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#wait is this cottagecore with the big ass house
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🌸Greys Court // Berkshire 🌸
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baebaejooheon · 3 years
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Corpse husband x cottagecore! Reader headcanon
Just a cottagecore esque thing where it’s readers birthday and they throw a big meet up/sleepover thing.
Fem reader just bc. Mentions wearing a dress/skirt
A/N: uhhh leave me alone Ik I have a series in the works that I haven’t written for in months. Leave me alone 😎 not edited pls it’s rlly not good , as well as written at 6 am. Based on a maladaptive daydream I had for like a week straight. I could turn this into a real fic if anyone wants it but like ahaha I can barely write once a year 😌🤚🏻 I will probably reread it and fix it later but as of now you get what you get. I literally just typed this on my phone with no sleep so like 🤗🤪
Originally posted by datchidatchi
A little background, Y/N lives in a medium sized cottage esque house. She has a small garden in her back yard, as well as a free roam fluffy brown cow named dellie, and a big chicken coop. As well as a duck that roams the property and a couple of other animals. As well as a huge flower field a little off the premises. (All of this is infact important.)
It’s Your 23rd birthday, and for this big occasion you decided to invite over all your friends, even those who live outside of the country, to your small home in the middle of nowhere. This would be the meetup that would break the internet.
Many people were invited. The typical among us group:Jack, Felix, Rae, Sykunno, Toast, Poki, and even Corpse who was given the option even tho the likelihood was low given the situation.
A few SMP friends you had made through association were also invited: Karl, Alex, Nick etc.
Many people, lots of fun.
The morning of your birthday, You awoke to many messages and posts for your birthday. Lots of bomb selfies on the feed as well as #HAPPYBDAYY/N trending on Twitter. Along with this, you were greeted with a few texts from your non American friends stating that they arrived safely or that they were checking into the hotel rooms they had booked for the weekend.
When the time came for the party, most of the people had managed to show up. The party was in full swing, everyone had a drink in hand, posting pictures, celebrating being together as well as it being your birthday.
Filling the trending tab on Twitter with so many hashtags
Around 10 pm you got a call from corpse and decided to head upstairs to get some peace and quiet from the loud music in your living room.
Answering the phone the conversation wasn’t anything special, corpse wishing you the fourth happy birthday for that day, as well as asking how everything was going. It was a normal conversation, that was, until his breath hitched and his voice started to quiver as he grew quiet, barely mumbling. Asking what was wrong, corpse went on a small tangent about how he wished he was more confident with his looks, how he wished it wasn’t scary showing his closest friends what he looked like etc. and how he wished he could be there at the party with everyone.
“Corpse I’ve told you 100 times. I understand your situation and it’s ok that you couldn’t show up. I don’t hold it against you, but I didn’t want you to feel left out :))”
“What would you say if I said I just pulled up in an Uber and I’m absolutely terrified of what’s gonna happen?”
Sneaking out of the back door as quickly as possible and running to the front lawn preparing herself. Corpse steps out of the car and You just jump in his arms. like full on koala grip on this man.
Holding his face and just showering him with compliments. Lots of reassurance and sweet nothings.
Heading to the back porch in order to allow him to calm down and prepare. The two end up sitting outside in the dark talking for like 30 minutes.
Finally working up the courage to head inside. You hold his hand the whole time and you see his hands start to shake.
Stepping into the living room, Jack noticing corpse was there, smiling but not saying anything after realizing he’s nervous. Meeting eveyone for the first time really being hard on him. No one else knowing what he looks like so no one really has a reaction
“Look who I found”
“Oh Y/N!! We were wondering where you ran off too. Who’s your friend?”
Corpse just hits them with a “uhh, hi 🤗”
Everyone freaking out as soon as they realize who it is and trying to talk to him.
Phones were put away for most of the night in fear of leaking anything.
You going the extra step to check everyone’s camera rolls (with consent of course) just incase and deleting any photo with any form of corpes face.
