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heyidkyay · 16 days

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty-One

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors Note: This is a long one, it took me a while but hopefully the waits been worth it? EMOTIONS is all I'm going to say.

Warnings: Lots going on- talks of car crashes, alcohol abuse (both in the past) also some previous thoughts on trauma and different coping mechanisms

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

It takes a second for change to implement itself, though it can take a while longer for its realisation to truly hit.

…

I could hear him.

Bustling his way around my kitchen, singing quietly as he worked on the breakfast he’d promised the night before. Tins clattered, the kettle whistled, and the fridge door rattled closed, all whilst I padded my way towards him, pausing in the entryway to simply take in the sight I’d been gifted.

I grinned over at Teddy, who was currently tiptoeing on the wooden stool I had tucked away for whenever he felt inclined to help me cook, and then at Matty who seemed happy enough with making him giggle whenever he chose to lean in close to sing by his ear.

“Thinking this through… It's like, one,”

“..TWO!” Teddy laughed back when Matty pointed at him, beaming brightly at the sight of the man’s all too amused face.

“Yeah, ‘cause I'm in love with you-”

“I-I-I-I!”

It was something I’d never thought to even picture, let alone see, my son staring up at a man with such adoration and pride. The two of them simply belonging. The whole scene made me ache with a wanting for it to never stop, but even the best of things had to come to an end I supposed.

Matty turned, a smile painting on his features, only to pause when he caught sight of me, watching them from the doorway. He narrowed his eyes, then gave me a sly smile, before he placed the plate he’d been holding down on the counter and shuffled on closer, arms stretching out towards me as he continued to sing along to his own song. I mean, the ego on him.

“… I’m in love with you.”

It was hard going, attempting to dampen the grin that pulled at the corners of my mouth, especially when Matty wrapped his arms around my hips and started to sway us to and fro. He raised his brows up at me, fully expecting me to finish off the song for him, so I rolled my eyes and laughed the final line out, accompanied by a much louder Teddy, “I-I-I-I-I.”

Matty leaned in close to press a quick kiss to the corner of my mouth, his tangled hair tickling my cheek. He chuckled lowly to himself when I wrinkled my nose at the feeling and tried to escape from his hold, but did eventually let me go.

“What are you even making?” I asked the pair of them around a fond smile, crossing the kitchen to ruffle Teddy’s curls and open up the little window there. I sniffed lightly. “Did you end up burning something too?”

Matty rolled his eyes at that and shook his head with a tut, before he moved to pick up his plate once more, sliding past Teddy and I to grab at the toast which had just popped up. “No.”

“Liar.” I laughed with Teddy, picking him up and settling him on my hip whilst Matty turned his back on us to start buttering the bread. “What’s with the big breakfast then anyway? I thought you had to record today.” I asked him, praising Teddy quietly for the way he’d spooned some sugar and two teabags into a pair of matching mugs for us.

“Later on,” Matty answered me in a quiet murmur as I peered over his shoulder to nick a fresh piece of toast. “Oi!”

Grinning around the bite I’d just taken, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn’t completely charred. “Better than the last batch.” I told him honestly and with a wry smirk.

Matty just shook his head at me, but even as he turned back to the task at hand I could see the tiny beginnings of the smile he wore. “Said I could cook.”

With a sarky hum, I could only reply, “Does toast even count as cooking?��

I was simply swatted away with a tea towel in hasty retort and Teddy squealed, wriggling to be let down.

“Okay, okay!” I relented with a laugh of my own before I slid on over to press a grateful kiss to the side of Matty’s neck. “It’s very good, merci mon amour.”

I pulled away with a grin when I felt him tense beneath me, gesturing to Teddy for him to go ahead and grab the milk for us from the fridge whilst I began to pour the hot water into the tea he’d started.

“What are you up to today then?” Matty asked after having cleared his throat, tossing the butter-covered knife into the sink before he looked over at us. He thanked Teddy proudly when the little monster hurried back from dumping the tea bags in the bin to point at the man’s given cup. “Lifesaver!”

Teddy giggled happily.

Matty’s question had me chewing on the inside of my cheek as I went about lifting Teddy into his usual seat at the kitchen table and laying a plate in front of him. I smoothed down his tousled hair and didn’t quite look in Matty’s direction when I finally said, “You know, the usual… Quick trip to the shops, phone mum, speak to Finn, maybe pop into the park. I hear they’ve put in this new little greenhouse by the pond, you know, just across the bridge?”

I’d thrown it in there, hoping that he might just brush over it. But then Matty didn’t offer me an answer of any kind, so with nothing else to occupy myself with I slowly peered over to where he still stood, propped up against the kitchen counter.

He was staring down at the bowl of fruit he’d prepped sometime earlier, almost as though the grapes had suddenly grown legs and the banana pieces had turned purple. I sighed quietly to myself and felt my shoulders drop an inch before crouching down to whisper in Teddy’s ear, “Go turn on the tele for me, yeah? We can eat on the sofa today.”

Teddy’s entire face lit up at the very prospect and was so eager in his haste to hurry into the living room that he almost toppled out of his chair. I chuckled in fond exasperation, helping him down and handing him his plate with a quiet caution before allowing him to run off.

It was then that I turned my attention back to the main issue at hand.

We hadn’t spoken much of Finn and what had happened back at the studio. I’d given Matty his space after it had all gone down, allowed him the time to mull it over and hopefully forget the words that had been said, but I knew that had mostly been wishful thinking on my part.

Still, I was kicking myself for it now. We’d been good. Things had really been looking up; at work and at home, with Teddy and Matty, and then with Matty and I. Stupidly, I had thought that this might just be something we could have simply plastered over and left to settle, because admitting to the fact that things weren’t alright between two of the most important people in my life just wasn’t something I was ready to face yet.

I’d been selfish in that regard though, it seemed. Because of course Matty had taken the brunt of it all and pretended to shrug it off like it was no skin off of his nose. Leaving me to realise all too late just how much this whole thing had affected him.

“Matty.” I called to him softly before I gently rested my hand on the crook of his arm, testing if I was welcome. When he didn’t immediately shy away from my touch, I slid in behind him so that I could press my forehead to the curve of his back, to where that little dip in between both of his shoulder blades resided.

Thoughtlessly, my fingers trailed over the hem of the jeans he’d thrown on that morning, toying with the two belt loops which sat at the very centre.

We stood there for a long moment in the quiet space of the kitchen, the food going cold but neither one of us really caring. It was only when I felt some of that tension finally ebb in his shoulders that I slowly wound my arms around his middle, smiling slightly when I felt his hands take hold of mine at his front.

“I hate this.” I admitted to him, voice so faint it was muffled by the fabric of his t-shirt. His fingers squeezed my own.

“I know.” He told me after a small pause and I felt him raise his head to gaze out of the small window sat opposite. “I know, Squeaks. Me too.”

I squeezed back.

“I’m sorry we haven’t spoken about it either. That I let it fester. I just wished, hoped even, that you might not linger too much on it, that things would- I don’t know, just end up working out. But I was stupid.”

Matty heaved a weighted breath and I let my eyes slip closed at the motion before he carefully turned in my grasp. He stopped to stare down at me, lifting a hand to tuck a strand of stray hair behind my ear, thumb brushing over a whitened scar I had yet to hide with makeup.

“Don’t. There’s no need.” He murmured to me, though his gaze was focused on the slow movement he’d just made. “Talk to him. He’s your mate, it’d be weird if you didn’t. But, I don’t know. Reckon I just might need some time. That alright?”

I was already nodding before he could even finish his sentence, more than okay with that. “‘Course it is. Though I don’t know much about talking with him, I’m betting on a screaming match. I’m still fuming with how it all went down.”

Matty gifted me a soft chuckle, and although it was hollow he had tried and that was what mattered most to me. It would take time to move past this, I could understand that. “Let him explain first, yeah?”

I frowned, brow pinching with it. “What do you mean? What’s he got to explain?”

He smiled, one of those soft dopey ones of his, the kind he often gave me whenever I’d said something silly or he was humoured by my confusion. “I get it, Mouse.” He sighed quietly, “I don't like how he went about it, it was cheap, shitty even, but he was just looking out for you, babe.”

My frown deepened and I didn't care to give his words much thought. “There’s looking out for me and then there's being a massive prick, Matty.”

With a huffed breath of a laugh, Matty trailed his thumb down my jaw to skirt over the bottom edge of my lip. His eyes finally met mine. “He went about it the wrong way, but he’s been good for you, baby. Looked after you and Teds for years, got you through some hard times, and so for that I give him a little leeway.”

My expression softened.

Matty’s fingers pinched my chin as he coaxed me back up to meet his gaze.

“Do that for me?” He asked, and who was I to say no to an ask like that?

Instead of answering him though, I simply leaned in and kissed him sweetly, cradling his jaw in my hands so that I could thumb over the tops of his cheeks. I wondered, momentarily, where I’d gotten so lucky.

–

A kid in the studio had both its perks and disadvantages, Matty had soon come to see.

Squeaks had been messaging Finn not long before he’d gone to set off, slowly pulling out some clean clothes from the ever growing pile he kept adding to each time he went round to her flat, whilst Teds completed his phonics, sat on the bed.

He’d kept calling out to Matty whenever he’d stumble onto the next, asking him to sound it out for him before trying to memorise it himself. Matty had enjoyed it- enjoyed all the time he spent with the little monster as a matter of fact- but helping him with the lessons he knew that Teddy would soon carry on further into his life… He didn’t know, it just settled something within him. Made him feel needed.

He hadn’t ever felt much of that.

Anyway, Squeaks had come into the bedroom just as he’d been tugging on a jumper, one she had said she’d liked the last time he’d worn it, and mentioned that she had to get ready to drop Teddy off round Adi’s so that she could head on over to meet Finn.

Matty had tried to keep his expression fairly neutral each time she mentioned the man. Because he hadn’t lied earlier when he’d asked for her to give her mate the benefit of the doubt. But it still irked him. The whole situation did, in truth. See because he knew that he was running on fucking borrowed time here with her. He’d never claimed to have been a lucky man either, so he knew that something was bound to happen sooner or later. He was merely praying that he’d be able to hold onto this small bubble of peace he’d found for himself for as long as he possibly could.

Teddy had appeared put out by the fact that he would have to head on over to Adi’s, who still lived with her elderly grandmother. All pouty and sweet looking, proper cute in actuality, and Matty had honestly gone and spoken before his mind had even had a chance to catch up with his massive mouth.

Mouse had been just as surprised by his offer to let Teds tag along with him down to the studio, spilling out claims that it would be fine with the guys (who’d yet to even meet the tyke) and that they weren’t actually working on anything too big that afternoon (just recording the ending of a session). And even though Matty hadn’t exactly asked the lot of them beforehand either, he figured it to be true enough.

And with the relief that had visibly fallen off of Squeaks at his reassurance, Matty hadn’t had it in himself to regret the offer. So with that, he’d set to helping her get Teddy ready for the day and then headed out the door.

Thing was though, the last time he’d ever gotten the tube with a little kid had been years before when his mum had visited with Lou. And back then she’d been the one to worry over his every move, not wanting to lose him in the crowd or have him swept under a carriage. Gruesome yeah, but it was a real fucking fear Matty realised.

This time around it had been his turn though, and God, did he feel sorry for all the shit he’d given his poor mum throughout the years. Was this why parents looked so tired all the fucking time?

Teddy was good enough though, curious sure, always asking questions and pointing at everything, but he listened, held onto his hand and didn’t ever wander off. He’d enjoyed counting the stops on the train too and didn’t think much of the few stares they’d gotten on the platform and again when they’d sat down.

By the time they’d made it to the studio, Matty had felt as though he’d just gone and ran a half marathon.

It was only when Teds had crowded into his trouser leg upon first walking through the entrance that he realised that this was just as new to Teddy as it was to him, and the fact that he was now being forced into an unknown setting probably didn’t make things much easier for the kid.

Still, he had managed to perk up on the small tour Matty had given him. Wanting to ease his nerves before they ventured much further, it had just been the two of them wandering the halls aimlessly and simply nodding or smiling at the very few people who passed them by.

It was only once Matty had figured it time to head into the room the band usually booked did Teddy quieten again.

“Where’ve you been? Only texted you like twenty times!” Matty heard George huff from around the short corner they were hidden behind after he’d called out to let them know that it was just him.

Matty paused by the door to cast a glance down at Teddy, but the kid was already looking at everything the walls had to offer; the big plaques with the even bigger names, the posters and many album covers that dotted the dark paint. It was only when Matty crouched down to level with him did Teddy glance back.

“You alright, monster?” He asked quietly, wanting to give Teds a second to wrap his head around things. Matty noted that he was back to chewing on his lip again, eyes wide and unsure, but Teddy gripped onto the hand Matty silently offered him.

After a moment, Teddy nodded at the question and Matty gave him a hopeful smile. “Good, ‘cause imma need you to kick this sorry lot into shape for me, alright? I mean, I know I’m good but they can’t just depend on me for everything, can they?”

He was gifted a quiet giggle, one which eased Matty’s mind a tad.

“Matt!”

Matty rolled his eyes at the shout of his name then shook his head mockingly at Teddy, who seemed to have jumped a bit at the beckon. “Told you, didn’t I?” He tutted playfully to the boy, rolling his eyes too for added effect, “Fall apart if I’m not here.”

Teddy was back to smiling now, “Like mum.”

Matty laughed at the comparison, certain that Squeaks would say that she had a much harder job with the show than he did here in the booth. But Matty wasn’t too inclined to disagree, she worked far too hard in truth.

“Exactly, mate.” He replied anyway, then nodded in the direction of the many voices that were bouncing their way towards them, watching as Teddy peered round him once more, “You think you’re gonna be okay?”

Teddy blinked and then looked over towards him, it was in moments like these which Matty saw just how much he resembled his mum, he reckoned it was those big eyes of theirs that held so much emotion.

“Yeah.” The boy finally breathed out and so Matty squeezed his hand just once in support, before lumbering back to his feet. He stole a quick breath for himself and then started leading them both further inside.

George was stationed where he always was, by the decks, surrounded by laptops and many a monitor. Ross was sprawled out on the beanbag they’d lugged in on day three, fiddling with the bass he held in hand. Hann, however, had chosen to sit nearest to the door and so he was the only one to glance upon at their nearing footsteps.

Matty watched on as a flash of surprise flickered across his mate’s face. Brows rose and a slow blink was seen before Adam finally smiled, looking every inch the father Matty knew him to be.

“Just who might you be then?” Hann greeted cheerfully whilst tucking his mobile back into his trouser pocket. He didn’t make a move to get up off the settee corner though, something which Matty felt immediately thankful for, it seemed neither of them wanted to crowd the kid just yet.

It was with that greeting though that Ross’s head finally shot up and George turned to face them in his big fancy chair. The pair of them flicked both alarmed and shock filled gazes to Matty, who did his very best to ignore their all too familiar mugs.

“This is Teddy.” Matty acknowledged, crouching down once more so that Teds could lean further into his side whilst his wide eyes surveyed their way about the rest of the room. Matty wondered what it must’ve felt like for him, struggling to recall moments from his own childhood when his mum and dad had brought him along to their interviews to sit in the audience.

“Teddy love, these three doughnuts are my mates. You remember, the ones I’m in a band with?”

Matty let Teddy have a second, waiting quietly as the little boy dragged his gaze back towards him with parted lips, he blinked and then nodded, hands wringing the sleeve of Matty’s jumper.

Matty merely smiled, bringing the kid in closer to press a quick kiss to his head of hair. “Look, Teds. See that one there, with the funny face? That’s Hann.” He was delighted to hear Teddy’s soft laughter, however muted it was, even as Adam scolded him with an unimpressed glare. “Then in the corner there, that guy?” Teddy dipped his chin, eyes trained on the bearded bloke who was grinning away like a twat, “That’s Ross, he looks like a giant but cries when he’s hungry.”

