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cali-holland · 4 years

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Forever and Ever, Prologue

Tom Holland X Osterfield!Reader, Wedding Series

As Tom thinks over the two most important questions he’ll ever ask in his life, he thinks back on the day that he met you, the day his life changed forever.

Warnings: sexual themes, swearing

Word Count: 2100

Masterlist Tom Holland Masterlist

“I'm so in love with you

And I hope you know

Darling, your love is more than worth its weight in gold

We've come so far, my dear

Look how we've grown

And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go”

~ Say You Won’t Let Go, James Arthur

~~~

Tom’s leg shook anxiously as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone. Sat right beside him in the unusually quiet German airport was Harry, who could tell something was definitely off with his brother. Harry glanced over at Tom’s phone, but he was just on Instagram, looking at a random dog account, it was nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn’t until Tom started to bite his nails that the younger boy spoke up.

“Why are you acting like you’re going to explode?” He asked. Tom stared at his brother, brown eyes wide with his thumb nail still in his mouth. He dropped his hand from his lips and shut off his phone.

“Uh, um-“ He stuttered, unsure what to say about his nerves.

“Tom-“ Harry started, but he was quickly cut off.

“I’m asking Y/N to marry me.” Tom rushed out, and this time, it was his brother’s turn to have wide eyes.

“No way! Have you told Harrison yet?”

It was a simple question. It really was, and yet Tom felt his mouth dry up at the thought. Harrison was Tom’s best friend; he’d definitely be best man at the wedding, but Harrison was your older brother, and Tom didn’t know how to ask for his permission, even just asking to date you was awkward enough. His leg started to bounce uncontrollably again as he shifted in the uncomfortable chair.

“Not exactly?” Tom replied, and Harry looked at him suspiciously.

“You haven’t told Harrison?” He questioned.

“No.” He sighed, “I know I need to, but I just don’t know how. He’s my best friend, and I know he’ll let be supportive of me and of Y/N. It’s just-“

“It’s a big step.” Harry noted, patting his brother on the shoulder, “But you know he’ll let you, so that’s got to count for something?”

“It does. Right now, I’m more nervous about dealing with the ‘hey I wanna marry your sister’ talk than actually proposing.” He admitted, running a hand through his hair.

Their conversation paused as they heard the airline announce boarding, and the two of them got on the plane with ease. Sitting down beside Tom in an aisle seat, Harry reminded him, “I’ll be honest, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this a secret, so you have a week to tell him before I spill it. I’ve already told Sam.”

“When did you have time to do that?” Tom mumbled, and his brother smiled at him helplessly, pulling on headphones and a sleep mask, ready to sleep for the entirety of the flight, even though it wasn’t a redeye.

Meanwhile, Tom looked at his phone in his hands. His phone, and his heart, lit up as a text from you came through.

“Can’t wait to see you when you land! Love you!” it read, accompanied with several heart emojis. Smiling to himself, Tom typed out a response.

“Love you too! I’m counting down the minutes until I can hug you again!” and he even added the emojis to match yours. Tom let out a sigh when the stewardess called for all phones to be switched off as they prepared for take off. With his phone in airplane mode, he found himself on his photos app, thumbing through his favorite album, compiled with pictures of you, his favorite thing in the world.

The very first photo in the album was actually the very first picture of you two. Though neither of you knew it back then, it was one of the best days of his life, as well as one of the most embarrassing.

They say that you just know when you meet your other half, the love of your life. For Tom, that was very much true; the moment he laid eyes on you, he knew you’d make a lasting impact on his heart. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth for you.

It was your 17th birthday, and, like always, you and your twin brother, Harrison, had a joint party. He invited his friends, which included Tom, and you invited your own friends, including your crush from school. Tom had only been friends with Harrison for a few months, and he had no idea that his friend even had a twin sister.

So as everyone mingled around in your backyard under the colored lights from the patio, you found yourself occupied with Richard (to this day, Tom calls him Dick). Flicking your hair back, you let yourself flirt away with him, and he seemed to be getting into it as well. As he made a joke, you threw your head back in laughter— or well, in forced laughter because he wasn’t all that funny. With your eyes shut, you were completely unaware about the two boys running through the crowd. A body collided into yours and you lost your balance, falling into the pool behind you.

Even though he was the one who ran into you, Tom still blames it on Harrison, who managed to duck around you before Tom could, sending him crashing into you.

The party quieted down immediately as all eyes fell on you and your white dress in the pool. While Harrison couldn’t control his laughter at your embarrassment (like a true brother), Tom found himself frozen as he looked at you. He could still remember his heart thumping louder in his chest; he swore it was love at first sight. As you trudged your way to the stairs, Tom quickly shed himself of his jacket, thinking it’d be best to try to cover your now see-through material.

“Here.” He said to you as you stepped out of the pool, arms crossed over your chest. You eyed him for a moment, trying to see if he was serious, before you scoffed, rolling your eyes at him.

“Dumbass.” You muttered, walking past him and his jacket and into your house. Tom stood there, confused. Surely, you knew it was an accident and you knew he was trying to be chivalrous.

As the party continued around him, Tom shrugged his jacket back on and Harrison came up behind him, still laughing at the incident. “I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that sooner.”

“What? Pushing a random girl into a pool?” Tom asked, and his friend raised his eyebrows at him in surprise.

“Mate, you realize that was Y/N, my twin sister.” The wide smile on his face did nothing to comfort Tom’s growing guilt and now the poor brunette was on the verge of a meltdown.

“That was your sister? This is her party, too?”

“I should’ve shoved her in that pool the moment Richard started chatting her up.” Harrison stated, putting an arm around his friend. “She’ll get over it.”

You didn’t get over it. You actually completely ignored his existence out of spite for nearly a year. But when you finally did get over it, Tom was glad you did.

The picture wasn’t even really a picture of you two. It was a group photo, taken by your mother after you had changed out of your soaking wet clothes. You stood in the middle of the group photograph, smiling beside Harrison, and Tom stood on the other side of his now best friend (Richard wasn’t in the photo anymore since Tom cropped him out). While it was subtle, Tom wasn’t even looking at the camera; instead, he was looking at you. Harrison loved to make fun of him for having “demon eyes”, but it was still a momentous photograph (which you actually loathed the picture because you didn’t like your damp hair in it).

As the flight took off, Tom busied himself on his laptop. With his phone connected to it, he moved over some of his favorite pictures of you, including the “horrendous” picture from your 17th birthday. He spent the next few hours piecing together the perfect slideshow, feeling his heart soar proudly as he worked on it. Though he still needed to ask Harrison for permission and still needed to get a ring, he figured now was as good a time as ever to work on his proposal plans.

He wasn’t really sure when he’d have an opportunity to talk to Harrison privately in the next week. When they land in London, they’ll be greeted by you and Harrison, probably Sam too, maybe even Paddy and his parents- he wasn’t too sure. Then, he’d spend the next week by your side, trying to get as many cuddles and kisses in as possible to make up for his time away.

The moment their plane landed and he switched his phone back onto its normal setting, a string of texts came through from the family group chat. Judging by the excessive congratulatory texts mixed with “why didn’t you tell us”, he knew Harry’s slip to Sam had gotten out. He could only hope Harrison didn’t know; it’d be a miracle if you didn’t know at this point.

As he left baggage claim with Harry, he looked for you along the pickup curb. He felt a bit disappointed when he spotted Harrison alone by his car, but then the nervousness settled in when he remembered the all important question he had to ask Harrison before he could ask you the other all important question.

“How was the flight?” Harrison asked with a bright smile, opening the trunk of his car for them.

“Slept for all of it.” Harry replied as he loaded up his luggage and Tom did the same.

“Good, just a flight. A normal flight.” Tom stated, a bit too suspiciously.

“You alright?” Harrison looked at him questioningly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” He answered defensively. With his things in the car, he made his way to the passenger seat and took a large gulp of his water, suddenly feeling dehydrated. Harry slid into the backseat, and Harrison made himself comfortable in his driver’s seat.

“I know Y/N said she was going to come, but she got dragged into a mandatory work meeting.” Harrison said, before either could ask about your absence. Tom didn’t answer, he just remained suspiciously quiet. Noticing this, the blonde spoke up, “You sure you’re fine?”

“I want-“ Tom started, before clearing his throat. He looked at his best friend beside him, nervously admitting, “I want to ask Y/N to marry me.”

Harrison was silent for a moment as he maneuvered the car out of the airport. It was probably only a few seconds that he was dead quiet, expression unreadable, but it felt like an eternity to Tom. “We’ll be brothers? Actual brothers?”

“Well, in-laws, but yeah.” Tom replied, still unsure if Harrison was okay with it. Before he could ask, the blonde reached over and punched him in the arm.

“You, dickhead, thinking I wouldn’t let you marry my sister. I thought something was seriously wrong with you.” He laughed.

“So, that’s a yes then?”

“Yes, it’s a yes. I better be the best man.”

“What about me?” Harry asked from the back. Harrison and Tom both turned around to look at him with mirrored raised eyebrows. “Alright, I get it.”

“Have you got the ring yet?” Harrison inquired, facing the road again to drive properly.

“I’ve looked at some, but I haven’t bought any yet. I know how I’m asking though.” Tom went off into a further explanation of his proposal idea. Needless to say, they were all excited about this.

The rest of the drive home was filled with proposal talk, and, when Harrison pulled up to the shared house, he let out a small sigh. “Okay, as much as I want to continue talking about this, maybe we should leave this conversation in the car.”

“Why?” Tom asked, confused by the suggestion.

“It’s nothing.” He shrugged in reply, helping them get their bags out of the car. Tom was just about to question it again when they stepped inside the house, but all thoughts about Harrison’s previous words were gone the moment the door opened.

“Surprise!” You cheered with Tuwaine and the rest of the Holland clan beside you, a ‘welcome home’ banner hanging on the wall behind you all. Tom dropped his bags and hugged you immediately. “Welcome home, baby.”

“I missed you so much, sweetheart.” He mumbled in your ear, before cupping your cheeks to kiss you, not particularly caring about the pda in front of his family.

“Yeah, we’re here, too. Thanks.” Sam piped up, having just greeted his twin with a hug.

“I’m not kissing you.” Tom laughed, before letting go of you to hug his brother and the rest of his family.

“I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up. I was busy planning all this.” You told him, once he came back to you, wrapping an arm around your waist casually.

“I love you. You’re the best.” He smiled at you, pulling you in for another kiss.

“I know.” You teased. Tom just looked at you with the fondest expression on his face, making you furrow your eyebrows at him, “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” He replied, brushing it off.

As he looked at you in his arms, he thought to himself. ‘This is absolutely the girl I want to marry.’

~~~

Tag List: @viagracex @theamazingtomholland @Hellomoveonby @heyitsshrez @harrisonosterfieldhazmyheart @joyleenl @t-o-m-hollands @lonikje @sleepybesson @sunkisseddreamer @hollandsamor @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @gorrillaglue23 @petersoftboyparker @musicalkeys @duskholland @biebsmylife95 @dummiesshort

Tom Holland Tag List: @quaksonhehe @tomkindholland

Series Tag List: @thefallenbibliophilequote

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland series

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hydroponicjj · 4 years

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pinky promise

pairing: jj maybank x reader

word count: 3.1k (i’ve never written anything this long before lmao)

warnings: swearing

summary: your birthday takes place over quarantine and because you can’t have an actual birthday party, the pogues host a netflix party for you but an unexpected guest joins which ruins the mood. jj decides to cheer you up from a distance.

a/n: hello!! i know i’ve been a little m.i.a. but, i promise that i’m back. send me some outer banks requests and i’ll be happy to do them (no smut pls) also, if you’ve sent a request recently, i’m working on em :) gif credit goes to hvitstark!!!

y/n/n “your nickname”

「 ₊˚.༄ 」

When summer first began, you as well as the rest of the pogues were overwhelmed with excitement. You didn't have to do homework, get stressed with school, take exams. Nothing.

The plans weren't set in stone but all of you had a general idea of what you’d do from day to day. From surfing to eating at The Wreck, there was nothing that could stop you and your friends from having the best summer ever.

All of you had seen news articles, talking about a deadly virus entering the United States. It first appeared in Washington, then slowly started to spread around the vicinity. But no one in the Outer Banks of North Carolina was concerned.

So, the beginning of summer break started with absolutely no delay.

After the first couple of weeks of the virus spreading across the country, slowly but surely, you watched as people started to get worried. It got to the point were you mother was cautioning you before going to hang out with the rest of the pogues.

“I pinky promise that I’ll be safe!” You’d tease before going outside and hopping into John B’s Volkswagen.

When you hopped into the back of the van, you noticed the disappointed looks on everyone’s faces while Pope was rambling (like he usually does).

“I really think that we should start to prepare because I think that this virus is very similar to the Black Death.” He finished, taking a deep breath.

“What’s up?” You greeted, raised eyebrows in confusion.

Pope smiled enthusiastically and gave you a warm welcome while the others groaned like a walker from The Walking Dead.

“What are you babbling on about today, Mr.Heyward?” You questioned.

“He literally won’t shut up about this stupid virus!” Kiara answered for him, resting her head on the window as she sat in the front seat.

“Neither will my mom. She’s all worked about this and telling me to ‘be safe’ before leaving the house.” You explained.

“It’s not like we know anyone that’s sick.” John B shrugged, starting the van.

Seconds later, JJ started to have a coughing attack. He literally couldn’t stop, even after he had multiple sips of water.

Both you and Pope moved to the corner farthest away from him, you were laughing because you knew JJ and his personality while Pope was terrified.

“Holy shit, he has it.” He whispered in your ear, eyes as big as a Watermelon.

“He’s about to cough up a lung.” Kie commented, turning around to see the blonde flopping around like a fish.

After a few more seconds, JJ recovered from his coughing attack and sat up, a huge smile plastered on his face.

“Not funny!” Pope screamed, kicking the bottom of his foot.

“You should have seen your face, it was priceless.” He chuckled.

You crawled over to JJ and rested your head in his lap, arms crossed over your stomach as you cackled, “Oh my gosh, that was hilarious.” You raised your hand and gave him a high five, intertwining for fingers and bringing it back down to your chest.

“I only did it because Pope needs a reality check. In a couple weeks everything will be fine.” He sighed, using his other hand to take the lighter out of his pocket and light the blunt between his teeth.

Before he could, you held out your left hand which was your way of asking him to place the items in your palm because no one was interested in getting a contact high at 2 pm.

Usually the rest of the pogues would snatch it from him but you were different. You didn’t feel comfortable being rough with him because you knew about his life at home and you didn’t want to set him off.

That was one of the many things that JJ appreciated about you. You were gentle with him and always took your time, not wanting to him to feel rushed. So, he always complied when you asked.

“Fuck it, I’m taking all the toilet paper.” Pope commented out of context, causing everyone to laugh.

「 ₊˚.༄ 」

Fast forward one week later and your entire life has flipped upside down.

Covid-19 shut down absolutely everything. Kie and her family were forced to close down The Wreck because they couldn't take the risk of hurting any customers or members of the staff.

All of your friends were separated, except for JJ and John B because they quarantined together, not wanting to be alone during this time.

To be honest, you missed everyone, especially JJ because the two of you always gravitated towards each other so it was pretty hard to be separate from him.

To stay connected with each other, you all texted in the shared group chat and had group facetime’s and netflix parties almost every single night.

John B insisted on inviting Sarah and you didn’t know how to feel about it. Sarah and Kie did squash their beef but, she told you all of the things that happened and it really rubbed you the wrong way. But, you wanted John B to be happy, no matter who it was with.

“Holy shit, y/n/n your birthday is in 2 days!” JJ noticed while the two of you were on facetime. John B was busy talking to Sarah so, he called you to pass the time.

“Yeah.” You replied, unenthusiasticlly.

“I know it sucks that we’re in quarantine but, I promise we’ll have a group facetime and you can pick the movie.” He smiled, you didn’t even have to elaborate on why you were sad because he knew you that well.

“Wait for real?” You laughed.

Listen, everyone has different taste when it comes to movies so, every time that you’re doing a netflix party, it’s really hard to decide on a movie that all of the pogues can enjoy.

“Okay, now I’m excited. This is going to be so fun!” You screeched, clapping your hands together.

“Shit, John B’s calling me. I’ve gotta go but, keep that same enthusiasm, okay?” He replied, smiling into the camera.

“Pinky promise.” You gave him the biggest grin known to man before hanging up.

「 ₊˚.༄ 」

Exactly two days later, you woke up to your mom towering over you with a cake in her hands, “Happy 17th birthday, y/n/n!” She took JJ’s lighter that was sitting on your nightstand and lit the ‘17’ on the cake.

“Woah!” You said, rubbing your eyes. It was still pretty early in the morning and you couldn’t fully comprehend what was going on.

“Thank you so much.” You sat up in your bed, making room for your mother to sit.

“Make a wish.” She encouraged, taking out her phone to capture the moment.

“I wish that I have the best day ever, despite not being about to see my friends.” and with that, you blew out the candles, smiling up at your mom.

“Awe were you recording that?” You smiled, covering your face.

“I was gonna send it to your friends,” She paused, “Speaking of them, are you gonna uh... party on neflix tonight?” She squinted.

You chuckled, your mom really wasn’t as aquatinted with technology as other parents, “Yeah, the 5 of us are gonna watch a movie on facetime. I promise to keep it down.”

“Thank you. I’m gonna go start on breakfast. I’ll call you when it’s finished.” She left your room, leaving the door cracked slightly.

After a few seconds of staring off into space, you checked your phone like you always do when you wake up and your phone was filled with notifications.

Your smiled from ear to ear. Unlike the average kook, you weren’t very popular but that didn’t matter because you had 4 of the best people on planet earth as your best friends.

The first thing that you checked was Instagram. You tapped through the stories that you were tagged in and were met with some of the best memories that were caught on camera.

From the time you accidentally set off the sprinklers at The Wreck, getting all of the customers wet as they were leaving to the time that you got stuck at the top of the monkey bars at your old elementary school and JJ had to come and save you.

You almost started crying because you hadn’t been apart from any of your friends for more that 12 hours and even though it’s only been a week, it felt like forvever.

Before you responded to the countless amount of texts from your aunts and uncles, you texted the group chat and gushed to them about how thankful you were that they all posted something in honor of your birthday.

They all politely told you to and I quote, “shut the fuck up.” because it was a given that they’d praise you for your special day.

You rolled your eyes with a smile on your face and threw your phone on the charger, heading to the kitchen to eat breakfast with your mother.

「 ₊˚.༄ 」

The sound of your phone ringing tore you away from the piece of cake that you were chewing.

“And the guest of honor has arrived!” John B gushed, JJ was sitting next to him and it looked like they were on the couch.

“Get any presents?” Kie asked, positioning her phone upwards so that she could be seen.

“Nah, unless you count cake.” You chuckled, showing them the piece that you were currently devouring.

“That looks so good.” Pope commented, he was staring into the camera, hypnotized by the sweet treat that you had just showcased.

“Snap out of it!” JJ started clapping his hands in the camera causing Pope to fidget slightly taking his face out of the camera.

You spent the first 30 minutes of the facetime call catching up about the stupid quarantine habits that you all picked up.

Kiara had given herself a few dolphin stick & pokes, Pope had started online shopping, like a lot. He had at least 30 new t-shirts in his closet. John B calls Sarah while JJ spends most of his time talking to you.

“Wait, wait, wait guys,” You paused, trying to get their attention because they were all screaming at each other, “Are y’all ready to watch the movie?” You questioned, opening a new tab on your computer.

“Yeah, yeah. Wait a second.” John B put himself on paused, you could hear JJ sigh because he does that at least once every time that you all are on a group call.

After a few seconds, you heard everyone's phone ding as well as your own. You all had gotten a group e-mail to join a netflix party. At first you were confused because JJ said that he talked to everyone and they agreed to letting you chose the movie.

A few more seconds passed and you saw another square begin to connect to the facetime call. It was a number that no one recognized so, everyone was pretty stunned (except for john b).

The mystery person finally connected and it was revealed to be Sarah Cameron.

You looked at everyone's little square and saw how wide their eyes were. JJ seemed furious but, he didn’t want to make a scene because after all, it was still your birthday.

Kie and Pope looked shocked that John B would add her without asking if you were okay with it first.

“Hey guys! Happy birthday, y/n.” Sarah greeted, smiling.

“Thank you.” You croaked back a response, going on your computer and opening the e-mail that was sent, clicking the netflix party link.

After taking a second to load, you saw that you were watching the 4th season of Riverdale. (yikes)

You rolled your eyes, praying that it went unnoticed.

“Is this what you wanted to watch, y/n? I thought you hated Riverdale?” Pope asked, still a little confused on the whole situation.

“Nope.” You stated dryly, shrugging you shoulders and falling back onto your bed.

“Oh, it was my idea.” Sarah chimed in, her bubble got bigger because she had said something, “You don’t mind, right y/n/n?”

“I kind of wanted to watch Back to the Future.” You revealed.

At this point, everyone was shocked, even you. You didn’t hate Sarah, she was currently being really nice but you wanted to spend your birthday talking to your best friends and she didn’t fit into that category yet.

“I don’t really like that movie.” John B commented, earning a slap on the back of the head from JJ.

“Actually,” You paused, contemplating if you even wanted to continue the sentence. You had two options, make a scene or leave peacefully.

“I’m not feeling to well. I think I’m going to go but, have fun watching Riverdale.” Before anyone could protest, you hung up.

Option two it is.

