.

When you calmed down a little bit, Jon always made you get in the shower with him. He didn’t want sex or anything like that. Jon would just wash you and let a tiny bit of that anxiety go down the drain.

Afterwards he would wrap you up in a big fluffy towel and sit you back in bed. Jon would dress you in your most comfortable leggings and one of his shirts. He would than put a fuzzy pair of socks on your feet.

Next Jon would take your hand and led you into the kitchen. He would heat up some can soup and talk about anything to distract you.

On the sofa he would hand fed you your soup and put on one of the shows you two watch together.

And while none of this cured you or made your depression or anxiety go away. Jon made you feel safe. And that’s all that you ever wanted.

#aew #aew fanfiction #jon moxely #dean ambrose #aew imagine #jon moxley imagine

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roryfrommybabysittersavampire · 4 months

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1. I am brushing my teeth for the second time today, which I haven't done in 2 years. they are comically bad for the amount of weird "your teeth are so straight" comments I used to get. 2. I find my retainer after a year. I figure why not put it in. I open the case and there's a skeleton of some bug that I can't recognize and a ton of dust. I feel like I am in a cartoon. I wash the retainer with nothing but my toothbrush with the leftover toothpaste from when I brushed my teeth a few seconds ago. I don't realize that all of that filth went into my toothbrush until I put it away. I rinse it off again. 3. my top teeth have barely moved but the bottom might tear a root if I push it. I put in my top retainer with quite a bit of resistance. 4. after about an hour it starts to fit my teeth and I can bite down on it. the problem is that I am a masochist. I continue biting down on it while I jack off. 5. I sit in bed thinking very hard about what I just did as my jaw starts to get sore and the novelty of the pain wears off. I walk to the bathroom and clean the bottom half of the retainer and start to squeeze it on, hoping for a spark. the pain is a little too bad to enjoy. 6. i keep pushing on it until I hear a crack. my bottom left tooth's root has been ripped out. there is a lot of blood. I have to wake up my dad. he calls the dentist. when I take out the retainer the tooth goes with it. he drives me to urgent care. I sit next to a sticker of Edward Cullen getting a vaccine on my doctor's laptop. he has lip piercings and black hair (the doctor). 7. the doctor is weird and doing nothing to my tooth but he says my blood is made out of something special that makes me immune to all stds. since I am a masochist and the pain is still making me horny, I try to fuck the doctor. bad news is his penis is 20 inches long. 8. suddenly my dad storms in and shoots the doctor. I ask him where he got the gun. he says he has had a concealed carry liscence since I was 5 and always has a firearm under his belt. it's on top of the toilet when he showers. I scream at him to leave the room. I run to the doctor and see that he may not be for sure dead. I examine the wound in his chest. it didn't hit any vital organs. I could still save him. 9. ten nurses rush in behind me and watch in awe as they realize that I've stopped the bleeding. suddenly, the doctor's eyes open and he looks up. I know that look. he's in love. he leans uo and kisses me. sadly, I am emotionally unavailable and now that we've shared a deep connection I will not be able to get past the discomfort. 10. I stand up and walk out of the urgent care as the fleet of nurses stares at me in awe. when I get outside, it is nighttime. I look up at the full moon. there's something stirring in me. suddenly I feel my bones start to crack as I watch my arms grow a thick layer of hair. I howl and begin to charge into the mountains. this is who I am meant to be. no one cares if the dog's teeth are straight. I live my fantasies out all night, running at deer and sleeping in a patch of grass. 11. when I wake up am shattered. I am once again human. everything hurts, I am naked and missing a tooth. I look at the sky and scream. "why, god? why did you make me put in my retainer?". I do not expect an answer. he can be a cruel lord, but I know that he loves me. I lay down and stare at my pale, bare hands. "maybe this is all you were ever meant to be. have you ever considered that? maybe there is beauty in the mundane and divinity in the imperfect. you must stop asking questions and let yourself learn." I hear a voice say. I don't know where it is coming from, but it is all that I can hear, and it is all that I know. god has answered my prayer. 13. I stand up and walk back home to pack my things. I need everyone on earth to know that God is real and I'll do anything to prove it to them. I'm going to save the world. my plan? spotify podcast.