“I do not!” Ross shot back scathingly, narrowed eyes pointed at Matty which only proved to fuel Teddy’s quiet chuckles.

“Yeah alright, MacDonald.” Matty ignored whatever else Ross attempted to say after that, rolling his eyes theatrically towards Teddy before he gestured over to where George was sitting in his chair, pushing those pretentious sunglasses he often wore up onto his shaved head. “And that one there, that’s G.”

Teddy leaned in close again to whisper in Matty’s ear, “Drums.”

Matty chuckled despite himself, loathing the fact that of course Teds would have remembered the drummer. Most did. “Yeah, mate. That’s him.”

George quirked a brow at the hushed conversation shared but said nothing on it, at least not then. Instead he just waved Teddy on over, “You want to come see? Got a ton of buttons you can press.” He added as though he was trying to entice the kid.

Matty dampened the mirthful grin that crawled up onto his face when it seemed to work though, even as Teddy tugged him along by their joint pair of hands.

By the time Matty finally got around to stepping into the booth to record a few verses a while later, Teddy felt comfortable enough to wait for him just outside the door with the three giant idiots he’d left him with.

–

A stalemate.

That was where we were currently sat.

Even with everything that had gone down, him starting this whole mess, I had been the one to go to him. To his loft where he worked most days when he wasn’t with clients, or visiting galleries.

Finn had welcomed me in with his usual hello through the intercom, buzzing me up into the building and then meeting me just past the front door. He’d been kitted up when I’d entered, still in his apron and covered in paint, the latter of which he was trying to wash off when I first spotted him.

He’d had the kettle already going and he smiled slightly after asking me how I’d been. I’d been truthful, said that I was doing good- all things considered.

There’d been an awkward pause at that, the two of us unsure on where we should then go with the encounter, but the kettle had whistled and on instinct I had turned to grab the mugs.

He had nodded gratefully, but then gestured me over to where his colourful sofa sat by the large open bay windows, joining me with two steaming brews not a minute later.

“How’s Teds?”

I licked at my lower lip at the question, peering into the still swirling mug. “Good, on Easter break soon enough.”

“What have they been working on then?” Finn asked next, because we both knew this was a safe topic, an easy starter.

“Phonics at the moment,” I replied with a small smile that couldn’t quite be helped, recalling the way Teddy had puttered around after Matty this morning calling out each sound he’d needed to learn. “He sounds them out after breakfast most days and then again at night.” We shared a brief smile, before I mentioned, “Matty’s been helping too.”

Finn hummed.

I pressed my lips together to keep from blurting out everything I wanted to say at the sound of it, attempting to stick to the plan I’d formed on my way over here. Letting Finn open up on his own, rather than come in all guns blazing.

“How is that going then?”

My brow pinched as I peered over at him from across the settee, “What, with Matty and I?”

Another hum, though this one was accompanied by a slight nod.

I was wary of how to answer Finn, especially after having learnt what the man truly thought about our whole relationship, but figured I should at least be honest.

“We’re happy.” I love him. “He’s good for me, I think.” It terrifies me. “He brings out a part of me that I haven’t seen much of since- I don’t know, maybe my first year of uni?” I let go of a breathy chuckle, picking at the wrinkled hem that sat at the knee of my jeans. “It’s been, really nice.”

When I chanced a glance back up, it was only to find Finn already looking back at me, his expression carefully set, almost as though he was trying to suss out any sort of lie in my answer. I waited a second and then he smiled. Nothing less than genuine, and I felt my whole body relax at the sight of it.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted.” Finn spoke softly, placing his cup down on a side table to slide on a tad bit closer. He rubbed at the back of his wrist before settling his hands in his lap, “I shouldn’t have gone about it the way I did, I just- You know I care so much, Mouse. And this is me in no way asking to be let off the hook or anything of the like, but, you have to remember I was there through it all.”

Frowning slightly at his words, I followed Finn’s prior motion, putting my own mug down so that I could pull a leg up under me, settling nearer.

He let go of an exhale, “I was there when you found out about Teddy, I was there before that and then after. I saw the line of broken hearts you left in your wake, chasing this thrill you sought so hard to find, and all of the games you wanted to play.”

He took my hand then and I just let him, thinking on his words, on how it must have seemed to someone else looking in from the outside. I knew I’d been a right mess after leaving home.

In truth, I’d been a mess since the night of the accident, when my whole world had been flipped on its head, turning me into this scarred little kid. Leaving me not only alone, but wanting to chase after everything I felt I’d missed out on because of it the second that I’d gotten the chance. Which had meant finding friends and casual sex, bar hopping and clubbing for days on end, looking for the next best thing to simply entice or excite me.

Finn had been there.

He’d been there through most of it, if not it all. He had watched me jump from guy to guy, get my stomach pumped at the local A&E, not just once but three times. He’d been the one I had turned to in my lowest moments, when I’d felt dirtied, when I’d just wanted to cry, or to merely laugh. He was there.

I could understand what Matty had meant now.

‘He looked after you and Teds for years, got you through some hard times, and so for that I give him a little leeway.’

“I can still picture your face, you know.” Finn murmured, stare fixed on the tight hold I now had on his hand. “That night you turned up at mine after finding out that you were pregnant. You looked a fucking state, soaking wet from the rain and wearing only your pjs.” We shared a light chuckle that echoed before drifting off. “It broke me, to see you like that.”

“I know.” I whispered in a rasp, emotions clinging to the back of my throat.

Finn only smiled sadly. “But it worked out. Enough that you seemed happy enough with what you had. And I know that Teddy will always be enough fro you, but you deserve so much. You deserve to live and to love, to have that family you’ve always dreamed of.” I went to protest but he just shook his head, “I know it’s what you want, Mouse. You don’t have to say anything for me to notice the looks you give other parents in the park, or the kids who meet their mums and dads in the school playground. I can see how much you want that, and not just for Teds. But for you too.”

I swallowed thickly, feeling all too seen suddenly.

Finn squeezed my hand, forcing me to meet his gaze once more. I hadn’t even realised I had shied away. “Does he do that? Does he give you that hope?”

The inside of my cheek had practically been bitten raw these last few days, but it didn’t stop me from chewing on it again as I looked over at Finn with a watery stare. “I think so.”

With a slow, albeit fond, tilt of his head, Finn hauled an arm over my shoulder to crowd me into his side. The two of us huddled in close on his artsy sofa that would look so out of place anywhere else.

I smiled at the thought.

“If he means that much to you, then I’ll make up for what I did. What I said.” Finn reassured me, his voice quiet in the large expanse of his loft. I hadn’t actually expected it to go this way. “But I do want to know. I want to make sure that he knows that he’s not just getting you out of this, that Teddy isn’t a deal breaker here. That he’s grown enough to understand the implications and repercussions of his life and whatever the fuck goes on with it. That he is clean-”

I opened my mouth, guard jumping right back up. But Finn just tucked my head under his chin, hand gripping at my shoulder enough to keep me there with him.

“Sobriety is hard. I understand that. When it finally comes to light that he actually is with you, that means Teddy too, and it’ll be a fucking mess. I want to make sure that he won’t fuck up and throw it all away the second shit gets hard.”

Inhaling, I could only nod. I knew what he meant, it was something I had thought about an awful lot. Too much in fact, I’d worried enough over it that I was still so wary over whether or not to broach the topic with Matty himself. But I hoped, for the first time in a long while.

And that had to be enough for now.

–

Finn’s had been an emotional affair, but not a place I’d lingered too long after our initial apology. We both still needed some time to process and to lick over our wounds.

I’d been more than thankful for it though, it had been a real weight off of my shoulders in truth, because knowing that there was a chance to move on past it without having to pick and choose, or divide my time, was something I hadn’t really held out hope for.

I was a pessimist at heart.

But that being said, I’d been quite optimistic about Teddy’s few hours spent with Matty- alone. Which should’ve been daunting in retrospect, insane even, and had probably once been, but Matty had quickly come to prove himself not only to me, but to Teddy too. So although I’d been cautious, I hadn’t necessarily been quick to stamp out the idea.

The last little excursion the pair had been on without me had gone down a treat, with Teddy having been tuckered out and fast asleep the second he’d gotten into bed, and Matty having bonded further with him somehow.

Then there had been the whole ‘I love you’ mess.

And God, if anyone would’ve told me that I’d have been the one to say it first I would have laughed in their face. Cackled loudly enough to be heard three streets over and on the very urge of wetting myself. But then exactly that had happened.

The words had been lingering in the corners of my mind for a few weeks before last night. Tittering, almost. Having started popping up around Christmas time, with the unannounced gift giving ceremony we’d shared and the incredible bond Matty seemed to have formed with my son. And had then settled in not long after that demo I’d received and the midnight visit where Matty had turned up at my doorstep in a downpour.

I hadn’t loved.

Not really.

I’d loved people, friends and family. Sure.

But someone to keep? Someone that I could call mine?

No, that had never really felt like much of an option for me. And Matty… he’d sort of come out of nowhere, hadn’t he? This mess of a man, but so very wonderful in his own way. He had really crept up on me, and looking back it almost felt as though it was bound to happen. Us, I meant. It felt strange to imagine it any differently.

Messages now

I’m here! Come get me, it’s freezing!!

It didn’t take long before his telltale pop of curls emerged from the main entrance to the same studio I had found him perched outside of during the aftermath of the big mishap with Finn. It almost felt like coming full circle with our decision to have me meet the pair of them here after just having talked with Finn.

Matty’s grin was infectious as we moved to meet one another in a quiet hello, his arms catching themselves around my middle whilst I buried my face into the curve of his shoulder.

He was warm, that was my first thought even as he pressed a chaste kiss to my head, enough so that I didn’t mind the fact that he kept me tucked up under his arm as he pulled away to lead us back inside the building.

“You get here okay?” Matty asked me once the door had rattled shut behind us, his voice travelling in the sparse lobby like area I’d yet to get acquainted with.

Humming, I answered his question with a nod, “Yeah, walked most of it, Finn had a client call out of the blue.”

Matty’s cheeks hollowed a tad but he hummed too before tilting his head over to the right, we started to walk that way. “It go alright then?”

I let go of a heavy breath, eyes surveying every inch of the studio as we wandered further inside, “As well as it could have, I ’spose. It’ll take time, I reckon, though he wants to make it up to you, too.”

Matty appeared to blink at that, the words seemed to have caught him by surprise, but he didn’t falter in his wandering, leading me down a narrow walkway.

“Are you up for that?” I pushed.

He wet his lower lip in thought, dipping his head at a maintenance worker who passed us by before looking back at me. “Told you, I’d give him a little leeway. But I wanna know more about what you spoke about first. If that’s alright with you.”

I was nodding away before he could even tack that last bit on, “Of course, I wouldn’t think not to, in truth.”

I was gifted a sweet smile and quick peck to the cheek before Matty paused, his hand catching on the handle to a heavy door. Soundlessly we slipped past it, Matty closing it slowly behind us to stop it from banging against its hinges and alerting the rest of the room’s occupants to our sudden arrival. Not that it would’ve been all that easy a task, what with the noise that consumed you the second you entered.

Matty smirked at the look that must’ve crossed my face at the sound before he held a finger to his lips, signalling me to keep quiet. I rolled my eyes but took the hand he held out towards me, the two of us creeping over to the corner that gave way to the real chaos that greeted us beyond.

First thing I took notice of was the loudmouth four year old who had seemingly taken charge of the band’s rehearsal, a sight which had me biting my lip to muffle my sudden hysteria.

George was seated by a stretched desk full of slides and buttons, elbows rested on the tops of his thighs whilst he listened animatedly to Teddy’s thoughts on whatever he had Ross and Hann tinkering about with.

The latter two were just holding onto their instruments, Ross stood with his bass and nodding along to what strings Teddy pointed at, whilst Hann was told to ‘look happier’. Something Matty had immediately snorted at, endlessly amused by Adam being told to liven up by a kid who’d only been out of nappies for a little over a year and a half.

The snort seemed to catch George’s attention though because his head shot over at the sound, which in turn forced the rest of the room to follow.

I heard Teddy’s gasp before he came bounding over, wearing a pair of sunglasses that probably cost more than my monthly rent.

“Alright, lovie?” I laughed, swiping up an excited Teddy before he could barrel straight into my legs. “You been having a good time?”

Teddy’s enthusiastic nod was enough to assure me of that but then Ross spoke up, “Should hope so, been hounding me to get this bassline right for ages, ain't you, mate?” He smiled at the giant grin he received in turn before nodding over towards me, “He’s got a proper good ear though. Should get him into it soon, especially if he likes it.”

Blinking, I could only look back down at Teddy, who was now informing Matty on everything he’d missed out on in the sparse moments he’d been gone in a tangent like ramble.

George sniffed as he made to walk on over to us which forced me to glance up again. Hann had started to take off his guitar strap whilst Ross went back to fiddling with his strings once more. Seeingly wanting to get whatever he was working on down before he had to leave for the day.

“He’s a good kid.” George commented to me, watching on as Teddy reached out to be taken by Matty, the man not even second guessing the motion of catching the boy under his arms and settling him on his hip. “And Ross ain’t wrong either. He seemed to really enjoy himself, had him messing about with the console for a bit and Matty even got him to play a couple chords on the guitar for us.” He chuckled lowly, a soft sort of smile breaking up his typically stoic features.

“Hope he wasn’t too much for you guys, Matty reckoned you’d all be alright with him tagging along but I didn’t even think to double check.” I mentioned, eyes caught on the way Teddy was now so enthralled by the story he was telling both Matty and Hann, arms stretched out wide as he exaggerated something or other.

George was shaking his head when I glanced back at him, “It was nice. Having him here, but seeing Matt with him too.” George’s mouth thinned when he lifted a hand to tug on his ear, “I didn’t think he could be like that. It’s strange, him letting someone else hog the limelight whilst he’s sat on the outskirts.”

We both shared a fond chuckle, because I could see what he meant but also, “He’s taken to Teddy better than I expected, really. It’s something I’m most thankful for, as well as the fact that Teddy seems to really like him too.”

My smile was warm, I could tell, and when George caught a glimpse of it I got to watch him almost mimic the gesture, as though he was thankful for it all too.

“You’re good for him.”

My breath caught a little at that, but I kept on smiling as I peered over at Teddy and Matty who were giggling between themselves whilst Hann, and now Ross, had seemingly taken to shaking their heads at the pair in indulging amusement.

“He’s good for me.”

…

The walk home from the studio had been spent hand in hand. The three of us just padding along the narrowing pavement, Matty more often than not trailing alongside the curb so that we could keep it up.

Teddy seemed to enjoy it though, even more so when Matty and I had started up a game with him, lifting him up off his feet so that he could swing back and forth in midair for a few brief moments.

By the time we’d made it home we were all just content to find something to eat and curl up in front of the tele, me listening to Teddy tell me all about his day with Matty whilst Matty pulled my feet into his lap.

He put Teddy to bed not long after, upon the boy’s sleepy request, and had returned about fifteen minutes later, having read a story and bundled Teddy up under his duvet covers. It had been then that I’d gotten to tell Matty more about the conversation I’d had with Finn, rehashing his words and even delving a little deeper into my past with him.

“How long have you known him again?” Matty asked me, thumb trailing back and forth over the jut of my knee whilst the tv played on low.

“Only since the first year of uni.”

Matty appeared quite surprised by that, he said so too. “Seems like longer.” I grinned tiredly at his musings, eyes squinting with it as I leant further into his side.

“It does a lot of the time, but sometimes it doesn't. Wasn’t lucky enough to have been gifted a group of bandits and made to start a band.” I teased, not unkindly, appreciating the way his hand travelled up to run his fingers through my hair. I peered up at him, “They’re all so lovely, you know.”

