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#virgil angst
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hey do you ever think about how in taking on anxiety, virgil says “sorry kid, but this is what i do!” all sassy and confident and the absolute epitome of the snarky asshole, because he doesn’t care about the others that much and he’s having fun? 
but then in my negative thinking, when he shows up, he cuts thomas’s startled/frightened reaction to his arrival off with his whole speech ending in “you don’t want me here, but i’m here, and this is what i do.” but this time, he sounds dejected and even defeated. because now he cares about them, but he thinks that in return they all hate him and don’t want him around. 
(when you lo—care for someone, not much hurts more than their scorn.) 
alright i am done reminiscing over very old angst i will show myself out 
57 notes · View notes
sugarbell · 10 days ago
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"Why should I trust you?"
"You shouldn't."
"Good, then I won't."
"We don't have much choice."
"No. No going down that road. I died listening to him like a dog, I won't let you do the same."
"Died?"
"I use to be whole. Now I'm a piece that's in pieces and I don't know who I am."
25 notes · View notes
3ternalslumber · 12 days ago
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Rest? More Like Stressed™
!! Third day of @analogicalweek​ !! Check my Masterpost for odd days, and my Art Masterpost for even days.
TW: vague feelings of drowning, angst (hurt/comfort)
~~~
Downstairs may have been dark and quiet, but it wasn’t safe. Nowhere was safe — under his covers being the only exception. Unfortunately, the kitchen was where the water was, so downstairs he tread.
Slippered feet almost inaudible, he tip-toed down the hall, towards the stairs. He couldn’t have been more grateful for the soft carpet at that moment. Waking the others would’ve been a disaster — both because they’d be awake and it’d be his fault, and they’d see him like that.
The commons was just as dark as he’d predicted. More cautious, he managed to get himself a glass of water without the aid of a light, and had begun to ascend the steps when someone interrupted his quest.
“Logan?”
Side in question spun, glass in hand. He squinted through the blinding emptiness ahead of him.
“What are you doing up so early in the morning?” The voice was low and strained, as if the person had been crying.
It took a moment to process what was said.
“Virgil?”
“The one and only.”
Logan could figuratively hear the half-hearted eye roll. “What are you doing in the dark?”
“Could ask you the same thing,” Virgil replied sarcastically. “Oh, wait.”
He passed the cup between his hands, staring down at where he presumed his hands were. “Nightmare. You?”
Virgil shrugged — not that Logan would be able to see that. “Couldn’t sleep, so I came down here. Just release some of that excess energy, y’know?” Logan hummed in agreement. “Are you .. are you doing alright?”
He considered the question. Was he okay? He couldn’t remember the contents of the dream but the feelings — ugh, feelings — that made his throat constrict and chest heave remained. His eyes swelled as the emotions crashed back, a tsunami swallowing him whole.
Logan broke the suffocating silence with a choked “yeah.”
“Doesn’t sound like it,” Virgil muttered.
Logan could hear him shuffle closer, though muffled through the water that wasn’t there. He fought for deep breaths, a not-quite-successful attempt to silence the deafening pounding of his heart. The hand placed above his elbow didn’t help — but in a different way. The touch was akin to a beacon, a light in a stormy sea. He swam towards it.
Virgil led Logan towards the couch, careful of anything in the way and sat beside him.
In a voice just above a whisper, Virgil asked, “would you like to talk about it? You don’t have to.”
Logan swallowed around the lump in his throat. He shook his head.
“That’s alright, we can just hang out if you don’t want to be alone.” His tone was nonchalant, but with no facial expression to make the facade complete, Logan could hear the silent plead to stay.
Grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch, he unfolded it and wrapped it around their shoulders. “Is this okay?” Logan asked, wondering idly if his mumbles were coherent.
Virgil smiled and rested his cheek against Logan’s shoulder in reply.
They sat there, wrapped in each other's presence for no longer than two minutes when Logan remembered why he came down there in the first place. His dream .. a heaping loneliness cascaded over him, weighing his feet with cinder blocks. He sunk slowly, eyes only being able to glimpse at the moon overhead. He couldn’t look away. He frowned. The moon was getting bigger. And bigger.
“Logan?”
He turned, trying to find Virgil’s eyes in the dark mass of which was a vague outline of him. Virgil eased the glass of water out of his vice grip, setting it down on a nearby surface.
“You’re shaking.” He said it with such a matter of fact, Logan felt the urge to take out a notebook to write notes. Virgil shifted closer to him, “if you want, I have a weighted blanket in my room.”
Logan nodded, “that sounds good,” he slurred.
Virgil took him in his arms, and steered him up the stairs and towards his room. Pushing the door open, Logan shielded his eyes. A soft white lamp sat lit in the corner, covered in a web-patterned lampshade. The rest of the room held a similar aesthetic to when he’d been in it a few years prior — with the exception of art or photographs the other sides participated in hanging on the walls and that, this time, the room resembled Thomas’ bedroom.
The purple side pushed Logan to the messily made bed; he didn’t object and sat on the soft mattress. It contrasted strongly to his firm bed. Virgil returned with a deep purple blanket. Opting for the spot between Logan and the closet, he tugged the blanket around them.
“Is this better?” He whispered. Now that Logan could see, the first thing he observed was that Virgil was not wearing makeup. The second was the pink flush of his cheeks and nose.
He pressed their shoulders together as a response.
He was treading water at this point. But that’s alright, he thought, as he looked up at the moon.
Virgil shifted so they laid down with the blanket over them.
A shadow cast over him, an arm outstretched. A familiar man smiled down at him. He grabbed the hand.
He licked his lips. He wasn’t sure why he felt hesitant to ask him a simple question. “Virgil?”
“Mm?” With Virgil’s eyes closed, Logan was free to examine every part of his face. Under the makeup, dark circles of constant exhaustion marked his skin. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting: freckles, maybe? He shook the thought from his head.
“Are you okay?”
One of Vigil’s eyes peeled open. “What do you mean?”
“I mean..” Logan snuggled deeper into the blanket. “You sounded like you had been crying earlier.”
“Ah.. well, I’m just a little stressed,” Virgil shrugged a shoulder. “Thomas took on more than a few projects recently so I’m working overtime. Nothing to worry about.”
Logan frowned, “I can reschedule and rearrange some things if you’d like.”
He chuckled, much too airy for Logan’s taste. “You don’t have to do that, it’s fine. It’ll pass.”
“But I want to.”
Virgil raised an eyebrow, turning his head to properly watch Logan. “Why?”
Why? WHY? “Because nothing is worth hurting you.”
He shifted uncomfortably. “But Thomas’ dreams-“
“He can find new aspirations, or another way to achieve them,” Logan waved dismissively, offering a small smile. “He can’t, however, replace you.”
“Oh,” Virgil blinked. A steady pink — a different kind from earlier, one that made Logan’s stomach do figurative summersaults — spread over his face. “Well.. thank you.”
“Of course, Virgil,” he said with a smile. You’re my beacon.
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immaghostooo · 14 days ago
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Part 2 I guess
I reread this many times but I still don't know if it makes sense. I'm up for a friendly debate/discussion if anyone thinks otherwise.
Tw: Deceit, manipulation mentions
Deceit wasn't just using Roman to his advantage in the courtroom. He chose the roles specific for each character in order to make it easier to have his voice heard -- particularly by Patton and Thomas.
With Roman, Deceit had used flattery to gain his good favour. Roman is, unfortunately, the easiest to mold. Virgil and Logan would’ve seen right through him and Patton likely wouldn’t have acted as strong — and Roman would’ve defended him. However, maybe Deceit wasn't trying to actually "suck up" to Roman because he knew Roman was under Patton's influence. After all, Roman is the Prince, and princes have strong morals — statistically, Roman has almost always done or thought the way Patton said to. Maybe Deceit was faking sucking up to Roman — a reflective lie — to throw the others off his scent; they thought he was after Roman when he actually wanted Patton’s approval because he knew that if he got Patton’s acceptance or acknowledgement, Thomas would be soon behind him. After Roman chose the wedding, Deceit likely saw the opening that going to the wedding gave him. As he said in SvS Redux that he doesn't "need to flatter you now, Roman."
With Logan, he kept the literal voice of reason silent, made to watch and not interfere because he knew that Logan would've been the only one who could've proposed an agreeable compromise, or shown holes through Deceit's arguments. If he'd been chosen for the judge or jury, he probably would've kept spouting out facts or arguments in either direction. He also would've made relatively rational decisions as the roles needed. If he'd been the defense attorney, however, there's two ways it could've gone: either he and Deceit would fight for eternity or Logan would've wiped the floor with him. At least, that's the way I see it.
