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myezblog · 2 years

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Ep 13 KinnPorsche - What really broke Pete and Why it had to happen like this

What broke Pete

We saw Pete being electrocuted and what not, but he never lost his appetite, or his fighter spirit, or his talking to self comedy. Then, why so sad post s3x.

We ended ep 12 with Pete’s smile. He kissed because he realized he likes this man. He made love for the first time. And, he was happy to see his man being happy in his company.

We start ep 13 with a visibly depressed Pete. Scars have lessened. Bandages are gone. Lying position is different. Hands are handcuffed. Pants are different. Clearly, this is not a continuation. V X P have been having s3x. Yet, Pete is sad.

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Pete’s perspective

Pete is falling in love with each passing moment. He should hate his situation, but he is finding himself enjoying it as long as Vegas is around. And, Pete knows this is not the right feeling he should have in this captive scenario.

AND YET this is not what broke him.

What really pushed Pete over the edge was the feeling of falling irrevocably in love with someone, giving that person your everything, and making a fool of yourself. Because, that person does not reciprocate Pete’s feelings. Infact, from Pete’s perspective, that person just considers Pete as a mere object of s3x, a pet to seek comfort, a recipient of bipolar emotional outbursts. Pete is just a meaningless existence. And, this is heartbreaking.

This heartbreak is not only driving Pete to feel worthless, but just making him feel disgusted with himself. All he is seeking in this episode is “I love you”, but what he hears is “You are sexy”, “You are a fool”, “i need you”, “don’t leave me”, “You are my pet”. “Don’t think you can say anything because we had s3x”, a noodle bowl which is not edible, start over but with chains

I do think had Pete gotten his heartfelt “I love you”, he would have stayed. His mood would have changed.

The sad part is.. in all those lines Vegas was indeed saying I love you

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Vegas’ perspective

You are sexy ( I have never felt anything like this before, and trust you me because i have slept with so many)

You are a fool ( my fool, how are you so different, you are too good for this world); Vegas’s smile during opening sequence is so giddy in love smile

I need you - but Vegas’ need is his lifeline.. not a time pass or need of the hour.

Don’t leave me - i can’t breathe..

And as we do find, Pete finally accepts Vegas the moment Vegas says “You can’t shoot me and you know why. I am sorry” ... he knows Vegas is talking Love. He also knows that Vegas has risked everything to meet him. Vegas has come out of hiding to a place where Kinn’s men are (after all tankhun is here, Porsche is here.. but ofcourse there are bodyguards and security and kinn’s surveillance)

And from Vegas’ perspective ... he is not here to say stay with me, accept me.. none of that.. he really does want to apologize... he wants to make sure Pete knows that he is not like everyone else for Vegas.. he is special.. he is the man Vegas fell in love with.. and Vegas can risk anything for him.

The lyrics on screen in their individual cryfest scene fit both of them very well and give their perspective.

Vegas is in love but knows Pete does not love him back. Pete would prefer to not have Vegas in his life. He wants Pete to know that he misses all of it... and he wasn’t having s3x , he was making love

Pete is in love and thinks Vegas does not care...but he would like to be in clear...he can’t take the heartbreak and being made into a fool..

**************************

Opening Sequence

Both are in different places. They think they are being obvious, but they aren’t. Here, Pete atleast thinks it is a one sided emotion and it is making him miserable.

Vegas is full of admiration... a strong attraction he does not want to name.

A compliment from the one you love, but it hurts. “You are sexy” (lust, physical). The choice of words can be very hurtful depending on emotions. From Pete’s perspective, he gives a lukewarm “mmm”... (Right, I am after all here to just fulfill your physical requirements and desires. Who am I, a nobody)

While we get an expressionless “Mmm” from Pete...look at Vegas. He has just complimented the man he is falling for, he is smiling.. his feelings behind “You are sexy” are so different... you are alluring, i have never felt this way with anyone else (and believe you me because i have slept with many)