He answered me with an airy titter, the sound soft enough not to echo out of the living room and down the hall to where Teddy slept, “You’ve never been on tour with them, sweetheart.”

I laughed then too. “Maybe, but Teddy likes them. And I like them too.”

“I’m glad.” Matty whispered, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. When he pulled away, I moved to capture his hand in my own. “You have anyone like that?”

I shook my head minutely, not wanting him to disturb his position, “No, wasn’t in school long enough to make any lasting friendships and then I guess when you reach a certain age it always feels a little harder.”

A quiet swept over us then and I took the time to simply admire the few tattoos Matty's forearms held; the passport number, the box, the postcode on his inner elbow.

“Was that because of what happened?”

His voice was cautious, which was unusual for Matty and more than likely the cause which had me peering up at him, rather than his ask that had gone and broken our peaceful bout of silence.

My nose wrinkled, “What, with my scars?”

Matty gave a soft hum of assent, watching me from under a careful gaze, obviously anxious not to overstep or force my hand on the matter. I smiled at his care and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, it shook me a lot. I mean, I spent weeks in hospital and then after that, I was on strict bed rest whilst at home.” I explained to him, fingertips trailing over the faint grooves in his palm. “I was homeschooled for a long time too and when I did finally go back, well most of my class didn’t much care for me beyond the horror story they’d been told. It grew old quickly enough though, but even so it was hard to connect with people beyond the basic level.”

Matty’s thumb had begun to trail over the skin of my wrist, settling once or twice on my pulse point before going back to stroking again. “What did happen? I mean, only if you’re alright with saying anything about it, I know sometimes shit can still be hard.”

I breathed out an airy chuckle, turning my head to hide my enamoured smile in the wrinkle of his jumper. “I don’t mind. I don’t like mentioning it with strangers much, which is why it’s not really public knowledge unless you go digging. But it was a car accident.”

I felt Matty tense beneath me but his touch didn’t stray, only became that bit bolder, the hand in my hair coaxing me to glance up at him so that he could kiss me sweetly, nose nudging at the curve of my cheek before withdrawing. I hummed happily.

“My dad was with the local police. High up, but a drinker. Only started though after this one case, and then it spiralled. My mam worked night shifts sometimes at the hospital, which was a good way away from where we lived, so it would just be him and me until she got home.”

I took a breath, realising it had been quite sometime since I’d actually spoken about the crash, or even thought of it really. The scars were a constant reminder, yes, but the crash itself was something that had occurred almost two decades ago now, so I’d had time to sort of come to terms with it. As much as I could.

Not to say that it still didn’t wear at me, it had been a big event in my life, changed things in more ways than one. Because it had also been the spark which had sent my dad packing.

“It’d been raining that night, I remember ‘cause the water had been leaking in from under the backdoor. My dad had sworn up a fucking storm when he’d noticed it but could only really stick a couple towels down, claiming that he’d fix it on his next day off.”

A light chuckle escaped me at the vivid memory my mind made up, his tall figure, the odd phrasings he would use, but nothing of real substance. I couldn’t quite recall his face, or the depth of his voice, seeing as I hadn’t looked over old videos or photos we had since I’d visited mum back home.

“It had been a bad storm, had the tides reaching the cliff peaks if I remember rightly. Which meant that the hospital had started to flood, at least the north ward where mam had worked.” I continued, enjoying the delicate caress of Matty’s thumb as it trailed up my arm, “She’d been sent home after they’d managed to move most of the patients on the ground floor westward, but her car broke down about a mile out.”

I could hear the call even now, the sound of my dad’s heavy footsteps when he’d come to wrap me up in a coat, murmuring that we had to go and pick her up.

“The winds picked up, I guess. Dad didn’t have a car seat, that was what we used mam’s car for. So he just sat me in the front seat before setting off.”

Matty’s touch faltered slightly, probably having suspected where I was headed with this before it picked up once again. “The rain was relentless and we weren’t too far from the shore so it almost felt as though it was just thick sludge falling from the sky. It was hard to see past the first metre or so.”

I swallowed, noting how the light from the tv screen stretched out across the floor and flickered each time a scene changed.

“Our town wasn’t huge, but it was big enough to warrant a couple T-junctions and the odd roundabout. There was a fourway, just up past the old baptist church, a road mostly used for when you were coming off the main motorway or headed out towards the airport. Dad had been drinking, you could smell it on him some days, but at night it was always stronger. He blew through it, the traffic light teetering on amber before it finally turned red.”

Staring blankly out across the living room, I could almost picture it. The downpour which had clouded the windscreen, the old dash of my dad’s car, the familiar scent of his preferred brand of tobacco.

I licked at my lower lip, mouth suddenly dry. “A van had been crossing. On the passenger side.” I added quietly, appreciating the grip of Matty’s hand as I carried on, “All I really remember after that are headlights and the blare of a horn. Woke up a couple days later, having missed my seventh birthday and my dad nowhere to be seen.”

I huffed a small chuckle, reaching up to rub at my eyes before turning to face Matty. I wasn’t quite prepared for the wet gaze I’d been met with or the single tear that had seemingly escaped and come to a pause on the bridge of his upper lip.

I lifted a hand up to wipe it away, smiling when he kissed the pad of my thumb.

“You’re incredible, you know that.”

I’d been called many things, but I don’t think incredible was one of them.

I leaned in to kiss him, wanting nothing more than the feel of having him close, even if that meant tasting the salt of his tears or enduring that careful way he held my face. It was everything I had needed then.

–

After the little moment I had shared with Matty the previous night, I’d gone to bed feeling a little more drained that usual, but I’d put it down to the exhausting day I’d had and the fact that Matty’d had to head home so that he could do a skype interview early the next morning.

I’d almost been tempted to say that he could do it here in the flat, but with Teddy you could never tell when the kid would be coming or going, so it was safer for Matty to stick to his typical routine.

But I’d woken up all sniffly and foggy headed the next morning. The pounding at the base of my skull had forced me up out of bed in search of painkillers, as well as the fact that it had just gone ten, which meant that Teds was already up and mulling about.

I took a couple of nurofen I had tucked away in the medicine cupboard with a glass of water and figured I’d be better getting a move on with my day than heading back to bed. I knew that Matty would be popping round sooner or later too, so I attempted to sort through a load of washing that desperately needed to be done as well as tidy away the mess we’d created last night.

Teddy had helped himself to a banana from the fruit bowl at some point but was already asking for breakfast by the time I’d stuck the washing machine on- unaware of how close to crying I’d been after I’d gone and dropped a wad of detergent on the floor.

Even so, I’d set to start on a pot of porridge, knowing he would enjoy it with either some jam or spread, but I was surprised when I heard the front door rattle shut not long later, having not heard a knock nor Teddy answer it. I went to scold him, frowning at the fact that he thought he could just answer the door to anyone when Matty appeared with a few Tesco bags in hand.

“I knocked on the window, so he saw me before he let me in,” Matty was quick to rush out, grinning down at Teddy who had since spotted his breakfast and made a dive for it. “Figured I’d grab some stuff before stopping in, knew you mentioned feeling crap last night before I left so..”

He shrugged, moving over towards the kitchen before I could even think up a reply, a little bewildered by the fact that anyone would have the foresight, let alone the sincerity to do something like this for me.

“Matty.” I breathed out, so utterly warmed by the gesture as I followed after him, “You didn’t have to.”

Matty rolled his eyes at me, settling the bags down on the counter, “Shut up, you idiot. Just let me feel like an adult for once, yeah?”

I laughed, unable to help myself, even as he gestured for me to take a seat at the table, claiming I looked a little warm and confirming it when he pressed his hand to my rosy cheeks.

“Do you ever stop?” He questioned around an exasperated smile, settling some basic cold medicines down as well as a few sweet treats. “Washing machine’s already going, the kid’s been fed, floor seems to have been swept too. How’ve you not dropped?”

I rolled my eyes at his ever growing eccentrics, though was still wearing a rather pleased smile. It was nice, I deemed, having someone look after me for once.

“I can’t stop, babe, got things to do, a tiny person to look after!”

Matty just shook his head at that, obviously not too happy with my retort, “Guess we’re just gonna have a lazy day then, yeah? Got snacks, popcorn even. Reckon Teds will enjoy it. I can even take him out to the park for a bit, just to let him run off some of that energy.”

I blinked at the maddening man stood before me. Wondering what I’d done to deserve all of the things he'd done for me. And without having even been asked.

“Haven’t you got stuff to do?” I queried, content to simply watch him unpack the shopping he’d bought.

Matty shrugged a single shoulder, wrapping up a carrier bag and tucking it into the stash I kept hidden beneath the sink. “Nothing important.”

“The interview went alright then?”

He hummed, putting a couple tins of soup away in a cupboard just above his head. “Yeah, fine. Hann did it with me, other guy was in Paris or some other, I think. Definitely French though.” His phone sounded then, but it seemed he’d left it in the pocket of his jacket which he’d gone and thrown over the back of a chair upon walking in. “Look at that for me, would you?” He asked, peering down at a carton of something or other, probably pondering over whether or not it went in the fridge.

I was only a little surprised by his request, but did so anyway, trying to find the phone in one of his many deep pockets. “Definitely French?” I prompted, smirking smugly over at him before my fingers finally found the device. “You sound so certain, Healy. Almost as though you’ve been taking notes on the French dialect, or something like it.”

Chuckling to himself, Matty flashed me a big smile from over his shoulder before turning away with a wink. “The French are fit, baby.”

I laughed lightly with a halfhearted shake of my head, then peered down at his phone, “Password?”

“0709.” He told me, and so with a slight pinch in odd wonderment I typed it in.

“Why that?” I couldn’t help but ask, only glancing up again when I heard the shuffle of his feet. I raised a single eyebrow. “What, is it like the death of your guinea pig or something?”

Matty’s face pitched itself into a hearty grimace that made me cackle. “My guinea pig? Who the fuck owns a guinea pig?” He shook his head at me, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort and instead said, “It’s the date we met.”

My eyes widened considerably. “Actually?”

With a light huff, he turned back to putting things away, “Thing gets lost or nicked more times than not, so I’m always changing my passwords. Figured I’d remember that one.”

“Matty!” I all but awed, honestly feeling the love. “You can be such a sap sometimes, you know that. The day we met!”

I received a glare in retort but I simply laughed at him before turning to look down at the message he’d just received. My forehead furrowed.

“You said you had nothing going on today!” I was quick to accuse, eyes flashing up to meet his somewhat startled face, “George’s party is tonight!”

Matty’s mouth formed a little ‘o’ before he merely shrugged, “G will get over it if I can’t make it. You need me here more, and besides, his birthday isn't even for a couple more days. They’re only throwin’ it tonight so that most people can make it.”

I looked heavenwards, hoping that the second pause would give me a little bit of strength. Did it fuck. “Matty, you’re not staying here with us when George, your best mate might I add, is out celebrating his birthday! He’ll want you there.”

“Squeaks, you’re sick. He’ll underst-”

I shook my head, “No, you’re going. I’ve got a little cold, nothing that’s gonna kill me. What will kill me though is you not going to be with G on his special day.”

Matty narrowed his eyes a tad, “Don’t guilt trip me.”

My next bout of laughter couldn’t be helped. “I’m not!”

With a scoff, Matty turned to put the carton he’d held in the side door of the fridge, shaking his head as though I was the one being outlandish. “It’s fine, alright?” He said once he’d spun back around, “I’d much prefer being here anyway.”

My head dropped to the side as I looked up at him, “Babe, please go. It would honestly mean a lot to me, but even more so to George. You know, who’s birthday it is. Go on. Please?”

Matty sighed and ended up dropping himself into the opposing chair, I slid his phone on over to him. “What about you though, and Teddy?” He asked and it was sweet, how much he cared.

“We’ll be fine.” I assured him, reaching out to take his hand, “The party isn’t til later anyway, so how about we stick with your lazy day idea and then when you need to start heading out, I can just pop Teds in the bath and get him ready for bed.” When Matty still didn’t seem too keen on the idea, I squeezed his hand a tad and added, “You can even head back here after if you want.”

He perked up at that, but was still a little resistant to the whole idea of leaving.

“I promise we’ll be fine, love.”

And oh, did I wish that had been the truth.

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theywhowriteandknowthings · 6 months

Text

Warning: Discourse incoming.

I told myself I’d never get involved in these kinds of discussion because I’m a firm believer in “You do you/No Kink shaming etc.” But this one is a fairly serious one. It’s long, I’m not putting a cut in there, but please just hear me out.

There’s a disturbing trend in some fic writing I’ve noticed lately, and I have to say something about it.

We all know I’m a sucker for dark fics, be it CNC, dubcon, even non-con and horror elements, so I’m not here trying to tone/content police people’s writing. I want to make it very clear that this is not about vilifying people who write dark stuff, or things I’m not into. Hell, if I don’t want to read something, I check the tags and warnings and nope out before I get the ick. (As everyone should, there’s no point getting yourself wound up or triggered by content you can just simply scroll by.)

However, this is where my current concern comes in.

I’ve seen lots of very prominent writers not giving adequate warnings or disclaimers about the content they write.

I’ve come across a lot of content where Joel (sorry buddy you’re the worst offender here, Ilu tho) is being labelled as a dom – and even more worryingly labelled as a soft dom – when the relationship is not about safe dom/sub relationships/kink.

If Joel is spanking you so hard you can’t sit down in lieu of “teaching you a lesson” when there’s clear lack of enthusiastic consent (or often any consent at all) this is not s/m, this is abuse.

If you’re having your readers receive physical or sexual punishment for actual life slip ups/non-role play scenarios, you’re glorifying abuse.

If you’re not labelling your fics correctly, you’re being negligent to your readers, and this should be a safe space for us all to read and create without being unduly triggered because we had inadequate or no forewarning.

For example:

Javi P kisses a girl, you make him pay for it in a way that is clearly pre-established (you have to spell it out people) as consensual in your relationship? Kink.

Joel spanking the shit out of you because a man flirted with you in a bar? Abuse.

Din edging you until you cry because you were competing in how much you could make the other jealous in a pre-agreed dynamic? Kink.

Joel denying you sex, or fucking you without prep/making you cum because you did something to annoy him/he doesn’t agree with and you aren’t enjoying yourself? Abuse.

I thought we were over this with the discourse that came about around 50 Shades, but clearly not. So please, tag your fics with appropriate/adequate warnings. As a survivor of sexual abuse and grooming, I need to know if your fic is going to contain and/or glorify these things. Again, I’m not saying don’t write these things, but it is your responsibility to tag adequately.

It’s a simple concept that I see applied across the board with age gaps and power dynamics, and most of the time people get it right. But when posts with 1k+ interactions are explicitly abusive, with no warnings other than S/M dynamics or “soft dom!Joel” when it’s anything but soft, aren’t just triggering to some, they’re harmful.

You can’t have a healthy relationship with Joel (again sorry buddy) if that relationship contains thinly veiled or brazen abusive elements.

If you don’t know the difference between coercive behaviour, sexual or physical abuse, and safe, consensual kink, you need to educate yourself for your own benefit, and that of your readers.

Feel free to reach out to chat with me about this, I’m not here to run and gun, but I will not tolerate any form of abuse or unkindness (on either side of the aisle) here.

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bobattef · 6 months

Text

in the shadows.

“You still here miss y/n?” The office security guard lightly tapping on your desk causes you to glance up from your computer.

“Oh hey Lars” you smiled tiredly.

“Yeah just finishing up a few bits then I’ll be out”

He just nods politely as he walks away, continuing on one of his routine walks of the building.

You glance up at the timer ticking above you, a little surprised.

Everyone else had clocked out around the sound of the klaxon that would signal an end of the work day.

But there’s you, some time later still, uploading word vomit into your research files.

You yawn quite loudly as you click save and close down your computer.

Tucking your chair back under the desk like you always would.

