#vaincre trade

[lumosinlove]

Vaincre

cw: mentions of past abuse and injury

May Part One

Golden haze

“It’s fine, it’s just been acting up. A little. Just a little—not like—I can play. It’s just been hurting, just a little.”

Cole wished he could take back at least half of those words as Layla looked over her shoulder at him from the sink in the PT room. “Sorry, didn’t hear you, did you say just a little?” She smiled as she tore off a paper towel to dry her hands with. “Get that look off your face, I was kidding, C.”

Cole smiled, looked down at his knee. “Yeah.”

“Do you know how many of you come in here and say the same thing to me?”

Cole raised an eyebrow. “What do we say?”

“You tell me something’s wrong, first of all.” Cole watched her as she flicked some of her braids behind her shoulder, a few of the gold rings in them flashing in the harsh ceiling lights. “And then you tell me how little of a wrong it is.”

“Okay…”

“But then you tell me something’s wrong again. You know, in case I forgot.”

Cole smiled. “We’re that simple, huh?”

“Not at all.” She looked down at Cole’s knee, reaching out to hold around the cap of it gently. Cole noticed she’d removed her rings. “Because you know what my job is?”

“Helping us?”

“Nope.” She smiled. “Figuring out which part of the act you’re lying during. The hurt-hurt, or the just-a-little.”

“We sound difficult,” Cole said wryly.

“You are. You know who’s the worst?”

“Hm?”

“Remus.”

Cole laughed. “No. I don’t believe that.”

He winced a little at the movement of her fingers and she did it again before motioning him to bend it.

“Cross my heart,” she said.

“But he was—he was you. Shouldn’t he know better than to hide it?”

“Sometimes we become what we need. You know that expression?” When Cole shook her head she continued, reaching down to flex his ankle. “Planners need surprises, the care-takers need taking-care-of. Explainers need help.” She raised a shoulder. “PTs need to be told to rest when they’re hurt.”

“Loops isn’t hurt, is he?”

“Well, he’s got that shoulder of his.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen the scar.”

Layla nodded. “When it comes to putting metal in, or pins…Stuff like that never really goes away.”

“Guys like to trade stories,” Cole said, and gestured to his own cheek, where he had a nasty scar from a puck just on the underside his chin. He’d been young (younger, Thomas would have said. You’re still young, Twenty.) and stupid and hadn’t let it heal well. “You know, about scars and stuff. But not Loops. I asked once.”

“Well…it’s not just a scar, I guess.” Layla said. “I mean, it was career ending. For a long time. It’s probably painful to talk about.”

“It happened in college, right, I know,” Cole said, and then, after a moment, “you ever notice how much he hates Grayback?”

Layla looked over at him. “Easy guy to hate.”

“Yeah, but, I was just thinking about it because we’re up against them in the first round. And one time we were all at lunch—beginning of the season—I mean not all of us, some of us. Anyway, sorry. Anyway, and I said this thing about how good Grayback was and everyone, like, froze up. I remember because I felt so awkward after. And then when we matched up with Vegas this season, there was all this…I don’t know, they all hate him. Like Cap, Thomas, Tremzy, all they wanted to do was fight him and Loops kept telling them not to.”

“Well…Okay?” Layla said. “And?”

Cole scooted forward on the examination table. “I’ve watched the clips, though.”

Layla unlaced his shoe, sliding it off easily before straightening his leg and flexing his foot. “God, you really are a tape-junkie, huh. How’s that feel?”

Cole shrugged, as if it were a given. “Hurts a little. Not gonna lie. But—anyway, Loops was incredible, even in his last game, and then he gets hit—by Grayback.”

“Grayback? I thought they were teammates.”

“They were,” Cole said. “Grayback hit his own guy. And it’s not a clean hit, it takes Remus a long time to get up, Grayback tries to play it off like an accident but then Remus doesn’t come back—at all. And that’s that.”

Layla frowned. “A hit?”

“Yeah,” Cole said.

“Remus’ injury isn’t…” Layla stood up, words trailing into a thoughtful expression.

“Isn’t what?”

Layla was quiet for a long moment, then waved a hand at Cole. “Take out your phone. Show me the clip.”

“It isn’t what, Layla?”

“I’m not talking about his injury with you, just show me the clip.”

Cole frowned but pulled out his phone. He tried to keep his breathing normal as Layla came to lean against the table next to him, their faces close.

He didn’t know what she was looking for, but Layla watched intensely, lined eyes narrowed at the screen. The video played it four times, and Cole winced at the third, and looked away for the last time, which was in slow motion. He didn’t like to watch the way a much younger Remus’ head snapped back when his own teammate, his teammate hit him a hard and high, mid-ice. It was unimaginable.

“What do they call it?” Layla asked, looking up from the screen. “Like actually, what do they call it when they say later why he hadn’t returned.”

“Upper body. They say it happened when Grayback hit him. Grayback even talks about it in a post-game interview, about how guilty he feels.”

“And Remus?” Layla asked. “What does he say after?”

“He didn’t,” Cole said. “He doesn’t say anything. They say he’s in the hospital recovering. And then he just…doesn’t recover.”

“He was going to go number one,” Layla said. “They didn’t follow up with him? How?”

“He was going to go number one,” Cole said. “And then he didn’t. People tend to move onto the next ‘great one’ around here. I know we’re all sitting next to Sirius Black and it seems like we couldn’t forget him, but if this had happened to Sirius…we would have.” Cole offered a one sided, sad smile. “It’s why this is so scary.”

“Hm.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, Layla. It’s me.”

It’s me. What the hell had he meant by that? He didn’t have any reason to say that to her. They’d shared moments, of course, and they hung out with the Dumais kids, but they were rarely alone. They weren’t best friends or anything. They weren’t close in the way that he was becoming with his new teammates. Thomas, Olli, Jackson and, well, he had been getting a little close with Logan. He’d walked into the locker room the first day after his trade and was surprised to see how much he noticed he wasn’t there. Missed him, even.

But Layla was still someone he felt comfortable with. And that was pretty rare for Cole.

“I’m not telling you nothing because I don’t think I can trust you, I just don’t think we should speculate. That’s all.” Layla sighed. “Obviously, yes, something did happen. But it’s painful, and sounds complicated, and…” She gestured between the two of them. “Us? We’re the rookies. We haven’t been here.”

Cole paused. “Yeah. Sorry, yeah. I know. I don’t know why I’m…I think he only really talks to Thomas about it. I mean, Cap, of course, but Thomas, too.”

Layla shrugged. “Thomas is easy to talk to.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Cole said. “Um. Yeah. Thomas is, yeah.”

“Like…about how I’m your girl?” Layla asked, smile forming on her face.

Cole would have been happy to swallow his own tongue—even if he could tell she was also trying to change the subject on him. He had a vivid, horrible flash of shushing Thomas at the airport. “You…you heard that?”

“I don’t think Thomas Walker knows how to speak quietly.”

Cole sat up, not caring even a little about his knee now. “Oh my God. Layla—no, I never said that to anyone—”

But she just laughed. “Cole, I’m joking. Relax, you’re gonna pull a muscle or something. Lay down.”

Cole felt a little dizzy as he lay back and stared up at the white ceiling. He could feel AC coming in from the vent, lukewarm and needless.

“Why not?” Layla asked after a moment of prodding at his leg.

“What?” He didn’t dare look down at her. Was he sweating now? God, he was. Not that it would bother her but—but this wasn’t—this was different. This felt different.

“Why don’t you say I’m your girl?”

Cole let out a slow breath. “Layla…”

“I’m just messing,” Layla said. “Sort of.”

Cole did look at her this time. “Oh, so does it hurt-hurt or not-hurt?”

That made her laugh, really laugh, palms pressed to his thigh, and all Cole wanted was to do that again. To make her laugh like that again. Instead, he took a breath and tried for some honesty—even if it could hurt-hurt. He sat up again, letting her hands slide away from his leg as he faced her, still siting on the examination table. Layla was tall to begin with, and like this they were eye to eye.

“I thought you just saw me as…you know. The rookie. I know I’m not—like, outgoing.” His eyes darted away, then back, then away again. “Or—like so many of these guys can just hold the fucking room, you know? I know I’m quiet. And you’re not, you can talk to anyone you want, anywhere.”

Layla just looked at him for a long moment, long enough that he cleared his throat and laughed awkwardly, feeling his face get hot. When she reached out a traced a finger over the line he had shaved in his eyebrow, his heart all but stopped.

“Why don’t you come over tonight for dinner after the game. My apartment. You can even help me study if you want to.”

“You’re not at Dumo’s tonight?” he managed to say. Cole, secretly, loved when Layla was at the Dumais house with him. They never did anything—God forbid he ever be caught a situation like that by Pascal fucking Dumais—but they played with the kids, and ate dinner, and sat next to each other while the kids kicked up a fuss over what movie to watch. Held hands under the blanket sometimes, which was nice, but also sent half of Cole’s brain into a spiral of is my palm sweaty? Did I put deodorant on after practice? Did I Am I Did I Could I Should I—

“Nope.” Layla leaned a little closer. It put her right between his thighs.

Cole’s eyes dropped to her lips, then back to her eyes.They hadn’t kissed. It was game-day, her brown eyes were lined in black and gold, gorgeous against her dark brown skin. They hadn’t kissed. Yet?

“So, you have a big test tomorrow?”

Layla smiled. “Nope.”

“Are you just trying to torture me?”

“Yes.”

“Will we…study?”

“We’re going to cook dinner, Reyes.”

“Oh.” Cole smiled. “Yeah.”

“Yeah? Sound okay?” Her eyes dropped to his mouth, just for a moment.

Cole vaguely wondering if he was about to get that kiss. “Layla.”

“Reyes.”

“What do you need?”

Layla smiled at having her words given back to her, but gave a slight shake of her head. “I don’t know yet. Patience, I guess.”

Cole nodded. “Yeah.” He could be that. “Okay. Dinner, then.”

“How does the knee feel now? Think you can play Vegas?”

“I can play.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. No hurt-hurt, just wanted some—uh, maintenance.”

Layla smiled. “Round one. This is my first ever NHL playoffs, you know.”

“Better make it a good one then. Just for you, of course.”

Layla laughed. “Yeah. Just for me.”

~

“Round one, baby!” Thomas’ voice echoed through the locker room but Remus barely heard it. He’d seen the Golden Knights arrive on twitter, and was pleased to find that he didn’t have that same rattled feeling that he had grown used to settling in his chest at the very sight of Grayback. It wasn’t a triumph exactly. He still never looked directly at his scar in a mirror. When he woke up on especially cold days to it aching and stiff, the frustration burned up in him just as strongly as before. But the sight of Grayback’s face didn’t turn his stomach anymore.

“Home ice advantage,” Sirius said as he and Thomas high-fived, and Remus looked up at them. He watched the way Sirius smiled and laughed easily at something Thomas had said. He wouldn’t have done that last year. Sirius would have been zeroed in so hard it hurt.

“Do you notice,” Sirius said to Remus across the empty stalls between them. “That I am not asking if you’re okay every two seconds?”

Remus laughed. “Yes. I noticed. But in case you were wondering…I am. Really.”

Sirius smiled, pressed a kiss to his fingers and then reached it out towards Remus, only for it to be intercepted by Thomas, sitting down in his stall. He grabbed Sirius’ hand and pressed it against his own chest.

“Wow, thank you, Cap, I needed that.”

Sirius just rolled his eyes.

“Hey, that was for me,” Remus said.

“Intercepted.”

They both looked up when the locker room door open, only for Finn to come in, followed by a camera and holding a microphone.

“Merde, not one of these.” Sirius sank back into his stall. “Isn’t the Showtime thing enough?”

Remus laughed. “I think the Showtime documentary is going to be a little bit higher in quality. This looks like it’s just to torture you a little bit extra.”

“Hello and welcome to the room where it happens,” Finn said to the camera brightly. “This is an episode of In The Lion Den, and it’s me, hi, Finn O’Hara. We’re gonna ask the boys some playoff related questions and…” Finn smiled as he looked around behind the camera. “They’re all hiding from me now because I said that. Hey, Knuter-butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, here I come, baby.” He did a mock little jog towards Leo.

“No,” Leo said, and Remus laughed as Finn sat down in his own stall beside Leo’s anyway, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Hello, lover.” Finn grinned, and Remus had the briefest flash of alarm before he remembered. He caught Sirius’ eye, who smiled.

“Look at me,” Finn was saying, giving Leo a jostle. “Bothering a goalie before a game.”

“Kasey’s in,” Leo said pointedly.

“So, what you’re saying is I’m allowed to bother you.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Great. So, Leonardonius. Tell us…” Finn looked down at the card in his hand. “Tell us your favorite pre-game meal.” Finn sent a smile to the camera. “I know this one.”

“Say it at the same time,” Leo said.

Finn laughed. “Okay, yeah. Okay, three, two, one, pasta with chicken and peppers—yes.”

“Yes, you know me so well,” Leo said, then mockingly rolled his eyes at the camera.

“Oh, but I do.” Finn ruffled Leo’s hair—and friendship still lingered in the gesture. Remus remembered breaking that habit, especially in public. It was hard. It was working against forced instinct. Finn seemed to remember at the last moment, and let his hand cup the back of Leo’s neck briefly as he looked back down at his cards. “Okay, next question—especially interesting one for a goalie. If you could score a goal with any one of your teammates—I assume that means playing on the same line, then?—Who would you choose?”

Leo saw the opportunity and took it. He looked up, as if thinking hard. “Hmm…”

Finn bonked the microphone on his own forehead as he seemed to force himself to be quiet for as long as he could. Finally, he broke with a huff. “Really? Really? I am sitting right here.”

“I can see that, I’m just thinking.” Leo’s smile was playing around his mouth, his fingers messing with Logan’s necklace around his neck. “Hmm, let’s see…how about…”

Finn leaned forward, as if trying to block Leo’s view of the rest of the room.

“Let’s go with…” Leo said, looking at Finn now and grinning, their noses close together. “Bliz.”

Finn scoffed, pressed his palm over Leo’s face and pushed it gently away, making Leo laugh. “Bye, Knut. Captain!”

“Non,” Sirius said, and was out of his stall before Remus could blink.

“Oh, come on, Black!” Finn called after him. “No fun!” He sighed and looked at the camera. “Sorry, guys. But I guess we all know his superstitions, right?” Finn pointed at Remus. “Right, Lupin?”

“Mhm,” Remus hummed noncommittally, bending down to tape his sock.

“All right, Loops,” Finn said. He slid into the empty stall to Remus’ right. Remus sighed but smiled, crossing his arms.

“Yes?”

“What, you don’t want to talk to me?” Thomas asked, pressing an offended hand to his chest.

“You’re next, T, you’re next.” Finn cleared his throat. “Okay, Loops. Let’s see…” He scanned his cards. “Do you have a prediction for how many games this series against Vegas is going to go?”

“God no,” Remus said. “Why would I ever say something like that out loud?”

“T?” Finn held the microphone out to Thomas—much too close to his mouth.

“Can you back that thing up?” Thomas said. “Yes, thank you.” He looked right at the camera. “Hello. What is it thou beith my question?”

“Same question.”

“I’m not answering that in a thousandth of years. Next.”

“Fine. What’s the most important thing you do before a game?”

“Call my girlfriend.” He winked at the camera. “What’s up, Christmas?”

“Daww,” Finn laughed. “Very cute. Logan Tremblay’s sister, for those who don’t know.”

Thomas held out a fist. “Gotta love those Tremblay’s, eh?”

“Tell me about it,” Finn said, and bumped his own fist to Thomas’.

Remus laughed loudly, drawing the camera onto himself, only for it to follow his gaze to where Sirius was peaking his head back around the corner. “Is it safe?”

“Cap, come here.” Finn slapped his own thigh. “Come here, sit on my knee and let me tell ya a story.”

“Non.” Sirius did walk back into the room, though. He wasn’t dressed yet, still in only his  leggings and shorts. Remus took a moment to admire the way the 12 pendant glinted against the strong muscles of his chest.

Finn held up a finger. “One question! One.”

Sirius sighed but let Finn jog up to him. He plucked the question card out of Finn’s hand and scanned them quickly before pointing. “Only that one.”

Finn snorted, sent the camera a look. “Fine. Oh, come on, really? Okay, fine. All right, Captain, let’s see, which question shall I choose…ah. This question looks good. What is your preferred pre-game song choice?”

Sirius smiled right into the camera when he said, “I don’t listen to music before a game.”

Finn rolled his eyes, nearly tilting back his entire head. “How interesting. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Sirius said. He patted Finn on the back before going to take his place in his stall again.

The camera went around to a few of the other guys. Remus liked the little segments, it was funny to watch the guys having fun—Evgeni putting a sweaty towel over Finn’s head, Finn going back to ask Leo another question four times—but he was glad for the pressure to be relieved when the cameras turned off. The Showtime crew had been in and out for the last couple days, pulling them aside for interviews with a bright ring light and a guy sitting in a chair asking them questions. Cliff, his name was, or something like Cliff. It was tiring, though, choosing your words carefully. Sirius came back looking drained each time. Remus had stumbled on something-like-Cliff and his crew watching a playback of one of Sirius’ interviews. He hadn’t caught much, he hadn’t wanted them to notice him listening, but he’d heard enough to understand Sirius’ quiet, locked-up posture. How do you think your parents feel about having a two-time Cup champion in the family? That’s more than your father.

Remus could have killed them. Didn’t they fucking know better?

But, even still. When he’d asked Sirius about it, all he had said was, “It went fine.” Remus was still trying to figure out if this was a moment to push, or to let Sirius come to him.

He was glad, at least, that they were starting the playoffs on home ground. It was their people out there, a sea of red who held grudges just as fiercely as their Captain did. Not to mention, if there was one team that Gryffindor held a rivalry with that was equal to the one with the Snakes, it was Vegas.

He went through his routine. He found himself missing Logan while he was warming up on the bikes, wishing for his calm presence beside him. He missed the way Logan would check quietly that he was okay, meeting his eyes in the mirror. He stretched out on the mats with Thomas, and went into the equipment room to sharpen his skates one last time. He rubbed his thumb along the sharp, even blade after, and he did feel calmer. Ready.

Coach’s talk was brief—they were all playing well. Remus had a steady point streak that had ended last game, but he wasn’t worried about rekindling it. Finn had shaken off the stupor that Logan’s absence had tripped him into. Sirius was murderous around the net, Evgeni drew penalties almost every time they needed them. Thomas pinched in and cut off good plays—he’d do the same to Vegas. And Kasey. Kasey was fighting through his pain in a way that Remus, had he not known about it, wouldn’t have been able to see. It was the very thing they had agreed on hating most about hockey, but it was necessary. At least for now. Kasey was doing so well, though, and Remus couldn’t help but be thrilled about it, even if it did keep Leo on the bench more games than not. There was always a chance, and a rather high one, too, that Leo would, like last year, suddenly find himself in the starting slot.

Remus looked over at Kasey now, strapping on his pads, white and maroon, hair kept out of his face by a ball cap. He wanted these last games, Remus knew, no matter how many there were. It could be four. Could be seven. Or they could take this thing all the way to the end. Back to back Cups.

Sirius was in his usual place by the door soon enough, the cameras honed into every bit of encouragement he gave, every smile or head tap he delivered. He looked good and ready, helmet shading his eyes a bit, even with the extra lights the Showtime crew had brought. Sirius changed shapes, just a little, for each player he greeted. He didn’t become different exactly, but he was quieter with James—who was loud—and gave specific encouragement to Cole—who ate it up and would no doubt do his best to carry Sirius’ words through at some point during the game. Remus waited his turn behind Thomas, who jumped up to bump chests with Evgeni before tapping helmets with Sirius.

