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#wanderingcas
hoziernaturalevents · 7 months
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Song: Wasteland, Baby!
Author: @deaniewithalittleweanie
Artist: @deancodedcastielenby
Beta: @wanderingcas
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 46,326
Pairing/s: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Aaron Bass/Dean Winchester
Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Use
Additional Tags: Post-finale, Dean Winchester Saves Castiel from The Empty, Endverse (5x04: The End), Endverse!Castiel
Summary:
With his dying breath, Chuck releases the Croatoan virus onto the world the Winchesters just tried to save from him. Fueled by rage, Dean rescues Castiel from The Empty, but the angel comes back with a screw knocked loose and most of his grace depleted. To both of them, Castiel’s confession before his death is best left unspoken of. In a world of destruction, chaos, and death, Dean has resigned himself to being chained by reality for the rest of his days.
That is, until Sam finds a lead on restoring a very weak Jack’s powers. The mission has Dean, Castiel, Jack, and Charlie criss-crossing the continental United States on the hunt for power and a cure for the virus that has destroyed civilization as it once was, all the while trying to repair the broken bonds between all of them.
Link to Fic | Link to Art
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rauko-creates · 2 years
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Spn Poetry Month Day 19 - Gender
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valleydean · 2 years
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the way I am feral over @wanderingcas's new wip. When it drops....... none of y'all will be the same. I can't stop thinking about it.
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angelinthefire · 1 year
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(for the writing ask meme!) “If there’s anything…” he trails off, uselessly. 
“I did it for you, y’know.”
Cas stops, and turns, confusion on his face.
“Did what?”
“Give up.” Dean says. 
Staring into his whiskey.
“Pull the trigger.”
He looks up from his glass. 
Looks Cas in the eye. 
Says, sounding so tired,
“To bring you back.”
Cas remembers what it was like when the Lance of Michael pierced his guts. The liquifying burn of it. 
“What?” he breathes.
This is worse. 
Cas stares at Dean, waiting for a tell, a clue, as to why Dean would say that, why he would lie. But Dean just watches him steadily. 
And with each passing second Cas feels himself fall to pieces.
With the weight. 
The responsibility. 
The blood that he didn’t know was on his hands. 
Sam’s blood.
And Dean watches. Steady. 
“You don’t mean that,” Cas says. Desperate. 
“Do I look like I’m lying?”
Cas knows what Dean looks like when he lies. It’s not like this. 
He looks resigned. 
“No.” Cas steps forward. Shaking. Pleading. “No. Dean, you saved the world. Sam saved the world.”
The corner of Dean’s mouth curls up, as if he could actually laugh at this. 
“Sam thought… ‘Hey if we’re gonna off ourselves to save everyone, we should make sure Chuck brings Cas back too.’”
Dean takes a sip of whiskey.
“Make sure we get our money’s worth.” 
His eyes slide over Cas’ body. Something dark and dead in them. 
Cas’ coat is still hanging over the chair in the den. Without it he feels exposed. 
“The cherry on top.” 
Dean shakes his head, gulps his liquor.
“He didn’t know,” he says, whisky burning in his voice. “The world coulda stayed gone if you weren’t in it.”
Dean lifts his gaze to look Cas in the eye again.
Like he’s waiting for something. 
After days of getting nothing but distance, silence, and the occasional rebuke from Dean, there’s a part of Cas that thrills at the proof, the hard proof, that Dean cares about him. 
And it makes Cas sick. 
(this scene/conversation absolutely punched me in the gut and i'd love your commentary on it!!)
Regarding this meme:
Pick any passage of 500 words or less from any fanfic I’ve written, and stick that selection in my ask/fan mail. I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the character’s heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you’d expect to find on a DVD commentary track.
About this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38411026/chapters/95991652
Oooh, thank you for picking this one. Some of the heavy parts of this fic were, honestly, kind of upsetting/depressing to write, but some of them were fun, and this was one of the fun bits. It's the first of the tentpole scenes in the fic, that the rest of the story is strung out between.
It was really fun to just blindside Cas with this reveal. To take his whole self-sacrificing, steadfast approach to Dean and fuck with it. Stick him in the pear wiggler and torture him for a bit.
When I first started thinking about writing this fic, the first big question was: how would Cas react to finding out that Dean killed Sam to get him back? There's a spectrum of denial-guilt-gratification that Cas could land on. I thought about it for a long time, and messaged some people on tumblr, and this is what I landed on. That Cas' immediate reaction is to believe what Dean says, and be overwhelmed with guilt [Sidebar 1: Sometimes I feel like my fics are arguing against that faction of Cas-interpretations where his sense of self-worth is in the negatives, and you wonder how he manages to maintain relationships at all, because he's so convinced that no one can care about him, etc etc.] and then he slips into denial as a way to deal with that guilt, and to avoid upsetting the status quo of his worldview too much. And then there is a little bit of gratification there, just for spice. Because it's interesting. Because Cas is not a perfect person, and he can have base reactions to things too.
