#used to cry myself to sleep over this actually

[atticssmellgood]

What am I supposed to do with myself? How am I supposed to act when my feed isn’t constantly getting filled with new recents of the band, updates on the set lists, new videos of Alex acting like a madman on stage, interviews, and everything else? How am I supposed to function, knowing that they’re going to disappear for god knows how long? How can I be okay when one of my favorite eras is now just a memory along with the others?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE?????

#i actually can’t #this is so painful #they’re gonna be gone for like 5 years #I’ve gotten so used to them being on tour #it’s gonna be so weird now that it’s over #crying myself to sleep tonight #okay I’m being overdramatic I’ll shut up now😭 #arctic monkeys #the car tour #the car era #end of an era

[theinfinitedivides]

he's gone.

#lee sun kyun #lee sun gyun #funny how i knew that logically from the moment i got the news but seeing Son Seok Ku and Jung Woo Sung post their little #tributes on Instagram using the same photo.......... with his face in that little frame on top of what looks like the gravesite since #there's the reflection of trees in the headstone......... might not be the gravesite since i just realized it looks like the photo Hye Jin #probably carried as the chief mourner + on closer examination it's propped up against granite(?) so this is most likely either outside #the hall outside the crematorium or outside his final resting place. doesn't matter where it is it's just. think it's finally really hit #now think for the past few couple of days i was in this in-between state where i was flitting back and forth between 'oh God he's actually #gone they're having the memorial it's over' and 'this is a f*cking nightmare and if i try hard enough i'll wake up before the year ends' #well it's the 29th of December and we're not waking up. God #it's all but confirmed i'm penciling in that My Mister rewatch next year so i can ugly cry my way through to get to that beautiful #kinder ending. might also cry myself to sleep later in the evening but don't say i said that

[emypony]

.

#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more #this self conscious catgirl is so tired #sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok #i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment #genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me #and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media #in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end #YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!! #i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months #which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me #it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us #i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place #like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances? #anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically #idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i #personal #sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually #me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl #bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow #im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit #i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy #the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob #which i am feeling like right now! #vent #emy rambles #ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM #k really am #sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon #and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them #but yknow one can yearn

[orcelito]

genuinely tho me jumping right into reading volume 9 of trimax and then volume 10 (and then most of the rest of the manga) on the night before i had a presentation at 9:30 am (that was entirely not prepared) was literally one of the most unhinged decisions ive ever made

this is what a hyperfixation does to a person

#speculation nation #like that experience was transcendent. i will NEVER be repeating it again but it sure was something #crying 5 times in a night chugging my monster perusing the wolfwood tag tearfully as i listen to the same sad song on repeat for an hour #struggling to get myself to work on the presentation but continuously going back to the manga bc it was SOOO GOOOD #me being like 'im gonna need a few days to process and heal' after reading volume 10 but then after an hour just. starting reading more. #gettign only 2 hours of sleep bc i was like 'ok i need to recover from crying Five Times and then i will focus entirely on this' #literally what is wrong with me lmfao. this sure was something. #this was literally just last week. i can hardly believe it. #this happened on tuesday/wednesday. i spent wednesday recovering. then on thursday i was like 'ok time to write' #there was hardly ANY wait time before i jumped into my next writing project #bc i had the idea after volume 10 but waited until i finished the manga to see where would be the best time to implement it #& that shit with the plants was the PERFECT time. i knew as soon as it happened that That was what i was gonna use. #wrote chapter 1 within a day (while working) then chapter 2 within a day (while working) #then chapter 3 within 2 days (while working AND doing family stuff) #guys i havent had a proper day off of work in over a week bc i covered on tuesday and came in on wednesday and covered on sunday #uhm. sunday before yesterday. i think my last day off was actually uh. the thursday before? a week and a half ago. #and im not getting a day off until thursday. two whole goddamned weeks. i am having a fucking time for sure. #and what do you know that coincides with The Time. oh i dont think it was even thursday. when the fuck was my last day off #uhmmm. oh haha it was that tuesday. aka the 18th. i havent had a goddamned day off since the 18th. #head in my hands. i am losing my fucking mind. #literally unhinged. and it makes sooo much sense now lmfao.

[urbanfiltered]

AAAAAA

#i HAVE developed the inability to live with people and idk when it happened #i used to be so different ! my cousin used to stay over for like a week straight and i would enjoy every day!! #and now it’s like #if i have to spend 4+ days in a row with ANYONE outside of my immediate family i start crying in the shower #i need to!!! #get a grip #god i think i just get overstimulated #and i think ‘doing nothing by myself’ time has gotten more and more important for my brain #like tbh i used to dread being alone but now i can kind of make myself enjoy my own company #i don’t mind the routine 5 hour drives i have to make to and from my parents anymore #like they used to bother me but now it’s just some nice chill time to vibe with myself #which is cool!!!! #i’m glad i like me #it is still really hard to self initiate things though #like when i’m alone for too many days in a row i can SO EASILY fall into inaction #it’s 1 day i sleep too late and then the next 3 days i can’t self regulate or self motivate myself to start a task #i AM still working on that one #though i will say it’s gotten better #i know this is a stupid thing to brag about but i started watching abbott elementary (on my own) and now i am actually #almost done with season 1 #i have NEVER been able to start or finish a show on my own #i lack the executive function to make myself start things #even things i like and want to do #but!!!!! #i am beginning to do things on my own #ANYWAYS this got lost on me but back to the main point jesus fucking christ i need some time to myself

[evie-sturns]

Sorry - Matt Sturniolo

summary: you and matt have been bickering the whole day, but one thing that comes out of his mouth accidentally makes you cry.

contains: arguing, crying, comforting, fluff.

---------------└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘---------------

matt and i have spent the day out together, but hes been snapping at me for the smallest things. i've just brushed it off, i decided hes just tired and needs to get home.

"ready to go matt?" i ask, squeezing his hand as i heave myself up off the chairs in the mall.

"mhm.." matt hums, shutting off his phone and sitting up.

the loud chatter from crowds of people in the shopping center echos through my ears. matt walks ahead of me, i follow close behind as he walks through the double doors out into the parking lot.

he unlocks the car before letting himself in, shutting the car door behind him. "jesus" i mutter under my breath before opeing the passenger side and jumping in.

"so what should we get for dinner tonight?" i question, breaking the painfully loud silence.

"don't know" he replies quietly, his voice monotone.

"i could make us something?" i say, tapping my fingers on my leg as matt pulls out onto the street.

"sure." he responds with a slight nod of his head.

the rest of the car ride is silent, matt grips the steering wheel with both hands, taking sharp turns towards home.

"matt..?" i ask quietly,

"mhm" he mutters back,

"are you upset with me?" i say, my voice soft as i look directly on the road ahead.

"nope" matt sighs as he pulls into our garage.

i nod silently as he opens the door of the drivers side, he slams the door shut behind him and walking into the house. he doesnt even bother letting me out of the car, let alone leave the door to the house open.

i sit in the car for about a minute in silence, trying to think about what is actually pissing matt off today

i get out of the car and walk up the concrete stairs to our house, i approach the door to matt and i's bedroom, the door handle rattles before swinging open.

matt is sitting on his desk chair, scrolling on his phone. he doesn't even look up at me as i flop down on the bed.

i grab my airpods off our bedside table, accidentally knocking matts cup of coffee which has been marinating on the table for several hours.

the mug hits the wooden floor, the porcelain shattering and coffee painting the wooden planks.

i look up at matt, "shit-"

"can you actually fucking stop?" matt says, almost disgusted by me.

"you've been so annoying all day and i'm so sick of it. stop." he continues.

he stares directly into my eyes as those words exit his mouth.

i usually wouldn't cry if anyone said this to me, but today it feels so personal. they way hes been so uninterested in me, and now he says this to my face?

my eyes water as matt maintains eye contact, my bottom lip trembles as my throat feels like its practically closing in.

a loud sob exits my mouth as tears instantly start to stream down my face, my shoulders slouched and bouncing up and down as i stand infront of matt.

"you're being mean now matt" i say in between shaky breaths.

he stands in shock in front of me for a few seconds before grabbing me and pulling me into a passionately tight hug, he holds my head as i feel his hands shake slightly as he takes deep breaths.

after a few seconds i pull away from the hug "look at me, please" matt says, his voice soft as his mouth parts slightly.

i look up at him, my face drenched in tears. he bends over and picks me up, holding me up around his waist by my thighs.

he sits down on the bed with me, i'm sitting on his lap, almost straddling him as he sits back against the headboard.

"please don't cry, i promise i didn't mean to make you cry im so sorry-" matt rambles on, panic in his voice.

"i've been a proper dickhead today i don't know whats wrong with me i am so sorry"

i nod, he takes the sides of my face in his ringed hands, "i am so, so grateful to have you. i have been so tired recently and i've only been getting three or four hours of sleep a night because of nick, chris and is schedule for the past few weeks and its taken a toll on me"

"and its not your fault, nothing is okay?" he finishes, his eyes scanning my face for a reaction.

i nod "thank you", matt takes his hand and casually wipes the snot from under my nose.

"can you please give me a smile sweetheart?" he asks, his hands finally dropping slowly from the sides of my face down to my palms.

i wipe my eyes and give matt a somewhat ugly smile, matts face lights up "there she is" he smiles "gorgeous girl."

he taps my waist "do you want a shower?" he asks, its been a 'tradition' that matt and i have a shower together mosts nights.

"yeah" i smile warmly at matt, he sits up, picking me up off his lap and carrying me into his bathroom.

he sets me down on my feet and helps me get my clothes off, he follows, his clothes in a neat pile by the door.

i turn on the shower up to a high heat, the steam fogging the room.

matt steps in, "holy shit- i know i've been an asshole but do i deserve to be scolded alive- fuck." he laughs, his eyes scrunching and his wide grin plastered on his face.

"its nice!" i joke back, matt steps in again, trying to keep a straight face. "oh my god-" he whispers with a smile as he turns down the water temperature. "matt!!" i whine, slapping him lightly with a smirk "i had to" he says, reaching for the shampoo and squeezing it into his hand.

he rubs the shampoo into my hair, a comfortable silence fills the bathroom along with the sweet smell of strawberry shampoo.

suddenly matt breaks the silence,

"for the record, i did enjoy the mall with you earlier sweetheart, and i'm sorry i ruined it for you."