You grab your coat off the office peg, checking your communication box for any messages, sighing out loud when there’s no new notifications.

Switching the floors light off, you close the lid of the clocking out machine slowly, adding the extra time up in your head.

It’s so dark in the corridors behind you as you squint your eyes into the now shrouded walkway.

*why does Larsy do his nighttime checks in the dark* you shudder to yourself as you pull a small torch-pen out, pressing the button to help eliminate the way to the main doors.

You hadn’t been working in the TVA vaults for long.

Time definitely worked differently here but you knew you had clocked in and back out again a total of 164 times so must be about 5 months now?

You were working your way up to a promotion at the moment, hence the later clocking out time stamps compared to your associates.

“I’m gone now Lars…Goodnight” you shout out as you walked past the security desk at the front of the building.

You were almost out the main glassed doors before you realised he hadn’t shouted his goodbyes back.

You turn around, staring back at the un manned desk you hadn’t spotted a few moments ago.

“Lars?” You call out as you see his empty chair being illuminated by the many tv screens he had on throughout his shift.

Walking slowly back towards it now, you take a small pocket knife out of your coat, flicking the blade open.

You’ve always carried protection on you, often being laughed at by your work colleagues after being told there was never a threat here at the TVA.

Yet here you were, about to use it on anyone and everyone who would be jumping out on you tonight.

As you step past the opening of the table, you spot a pair of shoes sticking out from behind the chair.

“Lars!!” You almost screech as you drop your knife in panic and rush over to where he was laid on the ground.

You couldn’t see much in the dim light but he was definitely unconscious, you search for a pulse and feel relief wash over you when you find one.

“Lars…” you gently call out his name.

“Hey…Larsy!” You say louder now as you slightly shake his shoulder.

“He cant answer you” the deep voice from behind causes you to spin round in panic.

Standing before you was a tall man, wearing a dark suit made up of different kinds of green and black shades.

You worked your line of vision upwards for what seemed like ages before setting your eyes on his.

They were looking deeply into yours, like you were prey.

You glance slightly to your left, catching where you had dropped your pocket knife on the ground earlier.

As you lunge towards it, the mysterious man seems to guess your movement and kicks out, your knife goes skimming across the tiled floor.

“Wha…what did you do to…?” You can’t even finish your sentence before he steps closer to you now. Grabbing you by the collar of your work shirt, he pulls you up to your feet with no effort at all.

You struggle against his grasp as you can feel him start to lift you into the air, your feet dangling, trying to find some sort of surface to land on.

He tilts his head slightly as he tries to work you out.

You weren’t wearing the same armour as the security guard that was passed out beneath him.

You simply looked like an analyst or office book worm of some sort as he runs his eyes over your brown blouse and skirt.

You stop trying to fight him as you can feel his eyes on you, raking your body as you feel your cheeks heat up slightly.

*what is wrong with you* you think internally.

*this..stranger has you by the scruff of the neck, after taking out one of your security guards and the only thing you could think of was how close he was to you, the size of his hands as he held onto you, the darkness that pooled in his eyes as he stared down at you*

“Who are you?” He simply stated as he could see you were having an internal conversation with your self.

“I…I er…” you swallowed as your throat felt dry.

He raised his eyebrows at you stuttering.

“My…name is y/n…” you tell him as he focuses on your lips moving “and er, I’m a strategist” you add on as you start to cough with the restricting hold the man had on your neck.

“A strategist?” He repeated doubtfully.

You had no further words than to nod. You were sure you would either pass out or be sick if you tried to move your voice box.

“Then what’s with the weapon?” The man asked you as you stared back at him confused.

“The knife” he snaps as he can tell you weren’t keeping up with him.

“Protection” you splutter out as he lowers you down slowly, releasing the tightness round your neck a little.

“From?” He asked, genuinely as he drops his hands from you completely.

“People taking out my security guards” you reply back as he chuckles at your quick wit.

“What are you even doing here?” The man asks you as he wonders where you came from.

He had scoped the place out a few times yet he’s never had another in this particular building apart from the one security guard.

“What..what are you doing here?” You ask him his own question as he raises an eyebrow at you.

“Escaping” he smirked as he pointed at you to answer him now.

“Working” you say to him as if it was the most obvious thing to say.

“At this time….alone?” He asks as his mouth curls up into a half smile.

You just shrug.

Your feelings of being scared of the man were dropping by the minute.

You no longer saw this menacing being as a threat the more he spoke to you.

“Well I’d love to stay and finish this, riveting conversation but…” the sarcasm seems to ooze out of his voice as he starts to walk away from you now.

“What about Lars??” You blurt out.

He turns on the spot “what about him?” He shrugs.

“Is he going to be ok??” The concern in your voice alleviates it slightly.

He sighs out as if you were supposed to fully understand.

“He’ll be fine” he tells you “…its a temporary thing. Just think of it as…dreaming” he smirks.

You look between him and Lars now, you shouldn’t believe a word this man says to you yet you do.

You stand at the desk whilst you watch him stalk down the corridors towards your labs.

Disappearing into the shadows.

You finally manage to regulate your breathing as you grab your pocket knife from the floor and think about how to move Lars into a more comfortable position.

But your heart rate is sent rocketing once more as the TVA alarms blare out through the sound system above you.

Your hands fly up to cover your ears as you rush round to the tv screens.

Scanning the many different rooms they project back for the cause of the alarm.

Sure enough, it’s the mysterious man that was now stood in front of the TVA time pad vault.

The room being lit up under the red flashing lights as the alarm almost mimics the movement of them.

You press a few buttons on the keyboard that was in front of you.

Sighing out loud as the alarms come to an abrupt stop, leaving behind a slight ringing in your ears.

You weren’t trained as a security guard but you had read the TVA guidebook to almost everything so knew certain access codes or in this case, control codes.

You slump back on the large swivel chair Lars must of sat on before being taken out unexpectedly.

You didn’t realise you had closed your eyes until you feel them fly open at the voice stood in front of you now.

It was the man again.

This time instead of a cheeky smile on his face, his eyes were narrowed as he frowned.

“Just a strategist hmm?” He snaps at you as you look back at him puzzled.

“How did you disable the security system??” He asks you as you realise what he meant from his comments.

It definitely wasn’t common knowledge how to over ride the alarms and you had known the security guard by his first name.

He steps behind the desk once more as you stay frozen to the chair.

You definitely relaxed around him a few moments ago but now you felt a little scared by the way he was towering over you.

“Please…I erm…I just” your voice waivers as see something glint in the mysterious man’s eye.

He’s lived his life making people afraid of him.

He had great joy knowing others were scared of his presence but when he saw that familiar look of fear in your eyes he didn’t have the normal gloating feeling like before.

This was weird.

Felt deep in the pit of his stomach.

“Hmm” he mumbled as he leans towards you, shaking off the uncomfortable senses.

Your words have escaped your mouth, you had no thoughts as you didn’t know how to explain anything right now.

“I need you” he simply states as you’re taken a back.

“You do?” You ask him, confused at his choice of words.

He exhales a breath out as he knows he doesn’t have the time to explain anything right now so instead he just grabs you by the arm and marches you both down the dark corridor.

Your little legs struggling to keep up with his larger strides.

“Open it” he barks at you as you stand before the time pad vault.

You furrow your eyebrows at him “what for?”

He looks at you as if you were speaking another language.

He didn’t like the fact he had scared you earlier at the security desk but you were wasting valuable time right now.

He definitely needs your help so must remain calm as to get you to comply but your stupid questions grind on him.

“Open it…please” he presses his lips together on the please, you watch as his jaw clenches.

You stare blankly at him.

Why does he want a vault unlocked of time pads when you can just use yours?

“You’re after a time pad?” You ask him trying to clear up the confusion.

He feels like shaking you out of frustration.

You gulp as you can clearly see you’re annoying him.

“Just use mine…” you quietly say to him pulling it out from your TVA issued coat.

“I…” he goes to tell you once more to open the damned door but as his eyes land on the time pad you had in your outstretched hand he’s silenced.

“You have a time pad??” He almost shouts.

“Yeah” you shrug “all strategists do…it’s what we work on” now it’s your turn to act like he’s speaking another language.

Everyone here knew both hunter pack leaders and strategists held the time pads.

He took the device from your hand a little too quickly.

Tapping away on it at speed whilst you stood there watching him.

He flickers his eyes up to yours.

You avoid his stare awkwardly as his eyes start to lose that look of urgency he had before.

As he was just about to press the button to open up a time jump, the door to the vault room is blown apart, causing you to duck in fright as the debris cloud of dust dances around you.

“Hands up!”

“Stay where you are!”

“Drop the time pad Loki!!”

The booming voices of 4 hunters are shouting all kinds of directions to you as you freeze in shock.

You go to turn slowly round to face them as they point their time sticks at you, ready to prune.

Just before you’re able to face them fully, you’re pulled backwards by someone, thrown completely off balance you tumble, landing on something or someone with a thud.

You hear the person cough as you open your eyes, realising that you were sprawled across the chest of the mysterious man.

“Loki?!” You cry out as you try to get back on your feet.

You look around in panic to your new surroundings.

It was dark, it was quiet.

“You’re welcome” Loki says to you as he holds onto the side of your hips now.

Trying to regulate his breathing.

But with you pressed up against him, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else.

“You’re the Loki Laufeyson?” You ask the man as you look up at his face in disbelief.

Please don’t say you just helped the god of mischief escape the hunters of the TVA.

“The one and only” he says cockily as he looks down to where your blouse was straining to keep its buttons done up.

You’ve heard of this Loki variant that had been sent to be pruned by the TVA, but in a change of events that no one would talk about, he ended up helping the TVA, working with them to hunt down variants himself.

“Where are we?” you sound panicked again as you can’t seem to work out the place you were stood in.

Loki shrugs as he wasn’t sure what he typed in that device.

“Timepad Loki!” You raise your voice at him in anger.

He bucks his hips upwards as he fumbles trying to grab the time pad that was tucked safely in his back pocket.

The movement causes your cheeks to heat a little as you can definitely feel something underneath your TVA issued skirt.

He goes to hand it over but stops mid way, why were you so annoyed with him, he literally just saved you from the pruning by the TVA.

Reluctantly, he hands it over as you sit up now, each one of your legs straddling his waist.

His eyes widen at the new position you’re both in as your skirt rides up past your thighs but you don’t notice the look on his face as you focus on the time pad.

The device beeps twice as the light dims away from the cracked screen.

“No!!” You sounded horrified so Loki looks up at you for answers.

“The batteries gone” You barely whisper out.

With the time pad having no power, there was no way to open up another time jump door, no way to choose a different time line, no way to escape.

“You gave me a dead time pad?!” It’s his turn to sound annoyed.

“Fuck!!” You curse out as Loki looks at you, surprised at the tone of your voice.

“Now what?!” You ask the darkness surrounding you.

You feel Loki twitch under you.

You were so caught up in trying to find an alternative escape route that you didn’t clock the compromising position you were in right now.

Loki leans up on his elbows, edging his face closer to yours.

You hardly get a chance to ask him what he was doing before you feel his lips being pressed against yours.

You don’t seem to have any control as you groan into his mouth, the sound causes him to kiss you harder.

He snakes a hand behind the back of your head, almost holding onto you as his tongue now joins his assault on your mouth.

You feel like you’re going to lose your breath as you’re pulled towards him.

He doesn’t break the kiss, you’ve never had a man’s lips be on yours with this much urgency.

Another moan leaving your mouth causes the god of mischief to dig his other hand into the flesh at your hips.

It seems like you don’t want an inch of thought as you start to grind on him, his hardness pressing against the fabric of your skirt.

You feel his hands on you, roaming your body.

The one that was gripping the back of your head so tightly moves down past your chest.

Teasing your hardened nipples that had started to show through your shirt now.

The other hands slip underneath the fabric of your skirt, the feel of his skin on yours causes you to take a deep breath in anticipation.

Just as his fingers started to stroke the now dampened lace of your underwear, you almost jump out of your own skin as you hear the distance shouts of others.

“Fuck! no!!” Loki curses now as he knows he has to stop what he was doing.

You almost froze to the spot, trying to figure out what to do but Loki springs into action.

He lifts you up effortlessly as he stands from the floor, panting slightly from your make out session.

He grabs hold of you under your arm as he starts to run down a corridor, hopefully in the opposite way of the hunters.

His grip tightens on you as he starts to work out what to do, where to go.

He kicks open another door, shoving you inside.

He steps in after you, whilst slowly shutting the door behind him.

“Loki…” you drop your voice down quieter to him as he stands in front of you now, his height allowing him to lean over you to press one ear on the metal listening out.

“Not know” he snaps at you. Trying to strain his hearing to reach further.

You go to answer him back but he places a hand over your mouth, stopping you in your tracks.

You hear the footsteps of people run past the door you were hidden behind as your eyes widen in shock at how close you were just now at being found.

You can feel your heart beating against your chest as fear strikes you yet again this evening.

Your eyes search the darkness for the face of Loki.

Still stood just before you, his hand not moving an inch from its grip across your face.

You can almost hear his quicken breaths also, feel his shallow breathing as his whole body is pressed up against yours.

Your thoughts start running back to what you were doing just a few moments ago.

You lick your lips slightly behind that large hand of his as he tenses slightly, flexing the muscles in his arm that was still pinned one side of your head.

It’s as if he could read your mind as he casts his eyes downwards on you.

You so wish you could see his face.

It was too dark inside this cupboard type place he had chosen to hide you both in.

“We really mustn’t” Loki whispers to you as you look at him puzzled.

You go to say something but the hand over your mouth muffles your words.

“What?” Loki says a little too loudly as he removes his hand now.

“I said…” you hushed at him.

“I didn’t say anything”

“What?!” He looks at you with confusion.

“Oh for fucks sake” you sigh out.

“Is that all the language you speak in?” Loki tuts at you “…profanities?”

You glare at him.

Considering your situation right now, the fact that you’re adding a few swear words into your vocabulary surely isn’t the worse part?!

You feel his smile through the kiss he lands on your lips.

He wastes no time to match the same urgent pace he had been kissing you before.

Before you were so rudely interrupted .

The force of him causes your head to hit off the back of the door you were pinned up against.

The noise causing you both to stop for a few seconds before he nips your bottom lip lightly, giving the all clear.

He pushes his knee up to your centre, the sudden pressure there causes you to gasp into his mouth.

Your hands make their way to his hair, wrapping your fingers around a few strands you tug on them.

“Fuck” he rasps, the humming of his voice vibrating on your lips.

Grabbing one your legs under your thigh he lifts it up, you instinctively wrap it around the back of his waist.

Feeling his hardness push up against you where his knee once was, turns something inside you and you find yourself begging him for more.

“So needy” Loki whispers now as he breaks the kiss.

You’d pout if you could see you.

He chooses this time mocking you, to undo the belt he had on, pulling down on his leathers, his cock throbbing as it strains against the fabric.

You try to wiggle up your skirt now, it puts up a protest as it clung to the leg that was wrapped around Loki’s waist.

The god of mischief seems to sense your struggle as he drops the hold he still had on your thigh, pulls your skirt up to your waist in one quick moment and then returns his hand to place your leg back to where it was.

His move being lightning quick, you were impressed.

He kisses you once more as he frees his cock, he trails the tip over the lace of your underwear as you unconsciously Buck your hips up towards him.

He flattens his palm on the door behind you, steadying himself as he pulls your underwear to one side, his fingers tease your folds as you can’t seem to concentrate on the kiss anymore.

Parting your lips slightly, he presses his cock up to your entrance.

Stalling for a moment as if he wanted to make sure you fully wanted this.

“Loki…please” you whine as he leans into you.

Pushing inside you, his cock being swallowed almost to the base.

He quickly covers your mouth once more with his hand as you moan loudly into his palm.

He knew you would make a sound as he breathes through the urges to come right there and then.