And of course Dean is being self-destructive. He's being cruel to Cas, but in a way that he's expecting that cruelty to reflect back and hurt him. By tanking their friendship, or incurring Cas' anger, or something else. And, like, as I write in the next chapter, he does get a certain sense of satisfaction out of hurting Cas this way. It's a satisfaction that comes from getting something over with, getting it off his chest. And a satisfaction that comes from tossing aside a goal and not having to worry about it anymore -- from (he thinks) destroying Cas' opinion of him. Like, the central thesis of this fic is that Dean is not a fundamentally destructive/abusive person. He does absolutely do things that are cruel and that hurt people, but that comes from his own self-defeating tendencies, and he has it in him to change. [Sidebar 2: This fic is also an argument against certain interpretations of Dean]
This scene is also a bit of a meta-textual answer to the people who were arguing on the post that inspired the fic that Dean did not offer to kill Sam to get Cas back, that the point was to bring back everyone else in the world. My answer to that is that in the offer, Dean's life was negotiable, Sam's life was negotiable, but Cas' life was not. And that's the whole point. That emotionally, Dean was there to get Cas back. And technically, he killed Sam to save the world. But Dean knows where he was at emotionally, and that's what haunts him. That he wanted Cas back most of all. And that he killed his brother and got something that he wanted in return. That might not have technically been the trade, but that's the emotional truth of it. And that's what's fucking Dean up.
There was a comment or two that expressed surprise that this scene happened so early in the fic. But the central tension for the first 3/4th of the fic isn't about Dean revealing this to Cas. It's about Dean making himself understood to Cas. And it's about Dean giving up on trying to punish himself in the way that he'd doing here. Like, Cas keeps wondering why Dean tells him this, is it to hurt him, is it to blame him, etc. And then in chapter 9, Dean confirms that he did this for Cas, and he adds the last piece of vital information, that he loves Cas.
I spent a lot of time thinking about line breaks, lol. The frequent line breaks and short sentences/incomplete sentences both slow the eye down, and creates a sense of fragmentation. Which is part of communicating the vibe of the moment.
Another thing that I am always thinking about is having physical touchpoints to ground the scene. Sometimes you read stuff (not just fic), and it's like the characters are actors delivering lines on a blackbox stage. That's something I'm always trying to avoid. And once you start thinking about what's going on physically in a scene that opens up so many more possibilities for using action to punctuate a scene, or to create symbolism, or to set the mood. In this scene, the physicality is all with Dean, drinking his whiskey. And Cas is just standing there, absorbing this information, and the fact that he doesn't have any action, I think, also helps to make him feel kind of ungrounded, which reflects where he's at emotionally. At least, that's how I think of it when I visualize the scene.
And lastly, on the line "the cherry on top" and Cas feeling exposed. It was really, reallly important that through the whole first part of the fic, there was sexual tension between Dean and Cas. Like, they're both grieving, and incredibly fucked up, and just generally in a very dark place, AND they both desperately want to fuck. I think that was a really weird, fun energy to have.
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pray4jensen · 1 year
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HEYYY happy birthday!! <3
Thank you so much, Sam!!! :D
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rose-nobles · 1 year
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AHHH your new url is amazing!!! it suits you <3
thank u!! 🥰 we’ll see how long this lasts tho 😂
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justtheghostofnothing · 4 months
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEIDIIII PETE IS IN THE MAIL SO WATCH OUT FOR HIM OKAY?? <3
thank youu ily 💖 please tell me you poked holes in his box sam
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theirprofoundbond · 1 year
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hello! for the 2022 review questions, 18 and 23? :) thank you so much and hope you're well!!
Hey, Sam! When I saw your avatar in my inbox it made me go 😊 I’ve been away from tumblr for ages and it’s comforting to see familiar “faces.”
These questions actually stumped me for a bit! But after overthinking I came up with some (rambling) answers 😂
18. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene.
I wasn’t sure I’d find something I could share! Everything from this particular fic feels like it’ll give the game away, and I really love to try and surprise the reader (in good ways). Also, how is it that I don’t struggle with summaries at all, but ask me to choose an excerpt and suddenly my brain goes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like… I already wrote it. What’s the problem.
Anyway, here we go:
Castiel reaches for the only weapon he has: the whip. With the fall still encircling his wrist, he grips a short length of the whip between his hands, raising it just in time to block the next blow. The angel blade clashes with the chainmail and bounces off, a discordant vibration rattling through the disparate metals, through Castiel’s entire being.
Funny how scenes that almost make you lose your mind while writing them later get promoted to “favorite.”
23. How did you recharge between fics?
Does (mentally) holding your foot on the gas pedal while your brain car is stuck in mud, wheels spinning, and inside you’re screaming, “I HAVE TO KEEP GOING!!!” count as recharging?
No…?
I am bad at recharging! Like, I’ll disengage from writing and not open my documents and Notion, but it’s as if I can’t truly convince myself that I have permission to do that. (It doesn’t help that I think about my writing all the time.) But yeah, I always feel the “I should be making progress” itch (even though rationally I know that resting is part of the process, and necessary to making progress). This last year was especially tough because I desperately wanted to complete certain things and publish but I couldn’t.
I have found that the less time I spend on my computer when I know I’m not focusing on writing helps me disengage further. (Like… if you’re on your computer, the documents are lurking… and you can feel them wondering, accusingly, why you aren’t adding words to them.)
Maybe the bigger thing, though, is just… getting stuff done in other areas of my life. I find doing loads of laundry always helps to recenter me. But towards the end of 2022 Tom and I focused on household projects and tackling small to-dos we kept putting off. We finally put up bird feeders after almost a year of meaning to (and the birds were really pleased! So was a fat squirrel 😂). We ran errands and organized a bunch of stuff/rooms. I put a new screen protector on his phone, and he helped me install my big memo board in my study.