"awh matt, its okay i go to the mall every 2 days anyway." i coo back at him with a cheeky smile.

---------------------------

matts smile btw in the shower heat cause i thought it was cute

#nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut

[thebibliosphere]

In case you were wondering how deep down the Batfam fixation hole I am, it's something I've actually been talking about in therapy a lot.

Not like, in a worried way, more just when my therapist asks me what I'm doing in my downtime, my answer always used to be either "sleeping" or "I don't have downtime. I have too much work to do."

Now my answer is "playing my Batman game" or "watching Batman show/reading comics/writing unhinged Batman x Muppet fanfic."

And my therapist is delighted. She's fucking ecstatic. She's like, "You have interests again!" and I'm like !!!! Because here's the thing.

Almost dying in 2019 kinda irrevocably fucked up my brain, like, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I've been grieving over that for the last few years as well as recovering from the physical aspects of it. And to cope with it, I threw myself into work even though I wasn't physically or mentally well enough, and that made everything worse, and well, if you've been here, you know.

My brain has not been kind to me for a long time. It still isn't. But I do the work. I do multiple types of therapy a week. I piece myself back together on the daily and try to remember what it means to be human and not just this numb static void that sometimes sounds like shrieking if you listen too closely.

And then randomly, a few months ago a friend bought me Gotham Knights on Steam, and it was like a light turned back on. The engine that'd been refusing to turn over for years suddenly sputtered back to life, and something in my brain went, "Hey, I remember this... this is fun?"

And then I started tentatively searching the tags here on Tumblr, and yeah, actually. I remember this. I remember enjoying this. I can dip my toes into this. This is safe. This is a childhood interest from Before the almost-dying-trauma. And besides, it won't get in the way of my work. This isn't going to consume me. Nothing consumes me like it used to. I'm too broken for that.

Except, haha, jokes on me because, for some fucking reason, Brucie fucking Wayne and his gaggle of chaotic crime-fighting children is what reached into my brain, picked up my trauma, and started shaking it loose like a category 7 earthquake.

I actually laughed about that with my therapist a few weeks ago. Of all characters, of all pieces of media, it's Batman that's helping me process a significant chunk of my emotional trauma in a healthy way.

The most emotionally constipated vigilante in superhero existence, and I'm weeping like a child every time I get an achievement in Gotham Knights, and it says some bullshit like this:

ID: a purple steam achievement icon that says: He'd Be So Proud Of You. Reach the maximum level as any member of the Batman Family. 6.3% of players have this achievement. /end ID.

(for context, Batman is dead in this game, and you are playing as his emotionally devastated children trying to keep it together. Wailing, gnashing, crying, throwing up etc, etc.)

And my therapist, who has sat with me through EMDR sessions and a multitude of other shit designed to rewire your brain, just shrugs and says, "Sometimes we need to externalize our emotions through safe media. For you, right now, that safety is Batman having a relationship with the Muppets."

And like... okay, yeah. I'll take the win on that one.

#personal #batfam #emotional trauma #death mention #emotional damage #batmuppet

[bruciemilf]

Crying because I imagined Damian quietly observing Bruce with the other birds, -- who surpassed his Baba in height, -- and taking in what he's seeing.

Bruce picks Dick up, brows tied with effort. He doesn't miss the wince.

A part of him wants to wake his older brother up and tell him to get himself upstairs, but Dick clings to their father tight. Damian realizes how mean that'd be.

" I'm fine,'' Jason does this a lot; Pretending. They're a family of actors, after all. Blood or not. " I'm not 10, I'm perfectly capable of walking out of this car by myself."

Bruce nods, " Okay."

"...My ankle hurts, actually."

Damian noticed, more sorrow than envy, that Jason holds Baba tighter than all of them. And that Bruce holds him back tenfold tighter. They love Gofham, -- but they'll never trust her again.

Tim and Cass are easier to work around. They both get piggyback rides. He doesn't miss Jason and Dick being upset about that.

But He also doesn't miss the blurry sadness in Tim's eyes when Bruce needs a minute of rest after, or that he's looking Baba in the eye instead of up at him.

He doesn't miss Cass' joy dulling slightly when Bruce can't quite toss her in the air as easily as he used to.

" What are you doing, Habibi? It's bed time. We have to call mama for the goodnight call."

Damian nods. He makes grabby hands, an embarrassing habit he picked up from Dick, but not one he's willing to kill off from his system because it makes Bruce grin.

" I'd like to talk to her alone for a minute."

"Of course. I'll be right back, honey."

Damian's bedroom window gives him a clear view over the moon.

He sees the bat signal shining across the ashy Gotham skyline. He knows Bruce won't be right back until morning time, brusied and beat.

Damian says goodnight to his mother. He refuses to give any updates on Baba's dating life. No, mother, he won't skin Vicki Vale alive.

Damian googles How to stay small before going to sleep in Bruce's bedroom, where he finds the others already sleeping there

#wahhhh #just thinking abt them #batdad #bruce wayne is a good dad #soft bruce wayne #soft batfamily #fluff #dc #dcu #dc comics #batfam #batfamily #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #bruce wayne #cassandra cain #tim drake

[astonmartinii]

into the arms of another part four | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x reader

wedding bells are ringing, but so are charles' ears because no one will stop talking about whether he'll make an appearance on the big day

part one | part two | part three | masterlist | tips

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff1 and 704,390 others

yourusername: a night to remember where you don't remember much of it

view all comments

user1: how do i become part of this friendship group? real answers only.

maxverstappen1: how do i get to marry HER?

danielricciardo: i ask myself that everyday

maxverstappen1: that's not very girls support girls of you daniel

yourusername: yeah daniel, not being a girl's girl in the summer of barbie, i thought more of you...

danielricciardo: lets not get ahead of ourselves here

user2: y/n and max tag teaming daniel is my favourite thing from this relationship

danielricciardo: tag team? don't give me any ideas

yourusername: DANIEL?

maxverstappen1: DANIEL?

danielricciardo: do NOT pretend that y'all have not thought about it

maxverstappen1: we are getting married in a week do not proposition us for a threesome in a public instagram comment section

user3: max pretending like he's never thought about it

user4: how did we get to this point

yourbff1: threesome talk aside, we're so hot

maxverstappen1: hard agree

yourusername: i love you

yourbff1: i love you too

yourusername: and i love you too

yourbff1: you meant max didn't you ...

yourusername: maybe...

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,209,831 others

tagged: danielricciardo

maxverstappen1: this is a public service announcement do NOT let daniel ricciardo plan your stag party because you will not remember a single thing

view all comments

user7: the way like 80% of the grid were at this except charles ...

user8: wow colour me shocked he didn't invite the one guy who keeps disrespecting his fiancee to the stag party

danielricciardo: ummmmm this is false? you had a great time.

maxverstappen1: maybe i did all i know is that the bathroom on that plane did not enjoy it i don't think i can touch vodka ever again

danielricciardo: that was all you big boy, you don't know your limit

yourusername: glad to see you didn't kill him before our wedding

danielricciardo: i am really not liking the lack of faith in me

yourusername: he's literally passed out in the second picture daniel

danielricciardo: he's just taking a snooze RIGHT @maxverstappen1

maxverstappen1: yeah ... i just needed my beauty sleep

yourusername: erm you don't need any beauty sleep pretty boy

maxverstappen1: oh, why thank you 😊

user9: she's literally marrying you babe and ur STILL BLUSHING WHEN SHE CALLS YOU PRETTY

user10: this is really not a good sign for charles attending the wedding

user11: yall ever get tired of bringing this shit up HE FUCKED UP this is merely the consequences of his own actions.

user12: and according to mr. leclerc him and max aren't friends so why would he be invited?

danielricciardo

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 1,346,780 others

tagged: maxverstappen1, yourusername

danielricciardo: max is currently passed out on my shoulder after talking for an hour straight about how much he loves y/n so here's my favourite pictures of them before they're officially married.

view all comments

user13: why am i actually dead ass crying over this?

user14: no cause the circumstances have been an actual shit show so i'm glad they've managed to get through it and are finally gonna tie the knot !!

user15: i've been in the literal trenches defending y/n and this relationship i deserve an invite to this wedding

yourusername: @maxverstappen1 omg we're so hot

maxverstappen1: i think you're the hot one babe

yourusername: you're literally the hottest man in the world STOP TALKING DOWN ON YOURSELF

maxverstappen1: i know, i know. i'm amazing, sexy and beautiful.

yourusername: TOO RIGHT

user16: is this ^^ positive affirmations

yourusername: yes, he's way too amazing to not believe that himself

user17: so like do they maybe want to adopt me?

landonorris: so as the sexiest groomsmen, can i have the scoop on whether there'll be any sexy bridesmaid

maxverstappen1: who said you're the sexiest?

landonorris: well since charles is out of the running there's a clear winner here - ME

danielricciardo: assuming the best man is not in this conversation cause my face card clears yours

user18: WAIT WHAT

user19: so it's confirmed, he's missing his best friend's wedding over him being petty, all hope in men is gone

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 1,340,944 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: no words. love of my life. best day ever. i love you forever maxy

view all comments

user25: OMFG IT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL

fernandoalo_oficial: a really beautiful ceremony for my favourites, enjoy your honeymoon and make some time for the old man

yourusername: thank you for coming fernando and thank you for the literal snowmobile idk what we'll do with it but thank you

user26: what kind of a wedding gift is a SNOWMOBILE?

maxverstappen1: a sick one? thanks nando

danielricciardo: what a wonderful day, you guys are so perfect together, thank you for letting me be a part of your day

maxverstappen1: HE CRIED AHAHAHHAHAAHA HE LOVES US SO MUCH HE CRIED

danielricciardo: ummm obviously i watched you pine over her for as long as i've known you. you guys deserve this happiness after everything

yourusername: daniel we love you and your speech was so amazing i nearly cried all of my makeup off

user27: the way the old charles would've given such a banging speech i am in mourning

user28: girl it's their literal wedding post leave the comments about charles for once

sebastianvettel: lovely ceremony you too, much love to your future - seb, hanna and the kids xx

yourusername: thank you for coming seb !! love you guys, let us know if you want us to babysit

maxverstappen1: thank you for your support through all of this seb, you guys are the best

user29: so charles really got no one in his corner lol

maxverstappen1

liked by landonorris, christianhorner and 1,607,899 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: in sickness and in health, the biggest honour of my life is being your husband

view all comments

user30: this is my barbie this does not get any better for me

christianhorner: a wonderful ceremony for the loveliest couple, very grateful to be included in your special day.

