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theravencawsatmidnight · 3 years

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Pink Chains

Part Seven.

Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment.

Tags. @galagcica @haikyuu-but-low-iq @mocha-babes @derpeedoo @kayisweird @kozushiki @lunebabie

The ride back into the city was quiet; the only sounds were the crying kitten on your lap and Kyotanis music. No one was saying anything and Kyotani did not have his hand on your thigh, you were staring down at the kitten watching it wobble around on your lap trying to balance itself out. It was a brown cat with a white creamy head and back. Looked to be male, too.

You tucked the kitten closer to you watching it shine under the street lights then go dark then go light again. Kyotani was focusing on driving, his knuckles hurt and he could feel the irritation in his lip where Bokuto punched him. He was so goddamn angry at everything right now; he just wanted to give you a nice day after the shitty morning and day at school you had, he just wanted to see that smile on your face that he loved so much, that happy look that was just for him. He was going to end the night at his house with you in his arms watching whatever movie you wanted…

But everything changed so fast… too fast. He hated himself. What would have happened if he punched you? If he did not see you come between him and Bokuto? How bad would he have hurt you? ...it all hurt him right in his heart…

Kyotani pulled up to your apartment and helped you bring the things in from the zoo. You sat down on the ground by Mohas cat hut looking in with the kitten on your lap.

“Mocha.. I .. brought you a friend..” you said, breath shaky.

Kyotani could only watch, he wanted to console you so bad. Tell you its okay now, but he was not sure if he should even go over to you, or say your name.

Mocha emerged from her hut to see you and the kitten, you set the scared animal down and pet Mocha. “His name is Machi, short for Macchiato , hes your new friend okay?”

Mocha sniffed Machi and lightly grabbed at its neck dragging the kitten inside it. You sighed, relieved, Mocha could take it from here.

You got up to see Kyotani sitting at your table with his hands in his hair, elbows on his knees staring at the ground.

“Kyo..”

He didn't move.

Slowly you dropped to your knees again to fit between his legs so you could see him.

“Kyo i wanna go to your house….”

You blinked when his tears hit your face, his lip was fumbling and his nails were digging into his hair. You laid your head on his thigh talking very calmly.

“I enjoyed my day with you so much, ive never seen a lion before. They are so fluffy huh? I bet its fun to brush the males crazy hair. The wolves liked you too huh? Did you notice that?” you rubbed his leg soothingly feeling it twitch under you. “I bet they will remember you, especially the one who stared at you. I really liked the red pandas. I still cant believe you set that up. Just for me. Did you see them flop around? They are such silly creatures.”

Kyotanis left hand fell to weave itself into your hair to hold your head.

“I had a very nice day with you Kyo. What happened does not change that. Promise. You said yourself you wanna talk it out with Bokuto. When you do youll be friends. I know you can do it. Your my Kyo you can do anything.”

Kyotani choked out a heavy breath, it felt like he was holding everything in just to listen and focus on you. He pulled you up to press his forehead against yours. He had a very shaky and nervous voice.

“I-i-i-i… i kno-ow,, Sweetie.”

Kyo had indeed brought you to his house and you were very happy to be there, you were curious about this surprise he had mentioned and Kyo refused to say anything more on it.

It was a very nice big house. A fenced in yard with a even bigger garage.

You got out of the car watching the gate close behind you and Kyotani pulled you in for a hug from behind burying his nose in your neck holding you for a minute. Just taking it in, you were so special to him. You were the one for him, he knew it. And he was never letting go.

“Ready sweetie?”

“Yes yes !!!” you turned to give him a kiss and he sighed wiping the blood off your lips.

“Sweetie let me wash up first” he told you, taking your hand and going into home from the garage, the door sliding down on its own sealing the garage up.

“Be quick ab-”

A lot.. Of barking could be heard, a lot..

You hugged Kyotanis arm, squeezing it. “Puppies?!!!”

“Oi quiet down its 9 at night!!! King stop it!!!”

“Is that iwaizumi?” you asked him.

“Yep.” he took you up the stairs and opened the door to his living room.

A large all black german shepherd was barreling towards you barking its head off, it was deafening. Behind him was a yellow Shiba inu trying to bark equally as loud but he was not as big, next was a skinny tan pit bull barking low, his little tail wagging very fast.

“ BABIES!!!!” instantly you dropped down and the dogs tackled you with kisses and wagging tails. Your laughing was music to Kyotanis ears, god it helped so much.

Kyotani stepped over his dogs to go see Iwaizumi who was holding a white pomeranian. He pet it and instantly Iwaizumi could tell his friend had gotten in a fight. He did not say anything, just gave his rough looking friend a look. Kyotani shook his head looking back at you, you were standing now and petting all the dogs with a excited face.

“The big one is King, the shepherd. The Inu is Rex, the skinny one is Chicken Legs, hes a rescue,” he told you.

“And this is Mango! My lil baby” Iwaizimi said, holding the happy dog up .

“More babies!!” you gave each dog a nose kiss and hurried over to greet the happy snowball of a dog in Iwais arms. “So cute! All so cute!”

“Sweetie, my room is upstairs, go find something to change into okay? Ill be up in a minute”

“Kay! Iwaizumi Kyo has something hes gotta tell you!” you told him, all huffy.

“Oh yeah?” he teased putting the dog down .

All four dogs followed you up the stairs and Kyo shook his head knowing he would have to kick them out after he got up there.

As soon as they hear the door shut Iwai crossed his arms over his chest dipping his head at his friend taking in his cut lip and bloody knuckles. Kyotani sat down after grabbing a wet cloth and explained while he cleaned up.

“Seriously? “

“I dont even care that he showed up, i almost fuckin hit her.”

“Punched, is the correct word” his friend said sitting down with him. “What happened next?”

Kyotani shrugged, squeezing the towel for a second. “I broke down, i had accepted im a monster and that she was gonna run off leaving me. But instead she got on that dirty ground with me to yell at me and give me a talking to.” he wiped his knuckles, one by one. “She thought i started it but Bokuto spoke up, i told him to get in touch with Yahaba and then we left..”

“Christ..”

“Iwaizumi i dont know how shes still with me”

“I dont either. But shes special Kyotani, thats more than obvious now.”

“I want to move on from that day, that tourney. Everything, and start a life with her.”

“Well Yahaba will want this cleared up pretty soon so expect that in the morning, you know how he operates”

“Mhm,” Kyotani got up rubbing his face with the towel. “Ill see you tomorrow Iwaizumi, Oikawa is opening right?”

“Yep, lets hope he remembers how”

“God..”

Kyotani went up the stairs to see you in one of his old jerseys with no pants on with all the dogs sitting with you on the floor wagging their tails. You were petting each one and telling each one something special about them.

Kyotani put his hands on his hips whistling, alerting the dogs.

“Cmon now.” he motioned for the stairs.

The dogs pouted and you giggled getting up to sit on the bed criss cross. All the dogs went to Kyotani and he moved to the side. “Out, out out, “ he told them walking behind them. Each dog flopped down the steps except for Chicken Legs, he was whimpering and giving Kyotani a nervous look.

“Scared to go down still?” he crouched down picking up the dog. “ okay okay,” Kyotani brought the dog downstairs and gave it a gentle hug. “Go get some sleep, she will be here in the morning.” He made sure Chicken Legs made it into the dogs room before going back upstairs, closing his door with a sigh. Kyos room was full of posters, trophies, and jerseys. He had a desk with an expensive laptop sitting on it and a little picture bored next to it with pictures of him and lal of his volleyball friends. His bed was very big, a King size maybe. It was across from a big screen tv that sat next to the wall.

“Kyo…”

He looked up after ditching his pants and shirt to see you waiting for him to join you.

You looked so perfect in that jersey to him. He made his way over spotting you clothes on his floor along with a pink bra. He crawled in the bed pulling you on his lap facing him giving you a a really long deep kiss.

#kyotani x reader #kyotani 💕#bokuto #iwaizumi

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akaiaowl · 4 years

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Happy Stranger Things Day!!

It’s been 4 years since Stranger Things was first premiered on Netflix! (already?) This series is very close to my heart, since it managed to inspire me after 3 long years of writer’s block. To commemorate that, I’ll be posting the epilogue to my first fanfic on AO3: Reality in Motion (also known as RiM by some in the ST fandom). Here goes the summary and first chapter:

Reality in Motion

Modern College AU.

It hurt her to listen to the ruthless voice in her head, but, as much as she hated to admit it, El knew it was probably right. It had happened countless times before. Well, actually two. Two times in which El found herself feeling funny and giddy and hopeful about someone, only to be disappointed. It always ended that way. She was destined to be alone and it was probably for the best.

AKA: Socially awkward Jane Ives' first semester in college. Also AKA: Not your typical nice-boy-meets-drunk-girl-at-a-party Mileven fic (because of all the angst and slowwwww burn, be warned).

Chapter 1: Changes

Wednesday 29th, November 2017

If there was something El Ives put her mind to, she was sure to accomplish it. Always.

Well, most of the times.

As a matter of fact, today was one of the few rare exceptions to that rule. This, since Will Byers, El’s best friend, had managed to convince the otherwise socially awkward El to finally come with him that weekend to some party at a friend’s house.

They were both currently seating on the beige colored carpet of her dorm room, supposedly trying to be productive by getting their History 102 assignment done before the due date.

“Pleeease El! I’m about to beg you, it’s almost Christmas break and, for once, I’d like for you to come meet my friends and not stay locked up here again like a loser”, Will had been pouting at his friend for over two hours.

“Hey, I happen to like being a loser”, said El feigning indignation and scowling at her skinny best friend.

Will managed to hold back his smile at his oldest friend’s antics and maintained a serious expression for the sake of getting his point across. They’d been friends since the age of twelve and both knew just how determined the other could be. Holding each other’s stares defiantly in a silent challenge, neither of them wanted to give in.

As she stubbornly stared into Will’s lively brown eyes, El suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her. She had been having a few of those for a while now, especially whenever she thought back on their high school days on Hawkins High School. Actually, the biggest irony was thinking about how much she had looked forward to graduating and moving as far away as humanly possible from that hell hole she called hometown. Whereas, now, she couldn’t help feeling strangely homesick. As a matter of fact, lately, El was often ambushed by random flashbacks from her teenage years and usually found herself wishing she could somehow go back and do it all better.

She regretted everything, actually, except for her friendship with Will.

Their friendship was yet another reason El kept thinking back in nostalgia to her high school days: even though Will and her had managed to get accepted into their dream college together and even lived in neighboring dorm buildings, she felt him more distant than ever before. Worse than that, El was painfully aware that she was the reason of the increasing (figurative) distance in their friendship and she loathed herself for it. Now, more than ever, she hated herself for her apathetic and awkward personality. Why couldn’t she be a normal eighteen year old? Why couldn’t she just stop feeling so nervous around other people? Because of this she was finally managing to drive her best friend away, her partner in crime, after being the closest of friends for over half a decade.

For most of their first semester at college she had declined Will’s enthusiastic invitations to parties and any social events, preferring to skip them in favor of spending her afternoons in the solitude of her room either reading ahead or watching some movie or TV show. It was just easier that way, it seemed. El had never really been a social butterfly and she knew how much Will loved meeting and bonding with new people. So, she just figured that she could give him some space by making herself scarce.

However (and she’d never admit it out loud), as Will started spending less and less time with her and his invitations became rare occurrences, El began feeling terribly lonely (which was weird). She usually cherished her alone time, often glad she wasn’t out there fake smiling and making small talk, getting emotionally drained after overthinking and worrying over every tiny detail of her social interactions. Nonetheless, now, it just felt like a very different kind of loneliness.

El felt lonely in a bad way, a way she hadn’t felt for quite a long time: the kind of lonely she used to feel before meeting Joyce Byers and befriending her son, Will.

Finally, after glaring at Will some more, El lowered her gaze in defeat. Mostly because she missed spending more time with him, and also because she was a bit curious about going to a college party.

“Ok. Fine, I’ll go. BUT I’ll only stay until a reasonable hour and you better not be dragging me up there so I can be your designated driver”, answered El with an annoyed huff, hurling one of her fluffy pillows on Will’s general direction and feeling quite annoyed (mostly at her pathetic, abnormal self).

Her friend easily managed to catch the pillow midair and offered El a sympathetic smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. She knew he was worried about her spending so much time by herself – the fact that she had no roommate made it easier for her to just hide away for hours on end without any excuse.

“I’m only doing this for your own good El, you know I look out for you and it’s about time you start having a normal college experience and, you know, getting to know people. After all, the semester is almost over”.

--….--…--…---

Friday 1st, December 2017

El bit her lip as she stared at her reflection on the mirror critically. Was her top too revealing? Was her midsection looking gross and bloated? Should she put any make up on? Was her hair ok? Were jeans and sneakers too casual for the party?

Man, I badly needed a School of Life 101 crash course, El thought with a groan.

It was always on times like this that El really wished she had a roommate or a best friend who could actually give advice on these kinds of things. It was also on times like these that El regretted not learning about this stuff back on high school. Finally, after examining her reflection some more, she decided to change her sneakers in favor of her black leather boots and apply some lipstick to her dry lips.

Feeling quite nervous, she turned her phone screen on and was surprised to see several messages from Will.

8:02 pm U excited yet for your first college party?

8:03 pm Totally getting drunk as skunks 2nite.

8:46 pm Waiting for the guys, we’re coming to pick u up

9:29 pm On our way, expect a call in 15

9:44 pm Almost there

9:59 pm Ok, let’s go

*3 missed calls from MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD*

10:03 pm Pick up the phone

10:11 pm We’re waiting downstairs

10:27 pm What the hell u doing? We’ve been here for ages

El was surprised to find out how long she had taken to get ready, her nervousness was really not helping. As quickly as possible, she grabbed her tiny purse and keys and made her way out. At that very moment, her phone screen lit up and the contact name Will had programmed for himself popped up.

*incoming call from MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD*

Smiling, El answered.

“I’m sorry, I completely lost track of time, that’s all. I’m almost there”, she said breathlessly while making her way down the flight of stairs.

“No problem El, just making sure you were still up for it”, answered Will sympathetically.

“Wait. So did I actually have an option?” replied El only half joking.

She really was terribly nervous, like she always was whenever she had to face a new social situation.

Will laughed at her lame attempt at making a joke and was silent for a bit, maybe trying to empathize with his best friend’s nervousness.

El could hear Will’s friends talking loudly on the background:

“We need to hurry if we want to get wasted before the night ends, that’s kind of the point of tonight”, a loud male voice whined pathetically.

“Hey, I’m actually enjoying watching this show”, another male voice answered in fake annoyance.

“Booooooring”, someone else interjected.

“You’re too lame Wheeler”, the first voice teased.

The conversation on the background grew faint as El realized Will must have walked away from his friends to talk to her privately.

“Everything will be fine and you’ll have fun, you’ll see. If you feel uncomfortable or something you have us”, finally whispered Will before hanging up.

El had really tried to avoid meeting Will’s friends for a while now, feeling resentment and jealousy towards them because her best friend spent most of his time with them now and talked all the time about how fun and loyal they were.

It actually made sense that they spent time together since they were all taking science related careers and had most of their classes together – Will was an engineer major, like Lucas, while Dustin and Mike were physics majors.

It was silly, she knew.

Calm down El, it’s going to be ok, Will’s friends are probably as nice as him.

Finally, El got to her building’s common area. She saw four guys sprawled comfortably all over the beige couches, two of them were fighting over the remote and the other two were trying to watch whatever show was on TV.

They didn’t notice her presence until she started timidly approaching Will, who was gazing at the screen with mild interest. He was the first one of the group to notice her and his face was instantly filled with a broad smile.

“You’re finally here!” he exclaimed, startling everyone.

“Guys, this is El”, Will said loudly. Then, pointing at each of the guys next to him, he introduced them, “These are Lucas, Dustin and Mike”.

“Thanks for waiting”, El managed to smile at them without making eye contact. She hoped they didn’t notice her nervousness.

“No problem”, said the smallest one of them, Dustin, “honestly, we were all dying to finally meet you”.

“Yeah, we had a bet going on about Will’s friend being imaginary”, laughed Lucas.

Upon hearing that last comment, El snorted while trying to contain a laugh and turned to look at Will with amusement. Her friend merely shrugged.

“See how you make me look bad El?”

“Oh, it was only for the sake of making the bet more interesting”, answered El with a laugh, “it would have been no fun without the mystery, now would it?”