After a few seconds he starts to rock his hips into you, pulling out almost all the way before sliding back, deep inside.

The tip of his cock hitting that sweet spot inside you over and over again.

You want to be vocal, you want to tell him just how good he was at fucking you up against this door but you hold your self back.

Imagine being caught this way.

His hand cups your ass as he quickens his pace.

Digging his fingers into your flesh, you know there will be marks left there.

He grunts as he feels your cunt pulsate around him.

You were going to make him come a lot quicker than he had wanted to.

He wants to fuck you forever he thinks to himself as his movements start to falter.

He tries his best to hold on but the way you were gripping onto him was overwhelming.

It felt like you were made for him and him only as your bodies moulded together inside that small storage cupboard.

You were starting to see stars, you felt Loki’s pace become sloppy as your body was rocked up against that door harder and harder.

You didn’t even care if you were heard now as the sensations you were feeling were too good to even think about stopping.

“Loki….” You whisper out to him as he didn’t even realise he had dropped his hand from your mouth.

He had a hold of both sides of your hips now, holding you in place as he pushed deeper and deeper inside.

He panicked slightly when he thought you had a been a bit too loud so without thinking how you would react, he conjures up his shadows.

The irises of his eyes flashing green as you widen yours in surprise.

‘Is he using his sorcery?’ You think to yourself as you feel a hand move over your mouth once more.

Except this time it was a lot cooler in touch.

The same cool touch you feel trailing down your body, from your neck, across your chest and then down to your most sensitive area.

Your brain working over load as it tried to work out what was happening right now.

Loki’s hands were definitely on you, gripping onto the curves of your hips as his cock still pumped in and out of you.

But these extra touches were hard to decipher.

Like someone else was in this cupboard with you but it couldn’t be possible.

You go to ask him what was happening, what was causing this weird sensation of being touched by another but your thoughts are cut off when you feel the cooler touch move over your clit.

You jerk against the door as the colder temperatures felt so good rubbing over your bundle of nerves.

Loki is in his element as he wishes he could see your face contort in pleasure.

The noises he was hearing, being muffled behind his shadows hand of course, sounded delicious.

You were losing your mind as he put more pressure on your clit as he could feel himself getting closer also.

That familiar feeling starting to knot in your stomach.

The mixture of being fucked so deeply up against that door whilst the pace Loki was moving across your clit was picking up, you weren’t going to last much longer.

You want to scream his name as you come.

It was increasingly hard not to but you couldn’t, for one the shadow clamping over your face wasn’t letting up plus the situation of still being on the run by those TVA hunters scared you into a more quieter groan as you came around Loki’s cock.

The noises inside that small confinement is something he wants to remember forever as the gushing from you sends him over the edge, falling against the door in exhausted bliss.

You both are panting now as you come down from your highs, the cooler touches of Loki’s shadows have gone. The warmth radiating from the both of you are all you can feel now.

He leans his forehead against yours as his eyes remain closed.

He hopes he hadn’t scared you with his shadow play.

“You good?” He asks you, his voice raspy from trying to catch his breath.

“All good” you finally manage to answer him as your place your leg back on the ground, a little shakily.

“Who?…what was that” you ask him as he gently straightens your skirt from being bunched up at your waist.

He just smiles in the darkness.

“All me” he tells you as he grabs you under the chin.

He places a kiss lightly on your lips now as he feels they were swollen slightly.

“Ha” you breathe out.

You had heard stories circulating your offices of this Loki - God of mischief - having magical powers but you would have never believed those powers were to be used on you in such a way.

“Loki…” you whisper out to the dark at him.

“Mmm?” He replies, still lost in the moment.

“How are we getting out of here” you sounded worried as the cloud you were riding on starts to land back on reality.

“I do believe the coast is clearer the longer we are inside this cupboard” he answers you.

You start to chew your lip with worry as you think.

“We’d just have to bide our time better?” Loki smiles now as he can see you were concerned “I’m sure we can think of something to do whilst waiting?”

“Only if your shadows come out to play again” you laugh, suddenly feeling safe with the god stood before you.

#warnings #over18 #smut #pov #loki x reader #tva loki #shadow play #marvel

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madcat-world · 11 months

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Over the Other Side of the River - IrenHorrors

#Over the Other side of the River #IrenHorrors #folklore #warnings #monsters #magic #transformation #dark fantasy #digital art

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elsewhereuniversity · 3 months

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before you enter the world next to ours, remember it is always november there, and your guide has teeth sharper than yours

#warnings

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fog-world · 11 months

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#signalis #videogames #survival horror #warnings

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allzelemonz · 2 years

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Keepsake: Tom Riddle X Male Reader

Prompt: Kinktober Day 5: Mind Control/Dub/Non-Con Pronouns: None mentioned except in summary Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut Warnings: Dubious consent, non-con vibes, mind control, drugging, Viagra potion, Tom Riddle being Voldemort in the early days, oral sex, anal sex, bottom reader, multiple orgasms, hopeful open ending, not proof read Summary: Tom Riddle met a nice boy at Hogwarts. One he couldn't let get away. He keeps him away from his work and uses him as he sees fit.

You don’t quite remember a lot from your time at Hogwarts before meeting Tom. You do remember meeting him. His rare but bright smile and his handsome features brought you in and begged you to stay. Who were you to object?

His kindness knows no bounds. Before he leaves for the day he always makes you your favorite morning drink in only the way he can. There’s something special he does that you’ve never been able to do when you make the drink. He says it’s a secret. When he’s away from home he keeps an eye on you through the mirror and there’s always one of his most trusted followers not too far away. Again, another secret. You’re a secret. Only a few of his followers know what they’re protecting. When he comes home he’s attentive as always. He ensures you’ve had something to eat and that you’ve behaved as he desires. And as the day winds down he prepares you for a sleepless night.

He makes you another drink, whatever you want before bed. He always adds that special touch that only he can. He leads you to bed after that. He sits on edge and you follow his silent commands. He draws you down on your knees, his hand remaining on your head as you unfasten his pants. You know he doesn’t like to be teased, you would never have any intention of doing so. You take his hardness in your hand, preparing him with a few soft pumps before wrapping your mouth around him.

His hand tightens into your hair, pulling it as he guides your movements. It doesn’t take much for him to move a simple blowjob into fully fucking your face. He relishes in using you. Even as he unloads down your throat he still keeps his hand harshly fixed in your hair with shrap thrusts. You swallow every drop he gives you, he would have it no other way. He keeps you there, mouth around his now soft dick for a moment, as he tugs at your hair and looks down at you. He loves this sight. You used and beneath him.

He leads you backwards, allowing your jaw to rest as his dick slides out. He pulls you up and you know to undress before laying on your back with your head resting on the pillows. He watches your every move, blinking very sparingly. He moves to your bedside table and pulls out a potion bottle. He holds it to your mouth as he does every night and watches as you swallow it.

You watch as his hand moves to your soft dick and begins to stoke it. He hates how long it takes for the potion to work, but it’s all he has. He told you long ago that you have a disorder that prevents you from getting hard on your own. There are fuzzy memories that vaguely contradict what he’s told you, but why would he lie?

He moves upwards and places his body over yours, laying almost fully on top of you. He begins to kiss you and you kiss him back, your hands moving to his hips just like you know he likes. He grinds against you as he feels you harden beneath him. There’s shuffling as his kisses get sloppy. He’s positioning himself, hard once again. He enters you without warning and his lips leave yours in time for you to let out a cry from the pain.

“Who are you, my dear?” His hand rests on the side of your face, his thumb stroking your cheek.

“Voldemort’s”

One too many times you’d answered “Tom Riddle’s” and gotten punished. You know what he wants to hear now. His hips move sharply inside of you, bringing another cry. He sets a pace, a harsh one right away. He pounds into you without mercy, moving to just the right angle above you to slam all the way in.

He grabs your chin, stalling after a particularly harsh thrust. “I should be hearing my name.”

His voice is harsh, almost a growl.

“Voldemort,” You moan in response.

He smirks and resumes his harsh pace. His name continues to fall from your mouth, your eyes now closed as you try to process the sensations of pain and pleasure. There is a sudden, tight grip on your dick and you know he’s pulled out his wand. His spellwork in bed is well-practiced and he has you cumming in less than a few minutes. With the potion’s help you remain hard and Tom makes you cum over and over again with his magic and the harsh fucking. After your dick is finally spent he angles your hips up so he can further fuck into you and he cums within the minute. He fills you and leaves himself inside for a moment before muttering a spell with a wave of his wand, then he pulls himself out and not a drop of his cum leaves you. He usually plugs you up, he just likes to have part of him inside of you as much as possible.

When he sits back on his knees and releases your hips you fall back onto the bed and take heavy breaths. Tom watches you as he always does. His hand lightly stroking your thigh and watching your chest rise and fall. You hear him mutter something again before you fall asleep.

Most mornings he wakes you up and makes you your drink, but today he’s gone. When you wander into the kitchen there is a note by your favorite cup. He must have had something important come up. There is something in the back of your mind that tells you not to drink it as you always do. It’s so strong that you dump the liquid down the sink before you head off to the shower.

#warnings #triggers #dub con #non con #tom riddle #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle x male reader #voldemort #voldemort x reader #voldemort x male reader #smut #kinktober #kinktober 2022 #harry potter #x reader #x male reader

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isaiku · 1 year

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anika. i don’t wanna see you with anyone but me / nobody gets me sza.

fem!reader / warnings n notes! no scream vi spoilers + not a part of the plotline.

— angst to fluff, arguments, jealousy, alcohol, vomiting, ooc anika. lmk if i missed anything please!

a scowl paints over your features, the party only just started. as you sit next to anika who’s in between you and mindy. the pair giggling together as you try to distract yourself with your phone, looking away from the two to try and distract yourself.

“hey,” anika starts, “you okay? you’ve been on your phone since we arrived,” she asks, you look at her shrugging, “i’m fine, babe. you asked me to go with you, but you seem pretty comfortable yourself here.” you mumble, the air tense around you two.

mindy glances at the two of you — noticing there’s something going on, she quickly mumbles an excuse before leaving her spot. anika waits until she’s out of sight before looking at you once again, no expression on her face but you could tell what went through her mind by just looking at her eyes. she’s mad at you is she?

your face drops at the thought, removing your eyes from hers and looking straight ahead. leaning back on the couch as you bit inside your cheek, breath slightly shaking, fidgeting with your fingers.

her eyes stay in you for a while — as if she’s trying to read your body language. she sighs while smiling softly, “what’s bothering you now.” she asks. you shake your head, her body facing you, her arm leans against the couch, brows furrowed together. you don’t reply, only glancing at her before looking away once again, “nothing.” you breathe out.

“y/n, i brought you with me because i thought we were gonna have fun together,” she says, “why don’t you have fun with mindy then, like you two have been for the past couple of days?” you reply as put your phone away.

“are you seriously jealous right now?” she asks, confused. “there’s nothing going on between us, you know that. i thought we went through this already.” you stay silent, still staring at her.

“it’s just, you sometimes just act like i’m not there when you’re with her or something, look i’m not asking for a—“

“can— can we just deal with this later? i just want to this party to go smoothly and not having to stress about anything, please?” she interrupts you, grabbing your shaking hands.

you glance at your hands, pursing your lips together as you want to say more but you didn’t want to stress her even more. “i just think it’s better if we deal it and solve it now and quick, the party just started, ani’. you’re the one who says that communicating is important.” you plead but she only shakes her head.

“whatever, i’m not gonna deal with this right now. come find me later, or something.” she stands up, walking away and leaving you alone to god knows what, probably searching for mindy again.

fuck, you stare at her until she’s gone and out of sight, a tear slipping down, quickly wiping it away. you stand up from the couch too, walking towards to where the drinks are.

you don’t know how long it’s been, you can’t recognise anyone around you and you can’t find your girlfriend either. you’re leaning towards the counter. you’ve lost count on how much you drank but the empty cups in front of you explain otherwise.

“hey y/n, jesus— what happened to you?” you look over to find tara next to you, chad just right behind her, both look at you in concern. “shit, you look like a mess,” chad says, who receives a small smack from tara who moves closer to you, taking the drink from your hands and putting it elsewhere, they notice the amount of empty red plastic cups next to you, chad and tara take notice of this.

tara puts an arm around your figure, taking you away from the kitchen and sitting you down to the same couch once again, chad following behind. “where’s anika?” she asks, you tense slightly and she notices, “i’ll try looking for her if you want,” chad mentions, you shake your head and a hiccup escapes your lips, “i already tried,” tara glancing at chad before looking back at you,

“did something happen?” tara asks, you shrug. “i think you should really go home y/n, look at the state you’re in. we should call anika.”

“it’s whatever, i can handle myself.” you stammer.

“i think it’s more important that she takes you home and takes care of you,” she says, you open your mouth to say something.

and that’s when you feel something bubbling up your chest.

by your expression tara and chad react quickly. placing your arms around their shoulders to support you, taking you towards the bathroom.

you gag, trying to hold everything in before they place you down and you kneel in front of the toilet before you puke everything up, tara tries to move all the hair that’s in the way from your face. chad grimaces before quickly making his way out to get anika,

“where’s she— fuck.” you hear footsteps rushing behind you, anika walks in and finds you and tara, she sighs in relief. you calmed down but you feel it bubbling inside you again a few times, “you should’ve seen the amount of cups she had with her,” you head chad.

“thank god you were there for her, i’ll take care of her now.” she thanks tara and chad who nods before walking out and closing the door, you continue to puke up before flushing the toilet completely and attempt to wipe your lips with your sleeve, anika stops you — grabbing a tissue and wiping it off herself.

you lean your body against the toilet, “how stupid are you?” she jokes, “i leave for a few minutes and then chad runs to me all panicked,” she grabs a water bottle that she had with her, taking the cap off before handing it to you, you take sips from it before giving it back and she places it aside.

she turns you around and brings your messy hair up in to a ponytail, using the hair-tie from her wrist to hold it all up. you lean back against the wall, silence fills the room between you two, other than the beats from the room outside.

“are you still angry at me?” you mumble out, her expression softens. she takes a hold of you hand, intertwining your fingers together.

“of course not,” she sighs out, “i feel bad.” she continues, “like really bad. i shouldn’t have stressed you out and saying to deal with out problems later, and then leaving you right after in a room full of strangers.” she sits next to you, heads leaning against each other.

she looks at you, bringing out a chapstick. “look at me real quick,” she says and you face her, she grabs your chin with her fingers gently and applies it on your chapped lips that dried after the incident, you smile at her.

she smiles back, pecking your shiny lips and you gag — “kissing me right after i puke?” she giggles, her expression falters. “i’m really sorry, baby. i shouldn’t have left you there,” she whispers, you shake your head, “it’s fine.” you say. you stare at each other for a while, breathing steady as you two feel comfortable at each other’s presence,

—are you still jealous of mindy?” she raises her eyebrows in a teasing way, you scoff at her, pushing her away and getting up from your spot. walking out of the room as she chases behind you, the two of you smiling at each other.