masverstappen1: thank you for being there for me, and for not standing on y/n's dress with your two left feet

user31: yall gonna give any context?

user32: i think he's referring to the fact that christian filled the role jos would have at the wedding and during the parents dance, christian would've had a dance with y/n !!

user31: i think my heart just melted wedding of the century

user33: seeing all the wedding content without charles is so weird the whole time we've known y/n her and charles were attached at the hip :/

user34: i beg yall leave it out for one day, he could've been there HE HAD THE INVITATION but he didn't so leave it out

redbullracing: officially THE f1 couple 🫶

landonorris: congratulations and all that jazz but WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT PUNCH

yourusername: sorry lando i gave them the uni recipe

landonorris: oscar was sick on my shoes MY BEAUTIFUL SHOES

maxverstappen1: just send us the bill i can hear you bitching from our room

oscarpiastri: for the record THEY sat me next to kimi and seb and i tried to aim away from your shoes but the world was spinning

user35: okay i need to know the seating plan for this wedding ASAP

excerpt of the podcast interview of y/n y/ln-verstappen.

yourusername

liked by landonorris, maxvertsappen1 and 1,905,988 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: my honeymoooooooooooooon with my super sexy and lovely HUSBAND

view all comments

user36: okay i've had enough of the cute posts WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?

user37: i crack myself up thinking about them setting up a lil tripod to take these

yourusername: and?

maxverstappen1: we're serving cunt x

user38: did yall see y/n's podcast interview?

user39: yes i'm glad she's got her closure now and can fully move on with her life

alexalbon: you guys are so sickeningly sweet i love you morons

yourusername: why thank you alex

lilymunhe: he said he deserves compensation for his half a season of listening to max pine

maxverstappen1: people think i'm embarrassed of that when LOOK AT MY WIFE OBVIOUSLY I WOULD PINE

maxverstappen1: and bro your apology was the open bar at the wedding

alexalbon: you guys are underestimating just how much this guy spoke about y/n

yourusername: fine we'll post in our albon shoes

albon_pets: this is why we love you y/n

user39: no charles comment... you hear that? peace.

note: i hope yall enjoyed this probably final part of into the arms of another. i hope it wasn’t disappointing lol i love this pairing with all my heart. (also wrote this at 4am on my couch after a MASSIVE FUCK OFF house spider came in my room (my dad said he killed it when i woke him up at 2am) but i was too scared to stay) xx

#f1 #f1 x you #f1 instagram au #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen instagram au #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #into the arms of another #astonmartinii

[marvelsmylife]

Second Choice Part 2

Pairing: Azriel x reader

Plot: After three months apart from Azriel, you decide to pay Elain a visit in the spring court and make a discovery of your own

A/n I’m putting up a poll on which high lord you want to cause trouble in this relationship. Tamlin or Helion. Vote here

Second Choice Masterlist

You stayed at Rhysand’s cabin for three months and refused to talk to Azriel, no matter how persistent he was. Rhysand had to create wards to keep Azriel from entering the cabin. While Feyre and Nesta thought Rhysand was being extreme with his actions, Cassian, Mor, and Amren thought he made the right call.

It’s a good thing he did that because every day, at the same time, Azriel would show up with a present for you. It would vary from day to day. Some days, it was jewelry, other days it would be flowers and pastries from your favorite bakery. 

A letter would be attached to every present he brought you. He would beg for forgiveness in each letter and promise you were the only one he loved and that he was willing to wait for you, no matter how long it took. 

You would burn all the letters and leave all the presents he gave you outside the cabin before crawling back into your bed cry yourself to sleep.

It wasn’t until one day you decided to travel to the spring court to talk to Elain. You needed to know if anything happened between her and Azriel at the beginning stages of your established relationship.

Rhysand was more than happy to take you to the spring court. He felt like you needed to get away from the night court for a while, and while he despised the spring court, he would travel there for you. “I know you’re still furious with Azriel, and rightfully so, but he really is sorry about everything, and he does love you,” Rhysand commented when you arrived at the spring court.

“I know, but I can’t even think about forgiving him until I hear Elain’s side, and even then, I still have doubts. I mean, does he genuinely love me, or is it only because of the bond,” you replied and looked over at Elain and Lucien’s estate.

Rhysand knew you were right and that you had the right to know the truth. “Let me know when you’re ready to go. I’m going to pay Tamlin a little visit while I’m here.” Rhysand was gone before you had a chance to respond.

Turning your attention back to the beautiful estate, and noticed a clearly pregnant Elain waddling over to you. “Y/n! It’s so nice to see you again,” Elain had a radiant smile on her face and excitedly hugged you when she finally reached you, “It’s been too long.”

“I know ! !! I didn’t even know you were pregnant,” you smiled back before gesturing to her bump, “How far along are you?”

Elain had a bright smile on her face as she cradled her baby bump, “Seven months. Come, we have so much to catch up on, and Lucien just finished setting up the dining room so we can eat lunch,” Elain looped her arm with yours and started walking towards her house.

After an hour of eating and catching up, you were all seated in their living room and decided to bring up the reason you were there. You explained what you discovered three months ago and wanted to know if she and Azriel were involved while your romance was still new.

“I will be frank, there was a brief moment when I thought about being in a relationship with Azriel, but nothing physical ever happened between us.” Elain turned towards her mate, “And I’m so thankful that nothing happened. Being with Lucien is the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn’t know true love until I accepted the mating bond and fully gave myself to him.”

You envied the way Elain and Lucien looked at each other. Nothing but love and adoration in their eyes. It was so precious it made you sick. Wait, no. You were actually nauseous, “Where is your bathroom? I’m going to be sick,” you asked and shot up from your seat.

Elain quickly ushered you to the nearest bathroom, and you proceeded to throw up for the next several minutes. “I’m so sorry Elain. I don't know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been feeling sick these past few weeks,” you apologized and rinsed your mouth.

“It’s ok. In my first trimester, I was throwing up a lot. Poor Lucien had to hear it every night. Don’t worry, it’ll pass,” Elain tried to comfort you, but you looked over at her wide-eyed, “You do know you’re pregnant, right?”

When you didn’t answer, Elain just hugged you and caused you to start sobbing. Realization hit you that you were pregnant and had to tell Azriel he was going to be a father.

@sidthedollface2 @crazylokonugget @cleverzonkwombatsludge @vhjlucky13 @fxckmiup @sheblogs @isa1b2h3

#azriel imagine #azriel x reader #azriel x you #acotar imagine #acotar x reader

[simpjaes]

hi i just stalked the crap our of your page and HOLY CRAPTHIS IS MY NEW GUILTY PLEASURE

can i req seeing how enha hyung line would take care of you after railing you soooooo hard????

hyung line + aftercare after very intense sex

warning: uh....painful sex, fainting, dissociation, anal, implied squirting, degradation, idk just a lot of intense sex stuff ig

note: it's a lil messy, i've been running errands all day and am using this to push myself back into the writing brain :D

★ heeseung:

what i wanna say is that depending on the circumstances, he'd probably throw a towel at your head and walk away to shower alone but we all know heeseung is so much more than a careless fuck boy for the most part. in my opinion, if he's got you where he wants you and he's allowed to fuck you as hard as he can, rendering you faint, dizzy, and almost dissociated, he either has some sort of feelings for you, you're someone else's girlfriend and he wants you to like him more, or you're already in a committed relationship lmfao

and you know, you thought that after he managed to pull three orgasms out of you, fucked all three of your holes, and managed to get you all twisted up for him to cum in places he definitely isn't supposed to, you really thought he was done.

but then he chuckles, taking one look at you once his own mind clears from his orgasm and it's like...how could he not just continue to fuck you? you look so pretty already fucked open, lying there with tears in your eyes and shaking?

you'd hear something akin to "you're gonna take a bit more, open those eyes back up for me," and "i can tell you can take it, just keep your eyes on me."

it's kind of pathetic, actually, how you really do just lay there and take it until he says you're finished.

so, yeah, when you're with someone like heeseung, there's always a thought in your head about if he'll even take care of you at all after the fact. at least, the thought is there before he breaks your brain. even if every time before this where he's needed to bring you back, he has without question and with a voice from him that is always so rare to hear.

just kinda hard to imagine someone who fucks you near to the brink of passing out, sometimes actually passing out, finding it within themselves to take care of you as deeply as they fuck you, yknow?

but, time and time again he has to remind you that he's not only capable but willing to make sure you're well taken care of. after all, you do your part in taking it, so he'll do his part in giving you what you need too. only after scooping half the mess with his fingers and feeding it to you, of course.

after that though? he's very much hauling you off for a warm shower and tenderly washing you. very very gentle with his hands, knowing how sensitive your holes are. he'd compliment you, he'd praise you for letting him absolutely destroy that ass, and ultimately, lay you to sleep next to him regardless of what the relationship status is, making sure you're well aware that he's not just using you for pleasure. he's very much appreciative of what you bring to his bedroom, and there's no reason to pretend he isn't.

☆ jay:

i like to think that jay would have you in fucking pain and barely able to stand on your own two feet by the time he allows you to close your legs with deep groans as you try to catch your breath.

honestly, the stamina this man has and actively spends on you could render anyone immobile for at least a week with the way he snaps his hips and holds you down from wiggling away in sensitivity. and man, the things he'd fucking say to you through it. so degrading, so controlling and dismissive, entirely fucking insulting. you're shocked time and time again that even while knowing it's just sex talk, it still hurts your feelings every single time.

then again, he's aware of that. but you're so goddamn pretty when you're crying and moaning, it drives him insane to know you endure it for his pleasure.

you're soaked by the time it's over and done with, he's soaked, and honestly the swollen marks against your ass still burn intensely when he rolls you over on your belly to get a good look at his work.

always with a breathy "aw, baby, i really fucked you up this time, huh?" or a little "took it so well, you still can't even focus your eyes on me, can you?" before rubbing any and every pained mark he left on you.

after his own brain clears of the sex-fog, he'd wrap you up, really warm and tightly in his arms as if his hug would wipe away any of the spit and cum drying between your bodies, as if it could mask all of those insults he flung at you. still, he'd be fluttering hundreds of kisses against your neck and ears, whispering little compliments about how pretty you are when you're barely able to keep your eyes open, about how much he adores you, and how often he wishes you'd believe these words over the silly orgasm-fueled insults.

still whispering, throughout the entire session of his care after the fact. always loving that you let him harm you as long as he's healing you just as good. and he does, truly, with the back rubs and the showers, tons upon tons of sweet kisses. constant praise. he'd put your lotion on you and rub it in thoughtfully, occasionally some medicated cream if his fingernails dug in a little too deep.

always always always holds you against his chest when you drift off to sleep, making sure any pain in your body feels more like love than anything else, and promising time and time again that he'll make sure you always fall asleep knowing he loves you, and that he doesn't at all think you're a fuck-doll, that he wouldn't let his friends have their turn way you.