The guys smiled, amused, and the air significantly relaxed. She felt a tiny bit more comfortable, and the voice in her head repeating her own doubts and fears in a loop grew quiet for the first time that night.

“So, who won the bet?” asked Will, looking at his friends.

“Me”, said the tallest boy, Mike, smiling.

He was the only one who hadn’t spoken up yet, but she recognized his voice from her phone call with Will – he was the one who claimed to be enjoying the TV show while they waited for her to arrive.

Overcome by curiosity, El risked a glance up at him and was surprised to find him already looking at her, matching her interest. They made eye contact.

“So thank you for being real, I guess”, he said smiling kindly at her.

She quickly averted her gaze, not knowing what to do or how to respond, and tried to keep her upcoming blush from actually showing on her face. It wasn’t even a compliment, why was she reacting like this?

Social awkwardness truly sucked.

There was a short moment of silence, which was (thankfully) quickly broken by Lucas.

“Ok, let’s get going”, said Lucas enthusiastically as he strode to the nearest exit.

--….--…--…---

Saturday 2nd, December 2017

She’d drank too much, too soon.

Of course, the fact that Will kept refilling her red solo cup with mysterious mixes of liquor didn’t help at all. But she wasn’t complaining at all. All things considered, El found the whole experience quite interesting. Actually, she was pleased to realize that the alcohol numbed that voice that constantly reminded her of all her insecurities and flaws. She found this quite liberating.

She felt like she could do anything. Be anyone she wanted.

Will’s friends had left them to join a game of beer pong not so long ago, which had also helped El feel a whole lot more relaxed. Up until then, she had been too scared of acting like a weirdo around the guys and so she had barely talked.

For the first time in a long time, no worries or guilt lurked El’s mind.

As time went by, the music surrounding her stopped being too loud and the vibration of the bass on the floor actually made her lively in a way she had scarcely felt before. Before she knew it, her foot was tapping the floor to the beat of the unknown song. She tried to pay attention to whatever Will was saying (maybe a funny story about someone in one of his classes? What was that about a teacher?), but words kept jumbling around making it hard for her to understand anything at all.

My thought process is screwed up, El thought.

Suddenly, it occurred to her that that was the funniest, wittiest thing she had ever come up with, so she giggled uncontrollably.

Will smiled affectionately at the giggling girl beside him. He had really tried to be a good friend that night, staying with her the whole time – probably suspecting that if she got to feel too awkward, she’d escape the party.

“I loooooove you so much Willy Will”, said El hugging her friend, “do you know that?”

El’s ears suddenly caught onto a tune, alerting her of something.

Something quite urgent.

Do you recall, not long ago We would walk on the sidewalk? Innocent, remember? All we did was care for each other

“BYERS!!!! COME ON!” she exclaimed giddily, standing up clumsily and dragging her skinny best friend to the middle of the room, “IT’S OUR JAM!”

But the night was warm We were bold and young All around, the wind blows We would only hold on to let go

Will could only smile at her random behavior. He had never been a good dancer and he had not drank nearly as much as El had, so he just sort of awkwardly tried shuffling his feet and swaying his body to the catchy song.

“BLOW A KISS FIRE A GUN, WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LEAN ON”, El was screaming while swaying her hips wildly, her eyes were closed, “BLOW A KISS FIRE A GUN, ALL WE NEED IS SMEBODY TO LEAN ON”.

Will tried his hardest to keep up with El’s moves, but she was like a woman possessed, jumping around and twirling in every direction. It seemed that all those months of pent up energy – probably gathered after all those afternoons of voluntary isolation – were finally finding an outlet. After a couple of songs and happy to see his friend finally having fun, Will decided his job there was done.

“El. El! EL!!” he screamed to get her attention.

She faced him, smiling wildly. Her face shiny with sweat from the exertion and the warmth in the room. Will couldn’t help mirroring her grin.

“I just can’t keep up with you!” he said teasing her, “I’m gonna go find the guys”.

El stuck out her tongue at him and waved goodbye.

“YOU’RE SUCH A KID ELEVEN!” Will exclaimed as he headed to the other room, where he last saw his friends heading to.

--….--…--…---

Her feet were killing her.

El made her way to the nearest sitting space she could find, a couch on the left side of the room. She sat down for a minute in the crowded couch, slowly trying to move her toes so she didn’t feel them cramping anymore. She was currently sandwiched uncomfortably between a sleeping guy and a couple making out. She tried to ignore the snores and the sounds the couple were making.

She hadn’t seen Will or any of his friends for at least a couple of hours and she was not about to go wandering off looking for them. Will was probably drunk by now, maybe talking to the cute guy from their History 102 class that he always rambled on about. El smiled fondly, remembering how much of a hopeless romantic her best friend was.

She tried laying back on the couch and closing her tired eyes, but everything was too hot and her feet hurt too much. It was way too uncomfortable.

El glanced hopefully at the glass doors that led into the balcony. With any luck, there wouldn’t be anyone out there smoking.

She hated the smell of tobacco. It reminded her of him.

El shut her eyes tightly, desperately trying to chase away the memories that begged to be replayed on her mind, and massaged her throbbing temples. She tried to take a deep, calming breath and relax somehow, but the air felt too moist and everything smelled like alcohol and sweat. Suddenly, she was too aware of the extremely loud music and the annoying presence of the people around her. And there were too many people. Too many unfamiliar faces. Frustrated, El opened her eyes slowly, glancing around at the room full of strangers.

Dejection filled her thoroughly, tonight had been great so far and she just happened to ruin it by opening a door she had closed more than five years ago. She’d promised it would never haunt her, never hurt her again. But it was always there, lurking. It was always him, never allowing her to escape his choking grip.

Without even thinking about it, she had started walking on the opposite direction of the balcony, towards the main door of the house. As she stepped outside of the house, she couldn’t help noticing the wide brown door was ajar. El moved forward taking slow, deliberate steps, knowing her balance was far from being the most stable.

She glanced around quickly.

Sighing in relief at the fact that she had apparently managed to escape the smokers, El leaned on the nearest wall and stared off into the darkened streets and houses. Her body still felt light, but most the energy she had at the beginning of the night had ebbed away by now, leaving her exhausted. Soon enough, she noticed that the volume of the music and the noise from the house was once again bearable for her. However, without the loud (loud! loud!) music infecting her thoughts, she was left at the mercy of the familiar cold voice in her head: it was her own voice, but ruthless and emotionless, and it never tired of always repeating everything she didn’t want to hear.

She wondered what time it was, she was too lazy to get her phone out and check the time. Her fuzzy brain was making everything a lot harder.

“You ok?” a familiar voiced questioned.

El found herself staring up into the freckle-covered face of one of Will’s friends.

“Just tired and hot”, she replied, “it’s like a freaking oven in there”.

He just chuckled.

“Why are you out here?” she suddenly asked.

“Oh, just getting some air to clear my head”, the tall guy answered shrugging, “I am the lucky soul who gets to be the designated driver for tonight”.

El smiled in amusement.

His name is Mike, El suddenly remembered, her scattered, hazy thoughts becoming a tiny bit clearer.

“You know, I was convinced the only reason Will invited me here was so I’d have the honor of being the DD”.

They remained in a comfortable silence for a while, both staring off and busy with their own thoughts.

“Will is worried about you”, Mike stated after a while.

“I know”, El answered sadly, “it’s just hard for me, you know?”

Mike furrowed his brow in confusion.

“No matter how hard I try, it’s hard for me to feel comfortable or relaxed or even normal around new people or in new places”, she explained almost in a whisper.

“It’s ok to feel that way”, he said like it was the most natural thing in the world, his gaze showing empathy.

El snorted, fully aware that no, it was not okay to be such an introverted freak. She was not stupid. She knew it was a limitation, something that held her back from experiences and people and things she really wanted. She was all too aware that it was what isolated her from everyone and ultimately stood like a solid barrier, shielding her even from the ones she deeply cared about.

“I felt very lonely coming here at first”, Mike confessed smiling crookedly in her direction, “I consider myself a lucky guy, having Dustin as a roommate and meeting Lucas and Will on my first week here”.

“Will is an amazing friend”, El answered smiling, “and all of you seem like pretty cool guys”, she added honestly.

Mike blushed a bit and lowered his gaze, focusing on his wristwatch.

Who even owns a wristwatch these days?, wondered El with amusement as she glanced at him with the corner of her eye.

“Hey, it’s barely 1 am, how do you feel about going for a drive and coming back to pick up our friends’ drunken asses?” suddenly asked Mike.

Full story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12840366/chapters/29318523

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #mileven #mileven fanfiction #mileven fanfic #stranger things angst #stranger things day #mike wheeler #mike and eleven #eleven #jane hopper #el hopper #el and mike #eleven and mike #mileven fluff #st #fanfiction

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smoljamswrites · 4 years

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all is fair in love & war | bts x reader | chapter one

pairing: bts x female reader

genre: (eventual) smut, fluff, angst, series fic, mafia!au

warnings for this chapter: kidnapping mention, mention of murderers, mention of being beaten, character being wreckless? and doing stupid shit? alcohol, character feels like she’s being watched, swearing, um idk if anything else could be a trigger?

a/n: I’ll try and update this regularly + thank you guys so much for your support so far!! Also, future chapters will be longer than this one!!

the playlist is here, if anybody wants the link!x

All these years living with Sin Syndicate you have been kept under lock and key. Which is understandable really, you’ve probably been labelled as a missing person for years now. Life is pretty boring for you though, you’d think living with a huge mafia gang you’d be up close and personal with all the dramas and crimes. But that isn’t the case; you just stay in this huge house all day, which sounds lovely, until you remember you share it with murderers. The only time that you have left this house was that one time you were 13 and you had snuck out. To your misfortune, you got caught within an hour, and got brought back home to be beaten. But what Sin Syndicate never found out is that you took some of their money and you brought yourself a phone that day. Not one that could be traced though – just in case they ever did find it – you bought an old Nokia phone, and now you spend most of your days playing snake. You never tried to actually run away from them though because you know that if they ever did find you again, which is very likely, then they would definitely kill you this time.

At the moment, Sin Syndicate has every reason to believe that Bangtan are going to attack soon. 3 syndicate members this week have mysteriously “vanished” without a trace, and well, it would be no surprise if they are now facing the wrath of the rival gang. Everyone is currently losing their minds, preparing for an attack. And it’s much harder to be ready for an attack when you don’t even know what the rivals look like. Bangtan have been good at shielding their identities; always wearing masks when they are on jobs. Luckily for you, they seemingly have forgotten about your presence in the midst of all this chaos. So, for the first time in almost 7 years, you sneak out of your window in search of fun, and that brings us to now.

--------------------

You shouldn’t be here. There’s so much sweat on your skin, and not all of it is yours. The music is blaring, pulsating through your body. You’ve never been here before; it’s only recently opened and usually you wouldn’t be out at this time of night, but everyone had been so ‘preoccupied’ that you just took your chances. You left. Escaped even. Now you’re here, living life like a normal girl your age would, and god does it feel good. You feel alive. The club was like your heartbeat put on loudspeaker. As the floor vibrated with bass notes, your body sways with the rhythm, alcohol running through your veins like it was being fed through an IV drip.

This was your first mistake – escaping. The second being you’re here all alone. Truth be told, you were a strong-headed young lady and when push came to shove you could hold your own; that’s what growing up with Sin Syndicate has taught you. But this is different. Especially when this club is owned by them – Bangtan. But of course, you don’t know that. Nobody knows that, and well, if you do, then you better keep your mouth shut.

They’ve been wanting you for years. You’d be great leverage. Imagine being able to capture your rival’s most prized possession, their weakness. The accident that happened all those years ago, where they got caught and panicked. They didn’t finish the job; they didn’t finish you. And now Bangtan wants that hold over them. They want you, and all the information you have, whether you’re willing to give them it or not. And you’ve just handed yourself to them on a plate. And that is your third mistake.

You’ve never felt like this before – you feel on top of the world and you’re 100% certain that no punishment could make you ever regret this. Everyone’s bodies touched while moving to the melody of the music. You haven’t heard music in such a long time, and even though you have no idea what songs are being played, you can’t stop dancing. Everyone else seems to be mouthing all the words, and you have to admit it is a good song, it’s a shame you’ll probably never hear it again.

However, you cannot shake this feeling that someone is watching you. Call it crazy or maybe paranoia, it could even be called a ‘Spidey Sense’, but you feel like somebody is watching your every move. With a quick glance around, you see that almost every girl has caught someone’s attention. You try to tell yourself it’s nothing – probably just a predatory, hungry gaze from someone who is dying to take you home tonight…at least that’s what happens on the TV right? Deciding that you need another drink to loosen up a bit, you head to the bar.

Someone is watching you alright, and so is his friend upstairs that overlooks the dancefloor. The one downstairs watches you with a confused stare. Surely it can’t really be you? He’s seen a picture of your face a million times over, and yet actually seeing it right here in front of him doesn’t feel real to him. Is he dreaming? The taller man, who stands in the darkness of the upper floor, wears a different look. His grin shows his evident elation; basking in the joy that you are completely unaware of the situation you have unknowingly put yourself in.

As you push and squeeze past all the bodies blocking the way, you see the non-flickering lights above the bar, becoming instantly grateful that they aren’t like the strobe ones on the dancefloor. Taking a seat on one of the barstools you look over to the bartenders, and you see that one is on his way over to you. You quickly dig through your bag, in search for your money.

“Hi what can I get you?”

You don’t even get chance to look up to see which bartender the voice belonged to, when a deeper, much more stronger sounding voice took over.

“I’ll take this one, go serve them over there”

Instantly your head snaps up, and your eyes meet with his. This bartender has long, dark brown hair but your eyes are immediately drawn to his figure. He must work out a lot to get a body like that. His chest looked solid, and he had tattoos down his one arm. God, he looked heavenly.

“You okay there?” he smirked, eyes never leaving yours, “what can I get you?”

“rum and coke” you snap and look away, feeling heat rising in your face.

He turns away swiftly to make you your drink, muttering something under his breath that sounded awfully similar to ‘feisty’. When he turns back around and places the drink in front of you, he leans on the counter, making it so you’re now near enough the same height. You move back abruptly and hold out your hand to give him the money, but he just shakes his head.

“It’s on the house, don’t worry about it” he smiles, and even though he seemed really cocky before, this smile of his appears to be genuine. Its weird though, you think, that he wanted to serve you and he even gave you a drink for free. Is he allowed to do that? You’ve never been one to be timid and so you don’t bat an eyelid when you question his motive.

“Can’t I give out free drinks to pretty customers now? I can make you pay if you really want, but I’d rather you have it for free. Besides, I think the real question is why are you here alone?” his voice is sultry and smooth, slipping from his lips like warm honey.

How does he know you here alone? Warning sounds in your mind, and you tell yourself to be cautious around this man. There’s something about him that you just can’t put your finger on.

“My friends are on the dancefloor actually. Now if you’d excuse me-“

“No! Stay,” you turn around and look at him, what the fuck is happening?

“Please stay here, I know it sounds weird, but I noticed you earlier when you came in. You seemed out of place, and you were alone. You’ve had guys watching you all night, and I really want to keep an eye on you, make sure you’re okay. Wouldn’t want you to fall into the wrong hands now, would we?”

The way he said that last sentence sent shivers down your spine. It seemed a little odd. But he did have a point, coming here alone was stupid, and a little protection wouldn’t exactly be bad, would it?

Once you’ve sat back down, he straightens up, giving you some space.

“So what are you doing here alone?”

---------------------

The room was black for the most part, except for the chocolatey wooden desk and sparkly silver chandelier. Two black, leather couches faced each other, and at the head of the room, stood a big office-type chair next to the desk. A small golden panther adorned the corner of the desk.

The sudden knock of the door, and a young man bursting in interrupted the 3 older men’s conversation. With a sigh, the man sat at the desk addressed the younger man who smiled like an excited child, “What is it, Taehyung?”

“You will not believe this!” the man, who’s name is Taehyung, exclaims, capturing the attention of the two other men sat in the room, “Guess who is downstairs!?”

All three deadpanned while Taehyung carried on, boxy smile still prominent on his face.

“Y/N! Y/F/N! Sin Syndicate’s girl. Yknow, the one who-“

“We get it Tae, no need to continue” the one in charge says sternly.

“Wait, what is she doing here though?” one of the guys sitting on the couch questions.