I think the key is to see something through to completion, no matter how small the thing is. I don’t know what writing feels like for you, but for me it is often hard, and very slow, and a lot of the time it feels like I’m clawing my way to the finish line. So starting tasks and finishing them, without having to feel like I’m fighting my way through them, is restorative in some way.
…I told you they were rambling answers!
Thank you for the ask 😊 And happy new year to you and your family! I'm wishing you the very best of luck with your 2023 writing goals ✨
(Here’s the 2022 in review ask game!)
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doctorprofessorsong · 2 months
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Destiel fic recs
Another round of brainrot. I hope they never fix what's wrong with me.
Beggars Would Ride by Tiamatv (Explicit, 118k)
You had me at Aladdin AU. When Dean Winchester is caught stealing, he's given one chance for freedom. Go into the Cave of Wonders, grab the amulet, and get out. Things don't go as planned. Now he's got a moody ancient genie to contend with. But maybe he can use up two of his wishes and then grant the genie his wish: to be free. What could go wrong?
This fic is an absolutely delight. I laughed so hard, especially at the fun ways Tiamatv played with the SPN canon and the Disney movies. But beyond the humor is some really fantastic world building and a beautiful story about finding your way when you feel trapped by life.
Genie Cas is very cute and grumpy and sassy, and it's fun to watch him start to care. And Dean has so much heart it will make you ache. Sam and Jess are disgustingly cute but both are also whip smart and fun. And Jo (Jess’ sister in this) is the knife girl of my dreams.
This one is hard to put down.
Tourbillon Dreams by kayliemalinza @kayliemalinza (Mature, 40k)
Dean uses Bobby's life insurance proceeds to buy a hoarders house stuffed to the brim with cursed and haunted objects. But when he finds a clock that also happens to be an angel, things take an unexpected turn.
It sounds cracky and there is some delightful humor, but this fic packs a beautiful emotional punch. Dean is in his peak caretaking, competency mode and Clockstiel is adorable and entranced with Dean in a way that is just immensely readable.
There is something starkly gorgeous about the way Dean and Cas are physically so different and yet they find each other in meaningful and beautiful ways.
Love Is a Meat Loaf Song by followyourenergy @followyourenergy (Explicit, 68k)
A reimagining of canon where Dean is never saved and becomes a demon. He's bored waiting for the apocalypse when he happens upon a certain blue eyed seraph and they decide to work together.
This fic has all the delightful sassiness you expect of Demon!Dean and especially when he spends time with his frenemy, Meg. It also has just absolutely amazing angel lore and a deep dive into Cas and his trauma. All of this is wrapped up in a soft love story about two beings finding each other and seeing each other and breaking down each other's walls.
It's the entire package of funny, sincere and romantic.
Where there is Darkness by quiettewandering @wanderingcas (Explicit, 91k)
I may have popped this on at some point when it was a WIP but I have to renew my recommendation if so. Dean and Sam are lighthouse keepers, but Dean keeps driving off the third member of their team until Cas shows up. But will they be able to overcome their past to carve out happiness?
This Dean and Cas are so delicious. I am deeply fond of them both. They are fighting against so much baggage and yet they find in each other something so special. Sammy is also perfectly oblivious in the best way. It's hard to explain what makes this fic special except that it is so engrossing, you will be slamming next chapter
Valley of God by ValleyDean @valleydean (Mature, 145k)
I know. I KNOW. The MCD tag is daunting in a fic like this but I promise that while it is accurate, then ending is softer than you think and it's really the way it should end.
So there are a few things about this fic that make it absolutely delicious. First, it really delves into Cas’ trauma in a really gorgeous way. We don’t have enough fics that look at his angel trauma (we can't for me tbh) and this one uses a religious cult situation to delve into it. Second, Dean and Cas in this fic are just so messy and delightful. Dean wants to believe that Cas is good so badly. Cas wants to protect Dean the same way. It's crunchy. Finally, the atmosphere is amazing. It's creepy. It gets under your skin.
Is it dark? Absolutely. But it's also amazing.
The Darkest Sunshine by StarlightOfFandoms @starlightoffandoms (Explicit, 35k)
If murder husbands is your thing, this one is a delight of a fic. Dean Winchester is the Righteous Man serial killer, a notorious murderer who goes after monsters (in human form). People who are guilty of abhorrent crimes. But when he goes after Cas, a professor believed to have murdered several students, he discovers an innocent man being framed. Together with Cas and his team, Dean decides to find the real killer. He just has to pretend to be Cas’ boyfriend until they succeed.
The fake dating trope in a murder husbands fic was a total delight. So was the fact that Dean doesn't work alone and has a full support system to go after the worst of the worst. It's an intriguing concept done really well. Dean in this fic is an interesting blend of sociopathic tendencies, a strong sense of justice, and a willingness to do anything for those he is loyal to. Cas is intrigued by Dean and accepts him as he is. It's a really great combination.
A Weed In Any Other Place by VioletHaze @scones-and-texting-and-murder (Explicit, 63k)
On the other end of the spectrum is this fluffy rom com. There is some angst, but most of it is soft, sweet falling in love along with supportive friends and family.
Cas is a writer. Well, Cas had a book published and now he's desperately trying to write his second while convincing himself the first was probably just a fluke. Writers block is a bitch. That is until his car breaks down and he ends up at a little shop called Winchester and Son. By some weird trick of fate, it's exactly what he needs. He has the most productive day in years sitting in their waiting room. So he comes back, and keeps coming back. The extremely cute mechanic with green eyes doesn't hurt.