A group selfie with just corpse’s hand doing a peace sign
Many drunk escapades
Everyone finding a place to crash for the night. Some staying awake on their phones, some heading to hotels, some alresdy passed out for the night.
You check in on corpse before you head to bed, knowing today was a lot for him.
“Surprisingly? One of the best nights I’ve had in awhile :))”
Heading off to bed.
6 am rolls around and ms Y/N is up at the crack of dawn to do morning chores for the small farm.
Cute hobbit esque dress. Brown skirt, off the shoulder white flowy shirt tucked in, white frilly apron, brown corset belt Etc. you know the fit
Walking down the stairs, you see corpse on his phone in the dark sitting at her dining room table. Everyone was still asleep and it seemed like corpse hadn’t even slept a wink. You know, his insomnia and all.
“What are you doing awake? It’s only 6 am and you partied pretty hard last night?”
“Farm life doesn’t stop for a hangover, but I could ask you the same thing mister :) come on you can help me out”
Corpse is 100% not dressed to do anything outside, especially not any farm work.
Tells him to wait on the back porch while she gathers some stuff from the house. coming out with a messenger bag as well as a basket and a blanket.
Sets everything down and continues to feed the animals with corpse, asking him to grab the big bucket of feed. showing him the ropes, filling up everyone’s water dishes. Collecting eggs etc.
Corpse just watching you with a smile on his face. Your just talking to all your animals, yelling at fiesty hens for pecking at your legs and/or talking to Gerald the duck for getting in the way.
Corpse lowkey obsessed with dellie the cow. Pets her and coos for like 5 minutes straight.
When they finish the sun is barely rising everything still looks like a silhouette from far enough away. putting what needs to go inside away, and then grabbing the messenger bag off the porch.
Dragging corpse to the flower field just down the hill at the edge of the property.
Laying out the blanket and sitting just talking for hours.
You plays music from your phone through a small speaker, dancing around and twirling, lost in your own world.
Corpse’s Instagram story is just full of videos and pictures of you in the sunrise, small captions like happy birthweek to the most amazing person Ik. Or damn who knew farm girl had moves.
Literally 30+ story posts at 7 am.
Corpse takes a picture of you making a flower crown. Shadows cast across your skin, the small bit of sunrise light casting a soft golden glow. The field of flowers all around. Literally goddess worthy.
Fans going crazy reposting the pictures, spamming Twitter etc.
His camera roll is FULL of pictures of her.
Giving corpse A flower crown full of an array of wild flowers
Dancing together. Just twirling and laughing.
City boy corpse loving the farm life
Secretly of course
Relaxing and just sitting with eachother as it slowly reaches 10 am.
“Uh, thanks for this morning, I had a lot of fun.” A small sleepy smile on his face. The flower crown crooked on his messy curls as he just stares into your eyes.
You both end up leaning in for a kiss bumping noses as you gently pull away
Definitely the best birthday gift you could have asked for
Heading back inside to see how everyone’s doing.
Rae being one of the few awake asking where the two of you had been seeing it was already around noon
“Those of us awake took it upon ourselves to raid your kitchen sorry not sorry”
Corpse getting sleepy wanting to take a nap seeing as it was noon and he was running on little to no sleep.
You let him rest in your bed as you occupy everyone downstairs
Everyone leaving around 3 pm, corpse is still asleep so you go outside to check on all the animals once again.
Letting Gerald in the house bc he’s being a pain in the ass.
When you come into the house you see corpse coming down the stairs rubbing his eyes and streatching. His shirt twisted and raising slightly, the jewelry and chains he was wearing now gone.
Giving him a good “morning” kiss.
The day is filled with you cooking for him. Making fun of his foil troubles, watching movies, laughing and overall joking.
Spending the rest of the night cuddling together and making the most of the time you had together.
Making things between you official
✨Extra✨
When you post about eachother to tell the fans that the two of you have been dating for like 6 months the captions are wild.
