#we are all still alive at this moment and isnt that something

[thepepsislvt]

I’m finally home from a trip.. what if hear me out.. nsfw alphabet for my favorite bgs either Kid, Killer, or of course Barto

-Tulipp 🌷🌷🌷

(acc still doesn’t work)

I DID IT AND I STARTED IT BEFORE U EVEN ASKED BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THINK ABOUT KID AND KILLER RELIGIOUSLY

also evryone istg im alive ive just been violently sick WAAAAHHH

anw here you go braincell sharer Kid and Killer nsfw alphabet

@tulipp-again

A: Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Kid tries his damn hardest to at least clean you up but usually hes conked out within 3 minutes

Killer on the other hand is a trooper. He will run you a bath, get you water, a snack, anything you could ever think of he does. Hes so sweet about everything

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I think we all agree that Kid is an ass man. he loves to grope it, bite it and smack it

Kid likes his arms and hands with how strong they arms. He loves how he can easily bend you over anything and fuck you from behind

Killer likes your collar bones with how easy he can bite them and leave a mark

On him Killer also likes his arms with how easy he can carry you around if needed

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum)

Kid cums A LOT okay? its thick and fills you up so much. He loves to cum on your face the most

Killer’s is also thick but he doesnt shoot as much as Kid. He especially loves to cum all over your stomach

D: Dirty Secret

Kid really doesnt have any secrets, if he wants something hes going to announce it

Killer really wants you to top him. He sees how snappy and mean you get with Kid when you are bickering and he wants you to do that to him. he just doesnt know how to ask

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Kid slept around a lot when he was younger while trying to deny he was gay for Killer but he eventually got over his ego and just went for it. When you joined the relationship you often called Kid a slut for being so skilled

Killer didn’t have any experience outside of you and Kid but he sure knows how to make you feel good

F: Favorite Position

ANYTHING WITH YOUR ASS POINTED TOWARDS KID! Kid really likes your ass and never hesitates to let you know how much he loves it

Killer loves to hold you close so he usually has you in his lap with your back against his chest

G: Goofy (Are they more serious at the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

They both agree that Sex is serious and shouldn’t be taken as a joke

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Kid either doesnt know what grooming is or he really doesnt care. hes untrimmed and yes the carpet does indeed match the drapes

Killer really doesnt care either but he does trim a little bit. he will do more if you really want him to

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Kid tries but just know degrading is his love language. He does kiss you a lot but its usually rough and sloppy

Killer is way more romantic than Kid in everyway. He constantly tells you how good youre doing and checking up on you. he whispers a lot of praise and ‘i love you’s at least 90% of the time

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Kid is a big man with a big sex drive. so much so he has to rub one out a lot if youre “to busy” or “not feeling it” (even though he has literally drug you away from your work several times before

Killer isnt much into having to Jack off unless hes really desperate but most of the time he just holds out

K: Kinks (One or more of their kinks)

Kid loves spanking you. hes an ass man, you got a nice ass its just common sense according to him.

Killer loves hair pulling. Theres just something about the extra pain that is slowly soothed when you rub his scalp that just adds the cherry on top for him.

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Kid will do it anywhere he doesnt care he doesnt have any shame but you do so you convince him to do it in at least a semi public location which isnt much better but youll take it.

Killer likes it anywhere in private since he is more of a private person himself

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Kid is turned on by literally anything you do. all that anger quickly gets turned to horny when you or Killer walk into the picture

Killer gets turned on most when you kiss his neck it ear

N: No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

they both wouldnt do anything that would seriously hurt you other than that theyre pretty open to trying whatever

O: Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Kid Prefers to receive hes a little whore who only thinks abt himself

Killer doesnt mind giving or receiving as long as youre happy

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

Kid is Fast and ROUGH and its not hard to believe at all

Killer also likes to be fast and rough but still takes it easy on you

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Kid will take it if thats all he can get but prefers to take his time fucking you brain dead

Killer isnt fond of them but if you need it then he’ll do it for you

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Kid is all about risks because he runs on that type of adrenaline

Killer also isnt too opposed but likes to play it safer

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Kid can last up to 5 maximum before telling you to fuck off and then falling asleep

Killer can go as many as you want, he’ll stir up as much energy as needed to make you happy

T: Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

i wouldnt think so but if yall do have any toys its made from Kid himself

U: Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Kid is a GOD at teasing, he loves to be in control and to tease you until are crying for him

Killer also loves to tease even more so than Kid, you would never expect

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Kid is loud, he doesnt shut up, he groans and growls, mf laughs when he degrades you shut shut up man

Killer not loud he just lets out a few grunts and small moans

W: Wild Card (Random headcanon)

Killer is the only one who has ever topped Kid

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Kid is rlly thick and girthy. like oh my god you gonna need a few minutes to stretch out around him

Killer isnt as thick but he is long omg

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Kid is up ready to go at any given moment all that pent up anger gotta go somewhere

Killer isnt as hyper sexual as Kid but he still enjoys it at least 3-4 times a week

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Immediately after for Kid, like bro will nut and then you hear his loud ass snoring

Killer doesnt fall asleep as fast as Kid mainly cause he needs to calm down first and catch his breath. he also loves to clean everyone up so yall not sleeping all dirty

#x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x gn reader #kid x reader x killer #killer x reader #eustass kid x reader #kid one piece #killer one piece

[synoname-wordsmith]

Sleepless Nights and Broken Jars

Sanji x reader

Summary: cooking for a crew of your size was a handful, and you were determined to take some of that stress out of Sanji's hands. But what happens when sleep deprivation and close proximity to the man you love start to mix?

