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zerosuitsammi3 · 2 months

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If I can take a moment to share my experience as a trans woman on the internet

My experience is by no means unique, it's just one experience in the plethora of trans feminine experiences and not unique to only tumblr. Though, I'll mostly talk about what I've experienced here. In the light of recent events, the reaction of "the ceo," and the comments he contributed regarding dog pile harassment; I simply wish to share my experiences that I have had to juxtapose the dynamic of his statements against a lived experience.

This account started as a way to document my social transition and eventually my journey with HRT. Tumblr had always had a large lgbtqia+ community. The queer people here inspired me and gave me hope. What I didn't know, but soon learned, is that there were people here who hated me for being trans. Being early in my transition I was a prime target. TERF groups would plan raids on my account. What this entailed was: rebloging my selfies into circles that would say the most vile things about me, threaten to kill, tell me I was ugly, tell me that everyone I knew thought I was a joke, I was a monster, my family hated me, that I should kill myself, they'd download and edit my photos into caricatures or depictions of violence. They would fill my ask box with hundreds of asks detailing how they'd kill me, call me slurs, describe the ways that I should kill myself, and pretty much everything else I mentioned above with the reblogs. Their words were carefully curated to try and break me, break my spirit, break my will to live. I tried reporting it. But it was impossible to keep up with, and like many others I saw no real response. Eventually I learned that I had to block all of them. 100's of blogs, eventually 1000's of blogs. My block list these days is incredibly extensive. I had to wade through their blogs, traverse sickening hate speech and imagery to eliminate entire circles of people harassing me. I became jaded to the hate speech, hardened to it. But mind you, I shouldn't have had to expose myself to all of this just to be at peace here amongst my community. I received no help, I was left to my own devices to protect myself. The people who hurt me never saw consequences. It was painful, it was unfair, and no one else should have to put the hours upon hours of effort and exposure to hate in to protect themselves like I did. But again my experience is not unique.

I have had to repeat this process of preemptive blocking periodically once a new circle discovers me. Blocking them all before they can start the process of hate all over again. A process of hate that seems to be hitting my community with rapidly increasing fervor as of late.

I've seen others experience far worse than me. The TERF circles will hunt down their personal information and doxx them. Expose their home address, telephone numbers, names of their family members. I can't begin to imagine the terror my queer siblings must feel when someone tells then that they want to murder them all while showing them that they know where you live. This is not a new thing, not a rare tactic, it happens. And we've all seen the news stories of trans people being murdered by people who planned it and were vocal about it.

I know this is depressing. And it doesn't reflect all of my experiences. I've had wonderful experiences here, met amazing people, made close friends, found inspiration, found hope. I found a community.

And it's my community, and I never want to let it go.

I do have fear that making this statement will get me banned. But, I wanted to say it. I wanted it to exist in the world so that everyone who doesn't know our experiences has a chance to understand and with luck empathize.

I'll part on these words and hope for the best both for myself and for every member of the community.

#transgender #transisbeautiful #trans #trans is beautiful #this is what trans looks like #okay to rebagel #trigger warning: transphobia #potentially triggering #trigger warning #trigger warning: description of harassment #trigger warning: description of violent harassment #trigger warning: description of suicide bating harassment #stay hopeful #stay strong #trans community #queer community #lgbtq community #spread love in the community and build each other up

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mecchantheotaku · 2 months

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When it comes to Voices designs I have a lot of designs I like but there is one specific trend I am very fond of

I believe in Smol Hunted supremacy.

That is all.

#slay the princess #seriously not only does it fit with his dialogue #but it also invites so much hurt/comfort potential #I could make a whole post on that but I realised I'd have to tag a lot of trigger warnings lmao

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jtl-fics · 6 months

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I once again request Math Nerd AU for WIP Wednesday 👀

WIP Wednesday: 11-8-23 (Open) | Math Nerd AU

Cass gets him settled back into bed. He can still hear Richard and Drake arguing over whether or not to call the police. He goes to the door and locks it again once Cass shuts it behind her.

He climbs back into bed and wonders if he can keep the brick as a good luck charm when they're done arguing about what to do with it. He wonders if some past foster kid is planning some revenge fantasy on Drake.