Corpse is like “ugh look at my gorgeous girlfriend, so pretty, so nice and kind, the most amazing person ever” just full on simp. The pictures he uses are from the morning after your birthday.
Your picture is just you guys holding hands. His usual chains and jewelry. Caption just “eww a city boy 🤮, gotta take all the love I can get tho”
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red-riot-rat · 4 years
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REQUEST: Hi!!!! I was wondering if I could request hcs for how dabi and hawks would celebrate their S/O’s birthday? 
HEY HEY!  Fuck i love this idea i think its so goddamn cute
Genre:fluff
𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: cursing (as always we know I have a potty mouth)
𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘴: they/them
AN:
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【Hawks】
Okay we know this bird man is RICH 
He makes that money okay
So when your birthday shows up?
From the moment you wake up,,, 
Holy shit
He’ll have breakfast in bed with you 
(Btw he took the day off )
He’ll have chocolate covered fruit and your favorite drink in stock at all times
Literally hires a butler so that when youre cuddling he doesnt have to leave
During breakfast in bed, you watch your favorite show and your legs are over his, all tangled in the blankets
You stay in bed for as long as you want, all day, for an hour, literally hawks just wants you to have a good day
If you do get out of bed, you guys walk to your favorite shopping place, whether it's thrift shops, the mall, outlet malls, etc.
You fucking name it and he’ll fucking get a limo for you guys
He would fly you guys, but he doesnt wanna scare you cuz sometimes it can get scary and he would rather jus be able to relax his big ol wings
SHOPPING TIMES HEHABJF
Will blow a load of money on anything you fucking want
A random ceramic goose thats supposed to be for cookies?
Yes
One left shoe of a worn down combat boot that doesnt fit either of you?
Throw it in the cart.
Or if you dont want clothes, you can walk around the fancy part of japan and window shop or get really fancy clothing and walk around and mock others
Because he’ll do that with ya any day
Near lunch time, you’ll go to a really cool restaurant.
It looks like a massive hotel, and you and the bird man eat on the highest floor, on a glass balcony.
Its only you and him eating there, the only others the people that are working there.
You can order anything, from a single burger to a fucking shark
But if you can’t order without a menu, you can get one from the waiters
The menu is changed to all of your favorites, via hawks requests.
He also preordered drinks, just a soda doe
Although youre at a fancy place, count on hawks to get you guys sodas there
You vibe there for a little, eating, drinking , laughing.
“Birdy, no. I don't think you can eat that. But if you want. I can eat it to see if I’ll choke or somethin’.”
After lunch, you go and walk around a park, the place where your first few dates took place. 
You reminisce on the old lovey memories, and just its fucking beautiful
There are sakura trees, flowers, ponds (ft. frogs and lilies), literally a fucking cottagecore type dream okay?
You sit there in that park, sitting on a blanket cuddling.
You stay there, and just talk and talk.
Around 5 pm, you start to wander with him. You wander around the city hand in hand, and just explore. 
If you have a quirk, he’ll try to pressure you into using it somehow
(eventually you do)
And cause chaos wich is fun
After causing chaos to innocent civilians(safely), you wander back to your house somehow
Hawks makes dinner, as you dance around the kitchen with him to music
You prance around the whole house, singing along with hawks and his terrible voice.
You eat dinner on your roof, his red wings wrapped around you.
Suddenly
Hawks realizes something
“Oh wait oh shit. Happy birthday birdy!”
BRUH THIS BITCH DIDNT EVEN TELL YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
No, but his actions speak louder than his words.
You sit together as the night grows cold.
He squeezes you tight and hums the song of happy birthday to you as you fall asleep in his arms.
Your head rests on his shoulder, hands grasping his as you sleep.
He carefully picks you up, and wanders to the bedroom and sets you down.
He places a blanket over you, covering your body and he climbs in after.
He cups your cheek and kisses your forehead.
“Happy birthday birdy. I love ya.”