#retainer #orthodontics #masochism #twilight #2nd ammendment #cervix injury #gun violence tw #ftm #transmasc #god #prophecy #hey this animal can talk

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leaahhh · 1 year

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two tuesdays ago i traversed uptown to get my left ear cut open. back in october, i had impulsively gotten a new earring while i was pitifully sad during a morning walk. “to feel something,” i’d sighed to friends, who mostly rolled their eyes.

it never stopped hurting. helix piercings are notorious for taking longer to heal, but mine remained extra stubborn, consistently tender to the touch and annoyingly easily irritated. i winced every time i slept on it (i knew there would always be at the very least a dull ache and willingly went forward with it anyway, even as a side sleeper). on new year’s eve it started showing signs of infection. the back of my ear swelled up to an alarming size, hot and beet red and bulbous. just a handful of hours later – 11:53pm, minutes before the clock struck midnight and the year turned over – i used my phone to take a photo and saw that the skin had completely closed over the jewelry, backing and all.

the pain numbed almost instantly. my body had swallowed this foreign object in defiance, embedding it into my cartilage, threatening to remain in my bones.

i flew back to new york and spent a week mindlessly tugging at it, aware i should probably get it looked at but not bothered enough to feel much of an urgency at all. it wasn’t until my roommate, who i flippantly told the story to one afternoon, shone a flashlight onto the back of my ear and insisted it was genuinely concerning. she said she was coming with me to urgent care that weekend.

at urgent care i was referred to an ENT up at columbus circle for an emergency appointment. as i sat in the waiting room, i scrolled tiktok with the sound off (my new preferred way of interacting with that app, until i delete it entirely). i saw a video about an old song exploder podcast episode featuring phoebe bridgers and marshall vore diving deep on “scott street” from 2017’s ‘stranger in the alps,’ which i’ve long considered a truly Perfect Song. it was my favorite for months after it dropped and has remained highly important to me for the past half decade. i’d listened to that podcast when it came out, but by now had forgotten nearly everything that was said. i reminded myself to give it another listen on my trip home.

minutes later, a plastic surgeon examined my fucked up ear and confirmed that my version of what happened was true. he numbed it up, handed me some odd vibrating device that was supposed to help “distract my brain from the pain.” still, it was excruciating. i heard him make the incision then use a variation of sharp metal tools to dig out the jewelry. grating, like nails on a chalkboard. when it was out, i shyly asked if i could keep it; he handed it back to me in a tiny manila folder.

“you probably shouldn’t get it pierced in that same spot again,” he said.

i turned on the “scott street” podcast as i left the surgeon’s office, hearing marshall and phoebe break down the track. marshall spoke of a previous relationship that inspired the lyrics.

“this person did love me, but they were also working against me," he explained. "i wonder if they’re ashamed of that, and i wonder if they’ve grown up.”

“it’s so sad and weird to play catch up with someone who was so intimately involved in your life for so long,” phoebe added.

at the conclusion of the episode, “scott street” played in its entirety as i walked through the passageway from the E to the G at court square. i closed my eyes, hands in my pockets drumming along to the familiar series of bells and train horns, ear bandaged and shot up with lidocaine. i considered friendship, shame, forgiveness, and my penchant for purposely reopening wounds while the outro of the song repeated over and over again: “anyway, don’t be a stranger.”

maybe you've caught onto the fact that this story isn't about an earring.

in an unrelated moment of desperation last fall, i’d posted a zoomed-in selfie on my close friends instagram story with a massive text block overriding it, reading: “CAN SOMEONE CONFIRM IF TIME REALLY HEALS?” several people responded with casual optimism (and probably exasperation towards my visible months-long spiral), but adam’s response stood out:

“it just lives in you differently.”