There's a tap on his window and Andrew is alert in an instant as his gaze snaps over to the wall.

#Math Nerd AU #AFTG #AFTG AU #Andrew Minyard #Trigger Warning Potential SA #Cass Spears #Drake Spears #Math Nerd - Alex - 11 #11-8-23 WIP Wednesday #WIP Wednesday Ask Game #4

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geopsych · 1 year

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Lost a beautiful and graceful old walnut tree in the neighborhood today. Had to listen to it being sawed and ground up. I’ll miss it but the squirrels and birds will miss it more. 🌳😢

#potentially triggering #grief #sad #tree #walnut tree #goodbye friend #loss #trigger warning death #tw death

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enhanced-operatives-division · 22 days

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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one #i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking #and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped #i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format #anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head #idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope #im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT #ieytd #john juniper #reginald crane #junicrane #starstruck #i expect you to die #<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that #the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two #make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL #GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga #thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry

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sunnygrey99 · 9 months

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Honey, Smoke, Lemon, and Oak Pt. 1

~Trigger Warning: Typical TLOU warnings. (minors DNI) If any other Triggers apply please let me know.~

Story Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Violence, Murder, Death, Smut

A/N: Most chapters will be between 1-3k words. If you have any feedback please feel free to comment or message me! Thanks for reading.

Wordcount: 1,181

Summary: Plus size!Reader is a Beekeeper and Medical Scientist living in Jackson. A simple meeting of a new friend slowly becomes so much more. Reader is immune (This fic will have very dark tones though out. This deals with the unfortunate reality that men do disgusting things to women regardless of the world having ended. All chapters will include warnings and tag warnings. Please take care in reading.)

The sun beat down over the garden in Jackson. A hot, summer day as you kneel in the tomato plants standing tall against their chicken-wires. Both green and red fruits hanging from the thick vines. You pick through them slowly ensuring to only grab what is ready and needed for the day. Laying each delicately in a harvesting basket, hearing your nickname being called from a distance away. You turn, looking over your shoulder and smiling slightly as you see your friends Tommy and Maria heading to you with a seemingly new person. As you stand you wipe your hands on your apron and start heading to met them at the front of your greenhouse.

“Hey Tommy, Maria,” You nod to each of them. “Always good to see you two. Who’s this you got with you?”

Tommy smiles broadly as he steps aside and motions to the taller man, “This is my brother Joel. Brought ‘em by since he is gonna be stayin’ in town now. I also think Joel here might be able to help you.”

You roll your eyes at Tommy and chuckle light heartedly, “You know damn well I don’t need the help. I’ve got it covered. No sense in making others do my work.”

Maria tisks at you, “You don’t need it but it’ll help speed along the process. Besides Joel was a carpenter and that whole side of your barn has been messed up for the last 3 years.”

You knew it wasn’t meant to be malicious and she just wants to help, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make you feel bad accepting any favors. You look down and wring your hands for a moment in thought. Looking back up to the two. Joel was an interesting sight to take in. His features strong yet tired looking, beautiful wrinkles just dusting his eyes, mouth and forehead. Eyes stunning but filled with a dark sadness, one that only decades of death and killing could bring. You can only imagine that yours show the same in turn.

Nodding to the others as you make your decision. “Alright fine but he’s not doing it for free. I can offer fresh baked goods, stuff I’ve canned and the best honey you can find in any other state.” You notice the man’s eyebrows raise at the mention of honey.

Apparently Tommy noticed too. A small chuckle escapes him as he pats his brother’s shoulder and looks to you, “If you give this man even your worst honey comb he’ll never leave you alone. He use to be able to sniff that stuff out the second ma brought it home.” Joel’s ears tinged a slight pink before he elbowed his brother.

“It ain’t necessary miss but I won’t say no to honey of any kind.” His eyes seemed to lighten for just a moment as he looks back from his brother to you. A sight that makes your heart leap a bit in your chest.

“Right well let me know when you are all settled in and I can show you what the problem is with the barn. By then I’ll have some fresh honey collected for you.”