“Fuck birthday’s.” You concluded, turning off your light. You didn’t have the energy to argue with anyone so, you decided to go to bed and deal with it in the morning.

JJ muted the phone so that no one else could hear the conversation that was about to ensue, “Dude, what the fuck?!” He yelled at John B, who was very confused.

“You invited the girl you’ve been mackin’ on for a month to y/n’s birthday party. Did you even ask her?” He stood up, towering over his friend.

“Woah, woah, calm down. I didn’t think that she’d care.” He defended himself.

Pope and Kie were texting you while Sarah was too busy watching the cringe unfold on Riverdale that they didn’t notice that John B and JJ were arguing.

“All she wanted was a good birthday and you fucking ruined it.” He accused, poking at his chest.

“I didn’t ruin it. She was tired and had to go!”

“It’s literally 9:30 pm. You think she’d go to bed this early? We’re in quarantine! Everyone stays up till like, 5!”

The look on JJ’s face conveyed that he was seconds away from punching John B in the face but he had to remember that you wouldn’t want them fighting because of you.

The blonde took a deep breath that lasted at least 5 minutes, “I need to go check on her.” He stated, going into the guest room that he was currently residing in and grabbed a big basket but with how fast he was walking, it’d be impossible to make out the contents inside.

“You can’t go see her, we’re in quarantine.” John B protested but JJ didn’t seem to care.

「 ₊˚.༄ 」

The sun started peaking through your window at around 6 am. The heat of the sun beamed on your face, causing you to wake up earlier that you anticipated.

Groaning, you trudged to the one and only bathroom in your house, thankful that your mom was off to work. She works for Mr.Heyward and they’re currently trying to deliver supplies to as many people as possible.

After getting ready for the day in the restroom, you headed towards the kitchen. In your peripheral vision, you saw a big basket sitting on your front porch.

Peaking your interest, you opened your front door and grabbed the basket with two hands. It wasn’t that heavy but it appeared to be filled to the brim.

Perched on the very top of the basket was a ripped sheet of blank paper covered with medium sized writing. The penmanship was sloppy and certain words had been written over and over again, most likely because the marker was running out of ink.

Based on the lack of punctuation, you already knew who hand delivered this package.

On the inside was 3 of JJ’s shirts (without the sleeves ofc), a half empty bottle of cologne that he’d only wear on special occasions, a torn 2 dollar bill, and a hydroponic blunt.

If any other pogue was receiving this as a gift, they’d probably be really disappointed but, not you. You knew that JJ wasn’t well acquainted with showing and or receiving love so, this was a huge gesture.

Running back into your house, you grabbed your phone, ignoring all of the apology texts from John B, you facetimed JJ.

After a few seconds of it ringing, he answered, “What time is it?” He groaned.

“When did you deliver this?” You asked, ignoring his question.

“What are you talking about?” He didn’t falter, standing his ground.

“Don’t play dumb with me, JJ. What time did you put this on my doorstep?” You persisted, showing the poorly wrapped package that rested on your dining table.

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about.” He chuckled, scratching the back of his head.

You squinted your eyes into the camera and waited a few seconds and sure enough, he creaked, “Fine, fine! I may or may not have decided to play mail man last night.”

“What the heck-?” You paused, attempting to take in what he had just said, “Wait, why?”

“Well, after Sarah crashed your birthday party, I thought you might want to wake up to something, uh, nice.” He grinned, awkwardly.

“You should’ve called me! I would’ve come outside to see you.” You replied, disappointed. He was mere feet away from you last night and you weren’t aware.

“Social distancing, y/n.” He teased. We all know that JJ is the pogue that’s most likely to accidentally break one of the rules during quarantine.

“JJ,” You took a deep breath, “Why did you all of this. I mean, it’s such an amazing birthday gift. A blunt and a 2 dollar bill, what more could a girl ask for?”

“IT’S BECAUSE HE LOOOOVES YOU!!” You heard John B scream from farther into the house.

JJ dropped the phone on the bed and put himself on mute, you shook your head, knowing he was most likely scolding John B.

“I’m sorry, he’s been spending to much time with Sarah.” He returned, “Also, I stole that bill from Kie, don’t tell her though.”

“I really really really miss you, JJ.” You sighed, frowning.

“I really really really miss you, y/n.” He mocked, of course he could not be 100% serious, even when he wanted too.

“Can you promise me something?”

He raised his eyebrows, face plastered with curiousness, “Uhhh, maybe.” He chuckled.

“Promise me that you’ll ask me out once quarantine is over?” You deadpanned. It was clear that it caught him by surprise because his face wasn’t covered with confusion anymore but shear terror instead.

“W-What was that John B???!!! You fell in the toilet! Awe shit, y/n, I’ve gotta go.” He replied, hanging up the phone.

Usually, you’d be a little offended but, you knew he was just messing around with you, especially because he was so used to making the first move when it came to getting girls.

Your phone was on silent so, you didn’t notice it a first but you had a new text message from JJ.

“pinky promise.”

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #netflix #outer banks fic #jj maybank fic #jey's oneshots #rudy pankow #john b routledge #pope heyward #kiara carrera #sarah cameron #rafe cameron #imagine #outer banks imagine

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emy-loves-you · 3 years

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Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 15

Sandwiches and Self-Jealousy

Chapter 14 | Masterlist | Chapter 16

Warnings: Jealousy, half-lying, mentions of abandonment issues

Virgil shot up, surprised by Janus slamming the door upstairs. He stared at his phone. What was he supposed to do? He’s been flirting with his 3 crushes as Anxiety, and they don’t know that he’s Anxiety. Virgil sighed, gathering up what courage he had left. Might as well gather intel.

V- (1:10 PM) You’ve been flirting with THE Anxiety?!?

L- (1:10 PM) More like he was flirting with us.

P- (1:11 PM) You know Anxiety, Kiddo?

V- (1:11 PM) Yeah, I’m a fan of his

V- (1:11 PM) Are you sure that he’s flirting? Last I heard he was dating his bandmates

L- (1:12 PM) He said that he was flirting with me, but I don’t think he means it as a romantic gesture. He seemed more interested in my consent than my unavailability.

V- (1:12 PM) Wait, why were you guys okay with each other flirting with strangers?

R- (1:13 PM) We might all have the teensiest tiny crush on him

Virgil felt his cheeks heat up. They all had crushes on Anxiety? What was Virgil supposed to do with that information? Should he ignore it? Or should he try and be more serious with them as Anxiety, to see if he has a chance as a rockstar instead of a faceless friend?

Virgil suddenly felt something stirring in his gut. It took a few moments to recognize the feeling: Jealousy. Virgil had been pining after his crushes for months. He was not losing his chance to a person they’d only known for a week. Sure, that person was also Virgil, but it was the principle of it, Dammit! Virgil thought about it. While it would be easier to date them as Anxiety, he’d much rather date them as Virgil. Maybe I can give myself a leg-up through Anxiety. Virgil thought about it for several more minutes. This could work. Finally smiling, Virgil turned back to his phone.

V- (1:20 PM) Okay, you guys wanna get closer to Anxiety?

V- (1:20 PM) How does VIP tickets to their next concert sound?

R- (1:21 PM) SERIOUSLY?!?

R- (1:21 PM) YES PLEASE!

P- (1:22 PM) You don’t have to, Kiddo!

V- (1:22 PM) The concert’s on February 17th. Consider it a Valentine’s Day gift from me to you guys.

L- (1:22 PM) The concert is in less than 3 weeks. How do you have VIP tickets? Were you intending on using them, Virgil?

V- (1:23 PM) No, I just know a few people

V- (1:23 PM) By the way, where did you find that album, Lo?

L- (1:23 PM) I am at home right now due to nasopharyngitis. A coworker of mine dropped this off as an early birthday present. He said that I might find it useful. I assume that he saw Anxiety visiting me at the library and recognized him.

Virgil sighed. He’d have to pay more attention. He’d dropped his guard down when interacting with them. He didn’t want anyone else recognizing him.

R- (1:25 PM) Well, I must take my leave. I have lunch with Anxiety today, so I will inform him of our situation.

P- (1:25 PM) DON’T TELL HIM ABOUT OUR CRUSH ON HIM!

R- (1:25 PM) I WON’T!

Virgil swore, getting up. He’d completely forgotten about his lunch with Hottie/Roman. He quickly grabbed his stuff before running out the door. He sent a quick text to Janus, telling him that he had left. He speed-walked to the sandwich shop that Roman liked, ordering the same sandwich that Roman ordered every time, as well as one for himself. Before he knew it, he was standing outside of the theatre, sandwiches in hand. He sat there, remembering what he wanted to say to Roman. Roman soon walked out, a nervous yet somewhat awe-struck look on his face.

Flirt Mode: Activated

“Hey, Hottie. Ready for sandwiches and banter?” Anxiety held out the sandwich, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“We need to talk.” Anxiety startled slightly. He knew that Roman wanted to talk to him about his identity, but he didn’t think that he’d be this direct.

“Sure, mind if we sit down? My back is killing me.” They sat down on the sidewalk, uncomfortable silence between them. Anxiety opened his mouth to break the tension. “So-”

“I know you’re Anxiety.” Roman’s voice was soft, softer than Anxiety ever remembered it being. He stared down at the concrete. “And I know that I’m not the only person that you’re flirting with. You’ve actually been flirting with my 2 boyfriends. I just thought you should know that I knew before we continued anything. I don’t want to trick you or lie to you.”

Anxiety felt a wave of guilt overcome him. He shouldn’t be leading them astray like this. But what could he say? Hey, I’m also the guy that’s been texting you for the past 7 months. Hope this doesn’t pressure you into liking me. Anxiety mentally shook his head. No, he couldn’t do that. But he also couldn’t fully lie to them. Maybe some half-lies would make it better?

“I already knew.” Roman’s eyes shot up.

“How? We just figured it out today!”

“Apparently you told my friend too. Unless he made up the exact same story when he asked for the VIP tickets?” There, Virgil can be Anxiety’s friend. Close enough to where it would make sense for Anxiety and Virgil to know things that they shouldn’t, while far enough to draw away suspicion.

Roman’s jaw dropped. “You know Virgil?”

Anxiety nodded, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Mmhm. He’s a good friend of mine. He sometimes goes on tour with us.”

Before Anxiety could even blink, he suddenly had a face full of Roman. “What’s he like?”

Anxiety stared, dumbfounded. “What?”

Roman huffed, the light never leaving his eyes. “Virgil. What’s he like? I’ve been talking to him for months, but we’ve never met face-to-face. So, what’s he like?”

It took a few moments for Anxiety to talk again. He wanted to know about Virgil? Not the literal rockstar in front of him? “Well, he’s sarcastic, for one (yep). He likes to spend money on people he cares about (you, Logan, Patton). He bounced around the foster system for a while, but I don’t know why (why didn’t anyone want me?). He has really bad anxiety (hence the persona), so he doesn’t go to any of my concerts (not as Virgil). He talks about you a lot (I can’t stop myself. I bring at least one of you up in every conversation I have with J and Re).”

“He does?” He looked so… happy? Hopeful? Unsettled? Virgil couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, he’s always blabbering about what you said that day or what he’s planning on getting you (not a lie). So, now that you know what I think of him, now it’s your time to spill. Who’s Virgil to you?”

Roman suddenly had a strange look on his face. Anxiety couldn’t name the emotion in his eyes. “Virgil is… different. He has such a cynical view of the world, yet he still makes lighthearted puns. He’s doesn’t want to meet us in person, yet he spends so much money on us. He can’t bake for shit, and he sends adorable apology chocolates when he thinks we’re upset. He loves Halloween and Disney. He listens when we need someone to talk to, and he rambles off random facts when we need a distraction. He comforts Patton when he’s sad. He makes Logan laugh after a tiring day, even if Lo plays it off as exasperation. He calms me down when I think that the world’s against me.” He sighed. “I wish he trusted us enough to let us meet him. I respect his wishes, but it’s hard, y’know? Trusting someone that you’ve never met.”

Anxiety felt another wave of guilt, this one even stronger. He opened his mouth before thinking. “I’m sure he’ll open up to you soon.”

“Really?!” Roman looked up, with so much… joy, and hope, and that same emotion that Anxiety couldn’t name. He recognized it somewhere, but he couldn’t remember where.

Anxiety smirked, internally screaming. “Of course. You think I’d lie about something like that? He just needs to build up his confidence first. Once he does, he’ll be dying to meet ya.” His smirk softened to a half-smile. “And from what I’ve seen so far from you, Angel, and Starlight, he won’t be disappointed.” Anxiety checked the time on his phone. “Well, your lunch ends in 2 minutes, and I’ve gotta go. See ya later, Hottie.” And with that, Anxiety stood up and walked away.

Virgil was surprised that his comment about opening up didn’t make him feel guilty. Instead, he felt… relieved? Hopeful? He couldn’t tell. But it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. I do have to tell them eventually. Might as well promise it. Pressure myself into actually doing it.

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst

#useless gays #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides fic

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whiskynottea · 6 years

Text

An interruption in the 1st law of thermodynamics.

Previously, Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37

AO3

A huge thank you to my amazing beta @theministerskat, for putting up with me and for making this story better!

Chapter 38. A Birthday Cake

I always imagined my 18th birthday as a super special day. It would be the beginning of my adult life, and needed to be celebrated accordingly. Not by throwing a huge party, not necessarily, but by doing something that I would remember forever. Something like what Jamie did for my 17th birthday. Now that would be a difficult day to surpass.

Jamie, however, was not of the same opinion when it came to his own 18th birthday. It was the coming Saturday, just five days away, and he told me it was just another birthday to him. The only thing he’d asked for was to spend it with me, and maybe hang out with Jenny and Ian too.

“So, you don’t want a party?” I asked him for what felt like the millionth time. “Are you sure?”

“Aye, Sassenach,” he answered, rolling his eyes skywards, and pulled me closer for a kiss. “I dinna need a bunch of people. I only have the one person in my mind that I want to spend it with, and she’s more than enough.” He gave me a cheeky smile and leaned in for another kiss.

“Okay, then,” I said, perfectly happy with the kiss but somewhat disappointed about the party. I wanted to do something special for him, like he had done for me. And mine hadn’t even been my 18th birthday.

Later that day during the lunch break, I ran to the cafeteria, hoping to find Jenny alone and discuss my plans for Jamie’s special day. However, my redhead arrived just after I did, taking the empty seat next to me.

Great. Can’t a girl organize a surprise party at this school?

I whispered a “Later,” at Jenny’s puzzled look and focused on my food. I ate faster than ever, earning a surprised look from Jamie, and picked up my tray in hands, ready to leave.

“I have to meet Mrs. Fitz, see you later!” I said with a quick kiss to Jamie, then turned towards Jenny, whispering, “Meet me in the library.”

Five minutes later Jenny entered the quiet library. Everyone was in the cafeteria apart from two guys at the far end wearing earplugs, so I rushed into the subject hoping we wouldn’t be interrupted.

“I wanted to talk to you about Jamie’s birthday. I talked to him and he said he doesn’t want a party. What’s the plan? What are we doing?”

Jenny’s face changed abruptly, and she gave me a wistful smile. “Aye, of course he doesna want a party. I hoped this year would be different, since he has you, but apparently it isna.”

“What?” I asked, confused. This was not what I expected to hear. “What do you mean?”

“Jamie hasn’t had a birthday party since he was a wee lad. It’s…” Jenny took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then continued, “Our mom and little brother were killed in a car accident, on their way to pick up Jamie’s birthday cake.” My eyes almost popped out of their sockets, but I didn’t speak, sensing she had more to say. Jenny crossed her arms in front of her chest, fingers digging into the soft flesh over her biceps. Her gaze was far away when she spoke again, eyes glinting with unshed tears. “She usually made the cake herself, she was a fine baker. But on his 8th birthday Jamie had repetitively asked for a 3D WALL.E cake. Mom couldna do it by herself, so she ordered it from a shop in Inverness. We lost them both, mom and wee Rob, that afternoon, and Jamie never wanted to celebrate his birthday again.”

I stood there shocked, looking at Jenny, feeling my heart breaking in my chest. “He never told me… I mean, I knew that your mom… But not how…”

“Aye, he blamed himself, he still does. Twasna his fault, and sometimes I just wish we could open his thick head and pluck out that stupid thought.”

“But we can’t,” I said, still lost, but trying to think how I could help him. He hadn’t even told me… “Jenny,” she looked back at me, once again composed. “He asked me if we could spend the day together, and maybe hang out with you guys.”

“Did he now?” she raised both eyebrows. “That’s an improvement. He usually spends the day all by himself and hardly accepts any well wishes.”

I nodded, more hopeful now, thinking I could take it a step further. “So we can gather up at your place, right?” I saw Jenny nodding and I continued. “I’m thinking of making him a birthday cake.”

Jenny pressed her lips into a thin line and shook her head in disagreement. “Claire, I dinna think that’s a good idea.”

“Homemade. With love. It’s not like we’re throwing a huge surprise party full of casual acquaintances, it’ll only be only the four of us. And Murtagh,” I added Jamie’s uncle as an afterthought. “He has to accept that we love him and we care. What kind of punishment lasts 10 years?”

“I dinna ken…” Jenny said, the frown on her face carving deep lines into her forehead. “If we lose him again?” she asked, and before I could ask what that meant she continued. “He didna talk to anybody for about six months after the accident. Not a single word. Not even to the therapist.”

“But he was eight years old, he’s eighteen now. He has to confront his guilt at some point. What’s a better opportunity than his birthday, having all the people who love him around? You know, to face his fears.” I emphasized each argument, feeling that they were as much for Jenny as for me. “I don’t know…” I began to doubt myself.

“Aye, me neither.” Jenny bit her lip hard, exhaling loudly.

We left the library with shadowed faces, both of us deep in thought. I didn’t know if Jenny was thinking back to that day, to the party that turned into a funeral. I was thinking of it, of the boy who expected his mother back at any moment, the sister who kept teasing him about her last birthday cake being better because it had strawberries in it, the father who picked up the phone and heard the cold voice of a stranger announcing that his wife and son wouldn’t be coming home. Loss, knocking on their door when they least expected it.

But do we ever expect loss?

I knew I hadn’t expected my parents to never come back home from their weekend anniversary trip. And yet, they hadn’t. I’d been sure that I would listen to the doorbell at any moment and my parents would wait for me behind the heavy wooden door, with the doll they’d promised me and the hugs I’d missed - but the doorbell never rung. What had rung was Lamb’s phone, interrupting my narration about the elephant and the mouse, and moments later, Lamb was trying to steady himself with a hand on the kitchen table. Phone calls, changing our lives forever.

The more I thought about it, the more certain I was that I needed to help Jamie forgive himself. He had to accept the fact that life is cruel sometimes and it’s no one’s fault. Certainly not his. He had been just a little boy who wanted a special cake for his birthday.

I was lucky enough to leave school alone, or else Jamie would have seen on my face that something was wrong. Still, he texted me once he finished training, asking if I was alright.

Damn his sixth sense.

I texted him back, a message full of emojis and exclamation points, trying to convince him everything was perfectly alright.

That night I lay in my bed, thinking about Jamie’s birthday over and over again, while texting him about the irrelevant details of my day.

Sassenach: We had chicken for dinner, too!

I sent the message, my mind far away from my dinner with Lamb.

Will he be mad at me, when he’ll realize I pushed him so much, knowing what this meant for him?

Another text from Jamie, quoting me saying that I didn’t like chicken.

Sassenach: I know, but Lamb is really good at it! An Indian recipe I think.

And back to my thoughts again.

Should I do a WALL.E themed cake, to give him what he never got as a boy? Will that bring back only bad memories?

Another text. Jamie seemed pretty invested in my uncle’s tikka masala recipe.

Sassenach: Pretty sure it had turmeric in it. It helps the memory, did you know that?

I sent the message and winced.

What if he wants to delete those memories? Should I just listen to Jenny and be content with the fact that Jamie won’t lock himself in his room this year?

I was still waiting for Jamie’s reply, when his sister’s name popped up in my notifications.

Jenny: Someone has to shake him out of this stupid guilt loop. Let’s do it Claire.

And then another one.

Jenny: Do you know how to make a cake?

Well, the truth was that I didn’t. I had never baked anything in my life, but there is a first time for everything.

I would make his birthday cake. I was on a mission.

The next day I started my search for recipes, thanking Brin and Page for inventing Google. I needed something easy, preferably with almonds and cherries. Not more than two layers, because a cake falling-apart would make no one feel better. Not a super fancy frosting either. Definitely not sugarpaste - I hated sugarpaste. At last, I ended up with a couple of recipes that seemed relatively easy and tasty, and chose the one with the prettiest picture - hoping mine would look the same, even though I knew it wouldn’t.

That Friday night I asked Lamb if we could cancel our usual dinner out, and stationed myself in the kitchen.

It took me an hour and a half of mixing and waiting expectantly in front of the oven, only to end up with a flat, uneven cake that looked like a total disaster. After more google searching, I learned I wasn’t supposed to overmix the batter after I’d added the flour.

Had I overmixed it? Was that when I went to my room for a quick call with Jamie?

Cursing and hissing, I started over, paying more attention to the recipe now. However, I did give myself a little pat on the back for buying double amounts of all the ingredients.

Another hour and a half later, I had a perfect almond cake cooling on the rack. I took a deep breath and proceeded with the filling. I’d opted for a simple, classic buttercream with cherries. The swiss meringue buttercream sounded delicious, but I didn’t trust myself with those egg whites. Having already ruined the cake once, I felt like the increased risk wouldn’t pay off in the end.

