#watching Dean die in such a horrible way despite having Sam by his side

[hood-ex]

so ive only watched a few spn episodes ever, and your tags whenever you talk about any batfam member and comparing it to them makes me curious about your full thoughts regarding them, as in: who do you think dick is more like between dean and sam?

Dick shares qualities and experiences with both brothers, but I personally think he's more like Sam than he is like Dean.

I think when Dick was younger, he more closely resembled Dean in the sense that he started fighting young as Robin, and he wanted to be Robin. Likewise, Dean was brought into the hunter fold (or the knowledge of it) earlier on in life, and he enjoyed hunting, unlike Sam.

Dick and Dean also had a more similar relationship with their fathers. Bruce had high expectations for Dick to be Robin while John had high expectations for Dean to protect and provide for Sam. Essentially, if Bruce and John told their sons to jump, Dick and Dean would be the ones asking, "How high?"

Despite that, I think Dick and Sam are more similar for the following reasons:

Dick and Sam are more independent. Dick left Robin behind as well as his place at Bruce's side so he could become his own man and hero. Sam left a life of hunting behind to go to college and to live a normal life. Sam was also left by himself a lot when John and Dean went hunting, leaving him to fend for himself many times.

Dick went to law school and apparently has a law degree. Sam went to Stanford and intended to go to law school until he got dragged back into the hunting business. Speaking of school, Dick and Sam were more academically studious than Dean.

Dick and Sam are both good at leading teams. Dick has led multiple teams, and Sam led a group of hunters to take down the British Men of Letters as well as led members from the apocalypse world.

Dick and Sam both have a repeated history of loss of autonomy. Both are possessed or taken control of quite a few times.

Dick and Sam are generally more health conscious and aren't as gluttonous as Dean.

Dick and Sam are more empathetic/compassionate. Dick is willing to extend a hand to others even when they stumble on their path. Sam's empathy deals more with morality and how he realizes that not all monsters are inherently bad and that they don't all deserve to die. Sam can also be a lot more gentle and understanding when dealing with monsters or victims (hence why Dean once remarked that Sam was always saying "pansy" stuff to people).

Sam would absolutely murder Joker if given the chance since he HATES clowns and fears them. Dick and Sam have clown killing solidarity.

Dick and Sam's guilt has pushed them to extremes on a few occasions. For example, Dick and the Blockbuster situation. Dick tried to convict himself to prison over it. According to Bruce, he had also been showing suicidal tendencies during that period. Sam is similar in that he saw his imprisonment in hell for 100+ years as atonement for his sin (aka getting tricked into freeing Lucifer from his cage which then started the apocalypse). He also was going to let himself die after doing a series of trials because he no longer valued his life after viewing himself as a screw-up/unworthy.

When they take parental roles, Dick and Sam are more patient and understanding with their kids. Dick with Damian and Sam with Jack (Jack is a nephilim who becomes Castiel, Sam, and Dean's kid). Now Dean is actually great with kids (no surprise since he's got a baby brother) but he's horrible to Jack. I actually don't even like to think of him as one of Jack's parents because he never really trusted Jack and wanted him dead multiple times. (SPN characterization was not always... the best... in those later seasons alksda.) And listen, sometimes Dick did lose his patience with Damian, but he was never horrible to him the way Dean was with Jack.

There are also ways Dick, Sam, and Dean are all similar such as how they're all clever and inventive. Dick's a detective and uses his skills to solve problems. He also builds gadgets or inventions to assist him in his cases.

Hunting monsters also involves some form of detective work, but Sam is smart in other ways such as figuring out how to do a reverse exorcism on the spot. In season 11 when Sam got infected by a rabid virus and was trying to find a cure, he lured a rabid man to him with a video and then zapped him with a taser he built with materials from a hardware store.

Sam will be referred to as the brains of the operation, but Dean is smart as well, and Sam even says so in canon. Dean's good at lore and at figuring things out on a hunt. Plus, he's an amazing mechanic and knows how to work a car, which is something that he shares in common with Dick. Sam is less so involved with the mechanics of the car, but Dean taught him more about it before he was dragged to hell.

All three of them are also intimate with sacrifice. In general, they give up so much of their own lives to help others. In specific, Dick sacrificed everything to infiltrate Spyral. Sam sacrificed himself to lock Lucifer away in hell. Dean sacrificed the rest of his life to bring Sam back to life. And those are only a few examples. They sacrifice so much more.

#i think dick and dean can also be less willing to share their feelings or have hard time opening up #except... sam is also not the best at sharing his feelings soooo let's just say they all suck w emotions sometimes #oh i know. dick and dean don't have demon blood like sam does alskdja #sam's demon blood gives him issues that dick and dean don't have to deal with #but yeaaaah wow it's v hard to summarize sam and dean from 15 seasons lmao like there's so much i don't remember from the show atm #Dick Grayson #Sam and Dean comparisons #anon

[thegeminisage]

john abused both dean AND sam, just differently. in this essay i will

prove that the abuse manifested in different ways for each of them because that’s how abuse works in real life. this is based on the fact that john saw dean as mary’s surrogate but once he found out about the deal and sam having demon blood he blamed sam for her death. ok let’s fucking go

dean as mary’s surrogate

there are loads of parallels made between dean and mary in early season spn and late season spn. in season 12 dean directly calls himself sam’s mother, but even earlier than that we see him doing the cooking and child rearing. compare that to all the parallels made between sam and john (both of them losing their blonde woman significant others in a ceiling fire) and it’s clear that dean was meant to more resemble mary. it’s not a stretch to say that if we can see it as viewers this is how john saw it in his actual life. i do think john loves dean for being dean but he loves him more for being mary.

sam as the reason behind mary’s death

i think once john learned that sam had demon blood, some part of him must have always been waiting for the other shoe to drop with sam, not ever fully believing this kid was human, and maybe not even knowing if this kid was HIS. a popular theory back in the day was that YED fathered sam (something they had to actually address in season 4 to stop the speculation), and if WE speculated that hard, surely john must have too. i’m sure he loves sam as an extension of mary, and keeps and raises and protects him BECAUSE he’s mary’s, but similarly (or maybe inverse) to dean, i don’t know if he ever fully gave himself permission to love sam for being sam. in fact, i imagine john harbors a lot of self-loathing for failing to save mary. if we directly parallel john and sam, that means by some extent he would also hate sam.

john trusted dean with far too much, and sam with far too little

dean knew about monsters; sam didn’t. dean had memories of their mother and the night she died, and shared that trauma of watching her die with john; sam didn’t. dean knew when john was supposed to be home and who to call if he wasn’t; sam didn’t. dean was given the money and the guns and the CAR ITSELF; sam wasn’t. dean was taught to drive; SAM WASN’T. 

dean was expected to do everything john was supposed to have been doing in his absence - he was to be a mother and father to sam, he was supposed to protect sam from evil, he was supposed to see to sam’s meals and homework and getting to school on time. and he was put under an EXTRAORDINARY amount of pressure not to screw this up even a little bit, despite the fact that he was only a kid. sam on the other hand was kept on a strict need-to-know basis for his entire life, right up until season 1 when they reunite at last. john didn’t trust sam with ANYTHING, and sam knew it. this contributed to his lifelong anger issues because he didn’t DO anything to warrant that kind of mistrust and probably got gaslit about it a lot of times either by john himself or dean (unknowingly, by parroting/believing the things john said). even in the pilot sam says very casually of his mother “she’s gone,” because her memory doesn’t hold the same place of reverence for him - best guess is that john didn’t talk about her much to sam because he didn’t trust sam with emotional stuff either. in s14 we learn that dean was the one who told sam stories about mary, including her terrible casserole - and their attempt at recreating it infuriated john to the point of him throwing the entire concoction in the trash.

john relied on dean for everything, and refused to rely on sam for anything

canonically dean was the one who comforted john after a bad hunt, looked after and fed his brother when john wasn’t around. dean knew how to use a shotgun; sam didn’t. dean knew who to call in an emergency; sam didn’t. dean knew about monsters; sam didn’t. this was done under the guise of “protection for sammy” but turn it around and it’s also protection FROM sammy. think of how angry john gets when he learns sam has been having psychic visions. he’s not just angry that dean didn’t report it to him, he’s angry that the demon’s plans for sam are coming to pass, and that sam is becoming less human. again, he can’t TRUST sam if sam’s not human, and it proves to john that he was right all along to keep sam in the dark as much as possible.

john gave dean too much freedom, and sam no freedom at all

“watch out for sammy.” sam was under constant supervision by either dean or john; john made sure of it. again, it’s protection FOR sam but also protection FROM him, in case he did something inhuman or evil. dean on the other hand was left alone without any supervision at all for days or even weeks at a time - he resorts to stealing bread and peanut butter and (according to jackles) turning tricks for money. he had to make it work and got up to whatever the fuck he wanted when john wasn’t looking. sam had to LITERALLY run away from home before he got the simple pleasure of eating pizza and having a dog by himself, independently. dean was given too much independence and freedom but sam was kept on such a short leash he had none at all.

john made dean feel unworthy, and he made sam feel unclean

when dean fails to protect sam from the shtriga in the season 1 flashbacks, he says his dad looked at him differently after. he also implies that john physically beat him when sam ran away in flagstaff. whether he meant to or not, john made it abundantly clear that his love for dean was not unconditional; it depended very much on how well dean performed the multitude of tasks john assigned him. dean grew up believing that his only worth was in what he could do for other people. he demonstrates this an an adult over and over and over, from letting his possessed family members beat him up to refusing to take care of his own needs, emotional and otherwise, and snapping at people who try to talk to him about his own feelings.

on the other hand, sam talks in season 8 about how even at a very young age he felt impure and unclean, even before he knew that he had demon blood, even before he knew that there was any such thing as monsters. kids aren’t stupid, and sam picked up on the vibes john was putting off - that john didn’t trust him, might not have loved him, and might not have considered him human or even his own child. without even knowing why, he spent his entire life feeling unclean and inhuman, not worth of being loved by his own family. even dean, who we all know loves sam unconditionally, admits in season 14 that he often took dad’s side on arguments because he had “his own stuff,” further leading to the alienation that was sam’s constant companion growing up. 

AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY:

JOHN’S ABUSE PITTED SAM AND DEAN AGAINST EACH OTHER

john saved dean after their shared trauma of mary’s death. dean says in season 1 that the reason he stopped talking was that he was scared. iirc john’s journal implies he was mute for over a year, and dean in season 2 says that when he was 6 or 7 his dad took him shooting for the first time. if mary died just before dean’s fifth birthday, the timeline works out to dean talking again because john took him shooting. i believe that dean hero worships his father because after mary’s death, and dealing with the terror that something like that could come in and take his family away by killing them horribly at any time without any warning, john learning to fight back against the darkness - and teaching dean to do the same - is what gave dean his voice again. BOTH of them saw and carried the memory of mary burning on the ceiling for the rest of their lives. “watch out for sammy” and “get the thing that killed mom” were dean’s reasons to get up in the morning, because they were john’s reasons to get up in the morning. these things were LITERALLY his reasons for living. john gave dean a way to fight back against fear and gave him a cause to keep him going. abuse or not, dean never stopped being grateful for that, and he was the only other person in the whole world who understood the unique horror of what john went through that night. even all the way into season 10, he tells other people that john did right by him. it’s borderline brainwashing. part of dean’s self-worth will always be based on how good of a son he was to john.

on the other hand, knowingly or not, john did everything possible to alienate sam. he kept him on a short leash while also keeping him at arm’s distance. he didn’t trust sam with emotional things like the memory of mary, he didn’t trust sam with the truth about monsters and what they did for a living, he didn’t trust sam with his plans, he didn’t trust sam with the truth about demon blood. canon STRONGLY suggests john knew YED bled in sam’s mouth as a baby, but instead of telling sam or even dean about that, sam had to learn about it in a horrible flashback recreated by YED himself. when sam wanted to go to school, john told him no, and when he left anyway, john told him not to come back.

this is an equal but opposite kind of abuse. john totally fucked up BOTH his kids in complete inversions to each other.

which means that, no matter what john did, it caused sam and dean to fight. this isn’t an interpretation. this is straight up canon.

again, dean says in s14 that he frequently took dad’s side in arguments because he had his own stuff to deal with, and he was trying to keep the peace. dean, a victim of emotional (and implied sometimes physical) abuse himself, was not able to shield sam from all of john’s bullshit. he could stop sam from getting hit and having to see john during the worst of his drunken rages, but he couldn’t trick sam into thinking john loved him unconditionally, because john didn’t love either of his kids unconditionally.

when john acted in a way that was not befitting of a parent, sam rightfully took exception, which forced dean (who was ALSO BEING ABUSED, almost brainwashed) to jump to his defense. that led to john getting to do whatever the hell he wanted and sam and dean arguing about the effects. when sam ran away in flagstaff, DEAN was punished, leading dean to resenting sam for that incursion, even though sam was perfectly right to want to get away from an abusive household. when sam did a normal thing wanting to leave for college at age 18, he left, and dean resented him for that because that meant he was alone to bear the brunt of john’s anger. 

sam repeatedly made logical, emotionally healthy choices in attempting to break the family dynamic, but because of JOHN’S BEHAVIOR, not sam’s, those choices wound up causing dean harm. JOHN HIMSELF was the ultimate wedge between sam and dean growing up and beyond.

and let’s not forget the biggest sin - john spent 22 years impressing upon dean that taking care of sammy was EVERYTHING, and then without any explanation at all, he asked dean to kill him, and then he DIED, which meant dean had to carry that weight by himself (because again, he’s been trained not to trust sam with things). like of COURSE sam got angry when he found out - that’s fucking fucked up! once again sam is being treated like a ticking time bomb for absolutely no reason - he didn’t ask to have demon blood or psychic visions or a dead mom or an abusive father. nor did dean ask to be saddled with the upbringing of an entire human at four years old who he then might have to kill. because dean will always feel gratitude towards john, and sam will always feel resentment, and because based on john’s treatment of them BOTH OF THESE FEELINGS ARE JUSTIFIED, john continues to cause fights between sam and dean long after he’s dead and gone, and that will never change.

on a final note: i’d like to bring this around to season 13.

after cas, mary, kelly, and crowley all die (or are presumed dead in mary’s case) in the season 12 finale, season 13 opens with nobody but sam and dean and jack. dean directly blames jack for these deaths. he says so multiple times. he says where jack can hear him that he knows jack is evil and impure and cannot be saved and calls jack a freak. when jack tries repeatedly to kill himself dean says to jack’s face not to bother, because WHEN jack does go bad, dean will be the one to kill him. dean does NOT see jack as castiel’s child - he sees jack as someone who brainwashed cas and kelly both and got them killed. dean does not even see jack as a human person worthy of life. from the get-go, all he wants is to put jack down. jack is born into a world shaped by pain and grief and anger, where people hate him simply for what he is and who died to get him here. 

and again, sam identifies hard with jack. he justifiably protests dean’s treatment of him. jack is a kid and didn’t ask for any of this. jack is terrified of dean. sam reminds dean that john said all these things about sam that dean is saying about jack. john is still causing a rift between his sons over a decade after his death.

eventually, after jack uses his powers and brings back cas from the empty, dean pulls his head out of his ass and admits that he was wrong. he calls jack his kid more than once, and jack refers to dean as one of his dads. but the damage has already been done. jack struggles multiple times with his powers, accidentally hurting people and then wishing himself dead after. he also struggles without them; even when using his powers means using up pieces of his soul, he does it, because dean taught him that he’s only worthy of being loved and trusted if he’s “good.” even when he has NO SOUL, when jack does something bad he panics about it and seeks to undo it at any cost. that’s how deep the damage runs.

i see a lot of people remarking that in the arc of 13.01-13.05, dean became john, and i agree that he did. but dean didn’t do to jack what john did to him. dean did to jack what john did to SAM.

[spn masterpost]

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #jack kline #liz watches spn #liz's meta #liz's spn stuff #YES YOU CAN REBLOG THIS PLS DO I WORKED HARD ON IT. #WHEW. glad i got that off my chest #this is why u can't call it the widow arc #sam revisited a WHOLE childhood of trauma here #the arc is about all of them!!!!! #backtagging to add #broken road #brcu

[pastorpresent]

"Wakey wakey time, Sammy."

Sam jolted awake. Or at least, his body tried to jolt. It was difficult when he was tied to the bed frame by every limb. He yanked his hands forward, fingers curled into fists as he tried to use all his strength to break the rope.

It didn't budge. All he achieved was making his tender wrists sting more as the material dug into his skin.

"Oh come on Sam, you know you're not breaking out of this one." Dean mocked, his eyes flashing black.

Sam resisted the urge to flinch. It was horrifying, seeing his brother as one of those. He understood why Dean had been so freaked when he was at the height of his demon blood kick. There was something deeply disturbing about such familiar eyes turning pitch black, eliminating those speckles of green that Sam had grown up seeing in them. Eliminating that barely there softness he often reserved for Sam.

"I have to say, we're going to have so much fun baby brother. The plans I have for you..." he approached the bed, and Sam tried to tug at his confines again in one last ditch effort. Not an inch of give.

Dean always had been an expert at tying knots. Sam wasn't going anywhere.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed next to him, lifting the knife to Sam's face.

He tensed, staying as rigid and still as possible as the light reflected off the metal, making it glint in such a pretty way despite the fact that whatever it was going to inflict was sure to be the opposite.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, gasped as the cold metal came downwards to press against his neck.

For one painful moment he truly believed this was it. He was going to die at the hands of his own brother - the same one who had been protecting him all his life. He was going to bleed out in the bunker with his neck slit, just another casualty of Dean's demon side.

But the sharp edge barely pressed into his skin enough to draw a few drops of blood, and then it was removed.

When Sam let his eyes flicker open, Dean was staring at him. His eyes were soft and his smirk held something fond, and if Sam didn't know better? He would've probably thought this was his Dean again.

But there was still something too oddly unsettling about the expression, rooted a little deeper that Sam could really process right now.

"My beautiful baby brother. You went wrong, but we can fix that, me and you. We can get you back on the right path." Dean lifted the knife again, using it to brush some hair from Sam's face.

Sam kept his expression hard. He wasn't giving this thing the satisfaction of seeing him afraid.

Well, that was the plan until the knife was drawn back, and Dean used it to slice open a long cut down his own wrist.

The blood immediatly beaded on the surface, trickling over his skin and drip, drip, drip onto the bed sheets below.

"W-what are you doing? What are you..." Sam trailed off, swallowing hard because he could see exactly where this was going and he needed Cas here now.

"I'm helping you, like I should of all those years ago. This is what your destined for - strength, power, control... you're our boyking, Sammy. It's high time you finally take your throne." Dean hummed, and Sam shook his head desperately.

Cas where the hell are you?!

"No, no please. I- I can't. I don't want to be, please don't." He was begging a demon, and it felt low, embarrassing. But he couldn't do this. He couldn't get back on the stuff, he'd quite literally rather die first.

"Shhh, it's ok Sammy. You remember it, right? How delicious it was. How strong it made you feel pumping through your veins. Let's be honest here, if I hadn't stopped you back then? You'd still be chugging the stuff and have hell under the heel of your boot by now." Dean was talking about it in such a dreamy manner, and he lifted his hand to brush soothingly through Sam's hair.

Sam hated that his body relaxed to the gesture at all, swallowing down the urge to cry.

"Me and you. Forever. You rule hell and I sit at your side, your highness. Your faithful knight."

It was painful to want someone when that someone was sat right in front of you. A twisted, scary and horrible version of that person.

It was Dean's words, his touch, his smile. Things Sam had always responded to automatically. Things that made up all of his earliest memories and things that normally made him feel safe, and that ingrained desire to do everything his big brother asks him to was still very much present even if Dean wasn't fully human anymore.

Even if what he was asking would make him not fully human, too.

"Dean..." it came out more like a whimper than he intended, and those eyes filled with pity.

"You're ok, Sammy. I'm here. Just let it all go and stop thinking so hard."

His wrists were untied slowly, and Sam didn't even try anything. All he could do was watch Dean, feeling tiny and vulnerable and slightly terrified as the demon slid behind him on the bed, and Sam found himself resting against the solid chest of his brother.

"Drink, Sammy." Dean repeated, lifting his wrist up towards Sam's lips, with his free hand drawing lazy circles over his side.

Sam was shaking. A tremor was wracking his body, and Dean moved his hand up to run through his hair, and he felt lips press against the shell of his ear.

"Drink."

Sam let the flesh press against his mouth, letting himself latch on and suck as his fingers gripped at the limb being offered to him like it was his lifeline.

"Good boy."

Dean's eyes returned to black, but Sam couldn't see them anymore.

#sam and dean #sam winchester #dean winchester #spn #supernatural #sam/dean #samdean #supernatural drabble #gencest #mywriting #demon!dean #bloodjunkie!sam #boyking!sam #gencest drabble

[insertdeeplyrics]

On the ending of Supernatural

Hi, I’ve never actually posted anything on Tumblr of my own creation (I mostly reblog stuff), but I’ve just seen the ending of Supernatural, and given that this is where I’ve been fed my SPN content, it felt right to share my thoughts here. I’m sure nobody is going to read this, but whatever, I just need to get this out of my chest. Sorry in advance if this is too long, but I have to type this out if I want to move on.

I still need to take some time to process everything that’s happened, because it is a lot. I did have my hopes up for the finale, thinking that Cas would at least show up, but like many of the fans, I was let down.