He nods to you. Some more pleasantries are exchanged before they are back on their way leaving you with a new excitement and sudden looming anxiety. This may be Tommy’s brother but you don’t know this man. He could continue to be a calming person to be around or bring more chaos and trauma to your life. Only time will tell.

~~~

As Joel walked along the street a day later to his home he couldn’t stop thinking about the garden girl from yesterday. Her sad yet sweet eyes and kind features. The second he saw her he felt the need to soak in every detail of her from the color of her hair to the curves of her body even down to the scar on her cheek and the other poking out from the collar of her shirt. The one on her cheek being from some sort of sharp blade. The other looked to be some sort of burn. He wondered how she got them as he walked up his front porch steps and into the home. “Ellie I’m back!” He steps out of his shoes after a long day of getting familiar with Jackson and starts heading to the kitchen for a cold glass of water.

“Hey Joel!” Ellie comes bounding around the corner with something in her hands. She shoves the basket into Joel’s arms, “Look! Someone left this for us on the porch!”

Joel lets out a small huff at the object having been pushed into him and he looks down at the brown weaved basket. On top was a note. As he sets the basket on the kitchen counter he picks the note up to read. In pretty lettering and some kind of black ink it read

I hope this finds you well, consider it your welcoming gift. I heard you have a kiddo with you so I hope this is enough for a few days. -from, Bunny The Beekeeper

Joel cracks a slight smile as he sets the note aside and opens the basket. His eyes widen and he has to let out a laugh at the sheer amount she gave the two of them. It looks like 4 jars of a dark and likely rich honey, several containers of honeycomb, fresh baked bread and pastries. He looks to Ellie “You have any of this yet?”

Ellie nods enthusiastically, “Those little triangle things are sooooo good. They have this…gooey stuff in it and frosting on top. Whoever made these I have to meet and we need a lifetime supply.”

Another laugh escapes the man as he picks one out himself, “Well I’m headed over tomorrow to work on her barn if you want to come with. Maybe I can teach ya a thing or two.”

She jumps up and woos before heading back off to her room in the garage. Joel shakes his head as he brings the pastry up to his mouth. It takes a moment before the taste registers on his tongue. It wasn’t just any old pastry. This was a honey lemon custard wrapped in the softest flaky dough. He nearly moans at the sheer flavor in a single bite. The frosting on top just light enough to compliment the rest of the sweet treat. He’d be ashamed to admit to anyone how quickly he ate the rest of it. It was only moments later he breaks open a honeycomb and devours that as well. Its been years since the man has had any honey let alone honey that’s this good. In fact there is something about this honey he can’t quite put his finger on why it tastes so much better than others he’s ever had.

Joel spends the rest of the night thinking about that damn honeycomb and it’s the first thing he eats in the morning before heading out with Ellie to the Beekeepers home.

Part 2

If you would like to be tagged in my works please feel free to message me and let me know who/what fandoms you’d like to be tagged in. I plan to write for at least The Walking Dead, Shameless(US), Marvel(MCU and Comics), DC(All), Teen Wolf and The Last of Us

#joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller #ellie williams #the last of us #tommy miller #maria miller #long reads #potentially triggering #trigger warning #plus size reader #reader insert #pregnancy

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xxlea-nardoxx · 10 months

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"Said you wanna see my bad side. No, I don't think you wanna know what that's like."

I'm weirdly obsessed with creepy Don. It started with him being a horror fan, then his creepily glowing eyes from that potion and now I imagine him getting all scary, when you get on his bad side and truly piss him off.

#tmnt #tmnt au #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt 2012 au #tmnt universes au #tmnt au don #tmnt au kids #my art #listening to a lot of creepy and dark songs lately #so it only fueled my love for creepy Don #pls tell me if this needs any potential trigger warnings #tw eye contact

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bellasbookclub · 8 months