It took me another hour to finish with the filling and assemble the cake. God, baking was exhausting. Finally, I sat at the kitchen table, admiring the product of my labor. It didn’t look like the picture I had seen, but it was beautiful. One final touch, and it would be complete.

I took the piping bag, filled it with dark blue buttercream and tried to keep my hand steady.

Just keep swimming.

We love you.

It was from Finding Nemo, not WALL.E, and it was perfect. Both figurative and literal. No one would ever call it calligraphy, but it was legible. The final ‘you’ was a little smaller because I accidentally made the ‘love’ bigger. I thought of fixing the second line and rewriting it, but I wasn’t sure if the first layer would show through or not. Plus, I was exhausted.

I set the cake in the fridge and walked straight to my room. It was a quarter to twelve, and I knew that Jamie would be asleep already, but I wanted to stay up until midnight to be the first to wish him a happy birthday. The second after I sent the message, I fell into bed and slept, dreaming of runny frostings and crooked letters.

Jamie’s text woke me the next morning, much earlier than I would have liked. I called him back, singing the sleepiest rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ and taking in his laughter like it was an espresso shot.

Jamie had no idea about the cake. All he knew was that we’d meet after his training, we’d buy to-go coffee and we’d walk to our favorite place – Calton Hill. And this was exactly what we did.

Jamie was happy, and I felt my heart fill every time his laughter echoed in my ears. We sat at our spot and I gave him his gift, the one he’d been asking for from the first moment he saw me caring the bag. He took the wrapped box in his hands and looked at me with a broad, childish grin that made me think of the little boy waiting for his mother to return home with his cake. I swallowed hard and blinked back tears, grateful that Jamie was too distracted with the colorful packaging to notice me.

“What is it, Sassenach?” he asked, eyes fixed on the box.

“You might as well open it and find out,” I smiled at him, hoping he’d like it. I had been looking for his gift for almost a month.

Jamie tore open the wrapping paper and stared at the box. “Ultra Fast-Dry Travel and Sports Towel,” he murmured.

“Lightweight and compact, an essential gear for swimmers!” I chimed in as if I were in a television advertisement.

Jamie flashed me a huge smile and leaned in to kiss me, the box blocking us from getting too close.

“Do you like it?” I whispered the moment my lips were free again.

“I love it, Sassenach,” he answered, setting the box to the side to pull me into his arms.

We kissed for a long while, before Jamie opened the box to inspect just how soft his towel was. “Now I’ll have something from ye when I’m at the pool as well,” he said, making my stomach flutter with his cheesiness.

Jamie walked me home just before lunch, and we set our date for six o'clock in the evening. Before I walked in I turned to see him leaving, hoping that the evening’s celebration would go just as well as the morning’s.

–

At six o'clock, I balanced the cake in one hand and used the other to ring the doorbell at Murtagh’s apartment. I’d met Suzzette in front of the building and she’d let me in with a smile that said ‘Happy birthday to your boyfriend!’. I’d climbed up the stairs, had taken the cake out of its box and was now waiting at front door with a celebratory smile, hearing the commotion from inside the apartment, and then Jamie’s voice coming closer to the door. “Okay, okay, I’ll get it!”

The first thing I saw when he opened the door was his sweet smile freeze on his face.

That cost me two heartbeats. Skipped, lost forever.

I looked past him to find Jenny, Ian, and Murtagh in a semicircle of hope. They all looked back at me with encouraging nods and smiles. Taking that as a good omen, I turned my eyes back on Jamie. His smile had now disappeared, and a cold mask was over his face, hiding all his feelings.

“Happy birthday!” I said, trying to beat that blank stare, but it didn’t come out as happy as I hoped.

Jamie swallowed hard, his fingers drumming on his thigh almost as fast as my heart in my chest. He opened his mouth to speak and I held my breath, but no words came out.

“I made it myself,” I whispered with half a smile, trying not to cry on his doorstep with the cake still in my hands.

This was such a bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea.

“Won’t ye invite the lass inside, Jamie?” Murtagh’s voice was stern and I wondered if he did it on purpose, to hide the worry in it.

Jamie didn’t say anything, just stepped aside to let me in.

I said a broken “Hello,” to the three gloomy figures in the living room and headed straight to the kitchen to avoid another uncomfortable silence.

I left the cake on the countertop, folded my arms in front of my chest, and focused on my breathing in a last attempt to keep the tears at bay. I heard a mumble of voices was from the living room, but I couldn’t discern any words. I didn’t know how much time had passed when I finally felt the tears roll down on my cheeks, disobeying every order given by my brain.

I went way too far. The gift and a quiet evening would have been enough. Now I’ve ruined it all.

“Claire,” Jamie’s voice was low as he walked across the kitchen to come behind me.

Without saying anything, he wrapped his arms around my waist, and buried his head in the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s me that should be sorry,” I said, the tears flowing now out of control. It was as if his touch had broken the last part of the dam that stood upright until that moment. “I shouldn’t have done it. Jenny told me, I knew…”

“Aye, I ken. Dinna cry, mo chridhe.” I felt his own tears on my neck, but I wasn’t able to utter a single word. “I’m sorry I reacted that way.”

“I just…” I said, sobs interrupting my sentence. “I just wanted… Wanted to help.”

“I ken, Claire. Tis just not that easy.”

“I know, but it will never be easy.” Every time he called me by my name, I felt like he was twisting a small knife into my heart - but he had to realize that I knew, that I understood him. I took a breath and continued. “I wanted you to know that it’s okay to mourn your mother, but it isn’t okay to blame yourself for something that wasn��t your fault. It’s not fair.” I truly believed what I said, but I still felt that I trespassed on territory I shouldn’t set my foot on. “But I shouldn’t do that,” I continued, putting a hand on his arm. “I should maybe wait for you to be ready…”

“Sassenach,” he whispered, and sighed loudly. “I’ll never be ready. My Da and Jenny gave up a long while ago. Murtagh and Ian too, because I didna listen to them. But ye tried to overwrite the bad memories with good ones, aye? Ye’ve the devil’s own courage, Sassenach.”

“I tried and I failed. I just created more bad memories.”

“No, you didna. And it’s not ye who failed.” Jamie turned me around and cupped my face, brushing the tears away from my cheekbones. “I failed ye. Ye believed in me, but I didn’t… This is so bloody hard, Claire.”

It was my turn to kiss his tears away. “I know. I’m not saying that a cake will change it all, but I thought we could try. It was never your fault, Jamie. It wasn’t a cake or your birthday that took your mom away. It was an accident, life’s wicked game.”

Jamie nodded repeatedly. “It’s just that… If I hadna insisted on the fancy cake, she’d never have gone to Inverness, she’d never… “

I stopped him with a finger on his lips. “Jamie, you didn’t know. You couldn’t have known. There are millions of ‘what if’s’ in everything we do. You just don’t know what might have happened, and it’s time to stop punishing yourself. Your mom wouldn’t want you to carry this on your back.”

Jamie looked at me seriously, and I saw something change in his gaze. “No, she wouldna.” He closed his eyes for a moment, taking deep, full breaths. “I dinna promise ye anything, Sassenach, but I’ll try.” He kissed my forehead, murmuring against my skin, “Thank ye for being by my side.”

“I don’t want to be anywhere else,” I said, kissing his jaw, before I brought his face down to mine, tasting his lips. Our kiss was salty from our tears, but sweet with hope. “It’s with almond and cherries!” I said, nodding towards the cake.

Jamie looked at the cake and turned his blue glittering eyes back to me, smiling. “I’ll keep swimming,” he breathed. “Because you love me.”

I kissed him again, feeling his warmth permeating my skin, making me feel safe again, calming the screams in my mind that cried that I’d lost him.

“Are ye sure that ye willna poison us, Sassenach?” he asked with a teasing smile, and I pinched his side in response.

“You ungrateful -” His mouth swallowed the single word he knew that would follow.

“Scot,” he continued for me.

We took the cake and walked back to the living room, the stains from the tears on our cheeks ending up to curled up lips. Jenny placed eighteen colorful candles on the cake, and we all sang for Jamie. For a Happy Birthday, after ten sad ones.

When he blew the candles out, Murtagh took him in a tight embrace, saying in a broken voice that his mother would be proud of him. I smiled, glancing up to the ceiling, and I silently told Ellen that I was taking good care of her lad. A moment later I felt her daughter’s hand squeezing mine.

Chapter 39

#thermodynamics #The first law of thermodynamics #high school au #jamie x claire #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction

252 notes · View notes

johnny-writes · 5 years

Note

➹ Luthica from Sword Girls

Meet Tojava, in her own words, the Greatest Hero the World Will Ever Know. But our story doesn’t start with Tojava.

First, we need to meet Mara Shimada, a high schooler at the bottom of of the bottom of the hierarchy.

Mara Shimada. She has a crappy life. She is the daughter of a poor Japanese woman working in Okinawa and an American soldier stationed there. She didn’t even know what his name, only that he seduced her and they had an one-night stand (I thought of implying something here, but I don’t want to add gratuiously edginess to her life).

Ashamed of the incident, she moves to Tokyo, where she keeps working on low-end jobs and discovers she’s pregnant. While this ruins her life (again), she can’t bring herself to abandon the baby and she decides to go on with it.

Mara is an ugly kid (small stature, small breasts, oily and full of knots hair, bucked teeth, short legs, misalligned eyes that’s why she has a bang), her being mixed race in a rather homogenous environment always made her isolated, she can’t talk to other kids without becoming a stuttering mess, can’t do any physical activity, a favorite target of bullying, has undiagnosed mental disorders (probably autism), no sense of fashion, and, by 12, her mother discovered she has a heart condition - she won’t live to complete 18 years. Through lots of points of view, she’s a failure of a human being.

In spite of everything, her mother tried her best to raise her. She always taught her nice things, such as to love and respect each other. When reading the Bible, she was impressed with the verse “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Although she knew she had no friends, she decided she wanted to do this. If she had perspectives of living enough, she would totally become a nun or a social worker. She wants to love others.

But, even her mom’s best wasn’t sufficient. She always was stressed to the breaking point, but had enough presence of spirit to apologize profusely every time she yelled at Mara. In the end, she spent much more time in the job than at home, and she begged poor Mara to understand, which she did it. Their apartment is always a mess, she has no internet and doesn’t get out much.

She knows her life is terrible. She had all reasons to just drop into nihilism and do nothing all day, but she doesn’t want to do that. For that reason, she never tried to fight her bullies back and begged them to solve things peacefully, following the principle of giving the other cheek. She feels ashamed of feeling vengeful and impure thoughts and in her confessions she feels ashamed for not being perfect.

The medical bills increased as she grew older. She spent her 17th anniversary in the hospital, all alone, since her mom had to be at work and she said she understood and, since the doctors were busy, she spent her time alone crying, praying to God that grants her a wish she doesn’t even know or just come to reap her from this world.

Her mom asked a co-worker to pick her up in the hospital and leave her at home. Arriving at home, she just picked a pudding from the freezer and started crying while eating it. She just wants it to end.

Then, she feels someone placing a hand on her shoulder saying, “Please, don’t cry.”

When she turns around, she sees the most beautiful woman she’ll ever see. She was the completely opposite of her: tall, having beautiful hair, large breasts, long legs, perfect teeth; her gaze was piercing, through it she knew she was powerful and yet magnanimous, and even she could see that she had really expensive clothes.

The girl introduces herself as Tojava, the Greatest Hero the World Will Ever Know. She explains to her that she comes from a Fantasy World. She’s a half-dragon princess beloved by all and she is a powerful hero, with lots of power and lots of friends, and have fought uncountable enemies and prevailed over all of them.

And, most important, they are Otherselfs of each other. Mara gets a bit weirded out, but Tojava explains that they are parallel worlds and her world and Mara’s world are like two sides of a coin, never looking at each other, but still being part of the same thing.

Mara is incredulous at first, but she can feel a kinship with Tojava. She’s everything she always wanted to be, but she just can’t. She wants to be her and blurts it out without thinking.

Tojava just giggles at it and says this can be arranged. She shows that even her is not perfect, showing her a death mark on her body. She was cursed by an enemy and she wouldn’t live to her birthday. She had just recovered from a bad case of her “illness” just before going to Mara’s world - in fact their crises matched each other’s through their entire life. And she also says that she thinks the solution to get rid of their curse is in her world, not in hers and, in order to find a solution, they can exchange bodies so that Tojava can find a way to get rid of the curse and, when she does that, her heart condition will either heal or someone will discover a cure to it.

Mara nods profusely, and she wants to do it immediately. Tojava says she needs to teach her first, to which Mara agrees. So, she spends the next three days teaching her everything she needs to know and brings a few gifts to her, like food. Mara is so, so thrilled that she’s absorbing everything like a supersponge and is so thrilled she can eat real food for once. She can’t help but to fantasize about her life in there.

After the crash course is finished, Tojava uses her magic to exchange bodies with Mara and sends her to the Fantasy World, while she remains in Earth to solve the issue.

By waking up in the royal bed, Mara-as-Tojava realized the spell worked and is at first amazed with how different everything looked. It resembled nothing like her poor apartment, it was everything so full of color, so full of life. She also notices how different her body felt, so the first thing she does after waking up is undress herself and admire her new body in front of a mirror.

Mara was a just a gremlin, with 146cm of height, but now she was an amazon of 189cm of height; all her previous body was flacid and weak, but now she could even see muscles and she could lift a sword that was placed besides the bed like if it was a stick; her hair, that used to be a mess, was better than a movie star. She could feel her heart pumping blood normally, unlike the weird sound her heartbeat in her other body had.

A maid accidentally opens and ends up embarrassing her. The maid just laughs off and opens her wardrobe, showing a collection of lots and lots of beautiful, high-quality clothes - she's elated with such possibilites and start picking random clothes to wear, because she had no sense of fashion. The maid quickly corrects her and helps her to wear fitting clothes.

Wearing a dress special for the occasion, she is greeted by the staff and her knights for the breakfast, which is served as a high-class meal, with everyone saying nice things about her. How different it was from the cheap pudding and being bullied.

Then, she goes to the balcony admire her kingdom. She knew Tojava must've been a kind and noble ruler because everything was so pristine and everyone loved, so she needed to continue the legacy. At that moment, she sees an enemy army that teleport right at the gates.

Her counselors urge her to lead her troops on the battlefield. Therefore, she changes her dress into a beautiful and pristine armor and goes to the frontlines, flying with her dragon wings, which pop up at her will.

Upon arriving there, she sees the enemy army is composed by lizardmen. She's afraid, but she doesn't want to disappoint her subjects, so she goes forward, demanding to solve things without bloodshed. The lizardman commander refuses and launches a spear at her, to which she grabs in an instinct before it can hit her.

Tojava taught her how to use her powers and then, for the first time, she feels she can fight bullies back. She ponders if she should give the other cheek but she can't do that and risk the safety of her people, so she grabs her sword and summon her magical powers and singlehandedly defeats the lizardman army.

However, she is conscious of her power, and therefore was able to use it without kiling a single enemy soldier. Her army kept the enemy soldiers at the mercy of their spears, while the lizardman general is brought to her - he says he spent months planning and gathering magical energy only to be easily defeated by a tyrant. She feels offended at being called a tyrant, but still ordered her men to let them go if they promised to not attack again (she's a kind girl and kind of naïve, remember).

Everyone is shocked, but they complied and the lizardmen retreated. When confronted by her counselors she says it seemed the right thing to do and they said nothing more.

However, the more problems are brought to her, the more she shows mercy and kindness and the more everyone else is utterly baffled. Nobody can understand this, and she thinks to be strange.

Then, one day, an assassin infiltrates the palace and tries to kill Mara. She easily subdues him and asks him why he wanted to kill her. He angrily replies he's the last member of the dynasty of a kingdom she conquered and killed the royal family. She says it's preposterous, the kingdom willingly incorporated itself to hers, in fact all of them saw her kingdom was so good they wanted to joint (that's what Tojava told her).

The young man is baffled, but he has psychic powers and realizes: she's not Tojava, the ruthless mass-murdered, the mad dragon princess, and, taking a bet, he decides to trust her.

It was at this moment, Mara starts to learn (first she experiences denial) that Tojava was nothing she claimed to be. She knew she was going to die in her 18th anniversary and then decided she'd conquer the entire world before it. She, indeed, had won the biggest prize in the genetic lottery, but this only made her selfish, manipulative and petty, and has oppressed all peoples of the Fantasy World - the complete opposite of Mara, who's extremely horrified by this (and also extremely horrified that that body wasn't a virgin one).

Tojava used her powers for selfish purposes, and Mara is trying to undo the damage, but her biological clock is ticking, soon she'll be 18 and dead. She learns that, before she left, Tojava heavily brainwashed everyone in the palace and lightly brainwashed everyone in the capital to serve her and Mara, by extension.

Meanwhile, Tojava woke up in Mara's body and she hated it. She quickly learned of how pathetic the body was, how she couldn't overexert herself. She felt weak and she hated it.

She tried to keep a good girl façade, but she was too impatient and quickly went to fight others. While she still knew where it hurt and could figh dirty, she knew she wouldn't win fights.

At first, she kept the student façade, but, as time went on, she stopped caring and just had her normal self. She did manage to manipulate Mara's mother into doing what she needed while she researched on how to stop the curse and she actually manages to do it.

Now, for the ending, Tojava and Mara have a stand-off. In order to return to her original body without the curse, she has to do some mumbo-jumbo that requires her cooperation and Mara refuses.

For the first time in her life, Mara wants to kill someone and she wants to kill Tojava, because the atrocities she commited were unforgivable.

"My body may be weak and frail, but it doesn't matter, I'd rather have my body than yours, if yours has the blood of so many people in its hands. I don't want to be you, I am me, and I will be all of me!"

"You fool, we're the same, two sides of the same coin! I will be a goddess presiding over all, you won't stop me!"

Cue Anime Battle.

Then, I'm not sure what would happen, but certainly Mara wouldn't be able to kill Tojava in the end, because it's not what being her entails. But she would also refuse to let Tojava get away, willing to sacrifice herself to stop her - maybe by embracing her for all eternity so that she doesn't escape to produce more atrocities, or having Tojava somehow to be depowered since the source of her powers probably was the curse, and she has to pay for her crimes, while Mara gets her heart healed and, while she doesn't become too healthy, she can break the 18 years limit and live a better life.

So, I got carried over (Fa, you monster), but I really really enjoyed writing this mock novel. The inspiration just came, like Black Rock Shooter meets Ni No Kuni meets Overlord, so I immediately liked the concept, and I think the story of Tojava and Mara would deal with themes of escapism, identity, morality and others.

Plus, since Luthier is such a fanservice character I thought it could be funny, and I wanted to use Tomoko as a contrast, since original Tomoko is such a pervert and Mara is actually a pure girl (fun fact: Mara means ‘bitter’ in Hebrew, her mother didn’t know that, though).

#replies #i got really carried over #this reply has over 2400 words

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icequeenjules26 · 5 years

Text

You Light Me Up

Summary: From their 17th birthday on, wizards could try performing a spell to find their soulmate via marks on their arm. Phil was anxiously waiting for the day to perform it, but he never really expected it to fail...

Word Count: 8,5k

Tags: Hogwarts / Harry Potter AU; Soulmate AU; Hufflepuff!Phil, Gryffindor!Dan; Strangers to friends to lovers

A/n: Here finally comes a story I’ve been excited for for ages, the HP/Soulmates AU that nobody asked for! It’s written for the @phandomreversebang for the art by the bestest ever human being @jorzuela, who I love very much. Beta’d by my bf @mateusz1912, who did his very best to help me!

Read on AO3

Phil Lester loved the winter. Which was ironic, really, considering he also loved the warmth, but that was just the way it had always been. He didn’t even know what it was in particular that got him so fond over the winter, just that it was there - the snow, the crunching noises it made when you walked on it. The way it blurred the sharp edges of the world, made everything seem nice and inviting. That it was dark nearly all around the clock, but not completely dark, just dusky, warmed by the yellow glow of old lamps and fireplaces.

Or maybe it was because of Christmases spent with his family, exciting new year’s celebrated with his friends. Saturdays huddled in Hogsmeade, the butterbeer warming his cold fingers. Cuddling with his friends in front of the fireplace in the common room, whispering lowly, providing comfort for the multiple plants around. Or it could be his birthday at the end of January, the comfortable get-together his friends planned for it. He was an introvert, sure, but he loved his friends, and sometimes, spending time with them was nice, even in bigger groups.

Overall, his adoration for winter didn’t seem to fit the rest of his personality. He loved the sun, he loved plants, he loved coziness - he was a Hufflepuff through and through. But it was there. He had never had a reason for anxiety during the winter - until now.

The winter before his seventeenth birthday he spent in an anxious anticipation, awaiting the thirtieth of January - his birthday. Not only would he be of legal age in the wizard society, it was also the day he would be able to finally perform the most important spell he’d ever perform: Indicare anima, the soulmate spell.

Once they turned seventeen, all wizards could start trying the soulmate spell. It would take most of them a few tries to perform it correctly, since there was no way of practising that particular spell beforehand, but once they did, a pattern would appear on their non dominating arm from the wrist on upward, curling around it in a twirling matter.

Phil was completely captured by the tattoos. They were delicate - beautiful even. Inside the twirls symbols were embedded that represented the soulmate, its colours spoke for their house or school, and the twirls and waves were sometimes broader, sometimes smaller; sometimes, they were formed as leaves or feathers or even blades.