“Nobody knows Jin. She’s at the bar as we speak! Jimin was the first to spot her actually. Can you believe this!?” Taehyung is acting like he wants to jump up and down at this point.

After being asked who is serving you, and Tae answering with the name ‘Guk’, that starts a conversation with the two men on the couch.

“I bet he’s having a field day with her! I’d say he’s been determined to get her the most, from like day one!”

“Yeah Jin, but is he smart enough to fucking spike her drink? Because that’s what we need to do! And well, he’s a fucking dumbass when he wants to be!”

The one sat at the desk seemingly agrees with this, and turns to Taehyung, “Whatever you do Tae, don’t let her leave”

next chapter update: Wednesday 22nd January 2020 8pm gmt

tagging: @toddsgirl27 @honeydewseoks @whimsicalwoodlands @dearlydreadful @wendyiiwl @asifetch7 @barbyisafangirl @miraculyfe @smollmonajinsa

let me know if you want to be tagged in future chapters!

Thank you so much for reading!

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 5 years

Text

Non-Sequential [Ch. 9]

Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader

One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadn’t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.

Word Count: 2,500

A/N: Inspired by the film The Time Traveler’s Wife. But not one of those fics that just literally rips off the whole movie and plugs in characters where they please.

Chapter 8

“Y/N! Y/N, look at me!” Steve urged as he practically ran her to the medical wing of the compound. He knew the jarring that came with his rush was probably causing her more pain, but he had to get her to a doctor as soon as possible.

Her eyes fluttered open.

“You gotta stay with me, OK?” Steve practically begged.

She just nodded, failing to fight off a wince as her wound sent another wave of pain through her entire body.

Steve looked down at her seeping blood. Y/N wasn’t a superhero. She hadn’t made the decision to risk her own life, to take the injuries without complaint. She was just a civilian. She never asked for this life.

He shoved his way through the swinging doors of the medical wing. Suddenly a team of doctors came swarming over to him, asking him a million questions.

“I-I don’t know what happened. She just appeared back in the present with a bullet to her abdomen,” Steve tried to answer in his captain voice that the medical team was used to hearing.

No matter how bad his or his teammates injuries were, Captain America kept it together.

But this was Y/N, his best girl. Captain America was nowhere to be found. This was just Steve seeing his girlfriend dying in his arms.

They had taken Y/N from his grip and lightly placed her on a gurney, instantly pushing her away from him.

Steve took a step to follow, but was stopped by a grip on his shoulders.

He looked over, ready to break the wrist of someone that tried to keep him away from Y/N.

When did Tony get here?

“I know you want nothing more than to stay with her, but you gotta let them do their job, Steve.”

Tony’s mature and serious tone actually made Steve feel worse. It was unlike his friend. Tony should’ve been making jokes and not taking anything seriously, like he always did. So his seriousness only panicked Steve more.

Steve put his hands on his waist and kept shifting his weight.

It was making Tony anxious. He’d never seen him like this before. “Tony, if she…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence.

Tony gripped his shoulder. “Hey,” his voice was stern. “Hey, look at me, Cap.” Steve finally did as he asked. “Those are the best doctors in the world in there. They know they’re working on precious cargo. So, they’re going to do everything they can. You got it?”

Tony waited.

Steve nodded.

“So, what I need you to do is keep it together. Because Captain America causing scene isn’t gonna help your girl, OK?”

Steve nodded again and held back the tears that were threatening to fall. ———————————

Steve was sitting on the floor of the hallway when he heard footsteps jogging toward him. He slowly looked up to find that it was Sam.

“I came as soon as I heard,” Sam told him while he was out of breath.

“She just got out of surgery,” Steve told him evenly. “They won’t let me see her.”

Sam’s brow furrowed and he frowned angrily. “Why the hell not?”

“They think me being close to her might make her time travel. And if she does, she won’t survive it.” Steve’s tone had never sounded so numb.

Sam’s heart broke. He could only imagine how Steve felt after hearing the doctors tell them such a theory. And to Sam, it felt lazy and lacked research.

Sam slowly slid down the wall so he was sitting on the cold floor alongside Steve.

“Doesn’t make much sense, does it?” Sam thought aloud. “If she only travels to when and where you are, clearly her powers just want you. So, if anything, being with her will just make her stay in the here and now.”

Steve didn’t say anything.

A few moments of silence passed.

“I’ll distract the doctors and nurses, you sneak inside?” Sam asked.

Steve nodded quickly before shooting to his feet.

———————————

Steve sat next to Y/N’s bed, not feeling close enough unless his legs were touching her bed.

The doctors had finally let him sit in her room after finding that he had snuck in, and then both Tony and Sam had a yelling match with the medical team.

Steve had been reading one of Y/N’s favorite books to her, quietly.

It had been days since her surgery and she had yet to wake up. The doctors said Y/N was lucky that the bullet hadn’t hit any major organs, only skimming her large intestine. They kept talking about how much of a miracle it was. But Steve could only think about how Y/N never should’ve been shot in the first place – there was nothing miraculous about it.

“Is this what the patients feel like on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’? Just constantly waking up to hot doctors?” Y/N mumbled next to him.

Steve dropped the book to the floor and leaned forward. “You’re awake,” he breathed.

“Or I’m in heaven,” she smirked at him.

But Steve found no amusement. There seemed to be a permanent crease in his brow and his lips formed a completely straight light.

“Are you in any pain?” He asked her seriously.

She shook her head. “They must’ve given me the good stuff.”

Steve just watched her for a moment, taking in her face and her eyes that were open and awake for the first time in days. There were moments in those few days where Steve wasn’t sure if he’d ever see them alive again.

“Y/N,” he whispered. “What happened?”

She sighed, knowing that Steve wouldn’t rest until he knew the whole story. The problem was that she also knew how he was going to react when her learned when and where she’d been taken by her powers.

Her gaze lowered, looking down at her lap as her fingers fidgeted.

“I was at the Battle of DC.”

“What?” Steve shot back without helping it.

“One second, I was sleeping in bed with you, the next I was on one of the hellicarriers with people screaming and shooting around me.”

Steve was quiet. But the clenching of his jaw and grinding of his teeth told Y/N he was anything but calm.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Y/N finally looked at him with a narrow gaze.

Steve scoffed, “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” she sassed back. “I know that you think that this is all somehow your fault. That I wouldn’t have gotten shot if it weren’t for you being a part of my life.”

“Yeah, seeing as you were only brought there because of me, Y/N. Because I love you.”

“For once in your god damn life, can you not act like everything is your fucking fault, Steve?”

He went quiet again.

“It won’t work,” Y/N stated.

He narrowed his eyes in question.

“So don’t you dare try it, Steven Grant Rogers.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbled.

She sat up, trying to hide her wince from the pain the movement caused. “Listen here, I’ve seen enough movies and TV shows to know how this goes. Guy sees his girl as a damsel in distress, all because she’s dating him. Guy leaves girl because he thinks it’ll keep her safe. Guy pushes her away. And guy breaks both their hearts in the process.”

Steve had nothing to say for himself. His eyes refused to meet her accusatory gaze.

“You should watch Twilight. That shit-hole of a movie will prove how terrible it would end for us,” Y/N teased lightheartedly.

He finally shook his head and huffed out a laugh, “You’re nursing a gunshot wound and convincing me not to leave you…yet you still find a way to be remarkably charming.”

Y/N giggled and then Steve knew he was finished.

His hand was shaking as he grabbed her’s, careful of the IV embedded in her skin. He kissed the back of her hand and she looked heartbroken as she saw the tears he was trying so hard to hold back.

“Y/N, I don’t think you understand… I can’t-If you ever…” then he was overcome with silent tears. He tried to hide them by dipping his head and moving his fist to cover his mouth, but it was useless.

“Hey, hey, hey,” she cooed. “I came back to you, didn’t I?”

“I can’t lose you, Y/N.” Steve was practically whimpering. “I feel like I finally just got you. And I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.”

“I know, Steve,” she shushed. “I know. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m so sorry.”

She pulled his head so his forehead was touching hers. They both closed their eyes and just let the feeling of touching each other wash over them. It grounded them. She had to convince Steve that she was still here, that she was OK.

——————

Two weeks had passed since Y/N returned to the present with a bullet in her side. She recovered quicker than the doctors expected. While she wasn’t allowed to do any strenuous activity – sex included, to her annoyance and Steve’s amusement – but she was at least allowed to leave the infirmary.

Steve insisted she stay with him at the compound. That way she was close to the doctors and specialists if anything were to happen.

Y/N knew he was being overprotective. But he needed to be that right now. So she let him do it and decided to keep her sarcastic comments to herself.

However, as the days went on, Y/N started acting strange.

She was oddly quiet. And it didn’t get past Steve.

There was a piece of the story that she had yet to tell him. She didn’t know how he’d handle it. And not knowing his reaction was what worried her most of all.

Y/N looked up from where she sat on the love-seat in the living room of the compound.

Steve was never far from her these days. He was subtle about it, doing his best not to be overbearing or making it blatantly obvious how overly watchful he’d become of Y/N.

Now he was in the kitchen, surely making both of them lunch.

Y/N marked her spot in her book before getting up and slowly walking to the kitchen island and sitting in one of the high stools.

Steve gave her a small smile at her joining his company.

“Steve?” She said gently. “I have something to tell you.”

He paused what he was doing to look up her worriedly.

“I didn’t tell you the whole story. There’s something else.”

Steve’s face visibly paled. What could be worse than her getting shot? He stepped forward and leaned over the kitchen island toward her, his hands gripping the edge of the countertop.

“I saw Bucky.” Then Y/N blinked. “Or, I guess, the Winter Soldier. But I swore there was a moment when it was Bucky.”

Steve frowned. “Y/N…was it Bucky? Was it Bucky who shot you?”

She blinked again, snapping out of the memory. “No, Steve. He saved me.”

He leaned back in shock at what she said. But he crossed his arms. His face was stern and made him look more like Captain America than Steve Rogers. He wanted – no – he needed answers now.

Y/N’s eyes glazed over as she was dragged back into the memory. “I was right in the middle of the fighting. A Hydra agent saw me. Decided I was an enemy and that’s when I felt the sting. I fell to the ground, convinced I was going to die there. I saw him walking toward me, obviously determined to finish the job.”

Steve was grinding his teeth together.

“Right when he raised his gun, finger on the trigger…there was a shot. But it wasn’t his gun. It was Bucky. He’d had shot one of his own men. He saved me. I looked at him, called his name.” She looked at Steve now. “I swear he recognized me, Steve. For a split second, his face changed like he remembered who he really was.”

Then she shook her head. “He picked me up…carried me to some semblance of shelter, away from the fighting. He looked at me for a moment before running back into the chaos.”

Steve seemed to relax. That was not what he expected to hear.

Y/N reached across the counter to grip one of his hands.

“Bucky’s still in there, Steve. He isn’t lost,” she whispered.

Steve felt a wave of hope wash over his heart. Yes, Bucky had snapped out of it that day when Steve fell from he hellicarrier. His old friend had a moment of lucidity and saved his life. But after Sam followed dead end after dead end, Steve became more and more pessimistic of ever fully recovering his best friend.

A new surge of determination overtook him. He didn’t want to just find his best friend. Now he also had to thank him for saving his girl’s life.

Later that night, Steve called Sam.

He was in Poland, following another possible lead that Nat had sent their way.

Steve often wondered why Sam continued on this wild goose chase. Bucky wasn’t his friend. In fact, he had nearly killed Sam far too many times. But Y/N reminded Steve that Sam was also his best friend. And helping friends was what people did. “You’re not the only person that’s allowed to be selfless, Steve,” Y/N had once reminded her boyfriend.

“He’s always one step ahead of us, Steve.” Sam sighed on the other end of the phone. “Whenever I get to the lead, it doesn’t even seem like he was ever even there. It could’ve been a completely fabricated spotting. This dude’s a ghost.”

Steve glimpsed through the open crack of his bedroom door. Y/N was still sleeping soundly in his bed. He could hear her soft breathing.

“He saved her life, Sam.” Steve muttered sadly. “I already owed him. But now…I owe him everything.”

Sam exhaled. “I get it, man. Really, I do. But did you ever think there’s a reason he hasn’t come out of hiding? You know… a reason that he hasn’t come to you.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. “What are you trying to say, Sam?”

“Maybe he’s not the only one he’s trying to keep safe, Steve.”

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Chapter 10

Let me know what you think :)

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I do not do taglists. Here is the series’ masterlist: Non-Sequential

#non-sequential series #non-sequential chapter 9 #pre serum!steve rogers x reader #pre-serum steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers reader insert #steve rogers series #captain america x reader #captain america fic #captain america reader insert #marvel reader insert #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #sam wilson fic #bucky barnes fic #invisible anonymous monsters #invisibleanonymousmonsters

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specialagentrin · 4 years

Text

Day 12 – On the twelfth day of Christmas, Wincestmas gave to me: four times sam and dean were almost caught and one time they were

Warnings: Bottom!Dean, Top!Sam, tbh everyone knows exactly what they are doing not gonna lie, a little dash of angst, but a Happy Ending, also pls ignore that I’m terrible at remembering the years so just go with it

i. 1998

They had just started this thing between the two of them. Dean had taken a long time to come around and accept his feelings, but Sam was anything but determined, not giving up on this thing they could have. Sam had long given up on feeling guilty about his feelings, and couldn’t care less about the fact they were brothers. He did believe in God, but he couldn’t believe that what they were up to was actually a sin that would damn them to Hell.

Dean, on the other hand, didn’t believe in God, Heaven or Hell, but he couldn’t help but feel responsible for corrupting his brother in some way. He had raised Sam, after all, and he felt like he had, somehow, done something that made Sam fall for him.

Now, a few months in, Dean was a little less anxious about their situation. He had set some rules, such as not being out in public – after all, not only were they brothers, they were both men and Sam was only fifteen.

But in their locked room? Then, they would give themselves in to the pleasure and love they had for each other.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, a bit chilly from the beginning of Fall, and they had spent the day in bed. They had woken up, eaten something and then gotten back to bed, kissing and messing around slowly, tenderly. With John gone in hunts, they were free to actually take advantage of their time and they would fuck thoroughly. Today was no different.

They had a break for lunch – both had had two orgasms already – and then they went back to bed, kissing and touching each other once more.

Sam was slowly fucking into Dean, his brother making soft gasps, eyes tightly shut, when they heard someone trying to open the door. They froze for a brief second before Sam pulled out and they started putting their clothes on. Dean locked himself in the bathroom before the door was open and John walked in.

He paused by the door, frowning, and looked at Sam, who was sitting on the bed, a book in his hands while the TV was on – sound off.

“Hey, dad.” Sam said, as naturally as he could. “Welcome back. How was the hunt?” John looked around before closing the door behind him and fully entering the room.

“Successful. It was indeed a nest of vampires, they’re all dead now.” Sam nodded, returning his attention to his book. “Where’s Dean?”

“In the shower.” Sam said, and as if on cue, the shower started. John nodded and mumbled something about grabbing something to eat. Sam was still tense on the bed, but he didn’t dare move, his cock still painfully hard – but Dean had to take care of his cum-filled ass before Sam could take his own shower and jerk off.

ii. 2000

Sam had already decided to go to College, but he didn’t know how to tell Dean that. They were still together, and although they had had their share of fights, they were happier than ever. However, John and Sam would butt heads whenever they were in the same space, which was why John spent more and more time hunting, something not returning in months, but at least he kept in touch with Dean, so they knew he was okay.

Leaving Dean had been the hardest choice he had made, but he wanted to bring Dean with him. He knew Dean wouldn’t want to go to College as well, but they could try to settle down, and Sam would become a lawyer and maybe change their names so no one would know they were actually brothers, and, thus, they’d be able to live together as a couple.

But whenever he saw Dean smile at him when they were together, or whenever Dean closed his eyes tightly as he came, or even when Dean pouted at some of Sam’s antics, Sam knew it would break both their hearts to tell the truth. Maybe it would be better to just tell him if I get accepted somewhere, Sam would think to himself, but inside he was hurting.

That was one of the reasons why Sam always made sure to thoroughly fuck his brother, mark every inch of his body, bite and kiss and suck, leaving Dean a wrecked mess by the end of it.

And that day wasn’t too different. Sam was in his winter break, heavy snow falling outside, making everything dark, and they were alone in the privacy of their motel room.

