#vanya: i could try get more meds to take and we could address the powers thing after april 1st | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

in-tua-deep · 3 years

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Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!

here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS

no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission

So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well

please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel

the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.

So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"

and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"

"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"

"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"

This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.

Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable

So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon

Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."

Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"

meanwhile with the siblings

Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations

Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"

the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh

Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic

Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."

"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.

"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."

"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."

"I'm adopted." Five waves away.

"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?

"I'm double adopted."

However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.

Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?

Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that

Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful

Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"

Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends

Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes

Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.

I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot

Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?

"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."

Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly

Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"

(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)

"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.

"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.

It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze

Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.

So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?

and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"

"Your DAD?"

Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.

Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone

Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick

Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well

Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much

honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"

#HUH?#survivors au #well adjusted five au #long post #far tua long #five recruits rick to be team dad #rick is DEEPLY confused #but he's the kind of person that rolls with it #dolores probably ends up tagging along as well on at least one occasion #dolores and patch bond #five pretends that dolores is a new sibling and not his dolores #five calls rick 'dad' and it messes with everyone else #patch is on team fuck-the-apocalypse(-and-reginald)#vanya is never alone so fuck leonard #five finds out that vanya causes the apocalypse and is like #vanya: HUH?#luther: maybe we should lock vanya up -#rick: are there are any other possible actions that might be more appropriate in this situation?#vanya: i could try get more meds to take and we could address the powers thing after april 1st #vanya immediately gets validated that reginald sucks #even luther who has had multiple conversations with rick is like 'dad... didn't always make the best choices...'#everyone: :0 #hazel doesn't kill patch so he probably joins team anti-apocalypse at some point #hazel: why are you a child #five: oh you know i'm young at heart and all that #OH forgot to mention one of the main differences in this au is that five like properly grew up this time #so while he is inconvenienced by his body he's not so deeply uncomfortable or angry about it #just resigned #'this might as well happen' - five #five probably makes jokes about it as well

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dogbearinggifts · 5 years

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“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”

How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Seven

This is Part Seven of a series examining how Luther and Vanya address their respective traumas, and respond to the traumas of others. My first draft of Part Seven got eaten by Tumblr, but I’m not about to let some stupid website boss me around. If this is the first time you’re seeing this series on your dash, you can catch up with earlier installments here:

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

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Episode Eight: I Heard a Rumor (aka We Finally Learn How Allison’s Power Works and My God Is It a Doozy)

Our first mention of trauma comes after Klaus reveals what he learned from Reginald the night before. Luther, still hungover and understandably upset by the revelation, has found a seat in a bar when he is approached by Diego, Klaus and Five.

Diego: Look, Dad was wrong to lie to you. To all of us. Luther: Look, I did my time, all right? Four years up there, watching and waiting because he said the world needed me. Four years of nothing but soy paste and processed air because I was naive enough to believe that dads don’t lie to their kids. But guess what? The joke’s on me. I’m done. With all of it. With him, with you, with this family. You want to save the world? Go right ahead. I’m fine to sit here, finish my beer, and get my…buzz on.

One thing I think a lot of fans forget about this scene is that Luther has just learned he was sent to the Moon for no reason—and that particular revelation came less than twenty-four hours beforehand. Mere hours before this scene, Luther learned the murder mystery that had given him purpose was yet another manipulation from Reginald, and that Pogo—who he trusted—had participated in the ruse. On top of that, he’s learned that the strong, capable father he thought he knew was suicidally depressed for at least the last four years of his life, possibly longer. His entire worldview has been shattered. And he’s angry. He’s angry with Reginald, he’s angry with Pogo, he’s angry with himself for trusting them both.

This is a good thing.

It’s not good that he’s willing to let the entire world be destroyed rather than try to prevent it. It’s not good that he’s willing to abandon his family at this crucial junction. And it’s definitely not good that he’s trying to drown his sorrows in alcohol. But the fact he’s angry? This is good.

Remember the movie Inside Out, where Joy explains that Anger’s role is to make sure Riley is treated fairly? Sometimes Anger gets overzealous in his work and causes her to lash out at minor slights, but he also helps her identify moments where she suffers needlessly. His solutions really aren’t the best, and need to be tempered by logic, but his job is to remind Riley that she doesn’t deserve to be treated unfairly.