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Join us next month for our first book discussion of New Moon Season—on L.M. Montgomery's Emily of New Moon!

You've heard of Anne of Green Gables, but have you met Emily? She loves cats, writes poetry, and is lowkey unhinged, so she'd fit right in here on tumblr. Fucking superb you funky little Canadian!

Discord discussion: Monday 10/02 8 PM EST | Tuesday 03/10 11 AM AEST

See you there!

Bella’s Book Club is an interactive virtual book club created by the Three Books One Plot podcast. Our monthly Discord discussions are open to all! More info here.

#official™ announcements #emily of new moon #l.m. montgomery #booklr #book club #september '23 book #check content warnings for this one if you need to! there's a couple of weird potential triggers in here

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pastel-gutz · 6 days

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Not doing hot. Need to make more art.

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If used anywhere else please credit me

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zerosuitsammi3 · 1 month

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Here's a Swerf for the block list y'all.

#trigger warning #potentially triggering #sex work exclusion #transphobia

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losingmyselfinanamia2 · 7 months

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I've decided to start to 30 day workout challenges. Both include Sit ups, so I'll count them separately (10 Sit ups for one and 10 for the other makes 20, no skipping the other one to make things easier on myself).

I'll post updates everyday.

Day 1: Already accomplished. ✅️✅️

#@na trigger #ana trigger #potentially triggering #trigger warning weight #triggering content #tw ana diary #tw ana fast #tw ana shit #tw disordered eating #tw eating #ana exercise #ana exercise challenge #thinspo workout challenge #thinspo workout #thinspo challenge

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changeling-rin · 1 month

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Okay going off of the “broken chain where only one survives” question-

What happens if cinnamon roll, innocent, puppy-eyed Red is the only one left alive

...why would you do this. Also, potential Trigger Warning.

First, the trauma of being the only member of a Four-Sword set left standing. Literally three-fourths of his actual literal existence is dead and he's never going to be whole again. Red is Not Okay.

Then, the trauma of being the only member of his entire family left standing. It hurts and he can't make it stop and-

Finally, the knowledge that the m̷ǫ̵ṋ̸s̴t̶ë̷r̴s̵ who did it are still alive and well and celebrating what they did. They should pay. They're going to pay.

He's g̵o̷i̸n̸g̶ t̷̼͗ǭ̸ m̴̡͎͈̌̅̑͗̀á̷̫̣ķ̷̘̜͇͉̈́̓͒ę̴̖̿̍̅ t̸͖̣̩̩̲̼̋͆̍͑̉̌͜͜h̴̛̳̲e̴̱͙̿́̈m̴̦̟͉̾͐̀̀͂̕̚̚ P̶̟̮͍̜͍̔́̈́̊̓́̔́A̵̦̻̯̦̅̉́̀̄̍̂̎̀̇̂̑̅̽͌͘͝Y̵̨̧̛̜̲̩̼̘̼̟͍̩̬̰̳̠̏̏̍͆̏͐̐͌̓͜͝͠͝ͅ-

(Red breaks.)

#Changeling Answers #balladoftime #Red #Dimensional Links #DL Questions #Trigger Warning #potentially #just to be safe #A Link is Dead #All But One Link is Dead #I firmly believe he'd go mad #too much loss would make anybody lose their mind a little I think #Red has more to lose than most

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jtl-fics · 6 months

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hello, due to timezones being messy and me always forgetting about that i missed the asking window on the last several wipws:( so now im here to ask, math nerd pretty please<3

WIP Wednesday - 11-1-23 (Closed) | Math Nerd AU

"I'm fine." Andrew says despite his still racing heart. Relief is a powerful drug.

Cass looks at him and her eyes drop to his bedding for a moment before looking back up at him, "That's good." she says genuine relief in her voice.

"Someone threw a brick through our front window!" Andrew hears Richard exclaim in shock.

Andrew climbs out of bed and makes sure to keep his distance from Drake especially when he can feel the man's gaze heavy on his shoulders as he comes into the living room.

The front bay window is shattered.

#Math Nerd AU #AFTG #AFTG AU #Andrew Minyard #Trigger Warning - Potential SA #Cass Spears #Drake Spears #Math Nerd - Alex - 08 #11-1-23 WIP Wednesday #WIP Wednesday Ask Game #22

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cypriathus · 5 months

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Main protagonist of As The Weaving Fate Beckons

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: Mental health issues and a brief mention of self-harm, alcohol, and discrimination.

