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#wake up at 9 if i have class or 10 if i don't
illdothehotvoice · 5 months
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Ouuugh and then I'm taking a couple online classes over break but it should be fun for once and hopefully not too much work they're each worth like a credit but anyway I'm done ranting about school now thank you dndnfncnxf
If you see me on Tumblr much in the next couple days I am probably slacking off
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katzuk1s · 1 year
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18+ mdni
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thinking about giving inexperienced virgin! Bakugou head for the first time on his birthday
TW: oral (male receiving), swearing ofc, praise kink, fem!reader
3.0k words
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You and Katsuki had been in a relationship for a time now, about 2 months since his 'confession' (he shoved some flowers in your face and warned you to be his valentine or else) and yet you two had scarcely done anything together. Don't get me wrong, you spend every waking and sleeping minute with him; movie evenings, sleepovers, dates at anything challenge-based so he can show you how strong he is; but...you haven't done anything with him. Sexual, that is. Sure, you two have kissed, on the occasion his lips would move down to your neck, licking and marking a few small areas on your neck just to show you’re his in front of the class—but he's never gone further than that. You both haven’t, if we are being honest. You’ve both been too nervous, I guess? Or it's just never really been a priority on katsukis list—or that's what you thought.
You are both oblivious to what the other is thinking. Katsuki doesn’t notice how much you stare at him when he gets out of the shower, his towel hanging around his waist as your eyes drift down; and even if he does, he convinces himself that he’s getting ahead of himself—just seeing things. You don’t notice the constant glances katsuki sneaks at you when you are wearing his shirt, which is 10x bigger than you, hanging loosely down to your thighs which you wear as pajamas along with some shorts or just panties. He has to excuse himself to the bathroom to have his 3rd shower of the day after he looks down to see the bulge in his pants—which 9/10 times leads to him covering his mouth with one hand as the other strokes himself as the water drips down his bare body, trying his hardest to keep the noise down so you don't suspect anything.
As katsukis birthday comes along, you do everything you can possibly do to make it the best birthday hes ever had. It’s his first birthday with you as his girlfriend, so you feel its your responsibility to treat him—not that you mind. You get him the perfect gifts—a black tshirt with his favorite band on it, some of his favorite cologne that hes nearly out of, a limited edition all might figure which you had to hide from izuku up into the day, you know that fucker would try to steal it if you left it out, and finally a basket of his favorite foods, and of course 3 bottles of sirachi sauce.
You prepare a complete bacon and egg breakfast for him and serve it to him in his room when you go out into the dorm kitchen to prepare it. He'd rather stay in his dorm than deal with the rest of the class this early in the morning.
For lunch, you get Aizawa to excuse you two so you can go to your favourite restaurant, where you treat Katsuki to whatever he wants on the menu despite his protests, saying he can pay for it—you don't let him, of course.
And finally, the surprise party. Katsuki hates parties, it’s pretty obvious from how many times he’s stomped out at the sight of one balloon; but the whole class wanted to celebrate, so you just went along with it—how much harm could it do? You could always have a quiet night after.
“You think he knows?” Denki whispered in the dark. You were all hidden down in your specified spots as you waited for katsukis return into the dorm lounge where everyone had set up streamers, balloons along with his favourite foods and a special cake made by sato.
“Nah, I’ve been distracting him all day, he will have no idea” you reply.
“Perfect” denki whispers back, a shit eating grin on his face as he holds a party popper in his hand, which you can only guess he will pop right in katsukis face. Rest in peace denki.
You are cut off as the door opens.
“The fuck? Why’re all the goddamn lights off huh?” You hear a raspy voice mumble from down the stairs. You have to stop yourself from chuckling as you cover your mouth to not make a sound.
“Got a power outage or something? Maybe nezu forgot to pay the fuckin’ power bills again” the same voice mumbles as you hear footsteps heading up the stairs, slowly until you hear a loud crashing and cursing.
“GOD DAMMIT, DUNCE FACE DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS? YOU WANNA WATCH ME STRUGGLE YOU BASTARD?!” Katsuki yells as he starts to trample up the stairs faster, until he gets to the top to see some faint balloons in the darkness.
“The fu-“
“SURPRISE!!” The whole class yells as momo turns the lights on, revealing everyone and the decorations. Katsukis eyes widen and he grumbles, turning around straight away.
“Hell no, i ain’t doing this shit-“
“Wait!! Could you please stay for a few minutes, it took us a long time to set this up? Please? I promise we can have a nice night together afterwards" you glance up at katsuki with your most dolly eyes—katsuki grumbles again and looks down, shuffling his feet across to the party, unable to resist your sweet tone and precious gaze.
“Fine. But i ain’t staying f’ long, got it?"
“Kacchan! "How are you doing, my bestest bro in the entire world?" Denki says as he drapes an arm around Katsuki, which is quickly swatted away.
"The fuck does it mean to you?" He mumbles as he pushes away and makes his way to the food.
As the night goes on, katsuki begins to moan and groan more to you, saying he can't bear being around these fuckers any longer and that he simply wants to sleep. You sympathise with him, but you also want to enjoy the time you have with the entire class, which happens on a very rare occasion without a big fight breaking out or a villain attacking. After the cake has been served and eaten, you all find yourselves sitting or lounging on the couch, the floor, or even the tables, joking with one another. You sit on the couch next to katsuki, your head on his lap, looking up into his eyes and casually responding to whatever conversation is going on.
“We should totally play truth or dare!” Mina suggests, her tone deathly sweet.
“Hell yeah! Let’s get this party started!” Sero and the other classmates agreed, katsukis eyes rolling at the suggestions.
“Don’t have time for your shitty games”
“Come on ‘suki! It will be fun! It’s late start tomorrow, we have time” you say, reaching up to gently caress his cheek before standing up and heading over to where everyone is sitting in a circle on the floor, patting the spot next to you for katsuki to sit.
“You’re gonna be the death of me…” he mumbles under his breath before reluctantly sitting down next to you.
“You know, i'm still convinced you’ve put him under some sort of spell, I’ve never seen him so agreeable” izuku jokes, smiling widely as per usual.
“I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AGREEABLE YOU DAMN DEK- IZUKU” katsuki barks at izuku before huffing and leaning back.
“Yeah yeah, let’s get on with it, things are about to get in-ter-est-ing!” denki accentuates, smirking at katsuki. Has he planned something or..?
The game goes back and forth between truths and dares among everyone, until it finally lands on katsuki.
“Now, for the birthday boy! Truth or dare?” Denki asks, sneaking looks at the other classmates suggestively.
“Tch, dare obviously. I ain’t no pussy.” katsuki replies, sighing in boredom.
“I dare you…to show us your text messages between you and y/n!” Mina yells excitedly, leaning into katsuki.
“The fuck?! Why should I do that?!” He yells in surprise, backing away from Mina.
“Got something to hide? I thought you weren’t a pussy huh?” Denki says before snatching katsukis phone.
“GIVE THAT- I'M NOT NO PUSSY, GO AHEAD SHIT FACE”
The class crowds around denki as he scrolls through the messages, but to their dismay, all they saw was just messages asking about each other's day, good night messages, the occasional random photo, but.. that's it.
“Are you guys even together? Where’s the spicy stuff?” Sero whines, snatching the phone as he scrolls back further.
Before they can do any more, katsuki snatches his phone back and shoves it in his pocket.
“You ain’t gonna find any of that dumb shit, no point looking, idiots” he barks out before huffing and looking over at you, leaning in a little closer to calm himself down.
“So you’re telling me…there’s nothing. You guys are no fun!” Denki huffs before looking over at you.
“Mina, you wanna ask y/n now? I’ve had enough asking”
“Yeah! I have a few ideas…y/n, truth or dare?”
“Umm…truth!” You say enthusiastically, leaning over and resting your head on katsukis shoulder as you look over at Mina.
“Have you guys done it?” She says in a low tone, making sure any teachers crossing by wouldnt be able to hear her.
Both you and katsuki tense up before heat rises to both of your cheeks. A long line of silence comes before mineta pops out of nowhere and leans in close to you.
“Yeah! Have you guys done it yet? What was she like bakugou? Was she-“ mineta was cut off by katsuki picking him up and throwing him over to the other couch far away from them before he could say anymore.
“Well? Have you?” Sero pipes up and you look over at Katsuki before slowly shaking your head.
“O-of course we haven’t-! We have only been together for two months i-“
“YOU STILL HAVEN’T AFTER TWO MONTHS?” Denkis eyes look like they have popped out of his head as he switches his gaze between the two of you.
Katsuki stays quiet as he looks away, his face dusting a light shade of pink.
“ I have an even better question!!” hagakure pipes in.
“Do any of you want to? Like have you thought about it?”
“Ooo, good question! So, have you?” Mina asks, buzzing with excitement.
“W-well..i..i-i” you stutter, face flushing with heat as you look over at katsuki to see his face even more red, which makes you even more flustered.
“I-its only fuckin’ natural, what, do you expect us to not think of this k-kinda shit or something? Idiots..” katsuki mumbles under his breath, his voice quivering slightly. Your eyes widen in surprise at his confession. He’s thought about you like that? You would never have expected..unless you were just so oblivious you never noticed…
“So you have!! Ha! I knew it! You do have a heart down there kacchan!” Denki jokes, the rest of the class chuckling along with him, causing Bakugou to huff before standing up, grumbling as he walks away back to his dorm.
“Well.. I guess he’s a bit tired, i’m gonna head off to sleep too. Thanks for helping me set up the party guys! I'll see you in class tomorrow.” You say with a smile, your face still pink as you slink off to katsukis dorm, following him in.
You get dressed into one of his shirts along with your panties before heading into his bed, taking in his scent on his pillows. He comes out a little after you, dressed in a black tank top and some black sleeping pants before laying down in bed next to you.
“Well that was fuckin’ tiring. It’s already 12:38 in the morning..way past my bedtime.” He mumbles the last sentence under his breath, his voice trailing off.
You snuggle into him, your face nuzzled in the crook of his neck and your arm slinked across his waist, his toned abs prominent under the material.
You both lay there for a while in silence, enjoying each other's presence. But that one conversation between denki and katsuki is still on repeat in your mind. Does katsuki really think about you like that? Does he want more? Does he..like thinking about me like that?…
Your thoughts eventually become unbearable and before you can think it through, a question slips out.
“Is what you said to denki true?..do..you think about me like that?” You mumble under your breath, half hoping that katsuki was already asleep and not hearing you talk—but unknown to you, katsuki was going through the exact same conversation; the way your face turned a bright red as soon as denki brought it up, your cute little stuttering as you tried to find the right answer.
“…yeah…don’t…you?” He says quietly, avoiding your gaze.
You hesitate before answering.
“ yeah..I’ve..I’ve been thinking about it for a while..”
“You have?” Katsuki answers, his voice laced with surprise. Yeah, he can’t help feeling those emotions towards you, but the fact that you felt those too? Fuck, it was too much for him.
You simply nod, staying silent.
“What…what do you think about?” He asks, playing with your hair with his fingers trying anything to distract himself from the conversation.
Your face heats up and you nuzzle your face even more into his neck.
“W-well..i..i think about you..doing certain things with me..” you whisper timidly, looking down.
Katsukis breath hitches. Such a simple, innocent sentence can even knock him down just like that. He feels his pants tightening slightly and he huffs.
“I..think about..what i wanna do to you..” he says, his voice quivering slightly.
“Y-you ever..touch..yourself while you think about that?”
Katsuki can feel his bulge painfully tugging against the material of his pants at this point, his breath uneasy.
“Y-yeah..” he stutters. “You?”
You nod again in reply, your whole body quivering slightly from anticipation.
You reach over, taking your hand away from his waist when it brushes over his bulge and he gasps quietly.
“Are you..hard..’suki?”
You reach down again and brush your fingertips over his clothes bulge again and he bucks his hips up, desperate for your touch.
“D-don't..fuckin’ tease me..” he manages to stutter out, trying to calm himself.
You look into his eyes lovingly before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.
“Do..you want me to..um..suck you off?” You suggest, your voice trailing off as you look away, unable to meet katsukis piercing gaze.
Katsukis mind swirls as he hears you suggest that, and he nods quickly.
“If you are ready for that..then fuck yeah..”
You take no time to lean down and kiss him gently, but before long the kiss starts to heat up, katsukis tongue swirling around yours as you fiddle to lift off his singlet. Once it’s off you take a moment to take in the sight in front of you. Katsuki, there in front of you laying down, puffing as his bare chest rises and falls. You duck down and bring your tongue down to his neck, placing gentle kisses and marks here and there, before trailing your lips down to his nipples, swirling your tongue around them. As you do this, katsuki quickly brings his hand to your head, his hand gripping your hair firmly as he pants.
“Mmphh…fuck..”
He groans, tilting his head back on his pillow.
“Can i..?” You ask sweetly, tugging at the waistband of his pants. He quickly nods, bringing his head back up so he can see your every move, taking a point to remember this moment.
You tug down his pants, revealing the fact that he has no boxers or underwear underneath, his shaft springing free. Your breath hitches at the sight. How is that gonna fit in you one day? Sure you have tried your fingers but that? That’s like your whole hand!
Katsuki notices your wide eyes and hesitation and he smirks confidently.
“Something on your mind?” He says suggestively, looking down at you with half lidded eyes.
“You are so fucking hot..”
“I know, idio- h-hah!” Katsuki gets cut off by the feeling of your warm tongue on his tip, swirling around and licking off any extra pre-cum. He throws his head back, with one hand gripping your hair tightly and the other covering his mouth as he groans.
“can..can you take your hand away? I wanna hear you..” you ask timidly before starting to take his tip into your mouth.
“F-fuckin’ fine..if anyone hears us im blaming it on you- hnngh!” He groans as you start to take more of him into your mouth, struggling to fit it all in. As you stop halfway down on his shaft, katsuki starts to softly thrust his hips up into your mouth shallowly, making sure not to hurt you in any way, but at the same time get the pleasure he needs. You moan into his cock , sending vibrations down his length, causing him to audibly moan.
“S-so..warm..tight..so much better than my hand..” he pants, tilting his head down again so he can look at you, your pretty lips wrapped around his cock.
“You alright? Tap..my leg if you need a break..youre doing so..m-mmph! So good f’ me..” he praises, thrusting deeper and deeper down your throat each time. It’s uncomfortable, but not so bad you can’t bear it. Man, you are so turned on you can barely even notice any discomfort anymore.
Katsukis grip on your hair gets tighter and he starts to thrust quicker and more sloppily.
“‘M c-close..fuck im so close..you wanna..f-fuck! You wanna pull off?” He asks between pants, looking into your eyes reassuringly.
You keep going, this time bobbing your head up and down to indicate that he can cum inside. His breathing becomes faster and his moans become louder as he does one final thrust, shoving himself down your throat as warm liquid pours out.
You pull away and cough slightly before swallowing, taking every last drop of what he gave you. As you look up at him, you take a mental picture of what you see. There he is again, His head thrown back, hand covering his mouth as sweat soaks his toned bare torso and arms. This was something you could get used to.
He looks down at you after catching his breath, you pulling up his pants again and helping him get on his singlet before nuzzling up into him once again, feeling his chest rising and falling against your cheek.
“best fuckin’ birthday ever”
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pikahlua · 12 days
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MHA Chapter 420 spoilers translations
This week’s initial tentative super rough/literal translations under the cut.
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tagline 1 No.420 相澤くんから 堀越耕平 ナンバー420 あいざわくんから ほりこしこうへい NANBAA 420  Aizawa-kun kara  Horikoshi Kouhei No. 420 From Aizawa-kun Kouhei Horikoshi
1 起きろ‼︎ おきろ‼︎ okiro!! "Wake up!!"
tagline 2 黒霧に飛ばされたマイクと相澤… くろぎりにとばされたマイクとあいざわ… Kurogiri ni tobasareta MAIKU to Aizawa... Mic and Aizawa, who were sent away by Kurogiri...
2 どこだよここは‼︎ doko da yo koko wa!! "Where is this place!!"
3 通信がきかねえ… つうしんがきかねえ… tsuushin ga kikanee... "We can't hear any transmissions..."
4 状況もわかんねえ…くそ‼︎ じょうきょうもわかんねえ…くそ‼︎ joukyou mo wakannee...kuso!! "And we don't know the situation...shit!!"
5 俺は おれは ore wa I am
6 死柄木弔を しがらきとむらを Shigaraki Tomura wo Tomura Shigaraki's
7 守る者 まもるもの mamoru mono protector.
8 調子良くブッ壊れやがって‼︎ ちょうしよくブッこわれやがって‼︎ choushi yoku BUkkoware yagatte!! "Things were going well and then you had to go and break!!"
9 動けよこのヤロウ うごけよこのヤロウ ugoke yo kono YAROU "Move, you bastard!"
tagline 3 コミックス40巻発売中‼︎今スグGETしよう‼︎マストバイ‼︎ コミックス40かんはつばいちゅう‼︎いまスグゲットしよう‼︎マストバイ‼︎ KOMIKKUSU 40kan hatsubai-chuu!! ima SUGU GETTO shiyou!! MASUTO BAI!! Volume 40 of the comics now on sale!! Let's get get it now!! Must buy!!
10 白雲じゃないなら思い出のまま消えてくれ しろくもじゃないならおもいでのままきえてくれ Shirokumo ja nai nara omoide no mama kietekure If you’re not Shirakumo, please remain a memory and disappear.
11 こんなものに命運を委ねるんじゃなかった! こんなものにめいうんをゆだねるんじゃなかった! konna mono ni meiun wo yudanerunja nakatta! "[We] shouldn't have entrusted our fate to something* like this!" (*Note: The word in Japanese here is ambiguous if it's meant to read as "something" or "someone.")
12 こんな屍体に縋るんじゃなかった‼︎ こんなしたいにすがるんじゃなかった‼︎ konna shitai ni sugarunja nakatta!! "[We] shouldn't have clung to a corpse like this one!!"
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1 泣いてる ないてる naiteru "Crying..."
2 泣いてねーよ男の子だぞ俺あ!!! ないてねーよおとこのこだぞおれあ!!! naitenee yo otoko no ko da zo orea!!! "I'm not crying, I'm a boy!!!"
3 違う ちがう chigau "Not [you]."
4 黒霧が… こいつが… koitsu (kanji: Kurogiri) ga... "This guy (read as: Kurogiri) is..."
5 雨だ‼︎涙腺なんざねェよ! あめだ‼︎るいせんなんざねェよ! ame da!! ruisen nanza neE yo! "It's rain!! He's got no tear ducts!"