~
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【Dabi】
god hes so fucking pretty fuck god i would pay him to step on me jrkkadfg
GOD THIS BURNT BITCH
He has the balls he will wake you up in the morning
Like full ass
He may be a satly, scarred bitch
But he’ll kiss your face over and over, until you wake up.
When you do wake up, he’ll whisper happy birthday to you like the cute bitch he is
“Hi, happy birthday doll.” 
I dont feel like hes not a big party person like hawks is,
Hes more of a 
I wanna do things myself for you, while teasing you all day to show you i love you to pieces
If you dont get out of bed he’ll full ass carry you to the living room of your apartment and throw you on the couch 
So then you can watch him make breakfast
Hes a proud man
He’ll sit next to you on the couch while you guys eat together
Your both just kinda vibing on the couch, legs thrown over each others
The good cush
Yes after breakfast he will make out with you kfnjajkf
N e way
He will hold a marathon, either of your favorite anime, tv show or movies
He may complain, and hes totally a fucking talker like shit like this
“Hes going to fucking die wh-WHERE IS HE FUCKING GOING?” 
Ngl you guys lose track of time and get so immersed into your shows and stuff 
You guys are so fucking hungry at the end, but neither of you want to cook
And are too hungry to eat
So you order take-out and just fucking wait
Both of you are ovedramatic for a bit and roll around on the floor groaning
Eventually Dabi just fucking scoops you up in his arms
And just starts parading around with you
Like literally you can like hit his back, and he’ll just fucking walk around with you over his shoulder like a fuCKING BAG OF FLOUR BRUH
He’ll answer the door like that, but the dude at the door is so taken back Dabi doesnt even pay and just closes the door on him
So free food
He’ll set you down on the couch again 
And then you guys will play fight, and before long 
Its just s kissing fight
This bitch is affectionate behind closed doors
You guys eat sitting on the floor, wrapped in a blanket continuing your journey into your shows
Eventually he’ll fall asleep, his head in your lap and you’ll follow soon after.
“Goodnight Dabi, thank you baby.”
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likeadevils · 3 years
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hey! for your post about sun moon and rising but with taylor albums, can you list out the characteristics of each album? i'm having a hard time associating them and it'd make it a lot easier, if you could do that :)
oh totally! Its really all about your personal association, so i’ll give vibes for the era and the album. a good rule of thumb is to read the prologue if you want the tone for the era quickly. honestly, there’s no set system, go wild
taylor swift (2006) “debut”
era: blue and teal and brown. cowboy boots and sundresses, wild curly hair, trucks and mud and wildflowers. very 2006, very high school, very country
album: swings between pining from a distance and wanting to destroy a boys whole ass life and feeling like you have no friends and no one understands you in the whole world. like I said, very high school, but also full of whole ass bangers
fearless (2008)
era: yellow and white. 24/7 prom. she’s got the fairy tale aesthetics set in high school, she’s got calling your ex boyfriend out on national television, she's got so many headbands. god to be 8 years old when the joe jonas/taylor swift drama was going down
album: again, fairy tale set in high school. lots of crushes, lots of realizing men aren’t shit. it’s about the pull between childhood ideals and real life tearing them down, and deciding how much you should cling to your dreams and how much you have to let them go. it’s also a pull between knowing that these little moments are kinda ridiculous but also taking everything so goddamn seriously
speak now (2010)
era: purple purple purple. she’s starting to grow up! her look has evolved out of sundresses and prom dresses and into a more preppy style. she’s moved out of fantasy and into this like. circus aesthetic? 30s movie type thing? watch the mean music video, idk how to explain it. her hair is still curly and but under control, and she’s solidly Famous at this point. the idea that she can’t sing is Big, and the man-eater stereotype is starting to get popular 
album: she’s starting to grow out of country. she’s experimenting with rock, but her pop sound is starting to take off. it’s all about Dramatics: she’s experienced her first heartbreak, broke someone else’s heart, and was in an emotionally abusive relationship all within two years. she’s moved out of her parents house and is both infantilized and forced to grow up to fast by the media.
