#vampires are stupid

[marypsue]

Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.

All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.

#your brother is a vampire. he's sitting across the table from you chatting with your mother about her day #and he's dead and he's gone and he's never coming back. #he laughs the same and he talks the same but his arm is cold when he grabs you in a headlock and your dog won't be in the same room with hi #he'll still hang around watching TV with you and give you wedgies and make stupid jokes #but you can't tell him about the bullies at school anymore because this thing with your brother's face will just find them and kill them. #and not even stupid fucking Jason deserves what the monster in your dead brother's skin would do to him. #your brother is dead and lost and right there in arm's reach and gone forever with no hope of ever getting him back. #i'm sure there are corollaries to be written about like ghosts and zombies but this is the one i'm personally hung up on recently

[albatris]

bonus points if you tell me what you would say

#would u just assume they're contacts? that he's bein edgy? #would u be afraid or would u be chill #and how much difficulty would a vampire nat have in navigating his life with stupid red eyes #a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears

[cheekylittlepupp]

Astarion seeing his reflection for the first time in 200 years

that voice crack tho..

#astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #mims posts ~ #bg3 clip #bg3 video #baldur's gate iii #exquisite 🤌🏻 simply exquisite 🤌🏻 #bg3 astarion #i'm so stupid for not trying this earlier... #astarion bg3 #vampire lord astarion #ascended astarion

[kamigui]

Say cheese—

Vampire Wally au: @nonomives

#some silly stupid idea LMAO #and yes haunted house Wally can shapeshift;) #welcome home #welcome home au #welcome home haunted house au #welcome home vampire wally au #welcome home wally #welcome home wally darling #wally darling

[dluayy]

bsd fandom:

“how did chuuya become a vampire???”

“chuuya better not stay a mindless vampire!”

“he has to be somewhere in there..”

meanwhile before the meursault:

#this is so stupid #chuuya vampire cosplay #best halloween costume #chuuya nakahara #bsd season 5 #bungou stray dogs #bsd #chuuya

[wanderandlostarts]

This man is such a dweeb and he has my whole heart

#bauldur’s gate #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #digital art #my stupid vampire husband- #astarion #my tav

[floating-pisces]

TOGETHER, THEN

#THEY MAKE ME SO CRAZY #bubbline #marceline the vampire queen #princess bubblegum #bonnibel bubblegum #fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #PB HAS NO FUCKING EARS #THEY ARE SO INSANE AND STUPID AND IN LOVE AND REPRESSED AND IN DENIAL #this is the funniest version of them to ever exist #floating-arties

[orpheuslament]

louis... mon cher... i have made the most wonderful discovery... i believe these young men are called... ma romance chimique... i greatly enjoy l'esthétique of the first albums... so fitting to our vampire romance... there are a few songs in their discography you would really enjoy louis... ici, let me play them for you. they talk about our kind louis... they know of the dark gift... can you stake my heart, saint louis? aren't we, after all, bullets?

#interview with the vampire #my chemical romance #iwtv #this is so fucking stupid im sorry #dante.txt

[forecast0ctopus]

do u think they ever explored each others bodies

#JESUS CHRIST :phoenixheadinhands: -> wolf mode #an american werewolf in london #david kessler #jack goodman #an american werewolf in london fanart #movie is so funny.. ‘stay on the path’ they immediately walk off it not wven realizing. #why would you walk in the wet grass when there is perfectly good path right there #stupid #also i need other people to bavk me up on this. david kessler american werewolf looks exactly like ethan morgan my babysitters a vampire #just older. pleas agree with me in right #im right #my friend aaid david reminds them of me and i just wanna kniw what that means. #blood

[momolady]

Vampire trying to seduce you who is a royal: I cannot wait to taste the blue blood that flows through your veins.

You a Royal with an annoying fact: actually, crabs have blue blood.

Vampire no longer trying to seduce you: get out of my house.