He had seen quite a few of these marks by now. Some in passing, peeping out of rucked up sleeves, some closer. Hogwarts students would often find their soulmate tattoo in house colours, like his brother Martyn, who had the blue - bronze tattoo of his Ravenclaw soulmate on his arm. But there were other colours. His mom had a purely black one, revealing her soulmate (his dad) as a squib (it could also mean a muggle). The tattoo of Cara, a fellow Hufflepuff, was of a blood red and dark green colour, indicating a Durmstrang student. There were a lot more, all pretty common, except -

Except the one colour a wizard would not want to see in their soulmate mark.

Grey.

Not everything about the grey tattoos was uncovered yet. They happened, more commonly than people thought, but they were mostly useless since unreliable. There were too many different meanings. Sometimes the mark on the older soulmate would be grey simply because the other one hadn’t performed the spell yet. Sometimes it indicated a undecided soulmate who had already left school and now struggled in life, losing the connection to their former house or school. Sometimes it simply meant that their soulmate didn’t belong to the school they were in.

And sometimes - sometimes it meant that the soulmate was already dead.

Overall, Phil held a believe in the soulmate marks that few else possessed. His parents, his aunties and uncles, his cousins - his brother. They all had found their soulmate with the help of their marks, and they were all more than happy with the outcome. He could still remember the moment when Martyn’s mark had first touched the one of his soulmate Cornelia - both their marks had lit up, just for a second, proofing them as soulmates. Phil had been ecstatic. He loved his brother, and he loved Cornelia. He was the only Hufflepuff in his family except for some distant cousins, but neither his brother nor his soulmate had ever made a big deal out of it, and that meant a lot to him.

Martyn and Cornelia had been a couple for over a year now, and whenever Phil saw them on trips home or when they met him in Hogsmeade they looked so happy Phil was sure they were glowing.

He wanted that.

And he strongly believed his soulmate spell would get him there.

So it really wasn’t a surprise he was this anxious to perform the spell. Concentrating on schoolwork was basically impossible for days. He was glad he had one of his best friends, Hikari, with him in all of his curses, to keep him somewhat focused and preventing him from losing it completely, but in all honesty they were just lucky the teachers were cutting him some slack - for obvious reasons. They were used to it.

His birthday was on a Sunday this year. Hika and Will, his other best friend, had asked him if he wanted to wait, wanted to get the supervision of a teacher. Mrs. Sprout, their Herbology teacher and head of the house, assured her students almost daily how happy she was to help with soulmate spells, and she seemed to be particularly fond of Phil and his friends, but he had decided to do it alone - or, well, alone with his best friend.

Phil, Hika, and the rest of their friends spent the Saturday in Hogsmeade. It had snowed heavily during the night, so the snow was still mostly untouched by the time they started their walk over, and Phil found himself relaxing almost unwillingly at the scenery. He was clad in a fluffy beanie his mom had knitted him for Christmas. It was proudly displaying the Hufflepuff colours (yellow and black), and it meant a lot to him. His mom had never outrightly shown her disappointment in his house, but he had been sure there had always been some underlying chagrin - until last Christmas. Speaking from the proud looks, Cornelia had knocked some sense into her future mother-in-law, but that was just a suspicion.

He was trudging along the bridge towards Hogsmeade, Hika on his one arm, Olli on the other one, their friends Addie and Will behind them. They were a colourful group this morning, no doubt about it, and Phil took silent pride in them basically showcasing a rainbow. On his left side, Hika wore a bright green scarf his mom had given her for Christmas in honour of her soulmate - they were a Gryffindor, not a Slytherin, but one of the symbols embedded in the ornaments was a tree, so she had declared green her soulmate’s colour until further notice. On his right, Olli had chosen a pink wig this morning - she did that, sometimes. She was genderfluid, so she tried to make it easy for her friends by wearing a strikingly blue or pink accessory. Behind them, Phil knew Addie had her signature lilac beanie on her head, and Will closed the circle with the blue jacket Phil’s mum had given him for his last birthday.

“Oh, look who it is. Hufflepuff’s little rainbow,” a voice from their right sneered and the whole group turned in the direction. It was Rina, captain of Slytherin’s quidditch team, accompanied by their Seeker Nico and another player Phil didn’t know by name. As always, she wore a snarky looking grin on her face, but neither of the Hufflepuffs were really scared of her. Rina was rascal at best, but never outrightly vicious or cruel.

Will, who had stepped to Olli’s side to have a better look at the group - Nico in particular, Phil thought giddily and had to stifle a giggle - shot the group a wide grin. “Rina! Have you gotten over the defeat Gryffindor caused you by now? I heard you had to avoid the Slytherin common room for a while.” Nico shot Will a pointed glance. His lips didn’t move, but Phil could see the light in his eyes, and he wondered if Will had something to tell the group. He’d ask him tonight in the common room, he decided.

Olli, one of Hufflepuff’s beaters, giggled uncontrollably before bringing her eyes to Nico. “No offense to you, Nico, you’re a great seeker, but the rest of your team is useless,” she said, a conspiratorial tone in her voice that made it seem like she was sharing a secret with him.

“I’ve noticed,” he answered drily, and Phil just lost it. He started laughing, making the whole group laugh along with him, and when she noticed Nico grinning at Will brightly Rika’s face became an unhealthy shade of red.

Hika turned her face into Phil's chest, barely staying upright, and Phil had to clutch to her to not topple over. Will, being the best friend he was, had expected them to fall, and moved behind them to lend a hand if needed, and Olli and Addie hugged each other in silent laughter somewhere next to him.

Unfortunately, that left Phil open for attacks.

He heard Nico getting out a warning “Rina -”, then his head was suddenly uncomfortably cold. He blinked, unsure of what just happened, and needed a moment to assess the situation. Rina snickered wickedly, and when his sight finally cleared he saw Nico reaching out for something Rina held high in her left hand. Unfortunately for him, he was quite short and therefore unable to reach it.

When Phil finally realized it was his beanie she had taken he could feel his face shifting into anger almost immediately.

“Rina, give it back. That's childish and we both know it,” Nico gritted out, eyes somewhere behind the girl. Phil would've checked had he not been so fixated on her.

Nico had an aura of power around him like few else, and it made Rina’s minion, who had already moved to help her, yelp and step away from the scene, clearly scared of the consequences. No one wanted to cross Nico.

Even Rina halted in her movements. “It's just a stupid beanie, Nico -”

That's where she got cut off. A Gryffindor - apparent due to his house scarf - had stepped behind her unbeknownst to nearly all of them, snatching the beanie from her hand. He had held a silent conversation with Nico, Phil noticed unconsciously, but he didn't pay it much attention.

He was blinking at the guy that had snatched the beanie from her. “You won't avenge your devastating loss by picking on a Hufflepuff of all people, Rina,” he said, grinning, before moving to give Nico a high five. He towered over him by at least twenty centimeters, but they still seemed like they belonged like this.

Phil bristled for a second, flabbergasted, and tried to remember the name of the handsome guy with the dark locks. “Dan,” he breathed out when he remembered. “Dan Howell.”

They had met before, Phil was pretty sure, if only because their best friends were friends - or at least that was what Will called him and Nico, but they both knew that was half the truth at best - but they had probably never talked for longer then a few minutes. Phil would remember that, he was sure.

Dan’s eyes met his and Phil felt like he was drowning in chocolate. For a second, he lost all ability to focus, then a smile appeared on Dan’s face and the connection broke. “Phil Lester, right?” He stepped forward, towards Phil, holding out his beanie.

Phil nodded. “Thank you,” he answered, doing his best to sound unaffected. He offered Dan a smile back, who blushed.

It was Olli who broke the scene. She had let go of Addie and now started pulling Will along towards Hogsmeade, shouting a quick “come on guys!” behind her. The wide, mischievous grin on her face told Phil she wanted information, and something told Phil she wanted them from Will. Hikari next to him giggled. “Poor Will.”

Phil couldn’t help but agree.

____

With the distractive presence of his friends the day went by much faster than he had anticipated, and before he knew it, it was Sunday.

At breakfast the group surprised him with flowers and a very high-pitched (and flat) serenade that made him grin so wide his muscles started hurting. They spared him the presents, though, because they knew he couldn’t focus on them anyways, and promised him he’d get them after he’d perform the spell.

Startlingly, Olli had not gotten the information out of Will she’d wanted the day prior. Will had stayed determined and Phil admired his best friend even more for it, but it had left Olli dissatisfied. The Gryffindor, now sporting a bright blue wristband, wanted gossip.

And he wanted it now.

He was dead set on going with Phil to perform the spell. Phil was hesitant to even let his best friends in and definitely didn’t want Olli there, who was a great friend, sure, but couldn’t keep a secret even if a life depended on it.

As always, Will got Phil out of the situation, distracted Olli with stories about a Gryffindor who’d recently gotten his tattoo and was now searching for a Hufflepuff with a cat and an unnatural love for books and words. Over the table, he was making silent conversation with Phil, informing him they’d meet in an empty classroom they had assembled beforehand in ten minutes, so he got up, Hikari on his heels.

Hika had agreed to watch the hallway while Phil was performing the spell, and Phil was glad that she seemed to understand the intentions behind it. They all knew they didn’t indispensably need someone to guard the door and look for possible intruders, but Phil wanted her there - without having her there.

Will had a deeper understanding for Phil’s position than Hika had. She had performed the spell a few weeks ago, shortly before Christmas, and she’d never had the reservations and fears that Phil shared with Will. For her, the spell would work, or it wouldn’t - she looked forward to her soulmate, sure, but she had a lot going for her, and she didn’t need them. Not like Phil did.

Will on the other hand - he was like Phil in the Soulmate department. They had talked about it for hours, in the night in front of the fireplace of the Hufflepuff common room, or cuddled in their beds. Their roommates both had a deep sleep, and Phil and Will were best friends who didn’t mind sharing a bed to talk.

When they sat down on the ground in the empty classroom ten minutes later, Hika manned the door for them. While Phil tried to calm down enough to perform the spell correctly, Will told him what had happened. Knowing there weren’t many things that could distract Phil right now, he told him his secret like it was nothing. He would have anyways, with time, but now he did it because Phil needed him to.

Phil really, really loved his best friend.

So, while attempting to breathe evenly and empty his brain of all negative thoughts, he listened to Will laying out his heart.

“Nico performed his spell two days ago. He’s waited after his birthday, out of anxiety, I guess,” he said, eyes carefully observing Phil, watching for any signs of negativity. “Anyways, he performed it, and it’s a Hufflepuff.”

Phil stared at his best friend with wide eyes, urging him to go on, pointedly breathing in a calm manner. He hoped for good news. He could need some right about now.

“There’s a snitch, so it’s definitely a Quidditch player. Possibly a seeker.” Will was Hufflepuff’s most celebrated seeker. There was hope soaring in Will’s eyes and Phil couldn’t help but grab his hand. “There’s a bunch of medical symbols, a healing plant. And a sun.”

There was a wide grin spreading over Phil’s face, and he could feel his eyes sparkling. Will Solace was a genius in everything concerning healing, it was his biggest passion next to Quidditch. And his nickname since first grade had been Sunshine.

“Oh my god, Will. That’s you. It has to be you.” The joy bubbling in his voice seemed to spread over to Will, who let a grin slip. “I’m trying to not get my hopes up here, Phil.”

Phil just grinned back. “I don’t care what you say, it’s you. You’ll perform your spell in a few months and then we’ll know for sure.”

The smile on Will’s face was so warm Phil felt it down to his bones. “Thanks, Phil.”

It was silent for a while. Phil’s breathing was even and calm and Will’s aura of Sunshine made warmth settling in his whole body. He was ready. Will nodded as if he’d read his mind and handed him his wand. “You can do this.”

Phil nodded, determination settling in him, took the wand into a relaxed grip and took a deep breath, clearing his thoughts of everything but the hope for his soulmate.

“Indicare Anima.”

For a second, nothing happened, and Phil already thought he’d gotten it wrong somewhere. Then, from zero to full force, a fire started burning in his left wrist, and he lost all control over his body. He hissed, pained, and closed his eyes. The fire started spreading upwards, from his wrist up to his elbow, got less and less painful, and then it was gone.

The first thing he saw were Will’s eyes, and the look in them made him halt. “No,” he breathed out, directing his eyes down to his left arm - and he almost blacked out, dread settling over him like a heavy blanket, making it hard to breath.

His soulmate tattoo was grey.

___

Surprisingly, Phil didn’t have as much struggle settling back into his life than he thought he’d have. Will dealt with the questions his friends had, and left Hika, who shared all classes with Phil, to do the same with teachers or fellow students.

Overall, the three grew even closer together than before, if that was even possible. Aside from the classes they didn’t share Will hardly ever left Phil’s side, only for Quidditch training or games. Whenever he had to, Hika was there to take his place and often enough they were together, all three of them. Teachers started referring to them as the colourful trio, and with all the pain cursing through him on a daily basis Phil revelled in the feeling of safety and love his best friends provided him with.

There was no doubt they were his safety net, his tower of strength. Whenever the dread or sadness threatened to overpower him, they were there, holding him upright and giving him the love he needed.

He rarely ever looked at his tattoo, didn’t even try to decipher the symbols. The first time looking at it had shattered his heart into pieces, leaving him bleeding and broken, and he didn’t intend on bringing the intensity of the first time back anytime soon - if at all.

He left it open purposefully sometimes, when he was alone with Hika and Will, to give them the chance to look at it, to start the search he had no strength to attempt. He knew that not all hope was lost, that there were multiple possible reasons for the colour, but the chances of finding his soulmate even if they were still alive were slim, and Phil didn’t dare to hope.

About a month after he had performed the spell the next Quidditch game came up. Slytherin was playing Ravenclaw, and while Phil usually lacked the enthusiasm for the sports, Will made up for it times ten, especially with Nico on the pitch. Phil had to admit Slytherin’s seeker was a sight to behold, and with the feelings Will possessed for the small boy it wasn’t a wonder he wanted to see him in his element.

It took some persuasion, but he decided to tag along to keep his mind off of things, and they both dragged Hikari along, even if she wasn’t really interested. Olli and Addie, who barely let go of each other’s hand by now, stayed back, and Phil and Will exchanged a meaningful look over that information.

When they arrived at the stands they were already packed full. A tall, dark figure winked Will over though, and Phil recognized Dan when they came closer. He had a Gryffindor scarf wrapped around his neck and an obviously grumpy housemate at his side. “Will!”, he greeted the Hufflepuff with a grin and waved at Phil, a blush covering his cheeks. “Hi, Phil.”

“Hey Dan,” Phil and Will retorted synchronously, turning around to pull Hika forward. “That’s Hikari, or Hika.”

Dan turned around to his housemate. “That’s Takeru. He’s grumpy because he overslept breakfast, but don’t let him fool you, he’s too nice for his own good.”

After the introductions were done the group fell into easy conversation. Dan and Will carried most of it, talking about Quidditch and the housecup, but they all got some retorts in, and it was nicer than Phil had anticipated. When Will had involved Takeru in a talk about Slytherin’s chances of winning today and Hika was busy staring at Takeru - was Phil sensing something there? - Dan took him aside.

“You’re Will’s best friend, right?” he asked, leaning in, and Phil’s heart jumped. “Yeah,” he answered, raising an eyebrow questioningly. A new blush appeared on Dan’s cheeks and Phil couldn’t help but grin. An easily flustered Gryffindor, interesting.

“Just - did he tell you about the tattoo?” he asked, seemingly not noticing Phil’s smugness.

A stab of pain flashed through Phil, but he pushed it down, pressing his nails into the palm of his hands to keep his breathing even. He nodded, letting the joy over his best friend’s probable soulmate overpower his dread. “You also think it’s Will?” he asked, but it almost sounded more like a statement than a question.

Dan raised an eyebrow as if asking really?. “Obviously,” he stated matter-of-factly and the grin creeped back onto Phil’s face. If even Nico’s best friend saw it, who didn’t even know Will as good as Phil did…

Suddenly, it got loud around them. Phil turned around to take a look at the pitch, where the players were taking positions. The Slytherin fanblock behind them started chanting Nico’s name, who waved in their general direction. To an clueless spectator it might have looked like he was waving at the fans, but Phil knew better. Will was slightly blushing and waved back with a grin on his face, and only then Nico turned his attention back to the words of Ms. Hooch, an expression of smug satisfaction on his face.

“Will you bring him to the lake when he’s performed the spell?”

Dan’s voice was suddenly incredibly close to his ear and Phil’s eyes went wide. He could feel Dan’s breath skimming over his skin, and he had to suppress a shudder. Holy fuck.

He was so distracted by the feelings pushing through him, it took him a while to comprehend the words Dan had said. “Absolutely,” he answered then, turning to Dan and giving him a grin that made him blush yet again. “T-thanks,” he murmured, then he turned towards the pitch and Phil smirked. The Gryffindor was definitely cute.

It was during a particularly risky move it happened. Nico had finally spotted the snitch somewhere between Slytherin’s rings and went for it without hesitation. Their beaters, only focussing on the Ravenclaw chaser aiming for the rings, quaffle in her hand, sent a bludger her way - only it went right past her, towards Nico…

The Slytherins behind Phil in the others were so anxious, pattering their feets, that one of them lost their footing, falling forwards, right onto Takeru. They managed to keep themselves upright, not toppling over, but they shoved Takeru right into Hika, who had been turned towards him to say something. Their left arms touched -

Suddenly, a blinding light shone through both of their sleeves. They pulled them up to reveal their soulmate tattoos shining brightly, before the light went down again like nothing had happened.

The pain in Phil’s chest was so harsh, so fierce it almost brought him to his knees. He almost toppled over, loosing his balance, but Will was there to catch him. “What happened?” he asked, clueless. “I was watching Nico, was scared he’d get hit - why did you fall?”

“Hika,” Phil whispered, pain radiating through his chest. He was so, so happy for his friend. He was.

But it also hurt, knowing - or at least believing he would never have that.

It only took one look for Will to assess the situation. He looked back and forth between Phil and Hika, trying to analyze if it was more important to comfort Phil or congratulate Hika.

Before he had made a decision the pain in Phil’s chest subsided. That was the way it was, and he’d have to live with that - but his friend just had a revelation so severe it couldn’t leave her unaffected.

And really, when both him and Will turned around Hika was already looking at them. With anxiety in her eyes she cradled her left arm to her chest like it was broken. Phil took a deep breath. His friend needed help, and he would be there for her, no matter what.

___

It didn’t take much time for everything to settle down again. Slytherin had won the game, only slightly and because of Nico, but that had only been a sidenote to the day.

Hikari had found her soulmate.

She was spending more time with Takeru now, but she didn’t forget Phil or Will, and for that, he was glad. Will and her still made sure that one of them was around Phil at all times, and the ice pickle in his heart subsided slightly with every day.

Around a month later Will’s birthday was coming up. After Hufflepuff’s game against Gryffindor - which Hufflepuff won, with Will catching the snitch and teasing both Nico and his best friend Dan about it - he didn’t have much to focus on, and he was getting more and more anxious by the day.

Phil coped with it better than he’d have thought a few weeks prior. His soulmate tattoo prickled often, now, ensuring that he couldn’t keep his mind off of it anymore - and somehow, the pain got duller, like he had gotten numb. Which probably wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but it worked.

Will and him spent a lot of time together, talking about nothing and everything, and Phil learned a lot - from Will, but also with him. One night, a few days before Will’s birthday, they were both lying in Phil’s bed, basically contemplating life, when Will started crying. It came more or less out of nowhere for Phil, and he was worried about his friend, but he assured him there was no reason to.

“It’s just,” Will mumbled, staring up onto the ceiling, silent tears running down his face, “I’m so sorry to say that, to sound like I get profit from your misery…” He sobbed, quietly, and Phil sat up in his bed. “I think I… We needed that. You know I hurt along with you, I really do, but it made me realize… We’re worth enough ourselves, you know?”

His words hit Phil like a brickwall. He was propped up on his elbows, slightly bend to the side to stare at his still crying best friend. “We… We don’t need soulmates,” he whispered, and it was like he saw the world clearly for the first time in forever. He didn’t need a soulmate. Having one would be nice, sure, but he was his own person. He didn’t require someone else to make his life hole.

He knew his best friend had said the words he’d always needed to hear - needed to understand.

I’m enough.

It took him quite some time to calm his best friend down. Will was an incredibly compassionate and kindhearted person, and getting something out of a situation so hurtful for his best friend took its toll on him. In the end Phil was able to assure Will that he had been right, that he had both needed it. They learned a lesson through it, a lesson incredibly important to the both of them, and that was more than he could’ve hoped for. He knew that in a few days, Will’s soulmate would reveal themselves to be Nico, and he’d be so incredibly happy for his friend.

There was still a sense of loss within him, sure. But now he knew he had the best friend imaginable. And that he’d be okay.

____

On Will’s birthday they had classes in the morning, but after that they huddled together in an empty classroom to perform the spell. He had his reservations about it, determined to not perform the spell out of some strange sense of solidarity for Phil, but both Hika and Phil did some persuasion and convinced him to do it.

This time it was Phil’s task to make Will be calm, and he did so by listing a number of reasons Phil was happy to have Will as his best friend, and how happy he’d be for him when he’d have Nico at his side as his soulmate.