Remus felt it when the cameras went to his face. He didn’t like it, but he liked that they couldn’t control what he and Sirius gave them. It wasn’t the same as a press conference, where they had no control over some lame rookie-reporter asking whether or not they brought the game home, or brought home life into the game.

Remus held out his fist as usual, and watched Sirius shift into what he considered his Sirius. Smile lines and shoulders not as tall and broad, but curving down into Remus, chin ducking down, too, as if to put them into their own little bubble of space. People were always hoping for some sign of a divide between them, some slip up in their professional lives that they could somehow blame on their personal ones. But instead, they got this. Sirius Black, on a characteristically long hot streak right now, smiling gently down at Remus and bumping his hand over Remus’ heart.

“Okay,” Sirius said simply. Maybe they couldn’t help their smiles, but their words would stay their own. Remus knew what he really wanted to say, and he brought their visors together in a gentle knock.

“Let’s take this one.”

And just like that they passed each other, Sirius with a glove briefly on Remus’ back. Remus heard some cameras flash as Sirius followed him—man, did they love that shot of their numbers and names across their shoulders, one after another. How many times could someone take the same picture?

Remus could hear the opening video booming through the walls. A compilation of that season’s best scores. Black steals it right from between—Potter digging deep out in the high ice—Oh, what a pass from Tremblay to O’Hara—Kasey Winter, the Great Blizzard! Can’t drive through him, no sir! It gave him a jolt when he heard his own name. Lupin! It’s a power play goal!

He realized that his heart was pounding, and as they came out of the tunnel to spill onto the ice, the crowd went wild. The fact that this was real clicked into place all over again. He’d been realizing and re-realizing ever since he’d signed his NHL contract (with a pen that he kept in his bedside drawer and looked at sometimes.) He was a top six starter for a play-off team in the National Hockey League.

This was real, despite the face and number looming at him in gray and gold from across the ice. He no longer felt like he was skating out on the ice to play against Fenrir Grayback. He felt like he was going out, with his team, to play the Vegas Golden Knights.

Back here again, Lee! Good Lord, was the stadium this loud when you were a Lion?

Ha! Gryffindor fans have always been passionate. But all that goes to say, I’m no Sirius Black. There’s the Captain now, at the end of the line, as usual, behind Lupin. Falling into stride with his long-time line mate, James Potter.

Oh, I met his son, Harry, earlier. Adorable.

Did you? That kids gonna be trouble when he’s older if he’s anything like his old man.

That’s for sure. Welcome in to Game Night in Gryffindor everyone, as we begin game one of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. The Lions take on Mark Stone and his Vegas Golden Knights tonight. These two teams have a lot of history, don’t they, Lee?

Oh, you can say that again. The highlight on your screen right now is just one of the nasty fights that have broken out between these two teams.

I wouldn’t so much call it a fight as Fenrir Grayback getting what’s coming to him. No doubt Lion fans still have some words for him tonight, leftover from last season.

Ha! Would you now?

The kid’s got a temper on him that’s for sure.

Can’t say you’re wrong about that. Should make for an interesting series. The Knights have been a sorry victim to injury this season. Grayback was out for almost a month with an upper body, a few other guys with lingering issues. We’ll see how they hold up against the Lions tonight, eh?

We will. The Lions have remained fairly healthy for the most part. We’ll see.

“Think he’ll try and say hello again?” Thomas asked as he and Remus dropped out of the skate around. Remus could feel a welcomed burn of warmth in his muscles.

It was a long road ahead, but Remus was familiar with those.

“Not if I can help it,” Remus said, sliding up to the boards for some water. He wanted the National Anthem to be done with already. He wanted the puck to drop. But he took his time looking over at the other side. His heart startled a little when he noticed one player, hovering near the center ice line. Grayback, he thought instantly, tensing up.

But no. It wasn’t Grayback. Grayback was by the goal, not even looking at Remus’ side of the ice.

Théo Angevine, number 8, was standing there, passing a puck to himself lightly between one side of his stick to the other. He glanced over at them once. Twice. Towards Sirius. When he noticed Remus’ gaze with his calm brown eyes, he turned away.

Sirius had never so much as mentioned Théo’s name before that story about his pre-game tradition. Remus’ heart tugged at the image of a small Sirius, gray eyes going wide at an act so simple as someone offering him half of a sandwich. Even more simple—that sandwich tasting sweet. So desperate for a bit of softness in his life that he would settle for just a taste of it. He never mentioned anything, really, that came before the Lions. His family. The most Remus had ever gotten about it was a sense of how horrible it had been, but that was mostly what he picked up from body language. He knew there had been physical abuse. He knew that he had been driven harder than a work horse. He knew Sirius’ darkest moment had been needing to leave Regulus behind.

It occurred to Remus that maybe it wasn’t only that Sirius didn’t mention it. Maybe Remus himself was too careful about not asking.

Sirius was a very carefully aligned person. The superstitions were only the tip of the iceberg.

“Jeez,” Thomas said, coming to stand beside Remus. “What are you thinking about with a face like that?”

Remus looked at him. He shouldn’t be thinking about this now. This was maybe one of the most important games in his career. And Sirius seemed okay. Joking around the locker room. He hated the Showtime interviews, that was all. He didn’t like cameras in the locker room, Remus could see that much. He’d kicked them out a few times already, claiming a player’s only meeting, only to sit back down in his stall and go about business as usual, only with his shoulders considerably more relaxed.

“Nothin’,” Remus said, then nudged Thomas. “The goal we’re gonna score tonight.”

“Excuse me, that would be goals, plural.”

Remus smiled. “That a promise?”

“Sure is.”

Remus just laughed, but he let his eyes wander back over to the Golden Knights. To Théo. He was skating mostly by himself, handling a puck deftly with his head down.

Sirius skated to a hard stop in front of him and reached up a glove to gently turn Remus’ face towards his own. Remus couldn’t help but smile. Sirius thought he was looking for Grayback.

“Eyes on me, mon loup,” Sirius said.

Remus tapped a glove to Sirius’ chest. “Always.”

“You know what I want to do?” Sirius said as he squirted some water into his mouth.

“Hm,” Remus said, eyes flicking momentarily back to the gray and gold jersey.

“I want to get a tattoo,” Sirius said.

Remus’ head wasn’t the only one that snapped towards him. Cole looked up, James and Thomas, too.

Thomas laughed. “All right, Cap.” He nudged Cole. “Me and twenty know a great place.”

“Tattoo…” James said from Remus’ other side, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. “Should I also get a tattoo?”

“What?” Remus shook his head, caught off guard. “You want what? Of—of what?”

“Of my wedding ring,” Sirius said. He tapped his ring finger through his thick glove. “Can’t wear it while I play.”

Sirius said no more, just patted Remus’ helmet then skated away to trace the Gryffindor logo.

Finn leaned over from a few slots down the bench and whistled to get Remus’ attention before sending him a grin and a wink. “That’s what we boys like to call distraction.”

Remus stared at him for a moment, then laughed, looking back out onto the ice. Sirius was still looking at him, mouthguard hanging out between his teeth as he smiled.

“Yeah,” Remus said. “Right…”

~

Logan pressed his knee out in front of him in a stretch, forearms down on the matt and head bowed. His headphones were loud in his ears, cranking the playlist that he shared with Finn and Leo. They’d been finding things that helped close the distance, and Logan hadn’t thought Leo’s idea to share music would help much, but that was before his heart gave an excited kick each time a notification popped up that a new song had been added.

There was a scuff on his head, knocking his hat askew and getting his attention. Logan looked up to see Luke sitting down on the mat beside him. He pushed his headphones around his neck.

“Sup,” Luke said.

Logan shrugged. “Fucking Bruins.”

“Amen.” Luke got down into the same stretch. He had a blue sweatshirt on, and a backwards cap. His short brown hair stuck out over the adjustable bar. “The fuck is this? Pigeon pose, or something like that?”

Logan snorted and pushed up onto his palms, feeling the stretch on his core. “Ouais? Don’t know why though.”

Luke gave him a rare smile and tucked the ties of his sweatshirt away so they didn’t get beneath his arms. “So. We’re on the same line.”

“We were good in practice.”

They had been great in practice. It was the closest thing Logan could think of to playing with Finn. Not even playing with Sirius had felt that good. They were too similar, both too hungry for the puck. Luke was different. As soon as he had the puck, he didn’t try for movement like Sirius did. He was incredible at keep-away, though, and that bought him all the time in the world to asses which lanes were open, to see all of his options. Logan, like with Finn, was good at being just where Luke needed him to be. Plus, they were friends now. Logan hadn’t been sure in the beginning, but the second Logan had poked fun at him—just a little, testing the waters with a jab at the way he skated—Luke and given him a hard shove and went after him about his height. And that had been that.

“Yeah,” Luke said. “We were good.”

He sounded hesitant, though, which sent an entire new avalanche of worried, insecure thoughts through Logan’s head. The kind that came with new friends. Each step could feel like the wrong one—especially when you wanted that other person to like you. Logan had had those his entire life. It could be terribly difficult to remember to just be himself and not only try to please the other person. He’d learned a lot from Finn and Leo in that regard.

“Is that…okay?” Logan asked hesitantly. He almost hadn’t. He wasn’t sure he could handle it if the answer was no, at least not tonight.

“Yeah, of course,” Luke said. “I was just thinking…we could be playing your boys in the second round. If we win out against Boston.”

Logan arched a brow. “The Lions aren’t my boys anymore.”

“I know,” Luke said. “I meant your boys.”

“Oh.” Logan couldn’t help but smile. Your. “Right. Ouais, we could.”

“We’ll be playing for the Cup. Trying to knock them out.”

“I know,” Logan said.

“I just…I want to make sure…”

Logan turned to look at him. He paused the music that was still coming through softly from his headphones. “Are you asking me if I can play against them?”

“No. God, Jesus, no.” Luke shook his head. The wedge of green in his brown eyes looked especially bright tonight. “I’m just saying—I know it’s hard for you. I’ll like—I’ll be on the ice. I know we practiced it where you’re the one who takes shit to goal, but…I can get up the ice instead. If you ever need me to.”

Logan froze, then realized his leg was beginning to ache in this position and pushed himself up. Luke followed, brown eyes…amused, maybe.

“Oh. Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

“Sorry,” Logan said. “Sorry I said…I didn’t mean that you’d think I can’t…”

“It’s okay. I understand. The media goes after you enough for that storyline, you don’t need it from me. Normally it’s just guys switching teams. You’re just dumb enough to have fallen in fucking love with yours.”

Logan couldn’t help the laugh that startled out of him. It was still such a surprise, and so nice, to hear things like that in normal conversation. Percy leaning over the back of the bus seat and ask him which of his lover boys he was texting, and if it was Finn to type something strange and nonsensical like yellow hi!! Morgan asking what Logan was up to this summer, and if he wanted to bring Finn and Leo around to his place in Miami some time.

Logan had never had the chance to use the term we like this before. We’ll be in France for July, but what about August? We’re talking about training in New Orleans for a week or two. Or, when Zibanejad asked after his favorite restaurant in Gryffindor, we love this place called Sid’s, we’ll take you out some time.

We we we we we.

He was sure Finn and Leo were feeling the same, but the we that Luke was talking about was entirely different. There was the bigger we, the hockey we. The team.

We could be playing against Logan, had no doubt crossed Finn and Leo’s mind. We might have to take a Cup chance from Logan.

“Thanks,” Logan said. “Really. Merci, that means a lot.”

Luke just shrugged in his typical way that Logan was coming to interpret as meaning the same thing as a big smile from Leo, or a little shake of the shoulders from Finn.

“I just know it’d be hard,” Luke said.

Logan nodded. He was tempted to ask him about Saint, but he didn’t. He tried to picture someone, a new person especially, asking him about Finn or Leo before they had come out, and flinched. He wouldn’t ask. Luke would have to come to him.

“What?” Luke said, and Logan realized he had been staring at him.

Logan gave an imitation of Luke’s shrug and pulled Luke’s hat down over his eyes.

“You have resting bitch face,” Logan said.

Luke punched him in the shoulder.

~

Remus lowered himself into the metal tub beside Thomas’, filled to the brim with ice, and let out a shaky breath.

“One down,” Thomas said, flicking through his phone as the ice clinked softly around his body.

“How the fuck do you like these?” Remus could already feel his teeth chattering.

“It’s so relaxing, man,” Thomas said. “Gets the blood flowing, slows my heart, and I wake up good as new in the morning. Fucking love it.”

“My balls feel like they’re going to freeze off.”

Thomas tisked his tongue. “Accept the cold, Lupin. C’mon, you’re a child of real winters! Embrace it.”

Remus tried to relax his neck, to slow his breathing. “I want to embrace a warm towel.”

“Warm towel or warm Sirius?”

“Hm, both.”

Thomas just laughed and then turned his phone to show Remus a video of two puppies.

His body did manage to get more accustomed to it, after another few minutes. He felt his muscles release a little bit, or maybe he was just going pleasantly numb. He opened his eyes when Thomas sighed happily and put his phone down.

“How’s Noelle?”

Thomas grinned and reached up to pass some of the icy water of his head and face, the droplets dewing up like crystals in the tight black curls of his hair. It was the longest Remus had ever seen it, with shaved smooth edges by his temples but longer at the crown. “What gave me away?”

“The heart eyes,” Remus laughed.

“Her season’s over, she’s gonna come stay with me for the playoffs.”

“You guys thinking about moving in together?”

Thomas gave a wavering sort of nod. “Well, as much as we actually can. We lived together last summer but, you know. Different cities and all that.”

“Yeah,” Remus said.

“Wish I’d gotten you one tonight,” Thomas said. “Against Fuckrir Grumpback.”

Remus laughed. “Ah, right that’s his name. I’d forgotten. We have three more games to score.”

“Oh, three is it? Cocky.”

Maybe it made Remus sound a bit more sure than he actually felt, but he was okay with that. “Honestly, I didn’t even think about him that much tonight.”

“Yeah?” Thomas smiled. “That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Remus looked out over the rest of the recovery room. Kasey with some ice around his thigh, Layla talking softly to him. Finn and Evgeni walking in to tape up some jammed fingers. “Felt funny, though. Like I was forgetting something.”

“Pretty sure that’s something you’re allowed to forget, man.”

“Fuckrir Grumpback?” Remus snorted. “Yeah, I think I can forget him, too.”

Thomas threw his head back and laughed, settling back into the water.

Remus had closed his eyes, trying to breathe through the cold, which had surged back up into his senses again, when Thomas spoke in a low voice.

“Think Kase is gonna make it through?”

Remus had to fight down the urge to open his eyes too quickly. When he did, Thomas was looking at him. He seemed to be actually asking the question, not only posing it to see what Remus might say. His brown eyes turned sad.

“You know something,” Thomas said softly. “Don’t you.”

Remus didn’t say anything, and Thomas sighed but nodded. He looked over at Kasey, who was laughing at something Layla was saying to him.

“I feel like its changing,” Thomas said.

“What?”

“The locker room. You know? You can feel it happening sometimes. Especially after a Cup, that’s what guys say. First Logan. Kasey. God, probably Dumo soon.”

“That’s what happens,” Remus said.

“I know,” Thomas nodded. “God, I know, but I miss it. I miss, like, this time one year ago. I mean, other than you being on the team, of course.”

“You’re sweet,” Remus said wryly.

“But it was all—it was all beginning, it was all happening for the first time.”

“Why is that better?” Remus asked.

“What?” Thomas asked.

“Why is the first time better?”

Thomas smiled. “Are we going philosophical?”

Remus laughed. “Sort of. I mean, some first times are the sloppiest. You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.”

“Are you talking about sex?”

That made Remus laugh louder, and he splashed some water at Thomas. “I mean anything. You don’t know what you’re doing, you’re not good at whatever you’re trying to do, you’re scared…So, why’s it always feel so…”

“Shiny,” Thomas said.

Remus nodded. “Shiny. Why is it better?”

Thomas thought for a moment. “Not better, then. But there’s something different.”

“I guess I can agree to that,” Remus said, then looked up with a smile when Sirius walked through the door. “Oh, hi there, Mr. Top Shelf.”

Sirius laughed and crouched down beside Remus’ tub, dipping his fingers into the icy water. “Mr. Top Shelf?”

“Uh, yeah,” Thomas said. “Since when do you shoot high? Since tonight.”

“Since their goalie can’t get his hands up,” Sirius said, then leaned into kiss Remus softly. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Remus pressed a cold hand against his warm neck. “This sucks.”

“You’re getting out soon, embrace it!” Thomas said.

Sirius didn’t even jerk away from the touch. “Well, I’m sweating, an ice bath sounds pretty good to me right about now.”

Remus smiled. “Oh yeah? You getting in?”

“Not a chance—non, hey.”

Remus laughed and splashed him again, ice clattering onto the floor.

“Keep it in the tub!” Layla called from where she was guiding Kasey through some stretches.

“Sorry,” Sirius called back, before turning his attention back on Remus, tucking his fingers into his damp hair and pressing a kiss to his temple. “Gonna shower and get changed. Home in twenty?”

Remus nodded. He spent the moment that Sirius smiled back at him searching his face for any of the uneasiness that had been there at the beginning of the game, but it seemed to have dissipated with the win.

“Okay,” Sirius said, and Remus watched him walk away, fist bumping Cole on his way out.

“This is you,” Thomas said, and then slumped into his bath some more, gazing up at an imaginary Sirius, batting his eyes.

“Fuck off,” Remus laughed, and groaned as he pushed himself out of the tub.

~

The house felt quiet and warm, but it had the unsteadiness that came with the knowledge of an early flight the next morning. Remus watched Sirius dump a can of tomato sauce into a pan to heat up while the pasta boiled. Their bags were ready by the door—Remus’ doing. Really, they should have all been flying out tonight, but Remus was glad to be able to sleep at least a few hours in his own bed. He would have to let the adrenaline wear off first. He could see the very same coils of energy in the set of Sirius’ shoulders. It wasn’t unease, exactly. It was just the game.

Remus fiddled with the salt and pepper bowls they kept on the table. They had little spoons in them, as if made for fairy. He scooped the white grains up before letting them spill back down, over and over.

“I saw Théo,” he said, finally.

Sirius was quiet for a moment. He put a dish in the sink. “Ouais. Me too.” He glanced over his shoulder when Remus didn’t reply right away. “We’ve seen him before.”

“I know, but I didn’t—you know.” Remus scooped up the salt again. “I didn’t know before. And…I think maybe he looked at you a few times.”

Sirius’ release of breath was short. Maybe a little impatient—or he was just tired. “They all look at me.”

It was true enough, but it was still strange to hear Sirius say it. Even if his fame was blunt and obvious, Sirius rarely acknowledged it outright.

“You don’t want to talk to him?” Remus asked.

“Not—not now.” Sirius didn’t look at him, still had his back turned as he carefully spooned out a single noodle to test for doneness. “Not with Grayback on his team. Not with the playoffs.”

“Not with Grayback? What’s that mean?”

“It means…you know what it means.”

Remus switched to the pepper. Black and gray and red, more finely ground. The sound these grains made again each other was softer.

“I’m not worried about Grayback,” Remus said. “I told you that. I’m talking about Théo, and that story just sounded like it meant a lot to you—”

“Re, I’m over it. I don’t really think about it. I just told you that story, that’s it.”

Remus hesitated. The tension was back in Sirius’ shoulders now, and Remus was sorry to have put it there, but it was moments like these that Remus finally felt like he was getting a handle on. Moments where Sirius tensed up, but let something slip.