Dean was moaning loudly and Sam pounded into him rapidly, hands holding Dean’s hips in place, leaving finger marks on his skin. It was too good, and Sam knew it wouldn’t take long for both of them to come.

However, he heard some sound coming from outside the door. He stopped what he was doing and instantly Dean started paying attention as well. Once they realised there was someone outside their room, possibly ready to enter, Sam and Dean put on some clothes as quickly as possible and then grabbed their pistols, ready to shoot.

Once the door was opened, they lowered their hands. Sam groaning loudly at the sight of his father.

John’s face was unreadable, but he seemed annoyed. Without saying a word, Sam went to the bathroom, while Dean sighed, already sensing a fight.

“I thought I’d be welcome for Christmas.” John said mockingly, tilting his head in Sam’s direction. Dean felt his heart hurt – he always missed his father, and John had spent many Christmases somewhere else, but apparently, he had tried to come for this one.

“Christmas was yesterday.” Dean said softly, but he smiled at John anyway. “But it’s always good to have you here.” John ignored him and Dean deflated at that. Some things never changed.

iii. 2006

Dean was still upset about his father’s death, but Sam understood. They were at Bobby’s for a while – Dean trying to fix his car and Sam, although he wouldn’t admit it, trying to fix Dean.

Dean had been broken for longer than Sam can remember, but now, it seemed he had reached a point of no return.

With Sam going to College, then Jessica dying the same way as their mother, then dad dying because of him, Dean was a wreck. He tried to pretend he was okay, fixing his car and telling stupid jokes, laughing loudly when he watched something funny at the TV. Sam could see right through him, though.

Once, when Dean was bent over the hood of his Baby, mumbling to himself – Sam heard some “son of a bitch” and “shit” repeatedly – Sam went to talk to him. However, his brother in that position, his t-shirt ridding up and his underwear visible under his pants, his musk feeling the hot air, Sam couldn’t help but to drape himself over Dean, kissing his neck in the process.

Dean would have hit his head on the hood if Sam hadn’t been on top of him, but he let go of the tool he had been tinkering with, turning his head to look at Sam. It was telling that Dean hadn’t noticed him approaching, which further showed Sam that he was right in being worried.

“What the fuck, Sam!” Dean half-whispered, half-yelled, clearly not wishing to draw any attention to them. Bobby was inside, but they never knew when the man could come out.

“You look nice.” Sam said. They had had sex a couple of times after they hit the road together again – once after they fought the Wendigo and once after they left Cassie, Sam being unable to hold his jealousy back.

However, after each time, they hadn’t talked about it. It was a little awkward, and Sam yearned for his brother, but Jess had recently died, and he was still mourning. But then again, Dean had almost died twice already, so Sam made up his mind – he wanted to go back to what they used to be. It was the two of them against the world now, and Sam wanted everything.

“Sam.” Dean’s voice was stern, and he tried pushing Sam away, but he wouldn’t bulge. Instead, Sam started mouthing at Dean’s neck, where he knew Dean liked the most. Dean gasped and Sam could feel his brother’s legs going heavy. “Sam, we’re outside.” Dean mumbled, but this time he didn’t try to push Sam away.

Sam only hummed in acknowledgment, his hands going under Dean’s shirt, feeling his brother’s abs, mouth still busy with his neck. Dean sighed, and Sam knew he had won this round. Sam’s hand was going down, ready to open Dean’s pants when there was a crash coming from somewhere inside.

They quickly let go of each other, eyes wide, and then they ran inside, worried that something might have happened to Bobby. The man, however, was cursing at a bottle of beer that had fallen when he opened the fridge. Sam and Dean sighed in relief and went to help Bobby pick up the pieces and clean the kitchen floor.

iv. 2009

There was an actual convention for Chuck’s books and Dean couldn’t believe it. It was crazy that so many people enjoyed the books about their lives – because honestly? It sucked.

But he guessed he could understand the appeal.

Sam and Dean were heroes in these people’s eyes, so of course it was appealing.

But seeing people dressing as them and pretending to be them was annoying as shit, mainly with an actual case to solve.

Not to mention that it was difficult as it was to find a place for them to talk – and do other, unbrotherly things – but with so many people going around, it was almost impossible.

Every time they started to make out – well, every time Dean squeezed Sam’s ass or pressed his ass against Sam’s dick, which then resulted in a heavy make out session – people tried to enter the rooms.

Locking themselves in the bathroom was a good idea, at least. They could always pretend they were throwing up or something, and they wouldn’t need to leave the bathroom so soon.

Sam was trying to convince Dean to just let it go, to do it later when they were by themselves, but Dean would have none of it.

Once in the bathroom, he fell to his knees and sucked Sam like his life depended on it, his brother holding his head tenderly – Sam always afraid of pulling Dean or hurting him. It was amazing and Dean needed that, even if Sam was the only one to come.

When Dean was satisfied – having swallowed most of Sam’s come and received a thankful, hungry kiss in return – they left the bathroom.

Chuck was with his hand raised, ready to knock, and Sam and Dean blushed at the sight of him, completely forgetting that Chuck could see everything.

“Oh! I was looking for you guys.” Chuck said, pointing over his shoulder. “I need your help back there.” The man didn’t seem flustered – or even weirded out that Sam and Dean had been in a bathroom together – or awkward, so Dean decided that maybe Chuck didn’t know every single second of their lives.

At least, he hoped so.

v. 2011

Sam had gotten his soul back. It was still a fragile situation and Dean didn’t want to overwhelm Sam, but sex between them was always better with their love and affection. Not that sex with a soulless Sam hadn’t been good – it had been awesome, one of the best sex of his life – but it was so obvious that Sam’s heart wasn’t in it, that Dean was just another piece of ass that, more often than not, it annoyed Dean.

So now that he had his brother back, they could actually make love – and yeah, Dean had to admit that sex was good, but making love was even better. Dean had missed this, had missed being touched as if Sam was worshipping his whole body, had missed being kissed with such intensity, had missed being told he was loved as he was thoroughly fucked.

It was a day not much after Sam’s soul was back and Dean was riding Sam slowly, moving his hips, his hole fluttering around him. Their eyes were locked on each other’s, unable to look away. Dean couldn’t help but feel happy in that moment, and he could tell Sam was just as blissful.

Dean had just started picking up the pace when there was a hoarse “Hello” coming from behind them. Dean almost fell from the bed, but Sam was mindful to holding him in place.

“What the fuck, Cas!” Dean basically yelled, pulling a sheet to cover them, but Castiel looked unfazed.

“I seem to have arrived at an inappropriate time.” Castiel said, still looking at them and there was a moment of silence before Dean spoke again.

“Cas! Leave!”

“We’ll call you when we’re finished.” Sam promised and Cas nodded, disappearing from sight. Dean groaned and lied on top of Sam, hiding his face on Sam’s neck, who, in turn, chuckled. “After so many years, who’d’ve guessed Cas would be the one to catch us.” Dean groaned again and Sam laughed.

He flipped them, so he was on top and restarted their fucking. Dean pouted at him for a moment, but instants later he was already moaning.

“His timing has always been awful. It was only time it happened.” Dean managed to say between thrusts, moaning every once and again at a particularly nice thrust. Sam chuckled again and continued fucking Dean into the mattress, picking up pace. Dean moaned louder, unable to look away from his brother, Cas appearance already forgotten now that he could only think of his pleasure.

One of Sam’s hand made its way to Dean’s cock and he started pumping it as fast as he could, knowing fully well that Dean was almost coming. Changing his hips positions minimally, Sam knew he started hitting right into Dean’s prostrate because his brother’s moans disappeared and he came instants later.

Sam, after a few more pumps, let go of Dean’s cock and focused on fucking Dean, his orgasm quickly approaching. When he came, Dean pulled him down and crashed their mouths in a passionate kiss.

They kissed for a long time, until they were both soft and Sam slipped out of Dean. They continued caressing and kissing each other though, and this time, both of them almost fell to the floor when Castiel appeared again.

“Hello.”

“What the fuck, Cas!” Dean said, pulling the sheets once more, face growing red.

“We said we’d call you.” Sam said, pulling the sheets on him as well, but not really all that bothered that Castiel caught them.

“You were taking too long.” Castiel said simply, frowning, and Dean groaned again. How had his life turned to this?

(Although, if he was honest, it was good to know that an actual Angel gave his blessing.)

---

Wincestmas ANON!!!!! HIIIIII!!!! THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND YOU UNDERSTAND ME AND I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THAT, YOU WERE W O R R I E D ABOUT ME AND THAT HONESTLY MADE ME CRY, HALF OF YOUR GIFTS MADE ME CRY AND MADE MY DAY.

AND I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, I LOVE STORIES WHERE THE PEOPLE HAVE TO HIDE THEIR RELATIONSHIP FROM EVERYBODY ELSE! AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE CASTIEL PART, ITS LIKE YOU KNOW ME SO WELL, I LOVE STORIES WHERE TFW IS MORE LIKE A FAMILY, REGARDLESS OF A RELATIONSHIP IN THE SMALL FAMILY THEY HAVE. THANK YOU!!!!!

#tfw #fav #wincest #wincestmas!anon❄#bottom!dean #top!sam #spn #shut up.sirin!#submission

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fanficsrusz · 5 years

Text

My collection - part two John wick AU

A/n: so ive already wrote part 2 because ive been brain storming ideas all day at work and i just had to get some of them down. So this was the out come.

Masterlist

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A week had passed and y/n had found herself in front of her new college. This is where her life would begin and y/n felt a knot form in her stomach from nervousness and excitement. “So what do you think?” y/n turned to where the voice had come from and saw Tom. y/n smiled “it looks huge” she laughed and Tom wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Don't worry about it you will get used to it. Come on you need to get to your first class” Tom lead her around the college showing her the various points of interest before he stopped outside a lecture room. “So this is where i leave you. But I will see you at lunch and I will introduce you to a few on my friends” Tom leaned against the wall. “Thanks again tom. I don't have many friends yet” y/n laughed looking down. “Don't worry. You will have no trouble making friends here” he said before someone had called his name “ ok i have to go. See you later” he said “bye” y/n muttered as she watched him walk towards a group of guys who were all staring and watched as they all clapped and laughed as he got closer. y/n heard Tom say a quick shut up before they moved out of view. y/n giggled before pushing open the door to the lecture room which was still filling up with students.

She placed herself a few rows back from the front and pulled out various books and pens ready for the class to begin. “Good morning everyone.” y/n looked up and a small amount of panic set in as she saw John stood in front of the class in a suit, his hair slicked back:a complete 180 of the john y/n had met just a week earlier. She sat up straighter in her chair. “It's nice to see you all after such a nice break a…” John paused as he made eye contact with y/n and smiled. “I also see we have a new face in the class.” and just like that all eyes were on y/n. y/n wanted to jump out of the nearest window out of pure embarrassment but decided to give a small smile instead which john returned. “Ok moving on please open your books to page 70. We have a lot to cover this year people.” john said keeping intense eye contact with the new girl in his class.

y/n tried to focus as much as she could on the lesson but every now and then her mind would slip back to her teacher/ neighbour and why he gave her such a weird vibe. She just couldn’t pinpoint why she felt this way about this man. He had done nothing wrong to threaten her in anyway shape or form. In Fact so far he had been a model neighbour. So why was she scared to be around him?.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the bell and everyone stood up rushing to go to lunch. y/n tried to put her stuff away as fast as she could.

It was as if john had super powers because he was suddenly next to her. “y/n. What are the odds that you’re in my class” john gave a smile and y/n gave the best attempt at a smile she could. “Small world John” she replied “dr wick” he said sternly, the smile dropping from his mouth instantly and was replaced with a look that could kill. y/n was shocked at the harshness of his words and john must have understood the confusion on her face because the smile quickly came back as if someone had switched a flip in him. “please call me dr Wick whilst you are in class. You don’t want people getting the wrong idea”. That sentence made y/n shudder out of disgust. Any other girl would have swooned and it would of had the same effect on her any other time but for some reason it didn't. Dr wick was a good looking man but there was that feeling again. The feeling that there was something off with this man. “Well i must be going. Im meeting friends for lunch” she hastily pushed past him running out of the class before anything else could be said to make y/n feel any more weirded out. It was at that moment she knew she was going to be seeing a lot more of john and she dreaded it.

John looked down at the table y/n had been sitting at and smirked when he saw she had left her planner on the desk. It was as if some unseen force was pushing john towards the young girl. He slipped into the seat and closed his eyes; the seat was still warm and he could smell her sweet perfume. John looked down and opened the planner and flipped through it all. There was nothing of any interest, a few notes for her homework and some to do lists. He skimmed over the words 'pick up veg' 'tidy pantry' ect. But two sentences took his interest 'gym meeting at 2pm sat' and ‘ parents visiting sunday’. He now knew where she would be this weekend and made a mental note of it. He finished flipping through the book until he got to the back and the smile that had previously been on his face had now changed to anger. He picked up a note. Reading the words slowly he felt the anger grow in his chest. John screw up The note tom had given y/n with his number on and shoved it in his pocket. John knew tom and he would make sure he was going to stay away from her. He picked up the book and moved over to his desk and put it into his bag. Sighing he closed his eyes and pictured y/n.

Never before had john been so quickly drawn to a girl before. Was it her y/h/c hair? Or y/e/c eyes? John didn’t know. But he wanted her and that's all he did know.

Y/n walked into the canteen and saw Tom sitting at a table with a few other people. As she got closer Tom looked up and saw her, a smile grew on his face. "hi" y/n said and tom stood up "hi. Everyone this is y/n. She’s living in my grandads old house. Y/n this is sarah, jack and leon." they each looked at the new girl and greeted her, beginning a conversation and talking with her as if they had been friends for years. They made y/n feel at home and soon the encounter with john was pushed to the back of her mind. If only the same could be said for john.

Dr. Wick walked into the canteen and scanned for his new favourite student. He saw her sitting with tom and the way the two students looked at each other sent a deep hatred through his body.

John stormed over to the table. Y/n looked up and her face went pale. "y/n? What's wrong?" tom asked. " Tom" john seethed "what did i say to you about your work? It's terrible i want you to redo it again but this time i want you to do 50 pages. On my desk tomorrow. You also have 2 weeks detention for making me read such a terrible piece of work" john stormed off and the whole canteen was staring at the boy. "what was that about?" leon said breaking the silence. Tom shook his head "I don't know. I handed in my assignment a few days ago and he said it was perfect. He never acts like that. He’s always the nice teacher. I'm sorry I have to go. I won't be able to re-do the work in time if I don't start now. I’ll text you later y/n" tom quickly stood up and rushed out of the canteen. Leaving everyone to their lunch.

The school day had finished and y/n climbed into her car just as the rain started to pour. As she turned the key the car didn't start . "ohh come on" she groaned resting her head on the wheel as she tried several more times and nothing. She jumped out the car and started the long walk home, deciding on calling someone to fix it tomorrow . As she walked out the car park, a car pulled up beside her. It was a beat up old mustang and as the window rolled down she inwardly cried. John leaned out the window.

"miss y/l/n. Where's your car?" John asked with a weird tone in his voice. "it broke down. I'll call someone to fix it tomorrow" she said quickly as she pulled her jacket closer to shield herself from the rain. "I can give you a ride home. I mean you do live across the street" john laughed but y/n didn't. "um i'm fine really i ca…." john interrupted her "nonsense i am not letting you walk in this rain" y/n looked up “it's not really that bad I can walk “ and as if on cue the rain got heavier and thunderstruck. 'why do you hate me God' y/n thought. "sure. Fine" she said throwing her hands in the air and she walked to the other side of the car and climbed in.

As she got in the car she tried to sit back as far as she could in the car in an attempt to disappear but obviously luck was not on her side. "so what do you think of the college so far?" John asked as he began the drive back to their street. y/n looked out the window and replied “yhh i really like it actually. Everyone is so nice. '' John looked at her “good”

The rest of the car ride home was quiet only filled with the sound of raindrops hitting against the metal contraption that the pair sat in and soon enough john had pulled into his driveway.

“And we’re here” john smiled gently hitting his hands on the wheel.”thanks again John. I really appreciate it. I have to go. I've got a lot of work to do still” y/n climbed out the car and practically ran to her door. John stood in the driveway and watched as the girl entered her house. Even when she was out of view John still stood there watching in the pouring rain.