The first time he tried the spell nothing happened, but Phil had assumed as much with the way Will’s hand had been shaking. On the second try, though, it worked, and Phil got to observe how a shimmering light made its way from Will’s wrist up his bare arms. The light was so bright Phil had trouble focussing on it, but when it sizzled out and got dimm enough to allow a look he was mesmerized.

The tattoo was beautiful. It was the first Slytherin one he got to see, and what he’d heard was true. The dark green made a beautiful contrast to the sparkling silver, especially on Will’s tanned skin. The swirls were bold and powerful with smaller ends, talking even without the symbols embedded, and that alone seemed to fit Nico’s personality so perfectly Phil could feel tears brimming his eyes.

He looked up into Will’s face before he could succump to the temptation of analyzing the symbols without him. Will’s eyes were full of a sense of hopeful anxiety, and Phil’s face stretched into a grin out of its own accord.

They had a silent conversation, then Will raised his arm and Phil took a hold of it to lead the search for symbols. The first they found was a snitch, almost hidden within an ending swirl.

“Seeker,” Phil stated giddily and Will squeezed his arm as a motion of silent understanding.

The next one they found was a cute little raven, sitting on a twirl like it was a branch. “Raven,” Phil said. He knew he needed to voice what he saw out loud. He knew Will needed his reassurance that he wasn’t hallucinating.

His wand fell out of Will’s free hand with a clatter. He balled it to a fist, but Phil could still see it trembling. Nico had a pet Raven that he shared a special connection with.

All the next three symbols pointed towards Nico as well - pretty specifically even. A musical note (Nico was particularly fond of muggle music). A rune that stood for the letter W (Nico’s favorite rune - what a surprise), a symbol shaped like a wavy M that they both knew stood for the human fast food chain McDonalds that Nico loved. An omega, a letter of the greek muggle alphabet that was Nico’s family crest.

The search was surprisingly therapeutic for Phil, and he found himself growing more and more curious towards his own tattoo as it progressed. Even if he would never meet his soulmate, it would still be interesting to know what their symbols were.

Again, it seemed like Will was able to read Phil’s mind. “Let’s check your tattoo, too.”

Phil looked up, into his best friend’s striking blue eyes. “Later. First, we’re going to the lake.”

Naturally, he ignored Will’s confusion and protests entirely.

When they arrived at the lake Dan was already there, coming to meet them on the way. Phil could see Nico’s small figure sitting under a tree, eyes closed and relaxed, and he raised an eyebrow towards Dan. “I don’t think he slept tonight,” Dan explained, reading his silent question without any problem. A warmth shot through Phil that he couldn’t decipher.

He nodded, pulling a clueless Will forwards that blinked between them, completely confused. “Huh?”, he asked, then Dan shoved his left sleeve out of the way, carefully inspecting the tattoo. When he raised his eyes to meet Phil’s there were tears shining in them, and again, they didn’t need words to communicate. The warmth’ intensity increased again and Phil frowned for a second. He wasn’t getting sick, was he?

Dan turned around, moving towards Nico and shouting his name in the process, Phil and Will right behind him. He had let go of Will’s wrist now, he didn’t need to pull him anymore. Will had spotted Nico, and Phil could practically feel the hope radiating off of his best friend on his skin.

Nico woke up, startled, and leaped onto his feet faster than Phil could blink. For a second, he seemed disorientated, then his eyes focused on Will’s and they were in their own little world.

Dan and Phil stood back as their best friends approached each other, closely next to each other, and it took all of Phil’s willpower to not reach for Dan’s hand directly next to his. No, he did not want to hold Dan’s hand. Absolutely not.

Dan didn’t seem to have gotten the memo. His pinky finger wrapped around Phil’s almost sneakily and for a second, both of their breathings hitched.

Then the scene in front of them demanded their whole attention.

While approaching, Will had pulled up the sleeve of his rope, holding his arm in front of him like an entrance card. His eyes were locked with Nico’s, who’s left arm was outstretched as well, and when they finally stood in front of each other and pushed their arms together they didn’t even need to look towards their tattoos. The light breaking through the skin was so bright Phil had to cover his eyes even a few meters away. When it got dimmer and he was able to see again, Nico and Will were kissing, so tenderly and lovingly his heart was bursting.

There was a tear running down his face and Dan left to him had to suppress a sob.

When Dan’s pinky squeezed his own it felt right, but he pretended he didn’t care.

___

Because neither Will nor Nico were willing to cut down on the time with their best friends or each other Phil found himself in Dan’s company more often than not. Sometimes Hika and Takeru were there as well, sometimes Olli and Adie accompanied them, and sometimes the whole group went to the Honeyduke together and they had to push two tables together to fit them all.

It was nice, it was comfortable and comforting and it became his routine so fast it was dizzying. His strange infatuation with Dan continued, but he refused to give it any mind, even when Will pointed out that some of the symbols of his soulmate tattoo that they had finally inspected together did seem to point towards the Gryffindor.

At the start of May the next Quidditch match came up: Hufflepuff versus Slytherin. Will and Nico had been excited for weeks, and even the usually pretty calm Slytherin talked about it regularly. In all reality, they knew Slytherin probably didn’t stand a chance. Their team was mediocre at best, and Hufflepuff hadn’t lost at all yet this year.

The rest of team Hufflepuff teased Will relentlessly about going against Nico, and even Phil had to admit the game had its excitements. He giggled frequently when the conversation stirred that way, and he loved seeing both Will and Nico becoming flustered about it. Dan’s sarcastic remarks thrown into the mix made it even more hilarious to watch.

On the day of the game Phil found himself next to Dan on the stands. Hika and Takeru were there as well, holding hands, and Adie had placed herself next to Phil. As a beater, Oli was in more danger of getting hurt than the rest, and it wasn’t a wonder Adie was anxious about it.

For the first few minutes the game was spectacular but almost ridiculously boring in terms of the outcome. Hufflepuff basically rolled over Slytherin, and Hufflepuff’s keeper got bored pretty soon because he had nothing to do.

When the game seemed almost decided already - Hufflepuff was leading 200 to 20 and even the snitch couldn’t have brought them the win - a Slytherin beater lost all self-control and mindlessly hit the bludger in the general direction of the first yellow robe he saw. Will and Nico had both momentarily halted mid-air after the snitch had disappeared beneath the stadium and were scanning the pitch intensely, not paying attention to the other players.

The bludger hit Will into the back without a warning. Phil could hear the sickening sound of breaking bones, then a scream rung through the air, so loud and piercing it drowned out all other noises.

Phil’s blood ran cold instantly. His pinky finger was clasping Dan’s, but he didn’t even realize; all he could see and hear and feel was his best friend falling, falling, falling.

It was Nico’s desperation that probably saved Will’s life. He had been on the opposite site of the pitch and the attempt seemed completely futile, but he had given all he had, and he reached Will just in time before he met the ground. He was unable to get a correct hold of Will, to keep himself and an unconscious body up on his broom, but he slowed Will’s fall enough to give Madam Hooch the time to react. She caught Will in a spell and let him glide to the ground slowly.

Even with the worst outcome prevented it was still obvious it was bad. Will was unconscious and the sound ringing out on impact of the bludger was most definitely embedded into Phil’s brain forever.

He stood there, observing motionlessly as Will got carried away towards the hospital wing. Nico had landed, already in tears, and was soon out of sight, running after Will. Phil on the other hand couldn’t even comprehend what had just happened. His brain just replayed the sickening sound as well as the picture of his best friend falling over and over again and reality seemed further away than ever before.

He couldn’t lose Will. He couldn’t.

He went down almost in slow-motion, but strong arms caught him before he could hit the ground. They engulfed him, scaring away the pictures and sounds until there was nothing but darkness and a warm voice whispering sweet nothings.

The burning sensation in his Soulmate tattoo during the embrace went by completely unnoticed.

It took Will a long time to recover, but Madam Pomfrey told them he was lucky he was still alive. His spine and his ribs had taken some serious damage, but she had been able to repair it all without lasting effects. The healing process would just take a lot longer than with minor injuries.

Both Nico and Phil were so relieved to hear he’d be okay they fell into a hug almost instantly. Nico was normally not a touchy person and acted uncaring, which made the state he was in after Will’s accident even more severe, and it make them form an emotional connection with each other that Phil never would have seen coming.

Phil on his part felt like he couldn’t let go of either of them for weeks. He had to constantly make sure that Will was okay, and that included Nico, but his bond with Dan was surprising even himself. The Gryffindor had become such an emotional support, his personal power of strength, that leaving him seemed almost unmanageable at times - like at night, when they all had to go their separate ways. He settled for cuddling Will until they were both asleep to make up for it, an he basked in the feeling. Knowing his best friend was alive and well was something he’d never take for granted ever again.

Even after Madam Pomfrey had assured them that Will would be okay Nico was still more than furious. When he encountered the Slytherin responsible for the Bludger his aura was so dark and powerful the beater didn’t speak for weeks afterwards. Thankfully, both Dan and Phil were there to keep Nico from doing anything worse, but it was a close call.

Still, it had brought the group closer than ever. After Will got released from the hospital wing they were hardly seen alone, sitting together even during meal times. After school or on the weekends they regularly sat outside near the lake, studying or talking or just doing nothing.

The burning sensation in Phil’s soulmate tattoo was so constant by now he didn’t even pay it any mind anymore, instead he forgot about the issue almost entirely. When Nico and Dan both disappeared after classes, he didn’t even think too much about it. Will’s futile looks told him that it should make him peak up, but he refused to pay it any mind. They were back in time for dinner like nothing had happened, so Phil just forgot about it.

The following Saturday they met up at the lake almost immediately after breakfast to study. Their end of the year exams were coming up and neither one of them felt ready for it, but studying together had worked so far, so they weren’t going to change that.

Phil and Will were already there, sitting on a picnic rug and basking in the bright sunshine that pleased both of the Hufflepuffs, when Dan and Nico approached them. Nico sat down next to Will, so close they were touching, and Will greeted him with a kiss to the cheek. The Slytherin still blushed whenever Will showed him even a hinch of affection, and Phil couldn’t help but aw silently. They were too freaking adorable.

Dan choose a place next to Phil, a rosy patch on his cheek appearing when Phil grinned over to him widely.

Phil snickered and exchanged a look with Will, who raised an eyebrow. The silent question was clear, but Phil just tilted his head to the side a bit, indicating that he wasn’t sure. And really, he refused to think about it. At least right now.

Then they started studying, and everything aside from Herbology completely left his mind.

__ After he and Will had quizzed each other on Herbology he desperately needed a break. He closed his book with a loud thud, then he flopped over backwards, sprawling out his legs and looking up at the sky. Will, poking his leg with his foot, started laughing. “Same,” he said, then a quiet thump followed, indicating that Will was copying Phil’s current position.

A quiet giggle sounded from Phil’s left and a body laid down next to him, so close their shoulders were almost touching. He didn’t need to check to know that it was Dan.

“Lazy sods,” a voice grumbled from the other side of the rug and then another thumping sound followed. Phil giggled.

For a while they all just laid there, listening to the sounds of the waves and the chirping of birds. Phil was savouring the sun on the naked skin of his arms, on his face, on his closed eyelids, and thought that he could just stay like this forever.

His arm moved over to Dan’s out of his own accord. It had just become so normal, so natural to wrap his pinky around Dan’s and he didn’t think -

Suddenly, there was a burning in his arm, almost as strongly as months ago when he had performed the spell, and when he opened his eyes to look down on it there was a light so bright he had to close them again immediately.

He squinted, trying to distinguish what was happening.

“What -”

The question caught in his throat. As the light got dimmer it was apparent it had come from his and Dan’s touching arms, but that wasn’t even what phased him that much -

What really got him was the colour. He hadn’t seen Dan’s Soulmate tattoo before, maybe because it had always been pretty cold out; actually, he hadn’t even known he had one. Dan had never mentioned his birthday and Phil had completely forgotten about the whole ordeal with the spell and the greyness and the pain - and now it was gone. The pain, the greyness, gone. He only caught a quick glimpse of Dan’s colourless tattoo, then Hufflepuff’s warm shade of yellow coated his symbols like the first rays of sunshine on a snowfield.

And it didn’t only happen to Dan’s. Phil’s own tattoo, previously grey and dull, almost sad, was suddenly coloured in. Particularly the centerpiece, a majestic, drawn lionhead, was proudly highlighted in a swirl of Gryffindor’s red and gold and Phil’s heart contracted almost painfully -

Bloody hell.

Gryffindor. A fucking Gryffindor with a love for words and the moon and stars and flying, possibly quidditch...

Later, he’d find it hilarious that his brain analyzed the symbols first, that the fact that it was a Gryffindor made his thoughts go to Dan.

As if the light hadn’t been proof enough.

For some time he couldn’t do anything else but stay still and look down onto the tattoos, almost like in shock. He counted his pounding heartbeats - one, two, three, four, five - then he forced himself to take a deep breath and sit up. Next to him, Dan was doing the same, and their eyes met.

It was like time itself stood still. Like the earth stopped spinning as the warm glow of dark chocolate enveloped him, engulfed him in a comforting embrace that he didn’t want to ever get out of.

Then the sun came out from behind a single cloud, shining down on them with full force. Dark chocolate became milk chocolate, the brown curls over them shone brightly like a halo and the light got caught in the deep dimple next to plushy, dark lips. Dan had always been good looking to Phil, but in this moment he was the epitome of beauty.

Again, his body seemed to move out of its own accord, and when his lips finally met Dan’s, it was like the sun came out in his heart as well.

___

With Will and Nico’s helf they took some time to inspect each other’s tattoo. The symbols in Dan’s representing Phil fit him like a glove, and it made his heart grow warm with love. The centerpiece was a dragon, for his love for magical creatures and dragons specifically, then there was a mandrake for his passion for herbology. A cloud with snowflakes as well as the sun displayed his love not only for snow and the winter, but the sun and the warmth as well. The last one was a triskelion, a celtic symbol that stood for family as well as the Isle of man specifically, where Phil’s dad owned a holiday cottage they often visited during the summer.

Dan traced the pattern and symbols on Phil’s arm with his fingertips as they looked at them. A quill as well as a parchment scroll for his love for runes and words. A broom for flying and quidditch. The moon and some stars, which were kind of self-explanatory. And the centerpiece, the lionhead, almost glowing in its radiating red and golden colours.

Afterwards, things settled into place like they had always meant to be this way. Their routines hardly changed at all, and it made Phil realize how close him and Dan had been even before their tattoos. Now, though, there were stolen kisses and cheesy declarations, touches and looks. Dan still got flustered when Phil send him a suggestive wink and he still took Nico’s side when they had a discussion, just like Will took Phil’s; and somehow, that made him happy the most. The knowledge that their tattoos hadn’t changed them, at least not too much, that he had found his soulmate without losing himself was comforting beyond anything else.

Hufflepuff won the Housecup this year, mainly due to Will and his excellent skills as a seeker, which had won them every Quidditch match this year. They threw a big party and celebrated Will as well as the rest of the Team excessively, but Phil got his shoutout as well for all the points he had gained for the house during Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. Naturally, the party was mainly attended by Hufflepuff’s, but Dan and Nico celebrated with them like the proud boyfriends/soulmates that they were, and it made a new wave of warmth shoot through Phil - a lot of things seemed to do that by now.

During the summer holidays he introduced Dan to his parents and his brother as well as Cornelia, and they accepted him into the family immediately. His meeting of Dan’s parents and his brother also went well, and they were traveling between each other’s houses through the flee network almost daily. They met up with Will and Nico, had fun and relaxed, and it was the best summer Phil had ever had.

At the end of it he was honestly looking forward to their last school year. It would be hard, definitely, but he would get through it, and he’d enjoy almost every step of the way. He wasn’t alone, he had a newly found friend, his best friend, and his soulmate, whom he loved with all his heart. He was content - and happier than he’d ever been.

#phan #phanfiction #my writing #phanfic au #gryffindor!dan #hufflepuff!phil

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g-on-ef · 5 years

Note

Hi! You mentioned in your blog that you needed a distraction and that fic-requesters were free to come your way? If this is convenient, then can I request a damijon fic? One where batfam is overprotective and keeps interrupting the time damian and jon spend together and the two get frustrated? Thanks!

A/N: Of course you can sweetie ^^

So there is no confusion Jon is 14 and Damian is 17

~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~

He knew it was a mistake to tell Dick that he was dating Jon, he should have listen to his instincts when they told him that it was a bad idea but Jonathan thought he was embarrassed of him because he didn’t want to tell his family about them.

The truth was in the Batfamily you learn that you share everything, the bathroom, food, your dad’s attention; anything you could think of the family shared even when the girls and their personal problems, okay that was mainly Steph but the point is if one had something they had to share with everyone in the family.

So, it was natural that Damian wanted to keep something to himself for as long as he could but Jon wanted everyone to know and Damian just couldn’t say no to those big blue puppy dog eyes so he gave in and told his family.

Of course, the last thing he expected was for Grayson to tell Todd, who told Brown, who told Thomas, who tried to keep it a secret but Drake figured it out himself and told Damian that he was going to need a lot of luck.

Now he understood why he said that.

His worst fear was that he might have to share Jon’s attention with everyone, he never thought that his brothers would do everything they can to keep him from enjoying his time with Jon.

“I guess it could be-”

“Don’t say it,”

“Say what?”

“Don’t say it could be worse because every time you say that something worse happens,”

Jon puffed his cheeks in anger and Damian did not think that was adorable…okay he did but he was not going to say that out loud.

“That’s not true,”

“Our trip to the zoo?”

“Oh, right that was…I mean it wasn’t…okay so it could’ve…”

The look on Damian’s face told Jon that he was right and nothing Jon could say would prove him wrong.

“Shut up,” he said while grabbing a fry and throwing it at Damian, Damian just laughed as he looked around the food court and saw that the close was clear, he then reached for Jon’s hand however, before he could another hand landed on the table making a loud banging noise, poor Jon nearly wet himself at the loud sound that appeared out of nowhere.

“Hey you guys! Tim, Duke, Jay, and I brought you guys some food,”

If Damian had heat vision he would use it to burn Grayson’s smug look off his face right about now.

Meanwhile, Jon was hoping against hope that he didn’t look like he was seconds away from soiling himself.

“I thought I told you Grayson that Jon and I would be getting our own food,”

“True…but since me and your brothers are already here why not get you guys some food,” he said with a huge smile.

Damian wanted to slap that smile off his face.

The rest of the batboys came with Duke giving him an apoligic look, Tim giving him a smug look, and Jason glaring down at the baby supe.

“Ummm…that’s so nice of you Dick,”

“Of course it is, I mean my baby brother is on a date and I really want to make sure you guys have a good time,” he said with a sweet smile, a little to sweet for Damian’s liking.

When Jason placed the food down he also gave Jon a sweet smile.

“I took the liberty of ordering for you hope you don’t mind,”

“N-not at all,” Jon was about to grab his plate before Damian grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“Don’t eat that,” was all he said before he gave him his own plate.

“We can share from mine,”

Jon just smiled and didn’t want to admit that he was scared to eat the food Jason got him, mainly because he could smell the spicy condiments coming off of the plate.

Dick and Jason glared at the baby supe while said supe was doing everything not to pay attention to their glares even though it was easier said then done.

Duke and Tim looked at each other before they slapped the back of their brother’s heads.

“Why don’t the two of you go to the arcade while Tim, Jason, Dick, and I finish eating,” Thomas said smiling at the two boys.

He had to admit, Damian and Jon were the cutest thing and while he can somewhat understand Dick’s need to be overprotective with Damian the older boy needed to let go and let him be on his own.

Damian smiled and grabbed Jon’s hand.

“Thomas, you are officially my favorite,” he then pulled Jon away from the mess that was his brothers and headed for the arcade.

“What the fuck Duke?!” Could be heard from the other side of the restaurant and Damian and Jon couldn’t help but laugh.

~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~

He thought of all people Drake would be the most understanding, the one who would let them be and not bother them but he was wrong, he was so wrong.

He turned his gaze to Jon who also looked annoyed and was holding himself back from burning off his brother’s face.

Connor and Tim overheard Jon telling Damian that they should spend some time at the park. Damian agreed and couldn’t wait to spend a nice day out with Jon.

The it was a nice day, the weather wasn’t to hot or cold, not to mention that Alfred prepared them a nice home cook meal, informing the boys that he hopes they have fun.

The plan was simple, eat some food play on the swings-Damian would never admit it to his brothers but he loved the swings they were really fun-and flying kites together. Overall, it was supposed to be a relaxing day…until Drake and the Clone showed up ate their food and asked them what they were doing at the park.

Jon had to bite his tongue to not say anything rude but he was close to snapping and if it weren’t for the fact that he was a little intimated by his big brother he probably would have gone off on him.

“So, where you two planning on flying kites?” Tim asked gesturing to the kites on the floor.

“What do you think?” surprisingly it wasn’t Damian that answered but Jon.

Kon and Tim looked shock for a moment before laughing it off, clearly Damian was rubbing off on Jon.

“Okay right silly question, so what else where you two planning on doing here?”

“Nothing,” the two said simultaneously both wearing matching glares. Tim just shrugged it off and kept eating when neither Tim nor Kon were looking Jon used his ice breath to freeze both their drinks, both of the older boys were shock to see their tongues stuck inside their drinks, Damian was shocked and laughed as he realized that his boyfriend just played a cruel trick on them.

“Wanna go back to my place and play some video games?” Jon asked.

“Sounds like a plan,”

Jon smirked as he took Damian in his arms princess style and flew off, ignoring the muffle screams from his brother and Tim.