With Virgil, he used information he already had (ie. His name, or that he used to be a Dark Side) to keep him relatively tame. Before he used this information against him, Virgil was brash and angry but simmered down and held back after Janua taunted him. Deceit needed to back him into a corner, to get him on his 'side', however hesitant he was; with Virgil as the defense attorney... well, we all remember My Negative Thinking (although I'm sure he could've proven to be a worthy adversary had he been chosen). As the Judge, he would've given Thomas a passable sentence. Sitting at the back where Logan sat, he never would've stayed quiet. Deceit needed him where he could keep an eye on him.
With Thomas, he picked at what he was already having trouble answering: am I a good person? With these questions, and being the human with the current dilemma, he was the prosecuted.
With Patton, he was placed as the defense attorney. Deceit's opponent. You may think he put Patton in that role because he's Morality, and I agree but I think it's more than that. Patton has the most influence over Thomas and, while Roman and Virgil -- the judge and the jury -- are the ones Deceit was supposed to be wooing, his words were mostly directed at Patton, seemingly trying to convince Patton that Thomas should go to the callback.
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red-imeanblue · 15 days ago
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vanished (pt. 9)
Based on the TV show Manifest on NBC, but you don’t need to watch the show to read/understand the plot!
Plot: Any side can duck out at any time, as Virgil did in Accepting Anxiety - but what happens when Self Preservation mysteriously disappears, and returns three years later, looking as though no time has passed?
Characters: Patton Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Roman Sanders, Janus Sanders, C!Thomas Sanders
Word count: 2866
Pairings: Platonic DLAMPR, platonic Anxciet, hostile and platonic Analogical
Warnings: Panic attacks, self-destructive behavior, negative thinking, sleep deprivation, cursing, Virgil angst (i will tag more, just let me know :) )
masterlist
---
-three years, two months, eight days ago-
Virgil is the most quiet of all of the sides, at least of the ones that Thomas knows about.
But as much as he loves the silence, he loves the chaos and camaraderie of the Mindscape even more. Or, at least how it was when everyone was actually here. It reminds Virgil he isn’t alone, at least not anymore.
Virgil has a similar problem to Roman. He never liked Janus. Janus’ abilities made him extremely uneasy, which would then make Thomas uneasy. When is Janus going to show up? Is he already here? Is he in disguise? 
Virgil didn’t like open-ended questions. He likes answers, they prevent him from tailspinning and thinking of too many “what-if” scenarios.
So you’d think Virgil would love Janus being gone. Finally, one of the only sides that consistently makes his job ten times harder isn’t here. He can breathe…
… except it’s quite the opposite. Virgil hates admitting how important Janus is. He knows, better than anyone, how to calm Virgil down, which calms Thomas down. He keeps the anxiety at a level that’s tolerable. It’s manageable when Janus is here.
Besides that, Janus and Virgil are both responsible for protecting Thomas, but in different ways. Janus makes sure he’s taking care of himself, and Virgil makes sure he doesn’t say or do anything that might get him hurt or killed.
Janus being gone is actually a nightmare.
Virgil was the second - or maybe third - one to leave Janus’ room after Roman. He couldn’t take it anymore and needed the comfort of his own room. Being there was too painful of a reminder of who wasn’t.
As tired as his body was, and as much as his muscles begged him to sit down, the anxiety filled him with so much adrenaline that he just walked in circles around the room, for hours. Letting his mind race from thought to thought, mostly destructive.
Did Virgil go too far in letting Janus know how much he detested him?
Was Virgil the reason he was gone?
Was he making Janus’ job too hard?
Did Janus hate Virgil just as much and just gave up on trying to work with him at all?
And most importantly, what will this do to Thomas?
---
Though limited to the four walls of his own bedroom, Virgil had been working overtime, trying to learn how to do Janus’ job as well as (barely) balancing his own.
Create a list of endless scenarios to raise Thomas’ anxiety levels? Check.
Immediately forcing Thomas to sit down in front of the TV and play video games or watch cartoons? Check.
Making Thomas feel guilty for watching said cartoons for too long because you’re losing your audience, you need to get back to work? Check.
Virgil started losing sleep because of the endless cycle he found himself in, and also the cycle he put Thomas in. There was a reason Self Preservation was divided among two sides.
It’s okay, he didn’t sleep much to begin with anyway. 
That’s what he should be doing right now. He and Thomas should both be in bed, catching up on the many hours of sleep they’ve lost, but instead, it’s 3am and Virgil was standing over Thomas.
“Thomas?”
“Virgil?” Thomas rubbed at his eyes, and reached over to turn on the light. “What’s up, bud? It’s late.”
“M-more of them are leaving,” Virgil stuttered out, handing Thomas his phone so he could see for himself.
“Who?”
“The fans. You need to do something, post something, make a short video-”
“Alright, alright,” Thomas jumped out of bed and unlocked his phone, starting to brainstorm.
There was no internal self-care coach anymore to persuade Thomas to go back to sleep. The one who took that on was standing in front of him, forcing him to get up and work in the middle of the night.
Three hours later, at 6am, Thomas finished the short video and posted it, collapsing onto the sofa.
“Okay… so, uh, you need to relax now… what kind of things help with that? Or help you with that? We could-”
“Virgil, what’s going on? Where’s Janus? This is more his kind of thing,” Thomas asked.
Virgil cringed at the name. If only he knew.
“He’s just… not available? Right now? Shit, that sounds dumb, uh…”
“What do you mean, not available? Where could he be?”
Virgil sighed and sat down next to him. “I don’t know. We don’t know where he is.”
Thomas’ eyes widen. “What do you mean? Did he duck out? Should we check his room? That’s where we found you, maybe he-”
“We already have. He’s just… gone.”
“What does that mean for all of you? What does that mean for me?”
Virgil watched as Thomas started to freak out, and started to feel tremendous guilt. He knew he was the reason Thomas was freaking out. He knew he was the reason he was asking all these questions that no one had any answers to, the least of all, Virgil. 
After a moment, Virgil realized his presence was probably just making Thomas feel worse. Because that’s the point, isn’t it? Anxiety being present and having a seat at the table just makes things harder, as much as he wished that weren’t true.
Virgil closed his eyes and sunk out to his own room, landing on the cold floor.
Sure, Virgil’s job was to scare Thomas. He’s supposed to point out everything that could go wrong, even if they’re unrealistic. He couldn’t scare Thomas into doing self care, but that was the only way he knew how to.
---
Hanging out with Logan was the first joy Virgil had found in months. Instead of sitting in his own room, only being greeted by Patton for a few minutes per day, he found himself in the kitchen, discussing conspiracy theories as to where the snake could’ve slithered off to.
Instead of staying up late, drowning in his own negative thoughts and dread, he was up late reading conspiracy theories of mysterious disappearances, sending some to Logan, and saving some so they could talk about it together in the morning.
One night, while watching an episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved with Logan, Virgil felt an unfamiliar tug at the corner of his lips, pulling them upward. He felt… happy. He glanced over at the mirror above Logan’s dresser and caught a blur of lilac eyeshadow under his eyes.
For the first time in far too long, things almost felt normal for him. 
He loved spending time with Logan, and finding potential answers. Even if they made no sense, they were answers, and they comforted him.
That is, until Logan’s meltdown.
Virgil was only trying to help; and yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have been so confrontational about it, but his friend was hurting himself, and it scared him. What if Logan ducked out? How much worse would things get then? What if Logan went too far and-
Stop it, Virgil.
Wait, Logan is talking.
No, he’s yelling. 
Logan is yelling at him. 
What is he even saying?
“Seeing as you’re the actual embodiment of stress?”
Woah, Logan, stop-
“Through everything, I’ve been the one to help you, and Thomas, through every situation that causes stress, and help you in times of excessive alarm, and you want to criticize how I do it for myself?”
Please, Logan, I only want to help-
Wait, Virgil isn’t saying anything. Why isn’t he saying anything?
“How would you ever begin to understand stress management, Virgil?”
Hold on-
“You are stress.”
Logan’s final statement echoed in Virgil’s ears. 
How long have I been standing here? A minute? An hour? Move, you idiot, he’s staring at you, GO!
Virgil turned and took off down the hall, toward his room.
How he wished he had a door right about now, so he could slam it, and get some fucking privacy.