Eventually he made his way into his house, changed into comfy clothes and made a beeline to his chair where he continued to watch y/n. If only she knew that nets may work if it's light outside, but when it's dark out and the lights are on inside, it gives the world a perfect view. This had becomes Johns new favourite pastime. Watching the pretty girl across the street. John could see y/n walking up the stairs and go into her room where she began the routine of undressing and walking into the bathroom to shower. Its was John's favourite show really and knowing no one knew what he saw made him buzz with excitement. John had y/n routine memorised already. Come home, shower, tidy up, watch tv, eat and read. However this night the routine changed when there was a figure at her door. John stood up suddenly and watched as he saw y/n answer the door and suddenly smile. ‘Who was this? Why were they there? How dare they interrupt our time together!’ hundreds of questions and thoughts went through his head as he watched the two interact. As the mysterious figure came into the light, John felt the anger boil inside his chest once again and grabbed a glass from the table and threw it across the room smashing it against the wall.

The doorbell rang and y/n was confused. She never had visitors at this time or anytime honestly. She made her way to the door and opened it revealing a very wet Tom. “hi” he smiled “hi” she replied. “What are you doing her? Come in quickly before you catch pneumonia” she laughed dragging him in and taking his jacket to hang in the hall, the rain falling of it and creating a small puddle. The two walked into the living room and sat down. “Well, sometimes when it rains heavily the garden floods and i just wanted to check it was alright” tom scratched his neck and looked down. y/n laughed “ you're a terrible liar you know that right. What do you really want “ john looked down before looking her in the eyes again. “Well i wanted to actually ask you out. On a date. With me.” y/n smiled and walked forward placing a soft kiss on his cheek “i would love to. How about we watch a movie here? I have popcorn” tom nodded and the two began to make the preparations needed for the movie night to proceed. Soon enough the two were cuddled next to eachother as the film played, unbenounced to them that john was watching their every movement and planning to make things right once again.

Soon the pair were fast asleep, wrapped in a blanket to keep the cold air out and John saw his chance.

He slowly made his way over to the house and round the back to the patio doors where there was a clearer view of the couple on the sofa. The sight made john feel sick. She was his and his only. He grasped the handle with his gloved hand and it slid open. John walked in quietly making sure to close the door behind him. He looked around, the place just screamed y/n and he like it. All the little things she had collected throughout her life and all the pictures which held so many memories. John looked around carefully taking in every detail he could. He soon stopped when he heard a soft moan come from the pair. y/n moved in her sleep to get comfy again but didn’t wake up. John walked over to them quietly and looked over her sleeping form, bringing one of his fingers down to ghost over her body. Her hair was a mess over the pillow but somehow she still managed to look like one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. John could have stayed there looking at her forever but his mind was brought back to reality when his eyes scanned down to her waist. Tom’s hand hugged her waist as they slept and john's mission had become clear again. Pulling out a chloroform soaked cloth he held it over tom's face. There was no struggle as toms slumber was took even deeper and john was free to continue. John slowly and carefully picked tom up as if he weighed nothing and hoisted him over his shoulder making sure not to wake y/n up. slowly john mad his way back to the patio doors where he had come in and just like that john had disappeared into the darkness, taking y/ns chance at love with him. There was no trace that john was even there.

The morning sun beamed through the open curtains and the quiet morning was interrupted by the sound of y/n alarm, signalling her that it was time to wake up for college. Stretching, y/n sat up rubbing the sleep from her eyes. As the memories of last night flooded back to her causing her to smile like a child in a candy shop. She looked around the room and was confused as to why she was alone. "tom?" she called out and was met with silence. She stood up and looked around the house but he was nowhere to be found. A little bit of sadness crept into her chest as she put two and two together. Y/n was not dumb. She knew when she wasn't wanted and it wasn't the first time she had been left. " see this is why I don't bother having a love life. They Are never interested" she said angrily to herself and stormed upstairs to get dressed. From today she was going to focus on her work and nothing was going to stop her.

Tbc

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@homesoutofhuman

#john wick #john wick x you #john wick x reader #john wick imagine #keanu reeves x you #keanucharlesreeves #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves #imagine #fanfic #fantasy #Au #Obsession

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thejokersenigma · 7 years

Text

Joker x Reader - One Shot Request - No one disrespects the Queen.

Hi guys,

Some I' really excited for this piece of writing because it's my very first request! Thank you to whoever posted this for me to do by the way - I like writing for someone!

This was the request:

Could you perhaps write a oneshot fanfiction with Joker where the reader is badly anorexic? I know it's a touchy subject it's just I personally am struggling with it and feel unlovable. Most people tell me I'm a skeleton and look disgusting. If you are willing too I'd really like to read something like that as I adore your work and reading your fanfics makes me happy. If not it's understandable... Like where J realises she never eats and sees how deathly she looks and tries to help her?

First of all, I was more than happy to write this because I myself have been through anorexia and so I really wanted to cheer this anon up in anyway I could. With that in mind I do apologise if you can't relate to this fic very well, I'm sure everyone who has anorexia goes through things differently, but ive written it the way that I went through by using what I felt and what I experienced.

Other point to make, this is not exactly like what the request asked for as it focuses more on the lack of energy etc. side of it and more of just before help, not the help techniques. If you would like a one shot more on what you asked for feel free to let me know and I'd happily write it but I got caught up in this storyline in my head and didn't want to make it 10,000 words by putting in anymore than what ive done here.

But like i'd said, I'm happy to carry it on if that's something people are interested in.

Sorry about the really long blab above ^^^ I'll get on with the story now.

MASTERLIST

One-shot MASTERLIST

WARNING: TRIGGERING! Please do not read if anything about anorexia is in anyway way triggering!!!! You have been warned! Pls don't put yourself through pain to read this! xxxxxx

You've been warned!

When I looked at my phone, the clock read nearly 4:30am.

There was a dim light in the room, the summer sun already having risen. I could feel a presence behind me as I lay in bed, and a quick glance over my shoulder confirmed my suspicions – my boyfriend was home.

He hadn’t been 2 hours earlier when - yet again - I had woken up, but now I turned over to watch him, his green hair - usual so neatly styled – dishevelled and fanning out around him on his pillow, his pallor face peaceful, and, though the rings under his eyes still dark, the features on his face were softer somehow.

He was beautiful in his own way, I thought as I admired him lying there. To some people his appearance was terrifying, others found him almost intoxicating. I was one of those. His vibrant red lips, only a short distance away, were addictive and even now I wanted to reach out and trace them. His eyes, hidden though they were in the dark under his eyes lids, were a captivating blue that could pierce into you and I had to stop myself from waking him just to see them.

I didn’t get to do this often. Just be with him. He was always busy doing something, sometimes I wondered if he acknowledged my existence at all or if I was just a convenience, available when he needed me, but otherwise not there.

When we were together I still didn’t feel like we stopped to savour anything, he was always such an urgent person, he didn’t savour many things. So I liked times like this, even is he wasn’t really part of this. I felt like I could step back and just admire him.

As I revelled in his perfectness, I couldn’t help the thoughts now turning to how much I wasn’t perfect. How I was nothing like the man before me. Personality or beauty.

So why was I here?

Why was I the one lying next to him in this huge queen-sized bed in his penthouse?

Was I just a convenience?

I was always waiting for the day he didn’t bring me back here. Or the day he just turned a gun on me. You’d think I’d be scared that this was technically a possibility, but it was weird, I had never felt in danger with him. He clearly trusted me, I thought as I watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically, or else he wouldn’t put himself in such a vulnerable position with me.

But why?

There was nothing about me particularly enticing, nothing to draw someone in – I was a plain girl, untalented, chubby, ungraceful and nothing compared to what he could have.

The minute I once more turned my thoughts down this path, I could feel the invasive thoughts taking other once again, That’s right. The voice said to me, you need to be better. They were right and I was now painfully aware of how many hours I had been lying in the bed. I had to be better.

I rolled back over, sitting up and about to swing my legs over the edge when I felt a strong, muscular arm wrap around my waist and pull me backwards.

My head landed on the Joker’s solid chest and I heard the sleepy mumble close to my ear. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Can’t sleep.” I replied, pulling against his restraint. The voice in my head was louder now. Demanding. I needed to be on my feet now or else I was lazy. Failing.

I pulled against my restraint, almost violently, and J wasn’t expecting it so he released me. I moved back to the end of the bed, immediately pushing myself to my feet. I hugged my arms against myself, instantly freezing when I got out of the warm bed - even in the middle of July. I noticed movement behind me and I turned to see the Joker making a move to get out of bed as well.

“No J.” I told him, leaning over my side of the bed and placing my hand on his chest – immediately the invasive thoughts were back, battling with each. Was this bad? Am I using energy if I’m not supporting my full weight on my legs? But I’m using my arm muscles to keep myself up – so that’s alright – I’m just using different muscles. “You need to sleep.” I said, trying not to show the inner battle inside me.

“And so do you doll.” He retorted grumpily.

“I went to bed early.” I lied, watching him carefully, begging him in my mind to believe me. “J, I’m fine.” I insisted, “Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t me you shouldn’t.” He stared back at me, his eyes clear and penetrating even in the darkness of the room and I was worried he would see through my lie and put up a fight.

He dropped back down onto the bed without a word, turning over so he wasn’t facing me. That hurt a bit, but I was glad he was letting me go. I didn’t hang around, leaving him to get some rest as I walk out the room in silence, grabbing and jumper and then closing the door as quietly as possible behind me.

I wandered from room to room slowly as I pulled my hoody over my head – it was 2 sizes too big for me now.

I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I had all these extra hours now that I didn’t sleep as long, yet nothing to do with them.

I tried to remember what I used to do, but few things appealed to me anymore.

I remembered I used to read a lot, book after book – sometimes finishing a huge novel in a day if I got really into it. Now nothing seemed to hold my attention for long – it was too much effort to get invested in a book and pay attention to it.

I remembered once wanting to write. Now had no imagination, and no will to sit at a computer for hours at a time. Besides I couldn’t now - I would have to stand.

Instead I turned to one of the few activities that I found myself enjoying now – so much so it was what usually got me through the day – watching the cooking channel.

It sounded lame, but for some reason I loved it and found it fascinating. I made my way to the living room, switching on the TV, not surprised when it was already on the right channel (J didn’t watch much TV – he was too busy). And so I watched rerun after rerun of a cooking competition, enthralled in the concoctions and the food porn on the screen.

I didn’t sit on the expensive sofas that graced the high-end flat though, instead I stood, leaning on the back of the chair until I realised maybe I ought not to be leaning – the voice telling me that it wasn’t doing enough – and I reluctantly pushed myself up so that my leg supported my full weight, my feet already protesting.

No pain, no gain, I thought, shifting my weight from foot to foot to try to relieve the ache a bit. After a while I pulled out my phone and returned to my second favourite pastime – looking at websites for health tips, weight loss tricks and recipes.

I don’t know how long I stood there flicking through tabs and watching Jamie Oliver teach me to roast a Turkey just right (it was a Christmas special on in the middle of July) – probably at least an hour before I couldn’t ignore the pain in my feet anymore and I needed to move.

So I switched to the last thing in my repertoire of hobbies – cooking.

So the rest of the my very early morning was spent cooking up a breakfast for J and any henchman that had to stop by the flat for business.

The oven clock read 8am when I finally allowed myself to have my first meal of the day. (I was ready to eat at 7:56, but it had to be exactly 8 before I allowed myself anything – otherwise the voice told me I’d get too hungry too quickly). I prepped my food – an apple – cut into the thinnest slices I could manage so I felt like I was eating more – and weighed it – 50g = 26 calories. I typed this into my calorie counting app on my phone then proceeded to remove 10g from the scales and threw them into the bin - just to be safe that I wasn’t definitely eating no more than 26 calories.

When I had remeasured the food at least 2 more times to check it was definitely the number I had read I finally allowed myself to sit down on one of the kitchen stools and eat.

I ate away at the thin pieces of fruit, trying my best to eat slowly and make the most of the food, cursing to myself that I couldn’t have waited until later to eat. The problem with getting up early was I had to acknowledge the hunger earlier - if I managed to sleep later, I could eat later. That then meant that got hungry later and might even be able to skip lunch.

I suddenly felt a shiver wrack through my body even with my oversized jumper and thick pyjamas, and I yearned for a hot drink to warm me up a bit. I could smell the coffee beans that J had from the other side of the room. Even as I considered the temptation of making a cup I was doing the calculations in my head. I couldn’t afford the calories – all 2-9 of them (depending on who you asked) I always counted each cup as 18 calories because that was the highest result I had gotten when I had searched it and I couldn’t risk being wrong.

So instead I stood back up, my feet immediately sore again, and boiled the kettle, pouring myself a mug of hot water. This would do I thought as I sipped at the hot water. It felt wonderful.

My breakfast finished, and still no movement from J, I thought about what to do now. Today was my day off my usual work out – but that didn’t mean it was my day off exercise. I didn’t want to wake J up, but I needed to get out of my pyjamas so I dug around till I found the pile of laundry, clean but not ironed.

I changed in a bathroom down the hall, pulling a fleece over my goosebump riddled arms. I couldn’t believe it was July. Must be global warming or something.

I took the private elevator down to the ground floor and then headed across the large entrance way to the exit. I got a few weird looks on the way out of the building but most of the people around at this time of morning on a Tuesday were business men rushing to meetings and I was too self-conscious to keep much of my gaze higher than the floor immediately in front of me.

I said I would go for a walk. Told myself I would. But I knew I was really going for a run. The good thing about running was – besides the obvious calorie burning – I could run past people before I caught them staring at me.

I started running the minute I stepped onto the pavement. I ran and ran until I couldn’t anymore. Then I would slow to a walk for a few moments before I ran again. I continued this the whole run. I couldn’t run any less than the last time – it always had to be the exact same or more. If it was more – then I would have to meet that next time.

I ran for a good hour. 1:13 to be exact. I did a circuit so I ended up back at the suite.

It was only when I walked back into the pent house, still catching my breath, that I realised the door to the bedroom was open and, when I looked in, the bed was empty. J must have finally got up and probably now working – I wondered if he found the food I’d made him.

I moved to the bathroom, turning on the shower and undressing, having to pause for a moment when I felt a wave of light-headedness wash over me. I sat on the side of the large bath tub, soon letting myself slip off and sink to the tiled floor, my knees folded into my chest and my head in my hands as I tried to breathe evenly, momentarily terrified something bad was happening to me.

I kept breathing myself through it – maybe I’d been overdoing it recently? After a few moments, everything felt fine once more and I pushed myself wearily to my feet – the voice in my head only justifying that I could sit that long thanks to the run I had just done.

Standing upright made me feel woozy again but I persevered anyway, slipping into the shower and moving slowly until I felt a bit better – though it was probably the speed I always moved. Everything I did was now was slow. But everyone had days like that right? When you didn’t have the energy or motivation to move any faster than one slow pace. That was just life – I just happen to do it a lot lately – but was it really slow after all – was I just being silly?

As I stood pondering this I felt cold arms wrap my stomach. I flinched at the contact on an area I felt sensitive about, gasping in surprise, at jumping at the cold touch. “Jeez, doll, this water is boiling.” I spun around to come face to face with the Joker still fully clothed, behind me.

“What are you doing?” I asked in disbelief looking at his shirt which hung open as though he had been in the middle of getting dressed, the water now soaking into the sleeves.

“Trying to see if my little kitten wanted to get hot in a different way then pouring lava on her skin.” He growled teasingly with a wide grin on his face, his hands trailing over my skin and making me goose bump in a non-sexual way. I couldn’t help but shiver against him.

“Ooo doll, do that again.” The Joker purred, pulling me closer so I was pressed against his muscular chest, his cold skin against mine seeming to pull the heat from my body.

“No, J.” I said almost harshly, pushing away from him and stepping back under the powerful shower, hugging my arms to myself and embracing the heat that washed over me.

“Excuse me, doll?” Asked J incredulously, his grin dropping and his eyes becoming dark – like they did when anyone refused him something. But I trusted him to control himself around me.

“I’m sorry J,” I apologised none the less - I didn’t like disappointing him. “I’m just not in the mood.”

He grumbled something indistinctly, his eyes still dangerous, and left in a huff. I was left standing alone in the shower, even colder than before.

We didn’t really clash for the rest of the day – mostly, I believed, because J did his usual of shutting himself away in the office all day as he carried out his business.

