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I haven’t been feeling great today at all so I just wanted to draw vent art.

concept inspired by that one artist on insta that was called cupspoodles or smn with the animal heads nshit ig

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i feel so unmotivated. i know im doing what i can, but drawing rn feels like an impossible task. theres this sense of guilt whenever i get an idea, like “yeah but how will this HELP anyone rn?” then when i TRY to draw or paint something in support of the cause, i feel like shit because it doesnt feel good enough or original enough to do any good, and i end up scrapping it. i feel stuck.

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on another note, my 18th birthday was yesterday (i’m legally an adult now, eyy) and none of my family congratulated me, aside from my dad (and i even had to remind him because he doesn’t remember my birth date).

neither my two brothers nor my sister and not even my grandma and other relatives texted, called or showed up to say happy birthday. 

i feel quite lonely and sad so here’s to the only thing that my super duper healthy brain can come up with to cope: i’ve just started an 18h fast.


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I at some point actually even consciously tried to give myself an eating disorder which is really fucked up I know but yknow, I am fucked up haha

Idk I must’ve been like 11 or smth??? and I would actually try to do the whole counting calories thing and exercising a lot but I didn’t have the motivation to go through, i also tried to go out to run and shit but my mom would get hella suspicious and be like “what? Did the kids at school say you’re fat or smth?” but in a kinda angry, dissaproving tone and I didn’t have the courage to tell her that first of all that was true and that second of all, she was amongst the people who made me feel like I had to do all that

I felt so dissapointed in myself for not going through with it and honestly I still do

Honestly I feel like i also did it as a way to hurt myself and maybe even to kinda punish myself, but again, I never really went thru with it

I still hold that mindset kinda tho, like I still feel this sick sense of pride when I realize I’ve barely eaten throughout the day and I actually kinda wish I could just do it properly but just like with suicide, I won’t ever actually do it because I’m a fucking coward and I’m just fucking lazy

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One day I’ll leave the house with no keys in my pocket. I’ll shut the door and step out without a cellphone to call my mom in case of an accident. There will be no accident.

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Hey guys, so uh yesterday I really let myself get worked up over nothing when someone was just being a jerk to get a rise out of me by insulting my drawings of Valerie and putting words in my mouth about hating chubby girls. I’m not sorry for what I said in the vent post because most of it is still true, if you don’t like something then go look at something else and keep the bad attitude to yourself, but I am sorry for all the drama. There’s enough of it in the world right now and in our own homes so its hard when it worms its way online too where we like to escape from it…

Either way I deleted that vent post but I’ll be keeping the answers I gave to this anon up just as a reminder to myself not to waste my time feeding into the negativity someone like that clearly enjoys bringing to others. If all they want to do is hurt someone and not give constructive feedback, they’re not worth my time. I have a right to draw how I want and write what I want so if you don’t like it, again, no one is forcing you to look at it. That’s a choice you make yourself.

I put the effort into creating these drawings and writing these stories because I ENJOY it and sharing them makes me happy. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to keep drawing because that’s part of who I am and I want to keep learning and growing as an artist. I’m not drawing to please anyone else, I share it to give people something cool or pretty to look at that I hope will put a smile on their face or spark an idea of their own. Because its a wonderful feeling knowing you’ve inspired someone or made their day a little brighter! That’s why I’ll try not to let someone like that darken mine again.

“Use your smile to change the world but don’t let the world change your smile.” ~ Unknown

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I either eat every fucking thing i can find within an hour out of sheer boredom, or eat barely anything for the whole day just to let myself suffer

honestly, i wish i wouldn’t eat all, im so fucking fat

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Two more days and I would’ve beaten my longest streak, two more fucking days, but I had to mess it up

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Why doesn’t anyone want to talk to me? All the people who are supposed to be my friends ignore me and leave me on read. Am I boring? Did I do something wrong? What did i do? What did I do?!

Please I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to be a burden. I don’t mean to be annoying just please say something back to me please

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Nothing I do has good intentions. My warm hugs are so you’ll seek my touch when you’re fragile and my honey words are so you’ll listen to me when I demand your heart.

I do good, I mean evil, but at least I do something.

Won’t you love me now? I gave what you craved, why won’t you give me what I want?

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tw: depressive thoughts, breakdown

oh to be a young girl n 2 gain a lifes worth of trauma in an environment that is supposed 2 lovingly nurture u and mold u in2 a functioning member of society u__u;…ya idk how or why this is here i just zoned out n then big sad happened n Ofc the subject of :( was ms wiltshire bc Clearly she hasnt suffered enough ;–;,,im sorry but also am i ejgfbwhifbw n :o??
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that epic gamer moment when your get into a fight with ur mom and then she remembers she has a legal obligation to feed you

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