(i am madly in love with him, pls look away and stop thinking of him now thank u)

★sunghoon:

ah, sunghoon. yeah. sunghoon. this man would leave you a fucking mess of tears and drool, edging you for hours. hell, he edges you for fucking days just because he can. not at all because you've been bad, or a brat, or have managed to make him jealous.

this is one of those days. you could tell he came home with that look in his eye, grabbing your face and practically forcing you to lift on your toes just so he could whisper the planned torture against your tongue.

so, after the second day with you whining, fucking begging to be released from your prison of sensitivity and lust, maybe he gives it to you. maybe he wakes you up from a deep and much needed sleep with fingers harshly pinching your clit.

ah, the pain. that alone was enough to make you cum, and you did. unfortunately, he didn't like that very much so your new torture was to get off as many times as he expected you to.

after about, what, the seventh orgasm? you stopped counting, it was closer to eleven in the afternoon and he'd been giving it to you for hours, all over that little mishap.

an eight orgasm knocked your ass out, exhausted, spread out, fucked senseless. you could barely hold your head up, but he does it for you. first by your hair, but noting the look in your eye indicating that he really needs to stop by this point.

and sunghoon is the type that would stop at that point. something in his brain clicking and forcing him back into that perfect boyfriend persona, where the only thing in the world he wants to do is make you happy.

and he knows it's not that you're not happy right now, it's mostly just the fact that he thinks he broke you're brain and you forgot how to feel anything other than his cock ramming inside of you.

so, he'd remind you time and time again. how his hands can do so much more than choke you, and how his lips can be sweet and less bruising against your temple when you really need it. you'd feel entirely loved when he's taking care of the mess he caused. both physically and mentally for you. needing to bring you back to reality with soft touches and tight holds.

it worked every time, because by the next morning, you'd just be moaning and groaning about how if he hadn't of make you breakfast in bed, you may have very well slashed his tires for the amount of suffering he put you through.

☆ jake:

bro is taking care of you not only after sex, but the entire time during sex. there's not a single moment where he's intentionally trying to hurt you, or forcing you to take more than you can handle.

it just....kind of happens on nights like these. where his hands are clinging, and his throat is begging, and your body can't say no. with his pretty puppy dog eyes asking if he can try anal, with his fingers slamming too deep, with his grip on you so tight you know it'll bruise, with his ability to knock the breath out of you and not give it back until you're nearly blue in the face.

yeah, most of the intense shit is accidental, but god is he taking care of you. always apologizing but continuing, always promising to make it up to you, always feeding into your ego more than his own, reminding you that the pain his body lends only comes from the immense amount of need he has to practically crawl inside of you and live there forever.

it's kind of amazing actually, that someone who starts so gentle can also end with blood in his mouth from bitten lips and swelling bruises all over your body.

he tends to you hand and foot. carrying you where ever you need to go even if just to your closet three feet from the bed, dresses you, undresses you, fixes your hair, does your skin care, all while kissing the bruises and ignoring the fact that he knows he'll never have enough of you, and you're probably always gonna be in pain when he loses his control like that.

#enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #heeseung smut #jake smut #jay smut #sunghoon smut #jaeyun smut #jongseong smut #hardthots

[suuuupernovaaa]

seze

seze [ˈsɛ.zɛ] n. blue flower

Anonymous Request: Reader confesses her feelings to Ao'nung and he rejects her pretty harshly, and Neteyam comforts her and eventually confesses to her and she realizes her feelings for Neteyam. When it comes time for them to mate before Eywa, Ao’nung regrets rejecting her, but it’s too late.

1,708 words

He looked me right in the eyes as he said it, with no shame, holding back nothing.

"I could never love someone like you."

He didn't yell it, he didn't even use a particularly harsh tone... he said it as if he was commenting that it looked like it might rain. It was a simple fact, and he seemed surprised that it wasn't something I'd considered.

I knew what he meant by 'someone like me'. Someone of little consequence. Someone with no particular or special skills. Someone on the outskirts of the clan, someone no one had ever really noticed.

Someone unimportant.

Though the words knocked the wind out of me, drained the blood from my face and made me feel light headed, all I could do was nod, turn, and walk slowly away.

It had taken weeks to work up the courage to tell Ao'nung how I felt. He had been so kind to me lately... I thought maybe, he felt the way I felt. Now I realized, that was foolish.

I left the beach for the protection of the treelined, and once I was out of sight, I sank to the ground, and let out a painful, low-pitched wail that I felt through my entire body.

The disappointment was hard, but the embarrassment was almost worse. Of course Ao'nung wouldn't be interested in someone like me; he would take a high-born mate, not a fisherman's daughter.

I cried myself to sleep, slumped against a tree, trying to accept my fate.

--

Neteyam noticed a change in Y/N right away. Though she mostly kept to herself, she was always cheerful and happy. He knew Kiri had a particular interest in Y/N, they had become sort of friends, and so she was around his family sometimes.

Something had happened to Y/N about three days ago, but Neteyam didn't know what. Though she was still around, she didn't speak, or smile, or engage hardly at all.

Neteyam asked Kiri what it was, but Kiri just shrugged and told him Y/N hadn't said anything to her.

He thought that was obtuse of Kiri. Hadn't he noticed the change in her friend? She was quiet before - not absolutely silent.

After another day of this, Neteyam could no longer hold his tongue, and when the opportunity presented itself and he found himself alone on the beach with Y/N, who was braiding a fishing net, he decided he had to speak up.

--

Neteyam sat next to me, lifting the net I was working on into his hands. It was small yet, but would be quite large when I was finished.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

I glanced over at him and nodded.

"Actually, I wanted to ask... if you're okay?"

My hands, once busy, settled into my lap, gripping the netting tightly. I was not okay, but I couldn't imagine why Neteyam would care. He had never shown any particular interest in me. In fact, no one had, save his sister, but even she hadn't noticed what was going on with me.

Ao'nung was right - I was not lovable.

A tear slipped from my eye, and I brushed it away, hoping Neteyam hadn't noticed.

"I'm fine," I replied.

Neteyam shook his head. "You are crying."

I turned away from him, pulling my knees to my chest. "It doesn't matter, Neteyam. Don't trouble yourself with me."

His warm, strong hand gripped my shoulder, and without thinking, I leaned over, pressing my cheek to his hand. The contact felt so good, and I tried to remember the last time someone had touched me like this... or at all.

"Tell me."

He pulled gently, and I turned to face him. The look on his face was so genuine, so earnest, and so full of concern. For a second, I wondered if he was teasing me. Maybe Ao'nung had told him what happened already, and Neteyam wanted to make fun of me.

That didn't make sense, though. Ao'nung and Neteyam weren't even close to being friends.

So maybe the concern was genuine.

The words spilled out of me then, like vomit, and I couldn't stop them. I told Neteyam about my years-long crush on Ao'nung, how I had pined for him, imagined a life with him, took his kindness to mean something it hadn't meant, and how when I'd told Ao'nung how I'd felt, he made it clear that I was too unimportant for someone like him to ever care about or notice.

I was crying by the end, fat tears rolling down my cheeks and splashing hot onto my lap, but it felt so good to finally tell someone that I didn't care, I couldn't feel embarrassed anymore. I had suffered enough embarrassment to last a lifetime over the past few days; I wanted to be done with that.

When I finished, I furiously wiped the tears from my eyes, and waited for Neteyam's response.

His expression was... angry. His brows furrowed, his mouth pursed, his eyes focused.

"I will kill that moron," he whispered.

I sighed and shook my head. "He doesn't have to love me."

"But he could at least be kind!"

I didn't reply, because I couldn't exactly argue with him.

Neteyam reached out unexpectedly, pulling me to him, wrapping me in a tight hug. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him, scooting closer, our bodies pressed together.

It felt so comforting, so intimate, so nice to be treated like this and cared about, I would've started crying again if I'd had any tears left.

"Neteyam, thank you," I whispered.

He pulled back, looking me in the eyes. "You are important, Y/N. I have watched you. You are kind and thoughtful. You watch Tuk carefully to ensure she doesn't ever get hurt, you treat Kiri with thoughtfulness and protect her when others treat her like she's different, you even tolerate Lo'ak. I have never met anyone so gentle or caring. That someone could hurt you... it makes me want to kill him, Y/N. He had no right to speak to you that way. You are like... you are like a flower, with soft petals. You should be protected, given water and sun, not stomped on."

A flower. This is was nicest thing anyone had ever said to me, and Neteyam was staring into my eyes, so intently. How could someone like him, the son of Taruk Makto, have noticed and felt these things about me?

"Neteyam, I..." I searched my mind for a perfect reply, but could only come up with: "I see you, Neteyam."

"I see you, Y/N."

My lips spread wide in a smile - my first in many days - and Neteyam smiles in return.

--

After that day, Neteyam and I were scarcely ever apart. He became at first, a best friend, my closest confidant, and then naturally, it turned into something more.

There wasn't a moment when I realized it had happened. He just began holding my hand nearly all of the time, guiding me by the small of my back, touching his forehead to mine when we part and finally, one night, he kissed me.

It didn't even shock me. It felt natural, that Neteyam would kiss me. It felt really almost overdue. Neteyam should have been kissing me since the moment we met.

We were completely in step, in sync, together always. Neteyam was meant to be my mate, and I was meant to be his.

He didn't really ask me, formally, to be his mate. He just mentioned once, something about, "when we're mated..." and I agreed.