6 こいつは脳無だ!二度も死柄木をハメた相澤が邪魔だから排除した! こいつはのうむだ!にどもしがらきをハメたおまえがじゃまだからはいじょした! koitsu wa noumu da! nido mo Shigaraki wo HAMEta omae (kanji: Aizawa) ga jama da kara haijo shita! "This guy's a nomu! You set Shigaraki up twice, Aizawa, so he removed you because you were a hindrance!"
7 今考えるべきは いまかんがえるべきは ima kangaeru beki wa "What we should be thinking about now"
8 こいつを起動して俺らを戦線に戻させる事だ こいつをきどうしておれらをせんせんにもどさせることだ koitsu wo kidou shite orera wo sensen ni modosaseru koto da "is activating this guy and returning to the front lines."
9 そんでその後すぐ そんでそのあとすぐ son de sono ato sugu "Then immediately after that
10 もう動かねーようブッ壊す事だ もううごかねーようブッこわすことだ mou ugokanee you BUkkowasu koto da "let's break [it]* so [it] won't move anymore." (*Note: He means they should break Kurogiri.)
11 相澤 あいざわ Aizawa "Aizawa,"
12 こいつは黒い鹵獲品だ こいつはくろいろかくひんだ koitsu wa kuroi rokakuhin da Literal. "This guy is our black spoils." Contextual. "This guy is our stolen black chess piece." (Note: This is hard to make sound decent in English. Mic is saying that Kurogiri is like their plunder or spoilers or stolen treasure that is the color black, which is a pun on the "kuro" (which means black) in Kurogiri's name. This pun will continue on the next page. The best corollary I could think of in English to keep up that pun is a stolen piece won in a chess game that is the color black.)
13 タルタロスの"奇跡"は忘れた方がいいーんだよ…! タルタロスの"きせき"はわすれたほうがいいーんだよ…! TARUTAROSU no "kiseki" wa wasureta hou ga ii-inda yo...! "It's best that we forget about that miracle at Tartarus...!"
14 31だよ 31 da yo "We're 31." (Note: He means their ages.)
15 いつまでも雄英2年A組じゃねぇんだよ… いつまでもゆうえい2ねんエーぐみじゃねぇんだよ… itsu made mo yuuei 2nen EE-gumi ja neenda yo... "We haven't been Class 2-A students of UA for a long time..."
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1 …でもこいつは ...demo koitsu wa "...But this guy"
2 雄英生のまま死んだ ゆうえいせいのまましんだ yuuei-sei no mama shinda "died as a UA student."
3 俺ガッ おれガッ ore GA I
4 守…違う……シガラキ… まも…ちがう……シガラキ… mamo...chigau......SHIGARAKI... protect...no......Shigaraki...
5 何故俺たちをねじ切らなかった? なぜおれたちをねじきらなかった? naze oretachi wo nejikiranakatta? "Why didn't he cut us off?" (Note: I think he's asking why didn't Kurogiri cut them in half like he planned to do to All Might at the USJ by "turning off the portal" while All Might was halfway through it.)
6 つき落とさなかった? つきおとさなかった? tsukiotosanakatta? "Weren't we pushed off?" (Note: He's asking why didn't Kurogiri kill them when they had been pushed off the edge of the little island on UA.)
7 …う ...u "...U"
8 誰…ドコ… だれ…ドコ… dare...DOKO... Who...where...
9 …シ…友ダ…チ… …シ…ともダ…チ… ...SHI...tomoDA...CHI... ...Shi-...frie...nd...
10 あの日俺たちはタルタロスで白の栓を引き抜いた… あのひおれたちはタルタロスでしろのせんをひきぬいた… ano hi oretachi wa TARUTAROSU de shiro no sen wo hikinuita... Literal. "That day, we pulled out the plug of white at Tartarus..." Contextual. "That day, we released a bit of a white stream inside him at Tartarus..." (Note: Like I said, this pun really does not work well in English lol. He's saying they unleashed a little stream of Shirakumo inside him that's trickling into the river that is Kurogiri. The use of the color white is a pun on the "Shira/Shiro" (which means white) in Shirakumo's name.)
11 そして混ざって壊れた…黒にどれだけ白をそそいでも真っ白にはならない そしてまざってこわれた…くろにどれだけしろをそそいでもまっしろにはならない soshite mazatte kowareta...kuro ni dore dake shiro wo sosoidemo masshiro ni wa naranai "Then it got mixed in, and he broke... No matter how much white you pour into black, it won't become pure white."
12 だが黒は逆で… だがくろはぎゃくで… daga kuro wa gyaku de... "But for black it's vice versa..."
13 だから再び動いた だからふたたびうごいた dakara futatabi ugoita "That's why he moved again."
14 …わかってるよ山田… …わかってるよやまだ… ...wakatteru yo Yamada... "...I get it, Yamada..."
15 俺たちはヒーロー科の教師だ おれたちはヒーローかのきょうしだ oretachi wa HIIROO-ka no kyoushi da "We are teachers in the hero department."
16 雄英生を卒業まで送り届ける ゆうえいせいをそつぎょうまでおくりとどける yuuei-sei wo sotsugyou made okuri todokeru "We will deliver UA students to [their] graduation."
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1 そこに soko ni "To there,"
2 原点があるのなら げんてんがあるのなら genten ga aru no nara "so long as they have their origins." (Note: By origins, he means the word "origin" we've heard about a lot, especially in this arc, where one gains more strength by keeping their origin in their heart, etc.)
3 ャヤマ……ダ…… YA-YAMA......DA...... "Ya-Yama-......da......"
4 思い出が……… おもいでが……… omoide ga......... "The memories........."
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1 消えてくれねえよ………! きえてくれねえよ………! kiete kurenee yo.........! "won't disappear.........!" (Note: This is Mic referring back to his previous line where he asked for Shirakumo to remain a memory and disappear that way. He's saying Shirakumo is being stubborn and sticking around, basically.)
2 塚内さん‼︎ つかうちさん‼︎ Tsukauchi-san!! "Mr. Tsukauchi!!"
3 イレイザー!無事だったのか‼︎今までどこに イレイザー!ぶじだったのか‼︎いままでどこに IREIZAA! buji datta no ka!! ima made doko ni "Eraser! Are you all right!! Where have you been until now?"
4 物間は動けますか? ものまはうごけますか? Monoma wa ugokemasu ka? "Can Monoma move?"
5 彼は頭を強く打って緊急搬送中だ かれはあたまをつよくうってきんきゅうはんそうちゅうだ kare wa atama wo tsuyoku utte kinkyuu hansou-chuu da "He hit his head hard and is currently in emergency transport."
6 では各地戦況と稼働可能人員 ではかくちせんきょうとかどうかのうじんいん de wa kakuchi senkyou to kadou kanou jin'in "Then, the various battlefields and any available personnel--"
7 その座標を教えて下さい そのざひょうをおしえてください sono zahyou wo oshiete kudasai "please tell me their coordinates."
8 座標…⁇ ざひょう…⁇ zahyou...? "Coordinates...?"
9 ーー…!じゃあ… --...! jaa... "--...! Then..."
10 ええ ee "Yes."
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1 イレイザーヘッド!ドウシテココニ! IREIZAA HEDDO! DOUSHITE KOKO NI! "Eraser Head! Why are you here!"
2 "黒霧"を使えるようになりました "くろぎり"をつかえるようになりました "Kurogiri" wo tsukaeru you ni narimashita "We can now use Kurogiri."
3 敷地外にマイクと待機しています しきちがいにマイクとたいきしています shikichi-gai ni MAIKU to taiki shite imasu "I'm on stand-by with Mic outside the premises."
4 避難警護にあたっているヒーロー防衛特化を残して集めて下さい ひなんけいごにあたっているヒーローぼうえいとっかをのこしてあつめてください hinan keigo ni atatte iru HIIROO bouei tokka wo nokoshite atsumete kudasai "Heroes guarding the evacuations, please set aside defense and gather."
5 黒霧ヲ⁉︎ くろぎりヲ⁉︎ Kurogiri WO!? "Kurogiri!?"
6 手綱ハ握レナイト… たづなハにぎレナイト… tadzuna WA nigiRENAI TO... "If you can't keep a hold on the reins..."
7 どれくらい保つかわかりません どれくらいもつかわかりません dore kurai motsu ka wakarimasen "I don't know how long he will last."
8 早急に! そうきゅうに! soukyuu ni! "Urgently!"
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1 すぐ戦線に行けるのか…⁉︎ すぐせんせんにいけるのか…⁉︎ sugu sensen ni ikeru no ka...!? "We can go to the front lines right away...!?"
2 なら俺も…!行かせてくれ…! ならおれも…!いかせてくれ…! nara ore mo...! ikasetekure...! "If so, then me, too...! Let me go, please...!"
3 俺も…‼︎無名だけど… おれも…‼︎むめいだけど… ore mo...!! mumei dakedo... "Me, too...! I'm anonymous, but..." (Note: He may mean he has no name (i.e. hero name) instead of that he's anonymous, I don't know. I'm not familiar with Horikoshi's Barrage manga, which this character is supposedly from.)
4 ヒーローなんだ! HIIROO nanda! "I'm a hero!"
5 一緒に戦わせてくれ! いっしょにたたかわせてくれ! issho ni tatakawasetekure! "Let me fight with you!"
6 正門前へ せいもんまえへ seimon mae e "[You were the one] in front of the main gate."
7 これ…‼︎ kore...!! "This...!!"
8 怪我したヒーローに…!渡せねえか…? けがしたヒーローに…!わたせねえか…? kega shita HIIROO ni...! watasenee ka...? "To an injured hero...! Could you pass this on to one...?"
9 ーーありがとう………! --arigatou.........! "--Thank you.........!"
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1 戦いは既にほぼ制圧完了している! たたかいはすでにほぼせいあつかんりょうしている! tatakai wa sude ni hobo seiatsu kanryou shite iru! "As for the battle, suppression [of the villains] has already almost been completed!"
2 今各地で継戦可能な者をあたっている! いまかくちでけいせんかのうなものをあたっている! ima kakuchi de keisen kanou na mono wo atatte iru! "Now we are looking for people in various places who can continue to fight!"
3 残すところは国立多古場競技場ーーー… のこすところはこくりつたこばきょうぎじょうーーー… nokosu tokoro wa kokuritsu takoba kyougijou---... "The only remaining place is the Takoba National Stadium---..."
4 面制圧と長持久戦で犯罪史に名を残すダツゴク めんせいあつとちょうじきゅうせんではんざいしになをのこすダツゴク men seiatsu to chouji kyuusen de hansaishi ni na wo nokosu DATSUGOKU "The jailbreaker who leaves his name in the history of criminals when it comes to surface control and long endurance battles."
5 嬰兒樹ギャシュリー えいじじゅギャシュリー eiji-ju GYASHURII "Baby Tree Gashly." (Note: I am horrifyingly confident in this translation. Via some WILD search engine shenaningans, @bakuhatsufallinlove (yes I'm tagging you here to immortalize this ABSOLUTELY WILD RIDE) and I discovered that this villain's name is a combination of titles of the children's books The Baby Tree by Sophie Blackall, a book about where babies come from, and The Gashlycrumb Tinies: or, After the Outing by Edward Gorey, a gothic alphabet book in which all the named children die untimely, grisly deaths. Horikoshi, WHY? DID YOU BUY THESE BOOKS FOR YOUR NEPHEW OR SOMETHING?)
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1 アッヒャアーーーー!!! AHHYAA----!!! "Ah-hyah----!!!"
2 助けに来たよおおお‼︎ たすけにきたよおおお‼︎ tasuke ni kita yoooo!! "We've come to heeelp!!"
3 そして soshite "And then..."
4 分断作戦 ぶんだんさくせん bundan sakusen "Division operation"
5 フェーズ3 FEEZU 3 "Phase 3."
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1 奪われにきたか うばわれにきたか ubaware ni kita ka "Did you come to [have your quirks] stolen?"
2 先生…! せんせい…! sensei...! "Teacher...!"
3 動いたらだめだ うごいたらだめだ ugoitara dame da "Don't move."
4 ーー…腕 ーー…うで --...ude "--...Your arms,"
5 失ってどのくらいだ うしなってどのくらいだ ushinatte dono kurai da "how long ago did you lose them?
6 …わかりません…どのくらい…時間が経っていたか… …わかりません…どのくらい…じかんがたっていたか… ...wakarimasen...dono kurai...jikan ga tatte ita ka... "...I don't know...how much...time passed..."
7 心の中で… こころのなかで… kokoro no naka de... "[when we were] inside his heart..."
8 …AFOは完全に死柄木のモノになっていた… …オール・フォー・ワンはかんぜんにしがらきのモノになっていた… ...OORU FOO WAN wa kanzen ni Shigaraki no MONO ni natte ita... ...All For One had completely become Shigaraki's [property]... (Note: I think he means the AFO quirk is now 100% Shigaraki's.)
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1 雄英でのAFOは 棺でのオール・フォー・ワンは hitsugi (kanji: yuuei) no OORU FOO WAN wa The AFO at the coffin (read as: UA)
2 抵抗する死柄木を押さえつけて統合したと嘯いてただけだった ていこうするしがらきをおさえつけてとうごうしたとうそぶいてただけだった teikou suru Shigaraki wo osaetsukete tougou shita to usobuiteta dake datta was only boasting that he had suppressed and integrated the resisting Shigaraki.
3 死柄木は違う… しがらきはちがう… Shigaraki wa chigau... It was different with Shigaraki...
4 AFOは…完全に取り込まれて消えていた… オール・フォー・ワンは…かんぜんにとりこまれてきえていた… OORU FOO WAN wa...kanzen ni torikomarete kiete ita... All For One...was completely absorbed and disappeared...
5 だから転弧の心をうった時に共に砕けている筈… だからてんこのこころをうったときにともにくだけているはず… dakara Tenko no kokoro wo utta toki ni tomo ni kudakete iru hazu... That's why when I hit Tenko's heart they should have both crumbled together.
6 なんなんだこいつは……! nannanda koitsu wa......! What the heck is this guy......!
7 相澤せんせ…! あいざわせんせ…! Aizawa-sensei...! "Aizawa-sensei...!"
8 エリちゃ… ERI-cha... "Eri-cha-..."
9 先生たちは…私を危ないとこにぜったい連れてかないって せんせいたちは…わたしをあぶないとこにぜったいつれてかないって sensei-tachi wa...watashi wo abunai toko ni zettai tsuretekanai tte "The teachers...they said they absolutely won't take me to any place where it's dangerous."
10 わかってるの…だから… wakatteru no...dakara... "I understand... That's why..."
11 これ kore "This."
12 デクさんに持ってって デクさんにもってって DEKU-san ni mottette "Please take it to Mr. Deku."
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1 角を折ったのか⁉︎なんて事…どうやって…! つのをおったのか⁉︎なんてこと…どうやって…! tsuno wo otta no ka!? nante koto...dou yatte...! "Did you break off your horn!? Such a thing...how did you...!"
2 お願いして おねがいして onegai shite "I asked"
3 協力してもらったの きょうりょくしてもらったの kyouryoku shite moratta no "for someone to help me do it."
4 エクトプラズム! EKUTOPURAZUMU! "Ectoplasm!"
5 スマナイダガ… SUMANAI DAGA... "I'm sorry, but..."
6 コノ子ハ君ノ合理性ト非合理性ヲ良ク学ンデイル コノこハきみノごうりせいトひごうりせいヲよクまなンデイル KONO ko WA kimi NO kourisei TO higou risei WO yoKU manaNDE IRU "this child is learning your rationality and irrationality well."
7 先生たちと力の使い方をお勉強したからわかるの せんせいたちとちからのつかいかたをおべんきょうしたからわかるの sensei-tachi to chikara no tsukaikata wo obenkyou shita kara wakaru no "Because I studied how to use my power with my teachers, I understand."
8 きっとこうしたって力は使える…!だってこれは私だもの きっとこうしたってちからはつかえる…!だってこれはわたしだもの kitto koushita tte chikara wa tsukaeru...! datte kore wa watashi da mono "I'm sure that you can use my power like this...! Because this is a [piece] of me."
9 だがそんな乱暴にしたら… だがそんならんぼうにしたら… daga sonna ranbou ni shitara... "But if you do something this reckless..."
10 "個性"自体に傷が "こせい"じたいにきずが "kosei" jitai ni kizu ga "your quirk itself will be damaged."
11 オールマイトさんの時もかっちゃんさんの時もこうしたかったけどできなかったの! オールマイトさんのときもかっちゃんさんのときもこうしたかったけどできなかったの! OORU MAITO-san no toki mo Kacchan-san no toki mo koushitakatta kedo dekinakatta no! "I wanted to do something like this for Mr. All Might and Mr. Kacchan, but I couldn't!"
12 私 わたし watashi "I"
13 お歌したいの おうたしたいの outa shitai no "want to sing."
14 先生 せんせい sensei "Teacher,"
15 私デクさんたちに楽しくしてもらったから わたしデクさんたちにたのしくしてもらったから watashi DEKU-san-tachi ni tanoshiku shitemoratta kara "because Mr. Deku and the others made it so I would have fun,"
16 今日終わったらデクさんたちに きょうおわったらデクさんたちに kyou owattara DEKU-san-tachi ni "after today is over, for Mr. Deku and the others--"
17 お歌するの おうたするの outa suru no "I will sing."
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1 だから… dakara... So...
2 ちょっとしかなくっても chotto shika nakuttemo even if it's only a little bit [of me],
3 私も戦わせて! わたしもたたかわせて! watashi mo tatakawasete! please let me fight too!
4 エネルギーガ充分ニ溜マッテイナイ エネルギーガじゅうぶんニたマッテイナイ ENERUGII GA juubun NI taMATTE INAI "Not enough energy has been stored."
5 コノ場合ホボ意味ハナク コノばあいホボいみハナク KONO baai HOBO imi WA NAI "In this case, it has no almost meaning."
6 巻キ戻ルスピードモ時間モ極メテ僅カ まキもどルスピードモじかんモきわメテわずカ maKImodoRU SUPIIDO MO jikan MO kiwaMETE wazuka "The rewind speed and time are both extremely small."
7 せいぜい2〜3分ぶん程度だろう せいぜい2〜3ぷんぶんていどだろう seizei 2~3pun bun-teido darou At most, it will probably take about 2-3 minutes.
8 お歌 おうた outa "[Her] song."
9 聴くまで死ねないぞ きくまでしねないぞ kiku made shinenai zo "I won't die until I hear it."
