#using her. breaking her down until theres nothing left

[butchladymaria]

talk about your adeline. right now. this is a threat

OOOUUAUUUAA you have opened the pandora’s box.

ok firstly i love the idea of adeline being a big sister. the siblings u draw for her are UNPARALLELED. i will draw them if god is willing because man. like why try to improve on something that is already perfect. every day i think of the littlest one wearing maria’s boot and going :D

i like to imagine she grew up on a farm, so she knows loads about how to take care of plants and animals. adeline would totally keep chickens or rabbits under better circumstances, but her duties as a blood saint take up a lot of time.

i’ve always seen adeline as playing a large role in looking after her siblings along with her mother. the family fell on hard times financially, and they move to the city which becomes cathedral ward. adeline is able to help support her family by becoming a nun, and is eventually groomed as a blood saint. i think she and maria likely met around this time :)

adeline is capable in folk medicine, but her training to become a saint taught her lots about traditional medicine as well. under pressure, she is a natural leader, able to take quick, decisive action — these skills combined have saved lives.

flowerpatch is her service dog, and she trained him herself to assist her with all sorts of things. aside from helping adeline get around, patch helps her identify plants and medical supplies. he’s able to fetch specific tools for her — don’t worry though. he has little gloves to avoid cross contamination and he always washes his paws :)

the other nuns help too! adeline sewed flowerpatch an apron of sorts, so if patch indicates something she needs, one of the other sisters can put it in his little pocket!

adeline is also quite artistic! she finds particular comfort in embroidery, because of all the different textures she can feel. flowerpatch’s apron is covered in pretty patterns.

i hc adeline as autistic as well! she’s always humming to herself while she works, and the textures of her embroidery serve as a comforting stim. flowerpatch isn’t just a seeing-eye dog, he’s also an emotional support animal who comforts her if she’s overwhelmed.

when i think about adeline, i imagine her as an incredibly intelligent and compassionate person, who is strong enough to build community even in hard times — it just makes it all the more tragic what becomes of her.

#ask #anyway thats my Huge Long Adeline Thoughtsposting #i could . say more but this thing is LONG lmao #saint adeline #bloodborne #just . augh #she grows up with so much hope for the church doing good. helping people. but because of that trust she ends up with the church just…. #using her. breaking her down until theres nothing left #making her believe that despite how much she loves and how loved she is in turn #that she’s nothing #augh. ough. #emotions about my good lady

[24kmar]

𝙄𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙖.

Pairing: Toxic!Fem x Situationship Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Matt finds himself repeating the vicious cycle of letting the girl he loved the most come back into his life and ruin him, but what happens when he realizes he can't stop.

Warnings: Toxic situationship!! ANGSTTT, suggestive content, language, implied sex, MDNI, reader breaking matts heart 😭

English is not my first language!! So please be nice 💕

Matt didn't know how he kept getting here. He didnt know why he kept letting this terrible cycle continue. He truly hated himself, hated himself for letting her come back into his life. Giving him a sliver of hope that she would finally let him love her. Until she ruined him and left him to put himself back together.

To be honest, he did know how he got here, how she got here. How she got in his house, in his room, and in his bed. It was really a shame, a shame that all that pure bliss that had happend moments prior had to be ruined so soon after. It pained him to see her get out of the bed and begin to get dressed like they werent just fucking ten minutes ago.

"Where are you going?" Matt sat up as his eyebrows furrowed. "Home," she replied dryly. "I got shit to do" she explained as she finished getting dressed now moving to fix her hair in his mirror. The hair that he messed up, during one of the best moments in his life.

Matt would be lying if he said half of the best moments in his life werent the ones spent with her. Even if that moment was just a mili-second, it was still pure ecstacy just cause it was with her.

"You cant stay, even just for a little while?" he asked, almost pleaded while getting out of his bed. His question was met with pure silence, the only thing heard was his footsteps towards her. He stood behind and wrapped his arms around her as she didnt even look him in the eye.

"Hey....look at me" he whispered in her ear, reluctantly she did. Its funny really, how just a moment ago she looked at him with eyes full of lust and desire. And now when she looked at him, there was...nothing.

"Stay, just for a little," he paused looking at her face searching for emotion "for me." he pleaded with her. "I cant matt." she sighed rubbing her temples. "Why?" He he whispered while having a pained look on his face. "You know why i cant matt." She hissed.

"No i dont, i dont know why you cant." he said letting go of her waist stepping back, and crossing his arms. "Im not doing this with you right now" she scoffed moving to get her phone. "Yes, yes you are." he moved to grab her wrist. "Let fucking go of me" she shouted shoving him, making him stumble back slightly. He was stunned to say the least, how could she do this to him?

He loved her, more than he'd like to admit. So for her to tell him to get off her. It felt like a knife to his fucking chest. "Please," he begged as he watched her grab he bag and move towards the door "dont be like this."

Thank god chris and nick werent here to hear this. To hear him sounding like a shot down puppy dog. "What about us" he yelled following behind her down the stairs. "What about us," she chuckled dryly "there is no fucking us matt." And thats when something in him just broke, something that could never be fixed.

"If theres no us then what was the point of all this, huh?" he asked grabbing her wrist and turning her around to face him. "You're fucking kidding me matt," she shouted in his face, startling him "there was supposed to be a point in this?" She chuckled sarcastically. "Thank you so fucking much for informing me matt, i didnt know there was a point to us fucking." she hissed at him.

"This isnt just fucking and you know it" matt shook his head as tears filled his waterline. "Yes it is matt, this," she motions between them "is just sex, obviously you dont know that." she said waiting for a response. There was none.

There was absolutely nothing he could say to this. He just stood motionlessly. And to that, she turned around and walked right out that door.

He didn't really know what to say or do. And the worst part of it all was the fact that no matter what she did, he loved her unconditionally and irrevocably. This is when he realized, that no matter what happend or what she said. He would always let her back in.

And the cycle would continue.

SHIT THAT WAS HARD 😭😭😭 This blows dick but we can always improve 💀 i hope yall liked this. @teapartyprincess4two thank you for being my #1 supporter.

#☆𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡☆ #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo angst #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo triplets angst #Spotify

[puhpandas]

balloon world is GGY's princess quest theory:

so theres been speculation that Balloon world in SB is like Dr Rabbits equivalent of princess quest for Vanny because of the purple glitches inside. im here to add on some evidence to that theory

so ruin confirmed that the Princess Quest ending (free vanny) is canon. it hints at it multiple times and it pretty much confirmed. epecially with THIS room in ruin.

the third princess quest (aka the cabinet that freed vanny plus killed glitchtrap) is shown on its side with a sword driven through it. implying its been conquered and shut down.

its this exact theme that made me notice it in balloon world as well.

in ruin, the room with the balloon world arcade cabinet is still accessible, even though it seemingly has no impact on the story (it was famous for being disappointing when sb first released). in that room, balloon world is also shattered. and when you put on the mask, like seeing the sword driven in princess quest with the mask on, you see this.

the eclipse from balloon world is shown outside the cabinet in the AR world like the sword in PQ.

this is what the game looks like normally:

and by normally i mean ONLY when you glitch it out. this screenshot is a product of using the games mechanics to reach multiple PURPLE glitches across the arcade game. and multiple (meaningless) messages appear as well. That same eclipse is shown outside the machine in ruin.

we know pretty much nothing about ggy outside of the book. so here is what i think happened by this evidence along with more from the games in general:

pre sb, very close to the actual games events, gregory had been glitchtrapped just like vanessa before suddenly freeing himself on accident. this could have happened from anything, but my idea right now is that ggy found the secret room and unknowlingly played the game that held his free will because of his love for arcade games (shown in his high scores)

queue gregory getting freed from glitchtrap and waking up with amnesia pre sb. hes stuck in the pizzaplex with no memory and is freaking out. vanny and glitchtrap immediately know he isnt under control anymore. vanny goes after him herself, posing as vanessa during business hours

gregory escapes and after freddy crashes on stage, he hides in his stomach hatch. queue security breach, where vanny sends the animatronics after gregory to bring him back to re-glitchtrap him/just kill him so he doesnt tattle (let me take you to your parents/your family is looking for you)

due to the content massacre in sb, we can only guess if balloon world had ggy hints or if it meant anything before they removed any mention at all. eclipse feels like a last minute filler, and that could work in canon too. maybe eclipse was the games way of filling that hole gregorys conciousness left in the game

and when everything is said and done post SB, when gregory kills glitchtrap for good in princess quest, the machine breaks. and anything related to the VANNI network/glitchtrap virus is leaking out into the AR world, but contained in the pizzaplex.

and thats what i think :) this amnesia + ggy theory for gregory can also work with cut voicelines from security breach + ruin. it seems like gregory still doesnt fully remember/understand that he was glitchtrapped, and him seemingly being best friends with cassie but not contacting her at all after going missing is explained by the fact that he literally didnt remember her until he saw that she existed.

and maybe the memories started coming back after that, setting up for him eventually remembering all that he did as ggy

not to mention how a ggy reveal would perfectly explain why gregory would cut the elevator if it really was him. it would at least add context.