EDIT: walked past the shop i got my piercing at today; this sign sat outside:

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cavehags · 1 year

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enjoying jotting down these recommendations… do you have any suggestions for podcasts hosted by 2 (or more) people who have a dynamic you really like? informational would be nice but I’m open to a lot of things (I have already dabbled in most of the sarah marshall+michael hobbes extended universe for what it’s worth)

i think i'm out of educational pods to recommend, but i do have some comedy duos i'm really enjoying!

like a virgin - it's so weird to me that i enjoy this podcast so much when i disagree with so many of their takes but it is what it is! it's your classic formula of two gay besties talking about media. i really like listening to it on long walks - it's very comforting!

best friends - all i can say is it's a rare duo who can sustain an entertaining podcast conversation weekly when it's clear they've had upwards of 7 phone calls over the course of the rest of the week. it really annoys me when friends host an unstructured show and clearly have nothing to talk about, or worse yet, they just talk about things the audience isn't interested in like how they're looking forward to getting brunch with [not famous friend] later. that is not the case with nicole and sasheer. they always have things to talk about and it's a great time.

thank f*ck for that - it's a really simple premise - just comics talking to other comics about wild moments that defined or almost changed their lives. and i love this premise because it means guests win you over easily because their stories are so exciting. also sarah has the hottest voice i've ever heard so many points for that.

off menu - okay like. this is a weird one to rec because i guess it's the single most popular comedy podcast in the uk or whatever. yet i had not heard of it until this past year. american brain. anyway, it's a lot of fun - i like hearing what food means to different people and the hosts have a really great rhythm where one of them is the smug straight man and one of them is the clown at any given moment. it's a good time.

and honorable mention to two dead pods i'm still mourning: keeping records (specifically the first 75 episodes) and urgent care. unfortunately many quirks of the way i talk have been stolen from joel and shelby. and caleb a little bit. and mitra. they're two of my favorite comedy pods ever and not overly tied to pop culture references so you can go back to listen to old eps and not get annoyed trying to place them in time!

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rockislandadultreads · 1 year

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Nonfiction Thursday: Asian American & Pacific Islander (AAPI) Biographies

Both/And by Huma Abedin

The daughter of Indian and Pakistani intellectuals and advocates, Abedin grew up in the United States and Saudi Arabia and traveled widely. Both/And grapples with family, legacy, identity, faith, marriage, motherhood—and work—with wisdom, sophistication, grace, and clarity.

Abedin launched full steam into a college internship in the office of the First Lady in 1996, never imagining that her work at the White House would blossom into a career in public service, nor that her career would become an all-consuming way of life. She thrived in rooms with diplomats and sovereigns, entrepreneurs and artists, philanthropists and activists, and witnessed many crucial moments in 21st-century American history—Camp David for urgent efforts at Middle East peace in the waning months of the Clinton administration, Ground Zero in the days after the September 11 attacks, the inauguration of the first African American president of the United States, and the convention floor when America nominated its first female presidential candidate.

Abedin’s relationship with Hillary Clinton has seen both women through extraordinary personal and professional highs, as well as unimaginable lows. Here, for the first time, is a deeply personal account of Clinton as mentor, confidante, and role model. Abedin cuts through caricature, rumor, and misinformation to reveal a crystal-clear portrait of Clinton as a brilliant and caring leader, a steadfast friend, generous, funny, hardworking, and dedicated.

Eat a Peach by David Chang

In 2004, David Chang opened a noodle restaurant named Momofuku in Manhattan's East Village, not expecting the business to survive its first year. In 2018, he was the owner and chef of his own restaurant empire, with 15 locations from New York to Australia, the star of his own hit Netflix show and podcast, was named one of the most influential people of the 21st century and had a following of over 1.2 million. In this inspiring, honest and heartfelt memoir, Chang shares the extraordinary story of his culinary coming-of-age.

Growing up in Virginia, the son of Korean immigrant parents, Chang struggled with feelings of abandonment, isolation and loneliness throughout his childhood. After failing to find a job after graduating, he convinced his father to loan him money to open a restaurant. Momofuku's unpretentious air and great-tasting simple staples - ramen bowls and pork buns - earned it rave reviews, culinary awards and before long, Chang had a cult following.

Chang's love of food and cooking remained a constant in his life, despite the adversities he had to overcome. Over the course of his career, the chef struggled with suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety. He shied away from praise and begged not to be given awards. In Eat a Peach, Chang opens up about his feelings of paranoia, self-confidence and pulls back the curtain on his struggles, failures and learned lessons.