Emotionally abusive parents don’t let their kids feel anger towards them. They tell them that Anger is the one emotion who shouldn’t be there, and that getting angry is wrong. They might allow them to get angry at outside forces, or people the parent doesn’t like, but anger toward an emotionally abusive parent is absolutely not allowed. To survive in an environment like that, kids need to find reasons to shut Anger up. They make excuses, tell themselves that their parents didn’t mean it like that, that what they’re going through is for their own good, that it’ll make them stronger, that they’ll see their parents’ logic one day and praise them for it.

We see in earlier episodes that Luther did exactly this. Rather than allow himself to feel angry with Reginald for mutating him without his consent, he reminds himself that it was to save his life and therefore the consequences ought to be accepted. With being sent to the Moon, he tells himself that it was necessary. He was needed up there, his research would save the world, Reginald knew what he was doing. Luther never let himself feel angry toward Reginald, and that took a toll on his psyche. It led him to accept mistreatment, and it allowed Reginald to run roughshod over his boundaries.

Now, the blinders are off. Luther is under no illusions, and he’s angry. He recognizes that he was treated unfairly, and he is not pleased. For many children of emotionally abusive parents, this is incredibly freeing. Having the tools to go through memories, one by one, and identify where you accepted mistreatment you didn’t deserve is empowering. It allows you go step away from your abusive parent, and it lays the groundwork to set healthy boundaries.

Anger should not be a permanent state, in my opinion, and I speak from experience. Allowing myself to get angry with my parents freed me from their toxic influence, but constant anger is exhausting and, if left unchecked, can lead to overreactions for smaller slights. Anger should be allowed to run its course, but it should also fade into something gentler over time. It’s too early to tell what Luther will do with his anger, but the fact he immediately shoves it aside when he hears Allison is in danger seems like a good sign. He’s angry with his dad, but he’s not going to let that stop him from protecting someone in immediate danger.

**********

The next trauma mention comes from Vanya, when Allison tries to convince her to leave the cabin and look at Harold’s police file. I’m skipping over Allison’s recollection of the day she Rumored Vanya, more for space than anything else, although I do reference it.

Allison: He made me an accomplice. Vanya: You did this to me? Allison: I—I didn’t realize. Vanya: You knew this whole time—that I had powers? Allison: No, no, I didn’t really understand until I came today, until I saw it! Vanya: Well, now it all makes sense! This is why you never wanted me around! Allison: What? No! Vanya: You couldn’t risk me threatening your place in the house, your dominance! Allison: That is not true. Vanya: You couldn’t handle the fact that Dad might find me special! Allison: You are special, Vanya, with or without powers! Vanya: Don’t—don’t say that! Allison: We have a chance to start over! Vanya: You destroyed my life! Allison: Oh, please, Vanya, everything is out in the open! We can move on! Vanya: Oh, I’m moving on. But not with you, with Leonard. Allison: With Harold, you mean. Vanya: With Leonard! The only person who has ever loved me for me! Pause Look me in the eye, and tell me you’re not threatened now. The wind begins to move through the cabin, rustling curtains and causing light fixtures and wind chimes to rattle.

That last line is intensely creepy and it gets zero attention in fandom—but more on that later. First, I’d like to take some factors into consideration.

Vanya has gone cold turkey off the medication she’s been taking since the age of four. Getting off any medication needs to be done gradually and will come with side effects, but the fact she’s quit mood-altering meds abruptly means she’s going to have some trouble managing her emotions. She’s never learned to manage them, and she’s not going to learn all at once.

Harold/Leonard has been subtly but surely pushing Vanya to see her siblings in the most uncharitable light possible. And we see from earlier encounters that his manipulations are working; she lashes out at Allison simply for being concerned that her boyfriend might be a crazy stalker.

Allison’s confession could not have come at a worse time. It was well-intentioned, and it’s noble of her to want to make things right the moment she realized something was wrong, but she could have at least waited until after Vanya saw Harold’s police file.

Even with all of those factors in play, what Vanya does here is pretty egregious. She wrote her book because she felt her story wasn’t being told. She published it because the world was hearing Reginald’s side of things, viewing her siblings as stars and forgetting her existence entirely. She told her story as she saw it because she wanted her side of things to be heard and respected.