Cas is a disaster at social situations in a relatable way. Dean is struggling to put away some bad lessons from his dad so that he can find what he wants instead of what his father pushed on him. Both have a lovely support system. Charlie, in particular, makes me deeply fond in this fic.
i like your shoelaces (thanks! i stole them from the president) by you-cant-spell-subtext-without (ayreisha) @you-cant-spell-subtext-without (Explicit, WIP, 33k so far)
My lovely Tumblr wife is back at it, writing the most delightfully chaotic fic based on Misha's prompt awhile back for President Cas and Fast Food Janitorial Staff Dean Winchester. It's a Cinderella story and in equal parts hilarious and adorable. Also it is a Dean-saster/Cas-tastrophe pairing which is always fun plus there's a 2 person love triangle situation.
Dean's stuck in a miserable job with his only escape being his love of How I Met Your Mother and the Tumblr blog he devotes to the fandom. But when a handsome man walks in one night after hours, things heat up. Too bad the man in question is actually the President.
It's a romp and a love letter to fandom.
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thatsveryood · 5 months
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HAPPY (derogatory) NOV 5TH!
Happy 3 years of suffering together friends!! I've put together some of my fave post-finale(ish) fics in honor of the day, so we may all suffer some more together.
i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) by @sobsicles 74.1k - grief/mourning, (temporary) character death a bit of retconning of the last few seasons of spn - what if dean realized sooner during the widower arc how he felt about cas? how would it all play out? sobsicles always throws me for a loop but this one in particular always gets me sobbing (heh)
All I Want for Christmas by Shadows_Keeper 12.6k - grief/mourning, (temporary) character death, paramedic!dean ft. dean getting to live his damn life after cas goes to the empty and sam/eileen have a family 🥺
now the weight of the world ain't so bad by the_oncoming_stormageddon 9.8k - fluff, getting together but dean is dumb about it in which cas and dean are together except dean doesn't realize it yet
Proverbs 13:12 by starlingcas (@angelcasendgame) 16.3k - literally stuck in a tree, s14 coda, (temporary) character death, they're best friends ur honor that's it, they're literally stuck in a tree and are huge adorably in-love dorks about it 🥺 takes place during s14 but then picks up after the finale which thank goodness
Kingdom Come by ahurston 17.3k - road trip reunion cas comes back 🥺 he and dean drive home and talk (and other things)
and you can use my skin by unicornpoe 5.3k - touch-starved dean, it's so unbearably soft i love it cas comes home and dean can't stop touching him (and i can't stop screaming/crying)
on the sixth day by fleeceframe 5.2k - grief/mourning, heavy drinking “You prayed my name to every angel in Heaven for six days straight.”
take the bones, begin anew by JustStandingHere (@sightofsea) 103k - idiots in love, building a home with your buddy~, stoner!cas in which dean is a huge dummy in love and is working through so so much repression, but he and cas build a home together 🥺
things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by @sobsicles 27.9k - repressed!dean, human!cas, cas stands for casanova another sobsicles bc i'm always wrecked! by! their! fics!!!!! cas comes back and dean is totally normal about it - because it's normal to mourn how straight you are so bc if only you weren't straight so you could make your best friend happy 🙃
ascend by quiettewandering (@wanderingcas) 53.3k - grief/mourning, angst with a happy ending, seriously be prepared for the angst chuck's story can't be changed - or can it? the fantastical ending to a beautiful love story that we deserved!! i cannot tell you enough how much i love this fic, so many chills throughout and that ending haunts me in a good way
hope you enjoy these fics (or enjoy re-reading them!). also if you want to get a destiel is canon pin to celebrate the day and take them off my hands, pls do
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happilyfeatherafter · 2 months
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Happilyfeatherafter's ficrec Fridays
Happy Friday everyone. Time for my third week of fics I've read and loved recently. It's been a busy one so just a few this week, but they're all brilliant and with fortuitous timing if you're not one to read WIPs as two are about to be completed this weekend. If you missed last week's you can find it here for more!
19 January 2024
it dawns darling on the daffodil pastures by fleeceframe (@tasteslikevelvet) - what can I say? I audibly gasped when I saw the email notification that this had been posted. Every fleeceframe fic is like being gently told it's okay to slip away for a little while and just feel, and oh boy does this one deliver on that promise. A new instalment in the lovely garden tending series, but can be read as a standalone, this features sweet subby Dean asking his gentle dom Cas to take care of him, with as fleeceframe says "religious tones in the sexy fashion, and a decent amount of plot sprinkled in." When a hunt almost ends in disaster, Dean reflects on what it means to have the unconditional love of his angel watching over him. (Siri, play Radio Company.)
Wait for the Ricochet by @bobwess gives me all the time travel shenanigans I could hope for bringing a young teen Sam and Dean forward to the bunker to meet tfw circa season 12. A wip, it just updated with a new chapter that totally made me cry with all the young queer feelings. A lovely balance of fish out of water plot and coming to terms with a future whilst reckoning with your past, with wonderful sibling dynamics as well as a burgeoning destiel relationship that's still tentatively feeling it's way.
where there is darkness by quiettewandering (@wanderingcas) has been such a wonderful wip to follow along and the final chapters are being posted this weekend HAVE JUST BEEN POSTED!!! so there's no better time to start reading. I'm not ready to let these guys go! With an incredible amount of research, this is lighthouse keeper Dean (and Sam) in a post-war setting exploring how Dean keeps a handle on his ptsd whilst also grappling with having seen his father die. Meanwhile Cas has a past packed full of secrets, and where better to run and hide than a job at an isolated lighthouse where nobody knows him. They're each other's lights in the darkness whilst the ghosts of the past haunt them all, in this eerie and gothic romantic story that truly grips you by the throat.