So I guess that would be the first issue I had with the episode. Regardless of what Dean felt towards Cas, if he reciprocated his feelings or not (which he totally did, I mean, we have all been watching the same show for 12 fucking years, and if you don’t believe me, there are plenty of metas that would support this statement), he still is his best friend and it doesn’t sit right with me the fact that he doesn’t even try to find a way to rescue Cas from the Empty. And okay, maybe he didn’t, make Cas got resurrected by Jack, then why the hell wasn’t he on the final episode? He was a pivotal character for the series, I mean, the proof is in the ratings: Season 7, when he was killed off to apparently never return, the ratings were at their lowest. The show may have started as just Dean and Sam, but over the years it became much bigger than them, and it is so disappointing that the show runners failed to acknowledge it. But I’ll get back to this point later.

Okay, I need to talk about Dean’s death, the only part of the episode that made me cry, because my poor baby had to suffer so much! Like, when he started saying that Sam never put up with John’s crap (which reinforces my headcanon that John was abusive towards the boys) and how much he admired him for it, my heart just shattered. I just love Dean Winchester so freaking much, and they did him so dirty... Don’t get me wrong, Jensen and Jared’s acting was 10/10, like, I thought I had a grip of myself and then Sam started crying and tears came back to my eyes. Nonetheless, I felt that the scene was so freaking long! I mean, Dean was dying, and he had time to make a 10 minutes-long speech! C’mon! Also, I get that Sam and Dean’s relationship is quite deep and strong and whatever, but I felt a bit unconformable watching it: it didn’t feel like a brotherly goodbye, more like a lover’s one. They were too touchy and intimate, and, overall, their relationship from this point on was coded as a romantic one, in my opinion. And Chuck, did I hate it! I have an older brother and I know what it is like to be close to your sibling and to love him more than anything else in the world, but the way they portrayed their relationship on this last episode felt incest-y, which makes me believe that this scene was originally written with another character in mind (cough CAS cough) or the writers don’t know the difference between romantic and brotherly love. To finish off, the way they killed off Dean??? I mean, I did expect Dean to die, but this was such a horrible and ridiculous way to go... I would have accepted it if he died actually fighting, but impaled??? After all he’s been through, after fighting so many demons, angels and deities, that’s how he dies??? That just felt cheap and rushed. Dean did not deserve that ending and I refuse to accept it. In fact, I refuse to acknowledge the existence of this whole fucking mess of an episode. Also, I just can’t believe that no one showed up to Dean’s funeral. I just can’t. I get that maybe it was difficult to bring in a lot of actors due to the pandemic, but they could have added them on post-production...

Next, we have Sam’s ending. He quits hunting and finally obtains his white-picket fence life. I did like the fact that he honored all of his friends and family that he lost along the way, especially Dean. Like, yes, if my brother died, I would like to keep a token (don’t know if that’s the actual word for it, my first language is not English), to have something with me that reminded me of him and to have him with me wherever I go. And I did like that he named his son Dean, in honor of his brother. However, we don’t know how he met his wife, we don’t even know who she is. They set up Sameileen for what?? Like, Sam and Eileen deserved better, tbh. And, again, even with Covid restrictions they could have done something to signal that Sam got married to Eileen, you don’t need the actor there. In fact, we never actually found out what happened to her, and just like I can’t believe that Dean didn’t even try to save Cas from the Empty, I can’t believe that Sam didn’t reach out to Eileen. Furthermore, the montage with his son felt cheap and a way to try to appeal to the audience’s emotions... (Btw, as a side note, the grey wig and the glasses, my god, they did Jared dirty 😂😂). But it wasn’t doing it for me, I didn’t care much for the kid, and while I do believe that was always going to be Sam’s ending, I didn’t like how it was executed.

And the worst part of it all: that suuuuuper long scene with Dean driving in Heaven, waiting for Sam. They could have used that time to show something more meaningful, even to develop a bit more Sam’s new life, how he adjusted to domesticity and fatherhood and all that crap. Or, I don’t know, A TEAM FREE WILL 2.0 REUNION??? And I guess this is my biggest issue with the whole episode. I get it, Sam and Dean are the central characters, the ones that started it all, but family don’t end with blood, and they were not the only ones who deserved a goodbye. They had formed so many bonds and friendships over the years, and to not have them address them on the final episode just feels infuriating. Especially Cas. His arc was not finished, he deserved to be on the finale. We never got Dean’s reaction to his confession, we don’t know how he felt about him, nor did Cas get to say goodbye to any other character. How did he get out of the Empty? What is he doing now? Is he still an angel? Also, he gave his life to save Dean, only for Dean to be killed not long after. My headcanon that is helping me cope with Dean’s death is thinking that he was so quick to accept his death because he was hoping to reunite in Heaven with Castiel. A girl can dream, ok??? But also, what about Jack? He is the new God, but I highly doubt it that he won’t drop by the Bunker from time to time, after all, Sam and Dean (AND CAS, ESPECIALLY CAS) raised him. And Charlie? Did she get back with Stevie? Did she and the boys go for drinks from time to time? And Jody? Donna? Claire? Sorry to be so repetitive, but I just can’t understand why the writers thought that these characters weren’t important enough to deserve a spot on the finale, and not just an off-hand mention (and not even all of them got that). Of course, the brothers are the main characters and their goodbye must be the longest and the most emotional of them all, but like I said before, the show stopped being just about the Winchesters on season 3, when Bobby was first introduced, maybe even 4, with Cas.

Overall, the finale left a lot of questions unanswered, most of them regarding secondary characters (but not less important for that!), completely destroyed Sam and Dean’s character development (Dean never got to be free, like he had been fighting for all season, probably all his life; Sam’s development is non-existing, as he ended up as he would’ve if he never had gotten on that hunting trip with Dean 15 years ago), and completely disregarded all the themes they had been setting up this season, probably on previous ones as well. It is sad knowing that the writers, either don’t know the show good enough to give it a proper goodbye, or they just didn’t care to do so. I don’t know who’s to blame here (definitely not the actors, though, probably someone higher up the chain), but I just know that I am so fucking disappointed. I expected more from the last episode of a 15-season TV show, one that has been part of my life for 7 years. I guess, that despite all of it, I can’t hate Supernatural. Maybe I was not a hardcore fan like some people on this site, but I did care for the characters and what happened to them. This is the show that introduced me to the world of shipping (Destiel will always hold a special place in my heart, it doesn’t matter how badly their relationship was treated, as well as the characters) and I got to discover one of my favorite characters, Dean Winchester. He is just such so complex, one that I relate to on so many levels, and his relationship with Cas has been the source of many short stories that I’ve never posted anywhere, but that have made me take up writing again. That’s the reason why I love the show so much, it has helped me tap into my creativeness and go back to writing, a passion of mine that I seem to have forgotten over the years. Anyways, maybe one day I’ll publish some of those stories, and maybe even write my own fix-it fanfic, but right now, I can’t deal with anything that has to do with the show, I am too hurt. Maybe once the five stages of grief are over, I might give it a try and read all of the amazing codas and fanfics that I’m sure will be posted here or on AO3. But for now, Supernatural is dead and gone, and I don’t want to talk nor think about it anymore. I’m done wasting my time here, because I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing this past 7 years after watching this crap of a finale.

To finish this long rant off, I just want to say thank you to some meta-writers, the true heroes of the fandom. Thanks to them, I carried on watching the show, because they made me have hope that things will get better. They are the ones that have made this experience worth something, and even though I’ve never spoken to any of them, I see you and I love you. Thanks for everything ❤. 

@tinkdw @charlie-minion @dotthings @heliodean @verobatto-angelxhunter @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

#supernatural #spn s15 #spn #carry on #destiel #supernatural finale #personal rant #dean is bi #dean winchester #sam winchester #disappointed #dean winchester deserved better #destiel forever #jack also deserved better #every fucking character deserved better #character development who? don't know her #castiel #spn spoilers #spn 15x20

[marril96]

Out of the Woods

Chapter 5: The Cure

Characters: reader, Rowena

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: An explosive argument leads to you running away and puts Rowena in danger.

Editor: @miss-moon-guardian​

*****

Rowena was okay.

Mentally, that was. Physically, she was wounded, badly so; body littered with injuries, clothes drenched in dried blood.

But she was okay. Despite everything she'd been through, she still had it in her to tease and smile all throughout the drive home. Sam and Dean were kind enough to offer it, and there was no way either of you could refuse. Traveling back by bus or taxi would lead to questions you couldn't answer and comments you didn't have the energy to retort to.

So the Winchesters it was.

Sam helped you walk Rowena inside while Dean carried your bags, leaving them in the living room as you'd instructed him to. They offered further help, anything you needed, but Rowena was adamant that you were fine. You were big girls, and this wasn't the first time one of you had gotten hurt. You would be fine.

It wasn't a lie. You would be fine. But, as you walked Sam and Dean out and the three of you said your goodbyes, your mind kept flashing back to that horrid day in May three years ago. The day that had started out alright. That, just like today, featured a fight and you running off.

The day you'd returned, having cooled off enough, to a messed up hotel room. Furniture upturned. Blood sprayed everywhere. Rowena's charred body lying amidst the destruction.

For a moment, you could feel the putrid smell of burning flesh, and you were back there, and your heart was racing just as helplessly, just as fearfully as it had back then.

Rowena hadn't been hurt badly since then. Her injuries now couldn't compare to what Lucifer had put her through, but you hadn't had to take care of her to this extent, hadn't had to nurse her back to health, since that day.

She waited for you in the living room as you'd left her, seemingly bored out of her mind, looking through her purse absent-mindedly. She perked up as you walked in, lips grazed by a smile. Clearly happy to see you. Satisfied to have you all to herself, for as long as she wanted.

You shared the sentiment. Just like years ago, you never wanted to part from her again. Never wanted to leave her side. No matter how angry you were, how frustrated. It didn't matter anymore; nothing mattered except that she was here, she was safe, and she was yours. And she trusted you in ways she never trusted anyone in her life.

It was a privilege you took pride in.

"Okay," you said, looking her over. "Let's take your shirt off. I need to know what I'm dealing with."

Rowena raised a teasing eyebrow. "My, my. Thirsty, are we? I missed you, too, love."

"Yeah, you covered in blood is such a turn on," you deadpanned.

"You know I'd never kink-shame."

Because some of the shit she was into was too much even for the likes of you.

"I'm so blessed." It was only half sarcasm; you truly were blessed. Even with all her flaws, you wouldn't give her up for the world.

You helped her remove her blouse, slowly, patiently, taking care not to cause her unnecessary pain. Rowena let out a few hisses, but for the most part she took it as a champ. She knew it was necessary for you to get a better look at her injuries, and, though her pride surely protested it, she cooperated to the best of her ability.

To think mere years ago she would have pushed you away and insisted on handling everything herself. You were glad she knew she could count on you, that she didn't fear betrayal. She trusted you, immensely, with everything she had, and you swore to never do anything to break that trust.

Her chest and arms, thankfully, looked better than her face. There were blooming bruises, especially around her wrists, and a stray cut here and there, but nothing too extreme. Nothing that couldn't be fixed with a potion and a few days rest. And some cuddles, because whenever one of you was in need of care, emotional or physical, there was no better comfort than cuddles.

"What did he do to you?" you asked, carefully tapping around one of the cuts with a wet cloth to clean it of dried blood.

Rowena stiffened. "Horrible things."

"Such as?"

You cut tell he'd cut her. But what else had he done? Had he slapped her? Punched her? Hit her with a different sort of weapon?

From the little you'd seen before Sam and Dean had doused the cabin in gasoline and set it on fire with his body inside of it, the man had accumulated quite a little torture set. Various instruments had lined the walls. Some were strewn over a small table by the wall. A couple on the floor. All caked in rusty blood.

Clearly used on his victims.

Had he had time to try some out on Rowena?

"I'd rather not." Her voice was low when she responded. Quiet. As weak as earlier in the cabin.

You looked her in the eyes. Heart shattered with sympathy at the hurt in them, with pain, with guilt. If you hadn't started the fight, none of this would have happened.

This was the second time you'd left her, pissed to high heavens, only to find her in peril.

"Of course." You squeezed her hand and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about."

You took care of the rest of her injuries in silence. Rowena remained compliant, never once complaining. Other than a few hisses and moans when you dabbed at a bruise too hard, she behaved, which earned her smiles and kisses.

"Good girl," you would say each time you would be done with a particularly bad wound. And she would smile because praise was her drug and she could never get enough.

Once you were done, you looked her over one more time, just to be sure, and helped her into a nightgown — picking it out, you were going for soft, comfortable, but you couldn't help finding her appealing in the black cloth that hugged her every curve just perfectly. Not even bruises and bandages could mar her beauty.

You suggested taking her to bed, but Rowena insisted on staying where she was while you worked on the potion for her. She loved watching you work. Loved observing you flipping through a spellbook and picking out ingredients, double checking the recipe to make sure you got everything right. No words left her mouth, but the proud smile she displayed said more than enough.

It was always like that. She drew immense pleasure from watching you do magic, a sense of pride. She'd passed on the knowledge, and you were using it with the same confidence she bore. The confidence she'd gained as a young witch herself, learning the ways of magic, growing the power that bloomed within her, surpassing that of the greats who'd taught her.

Your power could never match hers, but what you had was more than enough. You had skill. You weren't perfect, but you were a damn good student. Great in your own way. Better than most, because you'd been tutored by the best. No matter how in love she was with you, she wouldn't lie about something like that.

"Here you go," you said, handing her the concoction in her favorite mug.

Rowena took it with shaky hands. She inhaled, then took a sip, a small one, exploring the taste. "Mm."

"Good?"

"Excellent." Her lips widened into a smile. "I've expected nothing less from my girl."

You couldn't help a grin, cheeks flushing. Her praise was one of your greatest weaknesses.

She finished the potion in a few gulps. You left the empty mug in the sink, to be washed later, and took her to bed. You considered a shower, but given Rowena's state, you didn't want to leave her alone for long, so you just threw your clothes off and pulled on your nightwear; a shower could wait until morning.

She instantly curled against you as you laid down. Your standard position, particularly when she needed comfort. You wrapped an arm around her, careful not to hurt her. She was a fragile little thing. No matter how tough she played, she was still a person. She still hurt and bled and suffered like everyone else.

"You're the best, too," she said after a moment of deafening silence, startling you from your thoughts.

"What?"

She swallowed. Sucked in a breath, deep and steady, as if she were preparing for a marathon. "I was wrong."

That wasn't something you heard every day.

Rowena rarely, if ever, admitted she was wrong. She didn't express regret so openly. Didn't apologize for her pride was too great to allow her to lower herself to that level.

And yet…

"You're enough." Her voice trembled. "More than enough."

Oh, right. The argument. The thing that led to all this mess.

"We were both so angry," you said. Understatement of the century.

Rowena shrugged. "You were right. I do go out of my way to help the Winchesters."

Was that guilt in her voice? Regret?

Your heart jumped. "I don't think helping people is wrong. I just… I'm worried."

"Because of Samuel."

"Yeah."

As much as you disliked him, you didn't think the hunter would hurt her on purpose. But accidents happened all the time. Being around him was dangerous.

"I trust him," Rowena said.

"And I trust you," you told her. "I just…"

"I know. Anything could happen."

"Exactly."

For once she understood. You were on the same page. No shouting. No arguments. Just a conversation, one you should have had ages ago.

She squeezed your hand. "I promise you I won't die. Not permanently, at least. Samuel and I will change our fate."

Tears stung at your eyes. "That's what you keep saying, but—"

"But nothing. We will do it. I'm in no hurry to die. And I'm pretty sure he likes me enough to want me to stick around."

"It's because he doesn't live with you," you joked.

"Oi!" she said, feigning offense. Then she grew serious again. "I won't go to them as often, but I will help from time to time."

You pondered on it for a moment, weighed the pros and cons. It wasn't ideal, but it seemed like a good compromise.

As dangerous as it was, you couldn't forbid her from doing it. The last thing you wanted was to be that kind of girlfriend. You just wanted her to be safe.

"I need to do some good."

"You don't owe anyone anything."

She'd done plenty of bad in her life, but she didn't have to make up for it for the rest of her days. She didn't have to put herself in danger.

"I know," Rowena said. "But I want to do it."

"Okay." So long as it was her wish. So long as she didn't feel pressured. "But after you're all healed up, alright? I don't want you doing anything in this condition."

"I like it when you’re in charge," she teased.

"Shut up," you said, flustered.

"It's sexy."

"You're horrible."

"You love me."

"I do." Your biggest weakness. "Sometimes I wish I didn't."

"I find that hard to believe," Rowena said.

Because it was a lie. Loving her was the best thing you'd ever done.

"As if you don't love me," you retorted.

"Never said I don't."

You never tired of hearing it.

Pressing a soft kiss to her scalp, you closed your eyes and sank into peaceful sleep, the woman you loved safe in your arms. Cherished and cared for.

As lucky, you hoped, as you were to be by her side.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie​​ @oswinthestrange​​ @songofthecagedmoose​​ @apurdyfulmind​​ @getthesalt-sam​​ @metallihca​​ @salembitchtrials​​ @jay-eris​​ @hellsmother​​ @elizabeth-effie​​ @shadowgirl-vsb​​ @rowenaswife​​ @wonderifshelikesroses​​ @xfireandsin​​ @liddell-alien​​ @hotdiggitydammit​​ @lae-lae​​ @darkhumorsblog​​ @angel7376​​ @cherrypierowena​​ @evil-regal-vampiress​​​ @hellbentredhead​​​ @angel-e-v-a​​​ @a-queen-and-her-throne​​​ @carryon-doctor-lock​​​ @fangirlxwritesx67​​​ @mintymarshmellows​​​ @midnight-lestrange​​​ @osterhagen​​​ @impala-1979​​​ @gracib16​​​ @feelsandotps​

#rowena #rowena macleod #spn family #spn #supernatural #rowena macleod x reader #rowena x reader #my fics #fanfiction

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Sounds of Someday

Title: Sounds of Someday

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Destiel 

Rating: E (eventually)

Tags: canon typical violence, character death, kind of cuz you know, nothing really dies in Supernatural, smut, fluff, bit of angst

Summary: Sam was dead, Cas was lost forever, and Dean's entire world had been turned upside down in less than an instant. He was alone, again, a typical Winchester ending, but god damn if that was how he was going to leave it. He was going to get Sam back, he was going to get Cas back, and he was going to fix everything that had fallen apart, and now he was going to do it all with twin babies and the king of hell back on his side. Season sixteen… here we go.

Special Thanks: I was also just like to say a HUGE thanks to @thebridgekid who read this like ten times for me, and also for constantly listening to me rant and rave about this fic on an endless basis. Also for coming up with the most awesome name for this fic! Love you <3<3<3

MASTERLIST

AO3

*** My works are not to be posted on any sites without my permission! But comments and reblogs are love! <3 Please and thanks!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter one:

     Heaven. It had changed since the last time Dean was here, it was almost… better. Not perfect, but better. Back before Jack had taken over heaven, before it was one size fits all, Dean had always imagined what his perfect heaven would be. Afterall, being a hunter and having a below average lifespan as they usually did, one had to plan for these things. And in his mind his heaven truly was perfect. It was him sat on the couch, holed up in the bunker with a cold beer in hand, Doctor Sexy reruns on the tv, Sam in the chair next to him and Cas… Cas settled against his side on the couch, watching Dean's favourite cheesy soap opera with a content smile on his lips, their hand clutched tightly between them. 

     The three of them finally together, happy, that was all he had ever wanted. But now that wasn't the case. He was still with the people he loved, all together in one big jumbo heaven. Bobby, Ash, Ellen, everyone they had ever lost was there, even his parents, and don't get him wrong he was happy for it but it was lacking. The two people who meant most to him in his life, the only two people who could ever make his heaven as perfect as he had always hoped it would be, weren't there. 

     All his life he had been told that heaven would be where everything was made better. No more pain, or suffering, or misery, but of course it would always be different for a Winchester. Despite being happy for Sam, watching him from above grow old and happy with a family of his own. Married with a kid, white picket fence and all. It was all he had ever wanted for Sam, and that filled him with joy. But his heart still ached for Cas, for words unsaid, regrets and missed opportunities. Not to mention the fact that since that horribly fated day, as far as he knew Cas was still in The Empty. Locked away for all of eternity, all to save his ass so he could die in a horrible rush of rage not two days later. And in the end, they never even got to be together, not even in Heaven. And it hurt him even more deeply to know that if Cas knew what he had done, he would be disappointed in Dean, disappointed that his sacrifice was all for nothing. He couldn't even do what Cas wanted, he couldn't bear to live without the angel even though it was Cas's last wish that he did. 

     He tried asking Jack for help. Once he had gotten his bearings and put his thoughts back together after dying, he had gone to Jack and asked if he could bring Cas back. Use his powers to get him out of The Empty and bring his angel back to him. But Jack had only returned to Dean in Heaven with a solemn look and a shake of his head. If Jack couldn't bring him back then what hope was there. And so, for the most part, Dean walked Heaven with a heavy heart. 

     Sure, Bobby tried to cheer him up, saying things like, “You're brother will be here soon enough, boy, don't you worry.”

     And his mom was always there with a waiting hug, which helped for a little while. But no matter what, none of it would ever be able to take away not only the longing for something he didn't have and could never have, but the weighing guilt at the knowledge that the reason he didn't have it was all his fault. Because he couldn't say it out loud, couldn't bear to let out his true feelings after all these years, only to lose Cas seconds later. But that didn't make up for the years of waiting before all that. For nearly twelve years Dean could have had Cas in every way he wanted, but he was too cowardly to make the first move, and in the end he lost everything. So far Heaven wasn't turning out to be all it was cracked up to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     Dean wandered the bustling streets of Heaven, walking the same route he walked most every day since he arrived there, and came to the large two story house in the center. Once inside he sauntered through the endless white halls, passing by happy couples and families reunited. Though he did feel happy for them, he couldn't help but feel a little jealous as he forced a smile as he passed them. It was for this reason that for the most part he walked the halls with his head down every time he came here. If he didn't look at them or make eye contact he didn't have to feel that constant, gnawing monster at the pit of his stomach. The always growing dread of knowing that no matter what, he could never have the one person he truly loved, the one person he so badly wanted to share this heaven with. It sat harder in his gut with every passing day he spent watching the happy couples pass him by. So he tried as best he could to stay invisible. 