He sunk to his knees and gasped for breath.
Is that really what he thinks of me? Has he thought that the whole time? Was I ever really welcomed on the light side?
Virgil fell onto his side and pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face into his knees as he sobbed. He can’t even begin to calm down, because the one side who was the best at helping him was nowhere to be found
Was I ever welcomed at all?
---
It’s been months. Maybe even years.
The only side Virgil really sees is Patton anymore. He goes and sits in Janus’ room with the others every night, but doesn’t even look up from his own lap. None of them bother to check on him because they assume he wants to be left alone.
He rejects every single attempt Logan makes to apologize, since the shadows on Logan’s face suggest that he’s only doing it because he feels bad he said it, not because he didn’t mean it.
You can’t get hurt if no one’s around to hurt you, he thinks.
Eventually, Virgil gave up trying to do Janus’ job. He was never any good at it, and was just failing Thomas anyway.
Not just Thomas, he would think to himself.
Virgil considers ducking out every single day, but never actually does it.
Remus made his job more difficult.
Thomas was bombarded with violent, dangerous thoughts on the daily, and Virgil feared that if he did actually duck out, Thomas would actually do some of those things.
Virgil was the only thing keeping Remus from having full control, but he had to admit, Remus being almost completely unleashed scared the hell out of him.
Now, Virgil understood that he couldn’t help it. He’s Dark Creativity, that’s what Remus does. He has no control over it. But it deeply terrified him, especially because it put strain on his relationships with Patton and Roman.
Every time Remus would have Thomas create some horrifying video, Patton would speak up and convince the others that he was a monster. Good people don’t do this, good people don’t think this, good people don’t-
We know, Patton. Hearing this everyday just made Virgil feel even worse.
And Roman - god, Roman - would stand back and applaud. He would encourage his brother to make this horrible content.
Thus, more comments from Patton.
And, more anxiety for Virgil.
It quickly turned into another vicious cycle.
He’d watch the subscriber count go down. He watched Thomas’ friends walk away. 
And none of it made sense, but Virgil felt responsible.
I can’t hold him back, I can’t control him, only Janus could, oh no, what is he doing now, what is he thinking, how many more people can leave?
A daily part of his routine became sitting in the middle of the floor, crying, and just wishing things were different.
He wanted Janus back. Virgil knew what the problem was, he could point it out, clear as day, and even knew what would fix it!
But he didn’t know how to actually make that happen.
---
Virgil watched Logan leave his room, and unpaused his show.
He doesn’t really know if he can forgive Logan, because nothing he said was untrue, at least not in his eyes. Logan only ever tells the truth, and Virgil actually agreed with some of what he said. Scratch that, all of what he said.
Suddenly, he found himself standing up and walking down the hall.
What are you doing? Just go back and watch your show, Virgil, you don’t need this.
He poked his head into a room, looking around. He reached in and switched on the light.
Virgil, this is ridiculous. Go back to your room, he thought to himself.
“Janus?” he squeaked out. 
God, this is embarrassing, cut it out.
“Virgil?” he hears a voice behind him. Virgil spins around, only to be faced with… nothing.
“Uh… Jan?” he asked again, walking back toward the hall.
He watched Janus’ head poke out from Logan’s bedroom. “Right here, Virgil, can you come here?”
Virgil hesitated. “I’d really rather not. We can just talk later,” he starts walking backward, toward his own room.
Janus rolled his eyes and left Logan’s room, walking toward him. “You’re such a child. Get in here, we need to talk about something.” He extended his arm out and grabbed Virgil’s wrist just before he entered his room again, tugging it back towards Logan’s room.
When Virgil walked into Logan’s room, he was… shocked, to say the least. 
Every poster that once covered the walls had been peeled back to reveal dozens of holes in the drywall. Logan sat on his bed, with a blanket draped over his shoulders and an ice pack wrapped around his hand and wrist.
“What’s up with the nerd?” Virgil asked in a monotone voice.
He felt a glare come from Janus, and a light slap on the back of his wrist. “Enough,” Janus hissed.
Did he just slap me on the wrist? Do people still do that?
“Now, Virgil,” Janus dragged a chair from Logan’s desk and positioned it in front of Logan. “You’re going to sit here, and listen to what Logan has to say to you. And you’re not leaving this room until you do.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Cut the crap, Virgil, he told me everything. I know you’re one of the most stubborn of all of us, but for goodness sake, just listen.” Janus crossed his arms and leaned against the desk, looking at him expectedly.
Virgil glanced at Logan, who was looking up at him with glassy eyes. Was he crying? Ugh, fine. 
He plopped down into the chair and pulled his legs up, crossing them and leaning his elbows onto his knees. “All ears, Logan,” he sighed.
He watched Logan swallow and bite his lip, obviously nervous about how this was going to go.
“Virgil. I’m very, truly, sincerely sorry for the things I said to you. They were very disrespectful and I’d like you to know I don’t believe a single word of what was said. Your contributions are central to Thomas, and I genuinely hope you know that.”
“Then why say it at all?” Virgil grunted, not breaking eye contact with the floor.
“I don’t wish to make an excuse for myself. I could blame the tremendous amount of work I had, but that doesn’t excuse anything.”
Virgil sighed and looked up at Logan. “Honestly, none of what you said was technically untrue, so I can’t be too furious.”
“But it was untrue, Virgil,” Logan pressed.
The purple side shrugged. Not in his opinion, but fine.
A moment of silence followed, only broken when Janus cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow at Virgil.
“May I ask for your forgiveness?” Logan said softly.
“I guess,” Virgil mumbled.
Janus cleared his throat again, more forcefully this time, and glared at Virgil.
He rolled his eyes and turned back to Logan. “Yeah, sure, fine. I forgive you.”
“I think we should give Logan some time,” Janus said, standing up. With the snap of his fingers, Logan’s walls were returned to normal, and his posters were restored against his wall.
Virgil stood and pushed the chair back toward the desk, then turned and left with Janus at his heels.
He felt a hand grip his shoulder and spin him around.
“Uh… hi?”
“What do you mean, ‘none of what you said was technically untrue?’” Janus asked, adopting Virgil’s low voice to quote him.
“All I do is cause Thomas stress. I’m anxiety, it’s what I do,” he shrugged nonchalantly.
“Yes, but you’re not just anxiety, Virgil.”
Virgil looked around, suddenly hyper-aware that they were in the hallway, and no one has doors to block out sound.
“Do we have to do this out here? Can we just go to one of our rooms?”
“You’re self preservation, just the same as I am. You’re important.”
“Sure, Jan, we have the same job, but only kind of,” Virgil started, turning to start walking away. “I highly doubt Thomas would miss me as much as he did you.”
“How much did you struggle trying to take on my responsibilities. Hm?” Janus crossed his arms, stepping in front of him and raising his eyebrows expectedly.
“Don’t flatter yourself. Not that much-”
“Please, Virgil, I’m not an idiot. I know you’re lying. Just admit it.”
“Fine, it was impossible! Happy?” Virgil threw his hands up in frustration, and started to storm down the hall.
“Just as it would be impossible for me to do what you do. Like it or not, we both need to be here, and we both need each other.”
Oh, shit.
“Hate me as much as you want, I really couldn’t care less. But Logan was right, you’re important here, Virgil. If you were to duck out, things would be significantly worse.”
Virgil paused for a moment, before continuing down the hallway into his room, leaving Janus standing in the hall.
And for a moment, he felt the first wave of relief he had felt in years.
He was needed.
He was important.
And he wasn’t going anywhere.
A small smile formed on his face as he pressed play on the remote, continuing the show.
---
Yeah I only wanted Virgil to be bitter, not angry and mean and loud.
There’s your virgil angst! Janus really is just a frustrated mom in this and it’s so funny but also, give the snake man a break.
Taglist: @imma-potatoo @sunshineluve
11 notes · View notes
red-imeanblue · 16 days ago
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vanished (pt. 8) - repost
Based on the TV show Manifest on NBC, but you don’t need to watch the show to read/understand the plot!
Plot: Any side can duck out at any time, as Virgil did in Accepting Anxiety - but what happens when Self Preservation mysteriously disappears, and returns three years later, looking as though no time has passed?