And the date was set... but we told almost no one, outside of his family and mine. It felt special, secret, just for us.

--

"Kiri says they're very happy," Tsireya told her mother while she chopped fruit. "I think it's nice, that Y/N has found someone. She's always seemed so lonely."

Ronal nodded. "That's good. Good for Y/N. She's a nice girl."

Ao'nung sat across from them, his jaw set in anger. Y/N had done him a kindness by telling no one about his harsh rejection, and he had since realized that.

It wasn't that he didn't like Y/N. He had always thought she was beautiful, and kind, and there was something interesting about her, a quality he hadn't seen in other women in the clan... but no one really knew her, or cared about her. Her parents weren't particularly important to the clan, and neither was she, and Ao'nung thought, as future Ole'eyktan, he should have someone better.

He had come to realize that he had been stupid. Better wasn't more well-known, more talented, more superficial... better was kind, and caring, and someone his mother thought was a 'nice girl'.

"They are to be mated before Ewya," Tsireya said with a blush. "They don't plan to make a ceremony of it, just the two of them."

Ronal smiled. "Beautiful."

Ao'nung sat, simmering in anger at the chance he had lost, thinking of how Neteyam had almost beat him senseless when he found out how Ao'nung had treated Y/N.

He knew now, he deserved it, and he'd missed his chance.

--

When Ao'nung had told me he could never love me, it had seemed like the end of my life. It made me feel stupid, and worthless, and ugly. I hadn't thought I'd ever recover.

Then, Neteyam breathed new life into me. He didn't have to, but he did, and he kept doing it, every single day since then.

We emerged from the water, Neteyam breathless, chest heaving, my mate before Ewya.

He pulled me into his arms once more, pressing a desperate kiss to my lips, holding my face in his hands, then wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I love you," he whispered over and over between kisses, and I thought I could cry with gratefulness and joy.

"I love you, Ma Neteyam," I replied. I pulled away, just for a moment, to smile at him. "Thank you."

He pushed the wet hair from my face. "My flower," he said with a soft smile, as he so often did.

The sting of rejection was long behind me, replaced by enough joy to last a lifetime.

#neteyam #neteyam x reader #ao'nung #ao'nung x reader #neteyam fic #avatar 2 #avatar twow

[writtenbymoonflower]

Hi lovely!! Firstly I want to say I love your works 🥰🥰 always happy to see someone keeping the poly!marauders tag alive! Could I request poly!marauders with fem!reader who just got her wisdom teeth out? Or some sort of procedure where they’re under anesthesia I’m not picky 😭😭 it’s always so cute to see reader all loopy and their bfs like “she’s so cute I want to eat her 😍”

Feel free to ignore this if you don’t vibe with it!! Love you loads 🎀

Thank you so much baby! I relate to this so much because in the two ish weeks I wasn't posting I actually got mine out! Love you loads as well! fem!reader x poly!marauders.

cw: surgery, pain meds, anesthesia

619 words

“C'mon, sweet thing. Let’s get you inside.” James coaxed, gently. He was basically holding you up as you stumbled over the threshold of your home, still spacey from the anesthesia and pain medicine. 

“W- we’re home!” You slurred, muffled by the gauze in the back of your mouth. You tried to struggle free from James’ grasp, but he held fast to your arm. He was far stronger than you in typical circumstances, but in your inebriated state it was like a bunny trying to tug on an elephant. 

“Easy, love.” Remus chided, placing the hand that wasn’t holding your prescriptions on your shoulder. 

“I can do it myself.” You pulled against your boyfriends’ hold again, missing Sirius' lovingly annoyed expression in your determination.

“I’m sure you can, baby.” Sirius placated. “But then you would be denying us the pleasure of helping you. Don’t be mean and let us help you, yeah?” He rubbed up and down your arm through your thick sweater. 

“I wasn’t trying to be mean.” You said, voice wobbling with misery. Remus avoided the strong urge to swat his boyfriend. 

“You’re never mean lovie,” James cut his eyes to Sirius before fixing you with an awfully kind look. “Pads is just being a git, yeah?” He encouraged you to lie down on the bed.

“He’s not a git!” You shot back. “I love him!” Sirius thought he could cry from fondness on the spot. 

“Aw, I love you too, baby.” He knelt down to stroke your hair and resisted the urge to kiss your swollen cheeks. James helped you under the covers while Remus set the bag of care supplies on the dresser. You made grabby hands at Sirius, trying to pull him on top of you. (sober you would die before being that blatant in wanting)

“Gentle, dovey. You’re fragile right now, don’t hurt yourself” Remus gently scolded. 

“B- but I wanna cuddle!” You whined. James wondered if your words right now were just your internal thoughts all the time, he kind of hoped they were. Sirius gently moved you over enough for him to crawl in, holding you to lie on your back while he wrapped his arms around you. Remus was still by the dresser, reading the instructions again and setting out your medications. James leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. 

“Thank you for doing this.” He whispered, stroking the taller boy's hair. 

“Don’t mention it. I just know when she wakes again she is going to feel awful.” Remus winced. 

“She’s a trooper, though.” James added. “Remember they had to wheel me to the car when I got mine taken out. I also sobbed the whole way home and had a death grip on Pads so much he had bruises.” He recalled from his operation. 

“Yeah, you were a big baby, huh?” Remus teased. 

“Exactly,” Sirius piped up, holding onto your now sleeping form. You were out cold, some of the meds still clearly in your system. “At least she’s a cute baby.” 

“Oi! You said I was cute!" James said furiously. 

“You were, love. You always are.” Remus said, cheeks flaming. James sighed, looking at you. 

“She’s so precious I could eat her.” He said, lovelorn. 

“Don’t think she’s gonna want that for a while, Prongs.” Sirius teased, still stroking your arms and hair.

“Get your mind out of the gutter!” James scolded, walking over to the bed and flopping down on your other side, Remus close on his tail. He kissed your head chastely, steering clear from any sore areas. You stirred in your sleep, not discontentedly, but rather reveling in their hold.

Your boyfriends didn’t know if they could survive this amount of fondness, but they weren’t complaining.

#poly!marauders x you #poly!marauders x reader #poly!marauders #poly!marauders fluff #poly!marauders imagine #james potter x reader #sirius black x reader #remus lupin x reader #fluff #drabble #blurb #marauders era #marauders fandom #moony wormtail padfoot and prongs #marauders #marauders fanfiction #anon ask #anon request #remus lupin #james potter #sirius black #lily’s asks

[flynnriderishot]

maybe matt and reader with one older daughter and a newborn boy and just a chill day in their life?

family time - m.s

warning: short and sweet, little to no detail (i didn’t have much to work with i’m so sorry 😭)

when matt woke this morning, his first instinct was to look over at the bassinet that was on his side of the bed.

he had insisted he kept it on his side due to your constant need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night after having your son.

you didn’t mind, of course, having been used to matt using the same excuse when you had your eldest daughter, lila. matt made the excuse of not wanting the baby bed to get in your way on your journey to the bathroom but you knew he was so adamant because he didn’t want you to be the one to care for the crying baby at such late hours.

he wanted to ensure you got enough rest.

you thought it was sweet, even though he constantly denied these things.

matt stretched his limbs, his bones popping dramatically as he yawned.

he tuned in on the sound of lila’s laughter downstairs, followed by chris’ voice. he made the mental note to thank his brother for distracting the five year old while you and him got much needed rest.

nick and chris didn’t seem too bothered by your small family living with them.

in fact, chris encouraged matt to not buy an apartment close by, hinting that he couldn’t handle the separation from his triplet.

meanwhile, nick simply enjoyed the distraction little lila provided for him whenever he got too stressed. while it took a while for him to get used to her sticky fingers and unnecessary complaints, he actually ended up liking his niece more than most of his friends.

as matt sat up, his movements seemed to have alerted you, resulting in you jumping up from your sleep.

wiping your eyes, you could hear matt snort at your action.

“relax. they’re fine.”

“where’s lila?” you asked, not used to the girl not running into your room to wake you up for breakfast.

“she’s with chris.” he reassured you, standing to pick up the newest member of your family, greeting the whining baby with a smile.

“you wanna feed him and we’ll go meet everyone downstairs?” matt gently sat down next to you on the bed, his fingers wiping baby ezra’s (couldn’t think of anything else 💀) from his forehead.

you nod along, smiling softly at your boyfriend’s gentle ways with the smaller boy.

“let’s hurry before chris pisses lila off.”

as if on cue, your daughter’s voice could be heard from the living room,

“stop it!”

•••

walking into the kitchen, you weren’t surprised to see a plate of burnt pancakes sitting on the counter.

“this looks appetizing.”

“don’t lie, mom.” lila crossed her arms over her chest, not picking up on your sarcastic tone, “it’s disgusting.”

“i tried my best.” chris defended myself, “it’s kind of hard to cook with this one complaining about everything.”

though he was speaking about lila, his eyes darted over to his brother, matt lifting his shoulders to lightly shrug at chris’ words. he knew everyone blamed lila’s attitude on him, but she didn’t sass you or him so why would he complain?

“nick and i are going to meet laura, we’ll be gone until later.” he informed you, fist bumping lila and lifting ezra’s hand to get the baby to go the same, “she didn’t eat.”

“because you can’t cook.”

just before he left to go get nick, chris stuck his hand in some left over flour and chucked it in the girls direction, laughing as it smacked her in the face, “you can’t cook!”

“hey—”

“no yelling!”

•••

with nick and chris gone, that left you to have alone time with matt, lila and ezra.

your favorite time.

you watched with a smile as matt laid on the floor, ezra asleep on his chest and lila above him doing his makeup.

yep, family time was definitely your favorite time.

a/n: who let me write that corny ass ending 🔥🔥🔥

#sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine

[daddyslilchickenfingers2]

Masturbation (Matt)

Request: None

Warnings: Sub Matt, mommy kink, friends to lovers, jacking off, soft dom y/n, praising, whiny Matt, getting caught, choking

Y/n’s pov

Don’t get me wrong, I love living with the triplets but sometimes being the only girl in a house with three rowdy boys can be a lot. Today I had the house to myself so I actually got to sleep in for once and do some cleaning without Chris making a mess two seconds later. After I cleaned up the house a little bit, I took a shower and got ready for a day of editing. I remembered that Matt had asked to borrow my MacBook last night since his was getting fixed but he never returned it.