     His steps picked up as he walked faster through the halls, and eventually came to large double doors at the end. Without even so much as a falter in his step, he pushed his way through the doors and walked in without even knocking. He closed the doors behind him and took a second to breath in deep before turning and walking into the room.

     “The saviour of Earth shouldn’t have to walk the halls of Heaven so heavy, Dean.” Dean clenched his eyes shut and took yet another calming breath, then turned to face Jack, “You have sacrificed yourself over and over for the world below, and even some of the people here. You should be happy, Heaven is a place where you should be happy.”

     “Yeah, well, the Winchesters have always been the exception, so why shouldn't I be miserable in Heaven? It would be weird if I wasn't.”

     Jack sighed and watched as Dean slowly walked over to stand beside him, “I can get you anything you want, Dean, anything that would make you happy just say the word and I will give it to you.”

     Without looking up at Jack he spoke, more like mumbled, “The one thing I want you already know you can't give me.” Jack just sighed again and looked away. They both knew that Sam would eventually join them in Heaven, that was only a matter of time, but Cas… he was gone. And even with Sam in Heaven when the time came, Dean wasn't sure he could ever be truly happy without Cas. But instead of lingering on the thought and feeding he hole in his chest even more, he stepped up to the large bowl of water Jack had sitting on his desk and leaned over it. “How’s Sam doing?”

     Jack came to stand beside him, looking into the water and seeing both of their reflections staring back at them. He waved a hand once over the bowl and their reflections disappeared, replaced by a vision of Sam. He was a little older than he had been when Dean left him, he could see the slight greys working their way through his still overly long hair. Dean smiled as he watched his little brother, finally happy, playing catch in the front yard with his son. This was the life he had always wanted for Sammy. 

     “He is happy, Dean,” Jack said from his side as if reading his thoughts, “he misses you, but he knows you're safe and waiting for him.”

     “And the kid?” He asked, not taking his eyes off the young boy.

     “Starts school in the fall. Sam is nervous to be leaving him, but he’ll be fine.”

     Dean smiled once more at the scene before him, then nodded and walked away. He stood in the center of the room, just taking a moment for himself until Jack's hand came to rest on his shoulder. "I wish there was some way I could help you, Dean, some way I could make you happy. And I wish I could bring Castiel back but The Empty… it's impenetrable even for me. I'll keep trying but I don't know if it will ever work. I'm sorry, Dean."

     "It's not your fault, kid," he answered, finding his hand aimlessly running up his arm and finding that spot again. That spot on his shoulder that always burned, where Cas had grabbed him to pull him out of Hell all those years ago. "But you have enough to worry about, running Heaven and all, so don't you worry about me or my happiness. It's the last of your problems, kay, kid." 

     "I worry about you all the time, Dean, I worry about all those under my wings. So your happiness is always one of my top priorities."

     "Kid," Dean squeezed the now invisible handprint on his shoulder before turning to be face to face with Jack, "it's sweet that you worry, but you'll never be able to change it no matter what you do. I just… I can't live without Cas. Since the day he pulled me out of Hell I've never been able to be without him. I'm sorry, Jack, but that fact’s not going to change."

     "Dean, I-" Jack stopped dead as the entire room started to shake with a screech that had them both falling to their knees covering their ears. Dean turned to look at Jack beside him, shouting over the all too familiar deafening noise, "This you?!"

     "No!"

     "Then who-" The screeching got louder, the high pitched whine ringing violently in Dean's head, and after a blinding flash of light covering them both in a white glow, it stopped just as fast as it had started. 

     Dean took a second to gather himself, hoping that the ringing in his ears would go away already, but slowly he pushed himself to his feet to take in the room. It would be the understatement of the millennium to say that he was beyond pissed when he realized just what had happened. 

     "You!" He growled out. 

     "Hello, Dean."

     "You're dead, you son of a bitch!" His whole body was shaking, fists clenched at his side's. 

     "Oh, Dean, you should know by now, after all this time, you can't kill God."

     Dean felt the rage build up inside him, bubbling over, encompassing him. "You mean to tell me that you've been alive all this time, and when the world went to hell you just sat back and watched?!" Chuck just stood in place, smirking at Dean as he went on, "You're supposed to be our saviour. Almighty and merciful God, tucked tail and ran when things got a little too hard."

     “That's enough, Dean. I didn't give the world free will just to stand over it and fix every little mistake that you make.”

     “Little mistake?” He asked in disbelief, slowly inching forwards, “You call the Apocalypse a little mistake? Lucifer rising a little mistake? Leviathans? Abbadon? How are any of those things classified as a little mistake?! How could you just sit and watch as the world, your world, burned to the ground?!”

     “Dean-” he warned, but was cut off.

     “You're just another a-typical absent father. You threw your children to the world and when they needed you the most you gave them a real big screw you!”

     “Enough!” Chuck raised a hand and suddenly Dean found himself frozen in place along with Jack. He couldn't move, arms tucked tightly at his side, feet planted. “I didn't come here to have you think you know better then me. I came here to talk and you are going to listen.”

     Dean struggled against Chuck's hold on him, but didn't say anything more and waited for him to continue. 

     “I came here to tell you, both of you, that I'm done.” Dean turned his head to look over at Jack, both confused, then back to Chuck. 

     “You're what?”

     “I'm done, Dean,” he repeated with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “You may not think it, but I've given more of myself to this world then you will ever know, and I don't wanna do it anymore. No more chasing after my children, no more fixing their mistakes, no more saving you or anyone else. And after everything I've done for you and your brother, you are going to help me.”

     “I owe you nothing!”

     “Actually,” he shrugged his bottom lip, “by my count you owe me at least a couple dozen lives.”

     Dean snarled his lip and grunted, still trying to break those bonds.

     “So here’s how it's going to happen, I’m going to kill myself.

     “What?!” Both Dean and Jack looked to him with a mix of intense emotions, “You can't-”

     “You may not be able to kill me, Dean, but I can. And that's exactly what I'm going to do,” he moved to be a little closer to Dean, “well, kind of. See, while you've been up here living this odd little somber Winchester fantasy, Amara and I have been contemplating our existence. Everything we've done over the millions of years we've been alive, and we've both decided it's time. So in a way we are both going to be ending our lives, but we've decided that we want to live one more lifetime before we go, as the very humans I created. One more lifetime together as brother and sister before we let it all go and retire upstairs. Jack’s doing fine running Heaven on his own, so it's time. But before I do all that, I need to restore reality which means you can't stay up here anymore. It's time for you to go back down to Earth where you belong, Dean.”

     “Where I belong?! I'm dead, I died fighting those vamps.”

     “Dean, Dean, Dean,” he chided as he stepped forwards again, “delved so deep into your love for your brother that you don't know what's actually going on here, do you? Think back, Dean, think back to that fight, to the vamps and what actually happened.”

     Dean did, he thought back as hard as he could. To that night with Sam and the vamps. Fighting them, saving the kids… his anger, his rage, his loss. It was the only thing that took over his mind, the only thing besides dying that he could remember. So he looked back up at Chuck.

     “Here, let me help you.” He took the final step towards Dean and placed two fingers on his forehead, sending his head lulling back as the memories of that fateful night came rushing back to him, and not the memories that he had thought were true all this time. 

      He saw the vamps, the nail on the wall, and Sam… shoved up against it slumped forwards, dead in his arms. He felt the rush of pain, a second shot of loss as he cradled Sam in his arms, and the gut punched feeling as he came back out of the memory and realized that it was all a lie. “All coming back to you now, Dean, turning any wheels?”

     “Sam…”

     “You see, Dean, it wasn't you who died, it was Sam.”

     Dean's eyes finally focused back, staring Chuck down as he made his best attempt to lunge at him despite the spell, “You son of a bitch! What did you do to me?!”

     “Think of it like a Djinn dream,” he smirked, “I only gave you what you wanted, what you asked for.”

     “I never asked for this!”

     “Actually, yes you did, that very night when Sam died.” Chuck scoffed, almost laughed at Dean's confusion. “When you saw Sam die that night, you prayed to ‘whatever being may still be out there’ to save your brother one last time. ‘Take me instead’, you said, and I figured I owed you one. So I did what you asked, I kept Sam alive and brought you here, to Heaven with Jack and all the people you've loved and lost in the past, but none of it's real Dean. Well, Heaven’s real, but Sam’s life on earth isn't, it's all in your head, Sam’s happiness is just a vision.”

     “How is it not real?! I've seen Sam!” He screamed, his voice almost sounding distant. “He’s… he's married, has a kid, a son. He’s starting school in the fall, he's… he’s…”

     “Not real, Dean,” he shook his head with a sympathetic smile, “I made all of it up, Sam's life, his wife, his kid. You've only been seeing what I wanted you to see, what I thought you wanted to see, what I thought would make you happy. I really tried my best, put everything I had behind this one, but I've come to realize over the years that no matter what I do or how hard I try, I will never be able to make a Winchester truly happy.”

     “If… if this is all fake, then where's Sam?”

     “He's still in the same place he was when you last saw him.” Dean's eyes went wide and Chuck lifted his hands. “Not as you think, I didn't leave him to rot down there. I froze all time on Earth.”

     “You stopped time?!”

     Chuck nodded, “For the last four years time has stood still. No one’s moved or aged or even breathed since the night you prayed for Sam to be saved. And I used that time to reevaluate my life, both Amara and I actually have. And I think time’s stood still long enough. It's time for me to stop thinking about the happiness of the entirety of my creation and start thinking about my own happiness."

     "Your happiness?! What about Sam's happiness?!" He nearly screamed, "After everything he's done for you, you're just going to let him die?!"

     "Do you really think this would be Sam's perfect vision of happiness? Do you honestly think Sam would be happy without you?!" He laughed, "That's why I always thought this little wish of yours was the equivalent of a teenage fanfiction, rainbows, puppies and kittens, you know. So very not Dean and Sam Winchester at all."

     Dean just glared at him as he continued, "Of course Sam wouldn't ever be happy down there without his big brother right by his side. He wouldn't stop hunting, or trying to find a way to bring you back. You two are way too attached to ever be able to live any sort of life without each other, it's a joke really to think otherwise. I believe Zachariah once described it as "erotically codependent"."

     "You dumb son of a bitch! Let me go and leave Sam out of this!"

 "I'm sorry, Dean, but I have to send you back." Though Dean was certain he wasn’t even the least bit sorry, for any of it, "I need to restore reality, put you on Earth where you're supposed to be, and bring Sam up here where he’s supposed to be. Restore natural order. It's the only way that Amara and I can live our one last life as humans. And you, Dean, you will help us do that. After all I've done for you over the many years, it’s time you owed me. Time to go back to reality now, Dean.”

     “No,” he pulled back from Chuck's outstretched hand again as much as he could, “no, you selfish son of a bitch, I don't wanna go back! I want to stay here so Sam can be happy and alive down there. Switch us!”

     “I can't do that, Dean, order has to be restored, and that means you down there and Sam up here,” he slowly inched even closer, “Sam will be fine, I promise.”

     “No, don't send me back! Don't send me back! No!”

     Chuck's fingers finally touched Dean's forehead, the room was filled in a blast of bright white light, and that was the last thing he saw before everything went dark. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

     When the white finally faded and he was able to open his eyes again, Dean found himself back in that barn. He sat up and slowly looked around. The bodies of several vamps scattered at his feet, and to his left…

     He pushed himself over to his knees and scurried over to where Sam was laying on the ground. "Sam!" He lifted him up, shaking him, but the slick slide of the blood covering his back had Sam falling out of his grasp and back to the ground. 

     He lifted his red stained hand and stared at it in horror, this couldn't be happening! This couldn't be real. But the cold touch of Sam's skin on his other hand as he searched for a pulse he couldn't find, told him otherwise. This was it, this was reality, real. It was all real. Sam was dead, Chuck had fabricated everything he had thought was real for the last four years, and he was sobbing as he pulled Sam's limp body against his. 

     "Sam, don't… don't leave me, don't go," he choked, "I've lost Cas, I can't lose you too. Sammy, please-"

     But of course Sam didn't answer, didn't move, then Dean had a thought. "Jack! Jack, I need your help! Please!"

     The whoosh of wings hit Dean's ears and suddenly Jack was standing in front of him, looking at the scene before him with just as much horror as Dean. 

     "Can you fix it?!" He practically begged, desperate. 

     Jack walked over and knelt down, touching Sam's forehead. His hand glowed where it was rested on Sam's skin and Dean waited, holding his breath, but nothing happened. Sam remained lifeless, limp in his arms, cold. 

     "Nothing happened," he searched Jack's face for an answer, some kind of explanation as to why Sam was still dead, but Jack just shook his head, at as much of a loss as Dean was. 

     "I'm sorry, Dean, it… I can't do anything. It won't work."

     "What do you mean it won't work?! You're God now, fix this! Fix him!"

     "I can't," he whispered, "I'm sorry."

     Before Dean could say anything more, Jack started to fade before him, almost glitch. "What are you doing?"

     "It's not me," he shook his head looking at his hands, "I'm being forced back. Dean I-"

     And he was gone. Dean was alone again, Sam was still dead, he didn't know what to do, he felt like he could barely breathe let alone come up with his next step. 

     Then the sound of crying caught his attention and pulled him out of the dark hole in his mind, and had him instantly on guard. Still clutching tightly to Sam he turned to look behind him. No one was there, the barn was empty, but then it happened again. The crying, and then… he looked down towards the ground. 

     He gently laid Sam down and slowly pulled himself towards the two small objects now a few feet away from him. He lifted the covers and in the two small car seats in front of him he found exactly what he was afraid he would find. Two babies, two new born babies, a little boy and a little girl both staring back at him. And inside the baby boy’s carseat there was a brown envelope with the words 'Attention Dean Winchester' on the front. He took the envelope and reached a hesitant hand inside to pull out the documents. And after he slowly and carefully read the first paper all he could do was just stare at these two little babies in front of him, Sam behind him, and try not to throw up as the hole in his stomach got infinitely bigger with every second. What was he supposed to do now? 

~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: So.... There’s chapter one! I hope you all like it so far! Please let me know what you think, and if anyone wants to be added to the tag list just let me know <3

Tags: @thebridgekid @frostingsfics @sunshineandwings86 @j2mslittlebitch @b-e-d-e-l-i-a @ninpendo @nguyenxtrang @toomuchheartcas

#destiel #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #fluff #sam winchester #dean winchester x castiel #smut #dean/cas #dean x castiel #dean winchester/castiel #angst #supernatural fanfiction #destiel fanfiction #supernatural series #supernatural fic #supernatural season 16 #supernatural season finale #supernatural fix it #destiel fix it #jody mills #crowley #amara #chuck shurley #sounds of someday #chapter one

[womanoflettersinthebunker]

“Agent? Are you still there?" 

Sam closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, looking around Deans room one more time. His throat was tight and he had to clear it a few times, "Yes," he told him. "I'm on my way."

He packed not even the bare essentials, just a few weapons that were lying close enough to grab and hoisted the bag up onto his shoulder, hand coming down to just barely brush the through the top of Miracles head, feeling her soft fur tickle his palm.

He turned to give another look back at the bunker, staring at it, staring at the table where he and Dean had worked countless hours on. Either trying to figure out how to kill what was after them or save someone or just...being there. Dinners and movies and everything in between. He had always wished that those moments would've lasted forever. 

He wished that they had lasted forever. 

Turning away he reached for the light switches, not hesitating as he turned them off, hearing the whole bunker slowly shut down. He could hear the radiator turn off followed by the clicking of all the lights one after the other. Miracle trotted alongside him as the door swung closed with a heavy thud, echoing sound. Reaching the garage he opened the door for her first, letting her into the backseat. He started to get into the passenger's seat but then stopped, closing his eyes and breathing out sharply once more. 

He got into the driver's seat. 

He drove with no real stop, he got coffee at some point and fed Miracle, when she whined and scratched at the door he stopped and let her out, letting her do her business, as he waited, leaning against the impala. 

Once he finally reached Austin he donned his FBI suit and badge, recited the lines that he and Dean had said so many times. Nodded in the right places, extended a hand to touch the witnesses shoulder in an attempt to comfort them, got the information he needed to find out where the werewolf might be hiding. 

He felt like he had back when he had been soulless. Going through the motions, reciting the lines like from a script. 

Donna swung by as well, she had been in the area hence giving his number out. Her hug was tight around him, tears in her eyes as she gave her concerns, eyes going over him. 

The lost weight. 

The dark circles under his eyes. 

How he wouldn't meet her gaze. 

WHen she spoke her voice was soft, caring, talking to him like an animal that was seconds away from lashing out in a horrible fashion. 

Or maybe like he was made of glass, broken, barely pierced together glass, that was one small shake away from cracking beyond repair. 

Miracle gaev another whine, pushing to his side and hand. It took him a moment to move his hand and pet her gently. 

He always had wanted a dog, something Dean had always teased him about. 

He never wanted it like this. 

At the motel room they had a light dinner, or at least Donna did. All Sam had was some water, it was all he could stomach these days. She talked softly around him, mentioning Jody and the girls, Alex had gotten a full time position at the hospital as a nurse. Claire was taking classes at a community college. Even Patience was doing okay despite the ever present visions. 

Sam tried to care about what she was saying, tried to be happy for her and smile and nod like with the witnesses. 

He sipped at his water. It was barely a quarter empty. 

Miracle whined once more at him, moving to place her head on his lap and he absentmindedly petted her.

“Listen, Sam.” Donna started, voice steady and certain, he had heard her use that voice before on traumatizing victims she had brought in. “We’ve all been thinking and...we think you should stay with us for a bit. Jody and then me and Garth too! It’s just that-” she hesitated before continuing. “We’re worried about you. And we don’t think that...you should be in that bunker all by yourself, you got some great company.” she quickly added, smiling at Miracle who didn’t look away from Sam. “But we think you might need something...a bit more.”

Sam didn’t answer her, just continued to pet Miracle who looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. She licked at his hand, cold nose pressing into his palm. 

“Mind walking her for a bit?” Sam asked instead, thumb rubbing against the top of her head. “I think I want to take a nap before we go find the wolf.”

Donna hesitated but nodded. “Course.” she said, throwing her napkin on the wrapper and gathering everything. She left his uneaten food, wrapping it up instead. “You take a nap, you’ll eat that, and we’ll go out together.”

Sam didn’t say anything as Donna snagged Miracles leash, attaching it to her collar. She shot Sam one more look before tugging Miracle out, comforting her as she whined and pulled to get back to Sam. 

The door closed and Sam didn’t move until he forced himself to stand up, going to his duffel bag. He rummaged through it before pulling the golden amulet with the frayed leather cord. Staring at it for a moment he pulled it on, comforted by the weight of it around his neck. 

He left the rest of his belongings there, closing the motel door softly. 

His hand slid along the impala as he got into the driver's seat one last time. He drove mechanically, already knowing where to go. The engine rebervated through him, it was the closest thing he’s felt in all these days. 

Pulling up to a dilapidated barnhouse Sam turned the engine off, stepping out of the car. He shot a quick text to Garth and threw the phone back, ignoring how it immediately lit up with Garth trying to call him. Hands in his pockets he walked up to it, using his shoulder to nudge the door open and step inside. 

Hidden, pressed into the back of the barn was the werewolf, two of them actually. They were young, looked like teens at the most. Both of them had their claws extended and their eyes were alight in yellow, the rest of their features pointed and inhumane. 

They looked like a pair of brothers, the way the younger one, he didn’t even look like he was twelve, was shaking behind the older one, clinging to the back of his shirt. The older one, he didn’t look older than sixteen at the most, was turned towards Sam, teeth barred with one hand ready to push the younger one behind him.

The older teen seemed to snap, talking about how bad hunters were and how they were just trying to survive. That hunters had killed their parents and he had to do what he did, he needed to provide for his little brother, they were a pack and all that was left so he was alpha and he was doing whatever it took to get his little brother fed.

Sam just stared at them, hands in his pocket, not moving. 

That seemed to unnerve the older teen, he spat out more accusations, more threats that made his voice shake and crack. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the kid cracked. Said that his little brother had been sick and they had tried, they really had, to survive on animal hearts. But his little brother had gotten shot at and grazed by a silver bullet, the poison working against him. 

So he had no other choice, he couldn’t let his brother die. He resorted to hunting humans and tearing their heart out and please, he had pleaded, please he didn’t want to but he had to. They were almost done, they just needed one more heart, a strong one, and he’d be better. Please just one heart, could be anyone, could be a criminal, just please, please.

“You can have mine.” Sam told them, watching them freeze. Dimly he remembered back when his heart had been for sale, five hundred thousand to be precise. “You can have mine on one condition,” his voice was a bit rough, it was more than he had said in days. “After this you go to Grantsburg, Wisconsin, there’s a small pack there, a family, the man's name is Garth and he’ll help you and take care of you.”

Lifting his chin, he pushed his chest out. “So do this, eat it, and go. Tell them I sent you. He already knows.” he smiled, it felt rusty, out of place, but also right. “C’mon, for your little brother.”

He saw the wolf hesitantly move towards him, the younger remained where he was, staring with wide eyes as his older brother finally reached Sam, staring up into his eyes. 

“Isn’t that the point of it all?” he murmured, feeling the weight slowly lifting off of him. “To take care of your little brother?”