“You’re over what?” Remus asked.

Sirius let out a little laugh, tired and frail. “Re…”

“No, really, baby, over what?” Remus stood from the table, walking forward to the island to lean his elbows on it.

Sirius didn’t turn away from the stove. “You’re talking about Théo, fine, but you’re really trying to get me to talk about my parents. I know.”

Remus pressed his lips together. So, he was going to have to push, then. 

“You don’t talk about them.”

Sirius made a dismissive gesture with his hand that was entirely something picked up from Pascal. “I’m over it.”

“Not thinking about it doesn’t mean you’re over it. And you—you don’t have to be over it, you just have to…like, you know…process it.”

“Process what?” Sirius turned around. His grey eyes were hard, the dish towel in his hands twisted tight. “That some kid was nice to me when we were little? I’m not that pathetic.”

“I never said that,” Remus said softly. “I just said you can talk to me about it.”

“I don’t like talking about it. I talk to Heather. I go to therapy. I’m better than I was.”

“I don’t really love talking about Grayback, either. I still told you. And I felt ten thousand times better tonight. Because you were there for me tonight. And you could only do that because you knew exactly what I was going through.”

“Re,” Sirius sighed. “Come on. Not tonight, okay? I don’t understand why you’re bringing this up.”

“Because of the Showtime thing,” Remus said. He walked around the kitchen island, pressing gently into Sirius’ space. Sirius let him, which was a good sign. “I know you don’t like the cameras in the locker room. And I know…I overheard them watching your interview. I know their questions got a little touchy the other day.”

Sirius shook his head and turned back around. He reached for the plate he’d already cleaned and ran it under the tap. “It’s fine.”

Remus reached out and turned the tap off. He took the plate out of Sirius’ hands and set it down.

Sirius sighed. They let the quiet of the kitchen settle around them again, with just the faint bubbling of the pasta and warmth of the steam interrupting them.

“I…I am much better with it,” Sirius said. “I am.”

“You are,” Remus nodded. “I know.”

“But…Ouais.” Sirius gave a little eye roll, as if he was annoyed with himself. “They stirred a few things up, I guess. That’s all.”

Remus pushed his hands into Sirius’ hair, carding his fingers through it the way he knew Sirius liked. Sure enough, Sirius let his eyes slip closed.

“It’s nice when it starts getting longer like this.”

Sirius’ smile looked young with his eyes closed like that. It looked like the first time Remus actually saw him smile, a real smile, all those years ago. “Oh yeah?”

“So I can do this.” Remus tightened his grip a little and angled Sirius’ head down to kiss him. Sirius made a soft sound into it, his hands smoothing over Remus’ shoulders.

“Don’t shut yourself in on me, baby,” Remus whispered into it, then kissed him harder.

Sirius smiled at that, pressed their foreheads together. “The hotel in Vegas has a pool.”

Remus laughed, surprised. “Okay?”

“Just came to me, I don’t know why.” Sirius cradled Remus closer, hands low on his back. “I…I don’t talk about it because I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to know what to say. Not with me.”

Sirius nodded slowly, then sighed and kissed Remus again. “Can I not know while we eat? I’m starving.”

Remus laughed. “Yeah. Go sit, I’ll finish it up.”

~

Leo stared down at his phone. He was half listening to what Finn was saying to him and Logan, who was on FaceTime with the iPad propped up against the pillows. Finn was walking around the bedroom, haphazardly packing. The sky was barely pink outside. Leo would usually have been anxiously helping him, and reprimanding him for not doing it sooner, but there was this. His phone.

“Alex is showing me this place,” Logan was saying, and then a name that Leo didn’t quite catch.

“Aw, no. I wanted to take you guys there.” Finn sighed and tossed a t-shirt in the direction of his bag and let out a big yawn. “Tell him thanks for nothing.”

Leo was still staring at his phone. At the text that had come in an hour earlier. He hadn’t opened it. The blue dot of unread still signaled beside the message preview.

Hey just got my first call up! Made me think of you. Hope…

“—right, Le?”

Leo looked up. Finn was looking at him and Logan was doing something off-screen—making breakfast by the sound of it. He was shirtless and looked soft and familiar in his in kitchen lights. Leo ached for him. He clicked off his phone and set it face-down on the bed by his own bag. “Sorry, what?”

“We’re not saying the Rangers should win anything,” Finn said. “But we’re not rooting for the Bruins, either.”

“Oh. Right, no, definitely not.”

Leo knelt on the bed before letting himself flop onto his stomach in front of the iPad, chin in his hands. The noise made Logan look up at the screen, and Leo got a perfect view of watching him smile. “You look handsome like that.”

“Without a shirt?” Logan laughed. “Yes, you have told me this.”

“No. Cooking.”

Finn laughed from behind him. “Pretty sure he’s buttering toast, baby.”

“I like it when he uses his hands.”

Finn tossed another shirt in. “Ooh, can’t argue with that.”

Logan smiled at Leo again, and made a grabbing hand at his screen. “Makes me want to smush your cheeks when you sit like that.”

“What are you actually making?” Leo asked.

Logan held up a piece of toast and laughed. “Toast.”

Leo smiled. “Do I still make it better?”

“Leo, you make everything better.” Logan glanced up at him again, through his eyelashes. His accent was thick with sleep. “There’s never any chance of that changing.”

“Good,” Leo said, then turned his head int he direction of Finn. “Hey, Fish, when’s our flight?”

“Do not passive-aggressively ask me when our flight is,” Finn said, and gave Leo a little smack on the thigh. “I’m disorganized but you love me anyway.”

“I do love you anyway,” Leo said, and turned to Logan. “You however keep distracting him and I refuse to miss this plane to kick Vegas’ ass again.”

“Ouais, you do that. We’ll try to beat the Bruins this time.”

Leo nodded, trying not to think too hard about what that would mean. If the Lions won this round, and the Rangers won theirs…

“All right, have a good game,” Finn flopped on his stomach beside Leo and leaned in close to the phone with an exaggerated kissing noise. “Love you, baby. Wish you were on our plane.”

“Ouais,” Logan said, mouth full of toast. Logan leaned down on his elbows, and Leo took the silver fleur-de-lis pendant in his fingers, as if he could touch Logan instead. “Fly safely.”

“You, too,” Leo said. “Text you when we land.”

Finn groaned after they ended the call and rolled into Leo until he was on his back, looking up at him. Leo pressed a quick kiss to his lips, then laughed when Finn pressed a palm to each of his cheeks and squeezed.

“Wanna watch more of that show on the plane?” Leo asked around his palms.

“Yeah, definitely,” Finn said, and closed his eyes as he let his hands drop. “Tired just thinking about going through an airport right now.”

“Yeah,” Leo said vaguely. He studied Finn’s face, stroking his red hair back from his forehead. He thought of his phone. The text didn’t mean anything. He should probably just ignore it, or delete it, but he couldn’t help the part of him that felt like that was admitting defeat.

“That’s nice,” Finn mumbled, eyes still closed and pressing up against Leo’s palm.

“You look so much younger when it’s pushed back,” Leo said.

“Are you telling me I look old?”

Leo laughed. “No, I’m just saying.” He pressed a kiss to Finn’s forehead. “C’mon. Gotta zip that suitcase of yours.”

He let himself get a little lost in the familiar chaos that was getting Finn out of the house on time. The running back and forth, nervous energy of him. It made Leo smile to think of himself waiting by the door while Finn and Logan walked back and forth remembering things that Leo had asked them if they had packed ten times. Charger? Toothbrush? Finn walked back and forth more slowly this time, though, as if he needed to feed off of Logan’s energy.

“Set?” Finn asked when they were locking up the apartment. He was turned down the hallway and held out his hand behind him, in the perfect position for Leo to take.

Text be damned, Leo thought, as he laced their fingers together. Thank God Jack Archer had been what he was in high school, thank God he had done what he’d done. And anyway. It was a long time ago now. Leo should forget about it. But things that hurt were stubborn that way.

~

“Loops!”

Remus passed blindly in the direction of Thomas’ voice. It felt like flying to be able to think like that, to be able to find someone with such ease. He shouldered back against Stone as he turned to see Thomas catch his pass on his stick. It pinged hard off of the crossbar and deflected into the net. The whistle blew.

“Fuck,” Remus breathed, and pushed his helmet back, taking his mouth guard out while they reset. The Vegas crowd was singing some song that Remus had heard so many times he’d forgotten the name. He glanced up at the clock. Five minutes left in the game and they’d been trying to break the tie of 3-3 since the first period.

“They’re singing again,” Thomas asked as they made their way towards the bench to swap out with Pascal’s line. “Why are they always fucking singing?”

“Look who they’re rooting for,” Remus said, and gave Finn a tap as they swapped out. “They’ve got nothing better to do.”

“Good shift,” Layla asked as they settled onto the bench.

“Thanks,” Remus said. “iPad?”

She passed it to him, and Remus nodded his thanks quickly before turning back to look again. Layla had a funny expression on her face. Watchful almost.

“All right?” Remus asked.

She blinked, and then smiled. “Yeah, you?”

Remus nodded, trying to shake the feeling that she had realized what her face had shown. He was flooded with adrenaline right now. It could be nothing. He looked down at the iPad. “Just want to pull this thing off in regulation.”

“Ouais,” Sirius said from the other side of Thomas and Olli. “We’re—allez, switch—I want to sit next to him—ouais, merci.”

Thomas snorted, but allowed Sirius to scoot past him to settle beside Remus. If Remus didn’t think the cameras were on them, he would have gave in and smiled in the dopey way he wanted to. I want to sit next to him.

“We’re playing mostly in our zone, we don’t want a momentum shift,” Sirius said. He leaned in to watch the shift with Remus as the puck slapped the boards somewhere beside them. In a lower voice, he said, “You know what it does to me when you no-look pass.”

“Why do you think I do it?” Remus clicked off the iPad and sent him a grin—maybe not the dopey love-struck one he had felt a moment ago, but one sharpened by the way Sirius’ voice sounded when he whispered to him on the bench like that.

Sirius’s smile was a little dopey, a little love-struck, and Remus stared at it for a moment before letting his own melt into that, too. He felt that he should probably have stopped feeling like he shouldn’t show these things by now, but it was still a pleasant surprise when he remembered that he could.

Black and Lupin…strategizing on the bench. Big smiles. Expecting to get out of this tie do you think, Dean?

I’d think so. This is a confident team, Lee. Stanley Cup champions. I’d say they badly want a second look.

Pascal came close twice in the time it took for the clock to tick down to three minutes. Kasey made three saves, one of them that made Remus hold his breath with the way he had to stretch down into the splits, glove hand arching over to snatch the puck out of the air.

Finn put his body in front of two pucks and took one hard in the ankle. He sat on the bench, head down and covered by his arms next to Leo, and let the ache wear off.

“Game update, Layla?” Leo called when Finn got back out there again, Remus taking his seat.

“Bruins are down 2 to the Rags,” Layla said.

Leo just nodded serenely. “All righty.”

“Keeping track of Logan?” Remus asked, wiping his visor clear of sweat and ice.

“A little.” Leo glanced at him, blue eyes bright in the shadow of his cap. “I get really nervous sometimes that he’s hurt and I don’t know about it.”

“Aw, Peanut,” Thomas said, leaning over from beside Remus.

“I know there’s nothing I could do either way, like even if he was here.” Leo offered them a smile. “But I don’t know. I get nervous.”

“Second line!” Coach’s voice boomed.

Remus stood to swapped out with Sirius’ line.

The ice calmed it all. Thoughts of Kasey, Sirius, Logan. Grayback who had skated out, too. He stayed in Remus’ peripheral vision, but not like a looming shark. Like all the others. Just another part of the game. And if Remus’ shoulders were burning that was because he was skating hard. It was because Thomas was right where he needed him to be, and so was Evgeni. Remus called for the puck, and felt it in his chest when Evgeni nailed Grayback in a mid-ice hit before he could get to Remus. The crowd booed. Remus just carried on up the ice, head low. He was fast. He’d been told that his entire career, and the clock might be quick, too, but he wanted to try and beat it.

“Loops!” Thomas’ voice came.

Remus was tempted to try the same thing. No-look. Keep his eyes on the defensemen in front of him. But he saw Ullmark reposition, subtly, ready for the pass. He put on the breaks hard, threw the defensemen off of him, and flicked the puck up.

The goal horn blared.

“Fuck,” Remus breathed, then laughed, and then he put his arms up just in time for Thomas to happily slam into him against the boards.

~

“Two-nothing,” Logan said, voice coming through the iPad speakers. “Impressive.”

“You guys will pull through, too,” Finn said, then grinned at Leo. “And Le’s getting the start for game four. I’m calling it now.”

They were laying in bed, Logan on the iPad between them, Leo and Finn’s feet tangled. Leo felt like his eyes should be half-closed, but instead he was wide awake. He and Finn had watched the highlights of the Rangers’ game, but those wouldn’t have showed any bad hits. Twitter wasn’t saying anything either, but Leo wanted to be sure.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked.

“Me?” Logan said, head popping out again through the neck of his hoodie. “Ouais, of course. Why?”

“Nothin’,” Leo said.

Finn smiled. “He’s just checking. Classic goalie, doesn’t like any of his players out of his sight.”

“It’s true,” Leo confessed.

“I’m okay, Soleil.” Logan fell back into his pillows, too, with a groan. “But these pillows are too hard and I wish you were hear to change the lightbulbs.”

“Me too,” Leo laughed.

Logan smiled, then looked up. “Hold on, my tea is here.”

They listened to Logan answer the door, voice changing the way he did when he talked to strangers. A little nervous, accent going heavier. Ah—yes, okay, thank you. Yeah, good night.

“You okay?” Finn asked while they waited.

“Me?” Leo looked over at him, his red hair sticking up against the pillow.

“You were quiet on the plane home.”

“What’s happening?” Logan asked, settling back on the bed with a steaming mug this time.

“Le was just quiet on the plane,” Finn said.

“I’m…” Leo hesitated. Hey just got my first call up. Made me think of you. “I’m fine.”

“Okay…” Finn said, but Leo could see the look he exchanged with Logan, even through a screen.

“No, no, I’m good,” Leo said but he picked up his phone from where it lay on the sheets beside him. “I just…Well, the other day I got…”

He felt Finn tense beside him, even sitting up a bit.

“Leo,” Logan said, voice tight and almost a little harsh. Leo looked up at him, surprised to find his green eyes wide, afraid. Finn was staring at him the same way.

“What?” Leo began, but then he realized. He’d trailed off, holding his phone, and it sounded like—

“Oh, God, no, I didn’t get a phone call. No, nothing like that.”

Finn let out a breath and slumped back down again, head dropping back against the pillows, eyes closed. “Jesus Christ.”

Leo reached out to rub a hand over his chest. “Sorry, sweetheart, sorry. No, I just got a text.”

Finn opened his eyes, blinking. “It’s okay, I just need to restart my heart. One sec.”

Logan laughed a little, but his eyes were still on Leo. “Text from who?”

Leo hesitated, then sighed. He knew what would happen next, but he wasn’t about to hide it from them. He didn’t want to. They knew all about Leo’s high school relationship—all of its lows. He wanted advice and, if he was being perfectly honest, he liked how protective they got. “From Jack.”

Their reaction was identical. Logan rolled his eyes, Finn made a bleh sound and lifted his head up. Leo couldn’t help but laugh.

“High-school Jack?” Finn made sure. “Your gross, idiot—”

“Stupide,” Logan muttered, blowing on his mug.

“Selfish,” Finn raised his eyes to the ceiling as if more adjectives were up there. “Insensitive, book hating—”

“Your butterscotch cookie hating,” Logan added pointedly.

“Meanie, butt-head, protein shake addict, triple shot latte monstrosity,” Finn was still going and Leo laughed harder, the bed shaking a little beneath them.

“Fuck-head,” Logan said.

“Asshole of a high school boyfriend texted you?”

Leo passed Finn the phone with the still unread message. “Yep.”

Finn sent him a questioning look, and when Leo nodded, he clicked on it. “Hey just got my first call up,” Finn read out. “Made me think of you. Hope you’re good.”

Logan scoffed. “Hope you’re good?” He raised his voice, chin tilted up like he could shout right through the camera. “Ouais, he’s good. He’s got a Cup and two boyfriends.”

“He’s good,” Finn said to the phone. “Leave.”

“Who even has him?” Logan asked, shaking his head like he was about to scold Jack from afar. It was a gesture that was very much like his mother.

Leo bit his lip. “He got called up from Hartford.” His eyes went to Logan, who all but choked on his drink.

“Non,” Logan said. “Non, non, non.”

“Nom, nom, nom,” Finn said, but he looked just as horrified. “I thought he was playing in the AHL for—for Tampa!”

“I did too, but no, he’s going to New York.” Leo said. “I kind of stopped keeping track though.” He reached out and brushed a hand through Finn’s hair. “Why waste any more of my energy you know?”

“Jack’s in New York now?” Finn asked. “Shit. Lo…”

“He’s going to be in my locker room,” Logan said, and then the camera went dark, like he had knocked his phone in the bed sheets and quilt. All they heard was a muffled groan of, “Non.”

“I looked it up,” Leo said. “He’ll be in your practice tomorrow morning and then, well, obviously for the next Bruins game.”

“I hope he fucks up and gets sent down,” Finn said.

Leo laughed. “No, come on.”

“He deserves it.”

“We were in high school,” Leo said, but he didn’t even sound convincing to himself.

Logan appeared again, looking rumbled like he had set his tea down to face-plant into the too-hard pillows. His green eyes were set, but not in the glare Leo had expected. It was almost earnest. Determined.

“I’m going to keep track of how many times I get to tell him I’m Leo’s boyfriend.”

“Aw, sweetheart,” Leo said, heart pulling. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

“Non, non,” Logan said, smiling.

Finn pressed a kiss to Leo’s cheek and kept his lips there when he said, “Nom, nom.”

Leo laughed and turned his head for a real kiss. Behind his closed eyes, he saw the flash of Logan taking a screenshot.

“You must have six hundred of those by now,” Finn said.

“Yes, and I love them,” Logan said simply.

“You should look through them all whenever Jack’s around,” Finn said.

“That might be kind of weird of him,” Leo said.

Finn scoffed and got an arm around Leo’s shoulder to pull him in against his chest. “It was weird of him to break my baby’s heart.”

Leo just rested his temple against Finn’s shoulder and smiled at Logan. “It wasn’t heartbreak exactly. It was…it was just hard.”

“Sounds like heartbreak to me,” Finn said.

Logan shifted on his end of the call. “I don’t like talking about your hearts breaking.”

Finn pressed a kiss to his fingers and pressed it to the screen. “All healed up, baby.”

Leo paused for a moment although, beneath his cheek and hand, he didn’t feel Finn do the same. No tense up. Leo tried to look up at Finn’s face without moving too much, and it was calm. Logan’s too.

Leo knew how much pain they had put each other through. Somehow, the word heartbreak still startled him, even if the two of them said it like it was a fact.

“Don’t worry about Jack, Le,” Finn said, and Leo blinked, realizing they were both looking at him. “You don’t have to reply. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I know.” Leo pulled the iPad closer. “Hey, if we close our round earlier than you guys, maybe we’ll have enough days off that we can come see you. We’ll be coming to New York anyway because the Rangers are looking great.”

Logan smiled. “Merde. Don’t even bring it up yet.”

“Yeah,” Finn rubbed his eyes. “I can’t imagine one of us, like, knocking out the other—”

“Lo’s right.” Leo patted Finn’s cheek. “Yeah, not yet.”