Yet when Allison tells her side of the story, Vanya rejects it. Allison presents Vanya with a story that does not paint her in a flattering light to begin with (“I was four, and naive, and just went along with what Dad wanted without questioning why even though it hurt you”) and Vanya immediately twists the narrative. Allison’s story portrays them both as victims of Reginald—Vanya to a far greater extent than Allison, which Allison acknowledges—and Vanya twists it into one where she is the sole victim of an evil father and a conniving sister.

You can argue that Vanya has no reason to believe Allison’s story, but she has no reason to disbelieve it, either. As I pointed out already, Allison’s story does not paint her as a hero. She doesn’t refuse Reginald’s orders. She doesn’t try to get Vanya out of the soundproofed room and only acquiesce to Reginald’s demands when Pogo and Grace drag her back kicking and screaming. She just hesitates, and then does as she’s told. Allison’s story makes her look bad, and this is part of what makes it believable.

Furthermore, the narrative Vanya insists upon denies Allison’s story almost wholesale. According to Allison, Reginald already knew Vanya was special. That was the problem. That was why she was locked up in that soundproofed room—as confirmed by her earlier flashback to the day Reginald locked her inside. Yet Vanya, without hesitation, throws these details out the window and insists that Allison was the problem.

I will point out that Allison invalidates Vanya’s trauma here, with the words “Oh please, Vanya! Everything is out in the open! We can move on!” Vanya has just received a revelation that further shattered her world, has just learned that she’s speaking to the person who is responsible for her lifelong belief that she was ordinary, and Allison tells her to move on. However, I’ll also point out that Allison has spent the entire series trying to make up for her initial reaming-out of Vanya in Episode 2, as well as trying to protect her from a man she believes is dangerous. Vanya has responded to these attempts with patronizing and sharp reminders of Allison’s power abuse and painful divorce. Allison never responded in kind, but it’s clear from her exasperation in this scene that those words struck their mark. She’s been reminded of her past sins every time she’s tried to befriend her sister, and she is emotionally exhausted. She wants to move on.

Now, let’s take a closer look at the creepy line.

It’s disturbing, I’ll say that upfront. And I think it is all but ignored in fandom because it alone is enough to destroy the common perception of Vanya as an innocent victim pushed to violence by an emotionally abusive boyfriend and an uncaring family. On a smaller scale, it destroys the common view of this scene, as one where Allison pushes and pushes and finally backs Vanya into a corner, forcing her to lash out with power she cannot control.

I’ve seen fandoms get things wrong before, but this….this is really something else. I’ll address the misconceptions one at a time.

First up is the notion that Allison pushes Vanya into using her powers. In this scene, Allison never tries to force Vanya to do anything she doesn’t want to do. She comes to this encounter unarmed, she doesn’t try to Rumor Vanya until she feels she has no other choice, and she only ever tries to reason with her and persuade her to come to the car of her own volition. Allison touches Vanya without her consent exactly once—a gentle hand on her arm, trying to guide her toward the door; when Vanya doesn’t follow and instead sinks to the sofa, Allison sits opposite and goes back to empathy and persuasion. The idea that Allison’s behavior is so threatening that Vanya feels she must make an outsized show of force in order to make it stop is utterly obliterated by Allison’s conduct in this scene.

Another common misinterpretation of this scene is that Vanya loses control of her powers, and that is why she causes objects to shake and the wind to blow through the cabin. However, we’ve seen her lose control of her powers. We watched it happen when she defended Leonard. Her counterattack took the form of one giant blast toward the men kicking him, and then there was nothing. In the minutes and hours following, she was confused and frightened, sitting in the hospital waiting area, replaying the events again and again in her mind as she tried to make sense of them.

In this scene, Vanya is not frightened at all. She knew beforehand that she was the one causing the strange things to happen; she knows now that she is the one doing it. And it doesn’t scare her. Rather than fearfully going over what she previously did over and over, she threatens her sister: “Look me in the eye, and tell me you’re not threatened now.” Those are not the words of a terrified young woman losing control of her powers. Those are the words of a woman thirty seconds from flying into a screaming rage and making an outsized show of force—which is exactly what Vanya does.

Finally, and most egregiously, is the notion that Allison backs Vanya into a corner by trying to Rumor her. To which I say—guys. Watch the scene again. Just….watch it again. Allison is not the one screaming at Vanya as the entire room is buffeted by gale-force winds. Allison is not the one who has refused, time and again, to hear Vanya’s version of events or listen to what she has to say. Allison is not the one who is becoming less and less rational by the second, and she isn’t the one with the power to turn ambient noise into a hurricane.