The wolf nodded tensely, eyes glistening with tears. Sam could hear a whispered thank you and he might’ve laughed, he should be the one thanking him. 

There was some pain, there always was at this point with his chest ripped out, hand curling around his heart, but maybe because he had been prepared, or maybe Jack had been watching and had been merciful to keep him from really feeling the pain. 

But whatever the reason, there was a moment's pain that was barely noticeable, and then he opened his eyes, facing a mountain landscape off a bridge. 

But more importantly, more important than even the car parked just a few feet away.

Was Dean, leaning against the bridge staring out. Sam took a step closer to him and felt his breath catch when his brother turned around, a sad smile on his face.

“Hey Sammy.” he said roughly, eyes raking over him hungrily. Sam felt something inside of him crack and he leaped the rest of the way, wrapping his arms around his brother. 

“Dean.” he mumbled, burying his face in the crook of his brother's neck. He felt like sobbing as Dean wrapped his arms around him, hand buried in the back of his head. 

They parted all too soon but Sam managed a smile at him, Deans hand cupping half of his neck and half of his face. He leaned the rest of the way, resting his forehead against Deans, just breathing him in, the weight of the last time of his existence on earth already fading away into the pure bliss of being with his brother again.

He was home. 

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #SPN #Sam Winchester #samanddean #sam and dean #366 #366 day challenge #366 days of writing #176/366 #15x20 #spn 15x20 #15x20 carry on #spn spoilers

[jay-and-dean]

Frozen Sleep

(Dean x Reader)

This is a request by @acklesterritory​ :

So I'm just wanna take my chance and request a Dean x Reader imagination where the reader got hypothermia and Dean had to rescue her and take care of her all by himself bc there is a scary storm out there and Cas is somewhere else doing angel stuff. And all he got as help is Sammy who's arm is already broken in the last haunt. All angst and fluff. May I ask? 😍

Words :  4.4 k

Warnings : Hurt reader obviously. A hint of Angst. Fluff. Fluffy Smut.

Words : 2.4 k

Note : I wanted to do this one  because I do have a condition that makes me have hypothermias easily and so I really hate cold.

This is written both on Reader and Dean’s Pov

Want to read more => ***MASTERLIST***

____________________

Reader’s Pov

             One step after the other. One step after the other… One step…

Dean is so strong, look at him, his footsteps crush the snow like it was nothing, when it’s basically biting my legs with each movement.

           He’s holding my hand and it’s the only part of my body that is not horribly painful. The wind is made of needles, each snowflake that touches me feels like somebody was beating me up… And right now, thousands of them are harassing my body all at once, every second.

           He walks too fast… And his legs are so long, how am I supposed to follow ?

           Sam tells him something but I can’t hear it… the wind is deafening and the pain… It’s screaming in my ears.

           Dean turns toward me, but I can’t see him clearly because of that darkness everywhere, or is it in my eyes ? Even the threatening white of that harrowing snow is dark.

“Y/n ? Look at me… Less than two miles, I promise…”

I try to answer, to show him I’m strong, but no words come out of my mouth.

“I know you’re cold… We… We will make it okay ? You stay with me sweetheart.”

 Dean’s Pov

             Sam is right, she’s won’t make it to the cabin, not like that. Her eyes are slightly rolling and she’s having trouble to speak : Hypothermia.

“I know you’re cold… We… We will make it okay ? You stay with me sweetheart.”

Stay with me… Y/n stay with me I’m begging you.

           The storm is becoming worse, and walking against it seems almost impossible, but we have too. She has no one, no one but me. Our phones are dead, cold killed their batteries, and there is no service anyway. Sam is hurt, his arm in that stupid cast, his ribs broken… I don’t even know how he can still be walking without any complain.

“I will carry her” I tell him but he shakes his head.

“Dean… She’s having hypothermia, i-if you carry her… she will fall asleep.”

“Son of a bitch !” I yell, but the storm suffocates my anger.

           She’s shaking like she was going to convulse, her hand is so cold that I feel like tugging at a corpse arm.

           I’m so scared. I’m so angry. And I’m so cold.

           Y/n, she… She can’t die. I can’t lose her, and Sam knows that, that’s why he’s looking at me like someone had shoot my puppy. Dammit yesterday morning, yesterday morning I did it again…

“Y/n, you hold on, I need you to hold on” I get closer, wrapping my arms around her waist, like I could give her a little of my heat. I would give it all of it if I could. “Hold on sweetheart.”

 Reader’s Pov

             I wish I could feel him, when he wraps that strong arm around me, but I don’t feel anything but pain and we wear too much clothes anyway.

           I would give anything to feel him. To feel is skin stick to my fingers because of sweat, his muscles roll under my palms while he buries himself between my legs.

That’s where I love him the most : between my legs. And I never told him.

           I feel dizzy, and the snowflakes don’t melt on my skin anymore, so my lashes are covered in them. I can’t see clearly.

           What happens when we die ? I mean, I know what happens after… I have that privilege, -or maybe it’s a curse-. But just… dying. I know a man or two that actually lived that a few times… I could ask…them -I’m so tired-… if… that… feels… like… that…

“Y/n !” Dean’s voice make my heart beat suddenly too fast, and too strong. “Sammy, she really can’t walk… If we don’t make it to the cabin…”

His voice is different, I never heard it like that. He’s worried, scared maybe even, and I know him, he feels responsible, he always does.

           I want to tell him everything is going to be okay, but I never lied to Dean, and right now, I feel like I’m dying.

           I can’t. Dean has suffered so much, he can’t lose another friend, not in his arms, not again… Who will wake him up from nightmares ? Who will make him homemade pies ? Who will be here, when he doesn’t want to spend the night alone ? When he needs the comfort of caresses and kisses, when he needs to hide from the world deep inside of me ?

“I can w-walk” I say, the air ripping my lungs coming out of it.

But my heartbeats… They’re singing a song I don’t know.

 Dean’s Pov

             I can feel my jaw tremble and I have no idea if it’s cold, or that awful fear.

“I can w-walk” she mutters weakly, but after ten more steps, she falls on her knees in the deep snow before I can catch her. And seeing her body fail like this, it rips my heart in half.

“Y/n !”

I squat to take her in my arms, and let out a groan of effort when I lift both our bodies. I feel weak, and the cold is biting my legs, but I would carry her across the world if I had too.

           Bridal style, in my arms, she rests her head on my shoulder, but with a harsh shake of it, I make her move it, forbidding rest.

“Don’t fall asleep, talk to me. If you stop talking, I put you on the ground again, understood ?”

“Y-yes…” she whines.

I know she’s hurt, I know it’s so hard for her, and I want to cry just knowing how she must be struggling.

“I sh-shouldn’t have eaten all those pancakes f-for breakfast…” she tries to joke. “I wouldn’t be so heavy…”

“You’re as light as a feather sweetheart.”

Sam looks at us, that pained look on his face, he can see my thighs tetanize from cold and effort. He comes closer and wipes her pale face where snow is covering her quickly.

“People with hypothermia feel distracted, and tend to lose some memories, Y/n… Why don’t you try to focus on a memory, and tell us” he says kindly, blowing on her hands.

“Me-memory…” she whispers so low I wouldn’t have known if I wasn’t watching her blue lips. “I remember s-summer…” she starts.

“Of course you do” I fake a smile when she searches my face.

“That ghost in Tennessee… D-Dean was sick.”

“Damn rabbit food !” I grunt, remembering how bad that weird fruit had made me.

Sam wipes her face again, his good hand holding hers.

“I had to stay with you all night… Y-you w-were puking your guts…” she closes her eyes a little too long so I shake her a little, panic immediately electrocuting my spine.

But she doesn’t open them right away.

“Y/N !”

“A-and…” she continues like she hadn’t realize she passed out for a second. “Th-That was the first time I slept in his-your… Dean ?��

“I’m here” I state, almost choking on the frozen tears in my throat. “Keep talking beauty, we’re almost there.”

“What was I s-saying ?”

“That I got sick in Tennessee” I answer, frowning at Sam.

“Yeah… I slept next to you… and you t-took me in your arms.”

           I did. I took her in my arms that night. I had dreamed of doing it, and the night I finally overcome my fear of getting attached, I was sweating and smelled like vomit… I never stopped since then, I never stopped keeping her close. Struggling between the need of her and the fear of getting really involved, I kept snuggling up in her arms and pushing her away to protect her ; look where it got her.

“I wish I could perceive your smell… I-it always calms me… But I c-can’t smell anything. Or… maybe… the feathers are too heavy…”

“Y/n !” Sam calls. “Hey ! Look at me ! I have a memory I would like to share with you.”

He looks up at me, but his eyes are piercing me like he was praying to God knows who that this will catch her attention.

“Remember that night Dean got drunk and went out by himself ?”

I frown, and look down at her, begging my legs to make it to the cabin, counting in my head, if I can do three steps more, it means I can do ten, if I can do ten… Fuck why do my knees hurt so much, like ice was stuck on the cogs of it. Just like her, I try to focus on the story Sam is telling. She’s fighting so hard.

“I do…” she whines, like she was crying.

“Why did he left ?” Sam asks, slightly slapping her face now. The gesture makes me bite my cheek.

Stay with me, Y/n…

“He was in pain… I-I don’t remember why…”

I swallow hard. I was in pain because nothing felt right, because mom was gone, and Jack was gone… And I wanted her but I couldn’t do this anymore : Take her like she was mine, mark her body to feel like she belongs to me… And watch the hickeys from the other side of the room in the morning, while she doesn’t even try to hide them anymore.

Like yesterday morning, when I had to push her arm to get up and dress, when I saw the hurt in her eyes as she watched me leaves her again without a word…

“No need to remember why” Sam keeps talking to her. “What did you do that night ?”

What did she do ? What does he mean ?

“I… looked for a s-spell…”

“What spell ?” my brother insists.

“A spell t-to take his pain away…”

 Reader’s Pov

             My heart is not beating as usual and my legs are burning, like they were in flames… It’s been worse though, the pain is fading a little, or I’m just turning off… breathing is becoming hard. I feel like what Sam is asking is way beyond my strength. I just want to let go so bad.

“A spell t-to take his pain away…”

“Yes… Because seeing Dean suffer is unbearable, remember ? That’s what you told me that night. You were desperate to see him sad” Sam’s voice reaches me despite the wind.

I just wish Dean was here now… If I die and go to Heaven, I’m sure my Heaven will be him between my legs… I want that. I want that so bad. I let my head go back a little but I’m suddenly shaken…Wait… I open my eyes and see him just above me. My Dean. I could I forget…

“Now imagine the amount of pain he will feel if you let go right now” Sam says and I frown. “Imagine if you die in his arms now.”

I feel a sob escape my lips, but I’m not sure I’m actually crying, because my tears must have frozen.

“That’s unfair…” I whine, fighting against a cold that suddenly became more painful than it ever was, the frozen flames biting my muscles hard. “I can’t…”

“You can sweetheart” Dean says. “I need you with me.”

 Dean’s Pov

             Sam asked her to enumerate things, the seven deadly sins, the ways to kill a vampire, her favorite books… And she’s struggling, she’s so brave.

           My heart is in my throat. Y/n, she likes me a lot, I know that, I can feel it in the way she’s always trying to protect me from everything, in the way she always comes to my defense, in the way she comes so easily when I touch her, in the way she clings to me at night…

           But I don’t like her, I love her. Maybe she can feel it in the way I always push her away after having her close…

           What Sam said, what she said… If she loves me…

           I never knew that feeling. I mean, I keep on saying I am used to losing dear ones, but, one doesn’t get used to it. And, it was always so brutal, feeling someone slowly drift in my arms is different. Worse in a way.

And it’s Y/n…  

           My eyes widen and take a deep shaky breath.

“The cabin, sweetheart ! We made it !”

But she doesn’t answer.

“Y/n !” Sam calls but she’s not reacting to his little slaps. “Dean, we have to hurry.”

             When I enter the cabin, I stop counting my steps, and my legs let go. I fall heavily on my knees, felling the wood cut through my soaked jeans and frozen skin.

“Dean !” Sam calls, but all I can do is cling to her, and push her cheek with my nose.

“I’m okay” I groan. “Just close the door ! We need to warm her up !”

Sam closes the door and the wind gets trapped outside, I sigh in relief.

           With trembling hands I put her on the floor and starts taking her soaked jacket off, this wasn’t made for this weather. Underneath, her sweater is wet too, so I take it off. My own fingers are numb from that horrible cold so I struggle a little.

           Without asking anything, Sam takes the backpack I was carrying off of my back. Making me grunt at the impossibility of taking her clothes off more for a second.

“Y/n… Y/n… Don’t be in a coma… Please wake up… I’m begging you…” I keep calling her while I finally take her t-shirt off, leaving her pale body in just her pants and bra.

           I take my coat off and check my flannel, it’s not wet. Sam hands me the blanket that’s on the cabin’s bed, and I can see he hesitates to tell me to put her on the bed. I will. But right now, I’m not sure I can stand, and she needs to get rid of those damp freezing clothes as soon as possible.

           As I try to dress her with my flannel, I freak out : her inert body looks like she was already dead. My tears start to fall on her.

“Please baby… Help me with that okay…” but her arms fall like I’ve seen so many times on other people, less important people… “Please. You can’t leave me… I love you Y/n…”

           A sudden feeling of warmth wraps us with a comforting light. Sam managed to light up a fire in the old fireplace.

“Bring her here” he says.

I close the flannel on her body and let out a growl when I get up, just to make a few steps and fall on my knees again, cutting deeper in my skin, next to the fireplace. Her lips are blue. Sam checks her pulse while I wrap her in the cover, squeezing her tight against me.

“She’s here, she just fainted because her heart is slow” Sam says, sitting in a sore whine next to us.

He starts undoing her shoes and she whines a little when he tugs at it, taking her socks with it. That little sound is the first clue of her life, and my frozen heart starts to melt.

“Jesus Sam” I say when I see how blue her feet are.

I push her pants off, making sure her panties stays in place. Her legs are as blue as her feet, and bruises are forming on it from the blood not running correctly in her veins.

“You must be in so much pain, baby…” I whine, holding back my sobs.

           I cover her legs with the cover and my brother takes her feet between his thighs.

           Silence.

“She’s going to live Dean” Sam finally says in a serious frown, and only now, I notice how shaking he is, how soaked his hair.

“There are other blankets, Sammy, and pillows, look” I point at the couch with my chin, where another blanket and some dusty pillows lay. “Bring them all, take the blanket for you.”

He gets up and comes back with everything in his giant arms, even the couch’s big pillows.

“Your knees are bleeding, Dean” he says. “And you’re in your t-shirt.”

I nod, not really listening, she moved her face on my chest.

I push her hair, and notice some strands are frozen. So I bend my head, and put my lips on her forehead, determined to give her all my heat.

           Sam is trying to get things out of the bag, but his wounded body fights against him. He wants to give me water, but I won’t take my lips off her skin.

“We made the worst of it already, Dean, we’re only a few miles away from the Impala, the road and that diner where we had breakfast” Sam says. “We have food and water, so we will be okay.”

I’m not if she doesn’t wake up.

           All I can think of is all the times I didn’t enjoy waking up next to her. Now she might never come back from her frozen sleep, and I would give anything to come back to yesterday morning.

“I love her, Sam.”

“I know” he sighs.

“No I mean, I’m in love with her.”

“Yes, Dean, I know. You should tell her that. You will. Okay, Dean ? She’s not dead, she’s strong. You will tell her.”

 Reader’s Pov

             I open my eyes and the light seems to burn them in the corner. Something very warm is on my forehead, like a piece of ember, but soft.

           Little drops of water fall on my face… Where am I ?

           It suddenly comes back like a scream in my head, the storm, the pain, the snow digging holes to my flesh.

           Those drops are soft and warm. And my body still hurts so I’m not dead. I remember promising Sam I won’t, for Dean. My Dean. He’s cold too, where is he ?

“Dean…” I whisper.

“Y/n ?” the piece of soft ember moves and the smell of the man I love reaches my senses. “I’m here, Sweetheart.”

           I look up and he is here, just above me, tears on his face. He puts his forehead on mine and kiss the corner of my mouth.

           It’s night, it was not supposed to be night before a few hours…

“I can’t move” I say, still a little confused.

“Yes, you’re weak and I’m holding you close, look : You’re in a big blanket and there is a fireplace.”

“You’re shaking” I say. “And you’re in a t-shirt… Come in the cover with me.”

He chuckles, a few more tears reaching his chin.

“Don’t worry for me, Y/n…”

“I always do” I say, trying to move because I know how stubborn he is.

“Okay, okay…” he sighs.

           While he laboriously moves his body in a grunt, my mind slowly becomes clearer, and I turn my head to see Sam sleeping on the couch, with a too little blanket on his giant body.

“Is Sam okay ?” I frown.

“Yes… He’s just exhausted with those wounds and all, I gave him a strong pill for pain, it might have knocked him out, he tried to stay awake but he drifted at some point” Dean says, taking the blanket off of me to sit me between in legs. “I hope he’s not too cold, but I think the fire is keeping this room at a habitable temperature…”

I struggle to stay straight, so I let go my head back on his chest. He puts the both of us in the large blanket and wraps his arms around me. His body’s heat is like a bath, his thighs caging mine, his chin on my head. Paradoxically, I never felt so safe.

He will probably ignore me tomorrow, he will most likely suddenly act like we always were those simple friends, and make our passionate nights disappear with a friendly peck on my cheek ; but I don’t care…

           He grabs my weak legs to bend them against me, to make sure my feet are under the covers, and gently blows with his mouth wide open against my neck, to cover it with his hot breath.

           I can still fell the held back sobs against my back.

“Dean… Why are you crying ?” I dare, grabbing his hand in mine under the blanket.

He doesn’t answer, of course he doesn’t. I sigh and squeeze his hand in my still cold fingers, just to let him know that I am here.

“I thought you were going to die…” he whispers, his husky but smooth voice, so close to my ear. “You were frozen and… And sleeping this sleep that looks like death.”

“I’m sorry” I say, not sure what I can tell.

“Don’t be… I’m the one who brought us here.”

I can’t see him, but I feel his body contract and I know him by heart, so much I actually can picture his face in my head, with his jaw clenched, and that self-hatred darkness in his eyes.

“Don’t blame yourself…”

A dark chuckle.

“Dean… The storm wasn’t expected. And my clothes…” I sigh. “I need to buy a coat.”

“I could have given you mine” he grunts.

“Oh yeah and we both would be lying cold as ice somewhere in this forest… You saved me. Again.”

I love you.

He kisses the side of my neck and just behind my ear. His gesture is soft and pure, like it always is when he touches me, like it was meant to be…

“I’m sorry for yesterday” he says low, his lips barely grazing my ear.

Yesterday ? Is he talking about yesterday morning ? He never does, he never talks about those times we have together, almost leaving me believing they were dreams.

“I’m a coward” he sighs, and his face nuzzles in the crook of my neck.

“You’re pretty far from that, Dean.”

“When it comes to feelings, I am. You know that” he murmurs and his fingers start to play with mine. “You’re so patient and loving… Sweetheart, you know I love you, right ?”

 Dean’s Pov

             A burning feeling roams my whole body, and I know she can feel how hot I suddenly am. She was so brave, she is so brave. Fighting for her life, fighting for her friends, fighting for me when I just keep letting her down.

“Sweetheart, you know I love you, right ?”

She takes a deep breath and I hold mine, my feet bending inward, like I could cage her more.

“To be honest Dean…” she sighs and my heart falls in a loud crashing sound. “Knowing it is not easy… Sometimes I manage to convince myself of it… When you show me, when you give yourself so completely to me…”

When she says that, I close my eyes, images of her pretty thighs holding her body above me, of her teeth grazing my chest… And I feel blood rushing south.

           I kiss her jaw and she turns her head to let me reach her lips. Her skin is still not perfectly warm, but she’s not cold anymore, her body is not shaking and her lips are so cutely pink.

           When she feels my body grow on her lower back, a smile appears on her face. I know that smile.

           She suddenly starts to move, and I protest a little, wanting her to stay close to me, and away from the cold. But she just turns in my arms, pushing my legs down and straddling me, before I close the blanket around us again.

“What are you doing ?” I murmur, pecking her lips.

But she doesn’t answer with her voice. She starts opening my jeans and my eyes widen.

“Baby you just came near death” I grunt, but she grabs my cock with no more warnings or anything.

I gasp.

“Yes… I see no better reason” she smiles against my lips, before claiming my mouth with her sweet, demanding tongue.

“Y/n…” I moan when she pushes her panties to the side and rubs herself against my throbbing length. “Sam is just here…”

“So be quiet…” she whispers before sinking slowly on me, swallowing me like I was made for her. No foreplay, no games… My lady wants me.

I hide in her neck and try to muffle the moans escaping my lips, she grabs my head in both hands and her thighs start to shake ; but not that pre orgasms quake I know by heart, her legs are weak, sore…

           So I grab her waist and push her a little off me, before I bring her so close again, the tip of my cock touches her cervix.

“Dean…” she whispers, out of breath, digging her nails in my scalp, the cover falling a little without my arms to hold it. “I love you between my legs… I…” Her walls are clenching around me and she holds my head against her with both hands like it was the most precious thing. “I needed to tell you that…”

My fingers dig in her waist but I’m too tired to really thrust, so I grind. I grind hard and rub her pelvis against mine in held back groans.

           Sweat breaks through the skin of my back and the fireplace suddenly feels to be burning my jeans, making it almost painful against my legs.

           Being inside of her, even in a lost tiny crappy cabin in a haunted wood with a snow storm raging… It feels like home. Every time.

Home.