“We should get some sleep,” Logan said. “Even though I love talking to you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn said. “We always start out saying we just want to say goodnight and then talk for four hours.”

Leo laughed. “We should expect this by now.”

“Ouais,” Logan said, and Leo watched his eyes look between them. “I miss you.”

“Miss you, too,” Leo said. “But soon, yeah?” But a little curl of dread pushed up through him at the thought of facing the Rangers in the Conference Semi-Finals. He’d honestly rather play the Snakes, who seemed to be pulling through the first round as easily as the Lions.

“Soon,” Logan said, and Leo swore he saw the same thoughts flicker through his face, too.

“Jack doesn’t know what’s coming for him!” Logan called at the last moment, and flashed them a big grin before ending the call right as Leo laughed.

~

Remus should have been expecting it.

The Knights were losing the series two-nothing, and also losing this game 4-1. Remus was caught up in the sheer, impossible delight of it all. The entire league was watching with awed, slightly confused expressions. Twitter was all question marks and amazement because the Lions were good, but they weren’t that good. The beginning of their season had been shit. The Knights had had injuries but they weren’t bad. This streak felt unbalanced and odd.

And the Knights weren’t happy to be losing like this. Who would be?

So Remus really, really should have seen it coming. The desperation, and the dirt.

Sirius got the first of it. A high, fast hit on the blue line from Carrier. Sirius, usually so aware, had been looking from the pass from James. Remus watched it in slow motion, and yet somehow didn’t even have time to shout.

The crowd cheered with the hit, but the entire Lions bench stood up.

Oh, wow, what a hit by Will Carrier on the Lions Captain.

Little high, if I do say so myself. I’d say that’s a penalty for sure, Lee.

We were talking earlier, weren’t we, Lee, about how we were surprised Vegas wasn’t being very aggressive. What do we say now, eh?

Its frustration, I’m sure. It can’t feel good to be losing this totally. Whether its injury issues or puck luck or simply Gryffindor’s domination, it can’t feel good at all.

Remus held his breath, watched Sirius on his knees checking his mouth for blood. James was on Carrier, giving him a shove and gesturing to the ref. The ref nodded, looking like he was telling James to calm down, and blew his whistle, pointing a scowling Carrier to the penalty box. 

Sirius went up to a knee, and Remus watched him take a breath. Fix his helmet. Check his mouth again, but his glove came away clean. He worked his jaw a little, rolled one of his shoulders. He looked like he was about to rise fully, when a gray and gold uniform skated right in front of him and offered him a gloved hand.

It was Théo Angevine.

“Huh,” Jackson said from beside him. “They know each other?”

Remus watched as Sirius took the hand and rose. He wasn’t much taller than Théo, and the two of them looked at each other for a moment. Remus didn’t think he saw either of them say anything, though, and after a second, Théo skated towards his own bench.

“Re?” Jackson asked.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Remus said vaguely.

Huh. Some nice sportsmanship there, Dean. Wouldn’t have seen that coming.

Yeah. Théo Angevine, with a helping hand up for the Captain. Théo’s scored two of the Knights’ goals in this series. I guess we’ll see now if a hit like that does anything for Vegas’ momentum.

It didn’t.

The locker room was breathless and happy. 5-2.

“Let’s pull this off in four, boys,” Coach said, standing in front of them. He folded his glasses away and stuck them into his shirt pocket. “Cap, keep that pressure on. Harzy, good job with that pass in the second, Kuns, drawing the penalties. Keep it up.”

There was a chorus of thumps delivered to stalls and shouts, and Remus just smiled as he bent to tug at his skate laces.

“Remus?”

He looked up. “Oh, hey, Layla.”

Layla smiled. “Congrats. Uh—Could I see you for a second?” She pointed behind her, towards the visitor’s PT room.

“Uh, sure.” Remus thought about taking his skates off, but stood instead. “I’ll follow you.”

“You all right?” Remus asked as he closed the door to the office. “I only mean—I mean, I’m fine, didn’t get one of those hits, so…”

“Did you expect to?” Layla asked. She had her back to him briefly as she set her bench bag down, but when she turned to him, her brown eyes held that same look he had seen before. Watchful.

Remus blinked. “What?”

“Did you expect to be a target tonight?” Layla asked. “From…From Grayback?”

Remus just stared at her. He felt the back of his neck heating up and suddenly wished they weren’t in a small office.

Layla took a breath, moving her braids to the back of her neck. “Would you mind if I ask you something, and…and when I do, you can feel free to tell me to mind my own business? I’m just…I’m worried. And no one deserves to be alone in anything.”

“Um.” Remus glanced back at the door. “Okay…”

She nodded towards Remus’ shoulder. “How did you hurt your shoulder?”

Remus didn’t move. “I didn’t.”

He wasn’t even sure why he said that, only that the deflection had risen up in him instantly and of its own will.

“I don’t mean tonight.”

Remus wasn’t proud of it, exactly, but he was glad he hadn’t taken off his skates. It was good, just then, to feel taller than he really was.

“I mean your last game,” Layla said. “I mean your scar.”

Remus was shaking his head before he even meant to. “Layla. I’m okay. I know what you’re thinking—”

She took a step forward. “It isn’t an impact injury.”

For some reason, what he thought of right then was the Showtime film crew. It’s ridiculous name. The Road to The Stanley Cup.

So, Remus, excited to play against your old college buddy?

Remus sighed and sat down in one of the chairs. The added height from his skates made him feel more curled up like this, caved in on himself.

“No,” Remus said softly. “It isn’t.”

He heard Layla’s short intake of breath. She had her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes were gentle and worried.

Remus drew in a breath. It stirred it all up. The questions. Even the ice.

“I could have tried harder, that’s true,” Remus said, and then realized she hadn’t asked anything.

“What do you mean?”

He let out a humorless laugh. To talk about it when it first happened. He could have told his own mother at least, when he had woken up in the hospital. He’d thought about it a thousand times since then. It’s not the hit, he cornered me and—and—

Instead, it had taken him months, and a hundred nights of sobs muffled by his pillow. When he had finally whispered it to his mom, in the complete dark, tucked into her side in his bed like he was Julian’s age rather than his own, he had felt so good. But not quite good enough.

“The road to the Stanley Cup,” Remus sighed. He was suddenly bone tired. “Some are rougher than others.”

“So, it was him. Cole was telling the truth.”

Remus snapped his head. “What?”

“Grayback.”

“What the hell does Cole know?”

Layla cursed, rubbing at one of her eyes. “A lunch? God, Remus I promise we weren’t—he just said—he asked me, because some of the guys…well, they do protect you.”

Remus had a flash of that summer, discussing predictions, sitting at a sunny table eating.

“Remus,” Layla sat beside him. “I promise, I would never discuss—”

Remus just shook his head. “I know.” He sighed, rubbing a hand through his sweaty hair. “Yeah, there was a moment this summer. I know. Smart kid.”

Remus didn’t know why, but he smiled.

Layla frowned at him. “Remus…”

“I’m sorry,” Remus said, then laughed a little, emotion lodged in his throat. It felt like too much. “I don’t know why I’m laughing. Oh my God, sorry, it’s not funny.” He rubbed at his eyes. “Jesus, it’s not funny.”

“What happened?” Layla asked softly.

“Layla,” Remus said weakly. “It was a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Layla said. “It was something off ice. Am I right?"

Remus sighed. Are you excited to play with your old college buddy?

“I was going number one,” Remus said. “And he wanted that instead.”

Layla’s eyes went sad. Horrified. “So he…”

“I could have tried harder to stand up to him,” Remus said. “That’s what I meant.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I…” Remus laughed again. “Sorry, I really don’t know why I’m laughing. I suppose it’s just…frustrating. He told me he knew about me.” When Layla’s eyes widened he put a hand on her knee. “He didn’t know anything. He couldn’t have, but…I was scared, I wanted to succeed. What I realize now is that I didn’t have a secret.”

“That’s…” She looked horrified as they went to where she had seen his scar before. “Disgusting. He needs to answer for what he did.”

“No. No, Layla. He doesn’t.”

“But what he did—”

“Did what? He hurt me, yes, but what else? No, I’m not belittling what happened to me, but did he ruin my life? No. I chose another path, a path that I loved. That you love. Because of it I found the man that I love. The man I’m going to marry.”

“But…but you deserve…”

Remus just smiled. “In any other universe, Sirius and I probably would have been rivals. Or if not rivals, just not have known each other. I have what I deserve. He has nothing but a bad reputation. That’s how I’m trying to learn how to think about it.”

Remus was pleased to find that, as he said the words, he found them to be true. Something eased, just a little more, inside. He would always have to live with the nagging feeling that he hadn’t thought it through. It had never occurred to him that one day he’d be ready to tell his truth. That regret was easier to breathe through than it had once been. Peace was slow in the making.

Layla straightened, watching him carefully. “Are you angry I asked?”

Remus shrugged. “Not…exactly. I have been trying to shut the door on this thing for a while, but…” He thought of Sirius. “Maybe that’s not the kind of thing you do to your past.”

Layla smiled. “Maybe not. Thank you for telling me anyway. I just…I only asked because I worried you were just…sitting with it. But the boys know?”

“Most of them,” Remus said. “And if it makes you feel better, I like that you know, too.”

“Your doctors didn’t? How could they not?”

Remus shrugged. “They had a patient they needed to stitch back together. I’m sure they weren’t thinking about the politics of it.” Remus rolled his eyes. “Politics. You know what I mean.”

“I do.” Layla sighed, but nodded. “All right. Okay. You know you best. Isn’t that the PT rule?”

“Most of the time.” Remus smiled. “But you still gotta be able to know when they’re lying and it’s hurting. Am I lying?”

Layla smiled back and shook her head. “Maybe you were at one point. But, no, not right now.”

~

“He helped me up.”

With the bathroom door open in their hotel room, Remus could see Sirius laying on the bed in the mirror. 

Remus folded the wet washcloth and turned off the tap, then the bathroom light. “Théo?”

“Hm,” Sirius nodded. He opened his arm when Remus kneeled on the bed and Remus tucked himself against his side.

Sirius kept his gray eyes on the ceiling. Searching. Thinking. “It surprised me.”

“I saw,” Remus said. “Everyone saw. Did he say anything?”

Sirius shook his head. “Non. Just…looked at me for a second.”

“Maybe that means you don’t have to be strangers after all,” Remus said, softening it with a kiss to his jaw.

“Maybe,” Sirius said softly. “I’m not sure. We’ll see.”

“We will,” Remus said. He propped himself up on an elbow. “But I don’t think that last game is something to be worrying about and thinking over. You were outstanding.”

Sirius smiled. “I’ll never get tired of seeing you on the ice.” He leaned up towards Remus, pushing gently until Remus was on his back. “Switching places with you over the boards.”

“I love it, too,” Remus said, settling his hands on Sirius’ hips. “Showtime get you after the game?”

“Ouais.” Sirius sighed. “Asked me if I thought we could take it in four.”

Remus snorted. “I feel like I should be happy they’re here, like it’s a privilege, but I just don’t.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they just love asking you about your old college buddy.” Sirius wrinkled his nose. “I know they don’t know what they’re saying, but it makes me want to throw their cameras.”

Remus smiled, but it felt tighter. “Hit one of them with their microphones.”

Sirius laughed, messing with one of the ties on Remus’ sweatshirt. “Ouais.”

Remus took a breath. “Layla figured it out.”

Sirius’ eyes didn’t move from the ties. He pulled at the neck of his sweatshirt a little and bent down to kiss the dip between Remus’ collarbones, then over his adam’s apple. “Hm?”

“Cole, too. About Grayback.”

Sirius pulled back quickly at that, looking down at Remus with alarm. “What?”

“It’s okay,” Remus said quickly. “Cole knew because of the way you guys act about him, and Layla noticed that my scar wasn’t what I said it was.”

Sirius took a moment with that, eyes going somewhere over Remus’ head, searching, before he nodded.

“Why did she ask you about it?” he finally asked.

“She thought I was just sitting on it,” Remus said. “And I guess I am, kind of, but she thought I was doing it alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Sirius said, a fierceness creeping in.

Remus smiled, reaching up to curl a strand of Sirius’ hair around his finger. “Could say the same thing to you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, then grumbled when Remus flicked his temple for it.

“This hotel has a pool,” Sirius said pointedly.

Remus paused, then laughed hard. “Is that your out for these kinds of conversations?”

Sirius just grinned and leaned down. “That’s my in.” He pressed a quick kiss to Remus’ lips before pushing himself up. “Come on, allez.”

The pool was dim, with soft, warm lights along the edges of the room and below the water, making the blue tiles shimmer. They were alone as they dropped their towels on two of the lounge chairs.

“Coach would kill us if he knew we weren’t sleeping right now,” Remus said, dipping a foot in. “Oh, it’s warm.”

“Beats an ice bath?” Sirius asked.

Remus sat down on the edge before lowering himself in. “Oh God, it’s heaven.” He dunked his head under and let himself luxuriate in the world going silent for a moment. He pushed his hands upwards gently to keep himself down and let the water ease some of the soreness from his muscles before coming up to float on his back. “Get in here,” he said in Sirius’ direction, before he felt two hands on his hips and opened his eyes to see Sirius wet up to the chest and right in front of him. “Oh. Hi.”

Sirius just pulled him in until Remus’ legs were around his waist, lighter in the water. “Hi.”

Remus pushed his wet hands through Sirius’ hair. “You have to dunk.”

Sirius wrinkled his nose. “Then I’ll sleep with it wet. I already took a sho—”

But Remus used his position to push down on Sirius’ shoulders and bring them under together, laughing, maybe getting some bubbles up his nose, but it was worth it for the wet puppy look of Sirius, his dark hair plastered against his forehead and in his eyes.

“Thank you for that,” Sirius coughed a little.

“You wanted to come to the pool,” Remus said, tightening his legs around Sirius’ waist. He pushed Sirius’ hair out of his eyes so he wouldn’t let go of Remus’ waist, and watched as the gray of his irises took on the blue-yellow of the water and lights. “Now the pool has come to you.”

“Ouais, it has.” Sirius smiled, real and easy.

Remus just smiled and let the water settle itself around them. Sirius had one hand supporting him, the other beginning to trace up and down Remus’ spine. He walked them a little deeper in, until they were up to their shoulders. When Sirius leaned in to press a kiss to Remus’ scar, just above the waterline, Remus sent him a soft, half smile and kissed one of the scars on his cheeks that, to be honest, Remus wasn’t sure had come from hockey at all. When he pulled back again, Sirius had a complicated expression on his face.

“What?” Remus asked softly, arms draped loosely around Sirius’ neck. “What’s that look for, tell me.”

Sirius swallowed, his eyes darting over Remus’ face. Remus watched drops of water trail over his skin and cling to his eyelashes. He waited until Sirius’ eyes found his again.

“I want to take your name,” Sirius said.

The only sound for a long moment was the water lapping at the sides of the pool. A phone ringing far off. There was a drop of water trailing down Sirius’ cheek, and for a moment Remus thought it was a tear. He caught it with his thumb anyway.

“What?” he whispered, biting his lip against a smile. “You do?”

Sirius nodded. His hands had stilled against Remus’ back, only holding him now. He looked nervous, lips pressed together and biting at the inside of his cheek. God, Remus hardly knew what to say.

“Gonna cause a lot of people to have to buy new sweaters,” was the first thing that came to mind.

It had the intended effect. Sirius smiled, gave a half-hearted shrug, but he still looked like there was something else, something more, that was tugging at him.

“Baby,” Remus said gently. “If this is about—what I said the other day. And your family…you own your name, Sirius. You do.”

Sirius looked away, around at the dim blue glow. “It’s not—well, it is. But it’s not. It’s just—I want to be in your family. I love them, I love your mom and dad, I love Jules so much. I want to be in a good family. I don’t want anything to do with mine. Merde, not Reg, I don’t mean Reg, just…them.”

Them. His parents.

Remus frowned. He touched Sirius’ cheek, brought their eyes back together. “The family you have around you has had nothing to do with names for a long time now. Nothing to do with blood.”

“I know,” Sirius said. “I know, but…” They were far away from anything, floating quietly, in the middle of the pool. Remus knew Sirius’ feet were touching the ground but it felt like neither of them had to. “I still want it.”

Remus brought his hands to Sirius’ neck, steadying them in the blue. Sirius leaned forward briefly and pressed a gentle kiss to Remus’ mouth.

“You want my name?” Remus whispered. The words were pinging around his mind. Sirius Lupin. It kind of made Remus want to cry. They hadn’t talked about this yet. Not really. Remus Black had crossed his mind, but it felt like something he would have scribbled in a school notebook. This all felt so much realer than names, the ties so much deeper. But if it felt real to Sirius, then…

“Yeah,” Sirius said firmly. “I do.” Then, he smiled, secret, just between them. “Mon vœu.”

Remus bit his lip, unable to help the slightly giddy laugh that escaped him. He brushed a thumb over Sirius’ bottom lip. “Well. Okay, then.”

Sirius smiled. “Merci.”

“But, really, in all truth, a lot of people are gonna have to buy new jerseys.”

Sirius tilted his head back, laughing. “Too bad.”

Remus drank in his smile. Mon vœu. “S. Lupin doesn’t exactly have the same punch.”

“That sounds like someone else’s problem,” Sirius said.

Remus laughed. “Fine, fine. God, I love you, you know that?”

“I think I might,” Sirius said.

He was leaning in for a kiss when a voice echoed over the pool.

“Oh, come on.”

They jolted, looking up to see Finn and Leo standing there holding towels and wearing swim suits.

“This room’s taken, boys,” Remus called back, tightening his arms around Sirius’ neck.

“Oh, no, no, no,” Finn tossed his towel onto a chair, waving a finger. “Nope.” Leo made a startled sound when Finn promptly picked him up around the waist, half over his shoulder, before running and jumping into the pool. The splash sent the water in a wave up to their necks. Remus could feel Sirius laughing against him when Finn and Leo both came up spluttering. Finn flicked his soaked hair out of his eyes. “I just claimed it.” He sent a splash in their direction.

“Wow,” Leo said, blinking chlorine out of his eyes. “So you can throw me over your shoulder. Okay.”

“How long you been here for?” Finn said. “Times up! Give me and my lover boy the pool.”

“Non, you can have that side over there,” Sirius said, and then the door opened again.

“Oh, hey, big party!” Evgeni’s voice boomed, and he, Jackson, and Kasey appeared in the doorway. “Not text? Mean.”

“Fuck,” Finn moaned, and Leo just laughed.

“Sorry, baby,” Leo said. “Looks like we’re gonna have to make new plans. But hey,” Leo nodded to Sirius and Remus and then wrapped his long legs around Finn’s waist from behind. “They seem to have some good ideas.”

The door opened again, and James’ face lit up when he saw them.

“Team swim! Yes!” James chanted, fists raised in the air. Pascal, rubbing his eyes, followed him in, then followed by Kota, then Olli, then Cole, then what looked like most of the entire team.

“I am too old for this,” Pascal sighed.

“Nah,” Kasey said, and gave Pascal a firm tap on the butt. “Get in that water, old man.”

“Wow,” Remus said. “At least we got a head start.”

Sirius just laughed as the team’s voices echoed warmly all around them.

“Hey, Le, you know the song Nightswimming?” 

“Twenty bucks, Nado, bigger splash than you!”

“Do you think they would room service in here? Fucking starving, man…”

Sirius and Remus watched the pool fill up around them, water choppy with laughter and movement.

“See?” Remus whispered. “Family.”

Sirius blinked fast a few times, and Remus was more sure this time that it wasn’t just pool water clinging to his lashes. “Ouais. I see.”