I specifically told him not to open any folders but I didn’t tell him why, the reasoning behind it was I had folders with different modeling pictures in some of them. Photos that I most definitely did not need Matt or Chris seeing, more specifically they were pictures of me in lingerie for a brand deal that was being used on their website. I decided I would just go get it back since he wasn’t home so I ascended my way up the stairs to his bedroom. Obviously, since he wasn’t home I entered his room without knocking and I was shocked.

Not only was Matt home and in his bedroom, he was sitting at his desk with my laptop open. There on the screen was one of my pictures from the lingerie shoot, more specifically the one where I was wearing the skimpiest set. Matt was shirtless with his sweats and boxers pulled halfway down his thighs, cock in hand as he was jerking off. His eyes were closed and he was quietly moaning as he stroked his big dick, swiping his thumb over the slit every few strokes to spread and use his precum as lube.

He seemed to not hear or notice me come in so I thought I’d have some fun, instead of being mad I was oddly turned on. I walked up behind his chair, placing my hands on his shoulders as I leaned closer to his ear. “What are you doing Matty? I thought I told you not to open my folders?” I spoke in a seductive voice. Matt flinched stilling his movements “I- I- Shit Y/n I’m so so so sorry! Fuck I don-“ he started nervously stuttering, I moved my right hand to wrap around his as I made him resume his previous movements. “I didn’t tell you to stop, c’mon finish what you started” I teased him.

Matt whimpered at my words as I made him slowly move his hand up and down his hard cock. I spun his chair around to face me, loving the embarrassed and nervous look his face held as he avoided eye contact with me, “What happened Matty? I thought you were a good boy?” I pouted at him. His eyes shot up to look at mine “I am a good boy! I promise I am!” I wasn’t expecting Matt to be so submissive but I was loving it. I stopped our hands, removing his from his hard cock as I looked back at him with a gaze that made him squirm “If you were a good boy you would’ve listened to me baby. I guess you just aren’t a good boy huh?” I teased bending down so we were eye level with each other.

The next thing that came out of his mouth shocked me but oddly turned me on even more “No I am, I’m your good boy mommy! Promise I’m your good boy! I’m sorry, please mommy, I didn’t mean to…” he whined as his cheeks turned a deep shade of pink. “But good boys listen Matty, you didn’t listen love” I said while stroking his cheek as his eyes teared up, “I d-don’t wanna b-be a bad boy! I di-didn’t mean to, I-I’m sorry!” He was about to cry and his cock was so hard, dripping precum against his stomach as he desperately tried to apologize.

“I know baby but you didn’t listen to my one rule. I should punish you, just tie you up and edge you until your brothers come back but I’m not that mean. I still think you should be punished though” Matt’s cock twitched, leaking out more precum as I spoke. “I’ll make it up to you mommy! I wanna be your good boy, wanna make you feel good! Please mommy I’m sorry!” he begged as a few tears fell but he was quick to wipe them away.

I took his hands in mine as I stood up, looking down at him I said “Awe it’s okay Matty, don’t cry. You wanna be mommy’s good boy, right?” nodding he pleaded “Please” as he looked up at me, squeezing my hands. I moved some hair out of his face “Go lay down for me baby, you’re gonna let mommy ride you okay?” he quickly stood up pushing his pants down the rest of the way down before fully taking them off.

Matt laid down on the bed, watching me as I teasingly took off my clothes, making Matt whine. I got onto the bed and sat on my knees next to Matt who was staring at me, his eyes scanning over my body as his mouth was slightly opened. “What’s wrong Matty? Never seen a girl naked before?” I teased him while tracing a finger down his chest before going down to slowly stroke his cock, “I- I have, you’re just really pretty. Was just admiring you mommy” he says innocently. “Awe thank you baby” I replied giving him a sweet kiss, “Can I touch you please?” He asked in a sweet voice as I moved to straddle him, spreading my wetness across his hard cock as I grinded down on him. “Only because you asked so nicely my love” I smiled at him pushing his hair back. Matt’s hands came to rest on my hips helping me rock back and forth as I pulled him in for a kiss, quickly dominating it.

I pulled away moving my kisses down his neck, giving him a few hickies before Matt whined “Mommy please, I wanna be inside you, wanna make you feel good” he begged. I nodded and slowly slid down onto his dick pulling a moan from the both of us, “You’re so big Matty, making mommy feel so good” I praised him while I started slowly bouncing up and down. The praising made Matt let out a little whimper as blush spread across his cheeks, “F-feels good, s-so good” he whined out as his hands still firmly held onto my waist, his grip getting tighter as I started riding him faster.

“You’re being such a good boy for me baby, you look so cute underneath me like this. Do you like when mommy rides you Matty?” I praised him some more as he looked up at me, his pupils fully dilated and his lips slightly parted as he let out uneven breaths and whiney moans. He nodded erratically as his nails dug into my hips “Yes! Yes, feels so good! You’re so pretty mommy, ca-can you umm…” Matt moaned out before trailing off and looking anywhere but at me. I moved his chin up so he was looking at me before placing a small kiss on his lips “Can I what, baby? What do you want me to do?” I asked him while pushing some of his hair back.

We were both getting close, I could tell by Matts increased breathing and moans, “Can y-you choke me p-please mommy?” Matt asked, grabbing my hand and playing with my fingers, kind of catching me off guard. I did as he asked, wrapping my hand around his throat but not really applying any pressure, “Tighter, please” he begged, turning me on even more, I never thought I’d have a thing for choking a guy during sex but with Matt it was different. “Feel good Matty? You like it when I choke you, baby?” “F-feels so good, can I please cum?” he whined as I started moving faster if that was even possible. Matt used his hands on my waist to help me move as he started to buck up his hips from being sensitive.

“In a second baby, I want to cum with you” I told him while tightening my hand around his throat a bit more as Matt whined, deciding he would help me cum faster by rubbing my clit. He looked up at me with innocent eyes as he did some “Is this okay mommy?” He asked innocently, “Yes it’s okay Matty, you’re being such a good boy for me” I panted out making Matt let out a loud moan. “Cum with me baby, be a good boy and fill me with your cum” I moaned, pulling Matt in for a rough and heated kiss. I tightened around him as I came, making Matt pull away from the kiss, throwing his head back. He let out a loud whimper/moan as he came inside of me before hiding his face in my neck as we both stopped our movements and I removed my hand from his throat.

I slowly pulled off of Matt’s dick making him hiss at the feeling before I got up and made my way to the bathroom to clean myself up. I returned to Matt’s room with a damp washcloth to clean him up as well “C’mon Matt let me help you get dressed before I go downstairs to get myself dressed” I told the tired looking boy. “Mhm no ‘m tired, stay for cuddles please! Wear one of my shirts and come lay down with me” he pleaded with me. Sighing in defeat I grabbed one of Matt’s shirts, throwing it over my head before going to grab two pair of his boxers, throwing a pair at him as we both got dressed. I laid down for the rest of the day, cuddling with Matt, hoping hid brothers wouldn’t have questions when they got home.

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[thyme-in-a-bubble]

the brie

buttercup, chapter two

a/n: i was originally gonna go into more detail and dive into and actually write the traumatic moments, but i decided to go a little bit more easy on myself, just focus mostly on the healing part and regaining the good.

summary: “well, we’re going out to our usual watering hole, or it’s not just us, Karen, who works with us, is also tagging along. Would you wanna join? Might be fun… might tear the city up, dance all night and watch the sunrise or whatever kids do these days.”

warnings: matt murdock x baker!reader, neighbours to lovers, rape recovery, ptsd, wingman foggy, reference to croissant theft, alcohol consumption, drunk munching on cheese, kissing, crying, retelling of trauma (if it gets too much for you, then please feel free to just skip the last part of this chapter)

word count: 4978

∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽

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Scooping one divided lump of dough closer with the bench scraper in your grasp, you put it down before first folding the bottom of the blob over itself, then the sides and then stretched the top down as well before you rolled it all up to create that much more tension in the loaf. As you plopped the soft mass into one of the nearby dusted bannetons, nippily pinching the seam and giving it a few stitches, the ingrained dance only kept on as your fingers moved on to shape the next loaf of sourdough. 

To your left, not at the central table where you worked, stood your uncle Howard, a piping bag of vanilla-flaked cream in his grasp as his rotund frame bent over rows and rows of delicate, flaky little pastries, filling the sunken centre up before he could top them off with little chunks of crimson berries. 

“Are you alright, cupcake?” you glanced up to see Walter leaning against the doorframe that led directly behind the counter, “you look like you’re about to nosedive into the dough and use it as a pillow.”

“I’m alright, just didn’t sleep much last night,” you blinked back down at your work, noting how your weary eyes stung slightly from the lack of rest, “I had a nightmare that was really, really not fun, and immediately when I woke up I started crying and shaking, like instant panic attack, so I couldn’t really fall asleep again after that,” you glanced back up at him and offered a tight-lipped smile. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“I just don’t get why it has to feel so real,” you let your hands halt their waltz as you shared, Howard too glancing over in your direction, “why my body needs to remember it so vividly when I fall asleep. It hasn’t forgotten it while I’m awake, so I don’t feel like I need the reminders… sorry…”

“Don’t apologise, it’s–…” instead of uttering the painful truth, Walter instead let a heavy sigh flow and offered, “…do you want me to make you a cup of coffee? Maybe that could be nice, just a little bit?”

“Yeah,” you exhaled, “thanks,” before clapping the worst of the flour off your hands, briefly wiping them against the chocolate brown apron that partially covered your t-shirt and jeans, and wandered around the table, shadowing Walter as he fiddled with the espresso machine, making it hum and puff, till he handed you a steaming mug that had a little heart in the frothy foam floating on the top. 

“Here you go.”

Bringing it up to your lips, you offered him a genuine smile, “thank you, Walt.”

Staying behind the counter as Walter disappeared into the back, the chime of the small bell above the door brought your attention to the pair that then strolled in. Setting down your latte and expecting it to be just any other customer, your eyes instead went wide as you saw who it was.  

“Heya, neighbour!” 

“Y/n, hi,” Matthew smiled as both he and the floppy-haired man beside him came to a stop on the other side of the stocked display case, “uh, Y/n, this is my friend Foggy Nelson,” he gestured to the friendly looking fellow, “Foggy, this is my new neighbour Y/n.”