***************************************

Yok’s Bar - some details are just magnificent

The show is reminding you, Vegas hasn’t changed for the world. He HAS ONLY Changed for Pete (and i guess that’s the journey for his character to change for Pete and that means change for the world)

#kinnporsche #kinnporche the series #kinn x porsche #kinn porsche #vegaspete #vegas x pete #pete x vegas #vegas pete #song lyrics do the best job of explaining the feelings of each #tawan is laughing

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foi-fede · 2 years

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Ladies and gentlemen,

Kinnporsche the series

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7698 · 1 year

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#bible build #biblebuild #bible sumettikul #build jakapan #buildurluve #vegas pete #vegaspete #vegas kinnporsche #pete kinnporsche #kinnporshe the series #kinnporsche #thai actors #thai actor #thai bl

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queerbrainrot · 2 years

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Vegas being the 'i made you food. I made you food. Appreciate it. I put in effort. See? Effort. My work. So I hope you enjoy it or I will pout. Evilly." is something i didnt expect but absolutely love.

#vegaspete #petevegas #vegas theerapanyakul #kinnporsche the series #vegas kinnporsche #kp spoilers #kinnporsche la forte #kinnporsche spoilers #kinnporsche #pete kinnporsche #vegas x pete #vegas pete #kinnporsche vegas #pete saengtham

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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The connection of food and domesticity and abuse is a powerful one and it plays so deeply into the relationship that Vegas and Pete are slowly building and creating. It's a relationship that grows with them but also breaks with them and around them.

We see Vegas amuse himself by giving Pete a snack when he's watching him the first time, see him tease his knowledge about him and what he's doing. Food is a tease, a joke, a way of showing Pete that he knows but also of mocking Pete, the condom that he grabs out of the bag symbolic of his own amusement at this.

The first torture scenes we got in the safehouse were about Pete refusing to eat and asking for death, Vegas using the food as humiliation, as proof that he is less than human, barely even a pet. The slop was not made to be anything, was to do nothing but keep Pete alive so he could be tortured.

The first scene after we saw worry and a shared understanding was when Vegas brought the noodles and Pete ate and Vegas got frustrated that he thought he might be poisoned and showed him the food was safe.

That was the first time that Vegas smiled at something Pete actively did, the first time Vegas saw something in Pete that made him happy. Vegas takes a chance at providing something for him and it is the first thing that makes him smile after his exile and blacklisting. This is the first steps of Vegas realizing that he can take care of someone, of something, that he can do do things for other people and not be beaten down for it.

Then we get to the point that he's in the kitchen, watching a video about cooking, trying to make something exactly to Pete's taste, to make as a treat, to make it beautiful. Has Vegas ever truly cooked before? He's certainly never made food with care before. He's never decorated a plate before. He's never been proud of his food before.

And then his father destroys it. Not just destroys it but doesn't even care that he destroys it, doesn't care that he just proved to Vegas that he cannot take care of Pete. The cycle of abuse is still wrapped around his throat and he cannot break out, he cannot give Pete was he wants to give him and if he cannot then he cannot do anything.

He makes noodles but when Pete doesn't eat them he lashes out, he breaks down, because all Vegas sees in himself in the failure that his father has told him always is, is the food on the floor and ruined by his hand and worthless. The noodles were not the choice he wanted. Vegas was trying to choose Pete with his food and he failed and so he falls apart... only to see Pete fall apart in response.

Then we get the parallel scenes of them with their food crying, Pete back with the main family and Vegas knowing that he is back where he is safe, where he wanted to be, away from. Both of them are in agony, though, despite what has happened and despite having food in front of them that they would normally love.

Pete has the noodles, the same type that Vegas made, a taste now familiar thanks to memories he doesn't want but also desires and pain that sinks so deeply into him that he cannot avoid or pretend it isn't happening. Pete clutches his marks and he cries because he wants but he cannot accept.

Vegas has food spread in front of him as he sits at the foot of the bed he shared with Pete. Do you think he bothered to clean up Pete's blood? Is he sitting and staring at the stains that he will leave there forever, the marks of Pete's existence. Vegas cries because Pete has gone back and he cannot go back and he has food but he does not eat.

