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poohbea · 2 years

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𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐭𝐨𝐨.

eren yeager | angst (because i want to see y’all suffer), fluff | aristocrat!au

PART ONE

wordcount: 5k

content: dramatic argument, depression (not in a clinical sense), miscommunication, momma comes to comfort you, very light suggestion of alcohol abuse, fluff all round

— synopsis: tired of eren's sour attitude you're finally about to get to the bottom of it

note from pooh: you see what i did with the title there? huh? did ya? hehehehe im so funny. but on a serious note, thank you all so much for all the love and praise SYLM 1 received, at the time of releasing this it’s almost hit 2k notes 🤯 unbelievable. so sorry i kept you all waiting for so long, life had other plans. additionally thank you to all those who responded to my poll and helped me create something that y'all would enjoy.

Hope you enjoy ♡ reblogs are greatly appreciated

The sound of water beating against itself came to a steady halt as Eren turned the faucet closed. Steam clouded the pristine white and cream tiled room, painting an almost heavenly scene under the warm light of the small crystal fixture.

You watched him through the mirror, his naked form glowing with a layer of perspiration that accumulated the longer he remained in the heated room. Your own reflection wasn’t much better, matted hair that refused to stay tame and purple marks that littered your skin in a random fashion. Faint traces of his hand prints still kissed your skin a rosy hue, others with speckles of violet.

He dips two fingers into the steaming bath, filled all the way with bubbles and essential oils just how you liked it. The aroma of lavender folding in the air with the steam as it rose. One that seemed to you before even stepping foot into the water.

With a satisfied hum he shakes the excess foam from his hands and looks to you in the mirror, still running a hand over the marks he’d left as a reminder. The ones he would continue to leave for as long as you let him. “C’mere.” He beckons you with an outstretched hand.

You approach him silently, one arm wrapped around yourself while the other accepts his touch. He pulls you into him, eyes soft but face unreadable as his arms slip around your waist, fingers splaying out on your lower back. “Warm enough for you?” He questions, mentioning the bath but his gaze still locked with yours.

You lean over slightly to feel for yourself, smiling at the heated water touching your fingertips. “Perfect.” His lips touch yours in a chaste and prolonged kiss that had his arms tightening around you, enough to force you onto your tiptoes.

“Go on then.” With your hand in his he guides you into the club footed tub, letting you sink into the frothy bubbles that blanketed the surface.

You miss the glint in his eyes as a soft moan escapes your lips, eyes closing with the onset of relaxation that overwhelmed your tired muscles and sticky skin. If not for his lingering touch you’d probably have fallen into it completely, submerging yourself whole. “Mm, how is it that you always know how to run my baths?”

He crouches and pecks a tender kiss on your knuckles. “Practice makes perfect.”

“In our situation I’m not sure that’s a good thing, ‘Ren.” You chuckle, leaning against the back of the bath, suds sticking you your hair.

He doesn’t respond, instead giving you that sad look he’s been harbouring the entire night. It was still beyond you what the real issue was. Why his actions and expression were so contradictory it made your head spin. In all honesty it was growing tiresome, this roller coaster he involuntarily put you on.

After a long and muted staring contest he finally speaks. “I’ll leave you too it then.” As he moves to stand and make his exit your hand tightens around his desperately.

“Wait, ‘Ren… stay.” You plead softly, anxiety panging in your chest as his back still faced you. What made you think he was going to accept? You weren’t a couple. He didn’t owe you his company.

“Why?” He responds plainly, looking at you over his shoulder.

You didn’t really have a good answer. Maybe it was a heat of the moment thing. But something inside you wanted him there. Needed him to stay with you. The thought of being left alone with your own subconscious after everything that just happened terrified you. Recalling the history of depressive episodes that had you overthinking time and time again in his absence. But you couldn’t tell him any of that.

“It’s late.” You produce the first thing that comes to mind. “And I’m sure this tub is big enough for two.” It was a lame excuse, you were very much aware of that fact, but you still had hope it was enough to convince him.

He puffs out a chuckle, turning to face you fully. “What are you trying to do, princess?”

“Just… stay. Please.” You whine, pouting your bottom lip playfully and batting your lashes.