Vanya is not the one who pleads, near-sobbing, “Please don’t make me do this” before attempting to use her power.

Maybe I’m the wrong person to provide an objective analysis of this scene. In my household, my mom was the primary abuser, and what Vanya does here is disturbingly similar to the abuse I suffered throughout my childhood. The way she responds to Allison’s well-intentioned attempt at honesty—twisting the narrative, invalidating Allison’s remorse, growing angrier and angrier no matter what Allison says, simultaneously playing the victim while reminding Allison that she is the one with the real power there—it all reminds me so much of countless tirades from my mother that I cannot sympathize with her. I know many fans have watched this scene and see her as a victim of circumstance, but I can’t see her as anything but an irrational aggressor at best and an abuser at worst. My sympathy in this scene is with Allison.

I’ve seen people chastise Allison for attempting to use the very power that robbed Vanya of hers, but to that I ask: what was she supposed to do? As I mentioned before, she came unarmed. Vanya has made it abundantly clear that her power is the stronger of the two and she is, at this point, past being reasoned with. Allison has no way of knowing if Vanya will even let her make it to the door; for all she knows, Vanya might mistake a sudden move on her part for aggression or simply decide she wants to punish her for taking her powers away. We don’t know what Allison was going to say before Vanya cut her throat, but we do know that it was her only means of defense.

I don’t think Vanya meant to kill Allison. The fact she becomes near-catatonic in the next episode is evidence of this. I do think she was trying to shut her sister up, lashed out in anger, and did more harm than she’d intended.

That said, I don’t think Vanya is being controlled by a separate entity, either, and I think this scene is evidence of that. Her transitions from rage to eerie calm and back again are unsettling, but not unnatural, with no personality changes in between. They don’t come across as those of a woman being controlled by an outside force; they come across as those of a woman being ruled by her emotions. She doesn’t stop to think through the consequences or rationality of her words and actions; she simply acts. Furthermore, when she slits Allison’s throat, her horror and remorse are immediate. If she were under the control of an entity that revels in violence, I think she would have taken that moment to gloat, or to calmly leave Allison to bleed out in the cabin. It seems unlikely that an outside being pushing Vanya toward violence would leave its host immediately after the violent act is completed, rather than getting its host to safety.

The eerie calm she expresses in this scene, though, hints at something else, something darker: At this point, Luther has not yet locked her in that anechoic chamber in the basement. He doesn’t even know it exists, yet here is Vanya telling her sister, “Look me in the eye, and tell me you’re not threatened now.” She has not yet snapped, yet she’s already reveling in the power she holds over her sister’s head, displaying the same unnatural calm that will become her trademark as the White Violin. It’s not all she displays, true, but it’s very much there.

Her tendencies toward violence, her dark side, the part of her that made her kill and/or maim nannies who tried to feed her oatmeal—whatever you want to call it, it didn’t go away when she grew up, and it wasn’t planted there when Luther locked her in the basement. That darkness has always been a part of her, and it was present long before Luther even learned she had powers. I do think being locked up exacerbated these tendencies, but Luther is not the reason for their existence.

*********

Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)

Own Trauma: Vanya 9, Luther 10

Trauma of Others: Vanya 5, Luther 3

Read on to Part Eight

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dogbearinggifts · 5 years

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“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”

How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Eight

This is part eight of my series comparing how Luther and Vanya discuss their own trauma and respond to the trauma of others. If this is your first time seeing it on your dash, you can catch up with prior installments here:

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven

A quick note for this installment: I will only cover part of Episode 9. This is mainly because I got a bit verbose and didn’t want it to get too long.

Episode 9, Part One: Changes (aka The One With That Scene™)

Our first trauma mention this episode comes shortly after Vanya discovers her father’s journal in Leonard’s bag.