And I’m not ashamed to feel my climax built so soon, after so few efforts. Just because we were there and together, and because she needed that connection I only gave her during sex until now.

           But that will change…

“I love you…” I gasp when I cum so deep inside her, and she falls silent, wrapping her arms around my neck to hold on to me, and pulsing in a soft but long orgasm.

           She stays still, panting, and I worry I could have make her sick again, so I wrap the cover back around us.

“Y/n ?”

“Will you stay tomorrow ?” she asks putting her lips on mine in a lazy kiss and I can’t help but smile wide, her lips missing mine to meet my teeth as I do.

“I love you” I just say, knowing it contains all the answers she needs.

----------------------------------

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

Forever Tags : @parinarain​​​​​​​​​ @animegirlgeeky​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @mogaruke​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @masterof-agony​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @rainflowermoon @tftumblin​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @deans-baby-momma​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @roonyxx​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @thefaithfulwriter​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @vicariouslythruspn​​​​​​​​ @emeow1496​​​​​​​​ @daryldixonandfrogs​​​​​​​​​ @holylulusworld​​​​​​​​​​  @cocklesbelli​​​​​​​​​​ @sandlee44​​​​​​​​​​ @mogaruke​​​​​​​​​ @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @hawaiianohana31​​​​​​​​​​​​ @akshi8278​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @magssteenkamp​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @sister-winchesters99​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @neii3n​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @alanegaming​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @im-a-shrub​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @sadwaywardkid​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @hopelesslydevotedtoyou1912 @slyqueenj​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @i-love-superhero​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @waywardsisterandpie @sunsetsandbooks​​​​​​​​​ @fangirlxwritesx67​​​​​​​​ @mrspeacem1nusone​​​​​​​​ @stylesismyhubs​​ @deanwanddamons​​ @jawritter​

Frozen sleep tag : @peridottea91​

#supernatural #Supernatual #Supernatural Dean Winchester #supernatural fanfiction #SPN #spn fanfic #dean winchester #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fluff #dean x y/n #dean x reader #spn dean x reader #Smut #dean winchester smut #jay-and-dean

[wendibird]

SPN 15X16 Observations

Alrighty folks! This week, both my TV AND internet were working! (Helped that this past week a repairperson came out and checked things out and turned out our cable box needed to be replaced because the one they’d given us was defective or something.) So, good part of that was that I was able to watch it on my actual TV! Bad news is, that meant I was left trying to take notes on my phone, which isn’t as easy for me as it is on my computer which my keyboard. But ah well. Here are my episode notes and post-watching break-down of what I thought about it. 

- getting "IT" vibes

- "IT" vibes still there

- Nyooooooom

- DEAN! YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM YOU BASTARD!!!

(FLASHBACK) - Dang Dean.... "this is our life" Even then he was trying to make Sam accept it. - Poor Sammy - That's a big gun for a little kid...

- Poor (other) kid!

(Commercial thoughts) So this is the second time this season that Cas had a conversation with Dean and then left and Dean lied to Sam about it. So Sam's in the dark still.

First time I think Dean just didn't want to admit his part in Cas leaving. This time, I have a feeling he doesn't want Sam to know what Cas (probably) said about Jack. Maybe thinks Sam will try to stop the plan. And Dean wants it to happen? Because at least this time it's not them making the sacrifice? *salty*

- Dean's pretty quick to call it. (That it's not their kind of thing.)

- Ring??

- He brought the ring back

- That woke her up

- NOW he (Dean) believes her...

(Commercial) Dean is closing down connections between him and the people he usually connects with. Like, it's harder to hold onto those. Like, he's willing to let Jack go (I think) And he was ready to write off Caitlin's brother.

Also tied up with his slef image. He thought he'd taken care of it back then. She prayed on his sense of duty and shame of failure.

Interesting that the knife wasn't really there.

Could it have killed him anyway?

- "We used to keep a lot of secrets from each other."

- I still hate how Dean gets lumped up as "Sam and Dean" as if his POV is the only one important. (Reference to what Billy told Jack to get him to agree. It was pitched as if his sacrifice to take out Chuck is the only way to earn both their forgiveness. But that's only true for Dean. Not Sam.)

- Dean knows Sam isn't going to like it. That's why he hasn't told him yet.

- BABA YAGA!!! (Wonder if there'll be any references to her hut on chicken legs.)

- *LOL* Poor bong girl.

- So, hallucinating or teleportation? (Apparently hallucination)

- Sammy to the rescue?

- Well, he got to help....

(Commercial) (Still disappointed that there was no mention of her hut on chicken legs or the fact that she rode around on a mortar and pestle. She felt more like an SPN interpretation of IT.)

- "You tell the truth more because you know that lies don't make anything better." (Is that an anvil I hear falling in the distance?) 

- Okay. That (Dean fessing-up to Sam) predictably went horribly, but I'm glad it did. I'm glad Sam had a freaking voice. And an opinion. And wouldn't let Dean talk him around. Because he's right. It was shitty to hide it from him. And the plan is shitty. He knows what it's like to be the guy who has to die to save the world. And he's right to have ethical questions.

- "You wouldn't have handled it." (Or however it was phrased is Dean's internal justification for why he's right and Sam isn't. And why it was okay to hide it from him.)

(Post-episode thoughts)

(And again, apologies if these aren't exactly coherent.)

I liked the Weechester parts. Gotta admit, it took me a bit to warm up to the new actors, but I think that's mostly because we had Colin Ford for a good long run, and Dylan Everett for a decent amount of time too. I kind of got used to them. But these two did a good job.

I felt the writing for their parts might have had a few continuity issues. This was supposed to be in 1993 right? (Have only watched through it once so far.) So Sam would have been 10-ish (depending on the time of year) and Dean would have been 14. (Probably safe to assume this wasn't intended to be early January.) And it took place sometime after the flashbacks from "Just My Imagination" but before "After School Special" or "Bad Boys" So I found it a bit odd that Sam already is being shown as not wanting to hunt. (When in "Just My Imagination" he wanted to join his Dad and Dean on the hunt. And in After School Special he was definitely not about hunting but he hadn't seemed to considered that he even had the option to try for anything else. So I found it odd that they had a 10-year-old already looking at books about going to college. I feel like maybe if this had taken place a few years later maybe that would have made more sense? Ah well, I still enjoyed it overall.

Now, about the MOTW, I was all giddy when they revealed it was the Baba Yaga. (When I was in band in college, we played a musical piece from "Pictures at an Exhibition" titled "The Hut of the Baba Yaga". And I hadn't heard of it before that so I did some research on it and found out it was basically the Russian folklore version of the Boogy Man. She lived in a hut that walked around on fowls' leggs, and she rode around on a mortar and pestle, and she was greatly feared. So, they got the "greatly feared" part right. But.... (just did some double-checking on the episode) OKAY! So, I take it back. They didn't make a HUGE deal of it, but the motel where it all happened was called the "Rooster's Sunrise". So yey! They did have a nod to the Hut on Fowl's Legs thing! And it's not anything close to a hut, but it does have wooden siding on the upper part of it. (Like, not painted wood, but wooden-wood. *LOL*) Still though, overall I was getting more of an "IT" vibe from it. (At least the old IT, with Tim Curry. I haven't seen the new one.)

I did think they did an overall good job with the creepiness factor. But in the end, it didn't feel like she had much of a personality. She was just kind of there to move the plot where it needed to go.

To me, I felt like most of the emotional weight of the episode was on the secret Dean was keeping from Sam. And you could tell that it was eating at him. But at the same time, he didn't want to go there. Because he knew Sam would react badly.

Before I get to that though, I want to touch on something I mentioned up in my notes, after the conversation Billy and Dean had. She said that she'd gotten Jack to agree to the plan by saying that the only way to earn their forgiveness was by dying to end Chuck's threat. (I know, in this episode she specifically said Dean. But in the last episode, when Jack was telling Cas about it, he'd said Sam and Dean. So either he's merged them together in his head, or Billy did when pitching it, or she just left an open implication and he took it.) Either way, there's still that idea floating around out there that Sam and Dean are a matched-set, and that what one wants, the other wants too. Despite the fact that that's not how it plays out. And despite the fact that Sam has pretty openly shown Jack that he's forgiven him, and cares about him, and that Jack doesn't need to "earn" his affection. So why is Dean the only one who matters here?

Maybe it's the writers lumping them both together when convenient? But the fight between Sam and Dean at the end of this episode shows that they're not on the same page as far as Jack is concerned, so the writers DO know. Does Billy see them as a single unit? Or is it the opposite? Has she been coming to Dean with her plans and talks because it's easier for her to manipulate him? Because Sam's the one who stops to ask things like "Does Amara deserve to die? Does Jack deserve to die? Is there another way to do this? (Should I maybe NOT lock myself into a coffin and then yeet myself into the ocean?)" She was pretty firm to Dean about "getting his house in order" because she wants the plan to go smoothly. Is that because she knows Sam could/would find a way to stop it if he's not on-board? I mean, old Death was very aware of how persistent Sam could be if he put his mind to something.

Anyway, forgive my ramblings. Most of my questions don't have answers yet, but sometimes it helps to get them actually written out.

As for the fight between the brothers at the end, I'm actually glad it happened. I get where Dean is coming from. He's focused on the goal (getting out from under Chuck's control) and especially since he and Sam aren't the sacrificial lambs this time around, he's willing to let Jack do what he needs to do in order to get the job done. Especially since Jack seems to be willing.

(Though I do have issues with the fact that Jack is willing because he thinks it's the ONLY way he can earn forgiveness. But, that is yet another parallel to Sam from S5, who not only knew and accepted that he was the only one who could stop Lucifer, but that it was all apparently his fault and he needed to atone. When in fact, he was just one of MANY who'd had a hand in the Apocalypse happening. And I'd say most of the blame for it fell on the angels and demons. Both Winchesters broke seals without knowing it. Sam thought he was outright preventing a seal from being broken. But regardless... I wonder if Sam sees this too, at least from the perspective of "I know what this feels like, and it sucks, and Jack doesn't deserve this, and there HAS to be some other way!" I guess my point is, emotional manipulation can be considered a form of coersion. Letting Jack believe that this is the only way to be forgiven, holding that forgiveness over his head... how much "free will" is actually going on here if that's why he's willing to go through with it?)

Sorry, tangents. I tend to live in them. *LOL* So yeah, while I don't agree with Dean's mindset, I do get why he feels the way he does. And I'm just glad that Sam wasn't written as "a little upset but willing to let it go." Down to his bones he knows this is wrong. And he let Dean know. And I'm also glad that he's asking the questions he's been asking. It's not a weakness as Dean kind of implied. (With the whole "you can't get the job done.") Sam isn't being wishy-washy. He just cares about what's right. Chuck or no Chuck, it still matters to him. And getting what you want "by any means"... well, he's been down that road himself. He knows how that can end. And plus, he cares about Jack. Like, genuinely cares about him, as a person. Not just what he can do for them. Not because he's powerful. But for who he is.

Also, I don't know if it was intentional, or just the way it came off to me, but I feel like... well, for a lot of this season to be honest, Dean's view of what and who is "vitally important" has severely shrunk down. To like, himself and Sam. I'm not saying he'll tell everyone to go hang. But I feel like maybe as a reaction to finding out how much of their lives were "set-up" he kind of withdrew emotionally. He's more willing to let go of other people they care about. The connections he forms don't feel as strong as they used to even a season or two ago. Like, in "The Gamblers", he felt a little sorry for the other people trapped there, but he was willing to get what they needed and get out of there. Sam was the one who insisted on trying to free them too.

And speaking of Sam, at the end of last season I felt like one of the reasons why he went along with Dean's plan (to lock Jack up) despite how he CLEARLY didn't like it, and everything about it felt wrong, was that at that point in time he severely doubted his own judgement. Because by that point, so many of his decisions which had been made with good intentions and with the best information he'd had at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. (i.e. Training the AU refugees into Hunters to help them with Dean/Michael and then after with just Hunting in general only to have most of them slaughtered by Michael. And him trying to give Nick a chance because he knew what it was like to be branded as evil for things that had been done to you. And he knew what it was like to be a vessel for Lucifer. And then when Nick went off the rails and they caught him that first time, they handed him over to Donna, because he was a human so they thought they'd let human justice deal with him. And then he escaped and hurt Donatello and was trying to free Lucifer, and Sam almost beat him to death but then stopped, because he didn't want to kill him in what he felt was cold blood. (Though I'd argue self-defense would've been valid.) After which Nick hit him repeatedly in the head with a rock and almost DID free Lucifer, which Jack stopped, but that lead to Mary's death and, and, and, the list goes on. So by the time they figured out (somewhat, I don't think they ever got the full story) what happened to Mary, I think Sam was feeling like he couldn't trust his own judgement, and so he let Dean lead. And that... didn't go well.

So I'm glad that he is starting to question again. He'd started to with Mrs. Butters but then everything seemed fine, but as they found out, he should have heeded his instincts and researched her more. And now this. At the end of last season when the idea of Jack dying/being killed came up he said he wasn't okay with it, and he did run to try to stop Dean, but I feel like there's more assertiveness behind it now. He's not saying "Please don't do this!" he's saying "This is NOT okay! I'm NOT going to accept this! No!"

So, in conclusion: Overall I liked the episode, though for me anyway, most of the emotional weight came from the secret Dean was keeping and then what happened when he finally told Sam. I did however like some of the little moments, like young!Dean's line about "We made a pretty good team." and it's callback to the Pilot episode.

I'm sorry this got a bit rambly. Again.

#spn 15x16 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #tangents: i tend to live in them #sam winchester #dean winchester #young!sam winchester #young!dean winchester #weechesters #teenchesters #keeping secrets #the baba yaga

[gray-is-neutral]

Supernatural

a fan fiction pt.4

Cas’ POV

Feelings are odd. It’s funny how a few little chemicals can effect your whole way of thinking. There is still so much I don’t understand about humans, but I’m pretty sure they don’t understand it themselves. Humans can’t choose what they feel, and even though they know this, they get mad at the other fir feeling the way they do? Why can’t these things be rational?

But there is no rationality for how I feel for Dean Winchester. It’s self destructive, addictive, and insane. It caused me so much grief, but I don’t want not to feel this way for him.

We all have our additions. Alcohol, drugs, sex, demon blood, but my poison gives the best high. It’s soul crushing and I love it. Being in love with Dean Winchester is literal hell, but it’s paradise too. How does one explain that? Most days, I would gladly punch him right in the nose, but that thought makes me sad.

Looking at him now, the Empty didn’t matter. It was horrible. I was in pain, and I just wanted to stop existing. He looked at me, and like every time, my heart melted.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked. He wants to talk about the confession. I was so happy I told him, but that was when I was just going to die right after! I didn’t need to deal with the possibility of rejection. Why does this feel so bad? What the...fuck? Yes fuck! What the fuck is this? Why? Why are emotions so hard?

Now I’m worried what Dean feels for me. I mean, he went to the Empty to save me, and then, “Then I’ll stay with you.” Did he mean it? Was he just trying to motivate me? Would he have stayed in the Empty with me? Forever?

He didn’t even tell Sam, however. I was the one to tell him, and I’m regretting that I did.

“You’re in love with Dean?” he asked surprised. “I admitted that I did. I thought he would have told you?” I said. “Dude. It’s Dean. He would rather get on a plane and sky dive into a volcano than talk about feelings. No chic flic moments, remember?” Sam had said and smiled. “Yeah, I remember,” I told him.

“If you ever think about sacrificing your self for me or anyone else, I will drag your ass back from the dead to kill you myself,” Dean said. I looked at him. He looked relatively normal, but his eyes told a whole other story. Deans eyes always have what he calls “Chick flic” moments. He won’t say a word, but his eyes would scream what he’s feeling.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I said, feeling myself relax. Sam was right. “Dean won’t be able to just come out and talk about his feelings. He just...can’t,” he had said. Dean’s experience in love has been Hell. The lack of live from his parents. Loosing Lisa and Ben, and being forced to be responsible for his younger brother like a parent would, Dean’s....love map? Yes, that is what it’s called. His love map isn’t right. He’s still learning, and how can someone love another person, if they don’t love themselves first?

“We’re back with pie!” Jack yelled as they entered the bunker. It was hard to believe that he was God now. I looked at the child I helped raise. Dean regrets everything he’s done and said about him. He loves Jack, and I know he wishes he could take it all back. Maybe we can all start to actually heal now? No more big evils. Just family, and time.

“Hell yeah!” Dean said. “Uno?” Sam said, walking in. “Really?” “Well you two were taking forever,” said Dean. “What were we supposed to do? Braid each other’s hair?” Dean said, digging in the grocery bags for the pie. “I also have liquor!” said Jack, a little too proud of himself. “I can drink even though I’m God, right?” he asked.

“I guess we couldn’t stop you?” Sam said. I smiled despite myself. I missed this most of all. I was never letting this go again. It was too perfect. “We got the movies! They’re scary movies!” Jack anounces as he finds himself a place on the couch. “Hurry or I’ll start it without you guys!” he called. “I’m making popcorn! Wait!” Sam called.

Dean was getting a piece of pie, as I was looking for ice. “Hey I know angels don’t normally eat, he said, taking a huge bite of the piece he cut for himself. “But do you want a piece? It’s pretty good,” he said. “No I’m good,” I said. “Good, I didn’t want to share,” he said. He had pie all over his face. I held a straight face, and then imagined us like a scene in a movie. He would ask if I wanted any and I would kiss him, and say something teasing. Like, “You had enough on your mouth.” But then I thought that would be disgusting.

He walked out of the kitchen to claim his seat of the couch as Jack got up to get something. Probably candy.

“Dude he is definitely in love with you,” said Sam, joking. “He just doesn’t offer pie,” he said. “Your not funny. Leave it alone Sam. “I thought you two were together now?” Jack asked.

I honestly would have rather been with the Empty. No amount of torture could compare to this. I am getting better with expressions, I think.

“Stop that,” I said. “Can’t we just enjoy a movie?” I said, as Sam grabbed a six pack of some kind of beer. “Yeah, sure,” said Sam. “Opposite sides of the couch!” Sam yelled as Jack laughed. He wasn’t sure why he was laughing, just that it was supposed to be funny.

I rolled my eyes and walked into the living room. “What are we watching?” I asked. “Some horror movie,” he said. “Y’know, you aren’t obligated to hang out with us. You did just come from the Empty. If this is too much for you-“ “No,” I said. “I was isolated. I don’t wanna be alone,” I said.

He cleared his throat as his brother sat on the other side of him. “I got this!” Jack said, making the movie play with his mind. The kid is literally God, but he is so amazed that he has powers, isn’t that...sweet? Jack may be God, but he’s still Jack.

The movie played and Jack soon realized he didn’t like horror movies. “It’s a ghost! Salt! Why won’t they get salt?” By the third movie, Sam had fallen asleep and Jack was deep into the movie. I didn’t really care for it, but I was happy just to have this. This is normality. Movies, junk food, our family. It was perfect.

I noticed a sudden solid warmth on my shoulder. Dean had fallen asleep. How many sleepless nights had he gone through? He’s never fallen asleep like this. Not this vulnerable.

I smiled. Never mind, now it is perfect. I relaxed into this normalcy. I don’t sleep, but I closed my eyes to let myself take in the peace.

Suddenly, the Tv went to static. “Is your party super boring?” a commercial voice said over the tv. The people that looked like children look-alikes of us agreed, upset. “No problem! Just invite your good friend! Gabriel!”

“Heya boys, miss me?” Gabriel asked.

...

“How are you-?” Dean started. “Me? I’m good,” he said. “Castiel!” he said. “This is an exciting day for us, isn’t it?” “Gabriel, how did you?” I started. “Get pass the warding? Oh I just hitched a ride on that lil’ CD, now let me help you boys out.”

Suddenly, we were in a club setting. The place was empty. “You guys don’t have many friends, no surprise, but uhh how’s about some entertainment?” he said. Exotic dancers, male and female, appeared. “Gabriel!” Sam yelled, having had enough.

“Oh!” he lightly tapped his head as though he had forgotten something. “Sorry Sammy, is this more your speed?” We heard a confused scream. Eileen appeared from no where. “Sam!” she called upon seeing him. “Oh wait! Sorry you two broke up right? How’s this?”

A woman in a doctor’s uniform appeared. “What the fuck?” she said turning around quickly. “Where the hell am I? What just happened?” she said. “Enough!” Jack said. We were suddenly back in the bunker, but so were Eileen and the woman.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jack God sir,” Gabriel said, innocently. “I just wanted to express my gratitude,” he said. “For?” Sam asked. “Why? You saved me!” Gabriel said, dramatically draping himself across Sam. “If you hadn’t woken me up, I would have never escaped the Empty!”

“What?” Dean said, shaking the glitter from his hair. “My new bestie, Sammy boy here, threw those fireworks right by my head. I woke up and high tailed it out of there,” he said. “Did anyone else escape?” Jack asked. “A few low-level demons. Some low level angels. Crowley, Michael, Luci-“ he said.

I could have cried. Never, we can’t just have one normal night can we? “Don’t worry,” said Jack, taking Gabriel by the shoulder. “You guys help them, I’ll handle things really quickly,” he said and just like that, he was gone.

“Jordan!” Dean exclaimed, going to her side. So this is Dr. Jordan Blake. “What in bloody Hell is going on around here?” she demanded. I looked at Sam who was trying to talk to Eileen, it was in sign language, so I didn’t understand.

“I was in New York, and I’m where now?” Dr. Blake asked, trying to make sense of it all. “Look,” Dean said, gently embracing her. “If you stay for just a minute, we can talk and I will explain everything,” Dean said. She nodded and he cupped her face.