Food is one of the things that abusers very often control. Access, quantity, safety, type, when and where and how food exists.

Food started as a torture method, as a form of a control, as proof of where Pete existed in relation to Vegas. Then it became a form of affection only for that to be broken by the cycle of abuse, for what was trying to be a symbol of love to be destroyed and then to start the cycle again. And then food became a memory, a wish, a dream, something connected to the good moments and the painful moments.

Someday in the future, Vegas will be able to prepare a meal for Pete and he will present it to him and he will be so, so scared but Pete will smile and the food will be there, will be on their table and they will share in food that they prepared and they will be together and they will be safe and they will be chosen.

#vegaspete #vegas x pete #vegas theerapanyakul #pete kinnporsche #vegas pete #kinnporsche vegas #thai drama #thaibl #thai series #bl series #thai bl #bl drama #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche la forte #food symbolism #child abuse #ugh hi i'm never gonna shut up

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bluismie · 2 years

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We make merits together. So next life, we’ll get to see each other again.

#kinnporsche series #kinnporsche #pete saengtham #vegaspete #vegas pete #fanart #myart #art #sketch #procreate #vegas kornwit theerapanyakul

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theultimategoodgirl · 1 year

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Macau: How to make them fall in love with you?

Kim: Investigate their parents death with the cover of tutoring them for guitar

Kinn: Trick them into becoming your bodyguard

Vegas: Kidnap and torture them but also make ramen for them in the middle of the night

Porsche, Porchay and Pete: .....

#I can't with these mafia cousins #kinnporche the series #kinnporsche #kimchay #vegaspete #petevegas #stockholm syndrome #boy love #love is love #vegas and pete #vegas pete #khun tankhun #kim porchay #tumblrgirl #men love men #bl series

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sins-spookyboogie · 2 years

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And there goes all of our souls .

Dm for credit

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #bible sumettikul #bible build #vegas pete #bible wichapas #build jakapan #kinnporsche crack #kinnporsche world tour #kinnporsche the world tour #kp world tour d1 #ko world tour #kinnporsche brain rot

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tiedankelstotheocean · 2 years

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Religious Parallels of Pete and (gay icon) St. Sebastian

Sebastian has often been depicted as emblematic of the pleasure and pain dichotomy within Christian martyrdom – that is, that one must endure 'pain' on earth in order to receive the 'pleasure' of eternal salvation.

Christian fixation with the desirable bodies of its saints and the permeable boundaries between the bodily flesh and the divine have been seen as homoerotic or queer.

In some instances, Sebastian's head is thrown back in supposed pleasure, making the presence of ropes and restraints positively sadomasochistic.

Pete is a saint, a martyr, encapsulated in pleasure and pain, bringing Vegas salvation from his pain, abuse and persecuti on, the one he'll venerate as sacred.

@lutawolf has some interesting insights on their relationship.

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hawkshadowwrites · 10 months

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best thing that’s ever been mine

vegaspete, 2.8k

one shot, complete, rated G

Tags: Fluff, Professional Cuddling AU, Cuddling & Snuggling, therapy dogs, mentions of anxiety and depression, Vegas is going through it, pete is very very cute, allusions to pet play (kink), pete is a puppy (fluff)

Vegas shows up to pet some therapy dogs and finds Pete instead:

ATTACHED ART BY @kiiyuq !!!

read below or read on ao3

🐶🐶🐶

Vegas loves dogs. Always has.

Growing up he always wanted one of his own, a puppy that was his. One that could sleep in his bed next to him, that he could take on walks, that he could feed and cuddle. A dog that would love him no matter what. A dog that would always love him.

His father refused, said animals were for vagrants and common folk, that people like them in upper society don’t have dogs. They don’t have pets.

His father also had a lot of opinions on propper animals, instructing him to take care of some hedgehogs as he was younger only to berate and scold Vegas when they died off one by one.

His father had opinions on a lot of things, really.