When you watch his eyes roll and a faint smile upturn his lips you knew you’d won this battle. His foot breaches the bubbly veil as he sinks into the water slowly, making it rise before letting his long legs rest on either side of your hips. The tips of his hair dance in the cleared patches of placid water, floating gracefully on the surface as his eyes lock with yours. Brow raised in question.

“Happy now?” He rests his arms on the edges of the marble tub, leaning back into it with a sigh.

“Almost. Just…”

“Y/n…” The nervous tone in his voice was evident as you climbed into his lap, resting yourself against his chest. He eventually laid an arm over your lower back, giving up on trying to push you away anymore.

You remained like that for a long time, soaking up the aromatics and warmth of the steam emanating from your skin. Hair hanging over your respective shoulders, bodies sunk deep into the water, soaking away the trials and tribulations from the past few hours. It was proof you could be cordial with one another, relaxing quietly like this. As a glimmer of hope made itself visible, your thoughts began to spiral out of control, plaguing the peaceful atmosphere with doubt.

The events of the night replayed in your mind, overthinking the actions you witnessed. There was a pull inside you, inside your heart, one that demanded answers to the questions that refused to dissipate.

You watch him through your lashes as your head rested on your arms on the side of the tub. He sat there unmoving, bar the steady rise and fall of his chest. His face was relaxed, eyes closed and mouth slightly agape, cheeks flushed with the warmth enveloping his body.

As if sensing your stare, his brows furrow. “If you have something to say to me, spit it out.” He says nonchalantly, peeking down at you through a squinted eye.

It was now or never. “Why… do you hate me?” The question lingered in the air, his eyes opening fully to look at you with an expression that held offence.

“What?”

“You heard me, Eren.” Your gaze doesn’t waver as you answer but your rapidly beating heart was a dead give away.

“I don’t hat-“

“I thought you said you didn’t like lies, ‘Ren. Yet here you are spewing one.” His mouth sets in a hard line when you cut him off, jaw clenching tight when you proceed further to call him out.

“It’s not a lie.” He answers honestly with a dry laugh. “I don’t completely hate you.” The joke didn’t make you laugh.

“Oh, so you do hate me a little bit then.” You answered sarcastically, your tone drawing an eye roll from the man.

“It’s not as simple as that, y/n.” His wet fingers comb through the chestnut strands that fell around his face.

It was your turn to frown. “So then explain it to me, Eren. Because I’m tired of this,” you gesture between you both. “This back and forth, hot and cold bullshit. What is happening here? You act like you hate me in front of others, like being in my presence pains you. But in private you do things like this.”

He scoffs softly, head shaking in disbelief. “The pot calling the kettle black? What about you, huh?”

“What about me?“

“Don’t act like you don’t do that exact same thing to me. And also weren’t you the very same one who initiated this relationship?”

“If I recall correctly it was a mutual agreement, don’t you blame this all on me! It takes two to tango, Eren. You also kept coming back after the first time.”

“Mm and look where that’s gotten me?” You eyed him with confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

His lips pursed. “No. We’re not doing this.” He breaks your heated staring match by shifting his attention to the bathroom tile. That only pissed you off more.

“Why?! Why whenever I try to get you to communicate with me you just shut me out?!”

“Y/n… don’t.” As his eyes darkened you could see the anger threatening to burst from within. You didn’t care.

“No! I want an answer. Why do you hate me?”

His eyes close as he lets out an exasperated nasally sigh, trying to remain calm in the midst of your heated conversation. “I don’t. How many times do I have-“

“So then what is it, Eren?! What makes you go around spreading bullshit about me? Meddling with my suitors, ruining my chances for a relationship with them and god forbid my business relationships.” You watch his jaw clench tighter and tighter with each passing word, his expression brewing wrath. “What is your problem with me?!”

“It’s because I’m in love with you, y/n!” There it was, that explosion, the one that he’d been shielding you from since he first became aware of it all. He watched your expression change, anger melting into shock, then into confusion.

You move off of him, putting a breathable distance between you both. “You… you what?” So many feelings rushed over you it was beginning to make you dizzy. Love? How? Why? When could this have happened? You wracked your brain for any sort of answer. Any form of reason to all this.