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1 皆もきっと…オイラと一緒だよな… みんなもきっと…オイラといっしょだよな… minna mo kitto...OIRA to issho da yo na... "I'm sure everyone...is with me on this..."
2 もう動けねーって思ってても…緑谷が頑張ってっとよォ もううごけねーっておもってても…みどりやががんばってっとよォ mou ugokenee tte omottetemo...Midoriya ga ganbatte tto yoO "Even though I thought I couldn't move anymore...I thought, 'Midoriya is trying his best!'"
3 体動いちまうんだよなァ‼︎ からだうごいちまうんだよなァ‼︎ karada ugoichimaunda yo naA!! "And my body went and moved!!"
tagline AFOの前に立ちはだかる…! オール・フォー・ワンのまえにたちはだかる…! OORU FOO WAN no mae ni tachihadakaru...! In front of All For One, standing in his way...!
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haydenthewitch · 2 months
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The worst thing about having a chronic pain that isn't visible to others is feeling like your whining when you say, "i'm in pain right now."
i don't ever want the pain in my knees to be categorized as the same kind of complaint as "i don't want to go to work" or "its monday." I say "my knees and joints are hurting" every day because 1. my knees and joints do hurt everyday, and it fucking sucks and 2. i want to be heard by the pepole around me saying that i'm in pain so i can never be gaslit by myself, my family, or my doctor that i'm "not in enough pain".
but when i say "i'm in a lot of pain right now" and then continue to live my life (becuse i can't sit around all day, as much as i want to) pepole assume that i'm okay enough, so therfore it's not that bad. "i'm in a lot of pain" becomes just another mundane complaint.
the thing is; my pain tollerance is HIGH. i don't talk about it much on here, But i'm a type one diabetic and i have been that way since i was SIX YEARS OLD. i've been sticking myself with needles, pricking my fingers to draw blood, dealing with insulin and medical supplies since i was six. i know my body better than most 18 year olds do, so when i say that recently i've been a 9 on the 1-10 pain scale evry day for the past couple of months I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
When i say "my joints hurt", i mean that i can FEEL bones grinding and clicking against one another. When i say "i've been sitting for too long and now my hips are fucked" i mean that walking becomes diffucuclt for me and sometimes i have to hobble down the school halways like how my grandmother walks. when i say "my knees are in pain" i mean that it feels like a liquid hot, searing pain in my joints that feels like a poker melting my skin off. WHEN I SAY I'M IN PAIN, IT'S NOT A MUNDANITY, ITS EXCUTRIATING AND I WISH I WOULD BE TAKEN SEROUISLY.
I cant stand for a 10 minute conversation, my knees would buckle. I might need a bench in my shower, becuse for the past few weeks i've been sitting in my shower floor to shampoo and conditon my hair. I can't sit criss-cross anymore or it will fuck up my entire day. I've resorted to taking a bathroom break in every single class every day so i can stand up becuse if i sit for longer than 30 minutes in one of those school desks every joint in my lower back and spine and legs starts screaming at me. i only feel comfortable laying down, fully stretched out, on my back. If i sleep wrong, i'm in pain from the molment i wake up.
ITS NOT A FUCKING COMPLAINT OR EXCUSE WHEN I SAY I'M IN PAIN. ITS MY LIFE.
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A Cat in the Kitchen
Part 1 (ft. Riddle and Silver) I Part 2 (ft. Trey and Kalim) I Part 3 (ft. Jade and Lilia) I Part 4 (ft. Deuce and Jamil) I Part 5 (ft. Malleus and Ruggie) | Part 6 (ft. Cater and Rook) | Part 7 (ft. Sebek and Floyd) | Part 8 (ft. Ace and Idia) | Part 9 (ft. Leona and Epel) | Part 10 (ft. Jack and Vil)
In which Gordon Ramsay-kun is isekai’d into Twisted Wonderland. Part Food Wars, part Hell’s Kitchen, all Master Chef—Night Raven College isn’t ready to take on this Michelin Star celebrity!!
Ready for a short supplementary cooking class?🌟 A day in the life of Prefect Gordon and his familiar Grim, told in three parts: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. After all, food is tastier when it's shared with friends and family~
Imagine this…
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Gordon Ramsay stirred before the rats and the ghosts of Ramshackle dorm did. He was up by 5 am most days, first exercising and then rustling around in the kitchen fighting the gas stove to light (and stay that way!) and taking inventory of the dwindling ingredients in the pantry. At 7 am, the delicious smells would start up, rousing his housemates from their slumber.
This was the magic of a human incapable of spellcasting or sorcery.
"Mm... You're up super early again," Grim muttered from the doorway as he rubbed at his eyes. He yawned, still struggling to shake off the last remnants of sleep that clung to him. "I dunno how you do it."
"Not so hard once you've got the hang of it," he grunted in response. Gordon wiped his hands off on a dish towel before sliding a plate toward Grim. "Eat up now, we don't have much time before classes start."
"I dunno, I'm not too hungry."
"You? Not hungry?" Gordon's brows raised. "That's new. You feeling under the weather?"
Grim leapt, looking as though he had been caught with his entire body stuffed into a cookie jar. "N-No, I'm not! Yup, there's my hunger comin' back to me!"
He hurriedly yoinked a tuna sandwich and chowed down.
"See?! Ah'm jus' fine," Grim insisted, cheeks stuffed.
"Hmm, alright." Gordon tucked into a small bowl of oatmeal--prepared with baked bananas, almond milk, and dried cranberries.
"You got class today too or what?"
"Yup. Ashengrotto and the smaller Shroud this time."
“Think they’ll drive ya mad like the rest of them did?”
“I’ll hold my tongue until I’ve seen how they are in the kitchen for myself.”
“Keh, you’re no fun.”
The beast’s ears flattened. The blue fire that burned so brightly seemed to dim. Something weighed on his mind—of that, Gordon was certain.
“That means you'll abandon me before lunchtime again..." Between chews, Grim complained, "How come I gotta be just a student and you get to be a teacher too? The great Grim-sama oughta be showin' these newbies a thing or two!"
"I only teach what I know. I'm still a student in some ways, learning new things about food every day." Gordon shrugged, giving his friend a rough ruffle on the head. "You can be a teacher when you've mastered everything there is to master--neither of us is quite there yet."
"Why can't it be? I wanna fast forward to the part where I become an archmage already!!"
"Don't be impatient about making progress. I’ve made hundreds of dumplings in a day and still came nowhere near the level of perfection of a dim sum master.“
“Tsk, that sucks. Didja at least get to eat the bad dumplings?”
“It was all I had that day. They weren’t fit to serve to customers.” Gordon shook his head. “My point is, you’ll get there one day. Nose to the grindstone, Grim. You've got to work hard to earn it."
He spooned up the remainder of his oatmeal, then deposited his dirty bowl and spoon in the sink. Gordon plucked up Grim, who still had a mouth full of tuna, and tucked him under one arm.
“M-Myah?!“
“Right then, let’s head out. Brisk morning jog to wake up the senses—it’s a brand new day!”
“Lemme finish my breakfast first, sheesh!!”
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Three classes before lunch, and they all went about as well as Gordon had expected them to. (That was to say, not well at all.)
During first period Alchemy, Grim had earned the ire of Crewel by disregarding the potion recipe. In spite of Gordon's reminders and warnings, Grim had taken one too many missteps. The wrong ingredient, the incorrect amount, the temperature too low or too high, the stirring too much or not enough.
He was then caught catnapping during Magic History and extensively told off by both Trein and Lucius. (The meowing had gotten very intense.) Gordon had apologized profusely in Grim's place.
Flying had not fared any better--Grim struggled to concentrate, his unsteady magic causing his broom to wildly buck, attempting to chuck him off. Gordon had to stop his rep of 100 push-ups to fetch his friend out from a shrub. Twigs poked at him, leaves caught in his fur.
By the time they were dismissed back to the locker rooms, Grim had melted into a furry puddle on Gordon's shoulder. "Maaan, I'm beat!! That was rough!"
"Rougher than usual." Gordon crunched on an apple. He had taken to the habit of eating small platters or snacks throughout the day over whole meals—it was more efficient for his lifestyle. “Something you want to tell me, or…?”
“N-Nothing’s up!” Grim snapped. "Quit worryin' about me. It's the boss's job to do that for their minion."
The chef rolled his eyes as he set Grim down on the floor beside him. He handed off a boxed lunch wrapped in a checkered cloth. "I'm off to teach. You'll be fine on your own, right? Find Trappola and Spade, settle down with your food, and don't cause trouble."
"I got it already!" Grim huffed. "Catch ya after...?"
"Always." His smile was strained, a bit tired but true. "Maybe I'll bring back some disastrous stories to share with you over dinner."
One last pat on the head, and then he was gone. Hustling down the hall, the white of his pristine chef’s jacket vanishing behind a corner.
Grim managed the rest of the hike to the cafeteria, balancing his lunch in his paws. He squeezed past the legs of various mob students, emerging safely on the other side. They rushed to line up for trays of food.
Suckers, Grim thought, paying in cash for food. Luckily for me, I’ve got something way better than whatever they’re serving.
“Oiiii, Grim! Over here!!” someone called to him. He looked—and there they were, the duo of troublemakers, marked by a heart and a spade upon their faces.
“Ace! Deuce!”
He scampered over to the two Heartslabyul freshmen. They had already secured their lunches, as well as an open seat for him.
“Hard night? Looks like you didn't get much sleep," Deuce commented. A fluffy omelet wobbled atop a mountain of ketchup fried rice on his plate.
“He's right, you really do look awful," Ace added cheerily--blunt as ever. He had opted for a slice of some savory pie, vegetables and meat oozing out from a buttery crust.
"Sh-Shuddap! The great Grim-sama was up all night cookin' up something big!" He slammed a paw down on the table. "Just look at your sorry lunches. They can't compare to what I have!"
"Did Prefect make your meal again? You should try to not trouble him too much.”
"’S not like I tell’m to! He does it on his own!” Grim snickered to himself. "He takes all these cheap ingredients and throws'm together to make these tasty dishes."
"Well, don't keep us waiting in suspense," Ace groaned. "Show us what you have already."
“Let’s see, let’s see!”
Grim undid the fabric knot that held his lunch in a swathe. The checkered pattern peeled back and the lid, once removed, yielded a creamy, cheesy bed of tuna bake.
Gordon had taken his beloved canned tuna and fried it down into flakes. It was then combined with a special mixture of seasonings, pasta shells, melted cheeses, onions and broccoli, and topped with bread crumbs. After a generous bake in their ancient oven, the dish had come out golden brown and bubbling.
“Whoooa, smells delish!!” all three of them drooled.
“Lucky bastard,” Ace muttered. He quickly put on a cheeky grin, his spoon prepared. “Ne, ne~ Lemme try some, Grim!“
“D-Don’t be cheeky, Ace! You can’t demand to mooch off of someone else’s lunch,” Deuce scolded his peer. “… Even if it does look really good.”
“Paws off!!” Grim shielded the box with his body. “My minion made this for me and me only!”
“Tch.” Ace’s expression dropped. “You get to eat like a king for free while the rest of us have to shell out and make do with whatever’s on the school’s menu.”
“It’s not that bad,” Deuce pointed out. “It’d be nice to be able to eat for free but I’m happy with the quality of food we get for the price.”
“This comin’ from the guy who was running low on pocket money for a snack the other day?” he smirked.
“H-Hey, I need to budget, okay?!”
While the duo bickered, Grim had started to shove his face into the box (silverware was too difficult to maneuver) and wolf down his meal. Cheese sauce painted his fur, bits of broccoli and tuna dotting his jaw.
It was heaven—or as close to heaven as he could get on the earth.
He licked his lips appreciatively, mopping up what was left on his face. Not even a little could go to waste. Grim was determined.
As he went back in for another mouthful, he felt a phantom hand cascade across his head, his back. Advice from that morning filled his mind.
“You’ll get there one day. Nose to the grindstone, Grim. You've got to work hard to earn it."
He shut his eyes, making a silent vow.
I’ll definitely… definitely pay ya back for all the hard work you’ve been puttin’ in too, partner.
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Gordon bid farewell to the ghost chefs on his way out of the kitchen. The day’s leftovers and unused ingredients overflowed from his arms—a perk of the teaching gig, which helped to feed him and his feline roommate. He mentally parsed through what was available, dreaming up new dishes for the days to come.
There was a nice chunk of fresh tuna (Grim would love it) in his brown paper bag. Perhaps he’d sear it with a sesame crust, then drizzle the seafood in a yuzu-lime dressing to brighten it. He’s plate it with a microgreens salad. Chives, arugula, celery, radish, and ruby sorrel to encourage Grim to eat a variety of vegetables.
He made his way out of the school building and down the long, winding path to Ramshackle dorm. The sun was still out, warming the worn Prefect.
On the front porch, he rustled around in his pants for the keys. When he finally fished it out and inserted the teeth into the lock, Gordon swore he heard a series of suppressed giggles from beyond the door.
Odd.
The door swung open, and he was immediately accosted.
"Welcome baaack," the Ramshackle Ghosts chirped. One ushered him in from behind, another too his groceries off of his hands, and a third tugged him along by the arm.
"Come this way! Grimmy's got a treat for ya!"
"He's been working hard on it the second he got back from his last class."
"Oooh, you're gonna LOVE it!"
"What about dinner?" Gordon protested, watching his beloved ingredients sail off.
He was thrusted into their dingy kitchen--which doubled as the dining room, thanks to the table and chairs set up in one cobwebbed corner. The same old Ramshackle he woke up to every day. Rusty knobs and hinges, chipped cupboards, electricity and running water that blinked in and out.
But there, set on a table with uneven legs and splintered wood, was something extraordinary.
It was a stout cake, iced in light blue with a layer of dripping white and several lit candles stuck into the top. Black frosting formed the vague shape of a fish, TUNA piped over it in white. A single lollipop--pale blue, and in the shape of a paw--casually rested against the cake, as if it had been tossed on top for an extra flair.
A furry mass tackled and hugged Gordon's leg.
"Grim?!"
He was suited up in his own little chef's uniform. It was deep gray, verging on black, his apron tied with a striped-purple ribbon. A tiny toque--a chef's hat-- sat between his ears, a bandage over the bridge of his nose. A smear of white icing decorated his left cheek, and he carried with him a telltale piping bag squeezed thin.
Gordon blinked. "You did this?"
"Nyahahah! Were you surprised?"
"You told me you couldn't cook to save your life."
"He can't," a ghost piped up as he deposited the groceries onto a counter. "He's worse than I was when I was alive!"
"That's why Grimmy's been getting up in the dead of night lately. Been, what? Gotta be a few weeks now."
"He's been practicing his baking and then cleaning up the traces of his crime before you get up."
"What..."
"I wanted to pay ya back, yanno! For all the cookin' and cleanin' and whatever," Grim mumbled shyly, kicking at the ground. "So I figured I'd treat ya for once! I was thinking of a sticky toffee pudding at first since that's your favorite, but... it gets so sticky, it was hard to work with!"
He patted his stomach. "I couldn't put my stuff in the trash can or else you'd notice, so I had to eat up all my mistakes too! It was a lotta effort and way harder than it looked, so you'd better be grateful!!”
Grim looked away, rubbing at his bandage.
“… It helped me better understand and appreciate all the things you do on the daily.”
It clicked.
Everything suddenly made sense. Grim's tiredness, lack of focus, decreased appetite, defensiveness—it was all for this very moment.
"... I see." Gordon bent down, a smile taking shape on his mouth. A steady kindling in his chest. “This is your way of saying ‘thank you’.”
“M-Maybe! An archmage has gotta take good care of his minion,” Grim muttered.
The prefect laughed softly. “And you’re doing a great job at it. Hang tight, I'll get the stove going and whip us up some seared tuna to go with the cake."
“Myah?! Y-You’ve got tuna? Like, the real stuff?!” Grim’s eyes were wide and sparkling. A line of drool ran down his chin. "Fancy tuna...!!"
"Yeah. We can plate some for the ghosts too--so they can join us for a meal in spirit." Gordon nodded at their other roommates. Their pale faces brightened with excitement.
"Can we really?"
"It's been so long since I was last invited to a celebration like this!!"
"Oh, but we can't eat... Ghosts don't have digestive systems. The tune would pass right through us."
"... Grim, you have eat their shares. More importantly, it's being together for the occasion that matters, right?"
"Whoo-hoo!! You're the best minion an archmage could ask for!!" Grim cheered, leaping into the air, furry fist pumping.
“Let's get this dinner party started…!”
101 notes · View notes
moni-logues · 7 months
Text
Kintsugi 9
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Pairing: Yoongi x reader
Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, eventual fluff
Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.
Word count: 6.2k
Content: MORE Yoongi POV!, um, honestly there's really not anything to warn for in this chapter, I don't think; Yoongi is not having a fun time
A/N: thank you to @quarter-life-crisis2 and @minttangerines for beta-ing this for me!!! Also, I know I have said before that this story is outlined for 10 chapters but it's going to be more like 12, so we're not THAT close to the end yet!!
Chapter Eight | Masterlist | Chapter Ten
Chapter Nine – Crush 
Yoongi stopped outside your building but you didn’t immediately move to get out of his car. You looked at him and had no name for what you felt, muddled as it was. You didn’t know what to say.  
“Thank you for driving me back,” is where you began. 
Yoongi grunted. 
“I was driving anyway.”  
“Are you ok?”  
He turned towards you and most of his face was in shadow, a lance of light cutting sharply across his face, missing his eyes entirely.  
“I’ll text you tomorrow.” 
You knew what that meant and you didn’t want to push for him to say anything more, not yet. You nodded, opened the passenger door, turned to climb out, and reached out to give his hand one last squeeze. You hadn’t been expecting him to hold on, so when he didn’t let you go, you fell backwards into your seat with a muffled ‘oof’, loud enough though to cover whatever quiet words he uttered. 
“What?”  
“Thanks for coming.”  
His voice was the smallest you’d ever heard it.  
“I’ll always be here for you,” you told him, meaning it, hoping he believed it.  
He let your hand go and didn’t stop you this time when you climbed out of his car and shut the door. You wanted to watch him drive away but you knew he wouldn’t leave until you were safely inside, so you waved and walked into your building.  
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Yoongi slipped off his shoes and called out for Cherry, but he needn’t have bothered as she was already hurtling towards him, screaming what he assumed was invective for having left her for so long. He picked her up and carried her to the sofa and he had to remind himself to be careful, to not squeeze her too hard. At least someone was happy to see him.  