#vampire #sorry I’m being stupid #vampire romance #paranormal romance #vampire humor

[hermit-frog]

could you imagine the chaos if Dan’s dream went like this 😂

#interview with the vampire #iwtvedit #iwtv #daniel molloy #armand #assad zaman #eric bogosian #tvedit #iwtv spoilers #*gif #daniel: 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️💼 #this is a joke but also my wish for s2 lol #imagine finding a guy with the most #armand eyes ever and covering them with stupid contacts🤦‍♀️ #for the sake of my mental health. pls don't #ask me how i know about these #scenes. thank you #armand x daniel #Vampterview #armandiel

[ministarfruit]

congrats on the new fit!!

#vtuber #holostars #holotempus #gavis bettel #pirate... vampire... who cares... he's slaying #I'm so stupid for saying this would be a quick painting #this was not a quick painting. #IT WAS FUN THOUGH I LOVE NEW FITS #WHEN I TELL YOU BEING A HOLOSTARS FAN THIS MONTH #IS JUST BEING DROWNED ALIVE #CHRIST STOP I NEED TO BREATHE #HAHAHAHA

[sisabee]

he doesn’t want to get in trouble with louis again (he will)

#this is stupid but cannon ok #also based off a tweet on twt #iwtv #interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #claudia de pointe du lac #claudia de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #art #my art #iwtv 2022 #fanart

[breelandwalker]

Tfw you're nearing the end of Act II in your BG3 run and you realize you've fallen into the exact trap you said you were going to avoid FROM THE BEGINNING.

The devs knew exactly what they were doing, didn't they.

#bg3 #stupid adorable vampire elf with his stupid adorable damsel complex #he's a rescue #i'm a little ashamed of myself but then again.... #1) toothy has game #2) the wizard is catholic #3) bear daddy ain't til act iii and my tiefling will NOT be tied down #4) fuck it we ball

[tripleyeeet]

STUPID, DASHING VAMPIRE

SUMMARY: Astarion attempts to help you after a bad flare up.

PAIRING: Astarion & Gender Neutral Reader

WORD COUNT: 1,110

WARNINGS: Descriptions of chronic pain. Also unedited because I can't be bothered, my hands hurt too much.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Had a bad flare up and decided to whip up something a bit indulgent for all the arthritic bitches out there. <3

MASTERLIST

-

“Darling?”

You hear him call to you from the doorway, a hint of curiosity laced in his words, most likely wondering why you’re still here. As he comes up to greet you, you notice the soft expression that quickly turns into worry once he sees you, both brows moving towards the centre of his face as he crouches down. 

“Are you alright?”

Wedged between your thumb and your forefinger the lock pick you’re attempting to use sits idle in your hands, refusing to budge through the stiffness of your joints as you sigh. 

At this point, you’ve been at it for ages —trying to will your digits to perform the simplest of duties. Originally, the plan was for Astarion to loot the other room while you’d work through this one but not long after you’d started you began to feel that familiar itch. That pulsating ache that often hits you after a long day’s worth of travelling. 

“I’m fine. It’s just —it’s—“

Frustrated, you force your hands to drop the lock pick. Hearing it clatter to the ground, you deeply inhale and bring your frozen hands to your temples, pressing your wrists against the heated skin, realizing it’s been a while since you’ve had a flareup this bad. So long that you almost forgot how awful it could feel. How such a small, innocuous sensation could become so largely detrimental to your well-being. 

“Is it just your hands?” 

Already knowing, he reaches out for your palms, pulling them away from your face as he further situates himself on the floor, watching you shake your head. 

“Back too?”

This time you nod, swallowing hard once you feel his focus shift to your left hand, turning it over so that the palm faces both of you. 

“My poor little pet.” He shakes his head, a sombre smile creeping across his face as he presses his thumbs into the muscles of your hand, roughly gliding across it in repeated motions. “What am I to do with you, hm?” 

You roll your eyes, a sliver of annoyance passing through as he clicks his tongue arrogantly. “Your sarcasm is unappreciated, you know.”