Like that Vegas isn’t living up to expectations, isn’t following the path set for him, isn’t bringing honor to the family. It doesn’t matter that Vegas is unfathomably intelligent, managing a double major in record time with near perfect grades. It doesn’t matter that he has done every single thing his father has asked of him, the fact that he still has the audacity to pursue something like an English degree is unforgivable.

Vegas is on his own now, after all of that. Working part time to supplement his income — as his father refuses to pay for a single textbook — and works twice as hard to finish his degree.

He didn’t even really pay attention to the fact that he was stressed, or depressed, or anxious. All of those things are a baseline for him. Why would he point out that he feels hopeless and worthless and broken? That’s just who he is.

Apparently, though, normal people don’t feel those things. And all of this is perfectly normal, that it’s just brain chemistry, that lots of people face these problems, which Vegas finds ridiculously contradictory according to the previous point that normal people aren’t feeling miserable from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep.

At least, these are things the college therapist explained to him, gently, as if Vegas might crawl over the desk and strangle them with his bare hands.

It crossed his mind, at least.

Vegas would rather gouge out his own eyes than submit to the mortifying ordeal of being perceived, of being forced to talk about things that upset him, to talk about his feelings. Even though it was nice to have a space with someone who actually listened to him, and who he felt didn’t look down on him or want to use him for something. Someone who wasn’t constantly comparing him to his cousin.

Still, his sessions haven’t been as productive for his overall mood as the therapist would have liked, so now Vegas is given a new task.

Visit the campus therapy dogs.

Apparently, once a week, a mental health organization comes on campus with trained service dogs, designed to help people with depression and anxiety and other mood disorders. That they can help bring joy and help relieve stress. Vegas thinks this is a weird concept but he isn’t going to complain, not when he can picture a gray Pitbull with wide eyes, head in his lap. Or maybe a black lab, fur soft under his fingers and tail thumping against the ground as Vegas scratches its head.

It’s just a fact that Vegas loves dogs, so what does he have to lose?

He writes down the date and time on a paper and takes it with him, noting that the soonest is a few days from today. He at least will be able to move through the mountain of homework he has, call Macau, go to the store and meal prep, do laundry, and perhaps finish reading his book.

Just a usual days list of tasks.

Vegas tries to forget about it, not wanting to waste all of his time and energy on something still so far away, but he fails. Once the idea has been placed in his mind he can’t stop thinking about it. He wonders what it would be like to actually gain a service animal. Is that allowed? To have with him, always.

It doesn’t matter anymore that his father wouldn’t allow it, the school campus refuses and his off campus housing also prohibits pets. But service animals are an exception to that rule, right?

The days pass slow and fast, all at once and not at all. But finally the day comes and Vegas feels a flutter of excitement in his stomach. He shouldn’t be this nervous, or have this much anticipation. It’s just a normal thing.

But the thing is, it’s not.

Because when he gets to the room that the event is supposed to take place, when he opens the door expecting to find the dogs, all he sees is a cute boy with a collar and dog ears, in an oversized sweater, staring back at him.

The room is almost set up with a large cage along the wall — fully stocked with comfortable looking pillows and blankets — some toys surrounding the cage, and a few extra large dog beds in the middle.

Vegas blinks, sure he is just hallucinating, but no, it seems to be not a delusion caused from undue stress and lack of sleep, but in fact, an actual guy dressed like a dog surrounded by dog toys.

“I’m sorry,” Vegas says slowly. “I must have gotten the wrong room.”

He didn’t. He knows he didn’t. He double and triple checked it.

The guy smiles and Vegas is first and foremost almost knocked over by his dimples. Dimples.

“Are you Vegas?”

Vegas nods, a little taken aback that the guy knows his name. Vegas takes the opportunity to examine him, noting that the cuffs of his sweater are extra long, over his fingers that he has curled at the ends. The sweater looks soft, a material that invites touch. It’s big on him, slipping off one shoulder to expose a collarbone and Vegas feels very overwhelmed in a lot of reasons.