He shys away from your scrutinising gaze, embarrassment and trepidation settling in the pit of his stomach. “…I love you.”

A small chuckle escapes you in disbelief. “W-why? You… I don’t understand. Are you joking with me again…?” As his gaze locks with yours your heart sinks at the tears pooling in those forest green eyes of his.

Before you could get another word out he’s stepping out of the bathtub, water trailing down his skin onto the pearl ceramic under his feet as he strides to wrap a towel around his waist.

“Eren!” You call after him, fumbling with your own towel that you haphazardly covered yourself in.

He was already in the bedroom, buckling the belt of his slacks he’d previously abandoned. “Eren stop! Hold on!” You begged finding purchase on his forearm that tensed under your touch.

His eyes search the floor before he picks up his shirt, freeing himself from your grasp as he moves to put it on. “Eren!” You plead, on the verge of tears. “Please wait, talk to me.”

He continues to dress himself, avoiding your gaze entirely. Tears fell feely down your cheeks, dripping down your jaw sporadically onto the surface of your chest.

As he makes his way to your door you rush to find a nightgown, tying it around yourself before making chase. He’s halfway down the hallway when you reach him, clutching to his arm for dear life.

“‘Ren!” He stops at the sound of his nickname leaving your lips. By this point you were a sobbing mess, breath tightening your throat with each intake, tears staining your skin. “‘’Ren please. Please don’t leave me like this.” He mimics the same stance as in the bathroom, turned away from you, refusing to meet your teary eyes. “You can’t do this to me! You can’t just say you love me and leave! It’s-it’s cruelty!”

“Cruel?” He ponders, voice hoarse. There was a long pause between his words, like he was contemplating what to say next. “You don’t feel the same way… do you?”

The question had you at a loss for words. You didn’t even know yourself. All of this was so sudden, you barely had time to actually think, to process his confession. Fuck, what we’re you supposed to say? If you said yes would it be the entire truth? If you said no it’d be a complete lie.

“I don’t know ’Ren. Fuck I don’t know! This is so sudden, I don’t know what to think.” He peers at you through his lashes over his shoulder and you finally see the streaks of tears glittering in the low light.

“You can’t be that dense y/n.” He spits. “That for so long, you never once realised any of it. You wanna know why I made those fucked up rumours? Because I see the way they look at you. Every man that comes through this house, every fucking suitor that comes to court you. None of them, not one is going to love you like I do.”

“‘Ren.”

“I’ve known you for practically all your life, I know you. From how you like your liquor to how you like your baths. Fuck, I know you better than you know yourself, princess.” The laugh he lets out is pained, struggling through hitched breaths and watery eyes. “And I hid all of that. Behind this facade of bitterness and petty insults. I hid it from you because I knew…”

“No, no, Eren please. I-I didn’t know.” He watches you fall to your knees, hands clutching his shirt he didn’t even bother to button up all the way.

You tear soaked skin, flushed pink. Lips a deep dusted shade of rose, eyes pleading, hair partially wet from the bath you’d left to chase him. The subtle scent of lavender lingered on your both, filtering through the corridor.

His heart was breaking, piece by piece the longer he stood in your presence. He didn’t know what came over him sharing that bathtub with you. All the accusations you’d thrown just pushed him further and further to the edge. His emotions got the better of him; they somehow ended up verbalised. Screaming at you, just so you would finally wake up and maybe he would too.

After suppressing them for so long, bottling them inside over and over again, the cap finally burst. And he couldn’t stop the truth from spilling out. He felt like an idiot. Seeing your reaction, your laughter and denial. It was like a punch to the gut. How could he have read you so wrong? Thought that you’d reciprocate his feelings after all the bullshit he put you through?

He only had himself to blame.

“I can’t do this with you anymore.” He pulls his arm from your grip, taking one last look at you before starting again down the hallway.

Your chest was so tight it was hard to breathe. Every inhale set your lungs aflame, pain searing into your chest repeatedly. It was never ending. You watched through blurry vision as his dark figure disappeared from sight, leaving you on the carpeted floor, sobbing and alone.