He lay, his body feeling thick and heavy, and stared up at the ceiling. The apartment was dark—he hadn’t turned the lights on—and where he had been hoping it would feel like home, that he would feel relieved and comforted to be back in his own space, he felt empty. 
That raw, clawed-out feeling burnt in him. The emptiness rang out in the cold, dead space of the room. He felt skinned alive. Everything he had not wanted to deal with, everything he had been putting off, everything was hiding from, everything that scared him most in the world had come home to roost. All at once. He used to think of you when he felt like this. You made him feel one ounce lighter, one shade brighter, a little less hollow. He would think of you and remember that you were there and remember the promise that you had made and he would go to sleep and wake up to another morning.  
Now, he couldn’t even think of you. Because he couldn’t pretend anymore. Because you had come to Daegu and met his family and held his hand and nothing had ever made him feel more cared for. These feelings that he’d had, that had sparked in him the second you smiled at him and waved him over on that very first evening, that he held close to himself like a warding spell, were no longer under his control.  
He had denied them at first, obviously. Strenuously. You were friendly; he wasn’t used to people being so friendly. You were generous and sweet and overly familiar and it took him off-guard, that was all. Then you gave him a brownie and his heartstrings snapped. He carried that brownie around with him until he had to throw it away, not because he didn’t want to eat it, but because he couldn’t bring himself to make it disappear. It showed him all the ways in which you and his ex-girlfriend were different: all of the ways in which you made him feel happier and lighter and like he was having fun, like he was a person who could have fun and all the ways in which she made him feel bad and irritable and lonely.  
He tried to deny that, too, furious and sick with guilt at his disloyalty. His cowardly resolution was to not talk to you at all, made all the harder by the fact that he ended up at the station next to you and then harder still at the way you kept talking to him, the way you stopped talking to him when he didn’t utter a word in response.  
He usually took a long way home, a detour; sometimes he stopped in at a friend’s for a drink or a snack or he wandered around a convenience store, putting off going home. He didn’t that night because he felt sick with himself, made livid by his own cowardice. So he had walked into his apartment and Cherry had been curled up on sofa, which was very unlike her, but Yoongi hadn’t had to wonder why for very long. His ex had never been quiet and neither, apparently, was the guy she was fucking in Yoongi’s bed.  
He figured he deserved that, but it had also given him a really good excuse to break up with her, to kick her out, to stop feeling guilty when he had realised that he didn’t actually fucking like her at all. The relief he had felt when she left was physical. And fleeting, because then he had felt guilty about the way he had treated you.  
He never intended for you to sleep together. There was no plan. No plan other than seeing if maybe he could be the person you made him feel like. Could he be fun? Could he be a person that someone like you would like? Could he be more like you? But then you had put on that fucking dress and all he’d wanted to do was take it off. You had put on that dress and he had accidentally told you that you looked sexy and you had looked surprised, delighted, so fucking cute and he had been way past most of his inhibitions by that point so he just... kissed you.  
He knew it wasn’t the start of anything. He knew you were going to backtrack, brush him off, sweep it under the carpet. He knew and he forced himself not to mind because everything you had said was right; you had already told him enough about your relationship and break-up for him to know that you wouldn’t have wanted anything with him. And that was fine by him, for the most part. He was safe at this distance, nursing his delicate feelings in secret, unworried at the prospect of being found out or having to do anything about them.  
Besides which, you loved him. You told him that. So quickly that he automatically didn’t believe you, couldn’t believe you, because love doesn’t just spring up like that, but you told him and you called him sweet names like you did Taehyung and you teased him and you showed up and you understood and even though he didn’t think it was possible, not really, he believed you when you said it. He was happy to have you in exactly this capacity because your generosity of spirit and your kindness and the brightness of your spark carried him through. Every time he thought to himself, sad and lonely and miserable, that no one like you would ever want someone like him, that you could never see him as a real man, as a true partner, as someone you might want to be with, he reminded himself that he had you as a friend. That had been enough.  
But now, it wasn’t. Now, Yoongi couldn’t hide from himself anymore. He had, foolishly, when he had been wrung out and exhausted and it was almost five in the morning, told you that he wanted a hug and you had got on the first fucking bus to come and give it to him. It had broken him. It had broken him open and there were worms everywhere. It had been like trying to swim through mud; he was fucking drowning. Then he would see you—in the kitchen, preparing dinner; out in the garden with his nephew; looking tired and biting the inside of your lip like he knew you did when you felt self-conscious—and it was like a lungful of air. Like a lungful air getting punched out of him.  
It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough anymore to be your friend, to be at a safe distance. He wanted the distance between you to be atom-thick. He wanted to take a hold of you and never let you go. He wanted to pour his entire wretched heart into your hands.  
He knew he never could.  
You had been clear. You were just friends. You were just friends and, besides, you weren’t seeing anyone right now; you were off romance, off relationships. Everything would have had to be different for him to stand a hope in hell of getting what he wanted. Though, in a warped kind of way, he didn’t really want to get what he wanted either. Because, as much as he wanted to be with you, he didn’t want you to be with him. You deserved more. You deserved better. You deserved the best. He was far from that.  
You had said so yourself that people like you—people like the person you had been—people like Yoongi, they were burdens. You had said you were unlovable and you had said so many times that you and he were the same. He looked at how you saw yourself and he knew you saw him the same way. How you used to see yourself anyway. Because you were brighter now, lighter, genuinely happier and more confident. He didn’t know how it was possible because he had already thought you were the sun when you first met, but the brittleness of your spite had disappeared, the frequency with which you joked about dying had diminished, and there was something more peaceful about you now, the spikes of your anxiety more like ripples.  
Yoongi wasn’t ripples. Yoongi wasn’t even spikes. He was a pit. An abyss. A blackhole. And the very last thing he wanted was to suck you into the middle of it. You deserved more than anything he could ever give you, so he could never tell you how he felt. And now that feeling hurt.  
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You sent a text to Taehyung as soon as you stepped inside your apartment. 
[18:31]  You: can you please come over so I can have my crisis now? 
[18:34]  Teddy 🐻: ofc sweet thing. I'll text you when I'm on my way xxx 
The door beeped and you were just about to sit up from your slouched position on the sofa and exclaim about how glad you were that Taehyung was here, when you spotted Hyunjin just behind him and you stopped. 
“Hey!”  
You greeted them both but it came out a little more hesitant than you liked. 
“Hey! Don’t worry, I’m not staying,” Hyunjin replied with a wide smile. “My friend lives around the corner so I’m going to hang out with him for a bit but I thought I’d come up to say hey, happy new year.” 
He shrugged and your heart melted. 
“Oh, bless you! Happy new year, babe! Got any resolutions?” 
“I don’t know,” he answered lightly, casting his eyes about, nodding his head side to side. “Have more fun? Take more chances?” 
“Sounds perfect.” 
“What about y-” 
“No, do not ask about mine. I cannot even fathom having a resolution about anything right now. Why do you think Teddy’s here? He has to tell me what to do with my life, as usual.” 
As if on cue, Taehyung handed you a glass of wine from a bottle he had taken out of your fridge.  
“I’ll leave you guys to it. Just wanted to say hey. So, hey.” 
“Hey,” you repeated with a wave as he shut the door and left the two of you alone.  
Taehyung sank into the sofa with a sigh that was unlike him and you eyed him suspiciously. 
“What’s up with you?” 
“We’re not here for me, babe; this is your crisis.” 
“No, there’s something going on. You have energy.” 
“It’s really nothing,” he insisted, taking a long gulp from his wine glass.  
“Tell me or I won’t tell you anything. The entire fucking confection, Teddy.” 
He looked at you, blinked slowly, and then put his wine glass back on the coffee table. 
“Hyunjin is leaving.” 
“What do you mean leaving?” 
“Leaving Korea. He’s going to Paris.” 
“What?!” 
“Yeah... But it’s fine.” 
“Fuck off is it fine! He can’t leave! He can’t leave you! Why? Why is he going?”  
You felt betrayed on his behalf. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Taehyung and Hyunjin were perfect together, everyone knew. How could he just leave? You reached out to take his hand but he pulled it back. 
“He got a graduate scholarship thing for the- I don’t know the name, it’s in fucking French, Beaux-Arts school or something.” 
“Aren’t there arts schools in Seoul?” you demanded. 
Taehyung smiled in appreciation of your outrage, but he shook his head. 
“Not like this one. This is a huge opportunity for him; he couldn’t turn it down. I wouldn’t have let him even if he’d suggested it... And anyway, it’s not like we were serious; this was always a casual-” 
“FUCK. OFF. You and your bullshit ‘casual thing’. He was your fucking Morticia, Teddy.” 
“I’m serious,” he said, in the voice that brooked no nonsense. Then he sighed. “He’s been applying for this stuff since before we started seeing each other; this was always going to happen. That’s why we were trying to keep it casual. And I’m happy for him, genuinely. He deserves it. It’s an incredible opportunity and I’m glad that he’s got it...” 
“Just also kind of fucking sucks, too.” 
He began to nod but then it changed to a shake. 
“No. No. No, I’m not doing all of that. He leaves in two weeks. In two weeks, I will be sad. In two weeks, you can have another family emergency and take care of me when I can’t get off the sofa and want to drown in vodka ice-cream floats. But I’m not sad yet, now, because he’s still here. So it’s fine.” 
You looked at him carefully and he let you when you tried to take his hand again. 
“Ok, but also, I am really fucking sorry and you have to promise you’ll tell me when you are sad. You carried me through a break-up and I want to do the same for you.” 
“Oh, darling, I’ll be putting you through your paces, don’t you worry about that.” 
He knocked his glass against yours, as if making a deal, and you forced him to let you give him a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. Then he shuffled to face you properly. 
“Come on, then. That’s out of the way. You can have your crisis. Start from the beginning.” 
That you could do. The start was easy. 
“Ok, so I was with my parents over Christmas and we went to the supermarket...” 
“I just don’t know what to do,” you said when you very quickly reached the point at which things stopped being easy and stopped making sense. “I don’t understand. I don’t know how I feel and I don’t know what to do with that. I have Feelings, Teddy, you know this. My feelings are always big and loud and strong and I know what they are—no matter how unreasonable or disproportionate or stupid, I know what my feelings are. Always. And now I just... don’t? And I don’t know how to find out. And I don’t know what to do or what to say or what anything means and it’s all so confusing and c-” 
“Ok,” Taehyung held up a hand to stop you. “Can I tell you what I think?” 
“That’s literally why you are here.” 
“You have feelings for Yoongi.” 
It made you squirm to hear him say it out loud like that. Something didn’t feel right about it. It made you feel uncomfortable, made you want to shrink away from him and cover yourself. There was a discomfiting churning in your guts that made your body feel weak. You shook your head. 
“No.” 
“Yes.” 
You knew that you had started this, that this conversation was happening because you had said to him that you thought that maybe, actually, perhaps, you did have feelings for Yoongi but hearing him say it out loud, such a bald statement like that, made you recoil. You wanted to chop those feelings off at the root- pull them up from the roots before they could sprout. No, you couldn’t have feelings for Yoongi. 
“No.” 
“Yes.” 
“I said NO!”  
You picked up a cushion and tried to hit him, not gently, in the face. He had his arms up in front of him before it could make contact and he merely took it from you and placed it on the floor next to him. 
“And I said yes.” 
“KIM TAEHYUNG!” 
You picked up another cushion and he was so shocked that you called him by his actual name, his full name, that this one hit him square in the face. When the cushion fell, he looked at you, open-mouthed, genuinely surprised for a moment, before his face settled into exactly the sort of face a teacher might use on a child who was having a tantrum. 
“Babygirl, I can see you’re getting angry,” he said, using the most patronising tone he could muster. He even reached out and took one of your hands in his. “And what do we know about anger, hm? It’s a secondary emotion, that’s right. So what do we do when we’re feeling angry?” 
“I want you to get out of my house.” 
“No, you don’t,” he said in retort, back to his normal voice. “You want me to say that you don’t have feelings for Yoongi and everything will go back to normal and you don’t have to worry about anything. But that’s not fucking true.” 
You flopped backwards against the sofa and sighed, defeated, feeling an enormous wobble start in your chest. You did your best to beat it back but it still choked your voice when you next spoke. 
“I don’t want to have feelings for him.” 
“Why not?” 
“Because it’s Yoongi.”  
“It is. Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”  
You didn’t want to say it all. You didn’t want this to become clear. You hated the confusion but this would be even worse. Because Yoongi was safe to you; he was your safe space, in a way that was different from Taehyung, and you’d done that. You’d had a safe space; you’d had a boyfriend who was your safe space and it had been your downfall. He had broken up with you for it. You couldn’t lose Yoongi. You couldn’t go through it again; you wouldn’t make it out the other side, you just knew. 
“I love him,” you said quietly, tears brimming. “He’s my friend. It’s too much.” 
Taehyung nodded and thought for a minute or two while you sat sniffling next to him. 
“Yes,” he said eventually. “It’s scary... What about if we made it less scary?” 
You looked at him doubtfully but this was where Taehyung shone: trying to convince you of his visions. 
“Having big, new, romantic feelings is terrifying, but have you ever had a crush? That's fun, right? Like with me and Hyunjin, how I would go into the café and hope he was there and I’d see if he drew a little smiley face or flower on my cup and how I alwa-” 
“I fucking told you you were dotty about him from the start! Playing it cool, my fucking arse.” 
“Yes, yes, fine, I admit it. But it was fun. You remember having a crush, a harmless, cute, little crush that never has to go anywhere-” 
“Like you and Hyunjin, you mean?” 
He rolled his eyes. 
“Ok, fine, that wasn’t a good example, but you know what I’m talking about. That guy who always gets the same train as you, or who lives in your building, who you see from time to time and you get to just go mad fantasising about him and what he’s like and what your relationship would be like and all that. That’s fun, right?” 
Yes, you could remember those feelings. The bubbliness, the fizzing, the curling in your toes and sparkling in your eyes. You didn’t see how that could possibly apply to your situation though. 
“What I’m saying is,” he continued, reading your mind, “can you... lean into this? Lean into your feelings and just... have a crush on him?” 
You looked at him in disbelief.  
“You’re fighting your feelings right now, right? You’re so confused and upset because, as you literally just said, you don’t want to have feelings for him. You’re trying to deny it. I’m saying... don’t. Give in to it. Just to see. Try the feelings on. Maybe they’re not comfortable and you don’t like them and you do want to be just friends with Yoongi. But maybe they are comfortable and you will have clarity on what you want because you’ll have let yourself feel things.” 
“You know I’m not going to pay you for this therapy session.” 
You were pouting, sulking. You didn’t want him to be right—you never wanted him to be right about your life, even though he always was and you were always grateful to him for it in the end. You just didn’t like this part, where he was able to poke around your insides and see you better than you saw yourself. 
He grinned. 
“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, love. You said it yourself: your feelings are bloody loud. You know what you’re feeling and your feelings are arguing with each other.” 
You sighed dramatically with a heave of your chest. 
“I don’t know how to have a crush on Yoongi.” 
“That’s why you try.” 
“What if I do it and I really do have feelings?” 
“That’s when you tell him.” 
You grimaced at the thought, squashing yourself against the sofa and away from Taehyung. You could never. But you would try this crush thing; it gave you some direction, some way to channel your feelings. You would do it in the hopes that it didn’t work. You hoped whatever you were feeling now would go away. You and Yoongi were just friends. That was the whole point. That was it. Nothing more. You would prove it.  
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Your fortnightly dinners were reinstated and the following Friday was your first opportunity to test this out. A crush, you reminded yourself. A cute, innocent crush. You pretended to yourself that your nerves were excitement, that the anxiety was anticipation. That the sweat in your palms and snakes in your gut and the buzzing sound at the back of your mind—all good things.  
It got off to a bad start because Yoongi looked so worn and tired when you saw him. All your nerves were replaced with worry and a sinking in your stomach and a rift opening up in your heart. He insisted he was fine; it was weird adjusting to being back; he was still processing Daegu. He was fine, he said. He was fine. He promised you. And then you could see him making the effort to be a little brighter, to smile a little wider than he wanted to. You loved him, you reminded yourself; he was your Yoongi, your person, your friend.  
“I may have to cancel our next dinner, just so you know,” you told him as you picked up a slice of the pizza he had ordered (which is how you knew he was not fine, not really). “Hyunjin is leaving Korea and I don’t know how Teddy will deal so I want to make sure I’m available.” 
“Oh, he’s leaving? Where to?” 
“He’s going to fucking Paris to become Monet or some shit.” 
You weren’t angry with him, not really, but you were angry with the situation and it was such a clean feeling, amongst the mud of all your others, that you indulged in it. 
“That’s a real shame.-” 
“Yeah, and you never even so much as got to kiss him.” 
His mouth twitched up. 
“Truly the greatest tragedy of my life.” 
“You’ll live.” 
“Yes, but is a life in which you’ve never kissed Hyunjin really a life worth living?” 
“Guess we’ll just have to find out.” 
You felt him relax as the night wore on; he was a little less brittle, a little softer, and you hoped he was feeling better. He had spent weeks living with people--his family—and then come back to an empty apartment to live alone; that would’ve been a tricky adjustment at any time, but especially when his grandfather had just died, and especially because it was him and you knew how he felt about his family, his home, himself.  
His sharp edges worn a little smoother, though, meant that your worry eased and, without even trying to, you were looking at him differently. Noticing things you maybe hadn’t before. His hair was thick and dark and longer than you had ever seen it; it suited him. It looked good when he pushed his hand through it and it immediately fell back in strands over his face. You hoped it wouldn’t annoy him into cutting it off.  
“Your hair looks nice,” you said, without thinking, regretting it immediately when he looked at you, a surprised ‘o’ on his pouty mouth, his eyes wide and disbelieving. 
“Thanks?” 
You felt embarrassment creep up your neck and you didn’t know what to do. You suddenly couldn’t remember what you would usually do or say. You chuckled and bit the inside of your lip, hoping he wouldn’t notice. You wanted to reach out and trail your fingers through it, just a little, a gesture more than a touch but you didn’t know if that was something you would do, as just a friend. Your mind had gone blank. Would that be weird?  
“Yeah,” you said, somewhat pointlessly, to break the silence more than anything else. “It’s um, it’s long. You’ve grown it long.” 
He shrugged. 
“I haven’t really grown it; I just haven’t cut it. My mum said I should. She wanted me to cut it for the funeral actually but I didn’t have time.” 
“No, you look good with longer hair. Really good.” 
That was too much, wasn’t it? All your jitters had returned but it was almost worth it with the way his ears went pink at the tips and his mouth pulled into a pursed, shy pout.  