red (2012)
era: its 2012 hipster style. her hair is Straight and she’s wearing vintage dresses everywhere, and she’s posting sketches of red lips and quotes from fitzgerald about heartbreak and finding yourself on instagram. she is dating and breaking up with harry styles Very Publically, and its the last major relationship she’ll have for two more years. the idea that she dates to much is everywhere, and she’s being slut shamed to an insane degree, while also being dismissed as a goody-two-shoes
album: it’s designed so each song has the opposite emotions of the song before it. it’s dramatic and it’s heart wrenching and it portrays these relationships that were toxic and messy and captivating. has the last vestiges of country, some more rock, and the first pure Pop songs, all nestled against each other to give you the epic highs and lows of being 22
1989 (2014)
era: its the height of her stardom, and she’s more beloved then she’s ever been and (probably) will ever be again. she’s cut her hair and moved to New York, she’s wearing high waisted stuff and taking polaroids, and she’s been single for two years and it’s has given her the freedom to find a “tight” group of friends and herself. shes talking about third wave feminism all the time, she’s papped every day, and she started dating c*lvin h*rris; they date for a year, he was the first boyfriend to be posted on social media, and the one she was with the longest (until her current bf). publically, she’s the happiest and most successful she’s ever been. personally, it’s more complicated, especially by the last few months. “she lost him, but she found herself and somehow that was everything” and “from the girl who said she would never cut her hair or move to new york or find happiness in a world where she wasn't in love”
album: single handedly brings 80s pop into the mainstream. (like seriously, her only contemporary influence is lana del rey, and even that is only on a few tracks. listening to this when it came out was a religious experience). it sounds basic now but only because she influenced all of the pop music that came after her. its also her first sonically cohesive album since fearless. subject matter wise, its very 80s movie. it’s the first album without a break up song that ruins a man's whole career— no cold as you, dear john, or all too well type. the relationship is on and off again, but more muted and mature then the tumultuous ones portrayed on red. its very star crossed; two people who just can’t find the right time. she’s also writing about how fame has affected her— blank space, shake it off, and i know places all directly reference it, but the idea that the whole world is watching is woven all throughout the album
bleachella (2016) 
this isn't an album but its definitely an era
taylor has become so oversaturated that people are starting to turn on her, and her mental health is suffering. her relationship with c*lvin h*rris is falling apart, she's changing her hair every couple of moths (most notably she bleaches it, and goes to coachella. so like bleachella), and then all of a sudden The Phone Call happens. kim and kanye release edited footage of a phone call that makes it seem like taylor swift is a liar who intentionally plays the victim to stay in the public’s good graces, and the world pounces on it. between that and the idea that her friend group is super cliche-y and exclusionary, her reputation is ruined and she goes in hiding for months. before going into hiding though, she breaks it off with c*lvin (he throws a FIT on twitter) and starts a whirlwind romance with tom hiddleston that includes them flying all over the world on vacations and meeting each others parents super quickly. this all happens in one summer.