#pandas.txt #pandas talks #gregory #theory #ggy #vanessa #cassie #pre help wanted 2 #hw2 #ruin #sb

[haemosexuality]

im rewatching she-ra and naturally im gonna want to write about it a lot. starting by breaking down the catradora conflict origin story scene from s01e02 the sword part 2

people have said this before but the most important thing to keep in mind here is how different their understanding of whats going on is. theyre both approaching this with completely different views and so they misunderstand what the other means.

Adora: There's no time. We have to put a stop this.

Catra: What? Why?

Adora: Because this is a civilian town. Look around! These aren't insurgents. They're innocent people.

Catra: Yeah, sure. Innocent people who kidnapped a Horde officer. Now come on, let's get you back to the Fright Zone. Shadow Weaver is freaking out. [laughing] It'd be funny if she weren't such a terrible person.

so immediately theres two things i wanna say about this part, about how catra reacts to stuff. first off, something we learn about catra throughout the whole show and especially in the portal-alternative-reality, is that shes big on Pretending Nothing Is Wrong. whenever shes feeling upset or angry about something, she will start joking around and acting like shes just totally super chill guys, dw ("Ugh, whatever. It's not like I even care. I just wanna get out of this dump at some point before I dieee of boredom). Shes acting like that in this scene. Adora was missing for hours, shadow weaver was breathing down her neck and threatening her, she was already worried adora might have left at this point. she cant let adora know how worried she was tho, so shes all jokes and fast paced conversation. To Adora, tho, it just looks like catra doesnt care, like she doesnt understand the gravity of the situation.

and the other thing is that honestly? I dont think catra does care. about the town, i mean. i think catra was ready for war in a way adora never was. theyre both seeing combat for the first time here, and adora hates it. training for war is completely different than being in the battlefield, and adora couldnt handle it. face to face with it she couldnt tolerate seeing people suffering and dying, houses being burned down, a whole village destroyed. when the horde brainwashed adora into thinking they were only doing the necessary to save etheria, she completely and fully believed it, and when faced with the reality of the horde she immediately realized how wrong that was. Catra, tho, could not care less. she never believed in what the horde said, she knew full well what the horde did, so this isnt a surprise for her. and i do think shes naturally a bit sadistic, or at least growing up among the violence of the horde made her so. either way, shes seeing battle here for the first time and shes completely fine with it. doesnt even spare it all a second glance. why would she care about these people she never met if the most important thing in the world is right here in front of her? (i think even if adora hadnt left that night and went into the battlefield as a force captain, she wouldve ended up deserting. she cant stand seeing people suffer and she cant stand not saving them. shes too good, too selfless for that. catra isnt.) (also she is so ready to kill at all times. she loves violence. i once saw someone say how shadow weaver thought adora was the "cutthroat, ruthless warrior" when that was actually catra and they were totally right)

adora is also trying something futile here, she doesnt need to explain to catra that the horde is bad and hurts innocent ppl because catra has known that all her life

Adora: Catra, no. I can't go back. Not until the Horde leaves this town alone. You have to help me.

Catra: What are you saying?

Adora: I’m saying, this is wrong. They've been lying to us, manipulating us. Hordak, Shadow Weaver, all of them.

Catra: Duh! Did ya just figure that out? Manipulation is Shadow Weaver's whole thing. She's been messing with our heads since we were kids.

(the captions in the pics are slightly wrong, nvm that.) everything i said before. adora just realized all of this, while catra has always known, probably because the abuse adora suffered was more manipulation-and-brainwashing, while shadow weaver always made clear to catra that she didnt give a shit about her, so she suffered physical abuse with little attempt to convince her this was fine.

the "what are you saying?" is one of the things that show how different their perspective is. adora is talking about going against the horde and helping the town, while catra immediately gets more personal. what do you mean? are you saying that you might leave the horde? leave me?

Adora: How could you possibly be okay with that?

adora means, how could you be ok with the horde lying about its actions, and killing innocent people? how could you be ok with the horde raising us to do the same? and catra hears, how could you be ok with shadow weaver and hordak abusing us?

Catra: Because, it doesn't matter what they do. The two of us look out for each other. And soon we'll be calling the shots. Now come on, can we go home already?

catra replies: because, i love you. because you have my back and i have yours. because nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other, remember? and soon enough, we'll be powerful enough that they cant hurt us anymore. Adora hears, because i dont care about these people dying, the only thing thats important is you and i. and anyways, soon its gonna be Us killing them, isnt that good? lets go back home to the evil murder place.

Adora: I'm not going home, Catra. I can't. Not after everything I've seen. Come with me. You don't have to go back there. We can fix this.

adora says: im starting to realize now how wrong i was about everything. we're not the good guys, and i cant stand for that. i cant stand around and watch people get hurt. i cant stand around and watch you get hurt. lets leave, together, and have a better life, please. lets do the right thing.

Catra: Are you kidding? You've known these people for, what, a couple of hours? And now you're just gonna throw everything away for them?

catra hears, shes willing to leave me. after everything i did for her, all that i took, all of these years of us being together, she would still leave me. she would break our promise. she would leave me behind.

and then she straight up electrocutes adora. ok

she says it was a reflex, but i dont know if i believe her. i dont think she likes hurting adora (not physically. not by this point, anyways), but i do think that shes the type to lash out when upset and immediately regret it, then feel guily about it. which just makes her more upset. :(

Catra: Oh, man. That was a lot stronger than I thought. Are you okay?

Adora: Why are you doing this?

Catra: Because you left me! And if I don't bring you back, Shadow Weaver’s gonna have my head. So, enough with your weird little identity crisis and let's go home already. Or do I need to zap you again?

thats the last time they talk. adora gets teleported away by glimmer, and when they see each other again, its clear that they both made their choice.

the moment adora showed catra she was willing to leave her, there was no coming back for them. because catra would never get over that. she'd spend all her life in that hellscape, putting up with abuse and bullying and probably so much more we dont get to see, because of the promise adora made her. and, in her eyes, adora was ready to leave her on the first opportunity that came up. that hurt. that broke her. and that released something really ugly inside of her.

cue in 2,5 years of homoerotic rivalry and trauma. ok post over if you read this i hope you liked it <3 bye

#autism won today this took me 1 hour to write #she ra #catra #character analysis #ig?? #edit while reading old spop posts by other ppl i realized my mind might have plagiarized this from a post i read several years ago. my bad #it wasnt a conscious decision

[aksbe]

Oh you know that scene where ava falls and practically dies in front of bea in 5th ep? Did you notice that the song playing in the backround while beatrice holds ava is literally called:

and oh boy do i have a theory to why its their theme, so pull up spotify, youtube, apple music, your local singing bird choir, whatever and listen to this song on loop if you wanna know what im babbling about.

So why is it their theme?

The song starts off sounding so unsure, like its so new to both of them, its carefull, slow and so soft as if something would break if it was too loud or fast and in a way thats perfect for them. Their start was slow and their love was something new to both of them. Theres even these small notes mixed in the start which could symbolise the small moments those sparks that started it all.

If their relationship would have happened any faster i dont think it would have been the same, because yes, they're made for each other, but it just woudnt have worked out. The slow burn was what was needed for both of their character developments. Without that pining, without that jelousy or those moments and looks i dont think bea would have ever left the ocs later, because it could have easialy be swept under the rug as "just a fling, small temptation, nothing else". But with the slow burn its more like... she feels the love and she feels happy and it dosent bring her any pain untill she lost ava.

And for ava it was another new thing. So far ava has rushed trough new things, new experiences, enjoyed the moments and moved on. Like take JC, she rushed in and trough that relationship so fast, but ultimately we dont ever hear her mention him much after. It was just another new shiny thing she hadnt gotten to experience before. But now, with this build up, her slowing down, she starts to apprechiate the small things she now has, the small important moments with beatrice. Like when they danced in the club and the moment where she just looked at bea, really looked and i bet nothing else mattered for her in that moment.

In the second half of the song theres this build up which is like how their love was so slowly and delicately built moment upon moment and emotions upon emotions and ultimately at the end of the build up with the last high notes its their high point, every small building block being down, all those months of experiences just everything coming togheter and then one of the most purest forms of affection. A simple, beautiful kiss.

And the way the song fades out in the end... Their time being cut short. Their love tossed in the air, left to the wind because ava is gone(for now) and bea is left behind. But the sound lingers for so long that i cant help but believe theres still hope for both of them, and i think they believe the same.

Extra thoughts

Honestly i cant decide which came first in this case, was the piece written for that scene and later made the theme song or was it first their theme song...

See this song fits so well in that scene. Which makes me believe that it was first written for it. Like the fear at start and then bea feeling the pulse and thinking ava is dead, and comforting and asking her not to be dead, and then her being okay and alright and ending on the high point of "they cant beat us bea, not togheter." Which is such an important line!