Characters: Patton Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Roman Sanders, Janus Sanders, C!Thomas Sanders
Word count: 2179
Pairings: Platonic DLAMPR, platonic Loceit, a little (Roman’s still weird with him) platonic Roceit, some very tense Analogical
Warnings: Something happens that may sound a little similar to flashbacks, but it’s not (I explain in the notes at the end), a little angst for everyone, food, swearing, Virgil/Logan angst, self injury, negative thinking, self-hate (i will tag more, just let me know :) )
masterlist
---
Logan and Janus exit Logan’s room after his nap, which lasted much longer than either of them expected them to. 
“Janus?” Logan asked.
Janus turns to him, raising his eyebrows.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, and for making you wait that long for me to wake up.”
“No need to apologize for anything. You needed rest, I made sure you got it. You could just say thank you,” Janus shrugged his shoulders and turned away.
“Right, of course… thank you. Can this be something we keep between us? I’d rather the others not know.”
“You’d rather the others not know that you were overworking yourself and that you, too, can feel overwhelmed? Darling, I hate to break it to you… they already knew that.”
Logan groaned and ran a hand through his messy hair.
“Besides, it’s not like Patton crept in while you were sleeping and took pictures of you drooling into my lap like a bulldog.”
“Wha- no- I did?” Logan’s eyes widen and he starts to fidget nervously.
Janus burst out laughing and clapped his hands together. “No, Logan, you didn’t do that. But I can’t promise Patton didn’t come in and take pictures, and practically burst into tears because of how ‘peaceful and precious he is! Oh my gosh!’” he said, doing his best Patton impression.
“Uh… if you’ll excuse me.” Logan took off running down the hall, toward Patton’s room.
Janus took a second to catch his breath and wipe a tear from his eye before wandering back to his own room. He’s figured out why the other doors were still missing, and has since kept his open to ease the others’ minds.
However, something… weird happens when he steps into the doorframe.
In an instant, Janus is bombarded with still images, as clear as day, blocking his view.
His dark, empty room, covered with a thin layer of dust, Virgil crying against the wall and Patton putting his arms around him. Logan on the bench, Roman on the jukebox, Remus on the bed… but Janus is missing from the scene. When was this from?
A beautiful field of marigolds, and an exhausted looking prince sitting in the middle. The image looks as though it were taken from a surveillance camera (they all do, actually), and possesses a deep red aura that fills Janus’ mind.
A monotone image with a light blue tint in the highlights shows a father, hurriedly preparing several different meals at once, practically on the verge of tears. Is it because he dropped some mac & cheese on the floor, or is there something else?
A teacher hunched over his desk, dozens of holes in the dark blue walls, the only light in the whole room being from his laptop screen. The light illuminates the heavy bags under his eyes, and shines off the space-themed mug sitting on the desk next to him.
A photo that was clearly taken while the subject was still moving, but a purple blob stands with his hands on his head. He was clearly pacing, and quickly at that. Spiderwebs cover the entirety of the back wall of the room.
A tall figure with its hands clinging desperately to a cave wall. From the position and body language, it’s obvious the figure is screaming, and a burst of green radiates from where their hands meet the wall.
These images flash in front of Janus, disappearing almost as quickly as they appear.
Janus’ breath staggers in his throat and he jumps backward from the door frame, back into the hallway.
What… the hell?
These aren’t memories of Janus’. He actually has no idea where these images were from, since he had never seen them before. All his family, suffering and falling apart, without him.
He reaches out to grasp the frame, rebalancing himself. He shakes his head slightly, trying to erase those images from his mind.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his left arm.
“Are you okay?” A blur of red is crouching down, trying to catch Janus’ wandering gaze.
“What?” Janus whispered back.
“Are you okay?” the blur’s voice repeats, a little stronger now. Roman, it’s Roman.
Janus pushes himself away from the wall and pulls his capelet tighter around his shoulders.
“Yes, Roman, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” he raises one eyebrow slightly.
“I’m fine, Roman,” Janus hissed. Roman takes half a step back and holds his hands up.
“Alright, no need for the attitude…” Roman muttered, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. Clearly, there were still some things they needed to work out.
“Apologies. Was there something you needed?”
“Patton wants to know if there’s anything specific you’d like for dinner, he wants it to be a… family thing,” Roman waves his hand and looks away.
“Patton just threw a whole party last night to celebrate my return, was it not enough?” Janus groans, letting his back fall against the frame.
“Knowing Patton, he’ll want to celebrate one day for every day you weren’t here.”
Janus sighed and straightened his hat on his head, rolling his eyes. “No preference. Make whatever you both want.”
Roman pressed his lips together and nodded once, then turned away without another word.
Janus hesitates for a moment, then steps through the doorway again, careful not to stop in the center of the frame, just in case he did something to cause… whatever that was.
---
For dinner, Patton and Roman ended up making fried flounder and fresh-cut potato wedges for dinner… which, of course, Logan found an issue with.
Janus sat at the head of the table, with Virgil to his left and Remus on the right. The three light sides stood arguing at the kitchen island.
“I’m just saying, there was a healthier way to prepare the meal. I mean, did the fish have to be fried when the grill works perfectly fine?” Logan stated.
“Logan, we made sure there were healthy options last night for the party,” Patton reminded him, placing a plate of fish in the center of the table.
“Yes, and no one ate them!”
“That’s not true! You ate them,” Roman argued.
“Besides, I made what Janus likes, because it was his first night back,” Patton responded.
“Technically not true, and don’t bring me into this,” Janus adds.
“Look, all I’m saying is, there are ways to still enjoy this exact food without adding so many extra carbohy-”
“Logan, can you just shut up and eat?” Virgil groans.
The room falls silent, and everyone (except Remus, who was loving every bit of it) looks uncomfortably between Logan and Virgil. 
What in the hell happened between them, Janus thought. Perfect, just perfect, another mess for me to clean up.
Virgil stands up abruptly, piling fish and potatoes onto his place.
“Virgil? Buddy? You okay?” Patton rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly.
“I’ll eat in my room,” he mumbled, sinking out. Patton lets out a sigh and pulls his glasses off to rub at his eyes.
“Alright, am I missing something here, or is the teenager just having a bad day?” Janus crosses his legs, looking between the four remaining sides. Logan purses his lips together, and begins to make a plate for himself as well.
“Eh, the kid’s just the king of holding grudges,” Remus grabs a handful of fish and shoves it all in his mouth, chewing loudly.
“Who are you calling a kid? He’s the same age as the rest of us,” Roman pointed out.
“Grudge against what?” Janus asked, ignoring Roman entirely.
“It’s kind of hard to explain,” Patton looks down, shifting weight back and forth between his legs nervously.
“It’s alright, Patton. I’ll eat in my room, as well,” Logan announced, sinking out.
Janus holds his hands out in confusion. What the fuck?
Patton sighed heavily and brought the last plate of food over to the table, sitting down in Virgil’s place. “Virgil and Logan had a bit of a… falling out, I suppose, while you were gone.”
“Falling out? In what way?”
“Hard to say, honestly. None of us were really there. They were the only two to actually speak to each other for months,” Roman explained, spooning some potatoes onto his plate. “I was standing outside when it happened, but I can’t remember what was said exactly. But there was yelling, then Virgil ran out of Logan’s room.”
“Logan told me Virgil was helping him out with work, and he took all his stress out on Virgil at some point,” Patton added.
“I highly doubt that’s the full story. How long ago was this?” Janus asked impatiently.
“I don’t know, three years ago now? Logan’s tried to apologize a few times but Virgil just won’t have it,” Roman answered, stabbing a potato wedge with his fork.
“They’ve been in the middle of a fight for three years?”
“We didn’t really interact with each other much while you were away, Jan. We honestly thought they made up at some point, but I guess not,” Patton said.
“How did any of you ever get along without me,” Janus pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.
“We didn’t,” Remus choked out through the food in his mouth.
“As impolite-” he shoots Remus a look,  “-as he is… he’s not wrong,” Patton smiled and squeezed Janus’ shoulder lightly. “We’re glad you’re back, kiddo.” Janus’ gaze travels to Roman, who looks down at his lap and nods softly. Remus nods quickly and excitedly, grabbing another handful of fish from the plate.
Janus smiles softly at them, and starts to eat his food.
---
Logan doesn’t really know what he’s doing here.
He’s tried a million times (exaggeration, this is his seventh try) before, why would it be any different now?
Regardless, his hand knocks against the wall a couple of times, and he tucks his hands behind his back as he waits for Virgil’s acknowledgement.
A moment passes, and Logan watches as he actively ignores him.
“Virgil?”