“I’ll tell her,” he said, a half smirk on his face, making eye contact with you for only milliseconds at a time.  
You were exhausted by the time his apartment door was shutting behind you and, when you got home, you did something you almost never do: you wrote in a journal. It was something your therapist had you do in the immediate aftermath of San breaking up with you, when your feelings were so strong and so many that you couldn’t get your mouth around them, couldn’t parse them because of the way they howled around you in a screaming gale. This wasn’t that, but you had now spent a fortnight with everything buzzing incessantly in your head and Taehyung might have helped (or might not have—jury was still out) but you had to try to find some kind of clarity, to at least purge these feelings so they existed somewhere other than your brain.  
You repeated this over the coming days, scribbling furiously whenever your mind turned to Yoongi (which it did, all too often) and you were relieved when you had to cancel your next dinner together (Hyunjin had left and Taehyung was calling you from his sofa). Relieved because all your writing made the crush thing easy; it was easy in your imagination but you didn’t know how you could do it in real life, faced with the real him.  
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You found out a couple of weeks later. You weren’t nervous this time because you felt inured to it by now. You had exorcised your anxiety and you thought you had exorcised the crush, too—you had thought of little else and the familiarity of those feelings was starting to reassure you. All the things you were feeling were things you had felt all along; you had always known he was handsome, and cute, and funny; you already knew he was kind and sensitive and generous. None of this was news to you so you didn’t need to fear romantic feelings or test a crush anymore. He was the same Yoongi he’d always been. 
Then you opened the door to him with half his hair tied in a bun on top of his head and, when you meant to say hello, what came out was, 
“U-h, um.” 
“Hello?”  
He looked at you, theatrically quizzical, and walked past you into your apartment. He placed a box on the counter—dessert—and was peering into the pan on your stove when he noticed you were still staring. 
“What?” 
You merely gestured to your head and swallowed. He mirrored your gesture and looked hesitant. 
“It stops it getting in my face,” he said, unsurely, as if you had been asking for an explanation.  
You could see his cheeks turning pink and he was reaching backwards, as if to take out the hair tie holding it there. 
“No, no!” you exclaimed. “It looks good. Uh...” You cleared your throat. “Really good.” 
You felt a little breathless, your chest a little tight, your stomach fluttering.  
It turned out that, all this time, as you had been writing down, with such confidence, all the things you liked about Yoongi, all his good qualities, all the things that anyone with a crush on him would believe, thinking that it was catharsis, that you were expelling these feelings, you had really been confirming them. You saw his smooth, shiny skin and his dark, narrow eyes, crinkling at the corners when he smiled, when he laughed, when he opened his mouth wide and showed his tiny teeth and it made your heart flutter; you saw his hands, deftly untying the ribbon he had put on the dessert box and it made your own fingers twitch with how much you wanted to touch him; your mouth was dry looking at his pink lips, the strong arch of his cupid’s bow—every time you remembered the name, you remembered Hallowe’en and how much fun you had had, how easily Yoongi had slipped in, and it made you feel warm in a way that also made you wobble. It made you feel soft and scared and like this wasn’t just a crush.  
You shook your head to dispel the thought and set about serving up dinner. You ate it, as you always had, at your little makeshift table, and you talked and you tried to concentrate on the things he was saying, but he was so close to you, always so close to you in the confines of your miniscule apartment, that you found it difficult not to let your mind wander. You could barely remember what it was like to kiss him—that night was still a blur—and it made it all the more tantalising. This knowledge that you had, somewhere in the recesses of your mind, you imagined it coming back the second you kissed him again; you would remember it from that night but it would also feel like you had kissed him a thousand times already, like your mouths knew each other in lifetimes before, like somewhere your souls had previously met and you had been doing this all along.  
“So?” Yoongi asked, nudging you with his foot and bringing you back into the room. 
“Huh, what? Yes.” 
He grinned, knowing he had caught you not listening. 
“My birthday party; will you come?” 
“What?! Oh my god, it’s your birthday?! Of course! Happy- wait, when is it?” 
His eyes were crinkling again and your heart was skipping beats. 
“9th March, a few weeks. Party is on the 10th.” 
“Obviously, I would love to come. What do you want?” 
“What do you mean?” 
“I mean as a present. What do you want for your birthday?” 
He shook his head. 
“Nothing.” 
“Yoongi, I have to get you something.” 
“No, you don’t. I don’t want anything. Just come.” 
You rolled your eyes. You decided not to fight with him because you needed to preserve your energy for worrying about what to get him.  
Usually, you had dinner and dessert and sometimes an extra drink or two and that was it, but you didn’t want this night to end. You hadn’t been spending time together outside of these dinners and you wanted to maximise this time; you didn’t want him to leave. Not yet.  
“Want to watch a film or something?” you asked as you stood from your stool and piled dishes in the sink. 
“Oh, uh, ok, sure.” 
“You pick; the remote’s on the table, I think. I’ll wash up while you choose.” 
“I can wash up.”  
He was moving next to you, reaching for the bowls in your hand. 
“Fuck off, babe. I’m doing them. You go and sit down.”  
You fixed him with a determined glare and he backed down. 
“What sort of films do you like?” 
“I’m best friends with Teddy; I promise you, I can sit through anything. Put on whatever you like.” 
“Tazza?” 
“Yeah, sure, what’s that?” 
When there was only silence in response, you turned around from the sink to see him looking at you in shocked incomprehension. 
“What do you mean, ‘what is that’? Have you not seen Tazza?” 
“Haven’t heard of it.” 
“How is that even possible? Come here right now, we’re going to watch it.” 
“Give me a minute!” 
You pushed your luck, pushed your nerves to the limit. You curled yourself into Yoongi, telling yourself that you would happily sit like this with Taehyung so why should Yoongi be any different? You were the only one who knew it was different; there was plausible deniability all over this thing! You stretched your legs out over his lap and, eventually, he rested a hand on your knee; it was heavy and warm and distracting. You shuffled down and rested your head on his shoulder; you hoped he might shift and put his arm around you, or if not around you, at least over the back of the sofa so you could snuggle down further, smell the detergent on his shirt, maybe feel the hair at the nape of his neck. He didn’t. You tried not to be disappointed. 
You also tried to follow the film, you really did, but when Yoongi’s other hand came to rest next to his other, just a little higher on your leg, over your thigh, you found yourself incapable of paying attention to anything else. You wanted to take his hand, hold it, lace your fingers with his. You wanted to trace the vein on his hand all the way up his arm, wondering if it was true what the Greeks said and it really did go all the way to his heart. You didn’t do that. You just kept staring at it, imagining that you could.  
You tipped your head up to look at him, the profile of his face; a loose strand—freed from its elasticated prison—fell over his eye and you couldn’t resist the urge to try to tuck it gently behind his ear. It immediately fell forward again when he turned to look at you. The swoop in your stomach almost made you gasp and you flicked your eyes back to the TV screen, feeling the heat in your cheeks and the stutter in your heart.  
When the film ended, you wanted to think of something else to get him to stay longer but it was already late and he was already stifling his yawns. So you let him get up, you forced him to take back some of the yakgwa he made (he may have missed that class but he certainly made up for it; they were better than any you had ever attempted), and you closed the door behind him with a sigh.  
You reminded yourself that this was a crush. It was a fun, harmless, innocent, little crush. That was all. Nothing to get carried away with. Nothing to be scared of. Just a crush. A crush. 
But it was also Yoongi and your heart was starting to ache.  tags: @chimmisbae, @idkjustlovingbts @miriamxsworld, @quarter-life-crisis2, @tarahardcore, @simp47koreancrackheads, @xyahrinx, @olyd, @diorh0seokie, @thelilbutifulthings
Chapter Eight | Masterlist | Chapter Ten
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milesluna · 4 months
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My Favorite Games of 2023.
Hi. Hello. Thanks ever so much for clicking on this page. Happy to have you.
First thing's first: I'm a little freak when it comes to video games. I don't feel the need to beat most games I play. From Software is one of my favorite studios in the industry and I've never finished a single one of their games. This means, fortunately, that I get to play a LOT more games than the average bear.
I've written up some blurbs about my top ten favorite games from 2023, but before that here's the list of every game I remember playing this year that left any sort of lasting impact on me (in no particular order):
Dead Space Remake Resident Evil 4 Remake F-Zero 99 Humanity Dredge Metroid Prime Remastered Anemoiaplois Alan Wake 2 Baldur’s Gate 3 LoZ Tears of the Kingdom Counter Strike 2 Hunt Showdown El Paso Elsewhere Jusant Slay the Princess| Remnant II The Finals Street FIghter 6 Lethal Company BattleBit Remastered Don’t Scream Homebody The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog Pizza Tower World of Horror Super Mario Wonder Mr. Sun’s Hatbox Fifa 23 Sea of Stars (Demo) Half-Life (25th Anniversary Update)
And the games I played that were NOT released in 2023:
Unpacking Persona 4 Golden Picross 7 The Order 1886 Shovel Knight Dig Lost Planet: Extreme Condition Spider-Man: Miles Morales Pac-Man Championship Edition DX Project Zomboid Quake LoZ The Minish Cap Drill Dozer Wario Land 4 Pokemon Pinball Resident Evil Revelations Summer of ‘58 Trackmania TwinCop We Were Here Visage Cursed Halo CE Half-Life 2 (I probably play this once per year) Witch Hunt Red Dead Redemption 2 Cyberpunk 2077 Borderlands 3 Brutal Legend Cultic Slay the Spire PUBG Rez Infinite Batman Arkham City Alan Wake Alan Wake: American Nightmare Max Payne LoZ: Majora’s Mask 3DS Metroid Prime Metroid Prime 2 Tunic Everhood Final Fantasy VII Final Fantasy VII Remake GOODBYE WORLD Yakuza: Like a Dragon Critters for Sale Dome Keeper Phasmophobia Hades Nintendo Switch Sports
Now that you understand the kind of freak you're dealing with…
Let's dive into my top ten favorite games from this objectively fucked up year.
10. El Paso Elsewhere Developed by Texas indie studio Strange Scaffold, El Paso Elsewhere is a Max Payne-clone with vampires, an opinionated narrator, and lots and lots of bullet time. As a small studio punching well above their weight class, Strange Scaffold leans into abstract, PlayStation 1 minimalism when it comes to visuals and pairs them with a soundtrack that will make your hands sweat. The vibes are here and they're ready for the end of the world. I'm personally also a big fan of everything this studio stands for.
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9. Mr. Sun's Hatbox I want you to imagine Metal Gear Solid V. Now I want you to imagine that game as a 2D, level-based, slapstick platformer you can play with up to three friends. If you think that sounds stupid, you'd be right. And it's beautiful. As you build up a secret army of soldiers with various skills (and disorders), you'll start to develop *favorites*. This game constantly asks if you're willing to send those favorites on a harrowing mission and risk losing them forever… or if you'd rather send an idiot you recently captured who blinks constantly and can't kill anyone without fainting.
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8. Dredge Every year I feel like I find one game that falls into the “just one more round” category, and baby… Dredge was it for 2023. As a weary fisherman in strange waters, you'll make the most out of your 12 measly hours of sunlight only for your daily voyages to inevitably pull you into the darkness of night, and night is when things get weird. Rocks emerge from the fog that you swear weren't there before, your equipment malfunctions, and you're pretty sure you just saw something in the water… something big. Despite only containing a small collection of islands, the world of Dredge manages to feel vast - perhaps vast enough to swallow you whole.
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7. Resident Evil 4 Remake I was curious to see what sort of changes would be made to the timeless classic and father of modern 3rd person shooters, Resident Evil 4. I wasn't let down. RE4 Remake takes all the things that didn't age well about the original, tossed them out, and replaced them with only good things. And MORE things! It's campy, fun, and better than a game of bingo.
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6. Jusant I really feel like this one didn't get the recognition it deserves. Jusant is a rock climbing game that combines the quiet contemplation of Journey with the mechanical specificity of Death Stranding. Unlike Death Standing, though, there is very little story to interrupt your flow. There are plenty of collectible bits to find for those curious to learn more about what happened before the events of the game, but the environmental storytelling does most of the heavy lifting. For me, the joy of the game comes from how it feels. Right trigger controls your right hand grip, and left trigger controls left hand grip. Plan your route, manage your stamina, and climb high above the clouds in search of answers.
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5. F-Zero 99 This. Shit. Slaps. I've never been a big F-Zero guy, but this MADE me one. The “battle royale”, 99 player format is the perfect fit for the ruthless, high octane world of the game. Races last about three minutes, and friend, they are the most intense, white-knuckled three minutes of your life. The decision to make your boost meter the same as your health meter started in F-Zero 64 (I believe), and it is so much more HARROWING in this game when another player could side-swipe you mere meters from the finish line and blow you to bits. Sadly it's only playable via Switch Online, but it made me cheer, laugh, and scream enough this year to earn a spot in my top 5.
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4. Alan Wake 2 Remedy makes weird games that also manage to exist in the AAA space and for that I will forever love them. Although Alan Wake 2 resembles a 3rd person shooter survival horror, I'd honestly say it's more of a narrative game than anything else. There's sidequests, there's puzzles, there's upgradeable skills, but at the end of the day the characters, world, and story are what kept me playing. If you haven't checked them out recently, you should definitely watch a story recap of the original games before diving into this sequel, but the wild swings for the fences this game takes are well worth that small price of admission. There's a god damn musical number, for Christ's sake.
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3. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom I've really got nothing to say about this game that most people don't already know. It's incredible. The fact that Nintendo made a game that redefined an entire genre and then made a SEQUEL to it that ups the ante is remarkable. To be honest, I've only cleared the Rito, Zora, and Goron cities. I got a bit tired of exploring the depths and guiding Koroks to their friends, but I can't deny the sheer level of complexity and polish on display here. I saw someone on TikTok build a functioning Mecha Godzilla in this game. Good God. I've heard that the ending of this game is one of the best in the franchise, and if I'd seen it this year then it may have wound up higher on my list, but for the time being I'll continue picking up this masterpiece from time to time, chipping away at it until the day comes that I can finally smack the tits off thicc Ganondorf.
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2. Half-Life (25th Anniversary Update) I know I'm gonna get shit for this, but I don't care. This year was the 25th anniversary of Half-Life and Valve released an update that made playing it (and it's online Death Match) much more accessible. I threw it on my Steam Deck out of curiosity, expecting to play for 20 minutes. I could not put it down. It is unbelievable how modern this game still feels. I simply had so much fun sprinting through the corridors of Black Mesa with a dozen weapons strapped to my back, blasting aliens and military Spec-Op chumps as a 24(?!) year old theoretical physicist.
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1. Baldur's Gate III This game is fucked up, man. The sheer amount of writing in this game scares me. We can all talk about how BIG this game is, it deserves it, but the thing BG3 does better than any other role playing game I have ever experienced is actually encourage roleplaying. I've played through Act I four times now, with four different groups of friends, and it has felt fresh every time. I have seen the same events play out in so many different ways that it boggles the mind, but in every one of those play sessions I see players asking themselves “What would my lil guy do here?” rather than "what is the best thing to do here?" The game rewards players constantly for just trying shit and the D&D 5e rule set means playing like the character you said you were from the start leads to frequent Points of Inspiration. Maybe one day I'll see the end of this story (probably not), but I don't have to in order to feel a connection with BG3's world, characters, and most impressively, the characters I made myself.
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Honorable Mentions for 2023
5. Dave the Diver 4. Homebody 3. Sea of Stars 2. Humanity 1. Super Mario Wonder
Top 5 Favorites NOT from 2023
5. Metroid Prime 4. Final Fantasy VII Remake 3. Cursed Halo (Halo CE Mod) 2. Red Dead Redemption 2 1. Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (3DS)
Games I didn't have a chance to play from 2023 but still want to when I find more time...
Viewfinder Venba Chants of Sennaar Thirsty Suitors Hi-Fi Rush Moonring Armored Core VI Laika Aged Through Blood Bomb Rush Cyberfunk
OKAY THANKS BYE!
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shanastoryteller · 1 year
Note
Happy halloween! Do you have more gryffindor draco or more slytherin harry? Thanks so much!
a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Ever since his conversation with Daphne, Harry has been paying attention to Draco. He sort of understands what she was talking about, even if he isn't fully convinced.
Draco is always watching everyone. He knows everything. Not just things that he can learn from a book, although in class the only one that can match him is Hermione Granger from Gryffindor, but stuff about their classmates that Harry doesn't understand how he can know at all. Considering they share a room, he doesn't even want to think about all the things that Draco has picked up about him.
In the beginning of December, Harry wakes up to Draco staring at him from his bed, which is disconcerting enough, but then he says, "You should go home with Blaise for the holidays. Or Daphne, but she has a younger sister that you will end up spending a lot of time looking after, so."
"What?" he yawns, reaching out to his bedside table for his glasses.
"I'd invite you to mine," he continues, which definitely wakes Harry up, “but even if you'd accept, my parents would eat you alive. You're not ready for them yet."
"What are you talking about?" Harry asks. Draco does this sometimes, just talks to people like they're in the middle of a conversation even though they're absolutely not. He's seen him do it to enough people that at least he knows that it's not personal.
Draco glares at him, then moves his gaze to the right. "Slytherins don't stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. But you can't go home. So you should stay with one of us instead. I already talked to Blaise and Daphne about it. Their families are good, they're not as caught up in - stuff, you know, as much as other families are. They won't care if you use the wrong fork or whatever."
Using the wrong fork isn't even something he'd known to worry about before this moment. "Why can't I go home?"
He hadn't been planning to, obviously, but that's none of Draco's business.
Draco meets his stare and says nothing.
This time Harry's the one to look away. "Daphne's. I don't mind little sisters." Or he thinks he doesn't, anyway.
"Okay," Draco says, and doesn't bring it up again.
579 notes · View notes
yyawnjun · 6 months
Text
LOVE GUIDE(SAY YES) chap2
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You wake up at 7 a.m. to the sound of your alarm clock, going to get ready for your first class at 9 a.m.
You quickly ate breakfast before preparing to leave. And you were still sleepy when you put on your headphones and shut the door to your apartment.
The blue sky was cloudless, and the sun warmed your skin slightly. A gentle breeze blew over your hair, and the music in your ears seemed to magnify the good sentiments caused by everything around you. Although it was a Tuesday morning a smile decorated your face and warmed your heart.
You entered the classroom a few minutes early and instantly noticed Dk, your desk mate, who was handing you a white bag with two cupcakes inside while his head was still lying on the desk. As you walked to your seat with the gift in your hands, your smile brightened even further, and you thanked him with a simple pat on the head.