~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~

It’s been two years since young Masters Wayne and Kent started dating and it still surprised Alfred how overprotective his siblings were of him.

With Jon being 16 and Damian being 19 you would think that his other grandchildren would stop harassing them and leave them be, Jon has proven time and time again that he wasn’t going to leave Damian and Damian continued to show everyone how important Jon was to Damian.

And yet his other grandchildren-minus Duke and Cass, and everyone wonder why those two were his favorites-and Bruce decided to always interrupt Master Kent and Master Wayne’s dates and it was beginning to take a toll of both boys. Not that he blamed them, two years of having older sibling interrupt your date can get to you. It was a miricale that Damian hasn’t killed any of them.

Tonight was Jon’s 17th birthday and Damian decided to throw a huge party at Wayne Manor, of course this meant that all the batboys and girls were gonna keep a close eye on Damian and make sure that Jon behaved himself, surprisingly Damian invited every superhero but none of Jon’s or his friends which was weird in their eyes.

“Okay guys it’s almost time for the birthday boy to get here,” Lois said, if Dick didn’t know any better he would’ve assumed that Lois had a mischievous look on her face but dismissed that idea. Lois was an amazing woman who would never do anything to harm anyone right?

An hour into the party and Jon nor Damian were nowhere to be found, even Clark looked surprised before he and Bruce approached Lois, Dick and the rest of his siblings followed close behind them.

“Hey Lois?” Lois turned away from her conversation with Diana to look at her husband, his best friend, and said best friend’s adoptive children.

“Yes?” Lois asked with sickly sweet smile.

“Where are Jon and Damian? I thought you said that Jon would be here soon, so where is he?”

“And Damian?” this time it was Dick Bruce looked at his eldest with a disappointed look for interrupting him.

Lois looked at them before shrugging her shoulders.

“I don’t know, I mean Damian just texted me saying he was on his way but I guess they might have made a stop somewhere in Smallville?”

The two families looked at each other before flying off to Smallville, there was no way their baby was going to lose his virginity to some asshole

(Both families failed to see that they were having similar thoughts)

Meanwhile Lois smirk as she send Talia a quick text

~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~

Talia watched as Damian, Jon, Maya, Kathy, and the rest of the tiny heroes danced around having a good time, she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket.

Pulling it out she saw she recieved a message from Lois who let her know that their families are on a wild goose chase and won’t be back home until morning.

Talia laughed as her son’s plan to keep Bruce and Clark occupided worked.

She looked up to see Damian and Jon kissing one another while everyone else was having fun and not paying attention to the couple since they knew their friends needed some peace.

Talia made a mental note to give Jon his present later, after all a private island where no one, not even Tim Drake himself would find would be the best thing he’ll ever get since he can use it to spend some time with Damian with no interruptions.

#answers asked #megamaximumtreecollector #DamiJon #jondami #jonathan kent #Damian Wayne #Super Sons #writing prompt #prompts

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noirlevity · 5 years

Text

Birthday/Yamakage

Summary: Kageyama suddently felt lonely, and so, he tried calling Yamaguchi to ask him to spend time with him.

Note:Inspired by a funny/cute moment between Kageyama’s va (Ishikawa Kaito) and Yamaguchi’s va (Saito Soma). XD

Birthday celebrations were strange to Kageyama. Seeing other kids celebrate with bright smiles on their faces used to make him feel weird.

When he entered highschool, his perception on birthdays began to change. Others would make a fuss out of it, prodding him to celebrate it with them. He never thought celebrating it with others would give him a strange happiness. There was a little bit of loneliness too. It was faint, and only felt when he lays down to sleep as the day he was born passes.

This all came rushing back to him as he fiddled with a bookmark he received from Yamaguchi on his 17th birthday. The freckled boy was always the only one who gives him things. Remembering the other‘s bright smile made Kageyama feel warm inside. He inserted the bookmark inside his mathematics book, and looked up at the board to focus on the formula that was written there for a general education subject. Earlier that day, he snapped at one of his colleagues. It made him feel awful after. His birthday was close, and because of that, he was feeling a little bit anxious and edgy.

When his classes were done, he felt alone and miserable. He didn‘t know why he felt that way. In the past it was not like this. Maybe this happens when you get older. You get a little bit lonely every time your birthday came.

Kageyama took out his phone and battled with himself whether to call or send someone a message. He didn’t want to let anyone think he was needy, but he really wanted to be with someone.

Tsukishima came to mind. They were never that close and he knew the blond would just mock him about being lonely. He clicked his tongue and rejected the thought of relying on Tsukishima.

Out of his wits, Kageyama tried calling Hinata. He was the safest choice. After two tries, Kageyama gave up. The midget wasn‘t picking up. Kageyama almost gave up when he remembered that there was one person he should try to contact-- Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi.

After saying the name, it felt like he swallowed his heart whole. He began sweating bullets as he scrolled down his contacts to find Yamaguchi‘s name. An oppressive heat oppressed his checks and made him feel conscious about how red his face was. His fingers felt like they had a life on their own. Heat disappeared from his hands. They were cold.

The fact that his heart was beating hard inside his chest did not help. His palpitations made him feel small. Talking to Yamaguchi in person was one thing, calling him was another. They never really exchanged messages when they were still club members.

When he finally found his contact number, Kageyama swallowed a lump in his throat. Should he call him? He bit his lip and thought hard. Hopeful, he pressed the green telephone on the screen. As he listened to it ring, he thought that waiting for someone to pick up could be thrilling. After four rings, Yamaguchi finally picked up.

“Hello, Kageyama, what‘s up?”

Yamaguchi sounded surprised. Kageyama blushed at the sound of the other‘s voice. He knew that the other probably thought it was odd that he called him.

“Ah.. Umm.. Good afternoon.”

“Do you need something?” He could hear Yamaguchi smile over the phone. The other‘s gentle voice was still the same. It was nostalgic.

“You see I…”

“Oh! Isn‘t it your birthday tomorrow?”

Kageyama‘s heart felt like it stopped at what Yamaguchi said.

So he remembered.

Shaking the weird feeling in his chest, he responded by putting up a strong front.

“Yes.. Umm..

“Are you free right now?” Kageyama finally mustered.

“I am. Why?”

Kageyama took a deep breath. The sound is a static. He didn’t realize Yamaguchi could hear this.

“Do you want to grab dinner with me?”

There was silence at the end of the line. A silence that made Kageyama feel a little bit disappointed and lonely.

“If.. If… you‘ll have me, then I guess I don‘t mind having dinner with you.”

Kageyama couldn‘t say anything at first. He felt awkward and at the same time, excited.

“I‘ll.. I‘ll come pick you up.” Kagema fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt.

“I‘ll text you if I‘m already over there. See you!”

---

Kageyama had never gone out with anyone. It never crossed his mind because he was focused on playing volleyball. Having dinner with Yamaguchi will be the first time he will go out with anyone.

When he arrived at Yamaguchi‘s he was stupidly nervous. He calmed down a bit when he saw Yamaguchi ran towards him, flustered. It was the first time he saw him like that. The other wore stylish clothes, it made him wonder if he had a previous engagement which he gave up because of him.

The thought made him sad.

Noticing that Yamaguchi was waiting for him to say something, Kageyama swallowed hard. This made Yamaguchi giggle.

“We can eat at Tabena’s. It’s cheap but the food there is delicious. Or if you want we can go to Yakuniku if you want to eat meat.”

Yamaguchi kept on giving options to choose from. Kageyama just stared at his former teammate a little bit flustered.

“You know a lot of restaurants huh? Do you eat a lot with your Uni friends?”

“Yes, don't you eat out with your friends too Kageyama-kun?”

Kageyama did not respond.

“I see you‘re still as unfriendly as ever.” Yamaguchi snickered.

“I‘m not really unfriendly.. It‘s just that.. I haven't found the same connection I had with you guys there.” Kageyama said softly.

There was a pause in Yamaguchi. Kageyama tried not to look at him, so he just kept his eyes to the side.

“Tsukki’s in the same Uni as you right?”

“Yes,”

“He’s just like always.

“Why don't we go to Tabena’s instead?”

----

“Kageyama I didn't know you own a motorcycle now.”

“Well, my parents bought it for me.”

“Eh? Didn’t you just copy Iwaizumi-san though? Didn’t he buy a motorcycle too?”

“Yes.. But it’s not what you think.. I didn’t copy Iwaizumi-san or anything.”

“It’s very cool. I like how sleek and cool it looks.”

Kageyama smiled as he handed Yamaguchi his helmet.

“I know right,” ---

They talked about a lot of things. Things like how things were going with their studies, and the clubs that they joined. Yamaguchi told Kageyama that he was also a member of the volleyball club at his university.

“It feels like nothing has changed.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama pouted.

“I'm still stuck with idiots like that shrimp.”

“Really?” Yamaguchi chuckled.

“Isn’t it hard?” Kageyama began after deliberating with himself whether to ask or not.

“Hard?”

“You’re separated from that guy.”

“It‘s fine. It's not like our friendship will change just because we’re separated.”

Yamaguchi flashed a gentle smile that made the other’s heart melt. He always wondered why Yamaguchi was friends with Tsukishima. He was soft and gentle compared to that jerk. Thinking of this made him smile too.

“You haven’t really changed Yamaguchi.”

Kageyama found Yamaguchi adorable when he was surprised.

The other laughed.

“I’ve changed actually. You’ve changed too.”

There was something in Yamaguchi’s voice that made Kageyama wonder about this change. He realized, that nothing in this world remain the same. Everything changes. He has changed. Yamaguchi has changed. Everything. Even the way they act around each other. ——

When they were done eating, Kageyama drove Yamaguchi around the City. The pretty city lights twinkled above them. They drove past excited streets. The air was cold but he thought it felt nice. Yamaguchi‘s arms around his waist made it difficult not to mistake it as some sort of hug from the back.

Lost in thought, Kageyama did not really know where to go. He wanted to stay with Yamaguchi for a little longer, to fend off the remaining loneliness he felt. When they reached the boulevard, he pulled over when he saw the beautiful moon reflected on the surface of the ocean.

He didn’t know that there were a lot of couples around. Yamaguchi knew that this was a spot that was popular among lovers. He didn’t want to make the situation more awkward so he just kept quiet. He was a bit embarrassed and conscious about the whispers of the others around them though. Kageyama on the other hand, was standing beside him looking purposely at the moon.

“Yamaguchi, look.”

Yamaguchi turned to where Kageyama pointed. His eyes widened at the beauty of the large moon reflected on the surface of the sea. The night sky was clear and the air was a bit cold. Laughter bubbled and chatter wafted in the air. The two stood side by side.

“Kageyama-kun…” Yamaguchi began,

“Happy birthday!”

Yamaguchi handed something to Kageyama.

“I was actually planning to give that to you tomorrow. But since you called me out today, I decided to give it today.”

Kageyama gaped at the box like a child.

“Thank you.” He said shyly.

“Open it.”

Kageyama opened the box. His eyes widened; a held back excitement was evident on his face.

“I know you don’t really use phones that much. But you did say you liked the cellphone strap I gave Hinata when we met last time.”

“Yes I did.”

“I bought you one. Although…”

Kageyama held the cellphone strap in his hands.

Yamaguchi scratched his cheek.

“I didn’t know what design to get so I just bought that. I hope you…”

Before long, Kageyama’s long arms were around Yamaguchi. Kageyama didn’t know what to feel or do, all he knew was he just wanted to embrace Yamaguchi. It was a fact that he wasn’t someone people want to spend time with. But Yamaguchi was Yamaguchi. He thought the other would never think that taking care of him was a burden, so he will never think spending time with him is a hassle too.

“Thank you.

“You’re always taking care of me like this.”

Realizing his actions went overboard, Kageyama withdrew and apologized. Yamaguchi just smiled.

They continued to gaze at the sky.

“I remember the times when you got hurt, and was very adamant to play even though you were hurting.” Yamaguchi began.

“Time flies too fast. In a blink of an eye, we’ve become university students, walking on different paths. We are older now.

“Everything has changed, and yet, it feels like nothing has really changed. We’re both still playing volleyball, and you’re on your way to become a professional player.

“It gives me a weird feeling, you know. I’m sorry if I’ve talked too much.”

Kageyama craned his neck and put his hands inside his pockets. He felt closer to Yamaguchi more than before. What the other said made him long for those moments when they spend time with each other practicing for interhigh and dreaming of going to nationals together.

Studying. The afternoons when Yamaguchi patiently taught him the lessons that he found difficult to grasp felt like a century ago. He remembered the slow and painful flow of time whenever they were together. Painful because of his heart beating fast, in contradiction to the tranquility whenever he was by Yamaguchi’s side.

He always thought he could do anything because Yamaguchi was there. Yamaguchi the responsible, kind captain, and he the vice captain. He wished at one point that it would forever remain like that, but he knows there are things that aren’t really meant to be.

Kageyama leaned on the railings and exhaled to compose himself. Nothing has changed for him when it came to Yamaguchi. No matter how frustrating the sounded, he didn’t really mind.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind. You’re right. Everything has changed, and yet it feels nothing has really changed. You still take care of me like this. Yamaguchi.”

At the last note of Yamaguchi’s name, Kageyama turned to gaze at his companion. He flashed him a grateful smile. This was reciprocated by a soft smile from Yamaguchi.

Kageyama felt warm. The sound of the waves swallowed the human noises. It felt nice hearing the splashes of the waves against the rocks and the frothing sound it made as it recedes. Accompanied by the sound of his heartbeat, Kageyama couldn’t stop himself from wishing for time to stop. He knew it wouldn’t, and so he held Yamaguchi’s gift tightly.

“I’m glad I went here with you.” He said softly as he looked away.

He didn’t see the look on Yamaguchi’s face. He didn’t see how the other’s cheeks flushed.

Content, Kageyama wore the cellphone strap on his phone. He gazed at it with the look of a child, and then pocketed his phone.

“Can I call you again?”

Maybe it was too much, but he just had to ask.

“I don‘t mind.” Yamaguchi replied after looking at him wide-eyed, face red.

Kageyama looked away bashfully. He turned red too.

Inside his pocket, he held the cellphone strap tight, a reminder that people grow old but some things never change.

#fics #yamakage #haikyuu!#late post #i felt like I learned a lot about dialogues when I wrote this

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mythomagically-delicious · 7 years

Text

Siren Song

So on June 17th I realized I forgot to celebrate Stanley and Stanford’s birthday (June 15th) and that I would miss celebrating my first June 18th (Alex Hirsch’s birthday) as a fan of Gravity Falls in America. So I wrote out something in honor of the two days.

Siren Song

Stan has never told Ford what he hears when they’ve heard the siren’s call. (They’ve both heard it. Ford set the course on autopilot with an unchangeable time lock, then time lock bonded himself and Stan to the rails of the ship, where they could not escape to be dashed against the rocks and eaten, but still hear the call. Ford thought it important they both experience the call together, and Stan has a hard time saying no to as tame a scheme as that from his brother).

Ford was gushing about his visions as soon as they were released from the spell and in safer waters. He went on and on about how they showed you truth about yourself even you may not realize. He talked about how they peer into passerby’s souls and lures them to their sands to die by singing what they long for most to come true. Sometimes (according to myths) by showing you alternate paths your life could have taken. Or sometimes just showing more and better than what a sailor already has. If you examine it you can discover your weaknesses post spell-state, and understand fundamentally who you are, what you’re made of. (As well as get to steady the siren in-depth!)

Ford talked for three hours about all this and more before he finally asked Stan what the sirens sang to him.

Stan looked at Ford for a moment (a hard, searching look that was gone so quick, Ford thought he’d imagined it) and answered, “Nothing much.”

Ford was dumbfounded momentarily, but he regained his voice quickly. “What?! Stanley, come on, tell me what they said! This is an amazing opportunity to study how they’re able to tailor their songs to multiple individuals, even ones similar as us. I’m surprised they didn’t confuse our frequencies, actually, for…” and Ford got sidetracked on the theoretical likelihood of only half of a set of twins surviving a siren attack because of the way their bewitching works. Stan ignored almost all of it and started mending some nets on board. He was great with knots.

When Ford finally circled the conversation back to Stanley, Stan was prepared to resist nonchalantly.

“Come on, Stanley, talk about it.”

“What, am I not allowed at least four secrets left, Ford? Besides, who has time to figure themselves out fully? I’m good just skating by the next few years already knowing just enough to be alright. It’s worked so far.”

Ford brought up several counterpoints that Stan shot down, sometimes with words, usually with grunts, shrugs, and pointed looks. Finally Ford got fed up with his lack of cooperation and stalked off to make is own notes and observations about the experience. [and scientific-related queries]

Stan took to the deck to start plotting their next course. He tried not to think about all he’d seen and heard from the sirens, but it was no use. The song stuck to him. Their words had changed and rippled and layered over each other until all he could make out were key phrases that were sung together.

The less he tried to think about it, the stronger the memories became until they overwhelmed him again, and his mind was cast back to the whole affair.

You have much to regret You would rather forget Your brother loves you not He left your bones to rot

The pain is all too much Your pain is all too much Your fire dies and ashes rise Your true form comes forth

Rise and see Rise and see A world where you and he were separate, and happy

And visions came of Stan having a better life where Ford wasn’t in it, from childhood through to high school. Never being bullied, never being second best. Always well-liked, a natural athlete, top boxer, good enough grades to go to college. Getting married, having kids, having grandkids. Having a huge family that loves Stanley—not being forgotten, hurt, abandoned and crushed by the world the way he was.

Stan had shook his head, tears falling at this vision, shouting, “No, no, I want my brother too!”

And the sirens heard and changed their tune…

Rise and see Rise and see A world where everything was as it should be…?

A new vision had swept over Stan and he was relieved to see Stanford there. It was the night before Stan got thrown out, Stan and Ford on the swing sets, talking and laughing. Ford making plans to go adventuring with Stan, not even mentioning the stupid school.

The brothers take on life together—Ford does go, but Stan goes with him. Eventually Ford gets famous for his tech and inventions. Stan is with him every step of the way. They adventure around the globe on a grant Ford had from the school. Eventually they settle back in California as a home base. Stan gets married, has kids. Ford is a good uncle, they tease his kids together. He has grandkids, and again as the brothers grow older they tease and confuse their family. Stan has everything.

But still he is shaking and raging against his bonds on the boat, crying “No, no, I don’t deserve it. That didn’t happen—Stan Pines is DEAD!” and again their song shifted…

Rise and see Rise and see Say goodbye to painful memories

Stan, soon after pushing Ford into the portal, branded and distraught, runs into town, starving and half mad. He runs into a man with a strange red cloak who promises he can help. Stan follows the voice blindly, ignoring all the warning signs he’d learned on the streets.

He is hit by the memory gun. He forgets everything.

Everything about “Stanford Pines”

(for how could what was left of Fiddleford’s mind differentiate between Stanley and Stanford?)

His wound is taken care of and they feed him, give him some money, and leave him in the shack. When Stanley wakes up, all he has are disappointing memories of a (friendless) terrible life, and schemes for making money boiling in his brain. He checks out his surroundings and decides to use the most of this opportunity by setting up a tourist trap with all the weird stuff in the abandoned house.

It makes big money, for years and years. Eventually his father tells him he was wrong to kick him out. (That was a GOOD DAY for Stan. Vindicating. He sent Filbrick packing). Stan didn’t work thirty years day and night to save Ford. He enjoyed his financial success. He made other goals. Got back in touch with Shermie, and got to be part of his nephew’s life—and later his great niece and nephews lives too.

It was everything Stan wanted—family, success, happiness. No guilt, no shame, nothing hanging over his name.

(And Ford died defeating Bill in the Nightmare Realm, torn to pieces as it collapsed at Bill’s death. Dimension 47’\ never even knew).

Stan still cried and struggled against his bonds, the song, their visions. So the sirens changed their tune one final time…

Rise and see Rise and see The world grows dim It’s you or him

Stan is sitting in his car. He’s 23. Crying silently, staring at two objects in his lap. One, the picture of him and Ford on the Stan O War. The other, a six-shooter he picked up at a local pawn shop using the ten finger discount.

He’s at one of the lowest moments of his life. He flips the picture over and writes down a couple short sentences on the back of the picture. Then he picks up the revolver, loads a single bullet, cocks the hammer, and—

ends it all.

Blood splatters the inside of the car, and all over the picture he kept. Written in mess script has this message: “I’m sorry brother. You’ll be better off in a world I’m not in. Sorry I couldn’t do this for you sooner. –Stanley Pines”

Ford gets the news and cries for two weeks straight. Stan watches as his family all reacts in different ways. Pa dies a few months later, and no one can prove it as related, but the guilt ate him away until he was nothing but bones. Ma raged and sobbed. She lived to see her great grandchildren born, though, and all the way to fifteen. Shermie punched a wall, said he should’ve found him and helped, the consequences be damned! Reb cried and Sam wasn’t old enough to know why.

Ford never got over it.

But he also never fell into Bill’s trap. He became a world-renowned scientist, along with Fiddleford McGucket, for their ground breaking work in anomalies. He grew closer with Shermie and involved in his brother’s kid’s life. When Mabel and Mason were born, he was there, and he cried. Gave them advice. Watched them for a couple of summers.

Ford did well for himself, lived to the old age of 94, and died of natural causes. But he never forgave himself for Stan’s death. He kept the bloody picture that was the last thing Stan had seen before he died.