Warning: some angst, slight description of panic attack, mention of blood, no smutt just kissing, smoking, as always if I miss any lmk

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your hammock swayed back and forth, begging you to lull back to sleep. you checked your watch and sighed at 4 AM. you had been staring at the ceiling for 45 minutes now, and it was becoming clear that you were not going to get any more sleep tonight.

you moved into a sitting position and then threw your feet over the edge of the hammock. once up, you tossed on a sweater and tip toed out of your shared room in an effort to not wake those lucky enough to get a full night's rest.

you made your way to the kitchen of the Going Merry, figuring a cup of tea might sweeten your soured mood. you were surprised to see the light already pooling through the small kitchen window. assuming it was Sanji was a safe bet, but being up this early was early, even for a cook.

you gently knocked on the door and let yourself in. Sanji was indeed there, facing away from the door over a pot of something on the stove. he turned to face you as you entered and smiled at the sight of you.

"Hey love, what's got you up at this hour?"

"i could ask you the same thing," you respond while making your way over the herb closet. Sanji watched you as you pulled out your desired ingredients and a tea steeper. "Be a dear and put the kettle on for me?" you asked with a light smile.

"Of course," and with that, you sat down with a mug and waited for the water to boil. "You never answered my question," Sanji spoke after a moment. you shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep, you?"

"i'm always up this early, dear. Food doesn't prep itself." You looked up at him quickly.

"You get up at 4 AM to prep every day?!" You couldn't hide the surprise in your voice. "breakfast isnt til 9. That's 5 hours. It takes that much time to prep breakfast?"

he smiled at your exasperation, "Actually, im usually in here by 3ish, and no, i prep for all meals and snacks this early."

"damn, that is dedication if i've seen it," you chuckled, then got up to grab the now steaming kettle.

"No, stay. i got it. " Sanji moved to the kettle and back to you, pouring the water into your mug. you thanked him with a smile. "it really doesn't bother me. I like doing it. Plus, this way, there is less to do between meals."

"Are all chefs this crazy?" you joked, reaching out for the mug as Sanji slid it towards you. your hand briefly met his, and your breath hitched. he pulled his hand away quickly after.

you don't know exactly when your feeling for Sanji crossed into genuine feelings from friends who flirted a little too much, but they did, and it was getting harder to pretend everything was still casual. the pet names, the little touches, the way his blue eyes seemed to see you, the real you; they caused you to lose your breath and the butterflies to come alive. you tried pulling away, hoping the distance would calm your ever beating heart, but you found yourself pulled back in almost instinctively. like two magnets. It was hard to fight.

he cleared his throat. "Only the really good ones," you laughed.

"and we all know you are the best." his face lit up at that. You found yourself staring as his smile reached his eyes. you pulled your gaze away and stood up a little too quickly. you walked over the aprons hanging on the wall, pulled one on, then tied your hair off your face.

"Hun, what are you doing?" You glanced at him as you washed and dried your hands. then pulled out an extra cutting board and a few knives.

"what does it look like, im helping" you pulled the bag of carrots over to you and read the scratchy handwriting from his notebook; '2 cup finely cut carrots, 2lb carrot peeled and cut olique'. "Unless you think the cafe my family ran is inferior training and that i can't keep up with you and your pretentious recipes." you said lightly, half joking and half asking for permission. he let out a breathy laugh.

"Of course i dont think that love, but you really should get some more sleep"

you picked up a chefs knife, "sleep eluded me long before i wandered in her Sanji. At least this way, i could pass the time." he playfully sighed again and turned back to the stove. there was no sound for a few moments save for the tack tack tack of your knife on the wooded board.

"Wait, did you call me pretentious? " he broke the silence, and you let out a genuine laugh.

"No, i called your recipes pretentious," he playfully swatted at your arm as you fell back into a comfortable silence.

****

you and Sanji finished most of the prep by 8:00, and you left him to assemble breakfast on his own. you had worked in comfortable silence for the most part other than the few questions from you or critiques from him. you would never admit that your skills were a little rusty, especially compared to Sanji, who moved through the kitchen like it was a choreographed dance. his motions were fluid and almost artful as he bounced from pot to cutting board to fridge to table. it was hard not to stare, and you felt your cheeks heat up a few times as your eyes wandered from his hands to the muscles in his exposed forearms. you felt like a child with a crush.

after cleaning your workspace, you wandered back to your room with the goal of changing and starting your research on the nearing islands for Nami. however, against your better judgment, you had fallen asleep. That's how you found yourself in the map room long after everyone else had retired to bed.

with a stiff back and a neck begging you to change positions you stood up. deeming your work satisfactory for the day you made your way out of the room and to the deck. the cool summer air hit you as you inhaled the smell of the ocean. slipping your eyes closed, you leaned forward on the railing, enjoying the moment. you heard foot falls approaching but didn't open your eyes until the smell of tobacco tickled your nose.

you expected Sanji to be beside you, but you weren't prepared for him to be leaning against the railing looking at you. his blue eyes scanned you and moved to meet your own eyes. the look in them was something you couldn't describe, something you've never seen from him.

"What?" you asked almost sheepish. it felt like he was seeing through you again. like you had no place to hide.

"Just admiring the beauty before me, love." You scoffed and rolled your eyes

"Doesn't your teeth hurt from all that sweet-talking?" You both laughed and fell into silence again. "What are you up to right now?" you asked, turning back to the waves.

"Quick break before heading back to work." he turned to face the water as well. you turned to look at him

"Sanji, it's 11:30" he hummed in response. "When do you sleep?"

he exhaled a light laugh. "Don't worry about me, love i sleep plenty."