Eileen just wanted to leave. Sam offered to drive her home, but she said no. It was hard to tell how they felt about the other. Sam seemed to want to be with her, but Eileen seemed to want to forget recent events. I didn’t blame her because I understand wanting to forget. She felt used and forced. Now sh egg doesn’t know how she feels or felt. She doesn’t know if it was real. But did forgetting what happened also mean forgetting Sam?

Jack soon returned and took Eileen home. “Call me?” Sam asked. “Maybe,” she said quitely. Then she was gone.

I looked at the doctor, but soon noticed his young shr was. A little younger than Sam. I felt a pang of jealousy. He was so soft with her, but then I thought about the way he looked. It wasn’t how he looked at Lisa. It was how he looked at Jo or Sam.

He saw her like a sister, and for a second I was jealous of her. This is pathetic.

Dean gave her the her the speech. “Angels?” she huffed. “Of course it’s angels,” she laughed. “If I hear another thing about angels tonight,” she said.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked her. She rose her shirt to show the same tattoo that Sam and Dean had. “You’re a hunter,” said Sam.

This was going to be a long night.

#dean x cas #dean x castiel #gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day #supernatural #fan fiction #jack is god #destiel #dean #castiel #sam is a matchmaker #sam #Jack #sorry I love original characters #Cas is shy #gabriel #please dont come for me #i’m sensitive

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

Alright, so if you've been following along with me, Supernatural season 3 starts out on a trio of episodes that are Really Fun, slides into some episodes that are Pretty OK, then takes a real nose dive into Bummersville. Hoo boy guys, I really hope that this season picks up. I mean, it won’t, but I can still dream. 2021 was maybe not the year to start watching this season. Fair warning.

The next three episodes for this season are just, like, real downers. First we get “Fresh Blood,” which, aside from the terrible title, starts out on a high note. Gordon (gross) somehow manages to catch up with Bela (HOW??) and threatens her if she doesn’t hand over the Winchesters. Bela, in all of her class and grace, won’t give them up because she has a high price point and Gordon is really lowballing her here. Just like, yes, ok, please stay forever, you’re amazing and I love you. And what a scene this is! You have two characters, one with a strict moral code (albeit one that allows for violence and winning at all costs) and the other with almost NO moral code, but an allegiance that can be bought with the best price and it’s such a fun back and forth until Gordon pulls out a gun. And then she pulls out her phone and just has Dean on speed dial and that’s maybe my fav part. Bela has run into the Winchesters twice and they maybe legit hate her but she’s very much like, oh yeah, my BFF’s the Winchesters, I love those idiots!

I love that we come back to this moment later in the episode when Bela, like, three days later, is like, Oh! I guess I should warn the Winchesters that some crazy guy is after them! She’s just so casual about it you kind of get the feeling that, even though technically Gordon was threatening her life, she doesn’t view him as A Threat. She gives the Winchesters a heads up just to be like oh yeah, you might want to watch out for this mild inconvenience, and she seems legit shocked when Dean freaks out. There’s this moment that plays across her face like, oh shit, did I...did I fuck up? And it adds a nice bit of depth to her character. She’s seems honestly worried, both for the lives of the Winchesters but also that Dean won’t like her anymore and that is just a charming bit of A C T I N G!

I am gonna miss her SO MUCH when she dies at the end of this season. WHY did we CANCEL HER???

But despite the fun beginning, this episode is about monsters and how people become monsters and how other people are probably the reason. Because our main baddie is a vampire who hunts to...well, listen if we look at the facts that he lays out in his monologue, it’s a little more tragic - he’s trying to replace the daughters that he lost hundreds of years ago, cool motive, still murder. In practice though, he goes around turning hot blonde coeds into vampires and then ?????? Who knows. I’d like to believe that this was a problem with the CW executives or maybe casting/directing and not with the writing, but it’s SPN and you really can’t be sure with anything. The fact is, this is a CW show from the early 2000’s and a lot of their extras are cast to type. And that’s maybe me exhibiting some girl-on-girl crime, but there are other episodes that did a much less blatantly gross job casting their extras/Very Special Guest Stars.

Anyway, the POINT of this guy is that he’s a monster because someone killed his daughter and he’s just been trying to fill that grief hole inside of him for centuries. This is not unlike Gordon, who ALSO has been trying to fill a grief hole that he’s had for decades, except he’s not killing people and resurrecting them as blood suckers, he’s just killing them. And then, when the Vamp decides to turn Gordon it’s a real sweet moment of comeuppance for like, a HOT second and then you’re like, awww dude, ya done f’ed up. That was a bad idea. You’ve made a HUGE mistake.

More importantly, our Vampire In Question finally runs into the Winchesters and get’s to say things like “I was desperate! You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?” and also “I just ... I didn't care anymore. Do you know what it's like when you just don't give a damn? It's like ... it's like being dead already.” and Dean’s v. much like, THIS IS TOO REAL ROY.

Sam may ALSO be feeling Too Real feelings because he is DONE dicking around with Gordon and honestly yes, I like this, this is good Sam development. It’s nice to know that Sam has a breaking point. And I admit I’m of two minds about this moment because 1) I love the idea of Dark!Sam this season and that maybe Sam’s decision to actually kill Gordon is just one step in that process but 2) I ALSO love the idea of Sam Lite finally having a breaking point and Gordon is IT. I don’t know which theory I like more in this scenario, but they are both good theories.

I think as much as this episode wants to draw parallels between the monsters and Dean (thank you artful editors), you can’t look at the “I’ve lost everyone I ever loved,” line and not think of Sam? Cuz he’s got one (1) person left in his life that hasn’t died horribly, so how desperate is he about to get through the end of this season? I’ve definitely been watching this season with eyes on all the ominous Dean foreshadowing, but the Sam foreshadowing is also there, just buried under the heavy weight of a thousand smulders and suicidal levels of denial.

And also, FUCK the tag on this episode! Guys, it is CUTE but it is also HORRIBLE. Dean starts teaching Sam how to fix the Impala and at first it’s all, “Oh! Adorable Brothers Being Brothers!” and I loved it but then I almost immediately hated it because you realize this is about making sure Sam can get along without him once he’s gone and Dean just accepts his own death with such casual ease that it’s just...INFURIATING!

This scene was rude and I HATE IT!

Cut to - “A Very Supernatural Christmas” Special!

Guys, I was so excited when I got to this episode. THIS is Classic Supernatural Shenanigans. Plus, you know a Holiday Special is the ultimate sign that this show has Made It, right? Or it could be a sign that they’re selling out, who knows, but I think we can say that at this point in the series, SPN is established enough to start having fun with their fans. That’s what this says to me. BUT THEN what we get is like...oh boy.

First - like, I’mma beat this horse to death, but what is WRONG with this FAMILY? John Winchester very quickly devolved into the sort of father that forgot about every single holiday and did not ever, even a little bit, make up for it. It’s not a surprise, but it kind of wrecked me seeing a flashback where Baby Dean is just so attached to a father who can’t be bothered to actually care for his children. I know he’s not in this episode because Jeffrey Dean Morgan was tied up in other projects, but the fact that John doesn’t show up at the end to button the flashbacks with a But then he DID show up for Christmas! just makes this plot line that more gutting. And despite Dean’s hero worship of their father, this is maybe the Christmas where Baby Sam stops believing in his own father. The only bright side to this is that it continues to enforce the fact that Bobby should have sued John for custody. Bobby should maybe STILL Sue for custody so that Dean at least would feel like someone wants him for once in his life, damnit.

And then we wrap this episode up with the Best Worst Christmas of all, because we see Sam start to...also?? accept that Dean is about to die? Cuz that’s what this episode is really about - Dean’s Last Christmas. And everything about that makes me ~ u p s e t ~.

So Sam decides to put his curmudgeonly grinchy attitude aside in order to make it a special day for Dean and ugh. UGH. UGHGHGHG. Season three is the worst guys, and I can’t believe I didn’t realize that until right this second now.

So let’s wrap this up with "Malleus Maleficarum", honestly an episode that is mostly forgettable until we get to, like, the last five minutes. Sure, witches and curses and selling your soul, woohoo whatever.

But then we get some real Ruby centric reveals and like, WHAT is happening?? First off, the scene where Ruby and Tammy have a moment is a real Moment. There is some baggage and tension here and it is heavy. And then Tammy drops the mic when she reveals that Ruby used to be human.

THEN, Ruby legit saves their asses by killing Tammy with a fancy magic knife. Ok, Dean does the actual killing, but Ruby brought the fancy magic knife. So between the hot and heavy tension with “Tammy” and her repeated attempts to keep the Winchesters alive, we’re left wondering what IS Ruby’s deal? I personally wonder how much of the show’s mythology the show actually has figured out at this point? Because interviews with Kripke definitely walk the line between “Oh we definitely have this whole thing worked out,” and “yeah, we’re sort of finding things as we go along,” which is maybe why it’s able to last as long as it does. More on that later.

Of course the big kicker is the final scene between Ruby and Dean. Dean is almost on board with Ruby at this point in the season, and much like his scene with the demon in “Sin City”, they share a kind of vulnerable moment together where Ruby admits that, yeah, she was human once and yeah, Hell will destroy you, body and soul, and yeah Dean’s worst fear will probably come true - he will become the thing he hunts, no ifs, ands or buts about it. And Dean knows that Ruby knows that Dean knows that there’s no way to save Dean from his fate, but they both agree that they can’t take Sam’s last ounce of hope away from him because, for both of them, Sam is their hope. Ruby and Dean both see the war happening around them and they know that with Dean gone, Sam’s maybe the last guy holding back the tide to save all humanity.

Which, honestly? Bull shit. Do you know how many hunters are out there? Neither do I, but this season seems to indicate that there are a LOT. We have barely scratched the surface on the hunter community and it’s a damn shame that they are all weirdo loners because there is a war going on. You know what works great in a war? An ARMY. Buncha mentally unstable, martyr-complex ijits who can’t put their differences aside for one damn MINUTE so that maybe, JUST maybe, the could actually defeat the evil they’ve spent their entire lives dedicated to fighting. And if Ruby and Dean wanted to help Sam, what they should probably do is get him plugged in to that community. I do believe that of all they backasswards, self-obsessed, painfully anti-social crazies out there, the Winchesters are THE WORST.

Listen tho, this was like, a solid scene between these two. Just a lot of work goin' into this and it paid off.

Anyway, back to the mythology for a hot second - This sort of loosey-goosey stumbling into your own world building is probably another one of those things that you’ll only really get in a show with this many episodes per season? It’s that room to play and experiment and just make stuff up as you go along. I think the slow drip method of releasing episodes ALSO helps in this scenario because you’re able to see what fans are reacting to in almost-real time. When viewers are binging episodes, I think you're less likely to see what specifically they’re reacting to and more wholistically they’re reacting to. And that’s not to say you won’t see those specific things that they like/love eventually, but by the time you get there, your season’s been produced in its entirety and you’ll have to bear that in mind for (hopefully) next season. But with SPN, they were writing and producing the show at the same time that some of the episodes were airing. That’s why they were able to make decisions on the fly, based on what fans responded to. And definitely by this point in the show, there was a sizeable and vocal fan base that made their feelings VERY well-known. We’re only in season three, but they’ve already had a number of con appearances and a pretty active online presence. That kind of feedback has got to be helpful, from a writing perspective, but it also allows for things like characters getting cut because nobody liked them for some dumb reason. BUT, if you’re fighting to stay on the air for 100 episodes or longer, responding to fan reactions is what’s gonna do it and that’s a fact.

#Supernatural #Supernatural rewatch #SPN #Sam Winchester #Dean Winchester #Bela Talbot #Gordon Walker #Ruby #SPN Season 3 #Fresh Blood #A Very Supernatural Christmas #malleus maleficarum #It's gonna lighten up on the next three episodes #I promise #I hope #Don't watch this season if you're still feeling 2020 #Is my personal opinion

[avauntus]

A'right. I know no one needs this, but after spending a weekend watching old Supernatural and reading fandom posts...I have thoughts.

I think what s15xe18 (apparently) did to Dean and Castiel is...fitting. And it is a terrible embodiment of a horrible trope...that actually fits into the show universe in a nasty, twisty way.

I don't mean this as a homophobic statement. It is a bit of a ride, though-- and, obviously, spoilers past the cut.

GIF by fruiitycas (s05xe03)

“When humans want something...we lie.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s how you become President.”

(We’ll come back to this.)

When Castiel first appears, he is all hammer, as Dean puts it. He’s there to do a job. He has orders.

GIF by winchester--bros-4-life (s04xe01)

That doesn’t last long. Seven episodes later, he’s confiding in Dean...

GIF by I’m in the stars tonight (s04xe07)

...and not too long after that, he’s full-on rebelling. From the point Castiel decides to side with Dean (and to a lesser extent, Sam), he spends his time in a push/pull tension that never really quite leaves the character-- as far as I can tell, EVER: 

Castiel is an Angel of the Lord. He’s not made for free will. He IS his garrison’s best strategist, though, so he does the next best thing -- he watches, and then he tries to apply the “lessons” in self-determination, such as they are.

He mostly watches Dean.

  GIF by I don’t understand that reference (I don’t know which episode this is, but take your pick.) 

Over time, Castiel gets better at making his own decisions, but he’s never great at it. It’s always hard. He watches too much, he doubts himself, and he tries too hard.

He gets really good at reading Dean, though. 

And time doesn’t flow the same way for angels as it does for humans-- Castiel mentions it several times.

GIF by you fought for this whole world (s05xe04)

(Couple of things, here:

“Is it Zachariah?” - present tense, not past, despite the fact that, according to Castiel himself, the angels have left Earth by endverse 2014. He’s orienting himself according to past-Dean’s timeline, almost seamlessly. 

and

“Interesting.” - not “You could change this,” which is what everyone starts hammering past-Dean with when endverse!Dean (and endverse!Sam) get over their shock at the body-double. Even at the end of the world, Castiel is trying to spare Dean...something.)

(Unrelated to this larger diversion, but while we’re on Endverse...Castiel knew what endverse!Dean meant to do:

GIF by castiels-tight-grip (s05xe04))

Castiel knowing how Dean reacts to things, and Castiel observing Dean’s desire to NOT talk about it...well-established, as is Castiel watching Dean for cues on how to...be. So far, pretty bog-standard canon, yes?

Oh, Death...

Both Castiel and Dean die...a LOT. It’s handy Dean has a special relationship with big-D Death, isn’t it?

GIF by dean-squad (s05xe21)

Death is one of the few things that gets presented as more powerful than God. There are...a few others. The most important thing to know, Supernatural-canon-wise, is that when you meet one of these... Let’s call them “Absolutes”... they will be bound by at least one absolute law. There’s only a few entities that punch at this weight in the Supernatural universe. Death is one, and the Empty another. 

The Absolutes. A weekend of selective binge-watching has taught me that they have more power than anything, but they cannot break their (few) laws. Death will reap even God, but can be killed by their own scythe. The Empty absorbs dead demons, monsters, angels, and demigods...but the monsters and demigods have to accept it; the Empty cannot break its own “rules.”

GIF by starlightcastiel (s13xe04)

As I mentioned above, Castiel dies several times. He usually has a ‘get out of jail’ card handy...but at the end of season 12, it looked pretty serious. Castiel was stabbed with an angel blade...by Lucifer. We even get the classic “The angel has left the building” animation:

GIF by dandelion-teabag (s12xe22)

And then we learn: Castiel did die...and he was sent where all dead angels go, to the Empty (not “It’s a Wonderful Life”). When first confronted with the Empty, Castiel bluffs it, then out-faces it, because he is, at heart, a fighter-- and “Thursday’s child has far to go”

GIF by starlightcastiel (s13xe04)

If he and Dean talked about this (doubtful), I’m sure Dean was laudatory -- Dean does practically the same thing to Death on several occasions.

GIF by purgatoryking (s06xe11)

Of course, Dean and Castiel can’t simply sass their way to true happiness, because that would be a different show. Eventually the counterfeit checks they’re trying to cash are going to catch up with both of them...because the Absolutes cannot bend their own rules. 

“It’s getting dark, too dark to see...”

By roughly...season 14? 15? we’ve arrived at a point where Castiel has gone from reflecting Dean’s own choices back at him...

GIF by inacatastrophicmind (s04xe20)

...to one where he’s trying to make his own choices almost completely independently.

GIF by inacatastropicmind (s12xe22)

While Dean has gone from a healthy respect for anthropomorphic semi-deities...

GIF by octomoosey (s5xe21)

...to an ...uhhhh... whatever you call this...

GIF by sasquatchandleatherjacket (s13xe19)

(Note for folks who haven’t kept up with the show, as I haven’t -- that’s Billie, a Reaper who has taken over as ‘capital-D Death’ after Dean, uh, killed the first one...)

Both Castiel and Dean have grown! Good for them! Except... for the part where their own core natures are going to doom them anyway!

At...some point in season 14 or 15... Castiel makes a deal with the Empty to save his adopted-ish son, Jack. The terms of the deal? The Empty gets to claim Castiel if he is ever truly happy (because Castiel died, and dead angels go to the nothingness, the Empty can’t break rules).

Meanwhile, Dean and co. are embroiled in their usual, saving the world from some form of desolation. While doing so, he and Castiel (and Sam, one assumes) run into Chuck, who is ‘capital-G God.’ And God has this to say to Castiel:

GIF by inacatastrophicmind (s15xe17)

This is devastating in several ways. For one, God is a real dick. But also, the context is that God ran a great many universes...and they are now all living through the only one where predictable reality has gone off the rails. Even God can’t save you now-- his powers have been broken. 

The endgame, then-- in s15xe18, Dean had Billie, Death herself, after him. Now Dean, being Dean, has decided that correct order of operations is that:

(a) he’s been so damn stupid, of course he’s an idiot and everyone is going to die and it’s all his fault (and on-and-on in true Dean-Winchester-self-flagellating style)

(b) and naturally he should die, because it’s what he deserves.

But Castiel has learned to make his own decisions, remember? And he learned long, long ago that he and Dean don’t talk about this kind of thing-- unless they’re going to fight about it:

GIF by spnsmile (s09xe10)

Maybe they’ve both been stupid, if for the right reasons, but Castiel is staring down a choice between everyone dying...or he calls in something in the same Absolute weight-class as Death, and only a few beings die. And in order to do that, he has to be...happy. 

Which means he has to share how he feels... He hasn’t talked about it before because what do humans do when faced with something they want? They lie. 

But now he has to say something. And without arguing with Dean or triggering his own guilt complex by weighing Dean down with something selfish that (Castiel thinks) Dean doesn’t want.

Which is how we get from here (s05xe22) ...

...to here (s15xe18).

GIF by deanwifechester

Is it fucking terrible and rage-inducing that Castiel got taken by the Empty almost immediately after saying his one true thing, in a meta way where we’re all so, so tired of LGBTQIA+ representation that is winked at or lampshaded or immediately turned into the ‘motivating sacrifice’? Fuck yes, it’s terrible.

Did the show earn that move, even if Castiel is for-real-really-gone-gone-dead? Was there the characterization of these two and the necessary world-building? Did they put in the work, build the rules? Also, frustratingly, yes.

Because what’s the alternative? Twelve years and no growth, no change? (You can say “Growth and change and they live,” but that’s for fix-it fic...)

Even if Dean thinks he wants his life to remain fixed, that’s always been one of his failings - and a fantasy.

GIF by castiels-tight-grip (s05xe04)

...And ladies, gents, and others - I give you my first, and probably my last serious, earnest Supernatural meta. Yikes.