He catches a deep brown eye peek through purple-dyed bangs. Instantly, Virgil turns his direction back toward the TV, on which he was re-watching Steven Universe.
“May I speak with you?”
“I’m busy, Logan.”
Logan sighs and leans against the cold wood of the door frame. “I just want to apologize, Virgil.”
Virgil sighed and paused the TV, turning to face Logan. “Dude, I really don’t want to hear it. I’d rather just be alone than have you here, so just go, alright?”
“I just need you to understand, I didn’t mean any of tha-”
“But you still said it,” Virgil rested his elbows on his knees and put his head down in his hands. “And honestly, yeah, you’re kind of right. All I do is stress him out, and I’m sure nothing I’ve done in the past few years has made Thomas happy, and you’d all have an easier time doing your jobs if I weren’t here. There’s nothing you said that I haven’t thought of by myself before, so please, Logan, just leave me alone. I just want to watch my show.”
“Virgil… you can’t think your contributions aren’t essential to Thomas’ well being.”
Virgil stood up and faced Logan.
“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about ducking out since Janus left? Thomas would probably be happier if I did,” he said in a low voice. 
“He didn’t leave-”
“I KNOW that!” The Tempest Tongue exploded out of him, shaking the entire room. Virgil quickly turned away from Logan to regain his composure. “Please, Logan, just get out of here. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to hear your apology, I just want to be alone.”
Logan’s gaze sunk to the floor, as he turned on his heel and left the room, running toward his own.
When he gets to his room, he stands there for a moment. He failed again. Nothing can go back to normal if everyone is at odds with one another.
Logan suddenly felt that oh-so familiar wave of cool air hit his cheeks, as he brought his hand to what he was sure were the shadows again. Those cruel, cold, hideous shadows that broadcast to everyone what he was feeling, and he didn’t even have a choice.
Suddenly, Logan looked up to find his fist through a wall, once again. He stood there, staring, almost feeling unable to pull it out. When did he even do that?
He was ashamed of himself, what he said to Virgil, and how he just ruined what Janus had spent hours fixing.
“Logan,” a firm voice called from the doorway. “What did you do?”
“I don’t know,” his voice cracked.
He felt a gloved hand on his arm, which gently maneuvered his hand out of the hole in the wall.
“This is what happened to your hands, dear?”
“Yes.”
His cold, deep brown eyes meet Janus’. He can almost feel Janus gaze wash over his face, inspecting the shadows under his eyes.
“Logan, not again,” he closed his eyes and let his chin fall to his chest.
“I’m sorry.”
---
Hey guys, sorry for the rewrite.. Virgil was coming across like an asshole during his talk with Logan and it was very ooc and uncomfortable in my opinion so I reposted. If you read the original version, just join me in pretending it didn’t happen (and sorry if you preferred the original version). It was making chapter 9 impossible to write bc idk how to fix what he originally said to logan
This is somehow turning into a loceit fic but it won’t stay that way lol sorry, loceit is just so fun to write
And yes, just to explain what happened to Janus, it was not a flashback. It was my own version of a calling, which would ordinarily be a vision of the future (in context of the show) but my version is a vision of the past that Janus wasn’t a part of. I felt the need to explain so it isn’t taken out of context & looks like I’m writing something I’m not.
Taglist: @imma-potatoo @sunshineluve
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deceitsgloves · 17 days ago
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Okay I love this because it's angst and I hate this because it's angst
I just imagined Virgil comforting a dying Roman by singing Time In A Bottle by Jim Croce
Roman is specifically dying from taking an arrow to the heart
It's times like this that I wish I had any art skills so I could draw this happening
Edit: if anyone wants to draw this or write it feel free, just tag me!
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immaghostooo · 19 days ago
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Okay so this is sort of an analysis/theory mix. Anyways, I adore Janus but I have to admit he's made some ,, not so great choices.
Tw: manipulation mentions, Deceit
Deceit shows up in Can Lying Be Good and, at the end, he shuts Logan up, taunts Virgil and gives Roman sarcastic 'compliments'.
And, while he's trying to convince Thomas and the others that lying can be good -- especially considering the self-preservation aspect -- he doesn't exactly do it in the best way.
Deceit comes back in Selfishness vs Selflessness. He doesn't even include Logan until he needs him as a witness, and then benches him, silencing him once again. With Virgil, he pushes his buttons -- specifically about his name and hints at what else he could be keeping from everyone. He uses his backhanded compliments against Roman, manipulating him into favouring him.
Again, his goal is to show everyone that lying isn't inherently bad. It's only bad if you use it for bad. However, this 'lesson' is tied into the wedding-callback situation so his main goal at that moment is trying to influence Roman, the judge, convince or 'sentence' Thomas to go to the callback.
In Selfishness vs Selflessness: Redux, Deceit hands Patton and Roman a button to shush Logan. When they did, he took his place, being much more skilled in his impersonation; instead of just stealing Logan's voice, he uses it as his own. Virgil isn't here so there's no one for him to taunt.
By the end, he finally gets his point across. Unfortunately, the only two willing to listen were Patton and Thomas. But that is more than enough.
I am inclined to believe that was his goal all along. In each of the videos he's appeared in, Deceit never went directly for Patton. He silenced Logan, went after Virgil, and used Roman. He even mocked Thomas at some points. Yet, Patton was almost always left unscathed save for a remark here or there.
Why would he go after convincing Patton to listen to him, specifically?
Well .. Patton holds a lot of influence over Thomas. Maybe more than the others, rivalled only by Virgil, maybe, except that Virgil can be reasoned with. Patton is a bit more difficult, by having a wavering opinion. Despite this, he is the one who calls a lot of the final shots.
For example, in the beginning of Making Some Changes, everyone is in agreement until Virgil shows up. Then Patton is swayed to his side. Once he is with Virgil, Thomas is also swayed to that side. Logan and Roman immediately react, jumping to fight Virgil's influence. Once Roman gives Thomas the realization they can shapeshift, Patton is all in with the idea and so is Thomas.
Deceit knows Patton holds the most influence over Thomas. So going for his acceptance makes most sense, even if the rest of the sides are hurt or beat back in the process.
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thesentientmango · 19 days ago
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A piece of Virgil angst to practice hands!
[ID: A drawing of Virgil sanders curled up with his head in his knees. He is wearing a hoodie with purple patches and the tips of his hair are purple. He is surrounded by a black fog. On the top of the drawing three hands, palm up, are reaching out to him. The first hand has small light blue bracelets the wrist, the second has red nail polish, and the third has a thick dark blue bracelet. On the bottom of the drawing three different hands, palm down, are reaching up to Virgil. The first hand has green freckles and a mix of long jagged nails and very short nails, all painted the same green as the freckles. The second hand has a orange ring on the index finger, and the last hand is in a yellow glove. /End ID]
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too-scared-to-do-this · 21 days ago
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Prestige
Chapter six - Quiet speaks louder then words
Sanders side fanfiction
Idea by: @hestianerd1
Wordcount: 1878
Pairings: Prinxiety (back to the original for this one)
TW: Well pfew, a lot! So there’s the whole car crash thing, talk about suicide, prison and police being very biased, accusations of things that weren’t done, cursing, somewhat-wrongly-written thing that resembles survivor's guilt and... basically just a bunch of angst. Lots and lots of it.
The summery of the whole story: Prestige. Such a simple construct. All you have to do is act the way you want people to perceive you, keep up the image, wear a big proud smile and never ever dare make a mistake. That’s why Weltingston Heights University is such a well known school. Everybody knows that anyone who got in must have some prestige tied to their name. Educational records, family history, or even literal fame. So why not treat students the same way? Because what’s a little more pressure on their young and strong bones?
But prestige and image are precious things. You slip up even the tiniest bit, step out of the line you drew for yourself and it’s all gone. So now that the pressure is on, and everyone already knows their place in this small circle of society, only one question remains. How far are they willing to go to keep the false image up?
(Or: Very over-dramatically with a noticeable amount of sarcastic undertone: "Oh my god! They were roommates!")
-----------------------------------------
Chapter six - Quiet speaks louder then words
Honestly, it wasn’t even a stressful day. V just didn’t feel like being around all those idiots.
And honestly, with his shifts being twice a week to none, his income was getting stretched thin with all that the school ate up. He really wasn’t hungry anyways.
This place though, it was a nice place. A quiet place. Idiot-free.
So, whenever he had time and didn’t feel like panicking, he’d wonder back here to read. Study books to keep up, or just something he’d picked up at the library.
