#use condom

[angel-in-your-basement]

Taking the condom off in the middle of sex is so hot to me. Like we agreed to be responsible, to be safe, but all of a sudden they need to be inside me raw. It’s not enough to just fuck me, they need to breed me deep. And I’d be so fucked out I’d want it too - I’d beg them to take the condom off. I want to be fucked the way I was made to be fucked. I want to be bred.

#condoms are a great invention and I would love to never use one again #cala posts

[theveryworstthing]

The Witch's Granddaughters

local witches Mishthill Vine and her husband Joe found a very badly woven basket full of strange infants and wildflowers on their doorstep about 26 years ago. they did not have to read the note tucked in with the babies to figure out that their daughter had found a new way to give them migraines. 

everybody wants to be a monster-fucker, but nobody wants to deal with the results. 

Ashe and Arrow rarely see their parents but they don't really mind anymore. they used to go on little holiday adventures with them when their mom remembered they existed (or needed something from Maw and PopPop) but that was... A Lot. these days they're full grown witches plotting out adventures of their own while helping their grandparents keep the local magic bullshit under control. 

they're good kids. 

bonus:

#monster girls #witches #Ashe #Arrow #body horror #babies #tfw your kid runs off with some fae asshole who whines his way out of using condoms and you can't convince her to leave his sorry ass

[puppiitraining]

Reallyyy reallyy thinking right now of a partner who is just- obsessed with watching things sink into your holes.

Laying across their lap with hoth holes presented, and they can be doing literally anything. Watching tv, reading, or you are the full entertainment, but just idly thrusting anything phallic safely into you to watch it disappear magically. The remote, a dildo, different sized dildos, literally whatever... just watching how you stretch around different sized things and just

Juuusttt play with my holes like your own lil stim toys please????? Hgghhhggg

#literally lOVE THIS IDEA #i also love random object fucking (with condoms and done safely ofc) but maAAAAN #just!!!!! use!!!!!! #barking barking baRKING #ftm puppy #t4t puppy #ftm pet #t4t pet #pet/boy #ftm sub #t4t nsft #ftmpet #pet/play #t4t ns/fw #t4t yearning #trans nsft

[officialspec]

idk why its messing me up so bad that they were called condoms as early as the 16th century. it feels like something that should be a brand-name-turned-common-name a la trampoline or frisbee

#does this make sense to literally anyone #btw theres documented use of condom-like devices as far back as the 1300s which is wild to me

[higgsfigs]

Slacking off, are we?

#furry art #oc artwork #higgs art #anthro canine #That high tsch ring that makes an I stand condom #What eles are you gonna use technological advances for anyways?

[housewifebuck]

#stupid ass bangs. he looks like he has one of those special edition NIN condoms. never used obviously #Eddie diaz #eddiediazedit #911 #911edit #911verse #911 abc #911hiatus2023 #🪐 #my gifs

[moderndaypandora]

The LAYERS needed in a modern/human Dreamling au.  Some level of Endless family dysfunction, obviously.  Hob's family can be be dead or not, it's all good. Are they old enough to have individually gained the awareness they are off-puttingly intense and should hide it a bit at first, or still in that "no, why would I need to Elsa this" stage?

Option A is both of them trying to play it cool, like "don't scare him off" except they so badly want to go from zero to sixty.

(Death and Desire have ruthlessly drilled Dream with flashcards about how to react appropriately in situations.

Desire: it's your one-month anniversary, what do you do?

Dream: [hesitantly] NOT propose?

Desire and Death, conferring, because that's technically correct but the delivery was suspect.

Death, encouragingly: Good start. And?


Dream: a nice dinner and maybe a walk?

Desire: well done!

Death: and for a three-month anniversary?


Dream: give them a key to my flat.

Desire: [airhorn] NO. RED CARD.)

Option B makes them the classic anecdotal "my grandparents got engaged within seven days of meeting each other and still are happy together".