reputation (2017)
era: black and white and gold. very edgy, very rich, lots of snakes and casual wealth. there’s the aesthetic of her being very hurt and defensive and lashing out, but the reality of her being the happiest she’s ever been. she’s still famous, but she’s learned how to have a private life and healthy relationships. the tough times have shown her who and what’s important to her
album: pretty much that. the first half is brash and bombastic and playing off what people expect her to be like, how they expect her to fall in and out of love quickly and manipulate those around her to see her as a good person (while exploring sounds that no one expected her to explore) and the second half slows it down and shows her falling in love more explicitly and sweetly and under cover. “in the death of her reputation she felt truly alive” and “finding love through all the noise”
lover (2019)
era: bright pink and pastels and bright colors and happiness and butterflies!! she’s in love and beloved by the general public again, but all of her past albums have been stolen from her by a man she thought she could trust. sadly cut off short by covid. “step into the daylight and let it go”
album: her messiest album (sonically) since red. a popular saying when it first came out was that it had the writing of speak now but the sound of 1989, which is... understandable? its the kind of thing you have to form your own opinion on. it’s on the surface all bubblegum pop and being in love, but it has some of the absolute saddest songs of her entire discography. a 18 song long rollercoaster
folklore and evermore
preface: these are definitely two separate albums and there’s a definitely a difference but this girl has so many albums and it’s taken me an hour to answer this ask and it’s 1am right now so i’m gonna smush them together. go listen to them, and we’re in the era right now
eras: it been covid so all we’ve got are a couple performances and the album visuals. cottagecore, a return to the small town setting of her first two albums, very understated and timeless. one noteworthy element is that both albums were surprise releases (especially after lover had almost a year of build up that kinda worked against it). she’s reached a level of artistic respect that she’s never had
albums: folklore is a level of sonic and thematic cohesion comparable to 1989, as well as having a similar feeling of like. oh god we’ve been waiting for you to make an album like this for years and you’ve still exceeded every exception and made it surprising. evermore is mostly a continuation of its sound, though it’s a bit more experimental. both albums are incredibly mature, and move into non-autobiographical storytelling for most of the songs. it’s easy to build your own world based on one or both of the albums. their main themes are also mostly divorced from relationships, and more tied to personal identity and mental state (though there is quite a bit about divorce and heartbreak in both)
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sinnamonn · 3 years
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Welcome to Hell Ch2. “Meet Mammon”
Gia meets their new guard demon, “Mammon”. It does not go well. Also because this is my fic and I can do whatever I want Obey me is now in the same universe as It’s Always Sunny.
Word count: 1.7 K
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The demon pointed an accusatory finger at the redhead.
Gia resisted the urge to bite it right off.
“Listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once!” He barked, “If you value your life then you’ll hand over all your money now! And anything else of value!”
Was this guy for real!? This bitchass was trying to rob them!? Oh hell no, Gia was not going to get robbed by some twink that still used fucking axe body spray!!
“Otherwise I’ll wipe that—“
“Fuck that and fuck you!” Gia yelled, cutting the demon off mid-threat, “Listen here, asshole, I’m not getting robbed by some twink!”
“Who’re you callin’ a twink!?”
“You, dumbass!”
“You don’t know what you’re dealin’ with, little bitch.” He spat, snarling down at them. Gia only bit back,
“I’m dealin’ with a punkass that’s about to get their shit rocked!”
“Mammon! Shut up or I’ll punch you!” Lucifer snapped, “And Gia, language!”
And then Lucifer just punched Mammon, causing him to stumble back a bit while gripping his head.
“GAH, OW! Hey, what’s the big idea!?” Mammon whined, “I thought you were actually gonna give me a chance to shut up before punching me!”
Satan gestured to his older brother, “Gia, meet Mammon, Avatar of Greed. He oversees all forms of it,” he explained, “whenever he takes a liking to someone they suddenly find themselves awash in money.”
“And he’s a masochist, that part’s important~!” Asmo added, “So I can’t wait to see you put him in his place some more!”
Ok. Ew. Gia didn’t need to know that.
“I didn’t need to know that.” Gia replied flatly.
“And it just so happens I have a job for my masochist of a brother.”Lucifer stated, only to be cut off again by Mammon.
“Quit tellin’ lies! I ain’t asked for that punch and I ain’t a masochist!”
“Mammon, you are going to be charged with seeing to this human’s needs during the exchange.” Lucifer ordered, “I expect your full cooperation.”
“WHAT!?” Both Gia and Mammon yelled at the elder demon.
“Wha!? Why me!?” Mammon exclaimed.
“Yeah, why him!? He literally just tried to rob me!” Gia argued.
“As, lucky you, Mammon! I’m so jealous.” Asmo pouted.
“Then you take them!”
Wait no, Gia got the feeling staying with Asmo might just be worse than Mammon.
“Huh? Hell no. Watching them match your energy is too funny.” He replied quickly.
“You just said you were jealous!” Mammon all but screeched.