#supernatural #meta #s15x18 #spoilers #gifs #many many gifs #also this is probably all really obvious #but I feel better typing it out for me #because I'm frustrated and ok with it at the same time? #ANYWAY

[spnreactionblogging]

DESPAIR

SPOILERS BELOW / tw suicide sort of

ah the title really does sum this up. I am filled with such dread going in. I know cas gets sent to super hell, I know the destiel shippers are declaring it canon (but then, when haven't they), and I've heard from a reliable source that the show officially as of just now is queerbaiting for real by making it vague and easy to ignore it instead of actually confirming anything. plus nobody seems to give a fuck about jack, as usual, and sam didn't get to say goodbye? god how can this get better???? I hope buckleming got to fucking murder castiel! that would really improve this for me!!! the cherry on the shit sundae for real so okay here goes. ugh. I have this angel's envy bourbon at 1PM, oops. I feel like I will need it for this one more than the others I also am ensconced in my castiel trenchcoat + "be super good" shirt, and cas, crowley, and sam the q-pals are joining me. dean is banished to remain in the tote bag they live in. god I want to scream. this fucking synopsis "With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good for the common goal." oh the plan to use Jack as a suicide bomb???? great idea. lol I hate this. whose "common good"????????? ah but yes dean runs a dictatorship right. no wonder chuck butts heads with him dean looks so fucking smug in the amazon prime video app, hovering over the episode where cas will die horribly. fuck. there is nothing that can emotionally prepare me for this episode the show is going to end with sam and dean because it started with sam and dean and chuck/the IRL writers are bitter about it I guess??? delete fucking everything god, very fucking cute of dean to be like WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!! you fucking piece of shit you forcememed this to go as quickly as possible because you want Jack fucking dead, don't pretend you care god. fuck. jack apologizing for dying, to the empty. I hate everything so much ah, so that's why the opening title screen has been that. gross. horrible. a jack singularity is that it? really? jack's dead? just like that. okay. awful. oh he's MAYBE dead. reassuring. I see that briana buckmaster and jim beaver will be joining us my cat is sitting in front of the TV trying to prevent me from watching this, trying to save me from myself oh and felicia day oh this one's written by robert berens, I mostly trust him I think sam should've photocopied the book first oh hey RSJ directed this one I'm glad to have rachel miner back in any capacity that's... alpha/omega on the side there? makes sense I hope it's a fake book god I love sam sitting on the like. what is that, weird equipment panels? more confirmation sam is queer, you heard it here what leverage does dean even think he has cool jack's just getting tortured now "the boy is still useful" at least billie isn't pretending to care about him. oh she left the book thank fuck cas goes to him right away, please hug this child alcohol is not gonna help you guys sleep oh here's dean's half-assed apology. "sorry not sorry that I just couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to get what I wanted, and now that I didn't get what I wanted, sowwy uwu I guess" "you've snapped me out of worse" yeah don't minimize this, sam oh yeah michael exists. I notice dean refers to him as michael and not including adam. way to go I notice that sam does not drink right away "to somehow" those eggs look great "no guns at the table" is a solid rule not only for how miserable that is, but because everything surrounding firearms is a carcinogen and doesn't need to be near food please love yourself charlie please eat good eggs am I supposed to know stevie, was she part of the alternate universe, I still like never watched most of 10-13 oh we're gonna kill MULTIPLE queer characters in this episode, awesome. we gonna kill charlie AGAIN??????? we brought her back just to kill her off, AGAIN? LIKE KEVIN? and bobby I guess?? can I just say how much I hate the concept of a "final boss fight" like why is it always ending in a fight, why is violence always the answer, and why do we feel like one final violent action will solve all the problems huh charlie's shirt looks like a tycho album cover okay so I didn't forget stevie, she was brand new? maybe? I love cas and jack :( feels strange because this all sucks there's no such thing as destiny, jack don't fucking die for sam and dean and 'the world' damn right, cas, he doesn't need "absolution" well that's true for you, cas, you care because he's him. dean just wants to use him cas and jack are good. charlie this was so not your fault. as usual this is the winchesters' fault. tell 'em charlie!!! get 'em!!! you're not sorry, dean. "What now?" is a huge fucking mood, dean oh, greg! our old friend! greg was a real one (but not anymore) yeah eileen's screwed. this includes sam too. and dean i guess. sam is a good person who cares about people despite dean's best efforts to stop him I can't see who he's texting. are cas and jack in the back? poor eileen :( god poor sam having to basically get eileen in front of eyewitnesses who can attest that she disappeared cas and jack are in the backseat yeah I wish he'd tell her she's never gonna reply now yeah she's gone. interesting use of technology that they couldn't've done earlier in the series, to show she was typing but then stopped god that's awful. fuck. "If I let myself go then I'll lose my mind. I can't, right now." that's a huge fucking mood sam let's just postpone all that grief for later. gotta shove it down. huge fucking mood. god I'm so sorry somewhere central... the... bunker? don't split everyone up dean, fuck yes revenge is definitely the answer. killing things is the answer. "not having a choice" is obviously the answer. you fucker we get a sam and dean hug but where's the one for cas. you can like... see it in sam and jack's eyes that they are worried they're never gonna see them again. I'm horrified that cas isn't getting to say goodbye to jack nor sam. I can't handle this. I guess this scene is where they took that last group photo that misha posted back in march? RIP :( oh hey donna jack, that feeling is TheDepression oh gas-n-sip sam's sweet to try to give jack some autonomy here instead of having him just... being shuffled around like baggage. is that eileen's car then this music is intense don't burn the fucking library also wow dean with the reaper blade again is oof. wow. yikes. dean is become death, destroyer of worlds for real. jesus that is fucking horrifying to see. aren't you, dean? aren't you a bringer of death. remember when you hated doing that back in season... 4? 5? later? dean has learned nothing. sam's been trapped in a silo before hasn't he. or that panic room or something. donna is sweet. jack is good. jack deserves better. sam :( donna is very kind I like hearing jody and garth mentioned even if they're not in this episode (?) oh hey charlie sam at least knows how you feel, charlie I like this set god I've missed jim beaver is jack going around with spraypaint? I'm like oh god there's no ventilation. I guess it's a paint bucket but still the fumes are bad. better than being evaporated though I guess big man on campus. RIP stanford sam at least there's a bucket. praeses magna. "president large"? thinking about how it would be impossible to have extras for episodes 19 and 20 I like watching jack paint RIP that plant. apparently he has his powers dean walks around way too comfortably with the reaper scythe. oh but the plan has changed. did billie leave that book and nobody read it?????? dean you don't have friends, bud. yeah how did you tink you would even stand a chance, dean. this is the worst plan ever I'm so tired of seeing cas get tortured. I don't want to see billie get hurt either. is "billie" actually the empty or something "Has virtutes conliga. Eas integra. Eas firma. Nos omnes serva." = "These virtues bind. Those infected. These are strong. We keep them all." idk google translate, I feel like that may not be "infected" but more like integrity I like the effects they did on the wardings there yeah pretty much you can't stop god oh I'm real sad about that couple who vanished together :( bye charlie bye bobby. :( bye donna??? oh that like gold paint gossamer looking shit going on with billie's arm is cool god I'm glad billie smacked him in the face, dean deserves it. I just rewound it to see dean get clocked again, it's so worth it so they went back to the bunker... for what? billie can just go there. sam and jack are gonna have such a rough fucking day. all those double cheeseburgers are back for revenge on dean billie's right actually. dean always thinks the rules don't apply to him because he thinks he should be making the rules. castiel should be with jack, not with dean. fuck. can't cas still heal people the scythe on the wall is a good visual. I really like lisa berry, she does an amazing job is this the same room with the ma'lak box always happy to bleed for the winchesters. christ. fuck. even with dean's pocketknife. cas I'm so sorry. sweetheart you don't deserve this. 7B? so Jack was trapped in 5B, this is a different room but probably the same actual setpiece just rearranged do you just... have to wait her out yeah yeah dean you suck. correct, you never should've left sam and jack. wow I feel zero sympathy for dean at all. you do it to yourselllllf you do, that's what really hurts. oh baby don't summon the empty please :( I'm so glad to know that cas never told them about how he saved jack, it's none of their business yeah it would be with jack, cas. you should be with him man this is shitty. this is like a bad fanfic for real. wow these shots are like, when it cuts between them it's so obvious these were not the same camera lmao fuck. how many takes was this god i hate dean. he has not done this for love. dean is a spiteful person. "you're the most caring man on earth" literally kill me. I want to die. jesus fuck. i want to be dead this is awful this sucks this actually really hurts. this sucks so much. dean you squandered this angel's life. now jack has no father. i hate you dean winchester. i hate you. you don't deserve cas loving you jack knows, jack can feel it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate that jack is left alone with the winchesters. i hate this. jesus fuck i hate this so much i hate this jack sweetheart I'm so sorry dean you fucking ass please pick up the fucking phone. please answer sam. i hate you god dean i hate you fuck dean you are the worst. fuck my life. fuck all this. fuck this show. i'm so angry castiel deserves so much better than this. fuck i'm so mad. why wasn't his moment of happiness knowing that JACK WASN'T GOING TO DIE. i hate this. I'm so upset. fucking shit-ass writing. and it's still not fucking canon you morons at least uh they don't have to have extras for the last two episodes? did they add that footage after? is that what got changed up? everyone's gone huh. god just. dump the show right into the trash. bye. also for fuck's sake nobody gives a fuck about jack like I didn't even know he survived. nobody cares. "sam didn't get to say goodbye" FUCKING JACK DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE fuck this so much. fuck, is dean just chuck's OC? made in his image and furious that his mini-me isn't acting the way he wants? is that why he gets exonerated at every turn? "all the evil shit you did is fine dean you're the MOST LOVING AND THE BESTEST EVER!!!" fuuuuuck

#s15e18

[javocjovian]

Breaking Point, Ch2 - SPN Kink/ABO Bingo

Title: Breaking Point (chapter 2) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22868905/chapters/54811465 Square Filled: Clothing Sharing (Kink Bingo), Cherry Blossom / Vanilla / White Lotus (ABO Bingo) Ship: Sabriel Rating: E Warning: referenced Samifer rape and torture Tags: Trauma, Pain, Mild blood/injury, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Grace Healing, Protective Gabriel, Masturbation, Shame, Alpha!Sam, A/B/O dynamics Summary: Gabriel has raised Sam from Hell after being kidnapped by Lucifer, but Sam struggles to deal with the aftermath.The trauma he endured is overwhelming, he isn’t sure if he can trust the presumably dead Gabriel, and the torture has sent Sam’s body into rut. Canon divergent. Set anytime between seasons 11 and 13. Word Count: 3340 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |

Quote:

"Look at me, Sam. I'm real. You're not in Hell anymore. You're safe." Gabriel kept repeating himself, watching angry tears gleam in Sam's eyes. Sam looked ready to fight to the death, with or without a weapon. Gabriel didn't know what to do. He could just enter Sam's mind, force him to consent then show him the truth, but would that make him any better than his brother?

For a long time, Sam's world was darkness. A part of him knew he was unconscious, just floating in nothingness, not feeling or seeing or knowing. A part of him was relieved by it. He could tell there was something awful on the other side, and he was happy to drift along, never quite breaching the surface.

But soon something began intruding on Sam's solace. It crept and swirled and invaded his nothingness, and Sam realized it was a smell—a strangely familiar smell. It was so familiar that it felt like someone was there with him in the darkness. It was a sweet, saccharine, exotic smell. Sam realized that if he was smelling that meant he had a body, and if he had a body that meant he was alive. Just like that, the nothingness broke.

Sam felt himself lying on something soft. He was wrapped up in something, but it wasn't rope. He could move his arms and legs. He was cool, but it felt good against the distant pressure in his body. Sam knew that feeling intimately—it was pain. But the pain was attached to something else. Something shameful.

Sam opened his eyes. He was lying on a bed in a plain, dark room. It smelled of cherry blossoms, white lotus, and something sweet, like vanilla. He was dressed in a plush red robe, which he realized was the source of the smell. He was, in fact, alone.

For a moment he couldn't remember what was happening or where he was. It looked like a typical, dingy motel room, but there was only one bed. Were they on a case?

Sam sat up and felt that distant pain shoot through him in an unusual way. He reached up and rubbed his neck. His skin was smooth and warm, yet he suddenly remembered blood. He pulled the covers back and his heart dropped.

Dried flecks of blood covered his thighs and lower stomach. Sam's body went cold. He could see Lucifer's hands, painting tallies on his naked flesh.

It came back to him all at once, like someone shot the memories into his brain at point blank range. Sam had been kidnapped by Lucifer. He wasn't in a motel room, he was in Hell, again, and this was one of Lucifer's tricks—an illusion of safety and warmth to make the pain of his reality all the more unbearable. Sam knew this torture well.

The shock of the realization was too much. Sam hung his head and tried to calm his thoughts. His body ached, and he could feel shadows of the pleasure, the pain, the way he'd arched on Lucifer's cock...

Sam wiped his eyes and got up, refusing to acknowledge the strange yet horribly familiar pain. He needed to do something. He needed to act. He pulled the robe closed, which was too short for him, and went to the small bathroom beside the bed.

Sam flicked the lights on and squinted. As his eyes adjusted to the sour, yellow glow, his reflection came into focus.

For a moment Sam wondered if he actually was dead. The person in the mirror looked pale and sickly. There were red rope marks burned into his skin. But Sam knew he wasn't dead. He'd been dead before, and this wasn't death. This was much worse.

Sam dragged his eyes away from his grim reflection and turned on the faucet. He washed his face with lukewarm water, then cupped his hands and drank as much of it as he could. It tasted like iron and sulfur. The taste hurt him like a wound.

Sam shifted his legs, assessing the damage Lucifer had done. He knew that kind of pain well, despite not having incurred it for years ago. Yet it wasn't as bad as he knew it should be. Was he that numb? He reached down and felt himself. He was sore to the touch, but there was no blood. Sam didn't understand. It hadn't been a dream. Had he been healed? Or was he dreaming now? Was he going to wake up, covered in blood?

Part of Sam wanted to curl up on the floor and just wait for the illusion to be lifted. Lucifer would appear, looking dissatisfied that his rouse didn't work. Or Sam would wake up and discover he wasn't in a motel bathroom at all. He stared at the chipped tile floor, wondering what was happening to his body.

Then a thought came to him as if from another life. He wondered if Dean was in a motel bathroom, too—a real one, somewhere far away, trying to find a way to get Sam back.

Sam covered his face. Tears dripped down his chin and hit the porcelain. He never thought he'd be in this situation again—All those old wounds, presumably healed, forced open anew. It took his last bit of strength to stifle his sobs. Lucifer could torture him all he wanted, but he wouldn't break him. What would Dean say?

Sam looked up into the mirror, resolved to stay steady and endure whatever Lucifer had coming. Then he noticed a crack in the top corner. Like a clock being wound, Sam's hunter brain began to stir.

Without blinking, he carefully prized the broken corner of the mirror out the frame. He cut himself a few times, but he kept working. Soon a razor sharp sliver of a mirror fell into his palm. He found the best place to grip it and practiced holding it. He looked at his distorted reflection in the mirror piece and knew what he had to do.

Sam heard a door close in the bedroom and held the makeshift weapon tight. He took a steady breath and walked back into the room.

Sure enough, someone was waiting for him. The dark figure eclipsed the curtain drawn window, casting Sam into darkness. Sam was ready. He gripped the mirror shard and gritted his teeth. But when the figure extended a hand, it wasn't holding a weapon. The person snapped his fingers, and the bedside lamp flickered on.

Warm light doused the room, temporarily blinding Sam. He held the mirror shard out in front of him, ready to fight, but something was wrong—Lucifer was too quiet.

Sam blinked a few times and realized that the figure wasn't Lucifer at all. He was too short. It was an Archangel, but the very last Archangel Sam had expected to see again.

Sam's knees shook and he felt the motel wall hit his back.

"Gabriel?"

The shortest Archangel, Gabriel, stood before Sam, an uncharacteristically sympathetic smile softening his mischievous face.

"Hey, kiddo."

Sam swallowed. He felt dizzy. The flowery, sweet smell overpowered him and Sam slid down the wall and landed on his butt on the musty motel carpet.

Gabriel's face fell. He crossed the room quickly and knelt down to help, but Sam lashed out with the mirror.

"Sam...stop…" Gabriel tried to hold him steady, but Sam was determined to throw him off. Gabriel didn't want to hurt him.

"You're not real! You're dead! I saw you…"

"Sam, stop! It's me…"

"No... you're dead. I saw you die! You're not real!"

Gabriel managed to grab Sam's bloodied hand and make him drop the glass, then he forced Sam's face up to look at him.

"Look at me, Sam. I'm real. You're not in Hell anymore. You're safe." Gabriel kept repeating himself, watching angry tears gleam in Sam's eyes. Sam looked ready to fight to the death, with or without a weapon. Gabriel didn't know what to do. He could just enter Sam's mind, force him to consent then show him the truth, but would that make him any better than his brother?

Gabriel noticed the cuts on Sam's palm from the mirror and gripped his hand tight. Sam tried to pull away, but a light engulfed both of their hands. Sam froze.

The space between them glowed gold for a moment. When the light faded, Sam's cuts were healed. At least Gabriel could do that.

Sam stared at his hand in shock, then slowly looked up to Gabriel.

Gabriel rose his brows. He released Sam's hand, watching curiously as Sam rubbed his healed palm.

When Sam looked up again he murmured, "Gabriel?"

Gabriel smiled in relief. "In the flesh."

Sam's breathing slowed. He calmed down somewhat, although he didn't take his eyes off of Gabriel. "You're… dead..." He said, as if trying to fight through his own thoughts.

Gabriel sighed. "No. My clone is dead. Me? I escaped."

"But, he…" Sam swallowed. Gabriel's eyes hardened subtly. "Lucifer. He killed you."

"No, Sam." Gabriel said quietly. "You know the greatest trick the Trickster ever taught me? Never reveal your true strength. Lucifer thought he killed me. But what he killed was the greatest illusion a Demigod could create—more than enough to fool an overzealous Archangel."

Sam supposed it made sense. Except, if it were true, that meant… "But, you're here now. Lucifer will know he didn't kill you."

Gabriel shrugged in defeat. "There are some things worth making yourself vulnerable for. I just wish I knew that sooner."

Sam was in too much shock to process that fully. He still didn't look convinced Gabriel was real, but Gabriel figured it was as close as he was going to get.

"Come on, back to bed." He offered his hand to Sam, who took it cautiously and stood up.

Sam was still shaky, but Gabriel was able to get him on the bed. Gabriel smelled like the robe, and Sam finally realized why it was too short on him.

"Now, try to relax, okay? I can't keep healing you." Gabriel said.

"Why not?" Sam asked.

"Because, lifting you from Hell took a lot of grace, and now I just sent more grace through you to heal you. Twice. Human bodies aren't built for that."

Sam listened, but it wasn't clear he understood. He was still staring at Gabriel like he was trying to see through him.

"You… lifted me from Hell."

"Yup."

Sam swallowed. "So that...that light…in the dungeon... that was you?"

"Mmhm." Gabriel nodded.

Sam looked away. Gabriel thought he understood why. He pulled the covers up over Sam a little more. Sam was grateful.

Sam looked around the motel room, his expression conflicted. His eyes settled on the piece of mirror Gabriel had put on the bedside table. Sam reached over and picked it up.

Gabriel watched Sam examine his reflection, allowing him a moment of quiet contemplation. But before Gabriel could stop him, Sam dug the mirror shard into his other palm.

"Sam!"

Gabriel seized Sam's hand, but Sam's undamaged hand grabbed Gabriel's arm.

"Don't! Don't heal it. Please," Sam breathed. "I need it."

It wasn't a deep cut, but it was enough to stain the bed covers with blood. Sam gave him a pleading look. Gabriel sighed and let go.

"What do you mean, you need it?" Gabriel asked, fighting his own impulse to just snap his fingers and make the mirror disappear.

Sam didn't respond. He pressed his thumb into the palm of his injured hand and winced. Lights blossomed in his corneas as fresh pain coursed through him. Sam kept applying his thumb, grounding himself in the pain.

"It's real. This is real." He said, more to himself than to Gabriel.

The fresh pain was starkly different than the throbbing, distant pressure still afflicting him from Hell. Sam looked up at Gabriel and placed the injured hand in Gabriel's imploringly.

Gabriel watched as Sam squeezed Gabriel's hand. Sam's expression tightened in pain, but Gabriel thought he understood. He squeezed Sam's hand back, and Sam gasped.

The pain. The pain was real, and so was Gabriel. They both looked at each other for a moment, then, finally, Sam said, "Gabriel?"

Gabriel smiled in relief. "Yup."

Sam stared at him. He closed his eyes but it was too late. Fresh tears spilled down his cheeks. Sam held Gabriel's hand tight and Gabriel held it back instantly.

"Sam…" He said softly. He pulled him into a hug, their hands clasped tightly between them. "You're safe. You're home. Lucifer can't get you here."

At last Sam believed him. He buried his head into Gabriel’s shoulder, overcome with a relief so powerful that he couldn't speak. When they broke away, Sam wiped his eyes.

"Where… where are we? Where's Dean?" He cleared his throat.

Gabriel chuckled. Sam was back to normal.

"I already contacted him. He's a full day’s drive away, so… he'll be here in ten hours."

Sam smiled weakly. He rubbed his palm as he began to think. "Gabriel, you're really alive?"

"Alive and kicking."

Sam smiled again, but it was muted. "How did you… Is Lucifer...dead?"

Gabriel's expression faded a little. "No. I was just focused on getting you out. But I did kill about a thousand demons."

Sam nodded, still massaging his palm. "Good."

Sam looked like he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come. Finally he said, "Gabriel… thank you."

Gabriel smiled sadly. "I owed you one. When I sent you that hint about the rings, I… if I had known how you were going to get Lucifer in the cage…"

For the first time in Sam's memory, Gabriel looked troubled. But then he took a breath and put on a false smile.

"...well, I might not have ditched the party so soon," he said. "Then when I heard he was back, I knew he'd come after you again. So I came." Gabriel's expression became inscrutable. He looked on the verge of apologizing to Sam, but Sam realized he didn't need to hear it. He’d already forgiven him.

Suddenly, Sam winced and bent over. The distant, pulsing pain overpowered him, and he rubbed his palm harder than ever.

"Sam?"

Sam got up, ignoring Gabriel's hand on his back. "I'm fine… just… one sec…" he muttered and went back to the bathroom, almost knocking a lamp over.

Gabriel watched the door close in concern.

 Sam lowered himself onto the edge of the mouldy looking tub. He'd felt a distinct kind of pain ever since he woke up. It had been masked by every other discomforting sensation, but he could no longer deny what it meant. Dread surged through him. There was a sharp pressure in his groin, throbbing and aching. He felt feverish. He released the grip on his hand. It wouldn’t help him anymore.

"Sam?" Gabriel called through the door. "What's going on?"

"Gabriel…" Sam panted. "You need to leave. Go… go find Dean, or Cas."

Sam's heart sank as, instead, Gabriel graced the door open. Gabriel's expression was severe and Sam was immediately reminded that Gabriel was in fact an Archangel.

Sam looked up at him helplessly. He was bent double and holding the robe tightly around himself. "Gabe… I… it's a rut. What happened in Hell, it…" he swallowed, "... it triggered a rut. You need to leave."

But Gabriel didn't budge. "I'm an Archangel, Sam."

"But your vessel's not!"

"My vessel is a duplicate of a Demigod's. A copy. It was created specifically for me. You can't make me go into a rut or into heat or anything."

Sam's brain was working furiously, even as relief swept through him. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." Gabriel knelt down beside him. "I'll go get you some supplies, okay? It'll only take a minute."

Sam didn't acknowledge this. He looked like he was holding something back. Finally he asked, "Can't you just… can you make it stop?"