Maybe they wrote it for that scene and realized how well it symbolised their relationship too.

Cant lie about the fact how sad sounding it is either. Which makes sense for the scene but also maybe a tiny bit for their relationship.

Its always been known how warrior nuns dont live long, the line where camila says "theyre never yours, they never last" perfectly shows the looming saddness and eventual ending to their arc in this season. How their love was, is and will be under the threat because any moment any one of them could die and the other would be left alone.

Of course these are all just my thoughts, and if you have different ones i happily welcome them in the comments, dms or even asks. <3

#yes its only 1.10min long #and yes ik i wrote this long ass post for just music #but listen #like you cant lie to me that you dont see it #im not crazy i swear #its there #its all there #and yes i am crying because fuck #maybe finishing music school was a mistake #cursed be this creative brain #avatrice #warrior nun #wn #ava/beatrice #ava x beatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #song analysis #scene analysis #analysis #spotify #warrior nun spoilers #warrior nun season 2 #warrior nun analysis

[tittyblade]

put a finger down if you wver accidentally (kind of) killed a man to later find out he had an illegitimate daughter so now you have to find the other parent but the mom you find is not fit to look after her and while the daughter was staying with you she kind of grew on you (even if you wont admit it for months) so you decide to parent her maybe and find a good preschool for her because kids deserve to be taken care of and along the way you get closer with this other dude your age staying with you whom until recently you saw as a freeloader but maybe he’s charming and good at taking care of people so maybe you enjoy how he takes care of you when you’re too depressed to do so (you wont admit it) and months pass and you learn what having a family is like and what it means to love & be loved unconditionally and you feel emotions like you’ve never felt before you smile and cheer and grow to accept this part of yourself while coparenting a kid with a partner you may or may not be attracted to. months pass and you can’t remember what your old life used to be like and you can’t imagine a life without these people.

but then your fucked up father whos the root of everything wrong in your life who literalky FORCED you into murdering people for a living orders that you go back to your old life and its not like you can say no because you know what happens to the people who tries to leave the Family (you were forced to kill the one other man you might’ve called your family because he fell in love and dared to dream another life) and you cannot watch harm come to these people. so this other informant guy who’s sort of your friend steps in and calls the bio mother of your daughter and SURPRISE she actually changed?? guess what shes also got CANCER now and she reevaluated everything so she wants her daughter back and genuinely wants to give her a good life and who are you to say no to that so you burn all your bridges and act like being family hadn’t become as easy as breathing to you. you try to eat you try to sleep but nothing works you become a hollow shell of what your family carved you to be and maybe there’s nothing holding you back anymore (doesnt it hurt to say that?) so you give your partner a parting gift (a memento to remember you by & a promise to keep those carvings and quit some of your self destructive habits) and go back to your dad but he’s fucked up as always and the scum on earth so he orders for your family to be ALL KILLED so you rush to save them but you were too late. you made the call right on time. your little daughter lives but now her mothers gone. you killed his father and now your father killed the only other biological family she had left. then you have a second breaking out with your partner because you live a life of crime this isnt safe for a 5 year old. wake up from your dream. all this ever could be was temporary yet you got too attached. but we cant run away from her we cant abandon her who’s more fit to keep her safe than us? i learned how warm the flesh feels when its alive and i cant admit it but i’m admitting it now. i cant go back to the way things have been i cant live without her or without you. so you decide that maybe theres room for a family of three in this safe house and maybe you have more allies than you thought and maybe. just maybe. you can outlive the curse that is your surname and have the one thing you never dared to hope.

anyways ☝️✊

#im normal #HDJSHDJSH #buddy daddies #buddy daddies spoilers #can you tell i love this format

[bluezeri]

pt. 2.5 of the anakin swtor au

1 | 2 | 2.5

im gonna be honest i do not remember the canon timeline at all so im gonna skip to the second battle of odessan w vaylin, and early in the battle he manages to face her, alone.

he talks to her, but he quickly see just talking will not work. so he summons his inner obi-wan kenobi, and completely breaks her down. he uses everything he knows about her childhood, what senya and arcann have told him, what he gather based on her crazed ranting and anger, and he breaks down every last bit of her until theres nothing left, only a crying young woman on the forest floor. she still lashes out when he tries to come near, but it is not out of anger. he anger is gone and has left her axhausted more than anything. all thats left is fear, fear of whats to come, fear of her fathers wrath, and her mothers kindness. so he sits with her. she surenders he troops, the battle is over. he continues to sit with her.

later when they finally move, senya will see her daughter walking alongside anakin and she will cry. she approaches but is too afraid to move further. vaylin does nothing and is quickly led to the medbay to check injuries. the alliance is horribly confused.

anakin skywalker just managed to turn empress vaylin to their side.

vaylin does trust anyone except her brother, and even that is one a thin line. but she manages. anakin helps.

the emperor is still a problem. but they defeat him again because his entire family hates him.

anakin does take the throne. it doesnt feel right.

im probably still fucking up the timing of when everything happens but whatever

hes betrayed by theron. he desnt know how to feel, he just becomes a bit of a mess. the force is telling him this isnt right, something bigger is happening. he tries to tell lana at some point, but her look of pity is enough to make him close his mouth. when theron reaches out again, hes... hesitant, to say the least. he doesnt fully believe theron betrayed him but... he looked at him with such hatred in his eyes. what if he does hate anakin?

he doesnt, as he soon found out. the man he loved more than anything in the galaxy, fake betrayed him for a chance to stop the order of zildrog, without telling him. he understood it, sure, but that stop the anger from rising in him. he quickly releases it into the force, and sets his face to show no emotion he can feel theron guilt triple as soon as he does it, but he cant help but think he deserves it, just a little.

and theron goes and gets himself shishkebabed. what the fuck. ther isnt time for anger, hes already carrying theron back to the shuttle before lana can get a word in.

theron is healed eventually, and he proposes. anakin had already let go of his anger and forgave theron, and he accepts. their wedding is small, only a few people are there. but he really couldnt be happier.

of course, the war between the empire and republic is still going on, but he has a feeling it wont end anytime soon. over the next few years, the alliance slowly withdraws itself from the conflict. and eventually, it will be forgotten about completely.

he has not finished fighting, there is another war to finish. he tells his friend, his family this and they understand. they do not look sad however, because they will be going with him. anakin protests, its not their war. theyve done enough for the galaxy. but theron grbas his hands "do you really think we're gonna abandon you after all this? you cant rid of us that easy Ani" and if anakin cries a little bit, no one sys anything.

he doesnt need to be able to time travel for this one. with the help of dr. oggurobb, theyve developed statis pods that will last at least a few millennia.

3500 years later, a holocron in the jedi temple finally open and cathes the attention of the temple librarian, Jocasta nu, and requests a jedi by the name of obi-wan kenobi.

#star wars #swtor #anakin skywalker #crossover #kotfe #star wars the old republic #vaylin #senya #theron shan #valkorion #tcw #the clone wars

[x3kristax3]

⚠️TW: sucide, drug reference, sexual content

A part of me 2/3

First| Next

He reaches for me but i move away "that night i blacked out i dont remember much expect i drank 2 big bottles of Jack. Jessy had to call an ambulance by the time she came home and i woke up to my stomach being pumped out" i say lifting the shirt up showing the scare "shes not joking Jake if she hadn't came home when she did i would of die because thats the night i wanted it all to end. If i couldnt have you i didn't want to be here anymore" i say crying

"Please don't say that" he says

"Oh i said it in voicemails and texts to you multiple times that night i thought for certain it would change something in your heart and nothing so i tried what Jessy doesnt know is i also took some pills that night. Thats another big reason they had to pump me like they did"

Jake pulls me close fighting me fighting him until i just melt in his lap "I'm so sorry i wasn't there" 

"Sorry only means things if you can prove it. Jessy taught me that, that night. She said she would never leave me when i'm going through my downs of missing you and she proved it. She moved plans and switched days with girls at work to stay by me and when she couldn't she paid for Dan to come out and spend that time with me." I sit up and look at him and see he's heartbroken as he runs his fingers through my hair "this wasn't how you imagined tonight is it?" I say wiping a tear away from my face

"Not at all. When i saw you at the club and dancing with that guy i almost wanted to punch him right away. It made me feel like i was gonna lose you forever if i didn't do something right there to let you know" he says

Without even thinking i lean into him and kiss him then i pull away and look away and bite my bottom lip. He grabs my chin making me look at him "fuck i missed that kiss and that look" he says kisses me this time deep and i crawl into his lap

As i do theres a knock on his door " i know your in there" yells Jessy

I sigh "shes relentless"

"How did she find you?" He asks

"My location when we have girls nights we get updates of any new pings to eachother phone"  i sigh

"I just want time alone with you" he says as she pounds on the door

" shes not gonna go until she sees me" i say i say getting up and he does too and we go to the door. I stand just in front of him as he opens the door

"Jessy go home. I want to stay here tonight" i say

"I tried to keep her home" says cloe

"Its okay" i say i look at Jake "can they come in for a moment?"