(Death, rubbing her temples: so you met this guy--

Dream: Hob

Death: -- Hob, and within 1 day you gave notice to the Registrar's Office and figured out the best day to get married. And Hob agreed to this?

Dream: NO.

Death: oh thank go-

Dream: Hob SUGGESTED this.

Death: . . .

Dream: are you going to be a witness or not?

Death, 29 days later in the Registrar's Office, to Hob's witness: Is he sane?

Johanna Constantine, drinking heavily from a large flask: unfortunately yes, by all legal definitions.

Death: fuck

Johanna: [passing the flask over] if your brother's even a tenth as intense as Hob, they'll be fine. Probably.

Death, brightening: Is Hob that bad?


Johanna: You know how sometimes you meet somebody and think "oof, they're a bit much, best give them a wide berth"?


Death: yeah.

Johanna: Hob's like a camouflaged hole in the ground of muchness. Except he's done the hole up all nice and he knows that sometimes you just want to be left alone in the hole to sulk and rattle the spikes for a bit, and occasionally get a F&M hamper tossed in.

Death: [hmmmmmmm'ing approvingly]

Johanna, morose: the bastard.

In the background, Hob and Dream are pressing their foreheads together and basking in each other's presence)

#dreamling #the sandman #it's underappreciated how many red flags hob probably is buried under his amiable exterior #he looked at dream of the endless and went 'yeah' #not even as a 'i can make him better' #very much as a 'i can vibe with his current state and frankly even if he was worse i'd still be like that's my husband [shrug emoji]' #'what am i supposed to do? i knew who he was when i married him' #everybody around them: [extremely done with their shit] STOP ENABLING HIM #hob: he's my goth sweetheart #dream's entire family: he's ten sulking cats in eyeliner and a dramatic coat #hob: i know :D i love him! #johanna constantine is like 'hob's insane' #and everybody's going 'oh no don't be so mean he's just a little boring next to dream' #johanna: he saw dream being dream and went 'i need to stamp my name on him. how do i permanently tie us together' #johanna: he'd never safety pin a condom but i can just see the gears turning in hob's head about how to get to spend more time with dream #johanna: just radiating smug contentment over his insane wet cat #hob: i cannot wait to spend the next 60 years with that man #hob: and ideally die in our sleep together still holding hands #death and johanna: [staring at him over their fourth round of drinks] #dream: [heart of eyes and pink of cheeks] #dream: we should never not be holding hands #hob: okay but what if occasionally we stop holding hands just to then appreciate the feeling of starting to hold hands again #dream: [mulling] acceptable #death and johanna could probably start an entire benefriends or actual romantic relationship entirely based on judging dreamling

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards

I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?

I. Magic Tricks

You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)

But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."

In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets

This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?

From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.

Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)

2008.

Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible

2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?

2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!

2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards

2012.

This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??

2013.

Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form

2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):

For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one

2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):

The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"

III. Why Does This Matter?

*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs

This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!

There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.

But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(

#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post #nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg #that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face #<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH #anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project #and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore #i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects #<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about.... #idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ #theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create. #haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think: #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion #<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell #fernando alonso #fa14 #f1 #formula 1 #catie.rambling.txt #we do a little bit of f1

[shih-coulda-had-it]

Got jumpscared by my own afo post because of you....

aw well yknow the nature of the reblog economy is that it’s a cycle and things come back round

#shih’s drafts #asks #cyber-phobia #ask to tag #it’s tasteful selfcest you gotta give me that #anyways all i could really think about when i saw what you and kstbj had wrought #was that the quirk stealing shenanigans must have been WILD #safe sex with afo isn’t just about using the condom for the d #it’s also using gloves for the hands 👏👏👏

[stlamb]

omg... a straight girl named her company "pillow princess" because she thought the name was cute and didn't know its a lesbian term... is anyone going to tell her ☠️ cause it won't be me

#triple quadruple confirmed that she's straight like i promise #we need to teach this stuff to kids in school so they don't embarrass themselves #she uses printed condoms as ads and has jokes about fucking ppls dad on her brand.....