Fortunate Son by @friendofcarlotta is another wip that's about to post its final chapter NOW COMPLETE and absolute masterclass in character development. Set during the Vietnam war, Sam is a law student and conscientious objector, Cas the son of a strict rich and religious family who is bought out of participating, and Dean determined to follow in his father's footsteps to become a war hero like the stories he heard when he was younger. Despite butting heads at first, Dean and Cas soon find themselves falling for each other. But the war is vicious, and unjust, and they all must grapple with how it impacts their lives in unexpected ways.
(and heck, because I can, and because this is what I was doing last weekend in lieu of reading, here's my Dean Winchester SPNWIN voiceover audio post, and my first ever attempt at an AMV fanvid featuring Ada Monroe).
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hoziernaturalevents · 9 months
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wasteland, baby!
Hozier song: Wasteland, Baby!
Author: @deaniewithalittleweanie
Artist: @deancodedcastielenby
Beta Reader: @wanderingcas
Main Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Jack Kline
Pairing/s: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Temporary Aaron Bass/Dean Winchester
Tags/Warnings: No archive warnings apply, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-S15 Canon, Endverse/Croatoan, Recreational Drug Use, Human!Castiel, Temporary Main Character Death, Empty Rescue
Summary: With his dying breath, Chuck releases the Croatoan virus onto the world the Winchesters just tried to save from him. Fueled by rage, Dean rescues Castiel from The Empty, but the angel comes back with a screw knocked loose and most of his grace depleted. To both of them, Castiel’s confession before his death is best left unspoken of. In a world of destruction, chaos, and death, Dean has resigned himself to being chained by reality for the rest of his days.
That is, until Sam finds a lead on restoring a very weak Jack’s powers. The mission has Dean, Castiel, Jack, and Charlie criss-crossing the continental United States on the hunt for power and a cure for the virus that has destroyed civilization as it once was.
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rauko-creates · 2 years
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With My Bones Part 2: Lazarus Rising
(part 1 is here) (AO3)
“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.”
“Yeah…thanks for that.” Dean drove the knife into Castiel’s chest. 
~
“Wait, wait, wait…” Adam shoved another fry into his mouth, and Castiel could practically feel Michael’s quiet disapproval at Adam’s nutrition choices. “So, he just…stabbed you? After everything you guys went through in Hell? After he kissed you?”
“If you recall, I erased that. He had no memory of me.”
Adam huffed. “Sure. Which is a solid reason for him to deck you if he ever found that out, but…” He reached for his Coke and took a long drink. “Oh man, I've missed this. I’m not saying I’m not thankful you guys finally came back for us, but you sure took your sweet time about it. Anyway, my point is: Dean had no memory of you, you walked in and introduced yourself as the one who had saved him from Hell, and his first instinct was to stab you.”
Castiel sighed. “The thing you need to understand about your brother—”
“Not really a brother, Castiel. We didn’t grow up together, never even met him and Sam until we were adults. I don’t hate them, but there’s not really a relationship there either.”
“That is understandable.” Castiel raised an eyebrow. “But then why are you so interested in this story?”
Adam leaned back in his seat. “Michael wants to understand his brother. I’m being supportive.”
“We didn’t exactly ‘grow up together’ either.”
Adam rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. So, you were saying? The thing I need to understand about Dean is….?” Adam drug the last word out, waiting for Castiel to return to the story.
Castiel nodded, thinking how to explain. “When you were trapped in the cage, you knew you’d gotten a bad deal. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve to be dragged into our war. You didn’t deserve to be imprisoned along with Michael and Lucifer for a thing you never wanted. When I broke Sam out—as poor a rescue as it was that was later amended by Death—you knew it was wrong that you’d been left behind. You were angry, bitter,” He looked at Adam apologetically, “and rightfully so. You knew that none of this was what you deserved.” 
Adam waited quietly. He said nothing, but there was agreement in his gaze.
Castiel nodded. “Well, the thing that you need to understand about Dean—in order to understand why he does a great many of the things he does—is that he doesn’t think he deserves to be saved.”
~
Castiel looked down at the blade in his chest. 
Dean had stabbed him. Only hours ago, Dean had been clinging to him.
Castiel clenched his jaw, ignoring the flood of various confusing emotions, and pulled out the knife, only somewhat glad that it was no longer his blade that Dean had been holding. This one was a demon blade, useless. He hated that Dean didn’t know it was useless.
Castiel held out a hand to catch the crow bar that Dean’s friend was swinging at him. He wrapped his fingers around it.
Ridiculous humans and their useless weapons. 
Castiel turned and put two fingers to the man’s forehead, putting him to sleep. Then, turned back to his charge. “We need to talk, Dean…alone.”
Dean ignored him and bent to the ground.
Castiel rolled his eyes and, leaving Dean to soothe himself by confirming his friend was fine, began thumbing idly through their notes. 
They truly had thought of everything but angels. Castiel hated that Dean hadn’t known to think of angels.