"As long as she doesn't go crazy bestie on me again"

I look at Jessy "can you promise him that?"

"I can try" she says. We move from the door cloe and hannah both say Hi to him

Jessy pokes his chest "you enter her life again i dont want to see you disappear again" she says

"Everything is safe. Ive even stopped hacking until i knew i was safe to find her" he says

"What?!" I say looking surpised at Jake

"Yeah we hadn't got to that yet but didn't you notice I don't have all the screens always going?"

"No i hadn't…. Not gonna lie those other moments we had since alone again i hadnt really looked around"

"Krista why are you in his clothes?" Says hannah

"I showered after that guy at the club"

"I still dont trust you to not break her heart again. After losing Richy, i can't lose her like that…. Did she tell you she flatlined twice on us that night!?" Jessy says

"No she didn't" says Jake

" i was about to lose my best friend because you left her and she couldn't handle it after trying everything to get you back" she says tears in her eyes

I hug her "Jessy i think thats enough we will talk tomorrow when were all 100% sober okay?"

"Only if he comes to the apartment" She says

I look over at Jake 

" okay i will i will bring her home tomorrow and we can talk this all through" he says

Hannah and cloe manage to get her out and once they are gone. Jake pins me against the wall again looking down at me and he sees me melt as his slides his leg between mine.

"Oh we're gonna do this again?" I say with a smirk

"Yep i still have to get you back" he says bringing his mouth close to mine and acting like hes gonna kiss me but as i lean up he moves back "now where were we?" He says with that devilish smirk that sends chills down my spin as he takes a hand and runs it under his shirt that im wearing while his other hand holds one of mine above my head

I turn my head "jesus you haven't forgotten what drives me insane" i say and my legs go weak and im sitting on his thigh 

"No jesus here just this devil tonight and i sure haven't." He moves closer to my ear and whispers in it "since the night i left i thought about this moment. Only thing that kept me sane without you" he says as he kisses my neck.I take a big gulp trying to fight the urge " just give in" he says and as he does a soft moan escapes my mouth

"Good girl" he says as i feel his breath on my neck and his hands going along my back.

I move closer to him "please jake" i say turning my head towards him again and i look into his eyes and he smiles

"Was there anyone else since i left" he asks

"No." I say knowing what he's asking

He kisses me deep and i moan into his mouth as i lose any control i had. He pulls away and lets my hand go and i pull my shirt off but he stops it just above my head as he grabs it pinning it like that " its cute you thought you had any kind of control here" he says  as he moves me and hooks the shirt on a coat rack and walks away.

With his back still turned i manage to get my hands free and i wrap an arm around his chest. Feeling his muscles as i lean into his back "with you i know i don't. Id do anything for you" i say

As i say and do that he grabs my arm thats around him pulls me around to his front "you know there are certain things i won't let you do for me" he says while looking in my eyes

"Anything that can result in you losing me forever" i say

He kisses me deep again this time both hands on my waist as my hands run up and down his arms and chest. He starts moving us towards the couch me walking backwards and we get to the arms and i fall backwards onto cushions. I let out a whimper cause he steps back and is looking down at me.  I get up on my elbows and say "please stop teasing me"

" but you know i enjoy it" he says running his hands up my legs to short waistband and slowly moves them down. He does that and I fall back and let out a frustrated whimper. Once the shorts are off he grabs my hips and pulls me up to the sitting on the arm rest at this point im naked. He grabs my chin and pulls my head up so im looking at him "I'm gonna stop here. Im going to bed" he says kissing me again and walks away. 

I go to follow him and he turns around in the bedroom door frame. " you take 1 step in here and mr. Nice guy is gone until we wake up" he says stepping back once

I take a step in so im right against him "maybe i don't want mr. Nice guy tonight" i say with a smile

He grabs my waist picking me up and tosses me on the bed as he strips down to just boxers and i see a new tattoo on his thigh. I sit up and run my fingers across it and smile

"Why you smiling?" He asks

" you got that in my handwriting" i say

" yep the only paper i could find before i had to leave that you wrote me said those words on it and incase i couldn't find you id have it forever"

I go to get up to kiss him but he push me back as his hands run between my thighs for the first time all night and my legs instantly spread. Without even looking at Jake i know he's smiling. He lets his fingers slowly trace every inch of my body that it hasn't yet and my body instantly arches.

He starts kissing my calves up my thighs then back down the other leg. I feel his breathing on my skin. I let out a moan "i thought no more nice guy?" I say getting frustrated trying to push him futher

He crawls on top of me and my breathing getting shallow. "I know what you want and im gonna make you work for it tonight" he says this time kissing my chest.

My hand goes behind his head and the other one grabs the bedding as my body arches as he does that and i take in a deep breathe "Jake please" i beg

As i beg he slides a hand between my thighs and feels the warmth and wetness and he looks at me and smiles "someone is enjoying this" he says

" someone else is too" is i run my hand on his bulge

"Honestly the moment i knew you were following me out of the club hes been there" 

"You knew you had me in the palm of your hand" i say as i lean up to kiss him

As i do he kisses me deep and slides a finger in me. I moan instantly into his mouth as my body aches towards him

He pulls away from the kiss and bites his bottom lip "that's the moan i was looking for" he says as he just slides his finger out and slides his boxers off and slides in. 

********

I finally wake up and its almost noon. I look over at jake side and he's not there i get up throwing on the shorts from last night and as im about to walk into the living room i hear jakes voice and someone's else. I go into his closet and finds another shirt to throw on and walks out. His visitor looks at me then looks at Jake "really dude i thought your heart was on your old girl?"

"That is her" jake says as he walks into the kitchen and i follow

"Who's that?" I ask

"One of my hacker buddies who helped me get out of that life" he says handing me a cup of coffee "i figured after last night you needed to sleep" as he looks down at me

"Well i mean unless you were gonna wake me up the way i like" i say with a smile and i kiss his cheek

"God how i missed this with you. Mornings like this" he says running his hand through my hair. As he does his buddy comes walking in

"Its nice to meet you Krista" he says "but ill let you two be you probably have alot to catch up on cause i know how he feels about you" he says as he heads back out

"Krista stay here for a moment" jake says kissing me then heads out with his buddy 

"Hey man dont say anything in the community. Im really trying to walk away from that life and i know she still enters the chats" jake says

"Dude she was only getting into those chats to look for you. I told you when you walked away from her that if you didnt win her back once it was cleared up youd lost your mind. Obviously you never lost her heart" he says as he leaves

Jake walks back into the kitchen and i look at him as i lean against the counter drinking my coffee "you know when you had my call Jessy last night, you almost lost me."

He walks uo to me "i know thats why i wasn't letting you get too far away from me because i didn't want that to happen." He says running his hand along that scar again "im sorry i left you alone to the point you thought that was your only choice"

"Because i couldnt find you even in the hacker chats i thought you died. It felt like that mine all over again" i say.I hear my phone go off "its probably Jessy we should head there before she calls the cops" i roll my eyes

"Let me get dressed" he says

I grab my clothes from the night before and head into the bathroom. In there i see an outfit i swore i had lost and i open the door "jake what is this?" I ask

He comes out dressed in black jeans and a black shirt "when i left i grabbed that for if this moment happened so this morning i put them in there for you so you didnt have to wear those clothes again" he says

I close the door and throw them on. It was one of my favorite shirts he had bought me and a pair of leggings. I walk out and i catch him staring at me. "What?" I say with a smirk

"Just like i remember… but here catch" he says tossing me a bike helmet

"Really?" I say

"Yeah were riding over on my bike" he says

#duskwood #duskwoodlover #duskwood fanfiction #fanfic #writing #mc x jake

[falled-over]

for our final assignment for indigenous lifeworld we were asked to write a reflective essay on how the course has reframed our thinking, as while we learnt history it was more about understanding better the context in which palawa life continues and context of the land in a way that a welcome to country pays lip service to doing. 

i started mine about my neighbour, a known palawa scholar and lecturer in the uni, and how he collects old, silly ‘aboriginal themed’ souvenirs. i thought that was so fun of him, especially since his main area of focus is in art and exhibition, having worked closely with the museum that used to display the dead bodies of palawa people to create their indigenous section, by far their best static exhibition. my mum thought it was fun as well, and bough him a boomerang plate that she found in an op shop because she thought it was quite cute. being my mum she immediately began thinking about it, while we were neighbours we weren’t that close, if anything we had a poorer relationship because of the chickens we can’t keep under control to save our life. 

She didn’t give him the plate. It’s downstairs, where he and his wife used to store things when this was their house. 