“Just give up Mammon. There’s no getting out of this.” Satan looked at though he was holding back laughter, “You know you can’t deny a direct order from Lucifer.”
“But why me!? Why can’t Beel do it?” He whined
“If we hand Gia over to Beel we might as well just tell him to eat them.” Asmo said, now scrolling through his DDD.
“Yeah, I can’t promise I wouldn’t.” Beel agreed.
“...Mammon?” Lucifer asked lowley , his tone was dangerous.
“W-What?”
“Surely you’re not going to tell me you object to this arrangement, are you?”
For the first time, during his introduction, Mammon was quiet. He only held a sour look on his face before loudly groaning, “Ugh, I hate you guys! Fine, I’ll do it, ok!?” His attention turned back to Gia, “As much as I don’t wanna look after you, I’ve got no choice. It’s a huge pain in the ass and I’m too important for this kind of thing.”
Sure buddy, keep telling yourself that.
“But Lucifer told me to do it, so I will. But in return you better not cause me any trouble, got it?!”
Gia took back what she first thought of Mammon. He was worse than the high school boys that got stupidly mad when you didn’t stand for the pledge.
“If you can stay off my dick,” Gia sneered, “we might have a deal.”
“Fine by me, human. Just don’t forget whose boss around here.” Mammon shot back.
“Now that that’s settled,” Lucifer cut in before Gia could say anything else, “Mammon, show them to the house and try not to kill each other.”
‘No promises.’ Gia thought, reluctantly following Mammon out of the hell.
———
That lack of depth perception was really biting Gia in the ass. They felt more like a bird trying to escape a hall of mirrors, bumping into and bouncing off of walls. It also didn’t help that Mammon was practically speedwalking away from them.
“Oi! Human! Would ya pick up the pace, we don’t got all night!” He shouted over his shoulder.
“Oh sorry! Lemme just pop my eye back in and magically gain perfect vision!” They sarcastically called back, “OH WAIT! I can’t!”
Mammon stopped mid-step before turning on his heel and striding over to Gia.
“Wait...you’re missing an eye?” He questioned.
Oh great, was he gonna do that mock-sympathy schick they got more than enough back in their world?
“Damn, Lucifer couldn’t even get a human with all their parts!” He cackled, clenching his gut, as if this were the funniest thing in the world, “He had to grab some broken fucking human! That’s hilarious! ”
Broken....
Did he really just call them BROKEN?
Gia saw red, their lip pulled back into a venomous snarl. How fucking dare he! They were a lot of things but broken was not one of them.
“Oh, I’ll show you broken!”
The redhead kicked the demon’s kneecaps with all this might.
“OW! YOU BITCH!”
Satan and Asmodeus watched as the two left for the House of Lamentation, absolutely transfixed on the two’s interaction. It was like one of Asmodeus’ trashy reality tv shows came to life, neither of them could look away.
“Uh, Lucifer, they’re already fighting.” Satan said, earning a groan from the eldest. Lucifer could feel a migraine coming on, a bad one.
“Oh my god the human just kicked Mammon’s kneecaps!” Asmo laughed, he was recording the entire interaction, “Oh he’s mad!”
“Shit, do I need to intervene?” He asked with only mild concern.
“Hmm, maybe..” Satan watched as Mammon grabbed for Gia, “wait, no he’s just carrying them back to the house.”
————
“PUT ME DOWN!” Gia beat on the demons back, “This is demeaning!”
“Just be happy that the Great Mammon was kind enough to help you!” Mammon shot back, “If you think this is demeaning then imagine how I feel! Why should I have to look after some human !?”
“ Um,bitch, I got isekaied to hell without my consent and now I’m stuck with a bunch of rich boys who reek of ‘I peaked in high school’!”
Mammon gasped, “I did not peak! The Great Mammon only goes up!I’m practically a golden god!”
Why did they feel like they heard that somewhere before? Maybe...back home? Oh shit yeah, Mammon talked exactly like this one guy who owned a bar they’d always go to when they were bored. Wasn’t his name Denny or something?
