#vulnerable. is it really that hard

[flamemons]

It's alright to scream

I'm screaming too

Why'd you think I do the things I do?

For shadows haunted me like ghosts

So I became what I feared the most

I conduct fear like electricity

A manmade monstrosity

Killer — The Hoosiers

i woke up from a nap with this song stuck in my head and. yea

#kouichi kimura #koichi kimura #digimon frontier #digimon #AGH ok drawing to a song is. a new level of vulnerability for me and im trying to get past the mental block of OH THATS TOO CRINGE #because cringe isnt REAL #((but it sure feels like it)) #i fucked up and accidentally made a kouichi playlist and so many of my favorite edgy songs ended up applying to him #and i was like....hmm ok.....this kid is suddenly very interesting #...not that he isnt already very interesting like. he is but hes still sort of hard to grasp since he never had time to really be himself #....anyway #i have. so many thoughts about songs i associate with takuya but. i cant draw that #because i would go through organ failure #like i would literally explode and die #oh the struggle of admitting i have human emotions

[dent-de-leon]

Do not think I'll get over the fact that Molly encourages the idea that he's always had a string of lovers, lets people believe he goes off with someone new or visits brothels every night, and the whole thing is just...just because he doesn't want anyone to find out he's got this bleeding heart.

That his "choir practice" is him risking his life to save some strangers he's never met. That he's this compassionate, fiercely loyal protector who believes, "The truth is...How do I put this...the world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by."

That he has this reputation for being a shameless flirt with countless partners, and just...as far as we know, he only ever had one relationship. And after she died, he carried her cards and wore her coat every day, kept her close to his heart and never said a word about it. Not until he admits to Yasha that he's lonely, that he wishes he still had someone. The way Molly is grieving and mourning a partner just like Yasha, and no one ever knew.

The way Lucien couldn't believe that Jester found him "dreamy," the way people only ever saw him as a demon and monster for so long. Waking up as Kingsley and still looking for the love he lost. Still falling for Caleb. Tealeaf keeping so much close to the chest, afraid to let himself be too vulnerable. Only ever trusting his heart with a few. Wanting so badly to be good, to be loved, to be whole. Worshipping the goddess of love herself. Writing down, "Love. It binds us. It frees us. What more needs be said?"

#laying on the floor. head in my hands #every instance of the nein joking about molly running off with someone or locking fjord out of their room at night is just... #it gets so sad and depressing with the background that molly is a direct parallel to yasha being a grieving widow. how molly lost #his love too and still struggles with actually opening up his heart and being vulnerable with others-- #mollymauk my beloved #believing the nein would leave him as soon as they found out about lucien-- #molly always running and trying so hard to seem so worldly and experienced. terrified of anyone finding out that the world is still so #New to him. that hes only had a few short years to try and fill the clawing emptiness #I don't know...I really think molly didnt have anyone but lestera before #and it makes the fact that he still feels for her and caleb as kingsley all the more heartbreaking

[quinn-pop]

morning

#maybe i like drawing characters typically portrayed as goofy in more vulnerable positions and being loved #maybe i do. what of it #i don’t know i feel like i have a lot of doodles like this and most of them i think “’ehhh that’s not worth posting’ #i still get weird about posting ship art and stuff that is so unsubtle and upfront especially is hard for me #but i think this is cute #i even added an extra panel so i could be really satisfied #ive noticed ive been drawing dedede fluffier and fluffier and i think he deserves to be held with all the love in the world #so #happy cringe day Wednesday #kirbyposting #my art or something #king dedede #meta knight #metadede #quinn does comics #*while writing an essay in my head* sigh i just think they’re neat #pls don’t read into the context of this. they’re hanging out

[earlgodwin]

"There are moments where [Juan] manipulates other people in a similar the way they’ve been manipulating him. The scene between Jeremy and myself with the dagger is a last ditch frantic attempt at trying to win [Rodrigo] over." Do you think Juan was genuine in the knife scene? Do you think he would have killed himself? "Yeah I think so. He always does what is true inside him...It wasn’t simply about the eventual confrontation, but all about the richness of this twisted family make-up."