Our relative peace only lasted till that evening however, when J asked invited me to go with him to the club for the evening.

“No thanks, J.” I said, giving my familiar answer as I lounged on the sofa (my first sit down in over 2 hours).

He frowned, his eyes darkening immediately again, not that I noticed – I wasn’t looking at him. He didn’t say anything in reply but he didn’t move either. I had expected him to get his answer and leave – maybe in a huff, but I didn’t have the energy to care. When he didn’t however I turned my head to look at him, frowning at him in question.

“It wasn’t a request this time, doll.” He growled at me in warning.

I was shocked by what he was saying, was he forcing me to go out? “I don’t want to go, J.” I told him calmly, but with a sternness to it.

“I don’t care what you want, doll.” He purred dangerously.

“You can’t force me to go out with you.” I told him, but my voice faltered slightly under his gaze and I knew I could feeling my pulse under my skin. He was starting to scare me.

“Kitten,” He warned, “you’re pushing me and I’m not sure you want to.” There was no smile on his face, his lips a dark red and pressed into a thin line, his eyes looked fierce.

I was frightened now, J hadn’t been like this with me before. Had I pissed him off? I was always worried because of my low mood that I was being moody or annoying to people, but I couldn’t never seem to do anything about.

Now I was stuck in my own mind. I hated that I was letting J down by not wanting to go with him, but I was tired – physically and mentally exhausted. The voice seemed confused too. If I went to the club then I the movement was burning more calories than staying here. But I hated the feeling of exhaustion I got when I was out in public and the fact I would have to make it through the whole night trying to look alive, whilst also coming up with a new reason why I couldn’t have one of the club’s cocktails. J had already asked me several times if I was pregnant. I wasn’t willing to say yes to that to get out of a drink – not yet anyway.

But I hadn’t been to the club in over a month now. J went nearly every night to one or another of his businesses.

I didn’t know what to say to J now. He was still frightening me and I was scared to push him further and unsure what I could say to placate him. All that was running through my head at the moment was the same lame excuses as to why I didn’t want to go – I’m too tired, I don’t even drink, you don’t need me there, it’s not like I’ll do anything but sit and wait for you to finish anyway. I knew J didn’t care about my excuses.

I couldn't meet his eyes anymore, keeping my gaze down. He couldn't stop glaring darkly at me and - if I looked at him now - I was sure I would see the anger darkening his eyes to a stormy blue.

When the silence between us became too much, and I had to look up at him just to try to gage what he was feeling, it was worse than I thought. I was worried what I was seeing was not truly anger, but hurt, as though he was in some sort of pain.

That sight burned me, broke me, and I had to look away, concentrating back onto the thick carpet under my socks, tracing the pattern with my eyes.

“I’m sorry, J” I mumbled at the floor.

“You’re sorry?” He whined, mimicking me cruelly. “You’re sorry?" he asked again. “Your apologies are like cheesy pop songs doll, they just keep playing till people are sick of them!” He sneered.

I didn't know what to say to that - clearly an apology wouldn't be right - so I continued to stare at the floor. It was comfier like this. I liked the fact my neck hung loose, no energy needed to hold it up. I liked the fact I was collapsed on the sofa, all day I wished I could have done it.

“Look at you.” he snarled venomously, gesturing to me as I sat - probably looking like a rejected puppet collapsed against the arm of the sofa and lost amongst the many layers of baggy jumpers and hoodies I wore, "pathetic."

"You’re weak.” He spat, “No spark, no flare, no energy. What is the use of you anymore?" he demanded.

I shook my head at the carpet, each word stabbing and shooting through me like he was firing the weapons I knew were in his pockets. What was the point in me? What was my use anymore? I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and I tried to hold back the tide that now threatened to overwhelm me, covering my face with my hands as if somehow that might help to hold it all back.

“Pathetic.” He snarled again before he spun around and stormed out of the room, leaving me curled into the sofa, no longer able to hold back the emotions. I let out one hiccupping sob and then everything poured out until I was blubbering into the expensive sofa arm.

It wasn’t long before I heard the roar of an engine and the screech of wheel that told me the Joker had left and a new, more intense wave washed over until I was gripping fists of my hair and pulling in misery and frustration.

In a moment of mental clarity, I had a thought.

What was happening to me?

I went to bed early that night, unable to concentrate on anything but on low I was feeling. How nothing was right. How I was starving and wanted food. How I was in pain and hated my workouts, dreaded them every day. How I hated that I hurt people around me – especially J. I didn’t blame him for going off on me, everything he said had been true. I was weak, I was pathetic.

With all these things replaying in my head I slept fitfully that night – never seeming to manage for than 30 minutes before I was awoken by my own mind.

That was why - when the Joker finally returned to the suite at 4am the following morning - I was lying awake. Hungry, thirsty, depressed and stressed, yet too exhausted to anything about any of these things, I just lay staring up at the ceiling in the dark.

When I heard the front door open I knew it would have to be him – security was tight around here, very tight. Not even a henchman was allowed up here if he wasn’t here. None the less I panicked and my every sense focused on his movements through the pent house as I tried to detect when he was getting close to the room.

After a few long agonising minutes, the hallway light was switched on illuminating the outline of the door directly in front of me. I heard the door open and one crack of light enlarged as the bedroom door opened to reveal J’s dark shadow in the doorway. I blinked at the sudden brightness that filled the room.

The silence between us stretched on. I didn’t move and neither did J.

I could have pretended to sleep. Delayed the conversation, maybe even removed the chance to have it.

But I was tired, achy, depressed and starving.

“Help me.” I whimpered into the dark.

I thought the shadow would leave me then. Turn and walk away from the pitiful girl lying on the bed, unable to find anything within her to even sit up. All I do was wait for the shadow to leave the doorway and for the sound of receding footsteps.

But they didn’t.

The shadow moved, but not away. It came into the room, his steps softened by the thick carpet underfoot. I closed my eyes, no longer sure I wanted to do this now.

The next thing I knew I was being scooped up by strong arms and pulling me upright with very little effort until I was cradled in his arms. His chest was hard and cold, but I found it comforting and solid.

“I thought you would have left.” He murmured so quietly I almost couldn’t hear.

I shook my head – hard as it was to do when I was pressed so tightly to his chest.

“The one time, kitten, that the I’m glad you’re not like you use to be.” He said, and I pulled my head up to look him in the eyes, frowning with confusion.

“The old you would never had let me get away with the shit I said to you, doll. You would have up and left whilst preaching about some right you had or something.” He chuckled quietly to himself. I just cuddled back into his solid chest, showing him in my own silent way that I had no intention to leave. His arms tightened around me even more.

We stayed like that in silence for a while, happy to be in each-others company. It was what I had always wanted between us – for him to slow down for a moment, and I guess I needed to as well. It was a rare kind of sincerity with the Joker.

“I just want to be perfect for you J.” I finally admitted, lifting my head slightly so I could speak.

He didn’t say anything and I wondered if he heard me. I buried once more, embarrassed for confessing something so personal when he didn’t even care to listen.

“You think I would waste my time on someone who wasn’t already perfect?” He asked, and I felt the vibration of his voice through his chest, it comforted me.

I pulled myself away from him again so I could look up at his face, “But your always around all those pretty girls at the club – I’m nothing like them.” I pointed out.

“You don’t think I know that, doll?” He demanded with a frown and I let my head drop – he was annoyed that I wasn’t like them then. “I’m glad you’re not, doll. I’ve been around those sorts of girls for a very long time and none of them have ever come home with me.” He told me, “The first night I saw you I made sure you did.” There was a another pause of silence, both of us lost in our own minds. “That was a long time ago though.” J reminisced, “A time when you looked very different.”

“But why - ?” I pressed, confused by what he was saying – it didn’t make sense to me.

“Because doll, I chose you for more than you’re looks – which I hasten to add are more than adequate!” He said hotly, as though annoyed at my continual denial of this, “And I’ll be sure to correct you when you say otherwise.” He added. “But doll, the first thing I saw with you wasn’t your killer dress or your murderous curves,” He purred teasingly, running his hands up my body as he still held me upright and I squirmed under his touch, uncharacteristically trying to hold back giggles, “it was your personality, your humour, your energy. All of which you are now severely lacking in, kitten.” He pointed out.

At least words any happiness I had built being with him crumbled. “I’m a failure.” I blubbered, feeling myself close to sobbing again.

“You’re not a failure doll,” J said, almost softly, though there was firmness to his voice, “I’m afraid you’re just sane.” He said solemnly, “It’s a terrible disease that grips you – it makes you care too much, it makes you gullible, it makes you greedy for something better and never content to revel in the present.” He rattled off passionately. He switched his arm placement around me so he supported me with only one arm, the other he brought up to my face and tenderly wiped away the tears on my cheeks, “It’s a terrible disease,” He repeated, “It always makes you look for the reason to cry, not to laugh.” He added with a sad smile that I could just make out in the poor lighting.

I gave him a weak smile in return, probably looking a state even in the darkness, and my smile dropped again at the thought. J must have noticed because he moved his hand from my cheek to my chin, tilting my face up so I looked at him in the eye. “That why I’m here though, doll.” He said with a small smile, “I’m the opposite of you, you’re my sanity doll, and I’m your crazy.” He purred lowly, tilting my face more and pulling me up as he leant down and he kissed me.

“I’ll help you.” He promised, “No one disrespects my Queen, especially not the Queen herself.”

tags: @carouselcurls

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yandereshit · 7 years

Text

Saeran Choi: Memorized.

Number of words: 5,032 kill me please Saeran Choi x Reader Enjoy or at least try to

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

“Hey, are you feeling hot? The temperature is hot! Wait a moment, there’s an ice cream truck over there, I will bring us some!”

“Whatever you wish, princess.”

The girl beamed happily, untangling her hand from his fingers. In a blink of an eye, she was already running in the truck’s direction.

He suddenly heard tires’ squeal and his head instantly turned towards the racing car. The girl froze in her spot.

The instinct was faster than his thoughts.

His only purpose was to push her out of the road. Everything happened so quickly that he didn’t even manage to acknowledge his own action.

The whole scene lasted a mere few seconds.

And then everything went black.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

“[Name]... [Name]. Calm down, [Name].” Saeyoung grabbed your wrist and turned you towards him. His hands were on your cheeks now, making you look at him. Your face was covered with tears and you couldn’t even breathe properly at this point.

“Saeyoung, it’s... This... is my fault... T-this is my fucking fault, h-he’s... W-what if he...”

“Please, calm down, [Name].” You tried to move away from him, but he held you in place, his eyes staring deep into yours. He was as terrified as you now, but you panicking was pretty much enough for the two of you and so he forced himself to stay as calm as possible. “[Name], breathe.”

He kept repeating your name over and over unless you finally gave up. The tears started streaming down your cheeks and you sobbed helplessly, finding little comfort in the boy’s embrace.

Your heart was clenching in your chest and you felt as if the whole world just collapsed onto you. Your mind was filled with dark thoughts and never in your life had you felt you so scared.

The door of the operating room suddenly opened and your head instantly turned towards the doctor that went out. He was clearly tired and his coat was stained with blood. The view made you feel sick.

He went closer to you two, taking off his gloves and wiping the sweat from his forehead.

“Are you his family...?”

“I’m his brother” Saeyoung stated right away. You couldn’t help but peeked towards the operating room, but the door automatically closed and you couldn’t see anything.

“He’s lost a lot of blood, but it wasn’t critical... His ribs are broken and there was a danger they’d pierce his lungs, but fortunately it didn’t happen. His head though... He has a TBI, we’re not sure how serious it is yet, so...” He sighed softly, looking at you. He smiled weakly, probably trying to comfort you. “His life is not in danger right now, but he’s still uncounscious. We moved him to another ward and he’s under constant watch, but for for the next few days we can’t let any guests in, he needs to rest...”

“We’re his family” Saeyoung suddenly stated. “I understand we can’t see him now, but tomorrow...”

The doctor sighed.

“Only a few minutes for the closest family, but that’s all I can offer.”

“But her...”

“Only the closest family. Excuse me now.” He bowed politely and left, not saying anything else.

For the next few minutes, there was that painful silence. You couldn’t blame Saeyoung for being able to see his brother, but there was nothing more painful right now than the fact you couldn’t see him as well. Even if he probably wouldn’t be able to talk, to see you...

It hurt.

And the guilt hurt even more.

Yet you couldn’t do anything but wait.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

The first day, you’ve spent trying to calm down and distract yourself. Saeyoung would never leave your side, offering everything you’d need. It helped you feel better, but at the same time... you felt bad because you were the cause of all that and yet he was comforting you. You - the person who was responsible for his beloved brother’s injury. It felt just so wrong.

The second day, Saeyoung went to the hospital. You insisted on going with him and at least waiting in front of the building till he finished the visit, but he told you it’ll be better if you stay at home and take a nap till he comes back and tells you how is Saeran doing.

Later, you heard that he hadn’t regained his counsciousness yet and Saeyoung could only stay for a few minutes, so he didn’t find out much. He didn’t say anything more.

The third day was worse than the previous. You didn’t go out of bed for hours and even refused to eat. You knew that Saeran should wake up soon and that with every passing day the chance of him actually waking up is lower. The doctors told you to just wait. But what if there was no point in waiting anymore...?

The fourth day, Saeyoung went to the hospital again. This time, he let you join him and you waited patiently in the main hall. You were still nervous.

But the eleventh day, everything inside you broke again.

The doctors explained that there was something unclear with the results and, just in case, they decided to put him into an induced coma, so that he won’t wake up untill they find out what’s going on.

But it was already ten days and your hope was already slipping away. For Saeyoung it wasn’t any easier. Yet he was strong, trying to carry on doing his work and taking care of you. You were the weak one, the one who couldn’t put everything together and who was a wrecked mess. A wrecked mess slowly slipping into depression.

For the time being, no one let you even enter the room. For a few days, even Saeyoung was forbidden from doing so. Only after the doctors made sure the results are fine, he could have his few minutes.

“Saeran, hi...” he said awkwardly, as every single time before. His voice was quiet, as if he was actually afraid of waking the boy up. He still hadn’t woken up. “It’s been... a long time since we’ve seen and...” He sighed deeply. “You can’t imagine how much we miss you... It’s hard for me, but [Name]... she’s... uh, it’s too much for her. So please, Saeran...” His eyes watered and he covered his face with his hands. “Please, wake up...”

And right then, something changed. A slight motion, but he could sense it. He raised his head in an instant, watching and praying so that was not an illusion.

A few minutes passed and the next movement - he was sure now - happened for real. His fingers really moved.

“Saeran...?” he said quietly and his brother’s face twitched.

He ran to the door and told a nurse what just happened, then came back to the bed.

“Can you hear me...?” he asked, touching gently the boy’s shoulder.

He moved. He really did!

The nurse stormed into the room with a doctor right behind her.

“Are you his brother?” the doctor asked and Saeyoung nodded. “Good. We will need you to help him, but since he’s waking up now, he needs a few hours to recover. Please, come back tomorrow.”

“O-okay. But...” he hesitated a bit. “Can I bring someone with me? It’s his girlfriend, I think she could help...”

“Sure, why not.”

As soon as Saeyoung told you the news, you started crying. So many tears have you let out the past two weeks, but those weren’t the bad ones. You felt a blissful relief and - at the same time - couldn’t believe it was true. You almost sunk too deep for anyone to reach you, but it was like a sun ray in a dark cave. It was enough to help you find a way out.

All you wanted to do was to go straight away and see it with your own eyes, but as far as you’ve already gone, you agreed to wait.

That night you couldn’t sleep, nervousness eating you from inside, excitement even stronger at this point.

And finally, the morning came.

You calmed down your breath, trying to look stable. Saeyoung placed his hand on your shoulder, smiling calmly. The doctor just talked to you, telling you how to behave. And that they still aren’t sure how much the damage did to his psyche - and so, you should be careful and understanding so that he doesn’t feel any pressure.

“Ready?” Saeyoung smiled at you. You wanted to smile back, but right now you still felt like a mess.

The door opened and you two went inside.

The creaking of the door made the boy laying on the bed stir slightly. He was staring at the window when you entered, but now he looked at you, frowning slightly.

He was pale, his head still in some bandages. An IV was connected to his arm, just like some other beeping devices you’ve seen in TV a few times.

He looked at you, then at his brother.

Saeyoung smiled softly.

“How are you feeling...?”