I actually wrote my essay about re-using the plate for something new. I was inspired by an early unit about the re-framing of Wybalenna. Wybalenna was on a small island off of the main and the place that was promised to the groups still fighting a vicious war with the english settlers if they made peace. They were promised flour and tea and ‘a nice white fella to keep you safe’ and to someday return to their land. Land that they died facing. 

I wanted to see if i could make something that better reflected the history of this place. it was boomerang shaped, a tool that was never used down here, and I wrote about how i could use its shape to paint the stars that walked down from the milky way to carve out the land during creation. How i could turn it into a mutton bird, break it up into tools. I ended every other section talking myself out of it, explaining how ive broken that sort of pottery before and it does not make a sharp stone knife.

I ended the essay by concluding that I didnt have the right to change it. Or rather it shouldnt be changed. I dont know who made it, it might not be in an artstyle used down here but thats not to say it was made by a white person. It wasn’t the plates fault it was sold somewhere that never saw a boomerang in use until kfc sold them with meals. From the start of the essay I was unsure if I should even be someone creating art that reflected a culture my ancestors were far more likely to have aided in wiping out. I talked myself out of it and said it was better left a contextual reminder. this sort of thing was made, it holds a history of the time. 

I think about that a lot. theres often a call for destruction of monuments to a history no one should be proud of. people often call for ones that reflect indigenous history to be erected in their stead and to forget about the colonisers. which is honestly quite a colonial way to remember something. when i heard the story of coming into being, not dreaming, as its called on the mainland, when pumpermehowlle and pineterrinner, the two stars, walked down and carved out the land. the woman recounting the story said that it was told by her great great (etc) grandfather, Mannalargenna, a revered leader born around 1775 and died on Wybalenna after cutting off his hair (which was typically worn caked in ochure) a few months after landing, wanting nothing other than to return. when Mannalargenna was asked how he knew it was true he said that his father had told him, and his fathers father had done so before then, potentially thousands of generations had told this story, keeping it alive in minds and mouths, never once writing it down. 

people never used to be immortalised in metal, its a mainland tradition but when someone dies all photos of them are put away or destroyed, their name is not spoken and if someone shares a name or a similar one with them they change it for a year or so after the death to let people go. theres often a warning on television programs featuring aboriginal people that it may contain images or voices of people who have passed. I met a man in the national portrait gallery in canberra who was deeply upset that the gallery contained no visible warnings and he saw someone who he knew he shouldn't have. while its not ridiculous to ask the gallery to remove any portraits of aboriginal people it will be a while before the wishes of people are valued above the ambiguous good of art, but if you go to the galleries website today i left a little mark on his behalf in the form of the dropdown message (prior to there was a little paragraph at the bottom, but you had to go out of your way to find it). if anyone lives near canberra i’d love to know if they implemented warnings in the physical location as that was the primary reason for my email, and i wish i could tell that man that he had an impact on the world no matter how small.

all of that to say that i dont think giving people the excuse to forget history is the right thing to do. the australian government doesnt need any more excuses. truganini, a woman asked to help round up her people to place them on wybalenna as maybe the last hope of survival, who died old and far away from her home, and was incorrectly called the last tasmanian aboriginal person (my neighbour is not only a scholar of research, but a palawa man himself) asked to have her body buried in the deepest part of the river so that no one could dig her up and put her on display, which people were very known to do. her skeleton remained in the tasmanian museum from the year of her death, 1876 until 1947. finally returned to the community for cremation in 1976. the last known piece of her was returned in 2002, a piece of her skin, left forgotten in a museums archive. 

(a part of an exhibition my neighbour put together)

I am not the person to start or mediate the conversations, but i think the ones that have been happening amongst my fellow non-aboriginal people about destruction of monuments and creation of new ones are not the sort of conversations we should be having. I still wonder how Mannalargenna and his father, and his father before that would feel about the stories they kept alive through mouth and mind would feel about my writing them on a page. left dead until i read them again.

(my professor told me to print out the essay i wrote and give it to my neighbour, but knowing me, it’ll end up in the bottom of the house right next to the plate. im my mothers kid after all)

#hey this could not be physically longer um but if u read it ill kiss u #also maybe dont reblog it bc it is me a non indigenous person talking abt ideas of aboriginal re-framing of historical monuments based on a #class i took #and i dont think that needs to be spread #i cant turn off reblogs on desktop and i cant edit posts i made on desktop on mobile #ty

[papirouge]

Can I share my story of being kicked out/ left the church too? It wasn’t anything big but mine went full demonic mode. The pastor you can tell isn’t a man of God. He might say things like Praise God or recite the Bible on social media but we have to remember - so can all fallen angels. He was there for the tax breaks, selfishness and power. 100%. It reminded me when satan tempted Jesus with the power of the world for his soul. Men like my old pastor have definitely taken that deal

Anyway yeah, lots of sad things happened. A woman passed away from childbirth. Her dying is “godly and just” despite the little baby dying too. “Better to die young than to be old in the world” empathy and sympathy were strangely looked down on or at least joked about. The colder you were, the more closer you are to God was the feeling I got from the congregation. There were things that made my soul hurt. Like being told to praise god for school shootings because it would teach the country a lesson about God’s wrath… more dead children and yet this pastor called himself a protector for them. Theres other sick stuff that’s demonic when you scratch the surface like girls being told to be joyful and submit when getting raped and how it’s not really a big deal because men have needs. Even young girls, literal children, he considered to be temptresses. If you fight back, you are asking for more trouble your way. I spoke out about this and left. Some minor stuff included how the God we prayed to is actually a god of war and battle??? That studying Greek and Hebrew so you could read how the Bible was written in those languages was useless - the KJv one that any one can buy off of a Walmart shelf is perfect and exactly how God wrote it. He threw a fit when he wasn’t able to buy //another// Rolex to go with a suit he bought and said we had to pray about it and then do something because “faith without action is wasted!” So we had to donate to his campaign. Like nigga it’s JEWELRY. There are people drowning in debt here. Medical debt is huge. But also, student loan forgiveness is against Gods commandments. I know medical students who are in a lot of debt from studying medicine needing help. So asked about this and got “If you’re struggling with money, pray harder. If you’re still poor, God is hold his blessings because you’re a sinner. Pay me (the church) more and you’ll be fine” It’s gave me old Catholic vibes of when priests were paid by the rich to be forgiven of sins they hadn’t committed yet but will. And my favorite “If youre not angry, you’re not a Christian!” You can just TELL straight away these false prophets are demonic and very good at leading people astray. They double down on it. I hope more people pick up on this… reciting Bible verses on your Facebook mean nothing. Posting cringey edits of politicians you don’t like mean nothing, claiming xyz is the mark of the beast and announcing this public person or that as the antichrist has to STOP it means nothing. It’s not biblical as not even the angels any Angel knows when the end of days will happen. Not Christian in any way. But demonic false prophets will want you to participate in this INSTEAD OF worshipping and praising God for life. I don’t remember what I said exactly but I remember this older lady trying her best to get the last word in when I was upset but getting progressively more angry until she snapped and called me nigger and other classics :). Apparently the pastor then made it his whole next sermon about my behavior. That’s how I felt validated in my suspicions. That pastor doesn’t know God or listen to him. I doubt he reads the word. Probably opens up to a chapter or irrelevant verse taken out of context to justify his feelings then uses that as “a message from God” It’s all about what’s happening around him in the world then he twists the Bible. Demonic. ✌🏿

......this ask............is an emotional rollercoaster. Like, there is SO MUCH to unpack here.

"Like being told to praise god for school shootings because it would teach the country a lesson about God’s wrath…"

THE SINFUL ACTIONS OF WICKED HUMANS ISNT "GOD'S WRATH"!!!!!

"That studying Greek and Hebrew so you could read how the Bible was written in those languages was useless - the KJv one that any one can buy off of a Walmart shelf is perfect and exactly how God wrote it"

While I agree that it's not mandatory to learn Hebrew of Greek to read the Bible and grasp the Word of God, looking into translations is a HUGE perk. I really recommend to have Strong version of the bible to look into the different translation of words and understand their nuances in the original Hebrew/Greek. My native tongue is french, and I think that french is more helpful in conveying those nuances (because we have a lot of articles, particles, words have "genders" so with the concordance of genders it's clearer to see what word is the subject of a preposition)

I already talked about the Bible translation discourse here.

"reciting Bible verses on your Facebook mean nothing. Posting cringey edits of politicians you don’t like mean nothing, claiming xyz is the mark of the beast and announcing this public person or that as the antichrist has to STOP it means nothing"

THANK YOU! This whole "xxx is the mark of the Beast!!" thingie went overboard with the c0vîd. Once again for the people in the back: THERE WONT BE NO MARK OF THE BEAST WITHOUT THE ANTICHRIST KINDGOM. And who says "antichristi kindgom" mean Christian tribulation, and you can be sure that during the tribulation Christians won't be there with their fat butt sit before a computer writing nonsense on Facebook dot com screeching about the mark of the beast. Christian will be hunted for sport. They won't have no time for this clownery. And yeah, this obsessive hating on politicians is sooo pointless and toxic. Where were you when I simply reminded -through Romans 13- the necessity to respect autority (=/= condoning what they did) and a bunch of zealots got mad at me?