“So is the lack of regard towards your own health.”

Raising his brow at you, you realize then his concern is genuine. That, despite the chastising tone he offers, there are also a few inklings of sympathy laced throughout, showcasing themselves in the form of rough fingers that try to ease your pain. 

As much as you hate to admit it, you’re thankful for them. Thankful for him, as he works to soothe the residual pain that radiates up through your wrist, catching at your stiffened elbow.  

“You don’t have to do this, you know. I can—”

“What? Do it yourself?” 

You go to respond but suddenly feel a stabbing pain in your lower back, making you wince. 

Gods, somehow it’s worse than you remember.

“Darling, as much as I love your unwavering resilience, I think it’s best I let you know that sometimes you tend to overdo it.” 

Normally, you’d be tempted to argue but right now all you can feel is the collective agony pooling throughout your bones. All the twitching and the aching —each section of discomfort working together to render you useless against his hands that begin to move to your other hand.

Once there, he moves to repeat the motions. Taking both of his thumbs and digging them into your flesh, he circles around each spot, gripping your fingers in place as you lean back in an attempt to alleviate your lower back.

“Does this even help or am I just rubbing your hand for no reason?”

You huff out a pained laugh, watching him break out into a grin. One that’s all teeth and tongue —cheeky looking. 

“I mean, it’s not not helping.”

“But it’s not the cure to your ailment, I assume.” 

You nod but make no effort to stop him as his fingers continue to move across your skin, applying enough pressure so that you can really feel the labour he so graciously offers you. 

“Is there something else you usually do, or?”

“Lay down and cry mostly. Wait for it to pass.” 

He snorts. “How awfully depressing.” 

You shrug your shoulders, watching as he performs a few more swipes with his thumbs, really getting in there for those final pushes before he releases your hand altogether, making you sigh. 

“We should probably get you back to camp then, hm?”

Suddenly, moving to stand, he continues to grin at you in a way that makes your chest tighten, watching as he offers his hand, wiggling his fingers impatiently. “C’mon now, darling, we don’t got all day. The sun will be setting and I’m sure the camp would appreciate you getting all that weeping over and done with before bed time.” 

You drop your jaw in false annoyance, offering your hand to him. “Wow, you’re really just going to throw my own misery back in my face like that, huh?” 

“Obviously.” 

Gently pulling, you feel that same painful shift in your spine that forces you to wince again, prompting Astarion to rush back down, filling with concern as he asks if you’re alright.

“Mhm, yup never better,” you say through gritted teeth, feeling his arm immediately snake around your waist, pulling you tightly against his hip. 

“You’re a terrible liar.” 

“And you’re a bully who makes fun of ill people.” 

He huffs and gently drags you up to your feet as you groan in response, feeling the tightness of your back begin to loosen thanks to the new position. 

“Good?” 

Tentatively stepping forward, you let out a sigh of relief once you realize that it is. That, instead of your body completely inhibiting you as it so often does, this time it’s granted you enough reprieve to be able to walk on your own. To slowly step forward through the doorway, watching as Astarion hovers cautiously beside you, reaching out to grab your waist as you falter for a moment. 

“Please don’t overdo it. I’d hate to have to carry you all the way back.”

Gripping his shoulder, you offer him a smug look. “As if you could.”

His jaw clenches in response as he further wraps his arm around you, gently digging his fingers into your side. “Big talk coming from someone who can barely walk without the help of their dashing vampire friend.” 

You roll your eyes and look away, feeling his previously rough hand begin to soften against you, once again rubbing soft circles, this time along your side as you move through the doorway, thankful for your stupid, dashing vampire.