The professor entered the classroom while you were still delighting in the things that had cheered you up that morning, and all the students fell silent.
"Good morning, everyone. As you already know there will be a collaboration with another class today. The class of your own year of Stylists." At those words, your eyes lit up as Yunjin-one of your closest friends in that class.
"Every student in the Fashion class will work in pairs with a Stylist," and your tension continued to rise.
"The teachers have already chosen the partners.
-You can see your project partners on display boards outside this classroom.
-The entire project will be completed in one month.
- The student designer will be required to create three sketches, one per week. The sketches will be produced by outside assistants.
- The duo will choose the theme, which must be approved by the teachers.
- The fashion show will be evaluated and held at the end of the 30 days.
- The grade will count for half of the overall grade.
Be creative, and good luck."
The thousand pieces of information began to run through your head uncontrollably. The professor kept talking, saying how some classes would be suspended and how it was not possible to change partners…
As soon as the hour was over all the students jumped out of the classroom, curious as to what their partner would be.
Soon after the long crowd had dispersed, and many students had gone on to their next classes.
With your heart in your throat, you got up, and after waking up Dk who was still sleeping blissfully you moved toward the board with your heart in your throat.
"…Huh Yun-jin," said Dk reading from the board as he yawned and crinkled his eyes.
"I KNEW IT! I knew I would end up with Yunjin! Today is definitely my day!!" you exclaimed happily ready to run to your friend.
"I don't know how to tell you this…but they paired me with her," and with just those words your gaze changed completely.
If Dk was with Yunjin. Who are you paired with?
You moved quickly to check the list and scrolled through all 38 names until you found yours. Connected to it was a name-and that was: Kwon Soon-young.
"Kwon Soon-young…" you uttered in a low voice as you were intent on reading his name. Your tone appeared almost like a whisper, a faint call, a manifestation?….
Kwon Soon-young at that very moment felt shiver; "someone is talking about me," he thought as he walked toward the classroom whose lesson began 10:30 a.m...
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chap1 // chap3 ; mlist
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summary: It is clear to everyone that Kwon Soon-young has a huge crush on the model student Yn. But can Hoshi, a passionate and funny stylist make her fall in love in just a month? What if he followed a weird LOVE GUIDE, that he found in the school bathroom?
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taglist(10/50): @alsktudy @kissesfrmwonwoo @marsstarxhwa @haohyo @wonwooz1 @wonwoos-wineparty @mhlsymlysn @nishloves @punkhazardlaw @manooffline
send an ask or comment under THIS post to be part of it !!
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milfsfckr · 2 months
Text
You’re late again. (Pt 2)
of sorry not professor.
Professor!Wanda x student!fem!reader
Summary: your late to class. (What a good summary)
Warnings: vaping, weed vape, swearing.
Proofread. Kinda?
A/n: i have covid womp womp. 😂
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Y/n’s POV:
I wake up from someone shaking me, and it was Nat. "Whattt" I whine "doryy it's like 9am, don't you have class in 10 minutes?" She ask "oh fuck" I mumble. "Thanks for waking me up nattyy" I say/yell and go to my bathroom.
This headache I have is killing me ugh, I go in my shower and wash my body and wet my hair. As soon as I'm done I fine something to wear, I chose a light pink crop top and some Jeans.
When I finished getting dressed I did my hair and makeup, and got my bag and left. It was 9:45am and my class has already started so i rushed out of my house and got into a random car I had.
I park at school and run to class, shit I have Ms Maximoff today, someone pray for me..please. I got to class and saw everyone there.
"Your late" shes says, "well no shit" I mumble "what did you say?" She says "well. No. Shit." I say and sit on my seat. "Stay after class Miss Y/L/N" she says and I roll my eyes.
I wasn't in the mood for anything, my headache was still there and I think I drunk too much. I didn't do anything I just watched Ms Maximoff teach, I didn't listen either.
Then I got a notification, it was from Yelena. Shes was at the back of the class, she said 'wow you had some balls' and I giggled, but not loud enough for miss to hear. I replied with 'ikr' and turned off my phone and saw Ms Maximoff looking at me.
"Who were you texting y/n?" She asked "why?" I ask "because your not meant to be on your phone in class" she says "sure" I say and opened my book to do some 'work' when really I was jst drawing random things.
And that's when she said "okay class dismissed, oh and y/n make sure you stay after class" I roll my eyes and said "for fuck sakes" miss looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders.
I got my stuff and walked up to her desk, "yes Ms Maximoff?" I say and wait for her to say what she wanted to say. "Okay y/n first thing why were you late, and second thing you need to fix your attitude" she says "I was late because um..my mum and dad went on a work trip yeah.." technically I wasn't lying?.
"Mhm" she hums "oh and the second one, that would probably never change" I say and she give me a 'what did you say' look "oh well look at the time, I have to go miss. I promise I'll be here on time tomorrow"  I says "did you say you can't keep promises or something." She says "maybe, who knows?" I say and go to my next class.
I had Mr Roger's (op I have a teacher named Mrs Roger's), and he was a dick, so I would piss him off and get sent to Ms Johansson. And that's what I did, but I got sent to Ms Maximoff. I got kick out of class and someone had to walk me there so I didn't run away, and it was Peter.
"Your in shit dory" he says "shut up, I thought I would go to Ms Johansson not Ms Maximoff." I say and he laughs. "Unlucky, but I'll see you at lunch" he says "I should kill myself right here" I say "but then you'll get blood or something on me"
We laugh and he leaves, I go in her office and she says "why are you in here?" "Ask Mr Roger's" I say and sit on one of her chairs. "Hm" she hums "can I go to Ms Johansson?" I ask her then she gave me a look, she looked jealous "she's in a meeting right now, I think that's why you got sent to me" she says coldly "oh okk" I say
"I'm boreddd" I whine "well you should've listened to Mr Roger's and not piss him off" she says "I'm still would've been bored miss" I say "I have nothing you can do" she's says
"Miss?" I ask "yes y/n?" She says "I'm bored" I say with a giggle.
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Wanda's POV:
Oh my days her giggle was so cute. "Well if you're bored you can do your homework?" I suggest "that's even more boring" she says and I laugh "well you have 5 more minutes till lunch, so I don't think you'll be bored for long".
"Okay miss" she says and draws on her hand with one of my pens, And that's when the bell rang. She gets up to leave and takes the pen with her.
“Bye Ms Maximoff” she says and I just nod my head.
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Y/n’s POV:
As I was walking to lunch I saw I text on the gc and it said everyone meet at the park, so I went there and saw someone smoking and when I could smell it I knew it was vape of some sort.
But it was only Kate and Lena, I walked over to them and sat next to Lena and she handed me it and I inhaled some and it was a weed vape.
"Lena were did you get this from" I asked then seeing a teacher coming, "wait is that a teacher?" Kate asked, me and Lena nodded and I hid the vape in my bra.
"Hi girls" it was Ms Hill, "hi Ms Hill" we all say "what are you guys up to?" She asked "nothing much just talking" I say and Kate nods her head and Lena just shrugs.
"Oh okk, well that's probably why you guys didn't hear the bell ring" she says and we just look at each other and get up, "I suggest you three get to class your teachers won't be happy" Ms Hill adds and we leave.
Lena and Kate have the same class, but i have to go to Ms Johansson's class and she likes me then doesn't  it's weird.
I was only ten minutes late when I walked and Ms Johansson just looked at me and gave me an angry look, and I just sat next to Peter.
"Where were you?" He whispered to me, "getting high with Lena and Kate" I answered and he just nods he's head.
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TIME SKIP:
Ms Johansson dismissed us so we could go to a last class of the day. None of my friends are in the class so I decided to skip, andd I still have Lena's vape soo...Thats means I won't be as bored.
As everyone was going to their classes I went to the bathroom and went into a stall, I got my phone and the vape and put the toilet seat down and sat down.
I was in there for a bit then I put the vape away cuz I didn't want to hot box the bathroom, and then put on some perfume and just stayed on my phone.
Then I heard someone open the door to the bathroom but it didn't sound like someone I knew so I just kept quiet and waited until they left.
"Y/n?" It was Ms Maximoff ugh, I just kept quiet and didn't do anything. "Ms Hill is wondering where you are" she says and I sighed
"Oh so someone is in here?" She says and stands by the stall I'm in, "y/n I suggest you come out now" she says and I still don't do anything.
She still standing there after 10 minutes like what the fuck,"y/n I can stand here all day" she says and I just huff. Then the door opens again, "Wanda?" It was Ms Johansson"is she in here" Ms Johanssons says, "mhm" Ms Maximoff hums.
"Y/n if you don't come out you got detention with me or Ms Maximoff" she says "fuck up" I mumble and stay sitting.
It was ten minutes until school was over so I decided to go out of the stall, "finally" Ms Maximoff says and I just roll my eyes "what did I say about rolling your eyes y/n" she says while looking at me
"Remember I said I don't make promises" I say with a smirk, "you have detention with me or Ms Maximoff got it?" Ms Johansson says and i just looked at her.
My Mastserlist. Pt 3
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maryannecrimsworth · 1 year
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I'm already in Nether
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Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10
Guide for tormented hearts
Pairing: Wednesday Addams x Selective mute reader
Warnings: mention of past trauma; Alp's powers; angst and disturbing poems; animal dead body
Summary: You're an Alp, the night elf of nightmares — you attacked Wednesday, and before running back home, you left a book at her door. A book about you it, the Alp. And Wednesday found a message from you between the pages.
Some reader's characteristics: R has anxiety disorder, selective mutism, and is a really unique type of outcast. Reader's background it's derived from my Wednesday fic, The Hunt.
More details of Hank background and his partnership with Wednesday here.
You're already in hell.
That's what it feels like, waking up in a skin that isn't yours, seeing through eyes that don't belong to you, living memories you haven't created — it all comes to you when you wake up, and this time wasn't different. 
After sprinting away from Wednesday's bedroom, your whole body ached as your mind burned. The flashes of what you saw rotted within your brain and your chest tightened with a feeling which was not yours. It was Wednesday's. 
The disgust of her boyfriend's lips, the anger and wrath within her mind — everything the Alp could use of her unconsciousness to torture her conscious self — and you felt the Alp's pleasure for it. Its laughter and happiness before the Addams opened her eyes. It did not please you — the feeling twisted your stomach everytime — but its feeling was there. It was there, inside you, somehow, and anguish crawled over your skin as you walked back home. 
Hank begged you not to do it, but you did: you left the book in the hallway and walked home on foot. 
The soles of your feet bruised from the repeated contact with the concrete, and your body shivered from the cold wind, but you felt nothing.
You didn't feel your own fingernails scratching your skin or the sweat dripping from your forehead, despite the cold weather.  
You felt nothing but disgust for yourself. 
X
"I need to talk to you." Hank broke into Wednesday’s room without knocking. He knew she would be there alone: saving herself from the teenagers' links and boring classes of the day. "I have been told that—"
"I'm already going to meet your brother." Wednesday told him, barely moving from her desk. "There's no need for negotiation."
"What?" Hank almost shouted. "Look, if you need a trade to meet my brother, you better stay away from him." Hank's eyes flashed with a blue light for a moment. "No, I came here to warn you. I have bad news."
"Spill it."
"Vincent Thorpe has been released from jail." Wednesday finally turned to him. "Considered innocent by the court."
"Not possible, we handed conclusive evidence to the police." Wednesday retorted. 
"All circumstantial. With Thornhill and the sheriff's wife gone, there is no relevant victim. Only Tyler could have testified but…" 
"He didn't." Wednesday muttered. "What about the Peterson's death?"
"The police told the media he was a hero and swept the whole investigation under the rug.."
"I know what I saw."
"I know you did.' Hank sighed. "But Vincent knows what we’ve done and I bet he hates us even more."
"He’s harmless now." Wednesday walked over her desk, her eyes falling down once again to the journal opened on the table. "His reputation has been completely destroyed."
"Which means he has nothing left to lose." Hank gritted his teeth and walked back to the door. "Be careful."
He was about to close it and leave when Wednesday's cold voice reached him one last time. 
"Where is Y/N?" She asked. 
"Home.” And Hank closed the door. 
Wednesday waited for the sound of his footsteps to go further down the hallway, returning to her reading once she was sure the advisor had left Ophelia Hall. 
The words echoed inside her mind as she read the poem again: the same handwriting that quoted Ovid yesterday showed itself with more complex, more hasty words in the folded paper in the middle of the mythology book. It was Y/N’s, Wednesday knew, but the words made no sense: the rhymes and dialogues held a meaning that the Addams’ didn’t quite understand. 
She read it again: 
Its fingers tickers my skull
Its fangs, its eyes, its teeth — my ghoul
"Obey and bow" It screams
"I'm you whole, the bane of your soul"
Which soul? I'm lone and torn
A scarred husk, outer and sore
My mind is it
The images flashing from its
devilish trickery remains within, filling
I'm haunted for its urge against the living
I see through its eyes, tripping
our minds linked together 
I can't escape it forever
I know: we belong together I have no blether
I'm already in Nether
“Nether” in mythology, represents hell, the place evil spirits go to burn for eternity; in reality, it’s a place lower than the superface, below the ground, where the dead are buried — either way, it represents the end, a miserable and hideous outcome, the path no sane person wants to tread, and you claimed you were already in it, in hell. 
Was it all because of the Alp? Does your “ghoul” talk to you? Did you choose to invade her mind? Why was your poem between the pages of the description of your deepest secret?
Wednesday stood up and stormed out her room, your book in her hands as she headed to Jericho, to your house, to you.
Wednesday managed to capture the keys to Hank's motorcycle in minutes: as she made her way through the crowded halls of the school, attracting eyes again by the absence of the black uniform around her body, Thing invaded and fled from your brother's office silently. 
Thing handed the key to his cousin and jumped on the back of the moto, but Wednesday pushed him away with a gesture. She started the engine and left Thing behind, driving quickly to the small house on the verge of Nevermore territory. 
During the nights of the full moon, when your brother went into the woods to train with the werewolves, it was possible to hear the howls and grunts of the packs. Locked inside your glass cell, you would stay up all night with books around you until Hank returned. 
This night, even though it was not a full moon, wasn’t different: as soon as you returned home, when the sun was already rising, you locked all the entrances and exits of your dwelling and then locked yourself in your bedroom. You weren't going to leave the place until Hank was there, no matter what: no matter what was going to happen at school the next day, or what Wednesday was going to think about you.
Now, all you could worry about was the images and whispers stuck in your head — "I love you, cara mia." the deep voice repeated itself, making you want to vomit. Then, you saw Enid, Eugene and Hank, chained to the ground, utterly motionless a few moments before the kiss. 
You knew the reason behind the kiss: you could hear the Alp giggling when it happened, you knew how much it hurted Wednesday. Being kissed again by the boy who fooled her — the one who almost defeated her — who became involved with her by a mere revenge plan, you saw the scars in her unconscious almost as clearly as the Alp did. 
You got inside her mind and saw everything — just like the Alp did. You could not stop it nor hold the memories back — the nightmares your own ghoul created used to come back in the mornings to haunt you, their images and sounds echoing within your mind as if the awful dream were your own. 
The only way to put all them out — the feeling of Tyler’s lips, the sounds of the rattling chains, the Alp’s laughter — is to write. That’s why you grabbed your journal from your cell’s floor — it was your seventh notebook so far — and started to write the whole nightmare down: its taste, its sounds, its smell, its pain. 
You were finishing the third page when a sequence of low thuds came from behind you. 
“Hank, you got it all wrong.” Your voice startled her at first. Looking at your back, Wednesday watched you sitting in front of her, she was standing in the doorway while you sat on the floor, left arm and head so bent that your spine was curved like a shell. The papers were spread in a spiral pattern around you, following almost the same extraordinary and painful curve as your posture. You looked natural, sitting in the middle of the room, with a glass cage near you and shelves full of books and notebooks all over the walls. You didn't even have a bed, only a desk and a chair next to your cell. “Mama did not come back for us” You went on, and Wednesday had to focus on the movement of your jaw and neck to believe that this was your voice: your tone was so hoarse, so low, so sharp — it did not fit you. “And I know why. I figured the—” Your voice stopped the moment your eyes rose minimally, only enough to glimpse that the shoes near your face did not belong to Hank. 
You stood up abruptly and your foot slipped on a paper, your body stooping and almost falling while your eyes were locked on Wednesday’s. 
The pencil fell from your hand before the words you were writing — the words about her — were lost again among your thoughts.
“I've come to return your book.” She stepped forward. “And your poem.”
Half of you wanted to run away, and your other half wanted to step closer, but you stood still, froze. 
“Were you in control all along?” You shook your head vehemently, soon grabbing your pencil and a paper from the ground. 
I can only watch, you wrote, handing the note to Wednesday and moving away immediately. You paced fastly over your room, jumping over the spread papers and skillfully grabbing a notebook from a high shelf. You’re already back in front of her by the time she read your note and poem one more time.
“The Alp communicates with you.” She whispered as you replaced the papers on her hands with your notebook. “You can see the nightmares it creates.”
Like a hellish haunting.
You signed to Wednesday to open the notebook but her eyes remained on something above your left hand. 
“Hank hasn’t healed you.” She stated, as if to force you to acknowledge the sling that was on your own shoulder. “Why?”
You swallowed dryly, not moving a finger nor eyebrow to reply to her.
"If you were not in control, if you can only observe, why didn't you deny it? Why didn't you defend yourself last night?" She stepped forward again, too close for you to look away from her now. “If you are not guilty, why have you not been healed?”
You took the notebook back and headed for your desk, her voice growing at your back “I could have killed you.” You used the table as a support to open the notebook and flip to the pages you wanted. “I nearly did.” Wednesday’s eyes glanced at your sling one last time before you held out the notebook for her. 
She read your writing: 
Her fingers under my skin
as she pulls off my clothes
her grip surrounding my nape,
as the cold steel brushes my wrists
"Make Mama Happy"
she whispers in my ear
"You're mine, my Hyde"
So I make stride: I go after her, for my life
lying and kissing for one more day untied
the warm skin squirming around my nails, my claws
the hot blood splits in my face and I brawl
I laugh and I cry
I scream and I thrive
Which one took over me this time?
“Is this—” Wednesday raised her eyes to you just in time to see you shaking your head and running off again. “Have you been in Tyler’s head as well?” She followed you around the room while you tried to reach another high shelf. They were not high for Hank, of course, but your entire spine snapped as you reached out to grab another notebook. You cursed beneath your breath before holding the book out to the Addams. This time, she flipped through the pages without your help.