~

Logan was exhausted, frustrated, but at least Luke had ordered burgers and fries and Percy was making them double over with laughter. They were all at Luke’s apartment trying to wind down enough to not be painfully aware that they had a lose-all game tomorrow. The Bruins were one game away from knocking them out. They couldn’t lose.

They had a video game paused on the TV, and ginger beers all around—they were too tired for anything more. Logan didn’t want any extra haziness. They could have been watching the Gryffindor-Vegas game, but Logan figured the others knew him well enough by now to know that it’d just be stressful for him. He appreciated that no one had suggested it.

Percy and Will were arguing over some play from two games ago, but smiling while they did it. Logan didn’t think he’d ever seen those two fight. Luke and Saint were listening, Saint occasionally throwing in a few words with the purpose of stoking one side of the fire, or the other. His feet were in Luke’s lap, and when Luke squeezed his ankle with a teasing look of warning, trying to get him to stop keeping Will and Percy going, Saint just reached up with a toe and poked him in the chin. It drew one of Luke’s realer smiles out, and when he caught Logan watching, the smile stayed in place.

A few months ago, Logan never would have been able to dream of this level of happiness. He missed his boys. God, he missed them. It was a bruise that pricked and darkened every time he thought about it. But it was only a bruise. Not a break. It might not fade, but it wouldn’t leave a scar on him, either.

Logan just smiled, giving Percy a scuff on the back of his head on the way to the kitchen. He liked Luke’s apartment. It was simple, pretty sparse but still homey. In the bathroom, there had been two toothbrushes. Logan wondered if one of them was Saint’s, and if it was there for the occasional night, or for the regular ones. He reached into the fridge and grabbed another ginger beer. He was contemplating one of the fruit popsicles Luke had said were up for grabs in the freezer when Luke called out to him from the living room.

“Hey, Tremz!”

“Ouais?” Logan called back. He pushed the wooden stick of a strawberry one through the rapper and pulled it out. It was sweet and tangy, better than the spicy ginger beer.

“Check your phone! Your boys just took Vegas out of the playoffs in four.”

~

Remus had dreamed of this so many times. The Cup, yes. The history making, yes.

But more than that: the celebratory ice pile.

Sirius had him crushed against his chest, and everyone was jumping around him so that he had to jump, too. Someone was shouting right in his ear, but he didn’t care. He threw his head back and shouted right along. The Vegas crowd was dejected around them, but enough Gryffindor fans had made the trip to be jumping and victorious right there with them.

It might’ve be only the first round, but this was farther than Remus had thought he would ever skate.

“Re,” Sirius shouted, and then pulled him into a jostling, sloppy kiss. Remus didn’t care if any cameras were there. He wanted to be able to watch the way Sirius smiled into it when he got home.

The next moment, he was being pulled away, into another set of arms.

“Hey, hey!” Thomas was grinning hard. He pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek before looking him in the eye and pounding a palm against his chest. “Here’s to second times, Lupin.”

Remus grinned and pulled Thomas down for a tight hug. “Second times. Second chances.”

#vaincre lumosinlove #wolfstar #coops #o'knutzy #cw: mention of abuse #cw: mention of injury

[tea-moon-ster]

My Happy Ending Stood Me Up

One year after Kasey's trade to the Lions, him and Natalie meet Alex at the All Stars after party. When Natalie and Alex have a long-waited talk, a call he can't refuse comes in.

inspired by this amazing art and chapter 3 of Vaincre, have Alex and Natalie's first confession. Filled with angst. pre-Sweater Weather.

art and characters belong to @lumosinlove. a huge thank you to @kindofspecificstore for brainstorming with me and beta-ing it! So glad to have you as my O'Darwin partner in crime.

read it on ao3 here.

February 2016

Hockey parties after parties were always an informal, messy thing. Players shouting, chugging too much beer at once–Natalie had seen it all in the past years. But that night was different, and she was glad. For the All Star’s after party, the hosting magnate had imposed a strict Black-Tie dress-code, that sat well with the elegant atmosphere of the rooftop overlooking the concrete jungle. Broad shoulders fit into carefully tailored suits, and shiny dresses glittering at their sides. 

Natalie remembered what the old, elegant man welcoming everyone had told her when she’d thanked him for the invitation. He’d smiled a polite, wrinkled smile, giving Kasey a shoulder pat after shaking their hands.

Everyone who is someone in hockey is at this party, my dear.

She’d linked her arm with Kasey’s. He must be doing something right, then.

A few players had approached them, tilting their glasses together and chatting. The shyness was slow to leave Kasey’s smile though, and Natalie held onto his arm as if to steady him. It was his first convocation at All Stars, and it had seen plenty of tensed muscles. 

Most of the people eventually headed out to the open part of the roof, where strings of warm lights mixed with the colourful glow of the city and dark bushes assured privacy. They still hadn’t been. Natalie knew Kasey was waiting—well, they were both waiting for him to arrive.

They enjoyed the night. Natalie led them to the dance floor, where they swayed to the slow jazz of the band, smiles close to each other. She loved the way his smile dimpled as he looked down at her.

“You don’t usually dance this much, Mister Winter,” Natalie said as the fourth piece started.

Kasey simply smiled, making her do a spin. “You simply look too good for me not to, Miss Darcy.”

Natalie giggled, without shaking her head at the compliment, as she would have done years ago. Her ivory dress was a soft, elegant embrace around her body, and the earrings were one of the very first gifts Kasey had bought her with his NHL paychecks. She felt great that night.

She let Kasey pull her close, tilting her face up to meet his lips halfway.

“We’re the hot couple here,” she informed him, placing a hand on his chest and flattening a crease there. Night blue suit and hair brushed back, away from his face. Kasey always had something regal about his attire. He blushed every time she said it.

“You do know that Fleury and his wife are just outside on the balcony, don’t you?” he grinned.                                 

She laughed. “You’ll have to update me on the All Star’s ass situation now that you’ve seen them in the locker room.”

She took in Kasey’s blush with pleasure. “Well,” he whispered, looking around, “We weren’t wrong about some.”

-

Natalie knew the moment Alexander O’Hara walked into the room without having to turn around. Looking at Kasey’s face was enough. The way his smile grew and opened was rare among that many people–Alex was one of the few who could make it happen.

She turned anyway, and found she could do nothing about the warm feeling that invaded her chest.

Alex O’Hara was a sight to behold. She’d always thought so, even before complicated emotions got in the way,  and the feeling skyrocketed at the sight. The perfectly tailored black tuxedo, crashing with the mess of red wisps, was enough for her to feel her own smile grow. Freckles wrinkled in a smile as he shook hands left and right, charisma flowing out of him in a natural stream. Natalie guessed that everyone felt special when Alex O’Hara’s attention was on them, but she couldn’t help it. When he spotted them, she felt like they were more special than everyone else on the roof.

Kasey’s hand stilled on her shoulder for a second, a firm and gentle grasp. Then he was stepping forward, and crashing in an embrace with the redhead. The way they hugged was like a well-practice dance, or an action on the ice. Alex always got on his toes to reach Kasey, and always let the blond place his arms around his neck. And no matter how many times Natalie had seen them hug, the way Kasey’s back relaxed at the contact would always melt her.

“Kasey Winter,” Alex announced once they parted, jostling the goalie’s shoulder a few times. Then his eyes fell on her, and his grin grew impossibly more. “And Natalie Darcy.”

She felt her cheeks hurt from the smile.

The next second, she was engulfed in a hug of their own, her feet leaving the ground for a second as Alex’s delighted laugh rumbled against her shoulder. Her arms held on as tight as she could for what was only a hug with her boyfriend’s ex-teammate.

-

“Fancy seeing you out of your goalie cage.”

“Fancy seeing you out of the penalty box.”

“Walked all the way over here, Alexander?”

“Is that even a question, Natalia?”

“Not really, as you’re late.”

Natalie let herself relax into the comfort of their own little bubble. God, how she’d missed this.

-

Kasey got them drinks. Alex challenged Natalie to a jazz dance battle. Kasey and Natalie posed for pictures as Alex frowned in focus. Kasey and Alex told Natalie stories of their past roadies and wild nights out until she spilled her drink.

Kasey and Alex.

Nat and Kasey.

Alex and Nat.

KaseyandAlexandNatandKaseyandNatandKaseyandAlex-

 -

“You can’t tell me you’re not cold in just that.”

Natalie turned from where she was looking at the tiny, busy streets at the edge of the balcony. Alexander was there, a hand stuffed in his pocket, another holding a glass of whiskey, head slightly tilted to the side. The lifted corner of his mouth had the same, dim glow of the string lights above their heads.

He stopped at her side, joining her silent watch for a few minutes. Mesmerising neon and a hundred horns and messy lines of cars. The circular motions of the glass in Alexander’s hand. The cold rail against her bare forearms.

It was getting late, and the cold February temperatures had pushed everyone back inside. The band was still playing some slow songs, and the air had shifted from electric to relaxed.

“There aren’t this many skyscrapers in Gryffindor,” Natalie heard herself say after a while. “It’s not bad. Just different.”

Alex nodded.

He’d visited. Gryffindor was familiar now. But it had also meant trade, goodbyes, and things they’d slowly let go of as they built a new life. She’d never forget those first days, before she could join Kasey, in which he wouldn’t talk or answer his phone much. She always felt like she should put a good word on Gryffindor with Alex. There had been a long period of radio silence after Kasey’s trade.

A finger poked her arm slightly, distracting her from her thoughts..

“Yep,” Alex said, “You’re freezing.”

Natalie looked up at him.

There were some things Natalie would one day say she’d change about that moment. At the same time, she never wanted it to end.

When she realised she’d been staring at his lips for a while, she turned to the city again, shrugging.

“Well, it is February, Alexander. But I don’t feel cold.”

“Hmm. Wonder if those four cocktails have anything to do with it.”

“Maybe it’s just my strong constitution.”

“The cold never bothered you anyway.”

They stared at each other unimpressed for a moment before breaking into giggles together. Natalie leaned in a little, and their shoulders touched. Oh, his jacket was warm.

She pressed herself more against him. She liked that warmth. She’d missed it.

An arm circled her shoulders, moving up and down for some friction. The other brought the glass to her hands.

“Have some. It’ll warm you up.”

That, Natalie thought as she relaxed more into Alex, she would never change about that night.

The whiskey burned down her throat, and maybe her heart pounding in her ears had to do with that.

Alex seemed to become very aware of their position as well. She felt him look up, then to the side, then down to the tiny cars again. His hair brushed against her cheek in a light tingle.

She wondered where—

“Kasey’s inside.”

Oh.

“His captain finally made it to the party. Really serious, that Black.”

Natalie groaned. “Oh God, you did not.”

“I’m afraid I just did,” Alex sighed. He looked in the distance. “That boy just needs to grow into his gear. Like Kasey did.”

Natalie nodded. She pressed imperceptibly more into Alex’s grip.

“Kasey’s alright,” she said softly.

Alex’s nose was against her hair, and his chest close to her shoulder. So, she didn’t miss the way his breath hitched a little. Then, a gentle inhale. A nod.

“I know. I know he is.”

Silence lasts longer that time, so long that she began to worry she’d said the wrong thing. She parted from him enough to look up. But his expression was peaceful, a small smile glowing with the rest of the city. His eyes, half hidden by the messy hair, dropped on her lips.

“I know he is,” he repeated, almost in a whisper. “He’s with you.”

Natalie felt on fire. 

She looked at him, looked for him, for any hint or suggestion of what was going to happen next. It’s like they already knew, though, as they’d always both known, and arrived at the edge of the cliff just then. Natalie felt her eyes widen, her breathing stopping. Alex was a solid, warm force against her. Keeping her close and warm. But at the same time, like he couldn’t help it, letting himself be at her mercy.

They stilled in that moment, studying each other’s face for any sign of false alarm or joke intentions. But Alex wasn’t backing down or downplaying it. He showed his cards. It was Natalie’s turn to find that courage in herself. Her hands were itching and her head felt light. Is this really happening, echoed in her mind.

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before managing a few words out. Delicate and vulnerable. 

“You’re in love with my boyfriend, Alexander.”

“Yes.”

“You need a haircut.”

“Yes.”

Her breath faltered. “You’re in love with me.”

“Yes.”

Oh.

His voice was even, like he didn't have much of a fight left inside him. A criminal finally confessing his crime after a night of interrogations.

Natalie looked at him with half-parted lips, speechless with the confirmation of what had navigated in her mind for far too long. Alexander remained silent and still, probably waiting for a reaction on her part –well, he’d just spilled his heart out to her. His eyes were big and vulnerable, without any grin or funny face to shield himself.

She had no words, and too many at once. She’d prayed for this moment to come with a mix of hope and guilt that had left her feeling like a sinner heading to confession..

She didn’t know what to say, but she knew what she felt—God, what Kasey felt, what they both felt for Alexander. And he feels the same way. What she’d feared the distance would erase had only made it clearer. And he feels the same way. She smiled hard, and started nodding, looking for his eyes. 

Alex looked up at her in surprise, eyes big and brows up. He nodded back once, a timid question, a confirmation that exposing his heart hadn’t been in vain.

Natalie kept nodding, her smile grew, and had to grasp his forearm. She opened her mouth, ready to let it all out.

 I’m so happy. I’ve wished for this moment for so long. Kasey loves you, too.We talk about you every day. I think I love you, too, or I will, soon, it’s inevitable—

The notes of Bad Romance filling the air were the comedic prelude of the tragedy.

Natalie didn’t have to look down at where Alex’s phone was vibrating in his pocket and turning on with an upcoming call. That song had been his ringtone ever since they’d met, born as a lost bet against his brother and then stuck because he “actually didn’t mind it”.

Lady Gaga screamed in between them, but the silence was still deafening, toning the moment down, bringing them back to earth, to an open roof in New York City. Alex closed his eyes in a flinch, probably half cursing himself, half pretending his phone wasn’t ringing.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking embarrassed and lost at the same time. He let it ring for a while, hoping whoever was calling would give up, but in the end he had to reach for the phone. His eyes as he took it in hand were almost outraged. Natalie could have sworn they were once again thinking the same thing—throwing the damn phone over the balcony. The cold light of the screen made his frown glow. 

“Fuck, it’s my agent. He’s been trying to call me all day, it must be something—”

Natalie blinked, still dizzy from what the call had just interrupted. But the mortified expression on the redhead’s face made her reach out to his arm. She tried for a smile.

“Hey, of course, don’t worry. I’ll be here.”

Alex let out a sound of frustration, and he took his jacket off to place it on Natalie’s shoulder. Warm.

“Here, to keep you warm. I’m so sorry. Fuck. I’ll, I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t think that this call is more important than—”

Natalie smiled. “Go, Red.”

Alex sprinted a few steps away, before turning again. “I’m sorry, I feel like I’m fucking this up, I’ll try and—”

Natalie wanted to kiss him. “Alexander, I’m not leaving. Go.”

Alex nodded, and grinned over his shoulder when he turned again.  

“I’ll come get you, Natalia!”

Maybe she would. 

She smiled, shaking her head. With her gaze on Alex’s back, she tilted her head to inhale the cologne on his jacket.

 -

“Alex?”

“Hey Robert, hi. Sorry I haven’t replied, it was a crazy day…”

“Alex…”

“And now I’m having, ah, a moment, kind of an important talk…”

“Alex.”

“So, if I can call you back later, or tomorrow morning, that would be…”

“Alex.”

Alex stopped his pacing, eyes stilling on the skyline.

Robert stayed silent.

And that’s how he knew.

He looked at the silhouette of his city for a second more. Millions of lights and voices and dreams. Man, he loved his city. He…he would miss it. He silently thanked Rob for conceding him that second.

He inhaled, and it came out a little shaky. He turned to look at where Natalie was waiting for him. She was stunning, in her silk dress, looking like a muse, and wearing his jacket in a way that was just right and natural. She met his eyes and smiled.

It felt egoist, looking at her just to find the courage to force that single word out of his mouth.  

“Where?”

 -

Natalie looked at Alex as he paced fastly around the open roof, a hand pressing the phone to his ear . The little jump in his steps made her smile. 

Her fingers unconsciously went to brush her lips, where Alex’s intense gaze was still burning.

An involuntary smile crossed her face. They’d almost kissed. And Alex would come back, and they’d kiss for real this time, and they would find Kasey. They would turn this into something. God, the face Kase would make. The realisation hitting him and finally peace, release, the three of them, together—

Alex turned, and Natalie’s smile died the moment their eyes met.

Red eyes stared back at her for a long moment. The next, he was gone.

 -

Natalie was still staring at the wall Alex had disappeared behind when she felt a hand on her back.

“Nat, I was looking for you,” Kasey said, his smile on her. “What happened? Weren’t you with Alex, where…”

Natalie just stared at him, not sure what to say. Or where to start.

Kasey frowned, hand going to her cheek. Warm. “Nat. Baby, you okay?”

Natalie looked back at the wall. 

 -

It was Kasey who found him.

It was a dark, hidden  part of the terrace, with a few bushes left out of display..

He stopped in front of him, looking down at where Alexander was sitting on the small step before the balcony. Kasey said nothing for a while, waiting for him to lower the hands from his face. His phone was in between his feet. Kasey wanted to throw it away with all his force. But he stayed still.

He heard a harsh sob and had to look up at the sky so not to do the same.

He breathed in, bracing himself for the inevitable hit.

“Where?”

“Florida. Tampa Bay Lightning.”

It knocked Kasey out like a punch to his stomach. The air forced out of his lungs, the nausea. But the adrenaline that softened the hits on the ice, mentally if anything, was nowhere in sight. What had proceeded, and what followed, was the sensation of the floor crumpling under his feet.

He nodded a few times, mostly to himself. He was glad for the dark. He didn’t know what his face was doing, but it was out of his control.

“Fucking bouncy ice, eh?”

It came out too shaky to sound like a joke, but it made Alex look up at him. Kasey watched him pass a hand on his face to dry his cheeks.

He looked exhausted.

His mouth opened and closed a few times. Then he shook his head.

“Nat and I, we…”

“I know,” Kasey interrupted softly, because he knew that repeating it out loud would have killed them both. “She told me.” He almost whispered the words that followed. “I..I love that you two..were talking about it.”

You’re both braver than me, always have been, he couldn’t bring himself to add. Every word burnt too much, and he simply had to hope that Alex was reading his mind as he always did.

The redhead shook his head.

He opened and closed his mouth again, only for no sound to come out.

Kasey saw the monumental effort it took him to try for a smile. But it crumpled before reaching his face.

“I…I thought I finally had you. I…I feel so stupid now.” He sobbed, and Kasey looking down at him with wide eyes, was left with no air. “I feel so, so stupid.”

-

The party was over.

The terrace slowly emptied, and no chatter could be heard from inside. The three of them had been sitting on the cold steps for what felt like hours, staring at the wall in front of them without a word. That’s how Natalie had found them. Sitting next to each other, with dishevelled expressions and suits. She’d taken Alex’s other side, a hand immediately finding his back. A small kiss on his shoulder, Kasey’s hand finding hers for a second.

And now, elegant clothes on concrete, staring at a grey wall at a party, Natalie couldn’t help thinking how deeply unfair it was. How it should have gone entirely differently. Hell, how young they were.

In the back of her mind, the sparkle of hope that her talk with Alexander had ignited was slow to die. They could have been talking, a mile a minute, of their feelings, and all the times they’d wanted to kiss, and laugh in relief. Alex would have taken them on a walk around the city, smiling smitten and relaxed. Natalie had seen a glimpse of the euphoria that Alexander would have been wearing on his face for days and weeks, just before the phone rang. Nothing close to the thin line his lips were now. They could have spent the night together, unable to sleep, and they would have figured something out. New York and Gryffindor weren’t that far.