Oh and vaccine are on our arm, not palm or foreheard...so yeah, this whle crusade didn't make any sense.

"“If youre not angry, you’re not a Christian!”"

Yeah, some sermons be pulling out this fallacy. The issue is not 'not being angry', but where do we decide to direct this anger. And directing this anger towards INDIVIDUALS rather than principalties of sin is the problem. Thats why hating and cussing politicians/political party, races or anyone who's remotely "different" is stupid.

"Apparently the pastor then made it his whole next sermon about my behavior"

LMAO Queen, your impact✨

"He threw a fit when he wasn’t able to buy //another// Rolex to go with a suit he bought and said we had to pray about it and then do something because “faith without action is wasted!” So we had to donate to his campaign. Like nigga it’s JEWELRY."

lmaooo💀 Why didn't he take HIS faith into actions and worked his butt off to get this money to buy this Rolex? "faith without action" is an individual process ; you can't feel entitled to others' faith to reap its (material) benefit for your own gain..... It doesn't....work this way.

#so glad you left this cesspool<3 #now I understand why Jesus flipped tables #answered #Christian

[spiderton]

also quick edgy ass fic ✌️ tldr just guardira pre uber killing zigotons and trauma stuff very quickly happens. this made me a tired boy i wrote it all in one sitting and meant to be human here

She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen their faces, ones that smile with a sort of glee she didn’t understand. Maybe it was because she was just a young girl, in the middle of a war with everyone trying to keep their spirits high.

It’s not like she wasn’t clueless for long. They’re gone at this point, only leaving stones within the ground with names plated across them.

She’s the only one left. Only one left in her family to give those stones flowers that’d wilt as weeks pass on, the rest of her tribe only having a smidge of meat to last the winter.

At this point, she couldn’t stand it. There was something boiling inside as the others in her tribe seemed to laugh and celebrate for something that was never going to come.

"They're coming," a small scout yelled to most of what was remaining, everyone knowing exactly who it is. "and they're heading to us- quick, we need reinforcements!"

With only one club in hand, she dragged it shortly to the way of a small pathetic carriage. The horses dragging the kart looked and acted malnourished as like everyone else at this time. There's only the sunny skies out, but it felt like it'd become darker soon.

And even with the short time they had, it was. The sky was orange, or maybe even the same red as the few soldiers were out for an attack; dried crimson covering their axes and arrows.

Starving as they were, each movement of her fellow soldiers were often weak and staggering, few barely able to take or make a hit on the much more stronger soldiers.

They were outnumbered, or at least outstrengthed. She was trying, at least- trying to smash anothers face in with no hesitation to only hear the screaming of her comrades.

Shrieks of misery came from just a few feet away, one of those armored soldiers so close to ending another. With each cry, her grip on her club became tigher- each hit finally making gore fall right out of another's eyes.

Now there was silence in her ears, turning around to see her fellow soldier on the ground. They weren't breathing, however the soldier had a petrified look on their face.

Guardira gritted her teeth. Hard. She took a single step forwards to the soldier, and even with all the conflict around them they only looked up with such pathetic eyes.

It just made her hate them more. It made Guardira hate those that take away lives- their lives, the tribes lives shes lived in since birth all for seemingly *nothing?*

She wasn't aware of her fist picking the soldier up by the shirt, raising them up in the air. She felt their own sword fall right onto the ground as Guardira still held onto her club tight.

The soldier was only crying out, as she threw them right onto the hard dirt with the loudest thud. The sounds of swords clanking and spears splitting weren't even in her vision anymore.

She wanted them dead, even if she never seemingly harmed someone. Until now, as the crying continued with each slam.

That same gore dripped and shot across the field, small whimpers and sniffles only becoming incoherent bubbling until it was only *nothing*.

No sounds, at least for the two of them. Theres only the smell of metallic all over, and Guardiras own panting.

.. And shaking. She feels like she's going to break down, her own actions leading her to remember something she never wanted to dwell upon.

The crimson painted freshly onto her palms, the heavily breathing and brutality on someone who hurt one she had known.. The screams sound familiar, so familiar.

Then she feels an arm poke her shoulder, twisting her head right around to see who it is.

Only one soldier, covered in cuts and bruises. "Hey, are you ok?" Was all they could mumble out, as her eyes finally focused on the scene.

It truly was a warground, she realized. She sees the soldiers with the same coat of armor lay across the grassy dirt. Maybe the flies will enjoy them once they decide to leave.

"Hm, oh.. sorry." Guardira huffed out, looking right at the body still. A picture laid right out of their pocket, showing two wonderful parents and a daughter, all of them smiling at once.

Her heart dropped. Just like a bird being shoot out of the sky; but it wasn't like she couldn't say anything.

Which, she wouldn't. Only tears came out.

[kaeyazuha]

alright, eula story spoilers time

shes kind of got that cryo thing going on, where shes a self-fufilling prophecy. so basically, from what i can interpret, she seems like more of a defensive person? theres a lot of stuff in her story about how, as she tried to stray from her family and become more of a normal citizen, she was never able to shake off her family name, and how it was hard for her to even do normal tasks like buying groceries and shed have to go eat in the woods until amber became her friend. so i think she has a lot of hold overs from that.

she also seems to play into peoples assumptions about her. i suppose because she thinks their thoughts are set in stone, so its an easier way to deal with it? along with this, theres also a detail in her story whch i found very interesting- it says she started using her classic "i will get my revenge" on people because its her way of deescalating the situation, ironically. its described in her story as a "magic word" because shed say it and shed finally get to be left alone, so she started using it liberally.

breaking down her general demeanor a bit more, i think shes meant to be a mix of the haughty aristocrat ("how dare you?!") but is also genuinely a defnsive/highly guarded person who isnt use to kindness enough to put up any kind of other front. her family is described as "borderline abusive" with how they try to hammer it into kids about bringing back glory to their aristocracy. moreover, i think she still has a tendency to take things personally, since a big point was made of not letting yourself be disgraced, id assume, another reason hence why she probably goes to "revenge" so much. i honestly think she just gets embarrassed easily as well.

ahh, i love analyzing characters. now im inspired.



I-- oh...okay damn I kinda relate then, being defensive over nothing is a major flaw of mine and it's derived from people attacking me left and right as a child, I got used to that and now everything feels like a fight- wow this fits. Maybe I disliked Eula bc she reminds me of me /j

That's actually really cool though, I love how Hoyo showcases different coping mechanisms with each character! I did know about her family and I hate them all, poor girl deserved better.

I do as well, thank you for sending this to me!

#genshin spoilers #eula spoilers #kycasual #kyplaysgenshin

[ventingbaybe]

1/16/24

I did end up moving out after that last post, two or so years ago.

Im on my second year break from school, the whole point of the gap year was to save money for school. I got kicked out though, so there went that.

My parents dont like when i word it that i got kicked out, I was “heavily implied that I should move out so that I can thrive away from my family because they didnt sign up to start taking care of me again because I couldnt go back to school” but not kicked out.

I got a second job, worked 80 hour weeks for a while, quit one, work the other. Moved from one apartment to another and then another. I dont have any roommates, just me. I cant get an animal because it would be irresponsible when im planning on going back to school and wouldnt be able to bring them with me.

Every month I pay $1000 in rent, $500 in my loan repayment, and whatever other shit i get roped into.

I have a boyfriend. I had a crush on him at the beginning of last summer, we met at work. I ended up getting over him at one point. But sometime in October I got drunk and flirted with him, we went on a couple dates and made it official. Its awkward. We dont have anything to talk about and dont have anything in common. I feel bad that I cant be the partner that he deserves, but we just arent fit for one another. We need to break up but we havent had any free time to see eachother and actually have a talk about anything. Hes a great guy, but romantically we just arent compatible at all.

Were having a winter storm in my state and just my washing machine pipe froze, so last night at 2am I got to spend hours cleaning up my overflowed washing machine and hand wringing out and emptying the machine. I feel constantly overwhelmed and like Im drowning, but I dont have a solid enough support system to feel helped. This isnt to diss my friends or anything, I just need professional help at this point and cant keep burdening my friends with this kind of constant badgering of venting.

I need to make some more friends, like actual friends I hang out with who are on a similar level of being grown up as me. I need other people who are moved out that I can find some relation and comfort in. I just dont feel like I have anyone solid in my corner that I can turn to at this moment. Its my own fault which is even more frustrating.

I wish i could just go home and curl up on the couch and be comforted. Im a grown person whose fully moved out, supported completely by myself, but I just want my mom. I wish her and I were close. But neither of us are willing to let down our egos enough to ever talk without fighting. One time my mom told me she likes me better when Im drunk, because Im quiet and sweet. So everytime i go over, I have a drink and pretend it affects me more than it does.