Hirmenogaldus Zuntaheldi L’Patenozudi-Gilebozrath is a 31-year-old vigorous, often serious-minded woman and is the last known holy knight from Rioghachd a’ Choin Neamhaidh (“Kingdom of the Heavenly Dog” in Scottish Gaelic). She’s referred to as the Knight of Beasts due to being known as Europe’s most famous and recognizable slayer and tamer of animalistic creatures. She originally worked with the Praying House of Älkechirnobus, but later abandoned them and their cause after a few unfortunate incidents. She upholds the many characteristics associated with chivalry such as honesty, loyalty, courage, respect, prowess, and a readiness to help the weak. She’s well-versed on a multitude of subjects such as philosophy, theology, history, military strategies, and even occultism. Despite being stoically aloof and wise, her tangible thirst for knowledge and maintaining healthy relationships lends her to being inquisitive and compassionate. However, there are those occasional moments where Hirmenogaldus can be quite clumsy, gullible, and/or naive. She has desirable leadership skills with the right dose of determination, knowing when to continue or retreat, and extrudes a sense of captivating charisma. She has strong motherly instincts and it’s always an honour for her to protect those she deems worthy of help. She isn’t afraid to properly utilise her emotional intelligence in order to ensure someone’s welfare and build a meaningful connection with them. She will even deliberately put herself in harm’s way when her loved ones, friends, and/or the weak are being threatened. She has a palpable sense of justice and despises those who mistreat others for their own personal gain.

She can be quite vindictive and will even go as far to mercilessly kill the perpetrator who either harmed her, her friends, her family, and/or the weak. When slaying certain beasts or beings that are considered to be a threat, she has no qualms of violently slaughtering them, not showing any compassion, mercy, and/or remorse during the process. Despite being sociable, Hirmenogaldus sometimes intentionally isolates herself from other people because of her trust issues. Her stoic nature results in pushing away people, not showing her true emotions, and not properly dealing with and addressing the issues that’s plaguing her mind. She has horrible self-esteem issues and believes that she has to make up for that by protecting the weak, ensuring the welfare of her friends and family, and enacting justice when necessary. Whenever she fails to do so or it becomes too much for her, she gaslights and guilt trips herself, sowing more seeds of doubt into her. Hirmenogaldus is also afraid of being abandoned and forgotten by those she deeply cares about without being warned of their absence. She often engages in contemplative thought, trying to sort out her sorrows and find an ounce of true peace, hope, and happiness.

She’s prone to sudden emotional outbursts, panic attacks, mood swings, and even mental breakdowns as a result of her depression, PTSD, anorexia nervosa, and generalised anxiety disorder. The inconsiderable amount of expectations placed on her due to being a holy knight also contributes to this. She has inconsistent suicidal thoughts and desperately tries to suppress them by harming herself. She usually wants to disappear into nothingness, not having to worry about recurrent, unwanted memories and being afraid of making the wrong decision. She has a tendency to overthink various plans and solutions to all possible worse outcomes in order to avoid making the wrong decision. There are instances where she loses a lot of interest and pleasure in most of her normal activities, making her feel bored and weirdly uneasy. She feels a certain detachedness from those close to her and her mind struggles to concentrate on what’s happening. She often has a pessimistic view on the future as she’s partially fixated on past failures and reliving traumatic events. Hirmenogaldus has a tendency to place heavy restrictions on her eating patterns, having an intense fear of gaining weight. She frequently checks in reflective surfaces for perceived flaws as she’s somewhat relentlessly pursuing thinness. Her perceived body weight negatively influences her self-esteem, and she occasionally complains about being fat. She usually makes excuses for not eating as she doesn’t want to ruin her already distorted body image. There are instances where she perceives certain harmless situations and events as potential threats. She has difficulty handling uncertainty and letting go of her most troubling worries. As a result of all these issues, she tends to feel a sense of looming hopelessness, overwhelming guilt, restlessness, and agitation.