"When?" You shot back a little harsher than you meant to. He took a long inhale. it felt like he was taking his time on purpose, holding smoke in his lungs so he doesn't have to answer. "Up at 2, still working at midnight, making snacks all day. Sanji, that isn't sustainable. you're going to make yourself sick."

"Will you nurse me back to health?" he smirked.

"Sanji, i'm not kidding!" he stilled at that. his face falling blank. you took a breath and tried to control your tone "Sanji if you need help, you're allowed to ask." his hand hovered by his face, cigarette almost at his lips. he didn't say anything, maybe he didn't know what to. "You can still be the creative genius, but an extra set of hands to make the prep go faster, isn't you failing." he ashed his cigarette as his eyes watched you intently. "especially when Luffy's appetite is that of 10 men." he chuckled

"i'm sure you're right, love, you usually are"

"how 'bout this, i will be your junior chef for one week, if it works: great, if not: i will leave you to your insanity and even take care of you when you inevitable make yourself ill" he took one last drag and flicked his cigarette into the ocean.

"darling, if you wanted to spend more time with me, you could have just asked." You ignored the quickening of your heart and hoped it was too dark for him to see the blush on your face.

"That doesn't sound like a no," you breathed. you hadn't noticed, but during your lecture, you had drifted closer to each other. both leaning against the railing facing each other, your hands could almost touch. he was looking at you again. seeing through you. your heart quickened. you could smell the tobacco on his breath and see the shades of blue in his eye. he held your gaze as if trying to communicate something to you, something he was afraid to say out loud.

"it wasn't," he whispered. he reached his fingers out and brushed them against your own. you felt like you couldn't breathe. the silence was suffocating and electric as his eyes darted to your lips and back to your eyes. you looked away from him and cleared your throat.

"we should probably get to the kitchen then." You glanced back at him, but he wasn't facing you anymore. he had turned away and faced the ocean again. "or neither of us will be sleeping tonight," he pulled out another cigarette.

"Go ahead hun', i'll catch up. " You watched him flick his lighter. you turned towards the kitchen and hurried through the door.

'So stupid,' you thought as you grabbed an apron and washed your hands.' You couldn't just let him kiss you. You had to pull away and make everything awkward.' You felt like you were going to pass out. face flush and hands shook as you held your knife. you tried to even breathe as your mind ran a mile a minute. it's not as if you haven't thought about kissing Sanji before, you had; allot. and you wondered what he would be like as a significant other, but you were scared. You knew you were. you were terrified that you were just the flavor of the month. that Sanji was more interested in the chase, and as soon as he got you, he would grow bored.

you didn't think you had low self-esteem, but a guy like that could have anyone he wanted, and you had seen him get them. Man or women, once he set his sights on someone. Docking in little towns and picking up beautiful people in bars, boarding the ship in the early hours of the morning with hair a mess and shirt unbuttoned. you couldn't convince yourself that he wasn't just interested in you because of close proximity. and you couldn't open your heart to that. You couldn't handle when he inveterately left for something better, newer, more interesting. you tossed cut vegetables into a bowl with oil and seasoning.

the kitchen door opened, and Sanji walked to the sink and started washing his hands. you tried to get your racing heart and running thoughts under control as he stood beside you silently.

"What are you doing?" You turned and smiled at him, an attempt to seem unrattled.

"i was going to roast the vegetables for the soup puree." he nodded and disappeared into the walk-in cooler. you released a breath you didn't know you were holding and turned back to the notebook, then moved to opened a cabinet. not finding what you were looking for, you moved to close the door and turn towards the pantry closet. unbeknownst to you, Sanji had come behind you juggling more than a few ingredients. you didn't have time to react before you collided and felt yourself connect with the ground.

pain shot through your head as jars and produce tumbled to the ground. your hands flew up to the side of your head as you heard Sanji crouch down beside you. he swore under his breath as your eyes stayed tightly shut, focusing on breathing through the sharp pain.

"Hun, i'm so sorry. Let me see." he took your hands in both of his and gently moved them out of the way. "Just a scratch," he breathed out, the relief prominent in his voice. the initial pain was starting to subside, but you kept your eyes closed in an attempt to keep hot tears at bay.

"i'm sorry," you whispered, pulling your hands from his and covering your eyes this time. everything felt like too much all at once, sleep deprivation, the charged moment outside, the racing thoughts you had moments ago, the pain now. it all came to a catalyst, and what little control you had on your emotions was unraveling.

"Darling, what for?" You leaned back and felt the cupboard support your weight, tears finally escaping." Hey, hey, hey, look at me. What's going on? " he reached for your hands again, but you turned away from him.

"i can't keep doing this." You were trying to level your breathing, but you felt more and more of your emotions spilling out. months of bottling it up finally caught up to you.

"Doing what, dear? i know i should have said behind and im so sorry you are in pain right now, but thats no reason to give up in the kitchen completely" he reached out again and this time you let him rest his hands on your shoulders, what did it matter you were already a mess.

"No! i can't keep pretending around you. the things you say, the way you brush up against me when you pass by. the flirting, god the flirting" you were all but hyperventilating now. "it's killing me, and i feel so stupid for catching feelings like i didn't know who you were, that this wasn't a game you played to pass the time-" you couldn't get anymore words out and you just sat there defeated and sobbing.

you felt Sanji's arms wrap around you, and he pulled you against his chest. he didn't say anything, but he held you while you shook in his arms and attempted to regain control of yourself. eventually, your breathing leveled out, and you lay still against him, face pressed to his chest as he moved his hand up and down your back.

you didn't want to move. If you pulled away, you would have to face him, and facing him meant everything you had created together over the last few months was gone. you did, though. You moved away from his embrace and wiped your eyes. you could feel him looking at you, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes.