“I’m Pete,” he explains. “I’m going to be your therapy dog for today.”

“My… what?”

Pete just smiles up at him and something about the warm brown of his eyes and the way his dimples dip into his cheeks has Vegas’s skin flushing. This has to be some type of joke.

“Did my therapist put you up to this? Is this a prank?”

“No, absolutely not.” Pete brings one hand up to adjust the puppy ears on his head before dropping them in his lap. “I help out with the other dogs, train them and volunteer when they are here. But there are times they can’t make it and usually don’t schedule themselves to come if there’s only one or two people signed up. So that’s where I come in.”

Vegas shifts on his feet and thinks about where to shove his hands; on his hips? Clasped behind his back? In his pockets? Crossing his arms? Why don’t people think about this? Is he over thinking this?

Pete makes a soft nose and Vegas snaps back to attention on him, trying to ignore the blush on his cheeks. “You can start by taking off your shoes, if that makes you more comfortable.”

Vegas wants to snap that nothing would make him more comfortable, but he leans down to pull off his shoes anyway. He’s grateful he’s wearing his normal black socks today, and not any of the embarrassing ones that he only gets away with when he’s wearing boots.

He really should leave.

This is really fucking weird.

“Who are you?” Vegas asks instead.

“I’m a biology major, but I also participate in a lot of the drama productions. I just like being a puppy sometimes, and find a lot of people need more hugs than they think they do.” Pete doesn’t move closer to Vegas but the longer he is standing with Pete sitting the more uncomfortable he gets.

He’s in jeans though, and a blouse that is extremely wrinkleable. He also has no idea what he is allowed to do or supposed to do.

“Come a little closer to me,” Pete suggests softly.

Vegas wonders how often he does this. Wonders who else has seen Pete like this in a sweater and black athletic shorts and fluffy socks, smiling at him like he is the best thing he’s seen all day.

Vegas knows for a fact that can’t be true. He is usually the worst part of someone’s day.

But he pads forward anyway, socks quiet on the rug, feeling his stomach flip as Pete looks up at him with an unfairly soft expression.

Vegas can’t remember the last time he was hugged by someone, and he really can’t ever remember a time that someone looked at him like that. People don’t look at him like that. Vegas is the asshole, the jerk, the black sheep. No one ever wants to be with just him, without the Theerapanyakul name or the money.

He gets in close enough that he is standing almost directly above Pete, and he is irritatingly, even cuter up close.

“I won’t bite,” Pete laughs softly. “I’m here to do whatever is most comfortable for you.”

“I’m very, deeply, extremely uncomfortable.”

“I can see that.” Pete slides his thumb along the ridges of his knuckles, still covered by the cuffs of his sweater. “Do you want to maybe sit down and I can put my head in your lap? Some people like that. Or I can start by a simple hug?”

Vegas tenses. He doesn’t mean to, but he hasn’t been held in so long that the idea scares him. What if he’s a bad hugger? What if Pete thinks he is weird? What if he makes Pete uncomfortable and he fucks this up too?

He sits anyway. This is all about trying new things, after all. He looks over at Pete who hasn’t moved, clearly waiting for Vegas to tell him what is okay to do.

Vegas looks down at his hands in his lap and twirls the ornate family ring around his finger a few times. Pete’s hair does look really soft, and the idea of Pete laying with his head in his lap is… nice.

“The first one,” Vegas mumbles, scared to admit it. This is weird, right? This is weird. He shouldn’t want this. He shouldn’t be this nervous or out of sorts with physical contact with someone. If this goes poorly he never has to come back, so there’s nothing stopping him from allowing something silly.

Pete must be used to this because he nods and shifts around, dropping down on his back and gently rests his head against Vegas’s thigh.

Vegas would prefer to kill everyone he could before admitting it, but the moment Pete rests the weight of his head on his thigh, he feels better. He is warm, but solid. Something tangible and real.

“Can—” Vegas starts but wrenches his jaw shut. He is already embarrassing himself enough, he doesn’t need to do more.