Tampa and Gryffindor…that was an entirely different story.

“It’s…” Kasey started after a while, voice too hoarse. Natalie could feel the tears at the back of his throat. “It’s not that…it could be worse—”

“Kase,” Alex sighed, a hand going to the blond’s shoulder. “Not now.”  

Kasey closed his eyes shut, nodding hard.

“There’ll be time for that,” Alex said softly. “Just not now.”

Kasey kept nodding vigorously. A harsh inhale took him by surprise, and a sob shook his shoulders. Natalie felt her heart break for the hundredth time that night. She itched to lower his head on her shoulder or take his hand in hers. Instead, she watched him bring them to cover his eyes, and finally let go in a way that Natalie had only seen once before. Not a silent, still tear crossing his face on its own, but a breathless, desperate cry for someone to tell him that it wasn’t really happening.

Alex pulled him close, leading Kasey’s head on his shoulder. His eyes were a vague, glassy stare at the wall in front of them. Puffy and red from crying, without any trace of the sparkle or warmth that Natalie had fallen for.  

She laced her arm with his. She wanted to lean against him like she had just an hour ago, and close her eyes, but she couldn’t. Alex was already holding Kasey, and she didn’t know how long he could resist before collapsing on the floor.

She pressed her cheek against his shoulder, a second too late to realise her melted makeup would stain his white shirt—it was cold, Alex was cold. She considered giving back his jacket but found that she couldn’t. Just like she couldn’t think of moving at all, or of the moment they’d have to part, each on their way, with Alex muttering  “I have to start packing.”

When would she smell his cologne again? The thought made her grip his arm tighter.

She couldn’t break the spell—no one could, no one wanted to. Life would continue as if three broken hearts weren’t holding each other as long as possible before miles would pour in between them. And all they’d be left with would be a sense of smallness, like dice scattered around a board game. It wasn’t bliss, what they had right there, but Natalie still would not dare to break it.

So, she pressed her check against a cold, stained shoulder, and let her own sobs mix with two different rhythms.

 -

When goodbyes eventually had to be said, words were nowhere to be found. Natalie made Alex promise he’d call once he was all settled in. And no one felt like it was right, but Alex’s jacket returned in a bundle to his hands.

They hugged. First Alex and Natalie, after sharing a long look and a small kiss on the cheek. Then she left them for a few minutes. It took Kasey just a glance to understand they were both thinking about last year. That single kiss at the airport. Long cries before and after. The feeling of the universe taking pleasure in bringing them close and then throwing them in opposite directions again. God, they’d worked hard to share friendly smiles again without the bitterness creeping in. Kasey shook his head to himself, almost surrendering to that destiny.

It took them a while to even look at each other. And, God, they’d cried that night, but Kasey felt the familiar burn build up behind his eyelids again. He tasted blood in his mouth for how long he’d been torturing the inside of his cheek.

“Hey.”

Alex was smiling. Eyes red, cheeks still wet. Hands stuffed in his pockets again. Kasey threw himself at him hard enough to feel the breath forced out of him. But less than a second later, arms were gripping back twice as strong.

Feeling each other’s raspy, destroyed sobs was a comfort and torture at the same time.

“’M getting snot on your shirt,” Kasey mumbled after their breaths calmed down.

Alex’s grip tightened. “’S okay. I have your snot and Nat’s mascara.”

“Please wash that shirt or throw it away.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

When they parted after one last squeeze, Kasey was able to smile back. Trembly, sad, but a start. They stood there, unable to move, until Alex’s hand unconsciously started dangling back and forth. His fingers caught Kasey’s in a soft hold.

But it lasted less than a second.

Kasey took a step back, as if burned, and stuffed his hands in his pockets like Alex always did. He broke his own heart the moment he did it. He watched Alex blush, eyes dropping to his feet, and nodding. Kasey cursed himself, and he didn’t need to go on with his life to know he’d continue to do so for many years.

Alex had to look away to manage a smile, and he tilted his head at him.

“See you on the ice, Blizzard.”

Before Kasey could say anything, he was gone.  

 -

Natalie needed to see him leave. Kasey couldn’t.

She turned to watch him leave the terrace. If she’d seen their interaction, she didn’t mention. Kasey squeezed his eyes shut, cursing himself, Alex O’Hara, hockey, and agent calls. He cursed Florida, airports, and himself again for not conceding to themselves the last act of grace Alex had been willing to give him before losing him for the second time.

The party was over. 

#lumosinlove #lou's writing #o'darwin #vaincre lumosinlove

[pdj-france]

Parfois, le véritable amour est trop beau pour être vrai. kate3155/iStock via Getty ImagesDans le documentaire Netflix "The Tinder Swindler", les victimes ont exposé l'escroc notoire Simon Leviev, qui s'est fait passer pour un riche magnat du diamant sur la populaire application de rencontres Tinder pour tromper et arnaquer de nombreuses femmes avec des millions de dollars. Leviev est un exemple frappant d'escroc de rencontres, par contre les opérations criminelles s'attaquent aussi aux personnes émotionnellement vulnérables pour gagner leur confiance et les exploiter financièrement. Internet a révolutionné les rencontres, et il y a eu une augmentation du nombre d'adultes américains utilisant des applications pour trouver des correspondances idéales après la pandémie. Alors que ces applications offrent une commodité pour se connecter avec des partenaires romantiques, elles ouvrent aussi la porte aux escroqueries amoureuses en ligne. Les criminels créent à la fois des profils trompeurs et des scénarios urgents pour mener à bien l'arnaque. La Federal Trade Commission rapporte que près de 70 000 Américains ont été victimes d'escroqueries romantiques en ligne en 2022, avec des pertes signalées dépassant 1,3 milliard de dollars américains. Les escroqueries amoureuses en ligne exploitent les gens par le biais d'une ingénierie sociale en ligne calculée et de tactiques de communication délibérément trompeuses. Dans une série de projets de recherche, mes collègues de l'Université d'État de Géorgie, de l'Université de l'Alabama, de l'Université de Floride du Sud et moi-même nous sommes concentrés sur la compréhension du fonctionnement des escrocs, les signaux susceptibles de provoquer des changements dans leurs tactiques et les mesures que les gens peuvent prendre pour se défendre contre être victime de cette arnaque. Simon Leviev, le «Tinder Swindler», a escroqué plusieurs femmes en se provoquant passer pour un magnat du diamant. Comment fonctionnent les escroqueries romantiques en ligne Les escroqueries amoureuses en ligne ne sont pas une coïncidence. Ce sont des schémas minutieusement planifiés qui suivent des étapes différentes. La recherche a identifié cinq étapes : Appâter des victimes aux profils attractifs. Soigner les victimes avec intimité. Créer des crises pour soutirer de l'argent. À l'occasion, manipuler les victimes avec chantage. Révélation de l'arnaque. Bref, les escrocs n'escroquent pas les victimes par hasard. Ils planifient leurs actions à l'avance, en suivant patiemment leurs manuels de jeu pour garantir des résultats rentables. Les escrocs se faufilent dans le cœur d'une victime pour accéder à son argent par de faux prétextes. Dans une précédente étude, mon collègue Volkan Topalli et moi avons analysé les témoignages de victimes du site stop-scammers.com. Nos recherches ont révélé l'utilisation par les escrocs de diverses techniques d'ingénierie sociale et d'histoires de crise pour susciter des demandes urgentes. Les escrocs ont tiré parti des normes sociales, de la culpabilité et des urgences supposées pour manipuler les victimes. Les escrocs ont aussi porté une attention particulière aux modèles de communication et ont adapté leurs tactiques en fonction des réponses des victimes. Cette interaction a considérablement influencé le fonctionnement global de l'escroquerie. Partout à travers le monde, les escrocs amoureux en ligne utilisent différentes techniques qui varient ont rapporté les cultures pour vaincre à escroquer leurs victimes. Dans mes recherches récentes, par exemple, j'ai examiné de près une escroquerie amoureuse en ligne en Chine appelée "Sha Zhu Pan", qui se traduit vaguement par "Pig Butchering Scam". À Sha Zhu Pan, les escrocs appâtent et préparent les victimes pour l'exploitation financière grâce à des configurations de groupe bien structurées. Plusieurs escrocs répartis dans quatre groupes - hôtes, ressources, informatique

et blanchiment d'argent - persuadent les victimes par des tactiques romantiques de miser dans de fausses applications ou d'employer de faux sites Web de jeux d'argent, les convainquant de payer de plus en plus sans jamais recevoir leur argent. Les hôtes interagissent avec les victimes, les membres des ressources identifient les cibles et collectent des informations à leur sujet, l'informatique crée les fausses applications et sites Web, et les blanchisseurs d'argent traitent les gains mal acquis. Dissuasion et récompenses Comme les voleurs de rue, les escrocs amoureux en ligne peuvent être influencés à la fois positivement et négativement par une gamme d'indices situationnels qui servent d'incitations ou de dissuasions. Notre enquête a montré que les messages dissuasifs peuvent affecter de manière significative le attitude des escrocs. Voici un exemple de message dissuasif : « Je sais que vous escroquez des innocents. Mon ami a été récemment arrêté pour le même délit et risque cinq ans de prison. Vous devriez arrêter avant de subir le même sort. Sur la base de conversations en direct avec des escrocs actifs en ligne, notre analyse récente suggère que la réception de messages dissuasifs a réduit le taux de réponse des escrocs et leur utilisation de certains mots, et a augmenté la probabilité que lorsqu'ils cherchaient à communiquer davantage, ils admettaient avoir fait quelque chose de mal. Nos observations indiquent que les escrocs non seulement diversifient leurs approches pour susciter davantage de réponses, comme faire appel à leurs relations amoureuses, demander des informations d'identification et demander aux victimes de passer à des plateformes de chat privées, mais ils utilisent aussi plusieurs techniques pour amener les victimes à surmonter leurs appréhensions à propos de envoyer plus d'argent aux escrocs. Par exemple, les escrocs persuadent subtilement les victimes de se considérer comme détenant plus de pouvoir dans l'interaction qu'eux-mêmes. Bloquer les escrocs Il y a plusieurs des techniques qui pourraient aider les utilisateurs à se défendre contre les escroqueries amoureuses en ligne. Dans les résultats expérimentaux, mes collègues et moi suggérons que les applications en ligne, en particulier les applications de rencontres, implémentent des messages d'avertissement. Un exemple serait d'appliquer des algorithmes linguistiques pour identifier des mots-clés comme « argent », « MoneyGram » et « banque » dans les conversations afin d'alerter les victimes potentielles de l'escroquerie et de empêcher les escrocs de s'engager davantage. De plus, les applications peuvent employer des outils pour détecter les images de profil contrefaites et d'autres types de fraude à l'image. En se concentrant sur l'identification de l'utilisation par les escrocs d'images de profil contrefaites, cet algorithme avancé a le potentiel de dissuader de manière préventive les escrocs d'établir de faux profils et d'engager des conversations dès le départ. Le FBI donne des conseils sur la façon de se protéger contre les escroqueries amoureuses. Comment se protéger Les utilisateurs d'applications de rencontres en ligne peuvent prendre des précautions lorsqu'ils parlent à des inconnus. Les utilisateurs doivent suivre cinq règles pour éviter les escrocs : Évitez de partager des informations financières ou d'envoyer de l'argent à des inconnus. Abstenez-vous d'envoyer des photos privées à des inconnus. Faites attention à l'orthographe et à la grammaire car les escrocs prétendent souvent résider dans des pays anglophones alors qu'ils opèrent en réalité dans des pays non occidentaux. Utilisez des recherches inversées d'images et de noms. Confiez-vous à votre famille et à vos amis si vous devenez suspect. Un dernier conseil pour responsabiliser ceux qui ont été victimes d'escroqueries amoureuses en ligne : ne vous blâmez pas. Prenez la décision courageuse de vous libérer de l'arnaque et demandez de l'aide.

Contactez vos proches, des organisations tierces dignes de confiance et des organismes chargés de l'application de la loi pour obtenir de l'aide. Ce réseau de soutien est essentiel pour vous aider à redémarrer votre vie et à aller de l'avant. Fangzhou Wang ne travaille pas pour, ne consulte pas, ne détient pas d'actions ou ne reçoit de financement d'aucune entreprise ou organisation qui bénéficierait de ce post, et n'a divulgué aucune affiliation pertinente au-delà de sa nomination universitaire. Source

[juristique]

Le grand retour des cryptomonnaies en Chine et Hong Kong

New Post has been published on https://www.juristique.org/opinion/retour-cryptomonnaies-chine-hong-kong

Le grand retour des cryptomonnaies en Chine et Hong Kong

Aujourd’hui, intermède sur les cryptos, non pour les cryptos pour elles-mêmes, mais pour leurs conséquences géopolitiques. Je m’appuie pour cette analyse sur la dernière vidéo de la chaine CoinSu sur le retour du marché des cryptomonnaies à Hong Kong :

Crypto à Hong Kong : le dessous des cartes

Rappel de quelques fondamentaux d’une monnaie

La monnaie est le socle de l’économie. Le pays qui impose sa monnaie possède un avantage compétitif déterminant par rapport à ses concurrents. Aujourd’hui, les échanges se font essentiellement autour de 3 supports monétaires :

Les monnaies fiduciaires, très largement dominées par le dollar,

L’or dans une moindre mesure, comme réserve de valeur, mais également pour les échanges après la décision de la Russie de la convertibilité du rouble en or,

Les cryptomonnaies, avec principalement le Bitcoin (BTC), autant réserve de valeur (sujet à discussion) mais également comme monnaie pour les échanges de biens et de services.

Le contrôle de l’économie mondiale par les Américains via le dollar

Avoir le contrôle de la monnaie, revient de fait à contrôler l’économie. Aujourd’hui, les Américains peuvent émettre autant de dollars qu’ils le souhaitent pour leurs besoins internes. L’État américain finance ainsi à moindre coût sa politique extérieure et le train de vie de ses entreprises et citoyens. Dit autrement, c’est le reste du monde qui paye le train de vie américain par l’intermédiaire du dollar.

À ceci, s’ajoute, l’exterritorialité juridique du dollar, qui rend susceptible de poursuites judiciaires tout individu ou société, par l’utilisation du dollar américain dans des transactions.

La décision d’Hong Kong de se relancer dans le marché des cryptomonnaies

Ainsi, toute tentative de s’attaquer à l’hégémonie du dollar menace de fait les intérêts essentiels américains. C’est certainement la raison pour laquelle, les Américains s’acharnent à vouloir vaincre militairement la Russie en Ukraine, la Russie ayant à s’affranchir des sanctions financières américaines. La crainte des USA est cet affranchissement monétaire se propage à d’autres états comme la Chine, Brésil ou l’Inde.

Les décisions d’Hong Kong pour devenir une plate-forme attractive pour les cryptomonnaies

Retour sur la vidéo de la chaine CoinSu, on y apprend que désormais Hong Kong souhaite fournir un environnement réglementaire clair, flexible et propice au développement du secteur des actifs numériques, par le biais notamment d’une licence spécifique pour attirer plateformes d’échanges. Cette annonce intervient après qu’Hong Kong a décidé le 20 février 2023 qu’il n’y aurait aucune taxation sur le trading des cryptomonnaies.

Ces décisions n’ont pas pu se prendre sans l’aval de la Chine, qui contrôle aujourd’hui Hong Kong, alors même que la Chine avait banni les mineurs de cryptomonnaies de son territoire en 2017.

Quelles sont les conséquences à tirer des décisions d’Hong Kong ?

Les répercussions du revirement chinois/hongkongais :

Une reconnaissance des cryptos par la Chine et plus globalement de l’Asie alors que l’Europe par des contraintes de plus en plus fortes menace l’existence même des cryptos sur son territoire,

Un deuxième front ouvert contre le dollar, après celui de la Russie avec la mise en place du système SPFS en remplacement de SWIFT et de celui à venir par la création d’une monnaie commune au BRICS,

Concernant l’euro, il a perdu le peu de souveraineté qu’il détenait par la spoliation des avoirs russes et la dégradation de son économie, conséquence du renchérissement de son accès à une énergie bon marché (gaz russe).

Pour en savoir plus, sur ce qui se passe à Hong Kong en matière de cryptomonnaies, je vous invite à lire l’article Hong Kong et la Chine : le prochain hub mondial des cryptomonnaies.

L’objectif des pays émergents est désormais de faire sauter le monopole du dollar. Le socle d’une monnaie repose avant tout sur la confiance, or, ces dernières années, les Américains ont tout fait pour mettre à mal cette confiance entre un déficit abyssal du budget américain et les mesures coercitives contre les autres pays.

Alors, selon vous, va-t-on connaître un prochain bull run de Bitcoin (BTC) venant d’Asie ?

Cela semble bien parti avec une hausse de +7,02% en un mois. Personnellement, j’aurais tendance à me renforcer en BTC.

Autres publications autour du conflit en Ukraine

.slick-slider#wpsp-95054 margin-left: 0px; .slick-slider#wpsp-95054 .wp-show-posts-inner margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; #wpsp-95054.wpsp-card .wp-show-posts-single margin-bottom: 2em; .slick-slider#wpsp-95054 .wp-show-posts-single margin-bottom: 0px; #wpsp-95054 .wp-show-posts-inner:hover .wp-show-posts-image .wp-show-posts-image-overlay background-color: rgba(252,186,4,0.7) !important; #wpsp-95054 .wp-show-posts-entry-title a color: #1f2641; #wpsp-95054 .wp-show-posts-entry-title a:hover color: #e55934; .wp-show-posts-columns#wpsp-95054 margin-left: -2em; .wp-show-posts-columns#wpsp-95054 .wp-show-posts-inner margin: 0 0 2em 2em;

Des vidéos qui prouvent l’enrôlement de force de civils par l’Ukraine pour aller combattre la Russie

Bulletin n° 121 de Stratpol : cocaïne de Zelenski, munitions et dictature moldave

Bulletin n° 120 de Stratpol : broyeuse russe en marche et la confession de Naftali Bennett

Comment les États-Unis ont détruit le gazoduc Nord Stream

USA et Norvège responsables de l’explosion du gazoduc Nord Stream 2

Bulletin n° 119 de Stratpol : frénésie polonaise à vouloir détruire la Russie et Stalingrad

[spookypotato]

Vaincre Spoilers

Wait for me to come home

So this (@moonofthenight) is what happens when you leave me during the Logan Angst conversation...

So I put my sad playlist on and just scribbled around a bit, I know this is not great art, it's not meant to be

Sad Boy by @lumosinlove

#why? #i dont even know #but here #*throws this at you* #lumosinlove #sweater weather #leo knut #art #fanart #coast to coast #c2c #logan tremblay #vaincre #finn o'hara #o'knutzy #or i guess #not o'knutzy #o'knutzy angst #angst #vaincre trade #hmmm #i dont know #made by meee #okay im done now #Spotify

[theballadoffinchesandsaints]

Let’s talk about the Vaincre trade:

(As I am writing this, only the first full chapter, July, has been published)

I’ve said before that I’m fairly certain it’s going to be Leo, but I want to walk through the thought process that got me there (this is long and unedited. You’ve been warned).

First, since this is going to be such a major plot point, I think it’s going to be a character who’s inner circle had at least a minor spotlight in the first chapter. These were Coops, O’knutzy, O’darwin, Thomas & Noelle (do they have a ship name???), Regulus (tho he’s obviously disqualified for not being a pro player rn), and Cole (with a bit of Dumo).