"im going to go." You stood up, but before you could turn away, he grabbed your wrist. "Sanji, please, I dont want to talk about this right now." You tried to pull away, but his grip tightened. "Sanji-"

"you're bleeding" you stood and watched as he stood up too "let me at least clean up your face" you didn't have the energy to argue and let him guide you to the table. you sat in silence as he kneeled on the floor in front of you and dabbed an alcohol swab on your cut. you winced on contact, and his free hand came up to the side of your face to gently hold you still. "im sorry." You broke the silence, the suffocating silence that made you want to scream.

"You've said that." He didn't take his eyes off his task. in a different circumstance, you would have watched his concentration in admiration and tried to memorize the curve of his jaw or the way his hand felt on your cheek. but now you couldn't bear to look at him.

"i never meant to melt down like that, i just didn't know how to tell you without ruining the friendship we built" he put the bandage on you and sighed, leaning back on his legs. neither of you made any move to get up, and silence fell over you again. you were too dejected to fill it this time. You resolved to just drown in it.

"Do you really think so little of me?" You looked up from the cuticles you were picking at to find Sanji also looking at his hands. His hair had fallen in his face as he talked. "That im some careless philanderer with no regard for your feelings?"

"No, of course not," you defended, "but the way you flirt in bars, i just... i dont see how im special, " his head snapped up.

"Of course you are special. You are the most interesting and beautiful person i have ever met. nothing i have ever said to you was a lie. i meant it all"

"But all those one-night stands? if i'm so special, why are you chasing strangers?" You felt yourself choking up again and knew if he kept pressing the matter, you would fall apart again.

"Honestly?" he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Feeble attempts to forget about you. i thought i could move on, that i could get past the way i felt. " he looked up at you finally. your lip started to tremble at his words and you tried to take a deep breath "hey, hey" he leaned forward and placed both his hands on either side of your face "none of that love"

"i can't - how am i supposed to trust that you won't get bored?"

"Nothing i did could make me change the way i feel about you, the way i need you. i thought i knew what love was, but from the moment i first met you, i knew that was it. it is so scary to be so affected by you" maybe it was the lack of sleep or the throbbing in your head, but your body moved before you could think and you connected your lips to his.

for a moment, he didn't move, startled by your action. but in an instant, he was kissing you back. he pulled you closer against him, and your hands grasped at the fabric of his shirt. you pulled away for air, but just as quickly, he pulled you back in. hands moving to your waist, he pulled you impossibly closer as your hands found their way to his hair. he deepened the kiss, and you felt like you were on fire. nothing you had imagined was as good as this and none of the little touches you had shared before compared to the electricity flowing through you now.

when you both finally stopped, he leaned his forehead against yours, and you could feel his smile.

"i am sorry i ever made you doubt how i feel about you. Please let me spend a lifetime making it up to you." You kissed him again and pulled away breathless.

"There is nothing i want more"

#opla #one piece #sanji imagine #sanji x reader #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #opla sanji #one piece live action #one piece sanji #sanji vinsmoke imagine

[braimrotting]

screaming crying phils stream today was so good.

i love death family with all my heart and the dynamics at play. the absolute soulread when i said that "hes like paranoid in the opposite way that bad is. bad prepares for every possibly situation and makes sure he has every item for it while phil just ensures he never faces bad situations." phil literally talked about this!!!!! he may not be the richest or strongest but he is the most cautious undeniably. AND its completely reasonable! my heart broke when he asked if he was a bad dad cause no!!!! u arent!!!!

phil takes care of 2 eggs practically single handedly and has full responsibility over them. it isnt like babysitting where at the end of the day theres another parent there. despiter this theres also the feeling of guilt that if either of them die he will be letting down missa/wil. so much pressure its no surprise hes so reclusive + hardcore experience makes him more careful than most too. above all he is a SURVIVALIST!

the little insight into chayannes character was so <3333 light of my life, baby boy, cutie patootie. hes soooo phils boy like, theres a thirst for adventure but danger is only so fun. theres a sense of security and stability which is so unique to this family which becomes more obvious when taken away from that environment. THIS IS NOT SAYING THAT THE OTHER FAMILYS ARE BAD! theres just different stability either from riches, preparation or simply more parents. thats THEIR safety net for danger.

the babies understand phils mindset bc they communicate!!!! god i love communication. they understand that they dont have the same freedom as say richas but they completely get it. longterm safety > momentary fun. it sounds bad saying it like that but the eggs dont really care bc they love! this paranoia kept them alive so far and they still have their slice of life moments. i think these 2 have their armour on the most out of any egg and while phil does sometimes remind them to put it on its so rare that they voluntarily take it off outside the bunker.

also! why tf did the code take pictures of phils base? my memory is kinda shit but i swear the code only took pictures of ninho and not peoples actual bases. should we be lookin into that or was it just supposed to lure phil out of his bunker (cause tbh you have to pry that guy away from the safety of his home). anyways if phils base was the only one that the code took pic of excluding ninho.... thats incredibly concerning. if i remember correctly phils base was the first one to be fully reinforced (i think it was actually illegal but the admins were like meh whatever) idk if it has something to do w that or maybe its because chay +lullah homes are more the bunker than ninho? idk youd think it would take pics of like bads base then too. just seemed strange to me

this was such a ramble i just adore family dynamics and phil is shoving them down my throat. i would love if he joined with the lore but his choice i just feel like hes seen a lot that could be relevant + has pretty good theories.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah

[hard-core-super-star]

Hi, I have a request for hailee steinfeld x reader:

Reader is the type of celebrity that hates that she's a celebrity(hope this isnt confusing), so when it comes to doing press tours and interviews and going to award shows and so on, she is rarely at them. But when it comes to her girlfriend, Hailee. She attends.

stars by the pocketful [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: going to crappy award shows was never something you found enjoyable. lucky for you, your girlfriend takes it upon herself to change that.

warnings: none, just fluff; very vague mentions of anxiety; vague descriptions of famous people being jerks; i still can't write endings

wordcount: 1.7k

a/n: yes, the summary sucks but that's only because the request IS the summary. this is technically set during the 2024 grammy’s but it's not very expanded on…and yes, the taylor cameo serves no real purpose besides making me laugh. hope you enjoy and thank you lovely anon for the request <3

* * * * * * *

There were so many better things to be doing on a Sunday night. Maybe going to the movie theater or to a random concert or even just taking a stroll down the beach. Anything and everything would be better than being at an overwhelmingly loud (yet underwhelming in all the other categories) award show.

You know you should enjoy events like these, not only is it a part of your job but it's an opportunity to celebrate the unique talent that fills every industry you happen to either admire or be a part of. However, they're also the one place where all your emotions are capitalized, no matter how big or small your reactions are.

Again, it's part of the job. But it doesn't mean you have to like it.

Although, you will admit, out of all the award shows you’ve been to since meeting Hailee, the Grammys are usually the most bearable. Maybe it’s the people involved or the performances or the bright smile on your girlfriend’s face that no amount of chaos can wipe away.

You can’t say that you’re as unaffected as she is but you’re definitely making an effort to focus on the good instead of the bad…and there’s a lot of bad in your opinion.

You don’t get the chance to dwell on those thoughts for longer than a few seconds since Hailee slips her hand into yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze. You turn your head away from the stage to find her looking at you, her eyebrows furrowed as if she’s studying each and every one of your features. You don’t have to say a word for her to notice your discomfort.

She’s way too good at reading your emotions, especially at moments like these.

She leans in toward you while the current performance comes to an end but the applause that fills the room is nothing compared to the sound of her voice. “We can leave if you want.”

You shake your head almost as soon as you hear her whispered words. “I’m fine.”

She opens her mouth, most likely to point out the fact that you’re lying, but the cameras cut to commercial and the room comes alive once again. It’s not the commotion that distracts her but the tap on her shoulder that’s followed by a friendly voice.

This time you’re the one who gives her hand a reassuring squeeze before she turns to face Taylor. The blonde in question offers you a warm smile before sweeping your girlfriend up in a lively conversation. You watch the exchange for a few seconds, completely in awe of the way Hailee seems to come alive while she talks about her music.

“I’ll be right back,” you whisper to her, not wanting to distract her.

Your hand slips out of her grasp before you make a beeline for the closest bathroom. Unfortunately for you, your path to peace and quiet is blocked by too many people who definitely don’t like you. You’re not sure what part of your personality isn’t up to their standards today but you do your best to ignore their disdainful looks while you slip past them.

Ignoring their looks is easy. Ignoring their not-so-quiet comments proves to be significantly harder.

You’ve been in this business long enough to know you shouldn’t waste your time trying to prove yourself to people. Especially people who don’t care enough about you to actually try to get to know you and instead get their information from social media or made-up articles from untrustworthy sources.

But just because you shouldn’t waste your time on them doesn’t mean their comments don’t sting a little…or a lot. A sting that's particularly painful when the before-mentioned comments are made by friends of your girlfriend.

You finally make it to the bathroom, quickly stepping inside and taking a deep breath to calm your racing heart. Your steps are slow and calculated as you approach the sink and, thankfully, when you look up toward the mirror, the reflection that greets you seems cool and collected.

It seems you manage to get yourself under control at the right moment since the door swings open a few seconds later. You pretend to be busy checking the small amounts of makeup on your face when the person speaks up.

“Hey, there you are.” Your shoulders immediately relax once you realize who it is. “Is everything okay?”

You nod, not yet turning to face her, knowing you won’t be able to fool her if she sees your face. “Yeah, I just needed a break.”

You hear her sigh before the sound of her heels against the tiled floor reverberates around the room. So much for trying to fool her.

“You don't have to lie, baby. Tell me what’s wrong.” Her warm hand wraps around your forearm and you meet her eyes through the mirror in front of you. She doesn’t try to pull you toward her. Instead, she gives you time to decide what you need from her.

“I'm just a little overwhelmed,” you confess before following it up with a joke. “I can't believe so many people like talking about us.”

You crack a small smile at your joke, hoping Hailee will smile too but she doesn't. “Did someone say something to you?”

This time you’re the one who sighs.“Nothing I haven't heard before, Lee.”

“Wh-”

You shake your head, effectively stopping her before she can say anything else. “It doesn't matter who. I'm fine.”

You emphasize your point by finally turning your body to face her. Unfortunately, the subtle signs of your unease become perfectly clear now that she’s able to look directly at you. Her hand drops down from your arm to your wrist, drawing slow circles on your pulse point and noticing how fast your heart is still beating.

“You're clearly not if you're hiding in the bathroom instead of being out there with me.”

“I'm that easy to read, huh?” You take the smallest step forward, encouraging her to drop your hand and wrap her arms around your waist instead.

“Only to me, baby.” She pulls your body closer to her before placing a quick kiss on your cheek. “You don't have to hide how you feel with me, alright? I won't be upset.”