Leonard: Vanya, I can explain. Vanya: You’ve been manipulating me all this time? Leonard: No, that’s not true. I’m only trying to protect you. Vanya: From who? Leonard: From your family! They’re the ones trying to hurt you. Vanya, it’s all there, in that journal. Your father was afraid of you. That’s why he put you on those pills. It wasn’t to help you. It was to hold you back. He didn’t trust that you were strong enough to control your powers, but I’ve never been afraid of you. I embraced you. I’m the only one who ever accepted you for who you really are. Your brothers and your sister, they went along with him every step of the way. Vanya: Who is Harold Jenkins? Leonard: He’s….someone like us. A lonely boy. An outsider whose family was cruel to him. All he ever wanted was to be heard, to be loved. Vanya: Allison was right. You’re sick. Leonard: I’m not the one who tried to kill you.

So, the first thing I’ll point out about this exchange is that Vanya jumped to the right conclusion upon finding that book. Her habit of jumping to conclusions has led her further and further down the road to the apocalypse up to this point, and those conclusions (assuming her siblings intentionally excluded her from their meeting because they don’t consider her family; assuming Allison Rumored her because she was jealous) have been wildly incorrect. But in this case, her interpretation of the facts is 100 percent correct.

Another thing that jumped out at me about this conversation is that the things Leonard says to Vanya? The reasons he gives her for pushing her away from her family and manipulating her into lashing out against them? Those words echo what certain corners of the fandom say about Vanya’s siblings. Not about Leonard being the only one who embraced her for who she is (no one is agreeing with him on that) or about why Reginald put her on her meds (he’s actually right on that one). But when he says that her “brothers and sister went along with him every step of the way,” that sounds eerily similar to what some segments of this fandom say about Vanya’s relationship with her siblings. Furthermore, based on a few excerpts we’ve gotten from her book (namely, the passage where she assumes her siblings “learned cruelty” from Reginald and excluded her accordingly) Leonard’s words echo Vanya’s worst and widely publicized allegations against her siblings.

And he’s patently wrong.

There is a chance her siblings excluded her intentionally in childhood, although Allison’s surprise at seeing Vanya off by herself in so many of the security tapes seems to refute this. But in the present, the biggest moment when Vanya was excluded by her siblings—when she walked in on that emergency meeting and Allison told her it was a “family matter”—was both unintentional and a result of Vanya’s own choices. Early on, Diego does tell her she doesn’t belong there, but clarifies that it’s because of the book she wrote; when he later says “She shouldn’t get a vote,” it’s implied that he’s still angry with her because of her book; he’s not leaving her out because of her lack of powers. Reginald may have enforced Vanya’s isolation in childhood, but from what we’ve seen of her adulthood thus far, it seems Vanya’s own choices have isolated her from her siblings far more than Reginald’s influence on them.

Furthermore, Allison did not try to kill Vanya. She didn’t even attempt to Rumor her until Vanya made it abundantly clear that she would not be reasoned with and Allison was left with her power as her only defense. She came unarmed, her behavior was nowhere near threatening, and the only reason Vanya saw it as threatening is because she refused to trust her sister’s own account of an event that had haunted her for decades.

Yet a not-insubstantial portion of the fandom not only fails to see this evidence refuting Leonard and Vanya’s assumptions, but they actually agree with Vanya’s emotionally abusive boyfriend who stalked and isolated her so he could use her powers for his own ends.

I’m not even going to go into how deeply disturbing that is.

As for what comes after this exchange—namely, Leonard’s death. I’m torn. On the one hand, I’m not going to say Leonard didn’t deserve what he got, because this is a man who has murdered two people (that we know of) with little remorse and is perfectly willing to end the world if it means he gets his petty revenge on the Umbrella Academy for something they didn’t even do. He smiled when he saw Allison’s throat pouring blood and tried to convince Vanya that her sister deserved to die. This man is dangerous, he is toxic, and the world is a safer place without him in it.

On the other hand, Vanya’s reaction is…troubling, to say the least. She doesn’t lash out at him when he confesses to murdering Helen Cho, and she doesn’t lash out when he lies about her family and tries to manipulate her into seeing Allison’s presumed death as a good thing. No, she lashes out at him when he begins calling her ordinary in a deliberate attempt to enrage her. What causes her to snap is not horror at his actions or empathy for her siblings, but the fact he is forcing her to relive her childhood trauma.

Furthermore, her retribution is….let’s call it disproportionate. She doesn’t run out screaming, and she doesn’t pin him up against the wall so she can make a getaway. Both of these would be the actions of a timid woman who abhors violence, but Vanya impales him with every vaguely sharp object in his kitchen and walks away without a tear in her eye.