Additionally, I think a key component of this plotline will be developing characters so that they can stand on their own once separated from a crucial relationship (thematically, it makes the most sense to me).

With that in mind, let’s do some quick (yeah lol prob not quick) disqualifications from the list:

Remus: I know this is a more common theory (and god would it hurt) but Remus’ storyline is already jampacked with living up to the standards of the league, team, and public, as well as adjust to a new relationship dynamic with Sirius. On a more heavy note, Remus will have to navigate how playing hockey will interact with the trauma of Greyback’s attack and the resulting injury. I’m sure most of us inferred that this would be a plot point, but the idea was solidified in a snippet of Remus and the team discussing predictions for the top teams of the season.

Sirius: while narratively, I actually think it would be fascinating to see the lions learn to be a team without their leader and to see Sirius have to learn that there are other parts of the world he can trust, this one falls apart in both logistics and clues Hazel has already given us. Truly, I cannot imagine a trade in which it would make sense for the Lions to give up their beloved, talented, effective captain and first line center, especially after he just led them to Stanley Cup. And when someone asked Hazel about (I believe) what relationships would be highlighted in Vaincre, Coops made the list with the qualification that their storyline would largely center around Remus’s adjustment to the team. A Sirius trade requires long-distance Coops angst which, while possible, would be both difficult and against the spirit of the statement.

O’Darwin and Thomas & Noelle already have long-distance angst happening in July, so trading either Kasey or Thomas would miss some of the emotional punch we know Hazel is going to give us.

Cole: I mean, the kid’s a rookie. It doesn’t really make sense. Threads seem to be being set up with the Dumais’ baby sitter and maybe one of the new PTs? (I don’t remember exactly where I’m getting this from, but I’m near certain it was from Hazel’s tumblr). It seems like physical encounters are going to be a big thing with both of these relationships, plus all the obvious great storylines of a new rookie getting comfortable in the team, make it unlikely Cole will be the trade. Not to mention, there are no guts to punch with Cole. We love him already, but he isn’t close with anyone on the team yet. We’d feel disappointed, not devastated, if he got traded. We all know Hazel’s going for devastation.

Dumo: this one approaches probability for me. Dumo would be heartbreaking for every member of the team, but especially Sirius and Logan. It would also sort of follow through on a previous idea from a rough draft of SW where Dumo has a career-ending injury. All the players would have to learn to navigate life without a father figure, and it would break down the system of where many Lions rookies live. But this one’s all speculation, at least as far as I know. It’s not hinted at in July, and I can’t think of any snippets that suggest Dumo. Plus, it feels like all of the main POVs have been set up in July, and we know from the dreaded “of being a lion” snippet (in which said player gets called about the trade) that we do get POV chapters from the player who’s traded.

We’ll get back to O’knutzy later. First, some people who aren’t on the list that I feel are worth discussing briefly (tho these are unlikely for the reasons at the end of Dumo’s):

Kuny & Nado: Now, I remember Kuny’s “no trades, no trades” thing from Hazel’s tumblr. It hurts. It feels like foreshadowing. But, remember, Hazel has also said that these boys will both play a more secondary role in Vaincre. They’re both safe.

James: I go back and forth on this one all the time. Thematically, separating Sirius and James would be both heartbreaking and deeply interesting. James was a major force in bringing Sirius out of his shell, and Sirius would have to learn to maintain that without his best friend always by his side. James and Lily are also suspiciously absent from July. I know Hazel said they’re on their honeymoon, and I’m not disputing that in any way, shape, or form. However, it does provide ample excuse to become a new POV in August. However, I can’t find any snippets to really support it. And, just, in general, James as a character in Hazel’s fics (or at least in Solntse and SW) provides a stable backbone for the other characters. He’a developed as a character but stable and happy. This could be the thing that changes that, but, at the very least, it doesn’t fit the narrative role he serves in SW, and I think it would change the feel and character dynamic of the fic as a whole (not just of the team) too much for that to be the choice.

And then there’s O’knutzy:

Going into Vaincre, I asked myself: what are everyone’s plotlines going to be? Remus will adjust to the team and playing Greyback. Sirius will largely be his support system, tho some stuff may be done with his relationship with Regulus and/or moving on from any semblance of his parents’ influence. Dumo will welcome rookie Cole onto the team. James will be a new father. Thomas and Noelle will have long-distance relationship feels. Kasey will adjust to O’darwin, and probably also deal with his reoccurring injury.

And the cubs? Are in a happy, stable relationship with everything they’ve ever wanted. The seeds to a storyline regarding whether or not they choose to come out was definitely hinted at in July, but I don’t think it will be their sole focus. Thankfully, there is nothing pressuring them to come out currently. They think about it. They long to do it. But nothing has changed since the end of SW/CtC. If one of them was long-distance, that would change the dynamic. When you can always go home to your two loving boyfriends, it doesn’t hurt quite as bad when you can’t be affectionate when out with them in public. When you’re only in the same city for a day or two roughly every month (depending on which team the trade is with), every second you could spend holding them and don’t hurts more and more. Whether I think they choose to come out or not, I really don’t know. I think so, but I’m definitely not sure. But the real question is, which cub goes away and prompts this?

If it’s a cub, it’s definitely Leo. Hazel posted a snippet that just...says so much.

Do I even need to explain? She practically told us. I’ve spent over an hour analyzing nearly every prominent Lion when Hazel practically told us Leo was going to be the trade with this right here.

But I do have more to say. I don’t think either Finn or Logan would work well as the trade. The plot of them being separated was well explored in CtC, and I honestly just don’t think it needs more examination. They learned to cherish each other, talk to each other, love each other freely and honestly. Them being separated again would just hurt. It wouldn’t serve a narrative purpose.

On the other hand, I do think Leo’s character could actually benefit from some time alone. He had barely a few months as a full-blown adult, working in the NHL, before he entered a committed relationship with his two lovely boyfriends, both of whom had had years more time to live with and explore themselves (tho it’s not as if they were doing that freely). A couple of months or even years dating long-distance could force Leo to have some more adventures on his own and come into himself more. Then, he can fully return to his boys, his “long-lost lover[s],” and be more stable in his love.

In a similar vein, Logan and Finn have only had short amounts of time to make their leg of the relationship stable and happy in comparison to the time they spent yearning or heartbroken. Even in CtC, their reflex is to go to Leo first, which is, of course, perfectly fine and lovely and adorable, but I think they need to spend some time unlearning that knee jerk reaction.

Then, when Leo comes back (because one way or another, in canon or in my head, he will), all three are confident in themselves as individuals and in each leg of the relationship as well as the three of them as group. No one and no couple n e e d s anything, but they come back together because they all love each other, more than anything.

That’s what I think will see in Vaincre. At the very least, it’s what I want.

Vaincre is by the one and only @lumosinlove

#this took 2 hours #unedited #i rlly hope someone enjoys it #edit: i went and checked and this is over 1600 words #it is 4 pages single-spaced with 11.5 font #mine #sweater weather #coast to coast #vaincre #lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #coast to coast lumosinlove #vaincre lumosinlove #vaincre trade #pascal dumais #cole reyes #sirius black #remus lupin #coops #logan tremblay #leo knut #finn o'hara #o’knutzy #kasey winter #o’darwin #james potter #thomas walker #noelle tremblay #the marauders #regulus black

[awanderingdeal]

Vaincre spoilers(-ish) ahead

Me during that entire Sirius, Reg and Remus portion 🥰🥺😭🥰

Also, Thomas is killing me. He's sad and injured and just wants his girl. I literally just sat and went, "Somebody trade this boy to Canada please." Hazel, you sneaky devil, you.

#vaincre #vaincre spoilers

[fruitcoops]

the headcanons for coops daughter just made me 🥺🥰 i love the lions family

Yes!! The Lions are one big family and nobody ever gets traded or leaves :)) That’s just the way it is :))) not me ignoring the vaincre snoop nope

[lumosinlove]

idk if you've been asked this before, but if you were to include Peter Pettigrew in the sweater weather universe, what role would he take?

sidenote, I'm loving the Remus & Thomas friendship in vaincre :]

oh man. Probably that GM or owner who makes trade decisions that no one agrees with.

And thanks ;))

[heyitssmiller]

I have a new theory for the trade. I feel like with all the talk of Kasey saying Leo might start and stuff, it might be Kasey. Like that was foreshadowing for Leo possibly starting every game because Kasey won’t be there. But I also have Talker in my head for it, because of his injury and him being a main in Vaincre. I don’t know who to choose between but I have a strong feeling it’s one of those two.

I am SO curious (and also afraid) about who gets traded…

My vote is for Kasey!

#vaincre lumosinlove

[tea-moon-ster]

Alex gets traded to the Lions

I know that this has about 0% chance of happening, but I couldn’t stop picturing Alex and Finn playing together, and Alex and Kasey playing together, so here we go. Also, in Vaincre’s last chapter Kasey made it clear that he was playing his last season, but here he decided to give it one more year just to make the story work. So, this is set the year after Vaincre, when Logan is (hopefully) back to the Lions after one year in New York.

Any kind of feedback is welcome! I haven’t published fics in years so it would be very, very appreciated :)

TW: mild, short panic attack. Vaincre spoilers.

this universe and characters belong to the wonderful @lumosinlove . read it on ao3 here.

The key finally unlocked the door, letting Alex step into his building and out of New York’s freezing February weather. He kicked his shoes free of snow and climbed the two floors of slippery stairs, letting a small sigh of relief as the warmth of his apartment penetrated him. Today’s practice had wrecked him. He needed something warm to wear, and he was starving.

He quickly made his way to the bedroom and got into some comfy sweats and an old Rangers hoodie, that had been Kasey’s, but still smelled a bit like Nat’s coconut conditioner from her last visit a few weeks before. A small pang hit his chest as he tried to catch the last bit of that too-sweet, rare and yet so familiar scent. He, Bliz and Natalie had been long distancing for almost two years now, and if at the beginning he’d thought that the hardest part would be over in the newest stage of their relationship, he’d been wrong. It was getting harder and harder to leave or let go at the end of long weekends spent together, or after the holidays.

He opted for a can of tomato soup to heat on the stove -honestly, he was too tired for anything that required one more preparation step. He checked his phone for new messages as he waited for his five-star dinner to be ready, and was surprised to find not one, not two, but three voicemails. He tapped to listen to them and put the phone on speaker while he took spoon and plate out. Maybe some crackers.

You have three new messages. Number one. Beep. Yo, Hazard, it’s Will. Listen, I’m taking Percy out to drink something tonight, same ol’ place. Alex scoffed, shaking the head to himself. He’d pass. His whole body ached, it was thirty degrees outside, and he really just wanted to sulk into his bed and sleep for a few years. He really needs to get over that date, man. So, yeah, great it you feel like coming. Maybe someone else will be there, dunno. Cap, Tweedy, Kota maybe? Lemme know. Beep.

He loved the energy of his tight-knitted team, and how close they’d got on his two years back on the Rags, but he was drained. Sure, it wasn’t the same without Logan, who’d been given back to the Lions after the one-year contract, but he couldn’t be sad to help himself for that. He’d almost felt the sigh of relief Finn had let out miles away, and Leo, and Logan, and Sirius and all his team. Jesus, Kota, too. The poor man. Even though he’d been more than accepted in Gryffindor, the icy tension of the first weeks there had been tough, and Alex could tell he was glad to be back to the Rags.

Now, Alex was able to feel Finn’s happiness through their calls, and he was so glad, because his brother deserved a period of emotional stability after everything he’d been through with Logan. He was glad. But there was always a bittersweet feeling there, seeing the throuple together again while he was missing his two. But Bliz and Nat felt it, too. He knew it. And Kase had mentioned it in their last call: it was his last season, then he’d retire. And then they could join him in New York, and if not move there, at least they’d be able to see each other more often. Alex had been happy to hear the news, because he knew the pain Bliz had went through, was still going through. It would be hard, but he was glad. He’d be there for him.

Number two. Beep.

Alexander, hi, it’s Robert. His agent. I have some, ah, news regarding your contract. It’s pretty urgent, so yeah, call me asap. Beep. Alex took a chair from under the table and let himself fall on it, staring blankly at the fridge. Christ, if he was being sent down to Florida again…or California, Texas, anywhere south, far away. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t. He had finally found some stability back to the Rags, close to his parents, not too far from his brother, from Kase and Nat, he couldn’t…

Number three. Beep.

Hadn’t he been playing well? It couldn’t be that. He’d given all he had in the last few months, and years. But was it enough? Was he enough? He could feel himself starting to spiral and hyperventilate without being able to do anything about it. Fog began to appear at the corners of his eyes.

Alex, it’s still Roger. Sorry for calling again, but I don’t want you to get the news from the media. Alex squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip and praying. So, uh…your contract was about to expire anyways. Please, please, don’t rip me away from my life. And your coach was looking for a new staring center, with one of your boys out of the league for that back injury. So, a new arrangement was made. Alex stopped breathing, letting his head fall between his shoulders. He suddenly felt very aware of his loneliness. He’d give anything to have someone in the room with him, for a hand on his shoulder.

With the Lions. Gryffindor’s Lions. And coach Weasley did your name, so Leblanc is coming to New York and you’re going to Gryffindor. He was dead set on it. Guess there’s someone waiting for you in that locker room, yeah? You start in three days. I…I hope it’s good news. Call me asap. Bye.

Beep.

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

Was that true? Had he been imagining it? Was he so tired to turn into delusional?

The fog in the room wasn’t disappearing, and he could smell something burned. He slowly turned to the stove and saw the soup boiling and sending splashes out of the pot, a dense smoke raising. He blinked, taking his time to realize that the smoke was, in fact, his dinner. “Holy shit!”

Next thing he knew, the fire alarm was triggered, and the fire sprinkler made rain fall into his kitchen as a shrill sound begun its loop. “Holy fucking shit!”

He shook his head out of the shock and quickly turned the fire off, passing a hand though his now wet hair. Lions. Gryffindor Lions. He went to turn the alarm off, not realising he’d been holding his breath. He let out a sudden sob, from all the emotions he had felt in mere seconds: tiredness, fear, anxiety, surprise, disbelief. Oh, fuck. He knew that happiness and relief were next, but his heart was racing impossibly fast now. Leblanc is coming to New York and you’re going to Gryffindor. The adrenaline made his head spin.

He opened the window to let the smoke and the smell of burned soup out, feeling the cold air’s bite. But he needed that. He brough a hand to his mouth and reached for his phone, only half aware he was lucky it was still functioning even if soaked. He tapped again on the last message, listening carefully to be sure that he’d got every word right. He had to be sure. But Robert’s voice was clear: you start in three days.

“Holy fucking shit”, he mouthed again. He was going to Gryffindor. He would play with Finn, a dream they’d had since they were toddlers, and he’d play with Bliz, again, for his last season. He would build a statue for Arthur Weasley.

Guess there’s someone waiting for you in that locker room, yeah?

With unsteady hands, he selected ‘last calls’ on his phone, and clicked on Natalie’s contact. He knew Kasey barely checked his phone, and he needed them now. As expected, one of his favourite faces appeared after a ring. Nat’s surprised and pleased smile made him shiver. She had her screen time glasses on, and her hair was in a messy braid, and Alex loved her. “Hi, baby! So nice to see your pretty face, really can’t get enough of...”

She stopped abruptly, noticing the situation on the other side of the screen. Her expression turned into concern, and she went a bit blurry with movement as she sat up straighter on the couch. “Alex, what is it baby? You okay?”

Alex felt suddenly very aware of the state of himself and his kitchen. Smoke was still floating next to the burned pot, the fire sprinkler was on, wetting the floor, the table, him, and he looked a right mess. He could see himself paler than usual, his hair matted to his forehead and his eyes red.

He heard some noise from behind Natalie’s back, before Kasey appeared in the frame. The corner of his mouth, curled up in a half smile, quickly left place to a knot of concerned eyebrows, as he leaned on the back of the couch with his forearms, a hand light on Nat’s shoulder. “Alex?”

The redhead blinked. They were studying him attentively, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times, waiting for sounds to come out.

“Alex” Bliz repeated. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen?”

“Talk to us, baby.”

“Is it raining?”

“That’s his kitchen, sweetie.”

“Oh. Wait, is there a fire?”

“Yeah, I mean no, almost, yeah. Wait, lemme just” he jogged to the hallway with the phone in his hand, and quickly found the fire sprinkler control panel, and turned it off. Then he went sit in the living room. Nice, warm, and dry. Two pairs of insisting and worried eyes were on him. “I...” He cleared his throat. “I, uh, I got a call. From Robert.” He saw realisation hit Kase hard, and Nat bit her lip.

Kasey took in a deep breath, eyes going unfocused for just a second. “Wait. I, I gotta sit down for this.” His voice was suddenly small, feeble, eyes on the floor. He made his way next to Natalie, sitting down with a small, trembling breath. He blinked, his eyes already burning. Nat readjusted to circle his shoulders with an arm and brought their foreheads together. Bliz’ voice came in a whisper. “Where?”

Alex looked at Kasey’s sad, resigned expression, eyes unable to fix on the screen. How many times had they been pulled apart? In the moments they needed each other the most, nevertheless. But they’d always found each other, their bond becoming stronger each time. Kasey was scared, and Nat too, but Alex could already see the determination burn in her eyes. He knew she was thinking fuck the distance, wherever you end up going, I’ll come to you.

And they were waiting for him to drop the destination, but all he could master was a whispered “I love you two so much.” He let out a watery laugh as hysterical tears from the tension began to fall.

Kasey, in the meantime, had taken it for the worst of news, and now his eyes were closed, and he rested his temple on Nat’s shoulder, who looked at the screen bewildered. “Alex, baby, now you’re scaring us. Just tell us, please?”

Alex took a deep breath, trying to get a grip. Jesus, what a roller coaster of emotions. He’d never been more relieved in his life, and at the same time his heart was still drumming loudly in his ears. “I... baby, don’t cry. I…we’ll need a bigger bed.” He didn’t know why, but it was the first thing that had come to mind. Natalie blinked, Bliz opened one eye. He nodded, continuing, “Yeah. I can do with the one at the apartment just fine when it’s just for the weekend, but if I'm going to stay for good, we’ll need a bigger bed so I don’t end on the floor. So, I’m coming in two days and we’re going to Ikea, and we’ll find another bed.” His voice had faltered at the end, the realisation of finally being able to see them every morning without a screen between them hitting him. He sniffed. “I’m staying for good.”

He watched two pairs of huge, watery eyes stare at him. Nat brought a hand to her mouth, while Bliz hadn’t moved. It looked like he wasn’t even breathing. Then a high-pitched squeal filled the two rooms, and Kasey had to cover his ears as Nat kept screaming.

“No way! No freaking way!”

Alex started laughing, passing a hand through his matted hair, his eyes still burning from the tears. He watched Natalie’s big smile, with teeth and all, the one she only showed when she was high on happiness. And he watched Bliz, staring back at him with tears falling silently and his lower lip trembling like he was a kid. He looked so hesitant, so cautious. And Alex couldn’t blame him; they’d been apart for so long that it was hard to picture them together. It seemed too good to be true, and Alex knew that Kasey was thinking of something he could have missed, anything that could go wrong and send one of them across the country.

“Kase” Alex murmured, “I’m staying for good.” He looked for his eyes, but the other man just closed them as other silent tears began to fall. That was Kasey: silent tears, silent pain, silent love and kindness. Kasey wasn’t a difficult person to read, if one knew where to look. And Alex had always known, and he had seen how loud Kasey could be in his emotions.

“Yeah?” he asked, a rasped whisper against Nat’s shoulder, now hugging him and bouncing on the couch.