Compared to most medieval folk, Hirmenogaldus is considered to be a giant due to her impressive stature, clocking in at about 6’ 5” (195.5 cm). She has a pear-shaped mesomorphic body type with slightly broad shoulders, a fairly defined waist, and prominent thighs. Her face and neck are adorned with a myriad of reddish-brown freckles, and she has silvery stretch marks on her upper arms, belly, and hips. Her eyes are almost parallel to the stunning sky-blue bill of a male ruddy duck during breeding season. Her skin is a creamy white and she has hair that is an absolutely beautiful golden copper blonde. She has messy, bowl-cut style bangs with the rest of her curly hair being tied into a thick ponytail. She has four recognizable moles: one on the right side of her upper lip; one directly above the left side of her collarbone; the second is located on her belly; and the last mole is on her right mid-thigh. A blatant scar pierces the left side of her forehead, snaking down and over her nose bridge to the middle of her right cheek. Underneath her usual attire, she has a couple of other scars: one from her left trapezius to her right deltoid; and one near her left kidney. Her breasts have been cut off, there are five healed stab wounds on the backside of her right upper arm, and she carved four Nordic runes onto her belly: ᛊ (sun), ᚨ (god), ᛉ (elk), and ᚱ (ride/journey). The underside of her forearms are covered in healed and fresh lacerations. Her back hides her most brutal scars, seeming to be a mixture of cuts, puncture wounds, and burns.

Hirmenogaldus is commonly seen wearing a full suit of plate armour and her cursed, gilt-brass helmet is shaped similarly to the head of a Western dragon. She has two differently designed golden pauldrons: on the left, it has an engraved blazing sun with a humanoid face; and on the right, it’s shaped like the head of a tarasque without the lower jaw. Her vambraces and greaves were masterfully crafted to mimic the scales of a serpent and the fingers of her armoured gloves are sharp. Her cuirass is decorated with the golden depiction of the Ellén Trechend, which is a three-headed, draconic vulture that can breathe fire. Its main head is in the centre, two heads looking in their designated direction, their legs and wings are spread out on each side, and a partially wavy, serpentine tail. There are other pieces that make up her armour in order to minimise potential life-threatening harm. Hirmenogaldus has a gilt-brass gorget surrounding her neck, two couters for her elbows, and tassets hanging from her cuirass. She has a pair of sabatons with four draconic claws that cover her feet and cuisses surrounding her thighs. She also has two circular besagews that are part of the harness of her plate armour and help to protect her armpits. Her armour is slightly battle-worn, but its vibrancy has surprisingly remained untouched for years. The colour of her plate armour is a reddish-black with a blue-green sheen. Underneath her armour, she wears a quilted green tunic, padded brown legs, white braies, and a wide belt of leather.

Whenever Hirmenogaldus isn’t donning her iconic armour, she’s wearing a full-length ball gown made from fine silk and a tight-fitted, paprika bodice. For both her noblewoman and armoured outfits, she occasionally dons a royal mantle of faded jade with white fur trim that has black leopard spots. Her blackberry silk gown appears to be voluminous due to an ample skirt underneath. Her silk gown covers half of her shoulders and flows down into a fancy, modest semi-sweetheart neckline with a bow of cosmic purple. Around her neck is a velvet choker of cosmic purple with a cardinal pink ruffled top. She has Juliet sleeves and the wrists have turned back cardinal pink cuffs, and the ball gown is decorated with rich golden embroidery. Underneath her gown is a linen chemise and hose that’s held with a garter just below her knee. For jewellery, she’s adorned with a gold and enamel brooch in the form of a dragon’s head, a dark golden pearl necklace, a gilt bronze sapphire ring on the right index finger, and a table cut ruby ring on the left middle finger. She carries a two engrailed top shield that depicts a one-horned dragon with a jousting lance piercing its heart. Hirmenogaldus wields a blood-letting dagger in a serpentine shape made from polished brass. She also wields a 7 ft (213.36 cm) battle-strong claymore forged from an unknowable metal akin to black steel. Its most noticeable feature is that of three raised, eye-like markings right above the cross-guard in a vertical row. When she activates the sword with her own blood, those markings open to reveal fully functional purple jasper eyes and the blade is consumed by blue holy flames. She possesses a traveller’s backpack, one where she stores her collected souvenirs, camping equipment, basic medicinal items, and books that contain a variety of knowledge as well as a cittern that Odeschuna gave her.