Gabriel frowned. "I've used too much grace on you already. It's not safe." Gabriel's heart sank at the look of pained acceptance on Sam's face. He'd been expecting that answer.

"Yeah. Okay. No problem."

"I'll be right back Sam," Gabriel said quietly.

Sam nodded again, then with a rush of air Gabriel was gone, along with the sweet smell of exotic flowers.

 The only rut Sam had ever remembered being so bad was his first one. Luckily Dean was there. He’d had several ruts by then and knew what to do. But why was this one so intense? Was it just because of Hell?

Sam looked over his sweating, heaving body in the yellow bathroom light. His wounds were gone, and so were his scars. The pain he'd felt when he woke up seemed so real. His body had been tender and raw. But now that he thought about it, all of those sensations seemed to have come from deep within him. From his soul, rather than his body.

Did Sam have a new body? Was this his first rut? He had to know for sure. He had to check and see if he really was undamaged from Lucifer’s assault.

In the privacy of the bathroom, Sam reached beneath his robe with his uninjured hand. He maneuvered himself so he could gently feel his entrance. It was extremely sensitive. Sam spat in his hand then, as slowly as he could, inserted his fingers.

The stretch was painful, but it was that distant pain again. Sam realised it wasn't coming from his body at all. The robe drooped down his shoulders as he probed deeper. He winced a little, but felt unmistakable sparks of pleasure. He began idly stroking his cock, trying to focus on the pleasure rather than the pain. He passed the first knuckle, then the second, but still he encountered no wounds and no further pain. Sam could come to no other conclusion: When Gabriel lifted his soul from Hell, his body had been remade completely.

Sam didn't give it much thought. In fact, his brain had slowed dramatically since he started stroking himself. His rut seemed to have eased up, too. So Sam rested his head on the cool porcelain sink and masturbated on the edge of the tub. He pressed his fingertips into his prostate in time with his strokes, and his body sighed in satisfaction. The world became a blissful blurr, although he started to smell the robe again. The sweet, exotic flowers overwhelmed him. He held the robe to him, feeling it's plush fabric on his bare skin, and let himself get lost in the smell while he brought himself to orgasm.

Sam felt himself begin to knot, then his body tightened up and he came onto the bathroom floor with a shuddering groan.

Sam pressed his head against the sink while he caught his breath. His body rang with satisfaction. His rut retreated momentarily. He felt like he’d just gotten a nap. But as his head cleared he found himself nearly spooning the robe and he immediately came back to reality. He'd just masturbated to Gabriel's scent. His shame compounded and he suddenly felt sickened with himself.

Sam got up and tried to calm himself. He cleaned up the floor and patted himself down with cold water. As he turned to dry off, something caught his eye in the broken mirror.

A handprint. A red, swollen handprint gleamed on the back of his shoulder. Sam stared at it in shock. He remembered Dean's handprint and realized at once where his had come from.

Sam reached around and put his hand over it. He felt a rush of affection for Gabriel, and even more shame.

Just then, he heard the door open in the bedroom. Sam was still knotted, and the robe was definitely too short on him now, so he tugged it down as far as he could, then stepped into the bedroom, slightly red in the face.

Gabriel was nowhere to be seen. Instead there was a bag on the floor. Sam walked over and opened it curiously.

It was filled with supplies for an Alpha. Rut-calming pills, wipes, lubricant, and an embarrassingly large masturbation toy that was the perfect size for Sam. He went even more red in the face and was glad Gabriel had given him a moment alone to open this.

Sam could feel his rut stirring in him again. He sighed and took the bag into the bathroom.

#spnkinkbingo #spn kink bingo 2020 #spnabobingo #supernatural #sabriel #fanfiction #fanfic #My writing #sarasaurusrex #archive of our own #a/b/o dynamics #alpha sam winchester

[misunderstood-shadows]

The Hunteress: Chapter 5

Warnings: None Word Count: 1856 About: Sequel to Goodbye, I Love You and The Ripper. Alessandra is back hunting with the Winchesters. Something is sparking between her and Sam, but when a new threat threatens the Mikaelson’s she is drawn back into a world she is desperately trying to escape. Edited/Beta-ed: No

Series Masterlist

Sam and Dean stood near the door, both their eyes darting between Elijah and I.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I growled. I was starving, but my fury was overtaking my need to feed. “You should’ve told me the second you knew Mikael and Esther had returned.”

Elijah did not blink. He was stood in the middle of the room, commanding the space in his usual fashion, hand in pocket. “I am here now.”

I rolled my eyes. “A call would’ve sufficed.”

I heard Sam’s rapid heartbeat, and dared a look at him. From the moment I woke, he hadn’t spoken to me. I could sense something was wrong, but Elijah had been too intent on pulling me away from the Winchesters to allow me a moment alone with him.

Now Sam stood, beside his brother, isolated from me. He caught my eye, and managed a small smile. I didn’t want to return to New Orleans with Elijah. I had just escaped, I was on my way to being happy with Sam, and Dean was beginning to accept me.

“You should go.” Dean was set. “Sammy and I can cover our end. If you come back, we can pick up.”

“Of course, I am coming back,” I said softly. I looked between the brothers. “I’ll come back.”

I could see in their eyes that they didn’t believe me.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The Bentley rumbled soothingly beneath us, the scenery outside the window flying by.

“The boy Sam seemed awfully attached to you.”

“I not partaking in meaningless conversation with you, Elijah.”

“This will be an awfully long ride if you refuse to speak.”

“Then I guess that it’s going to be an awfully long ride.”

I kicked off my boots, resting my socked feet on the dash. There was silence, only broken by the sound of the tyres on the highway. I closed my eyes, focussing solely on the sound. The slight chances in frequency, imperfections in the road, even the sound of the engine. Anything to get my mind off the impending sense of dread.

“You should know, Esther is offering a deal.”

I hummed. “What? What more can she do to us?”

“She’s offering to make us mortal. To place us in human bodies, so that we might be purified of the monsters we have become.”

I didn’t answer.

“Alessandra.” Elijah’s voice was soft.

Don’t let him in.

I didn’t answer.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could smell wolf from outside. Elijah threw the car roughly into park, then got out, leaving me to follow.

“Brother! Niklaus!” he hollered.

I wince, following him through the entrance. A crowd of men and women, the remains of the Crescent pack, milled around, looking unsettled, despite the fact that their scent had permeated every inch of the place.

“You do realize that literally everyone in here has supernatural hearing, right?” Hayley said, irritated. I hummed in agreement, drifting off towards the kitchen but still listening to their conversation.

“Where is my brother?” Elijah asked without answering. The kitchen was mercifully clear, and an I dumped my backpack on the counter before making my way to the fridge.

“I'll check his calendar... Wait, no. Not his wife, so...”

“Hayley, this city is under siege by an army of beasts following my deranged mother's every command. Now, considering it was your people who just declared war on my kind, now's not the best time for your particular brand of sass.”

“Klaus left a while ago. If you want to find him, I can't help you. If only there was a magical device that people used to call people? I don't know, I'm out of ideas. Good luck.”

There was a loud bang, and the sound of laughter echoed in from outside. 

Nobody does Halloween like New Orleans.

The fridge was stocked with blood, as usual, along with a selection of meats and fresh produce. For what seemed like the first time in 1000 years, I wondered what it would be like to eat a normal meal, and actually be able to enjoy it. Yes, I could make myself a steak whenever I wished, but it tasted bland and un-filling.

“Alessandra,” Elijah’s was cool behind me.

“Yes, Elijah?” I asked, not turning from the fridge.

“We are going to Marcel’s. The wolves left a message last night. The time for idleness has passed. Leaving now.”

I sighed, closing the door. “Right behind you.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could tell from the layer of dust that the Audi needed a good run.

“Can I drive?”

Elijah glanced at me, at the car, then back at me. “Not. A. Scratch.” He threw me the keys and I smiled.

We drove slowly through the crowded streets, dodging day-drunk tourists. 

Once we reached the main highway across the river, I opened up the engine, letting it roar beneath me. Dean swore by vintage muscle, but I was definitely more partial to a good quality sports car.

“What exactly is your plan?”

Elijah looked over the water as we passed over the bridge. “Marcel said that every vampire that exists today is an extension of our family. Each one is connected to us through blood. They may be the only allies we have that won’t turn on us once this wretched war with the witches is won.”

“So you’re going to teach them?” I couldn’t imagine Elijah, in his pristine suit, teaching a group of baby vamps with Marcel.

“We, Alessandra. We are going to teach them.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could hear them arguing from down here. I sighed, closing the car door a little harder than necessary.

“We don't wanna run,” a woman said.

“I know, and I respect that. But, believe me, there's a big difference between wanting to fight and knowing how to win,” Marcel replied. True enough, but then theoretically knowing how to win, and actually being able to keep your head on in the middle of a battle was also very different.

“So, show us! You've kicked their ass before, I'm guessing you didn't do it alone.”

I followed Elijah up the stairs. I knew from the tilt of his head that he too was listening.

“Umm, yeah, not that I don't dig the whole Karate Kid vibe that we got going on here,” I recognised Josh’s voice. Good to know he was still alive. “But-- how are we supposed to learn to defend ourselves from an army of super-wolves in, like, one day?

The door to Marcels apartment came into sight and Elijah disappeared from my side. I heard the distinctive sound of two bodies dropping to the floor.

“Lesson one.” I could hear the smugness in his voice. “Always be on your guard.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Marcel was speaking to Elijah in the corner while I waited for the two temporarily dead vampires to wake up. I crouched over one, turning his face towards me. young, barely an adult. Did he realise just how long eternity was going to be? Or that he would probably die some horrible, agonising way? Elijah’s charge, Gia, was watching me suspiciously. “So, you’re an Original, too?”

I nodded. “Yep.”

“But you’re not a Mikaelson?”

I shook my head. “Just a family friend.”

“What, you just got caught up in their family drama a thousand years ago?” She gave an awkward half-laugh.

“Something like that.” These god-damned vampires are still not waking up. 

“When was the last time you all fed? This is taking far longer than it should.” I saw Gia shrug out of the corner of her eye. “We’ve had to be careful, even over here. The wolves have been crossing the river. Someone got bit just last week a couple blocks over.”

“That’ll have to change. You can fight if you’re not at full strength. Is there a blood bank nearby?” Gia nodded and I stood.

Marcel and Elijah both turned as I approached, ending their conversation.

“They need blood. Apparently, there is a blood bank nearby. I’ll go get supplies and then return here. They’ll need strength to fight.”

Elijah nodded and I turned leaving.

“What’s up with her?” I heard Marcel asked.

I didn’t listen to Elijah’s reply.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The blood bank was barely staffed. A single receptionist greeted me at the door. She was half asleep and a completed solitaire game reflected in her glasses from her computer screen. I was directed, but not escorted to the donation room. I merely ducked into the STAFF ONLY section and made my way to where the bags were stored.

I snagged a bag from a staff members desk, emptying the content onto the floor and then filling it. I sped out so the receptionist didn’t see me.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Elijah, Marcel and I watched as the vampires each tore into the blood bags, draining them and moving onto the next until all the bags were gone. They growled at each other, snatching bags from each other, snarls and growls filling the air.

“Enough!” Marcel roared the minute the last bag disappeared. “Look at yourself! You are out of control. You need to work together if we are win this. Help each other.”

The vampires looked at each other, some looking ashamed, some horrified. Welcome to the world of the shared feed.

“Everyone is to follow me and Tallie,” Marcel directed. “There’s an empty lot outback that we’ll use.”

Single file, calm and sated with the feed, the baby vamps made their way downstairs, tailed by Marcel, Elijah and I. Once outside, they formed a semi-circle each looking expectantly at us.

I stepped forwards.

“Who’s done any sort of fighting? Boxing, martial arts?”

A few men raised their hands confidently, grinning at each other.

I gestured for them to step forward and they did, all smiling smugly at me.

“I don’t want to hurt you, little lady,” one said.

I heard Marcel and Elijah step back behind me.

The other two vamps circled behind me. I watched the one in front of me; his eyes darted between the men behind me, then his right foot slid forward. I ducked a sloppy punch, spinning out and sending the other two crashing into each other.

In less than a second, I was ten metres away. “The wolves will not stand around and wait for you to attack! you need to move. Push off with everything you have. You are vampires. You will not tire. Do not half-ass your attack.”

And then the lesson began. Elijah gestured to Gia, and she followed him back inside for private training while Marcel and I took the rest of the group. They were sloppy and hasty in their attacks, Marcel and I easy dodged them.

“Again!” Marcel shouted.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I smelt wolf before I saw Hayley and a man approach. I glanced

She nodded at me, but didn’t stop, leading the man upstairs. I left Marcel and walked off to the side, where I would be able to hear.

“We need to talk,” she said.

There was a slight scuffled, then Hayley said, “We're not here for a fight. Just hear him out.”

“Speak. I suggest you be succinct,” Elijah said, sounding tightly restrained.

“Please,” said the man. “I need your help.”

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural Crossover #the originals #the originals fanfiction #the originals crossover #Sam Winchester #Sam Winchester Fanfic #sam winchester x oc #sam x reader #elijah mikaleson #elijah mikaelson smut #Elijah Mikaelson fanfiction #elijah x oc

[saltandburnbabyy]

Scream - part 1

PAIRING: The Winchesters

RELATIONSHIP: Platonic

AGE: your choice

SUMMARY: This was supposed to be a simple case, but when your recklessness puts everyone in danger you find you can do only one thing. Scream.

WARNING: angst, very little gore

A/N: This went in a totally different direction then what I had in my mind. Honestly, I’m not mad about it though. Leave some feedback if you can! I always appreciate it and love hearing from y’all!

You were being reckless, idiotic, and had no one other than yourself to blame. Despite all of that, you would do it again in a heartbeat.

It was supposed to be a simple salt and burn case, some creepy old house in the middle of nowhere with a normal family in peril once again. The house was being haunted by a woman who was murdered by her husband and buried underneath the house. All you guys had to do was go in, dig up the bones, and torch them.

Like you previously thought, it was supposed to be a simple salt and burn case.

You had managed to dig up the bones with Dean in the poorly lit basement while Sam ushered the family of five out of the house safely. That's when she showed up. Before you utter a word of warning to Dean, he went flying across the room and was thrown right into an old shelf propped up against the wall.

"Dean!" You whipped around and watch the event unfold with no way of helping.

Glass and wood sprayed itself across the room, some of the debris embedding itself into your face and hands. Dean had been momentarily knocked out, so that left this task up to you.

The chill in the air seeped into your bones, but you ignored it the best you could. You knew she was here. She had to be. You glanced from Dean to the wooden steps leading to the rest of the house and chewed your lip in paranoia. "Where the hell is Sam?" you thought to yourself. Unbeknownst to you, the ghost had put the whole house on lockdown, leaving Sam trying his damned hardest to try and get back into the house. He banged and pulled on the door, even throwing himself into it a couple of times, but nothing was working.

So it really was all up to you now.

You had finally dug the hole, the bones now visible. You reached into your pocket with a steady hand and brought out your lighter.

Before your very eyes, the ghost of Miss Beatrice Gallagher materialized in front of you. She was facing you, but she didn't seem to really see you. Despite that, her gaze froze you in your spot. The pure grief that seemed to roll off her in waves brought tears to your eyes. You don't know what it was, but you sort of felt sorry for her. She was murdered after all. She never asked for any of this.

"He is a monster," she whispered, "Monsters must die."

She floated right by you and made her way to Dean, who was still unconscious on the floor. You gained a sense of what her intentions were and you immediately opened up your lighter. You had to torch her bones before she could lay a cold, dead finger on him.

Miss Gallagher whipped around to look at you, a new found look of rage in her eyes. "NO," she bellowed. Your lighter flew across the room, too far for you to retrieve in time. Your eyes widened in fear as she turned back to Dean with an outstretched hand.

Now usually Miss Gallagher would target men, no matter their age, race, or personality. If it was a man Miss Gallagher was ready to rip their hearts from their chests. So seeing her making a beeline for Dean made your heart drop.

Immediately you picked up an iron chain beside your feet and swung it at Miss Gallagher. She disappeared, but you know that wasn't the last you'd see of her. No matter how much you wished it so.

You made your way over to Dean, who was now starting to wake up, in a panicked state. You slid on to your knees, the glass cutting right through your jeans and slicing open your knees and shins, and placed your hands on both sides of his face. "Hey," you patted his face lightly, "you can nap later, we got to get you out of here."

He looked around in a daze and then up at you, "damn that hurt." You couldn't help the chuckle that bubbled up inside your chest as you pulled him to his feet. You dusted the debris off of him, and then placed the chain in his hands. "You wouldn't happen to have a lighter would you?"

"You mean you still haven't burned the bones yet?" Dean looked down at you in annoyance.

"Oh sorry," you rolled your eyes, "I was too busy saving your accident-prone ass from a deranged, man-hating ghost. A thank you will suffice next time."

All of a sudden that hair raising chill was back, worse than before, and you knew why. "Goddamnit," you muttered. Turning around, you watched as Miss Gallagher stared you both down with such hatred it made you want to run like a bat out of hell.

"Monster," she kept repeating, "Monster. Monster. Monster-"

She swiped her arm sideways and you felt an unknown force throw you a few feet away from Dean. "(Y/N)!" he bellowed in horror. You hit a wooden post, your shoulder making the first contact, and heard a loud pop followed by an immense amount of pain blossoming from your right shoulder. You let out a loud groan and sank to your knees in pain.

Despite your head feeling quite heavy, you pulled yourself off the floor and watched in panic as she pinned Dean to the wall in fury with the same force she used to throw you across the room with. Even though he could barely move under Miss Gallagher's hold, his head turned to you and all you saw in his eyes was a concern for you. Concern and love.

He was about to have his heart ripped out of his chest, and yet he was still concerned about you. Sam was like that too, the Winchesters holding a special place in your heart and vice versa. You knew in a heartbeat they would die for you, and in this particular moment, that is what scared the hell out of you.

Your heart was beating heavily in your chest as you tried to figure out what to do. Your lighter sat somewhere in this dark room, there was no time to look for it, and if Dean had a lighter it was tucked away in his pocket. There was no way he could throw it to you, and you didn't know if you could handle another bone-crushing toss across the room. She stared daggers at Dean her hand still outstretched, ready to go in for the kill. You heard his grunts and growls of frustration as he tried to think of a plan of his own, but something inside of him knew he may not be walking away from this one.

Miss Gallagher was only a couple of feet away from Dean, and Sam was nowhere to be seen. You felt tears prick your eyes as you scrambled your brain for a solution. If only you hadn't frozen before. If only you didn't let your emotions get the best of you.

There was nothing you could do, so you only did one thing. Scream.

You put every emotion that inhabited your being into your scream. Every ounce of pain, grief, anger, anxiety, and love poured out of you in that one single scream.

From outside, Sam had managed to find an ax that the family had hidden in their shed and was ready to hack down the door when he heard your scream. He had never heard anything like it in his entire life. His blood ran cold as horrible thoughts raced through his mind. "No," he muttered in desperation, "no no no no no." He began hacking away at the mahogany door with all his might.

Inside, both Dean and Miss Gallagher whipped around to stare at you in shock. You heaved a couple of breaths as you stared intently at the ghost. No words had to be spoken for her to understand what you were feeling. Her expression was unreadable as she floated towards you, leaving Dean still pinned to the wall. At this, the oldest Winchester began to panic. "Hey," he yelled out, "leave her alone! I swear to God..." He thrashed around as you stood up to face Miss Gallagher, completely unsure of her next move.

"But," Miss Gallagher finally spoke as she stood only a foot away from you, "do you not wish for this monster to be vanquished?"

You gulped and spoke in a hushed tone, "but he ain't the monster here Miss Gallagher. I know what you think you are doing is in the name of justice, but you've got it all wrong."

You were amazed at her head cocked to the side, intrigued by your words. The fact that she is listening to you at all caused this newfound relief to flood your veins. "Men are not always monsters. Women can be monsters too."

The only way to put Miss Gallagher to rest was to burn her bones. The only way for her bones to be burned was for Dean to get his lighter and do the deed himself.  You were pretty sure Dean had an idea as to where you were going with this, as he began to struggle even harder. "(Y/N), shut the hell up right now or-"

"Dean!' you pleaded. You shook your head telling him to stop as you looked back at Miss Gallagher. "Miss Gallagher, he isn't the monster...I am. I'm the monster here." Her bloodshot eyes grew wide with fury and you felt yourself being pushed against the same pole she threw you into. You heard Dean fall to the ground with a thud and a groan. You struggled to speak clearly as you felt some pressure on your windpipes. "I've killed people and stolen and cheated and have done all of these things with no remorse in my heart. I don't intend to hide it. I know what I am, but I can't stand by and watch justice not be carried out rightfully."

You saw Dean crawl towards the hole you both dug in the middle of the basement, but knew he'd be too late to save you. You watched Miss Gallagher raise her hand and, with such speed, plunge it into your chest. A strangled scream ripped itself from your throat and you struggled to catch your breath. You felt her cold fingers squeeze your heart and the sharp pain that pulsed throughout your body every time she slightly tugged her hand.

Your vision grew hazy and you felt your whole body grow heavy, despite Miss Gallagher pinning you up. You didn't hear Sam rushing down the wooden steps and run towards you or Dean's angered pleas for you to hold on. The last thing you heard before everything went black was the whispers of Miss Gallagher.

"The monster must be vanquished."

PART 2

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fandom #Supernatural angst #supernatural imagines #SPN #spnfandom #SPNFamily #spn angst #spn fluff #sam #sam and dean #SamWinchester #sam x reader #dean #deanwinchester #dean x reader #angst #winchester family #winchesterbrothers #Team Free Will #winchester imagine #castiel #Jack Kline