“Your friend’s alive,” he told Dean impassively, ignoring the hint of sting that Dean thought he would have killed him.
“Who are you?” Dean asked shortly in response.
Castiel kept his eyes on the notes. Dean didn’t know his name. Just earlier Dean had been pleading his name. “Castiel.”
“Yeah, I figured that much. I mean: what are you?”
It was the worst deja vu. In his mind, Castiel could see Dean at the rack, blade in hand, covered in the blood of his victims as Alistair had taught him to be, demanding to know what Castiel was.
Castiel finally turned and looked at Dean as convincingly as he could. “I’m an angel of the Lord.”
Of course, again, Dean didn’t believe him. “Get the Hell out of here.” Only hours ago Dean had trusted Castiel to save him.
Bullshit, Dean had said in Hell. “There’s no such thing,” he said now.
Look, I don’t know what you are, but you’re no angel, so just cut the crap, all right?
In Hell, Castiel had growled and thrown Dean against the wall, told Dean that he could carry him out of Perdition nicely or drag him kicking and screaming.
Now, Castiel sighed. “This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.”
Dean wouldn’t be able to see Castiel’s wings as he once had—Castiel’s attempts at communicating with him before finding a vessel had proven that much—but…the silhouette of them wouldn’t hurt him…
Castiel didn’t have the time or patience for this, he thought as he extended his wings. To say he’d had a long day would be to say the sun was a little warm or that Hell was a bit dark or how their Father was a tad glorious. This day, Castiel had finally escaped from Hell with Dean only to hear threats from Heaven of throwing him back if Dean refused to be Michael’s vessel, had figured out he harbored feelings for Dean (even if their nature was still somewhat confusing), had been kissed by Dean, had erased all Dean’s memories of him and given up any hope of exploring his newfound feelings so that Dean would fulfill his purpose and Castiel could keep him safe, had defied Michael by branding Dean as his own and then protecting him, had endured his own memories being tampered with and then restored…
Then, he had arrived here, prepared to convince and help Dean to fulfill the roll that would keep him safe…and Dean had stabbed him. Of course he had.
After all, in Dean’s mind, anything that would save someone like him…must be truly detestable. In Dean’s mind, all of the healing they’d been through together had been erased. In Dean’s mind, he was a monster; and therefore, anything that would want him back on earth was also a monster with a heinous agenda.
Perhaps Castiel was.
~~~
Tagging a couple people
@petrichoravellichor @all-or-nothing-baby @synonymouslyyours @i-miss-balthazar @casblackfeathers
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foolondahill17 · 3 months
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Annual Favorite Supernatural Fic Rec List of 2023:
I bookmarked 66 fics in 2023 (and read…a lot more than that), but only 9 were written/updated in this year of our lord. SMH we gotta pump out more content, friends. Seriously though, I’ve got several more 2023 fic reads in my Marked for Later, but some are still WIPs or I just haven’t gotten around to picking them up yet. I’m sure some (like the much-hyped Lighthouse Keeper AU where there is darkness by the talented quiettewandering [@wanderingcas on tumblr]) will end up on my Bookmarked favs…but, alas, they’ll just have to wait for the 2024 recap.
The list below is in no particular order, barring the first, which has joined the ranks of one-of-my-favorite-fics-ever:
A Cliff That Knew Too Many Tides by luulapants (@luulapants)
E, early series Dean/others, 94,508 words
Partial Summary:
A canon rewrite AU diverging from the events of Some Cruel Tide, in which a shifter disguised as his father used Dean's blind obedience to molest him. By the start of S1, Dean's relationship with his father is more strained, his devotion more intense, and his life consumed by the need to hide the parts of himself he is most ashamed of.
My words:
If you’ve been looking for a gay!Dean manifesto, you’ve found it. Obviously, the subject matter is dark: warnings for past childhood sexual abuse, internal and external homophobia, past suicide attempt, and traumatic outing. It is also beautiful and heart-wrenching and scratches the swollen, itchy, weeping rash on my heart in a way that only the balm of good Dean angst can.  
Favorite part:
“I wasn’t acting out,” he blurted.
“What?”
“When I – I wasn’t trying to act out or anything.” Deacon’s presence hovered behind him like an aura, and Dean reminded himself, Don’t rock the boat. Don’t rock the boat.
Dad sighed. The line crackled, and Dean pictured him standing in a phone booth somewhere, probably huddled up against the cold. “Then what the hell would you call it?”
Dean tried out a few words in his head, imagining how they’d sound to Deacon. He ended up with, “I misunderstood. I thought I was supposed to.”
Asterism of an F-Series Ford Pick Up by disabled_dean (@disabled-dean)
M, Destiel, 17,408 words
Partial Summary:
When you've been to hell, desire is isolating and ugly.
Or: Cas drives his truck for a case and Dean is exceptionally horny about it
My words:
The way Dean’s PTSD is described in this fic, like a slow, oozing poison that awakens the longer he and Cas travel together, is tantalizing and masterful. Ostensibly, this fic is about Dean and Cas road-tripping to a case. It’s actually about how you, a monster-hunter, can come to terms (or not) with your body and soul when you think you’ve become the very thing you’re spent your whole life hunting.
 Favorite part:
"Like everything will be going fine and then all of a sudden I just. Can’t. I can't stand it. And the more fine everything is, the worse it gets and I feel-" he breaks off, eyes on his hands like they aren't his hands, thumb rubbing over and over the ring on his index finger, "It's like everyone else is living this normal fucking life and I'm still back in the pit."