#top 5 scenes that changed the trajectory of my life #it's also the 1st time we see juan vulnerable (2nd time is his final scene where he confesses to ces about how messed up he is all his life #“we were betrayed father!” maybe if ces put his jealousy aside and helped his lil bro by letting him know about ludovico's army #he's so broken and tired. trying so hard to prove he's useful but he has a shitty luck and a jealous megalomaniac big brother #like even from a military stand point ces could've helped juan with the forli mission but noooo he wants juan humilated! #anyway. look at rodrigo being soft to his baby boy!!! he loves him immensely and trying to comfort him :( #david and jeremy not getting their emmy nominations doesn't sit right with me ngl #“i defend this family with my heart and my soul” i was really rooting for juan so bad because he was just a kid and he was Trying #it's why the people who view juan as some sort of villain are hypocritical and need to fuck off the show btw <3 #like he knows he's a fuck-up and the circumstances made him a fuck-up. no one gave him a damn chance. just ganging up on him lol #juan borgia #david oakes #jeremy irons #rodrigo borgia #the borgias #theborgiasedit #perioddramaedit #about juan #juan and rodrigo #by jen

[prince-peachie]

Now who’s staring?

#Andrew minyard hates having feelings #I like the idea that everyone doesn’t understand them #but then like it’s sooo obvious the minute you pay attention #I think Andrew’s looks would be subtle but so fking vulnerable #hidden but so open #it was really hard doing this and trying to keep it in character #aftg #andriel

[lucy-lockwood]

LOCKLYLE + "Don't blame me" by Taylor Swift (insp)

#locklyle #lucy carlyle #anthony j lockwood #lockwood and co #lockwood & co #l&co #l&coedit #lockwoodandcoedit #l&co. netflix #tvedit #pearlcaddy #multiple eps #I considered their literal jumping off for the first one but then was like 'actually no the emotional vulnerability is so much better' #honestly I'll never be over Mr Center of Attention going 'it's hard for me but I love you enough that I'm happy to come second to you' #it unhinges me #I've really reached Peak Brainrot with this one #me looking at a gifset for a show I've never watched with lyrics to a song I've never heard: this is so locklyle coded :) #I love this tho so No Regrets #I almost made it black and white but I'm SO glad I didn't bc I like the coloring I settled on in the end which is a first for me #eventually I will make that other gifset I'm working on lmao I just have a great talent for procrastinating #anyway now I have to go walk through the rain to vote for some old man or another so enjoy this #gwenstacyismyicon original #adventures in gifmaking

[rozugold]

Winter is coming…

#original characters #blooming strangely #the deep green #IM MAKING LORE FOR HER EHEHEHEH #very self indulgent lore but lore nonetheless <- is trying very hard not to call it cringe #it’s not. I’m just used to people laughing at the ocs I really care about ahahaha #me? scared of being vulnerable? neverrrr #anyways I will share more about her once I finalize her story and gain confidence 👍

[macroglossus]

actually really genuinely makes me so incredibly sick and sad to think of s1 will, who was terrified and losing his mind and no one helped him, especially not the people that he trusted. that line he has that goes "sometimes, at night, i leave the lights on in my little house, and walk across the flat fields... when I look back from a distance, the house is like a boat on the sea. it's really the only time i feel safe." and i think about how scared he was and how he had to leave that person behind, because he would've died, and in that sense he really died anyway

#hannibal #and it's hard because i do like hannibal as a character! and i know that's really what the show is about i.e showing that he doesn't have #the same morals as regular people and he sees will as incredibly vulnerable and with incredible potential. so he targets that potential #and will did grow into that dark potential! but in doing so he had to basically leave a significant part of himself behind #but he was SO SCARED. and completely alone except for his dogs. because every single person around him just wanted something from him #and he was losing his mind! i know in a diluted sense how incredibly hard it is to understand that youre acting crazy and understand that #everyone around you is losing their patience. and so he turned to hannibal. and hannibal betrayed him in really the worst way possible #because he wanted to see what would happen. agh. #and he walked to the edge of the trees anyway and turned back to his little house like a boat and felt safe. FUCK #what im saying is that it really isnt fair but there was no world in which it wouldve been fair really. even a world without hannibal #because the world isnt fair to will graham