Pete, though, once again seems to understand. He turns his head just slightly so that he is looking up at Vegas and smiles that disarming smile again. “You’re allowed to touch me. That’s kind of the whole point.”

Vegas swallows back the thought of doing more than just touching, that Pete shouldn’t say such things because now Vegas is thinking about a host of inappropriate scenarios. He shakes it off and lifts one hand and hesitantly places it on Pete’s chest.

The swear is as soft as it looks and Vegas can’t help but slide his hand down to feel the texture. Pete is warm. So warm, and so firm. Firm in the way a body holds weight, that it exists and takes up space and is real. But he also feels soft.

He looks fit and trim, but Vegas can feel that he has this softness to himself that wraps him in a layer of comfort. Pete releases a small breathy sigh and curls closer into Vegas.

His heart jumps into his throat and Vegas wants to never let him go. He can’t help it, really, not with how attached he is already. Slowly he lifts his other hand to Pete’s forehead and brushes some of the bangs off his face and Vegas is dismayed to find out that his hair is just as soft as he thought it would be.

He wonders what else Pete does, if Pete enjoys playing puppy full time. That if this is just some silly joke for him or if he would look at Vegas with wide dark eyes if Vegas called him puppy.

He wants to know, but doesn’t.

He wonders what it would be like to hold Pete in other ways, to lay his head on his tummy and hide his face and maybe Pete could tell him softly that he is good. That he is doing a good job.

Vegas aches with it.

He feels tongue tied and out of sorts, feels like he wants more more more more more. More.

Pete makes another sound as Vegas combs his fingers through his hair again and Vegas wants to try something out.

“Pretty puppy,” Vegas says softly, scratching behind Pete’s ears, careful not to dislodge the actual puppy ears Pete is wearing. Vegas isn’t really sure what he was expecting but it is not Pete emitting a breathy moan.

Vegas freezes as Pete flushes but doesn’t pull away. Doesn’t try to deny what happened, or play it off as something else.

“Does my puppy like that?” Vegas does it again, this time massaging his fingers into the nape of Pete’s neck and the back of his head. “Such a good boy, aren’t you?”

Vegas is only marginally prepared for Pete’s moan this time, and when he continues to apply pressure against Pete’s skin, Pete makes another desperate sound.

He has a feeling that this is not included in the standard service, that whatever Pete does with other people, it’s not this. Vegas feels a little insane, frankly, and isn’t sure how to possibly address this feeling. He wants to make Pete moan again, and again, and again. Make him moan as he becomes — and stays — desperate for him. He also realizes all in a rush that he is half hard, quickly in danger of becoming fully hard.

“I don’t normally do this,” Pete says softly, shifting to look up at Vegas. “And even though this is free and not anything paid, I need you to know that I don’t… I’m not inappropriate with people.”

Vegas suddenly feels like shit. Of course he doesn’t do this, and Vegas is being absolutely pathetic by getting hard with the smallest amount of physical contact. He thinks he should apologize, but the words are stuck in his throat.

“But,” Pete says again, soft enough that Vegas has to strain to hear him. “What I do on my own time…”

This is a dream, surely. Things like this don’t happen to Vegas. He doesn’t randomly meet cute boys with dimples that moan when he calls them puppy, who make his heart flutter in his chest with what feels like genuine joy. This is just too good to be true.

Vegas must not have said anything or reacted in time because Pete suddenly looks anxious, not fully pulling away but trying to create a little bit of distance.

“I’m so sorry, oh my god. I think I missed read the situation. This is really inappropriate and weird and awful. I am really so sorry.”

Vegas thinks about cutting him off but he is distracted by what is clearly present signs of arousal through the crotch of Pete’s pants. Looks like Vegas isn’t the only one feeling things after all.

“Easy puppy,” Vegas chides, allowing the urge to rise up in him and fall out. He wants to take care of Pete so bad. In so many ways. “I didn’t say no, now did I?”

Pete shakes his head, but doesn’t respond.

“I’ve always wanted a dog, you know,” Vegas hums thoughtfully. “But I guess a puppy like you is just as good. Better, even.”