“There’s nothing to say, I’m just being dumb.”

“Don’t say that. It’s not dumb to be upset when people say shitty things about you.”

You would love to agree with her but it’s not like it’s anything new. Your disdain for most celebrity experiences like award shows and fancy parties has earned you quite the reputation, not as an introvert, but as a stuck-up brat who doesn’t realize how lucky she is. Dating Hailee has only amplified that reputation with the added little bonus that now you’re also labeled as a ‘golddigger.’

You’re pretty sure that ridiculous rumor was started by Hailee’s PR team to try and stop her from making your relationship official. Their strategy backfired tremendously in regard to your relationship but unfortunately, you’re still dealing with the fallout in the form of backhanded compliments and ill-natured questions.

“Hey.” The feeling of her hands caressing your back brings you back to reality. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Do you ever regret this?” You blurt out before you can stop yourself. “Choosing me? Coming out?”

“I think you know better than anyone that my closet was made of literal glass,” she jokes, successfully getting you to smile despite yourself. You’re rewarded with that subtle shine her eyes get whenever she talks about something she loves. In this case, it’s you. “y/n, you don’t ever have to worry about me regretting being with you. I love you. My love isn’t conditional or superficial, it’s real, no matter if people think it’s a good business decision or not. I don’t care about any of that, I just care about how we feel.”

“You’re giving Emily Dickinson a run for her money with that speech.”

Your comment gets a laugh out of both of you. Her previous words paired with the sound of her laugh and the affection in her eyes are more than enough to get you to forget all about those fake people and their stupid comments.

You lean forward and capture her lips in a sweet kiss that’s full of all the things you love about her. Her warmth, her unparalleled joy, her loving touch. All the things you never thought you would find until Hailee stumbled into your life.

“I take it you’re feeling better,” she says with a smile once the two of you pull away.

“I am,” you confirm. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, my love. I’d be a horrible girlfriend if I let you continue to feel miserable.”

You lean in closer until your head is resting on her shoulder, your breath ghosting the skin of her neck. You stand in silence for a few seconds as you both enjoy the serenity that fills the space around you.

“Sometimes I wish we could pack up our stuff and move to the middle of nowhere for a few months,” you whisper.

Your girlfriend doesn't skip a beat. “Let's do it.”

“Hailee…I was kidding. You know we can't.”

“Yeah, we can. We can rent out a place, wherever you want, and not tell anybody. Not our families, not our teams, and definitely not the paparazzi. If it's a break you want then that's exactly what I’ll give you.”

You lift your head from her shoulder, staring at her with furrowed eyebrows and barely contained excitement. “What about the Oscars? And all the other award shows you've been invited to?”

“First of all, we have been invited to them,” she corrects you while she tucks a few stray pieces of hair behind your ear. “And second of all, none of that stuff matters more than you. You're all I want and nothing sounds better than escaping all this chaos with you for a few months.”

“You’re sure?”

Her response doesn’t come in words. She only nods before kissing you again. Her lips taste of sincerity and adventure and a slight aftertaste of cinnamon.

“I’m sure, baby,” she murmurs against your lips just in case you have any doubts. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

#hailee steinfeld x reader #hailee steinfeld x female reader #hailee steinfeld x you #hailee steinfeld x y/n #hailee steinfeld fic #hailee steinfeld fluff #hailee steinfeld imagine #hailee steinfeld fanfiction #hailee steinfeld #hawkeye #mcu #mcu fanfiction #marvel #wlw #wlw fic #writing

[splatattackz]

you ever think about the horrors.

indulge in my senseless rambling for a moment.

imagine youre qpierre right now. you have just learned that you are not you. at least. this body isnt you. but this consciousness is? maybe? youre not sure. you think its you. youve made your own memories. your own experiences. so you think this is you. but at some point you died. you both died. in different ways. one mentally died and one physically. but you both died. how is that possible? the past you and the "other" you both died. you are dead.

and before you knew this, you were having nightmares. you didnt know what they meant. they showed memories. they showed phonecalls. slideshows. a conversation. all these confusing things. you didnt know what they meant. and then there was this stupid, white bear just telling you to sleep more. not helping you in your haze. and then it tries to erase the dreams from you. you are imperfect? you werent perfect to begin with. whatever. what did the bear mean by "The important thing is not what the Federation did to you, but what you have done and will do for the Federation.

Great things await you."?

and now youre here. in a room you dont recognize. theres a computer. and a bed. and something (yourself?) has been telling you to remember what happened. he is telling you to ask around to your friends see if you remember anything. telling you to ask about your past. your loves. your dreams. "Et alors peut être que tu saura si ta mémoire est intact." (And then, maybe, you'll know if your memory is intact.) you dont remember ever writing this. but you follow the instructions. and you dream. as you have quite a few times now. and this dream brings you back to the start. you are learning youre both dead. but youre also alive. its confusing. is there a "you" in this equation? arent they both still alive? though only half. you dont know. you are alive.

its just. the horror of it. i cant wait to see how the character develops because. qpierre is, physically, dead. and ayr0b0t is, mentally, dead. but mentally, qpierre is still here. and physically, ayr0b0t is still here. and both of those alive aspects are combined to create the charwcter we've most recently known. thats all we know for certain.

but still there are questions. and the questions are:

when did this happen? was it on the island? or before? its implied it was on the island. the qpierre in the dream has a gegg shirt. both in the operation and in the death tape.

and why? why did the federation do this? what use do they have for frankensteining him together? placing human conscience into a robot body? was it just because they could? maybe. but the book from one of the meetings implies he has use to them.