I’m not going to say Leonard’s behavior isn’t awful here, because it is. And I have a hard time mustering a single ounce of sympathy for him. But he wasn’t threatening her. He didn’t have a gun or even a knife in his hands; he had a book. He didn’t block the exit; Vanya could have easily ran for the door and started screaming until the neighbors ran to her aid. He was simply slamming a book against his hand and chanting “Ordinary! Ordinary! Not special! Nothing!” It is this that makes Vanya decide he must die.

It’s entirely possible that she was leaning toward killing him when he confessed to murdering Helen, and it’s equally possible that this notion became stronger when she heard what he had to say about her siblings. It’s clear she’s afraid of him in this scene; however, as in her earlier confrontation with Allison, Vanya is the one with the real power here. She is the one who can commit a gruesome murder without lifting a finger. Leonard is the one at her mercy.

Unlike in her confrontation with Allison, Vanya exhibits no horror or remorse. She doesn’t even pause as the reality of what she’s done hits her full force. She simply gazes at his lifeless body and walks away.

Like the scene where she slit Allison’s throat, this one refutes the theory that Vanya’s tendency toward violence and desire for revenge at any cost is a direct result of Luther locking her up, because at this point, she has not yet returned to the Academy. Luther knows of her powers by now, but she hasn’t seen him. Yet here she is, murdering her abusive boyfriend without a single twinge of conscience. Leonard may be the very definition of an asshole victim, but that does not make Vanya’s complete and utter indifference toward the sight of his mangled corpse any less disturbing.

******

Our next trauma mention comes when Luther is sitting beside Allison in the infirmary. She is unconscious and covered in blood, but stable.

Luther: I know that peaceful dark place you’re in right now. And I know the pain you’ll be in when you leave it and wake up…to someone who’s not quite you anymore. When I woke up, I was angry. I was angry that you were gone, that you’d moved on with your life. And I was still stuck here, alone with Dad in this shitty old house. But I was wrong, because I pushed everyone away and…and that’s including the only person I love with all my heart. Crying Allison, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. And I won’t let you wake up alone.

I’d like to take a minute to say that this fandom needs to CTFD* about Allison/Luther. Not only because 1) it’s a small portion of the series itself and 2) Netflix harnesses new, cutting-edge, downright revolutionary technology allowing viewers to simply skip the “Dancing in the Moonlight” scene, but because the rather disproportionate fury toward the pairing overshadows the sweetness Luther exhibits in this scene.

Since I brought it up and I know there’s a good chance it’ll become a Thing if I don’t, I’m going to make my stance on Allison/Luther clear: I am neutral. I don’t ship it, but it doesn’t fill me with rage, either. It was a thing in the comics, and when I read those, I simply saw it as another result of their fucked-up childhood. These are two kids raised in a cloistered environment, addressed by numbers instead of names, and taught more about all the many, many ways to hurt an assailant than they are about the birds and the bees (or whatever sort of lesson “don’t date your siblings even if you’re both adopted” would pop up in). If I were writing the series, I would not have added it in, but the fact it’s there doesn’t ruin the show for me and I feel no desire whatsoever to shame those few fans who do ship SpaceRumor. Klaus/Dave exists. I’d rather spend my time obsessing over a ship that makes my heart sing, cry, and sing while crying than spend it berating others for enjoying a ship that makes my heart go “meh.”

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way….

This is a sweet scene, no doubt about it. Luther isn’t confessing his love to her; he’s confessing something even more difficult to share—his guilt. He knows he treated her badly after his accident. He knows he was angry with her, and he knows that was wrong. In this scene, Luther proves he has not only changed and grown beyond what he was mere days prior, but he exhibits a healthy degree of self-awareness.

What he says here, “I know the pain you’ll be in when you leave it and wake up…to someone who’s not quite you anymore”—that’s what empathy is. That’s what it looks like in practice. He knows how Allison will feel, because he’s felt that way. He knows how horrific it is to wake up and find that your body has been altered, but that knowledge isn’t limited to Oh, this was bad for me and so I’m going to protect myself from anything that resembles it. His recognition of the injustice he suffered leads him to ensure someone else in the same situation won’t suffer everything he suffered. He can’t reverse the damage, but he can be there when she wakes up—and he’s going to do it.