The boy opened his mouth, but for a few seconds he couldn’t let out a single word, his throat dry and the voice - hoarse.

“Sae... young...” he mumbled and the frown deepened. You felt your heart clench at his pained expression, but what happened next, was way worse.

You felt the redhead’s hand tighten on your shoulder.

“Who... is she...?”

Saeyoung’s eyes widened.

Was there any good way to describe how you felt?

Doubtfully. For some reason, the sudden pain in your stomach was way worse than the one you felt when you weren’t sure if Saeran will even live.

It was awful. You instantly found yourself wanting to vomit, or to run away, as far as possible.

What could you do...?

You’ve suddenly felt so lost. As if you shouldn’t be here.

Saeyoung was here, he could help his brother, but you... There was no place for you. You were a stranger now.

All those thoughts stormed through your head in a mere few seconds.

You gulped down your pain.

“I... I will wait outside” you stuttered and stormed out.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

“[Name]?”

You raised your eyes. In the mirror, you could see Saeyoung’s reflexion. He was standing behind your still trembling form right after you splashed cold water onto your face.

“I think you shouldn’t go into ladies’ room” you laughed, but there was nothing funny in your expression.

“How are you...” Saeyoung started, but he quickly hesitated, realizing that the question is stupid anyway. It was obvious that you felt terrible.

You sighed softly, lowering your head and staring at the sink.

“How is... he feeling?” you asked instead, trying to at least control your voice.

“He’s... good. As good as it’s possible in his state...”

You nodded slowly.

“You... will have to take care of him now.” Your voice was quiet and weak.

Saeyoung grabbed your shoulder, making you turn around and look at him.

“We will have to.”

“I don’t think he’d want a stranger to help him...”

“You’re not a stranger. It’s...” The boy sighed and shook his head. “The doctor said he needs some time, and his memory... The last thing he remembers is when we were young. He’s lost a few years of memories. But...”

“But...?”

“...” He hesitated. “He doesn’t remember Mint Eye, nor Rika and V. As long as he doesn’t remember that everything, there’s a chance that... recalling anything related should easily trigger the rest of his memories. So the chance that he will recover is really high...”

“...and even bigger if I’m by his side. But if he regains that everything, he will...” You shook your head. “He won’t be as happy as he could be if it all never happened” you realized.

“[Name]...”

“Maybe it’s better this way...?”

“You know it’s not true...”

“I know what you two went through, but the worst started when you had to leave him... Now you can live as if it never happened, don’t you want it...?”

“If only I could, I would change the past. But the past hasn’t changed. Those things happened and we can’t pretend they did not. Making Saeran believe it would be only a comfortable lie. And if he could choose, I’m sure he’d never want to forget you.”

You looked down, feeling ashamed now. There was truth in Saeyoung’s words and yet, wanting to get Saeran’s memory back sounded like a pointless hope. It was good enough that he lived, how could you expect anything more...?

“[Name]. Let’s go back home now, okay?”

You nodded without a word. The boy gently took your hand and leaded out of the hospital. There was nothing more you could do today.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

“Ready?”

Saeyoung smiled, patting your back.

A few days passed and here you were, back in the hospital. You felt almost like the first day when you could come, except for this time, you were less scared, only kind of more nervous, because you didn’t want to accidentally say anything inappropriate.

You were told that you ought to be patient. You knew that any sudden news wouldn’t help a person with amnesia.

“No, but let’s go” you sighed.

You were slowly becoming accustomed to the fact that there was still a long way to go. It wasn’t going to be funny. It probably was going to be even worse than after the whole Mint Eye case and if Saeran somehow regained only a part of his memories, there was a possibility that they’d have to go through the whole rehab from the beginning.

Yet there you were. Ready to do literally anything to help him.

Saeyoung looked at you once more, then nodded and opened the door.

“Hello, brother~” he beamed. Saeran - as before - kept staring at the window. When you two entered, he turned his head right away, looking at him. You gulped, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

“Hi...” He moved his gaze to have a better look on your silhoulette.. “Oh, it’s... you.”

You raised your head, looking back at him. You knew the face he made, he was a bit confused, but curious. It seemed to be a good moment to at least start a talk...

“[Name]” you said quietly. “I’m [Name].” You smiled softly.

Saeran nodded slowly, but the name sounded unfamiliar to him.

“I guess I should remember you...” he said slowly. “The doctors said I’ve lost a bit of... my past... You came here with my brother, so... w-were we close...?”

Your heart clenched in your chest. The gentle smile he made was as uncomfortable and artificial as your own. Was it possible for you two to feel the same at this moment?

“A-a bit...” you stuttered. Saeyoung laid his hand on your shoulder in a reassuring manner.

“She’s our friend” he stated happily.

“We... do have friends...?”

“Yeah, a few” Saeyoung shrugged. “A lot happened. You’ll find out soon.”

An idea suddenly popped in your head.

“Hey, how about I bring some ice cream?” you offered, smiling as cheerfully as you could. “It’s hot here, wait a few minutes, I will be right back!” You almost managed to ran to the door, when...

“NO!”

You stopped instantly and turned around.

Saeran’s hand was in the air, reaching to you. His face suddenly covered in sweat.

“W-what, why not...?” You frowned.

“You... can’t go.”

“But why...?”

“It’s dangerous, you will...” He hesitated and let his hand drop onto his lap. You could tell, he was scared and yet, he didn’t know why. “I’m... sorry, I... don’t know, what happened...”

But you already knew. Something clicked. His couldn’t recall it yet, but he knew that there was something.

“Okay.” You smiled softly and came closer. “I will stay.”

He nodded, calming down a bit. Saeyoung observed you two in silence for a moment.

“I will go then” he grinned. “You’re right, it’s really hot!”

You stared at him in shock as he just left, not waiting for anyone’s approval.

That’s how you two were left alone.

You stirred uncomfortably and sat down on a chair next to the bed. For a moment, you avoided his stare, but eventually gave up as he spoke.

“You know why I reacted like this, don’t you?”

Clever boy, you huffed. It was kind of embarrassing to tell him right now, but it couldn’t be helped.

“You could say that... I’m the reason it happened to you” you admitted, feeling your stomach turn from the words spoken. Your nervousness kicked in, once again drowning you in guilt.

“Is that... so?” He tilted his head to the side. “I can’t believe that. Tell me what happened, please.”

Well, you never knew Saeran is able to say ‘please’ without either stuttering and blushing or looking like a mad psychopath. He looked surprisingly stable right now.

“It’s... We were on a walk and it was pretty hot... so I told you that I’d go get some ice cream since... you always liked ice cream” you smirked, recalling the moment. “B-but... I wasn’t too wary and a car would hit me...” you looked up at him “...if it wasn’t you who pushed me away.”

Saeran stared at you and you could swear that it lasted forever. As soon as the words were said, you instantly calmed down. He knew. Whatever was to happen now, you finally let it out.

“I’m sorry” He said suddenly and your eyes widened. Was he sorry for...? “I’m sorry that I don’t remember you. You’re important to me, right? I feel so stupid now...”

The door opened and a nurse stepped in.

“I’m sorry, but the visits are over for today. We need to take care of the patient. Please, come back tomorrow.”

You nodded and stood up.

“Good bye, Saeran...” you said and left. You could still feel his eyes on your back, until the door closed behind you.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

“Are you sure he’s fine now?”

“Well, we can’t help him anymore” the doctor stated, smiling slightly. “His family is the only one who can help him recover. He still has to take the medicine, so don’t forget to make sure he does... For some reason, he’s really unwilling to take anything, we almost had to force him to take it... Well, anyway, he will need to be examined once a while so let us know if anything peculiar happens. He still may have some headaches and will need to rest a lot, bu if he happens to faint, make sure to put him to bed. And if it happens more often, bring him back here. Okay?”

Saeyoung listened, trying to memorize every single remark. He almost couldn’t believe it was over five weeks now. Saeran’s ribs were almost completely healed by now, but his brain was, after all, damaged. The memory wouldn’t come back, it only striked once a while, just like when he didn’t want to take the medicine, even if he wasn’t exactly sure, why.

He walked back into the room and spotted no one but you helping Saeran change.

“Is that really mine...?” The boy asked doubtfully, staring at his leather jacket.

You smirked, a bit amused by his frown.

“I guess you didn’t like it, but you don’t have anything else and it’s already getting cold outside, so you have no choice.”

“It doesn’t even match my hair...”

“It would if you dyed it back to white.”

“...I had white hair?”

“Didn’t you notice? I cut them a few days ago as it were too long. Didn’t you see it was white?”

“Didn’t watch.”

“Guessed so...”

“W-wait, w-what is it?” he stuttered, looking at the other thing in your hand.

You raised the thing, staring at it for a while.

“It must have been tangled with the jacket. I figured you wouldn’t want to wear it now, I brought it by accident.”

“It’s a fucking collar!”

“Well, you used to wear it before.”

“Am I a dog or something...?”

“Wouldn’t complain if you were.”

“N-nasty” he muttered, looking away.

You stared at him for a moment.

“Are you sure you don’t want to put it on? It could... remind you of something...”

“I don’t want to.”

“Okay. I will wear it then.”

“W-what...”

You smirked playfully, wrapping the choker around your neck and connecting the ends. It was a bit loose, falling almost to your collarbones, as the previous owner was obviously better built at this point.

Saeran stared at you, his cheeks tainting light pink as you smiled widely.

“Does it suit me?”

“...Take it off.”

You pouted and did as said, throwing the choker into your bag so that it wouldn’t get lost.

“I think it looked meowous on you, [Name]” Saeyoung said, patting your back.

“Meow your own business, Saeyoung” you mumbled, a bit embarrassed now.

“Ya ready, brother~?”

Saeran nodded.

“Let’s go.”

Saeyoung’s place was - for Saeran - something completely unfamiliar. No memories appeared when you three entered the house, everything seemed to be new. You really hoped he’d at least instinctively recall where which room is, but it didn’t happen, you had to explain everything from the beginning.

“That’s my room...?” he asked.

You smiled sheepishly. It used to be your room too.

“Yeah. Do you like it?”

“Not bad, I guess.”

“It... changed a bit after the accident, so... I guess you could really not recall it as it is now.” Were you trying to comfort him? Or were you trying to comfort yourself...?

“Why was it different?”

“...”

“Hey, the dinner is ready!” Saeyoung’s voice reached you and you turned around, almost running to the kitchen. All to not have to explain it.

You mentally slapped yourself. It was getting harder and harder to pretend that you two were only friends. It’s been almost three weeks since he met you for the ‘first time’. It was visible that he quickly became more comfortable in your presence and it wasn’t even that difficult to act like this. But...

You didn’t want to lie to him. And Saeyoung also was aware you couldn’t push it like this forever.

But... what if he actually rejected you? Telling him that you were his girlfriend was almost like a confession. What if he didn’t even like you now...? Without all his memories, the bond between you two didn’t exist. Right now, he knew only as much as he found out through those three weeks. Nothing more.

He didn’t feel anything towards you. It’s possible that he wouldn’t even simply believe that you two used to be that close.

Just like everyone said - you had to wait.

It was the third day. Saeran woke up early with a headache. Sleeping in the room next to his, you could hear him wriggling in the bedsheets. The noise woke you up and you stood up dizzily. You didn’t sleep well lately and so, being woken up after a mere few hours of bad dreams wasn’t the best way to make you fully conscious.

You knocked to his door.

“Saeran, are you okay...?”

A muffled whine raeched your ears and you decided to enter.

He was curled in the sheets, covered in sweat. He wasn’t sleeping, but his body shook as his hands reached his ears, covering them as if he was trying to avoid some annoying noise.

“Saeran...?” You came closer carefully, not wanting to startle him. “Saeran, what’s wrong...?”

He turned his head, looking at you. He was panting heavily and you could see tears in his eyes.

“Your head... hurts again?” you asked and he nodded. “Wait a moment, I will bring the pills.”

You rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the medicine the doctor gave you. Along with a cup of water, you came back to Saeran’s room.

He was sitting now, arms wrapped around his legs and face buried in his knees.

You sat on the edge of the bed.

“I brought the pills. How are you feeling?”

He shrugged, not saying anything. You only sighed.

“The doctor said you need to take them, it’s not only about the headache, so...”

“I won’t take them.”

“Huh...?” You frowned. “Saeran...”

“Get out.”

Your eyes widened slightly, but you didn’t move.

“Saeran, you need to...”

“I said get out!” he glared at you. “I won’t take any pills so get the fuck out of my sight.”

You flinched, but weren’t going to give up.

“At least drink some water, you’ll feel bet-”

“Are you dumb or something?!”

You shivered at the tone of his voice. It was unpleasant. You knew this tone very well. For the past few months you really thought you’d never get to hear it again...

“Saeran, please, calm down...”

“Stop fucking saying my name!” You didn’t move. You were paralyzed by fear. Pills still in your hand, the cup in the other. The water quivered as your body trembled suddenly. “I don’t want to hear it... It’s terrible...”

“What...?” You were utterly confused.

“It sounds almost like his... It’s all his fault”

Your eyes widened.

“Y-you mean S-Saeyoung...?”

“DON’T EVEN FUCKING MENTION HIS NAME!”

You didn’t even see it coming. Your vision went black for a few seconds as a sudden impact threw you back. The cup broke on the floor next to you as you dropped it, but it was the least important thing right now.

You landed on the floor and for a few seconds were too stunned to even know what happened.

And when you realized that Saeran just hit you, you looked up at him. He stood up and was going towards you. You instantly curled up on the floor, burying your face in your hands. As much as you wanted to stay calm, you couldn’t help but panicked. You knew way too well how bad it may end...

You completely didn’t know what to do though. Your cheek was throbbing in pain. You closed your eyes tightly, preparing yourself for anything that would come next.

“...”

He was standing in front of you. You could sense it, he was so close. You could almost hear his rapid breath, but he didn’t say a word.

Instead, after a moment, he backed away. You curiously uncovered your eyes.

He looked so scared now...

“Why... did I do this...?” he asked, his eyes watering up. He tripped over the edge of the bed and fell onto the mattress. The surrounding him aura changed in a second. There was no rage anymore, no hate. Only fear. “I can’t... I can’t recall this but... W-what’s wrong with me...” He hid his face in his hands, his shoulders trembling.

You carefully stood up, unsure what to do. Everything told you to go and comfort him. But you couldn’t ignore the fact that he could snap again any moment...

Damn, why isn’t Saeyoung here? He would for sure know what to do...

You came closer, recalling all the things you had to bear with during his previous rehab. You knew not to touch him unless he lets you, but at the same time, you couldn’t let him feel alone. What’s the most important, you had to be careful. Not only for him, but for yourself.

“Don’t... come closer” he whispered, obviously sensing your presence.

“Why not...?”

“I will... hurt you.”

“Do you want to hurt me...?”

“No...” His voice creaked.

“So just don’t do this.” You carefully sat next to him and wiped the blood from your cheek.

“I don’t understand... He’s my brother, he’s always been with me... Why do I hate him now...?”

You sighed quietly.

“A lot of... bad things happened. I guess that... until you recall everything, you may feel this way...”

“Did he... leave me? Please, tell me what happened, I need to know...”

He looked at you with teary eyes. You’ve never heard so much despair in his voice. And you felt that you shouldn’t tell him about it yet, which meant that you were torn apart... and it hurt. You didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t think I'm the right person to tell you about this...”

“But you’re the only person I trust now... I’m...” His eyes widened, as he seemed to suddenly realize what he did just mere moments ago. “I-I’m sorry, your face...”

“D-does it look that bad?” you panicked a bit, looking around to find a mirror.

“W-well...”

You sighed, smiling softly at his confused frown.

“Hey, I literally owe you my life. If some wounds will be a result of helping you out, let’s say I’m fine with it.”

And he smiled back. You almost sighed with relief. The smile was slight and weak, but calm. You could feel your heart warm up at this sight. It was okay now.

“You said...” He suddenly seemed to recall something. “When it happened, you said we were on a walk... Did you mean that...” He cleared his throat, looking away awkwardly “...that we were on a date...?”

Your face instantly heatened up. But there was no point in hiding it anymore.

“...M-maybe...?”

“...” He shyly looked at you again. “S-so we... were t-that close...”

“W-well...”

“It must have been terrible for you...” he said quietly, looking down. “Sorry for not realizing it sooner...”

You shrugged slightly.

“It’s not your fault...”

“You think?” He closed his eyes tiredly. “It’s so frustrating...”