[sanjisblackasswife]

i think it’s funny af when i see a writer does this:

*makes smut*

*the said smut they’re writing is about unprotected sex*

also the writer: PRACTICE SAFE SEX. WEAR A CONDOM.

idk why but it’s funny….like u damn hypocrite.

#have i done that #if so i’m a damn hypocrite n i apologize #but like how u gone tell me to wear condoms when u romantazing about NOT using em bye #it’s like when someone says i don’t condone rape after writing a rape smut #nigga yes u do💀

[nebulousmedic]

Imagine the mercs pulling out this when they're about to do 4nal

#misc #tf2 #team fortess 2 #yeah of course there was water based lube and it IS better to use when you're using a condom but #vaseline silicon and oil based lubes last for longer #and the guys are probably thoroughly tested by Medic so they're all clean #they can afford to not use condoms #im sorry for the slop

[roryhastoomanyfandoms]

Usually live and let ship but breaking up mj and peter in spiderdad shipping is honestly top tier cowardice. You fools. You buffoons. There is literally no reason to do so. Mj? Down for poly. Petey brings home a hot dude who's good with the kid, she is NOT complaining. Peter? Down for poly. Bro has the big heart for it. Miguel? Sure he might not go for MJ but "hes married" is the excuse Miguel uses and it works for, like, a week, until Peter starts super casually and not-at-all-forcedly bringing up that he and MJ have an open relationship, and then catboy is hanging on by a thread of professionalism.

"But how could Peter and Miguel kiss if Peter is still with MJ?" UHHHH WITH MJ CHEERING AND HOOTING AND HOLLERING AND HIP HIP HOORAYING???

#spiderdads #its giving uuhhhh it gives some misogyny gives me a lil poly phobia... #breaking up a straight canon couple for yaoi; cringe. broke. i sleep #straight couple gets a 3rd partner; CELESTIAL. WOKE. BESPOKE. I WAKE AND RISE AND GRIND #it is objectively a better ship with MJ as eithet a 3rd party or just peters wife #zhe doesnt have to also mack on miguel but look me in the eyes #and tell me that mj going ;> have fun u 2 use condoms haha dont go 2 wild #while miguel is having a catholic breakdown and a gay/emotional transcendence is NOT FUNNY

[freak-accident419]

posting the pornstars!derek and reader fic (hopefully) tomorrow loves!!!! thank you so much for your support and patience <33

#me when i made the text orange and black for pornhub.. #coming up with a title last minute and i laughed cause it was perfect (but they dont even use a condom in here oh well) #i found a way to write heelys into this too… #derek danforth #derek danforth x reader #derek danforth smut #gn!reader

[auspicioustidings]

Cleaner!reader who through wacky hijinks keeps getting roped into fake relationships with the men on base. Sometimes it's to make someone jealous, sometimes it's to get family to back off, but you are bascially getting blackmailed into it so there's nothing you can do (MacTavish caught you doing or saying something or whatever it was, but the man has dirt on you that he shared with his team). At least it's not like there is any risk of falling in love because you have seen the absolute middens these boys leave the place and it is very unattractive, plus you are constantly butting heads with them over you moving their stuff or them dragging you to these events to pretend to be vapid arm candy or whatever new argument you are in that week.

#mhairidrabbles #johnny definitley just leaves socks lying around that he was not using for his feet #so crusty and gross #like at least you know Gaz is being safe but how many fucking used condoms can there be in this bloody room #Ghost's room has been a lesson in how to get blood out of almost anything #Price leaves cigar ash fucking everywhere

[groenendaze]

they were frosty this morning

#and STUPID #dogs who go in water when it’s 27F outside get cold! who knew! #finch #nettle #my dogs #the were on their absolute worst behavior today #especially finch who literally. swallowed a used condom right in front of us #im 🔪