Vegas is overcome with the need to feed him, to crawl into his bed at his apartment and pull Pete in his arms and wrap all of his limbs around him.

Pete just watches him, silent and waiting.

“So what do you say puppy, do you want to come home with me?”

Pete smiles, and it cuts through Vegas’s heart in a way he knows he will never be the same again. “Yeah. Yeah I’d love that.”

###

Vegas discovers many things that night. One, that Pete is a phenomenal cuddler. Two, he really, really loves being called puppy. Three, he is incredibly eager to eat food out of Vegas’s hand. Four, his tummy is as soft as expected. Five, he is profoundly easy to talk to.

And six, that Pete cuddles just as well without clothes than he does with them.

And seven, when he wakes up in Vegas’s arms in the mornings, Vegas thinks that he might finally be able to be happy.

He has a dog now, after all.

/fin

ART BELOW DRAWN BY @kiiyuq !!

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ba0shanblack · 1 month

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Pete would hit him again if his knuckles weren't so bloody and bolted already.

''Do you have a death wish Vegas?''

His voice echoed stern. No vestige of sympathy in it.

Vegas managed to stay on his feet – supporting his weight on the wall behind him. ''Are you offering?'' he asked with a smile full of blood.

°Deeper than anything that bleeds°

• 10/10 chapters. Read on Ao3 •

B. B.

Summary: The moment Vegas offers a lighter to Pete outside Hum's Bar, and before the boys have a chance to talk, the main family's bodyguards arrest him. It gets bad. Pretty bad.

CW: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con.

Tags:

Many thanks to my amazing beta @mightymightygnomepriest for the invaluable assistance in editing & proofreading 💐

Many thanks to my amazing moot @10holmes for planting the dark Pete fic seed in my mind back in 2022 🫶🏻

#vegaspete fic #vegas x pete #pete phongsakorn #vegas theerapanyakul #vegaspete #kinnporsche fanfiction #vegas kinnporsche #vegas pete #vegas kornwit theerapanyakun #baoshan writes

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thatgirl4815 · 2 years

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The Vegas Effect

~ A Deep Dive into Pete’s Mind ~

I decided to make this post to pair with my The Pete Effect post, where I looked at the psychology of Vegas’s character. Since then, I’ve been thinking a lot about Pete, what makes him tick, and what Vegas’s character proves about him. I’ve talked a lot about Ep12 already, but somehow I always come up with more to say...

**⚠️ TW ⚠️ ** for (child) abuse, torture, trauma, etc.

Traces of Abuse

Besides a few fine points, Pete’s character has been, for the most part, shrouded in mystery. What do we know about him, really? His father beat him when he was young, he provides for and loves his grandmother, and he’s been working for the major family for quite some time. Aside from that, our knowledge of Pete has been mostly confined to his actions/dialogue in the present. In my opinion, not elaborating on Pete’s past in detail is 100% intentional.

The show, understandably, focuses on Vegas’s trauma for what I see as a few reasons. He’s the villain, so if they want audiences to feel any sort of connection to VegasPete’s story, he has to be fleshed out beyond his villainous behavior. His trauma is also ongoing, as his father abuses him regularly. From what we can tell, the only source of trauma in Pete’s life at the moment is Vegas. But just because Vegas demonstrates more obvious signs of traumatized, self-loathing behavior doesn’t mean that Pete does not also express the effects of his own past, albeit more subtly.

Self-Sacrifice

On the surface, the differences between Vegas and Pete are extreme. I won’t bother divulging them because they’re staggeringly apparent right away. What I will get into, however, is the differences in their trauma response. As I said previously, Vegas directs a lot of his hate inward. It builds up to the point of lashing out--rather than confronting that inward hate, Vegas directs it outside of himself. It’s a coping mechanism.

For Pete, it’s different. I’ve no doubt that his father’s abuse as a child left a permanent scar. But while Vegas directs his self-hatred outward, Pete is constantly making sacrifices. Vegas and Pete represent the difference between harming others to make yourself feel better and putting others’ worth above your own.