You suddenly glanced at the window. It was already morning.

“We should go back to sleep. Espacially you. Does your head still hurt?”

He shook his head.

“No, it’s okay now.” He hesitated a bit, his eyes never looking away from yours. “You’re right. We should go back to sleep.”

You wanted to stand up, but he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you down onto the mattress.

“...?!”

“Good night” he mumbled, already closing his eyes.

“W-wait, but...”

“What? Can’t I even sleep with my girlfriend?” His eyebrow wiggled and you couldn’t help but blush madly. Was he even serious now...?

“...”

“Sleep well, princess.”

Your eyes widened and heart beat faster.

Princess.

You smiled softly.

“Sleep well, my edgeboy.”

“... How the fuck did you just call me...?”

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

I’ve decided to cut it here. It’s already long as hell and I’m not even sure how many of you reached the damn end;; I realized that anything that would happen later, wouldn’t be as important as what I’ve already described and it would kind of kill the tension.

And uh... Please, any feedback will be appreciated. It was the longest english thing I’ve ever written so I really need to know what should I work on.

I figured that angst isn’t the best birthday gift but we all love angst don’t we?

#saeran #choi #saeyoung #unknown #mint #eye #angst #fanfic #ff #mystic #messenger #mysme #mm #rfa #fanfiction #fandom #xreader #mc

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jungksbih · 7 years

Text

First Dates I

this is my first fic on here! Feel free to read n enjoy!

genre: comedy/angst/light smut? idk, etc

pairing: johnny x reader

word count: 2345

Parts: I II III IV V

Your breath hitched at the sensation that you felt for the first time. The faint hum of the device rang loudly in your ears causing your senses to heighten and your cheeks turned a dark red in color at the realization of what you were doing. Of course it was fine since you were home alone and it was a normal thing for people around your age but you still couldn’t shake the feeling of embarrassment from you. Your eyes remained shut while the heat in your body increased slowly, so slow to the point that you were considering stopping for the night and returning to your normal routine. Everyone around you made it their goal to make fun of you constantly for being a prude. Even though you were far from it everyone around you insisted on thinking otherwise. You had sexual desires just like the students around you. You had thoughts about people around you that you’d be mortified of saying out loud, you were put into moods at inconvenient times just like the others. The only difference was that you were too overwhelmed with things that you had to focus on to be bothered by it.

“Oh my god.” the moan left your lips and your body slightly contorted as the wave of pleasure washed through you. The thought of being embarrassed by the sounds that left your lips didn’t even occur to you since you were finally close to finishing. Finally after spending 30 precious minutes of your precious time that you certainly did not have you were getting the results that you wanted.

Just as you felt the desire to climax your phone began to ring, breaking your focus. Your eyes opened in frustration and you paused the vibrator before leaning over and answering the jackass the interrupted you.

“You know this really isn’t a good time so I hope whatever it is, is important.”

“Look I know you’re busy studying like you always do but I really need your help. This time it’s actually something important.” A familiar feminine voice pleaded on the other end and holy shit did you know that phrase all too well.

It was your acquaintance friend troian most likely asking you to cover up for her again. She was under the impression that the two of you were best friends, maybe because you entertained her all the time but on your end she was quite bothersome but you were too nice to say anything about it.

“If you want me to tell one of your boyfriends that you moved i won't i'm not in the mood for it.” Your eagerness to climax instantly washed away just like that, and the longer you were on the phone the less you felt like continuing where you left off.

“Just hear me out okay? i’m not asking for that but it’s kind of similar…” You tuned her out for a moment as you sat up and pulled up your underwear, holding the phone in between your ear and your shoulder. Conveniently there was a glass of water on the night stand- most likely from that morning. You took a sip from it, drifting away to your own world before her voice rang in your ears louder than before catching you off guard.

“Hmm?” you hummed questioningly. There was an annoyed sigh on the other end of the phone which was uncommon for you to hear from her. She wasn’t necessarily the type to get annoyed by anything you did since she was generally fond of you.

“Did you really not hear a thing I said?”

“No” you paused. “Sorry.”

“Can you please go on a blind date as me?” She asked again, slowing down her speech and emphasizing each word to ensure that you would hear her fully this time. Regardless you still weren’t quite sure if you heard her correctly. Blind date? The idea of a blind date ran through your brain like a short film and you pictured an old man in his 60’s trying to sell you out or something and you instantly were turned off at the idea. “Please, Y/N?”

“Huh? Oh uh yeah.” You said without meaning to. Once the words that left your mouth met up with your comprehension you wanted to slap yourself for being dumb and getting yourself in that position.

“Really? You’ll do it?” She started to make that voice she made when she was ready to end a conversation and you knew that there was no turning back on your unintentional offer this time.

“N-No I meant-”

“It’s settled! Tonight at 10 you’re going to go to the Soulful Cup. You know where that is right?” She asked into the phone. Your throat began to dry up and you nodded to yourself in response, forgetting that she couldn’t see you.

“Uh yeah I know where that is. What should I wear?”

“You can just come over to my place if you’d like I could give you something nice to wear and tell you what to and not to do okay?” You heard a door shut in the background and the faint sound of a male’s voice on the other line. “ I’ve got to go i’ll see you soon, bye.”

You placed the phone down after checking the phone once she hung up on you. 8:47pm. You had about an hour to get ready and get to the coffee shop on time, and depending on how long the “date” would last you would potentially be missing out on any studying time. This is what you deserved though it’s natural, you could have just not answered the phone and your day would have gone according to plans but that’s not what happened. An exaggerated groan left your lips as you stood up and walked to the bathroom to evaluate yourself. Your makeup was still in tact surprisingly, and your hair was slightly tangled but it wasn’t anything that Troi couldn’t deal with on her own.

After checking up on yourself you decided that it was time to get going, grabbing your phone that was at 50% and your collection of keys you headed out the door and made your way to her house. Thankfully she lived about 15 minutes away by foot so you were fine just walking to her place instead of driving. The last time you’d been a date was about five years ago when you were sixteen and since then it just never crossed your mind. You wondered to yourself if you’d even be fit for this “date”, was it even a real date? What would you say? What if they really were attractive? What if they were someone you knew? What if someone saw you and misunderstood? The thoughts clouded your mind while you continued to walk alone in the dark and it wasn’t until you arrived to your friend’s place that you came back to reality. After giving the door a few gentle knocks there was shuffling on the other end, followed by the sound of a laugh that wasn’t Troi’s. The door opened, revealing her in a robe and she quickly rushed you in, closing the door behind you.

The apartment had the same familiar smell of overused fragrances and candles and the bright colors of her couches stood out to you the same as they always did. The only thing that was off about the setting was the pairs of shoes that were next to hers. While thinking about this you slipped off your shoes and invited yourself into the living room, taking a seat on one of the blinding couches.

“Sorry this place is a bit messy, when I called you Taeyong was at the door so things got misplaced a little.” Troian piped up from the side while your eyes continued to scan the area, taking in your surroundings.

“He’s still here i’m guessing?” You raised an eyebrow and looked at her and the her face reddened slightly as she gave a nod in response.

“He is...he’s in the room, we were hanging out I forgot that you were still coming over…”she drifted off and read the unamused expression on your face. “But he could be another set of eyes to determine whether what you’re wearing is good or not for the date!” She always had quite the optimistic view which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just wasn’t quite your taste. She walked halfway through her short hallway towards her bedroom and called out to one of her boy toys that was in her room, telling him to get out because you were there.

“It’s fine, I can really just go like this...I don’t mind.” You began, hoping that you weren’t becoming a burden even though it was the other that should have felt like she was becoming a burden.

She ignored your words and walked back over to you, muttering something about talking nonsense as she grabbed your wrists and led you to her room. The man who you were assuming to be Taeyong was eating from a bag of chips whilst continuing to watch tv as if he hadn’t heard anything which clearly got on Troi’s nerves.

“Look I get it you had a long day cry me a fucking river but you need to stop getting your crumbs and shit on my bed unless you’re going to be the one to clean it up.” She began while opening her closet door. Her efforts to get him to stop were useless though, he just continued on as if she didn’t say anything at all. You were debating on whether or not you even saw him flinch at the sound of her voice, but apparently you weren’t the only one that noticed this because the sound of the hangers moving got slightly louder. “It’s not like you’re the only person that sleeps on this bed so for the others sake you should at least make a team effort, yes?”

This caused him to raise his eyebrows finally and turn to face her. Instead of having a scowl on his face though, he flashed a bright smile and tilted his head to the side, almost as if he knew an inside joke that everyone else in the room didn’t pick up on.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I have lots of money so if I were you I wouldn’t put myself on such a high horse and think that i’m the only girl he’s fucking. I already know what this is, Troi.” He curled up the bag of chips and placed them on the nightstand beside him before getting up and beating down on the blanket to get rid of any crumbs that he got on there. “Anyways honey, what are you picking up for your little friend here?” He sat back down and continued to smile as he spoke.

“Oh you’re so full of shit Taeyong, but if you must know, I was thinking of putting her in something simple but sexy.” She paused, looking your figure over once more before diving back into the closet. “What about a simple dress? I have a silk dress that I barely use you could wear that, and it’s black so it should compliment you.”

Your lips pursed at the sight of it. You were having difficulty deciding whether or not you liked the dress at all but it wouldn’t hurt to put it on anyways. After grabbing it you excused yourself to the bathroom and slipped it on. You saw your figure in the mirror and for once you felt decently confident in the way you looked. Yes, Troi could be annoying but she knew how to make sure you looked good no matter the occasion.

“Did you die in there?” Her voice rang through the closed door. You jumped slightly at the unexpectedness of her voice but soon walked to the door, opening it before flashing a large smile at her. “Well i’ll be damned…”She eyed you up and down and nodded to herself in approval.

“I love it.” You stated only making her nods quicken.

“You can keep it. That dress was made for you. Now go, it’s 9:45” She said. Your eyes bulged open as you looked at the clock in the bathroom, realizing that it was in fact 9:45 and you were about to be late for the date. You silently prayed to yourself that whoever was there would be kind enough to wait for a little while and not get too angry in the process.

You rushed out of the house, putting on some heels that she also handed to you while saying goodbye quickly, leaving the bickering pair to themselves. You didn’t even bother to put on your heels as you ran out the house, trying to bolt to the cafe on good time. After about 5 minutes of running you stopped to catch your breath, heels in one hand you felt around to grab your phone but there was one issue. It wasn’t there. Cursing under your breath you put the heels on your feet and played with your hair, hoping that when you arrived you wouldn’t look like too much of a mess. Out of the crowd of people you were able to see a large cup sign in the distance signalling that you were almost there. You walked as fast as you could to the shop before finally arriving, letting out a large sigh you looked around the oddly packed cafe in search for this guy.

While looking around you noticed a guy around your age with dark brown hair looking around like you were and a part of you thought that maybe, maybe that was him and you’d actually have someone decent. The both of your eyes locked and you smiled simultaneously, and you knew that it was him. You made your way over to him and you smiled at him until you heard him speak.

“You’re Troian, right? Hi I’m Johnny.”

#check it out please #this is literally my first so like any constructive criticism is LOVED #please tell me what i should add or take out or work on i will pay attention to it all #johnny #johnny suh #nct fic #johnny suh fic #nct johnny #nct johnny fic #i hate filling posts with tags but it must be done for this #johnny smut #johnny fic #nct smut #johnny scenario #nct scenario #nct drabble #johnny drabble #please like comment on if i should continue it or not

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mentalsmellness-blog · 7 years

Text

How Dying Didn’t Make Me Want to Live a Fuller Life- It Made me Fight For it.

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, and PMDD

I was 16 years old when I flat lined for 3 minutes because of synthetic marijuana.

My fiancé had made a new acquaintance, was invited over and asked me to tag along. I happily obliged because marijuana was offered and at the time I was craving a good smoke out and new friends.

We pull up to a shotty apartment and knock. The apartment was dingy, dark, the couches looked molded and contoured to “acquaintance a” and his girlfriend’s arses. Family guy was playing on the TV and they were both in their pajamas with week old chef boyardi stains on them. I’m all for lounge wear, but this was all too typical. It smelled like a mixture of bleach, dog piss, burnt hair, and weed. God I miss how care free I was because I shit you not: None of this scared me.

We immediately were asked “So, y’all ready to blaze?” I perked up and agreed. He went into a bedroom for about five minutes, then came back with a small pipe, completely packed.

I lit up and started a pull but couldn’t get anything out. I give “acquaintance a” a perplexed look; would’ve shot one at his girlfriend, but she could barely keep her eyes open. He catches my drift and goes “Oh right man. I gotta clean that shit. Fuck dude.” As if he wasn’t just in the bedroom for five minutes fucking with it.

Anyway we finally started to get some decent hits. After my third one I started to feel awful. Clammy, cold, but most of all my heart was racing like crazy. I ran outside to calm down and instinctively I called my dad since my mom wasn’t picking up. I told him I loved him because I felt like I was dying.

I poked my head back in the apartment and told my fiancé we had to go immediately. We rushed to the car and I told him about what I was feeling. We eventually had to pull over in a Calrs Jr. parking lot and call an ambulance.

The ambulance arrived and I explained my symptoms. They took my pulse: 179. Immediately into the ambulance.

The last thing I remembered was asking the EMT if I was going to die. She replied with “Not on my watch sweet girl.”

I died anyway. So like me. Always the rebel.

When I woke up I had thought that I had just passed out or had a seizure. My limbs and extremities were numb, I was wrapped in about 5 heated blankets, I had those scratchy but delightfully comfy warmed socks on, but I was still freezing. Everytime I grabbed my fiancé’s hand I would shock him, my words were stuttered, my chest was on fire, and heart rate over 150.

I was beyond confused. I was in ICU, I had oxygen, was hooked to those cardiac machines and a nice phlebotomist came in and said “welcome back!” Which I thought just meant “Cool! You’re awake! Now I can stick this needle in you.” So the dreaded IV in the crook of my elbow was placed and I was administered... wait for it... ATIVAN. Which actually was a life saver, and I had received it many times for seizures. SO OBVIOUSLY I THOUGHT I HAD A FUCKING SEIZURE AND NOBODY TOLD ME I HAD FLAT LINED.

By the way: the weed was not weed. It was spice laced with meth. Lovely. Absolutely fucking lovely.

I was sent home an hour later and my life was completely different. I didn’t find out my official diagnosis or any info on what happened that night until a bill came in the mail a week later.

It took about a month for my anxiety to develop, and it came out of nowhere. Actually nowhere. I remember in detail (thanks eidetic memory) when my anxiety started- my first panic attack.

It was a month after my brush with death and about week after I had watched the first Conjuring movie, which hit on a bunch of my fears that were drilled into me as a young girl growing up in a very religious environment. I was sitting on my bed, which was on the ground, tucked in the left corner of my bedroom. Thin box springs, white sheets, two large fleece blankets- one red, one brown. I was by myself, my fiancé in the other room. Out of nowhere I felt like my heart went from 68bpm to 140bpm, because it probably had. I was instantly convinced I was dying again.

For about three months I had dealt with waking up to a panic attack, and falling asleep with a panic attack.

I was constantly in the ER. So much that the nurses got to know me and even wrote “Special phlebotomist” on my charts because my veins were such a pain in the ass. Everytime I went I was embarrassed, but I couldn’t stop convincing myself I was dying.

I developed a fear of food and water, which I still struggle with today. It naturally led to an eating disorder and I was down to 110; my normal weight is 130.

Eventually I got so fucking sick of living the way I was. I wasn’t living and honestly I didn’t want to. I was positive it wasn’t going to improve and my life was just over. I had never felt such a literal sense of the word “hopelessness” in my life. So I was hospitalized, and I will be talking about my shitty experience in a later post.

Being in the hospital triggered past trauma that I had buried. It was insane the stuff I made myself forget. So. I top of depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder, I had to cope with PTSD.

Basically dying was burying my old self and resurrecting a self I had buried for 16 years. I had to learn how to live in my new body, with my new emotions, and let me tell you- I have just started to actually know what I’m doing. I’m happy again. It actually did get better.

Next time: The Differences Between My Hospitalizations

Please if you are feeling suicidal call your local crisis hotline m, which can be found by googling a therapist practice and there should definitely be a crisis hotline number. If you are unable to find one call the 1800 suicide hotline number.

ALWAYS SEEK HELP.

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akaiaowl · 6 years

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