Stay True by Hua Hsu

In the eyes of eighteen-year-old Hua Hsu, the problem with Ken--with his passion for Dave Matthews, Abercrombie & Fitch, and his fraternity--is that he is exactly like everyone else. Ken, whose Japanese American family has been in the United States for generations, is mainstream; for Hua, the son of Taiwanese immigrants, who makes 'zines and haunts Bay Area record shops, Ken represents all that he defines himself in opposition to. The only thing Hua and Ken have in common is that, however they engage with it, American culture doesn't seem to have a place for either of them.

But despite his first impressions, Hua and Ken become friends, a friendship built on late-night conversations over cigarettes, long drives along the California coast, and the textbook successes and humiliations of everyday college life. And then violently, senselessly, Ken is gone, killed in a carjacking, not even three years after the day they first meet.

Determined to hold on to all that was left of one of his closest friends--his memories--Hua turned to writing. Stay True is the book he's been working on ever since. A coming-of-age story that details both the ordinary and extraordinary, Stay True is a bracing memoir about growing up, and about moving through the world in search of meaning and belonging.

The Stories We Tell by Joanna Gaines

"The only way to break free was to rewrite my story. Because something would happen every time my pen stopped: it was like my soul was coming back to my body. Like the deepest parts of me that got knocked around and drowned out by all the crap I let the world convince me about who I was came back to the surface. And what was left was only what was real and true. I was, finally, standing in the fullness of my story. I felt hopeful. I felt full. Our story may crack us open, but it also pieces us back together.

We all have a story to tell. This happens to be mine--every chapter a window into who I am, the journey I'm on, and the season I'm in right now. Because this is my story, maybe you won't always relate, or maybe it will feel like you're looking in a mirror. Whatever we have in common and whatever differences lie between us, I only hope my story can help shine a light on the beauty of yours. That my own soul work will stir something of your own. And that by the time you get to the end of my story, you're also holding the beautiful beginnings of your own.

A story only you can tell. And I hope that you will."

- Joanna Gaines

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spngeorg · 2 years

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Episode 59: 3.15 Time Is On My Side

And once again, I realized I left something out of the podcast that could probably be a whole episode on its own... the tagline on my title card this week. In this episode, we learn that John had hunted Doc Benton years ago, probably in the 80′s when he first became a hunter. He cut out Benton’s heart and thought the job was done. Clearly it was not. Over the years, we learn of so many of these old cases that he either half-assed (maybe out of inexperience, maybe out of lack of information, maybe out of carelessness or because his single-minded focus was on revenge for Mary’s death-- whatever the reason), or just ignored entirely as “not urgent enough to look into further,” even when we learn these things were annual or otherwise repeating incidents.

Yeah, sure, no hunter can take care of every supernatural evil single-handedly, but heck... there seems to be a lot of evidence for why other hunters cut ties with John, and while some of those can be chalked up to his own paranoia and desire to shield his kids, some of it sure looks like carelessness. Especially the week after we were reminded of John, even if it was just a ploy of that MotW and not ~actually~ John.

One of these weeks we will delve deeper into this one. But not this week. There’s enough going on in this one as it is. I mean, by the end of the episode, folks even seem to forget what comes off as almost a throwaway line from the opening scenes, the fact that exorcising the last ten demons in a row had led to zero human survivors. That humans who survive possession (especially longer-term possession) are exceptionally rare. Especially when a common complaint about later seasons is that Sam and Dean become more “careless” about just killing possessed people when they could be saving them via exorcisms instead. The show is already drawing this murky line where safety, expediency and practicality have to be weighed against the vanishingly small chance of actually being able to save a single human life post-possession. Yeah, it’s something for us to consider, but the show has been blatantly saying for a while now that in most cases, demon possession isn’t really a survivable situation for the human victim.

Referenced in this week’s episode:

The Superwiki page for this episode

My tag for this episode

But mostly these two posts linked here and here

The production draft script for the episode, as well as casting sides for “Demon” and “Victim” (which are just two pages each, and I believe taken directly from that white draft script)

Listen now on AnchorFM, or wherever you enjoy podcasts!

#spn 3.15 #spn podcasts #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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