There’s an interesting separation here, because on the surface, Pete seems to understand the importance of valuing oneself. Like here^, he specifically tells Vegas that self-injury is not a viable coping mechanism. And in Ep11, the “they, themselves, suck” scene does something similar with Pete acknowledging that his own father’s abuse was not his fault.

Why, then, do I think that Pete doesn’t value himself? Well, it comes down to the difference between empathy and self-sacrifice. Empathy is a healthy, admirable quality, but self-sacrifice can actually be detrimental. There’s a necessary distinction between these terms.

So, what are Pete’s self-sacrificing behaviors?

He volunteers to investigate Vegas at the risk of his own life. He’s doing it for Porsche, but he’s putting everything on the line to do so. He’s going in without backup and a very loose plan. He also doesn’t seem particularly concerned with how he’s going to make it out. It’s brave, it’s selfless, but it’s also reckless.

He returns to Vegas even after he tortured him. This is the big one. Pete should have left Vegas when he had the chance. It doesn’t matter that he’s started to see all of Vegas’s brokenness and trauma. It doesn’t matter if he can empathize and sympathize with it. Vegas is still Vegas, the man who brutally tortured and assaulted him. Pete has every reason to go. And yet...he doesn’t.

When Vegas asks why Pete didn’t run away, Pete hesitates. He doesn’t seem to know consciously, but I’d argue that it’s been laid out by his previous actions. Pete does bad things, but I think at his core, he’s a genuinely good person. He saw Vegas falling into a pit of despair, and he couldn’t help himself. But that effort to help Vegas comes at a personal cost.

We then arrive at the sex scene. There’s no denying that Pete wants it. We see the ways he responds to Vegas, and we see the way he initiates. But I don’t think that should blind us to the fact that having sex with Vegas is yet another sacrifice, of sorts.

An Exchange

This might be a contestable argument given that, as I said, Pete does enjoy it. And “sacrifice” might not be the right word in this case, since it implies that Pete is risking himself/not getting anything in return. But I don’t think we can overlook the fact that by giving the control to Vegas, Pete is helping him--and he knows it. He’s offering Vegas control for what I believe are two reasons: 1) part of him enjoys being at someone else’s mercy and 2) he knows Vegas craves power, and giving it to him combats his lack of self-worth. It’s like Pete is presenting Vegas with another coping mechanism...in this case, himself.

We can safely assume that Pete has figured Vegas out pretty well over the past two episodes. Vegas enjoys torturing him. Vegas brings him along to the safe house. Vegas likes when Pete reacts to and defies him. Vegas lashes out when Pete calls him “sensitive” and in need of love...so it all makes to Pete that affection is exactly what Vegas is craving. And Pete can provide that for him. Even if Pete enjoys the sex too, there’s no denying that there is a sacrifice being made in the power dynamic. But it’s complicated by the fact that Vegas sacrifices that power first.

I said elsewhere that I believe VP would’ve had sex regardless if Vegas backed off and let Pete initiate, but in that case, Pete would’ve been merely allowing it to happen rather than taking charge. It’s also important to note that at the end of the day, Pete is still offering himself up, at least in part, to lift Vegas out of his despair. In that sense, it’s similar to--but not exactly the same as--a sacrifice.

Overall, I’d say this:

Pete knows the importance of self-worth, and he encourages it in the people around him. But when it comes to himself, Pete’s empathetic nature (and, in my opinion, his own past trauma) has led him to disregard his own. It’s completely unintentional, but it’s psychologically damaging over in the long run.

This is why I desperately want someone else to sacrifice for him. Whether it be Porsche, Kinn, or Vegas--I need someone to show Pete his own worth in a big way, the same way he’s been committed to showing everyone else how worthy they are.

...Once again, I ended up talking a lot about Vegas in a post that is dedicated to Pete, but that’s just a testament to their psychological similarities. Together, VP have a lot to say about the effects of abuse and trauma.

For more KP meta, look here!

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