[blinkpen]

so, now that shit's deteriorating further, probably from even more constant stress, that i'm officially in the"i just leave my body without my say so and stop moving and don't realize this has happened full blown catatonia style" and "pockets of missing time" stage, which, by the way, is fucking scary as shit to Live in that reality, maybe my doctor can finally convince the insurance company i'm worthy of a fresh MRI/brain scan to survey just how much brain damage pre-existing schizophrenia multiplied by a long covid-caused seizure is going on at this point.

regardless if if there's anything we can really DO about it? but. yanno. it'd be nice. if nothing else, i can enrich the data for all the long term consequences of this vile cesspit of country not giving a shit about anything but money and eugenics

#sporadic warbling #i just hope it doesnt progress further or get much worse than this #its hard to convey online what my current reality really is like and i kind of do not want to anyway #i wish could fly away and never return #actually i wish my family could wake up and change for the better so i wouldnt have to want escape that would actually be my wish but #hm. crying now. #i am thankful that the spaces of time im apparently doing things around the house im basically just engaging in Normal Behavior #usually doing chores? on total autopilot? or preparing food and then just leaving it behind #i just. have no memory of it. at all #that's so scary. #and it makes me feel very vulnerable around people i do not reliably feel existentially safe around and with good reason

[androgynouspenguinexpert]

starting a former william fan support group bc what the entire fuck was that

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #art #illustration #redacted vincent #vincent solaire #look william is right in that thats how it be sometimes way #does NOT make his actions any less shitty and certainly doesnt absolve him #suggesting vincent and sam just fuck off seems incredibly dismissive and sort of is but he's right #william knows he isnt going to change and vincent (+ sam but he's really only got a tiny stake in this) can deal with it or bugger off #super interesting issue because i can clearly see both sides of the argument #william cant afford to not be strategic and that includes manipulating the people he has power over #THAT SAID #vincent is rightfully upset at being fucked with for william's interests #i dont think theres a solution for everyone here #stay and become involved at worst or complicit at best #or cut ties completely #which is a whole nother can of worms and leaves vincent (+ sam but hold your horses) vulnerable to being killed by either a clan or drifter #(which would be hard but not impossible) or get snapped up by someone looking to manipulate him #sound familiar? #and sam was also there #someone needs to explain to him how a monarchy works #like yes honey william DOES get to make every decision on his own and move assets and people as he sees fit without counsel #thats what it says on the tin

[thebirdandhersong]

not to be dramatic but will I ever know peace

#will i???????? #i taught this boy to waltz. i taught this boy to communicate his emotions. i taught this boy to not be afraid of vulnerability and honesty. #not to take credit for it ALL but i DID teach him some things and i know because he sure as heck did not do those things before #maybe i should get a t shirt for this. i made it through heartbreak number 3 and all i got was this shirt #not to besmirch his good name but this boy hasn't got a CLUE y'all i can't even tell you #in the same conversation he essentially said yeah you're too old for me and im not attracted to you but if you were a few years younger i'd #consider it he also said. also you're really pretty you smell really good if you want someone to dance with i'm here #and there's this dress you wore before which you look really good in so you should wear it again! #and it has been a roller coaster ever since #genuinely has NOT got a single clue i can tell he was trying hard in that conversation to not freak out but MAN #at risk of sounding self righteous i don't think i deserved half the stuff that's happened since!

[dykedvonte]

thinking abt what you said with house viewing Benny as a son and I’m obsessed. Like. The man spent most of his life before the war presumably alone, and then after the bombs fell he was alone again, save for AI he himself devised. Then he decides to pull in some Tribes, and one kid shows promise! So sure, treat him well, train him, groom him to be his protege, then next thing you know UH OH he’s got developing paternal feelings towards this guy. Wanting some semblance of a family when the time has long since passed, yet fostering that feeling all the same seems so accurate for him. Benny meanwhile only views him as a boss, and not a particularly good one at that. makes me wonder how House must’ve felt when he found out about Bennys plans

I view it as House blames only himself for this, cause he kind of does in canon (strap in this is a long one).

When reflecting on the issue of Benny, House chastises himself first and foremost for not acting quickly enough when it comes to priming Benny. He describes Benny as being ambitious, ruthless and capable; compliments coming from a man like House. House has an ego and while he is logical enough to understand there was never any evidence Benny saw him as a father-figure, he lacks the humility to admit he let his own views on his relationship with Benny blind him to the activities happening behind the scenes.