Today it was philosophy. Socrates and all that.
It wasn’t that interesting on paper, but the old dudes had some interesting ideas for their time. Virgil found himself getting lost in words he never thought he’d find himself reading. Focusing on Platón and his theories and Kant’s next big thing.
lost in his book, he didn’t even register the rustling from behind the thin branch barrier. Not even the curtains being pulled aside.
What he did notice though, was the very much audible thud of someone falling to the ground.
His whole being jerked, book falling to the ground. Eyes looking everywhere to find the thing that made the noise.
And lo and behold, Roman. Face planted in the luscious grass, sprawled out like some kind of road-kill. Hands and legs everywhere, caught in tree branches.
He sat up splattering and coughing, cursing all the beauty in this place for making him eat grass.
And then Ro seemed to remember where he actually was. He froze. Eyes up and straight at a very much surprised Virgil. Complete deer-caught-in-headlights look on his face.
The later blinked.
“Uhmmm…” Roman started but had no idea how to continue.
Thankfully, by then Virgil’s shock wore off. Eyelids lowered he stared at the embarrassed actor-in-training. “What are you doing here?”
Another round of splatters as the tall man tried to lift himself up from the ground, dusting of patches of dirt from his red sweater.
Virgil just stared unimpressed.
The taler felt his cheeks heating up as he stood there, towering at the already short figure sitting. He scratched his neck, swallowing. “Look, I just… I wanted to talk but you weren’t at lunch and then I saw you walking out that classroom and you turned this way and I…”
“Followed me you mean.”
“Well yes, but only with the best of intentions!”
“Stalker.” Virgil rolled his eyes, already reaching for his forgotten philosophy book. About ready to ignore the guy and merge back into his own, for once pleasant, thoughts.
“Agh! How dare you! I am not a stalker!” Roman squeaked, offended. “I only walked here to do a favor for you! I don’t even have to be here!”
“Great. Then leave.” V didn’t even bother to lift his nose from the book.
Roman was knew he was extra - that was part of charm, after all - but those offended huffs and puffs were as real as all the words he said. There was no reason getting mad over this - he knew that. If Mr. Dark and Moody didn’t want his help, it was up to him.
But id did make Roman all heated in the worst sense of the word. The idiot was suffering, and obviously there was no one else to help! So why wouldn’t he accept his?
“You’re still here.” Virgil murmured.
Deep breath, Roman. Deep breath. - he thought. Fist clenched he tried to blow out all the fire that was eating him up.
One more breath - a long heavy sigh. “Look…” he started. “I found those drawings of yours…”
Now that Got Virgil to look up. It even got him to properly close the book, show it in his bad and start marching off to god-knows-where again.
Roman’s heart skipped a beat. “Shit.” he cursed, once again rushing after him. This was becoming a wild-goose-chance with no end in sight… It was getting a little annoying.
“You are really talented, you know! those eyes, man, they tell a story. I just wonder… I wonder what story…” Ro swallowed, not sure whether these were the right words. Whether this would get the quiet one talking or if it would scare him away for good.
But the thing was, Virgil did slow down - making hope rise in his heart. Until he turned around and Roman saw that angry look in his eyes…
Virgil was always something - Ro saw him grumpy, tired, annoyed, skeptical, amused (when Roman’s phone fall on his face), but never angry.
“You had no right.” he growled, voice deep and scratchy. Wobbly. “That is my private stuff, you idiot!”
He was getting closer, small ball of anger somehow swallowing the whole place. He showed Roman in the chest. “And then you dare enter this sacred place! Ruin the single fragment of peace I found in this goddamned fucking school! You follow me around, hound me with questions, spread rumors and go through my stuff! Do you even see what you’re doing?! Do you see how fucked up this is?!”
Roman stared down at him, heart beating fast. Most of those accusations weren’t true. He knew that. But somehow that short man seemed bigger than life. Angrier that an active volcano.
And Roman stood right at the center of it.
“What happened…?” he whispered carefully.
Those two words. Those two words were enough to knock V’s breath out. To make his head spin with all the time’s he’s wished someone would ask him that and mean it.
Someone would reach out and steady him when he’s gotten weak and felt like falling.
Those two words were enough to light-out that lava that was boiling inside. And now… all he had left was that empty void filled with everything he’d kept to himself over the years.
Virgil broke down. Tears streaming down his face. “Get lost, princey!” he tried to sound strong and angry, but all that came out was a squeaky command.
There was no man bigger than the world anymore, no all-consuming rage. Just the too loud quiet that engulfed the shadow filled place.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why?” Virgil scoffed. “I give you a weak, if not right tomorrow, and you’ll be packing your things like all the others did.  There’s no point in you staying here, now is there. We’re arch-enemies remember?”
“Agh, dramatic bullshit.” Roman shook hies head with a small smile over his own words. “A dashing price leaves no man hurting.”
“Oh, so now you’re a dashing prince and I’m your damsel in distress?”
“Just start talking, emo, alright?” Roman’s head fell to the side with the sincerest smile Virgil has ever seen in his life.
Nobody looked at him that way before - well nobody looked at him period. Not since, Raimond. And that was a long time ago…
Virgil’s cheeks reddened as his sat down on the ground. He gave up standing, he already felt too small, a few more feet between them didn’t matter.
But roman followed, sat down opposite, still that same ‘Whenever you’re ready I’m listening’ look on his face.
And so, surrounded by many giant green plants, in a place nobody (besides the biology majors) knew that existed, covered in shadows, for the first time in seven years Virgil let out his.
“When I was twelve I… I was in a car accident… My brother was driving. Our mother’s husband jerked the steering-wheel and we ended up swerving into the opposite lane and colliding with another car. Richard died instantly and the Woman who drove the other car did as well. My brother got sentenced for 5 years even though he was innocent… The police were way too good friends with that mother-fucker that caused this to see the truth.” Virgil’s hands formed fists by his sides. Richard was dead already. The bastard got what he deserved… There was nothing else to do.  
Roman nodded, not daring to speak.
“Rebeca never really was sober, but she was at least somewhat sensible. But after the crash… I guess she fully gave up. In one day, I lost my half-good mother and my brother. I visited him every day! For two years! The meeting room in our tows prison became my second home by that point. I’d tell him about my day, how mother’s drinking got worse and worse. How Rai’s friend’s father was kind enough to help me get this job at his ice-cream shop - even though I was only fourteen. Rai told me all about his day, how prison wasn’t half as bad as everybody though - though I think he was just trying to make me feel better.”
Roman had this look on his face, like ‘how do you know?’.
“He often showed up with a black eye or a bruise or two. But most of all, he kept telling me that when he gets out he’s going to start get a job, take me away from that hell hole, start collage and give us the life we always dreamed off.” Virgil smiled a little at the memory.
“And what happened…?”
“He never got out…” Virgil bit his lip hard. Hands shaking. “They say it was suicide. Hung himself in his cell. I’m not sure though… I just… I just can’t believe that. Because if I did… if it really was suicide then… Why haven’t I seen the signs? Why didn’t I notice?”
Roman’s heart hurt. This scary and broody man before him, pulled in a ball, knees to his chest, lip quivering… He wanted to cry for him. Cry with him.
Take all that hurt away, ball it up and throw it far, far away. Hold him until all the tears dry up. Anything to take this burden from Virgil’s shoulders…
“He wasn’t the one that was supposed to die… He had dreams - big once, you know? All these plans and everything. Raimond was the best person I have ever met… He wasn’t supposed to die… Maybe if I noticed sooner, I could have done something… Visit more often, get a therapist or something, I don’t know… But I… I didn’t notice… I let him die…”
“Virgil you were fourteen. There was nothing you could have done.” Roman put his hand on Virgil’s knee. he wanted to hug him, squeeze him until all the hurt was gone - but wasn’t sure whether Virgil would be okay with that.
“I could have done so much…”
“Like what…?”
“I could have spoken up. Richard would’ve shut up about rai for once and maybe… maybe he would’ve yelled at me instead of him. Maybe then he would’ve reached for me instead of the steering-wheel. Maybe then my brother would’ve died!”
“Virgil…”
“I keep hurting everybody around me Roman. Every single one of my friends, roommates, family member… leave before I hurt you too…” V sobbed, pleading. Roman didn’t deserve to be hurt by his quiet. And neither did Raimond.
And that’s when Roman broke. He grabbed Virgil and pulled him closer than anybody else before. Held him in his arms willing all the bad to be gone that instant. Creating this protective shield. Nobody would ever hurt this man again. Not while Roman was alive. Not anymore.