“Y/n!” Your mother calls for the second time behind your bedroom door, a light knock echoing from the thick wood.

You laid beneath the covers, gazing into the darkness you’d enveloped yourself in for who knows how long. Hiding yourself away seemed like the most logical option, you didn’t need to give anyone more fuel to feed the raging fire that was your emotional state. The dread and guilt weighing on your chest just refused to go away, even after all the tears and self isolation. The image of Eren’s face haunted you, his words even more so.

The creak of hinges sounds and her soft footsteps follow before there’s a weight near your foot. “Baby.” She calls softly, placing a hand on your covered shoulder. You continue to stare into the abyss, eyes closed, trying your damnedest not to let your feelings surface. “Y/n, speak to me sweetheart, what happened? You’ve been up here for four days.”

“He loves me, momma.” You groan, the emotional dam beginning to crack at just the mention of the topic.

She pulls the duvet back to uncover your head, a soft smile on her lips as she takes in your puffy eyes and dishevelled hair. “Who, baby?” The look in her eyes told you she already knew who the person in question was, but you weren’t going to argue with her.

“Eren.” You peaked at her through your hair, frowning at the smile she was trying to stifle with the back of her hand. “It’s not funny!” She snorts slightly at your outburst, not bothering to hide it anymore.

“It’s a little funny.” A quiet gasp leaves her when you pull the blanket back over your head, fed up. “Oh, come on y/n.” Her hands tug at the sheets and so do yours, but her’s proved to be stronger. She tucks herself into your side, laying an arm over your waist which causes you to snuggle into her instinctively. With a forgiving sigh she places a kiss to your temple that was buried in her chest, fingers playing with your hair absentmindedly. “Tell me what happened.”

“S’nothing, Ma.” You lie, another crack forming in your calm facade.

“I saw the poor boy running out the door half in tears. And here you are hiding away from the world for the last four days. I’m pretty sure it’s not nothing, y/n?” Her gaze weighs on you like a tonne of bricks, scrutinising but valid.

Her words resonate within your mind, imagining a distressed Eren pushing through a crowd of people, eyes curiously watching the eligible bachelor hold back tears as he excused himself for the night.

Boy did that scene sound familiar.

“He told me he loved me…” The admission was met with silence, one that told you to continue. “And I… I thought he was messing around, like he usually does. Trying to get a reaction out of me. You know Eren, he never takes anything seriously. But you should’ve seen his face, mom… I broke his heart.”

Your mother hums in thought, nails tracing lazy tracks into your scalp gently. “And how do you feel?”

“I don’t know how to feel about it. I never really thought it’d actually happen given everything he’s been doing. Pushing me away, the rumours, the teasing.”

“Mm and the whole friends with benefits thing.” She adds casually, finally making you come out of hiding.

“Wait, you knew?”

“I’m your mother, y/n, of course I knew. You think I wouldn’t notice you two disappearing in the middle of the night, over and over again? I wasn’t born yesterday.” Her thumb traces your cheekbone as she spoke, still tender and understanding.

“Mmm,” She laughs as your face dives back into her chest bashfully, groaning loudly as you did so. “Don’t even get me started about that.”

“Well, what did you think was going to happen, baby?”

The sigh you exhale makes your face heat up. “I don’t know, Ma. I thought that with the mutual disdain it could work. That that’d be enough to hold off the emotions that came with it.”

“And what emotions are those?” She shifts your face so you meet her gaze.

You stared at her for a long time, searching yourself for the answer to the question that’s been eating you up for so long. Truth be told you did feel something for Eren. At one point it was so strong it scared you enough to hide it away, afraid that he might not feel the same. That fear was only solidified by the growing dislike you’d developed overtime as he proved you right, but unbeknownst to you he was doing the same thing.

Bottling up everything and projecting it in the form of ridicule and pettiness. But physically he showed you his intentions, behind closed doors and between silken bedsheets. That was the real Eren, always taking care of you, making sure you were warm and cleaned up. Running you a bath almost every night when you were together. The kisses, the smiles, the sadness that lingered in those emerald irises. He was silently telling you how he really felt.