#anika kayoko #anika x reader #scream 6 #scream vi #anika kayoko x reader #no spoilers #angst to fluff #warnings #tara carpenter #mindy meeks martin #chad meeks martin

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mono-recom · 3 months

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My Pure Love

Artist: Kikuri Tags: Office Workers, Yandere Category: Manga, Doujinshi Warnings⚠️: Dub-con

Summary: Tsukasa Fuyuki, a junior colleague who is well-liked by everyone at work and good-looking. The protagonist, Akane, has trouble dealing with Tsukasa, who is the complete opposite of herself. One day, while they were actively avoiding getting involved with one another, their boss suddenly orders them to go on a business trip together. Akane is bewildered, but Tsukasa says "I want to be friends with you" in a friendly manner, and closes the distance between them. Akane grows distrustful of the situation, but… The day of the business trip. Akane becomes drunk due to her unfamiliarity with wining and dining in business relations environment, and Tsukasa ends up taking her back to the hotel. Tsukasa gently comforts Akane, who laments about having caused him trouble. Akane's nervousness eases due to Tsukasa's kind attitude, and she begins to feel that perhaps he's not such a scary person after all… Then suddenly, he pushes her down on the bed and…

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#manga recommendations #manga #smut #oneshot #recommendations #office workers #Kikuri #Yandere #warnings

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heyidkyay · 1 month

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty

Matty Healy x reader

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors Note: TWENTY. I actually can't believe it. And back with another longer update! Lotssss going on here ngl, but hoping you enjoy it xx

Warnings: Talks of a withdrawal experience and a very very brief mention of suicidal thoughts (past tense)

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Matty waited and waited for it to come out.

For someone to mention it. For the media to catch wind or for the story to blow. He waited and waited, but nothing.

Liar. Liar. Liar.

It was driving him mad.

The reminder echoed in the farthest parts of his mind almost constantly and clouded his every thought.

And to only make matters worse, Teddy had lied too.

And what the fuck kind of man did that make him, hey? What sort of deranged idiot made such promises to a kid? I won’t tell, he’d said. He’d sworn it.

He’d go back and scream at himself now, if he only could. But life didn’t fucking work that way, did it? And he had never been any good at the whole not fucking up part. He was selfish in that regard.

He could go ahead and blame this whole mess all on just wanting to soothe Teddy, to stop him from crying. Or the hope to simply leave what had happened behind them in a desperate attempt not to hurt her anymore than he already had.

But in the end, it all came down to his own narcissistic needs. It was what made the circle, wasn’t it?

“Matty?”

Matty’s head whipped so hard left that he winced at the slight pull he felt in his neck, turning away from where he’d been staring aimlessly into the mirror. Mouse was stood there, only an arms length away, wearing an apologetic smile on her face.

Matty wanted to reach out, to touch. To say that he was sorry. But he knew that she’d only chuckle at him in return, all fond and sweet, and then ask him why.

What have you got to be sorry for, Matty?

God, his heart hurt with it all. It hurt. It hurt.

Fuck did it hurt.

“Babe, you alright?”

He blinked, hard, and then, “Yeah, just, nervous you know?”

She chuckled at him. Exactly like he said she would. All fond and sweet. Lovely, like her.

“Nervous?” Squeaks repeated with one of those infamous smiles of hers, the kind that further stretched the scar going across the bridge of her nose and lit up her entire face.

Matty swallowed thickly at the sight but returned the smile all the same. It killed him, it really did, but he couldn’t say anything about it now. It had been days since it all happened and telling her of it would only hurt her more, he knew that. He knew it. And besides, no one had said a word. No one had mentioned it. So this was his secret to keep, and every relationship had those, didn’t they? His secret-

And Teddy’s.

At the thought, Matty had to struggle not to throw up what little lined his stomach.

Mouse stepped forward then, closing that distance between them to finger the collar of the polo he’d chosen only twenty minutes earlier, sorting out the kink he’d made in it when he’d tugged the thing on.

“Can you blame me?” He finally spoke, gazing down at her now, at the curve of her mouth and the freckles that dotted her right cheek. Can you blame me? He wanted to ask her again, only for an entirely different reason.

She just chuckled once more, the soft sound of it danced in the little space shared between them. “You’ve already met.”

He widened his eyes in very real alarm. “You bein’ serious?”

That laugh again.

“Honestly, Matty. I get why you’re nervous, but it's just Adi.” She patted the collar down flat, hand slipping away to rest on his chest so that she could peer up at him. His own hands went to her hips almost unconsciously and he took a deep breath.

“It’s Finn, too.”

Finn. That had been eating away at him as well, the whole fact that Squeaks had gone out of her way to set up this little meeting for them. So that he could finally meet the man who’d been her best mate since uni and who had basically helped her raise Teddy.

Typically- i.e. before rehab- he’d deal with a situation like this with a quick hit, a rub of the gums or just a line in the loo to get his head to work the way he wanted it to. So that he wouldn't have to deal with all the emotions that always seemed to want to fuck him over. But he couldn’t do that. Knew he wouldn’t. Didn’t stop the fucking itch though, did it.

“Yes, it’s Finn too.” Matty tuned back in at the sound of her somewhat amused voice, he found that she was pursuing her mouth at him to hide her growing grin. “But it’s just that, just Finn. You don’t have to stress. Honestly, the most you’ll get is a hard glare or a few pushy questions, but then he’ll be sound. Love you even.”

Love.

Matty’s mind lingered on the word for a moment, but she was smiling now, looking up at him with those eyes of hers. He lifted a hand to stroke along the edge of her cheek, trailing a thumb over a faint pink line that was covered up slightly by makeup, and wondered what she would say if he just told her now.

“I find that hard to believe,” He answered instead, watching the movement his hand made before his eyes flickered back to meet hers, “People either love me or hate me, you see.”

“Oh, is that so?” Squeaks laughed, the hand not resting on his chest moving to circle his wrist. “Bit egotistical of you to assume you mean that much to everyone you meet. I mean, I doubt the postman gives you a second thought, lovely.”

Matty reeled his head back a tad with that, pursing his lips at her words even though he loved it when she teased him like this. “You not heard any of my songs?”

He was gifted an airy snort in return and she then patted his chest before stepping away. Matty watched on as his hand slipped from her cheek.

“I have, which is why I’m not too surprised that you’ve worked yourself up about this so much.” He saw her smirk and then she tutted at him, “Always one for theatrics, Matthew.”

He lunged then in a playful attempt to grab at her, but she jumped away with a gleeful laugh and a second to spare, scurrying back into the living room before his fingers could capture the t-shirt she’d chosen to wear- a vintage band tee, one of his he reminded himself.

“We’re off soon,” She called out not a second later, leaving him standing there alone in the hallway once more, “So make sure you’re ready to leave, your highness!”

Matty huffed a small laugh and then took a deep breath. He could do this, if not for himself then for her.

–

As expected, Finn did give him a hard time.

The pair of them had wandered into the studio not long after Squeaks had dropped Teddy off at nursery, Matty waiting in the car this time around so as to not be seen, and found Adi already there with the mysterious Finn lounging on the settee, looking so at home.

He was a good looking guy, Matty had noticed that first. Rugged and built a bit like that of a rugby player. He had a beard as full as the hair on his head, a rival to Ross’s own, and was far from what Matty had been first expecting in truth.

When Squeaks had said that the guy was an artist, he’d automatically pictured some lanky fella, maybe with wired frames or a ponytail. But Finn was nothing of the sort, in fact he might’ve been the total opposite, and that made meeting him all the more unnerving. Because Matty hadn’t quite prepared for this.

Finn had a good few inches on him too, which was hard to miss and made it that much harder for Matty to not be as intimated as he wanted to be. A kick to that old ego of his Squeaks had mentioned earlier, but Matty could admit to feeling a bit out of his league amongst the guy, if only to himself.

The meeting had started off with the usual ‘you hurt her, I’ll hurt you’ warning, then trailed onto simple introduction and conversation starters. But Matty was well aware of these carefully arranged stares that never seemed to stray as time ticked on, which put him on edge and had him clenching down on his jaw hard enough to keep from biting at the bloke.

But the looks had ebbed slowly. Finn relaxed, bit by bit. And Matty? Matty tried his fucking hardest to make himself more than likeable. He attempted to mention Finn’s work and his own interest in art, which hadn’t gone down as well as he’d liked, he’d admit. So he’d quickly made do and switched tactics, asking him if he was interested in football at all, but of course the guy just had to be a sodding Sunderland supporter. As if Matty hadn’t already been pulling at teeth.

It was just after that though, that Finn took the opportunity to finally seek a change in pace, and Matty had honest to God been thankful for the sudden interest Finn took in him, the man leaning forward in his seat ever so slightly and looking as though he wanted to ask him a question.

And he did, only, it was one Matty hadn’t exactly been expecting so soon.

“So, you really clean then?”

Matty didn’t think he’d ever forget the way the entire room fell silent at that.

Finn’s voice was gruff, northern much like his own but more so. His words pooled out of his mouth so clumped together but low enough that his tone could be mistaken for soft, though only if you were stupid enough not to notice the harsh grunt behind them.

Matty blinked back at him, honestly not at all ashamed to admit that the question had caught him off guard. Though, maybe he should’ve been expecting it. It was a question he’d come to hear as often as ‘How’re you?’ since he’d gotten out of his first stint in rehab.

But still, now? In a space he’d come to feel a comfort in, around people he’d grown so close to? It made him feel like an imposter. Like he was just playing pretend here until everything in his life went tits up again.

“Finn, what the fuck?”

Pulling his gaze away, Matty turned to find Squeaks glaring at her mate, who was still sat on the settee, looking perfectly content with it all.

“You being serious?” She continued on, having paused her conversation with Adi entirely to level Finn with a stare that made even Matty nervous, “Where’d you get off on asking him that? Quite rightly, I don't think it’s any of your business.”

“Like fuck, it isn’t. He’s dating you, in’t he?” Finn immediately shot back at her and Matty watched on as Adi mirrored his exact movements, head rolling back over to where Finn met Mouse’s glare head on with one of his own. Only, his wasn’t fueled by anger, instead a stern sort of seriousness Matty had only ever really witnessed as a kid on his Grandad, who’d been a proud and stubborn man.

Mouse scoffed and shook her head at him, “Exactly, he’s dating me. Last time I checked, you weren’t included in that description.”

“I’m your mate, Mouse.” The man was quick to defend, looking hurt now. “It’s my job to look out for you, and I don’t care if that pisses you off. The shit I’ve heard about him ain't at all good and, in truth, I entertained all of it in the beginning, but I never actually once thought you’d end up fucking him.”

Another eerie silence wreaked havoc on the unsteady atmosphere.

“What’s that meant to mean?”

She was calm now, none of that revving rage spurring her voice on like it had done just moments earlier. Matty didn’t know how this would end, only that he’d never heard her speak like that in all the time she’d known him.

“What’s it meant to- what do you think it means! Exactly that.” Finn fired back at her, steeling his already hardened eyes, “You were getting back out there, flirting and texting. Just having a fuckin’ good time for once! And that was all nice and well, but now you tell me you’re actually with him? That you're making a go of it?” He barked out a sharp laugh, “What happens when he fucks everything up and uses again? You planning to be there for him when it all falls down around you? ‘Cause it’s only a matter of time, Mouse. Let me tell you.”

That hit. Hard.

Enough so that Matty surprised even himself at the suddenness of his voice, harsh but steady in the cautious quiet that had engulfed them all and splintering the growing rift between the two friends. “Where do you get off on saying that then?”

He met the other man’s eyes and noted the displeasure which swam in them.

“Nah, honestly ‘cause I’d really like to know. You have no idea what the fuck I’ve done, what I’ve been through, only what you’ve seen in the media. Yeah?” Matty barrelled on, pushing forward in his seat so that he could rest his forearms on the tops of his knees, actively trying not to show just how much the bloke’s assumptions had hindered him. “So go on then, tell me. Tell me what you’ve worked out about me in the past half hour that you’ve had to actually get to know me.”

Matty received a mirthless snuff in return, along with a slight shake of head, “Not much to add that I haven’t already said.”

Matty licked at his lower lip then because he knew if he didn’t take a second to think he’d lash out, fuck things up more than they already had been. After, he lifted his chin up at the other man in a slow nod.

“Right, yeah, because I haven’t just sat here making an arse out of myself, trying to find some common ground with you.” He gave a short humourless laugh that seemed to flood the studio, “But I'm gonna remind you of something, I’m only here for her, and her alone. So you can save all your jokes and your tragic fucking questions, alright? Because it’s one thing to actually want to know for her wellbeing, and even Teddy’s fucking safety. But to throw it in my face is another fucking thing, mate.”

Matty stood up at that, on shaky legs yes, but who did he have to fucking admit that to? Then patted down his pockets in search of a fucking smoke, shifting past the too large coffee table in the suddenly too small room to make his exit.

He took another small breath though, a much needed one in fact, when he passed by Squeaks, who was sat there looking so angry and lost and humiliated, and didn’t even have to force himself to give her a pained sort of smile as he did. He didn’t dare touch her though, not sure if she’d want it, but did say, “I’ll be outside.”

She swallowed thickly in turn, Matty saw the motion of it as her throat bobbed and she turned to look up into his eyes. He was quick to look away, hands itching for something to hit, to cling to.

The steel staircase was a welcome sight, even with their too many flights, but the kerbed sidestreet sat beyond it was one better. Matty all but gasped for breath the second he pushed through the heavy door, eager to relieve the ache crushing his lungs and burning a hole in his chest.

Childishly he kicked out some of that restrained aggression on the brick wall of the building a second later, revelling in the ringing pain which radiated up through his foot and to his leg, then did so again until he calmed enough to yank his pack from his jacket pocket and fall against it.

The fuck did the twat get off on saying shit like that to him? A stranger to boot. Fair enough, think it all you like, wouldn’t affect him then, he could honestly give less of a shit, but to his face? That was fucking brave. Tactless.

Matty scoffed at the whirlwind of thoughts his mind was made up of, teeth cutting into the tip of his tongue as he scraped the muscle along their ridged edge.

He couldn’t help but linger on Finn’s words though, wondering if that really was all that he was good for. A fun time, or a quick line. Some faceless person on a drunken one night stand, or the famous singer some fan was hoping to bag.

Matty had his phone in hand and his contact list pulled up before he could even realise it, the gesture second nature to him now. Something goes wrong? Call the closest dealer. That was the way it went, the way it had always gone.

But he couldn’t, not this time. He’d said he’d stick with it, he said he would. And there was still a chance. There was still a shitty piece of hope that had managed to lodge its way inside his chest telling him that Squeaks could still stick around, wasn’t there?

He laughed to himself at the mere idea of it. At how stupid he must’ve seemed, back there. To a man who’d probably never had to feel the mind numbing shakes of withdrawal or a paranoia that stretched a mile long. Who’d never been forced to deal with hallucinations that made you borderline suicidal, or an imminent need to peel the skin from off your bones.

Matty felt sick with it all. Hands trembling with the anger and anxiety he felt as he raised them up towards his face to light his fag.

He was fucking trying.

God, was he trying. And yet, people still asked for more than that.

Where the fuck did Finn get off on cornering him like some little kid anyway? On looking down on him like some junkie sprawled out on a slab step up on the high street?

It fucking angered him, filled him with this senseless rage and evident misery that everything would soon come crushing down around him.

Things were too good to be true.

He knew that fact like he knew his own face.

It was only after he’d managed to dwindle his fag right down to the very nub that Matty realised he’d been sat on the kerb, head hanging between his knees, whilst the rest of the world had seemingly carried on around him, none the wiser to him and his many issues. He only seemed to register it though when the familiar sound of the studio’s heavy door squeaked open, hinges piercing down the hushed sidestreet.

She joined him there on the pavement after a moment's hesitation, a moment he wouldn’t dare admit gnawed at his heart.

“I want to say sorry for Finn, but I know you wouldn’t care much for that.”

Matty wanted to laugh at her opening, at least he could say that she knew him that much.

She merely sighed though when he kept quiet and revelled in the way her elbow brushed against the side of his arm, lighting up each nerve that laid there. “He claims he’s being protective, but even I knew he was acting like a prick.”

Matty just hummed, already drawing another cigarette from his battered box. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth though when she thieved one for herself.

“Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to say.” She admitted after allowing him to light its end, which was something he appreciated, seeing as how he was in the same fucking boat with that. “I just, I don’t know. I wish he’d have voiced his concerns a bit better, or at least to me before I went and arranged this whole shit show.”

Matty chewed on the inside of his cheek, weighing her words as he took another drag. He let the smoke fester and fill his mouth, coating his tongue before he finally hummed once more.