I was a functioning alcoholic for most of my senior year of highschool. I’d drink nearly half a bottle of vodka every night. It hurts to see people compliment how I act when im drunk more than when Im sober. I wish I was a likable person. I dont know why I lash out, why I cant not have the last word, but I also wish i didnt have to fight everyone at any given moment.

I dont know why i fight but I dont know why everyone around me loves to rile me up.

My family has always known I had anger issues, and nothing made them laugh harder than seeing me lose my temper, if i got mad i was laughed at. If i got sad I was laughed at. If i stayed sat at that dining room table and went quiet then i was laughed at. If i excused myself to go to my room or hide in the bathroom, I was laughed at. There was no way to get away from the ridicule besides being an asshole back, and then someone else was always allowed to storm off. No one else was laughed at when they left. The table would go silent until everyone else excused themselves and it was just me.

Theres nothing quite like being left alone while everyone else comforts eachother. Why wasnt I included. Was it my own fault? Was I that repulsive of a kid? A teen? What about me was so fundamentally wrong that I couldnt be included.

I remember being young, maybe 9 at this memory. My brother had said something, I said something back, he stormed off and told my mom. I remember feeling excited when my mom came to my door. I remember thinking maybe it was my turn to be comforted. To be held and rocked the way she would to my brothers. I remember standing there while she screamed at me, hearing my brothers doors squeak open so they could tune in to the show. Being ridiculed for being such a horrible daughter, a horrible sister, just a base level horrible person to be around. How much my brothers would complain to my parents about how much they hated me.

Watching my mother stand there with this blank face as I would stand there, tears welled up in my eyes being told that if it wasnt for being family, I would be unloved.

She would hug me after, let my tears soak into the shoulder of her shirt, and say nothing as Id choke out apologies for being how I was. She’d stand there and hold me, telling me that all I could do was change.

So I tried. I tried so hard. I distanced myself from my family so they wouldnt have to deal with me. I got criticized for hiding away and hating them.

Now that I dont live there its easier. I dont see any of them often and they seem happy. My older brother is also moved out but he was still over there constantly, having dinner with the family most nights. I would tell my mom I would swing by later and come over to an empty house. Id wait for an hour, thinking maybe they were all just out, but they wouldnt be back. Id put away whatever Id brought over and leave, a silent drive back home to throw myself into an empty apartment and sit there. Not even a text to acknowledge whatever Id brought. Who knows if they even noticed.

I know my parents care about me, at least on some level. My dad comes over to help me set up my wifi, he drove me to work during this snow storm. I can see that on a base level he cares. But I hate that ill never know how much. Some people you can just sense it when you meet their parents, how they interact, how their parents look at them so fondly.

I feel embarrassed when my friends meet my family, not because Im embarrassed of my family, but because I know that the way I talk about my family isnt reciprocated. That no matter how many stories of my family I can share to my friends, how fondly I talk about them and their achievements, how every eyelash I wish on is spent wishing for my family to receive only the best, I know that when my friends look at my family and I, they dont see that fond look that their parents give them.

No matter how funny I can be around my friends, it will never translate over with my family. How I get quiet and move to the background around family.

I wish I was something and someone that could be talked about.

I wish I was worth bringing up in conversation when Im not around.

I wish just once in my life I felt like I was worth putting up with.

[kidkintsugi]

stuff happened again over the course of the last few months and theres nothing I can do. I might just do it after all.

Friend i made over the last year dropped me and had me blocked on every account he owns because we had an argument. I even tried apologizing to him but by that time he already had me blocked everywhere. I regret sending that apology; i was also hurt. He didnt even try to apologize, and the way hes now trying to brutally distance himself giving me no chance to even contact him shows me that maybe hes only been using me for my money and help after all. The guy who apparently he crushed hard on broke his heart twice, yet he kept on crawling back to him. I have an argument with him once and he drops me like its nothing. I suspect this is also a way for him to avoid giving me back the money he owes? Maybe i wasnt that important to him after all, its almost laughable. Im not even trying to say i did everything right because i didnt, but again, in his own words, he doesnt even care. He'll be retaking the semester, i suspect he'll be spending his last days in my class online (if he id attending classes at all) so he doesnt even have to see anyone.

My best friend since birth who is essentially like a sister to me confessed to her mother that she fears for our friendship because I seem distant. It breaks my heart honestly, and with all of the other shit that has gone down, this was the last thing i needed. I cried for the first time in months. Shes everything to me, id rip off my arm if it made her happy, i couldnt even be angry at her if i tried, yet shes upset because i didnt have it in me to reach out. I hate myself, i really do. I make so much time for homework; ive been working non stop all over my christmas break, its a whole buttload of shit that i have to work at all over christmas, yet i couldnt find the time to talk to her. I want to rip my skin off, the urge to hurt myself is so bad as im writing this. Im an idiot. I wish i could be a better friend but after this much work and other emotional turmoil going on around me, daily classes until 4pm with homework directly afterwards until 8pm, i barely have the energy to even leave my bed, much less to initiate conversation.

My family feels like its falling apart as well ever since my uncle died. We already pretty much never talk to one pair of aunt and uncle because theyre not the nicest and like to stirr up trouble because my grandpa doesnt give them money (? lol) but now my other aunt, that used to be married to my now dead uncle, found new love. Within half of a year. Shes now also distancing herself, moving to a city an hour away from our own. We dont even know her new lover. She'll be moved to the other city by the start of next year. This only leaves me and my parents with my cousin, who developed depression because her partner doesnt care for her or her child (my grandcousin!!!! Hes so funny he can barely talk because hes so young!!!) and my other cousin who is, apparently, in an incestuous relationship with his half brother (THIS IS SO WEIRD TO WRITE???? WHAT HAPPENED THERE). We arent many people left but we still care for eachother, or at least i hope so.

Honestly, it just all looks like it wont get better in the future. Ill always be like this. Ill always struggle with emotion. I genuinely believe its for the better when im just dead. Theres only very few things keeping me from doing it. I hope next year gets better; ive been promised ill have less homework in my 5th and 6th semester, but my school rarely keeps up with promises. My hopes arent high.

[rawring-rainbows]

So I'm working on a story about a paradox queen who's a God and her living island that travels world's and dimensions

The details are all very rough draft so bare with me and if you have questions I'll be happy to answer them hell it might even help me work on some details

Queen Oracion stands out to most gods who commonly just look over a planet or a solar system etc some gods come to be knowing their destiny like war gods but like her she came to be and had to learn from her mistakes and forge her own path

Okay so I thought of a big threat to my story

There's this curse right? It's extremely ancient they're called Death's wishes

No one knows where it came from usually if you ask someone about they say something like "The big bang might as well have written it"

The easiest way to make these things is to use let's say a prey animal putting extremely close to death then bringing it back basically you keep dipping it's soul in the river Styx over and over

And it becomes this rotting ghost like zombie like creature that if it cuts you and a part of it's bones splinter into your skin it spreads like a virus

Theres only one cure but the only way you can survive it till then is your will to live cause you'll be sitting there with your nerves on fire and your flesh rotting while your still alive your will helps prevent much damage from happening to your body

Depending on the character let's say if it's someone who doesn't want to live anymore they will either rot away in a matter of hours or turn into one of them

I can't think of a name for these parasite wolf creatures yet

If left unchecked they can kill EVERYTHING on a planet even plants and when nothing's left they basically make what my guy Duval is

who can absorb lives and use them to their advantage like those souls taken can help him heal from even his head getting cut off ya know?and if you don't get guys like him in check and kill him (which is extremely difficult if they get strong enough and let's say take billions of lives) he turns into not a hell beast but if a beast was hell

This form is much more horrifying in the naked eye

Those no way to really wipe these beast from exitance because they're basically death itself but our queen is going to try especially since she's forged the only known cure

Let's call them wolfsbane? I haven't decided on a name I'm happy with

Theyre attracted to weak/weak willed beings so those wolves start as lamb like beasts when sensing one nearby and the deaths wish will get an interest then like go after it and do something like attack it and break it's spine and through their steel wool like fur it can absorb the curse turning into those parasite like beasts they're covered in these procupine like quills all over them and more thick spines on their tails used for doing stuff like shooting them off and pinning them down by their flesh with great accuracy the curse doesn't work on them or beings who are let's say part skeleton (they're partially dead they can still harm them but not spread the curse)

Their colors are commonly pure black cause the spines are black and it helps when hunting more uncommonly they're spotted white and black dark brown or white and grey with markings resembling the moon

Their heads are usually extremely hard untill they have to cure u when the enemy isn't nearby their heads soften into these vortex like mouths and they slowly extract it into needles coming out of your flesh

Basically getting a reverse shot and depending on what you went through like if u didn't struggle too much before the cure you can experience some common symptoms like you wake up starving or thirsty you may feel like you lost a good bit of blood and have some extreme fatigue

If youve struggled and in time had even thoughts like you wanted to give up and die you can suffer symptoms such as a concerning amount of loss in muscle and fat rotted teeth and brittle bones

I've thought about maybe eventually starting this with an intro to her island in posts and giving paths to choose in the story

Cause a plot like this there's tons of unique story potential and people can go in my inbox and I may even insert some OC's from other bloggers if they want idk like I said lots of my ideas are in rough drafts and I'm nervous about posting this I've only told close friends most details I have about it

#orginal story #tw suicide #suicide mention #body horro tw

[saeyoungs-angel]

⨳​ slip up — mystic messenger

starring. 707 & you

plot. seven's usually an expert at keeping things hidden, so when he slips up, it's hard to backtrack.

genre. fluff, secret relationship

cw. 707's real name is used, cursing, mentions of non-consent (doesn't happen), written in female perspective

notes. new theme! this is from drafts but its been edited and redone a bit, hope u like it:)

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! <3

𓆩☆𓆪

“—and then if i put this in brackets, it makes a command! cool, right princess?” saeyoung turns to you, golden eyes swimming with excitement. he was so enthralled in breaking down game coding, he completely glanced over your stare of adoration.

