@spnprideweek day 1: coming out + flags
this year is very special for both Dean and me, so I couldn’t resist writing this little something
happy pride 🏳️🌈 closeted or not, be proud!
They say it in a low voice, almost whispering. Coming out, sharing those words with him. Dean can't decide if they are quiet because the truth is too big for the world to overhear, or too little to disturb its course. They even cover their mouth with a trembling hand, as if more words are about to spill out, and freeze, waiting for his reaction. His approval.
Something inside Dean’s mind screams for him to get up and run, as quick as he can, as far he can get, but he shoves it down and takes their fragile hands, hiding them under his wide palm, and whispers softly:
"I am proud of you. Thanks for trusting me with it."
There are tears, big and bitter - a heart getting rid of the pain. Shedding. Purifying. But there’s a smile shining through, too. They hug it out; the moment shy and skittish, and they don’t move for a while, unwilling to scare it away.
He doesn't remember their name, their face, or what directions they went afterwards, bidding their farewells, but he clearly remembers how he felt, exposed to this kind of human vulnerability.
He’s been used to open wounds and closed caskets since he was a kid; never had he ever had to deal with a bare heart before.
Years later, soldiering up in front of the mirror, he summons the feeling back. He looks at his reflection. Fiddles with a small pin in the shape of the flag on the lapel of his jacket.
The door behind his back creaks open, Sam’s ridiculously giant head peeking in. The wide toothy grin on his face falters, transforming into something soft and careful.
“So, you decided to go with Claire and Cas after all, huh?” Sam asks, stepping closer, as casual as he can master despite the excitement shining brightly in his puppy eyes.
Dean’s glance jumps between the tricolor pin and Sam’s face in the mirror, and he forces his hands to stay along his thighs and not rip off the small symbol off his chest.
“Yeah, wouldn’t let me die in peace, if I didn’t,” Dean grumps, nervously shifting from one foot to the other. He feels exposed, bare, and he shields with a muffed, “Quality family time, my ass.”
Sam laughs, loud and ringing. He comes closer, both of them now appearing in the mirror together, side by side. Dean looks down, catching the shine in Sam’s eyes.
“It’s not a big deal, Sammy,” he rasps, shrugging it off.
Sam shakes his head with loving exasperation, bumping him with his shoulder.
“It is,” he says. “And it should be, Dean. Own it.”
Dean takes a deep, trembling breath and tilts his head back, like it can prevent the tears pooling up in his eyes. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans, huffing a laugh, suddenly an excited nine year old all over again, swaying heels to toes. Regards both their reflections, thinking of the long way they both have come.
Just words, Dean has been telling himself time and time again, but hearing them turns out to be so surprisingly freeing. And most importantly, they are enough to dissolve the metal ring that’s been around his heart for long, suffocating forty two years.
Sam claps Dean on the back and leaves the room with a cheerful, “Have fun. And tell the kids we said hi.”
Before Sam disappears into the dim corridor, Dean notices Eileen standing outside the door with a gym bag by her feet. He nods in greeting, and she shoots him a thumbs up, accompanied with a warm smile.
He gets his own bag, once again looks in the mirror to fix the pin on his jacket, and leaves the room, too.
Still Dean Winchester. But at the same time a different man.
it's the end of 2021 finally and another year spent on tumblr aaaaaaaa ,,, and i'm still here haha (degratory) but the best thing here is all you lovely people i follow (affectionate) thank you so much for all your posts and reblogs and the way you make my dashboard awesome every time i open the app again and again throughout the day to spam-reblog a bunch of things from you!
i've fallen hard for the criminal minds fandom ily guys <3
@catsadams @deadravenclaw @fightingdragonswithreid @hotchbright @hotchseyebrows @lilacprentiss @lilliesthings @reidirect @ropoto @sideblogforcrimpy @simmonsmilf @tobias-hankel @williffer
and some of my favourite multifandom blogs <3
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