“You write all the nightmares.” She stated, her eyes running over the words on your notebook. “You remember everything.” You nodded slowly. “That’s your living hell.”
And that’s yours. You delivered her another note, a separated paper with confusing sketches and letters. 
But Wednesday stopped reading as soon as she understood what it was about. It was about her.
“You should—” You rushed after a piece of paper before she could finish. “I wrote something.” Her whisper was enough to stop your writing and make you look at her. 
“I…”  Wednesday walked over to you, the paper squeezed between her fingers now being held out for you. “Here.”
You froze again: your eyes noticed the hesitation on Wednesday's face and you turned away. You had already seen into her mind, and in return you showed her part of yours: you needed to show her that it wasn’t your choice. 
It was never your intention to demand any kind of personal or private information from her — not when she was the only person in Nevermore who had tolerated your silence. 
Still, she kept holding the paper until the doubt left her features and you gathered the strength to read it. 
“The word is weightless on my lips, it holds no meaning or purpose, it's simply a useless prototype of feeling, which insists to ascend to my chest. Yet, it lingers in my head, its taste remains in my throat, makes twits in my guts. Neither madness nor death seems like this — it is their most acute opposite.
My path, however, is solitary, a doom for all who dare to seek closeness.
Death awaits at the end of my road.”
You smiled as soon as you finished reading her writing, and wrote your reply right below her text. Wednesday frowned as you handed the paper back to her: “God himself helps those who dares.”
Your laughter increased as a surprised expression came over her face — the curling of her lips and widening of her eyes was minimal, but you had grown accustomed to paying attention to the Addams' every feature.
She had walked over to the desk to write a reply when a sound came from outside the room.
You frowned as Wednesday lifted her head toward the doorway. You put your forefinger in front of your lips and gestured to her, then followed the sound's origin with her by your side.
It didn't take long for you to cross the hallway and reach the living room. Your eyes were drawn to the light streaming through the curtain, which was now swinging out of the broken window. 
Under the shattered glass, a corpse was bleeding on the carpet: a dead dog, its belly open, spilling its guts all over the floor.
Your hands went up to your nose and you held your breath as Wednesday examined the animal.
You knew that smell.
It reminded you of home.
@cursedchar (this whole Hyde poem thing it's your fault) @i984 (thank you for the help!) @4pparecium @toournextadventure @tnnadia @colezb @elduster @efectoangel @sweetaimu @tundra1029 @rainbowsixreader
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joka13 · 11 months
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FANFICTION: Weasley Twins x Reader (Slytherin Girl) - Part 10
WARNINGS: none
"When and where should we meet to work on your nougat?" you ask Fred and George after an excruciatingly long class of nothing but reading. You've pulled them off to the side in the middle of the hallway.
"Y'know, I haven't really given that much thought..." says Fred, clucking his tongue.
George casually leans against the wall on your right. "We normally work up in our dormitory," he says. "All of our equipment and materials are there. I just assumed you would sneak in late in the evening."
Your eyes widen in disbelief. "'Just sneak in'?" you scoff.
"Like the slippery Slytherin that you are!" Fred says, grinning widely. "Perfect! You should have no problem with that."
"Oh, but I do," you say. "I don't think I'm comfortable with going into the Gryffindor boys dorms."
George waves a hand of dismissal. "Aw, there's nothing to worry about."
"The two of us wouldn't try anything, of course," says Fred seriously. "We aren't like that at all. And we wouldn't want to get on your bad side anyway. You're going to be our savior."
You snort.
"And as for the others sharing our room, they wouldn't dare mess with you. You belong to us now," George reassures. You raise your eyebrows at this and Fred laughs.
George chuckles awkwardly as his ears turn red. "That came out wrong. You know what I mean."
"Just know that you can trust us, y/n," says Fred. "You'd be completely safe."
You agree to meet the twins in their dormitory at 9:30 that evening. You wait in the Slytherin common room, bouncing your leg anxiously. Everyone else has gone to bed, so you sit alone in the echoey dungeon. You jump at the smallest noises, already feeling guilty for breaking the rules before you've even done it. But, you are also excited. You've never done anything like what you have planned, having always been a goody two shoes throughout all of your school years... Before you know it, you glance up at the clock above the fireplace and it reads 9:25. Time to go.
You silently exit the dungeon and start for the Gryffindor common room. You tiptoe through the halls, once having to hide around a corner when Peeves the poltergeist comes floating about. You barely slip past a prefect who's marching up and down the moving staircases like a guard on watch, and then you've made it to the Gryffindor common room entrance. You approach the portrait of the sleeping fat lady and give her the password that the twins gave you.
"Mimbulus Mimbletonia," you say. The fat lady startles awake.
"What?" she asks in a daze.
"Mimbulus Mimbletonia," you repeat. You begin to worry that you got the password wrong as the fat lady stares down at you. Then you realize that she's looking at your robes, specifically your green, Slytherin neck tie. But she can't stop you because you said the password. The fat lady reluctantly opens her painting to the Gryffindor common room.
You've lived with the green and silver Slytherin common room for so long that all of the red and gold in this one feels excessive. You take your time in gazing around the room until you hear a low, gravely sound and you freeze.
Someone is fast asleep and snoring on one of the couches that faces away from you. A head full of shaggy red hair lays on the armrest. Thinking it's one of the twins, you go to wake him up. You lean over the back of the sofa, but stop yourself just before you touch his shoulder when you realize that he is not one of the twins but their brother, Ron. You quickly pull away, covering your mouth with one hand to prevent a giggle, then move to head upstairs to the boys dormitory.
Your heart beats fast as you open the creaky door to find Fred and George sitting crisscross around a cauldron on the floor in the center of the room. A strange, blue, syrup-like liquid bubbles inside the cauldron. The only source of light comes from a lantern hanging from a bed post and a chimney stove filled with red coals.
"Y/n!" the twins exclaim quietly so as not to disturb the other three boys sleeping soundly in their beds.
"Hello!" you whisper, grinning from ear to ear. The twins scoot over so you can sit down, the three of you making a triangle around the cauldron. You let out a long sigh. It feels good to finally be able to relax. The twins watch as you stretch your arms above your head.
"Everything go alright?" Fred asks.
"Well, I'm here, so... yeah," you reply, making it sound like it wasn't a big deal that you had managed to get all the way from the dungeons to the Gryffindor tower without getting caught.
George rubs his hands together excitedly. "Good, good, good. Now let's get started!"
You study with the twins for about two hours, flipping through dusty old records and potion books, taking notes, and trying not to fall asleep. It's around 11:45 when you really start to nod off, and the twins decide that you'd better get leaving.
"Thanks a million, y/n," George whispers as he and Fred follow you to the door.
"No problem," you yawn. "Just wish me luck in getting back to my own dorm. Now that I'm all tuckered out I might not be as 'slippery' as you say I am," you snicker, looking at Fred.
"Good luck," Fred chuckles. He opens the door for you.
"Same time tomorrow?" George asks.
You nod. "Sure, sure. As long as I'm not struggling to stay awake during the day."
"You get used to it," says Fred.
You hear a shuffling down at the bottom of the stairwell and Ron emerges from below, rubbing his sleepy eyes. He comes to a halt at the top of the stairs when he spots you.
"Oh... you again," Ron says, walking to the twins' doorway. You open your mouth to spout an explanation, but he holds a hand up to stop you. "I don't care. Just leave me out of whatever it is you're doing." He holds his open hand out toward Fred. "Give me back my wand," he grumbles.
Fred laughs. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." He reaches into his robes and pulls out a battered wand. He places it in Ron's palm. Without speaking another word, Ron turns around to go to his own dorm room.
"He gets grumpy whenever he's tired," George says.
"And when we steal his things," says Fred.
"Ah... Well, I best be off. G'night," you say, stepping out of the room.
"Nighty night," the twins respond together. "Take care." They blow kisses and wave at you like your mother would if you were leaving the house.
"Will do, thanks," you laugh as they close the door behind you. You are so sleepy that it is, in fact, by sheer luck that you make it back to the Slytherin common room without getting caught.
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fangirlfrom-hell · 6 months
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Absolution and Mercy (7x9-7x10) || Jay Halstead x Healstead Sister
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*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly delated my blog 🫠
This is the plot from season 7, episodes 9 and 10 but with Jay's younger sister involved in the story.
Did I cry a bit writing this? Yes I did.
Becca was usually the first one to be picked up after her afternoon classes were over, but this day she was left alone in the sidewalk. It was getting dark, she was cold and scared. At the distance she detected how a car was approaching her at full speed, but it wasn't Jay. It was Will, and she only realized that when he parked in front of her.
-"Sorry I'm so late. In my defense, Jay called me all of the sudden. I drived as fast as I could, then I got lost. Are you going to get in or what? It's freezing outside".
-"Where's Jay?" The girl asked when she was inside of the car.
-"He didn't say. He was in a hurry when he called me, he might be working in a case, something must have poped out unexpectedly. You know how it is".
-"Are you taking me home?"
-"No, I can't leave you there alone. We're going to my place. Jay will pick you up later, or I will take you back with him. He will give me a call, don't worry".
But that call never happened. During the course of the night, Will called his brother several times, but he never answered.
-"Do you think he is in danger?" Becca was starting to get worried.
-"No". Will lied. -"Maybe he's still working and he's not carrying his personal phone".
That argument didn't convince her at all.
-"It's late and you have school tomorrow, so this is what we're gonna do. Go take a shower, I'll find some clothes you can use to sleep on. I will take the sofa, so you can sleep comfy in my bed".
Not wanting to, Becca obeyed her brother. She couldn't hide her concern for Jay and Will was trying to ignore it, pretending nothing was going on. He was also quiet preoccupied but didn't want to show it. When his sister was out of the room, he gave it another try.
-"Hey, man. It's me again. Call me back as soon as you hear this...please. Bec's alright, don't worry. We're just...We want to make sure you're safe".
The sun began to set on the horizon without news of the missing Halstead brother. Will had barely slept during the night, he distributed his time between trying to reach Jay and checking on Becca, who also had a rough night. He was half asleep when a ray of light coming through the window woke him up.
-"Shit". He muttered looking at his cellphone. There were no signs of Jay.
He went to his room and found his sister sleeping under the blankets. He had to make a plan and act normal, she obviously knew something was wrong.
-"Bec". He softly moved her shoulder. -"Bec, wake up".
-"Is Jay back?" She asked half asleep.
-"No. I'm taking you home so you can get ready for school. Come on".
-"Do you think he is going to be there?"
-"We'll find out".
Will opened the door of Jay's appartment with his copy of the keys. He entered first, making sure everything was in order. Becca followed him when he gave her a sign to get in.
-"This is not good". She said. -"Where is he?"
-"I don't know. I'll pass by the 21st after I drop you off at school. Let's hope they have an answer to this mystery".
-"No. We'll pass by the 21st before you drop me off at school".
Trudy Platt was at her desk talking on the phone with the State's Attorney. She got confused when she saw both Halstead siblings entering the room, their presence wasn't a good singn, she felt it in her guts.
Sergeant Platt went up to the bullpen with Will and Becca behind her. All of the detectives were gathered there, except for Jay. The little girl looked all over the place and made a disappointed face when didn't spot her brother.
-"Hey, is Halstead on a UC run?" Trudy asked Voight.
-"Not that I know about".
-"State's Attorney is all over me. He's supposed to be in court right now. His brother and little sister are also looking for him". She pointed at them with her head.
-"He called me yesterday and asked me to take care of Becca. He was supposed to pick her up later, but never showed up. We went to his place this morning and wasn't there". Will intervened.
-"Hailey, you know anything?"
-"No, I called him a few times, but---".
-"I did too". Platt said.
-"No answer". Will concluded showing his phone. -"This is so out of character for him. He's overprotective, he would never forget about Becca like this. He didn't even called to make sure she was already with me, didn't ask if she was fine as he always does".
-"I ran the GPS on his truck...". Platt stoped and moved her eyes from Will and Becca before continuing.
-"Nothing I say will make her go downstairs". Will stated as giving her permission to keep on talking.
-"It's parked on a street in Englewood".
-"How long has it been there?"
-"All night. I ran the in-service calls to that block, there were two calls of suspicious persons at a house on that street".
Becca took a few steps to the front to reach her brother's arm.
-"Thanks, Trudy".
-"Check it out". Hank ordered to his detectives. -"We'll keep you updated". He said to Will.
-"Please find him". Becca begged the sergeant.
-"We won't stop until we find him". He reassured her with a smile and petting her head.
-"Let's move. I'll take you to school". The doctor said to his sister. -"You already missed a couple of classes".
-"Are you joking? I'm staying" She said staring directly at his eyes.
-"You'll be better at school than here or at The Med".
-"I myself will inform you when we find him, it's a promise". Trudy ended the conversation.
School was being worse than usual for Becca, she couldn't stop thinking about her brother. She was so deep in her toughts that she didn't even hear the daily mockery of her classmates. The clock was ticking slowly and her eyes began to fill with tears.
-"I'm here to take Becca Halstead". The school's principal interrupted the class. -"Take your backpack, sweetie. They're here to pick you up".
The tone on the woman's voice reminded her of that time Burgess and Roman took her to the bullpen because Jay was being threatened. She took her stuff and walked throught the hallway to find Trudy Platt at the office.
-"Here she is, Sergeant. You can take her now".
-"I promised you that I would inform you as soon as they found it. The team just found him".
-"Is he-".
-"I don't know anything else". Platt interrupted. -"I just know he was found". She lied, she wasn't the indicated to talk with her about his condition. -"Come on, I'll take you to The Med. Will is waiting there".
The Med was full of cops and detectives as usually happened when one of their own was wounded. For Will it was surreal that this time the victim was his brother, he still couldn't assimilate the fact. His mind was all disturbed constantly changing from the doctor to the brother role and viceversa. Apart from Jay's state of health, what worried him the most was Becca. Despite having notified a lot of bad news during his career, he had no clue how to discuss the situation with his little sister. He didn't want to, but he didn't want anyone else to be the one telling her the news. He was also uncommonly scared to enter the waiting room where the policemen were waiting for updates.
Hailey Upton was sitting leaning over with her elbows on her knees, the fear was evident on her face. Looking at her teary eyes it was obvios how much she had been crying. It wasn't strange at all, she and Halstead had been partners for a couple of years now and their relationship had grown to a good friendship, a very good friendship. Detective Rojas sat next to her and extended her a coffee, leaning a hand on her back as a reassuring gesture.
Kevin and Adam were also there, both standing up, for anxiety did not allow them to stay still. The rest of the place was packed with uniformed. Hank Voight was on his feet, concern was evident through his eyes. A lot of officers and commanders approached him offering their support.
With a heavy sigh and holding back a lot of emotions, Will encouraged himself to go inside with them. Everybody stood up at his presence. Detective Upton quickly positioned herself in front of him, followed by the rest of the team.
-"Hey, Everybody". Somehow he was managing to stay as the doctor, not the brother. -"I just talked to Dr. Marcel, he said the bullet grazed an artery. They are still trying to repair it".
-"Will?" Hank Voight intervened. -"Is he gonna be ok?"
-"He's lost a lot of blood". Words stuck in his throat and dried stoped talking. Ruzek gave him a pat on the shoulder to show emotional support, there wasn't relly anything else to do.
-"Will..." Maggie interrupted from the outside of the waiting room. Everyone turned their attention to the charge nurse and there was no need for her to explain anything. Becca was right behind her, her big hazel eyes wide open looking at all of the cops and some other familiar faces, trying to comprehend what was going on.
-"Oh, Bec...". Will approached to her sweating cold, with his heart raced in fear.
-"Wh--What's going on?" She asked, not being able to take her eyes off the cops. -"Sergeant Platt told me they found Jay, but nothing else. What happened?". Her voice was charged with despair.
The detectives' eyes were all on Becca, wide open as if waiting for a reaction from the girl.
-"Yeah. Ok. Hmm--there's no easy way to say this". His voice was very low and raspy. -"Jay was kidnapped, but his team found him and...".
-"Where is he? Can I see him?" The little girl interrupted calmly.
-"Jay was shot, Becca. He's going into surgery right now". As a doctor, he knew there wasn't other way of saying it.
-"Oh". The girl said as if it was a casual situation. -"But, I mean...he's going to be fine, right?".
-"He's...lost a lot o blood".
-"But it's Jay". Becca interrupted with a smiled, more as a symtom of a nervour breakdown, eyes starting to get teary. Maybe she didn't realize it, but she was avoiding the rest of the information. -"He has been shot before, he's like indestructible".
At that moment, Becca sensed how Maggie held her shoulders, and the weight of the world fell on the little girl. The atmosphere felt the same as when Jay told her that their mother had died, as same as when Will explained to her that they would have to disconnect their father. All of those memories and feelings were taking control over her, but this time Jay wasn't there to help her go through them.
-"Bec..."
-"No..."
-"Becca, he was shot in the chest, no bulletproof vest. He has lost a lot of blood...".
-"Will--". Maggie tried to stop the doctor.
-"Shut up!"
-"...but he's in surgery right now with Dr. Marcel, one of the very best in Chicago and he's..."
-"Just stop!". Becca cried.
-"Dr. Halstead!" Maggie insisted worried for how Becca was taking the news. There has to be another way of notifyig.
-"...doing his best to save our brother's life. He is in the best hands". He tried to hold her, but she refused him.
-"Is he goig to die?" Becca asked in a very low voice and bursted into an uncontrollable crying.
Will held his sister as tight as he could, so tight she was barely breathing under his arms. He tried to keep his composure, but broke down when he heard his little sister crying loud. He kissed her head, there was nothing to say, nothing to do, just be there for each other.
The intelligence team witnessed the scene and was moved by it, but most of all it made their anger grow even more. Tears rolled down Hailey's cheeks, Adam just stared at the floor with his arms crossed. Hank Voight patted Becca on the back as he passed through te sibblings to run into Burgess, who had just arrived.
-"I got an update on Angela Nelson".
-"Okay".
-"Doctors removed the bullet. She's gonna be fine".
-"Where is she?" And with that only question, they both left the place in a hurry.
With all of the movement that was generated, Will separated from Becca and took her by the shoulders: -"Come on, let's sit". They walked embraced, everyone moving to let them pass. She knew all of the detectives who were present, each one of them tried to make her feel their suport: Atwater squeezed her shoulder, Vanessa gave her a warm smile, Adam gave her a hug and Hailey sat right next to her holding her hand.
Not wanting to leave the hospital, Intelligence detectives had to withdraw due to a case assigned by Superintendent Crawford, something Hank couldn't avoid. Detective Upton was the only one that refused to leave, and no one contradicted her.