“Oh, baby, yes. I’m coming. I’m a Lion now.”

“Wait, but how? So out of the blue?” asked Natalie. Alex shrugged.

“Rob only said that the Rags needed a new center, so Leblanc is coming here, and your coach made my name, so...yeah.” He let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t know either, but let’s not question it. I need to move my things before the universe changes its mind.”

Natalie was nodding while scrolling Kasey’s phone, eyes wide. “Fuck, it’s all over Twitter” she mumbled.

Reality seemed to hit Kasey like a truck, and he brought a hand to his mouth, letting himself fall on the couch. “Holy shit. Holy shit, Alex, you-you’re coming.”

“Yeah.” His cheeks were starting to hurt for smiling too much.

“Here to Gryffindor. Lions. You- holy fuck.”

“How articulate” the other laughed, earning a scoff from the goalie, that was staring at the ceiling.

“You’re one to talk.”

Natalie framed herself better. “Baby, it means that you’re gonna-”

“Yes” Alex exclaimed, too high on adrenaline and happiness. Kasey let out a sob, other tears beginning to fall. But those were good tears, and for Alex it was enough. “Kase.”

“Alex.” Had they been together, they would have hugged and hold hands tight, foreheads pressed together and closed eyes. And soon, they’d be able to. Natalie leaned on Kasey, unable to contain her giggling. He hugged her, kissing her hard on the forehead, and then on the lips.

“I could leave right now” Alex realised.

“No” the other two replied at once, mildly alarmed voice. Then Nat continued, “You’re not driving right now.” She was right, as usual. Alex still felt pretty shocked, and his poor kitchen, wet and fuming, mirrored the absolute chaos of his mind. Also, there were things to do before leaving. He had to say goodbye to the Rangers -they’d surely organise a farewell dinner before letting him go. He’d miss the team, but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to be too sad about the switch. God, he was going to play with his boyfriend and his…

“Oh, fuck, Finn. I gotta call Finn.”

“Yeah, he’s been texting me” Kasey noted, scrolling his phone to find multiple texts. “Tell Nat to hang up, I have to talk to him. Come on. My turn. Plz. Pretty plz.” He snorted, but he was smiling. “Berry, he’s gonna be so happy.”

“I know” Alex replied, voice breaking.

Kasey snorted, shaking his head. “Leo also texted. Please let him hear from Alex. He’s like a kangaroo on drugs.” They all laughed.

“Well, okay, that’s my cue” Alex chuckled, passing a hand on his face. “God, this is surreal.”

“I’m so happy, sweet thing” Nat said. “Now call that kangaroo of yours and if you wanna call us again later, we’ll be awake. If not, we’ll facetime soon?”

“We’ll kiss soon, hot stuff” Alex grinned, earning a smitten smile from a blushing Natalie.

Kasey nodded, apparently recovered enough. He had a forearm over his eyes, head still dropped behind on the sofa. “Okay, so. You’ll need to empty the apartment, to transfer all your stuff here, sign off the rent…” He huffed. “Lotsa work.”

Alex dismissed him with a hand, shaking his head. “Won’t take long. Maybe Finn will come here and help me. Short family reunion.” He took a deep breath. “You’re wrong if you think that I’m not gonna leave the second I can.” Kasey sent him a soft smile, as Natalie passed a soft hand on his cheek, drying the tears.

They hung up quickly after that. Alex really needed to hear from Finn, and he promised Kase and Nat to call them soon. He tapped on Finn’s contact and, as expected, half a ring passed before he heard some shuffling and a hush. Alex smiled, a grip already tightening his throat.

“Hiya, teammate.”

“You-you bastard” was the broken answer. He could hear Finn sobbing, and before he knew, he joined in with a sniff and new tears.

“Guess we made it, eh Fish?”

“Alex.”

“I know. I’m-I’m so happy, man, I mean.” He paused, looking for the right words to convey the fireworks exploding in his head. He didn’t think he could, but he knew that Finn was seeing the very same bright colours in his mind. “I- Rob called, and I was so scared, and then he said- and I couldn’t believe…”

“Together, Alex. We’re gonna play together, I can’t believe it, oh God. Leo had to triple check before filling me in, didn’t believe it either, nobody did…” he heard a deep breath from the other line, interrupting the fast talking, and he could picture Finn closing his eyes, his mouth curved downwards. “Alex, our dream.”

Alex let out a watery laugh as he shook his head. He remembered the hushed conversation in his childhood bed, lights out and bed shared with a small, clingy Finn, who always ended up in his room after curfew. Two kids looking at the stars attached on the ceiling, stretching their arms to reach them, fighting to keep their eyes open. Alex’s grin softened.

We’ll play together, an’ be famous, an’ win the cup. So many, very lotsa cups.

Yeah, Fishy.

Promise?

I promise.

“Well, I promised, didn’t I?”

That seemed to throw Finn into another fist of loud sobs, and he heard a soft laughter coming from his line. Leo, whispering sweet nothings and kissing him. Oh, sugar, it’s okay.

He heard some ruffling on the other end of the line, someone telling Finn to put him on speaker. Then Logan’s voice. “You just couldn’t bear not to be on the same team, eh old man?”

“Couldn’t phantom the idea, no” he laughed. How strange was it for a team transfer to feel like coming home? And how goddamn wonderful? “Good thing all those practice hours on passes didn’t go to waste.”

“Good thing.”

“But how?” Finn’s voice returned, insisting.

He let out a huff. “Apparently coach Weasley knew that there was some trade going on and he had a say in it, so he made my name. Robert said he was pretty damn set on it.”

“Oh god” Finn laughed. “What a great man. Imma built him a statue.”

Next, he heard Leo’s voice. “Alex, that’s so great. So, how are you feeling?”

“It’s just- so surreal. I can’t believe it.”

And Alex really couldn’t. No more takeout dinners alone on the couch, no more dates on Face Time, or coming home to an empty apartment. He felt a lump in his throat, and could already see the mornings together, and the practices together, and the meals together. Living alone was hard for many things, but the one that had always hit Alex too hard was eating alone almost every day. He looked at the abandoned, fuming mess on the stove that had once been his dinner. Your era has come to an end, canned tomato soup. Oh yes, he was going to make pancakes on Sundays for his lovers, and learn a few tricks from Leo to surprise them. The possibilities were countless, and his smile stretched at the thought of always having his favourite people near, for him to love.

He felt like arriving at the end of the run, crossing the final line, and finally letting himself relax after tensed months.

His mind was going ten times faster than his body. He could feel the race inside of him, the restlessness that, he knew, was going to keep him awake for a few hours at least albeit the tiredness he’d felt before the voicemails.

After half an hour on the phone with Finn, Alex called Kasey again, knowing that he neither was going to fall asleep anytime soon. His phone only ringed once before a giddy face smiled back at him.

“Hey, Lion.”

God, how rare it was to see Kasey like that. And how good it felt to be the reason of his excitement. “Hey yourself, fellow Lion. Figured you wouldn’t go to sleep for a while.”

Kasey smiled. “There’s no way I’m getting any sleep tonight.” He looked over the phone for a second. “And Nat, neither, I guess. She already made a Pinterest folder with all the new ideas for the bedroom.” He was smiling so hard, his tone affectionate. Alex loved that they shared the identical smitten smile. “She’s taking the measurements for adding new drawers, or something. You triggered her with the word Ikea.”

“Yeah, I knew what I was getting us into.” They let a comfortable smile stretch for a few minutes, simply enjoying each other’s company and the news. “God, Kase. I-I’m scared I’m gonna wake up and find out it was just a crazy dream.”

Kasey’s grin softened. “It’s all real, babe. Now come on, I’ll make good company while you make yourself some dinner. And I’ll supervise so you don’t burn it again.”

“I was just very shocked, alright.”

The next few days in Alex’s life were a blur. Luckily, it all had happened during a long weekend, so Finn had been able to join him in the city to spend some time together and help him pack his things. They’d had dinner with their parents, that were ecstatic to see their boys playing on the same team, and he’d received the official welcome call from captain Black- no, it was Lupin now. The Ranger organised one last dinner together, Will and Percy especially emotional about slowly losing the group to the Lions. Alex had just smiled. He found he couldn’t help it, lately.

Gryffindor was waiting for him: Nat and Kasey had rearranged the room to get some space for his things, and they were waiting for him to go find a new bed. Kasey had half-joked that they’d need a space bigger than their apartment, but they’d see in the future. They had time. The idea made Alex’s heart jump. A team’s dinner at the Dumais’ was being organised to welcome him, and in the locker room, a stall already styled his name, next to a big 28.

A new chapter of his life was about to begin, and Alex new that it would be one of the most memorable ones.

#lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #vaincre lumosinlove #alex o'hara #o'darwin #kasey winter #natalie darcy #o'knutzy #finn o'hara #angst with a happy ending #lou's writing

[86luvr]

I was all excited for Vaincre thinking wow! the boys are going to be happy, and Remus is going to be a lion. Now haz is telling me that SOMEONE is going to be TRADED. THATS NOT FAIR. (not to mention with the expansion draft, I’m scared my players are going to get taken. I bet that’s what’s going to happen. The KRAKEN 🏒

LITERALLY LIKE PLEASE

PLEASE JUST LEAVE MY BOYS RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE

DONT DO THIS

MY ANXIETY HAS BEEN SO HIGH SINCE I READ THAT

i hate trades so much like they ruin everything

#THE SNIPPET JUST MADE ME SO SAD LIKE WHAT #AND NOW WEVE GOTTA WAIT??? #PLS DONT BE ONE OF MY FAVS I THINK ILL CRY SO HARD #SW LET ME LIVE IN A BUBBLE OF WHERE NOTHING CAN GO WRONG AND TRADES DONT HAPPEN #BUT NOOOOOOOO

[histoireettralala]

Charles Nungesser, fighter ace, adventurer, war hero.

Charles Eugène Jules Marie Nungesser (15 March 1892 – presumably on or after 8 May 1927) was a French ace pilot and adventurer, best remembered as a rival of Charles Lindbergh. Nungesser was a renowned ace in France, ranking third highest in the country with 43 air combat victories during World War I.

After the war, Nungesser mysteriously disappears on an attempt to make the first non-stop transatlantic flight from Paris to New York, flying with wartime comrade François Coli in L’Oiseau Blanc (The White Bird). Their aircraft takes off from Paris on 8 May 1927, is sighted once more over Ireland, and then is never seen again. The disappearance of Nungesser is considered one of the great mysteries in the history of aviation, and modern speculation is that the aircraft was either lost over the Atlantic or crashed in Newfoundland or Maine.

Wikipedia

Filled with an exceptionnal spirit and energy, Nungesser is very early confronted with the difficulties of life, he is not afraid to cross the Atlantic although he is not yet an adult. Once on the soil of the South American subcontinent, he will practice a whole series of trades. In turn boxer, gaucho or racing driver, Nungesser asserts himself as an adventurous heart. A thrill seeker, he already takes all the risks and does not hesitate to punch even with men, whose stature is much higher than his. It was in South America that he developed his passion for aviation and contracted the piloting virus. Therefore, all the elements are already in place to make Nungesser an extraordinary character, literally atypical and flamboyant. The Great War will give the young man the opportunity to find his vocation and become a legend ...

It is September 3, 1914, during a reconnaissance mission, Nungesser, freshly incorporated into the 2nd Hussar regiment, both rescues his wounded officer and with the help of a few infantrymen captures a Mors type automobile killing both its occupants and above all, recovering the documents it contained. Back in his regiment, after crossing enemy lines under heavy fire behind the wheel of the captured vehicle, his feat caused a sensation and rose to the ears of the general commanding his division. The latter immediately made him obtain the military medal and therefore gave him his nickname Hussard de la Mors, by reference to the Hussars of Death (”Hussards de la Mort”), a squadron created in 1792 and whose motto was "conquer or die".

He is then granted his request to be transferred to the Service Aéronautique, to Escadrille VB106. While there, in July 1915, he shoots down his first plane, a German Albatros, and is awarded the Croix de Guerre. This action initiates the Nungesser legend. On 31 July 1915, Nungesser and his mechanic Roger Pochon are on standby duty. The two take off in a Voisin 3LAS despite Nungesser's assignment to non-flying duties. In an encounter with five Albatros two-seaters, the French duo shoots one down near Nancy. Returning to their airfield, Nungesser is placed under house arrest for eight days for his insubordination. He is then decorated and forwarded to training in Nieuport fighters.

Assigned to N 65, Charles displays a fiery temper and a courage that strikes the minds of all his comrades in arms. He also willingly shows a certain independence of spirit and cannot help frequently ending his patrols with acrobatics above his airfield, which will earn him a few days off, that the command will lift just as quickly as it cannot do without the excellence of Nungesser's services while the position war is in full swing…

Charles isn’t one for strict military discipline. His rugged good looks, flamboyant personality, appetite for danger, women, wine and fast cars make him the embodiment of the stereotypical fighter ace and contribute to his legend. He is sometimes spotted arriving for morning patrol still dressed in the tuxedo he'd worn the night before and even occasionally with a female companion.

He is well liked by his comrades. Determined, fiery, excellent pilot, he is selected at the beginning of 2016 to test a prototype fighter plane, the Ponnier. Decided not to go easy on the machine, the indestructible Nungesser soars into the air and pushes the plane into its entrenchments. The result was immediate: the plane went into a spin and Charles crashed to the ground. The broomstick crosses his jaw and he suffers from multiple fractures, particularly in the legs and numerous bruises. You would believe his career is over ? Not at all! Barely out of the hospital and after a period in a coma, he refuses to be discharged and fights tooth and nail to return to Nancy.

He can’t go without a walking stick and has to be helped into his cockpit. It doesn’t stop him from fighting above Verdun (ten victories) and then over the Somme (nine victories) during 1916. He shows concern for the infantrymen, and often comes to help allied pilots, which will earn him many foreign decorations (from the UK, USA, Belgium, Serbia, Russia, Portugal..).

This is the year he famously decorates his plane with a black heart-shaped field, a macabre skull and bones, and a coffin and candles painted inside, in tribute in particular to his nickname as well as to his terrible accident of 1916. At the end of the Great War, Nungesser will accumulate forty-five approved victories and his war cross will count twenty-eight palms and two stars… Nothing and no one will have prevented him from flying and fighting until the last day.

His Officier de la Légion d'honneur citation, 19 May 1918, reads:

"Incomparable pursuit pilot, with exceptional knowledge and magnificent bravery, which reflect the power and inflexible will of his ancestry. In the cavalry, where during his first engagements he earned the Médaille militaire, then in a groupe de bombardement where for his daily prowess he was cited several times in orders and was decorated with the Legion of Honor, and finally with an Escadrille de chasse, for thirty months his exploits were prodigious, and he always presented himself as a superb example of tenacity and audacity, displaying an arrogant contempt for death. Absent from the front several times because of crashes and wounds, his ferocious energy was not dampened, and he returned each time to the fray, with his spirit undaunted gaining victory after victory, finally becoming famous as the most feared adversary for German aviation. 31 enemy aircraft downed, three balloons flamed, two wounds, fifteen citations."

By the end of the war, a succinct summary of Nungesser's wounds and injuries reads: "Skull fracture, brain concussion, internal injuries (multiple), five fractures of the upper jaw, two fractures of lower jaw, piece of anti-aircraft shrapnel imbedded [sic] in right arm, dislocation of knees (left and right), re-dislocation of left knee, bullet wound in mouth, bullet wound in ear, atrophy of tendons in left leg, atrophy of muscles in calf, dislocated clavicle, dislocated wrist, dislocated right ankle, loss of teeth, contusions too numerous to mention."

When the war ends, Captain Charles Nungesser is 26, and the third ranked French flying ace behind René Fonck and Georges Guynemer, in spite of his many wounds, accidents and physical disabilities.

Some anecdotes:

In 1915 he does a bunch of wild flying over a nearby town, and many people complains.  The commander of the squadron tells Nungesser that if he was going to do aerobatics, do them over the German lines.  Nungesser jumps into his plane, flies to the nearest German field, and gives them quite a show.  He reports back to his commander, tells him what he did and is put under arrest again.

1916: during a flight, he runs out of ammunition and places himself in the middle of enemy planes, since they cannot shoot him if they risk hitting one of their own.

One of Nungesser's drinking buddies is Jean Navarre, another flamboyant ace. The two of them almost create the image of fighter pilots as handsome, reckless, hard-living, womanizing rakes. They dislike military discipline and enjoy Paris' many attractions as often as possible. Once, Nungesser is driving into Paris, amidst heavy traffic, when he spots his own aircraft heading that way. It is Navarre! He has borrowed Nungesser's airplane; he explains that his own has been shot up and that he "has forgotten what a woman looks like”.

On August 26, 1918 he gives his popularity a new boost by participating in the crossing of Paris by swimming, and, if he does not win the competition, asserts himself as the spokesman of the disabled veterans and attracts cheers from the public.

We still don’t know what really happened... but if he reached the land he was indeed the first man - with François Coli- to cross the Atlantic by plane.

Even though René Fonck ended up as the French Ace of Aces, both Georges Guynemer and Charles Nungesser have enjoyed a greater popularity, due to their personality, the legend that quickly built around them, and probably to their disappearance up in the sky while they were world famous.

Sources:

Opérationnels SLDS 38 39 hiver 2018 Nungesser le Résilient, article de Romain Petit

David Méchin, "Charles Nungesser, la rage de vaincre", dans Le Fana de l'Aviation no 551 et 552 (octobre et novembre 2015)

Wikipedia, French and English articles

#la grande guerre #ww1 #charles nungesser #french flying aces #le hussard de la mors #l'oiseau blanc #l'aventurier #ferocious energy #arrogant contempt for death #if i remember right the germans promised 500000 marks to shoot him down #there are just too many things to say about him i'm sure i forgot to mention a lot #maybe more to come?

[spookypotato]

Tides

"You and Leo fit together so well. I'm there and i fit in too, but I'm not really needed, am I?", Logan mumbled into Finn's chest.

"You're not needed, youre wanted. I dont know if me and Leo could work alone, but I dont want to find out. I want you with us. We both do."

A memory of a moment when the insecurities overwhelmed Logan. He likes to think back to that conversation, a bitter taste lacing the words that brought him comfort before.

He'd never wanted to find out either.

characters by @lumosinlove

#uM yeah #so i guess this happend #lumosinlove #sweater weather #leo knut #logan tremblay #coast to coast #finn o'hara #vaincre #writing #written by meee #uM #yeah #vaincre trade #vaincre spoilers #tides

[theballadoffinchesandsaints]

I finished a Sweater Weather/Coast to Coast reread and I am officially back on my Leo-is-the-trade bullshit

From Chapter 9 of Coast to Coast:

So Hazel has been—at the very least, loosely—thinking about a separation theme for the cubs since the end of their original story. And it’s always Leo they might be separated from...

From Chapter 22 of Sweater Weather (released at the same time as CtC ch 9):

So yeah...

I don’t even know what to say, guys

Except this: I’m not saying Hazel has had Vaincre plot points planned sinced the end of SW and CtC, but a Leo trade was definitely floating around her head. And the foreshadowing in these chapters is very similar to the foreshadowing in August (Chapter 2 of Vaincre) that I pulled for a previous post. (search the tag vaincre trade on my blog if you want to look at that)

As always, Sweater Weather, Coast to Coast, and Vaincre are all by @lumosinlove

#mine #vaincre trade #vaincre #sweather weather #lumosinlove #coast to coast #vaincre lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #coast to coast lumosinlove #leo knut #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #o’knutzy

[courtier-forex]