Though it seemed like she’d already gotten sick of that. “That all I’m gonna get then, just a hm?”

It was his turn to sigh then and a swirl of grey escaped with it.

“What do you want me to say, Mouse?”

She frowned, although he didn’t know exactly why, before pulling her attention down towards the gravel road. She shrugged the shoulder nearest to him and said, “That it didn’t bother you. That you know he’s just a prat who’s acting the big brother. That you don’t really believe a word he says is true.”

Matty turned to peer over at her then, cigarette hand resting on the knob of his knee, smouldering in the light breeze. “Then I’d be lying.”

But you’re already a liar, his head screamed.

What’s one, or two more?

He looked away from her at that, nose suddenly stinging as his eyes began to itch. Then quickly took another drag.

She shuffled closer, jeans scratching at the grit of the kerb beneath them, and he was only slightly surprised when she laid her head to rest on the curve of his arm. “Does it matter? What Finn thinks, or what anyone thinks?”

How could it not? He wanted to ask her.

“I don’t know, Squeaks.” He replied instead, noting how she smiled sadly before she raised her fag up to her mouth.

“I’m happy, Matty. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.” She revealed to him, a quiet whisper catching on the wind. Matty could hear the honesty in her words, the kind that thawed at the emotional wall he’d been building between himself and the rest of the world since he were a kid. “Are you?”

And that was the punch that sent it all falling.

Was he happy?

He thought so, maybe more than he’d ever truly been.

So he told her that, voice thick as a wall of broken bricks settled around him. And although he kept on looking straight, he took her hand in his, “Yeah. I am.”

—

The days that followed ‘Finn’s Fucked Up Fuck-Up’- as I’d come to dub it as- were rocky, to say the very least.

Matty had pulled away from me slightly, claiming that he had studio time and album stuff to work on, whilst I was busy ignoring my best friend. Which was a rather hard task to do when you were so used to having a constant rapport with someone.

In truth, the whole thing was eating me up inside, but I knew it would turn around sooner or later. Things couldn’t get worse than they already had.

And I had to believe that.

“You seem down, ma chérie.”

I picked at the corner edge of the settee. It was one of those odd days, where everything appeared so quiet and you were left with nothing much that was worth doing.

Teddy was already at nursery, Matty had texted to say that he was with Jamie, and Adi had gone to see her Grandmother.

It had been a long while since I’d not had a day packed full of work, even my email box sat strangely empty. Which had left me on the sofa with fuck all to do until I had to go a pick up Teds again. But then I’d received a call from my mum.

“Non, not down. Just, things are a bit hectic at the moment.” I replied to her, smiling in the hopes that it would somehow ease all her worries, but that frown she wore held fast.

“Parle-moi, je t'en prie.” She sighed, shaking her head at me, or rather the situation, “How can I help when you won’t talk to me?”

My mouth wrinkled as I cast my eyes about the rest of the room. I didn’t want to talk about it with her, or at all in truth. But she had a way of forcing things out of me and I knew that she’d see the situation for what it was, so I ended up relaying the last few weeks of my life to her and waited impatiently to see how she’d react.

I received only a soft hum from her at first, her attention focused on something above the camera for a long moment before it trailed back on over to me. “I don’t know much of him, this Matty of yours, ma Souris. You know I only read my newspaper each morning and steer clear of the web.”

I smiled at that, the web, it reminded me of days back home and the route I’d had to walk to get a decent signal before she had finally agreed to fitting the wifi. She continued on though, none the wiser to the train my thoughts had wandered onto.

“He seemed to make you happy when I came to visit, and I witnessed how he was with Teddy. I knew then that he felt something for you, but you, you have always been so hard to read.” She tittered softly at that, smiling at me through a screen, and not for the first time did I wish that she wasn’t so far away. “It was in the kitchen though, that I realised you felt the same. Although, I don’t think you knew it.”

I rolled my eyes, the tiny beginnings of a smile playing on my lips. “We were friends.”

“Ah les amis!” She tutted, not daring to speak the English word as she waved my sorry attempt at a defence away, “You two were never just that, not really. I told you from the start, non? You were glowing, chérie. I knew it like the sun knows the sky, that he would be it for you.”

I swallowed heavily at the surety in her tone and then glanced away, fingers tightening around my phone.

“Souris, I adore Finn, you know that. But do not allow his words to mar what you feel. If this Matty feels the same way then he won’t let it either. Things will work out, one way or another. Tu verras.”

–

He looked good. That was the first thought that hit me when I rounded the corner only to instantly spot him.

He was stood, grinning softly over at George, who appeared to be spinning some kind of tale or other whilst the pair of them smoked outside of the studio they’d been hiding away in. It was an obsolete building, dull and grey, and had a low metal fencing just beyond the main entrance.

Matty wore his usual wash of denim, along with a shirt just a darker shade of blue beneath an old leather bomber. I smiled at the sight of him, and took a second to steel myself.

Even though it had only been a couple of days since I’d seen Matty last, I really had missed the insolent idiot.

“Oi aren’t you from that one band?”

Both Matty and George seemed to jump at the sound of my teasing lilt, heads shooting up over to find that it was just me standing there with a grin. I snorted at the looks on the pair of their faces, eyes as wide as dinner plates and jaws ajar.

“Christ, you scared the shit outta me.” Matty breathed, shaking his head at me even though he was now sporting the beginnings of a grin, I felt a weight slip off my shoulders at the sight of it. “What are you even doing here?”

Wanting to dampen my pleased little smile, I pulled my mouth up to one side as Matty roped me into a hug, glad that he actually seemed happy to see me.

I buried my face into his shoulder and felt him relax a fraction in my hold, it made me wonder if he’d been feeling a similar way.

It had been hard, not knowing what would come next for us after the whole Finn fiasco, but seeing Matty now only further proved to me that I really wanted things to work out between us. He made things brighter, made me want for myself for the first time in a long time.

“Jamie mentioned you were recording, so I asked what time you might be wrapping up.” I answered him with a small shrug, pulling away to smile over at George in hello but more than grateful for the arm that Matty kept wrapped around me. “That alright?”

I was ashamed to admit that it had been a very real fear, one which had almost made me turn around a couple of times on my over, but I was glad now that I hadn’t.

“‘Course it’s alright, you pillock. You’re always welcome here.”

I blinked in slight surprise, because it hadn’t been Matty that had chosen to reply to me, but George. “Oh.”

The drummer snorted, thoroughly amused, it seemed, by my monosyllabic response. Matty chuckled too, dipping his head down to brush his nose against my temple and press a slow kiss to my cheek. I almost held my breath, having missed having him so close.

“Missed you.” He murmured to me quietly, almost as though he’d just gone and read my mind, but then he was drawing away again. Not too far though, instead he moved to stand behind me and allowed his arms to hang over both my shoulders.

I smiled, contented, and he raised his lit cigarette to my lips in a silent offer. I took a small drag, feeling a flush rush to my face when I caught the way George stood smirking at the pair of us.

I lifted a hand up to encase one of Matty’s forearms, enjoying the way he pulled me in even closer so that I could lean against him, his chin coming to rest on the top of my head.

“How’s it been going then?” I asked and the two of them were quick to delve into an explanation on their newest song, jumping over one another’s sentences in their giddiness to finally tell someone else about what they’d been working on.

And just like that things seemed to slot back into place.

It wasn’t too long later that George said to Matty that he could go ahead and leave, letting us know that he’d be heading back inside to clean up the track they’d been playing with, and Matty hadn’t argued. Instead, he’d grinned down at me as he took hold of my hand, cheersing George before we said our goodbyes.

Together, we ended up in a little coffee shop a street or two away. Matty had wanted to surprise me with the order, so I had stood by the window and waited whilst he’d gone to pay. He handed me a cup full of something sweet once he’d returned, more sugar than anything else in truth, but I liked it all the same and sipped on it slowly whilst he’d led us back through the bustling streets towards a neighbouring park.

It was almost freeing to be out like this with him, seeing him smile and laugh whilst we simply walked with no real destination in mind. It was not an image most typically saw of Matty, that I knew. On stage he wore his front like armour, when there were cameras he was cocksure and arrogant, but then, in small moments with me, he appeared only settled.

“How’s Teddy?” Matty asked me soon enough. He looked over at me with this odd sort of expression, genuinely curious as well as concerned, and my heart melted a tad.

I returned the soft smile he gave, “Good. Missing this weirdo we’ve gotten used to hanging about, but he’s been happy.”

Matty rolled his eyes and nudged my shoulder with his own, swaying alongside me. He peered down at his almost empty coffee cup, tapping at its cardboard edge. “Has he said anything?”

I frowned over at him, “What, about you being gone?”

He peered back, eyes flickering left and right between my own before he ultimately nodded his head just the once.

Pursing my lips, I thought his question over. “He asked if we could call you a couple times, and if you were popping round. But other than that, he’s been fine with us just texting. Laughed himself blue in the face when he saw that picture you sent him yesterday.”

Matty snorted. “What, ‘cause I trod in dog shit?”

I hummed, then peered down at his feet, glad to see that he wasn't still wearing the boots he’d shown us the day previous. Matty rolled his eyes, catching on to what I’d been doing.

“And you?” He then asked, as the two of us strolled around a slow bend.

I glanced over at him, glad to see him already looking back, “I missed you.”

It was brave of me to say. I didn’t much like being vulnerable, but with him, he almost made it easy.

Matty smiled. This soft, sure thing. Then looped an arm around my shoulders to tug me in, I let myself hug his waist as I leant further into his side, grinning stupidly when he said, “Missed you too, Squeaks.”

…

Matty followed me home after our impromptu coffee date and we talked some more all the walk there, mostly just content to be in one another's company again. And when it was time to pick Teddy from nursery, he waited at the flat for us both. He had been on the sofa when I’d left, but I noticed that there was a savoury smell filling the air the minute I returned.

I glanced down at my son, who seemed to be none the wiser to it, still chattering on about the new toy his class had been given whilst he tugged off his coat.

“Shoes too, please.”

Teddy hummed at me, smiling away as he hurriedly kicked them off. “We watch tele ‘night?” He asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for me to pull off my own boots and follow.

I chuckled and ran a hand through his windswept hair, remembering the conversation we’d had that same morning, “Promised, didn’t I?”

Teddy uhuhed and nodded up at me, before spinning around to probably make a beeline for the living room, as he tended to often do. Though he stopped short when he caught a glimpse of a certain curly headed someone who had taken up perch against the door frame there.

“Matty!” Teddy practically shouted before he ran full pelt towards the man who was swift enough to grab him by the arms and hoist him up.

Matty made a wounded sound when Teddy squeezed him into a tight hug, then chuckled to himself as he rubbed a hand down Teddy’s back, “Alright, monster?”

And with that a dam of questions flooded the flat as Teddy wanted to know about everything and anything he had missed in the short time they had spent apart.

I knew that alone should’ve worried me. As well as how clingy Teddy suddenly became as the night continued on, but when I saw the way the two of them interacted with one another, Teds always eager to have Matty in his presence and Matty forever looking fond, I couldn’t help but brush the thoughts away.

We spent the rest of our evening together, Matty had somehow managed to wrangle up a couple servings of a creamy pasta bake- one he appeared to have made, going off of the mountain of plates in my sink. Which had been as endearing as it was startling, leading me to question how he’d done it… His mum, apparently. Who had been surprised by his sudden call and the need to cook, as well as the reasoning behind it.

“She knows about me then?” I wondered, twirling with my fork whilst the three of us ate, the radio playing low.

Matty looked over at me, almost bashfully, and shrugged, “Sort of.”

I couldn’t help my laughter, “Sort of? What’s that meant to mean?”

“She knows I’m seeing someone,” He answered with a gentle smile and a roll of his eyes, “And that, I’m serious about it.” He spoke that next bit slowly, almost a little apprehensive, which only widened my growing grin.

I wiggled my brows teasingly, but stayed quiet as I wanted him to go on.

Matty merely chuckled as he shrugged again, “Yeah. She’s just excited for us, for me- which feels weird. Wants to meet you, too.”

I tried to hide my sudden nervousness, I’d never done the whole meet your boyfriend’s parents thing. “Why’s it feel weird?” I asked instead of lingering on it, ‘cross that bridge when you get to it’ and all that shit.

Matty glanced over to Teddy who appeared to be trying his best to see around the kitchen doorway and into the living room where the tele was still on. He gave a warm smile at the sight.

“Just not something I’ve experienced in a long time, I guess. I love her, I do, but she knows firsthand how deep I was in with everything. Felt like she’d given up on me at one point, to be honest. So, having her, I don’t know, say that she’s excited for me, makes it seem like she’s proud almost.”

I reached over the table to take his hand and squeezed, “She is.”

Matty let the topic go after that, tickling Teddy’s side to get his attention and remind him of his dinner, telling him we’d watch tele in a bit. Which was exactly what we did once we’d washed up and dried off, the three of us bundled up on the settee together whilst Hook played.

Matty talked my ear off about Spielberg as the opening titles ran, and then about how if he could have ever been in a film as a kid he’d have wanted to act alongside Robin Williams. Teddy listened, enraptured by his every word, and all the more excited to watch what Matty had deemed a classic.

I made popcorn halfway through when Teddy had needed the loo, Matty running in just after him and shouting out not to press play again until he was there.

By the end of it, Teddy was falling asleep on Matty’s shoulder whilst the man stared at the tv screen, watching quietly as Peter called out for Tink under the statue.

I was happy enough to just watch them though, smiling softly at the picture they painted, Teddy’s little hand holding onto Matty’s and Matty’s arm wrapped around Teds.

When the final credits rolled, Matty sniffed and peered down to find a dozing Teddy, the boy’s mouth open as he breathed out soft puffs of air.

“Here,” I went to say, sitting up to take him, but Matty was already moving, albeit carefully so as to not wake him, shaking his head at me.

“I’ve got him.”

My breath hitched at those three words, insignificant to anyone else, but everything to me.

Matty gave a soundless chuckle once he’d positioned Teddy in his arms, pressing a kiss to his curls before putting him to bed. I followed after them once I’d turned off the tele, shuffling quietly over the wooden floors, I paused though just before I got to Teddy’s door, surprised to hear voices coming from inside.

“You liked it then?”

I heard Teddy give a quiet hum in return, as well as the slight ruffle of bedsheets. “Was nice.”

“Just nice?” Matty chuckled lowly and I could picture him tucking Teddy in before taking a seat on the mattress beside him.

“I liked that he came home.” Teddy murmured and then it was Matty’s turn to hum.

“Me too, he got to see all of his family again.”

There was a quiet lull, before, “‘Cause they love him?”

I could hear the smile in Matty’s next words, “They do. Very much, I reckon. As much as your mum loves you.”

“I love her.”

A teary smile broke out on my face at that and my eyes stung with it, forever warmed by how sweet Teddy could be.

Then, “You love me, Matty?”

My next breath lodged itself in the back of my throat at Teddy’s simple question whilst Matty fell utterly silent.

It felt as though all the air had not just been sucked out the room, but the entire flat as I stood there by the door just listening.

But then there was the faintest sound and I knew that Matty had pressed a kiss to Teddy’s head, “‘Course I do. I love you a whole lot, monster.”

Teddy must have been fighting to stay awake then but eventually I heard him speak again, his voice muffled with sleep, “Love you too, Matty.”

I don’t know how long until I heard movement again, only that my heart pounded hard in my chest whilst the blood in my ears roared. I had known for a long time now how fond Matty was of Teddy, it was all too easy to recognise, but to hear him say that he loved him. That he loved my little boy. Was something I hadn’t really ever expected.

But that was just who Matty was, I thought, he loved. Wholeheartedly. And I supposed it had only been a matter of time before he let Teddy know.