-

@poohxlove @gaiasmight @sassy-stupid @novarex @v-gremlin @sapphiccloud @lipstickghoulie @kuroitsukyo@jjfchk@idiotsatan@bluestuesday@bloopthebat@art-by-greenie@heneralmoon@sukunababe@dreamingaboutyousworld@ranfithegood@haniscrying@liadamerondjarin@the-lake-is-calling@marina-and-the-memes@rookieoftheyear@zraloci-cpr@kaetmo@snickerdoodle-daydream@wowowwild@d1anna@raswiet@conniesbbymama@venus-wrts@demonicthorns@kihten@deadglamsheep@sanscas@spammypasta@leighsartworks216@rose-gold-blue@p1ssmagg0t@hellish-writes@ghostinvenus@otayz@sexysquatch@sleepyeclair@colorful-anxieties@alina-exe@ilana-the-lasagna@lillifer@girlwiththepapatattoo@y2cade@acelin-ginsberg@pinkuranium@catrad0rable@scarletrosesposts@qwnamidala@itsrosebabe@bunnyperi@queenofcarrotflowers-s@tatumadams20@spkyxszn@chlort@f3v3rs@awkwardwookie@joy-the-reader@warm-milk-with-honey-blog@vertigocrime@iyis@wildpiper@pebblethestone@tillywasneverhere@bex-03@kaetmo@revemiya@staticspouse@itzagothamcitysiren@djarinsmixtape@when-the-night-came@epicy0n@bababahannah@sleepyred1703@lotus-99@lofcompass@r4d10h34d5@vampninjaz@itsmekalou@offbrandhand@yikes-buddy@konenichi@rainonarden@oceanbluesixeyes@bodtyworship@maydayitsjay@greasyslimebucket@yeeteth-the-raven@fantasyfairysworld@allexthakatt@flowersaretheshit@morglyne@thespectacularspaceace@cephiss0@use-your-telescope@furblrwurblr@kloverfield@angelofthorr@writervaul-t@starved-kitten@minixluvr@crowley--aziraphale@sapphicwren@alionera-blog@jennithejester@dezedrol@thisisew@saladalpaca@applepiewithbacon@httpbiohazard@aurasyn@nerdoodles@kingpinthedevil@itzkawaiix@domainoflostsouls@silverskylan@uminootome@helpidkwhatimdoingwrong@deadlyinfernos@blackbirdswhispers@sarahskywalker-amadala@writingmysanity@f3v3rs@jayjones03@quietlyebbie@optimisticprime3@eyes-for-daze@sunnytalia3@megoshh@maddiedott@cappsikle@mostbeautifulnightmare@lynnlovesloki@simpytheshrimpy69@astarion-archive@smaranshakthi@autistic-deer@shadowfeart@freckled-petals@candied-lavender@hp-art-studio@ghouligan@satelliteapotheosis@waywardwitch-hel@pandimoostuff@mythoughtsofinsanity@ilovelovelylove@oneandonlyizabelle

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#stupid dashing vampire #astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion fan fic #astarion x gender neutral reader #astarion x reader #summer writes

[spookberry]

I put them next to each other casually without much thought, but I've had to redraw them in this set up so many different times in the development of this project that I kinda ship them now??? like why are they always lookin at each other like that

#my art #vampire debutante #they dont even have names #but its funny in the very vague concept of these twos characters yellow is like the hunk that all their peers are kind of obsessed with #tiara and niamh even fight over him sometimes(for status reasons not cuz theyre into him) #but i was imagining red as like a bit dorky but sweet #girls arent into him really but they dont turn him down when he asks to dance or tries to make polite conversation #in an earlier draft i was gonna have a bit where Niamh and Tiara are both vying for red's attention and Niamh wins so they dance #Tiara's only other option then is red who isnt as hunky as yellow (L for her) as she needs a dancing partner to show up niamh with #but i didnt wanna animate the stupid little dance battle so i didnt do that #now the boys are just hanging #but the fact that i keep drawing yellow making eyes at red is so funny like thats just supposed to be his default expression but #do you think hes really into red and half of his showboating is just to try and get this dweebs attention but literally nothing works #meanwhile red's just sorta accepted his role as the dweeb that no one's into #oh my god