A couple of hours passed, but it felt like an eternity for Becca. There were still no news about Jay and that made her agony grow.
-"Why is it taking so long?" She was walking from one side to another, anxiety starting to increase.
-"These procedures are very delicate, they take a lot of time. You know what? You should go home". Will suggest. -"I don't think it is a good idea for you to stay here so much time. I'll find someone who can take you. You need rest, to change clothes, you haven't even eat anything".
-"I'm not going anywhere, Will". Becca answered with a stern tone that reminded of Jay's way of talking in distress. They were so alike.
-"Dr. Halstead". Maggie interrupted. -"I'm so sorry, you are requiered in the ER".
Will stared at his little sister, not knowing what to do, he would never leave her by herself in a normal day, much less under the circumstances they were going through.
-"Come on. I can't leave you here alone. Take your backpack, you can stay in the Doctor's room or in a dormitory while I find someone who can take you...".
-"I am not going anywhere, Will". Becca repeated her own words, this time with a little bit of anger.
-"Bec, I get it, I totally do. You want to stay here for Jay, but we will be updated in the ER, I just can't leave you here alone".
-"Alone? This must be the safest place in the hospital right now". She said pointing to all of the cops around.
-"I am not going anywhere". Upton interrupted before Will could continue. -"I can take care of her".
-"Hailey, you don't have to, you are already going through a lot right now and you are on duty, so...".
-"Nobody will move me from here, Will. It's ok, for real".
-"Is that all right for you?". Will looked at Becca and noticed the tiredness and sadness in her eyes as she nodded. -"Ok, all right. Just promise me that you'll eat something, kiddo". He approached to his little sister and kissed her forehead before parting.
-"Not really hungry, but I'll try".
-"Please do it for me. I'll be back as soon as I can".
His heart dropped when he walked out of the room, she also felt a little bit helpless, alone. It was true that she knew Hailey since a few years ago, she liked her and trusted her, but she wasn't her family and that's what she needed at the moment.
-"What if I bring you a hamburger from the cafeteria?" Maggie smiled to Becca. -"Don't you dare to say 'no' to me. I know it's your favorite, I'll be right back".
Becca took a deep breath and sighed, her leg was shaking a lot even standing up. Despair and anxiety were taking over her small body, she felt the urge to hit something or somebody. Her mind started going around, she couldn't live without Jay, what would she do without her big brother? She was nothing without him. A lot of memories came to her mind, good ones and bad ones. Suddenly she was crying without even noticing it.
-"Hey!" Hailey called her from her seat and forced a smile for the girl. -"Wanna join me here?".
Becca sat next to her brother's partner, not really knowing what to do or what to say. She tried to hold her tears, but failed, so she wiped them away as soon as they got out of her eyes. Hailey placed a hand in Becca's shaking leg.
-"You don't need to do that. You can cry in front of me, I won't judge you. I mean, look at me". They both smiled. -"Here, hold my hand, squeeze it. Breath with me, it will help you ease your toughts: 4 in, hold 7 and 8 out".
-"Thank you". The little Halstead sister said when she was more calmed.
-"I know you and Jay are very close. He's so private, but he still talks a lot about you with me".
-"He does?".
-"Yes. When we started working together, before knowing he had a sister, I always tought he was talking about his daughter".
-"Imagine that". Becca made a disgust gesture and laughed a bit. -"I know you two are very fond too. He never talks about work with me, but you wouldn't be here if you didn't care for him". She didn't feel like revealing right there that Jay had talked about her before.
-"He is a good partner, it's hard to find one". The girl stared at her for a few seconds, then they stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, staring at the floor. Becca was a sensible girl, she understood there was more behind Detective Upton words and suddenly Hailey felt like family.
-"I'm really scared". She confessed while unconsciously hugging Hailey's arm.
-"Me too". The detective held her tight. -"But your brother, he is a tough guy, he's strong of mind and body. And he loves you so much, he won't stop fighting to overcome this and come back to you. I can assure you that".
A very special connection was formed between Hailey and Becca in that exact moment. In Hailey's arms, Becca found the peace she needed to rest, and fell asleep while she stroked her ginger tousled hair. Inside her chest, Hailey was feeling the urgent need to protect the little girl, as if she was her own sister. She never let her go while they waited together, if anything, she held her tighter as time passed by.
Rojas found them like that when she went back to the hospital to check on Hailey.
-"Hey". Vanessa announced her presence.
-"Hey". Upton answered back in a low voice, trying to hug her roomate, but couldn't really move with Becca asleep in her shoulder.
-"I got you some gyro from Greek Islands, I tought you might be hungry".
-"That's really sweet of you. Thanks". She took the back with her unoccupied hand.
-"And I got you some clean clothes from the appartment".
-"Thank you". She genuinely smiled.
-"Have we heard anything about Jay?" She sat down next to her friend.
-"No". Upton sadly answered, unconsciously checking on Becca, who was now half awake. -"He's gonna freak out when he wakes up, the man hates needles. I can't figure him out, he's the first one through the door, a war vet. And he'd rather take a bullet than get the flu shot".
Becca, who was now listening everything, internally laughed at that last comment. That was a good description of his brother.
-"Hailey, I know how hard this must be for you".
-"It's always hard when something like this happens".
-"It's hard because you love him". Vanessa Rojas said simply.
Becca's heart began to beat a little bit faster, this time for a good feeling instead of anxiety. Of course she was in love with her brother, everything made sense now. And she knew Jay had feelings for her too. Maybe that was why she felt so secure by her side.
-"Of course I love him. He's my partner". Hailey answered to finish the conversation.
Both detectives phones started to buzz and Becca took advantage of that to pretend that she had just woken up.
-"Ruzek got a lead on the home invasion". Rojas looked at her phone.
-"Yeah. Um, I'm gonna stay". Hailey said looking at Becca, who looked devastated even after having rested a bit.
-"Is everything all right?" The younger Halstead asked when Rojas left. Hailey nodded her head, not being able to controll her sobbing. The last conversation had moved a lot inside of her and was now a mixure of feelings.
Another hour passed by and Becca couldn't take it anymore.
-"Where's Will? He was supposed to be back soon and also keep us updated.
-"He was here a few times, but you were deep asleep. He didn't want to bother you. He had no news, though".
-"I heard my favorite Halstead didn't want to leave her brother's side". A familiar voice called, it was Trudy Platt. She approached with a bag in her hands. -"So I thought it would help to bring you some clothes, hunny. I mean, CPD sweaters and pants might not be the best, but they should be more confortable than that uniform you've been wearing all day. These are the smallest I found, I'm positive they'll fit you".
When Becca came back from the restroom, all changed and carrying the other clothes, she found Hailey and Platt standing up in front of Will. Fear ran through her entire body once more, not knowing what to expect, since the three of them looked very serius. It was Hailey who spotted the little girl petrified in terror at the entrance of the room.
-"Bec". Will called her. -"He's all right. Jay is going to be fine".
-"Are you sure?" She dropped her clothes and started to cry happy tears.
-"It will take time for him to recover and I can assure you he will be a pain in the ass, but he's going to be all right".
Becca laughed and jumped into her brother's arms, who lifted her up a bit in the air. Upton and Platt presenced the scene with teary eyes of relief and a smile from ear to ear.
-"Can I see him?"
-"He's still asleep, but of course. You can wait by his side until he wakes up. Come on, I'll take you there. My shift will end in a couple of hours and then I'll fully be with you two".
-"Oh, but wait!" She turned to Hailey, before following her brother. -"You should come with us. Will, she can come with us, right?".
-"I don't think is a good idea. I'll wait in here until he wakes up, don't worry". She rushed to say before letting Will answer.
-"No. I really think you should come". Once more, there was that tone so similar to Jay comming from Becca.
-"There's no problem, Hailey. If you want to, you can come". The doctor confirmed.
When Jay woke up, Hailey was out changing her clothes. Becca was the first person he spotted when he opened his eyes.
-"Hey". He managed to say and raised his unharmed arm trying to reach his little sister, taking her elbow. -"Why are you crying?" She took his hand and squeezed it as tight as she could.
-"Because I'm happy you're alive, dummy". Jay smiled when he heard her voice.
Both siblings had a lot of things to say, but they didn't need words to express their feelings. They stared at each others eyes and it was enough to understand what they were going through.
-"I know". Jay said feeling how emotional Becca was. -"Come here". He opened his arm within his posibilities and with a lot of caution she laid down her head to hug him back. -"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry". He kept repeating in a raspy voice.
They stayed like that for a while. Jay couldn't stop thinking about his actions and what would had happened to Becca if he had died. She was the only thing on his toughts when he received the shot. Becca relaxed when she heard her brother's heartbeat, it was the definitive evidence she needed to make sure he was really alive.
-"How are you feling?"
-"Like I was asleep for a year".
-"You needed a little rest".
-"Sorry to interrupt". Detective Upton came into the scene, embarrased to be the reason they had to separate. -"I didn't noticed you were already awake".
-"Don't worry. You are just in time". Becca smiled.
-"Hailey?" Jay started and she walked to the other side of the bed.
-"You know I hate hospitals".
-"Oh, you are just fine already, aren't you?". Becca rolled her teary eyes, but the comment made Hailey laughed a bit.
-"I do".
-"You gotta get me out of here".
-"It's not optional, no".
Hank Voight entered almost immediately and stood next to his detectives.
-"Becca, happy to see your eyes lighting again". He greeted her first with a head nodd, then talked to Jay: -"How's the shoulder?"
-"It feels like I'll be flying a little crooked for a while.
-"I went and talked to Will and he said no structural damage, so you got lucky".
-"I guess you could call it that".
There was something going around Jay's mind, but he couldn't ask with the presence of his little sister. He didn't want her to leave, but he had to ask Voight, and there wasn't going to be another chance.
-"Uh, Bec--why don't you go and..."
-"I guess I'll go find Will, yes". Becca said feeling the tension.
-"How's Angela doing?" He finally asked when they were alone.
-"She's under arrest".
From outside the room, Becca saw Hailey and Voight going out having a brief conversation, they looked concerned. When they split up, the Sergeant walked into another room and Upton rushed out of the hospital.
-"Is your shift already over?" Becca asked Will when he passed by, not even noticing her.
-"Half an hour and I'm done". He said looking at his clock. -"Look at you, all smiley again".
-"Jay woke up. They are running some tests right now. He's going to loose it if there are needles involved".
-"He just received a shot and I do believe he would still be afraid of a needle". The siblings laughed.
The three Halsteads stayed together as much as they could, but it was getting late and they were tired. Becca's eyes started to close due to mental exhaustation, she had cried all day and her mind was pushed to the limit. Now that everything was calmed coudn't avoid to fall asleep although the chair she was sitting in was the most unconfortable.
-"I think it's time to go". Will said. -"She stayed by your side all day, didn't want to move for a second. She was really, really worry".
-"Maybe I wasn't the indicated to be in charge of her". Jay sighed and spat what he had in his mind. -"Maybe we should have let aun Clair take her".
-"And just let her go to New York far away from us? Like, never see her again? What are you talking about, Jay? Where is this comming from, anyway?"
-"It's not the first time I've put her in a situation like this".
-"Stop thinking about it. It's the sedatives, you are all sensible and tired and need more rest. We are good, Jay. There is no one with whom she is better than with you, not even me".
A few days passed before Jay was discharged. Becca noticed how a lot of people visited him more than once: Kim, Adam, Kevin, Vanessa, Hank, Trudy and a bunch of other cops she didn't recognize. Her brother was a beloved soul and the love he received was extended towards her. She stayed inside of the room with all of the visits, except with Hailey. She always found an excuse to go out of the room when Detective Upton arrived.
-"All right. Finally, time to go home". Will said carrying a bag. -"Got you clean clothes and other stuff you may need".
-"Thank you".
-"Are you sure you don't need a hand?" Dr. Halstead asked before going out.
-"I'm good. I'll be using only one hand for a couple of days, so I might get used to it from now on".
-"I'll be around if you change your mind. Bec, let's go. Give the man some space".
Becca already knew all of the hospital, specially the ER, so she was left alone on the hallway while Will went back to work. She went to the vending machine to get something to eat while waiting for Jay. She got a juice for herself and was about to take a bag of gummies for her brother when a voice interrupted her.
-"Isn't a little bit early for candies?" It was Dr. Charles.
-"Oh, no. These are for my brother. He is about to be discharged, I tought about getting him his favorites".
-"That's a nice gesture and I'm happy to hear he's going out.
These past days were very hectic, weren't they?".
-"You bet".
Becca started walking slowly back to Jay's room, the psychiatrist by her side.
-"Dr. Charles?"
-"Yes, tell me".
-"Did Will send you to spy on me?"
-"What makes you think that?"
-"I know you've been following me around the hospital for the last couple of days. If I go to the restroom, you are there. If I go to the cafeteria, you are there. Whenever I'm alone, you are there...and now we're here". Becca smiled.
-"Oh. It wasn't my intention to make you feel harassed. Your brother Will wants to make sure you are fine, that's all".
-"No, it's ok. I think I understand".
-"Good. Well, now that we're here, would you mind if I ask you how are you doing? Your mind and body were under a lot of stress for a long period of time".
-"I'm fine. I mean, Jay is alive, that's all that matters".
-"Hm. You are right. Anyway, I'll be around if you feel the need to talk. Even when you go back home, you know I will be here".
-"Thanks, Dr. Charles".
That last conversation was strange for the little girl, why would she need to talk to Dr. Charles? Jay was alive, everything was fine. She couldn't stop going around it in her mind, she tought about telling Jay about it, but when she was close to his room she detected someone else inside, it was Hailey. Becca stood watching from afar how the detective was helping her brother to put on his sweater, that made her smile. She didn't know what they were talking about, but from her place it seemed they were very close from each other. Becca turned and walked away to give them some space.
Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a like, comment or share. 😌♡
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joonsytip · 1 year
Text
Anonymously Yours || Joshua Hong [Teaser]
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Pairings: Joshua x Fem!Reader
Genre: Fluff, Angst, Crack, Humour (Broken coz mine), high school au, enemies to lovers au, strangers to lovers au, anonymously yours au.
Synopsis: After an accidental text message turns into a digital friendship, you and Joshua start crushing on each other without realizing you both see each other frequently in real life.
Notable Mention: You both hate each other's guts...
A/N: We are having best friend Mingyu and King Jeonghan in the house.
Banner credits to my baby @wannabeyourshua <3
Inspired By: Mexican Flick - Anonymous yours.
Dropping on : 11th March, 2023. 10 AM IST
A/N: To be added to the taglist please send an ask or comment under this announcement post or under the SVT Flick - Fic Masterlist post.
Please heart, comment and reblog if it piques your interest, would really help to keep me going <3
Main story out now, checkout here
[SVT Flick - Fic Masterlist] [SVT Masterlist]
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Teaser under the cut.
Unknown Number:
[3:05 AM] Hey!
It was great meeting you!
Maybe we should meet again sometime soon :)
What do you think?
You:
[3:09 AM] It's 3am for god's sake???
You got the wrong number!
Unknown Number:
[3:10 AM] Haha, not funny! It's me.
You gave me your number at the party :(
You:
[3:12 AM] They obviously gave you the wrong number.
Now stop right there & let me sleep!!!
The blaring sound of the alarm is hurting your ears and adding to your headache.
"Ugh, I can't even sleep without getting interrupted.", you groan but manage to lift your body to do two trivial things. One, stopping that goddamn alarm. Two, checking your phone.
8 AM. The time glares back at you.
You have a class at 9, well assignment submission to be more precise and you're still in your bed, half awake.
Next half an hour goes in a blur as you gobble down your breakfast and smoothie that your mother makes daily, it's almost like a tradition and good part is that you don't hate it. The only bad part is that the same conversation that follows everyday of them insisting you to join the family business and you dismissing them because you have a passion that you want to turn into profession.
Currently you're waiting for your best friend, Hyeri, who's never not late to pick you up.
As soon as you cross the threshold of the school, Hyeri is hijacked by Jeonghan, her tennis partner and Hyejoo, her sister situates herself with basketball teammates when she spots themselves.
And you're left alone.
And you're used to it.
The final bells rings indicating that you should be now sprinting to the class to avoid the grudges of your literature teacher.
You are with your full concentration tangling the wires of your earphones around the phone while climbing up the stairs when you suddenly bump hard into someone.
Your whips up to see the other person, glaring at you having his shirt stained in coffee which he was supposed to drink.
"Sorry, very sorry", you take out your handkerchief and just as you try to dap on the shirt, that person backs away.
"Please give me your number, I'll pay for the drycleaning.", you say politely.
"No need, I can pay for myself", that person grumbles, "Do me favour and from next time keep your eyes open while walking."
He says and walks away leaving you speechless and infuriated.
"What an idiot, I was trying to be nice.", you mutter before sprinting to the class.
Joshua is already having a bad day so when the only thing he was looking forward to, iced latte from his favourite café got spilled on his shirt because of some girl who can't walk straight, he is vexed.
Fortunately, he doesn't have classes within next hour so he goes straight to basketball ground. He has been enrolled into this high school recently so he has no friends, neither he intends to make any.
He fishes out his phone and taps on a contact who's name he doesn't know and proceeds to send a text.
Joshua:
[9:35 AM] Hey, sorry for waking you up last night.
Stranger:
[9:36 AM] No worries, I fell asleep right back.
Joshua:
[9:36 AM] A heavy sleeper it seems lol.
Stranger:
[9:37 AM] You can say that. And whoever did this to you is so mean, they could have told you no instead of doing this.
Joshua:
[9:37 AM] Ikr. I was at this party last night when my best friend insisted me to ask her number coz according to him I was checking her out.
Stranger:
[9:40 AM] Didn't work out for you :(
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Taglist: @wannabeyourshua @hoeforhao @kimmych @chocolatekdramakpopfreak @starlight-night0 @alyssng @imsjane @i-dont-give-a-fok @gaebestie @meowmeowminnie @hanniehaeism
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pretty-chaotic-world · 6 months
Text
if my BPD can scream
1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane
2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 
3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 
4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed
5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home
6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world
7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.
8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 
9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.
10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????
11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 
12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?
13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.
14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone
15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"
16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 
17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 
18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.
19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer
20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 
21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?
22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!
23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 
24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.
25. this is how my eating cycle goes
feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening
26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE
27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 
28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you
29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 
30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe
31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class
32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally
33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 
34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child
35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time
36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster
37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 
38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)
39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake
40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 
41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 
42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.
43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?
44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?
45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 
46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  
47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.
48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader
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