Like all holy knights trained under the Praying House of Älkechirnobus, she’s considered to be a psychic. Hirmenogaldus isn’t entirely familiar with her psychic abilities because she doesn’t heavily rely on them like the other holy knights before her. Without her knowing, she has precognition, but it’s in the form of cryptic dreams that vaguely predict future events. She can perceive and read the auras of other individuals, being able to clearly understand their emotions and moral alignment. She can also detect the emotions of those she mentally focuses on, but this can result in blood seeping out of her eyes, ears, and/or mouth (e.g. she’ll cry blood if she senses someone’s melancholy). As a result of dermo-optical perception, she can perceive unusual sensory stimuli such as colour and varying brightnesses through her own skin. She is fully capable of surviving without any water or food intake, and not having to worry about starvation and dehydration. Hirmenogaldus has telekinetic abilities, being able to move and manipulate matter at a distance without physical interaction. She can perfectly mimic the sounds of animalistic beasts as well as talk to them and understand their unique interactions. She’s able to tap into a feral mind, allowing her to perform extraordinary feats of strength and agility that’s beyond normal for her. She’s a master at taming animals by reading, understanding, and staying in tune to their body language. She’s also able to solve many of their behavioural problems and possess unique insight into their psychology. Lastly, Hirmenogaldus has enhanced strength and stamina, being able to engage in physically strenuous activity as well as lift and/or strike objects that are tens of thousands more than her body weight. Due to her draconic helmet being cursed, it seems to intensify her negative emotions and strengthen her psychic abilities. This is one of the reasons why she tries not to heavily rely on her abilities because she’s afraid that she’ll become an irredeemable monster.

FAMILY:

Broghalenius L’Patenozudi-Gilebozrath (father)

Lobaszewinth (mother)

Unnamed older sister

Two unnamed older brothers

Dersabhol Echtagloprinus-Pimbezurta (ex-lover)

Ungelohram Shakjelovi (ex-boyfriend)

Sedulomaith (daughter)

Chaidozluben (son)

Hurakozin Gormeflaithus D’Hoktazeminus-Lekophurszima (adoptive daughter)

ALIASES/NICKNAMES:

Dame Hirmenogaldus

The Accursed Daughter of Duke Broghalenius (by those aware of her psychic abilities)

Knight of Beasts

Fish-catcher

Bread-stealer

Trophy-bearer

Lady of Speedy Visitation

Saint of the Billowing Crusade and Dragon’s Ferocity

Mommy (by her children)

Mother (by her children)

Doll-face (by Mutseloniah)

Zarabaaneh ghalbam (“my heartbeat” in Persian) (by Mutseloniah)

Nafasam (“my breath” in Persian) (by Mutseloniah)

Duvshanit (“honey” in Hebrew) (by Mutseloniah)

Capara (“my blessing” in Hebrew) (by Mutseloniah)

Otzar shely (“my treasure” in Hebrew) (by Mutseloniah)

Vile devourer of mages (by Ikarondelus)

Lying bitch (by Ikarondelus)

Foul whore of barbarity (by Ikarondelus)

Bastard with a devil’s silver tongue (by Ikarondelus)

Fucking idiotic drunkard (by Ikarondelus)

Elskan mín (“my darling” in Norse) (by Raskovulde)

Ástvinur (“love friend” in Norse) (by Raskovulde)

Haustmyrkr (“autumn dusk” in Norse) (by Raskovulde)

She Who Dared To Cross Bifröst (by Raskovulde)

Executioner of the World Serpent (by Raskovulde)

The Burning Gladiolus (by Odeschuna)

The Enraged Wyvern (by Odeschuna)

Destroyer of Tainted Pride (by Odeschuna)

A bhuanchara (“my eternal friend” in Irish) (by Nikmuvolefja)

My greatest rival (by Pelmazodius)

Gladiatorial beast (by Pelmazodius)

Vögelchen (“little bird” in German) (by Regnazoldus)

Herzensbrecher (“heartbreaker” in German) (by Regnazoldus)

The Scorching Blade of Älkechirnobus (By Uhteszoga)

Slayer of Cold Hearts (by Uhteszoga)

Liberator of Anguish (by Uhteszoga)

The Draconic Maiden (by L’Ayncezosud)

Mistress With The Coppery Locks (by L’Ayncezosud)

My scarred mademoiselle (by L’Ayncezosud)

Ma tigresse (“my tiger” in French) (by L’Ayncezosud)

Mon ciel étoilé (“my starry sky” in French) (by L’Ayncezosud)

Mon rayon de soleil (“my ray of sunshine” in French) (by L’Ayncezosud)

Hirmageld (by Perszufoval)