I doubt that House was as aware as he makes out about what Benny was doing, he knew early on but certainly not early enough to stop Benny from hacking and obtaining a securitron along with getting the chip in the first place. I take it he was distracted by all the possibilities he was calculating of Vegas' success and growth with him steering and Benny as the new figure head, not because of any normal affection for Benny but the admiration of his capabilities. It's to be noted that House believed menial incentives (likely caps, booze, basic needs, etc..) were enough to keep Benny tame like the other Chairmen but, as evidenced by the Omertas and Mortimer in the WGS, this is not enough when it comes to more driven Vegas citizens. This implies he still undervalued Benny and created a space in which Benny felt the need to rebel.

House in my eyes is not sentimental in the traditional sense. I can imagine his pride was severely scorned as someone he certainly deemed dumber than him was, albeit only for a little, able to out-gambit him. It would definitely hit home seeing how his brother also betrayed him but I feel like that's why he's so apathetic when he tells the Courier to do as they see fit with Benny. I doubt the way he terrorized his brother brought him any emotional satisfaction other than a "Now who's in charge!" ego boost. Putting that same emotional intensity towards Benny isn't worth it because who does it benefit? Wasted time, wasted planning, and most importantly wasted potential are all he gets from continuing to be hands-on with Benny. I say the closest example is not being able to throw out old toys due to the memories attached but knowing it's necessary as they are broken or just taking up space for new ones, and then asking someone else to do it so you don't need to get caught up in the feelings of throwing something you put so much effort into. It's not Benny House cares about in my mind, not in a way that sounds healthy to any non-emotionally constipated individual, but what he could've represented for him, which is why he so quickly offers the same position to the Courier.

As for Benny's view on all of this, it was a long time coming. Benny didn't and doesn't believe House is a completely shitty boss. He admires what he's been shown and admits House knows how to run the strip, but disagrees with the directions. Ideologically, House is an anarcho-capitalist while Benny is just an anarchist. House wants to run the strip to profit, though money is not what he's concerned with being rich with anymore. Benny wants a free state that he wishes to become a place for the people, except for the Chairmen who would be on top (I like to remind people that Benny's motives were selfish but not for personal gain/power as was it for the people he actually saw as family). Benny was never looking for a father but a future. He was not interested in being adopted, or having the chairmen adopted, as bigger names still overshadowed in House's legacy.

Truly, it's easiest to summarize as House feeling strongly and thinking positively enough of Benny to start incorporating him into the future of Vegas (a huge honor actually) while Benny was so disillusioned by House's ego and indifference that he thought the only way Vegas could be the future is with House gone.

#tdlr House saw Benny as the perfect face of his Legacy while Benny saw his legacy as a stagnant mosquito infested pond #its more complex as house certainly would of been irate if he hadn't known and the courier came to kick benny's ass #but more someone being mad youre fucking with their things #i likely thing that even in a more traditional father son relationship House is conditional and would force Benny to confrom more to his #standards as I also believe the Chairmen are more tightly monitered due to bennys unique relation to house and being the first tribe #so itd be smothering and oppressive for someone like Benny even though imposing his beliefs and standards would be how House shows affectio #and fatherly praise which would result in Benny probably wanting to act out even more. like the only way a father son dynamic is healthy an #works is if house would relent some control and show he sees benny as an equal which would never happen cause its house but its still tragi #to me cause house has that longing for something more personal to him than Vegas and tries to fill it with progress cause its rather hard #to create those bonds in the state he is in and benny was the closest thing to that and even that he inadvertently ruined #but on benny house kinda ruined him cause the chairmen for all intents and purposes liked and trusted benny as a leader after bingo who #benny really only killed because of the illusions of grandeur house put into a young impressionable mind and how bingo refused to hear him #not to absolve him of his wrongdoings and being a dick but benny didnt just attack bingo he challenged him and won and in the end while #nostalgic none of the chairmen choose to leave and go back to the old way which says something cause they can leave #this is long and honestly should a seperate post on benny cause i have thoughts on him and how more people need to add his all roads traits #to get a cohesive picture of how hed really act #benny gecko #benny fnv #fallout #fallout new vegas #robert edwin house #mr house fnv #mr house #ask #anon #sorry if this is confusing I have very indepth thoughts on all aspects and possibilites on how unhealthy and power inbalancey anything #with house would be but this is so interesting cause its oddly vulnerable for house of all people to disclose this to the courier

[mdverse]

My dad passed away unexpectedly just over a month ago. Last summer, he talked about wanting to commission me to draw a self portrait so that he'd have art of (and by) me. I was so distracted at the time that I kept forgetting to sort out the details with him, and then I started uni classes and I never got around to working on it. I've spent the last month kicking myself for not having done it as soon as he brought it up. I was so sure I'd have more time.