"Great things await you."

so.. hm... so many thoughts and questions...

#SORRY THIS IS SUCH A MESSY RANT #idk where i was going i just needed to let my mind run #kekw #his lore is so interesting to me #he has 50 diseases and is the embodiment of the horrors #qsmp #qsmp aypierre #qsmpattackz #splatattackz

[stevie-petey]

for a blurb can we PLEASE see what jonathan said to steve in the in between chapter?? it’s been killing me

YES YES YES !!!

enjoy <3

“i know what y/n’s favorite color is,” steve says the moment you leave

jonathan looks over at him, knowing that hes just teasing, but he still feels the need to one up him. “alright, but do you know what her favorite ice cream flavor is?”

“…no”

“mhm. exactly.”

silence settles between them. jonathan rocks on the balls of his feet, unsure of what to do with steve. hes still getting used to his presence, still trying to decide where he stands with him. nancy still hasnt decided on who she wants, so for now … it’s awkward, to say the least.

“do you think she likes me?”

jonathan freezes. steve cant seriously be asking about nancy right now. “who?”

“y/n.”

“oh.”

the boys stand in silence again. why would steve ask jonathan that? more importantly, why does he worry about that at all? youre the nicest person jonathan has ever met. he doesnt think theres a person alive that you dont like.

but steve is fiddling with the edge of his shirt and his eye still looks a bit swollen from their fight. he knows steve has been spending all his time at the bookstore lately, to see you, and jonathan sees the way you light up now when you talk about him.

so, he does what he knows he should.

“of course y/n likes you. she wouldnt let you stalk her at work if she didnt.”

something shifts in steve, he seems to relax more and lets out a smile that jonathan isnt sure he was meant to see. “oh, alright. yeah. makes sense. i just … wanted to be sure, ya know?”

jonathan understands. youre incredibly easy to adore, but it’s also terrifying to imagine you leaving as well. he doesnt know what he’d do if you ever left him. “i know.”

steve smiles again and looks away. silence comes once more, but jonathan cant help but feel like theres something more he should tell the guy.

he lowers his voice to a whisper. “hey, listen.”

steve leans in close, at full attention. “yeah?”

“y/n, she … she doesnt like letting people in. dont tell her i said that. she’d kill me. but some stuff happened when she was younger and … ya know. shes nice and shes selfless as hell, but she also keeps a large part of herself guarded from others.”

“are you threatening me?” steve asks, though his voice is teasing and jonathan cant help but let a chuckle out.

“yeah, be careful with her, alright? shes special, but im sure i dont have to remind you of that.” he whispers.

steve nods, his face calm as he whispers back, “i promise i wont hurt her. i know shes special, and listen. i know you two are close and i dont want to step on your toes, or like, offend you or anything but-”

“im back!” you announce your arrival.

the boys spring apart, which you find odd. you were afraid something like this would happen. it’s still weird, seeing jonathan with steve. like two worlds colliding, in a sense.

“did i miss something?”

“no!” steve and jonathan exclaim at the same time.

you frown. “alright … you ready to go, bee?”

jonathan spares one last glance at steve, who shrugs at him as if to say we can talk about this later. “yeah, lets go bug.”

you say goodbye to steve, wishing him a good night, and follow jonathan to the car.

steve watches, now left behind in the bookstore, unaware that him and jonathan would never actually have time to talk about any of it.

but he doesnt know this, yet. so he waves cheerfully at you as jonathan drives away, happy he seems to finally be making some real friends.

#come home blurb #ask #anon #m speaks #m’s writing #set in between seasons 1 and 2 #sorry gang got excited #if there’s typos: no theres not <3

[libelelle]

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER. my opinion on Silver is by no means the single correct one nor do i think it should be, do what you do idc. we're all here throwing him at a wall repeatedly for fun

Ok so. whats the point i wanted to make. oh yeah right

SILVER THE HEDGEHOG!!!! FUCK!!!!

his character is so interesting this is a character for sure. im screaming and crying etc etc. the unfortunate part is NO ONE GETS HIM. i see a lot of interpretations that cherry pick his personality and experiences and it just! isnt it! he is a complicated character!

trying to simplify him down to 🥺innocent soft boi🥺 doesn't work, not only cause you're ignoring his DEBUT GAME (NEVER FORGET HE TRIED KILLING SONIC) but also because you just disconnected him from his entire backstory and motivations. i see people making Silver into a "cinnamon roll" guy and it always makes me grimace because... do you know WHY he is clueless. do you know why he doesn't get things or is too trusting or this or that. its because he grew up in the apocalypse alone. he hasn't experienced anything normal or healthy in his entire life. and since these traits, which are used to make him into the innocent cinnamon roll, are a result of growing up in a very abnormal environment, are symptoms of having never been in social situations and never had a normal day-to-day life. this means you can't ignore the OTHER characteristics that result from it. by this i mean hes very independent, very stubborn and aggressively mean (i recommend watching any of Silvers interactions in the Rivals games. he is extremely confrontational and a very good example of the kind of behaviour i'm talking about). but since this doesn't fit the bill for the character that you want him to be, you remove the context. him being clueless has nothing to do with his background. hes anxious cause hes a smol bean, not because hes been drowning in responsibility and trauma for as long as hes been alive. hes kind because hes innocent, not because he chose to be despite it all

"but linnea! what about IDW! hes very innocent in that!" INCORRECT BUZZER. IDW is not the same. i'll admit, the writing isn't always what i want or expect for Silver, but there's something important for you to note here