Hirmena (by Bheszawulf)

Sunteholda (by Hulcekrando)

Hellebore of Rosy Blackness (by Hulcekrando)

Soft hyacinth (by Hulcekrando)

Creeping baby’s breath (by Hulcekrando)

Chrysanthemum of a Thousand Winters (by Hulcekrando)

Autumn crocus (by Hulcekrando)

My delicate edelweiss (by Hulcekrando)

Slithering pansy (by Hulcekrando)

FUN FACTS/EXTRA INFORMATION:

She was originally a closeted lesbian, but later became bisexual.

Her birthday is August 26th (Virgo)

Her blood type is B-

She’s allergic to cats, shellfish, egg white, and balsam of Peru.

In regards to her ethnicity, she’s 37.5% Scottish, 25% British, 12.5% French, 12.5% German, and 12.5% Spanish.

Her father believed that her psychic abilities are a result of a “family curse” that reigned from his bloodline. It usually affects every third generation of females, but that’s more of an estimate than actual biological fact.

She originally had an older sister, but Broghalenius killed her after she turned 2-years-old in fear of her possessing the “family curse”.

She calls her draconic helmet the wyvern’s cursed helm.

Her claymore is called Kigamozertus, which means “stiffness of death” in the Æylphitus language. It's named that due to causing swift decay to a living being once slain. It's believed that the sword absorbs the soul of those truly sinful blood touches it.

It's believed that her claymore belonged to a destroyer angel. Only people who have a suitable mind and a full paranormal psyche can handle such a blade. When a regular being tries to wield it, the claymore transfers its desire to kill sinful and absolutely vile creatures to them. It’ll put them into a bloodthirsty and destructive frenzy until they stop using it.

She likes cute and exotic animals, seal fur, cleanliness, young children, the sound of string instruments, drinking booze with her friends and comrades, daybreak, swampy environments, burning embers, and intricate tapestry.

She dislikes singing, physical and psychological torture, being touched without permission, the feeling of “shallow accomplishment”, muddy puddles, dissatisfaction, impenetrable darkness, treading through snow, pestilence, and famine.

Her hobbies consist of jousting, horseback riding, making flower crowns, slaying monsters, reading, cloud- and star-gazing, and playing her cittern. She also enjoys collecting porcelain ceramics, tea flavours and spices from around the world, rare swords, souvenirs from her travels, and exotic animal skins.

Out of all tea flavours and spices, she likes black tea and asafoetida.

She finds all animals quite fascinating in regards to their behaviours and biology. If she had to choose a favourite, it would either be the western capercaillie, great spotted woodpecker, garden tiger moth, red deer, great tit, or Atlantic puffin.

Her favourite flowers are the bluebell, peony, cowslip, dog-rose, and early-purple orchid.

Her favourite comfort foods are tayberries, cranachan, rumbledethumps, cullen skink, Forfar bridie, tattie scone, and Flies’ graveyard.

Her favourite colours are the blue dye that woad leaves produce and the orange-yellow petals of a pot marigold.

Her biggest pet peeves consist of people who purposely ignore boundaries, rudeness in general, bad personal hygiene, losing things, loud noises, and one-uppers.

She used to have an actual curly bowl cut before she decided to let her hair grow out as a way for her to separate herself from her traumatic past.

For a short period of her life, she was quite racist and discriminatory against mages due to her religious and white supremacist upbringing. However, that drastically changed after experiencing a fair share of abuse, gaining a better understanding of their struggles. She deeply regrets the verbal and physical harm she was tasked and socially expected to do against minorities and mages.

Hirmenogaldus always carries around bandages with her at all times because she’s weary that she’ll get attacked out of nowhere.

She’s obsessed with her own personal hygiene

She has a tendency to judge other people too quickly

She is always looking for new adventures

Hirmenogaldus can be somewhat forgetful and doesn’t like to be reminded of things from her past.

She bites her lower lip and the inside of her left cheek a lot.

She has fairly quick reflexes

She has an unusually high tolerance for physical pain

Hirmenogaldus’ guilty pleasure is daydreaming about sinking her bare feet in white sand and looking out to the clear blue ocean, what it would be like to become one with a full-blooded titan, and bathing in a sacred waterfall.

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