“the coolest! i love when you talk like a dork.” you beam up at your boyfriend from beside him, shoulders brushing with every movement. he frowns at your admission, not picking up on the tone your voice carries.

he pouts, jutting out his bottom lip, “are you making fun of me?” his mumble is laced in faux sadness, a laugh escaping you. “no, sorry.—” you calm yourself before continuing on, slipping your hand in his for reassurance.

“—that probably sounds rude, but i mean it sincerely. i have a soft spot for when you talk so happily about the things you like.” your face grows hot as the confession feels awkward coming out, your eyes now trained on your hands playing with his.

theres a pause, then, “okay, you win.” his words are quiet as you glance up to find him facing away from you, ears tinted with a blush of his own.

now you're both a blushing mess sitting on your couch, side by side so that he can share his computer screen with you.

“i never intended to lose.” you tease, poking his chest with a smirk as he gently swats your hand away. you relax, noticing the gap between your faces has been cut down immensely—you can feel his breath just above your lips, his hands now sliding down to grip your waist.

his lips ghost over your own, your heart leaps, you go to connect them until—

creak

you both rush to separate, “who's that?!” saeyoung shouts in a whisper, now on the other side of the couch. your eyes are unbelievably wide, there's no doubt you're both still as red as his hair.

you panic out a reply, “party meeting, i forgot it was today!” you both communicate quietly as to not raise suspicion.

“hello..?” the voice from the hallway peaks around the corner, revealing jaehee in her casual work attire, clipboard in hand with a few random papers.

you struggle to smile her way, glancing at saeyoung to catch him frowning lightly in his seat, attention back to his laptop with an apparent blush still adorning his cheeks.

jaehee hesitates a bit, smoothing out her shirt in attempt to avert her eyes. “sorry, am i interrupting something? i think your doorbell is broken..”

your door slams back open, loud pairs of footsteps following the intrusion. zen pops his head in before springing into the room frantically as yoosung follows, left to shut the door.

with wide eyes and a scheming smile, he points an accusatory finger in the direction of the couch you're both sitting on.

“ah-ha! they were fucking!”

everyone sighs at his familiar antics, jaehee and yoosung taking their seats respectively as zen continues to jump to conclusions in the front of the hallway.

“oh my god, zen. not again.” you groan, flopping back onto the cushion behind you, exasperation weighing on you at almost being caught red-handed.

you sit back up as yoosung gives you a ‘don't mind him’ look, gathering his rough draft of guests he intends to offer up. you turn back to saeyoung, wanting nothing more than to comb your fingers through his unruly vermilion hair or readjust his glasses for him. instead of giving into your desires though, you dare to ask—

“hey, luciel. you're gonna help too, right?”

saeyoung pauses his feverish typing, throwing you a glare at your audacity as you mouth a ‘sorry’ his way with a smile. first you tease him, then friends show up and he can't even kiss you! how inconsiderate, don't you know how flustered he is right now?

jaehee senses the tension flouting about, still shuffling her notes as she glances at saeyoung in a nagging manner. “he never helps,—”

the slam of his laptop startles the group, silence befalling the mild ambience that once had a grip on the living room.

“fine.” the redheads tone is sharp but playful, causing jaehee to grow an expression of shock.

“—i stand corrected..” she mumbles, retracting her previous statement as zen's mind begins wandering angrily.

he snickers, staring saeyoung down as he interrupts the grateful smile you throw to the hacker. “why do you only ever do work when she asks? pervert.” zen crosses his arms as half of the room lets out another agitated groan.

saeyoung laughs spitefully, “that's rich, coming from mister ‘all men are wolves’.—” you try to suppress your laugh, causing zen to deadpan at you both.

“—keep your stereotypes to yourself, since you're the one they apply to, pervert.” saeyoung knows he's won once zen goes quiet, only grumbles of profanities left in the wake.

“boys boys, you're both pretty.” you comment, sarcasm lacing your voice as you dismiss their feud with a hand motion. “don't forget why we're all here right now, let's work.”

a few hours of spouting potential guests and possible themes goes by smoothly, casual conversation flowing in-between suggestions. you've all been hard at work for quite awhile, so you suggest a break, everyone agreeing instantly.

you walk back to where your guests are sat and pass them their respective drinks, some wanting coffee and some wanting water or soda. as you hand your significant other his drink last, he smiles brightly up at you.

“thank you, pr—” his eyes widen, correcting himself in a flustered manner. “—pray for me! sorry, i think i'm sick.” he quickly tries to dismiss his weird behavior to the group.

yoosung frowns, tilting his head with innocence, “why, what's wrong?” his voice is clueless as you and saeyoung sigh in unison, jaehee not paying a bit of attention as she continues to work.

zen on the other hand, is not having it.

“poor, naive yoosung.. he was obviously gonna call her princess, you idiot!” zen's tone is incredulous as he cannot understand how the blond believes such things. yoosung furrows his brows, scolding zen with a deep frown etched on his face.

“zen! stop it, it could be serious.”

zen shoots up from his seat, scowling at the redhead across from him. “i know you're dating, just give it up already!” his patience becoming paper thin as saeyoung only smirks in his direction.

“prove it.”

a sinister smile creeps on zen's features, his sharp red eyes landing on you now sitting on the other side of the couch. “okay, i'm gonna kiss her cheek then.”

your boyfriend stiffens, not anticipating such bold statements from the actor before managing to regain his composure.

he glances from you to zen with a disgusted look, “unconsensually? that's gross, so i'll have to stop you anyways.” his words are casual and calm, but on the inside he's panicking. what if zen surprises you and you don't have time to stop him? he'd hate having to witness that.

zen crosses his arms with confidence, “she never said she didn't want it.”

“she never said otherwise, either..” saeyoung mumbles, lowly enough for zen to miss it.

you raise your hand like a student with a question, your face flushed at the conversation at hand. “i don't—”

you're interrupted by the silver-haired loud mouth, zen beginning to bicker with your boyfriend again. you decide to go back to work, feeling as if zen wouldn't actually do such a thing without asking first.

“—hey!” you're yanked to saeyoung's side of the couch at his shout, looking between them to see zen leaning over your previous spot with a cocky smile and saeyoung looking agitated.

“what was that, seven? you seem pretty protective over her.” your skin crawls at the knowing tone in his voice, causing saeyoung to grasp your arm tighter before he lets go and stands up from his seat to face zen.

the redhead taps on his soda can in loathing for a certain someone, imitating a speech preparation. “i have an announcement!—”

everyone but you waits eagerly, even jaehee has placed her papers on the coffee table to listen. the silence builds until saeyoung places his can down and motions for you to come stand next to him, wrapping his arms around you from the side affectionately.

“—this girl right here? mine.” he clarifies, the situation from before causing jealousy to bubble up inside him just a bit. he should know zen wouldn't go that far, but that doesn't stop him from feeling what he feels.

zen pumps his fist in the air at finding himself to be correct as yoosung's jaw hangs open, jaehee already expecting it as she swiftly picks her papers back up. zen carries a smug smile towards the boy that now holds you directly at his side before plopping back down, you and saeyoung following.

“i knew it, i knew it!” he exclaims, loud enough to earn an elbow to the side from yoosung.

your boyfriend only rolls his eyes, ruffling your hair as you sit comfortably in his lap from the side. “yeah, yeah. so hands off, you nosy motherfucker.”

zen only laughs, finally feeling more at peace with the confirmation he was waiting for. “easy, dude. i knew you'd grab her.”

the actor claps his hands together, rubbing them up and down as if waiting for extra drama. “so i was right, you guys were fucking?”

“go stare at yourself in the mirror some more, douche.”

“gladly.” a smirk sprouts on zen's face, wider than before at the friendly banter he and your boyfriend are sharing.

𓆩☆𓆪

feedback is extremely meaningful!

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