Personal Space: The Final Frontier by botley
M, Destiel, Star Trek AU, WIP, 63,570 words
Partial summary
"Captain's Log, Stardate 10918.8. Captain Ellen Harvelle reporting, First Officer… Castiel… attending. After a month of bargaining with the Gehennian government, efforts to permit a search party within the Rack facilities still proved unsuccessful. Although Starfleet’s orders dictated we tuck tail and leave, I elected to disregard this decision and beam a rescue operations team down for the recovery of Lieutenant Commander Dean Winchester.”
My words:
This fic has been on my rec lists before. It’s still a WIP, but it very unexpectedly posted an update after a 3(?) year hiatus, so I’ll cling to hope until my fingernails leave a bloody, mauled mess.  This is basically a Star Trek AU where our favorite Supernatural gang are fucking around in Starfleet instead of the Midwest. Fantastic stuff – worth the read even if it does remain unfinished.
Favorite line:
"Dean made a face. Castiel decided the man was hideous."
Receding by minkmix
T, early season gen, 38,729 words
Summary:
After a visit to an old, abandoned theme park in the desert, Sam begins to notice strange lapses in Dean's memory. As his brother starts to disappear before his eyes, Sam must rush to find an answer before there isn't anything left to save... My words: A Lucky Charms fic if I’ve ever read one. Delicious, crunchy marshmallow goodness of some fantastic Dean!whump and panicked caretaker!Sam with the solid undercurrent of slightly sweetened amalgamized oat and corn cereal of a solid case fic. Yum.
 Favorite part:
“Sammy?” Dean cut him off.
“W-What is it?”
“What’s Dad’s name?”
Sam’s chest heaved as he fought himself from sounding as stunned as he felt.
“John.”
Swan Upon Leda by kelsstiel (@kelstiel)
E, Destiel real-world AU, 174,096 words
Summary:
Pediatric Surgery Fellow Dean Winchester meets baby Jack Kline and neuropsychologist Castiel Novak his first week on the job. Dean’s been accused a time or two of caring a little too much in the past and it’s hard not to care about the neurotic adoptive father and his medically needy preemie. After a series of run-ins between the pair, Dean and Cas develop a friendship that everyone else around them suspect more from immediately, though it takes them a little longer to get the memo. When Dean struggles with a particularly devastating patient loss, their mutual understanding of loss and love bring them closer in a way that neither of them could have expected.
My words: A solid, old-fashioned romantic AU. It’s unpretentious, fluffy, heart-warming, authentic and the kind of could-have-been-a-novel goodness that makes up the heart and breadth of fanfiction. Warning for infant illness and death (not Jack).
Favorite part:
"I know they say there’s a chance, but I’ve just got this feeling .” She shook her head and looked down for a moment. She looked up again and took a deep breath as if steadying herself. “I wish I could see you grow up.”
five minutes to six by saintedcastiel  (@saintedcastiel)
M, Destiel real-world AU, 23,383 words
Summary:
Castiel Novak has been the co-host of Good Morning, Lawrence! for a little over ten years when he stumbles across the story of a lifetime. But after a producer pulls the segment and tells him to forget it, Castiel begins to wonder who's really pulling the strings. Can he bring the truth to light while somehow managing to keep his co-host, and the man he loves, in the dark?
 My words: Another Goddamn quality AU. This one is a little quippier and fast paced than the Hospital AU above, but it’s full of fantastic characterization and even a last-minute breaking and entering romp. Fun that’s perfect for the whole family!
Favorite part:
“Been asking you out all week.” Dean tells him, and Castiel realizes all at once he’s right.
“Oh my god.” Castiel laughs. “You have.”
This Is Not My Beautiful Wife by luckshiptoshore (@luckshiptoshore)
T, Destiel, one-shot, 4,755 words
Summary:
“Dean,” says the man again. “This isn’t real. You need to come with me, now.”
Dean’s been zoning out again. But he can’t escape the feeling that something’s very, very wrong … and wherever he goes, a strange man in a trench coat follows.
My words: You gotta love the Djinn dream trope. This one has everything you want in a caught-in-a-fake-reality-while-your-lover-pleads-for-you-to-return-to-the-waking-world story, plus an extra dash of on-point characterization and some truly imaginative scenarios for Dean’s alternate realities.  
 Favorite part:
“We could look into adoption,” says Cas. “If you’d like. Of course we could also simply take a child, but I think that’s frowned on."
we really shouldn't be doing this by LoversAntiquities (@tragidean)
E, Destiel, 17,138 words
Summary:
After Castiel goes missing for a week, Dean finds him in an abandoned cemetery in the middle of nowhere Kansas, suffering from a mysterious welt. Only, as the hours go on, the deeper the curse grows—and Dean finds more than he bargained for, namely on every surface he and Castiel can find.
My words: This is more straight-up (not straight) porn than I usual rec, but this is a fantastic take on the from-sex-to-love fic where everyone was already in love to begin with. There’s a hefty sprinkle of idiots-to-lovers and sex-curse. Also angst, which is my bread and butter.
Favorite line:
Castiel stares up at him, his eyes gone soft, hooded. Dean thumbs over his eyelid, just to watch it flutter shut. “I’m not solely interested in you for your hands, or your mouth. They are wonderful attributes, but I don’t long for them so much as I long for you.” He leans into Dean’s palm and kisses the center. “I don’t know when I fell in love with you, but it would take the death of the universe to get me to stop.”