“The pastry goddess!” Foggy exclaimed excitedly, “I bow to the.”

“Goddess?” you giggled, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks as you glanced over at Matt, secretly in hopes that he’d gotten that nickname from him, “oh, I don’t know about that. My uncle’s the one who oversees most of the pastries. He studied in Paris back in the 70’s, so in other words he’s a bit of a control freak. But, he is getting better! Slowly letting me take care of more things that I’m more than capable of doing… I’m talking a lot, aren’t I?” you sucked in a sharp breath as you noticed 

your rambling, “I’ll shut up. The point was just that he is the one who makes most of the pastries here, not me. He’s the goddess.”

“Well, I tasted one of your croissants the other day–”

“Actually,” Matt raised a hand and interrupted his friend, “you stole it.”

“I did not–”

“You came over and I turned away for two seconds and the next thing I knew you’d obliterated the entire bag.”

“That sounds more like your problem,” Foggy joked, managing to keep a straight face as Matt chuckled, “you’ve known me how many years now? You should know not to trust me with baked goods unless you mean for me to enjoy them,” turning his attention back to you, he leaned his folded arms against the tall section of the counter, “anyways, Y/n, that croissant was properly one of the best things I’ve ever tasted.”

“Really?” your face lit up with a bright grin. 

“Yes, it was so buttery and flaky and urgh!”

“Well, if you liked that, you might like today’s special…” your feet began to carry you further to the left to the very far side of the counter. 

“Oh, please do tell me,” he followed along like a magnet.

Pointing down to the pastry row on the other side of the glass, you explained, “it is this rhubarb danish that also has a little base of pastry cream at the bottom to balance out the tart compote.”

“Oh… my… god…” Foggy nearly salivated, his hypnotised gaze never straying from the treat, “you gotta be some angel sent from above.” 

Busting out a laugh, you grabbed a brown paper bag, “should I take that as confirmation?”

“Yes, please,” he nodded as you plucked one up with a set of tongs. 

“Will that be all?”

“I don’t know if it ever can be all, but slowly but surely I’ll get through your spread, and that is a promise,” Foggy accepted the bag into his waiting fingers, “but for now, yeah.”

“Matt, do you want anything?” you asked, feeling the flutter of butterflies wake up within your stomach as you returned your attention to him, “do you want me to describe the options for you?”

“No, I’ll just have the same as Foggy, as well as–, do you sell coffee?”

“Oh,” the scent wafting off your half-empty mug probably caught his attention, “yes, we do.”

“Then I’ll have a cup as well.”

“Oh, one for me too,” Foggy interjected. When you’d packed up another pastry and filled up two to-go cups, the shaggy-haired man pipped up as they were paying, “hey, what are you doing later tonight?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Properly just head home and rewatch some series for the billionth time,” you said, putting the cash they’d handed you away in the register, “why?”

“Well, we’re going out to our usual watering hole, or it’s not just us, Karen, who works with us, is also tagging along. Would you wanna join? Might be fun… might tear the city up, dance all night and watch the sunrise or whatever kids do these days.”

A laugh then rumbled within Matt’s chest, “we’re not gonna go dancing, Foggy.”

“You never know,” Foggy sang, “I’ve got moves like you wouldn’t believe!” he snuck a small sip of his steaming coffee before meeting your eye, “so, Y/n! Please tell me you’re coming?”

“…and then Karen was like what’s that? Turns out a giant piece of glass had stabbed my side,” Foggy clutched onto his drink as he told his dramatic tale, “I nearly died.”

Cutting her sip of beer short, the golden-haired woman sitting beside him at the round bar table objected, “you did not nearly die.”

“Oh yeah?” Foggy squinted light-heartedly back at Karen, “says the person who barely got a scratch. I single handily rescued both you and Mrs. C from that building and got a sick ass scar to prove it.”

Their voices faded away like grown-ups in a Saturday morning cartoon as you glanced back down at your drink and let the radiating heat of the man next to you seep into your bones. As your fingers brushed down the sides of the glass and played with the condensation, Matt suddenly reached out for his own, though in his search for the stout glass that stood ever so close to your own, his touch briefly grazed against your skin. But if that wasn’t enough to spike your heart rate, when his long fingers enveloped his short glass, the back of his hand pressed up against yours at the proximity.

You weren’t sure how long it persisted before he raised his dark drink up to his lips, but it didn’t seem like he was in a rush to let the contact fade. Your breath managed to grow ragged in the chunk of time you got to stare down at his hand, it looking so massive up against yours. Though the light in the dingy bar was low, you could still manage to make out the dizzying pattern of prominent veins that cascaded off the back of his hand like a calm rainfall rolling down a windowpane. 

For a moment there, assisted by the few drinks in your system, you let yourself dream, just for a little while, just until Foggy’s voice cut through your haze and stirred you from your fantasy. 

“… I mean, am I right? I’m right. Come on, Y/n, back me up here!”

“Huh? I’m sorry, uhm…” you blinked, in some ways feeling more drunk than you had a minute ago, “wha–what did you say?”

As Foggy then began to explain what you’d missed, Matt leaned down close to your ear and whispered, his hot breath tickling your skin and causing goosebumps to erupt. 

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you hummed fuzzily. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” you glanced down and noticed how rapidly your chest was rising and falling. 

“Do you wanna go home? I can walk with you if you want,” he offered quietly. 

“Uhm…” you blinked up at him before uttering, “sure, but I don’t wanna end your night before you want to.”

“No, you’re not,” he reassured you, “I’m ready to go home myself.”

“Alright then,” you nodded before Matt turned to the others. 

“Guys, we’re gonna head home.”

“No!” Foggy boomed, “really?”

Throwing her hands up, Karen added, “but we haven’t even gone dancing yet!”

“Sorry,” Matt got up from his tall stool, “another night.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” you tugged your jacket back on, “I had a lot of fun.”

To your surprise, they both got up and hugged you in return.

“Thank you for coming!” Karen gave you a tight squeeze before Foggy took over. 

“And we’ll be seeing you for the next one, right?”

“Uh, sure,” you gave his back a light pat, “if I have time and stuff the day that it happens, then I’d love to tag along.”

Casting his glance upon the other lawyer, “bye, Matt,” Foggy then yanked him into an embrace, “I love you, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Matt chuckled, clapping his friend’s spine, “I know, buddy.”

“You love me too, right?” Foggy pulled back, though still kept his hands fast on Matt’s broad shoulders, “don’t leave me hanging, it’s bad for a man’s health.”

“Foggy, I started a firm with you. Of course, I love you,” Matt smiled back at his sloshed pal, “good night.”

“Night, night,” Foggy patted his scruffy cheek before letting him out of his gasp, though adding as you turned to exit the bar, “night, Y/n! I love you too! I just met you today, but I love you!”

Soft giggles bubbled out of you as the door slammed shut behind you. 

“So, those are your friends...” you smiled into the night, “I like them. They’re nice.”

“Yeah,” the corners of Matt’s lips turned further up till dimples bloomed, “they’re good eggs.”

As the two of you began to move along, the silence didn’t last very long at all. 

“This is really nice of you, walking me home like this,” you uttered, “I know it’s just because we’re neighbours and headed in the same direction, but–”

“It’s not.”

“What?” your eyes found him.

“It’s not because we’re neighbours. It’s just, you know, the decent thing to do.”

“Right,” you exhaled, casting your glance back down onto the sidewalk as you momentarily got your hopes up. 

“And you know how this city can be,” Matt went on, “it’s not smart for anyone to walk alone at night.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, trying to keep your tone nonchalant, “of course.”

When a street then appeared before you, slicing the path you journeyed on, and even though there wasn’t any traffic in sight, your hand still instinctively shot down to grasp Matt’s forearm before the two of you could cross.

Realising what you’d done, you quietly muttered, “sorry,” though couldn’t find the strength to withdraw your touch just yet. 

“It’s okay,” his low voice slid from his lips like silk. 

“I just didn’t want you to walk straight out into ongoing traffic...” you tore your gaze away from him and forced yourself to look at the road before you, “but there aren’t any right now, so we can cross the street…”

Guiding his palm up to the curve of your elbow, he accepted the gentle aid as you began to cross the lane. 

Once you’d reached the other side and his grasp slowly began to drift back down. When his palm reached the height of your own, you softly caught it before timidly testing, “…do you mind if we–…”

“Hold hands?” with a gentle smile, he filled in before you might wonder if he could even sense your shy touch at all.

“Yeah…”

“No,” you felt him weave his fingers with your own, “not at all.” 

His touch somehow felt even better than you’d imagined. Though surprisingly gruff, with harsh calluses all throughout, he cradled your palm with such care, like he’d held it a thousand times before, occasionally swiping his broad thumb over your knuckles, presumably just a subconscious gesture from his end that still caused shivers to trickle down your spine every time he did so. 

You wanted the latter part of your walk home to last forever, engulfed in the comfortable silence of endless possibilities. But alas, when you did reach your building’s front door and then climbed the steps all the way up to your respective apartments, you couldn’t get yourself to let go just yet. 

“Are you hungry? Because I kinda am,” you weren’t really, but anything to just stretch the night a little longer, “or maybe it’s just my subconscious taking care of me and lessening my hangover by giving me a sudden craving for cheese.”

“I don’t think I have any cheese.”

“I do,” you said maybe a bit too fast, “do you want some?”

Exhaling lowly, a soft smile twitched at his lips as he then uttered, “sure.”

As you unlocked your door, you finally let go of his hand, “make yourself at home!” you placed your keys down on the slender entry table before kicking your shoes off and peeling off your coat, hanging it up on the row of hooks, “oh, do you want me to, uh, describe the layout for you? Or just plant your down on the couch?”

“Just tell me the direction and I think I’ll be fine.”

Facing him, you haphazardly explained, “alright, the hallway goes on for a few steps and then it’s to your right–, no, wait, my right, that’s your left. It’s to your left.”

Whirling around, you delved deeper into your home till you reached the kitchen. Ripping open the fridge, you snatched up a block of half-eaten cheese before seizing a clean butter knife from the dishrack and a roll of seedy crackers from a cupboard. 

Matt was already comfortable on your sage couch as you laid the humble spread out on the coffee table and joined him. 

“I hope you like brie because that’s what I got. Unless you want a single slice of american cheese, then this is all the cheese I have to offer.”