“I’m not going anywhere…”
---------------------------------------
So this is the full backstory. Can anybody guess how did V end up in Psych major and why he freaked out when poor clueless, bad-with-names Patton couldn’t remember his name and called him V?
The next part’s gonna be during their winter break. Get ready, because I’ve got some stories to tell about Roman’s childhood :J (Imagine a very bad evil laugh XD)
See you then! <3
And as always, I hope you liked it! ^^
-
Tag list:
@a-formless-entity
@cirishere
@ray-does-stuff
@lovelivingmydreams
@mothman-juicy-ass
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aimasup · 23 days ago
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Waving Through a Window (Sanders Sides fan animatic)
It occurs to me that I've never posted a lot of videos here so let's change that
Softwares used: Medibang Paint Pro and Kinemaster app
Song: Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen
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sidespromptblog · 23 days ago
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Headcanon:
Roman just instinctively knows the look that each of the sides has before they're seconds from crying their eyes out. He doesn't know how he knows, he just does and there is nothing he can do to stop the sharp tug in his chest at the sight of those looks.
He knows that Patton always smiles, his eyes glossy behind his glasses.
He knows that Virgil clenches his fists, digging his nails into his palms.
He knows that Logan pinches the bridge of his nose, turning his face away so that nobody can see.
He knows that Remus rocks himself with his entire body in an effort to distract himself.
For a while he didn't know what Janus did before he cried, for a long time he wasn't even sure if Janus even could cry given his snake eyes. But...
Seeing Janus stop breathing, and hold his breath as his human eye shimmered with unfallen tears, the very moment his name had been called stupid...
Roman knew.
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too-scared-to-do-this · 25 days ago
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Prestige
Chapter four -Tiny crumbs of imperfection
Sanders side fanfiction
Idea by: @hestianerd1
Wordcount: 2133
Pairings: prinxiety
TW: !!! It’s not so well written (and I’m not sure how accurate it is), but there is a pretty big part about verbal abuse and a car accident so if that is something you can’t read skip to the part where the slanted text stops !!! Besides that there is a full on panic attack scene, a long rant about dyslexia and it’s annoyingness, cursing and just some light teasing. If I’ve missed any, don’t hesitate to let me know!
The summery of the whole story: Prestige. Such a simple construct. All you have to do is act the way you want people to perceive you, keep up the image, wear a big proud smile and never ever dare make a mistake. That’s why Weltingston Heights University is such a well known school. Everybody knows that anyone who got in must have some prestige tied to their name. Educational records, family history, or even literal fame. So why not treat students the same way? Because what’s a little more pressure on their young and strong bones?
But prestige and image are precious things. You slip up even the tiniest bit, step out of the line you drew for yourself and it’s all gone. So now that the pressure is on, and everyone already knows their place in this small circle of society, only one question remains. How far are they willing to go to keep the false image up?
(Or: Very over-dramatically with a noticeable amount of sarcastic undertone: "Oh my god! They were roommates!")
-------------------------------------
Chapter four - Tiny crumbs of imperfection
“You fucking useless piece of shit! I’ve told you hundreds of times to-“
“Virgil. Headphones.” Raimond ordered. His voice meant nothing but business - cold and determined. No room for discussion. Virgil knew better then to oppose his big brother. He reached for his backpack sitting next to him on the back seat.
“Why should he? A fuck-p like him would just benefit from this. You see Virgil, if you don’t want to end up weak and completely useless, like you brother here, you should listen. Or maybe you-“
“Now.” and this time there was an urgency to his brother’s voice. Pushing out all the acidy sweetness of Richards’s words. Virgil’s finger’s shook as he pulled the headphones out of the bag quickly.
“Playing big rother now, are we?” Richard scoffed. “Where were you when your father ran? How fucked-up of a family do you have to be to drive that man away.”
Virgil heard that. Even through his headphones, he heard it. Richard’s voice wasn’t exactly easy to toon out. Low and loud, bouncing of every wall and surface, making the hair on you back stand.
Virgil Hated his step-father. More then anything. And judging by the white-knuckled grip Rai had on the steering wheel, he did too.
No matter how ‘nice’ this man pretended to be when sober. A drunk Richard was a disgusting, unbearable, suffocating man.
Virgil put his music louder. Blasting whatever was on his phone at the moment at full volume. Maybe that would drown this out. Maybe that would stop Richard from saying all these things to him and his brother…
But no… Richard’s mouth was still moving, words still spilling out into the tight air in the car. Suffocating everybody.
In the rearview mirror, Virgil could see the tight squeeze of Rai’s lips. The way his jaw was set. The way he was just seconds ago from bursting.
But they both new better. They both knew that wouldn’t help.
So, Rai’s nostrils flared. Chest expanding with a deep breath. And then those tightlipped three calm words left his mouth. Virgil didn’t need to hear them to know what they were. It was a well-rehearsed script by now. “You are drunk.”
“No shit, sherlock! At least that’s better than whatever you’re fucking doing with your meaningless pitiful life.” would usually come next. Rai would just swallow, keep his head high. Then glance and Virgil and take them both out for ice-cream or the park. Rai loved the park.
But this time… This time something went wrong…
There was a different look on his stepfather’s face. Not the usual furrowed-browed, sneering ‘I’m so done with this bullshit’ kind of face.
No. This time was different. This time it was pure hate and disgust. And suddenly, his lips were moving. And his hand was moving. And through all the music and movement, Virgil heard it. His shout. “You ungrateful moron!”
And Richard’s hand was on the steering-wheel. And Raimonds eyes went wide with panic. For the first time in his life, Virgil saw his brother completely terrified.
His glassed blue eyes immediately shot to the rearview mirror, searching for his little brother. Trying to tell him to hold on, but no words found their way out in time…
That pull of the car. That loud noise. And then it was dark.
-
“Hhhhh!!!!” Virgil shot up in bed gasping for air.
He couldn’t breathe! He couldn’t fucking breathe! He couldn’t-
“Virgil?” there was a voice somewhere in the distance. From behind thick glass.
He needed to take a breath! Come on Virgil, breathe!
“Hey… Virgil…” this time Virgil heard it. Still from behind that glass, but it was there. the voice. A hand on his shaking shoulder.
He was shaking?
“Listen to me okay?”
And he tried. He really did. But the thick glass was getting thicker by the moment, voice lost with it.
The touch getting lighter and lighter until he could barely feel of that hand on his shoulder.
Until all he could hear were his thorn up breaths and suffering lungs. His heart in his ear, blood rushing.
Until all that was in front of his eyes were those big blue eyes. Panicked.
All he could hear was the screeching of tired. The loud noise. Humming.
Humming. Virgil’s mind stopped spinning for a moment. Humming?
He focused on that. On that unknown melody that somehow broke throw the thick wall. Brough back the heavy hand on his shoulder.
Brough back the air that got sucked out of his lungs.
Humming.
Virgil opened his eyes, still beathing heavily. But at least breathing.
It was dark, yes. But the moon shone through the window, breaking up every sell of that overwhelming dark from before. Making it so much easier to see Roman sitting in front of him, smiling lightly. Never stopping his hum.
Even in this not-so-much-dark Virgil could see the concern and relief in his eyes. It was so obvious. Roman could literally never hide anything. It just wasn’t possible.
It was still harder to keep the air down. Even harder to move or just stop shaking. He listened to Roman hum his toon over and over again, the sound swallowing Virgil whole.
Soothing his panicked mind. Blocking out all the memories.
He uncurled slightly, letting his numb limbs rest after the tight embrace they held him in.
That’s when Romans toon stopped. And his hand pulled away. “Better?”
Virgil didn’t yet trust his voice. (And after this fiasco, he wasn’t sure he ever was going to again!) So, he just nodded.
“Do you want to talk about it?” The tall one offered, as if this was the most normal thing two ‘mortal enemies’ (as he put it earlier) could do.
Virgil just shook his head.
“Alright then.” Ro shrugged like ‘whatever’ with a kind smile and stood up to walk back to his bed.
It was pretty late anyways. But neither of them had class in the morning, so who cares really.
And that moment - that one moment when Ro stood up and made his first step - was the moment V’s limbs decided to work again. He doesn’t even know how or when, but he was reaching out, grabbing onto his hand. “Can you… can you stay and talk for a little bit?”