But was what you were feeling really love? The safety you experienced laying in his arms for the first time. Listening to the lullaby of his heart as you drifted off into sleep at the end of every weary and sex-filled night. He was familiar, comfortable, and addictive. No one could rile you up like he did. Make you so utterly frustrated like he did. Knew you inside and out like he did. You didn’t know what pissed you off more, realising that he was right or the fact that you’d been blind for so long.

“Let me ask you something, y/n.” Your mothers voice interrupts your thoughts. “Do you think you’re ready to admit what you feel? To take that next step with him?”

“I don’t know.” You answered honestly. “Not right now, anyway.”

“And that’s okay, baby. You don’t always have to reciprocate someone else’s feelings right away.” Her compassionate nature emanated from her in a glow that made you warm inside. Easing your nerves just that little bit more.

“But I do have feelings for him, mom. All of this is just happening too fast.”

“Well did you tell him that?” She questions with a raised brow.

You shake your head, embarrassment settling in your chest. “I didn’t get a chance to. After I asked him if it was a joke he stormed out on me.”

Her sigh wafts the strands of hair laid on your forehead. “You kids and your inability to communicate…” You couldn’t help but laugh, remembering all the lectures she and your father would give you about communication growing up. “You know you’re going to have to talk to him sooner or later.”

“I know..I’m just scared.”

She pulls you closer, letting her warmth envelop you. “We’re heading over there tonight for dinner, maybe you can have the conversation then.”

The silent agreement was made as soon as you stepped foot over the threshold of the Yeager residence not only a few hours later. Greeted warmly by Carla and Grisha before being ushered inside their home.

The scent of disinfectant and citrus floated through the grandiose hallways and sitting rooms, an aroma you’ve long since associated with the Yeager household considering their medicinal ties. The place was spotless as per usual, but homely nonetheless in it’s neutral shades of cream and white.

They guide you into one of their many sitting rooms, a teapot already brewing on the marble coffee table. “So how have you all been, we missed you at the ball, y/n.” Grisha asks, taking his place beside his wife on the loveseat across from your own.

Your parents glanced at you knowingly on either side, the attention making you gulp. “Oh, I had to retire a bit early, too much champagne I’m afraid.” You chuckled coyly, fiddling with your fingers as you spoke.

They both laugh, Carla reaching for the teapot to offer you some tea. “Mm, we know how much you enjoy your liquor, sweetheart.” She frowns, looking to the staircase in thought. “Speaking of… Eren’s been drinking a lot more lately. Would you have any idea why? He hasn’t been talking to us much lately.”

You mother sips her tea with a curious side eye, your father entering a separate corporate conversation with Grisha. Swallowing your own tea you place the cup back onto the saucer on the table with a shaky hand. “No, I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t aware he’d even been drinking as of late.”

Carla lets out a heavy sigh, fingers playing with her hair. “Would you be able to speak with him? Grisha and I have tried everything, but he’s shut us out. You’re his closest friend, maybe he’ll listen to you.”

The awkward smile that graced your lips went over her head as she gave you a hopeful look. You just couldn’t say no to her, she was like your second mother after all. “Sure. Where is he?”

“Oh, thank you sweetheart.” Her whole demeanour changes with your answer, becoming brighter, more cheery. “I’m sure he’s up in his room at this time, he came home just before you got here.”

Finishing the rest of your tea you excuse yourself and make your way to the staircase, stopping as you hear the hearty chuckle of the couples in the room adjacent. Upstairs was dim, save for the lights littered irregularly through the long corridor, those being your only savour when you threatened to bump into a table or one of Grisha’s many display cases full of trophies and certificates.

Running around this place for most of your life, you knew exactly where to go, soon finding Eren’s bedroom door looming over you in an intimidatingly protective nature, sealing the man inside. You let your knuckles tap against the wood softly, ear raised to hear no reply. Hearing the same upon doing it again.

“Eren.” You call, hand on the door knob. “I’m coming in.” As you crack the door open you notice the room empty. The only indication of life being the tossed about bedsheet and the light that shone beneath the door frame of his bathroom door. Shadow danced in the space at foot of the door, soon opening to reveal his half naked frame.