Stan sobbed. But he stopped fighting the visions and songs. As they were about to pass outside of the siren’s reach, they called to Stan one last time…

Rise and see Rise and see Like a puppet with no strings Come and spend forever with me

And blue fire filled his vision as an insane laughter filled his mind. The siren’s song clashed over the laughter, repeating REGRET…FORGET…PAIN…FIRE…BROTHER…DIES…

RISE AND SEE RISE AND SEE

As the laughter got louder and Stan’s vision overwhelmed with blue fire, the sound of a gunshot going off over and over again—

everything was cut off.

All the normal sounds of the sea returned. Birds calling, ocean rocking the boat, slapping against the sides. Stan opened his eyes and stared at the deck beneath him. He was still tied to the railing. He saw the ship steer them out of the fog and on towards the nearest port.

Stan was exhausted. The emotional upheaval was enough to kill a guy. He looked over to Ford to make sure he was alright. His brother was grinning from ear to ear, ecstatic, eyes closed. Stan had sighed and let himself rest until the time locks opened and he could forget the ordeal with the sirens ever happened.

Except Ford wouldn’t stop pestering him. He’d approach it different ways, but Stan knew every trick in the book. He knew when he was being pumped for information.

Over time Ford gave up and moved on to other projects. Stan was relieved. He didn’t think he could live with how close he came to that fourth vision…and how much better things would’ve been for everyone…

Stan shoved the thought from his mind and resolved to throw wax in his ears and punch a siren first chance he got.

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sookyscorpio · 7 years

Text

**trigger warning: unhealthy relationships, emotional abuse, sexual assault and rape** So I'm going to share the story of my previous relationship and why it fucked me up so much. It probably seems extremely invasive and psychotic to share so much but you must understand, there are so many people in my life who will never understand my side of the story because they have been so misguided by my ex. And that hurts me. And also, I hope this will provide some insight to people going through something similar. I know it was extremely hard for me to realise that anything was wrong, and if I had someone who understood and could share their story it would have helped me get better a lot sooner. So I had known, let's call him Basil, for about two years prior to us actually meeting in person. My best friend had worked with him for 4 years and one day gave him my number. We would text and talk on and off for the next two years. However immediately there was a connection between us. I was always a little eccentric and artsy compared to everyone I knew, and therefore it was very difficult to find someone who genuinely just got me. Basil was the only person who I felt was on the same mental level as me, he got me, and I liked that. In 2015 I had a boyfriend, and eventually I became unhappy with the relationship, but it was my first one and I was very unsure about breaking up with him. I reached out to pretty much anyone who would listen for advice. This lead me back to Basil. One day we spoke on the phone for over an hour, it was the first time we'd really heard each other's voices. He gave me advice and told me what I needed to hear, we made jokes and caught up on each other's lives. I was drawn to him. I continued my contact with Basil and eventually I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. Three days before my 17th birthday I met Basil for the first time in person. I went on a wild adventure with his friends, it was wonderful, we all got along. It felt like the life I'd been waiting to live. We continued seeing each other and eventually started having sex under a kind of bdsm contract because we were both interested in that. We spent Valentine's Day together and he told me he loved me, I panicked and after about two minutes of silence I said "I think I'm falling for you too". I didn't love him, but I knew I could, so I said that because I didn't want to hurt him. I was very much not interested in entering another relationship for a long time, but after many times of him asking and me refusing, and spending more time together and falling in love with each other, I said yes to a relationship. Almost immediately after we became offical things changed. He moved out of home and I would go stay with him two or three nights a week. We'd go on adventures but it was different. It was like his attention was shifted, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't let me play my music, he wouldn't engage in deep conversations. He stopped calling me every night and texting me every morning. At first I made excuses because he was going through a rough time, but it just kept getting worse. He would feel so far away when we were together, but as soon as people were around he was bouncing off the walls being the bright and bubbly person he was. He would start picking petty fights with me and made me feel guilty for wanting more from him. It all kind of tipped over one night when me and two of his friends were all drinking together. He got incredibly drunk and so did one of his friends (who I should mention was his first girlfriend who eventually came out as a lesbian) They passed out in his roommates bed and me and the roommate stayed up chatting for a little while. I later went and woke up Basil, brought him into his bed and settled down to go to sleep. We were cuddling and he was getting intimate, kissing and touching me, kind of leading into sex. That's when he said "I love you (insert first girlfriends name), I'm never going to love anyone as much as I love you". Obviously I was shocked. I froze up, and then built up the strength to get out of bed and go to the roommate. I told him what Basil said and he just held me for a minute and I went back to bed with Basil. Because I'm a self destructive person, and the core of my relationship was based on sex, I decided that if I had sex with Basil he'll love me and it'll all be okay. So I said let's have hard sex, really hard. We set the safe word as red because he was planning on making it very very hard. So we started having sex, it was rough but manageable, then he started having anal, dry and non consensually. I told him to stop and he went back to having normal sex (another thing I wasn't okay with because that causes infections) But then in time he started doing it again, I told him to stop again, and briefly he did but went back to it. Accompanied with hard choking and face slapping I was in severe pain. I started yelling stop over and over. Nothing. So I started said red, over and over. Nothing. I forced him off me, rolled over, and started weeping. I was in so much pain. He couldn't understand what was wrong, he cuddled me and caressed me and tried to comfort me. So I thought maybe it was just in my head. The next morning I woke up with a swollen face from slapping and was chatting to the two other friends who'd known what Basil had done. But they didn't say anything about it. I dropped a joke about my swollen face trying to stir some attention to the fact that I wasn't okay but they said nothing. At that point I had not yet realised that all of his friends didn't know what to do anymore. They all knew he did bad things, to the point where they expected it, it was normal for him to hurt people. So why would they kick up a storm about something that was just apart of life for them? So because of their lack of reaction I just swept it under the rug and accepted it as an overreaction on my part. That I had no right to be upset about it. I was in love with Basil and I would forsake anything for our relationship. However the relationship continued its decline and I was crying almost every night, at a complete loss of what to do or how to feel. Eventually he broke up with me, and it broke my heart. At the time that was the lowest point for me, I couldn't understand it, I loved him so much. I started smoking and taking Zoloft. It was a very dark time, but I was working through it. But then he came back, saying he needed me in his life and was sorry. While I was extremely sceptical, it was everything I wanted to hear. After a couple of weeks of caution and making him work for me, we were back on. He promised he would never treat me like how he did again. He'd moved into a new place and was living with his first girlfriend who was now just his best friend, and thankfully she'd become one of my best friends too. He promised me he no longer had feelings for her and I believed him. More time passed of us trying to become good again and me spending time at the house. I was practically spending the entire week there and everyone liked having me around because we were all friends and I helped out a lot. So I got a job in the area and moved in. It was amazing, I felt so independent and excited for the future, I adored my new job and I was in love with Basil again. Things were pretty okay for a while, but then things with the best friend got weird. They started picking more fights with Basil, tension in the house was constantly high and it started to not feel like home anymore. After a lot of drama and a very long story, the best friend moved out. This hurt Basil the most as they had been best friends for roughly 6 years and he didn't want things to be like this. And I was very hurt too, I was very confused as to why she left and treated Basil and myself with such cruelty. I was heartbroken and that manifested into bitterness. However whenever I'd try to talk about my feelings with Basil he would just get angry and tell me to stop talking about it because "we have to make her feel welcome to come back". I hated being told that I wasn't allowed to process my feelings my way, and more so that he was prioritising the feelings of his ex over my own. This period caused a lot of issues within the relationship. He became distant again, he refused to talk to me about his feelings or what was going on with him. I tried telling him that I was scared because he was acting like how he used to but he would just get furious and manipulate it into "I hate that you don't see me. You always think the worst of me why are you always trying to psychoanalyse me?" So I would feel guilty and drop the issue. I should also mention that due to me taking Zoloft (an SSRI antidepressant) my sex drive had dropped dramatically. This was an issue because to Basil, sex was the core of a relationship, and he had a very high sex drive. So every night he would get handsy and try to initiate sex, and I would often tell him I didn't want to, which was usually met with a bland response, and he would roll over and go on his phone and wouldn't talk to me. So I got scared of saying no, I didn't want to disappoint him. I tried to avoid situations where it could lead to sex, and I became terrified of him even kissing me because he wouldn't ever do it unless he was trying to have sex. So I gave in, I would just have sex, try to pretend I was into it, all the while wishing it was over. I hated it, I didn't want to do it, but if I wasn't having sex with him then he wouldn't be affectionate or loving towards me until I did. So after a while of him complaining behind my back about us not having enough sex, I stopped taking my medication cold turkey. 100mg of Zoloft to nothing. It fucked me up a lot, I was miserable for a solid week and was very emotionally unstable from then on. Another issue was that whenever I would have "down days" I would just want to stay in bed. I needed to just do nothing and not risk running my mental energy any lower causing me to break down. Basil wouldn't allow this. He would come in and loudly say "you need to get out of bed and see people. Let's go do something. If you stay in bed all day then you're not really trying to get better. Stop being so fucking miserable" I would try explaining that I need to be at home and seeing people and going out will only make me feel worse. He just wouldn't take it and would continue to yell at me, and I would get angry back and start crying. Basically triggering the break down I was trying to avoid. One time he did this and then rang a girl and made plans to get coffee with her. I asked him why he would do that, to which he said "we were fighting and I didn't want to be here", and I had to explain to him that no we weren't fighting, that he just got angry at me and set me off. He couldn't comprehend that him leaving me after pretty much forcing me into a breakdown was a bad thing to do, and I had to beg him to cancel his plans. Which he then later used against me. So pretty much the next couple of months of us living together consisted of him being super distant from me, not talking to me unless other people were around, manipulating me into having sex with him, him not touching me in a non-sexual way without me having to ask him for it, and just generally picking silly fights with me. We spent all of our time with Basil's other two best friends. They were, and still are, completely wrapped around his finger. I loved them at the time, don't get me wrong, they were my best friends too. However I see now just how impure that friendship was. An example, me and Basil had just had a pretty big fight, instigated by me sending a petty message to a person who was rather actively flirting with Basil, to which Basil was also allowing. During the fight he pretty much said that the whole reason why our relationship was falling apart was because of the fact that I couldn't have sex with him. This crushed me, to think that something I wanted to protect so fiercely was at stake due to something that was entirely out of my control, and more so, my fault; it killed me. We went and sat on the balcony where our friends were. I just sat there speechless, emotionless, not doing anything other than lifting my cigarette to my mouth again and again. My face was stained with tears and anyone could tell that me sitting there chain smoking cigarettes one after the other, I wasn't okay. But they did nothing. Not a single fucking thing. Not a word, not a nod, not even a glance in my direction. Me being broken was nothing to them. Because it was nothing to Basil. And I took it, I believed they shouldn't have done otherwise, because why would they? This was something that was a regular occurrence, I would be in obvious need of support and they wouldn't even acknowledge me. And because I spent all my time with these people and no friends of my own, that was my whole world. I forgot what it felt like to be supported, to have someone on my side, to have someone tell me that something wasn't okay. I forgot what it was like to feel truly valued and appreciated. To list some other things that hurt me yet I discarded at the time, I would cook Basil food which he wouldn't eat and would just throw out, he would take my cigarettes without asking (yes I took his but I always did so with permission), he would never text me whenever he went out and I would never know when he'd be coming home, he'd made everyone very aware of the fact that he was interested in other girls and who they were. We didn't do anything the day of our 1 year anniversary because we were both working that day, however the next day that we both had free, he decided to buy two tickets for him and his best friend to go to a toga party that he was very aware that I wanted to go to. So yeah he treated me awfully, he neglected me and manipulated me, he used me and abused me. But I had no idea. I was so madly in love with him that I just constantly made excuse after excuse. We started having fights almost every week where he would suggest breaking up, and I would be desperately pleading for us to try and make it work. He would try for a day or two and then would fall straight back into old habits. This came to a tipping point one night were I was very excited for him to get home from work, but when he did he barely spoke to me. He just sat on his phone while I tried to spark up conversation, and he'd say nothing. Nothing until I'm of his friends would entire the room and suddenly he was all chatting. The rest of the night went on and I finally brought it up. That was enough apparently and he broke up with me. He twisted things so that it was all my fault. I had changed, I treated him badly, I didn't try enough, I couldn't be trusted, I was too selfish, I couldn't have sex. I was broken. There are no words for the devastation I felt. My whole life had been turned upside down. I had to quit my job that I loved, leave my house that I loved and move, and leave behind the life I had while I was with him. I had no idea what I was going to do without him. After quite a few weeks of deep, deep sorrow. Weeks which I drank myself silly, smoked more cigarettes than ever and began self harming. I reached a point where I was semi-stable. I still loved Basil and I thought I always would. One day I caught up with my old roommate, Basil's first girlfriend, ex best friend. It was lovely seeing them again, I did still love them, and I had come to terms with the fact that Basil was very toxic for them to be around and that's why they left. And then they told me what happened. That one night while we were all living together, they came home insanely drunk. Basil noted this and offered to take them to the toilet because she was so drunk she could barely walk. However he didn't do that, he molested her. The only reason I know this is because Basil had apologised the next morning to her, to which the roommate was very confused about because they could not remember a single thing about the night before. To which he said "when you got home we got together". The only reason he apologised was because she had a girlfriend and was, you know, a lesbian. She was absolutely horrified by what he did, and more so by the fact that she'll never know exactly what he did to her that night, because he truly believed it was consensual and that she (the lesbian in a relationship who was drunk) wanted it. She also told me that he hooked up with another girl while we were together, and again I only know about that because that girl came to her crying because she said she felt "violated", because Basil had taken advantage of her while she was drunk. So yes, he cheated on me by molesting other women, and those are just the ones I know about. This information, albeit hurt me a bit, but has helped me so much in moving on and realising the full scale of how awful he was. I made it known to Basil the very first time we ever spoke that honesty is the single most important thing for me. And yet despite my constant anxiety and inquiries about him cheating on me, he lied to my face every single day for months. And to think he accused me of cheating, and him raiding my messages while I slept for evidence. It's sick. It's fucking sick. I really hope that if anyone reading this is going through anything slightly similar, that they can recognise that and stand up for themselves, because I wish I had. Don't let people treat you like you're less than. Don't let them give you anything less than what you deserve. Be smart, be brave and please be careful.

#thoughts #personal story #emotional abuse #domestic abuse #unhealthy relationship #rape #molestation #psa #story #story time #cheating #bad relationship

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justfollowmyhansel · 5 years

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Pre-Australia

When I was sitting on the bus coming back from Osaka to Tokyo, I asked myself whether I would do this again if I had the chance. Clearly coming to Japan to see John as Hedwig would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Even if he played Japan again, seeing the show under the extraordinary circumstances that I did would be a once-in-a-lifetime event. And I didn’t regret coming for a single moment.

But I asked myself between attempting to sketch on a moving bus, reading a little more on the book I’d brought, and generally reflecting on what had gone down if I would basically pick up everything and run to see John as Hedwig again. Just seeing him perform as her was everything I had hoped it would be for over two years and more. Hearing him speak her words and sing her songs even within a framework where he didn’t speak the majority of the dialogue was absolutely entrancing. I’d follow him as her anywhere. But would I do the same for him? Out of drag, performing his own songs?

That one I had to sit and think a little bit more on. Despite wanting to see him perform pretty much anything for so long, I found myself questioning whether or not I’d travel any great distance to Korea or Argentina to go see him perform if he wasn’t as Her. Ultimately I compromised with ‘it depends on the place.’

When the shows were announced in February, I found the speed at which I was immediately on board and wanting to go to Australia surprised me. Not anyone in my immediate circle, who once concerns that I could afford it were dismissed, knew even quicker than I had that I would be packing my bags and going to Australia. After all, wasn’t that the entire point of switching from two jobs to one higher paying one? Wasn’t that the point of buying a matching luggage set so that when an opportunity like this arose again I could pack up a small amount of belongings , hop on a plane, and see my favourite performer?

Later that first day, as I stood behind the checkout counter at work, I used on of the little yellow legal pads I had bought to aid in my roleplaying to work out my potential expenses. Much like when I went to Japan, I budgeted the hotel rooms at around a hundred dollars a night, the food at around 200 a week, the plane ticket at two thousand…. I worked out a very high, but surprisingly makeable budget that would allow me to get there and stay, by my estimates for three weeks.

On my lunch break, I corrected/firmed up/adjusted the budget taking the flight cost from Kansas City to Sydney, booking six weeks out and adding $200 for price increases or seasonal changes. I then took a quick survey of hotels generally in Sydney, assessed that a room would cost me about the same per night as it had in Japan – or possibly less depending on where I stayed. I blocked out a potential three weeks of costs, figuring that it’d cost me at least $100 per day to eat, about $20 to do two loads of laundry, and about how much I estimated it would cost to take public transport for that amount of days. Then, after planning out the minutiae of the budget I was expecting, including an eBay budget based on my general spending habits the last few months, I looked at my expected payroll. It would be tight, but it would still be workable. And if I was smart, I could even come home and have some cash left over, like I had from Japan.

The biggest monkey wrench to the trip at that time was staying at the same job. Between starting to plan the Australia trip and my first sojourn to New York, I found myself facing sudden hour reductions which affected all non-managerial positions across the board and a newly intolerable middle manager because of whom I almost quit less than a week after the trip was announced. Seeing John was one thing, but having to be miserable the next four months to be able to do so? Probably not worth it.

Of course, I stayed at the job; the hours reduction was solved by a few members of staff choosing that time to leave for better options, the middle manager problem was solved by being scheduled almost exclusively with my favourite middle manager since I was one of her favourite people to work with too, and any potential money problem were solved by full heartedly jumping on any and all overtime possibilities such as staying late, coming in early, covering shifts, and missing as little time out that I was allowed to be working as possible. Instead of having to get a part time second job like I had considered, I found myself with enough surplus to take the second trip to New York, allowing me to see the David Bowie Is museum a second and final time.

Shortly after the trip itself was announced in an early afternoon Instagram post, the first show location and ticketing info was released to the public. I had signed up for the early sale alert fan page that John had linked to shortly after announcing the shows. I bought tickets for the best seats available at the time, second row, and then began reconfiguring my trip for going to Brisbane.

Starting and ending in Brisbane was going to be six or seven hundred dollars more expensive than starting in Sydney no matter how it was budgeted. Brisbane wasn’t an international hub with the US and regardless of how I wanted it to be plotted either way, I’d be going through Sydney. The added expense had me second guessing my budget, but not my resolve.

But for only one show, the neither price list seemed worth it. I mentally went back and forth as to whether or not I wanted to spend that much and be on a plane for so long for one show. The last time I had thought about going to Australia was when I was in high school and deep in the depths of my Hugo Weaving obsession. I had wanted to see him in a stage adaption of what ended up being one of my favourite all time books, Les liaisons dangeouse. But I wasn’t in high school and this wasn’t going to be a case of “this is the only place I’ll ever be able to see this man.” Worst came to worst, I started to prepare myself to give up the Brisbane ticket. No matter how painful not being in that room might be, the amount of money I’d spend on a single ticket and expenses down for Brisbane could get me four or five trips to New York to see him doing something else. And if he was doing a concert series abroad, a concert series at home certainly wasn’t out of the question.

Clearly, there had to be more shows announced, but this one…wasn’t selling well. I thought for sure that the whole thing would end up being cancelled and refunded as I continued to make minor adjustments to my budget and make early morning notes at the gas station across the street from my job to where in Brisbane I wanted to go just in case I was actually able to make it.

A little while later, the next show was announced for the end of June at the Adelaide Cabaret Festival. I secured my tickets to that after having emailed the directors to find out when the tickets were due to go on sale to the public. Whoever was in charge of answering emails that day gave me the link to the presale and I got a front row seat. So far, that location one was winning out over Brisbane, if for no other reason than proximity to the performer. I’d seen John from the second row in Japan in a very fortuitous stroke of luck, but I’d never seen him from the front row before…. Still, with more shows promised I was reluctant to make a commitment to one show or the other, and as such, couldn’t buy the plane ticket.

At the end of March, I took my first domestic trip to see Mason Alexander Park, David Bowie Is, and my best friend. While I was waylaid getting back to Kansas City by airport construction and weather events, two more show dates were announced – Sydney on my mother’s birthday and Melbourne four days later on July 10th. As disappointed as I was to be missing my mom’s birthday, I was pleased that I would have a chance to see the Sydney Opera House. If John hadn’t announced a show in Sydney or had it not been at the Opera House, I would have had to have structured a separate time into my schedule to go see it specifically as it was the one thing in Australia I was most looking forward to seeing. Outside of John, of course.

Back in Kansas with an absurd amount of new Bowie merchandise, I reconfigured the trip some more. Adelaide would end up being the earliest date out on June 22nd and Brisbane the last one on July 17th. I had originally budgeted for three full weeks/21 days of being away from home. Extending it to nearly five weeks took me not only to the very edges of my monetary budget, but far beyond the amount of time I had ever spent by myself. The previous record, the now six months prior weeklong trip to Japan where I had the distinct advantage of knowing someone. And as much as I loved the experience, by the end of the week I was definitely ready to spend some time at home.

With the dates I had, there was no way to group it where I’d be spending less than three weeks in Australia to see the shows, but did I want the first three or the last? Based on John’s prior performances on Broadway and during the Japanese tour, I firmly decided that the last three shows would be the better performances to be at, especially for a show that wasn’t Hedwig where he’d have more time to find his rhythm and comfort zones within the material. I still wished I could go to the Adelaide performance ….