“And just so we’re clear,” Mammon continued, “it’s not like I can’t say no to Lucifer, okay!?”
Gia didn’t ask.
“I only agreed to babysit you because, um...Well you know, because…...uh…”
“It’s ok, take your time.” Gia said
“Grr! It doesn’t matter! Just don’t go thinking I’m scared of Lucifer or anything! Because I’m not!” He snapped.
“Uh-huh, sure.”
Mammon finally put them down when the two got to the house.
Gia whistled, taking in just how...elegant? No, elegant wasn’t the word they were looking for? A better way to describe the house would probably be maximalist. When they entered they were met with a double stairway accented by two gigantic gargoyle statues. Purple wallpaper clung to the walls littered with paintings of people, Allistar Crowley being the only one Gia recognized.
“This is the House of Lamentation. It’s one of the dorms here at RAD.” Mammon explained, stepping forward, “Well, it's not just one of the dorms. It’s the dorm reserved for student council members….and you I guess.” Mammon prattled on, mostly about himself, “Lucifer, Asmo, and the others take every chance they can get to insult me. Callin’ me scum, sayin’ I’m a money- grabber and stuff…..”
Gia was really only half paying attention, they opted rather to try and figure out who the other people in the photos were. Cultists, perhaps?
“...In other words, I’m a big shot. A real big shot. Like, even other big shots are impressed by—hey are you even listening!?”
“Hm? Sorry, what? I got distracted by the pictures.” Gia gestured loosely to the walls.
Mammon growled, “I was just saying, don’t you go thinkingI’m just some ordinary demon. I’m nothing like those other peons walking the halls here.”
“Ok, cool. Figured as much.” Gia shrugged
“So I suggest-wait what?”
“I figured all of you were pretty powerful, why else would Diavolo leave me with all of you? Demons eat humans, so you put the human with your most powerful and loyal demons as protectors.” Gia elaborated, “So that implies that you’re the most trustworthy and capable of this task, right? Even if you did..try to rob me. But why else would Lucifer and the rest of your brothers leave me in your care?”
Mammon stared wide-eyed down at Gia, they could practically see the gears turning in his head—wait did his cheeks get darker?
He turned around before Gia could really tell, “Well-I’m—I mean!—Duh, of course the Great Mammon is capable!!” He sputtered, “B-But don’t think flattery is getting you anywhere! You’re still just some stupid human!”
“I wasn’t trying to, it’s just logic.”
“SHUT UP. Just-! Let’s just go to your room, OK!?”
Instead of lugging Gia over his shoulder, Mammon instead grabbed their wrist and began dragging them up the stairs, avoiding looking at them.
“Ow! Fine! Lay off the dragging, though!”
Gia’s room was cottagecore as fuck. That was the only way they could best describe it. The room looked like it had been taken out of a fairytale book, it wasn’t exactly Gia’s style but they could appreciate the aesthetic. Objectively, the room was very pretty. That idea was hammered in the more Gia explored it.
It was bigger than the apartment they shared with their mom. In truth, it was more like a closet that somehow fit a bed and dresser.
“Holy shit this bed is soft.” Gia commented once they flopped onto the comforter, “And these pillows! They’re not flat! I forgot they could be fluffy.”
“Oi, human, I got some advice for you,” Mammon leaned over the bed, “ If you wanna survive even a day here in the Devildom, you’d better listen real close to what I’m about to say.”
“Aight.” Gia turned their attention back to the demon.
“If it ever looks like a demon is about to attack you..run. Either that, or die.” Mammon said grimly.
“That’s...Honestly not the worst advice I’ve ever gotten.” They replied.
“How about I vote you to die, Mammon!”
Gia jumped at the new voice, shooting up out of the bed and looking towards the door frame. There stood a pissed off looking guy with purple hair, glaring daggers at Mammon
“AH..! Levi…!” Mammon exclaimed.
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