He dries his hair with a smaller towel roughly as he strides out, stopping as his gaze settles on you in the doorway. “Well, look who it is.” He smiles mockingly before continuing into the room. “Come to fuck up my mood even more have you?”

You watch as he tossed the hand towel and flops onto the ruffled sheets, damp hair scattering around his head like a broken halo. “Your mom wanted me to come talk to you.”

“My mother?” He chimes with a sarcastic undertone. “And here I was hoping you’d come of your own free will.” His gaze fixed to the ceiling as he spoke, towel dangerously low around his waist. You were fully aware he was drunk, it was evident in the way his words half blurred into each other as he mumbled them out.

“Eren-”

“Don’t fucking say my name.” He snaps. “Hearing it come from you… it just makes it worse.”

“Can we talk, please?” For the first time since he left you he meets your gaze, a bored expression painted on his features as he gives you a once over.

“What is there to talk about, y/n?”

You shut the door behind you, starting on your approach to his bed. “About the night of the ball.”

A huff leaves his chest as you sit beside him, careful not to touch him. “You made yourself quite clear.”

“That’s not fair, ‘Ren.” Hearing his nickname made his jaw tense. “You never even gave me a chance to talk.”

“Okay.” He paused for a moment to shift himself to face you, brow raised expectantly. “So talk. What more could you possibly have to say to me?”

A deep breath stutters from between your lips as you muster the courage to finally speak, to finally unlock the chains you’ve had so tightly wrapped around your heart. “I like you, Eren. As much as you piss me off and make life difficult, you somehow always still find a way to make everything better.” He listens to you ramble silently, green eyes boring intensely into yours. “When you told me you loved me that night… I didn’t know how to respond because for so long we’ve had such a weird and complicated relationship. I mean, can you blame me for reacting the way I did?”

You were right. After all the pettiness he subjected you to it was no wonder you were hesitant, it still didn’t make the rejection any less hard though. In all honesty if it weren’t for the alcohol drowning out the pain he’d been in for the last four days he’d probably have told you to get out of his sight. But a deeper part of him wanted to hear your side, to listen, most of all to understand. It was only fair after all.

“I guess not.” He mumbles aloud, the sound bringing a hint of a smile to your lips. “So what are you trying to say?”

“I like you, Eren. Maybe even love you. But I need you to be patient with me.”

His head nods slowly in agreement. “Okay, I can do that.” There was hope and that was all he really ever wanted to hear. To know that there was some kind of chance, an inkling that you’d like him back. Your words somehow managed to lift a lifetime’s worth of weight off his chest, one that seemed to be burdening you as well.

He chuckles as you flop beside him with a soft groan, your scent melding with his own in close proximity. “Why did we go through all this bullshit?” You question, feigning exasperation.

“Because feelings are scary.” His heart swells at the sound of your bubbly laugh, your contagious smile upturning his own lips.

“You can say that again.”

“I’m sorry.” He adds. “For everything. I’m an asshole for putting you through all that. All because I tried to hide my feelings for you. I just ended up projecting my insecurities onto you.”

“Wow, the great Eren Yeager apologising? Is hell freezing over?” You squeal as he playfully smacks your thigh, shifting to tickle your side.

“I’m trying to pour my heart out here and you're taking it as a joke? Huh, am I a joke to you?” He grits teasingly through his teeth, not letting up at your waist. Your hands clawed at his own, trying desperately to pry them away from your sides.

“Okay, okay!” You cry.

He watches you writhe beneath him in amusement. “Okay, what?”

“Okay, I’m sorry! You’re not a joke!” You manage between breaths, stuck in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “Eren, stop my tummy hurts!”

Per your request his hands cease, slowly trailing their way up your arm before settling on your cheek. His gaze locks with yours for a prolonged period of time. “I’m serious, y/n. I don’t know how you can ever forgive me.”

"I forgive you, 'Ren." You draw him in by his hair, lacing it between your fingers as your lips brushed against his. “But I do know a few ways you can make it up to me.”

tags: @getosarea, @gardenof-venusenus, @sintiva, @sailewhoremoon

additionally thank you to @satorhime for helping me get through my overthinking rut, talking with you literally eased my stress. thank you for keeping me company at 1 am lmao

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