I visibly startled when Matty appeared in the doorway, pulling the door quietly shut behind him. He blinked when he caught me there too, but I didn’t give him much time to question me, only sprang forward when the latch clicked to kiss him.

Matty returned it easily enough, fingers moving to thread through my hair, keeping up with my hasty pace before he managed to slow us down, kissing me deeper and deeper before pulling away with a soft and deliberate peck.

His breath came out in pants, fanning over my lips as he kept us close, pressing his forehead to mine. “What was that for?”

“Because I love you.”

I couldn’t believe I’d been the one to say it first, but how could I not? After all that I’d heard. And in truth, it had just come out.

“What?” He whispered, eyes unblinking as he waited for me to take the words back. I half expected him to pull away, to laugh it off, or just kiss me once more, but that was his only question.

I took his chin between my fingertips, gaze flickering down to his lips then back up into the heady brown that was so focused on me. “I love you.” I murmured again, heart beating loud enough that I feared he could hear it.

But Matty only pushed forward, nose catching on my own as he shook his head ever so softly. “You mean it.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I mean it.”

Then Matty was grinning, bright and unashamed, catching my breath all over again before he pushed forward to press his mouth against mine.

“I fucking love you.” He said, giddy as his hands cradled my face, chuckling away in disbelief. “God, do I.”

Then I was chuckling too, thumb brushing over his bottom lip as I stared up into his squinted eyes. “Stay?”

And Matty nodded, as though it was that easy, hands falling to my thighs. “Jump.” He told me, and so I did, letting him kiss me again in the dimly lit hallway that he’d just told me he loved me in.

He loved me.

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dduane · 1 year

Note

How do you come up with ideas? Like where do you go for inspiration for things given how annoying writers block can be?

I'd want to separate these out a bit, since they don't seem to me to be the same issue.

First (and simplest): I kinda hate using the term "writers' block", as it tends to mean too many different things to too many people, and it's too easy to be misunderstood. The term gets used for everything from being unable to start writing, to being unable to keep writing, to being unable to finish writing.

When I use it (and of course your mileage may vary), it means "hitting some spot in the writing—usually in the middle, hardly ever in any of the other places—from which you're having trouble moving forward."

After many years' practice, this usually means that I've run into a place in the narrative where the primary character involved in that section has issues going on that haven't been resolved: unanswered questions, uncertainties about what's going to happen next. (And let's be clear, as one writer to another: the uncertainties are yours, not theirs. The character is waiting for you to achieve clarity. You get clear? They get clear.)

When I hit this kind of problem, I set aside time to examine all the main characters' situations and see whether everyone knows where they're headed, or at least what they're headed toward. Normally I find that some one character has questions that haven't been answered, or some necessary conversation (with another character, or fate, or God, or you) that hasn't yet happened. Or hasn't happened to their satisfaction.

I've dealt with this problem in about twenty different ways over four decades, from the cold-blooded-analysis method of taking apart previous chapters or sections of a work, looking at the final end-state chapters or sections, and figuring out what's missing... to the Sherlock-Holmes-in-his-sitting-room method of making your character sit down in the Empty Chair and tell you what their problem is. (Which is also a mode favored by psychiatric professionals the world over, these days. Believe me, I did not give an entire novel that title accidentally.)

So: as far as I can tell, "writer's block" is almost always code for "a missing transaction (or desired transaction) in the narrative that you haven't yet identified and resolved." See above. Or that transaction may be some sort of failed communication between the outer, author-to-real-world world, and the inner, character-in-created-world world. Track it down and resolve it, and everything will be good.

Meanwhile, as for inspiration and finding ideas:

This is... not one of my problems, so I'm probably the wrong person to be asking. ...Going anywhere for inspiration? Why would I do that? It hunts me down in the street. It grabs me from behind when I'm trying to deal with the email. It gets me in a hammerlock when I'm watching somebody else's TV show.

In short: gods help me, I've been a Having An Idea person since before I started to read. I'm the one who, after being read a sleepy-time fairy tale about a prince rescuing a princess, looked at her mom and said, "Why can't it be a prince rescuing a prince?" And you see where that got me: half a million words, and (as we say on AO3) These Two Idiots. (Or: "What if magic came with a user's manual?" ...Oh gods.)

At this end of time, it would be tough for me not to have an idea or three for a novel before I've had my tea.

It goes like this:

(a) Wake up. Reach for iPad.

(b) Read news. Ugh. Naughty, naughty world. (With occasional bright spots.)

(c) ...And then wonder: "How would it be if X [thing that you just read on the news] happened in Y [entirely different universe where conditions (z) pertain]?"

(d) [make up entirely different set of conditions that don't pertain in local or even non-local reality]

...The good thing about this, of course, is that I know that ideas are cheap. Ideas are nothing. They're a dime a dozen. A dime for two or three dozen. In this regard, they observe Sturgeon's Law. (Gods rest his gentle soul.)

And more to the point: ideas are easy. It's execution (especially good, deep-delved, worthwhile execution, over tens or hundreds of thousands of words) that's hard.

Which, ninety-eight times out of a hundred, leads to:

(d) Examine idea, put it in the Scales of How Hot You Are For It, watch how the Scales weigh it and find it wanting: then throw idea out, get the hell up and have some tea.

Or, in those two other cases (twice a year, maybe); when an idea comes along that pulls the Scales down and is heavier than the Feather of Your Current Intent in the other side of the Balance—something that has some weight to it, some bite, one that resists being thrown the hell out:

(d1) Get up, have tea, write a premise filling out the idea to at least a couple of pages' length... and then start working out who the hell to market it to.

...Now this is my personal modus operandi, and I've been enacting it across various media for somewhere between fifty and sixty years and change, and there's no way I'm going to stop now. But I submit to you that it might be possible to train yourself into being this kind of What If? person, by simply spending—oh, a week, even two—asking yourself "What if...?" about everything. Every single thing you see, hear, or come in contact with. Why must this thing/this situation/this world be the way it is? Why can't it be some other way? (And then you start reasoning it out. What other way?...)

Frankly, there's no reason this shouldn't work. In fact, considering the ridiculous malleability of the human mind (and I speak with my psychiatric-nurse hat on, here) it's very likely it would work.

There's only one problem with this concept. I have no idea what to tell you if it works and you then decide you want to turn it off.

Because once you've started training your brain into this mode of questioning everything, looking under all the rocks of so-called Reality for the previously impossible impossibilities... there's no guarantee you'll ever be able to make it stop.

It's heaven for me, no mistake. But for you?

Be careful what you ask for. You might get it.

Anyway: hope this helps! :)

#writing advice #ideas #but also #warnings

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bobattef · 5 months

Text

just for fun.

“It’s not even that serious, just for fun”

You tell your best friend for the umpteenth time as she rolls her eyes at your comment.

“Just for fun?” She repeats you, which makes you look back at the screen connecting your video call, was it delayed??

“Y/N…there’s so many reasons why you shouldn’t be doing this..” her serious voice comes over the speaker but you can’t help but smirk at her.

“Ergh, which is probably why you want to do this right? For the wrong reasons?” She asks you as you fake your offence at her words with a dramatic grab to your chest.

Yes, you were perhaps showing your rebellious side a little too much with this latest antic of yours.

But being brought up in the Stark family, it was almost inevitable that you would bend the rules.

And if there was a rule to say ‘don’t fuck around with any of your Dad’s work colleagues” then you’re definitely a rule breaker there.

*ping*

Your phone lights up the same way your face does when you see who the message is from.

Completely ignoring your best friend asking if it was him, you open the message as your heart starts to pick up its pace.

Doll?

You awake?

He was never the best at messaging but then again he was over a hundred years old.

“You’re not seeing him tonight are you?” Your best friend asks you as she sees a cheeky grin flash across your face, confirming her thoughts.

“Y/N! Your Dad is home” She almost shouts as you bring your fingers to your lips to shhh her.

Yes you were in your own room a whole floor above your Dad’s and Peppa’s bedroom but you never know how good a hearing they might have these days.

I’m up Soldier 😘

You type back to him as you quickly say your goodbyes to your bestie.

“Stay safe you absolute nut case!” She half laughed as she switched the end call button.

You quickly discard the over sized tee you had been lounging in as you rummage around for a better looking top.

You’ll keep your leggings on, one day you might meet up with him in a skirt or dress, I’m sure he’ll love you in one but for now it’s trousers of some kind seeing as you’ll be climbing out the window in a moment.

Your Dad gave you the best room available inside this compound.

Up and away from the others, it was almost an attic room only sharing its hallway with a storage cupboard on the end.

With massive floor to ceiling doors leading out to a balcony which was linked to the side alley of the building.

I mean, who wouldn’t choose to sneak out once in a while when it was set up so perfectly to do so.

ETA 23:05

You giggle a little at yet another blunt message as you carefully slide the door shut behind you.

A quick glance from left to right just in case anyone else was out for a midnight stroll, you hopped over the barrier and almost silently climb down the railings framing the side wall. You landed perfectly on that one soft part of grass to muffle the sound of your boots.

You’ve become a pro at this now, being the 6th or 7th time you’ve met up with the super soldier on the sly.

It always happens the same way, you’ll bid your good nights downstairs to him in the common room along with the rest of the avengers on camp and then a few minutes, sometimes hours later, your phone will ping with the same messages.

You wait in the shadows for him, you’ve always liked this part.

The hiding down the alleyways, the hushed voices, the standing flush against the wall with that cool metal hand of his wrapped around your mouth, keeping you quiet as you’ve had to wait for the coast to be clear.

You lean your head against the wall, looking up to the stars as the feel of the brick mixed perfectly with the rising heat of your body.

“Doll?” You can hear his smile through the whispering of his voice.

You know he can see you perfectly with his heightened senses but you can only make out it’s him by the faintest of light bouncing off his arm from the lamp post nearby.

You loved it when he didn’t cover it up.

“Waiting long?” He asks you but doesn’t give you much time to answer for his lips are already on yours.

You almost gasp into his mouth as his whole body leans into yours, pushing you further into the wall you were stood against.

“Sorry” he grins at you as he pulls away, leaving one hand casing your face.

“Been a long day?” You ask him. You could always tell if it was a good or bad day by the urgency he gave you when you met up with each other.

Some nights you’ll just sit in the dark somewhere and talk absolute rubbish until it was almost dawn.

Other nights he could barley contain himself and would pounce on you as soon as he laid eyes on you.

He was one of the best kissers you had.

Despite him saying he was lacking experience giving his past, you longed for them each time.

You’re not sure what you wanted from this.

Yes, your bestie thought it was purely about hurting your Dad but you can’t lie and say you didn’t find the super soldier very attractive.

He stood out to you the first day your father had introduced him, he didn’t want to touch you, not even for a handshake as quoting his words ‘he thought you were made of glass’.

You quickly taught him just how tough you were when he watched you train with Nat.

You can’t even remember how this came about and yet it was only 2 weeks ago, if that.

You enjoyed being with him so you just left your thoughts at that as he grabbed at your leggings, pulling them down to the tops of your thighs.

“here?” You breathed, the feeling of his hands on you where you needed it most causing your voice to waiver.

“Here” he smiled at you before kissing you deeply.

Groaning slightly into your mouth as his fingers pushed inside you.

“Fuck doll, so wet already?” His deep voice against your lips sent shivers down your spine.

You expected him to lift your leg up, wrap it around his waist.

If he wanted it here then the best way was to fuck you up against the wall but he took you by surprise as he spun your whole body round, you were now facing the brick in front of you.

His fingers never leaving their place buried inside you, you were so focused on the feeling he was giving you with the teasing of his hand that you didn’t quite hear the undoing of his belt.

Only realising that he had his cock out when you felt the tip of it pushing against your ass cheeks.

You’ve lost count the amount of times you had both slept together in the small space of time you had been meeting up like this but you still were in awe at the size of him.

Pulling out of you with his fingers, he pushes your underwear to the side so he could line himself up with you.

You shuffle your feet slightly, parting your legs to widen yourself.

The gravel underneath your boots being the other sound apart from both your rapid breathing.

“Ready doll?” He whispers into your ear as he gently bites at your neck.

He’s not silly, he won’t make any obvious markings on you, no matter how bad he wants to.

He makes a quick glance from left to right of either side of the alley, like it’s not too late to get out of this situation if someone was to catch the both of you.

He grabs your waist a little too tightly as he pushes his cock inside you.

You both groan out in sync.

He fills you to the base as he stalls his movements, feeling your walls contract around him to fit him inside you.

A quick kiss to your neck, that had already started to sweat a little, he pulls out of you just as slowly as he went in.

You want to push your ass outwards, not wanting him to leave you but you’re quickly taken by surprise as thrusts hard back inside you.

You moan out loud as you feel a hand of his grab you by the back of your neck.

“Shhh doll” he tells you as he jerks his hips up, pushing deeper.

You bite your lip as you know you have to be a lot quieter than you’re being right now.

“This…” he plants a kiss on your cheek as he starts to talk to you “is going…to be hard” he kisses your neck again “and fast…” his kisses become tiny nips at your skin “I’m going to need you to be very…” he trails his mouth down your neck “very… quiet for me ok?” He brings his gaze back up to yours “can you do that for me?”

You bite your lip as all you could do in answer was to nod your head slightly.

You knew how hard he could go, you literally broke the camp bed you had both been fucking on a couple of nights before.

That was a difficult one to explain to the team.

“That’s my girl” he says to you as he kisses you

hard once more.

Your lips are almost swollen by the time he’s finished and pulls away.

He adjusts his stance a little, pulling your hips out a bit further away from the wall so he can angle himself better.

You take a deep breath as you lean your head against your arm that was holding you up on the wall, balling your hand into a fist after that first deep thrust he gave you, wishing you could cry out.

He lands a slap to the flesh of your ass before picking up his pace.

The noise of his skin against yours was heavenly.

You honestly couldn’t care if someone else could hear this right now.

His pace was something else.

You don’t think you’ve ever been fucked this fast. You don’t think any one can fuck you this fast ever again.

The brutal force from his hips was causing your whole body to move alongside his.

If he wasn’t gripping so tightly onto you, you’re sure you would have been fucked into the wall rather than up against it.

The movements were causing your arm to drag up and down the wall, the sting of the bricks biting at your skin, grazes forming across it.

You’re sure you can taste blood also as you bite harder into your own lip to stop yourself from moaning out loud.

And you just know the imprint from his hands are going to be left behind for a few days.

But you can’t feel any of that, you feel only him.

The way he’s reaching so deep inside you.

The way he’s holding onto you, like he never wants to let go.

The way he’s also struggling to keep quiet as your cunt grips him so perfectly.

You start to see stars as you’re sure he’s close also.

His hips start to falter their movements as his hands move away from yours, trying to grab at the flesh of your ass instead, as well as pulling on your hair to steady himself.

You want him to finish, you want to feel that familiar feeling of filling you up with his come but you also don’t want this to end.

You know it’ll only be a few more days, hell, could even be tomorrow night that you next see him but you still want to milk every moment with the commander.

“Fuuuuck” he makes one last stifled moan before almost collapsing against you, the whole weight of himself leaning into you causing you to almost face plant the wall.

You laugh slightly as you’re pinned between him and the brick.

“I…Er..Bucky?” The strain of your voice causes him to come back down from his high.

“Sorry doll” he breathes out as stands up straight.

Pulling out of you as you feel his warm liquid start to drip down.

He tucks himself back into his combats as you can barely stay stood on your feet right now.

Turning round so you can lean your back up against the wall to better balance yourself whilst you pull your leggings up.

You notice him just staring at you as you try to catch your breath back.

“What?” You barley whisper out, feeling like the air had been fucked out of your lungs.

“How you going to haul your ass back up that trellis?” He asks you, grinning from ear to ear.

“Ha..You can always carry me up?” you manage to say as he laughs.

#bucky barns x reader #over18 #smut #warnings #marvel #super soldier

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