But yeah, besides the more immediate nutrition situation as came up in that last venty reply?
I’m also very concerned about my physical state over the longer term, and actually trying to recover from that medical crisis in spite of some of its aftermath. And my partner seems to be the only other person here “IRL” who even seems to have thought about that? Never mind actually caring about my quality of life in the meantime.
I mean, going into the hospital (and fairly major emergency surgery) I was physically a complete mess after SEVERAL WEEKS of The Septic Slump at home. Knowing what I do now about signs, I lay around in some level of DKA for at least two weeks straight. (Without realizing what was going on. At all. More about that later, whenever I can handle it.)
I only made it through that at all through some combination of luck and sheer stubbornness. And surviving that type of experience WILL use up whatever reserves your body had going in.
And my reserves could not have been great starting into that crisis, after years of misdiagnosed/not properly treated diabetes on top of the (also professionally neglected/gaslit/self-treated, totally predictable) existing celiac complications from longterm malabsorption.
I had already lost a lot of my hair over the years before this last big crisis, and did not have the body mass to spare. No matter how some people wanted to act. 🤨
So yeah, between getting diagnosed with malnutrition going into the hospital, the institutional nutritional fuckery there, and the fairly quickly developing swallowing problems as a further complication of the DKA episode? So that I kept losing more weight before even leaving the hospital–after finally getting back on insulin, which should do the opposite?
(It was indeed that same DKA episode which burned out my esophagus, so that it ended up ulcerating/scarring and trying to close completely up. Leading to the current near-crisis situation.)
It’s amazing that I have even managed to physically recover as well as I have so far. It’s really fucking amazing.
Even as frustrated as I’ve been getting lately at feeling weak
for obvious reasons and almost like I’m moving backwards in terms of what I can accomplish.
I’ve been having to rest a lot, and put so much of what energy I do have into taking decent basic physical care of myself–and not relapsing on the ED front. When a serious relapse might well kill me under the circumstances. No exaggeration there. I wish it were.
Really DO NOT need to speed up the starvation, as much easier as it might feel to just stop working so hard to get as much nutrition as reasonably possible into my system.
And, as I mentioned before? I don’t dare bring that part up to medical people, now that I seem to have mostly made it out of All In Your Head Land. Lest they throw me straight back into there, with ALL the ongoing health crap. 😬
So yeah, there are multiple ways that complications of that one DKA episode (and, ultimately, the whole longer medical clusterfuck leading up to that even happening) might still get me. And not even necessarily on any particularly longterm scale.
No matter how stubborn and/or tough I ultimately may or may not be? Luck can only stretch so far. And I am seriously starting to worry that it might already be trying to run out.
Even without the Plague Resurgence complicating absolutely everything. Which is another story, which involves so many other disabled people. Which is overwhelming enough that I can’t let myself think about it too much.