Postpartum Prometheus by babbyspanch, saltslimes (@dragqueenpentheus @nifedick)
E, Destiel, technically mpreg, WIP, 18,959 words
Summary
Welcome to the Supernatural renaissance. Welcome to Castiel and the terrible naissance.
My words: warning for the fact that this is technically an mpreg fic even though Castiel is an angel and not really a man. Warning, also, because this is another WIP that hasn’t been updated since the beginning of the year, so I don’t know if it’ll be finished. Basically, Dean and Cas bump uglies to unexpected results. Cas kinda freaks without telling Dean he’s his baby daddy. He also yanks out his intestines so said baby can be nice and comfortable in there. Funny and angsty.
Favorite part:
“Are those—?”
“Yeah.” He waves his hand at the door again, starting to feel like one of those used car lot inflatable men, limbs akimbo. “A total murderer looking guy just bolted that way. And not like— the regular murderer-looking people who come in.”
“And he left his organs.” Dennis thinks a moment, and then shrugs, as if this isn’t the weirdest thing he’s ever seen. He’s been working here longer than anyone Henry knows, maybe it isn’t. He opens his mouth and Henry can’t help hoping some miracle plan of action is going to fall out of it. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Um. What?”
“I don’t want to offend you.” He pauses, brows furrowed. He rolls Henry’s cup over in his hand. “What is a ‘FABINISTA’?”
Add your favorite written-in-2023 fics in the tags or a reblog!
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valleydean · 4 months
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Valley of God [Final Chapter: Read chapter 12]
a deancas horror au by valleydean (emmbrancsxx0) read from the beginning | halloween horror series
SUMMARY: Dean and Castiel have been dating for a little under a year, and things are going great - or, at least, that's what Dean thought. On the weekend before the summer solstice, Cas is hired to take a group of campers on an excursion through the Appalachian Trail in the Hundred-Mile Wilderness. Much to Cas' shock, Dean tags along. When the campers are attacked by mysterious forces in the forest, they end up in a peculiar town hidden under an eternal mist. Soon, members of their group start to go missing, and Dean can't shake the feeling that something led them to town for a purpose.
Tagged: @wanderingcas@wayward-angels-club@thetiredstuff@that-one-fandom-chick@alejandriaiqq@no-aesthetic-all-aethetic@amirosebooks@epple-benene@madimoo31@an-angel-in-love-with-a-hunter@gracelesstars@all-or-nothing-baby@sargafust@wannabe-loser@castielss @that-dumbass-on-a-horse@superduckbatrebel@casandeans@mylovelydame21@confusedisaster@destielwentcanonomg@highest-brightness@i-put-the-ayyy-in-asexual@darkacademiagay@imthedoctorlove@youcanteverknowenough@chicken-kebabs@hotactiongirlcoded@wingsandimpalas@casandhumanity@tploz @castiel-mybeloved@siriusseverusdeservedbetter@doctorprofessorsong@castielshotgirlsummer@toomuchheartcas@paintdriesfaster@angelinthefire@transdeantruther@fluffy-alpacaness@lizzybennettdarcy@kineticpassion@dascean@psychicbouquetblaze-stuff@im-some-lionheart@charlie-bradburi@bunnymcbunnister@afeelingsosweet@sinnabonka@cassandrablah@sweetpeaalena@goiwantamuffin@rauko-is-a-free-elf@ungcl@highwarlockofinnsbruck@deancaskiss@caddy-coo@bloodydeanwinchester@proudpigeon@butterscotchdean@this-is-me19@layofcastiel@claire-drinks-lovely-lemonade@harleycao@jgvfhl@thembo-cowboy@aussie-twat@slit-wrist@ilikemanythingsespeciallyyou
Please let me know if you'd like to be added to/removed from the tag list.
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inacatastrophicmind · 10 months
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All That’s Left is Hurt
After defeating Chuck, Dean expects that Jack, who is now the new God, will be able to bring back Cas, but unfortunately, Jack can’t. The entity of the Empty has managed to hide Cas from Jack, and all he can do, is wait for the entity of the Empty to make a mistake and release its grip on Castiel, which might take at least a century.
Dean, shattered by the fact that he is going to have to live his life without Cas, mourning him for the rest of his days, drowns himself into the unforgiving and painful sea of grief. And as much as he wants to give up on life, he forces to keep going, because he doesn’t want Cas’ sacrifice to be for nothing, even if the simple act of breathing hurts.
Unable to stay in the bunker anymore, haunted by the many memories he shared with Cas, Dean leaves the bunker and ends up buying a house near a lake. The house needs a lot of restoration, but Dean decides to work on it, hoping that if Cas is ever brought back from the Empty, he will have a nice home to come back to, even if Dean is no longer alive.
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Slow Burn, Depression, Pining, Grief/Mourning, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Suicidal Thoughts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Esteem Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, lake house, Fix-It, Post 15x19, Established Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Loneliness    
Read on AO3
Chapter 10 is up
Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just tell me!
@bqrbie @castieldelamancha @donestiel @wanderingcas @valleydean @becauseofthebowties @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @its-imperator-furiosa-default @butterflybooks @destielcocklesblog @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @tonysttrk @rayvynheart @carryonortega @darkmisstressofunknown @angemicwings @adastradaniel @highonmelancholy @katerinaalianovamindin
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