But I’d like to call your attention to something else, something that’s even more overlooked than the kindness of Luther’s words: “Allison, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

Some fans have already pointed out that Luther’s whole identity is wrapped up in his position as Number One. Sometimes this is used to draw attention to his anxiety and lack of confidence; sometimes it’s used to accuse him of being Sir Reginald 2.0. But what the latter group forget is that Luther’s identity as Number One is built on the notion of him as not just a hero, but a leader of heroes. He’s not supposed to be the one rushing in after shit has already gone down to do whatever he can to assist victims; he’s supposed to be the one who gets to the scene before shit goes down, the one who keeps the victims from becoming victims and sends everyone home with smiles on their faces. To Luther, always getting the front seat and taking the lead in family meetings are small components of what being Number One is all about. The crux of his identity, the core of being Number One, is saving people.

And in his eyes, he has failed at that.

Never mind that he didn’t know Allison was in danger until Diego told him. Never mind that he had no way of knowing Vanya had powers or that Allison would find her instead of Leonard. Never mind that there was no possible way he could have made it to the cabin in time. To Luther’s mind, it was his responsibility to be the hero before Allison knew she’d need one, and all of those things we consider justifications for his absence are excuses to him.

Luther’s extreme dedication to his every task is what gained Reginald’s favor. But there’s a dark side to dedication, and we see it here with Luther’s self-blame for something that was absolutely not his fault. Knowing Reginald, he likely encouraged this self-blame. When that persistent voice in Luther’s head tells him he should have been there to save Allison before things got ugly, I’d be willing to bet it sounds a lot like Sir Reginald.

*******

Now, I would like to talk about That Scene. You know the one. Luther, Vanya, and a very bad hug?

I’m not going to reproduce the dialogue, because it’s not relevant to the points I’d like to discuss. I’m less interested in what is said—and even in what happens—than in the oft-ignored context surrounding it, so that is what I will focus on.

Let me get this out of the way first: I don’t like what Luther does in this scene. It’s so difficult to watch that I nearly always skip it. What he does to Vanya is horrifying, the scene is horrifying, and I don’t support his actions at all. However, I’ve seen some fans taking him to task for not giving her some of her meds, which have been proven effective. Leaving aside the fact that 1) all of those pills were with Vanya when Leonard flushed them down the drain and 2) her pharmacy will absolutely not give Luther an early refill for someone else’s medication just because he asks nicely, I have a question:

How was he supposed to get her to take them? I mean…..

Luther: Heyyyyyyyy, Vanya! Long time no see! We’re having a cranberry juice party! Can’t come in until you drink this whole glass of cranberry juice! Vanya: Luther: Vanya: What the fuck kind of party is— Luther: IT’S ALSO A NO-QUESTIONS PARTY!

Arguably, that would have been even worse.

Now, part of what makes this scene so awful is that we know Vanya does not plan to harm her siblings. We know she’s genuinely remorseful, and that she has returned simply to say she’s sorry. However, what I think many fans forget is that there is an enormous gap between what we the audience know and what Luther knows. We’ve seen Vanya immediately scream and rush to Allison’s side, trying in vain to stanch the bleeding. We’ve seen Leonard drag her away, and we’ve seen her sit nearly catatonic in the tub as he washes the blood off. We’ve seen her break down at Allison’s message, and we’ve seen her horror as she realizes that this is what Leonard wanted all along. Speaking more broadly, we’ve seen her display the full spectrum of emotion: anger at her siblings, yes, but also joy at getting first chair, gentle teasing when she tells Leonard she’s “sorry you got the ordinary one,” confusion and horror as she replays the fight outside the restaurant in her mind.

Luther has seen less than five percent of that.

He wasn’t at the cabin when Vanya slit Allison’s throat, and the only thing Allison has said to him about it is VANYA POWERS. He got the rest of the truth from Pogo, who as we know is practically allergic to saying anything negative about Reginald.** Pogo would never have told Luther that the anechoic chamber frightened Vanya when she was a child, let alone the way Reginald left her alone in there, shaking and crying as he simply walked away. If Luther said something to the effect of “This seems a little extreme,” Pogo probably would have responded with, “Her powers were simply too great. He believed they are limitless, and endlessly destructive. Your sister had little interest in controlling them. This was the only way to keep all of you safe—including Miss Vanya.” So, if you’re arguing that Luther intentionally made her relive her childhood trauma, stop. Just….stop.