“Brie it is then,” he relaxed into the cushions as you unwrapped the snack. 

“Here, let me make you a bite,” slicing off bits of soft cheese, you spread it both on a cracker for him and one for you. Gently picking up his hand to place his snack in his palm, you then popped your own in your mouth and nearly melted into the couch next to him, “yep… that’s the spot…” you grinned hazily out the tall windows at the night sky as you chewed, “there’s just something about eating cheese when the moon is out that’s just so right in a way I can’t describe…” 

Your murmuring conjured a light chuckle to rumble within Matt, one that swayed your gaze to train on him. Resting your head against the back of the couch, you watched as the moonlight reflected in his tinted glasses. 

When the silence stretched on, Matt eventually cocked his head, “…what?”

Not tearing your eyes off of him, you breathed, “nothing…”

“You’re quiet,” his dark brows furrowed gently, “what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you repeated, feeling almost like you were floating in a calm sea. 

“You tired? Do you want me to go so that you can go to bed?”

“No, please don’t, I–…” you reached out and grazed his arm, “could–… do you want to go?”

Letting his body relax once more, he breathed, “not particularly…”

Gazing up at him, your bottom lip snuck its way in between your teeth, “Matt…”

“Yeah?”

“You–… you’re–… I–…” your pulse pounded in your ears. 

“Mhm?”

“I really, really wanna kiss you right now…” you uttered thickly before you had the chance to chicken out. Like a wave crashing a shore, you didn’t even think as you let yourself dive in and press your lips to his. The kiss however didn’t last too long as you swiftly drew back as soon as your brain turned back on and you realised what you’d done, an apology hastily rushing out of your lungs, “Oh my god… I am so sorry.”

“Y/n,” hearing your name on his silky tongue did not help matters. 

“I didn’t mean to just–”

“Y/n,” he repeated, trying to cut through your fog. 

“We can just forget any of that ever happened, I totally get it if you don’t–”

As he brought his hands up to cradle the sides of your face, your nervous ramble fell short. When he ghosted his thumb across your cheekbone, you swore that you stopped breathing entirely. 

“…can I kiss you?” he slowly asked, leaving you utterly dazed. 

“W-what?”

Drawing in a breath, he repeated for you, “can I kiss you, Y/n?”

Blinking back at him, you hazily hummed, “mhm,” before he leaned in and brushed his lips against your own. The kiss was soft, just as your shoddy attempt had been, but it made your limbs feel like they morphed into jelly. When the pecks soon departed, you filled your lungs with a shaky breath as you gazed back at him in total awe, “holy shit…” only staying there a moment before you had to have another taste. 

Slowly growing more confident, the intoxicating kiss gradually grew more hungry. When his fingers then weaved into your hair, you realised that up till now he’d been holding himself back, gatekeeping a kiss that caused your frame to crawl into his lap, starving for more. Your little whimpers vibrated against his tongue as he danced it against yours, growing dizzy as you melted into the heart-stopping sensation. 

But suddenly a tormenting flash stabbed your being, and you abruptly tilted your lips away from his, breathlessly uttering, “wait, wait, there’s-, there’s-, uh…”

“What,” he breathed thickly, nose grazing yours before you retracted further, “are you okay?” 

“I’m…” carefully crawling off his lap, you kept going till you were a safe distance away on your own side of the couch, “Matt, there’s something I need to–, uhm, tell you…”

Staying silent, he patiently waited as you gathered up the courage needed to jump off the cliff and tell him.

Casting your gaze up to the tall and dark ceilings above, you felt your limbs begin to tremble, “okay, alright… I have no idea how to, uh, say this, so I’m just gonna do it,” and like a band-aid, you uttered, “I-, I was raped,” your eyes squeezed shut, not daring to risk glancing at his reaction, “a little over a year ago… and I haven’t–, uhm, done or tried anything with anyone since… so yeah, I just thought that was a good thing for you to know since even though I hope for there not to be any problems, I just don’t know, I don’t know what it will be like for me, if my body will suddenly freak out, but I just wanted to tell you so that in case something does happens, that you know not to automatically take it personally...” drawing in a shaky breath, you fluttered your gaze open and waited for his response, “Matt?”

“Yeah?” he answered carefully. 

“Please don’t say that I’m scaring you away right now…” you shifted your position, turning to face him once more.  

“You’re not, you’re not,” his head softly shook from side to side, “I just–… I really, really sorry.”

“Yeah…” you exhaled slowly, feeling tears sting the corners of your eyes, “me too…” staring at him a moment, you then bared your all and uttered, “I really like you, Matt,” a faint smile accompanied the declaration, “I think you might be the only guy in all of New York that I’m not scared of,” every other man you could think of had all had at least a second, a little flicker, of something that over the past year had terrified you, “and I don’t want you to think that I’m made of glass, that’s not what I want, that’s not why I’m telling you this. Please trust me when I say that I want to, I wanna do–…” a weighty exhale flowed from your lungs as your lips remembered his taste, “I wanna do everything with you… if–, if that’s something you’d like as well… but if we do, even though I really, really want to, I think it’s probably smartest to go slow, no pressure, you know, just in case, so that my body doesn’t freak out. Also, I’d really appreciate it if I at any point indicate for you to stop or even just pause a moment, that you’ll do that, that you’ll listen to me,” you briefly glanced down at your fiddling fingers, “and you know, I’m not saying let’s only do PG things, there are so, so many wonderful steps on the way that we can have fun with… I just–, I wanted to let you know now, before, so that we wouldn’t potentially have this conversation when something did happen.”

Only parting his lips when he was sure you were done, he uttered, “thank you for telling me. Are you–… are you okay? Was what happened before too much?”

“No…” you shook your head gently, “no, it wasn’t,” taking his hand in yours, you shared, “and I’m okay, I think… I mean, some days it still feels like it just happened, and others I notice something, something small, that I’ve gotten back, that I’ve regained…” absentmindedly tracing the lines of his palm with your thumb, you asked, “do you–… do you have any questions? Is there anything you wanna know?”

“No, I–… I just want you to tell me however much or little you feel comfortable with sharing.”

“…can I tell you? About it?” you asked slowly and he swiftly offered you a soft nod. Drawing in a deep breath, you began, “It, um, it was a Saturday night… I’d just gotten back from the bakery super late, maybe close to midnight… and when I was getting ready for bed, my roommate came home, he’d been out drinking as he usually spent his weekends. I remember we stayed up a while, just talking about the mundane stuff we always did. It was like any other Saturday, really. That was until I got too tired and went to go to bed, but he didn’t wanna stop talking, so he followed along into my room while I got ready and stuff,” averting your gaze, your bottom lip began to tremble, “we were just talking, it wasn’t anything special and then the next thing I knew, he was kissing me. It just–… it happened so fast… his hands were all over me… I remember he pushed me up against my closet so hard that my back was bruised the next day, and I don’t bruise that easily. He was just so wasted that I don’t think he realised or maybe even cared what he was doing. I tried to say something, tried to make him stop, but he didn’t listen to me. If he heard me, then I don’t think he understood what it was that I was saying… I would have pushed him away, slapped and hit him, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t move my body, not even a little, I just froze…” 

“I can still feel what he felt like… like my skin won’t let go of the memory…” tears rolled down your cheeks as you squeezed your eyes shut and tried to ignore how your palm tingled with recollection, “how he forced me to touch him and held his hand over mine, making it move as if he just thought I didn’t know what to do… he was my friend, you know? He wasn’t just some stranger who dragged me into an alley and held a knife to my throat. He was my friend. He would always make offhand jokes about seeing me as just a little sister and how he wasn’t attracted to you at all. Made such a big deal of it that I never thought he’d try anything… I have no idea how long it actually went on… I don’t even remember when it was that I landed on the bed, if it was before or after he–… after he–… did stuff, t-touched me… I just remember I was laying there when it happened. The masked man, the devil of hell’s kitchen, he ripped him off of me…”

“He’d somehow heard… I think maybe if I hadn’t opened the window that night to air out the room, he wouldn’t have saved me… he beat him up... knocked him out… he told me to call the police, but I couldn’t, so I instead asked my uncle to come get me… my body’s never shaked the way it did that night… I remember I was so confused because I wasn’t cold, didn’t get it till the masked man said I was in shock… it didn’t stop till the next night… when he was about to leave, I asked what if Mi–,” you couldn’t get yourself to utter Michael’s name out loud without feeling as if your whole world would crumble around you, “what if he woke up before Howard arrived, and so he just stayed there with me, right till he somehow heard my uncle walking up the stairs and then he slipped out the way he came in, right before I heard the front door unlock.” 

Letting out a long and unsteady breath, you raised a trembling palm up to wipe your cheeks. 

For a while, the silence got to encompass the space completely, your left hand still shaking in Matt’s as you eventually heard him ask. 

“Did you ever go to the police?”

“No. In the small window that I had to do one of those kits, I was just way too overwhelmed and confused and I just couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t do anything but relive that moment over and over again, so I didn’t do anything in time. But the longer time that passes and the more it sinks in what he did and the ways that I’m still paying for it, the things he ruined inside of me that I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get back, the more I wish that I had gone to the police. But it’s too late now.”

“No, it’s not,” his fingers squeezed slightly around yours, “I could help you, I’m a lawyer after all.”

“No, Matt,” you said firmly, “it is. I don’t wanna sit there and hear them go oh, it’s your word against his, sorry, and have them think that not enough happened technically for them to take it seriously. Enough happened, trust me. I’m eternally grateful that Daredevil saved me from whatever else he could have done to me that night, but enough happened. Just because he didn’t stick it in me doesn’t mean nothing happened. That is the kind of belief that only belongs to people who think that the only sexual act that counts as sex is when a penis is in a vagina, and that is just so incredibly wrong,” an enraged laugh tumbled out of you as you fumed, “they are the kind of people who think that someone queer, disabled or just someone who isn’t into that sexual act isn’t actually having sex when they are. Sex is about connection, it’s about pleasure and there are endless amounts of things that can give a person pleasure,” clenching your jaw, you let out a heavy sigh, “I wish it could be different, I wish many things, I wish it hadn’t had happened at all, but it did, and I hope that at the very least he learned something from it, that he changed, that he wouldn’t do it again to someone else.”

© 2024 thyme-in-a-bubble 

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