Late-April, I booked the flight to Australia now having committed to leaving MCI on the 3rd, arriving in Australia on the 4th and staying until the 19th, two days past when the last show was supposed to go on. I added an extra day past the last show in case something was added last minute to this trip like it had been in Japan. Booking the trip took longer than it should have since I kept typing my credit card number in wrong on United’s website, but I got it booked and somehow still made it to work on time.

Late-May when I was due to go out to see Risa and the Bowie museum again, the final show date was announced for John’s show — July 4th. Canberra. Tickets already on sale.

I nearly threw up getting tickets, it was so stressful. Neither my laptop nor my phone would let me pay for the seats once I had them selected. They both gave me the error message that since I was coming from overseas, I couldn’t use a credit card, but gave me no other options to pay with. Finally trying my mother’s computer, I was able to get the PayPal screen to pop up. Now the question became how to work Canberra into a schedule that for nearly three months had not included it.

Adjusting the plane ticket would have been the easiest solution. Going through United’s site, it would have cost me somewhere between twice and three times the amount of money I had paid just to get to Sydney to adjust the ticket to now fly into Canberra. Backing out of that reservation completely, it would cost me almost four times as much and with worse air accommodations to book a completely new ticket as so much of my other travel was tied into that reservation. And getting a separate flight just to Canberra from Sydney would be almost a third of the ticket down. Just how important was Canberra in the scheme of the shows? Some thing was telling me it was very important to make it to Canberra.

I took a mental step back and put that as something to worry about once I got back to Kansas from visiting Risa. Hopefully, no other show dates would be announced after Canberra. Or if they were, hopefully they would slot into the times I’d at least already be in Australia.

Getting back to the matter at hand, I ruled that taking public transport was right out as it would take almost ten hours and cost nearly as much as the plane ticket. Plus since I couldn’t reasonably expect to get out of the airport before eight because of customs and baggage, I couldn’t guarantee that I could make it to the theatre in time. In a moment of inspiration, I remembered what Miya had recommended when I went from Tokyo to Osaka. Maybe there was a coach bus that could take me there….

And for $80AUS both ways, there was. Overall, it was the cheapest solution and by far the easiest given the options. They even had a stop at the airport that I could take that would go directly from there to Canberra. But now I had the problem of intending to bring two pieces of luggage that would have to be checked for the bus and another fee. Or I could book the Sydney hotel room, pay no fee, rid myself of my literal baggage for a day while I went to Canberra, but…. I’d have to worry about my stuff being in a completely different city for a night as well as the hotel expense for an additional night that would be about the same both ways to bring the luggage along.

Eventually, a much simpler solution presented itself – just nest the fucking luggage since the large one was going to be mostly empty by that point anyway!

By the time, I had already started to have the dreams. I’d never been away from home this long and I knew no one in Australia. If something happened that I needed help with, the majority of my support system was half a world away and the sole person in the general time zone I could contact would be potentially unreachable as I wouldn’t reasonably be able to give her the heads up for three weeks straight. What if my debit card never worked in Australia like it never worked in Japan and this time we couldn’t get it worked around? I should have signed up for a second credit card through a different provider….. I should take out more in cash-cash than relying on my cards…. What if I took out enough cash, but my money belt was stolen or accidentally left on a bus somewhere? What if my phone was stolen or dropped? What if I got lost somewhere overnight and nothing was open? Like nearly happened my last night in Tokyo because of an unforeseen curfew at the hotel. I had dreams of wandering a deserted, but otherwise oddly accurate dream depiction of Australia without one or more resources.

I had dreams of walking the Michaels stockroom talking to my former store manager Tina while she was on her way to a meeting and suddenly I was also in the meeting but our store was now an hour away in Independence and it wasn’t laid out like a Michaels, it was laid out like a warehouse version of Toys R Us where she had worked before Michaels and we were attending a seminar that was being held in an area of the store that was at once a cross between a Greek open air oratorium and a modern theatre like the one at NHK Broadcasting in Osaka all the while talking to her regional boss about whatever the upcoming meeting was going to be about.

The most interesting of these dreams was that I was back in Japan, about to ride the train system with Miya. We had gone to Mos Burger, like on my real first night in Tokyo, and now were getting ready to go see a performance of the original cast of If/Then, which was likely inspired by Miya’s If/Then t-shirt that she was wearing when we first met. In the dream, we got on the train at Tabata, which was looking more like a blend of a bunch of stations that were decidedly Not Tabata, but other parts of Tokyo or Osaka. Almost immediately in the nearly empty car, we spot Anthony Rapp.

I went over to talk to Anthony since I’d already met him when If/Then came to KC on its tour (in reality, I was too nervous to say anything beyond hi.) He greeted me with a friendly surprise at seeing me so far away from home and asked why I had come over and what my friend and I were doing that evening. I said something about having come over to see John performing as Hedwig and that it had been a lovely coincidence that he was going to be playing in If/Then in Japan since I had enjoyed seeing him a couple of years previous and Miya was a big fan and…. He stopped me there and asked if he had heard correctly that we were seeing JCM. I confirmed and he offered to introduce both of us as he and John were friends from way back. I was so excited I woke myself up, unable to recapture the dream when I lay back down to see what happened next.

Around June the dreams calmed down and I stopped waking up panicked and worrying that I was making the right choice in spending so much time and energy doing this. What was done was done.

I booked the rest of the hotels and the coach buses and the cross country train. I added a trip to the Australia Zoo where I would have the chance to meet three different types of animals up close. I fully finished one of the three cosplays I had started with the intention of dressing up at the shows, gave up on the custom Hedwig Funko figure for the time being, and packed my bags for the trip of a lifetime.

#travel diary #Australia Travel Diary #pre australia #context australia

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kelly-ros · 5 years

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2018: What a Year.

I’ll be writing my 2018 post a little early since I won’t have my laptop while in CA for the holidays!

Quick Recap:

Well, my year started off on Pub Street in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I was with my Dad’s side of the family and my sister’s friends. Although I was a little upset with my Dad for splitting us all up, and we couldn’t meet up with my sisters and their friends before the countdown, but it was okay, just a normal countdown. When I returned from Cambodia I went straight back to the grind at Energous Corp.

Back at Energous, morale was pretty good due the the positive reaction we got from CES. I also came back during CES (my boss was still there)... so I didn’t do much, but all of my coworkers were teasing me for coming back after all of the hard work. I wrote them a simple script for them to run while I was gone, so I saved them a bunch of time anyway! After the constant ribbing, I decided to work on a fully automated test script so they could function better without me, since I was pretty familiar with writing commands for Spectrum Analyzers and Oscilloscopes then. My manager came back, I told him it would take me about a month to finish the automation script, since I have a bunch of other things to do. He said it was fine, but in reality I was already 90% done with the code in the first week. I finished it to the best of my ability by the middle of the second week and everyone was happy about it, I got a raise and some shares as a bonus for the company. A lot of people were starting to leave the company and then instead of promoting me, they decided to hire another Engineer to be my superior, but that’s okay.

In February, I went to Washington to participate in the the Annual Husky Open (badminton tournament run by UW). I had always liked being there, and upon returning from the tournament, I asked a friend of mine to send some job rec’s my way so I could apply. I got an interview in the first week of March and an offer on my birthday a week later, and by April I started my move up to Washington.

I’ve been living on my own for almost 8 months and to my surprise I haven’t burned down my apartment, I’m not starving, nor am I homeless! So that’s good. Living on my own has been pretty nice, and I have so much more freedom. I tell everyone I’m practically living my college life since I lived at home during college. But it’s nice having my own space and my own privacy. I can do what I want and have friends over whenever I feel like it.

I’m looking at my apartment right now, and feel a sense of accomplishment, because everything inside is the result of hard work and effort. anddddd it’s a little messy, but that’s okay! I’m still proud of it.

A lot of people have asked me what I’ve done since I moved here other than work. So in case you didn’t know... Boeing employees don’t have get a lot of holidays, so I usually work Monday - Friday with an occasional holiday. I usually spend my weekends relaxing, or playing badminton/hockey/golf. Yes, I started to golf. I actually only go to the driving range, since I don’t have my own set of clubs and use my Lead’s old set (which is really nice of him).

During the Spring and Summer, I go hiking, volunteer, and take photos on the weekends! ...Well I’ve only gone on like... 2 or 3 hikes since I’ve moved here, and they weren’t too difficult, but I plan on going to more next Spring and Summer!

I spend a lot of time reading, at home and in cafes. On some weekends, I set up camp in a cafe and sit, read, and enjoy the atmosphere. There’s a list online somewhere that shows the best places to go for coffee in Seattle (I’ve gone to like... 4 or 5 of them). They didn’t disappoint and it was definitely worth it. So far my favorite place was: Milstead. I went there with my cousin, Davit, while showing him around Seattle the second time he’s come to visit.

A lot of my friends from the Bay Area have also come to visit, surprisingly. My friends Jonathan Luong and Nick Sheridan came to visit during family day this year. Lucy Chang and Nathan Lo came as a part of their vacation. Jonathan Ratsch (and his gf Tiffany) and Alfredo Sandoval came up for a weekend. My old manager from Racket Supply stopped in Seattle on their way to Vancouver just to get dinner with me last night, it was pretty cool, and really nice to see everyone.

This winter, I’ve experienced something I’ve never experienced before: ...below freezing temperatures. Also ice on my windshield. Sunsets at 4:00 pm. Salt on roads. a high utility bill because of heater use. Also being in a secret relationship. :)

Goals for next year!

hmmm... I haven’t really thought about next year too much, but I guess I should:

Go to the gym more often.

Travel a little more

Keeping my apartment clean haha.

Drink less soda

Read a few more books than I did this year

Maybe get a promotion at work (probably not though lol)

Explore a bit more: Museums, hikes, coffee and tea spots!

Maybe there’s some more, but that’s what I got for now...

Anyway here’s to 2018!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year’s, Happy Holidays!

My Secret (for now) Relationship

I would say that the relationship started the first day I got back from Paris, but I was still recovering from food poisoning, and we didn’t go ice skating like we were supposed to... but, we officially started that Saturday, November 17th.

At the time, I was pretty content with what I had going on, since I just moved here and everything, but now everything has just been so much better, I’m just a happier person than I was before. Maybe it’s because I can talk to her and share thoughts, accomplishments, plans, and anything else. I do have other friends, but they’re not quite on the same level as her and me (grammar check, might be she and I, she and me, her and I... not sure).

While she may have trouble with giving directions, I appreciate her so much and all the little things she does. We have so many plans in the upcoming weeks and months. Recently, we started doing a weekly meal trade, where we make a meal for each other, it’s a lot of fun, and makes me actually want to cook better food and learn other things to make. We’ve planned a few trips and dates in the upcoming months, and I’m looking forward to them! We keep date ideas on a google document, so if anything comes to mind we can just add it on there and hopefully get to it in the future.

There’s never a dull moment with her, and she’s so talented and smart, I’m looking forward to next year and spending a lot of time together! :)

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icechuksblog · 5 years

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Read the story of her life and how come about her pregnancy below.. Two days before my 38th birthday on September 17th, I welcomed my first child, my son, Jayce. I look at him and I wonder why I waited so long to have a child. I’ve never known love like this. I literally have tears in my eyes every time I look at him. I can’t believe he came out of me. He is by far my greatest blessing and I’m looking forward to navigating him through life! Now to the reason why you are reading this. I argued with myself for a long time whether to put this out or not…and finally decided it was a story I wanted to share. I've always been open about my life but I'm sharing details about my personal life mostly because of the girls who look up to me. The girls I have mentored, mentoring right now and plan to mentor in the future. I’m very particular about our young girls and I have personally tried over the years to be an example in some way; tried to teach these girls how to fight for their dreams, how to live right and do right and then I go and have a child out of wedlock and that must be a little confusing to some of them and especially with so many untruthful stuff out there about me. The most hilarious is that I had a child for a married man. Lol. Here’s my answer to that! The married man that I will sleep with has not yet been born. If he’s been born, he will die, be buried, rise and die again before he will lay with me. I don’t do married men. The father of my child is a single man and his name is Sholaye Jeremi. To be honest, at some point I thought he was my final bus stop but you know how life happens...lol. Unfortunately he and I are a completely closed chapter. Sadly for our son Jayce, it’s the kind of chapter that can’t ever be opened again. One of the things many people have asked me is how I met this man because we don’t run in the same circle. Well, I met him 3 years ago at Wheatbaker Restaurant in Ikoyi in December 2015 shortly after I moved to my home in Banana Island, Ikoyi. It was a day after Christmas and I was having dinner with friends when he walked in. He saw me and the rest is history. He claimed at the time that he had never heard of me which was seriously a turn-on for me because up until then I’d only been meeting men who behaved like fans. At the time we met, I was 35 and he was 37 and I’d been single for nearly 4 years. I was definitely searching and I fell in love almost immediately and so we became an item. At the time I met him he lived in a 3-bedroom flat at what used to be 5throundabout in Lekki after Mobil. I used to drive for almost two hours in traffic from my house to go see him. Most of the time, I carried my laptop to his home to enable me to work and at the same time spend the whole day with him. It was a whirlwind romance. He was the funniest and most romantic guy I’d met up until that point, so it was easy to fall in love and I truly believed the feeling was mutual. A few weeks after we met, it seemed like we were planning a future together. This man was already calling me Linda Ikeji Jeremi and making all these plans but then just like that, it was over between us. I went from waking up every morning to love text messages from him to no more calls. I was just thanking God for finally sending me my own man when all of a sudden we were no longer talking to each other. Later he would tell me what scared him off. My public life. He claims he’s a private business man and didn’t want the attention being with me would bring to him and I told him I understood and we went our separate ways. We tried to get back together in 2016 but it didn't work out so much so we separated again but stayed in touch (mostly him to be honest), stayed friends and that was how our back and forth started. By mid-2017, we were both still single and we started seeing each other again quietly. There were times it was very intense and we talked about a future together, and there were times that I couldn’t figure out what exactly I was doing with this guy. We were not suited for each other. Totally different lifestyles. And there was the problem of my fame. I walked away from this man a million times and he came after me a million and one times. No matter how much I pushed him away, he kept coming back and me, because I couldn’t find anyone else, I kept going back. Lol. So I was basically going back to my ex because I couldn’t find anyone else. *sigh*. Then I fell pregnant. It wasn’t planned, it just happened; though we talked about having a child together just two months before I fell pregnant. He said something about putting a billionaire baby inside me and I remember jokingly telling him that I’m also a billionaire so our child was going to be a billionaire on both side...and we laughed. But after I fell pregnant, things became extremely weird between us. If I tried to explain what happened, I wouldn’t be able to because it was confusing to me. We went from talking about the pregnancy and being okay with it; he even suggested I go to Dubai for my pre-natals as he didn’t trust doctors in Nigeria, to literally not talking to each other anymore. Around when I was about three months pregnant, he did come to see my parents and actually became very cool with my dad. They were literally exchanging Whatsapp messages every day. He later agreed to a traditional wedding which he didn’t follow through and then he switched. He began to treat me with so much hate and aggression that I and my family had to cut him off completely. To be honest if anybody had told me when we met three years ago, considering how deeply we cared for each other that I would fall pregnant two years later and he would completely turn his back on me for most part of my pregnancy, I never would have believed it but that’s what happened. I had to draw strength from myself, my family and close friends. And Jayce...oh my son Jayce, he was my biggest strength. It was almost as if he knew his dad was acting up so he came through for his mum. He was gentle with me when I was carrying him. I had an extremely easy pregnancy. I pushed him out under 3 mins and was in the labour room for less than 30 minutes. And then my snapback was amazing. Three weeks later, it was almost as if I’d never been pregnant. Jayce was my soldier when his dad turned his back. But still, I have absolutely no iota of regret meeting Sholaye. Gosh, have you seen Jayce? How can I regret that? God doesn’t make mistakes. If you believe that you’re always led by God like I believe then I have to believe that God led me to this man for whatever reasons best known to Him. I thought God sent him as my life partner but I guess He just used him as a vessel for my greatest blessing. Now his part in my story is over. I know when to put my hands up and surrender. That God brought someone significant into your life doesn’t mean they are supposed to follow you throughout your life’s journey. We should learn to know when people’s part in our story is over. Don’t fight for closure, don’t ask for explanations, don’t chase answers, just let them go and know that if God meant for you to have them in your life, He would have given them to you. Sometimes people just come to serve a purpose in your life and are not meant to stay and there’s no point holding on to them. This one is done and dusted. It’s just Jayce and I now moving forward and I know life will be beautiful for us. Being a single mum wasn’t the dream I had for myself; I’d prayed for the kind of happy home my parents built for us (they’ve been together for 40 years). Nothing is more important to me than family. For years I’d hammered on how much I was looking forward to getting married, having children and building my own family and I believed God was going to come through for me on that one, but I have come to understand that we have no control over what life throws at us no matter how much we plan, pray, or work. And we also have no control over the actions of other people towards us. One of the things I have learnt in my life’s journey is that your idea of how life should go might be different from the way life actually goes. It’s called Life Happening. Sometimes it unfolds into something we never dreamed of but because we don’t recognize the route we find ourselves on our journey through life, doesn’t mean God won’t get us to our destination. Remember, an uncertain chapter doesn’t ruin the whole book. Life will happen whether we are ready or not. All we can do is keep our heads up and keep moving. Family and close friends told me I owed no one any explanation about the circumstances that led to the birth of my son, but I knew without writing this, I could never stand in front of the young girls who look up to me and talk to them again. I could never go on my secondary school tour and speak with these girls again about living right and doing right. I would always feel like I have no moral right to do so. I went to 15 secondary schools in 2017 and talking to those young impressionable girls has been one of the highlights of my life. I cancelled this year’s tour because I was pregnant and I haven’t made any preparations for next year’s tour because I wanted to set things right first. I have so many plans for young girls next year and in the coming years with the Selfmade finance and mentorship projects with international collaborations, so this was important for me to do, to explain myself to the young girls who look up to me and feel disappointed that I got pregnant and had a baby out of wedlock. For years, I have preached decency, morality and uprightness and despite what happened to me, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. That should be the only way to live. That’s the only way I live. Don’t ever compromise your values. With this, I was led by my heart and my clock ticking and even though I have no regrets, I’m sorry if I let any of you ladies down by the decision I made, and I hope you learn from my experience. I hope you do better than I did. The ideal thing would be to find a man you love, who loves you back and gives you stability, get married, have kids and raise a family, not being a single mum or a baby mama. I was 37 years old at the time I conceived and if I want to be honest, my age played a role in me allowing myself to be pregnant out of wedlock. I don’t want to be having kids in my 40s or struggling with fertility later in life. This wasn’t the plan but like I said before, life happens. You just have to find a way to make the best of what life throws at you. And so for any young girl this means anything to, I am truly sorry. I am not sorry I had Jayce, I’m just sorry I didn’t go about it the right way. But you know, despite this crazy love experience, I still believe in love and I believe in happy endings and I can’t wait to one day, God willing, have my fairy tale ending. The father of my child is the only man I’ve given a chance to in 6 years. Lol. I swear. I’m not really a relationship kind of girl. I’m more a career girl. I can go for years without a man. I’m one of those women who don’t need a man to validate their existence but biko, I’ve done the single life enough in the past…lol… going forward I’m looking forward to giving someone else a chance and try this love thing again. I was raised in a happy 2-parents’ home and that’s what I want for Jayce. So I hope I meet a great guy soon until then I’m enjoying motherhood. It rocks! Life has never been more beautiful! I’d also like to address a few other issues. Number one is this celibacy issue. So many people have trolled me over it and I’d like to correct the misunderstanding. I have never ever in my life said people shouldn’t have sex before marriage. NEVER EVER have I said that. I have even argued with quite a few people that it is not feasible in this day and age. What I have always said and I maintain till today is; Do not ever sleep with men for money because any woman with a brain and determination can get her own money herself. And there’s nothing sweeter than your own money. I am 38 years old and I recently bought a N100million+ car; what the heck do you need to be sleeping with a man for? For designer bags, first class tickets and luxury holidays? GTFOH with sleeping with a man for rent money! You can give yourself all that and more if you apply yourself, fight for your dream and work your butt off. Men don’t have the exclusive right to create wealth; women can also create wealth. Money is not male. Wealth is not male. Success is not male. We women just need to believe in ourselves more and get off our butts and stop relying on our looks and charm instead of our brain, mind, will, and our God given talent/gift. We can be rich, we can be successful, we can break barriers, do what was formerly termed impossible, do what men can do, be CEOs of conglomerates and billionaires without ever having to lie on our backs. Please ladies, we are powerful beyond measure and can do anything and be anything we want to be. The other thing I’ve always said is; do not sleep around with multiple men who just use your body for their pleasure; that is; too many one night stands, casual sex, many sex partners in a short period of time all in the name of relationships. Your body deserves better. I feel sex should only happen when you’re in a loving, committed relationship with someone you love. I was celibate for many years until I met my son’s father and fell in love. And instead of increasing my body count, I just went back to the same eggplant…lol. My mistake was I should have walked away when the relationship became a waste...lol... but then again, Jayce wouldn’t be here today if I had. So really, there’s nothing that I have preached that I didn’t practice. So you guys stop trolling me over this abeg! Lol. Thank you for reading and thank you for your understanding. Love and kisses to you and yours Hugs Linda

http://icechuks2.blogspot.com/2018/12/linda-ikeji-revealed-who-her-sons.html

#http://icechuks2.blogspot.com/2018/12/linda-ikeji-revealed-who-her-sons.html Linda Ikeji revealed wh

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