Furthermore, the Vanya Luther has known all his life has been a zombie. She’s been on those pills since she was four, and so he probably has few, if any, memories of Vanya displaying much emotion at all. The only strong emotion he’s seen from her in the course of this series came when she flew off the handle because she erroneously assumed she had been intentionally left out of a very awkward conversation. To us, Vanya’s conduct is a heartfelt display of genuine relief and remorse. To Luther, it probably comes across as overacting.

So, to recap, here’s what we know:

Vanya went off her meds involuntarily and just recently learned what the pills actually did.

She has spent much of that time being ruled by her emotions, never even thinking to stop and take a deep breath until she crossed a line.

Believing she killed Allison was a turning point for her.

She is really, truly, deeply remorseful for what she did and relieved beyond words that Allison survived.

And here’s what Luther knows:

Vanya went off her meds, possibly by choice.

She is angry, and most of that anger is directed toward her family—particularly Allison, given her “There is nothing fair about being your sister” tirade.

She is unreasonable, blaming others for situations she created when she does not like the result.

She is quite possibly more powerful than the rest of her siblings combined.

Her first act upon coming into her powers could very well have been the attempted murder of her own sister.

It’s not just the fact Luther is acting on limited information that’s crucial to the understanding of this scene. It’s what his information was limited to. We see all the evidence and we know Vanya is, while not quite innocent, definitely not acting out of any sort of intent to harm. Luther sees a fraction of what we see, and what he sees is enough to convince him she needs to be contained until they know what to do. For all he knows, she’s returned to finish Allison off and kill the rest of them.

Now, I hope you’ll pardon a small tangent here: Diego receives much love for insisting that “She needs our help, and we can’t do that if she’s locked in a cage.” Fans point to his being locked in a cell despite his innocence as the reason for this empathy—and all that makes for good character development, but it ignores one vital piece of the puzzle:

The police didn’t know Diego was innocent, either.

From his perspective and our perspective, he’s innocent. He was heartbroken and inadvertently planted evidence on a scene he didn’t arrive at until after Eudora’s body was cold. Fingerprints, possibly hair and other bits of DNA were left behind, and when all that is put together with his take-no-shit-from-nobody attitude, the fights he and Eudora had, their possibly acrimonious breakup, and the fact that the last time they were known to speak together, she lectured him on his childish antics and kicked him out without allowing him to speak in his own defense….well, it’s enough to build a strong case, that’s for sure. The police gain much ire for locking Diego up on suspicion alone, but that is literally how the criminal justice system works. If there is evidence beyond a reasonable doubt, the suspect is kept in custody until the police can be certain they did not commit the crime in question and will not commit a similar crime once released. A failure to follow this step can allow a serial killer to roam free (and it has, on several notable occasions). No, it’s not fair or right that Diego could have been convicted on mostly circumstantial evidence; but suppose he had been guilty of a cold-blooded revenge killing. Should the police have let him go then? Should they have said, “Well, we have this evidence against you, and it makes a pretty compelling case, but we’re not 100 percent sure, so be free and try not to kill anyone else”? Point is, they didn’t know what they were dealing with—innocent man or cold-blooded killer—and so they had to err on the side of caution.

The same principle applies to Vanya. I don’t think Luther was planning to leave her there indefinitely. I am certain he didn’t think she would suffer a psychotic break. He was probably intending to wait a while, give her some time to cool off, and then try to talk to her and see if she’d tried to kill Allison or if it had been an accident. Locking her up was not the right choice, and it was not a kind one, but from his perspective, it was probably better to play it safe and keep her from hurting anyone else. We know she wasn’t guilty, just as we know Diego wasn’t guilty. But the evidence against them both was strong enough to convince the police and Luther that they needed to be kept under watch and kept from hurting anyone else.

I don’t think Luther was right to ignore his siblings. I think he should have listened to Allison especially, when she said to let Vanya go. But I think I know why he didn’t, and I’ll cover that in my next installment.

******

Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)

Own Trauma: Vanya 10, Luther 11

Trauma of Others: Vanya 5, Luther 4

*********

*Stands for CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

**I have a lot more to say about Pogo and his loyalty to Reginald, but I’ll be a good essayist and keep this one focused on Luther and Vanya.

Read on to Part Nine

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