And, oh my god, that look in V’s eyes! Even if Roman would have wanted to say no (which he didn’t, obviously - this man might be his mortal-enemy, but not even he deserves that much cruelty), he wouldn’t be able to. In those dark broody eyes, that always cast cold glares at him was this need, this silent plea.
And so Roman smiled this soft smile and sat back onto the bed. “Sure.”
He knew the drill by heart. This wasn’t his first rodeo. Virgil wasn’t about to force himself to talk, so this was up to Roman. Thankfully, he was the master of endless rants about pretty much nothing!
And so, it started. “I love writing so much! And acting - obviously. My dream is to be this big actor and playwright one day! You know - have my name on the script, cast on Broadway and stuff. I just kind of find it ironic, since the one thing I love I can’t really do. Not acting, obviously - I’m awesome at that!” he smirked self-assured and confident. Virgil made this sound with his nose - blew out some air as if laughter. And roman took it as a win. “I’m talking about writing. Like, literally. No matter how hard I try, grammar just won’t be my friend. I have dyslexia and that shit just sucks. Like, I don’t mind it, and sometimes it’s the funniest thing, but other times… well it gets on one’s nerves. I can’t type an email on my phone for example! Or anything important really. And yes, I know there is that thing called ‘autocorrect’ - but it just kept on correcting my words into something completely different and it annoyed me so much! So, I just shut it off. Oh, and don’t even get me started on reading! It really depends on how tired I am, but on bad days, man… That Shakespeare you helped me with the other day. I would have stayed up until literal morning just trying to figure out what even was on those pages! So yeah, thanks for that. That rehearsal went fantastically, by the way! The teacher was blown away. Do you know mister Greenwitch? He’s this kind of ‘do it my way or don’t even try!’-” Roman mimicked his voice, which made Virgil laugh slightly. “- kind of guy. And even he said it was, and I quote: ‘Acceptable’. Everybody was floored! I was floored!”
Virgil wondered how long would this rant last. (And how self-absorbed could one person be to be able to talk this long about themselves, but that was for a different day.) But he didn’t complain.
It was actually kind of surprising - hearing about this dyslexia thing. So Roman wasn’t so picture perfect after all. No super human - just regular old, grammar-fighting Roman.
That somehow lessened that reasonless resentment he was feeling towards him. Broke a crumb off of that barrier he so carefully built up to protect the people around him…
Roman was taking a deep breath ready to spew another avalanche of words at him, but V beat him to it. “What is that song you were humming?”
The man’s head cocked to the side in the most adorable way (which Virgil would never ever admit!). “An old lullaby my mother used to sing to me and my brother when we were little. It was the only thing that would calm Remus down enough to sleep.” he chuckled at the memory.
“Hmm…” Virgil hummed in understanding. There was this little pause - Roman lost in his head and Virgil watching him, just as much thoughtful. And then the thought slipped out. “How did you know what to do?”
“Hm?”
“With my… with me. How did you know the song would work?”
“Oh! My sister, Cassie, you met her. After our mum died, she started getting these panic attacks and I used to sing to her until she calmed down. I just figured I’d give it a try, you know.” Ro shrugged.
“You would have looked so ridiculous if it wouldn’t have.” Virgil smirked.
And Roman was gone. Completely gone. He mocked offence. “How dare you question my skills!”
And Virgil started chuckling. Softly and quietly, still weak from everything, but he laughed. And it made Ro’s heart happy. (For some inexplicable reason, he will never admit to or think about ever again.)
“You give me too much reason to, princey.”
“I am offended!”
“I can see that.”
And they both laughed. Just softly. Just quietly. But suddenly it was lighter in the room again.
“But it did help.” Roman concluded, just for his own sake.
“Yeah.” V nodded tiredly. He looked at the alarm clock on his night stand. It was four in the morning. “Don’t you have class in the morning or something?”
Roman just shrugged again, gathering up to move back to his bed. “Nah. I’m free. And so are you judging by your schedule.”
“Did you memorize my schedule?! Are you some kind of stalker?”
“It’s on your table, dimwit.” Roman laughed. “I checked it and remembered some stuff. I’ve got a good memory.”
“Right.” Virgil said, but it was clear he was mocking disbelief.
“By the way, you’re handwriting sucks! Like I already have problems reading printed text, but that mess…”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You’re very much welcome. What major are you in anyways? You know mine, it’s only fair if I know yours.” the man flopped onto his bed, pulling the covers over himself. It was so warm and comfy! Not like at home, but pretty close.
“Psych.” Virgil did the same.
“Really?!” and the surprise in Roman’s voice was so obvious, if he were anybody else, Virgil would be hurt by it.
“Yes, really.” he just rolled his eyes.
“How did you end up in psych?” the taller was pushing himself up again, ready for another round of talking.
But Virgil had enough of that for one night. he was exhausted. He needed sleep. He closed his eyes - blue ones in glasses still edged in his memory, but their blow softened by the repeating memory of Roman’s lullaby… “Good night, Roman.”
“Oh, come on! Don’t leave me hanging now. I’m really curious! Tomorrow you’ll go back to your sulky self and I won’t even get a word from you!”
And that made Virgil grin into his pillow. Because yes - he was going to do exactly just that.
“Good night, Roman.”
--------------------------------------
I told you I’ve had some backstory planned! And that isn’t even the whole thing yet! (@hestianerd1 you said angst from both sides. You’re getting a generous dose of it :3 - Btw, thanks for that website! I’ll be using that! <3)
Also, that dyslexia rant - not me projecting XD (It is long and pretty much useless and unimportant, but it stays, I’ve decided XD)
So, heavy subject and sad stories aside... I really do hope you enjoyed it and weren’t troubled too much...
Thanks for reading though ^^
Tag list:
@a-formless-entity
@cirishere
@ray-does-stuff
@lovelivingmydreams
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sunshineluve · 29 days ago
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Sanders Sides on a Quest
(Credit to @pettyprompts for the quote)
Janus: If you burn me now, you’ll never make it out of this place alive
Roman or Virgil: Not sure if I trust your words anymore, traitor
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bothcreativitybois · a month ago
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He Is Happy
TW: Virgil angst, power hungry Janus (Not unsympathetic)  Taglist (ask to be added): @star-crossed-shipper @crazydemigod666  Wordcount: 321 
This is just some short drabble, please tell me what you think of this shorter kind of story.
Virgil is a main side. He is happy here. 
But the nostalgia still creeped up sometimes.   
He knows the others would carve him if they got the chance, he remembered well what got him here, but he still had some fond memories from his time with them. As much as he tried to block them out they’d always crawl back up. Even just one word could do it.
“You adore me, Daddy Poppins.” Roman said. 
Memories flashed across Virgil’s eyes of every time Janus would say he adored Virgil. Even when they were young he acted more mature than them. Each night when Virgil was scared to sleep Janus would kiss his head and mutter a soft ‘I adore you’ before leaving. It always calmed him down.
“I will never understand how you find that calming.” Logan sighed, frustrated. 
Virgil would be sent back to when he and Remus would play. Remus would do something that freaked out Virgil. He would try to calm him down but everything he would do just made Virgil panic more, then Remus would panic because nothing he did worked, which made Virgil more scared. They’d sit together until they both calmed down naturally. Then like kids do they’d get up and go back to playing. 
“I can’t control the puppies!” Patton shouted amongst chaos.
Virgil felt the memories rise. Janus’ angry face as he went on about control. It’s the only thing he wanted. He was power hungry. He thought the sides in control were weak, they never did anything for Thomas. 
Every happy memory was… well just that, a memory. And they all lead to the bad ending. He could try to live in the memories and forget where it all led, but he’d only be lying to himself. He had to remember why he left.
But that brought another problem. He was happy there and it ended badly.
So if he was happy here...
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anonymous-gremlin · a month ago
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U!Patton forcing other names on the other light sides because he doesn't like their names/as a form of degradation (not even the right word, I'm sorry)/idk and refusing to call them by their real names.
And that being why he said Logan's name to Thomas in that one video.
Because if Thomas calls him that, Logan also has to hear the name that's always used to degrade (not even the right word, English is difficult) him from the one he looks up to, making him even more sad
Patton also tells Thomas the others sides names and everyone is sad and slowly start to believe it's really their name.
The dark sides (who knew them before the split of dark and light and were great friends with them) are confused why the light sides don't respond to their names anymore.
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anonymous-gremlin · a month ago
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U!Patton when a light side did something he doesn't approve of instead of bansishing them to the dark side, sends them to the subconscious/the void where no side has ever returned from.
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