I used to think that he was disappointed that I was so set on pursuing art as a career, but I've realised lately that even if he was disappointed at first, he did so much to support my decision. He helped me through the process of dropping out of college so that I could start over with a different degree. He always showed interest in my art, asking about how my wips were going and if he could see the drawings and paintings I'd been working on for school. He wanted to commission me even though I would've happily drawn things for him for free. I wish I hadn't doubted that he was always proud of me.

I don't know what comes after death. I don't know if I really believe that he is watching over me, but I'd like to think he'll see this drawing somehow.

#my art #digital art #original art #art #self portrait #personal #perhaps too personal? i don't like being open and vulnerable on main but this is really important to me #i'm so sorry guys i hate to kick off this year with a sad post #or yknow. making sad personal posts at all. it feels weird #i'll go back to fun silly fanart soon hopefully #things are just hard rn and i haven't been drawing much lately

[kirbyliker12]

suzying feat. Sue and Sanna (suzys weird parallel cousins)

#kirbyliker12png #susie haltmann #susanna patrya haltmann #susie kirby #parallel susie #president parallel susie #claiming myself as the number one para suzies artist. im not the number one para suzies fan theyre WEIRD CREATURES #im confident that im the only person who remembers they exist though #also aheemhemahhhahahahaahayeah chinese suzy u mm yeah AHGGHHHHH #for some reason making headcanons is really really hard 4 me because i just feel awful and wrong EVEN THOUGH I REALLY LIKE IT #I DONT KNOW WHYYY when i see someone elses hcs i think that theyre so right and its such a fun thing to do #but when i do it i feel like im being way too vulnerable and cringe and AGHHGAGGGGHHHhopefully this feeling will subside

[cookiescr]

Idk how many people are interested in adyor here but here’s a wip :D!

#adyor #yor forger #ada wong #I’m kinda interested in their early dynamic and basing it off on re4 remake where ada got infected #i just think they’re 2 individuals that grew up in harsh environments #that led them to be independent and super (too) self sufficient that the thought #of relying on people does not really come to them as much #tho ada is not privy to using people/manipulating people to get the job done which i think is very different from relying on someone kdjkdmd #i need them to rely on each other and be more vulnerable #relying on people? easier still hard ish #being more vulnerable? oh ada’s gonna struggle with that more #i feel ada would have a harder time with that esp with her cool/flirty facade

[mister13eyond]

talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"

like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like

imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.

i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.

#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result #and i think that's a REALLY easy thing to feel because creating is also vulnerable & physically difficult and there is SOOOO much to master #but i think for me the people who churn out 300 colored pencil front facing hands behind their backs oc doodles on lined notebook paper- #are the ones with the right idea. they're the ones i aspire to be like #i'm not saying i never struggle either bc tbh #as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible #sometimes i CAN'T enjoy things because my ability to feel joy is locked behind a barrier of my mental illness #so i don't think it's an Easy thing to do by far and I don't think you can just Magically Make Yourself Happy And Having Fun #but i DO think that experimenting in a low-stakes low-pressure manner until you find something that clicks in your brain helps #doing things for the sake of doing them is the only way to figure out which ones WILL be fun to you #not all of them will. some things will feel like a slog #but i think you have to look for the passion before you're able to face the slog #if you jump right into the parts that are Hard and Challenge Your Limits it's easy to spin your wheels and get stuck #but if you focus on the super small stakes and the things that are thoughtless and focused more on Sensation- #the sensory experience of mixing paint or the scratch of pencil on paper or the smooth way a specific pen makes lines- #then you can lose yourself in the physical aspect of it FIRST #and then once you've started really ENJOYING those sensations you can start learning new ways to use them #because now you have the drive to want to do more #now you have the desire to find new ways to apply this thing you like doing #long post #even longer tags #art #drawing #artists #art advice