Silver is ✨Recovering✨

from my perspective at least. what i see is Silver, who has actively been working together with other people for MONTHS. he has friends, a support net, as well as hobbies. these are things he didn't have before, and being with these people, in both calm and hard times, helped him. So what we are seeing isn't the trauma responses, we're seeing the result of being acclimatized into a healthier and safer position. that's why there's a change in behaviour. this doesn't mean hes a soft boy now. AGAIN hes complicated. be careful not to boil him down to a single trait. in IDW we still see moments where he experiences difficulties because of his past. examples include when he met Whisper, Failed Social Interaction and said this:

he struggles with boundaries! of course he does! he's still getting the hang of being around people

then also recently when he came to help Sonic in 58:

he is struggling!! with nothing to focus on! his default is fight fight save the future fight!! he's not used to normal life and that makes him anxious and frustrated, unable to focus on things he cares about, as we see in the future growth comic in the 2022 annual

there are likely more examples but idc. need to finish this post. continuing, Silver is complicated, meaning that even when he is aggressive and tunnel visioning on a task, he has more going on. one thing i fucking lovee LOVE love about Silver is that he has hope. fuck if i were him i think i'd have given up. THOSE horrors? every day? no thanks

Silver feels anguish and frustration and fear. this being said even at his angstiest moments he has hope. you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that Silver fought through every horrible disaster, coming back to a newly devastated world every time and decided to continue with no hope for a better future. he is determined and he has hope, even if he has to fight tooth and nail for it. Usually when i think about Silver and his odd optimism, i go back to '06, when he's having his moral crisis over killing sonic.

"To kill someone to save the world... is that really the right thing to do?"

it would've been understandable if he decided it was the right thing to do, even if sonic was someone who was kind and loved, because that's just how bad the world is. maybe its just me, but the way this thought broke through in spite of his bull headed focus on destroying the iblis trigger speaks to me about his nature as a person. even coming from the bleak world he came from and even with the tunnel vision he had, he still considered this one persons life to be important too.

he is, at heart, a very gentle and kind person. he is, at heart, someone who is strong and who wants to help others. a version of Silver that is sad all the time, unable to see the good in the world (a phenomena i don't see much of thankfully) isn't true to Silver as a character because its missing that core trait to his character, that he wants to help because he cares.

Silver can't be one or the other. one way ignores his background and his trauma, which leaves out important parts of his personality, the other just abandons a very integral part of who he is.

the point really is to say that (slaps roof of Silver) this bad boy can fit so much layers!

#if i got it wrong you are welcoming to blast me with your psychic waves #if you aren't psychic though you have to be niceys though #AGAIN. im not trying to dictate anyones interpretations of him. the world is a beautiful place and your perspective likely has something #i didnt consider. characters are great in that theyre meant to be interpreted. #anyways 3 am rapidly approaches. time to eep #analysis #silver the hedgehog #long post #talk tag

[popcaki]

what do you think of the people that make up headcanons about ghost not being able to love and calling him "a broken man"? as a person with trauma this absolutely shatters me bc even if i repress my feelings,by the end of the day im still craving that type of human connection.they literally call him a psychopath/sociopath and going as far as to call him heartless...

Trigger warning: Discussion of trauma,

just a disclaimer to people seeing this, people can write whatever they want and we all have unique views on a character and so on,

but in my personal opinion, yeah I don’t understand why people make him into a psychopath and straight-up abusive. It’s true some people can become like this but it really puts trauma victims in a bad light. Not to mention people who have trouble expressing their emotions making people think you’re emotionless when in fact you are feeling a looot of different kinds of emotions. Lots of autistic people for example. I do think he has a bit of a twisted mind, he is a morally grey character and can be a bad person, but it is clear as day that he does care about his teammates and that Infinity Ward is showing more of his good sides,

examples of Ghost not being a emotionless/abusive/psychopath:

the ”No one fights alone” I mean do I need to say more?

him sounding actually sorta terrified when Graves betrays them and he calls out to Soap,

does this look like a face of a emotionless guy?

in the original MW2 he literally screams ”NO” and is about to shoot shepard when they get betrayed. He sounds absolutely devastated when his team mate dies

Ghost going ”Why?” in a panicked way when Graves stated he cannot disarm the missile, there is clear stress and concern.

If I remember correctly Ghost has canonly anger issues, anger is an emotion lmao.

He literally makes dad jokes with soap and clearly thinks they are funny, the guy has a dry sense of humor.

He’s making sure to keep Soap talking and alive as best as he can in the Alone mission. Even if it’s all practical and needing a team mate alive for that reason I don’t think Ghost would want Soap dying in general.

If I remember correctly he literally holds his mothers skull smiling, seeking comfort, in a very disturbing and stressful moment for him

Him literally going ''that's for my mates!'' in multiplayer when you get the enemy team back

Distracting the creep of a terrorist from interacting with the child

He thinks war crimes is ''Tyranny, it won't stand.''

He clearly bottles things up and has multiple times shown he indeed has emotions. I think Ghost would want a normal life and connections, I truly believe that. He is just most likely terrified (another emotion) of forming them due to fear of betrayal or loved ones dying.

He is broken but not in the way of being an emotionless abusive psychopath, he really does need support and help, therapy, support from friends etc. It’s not something someone/another character can fix. He’s the one who needs to be comfortable enough to want to seek help in the first place.

I don’t think he’d take things out on people close to him or innocents either.

But yeah it puts trauma victims and people who express themsleves in a way that isnt the norm in a weird light, imo. I still find it weird with all the trauma erasing/ignoring for him too, you can still write about it and have em work things through and get the help the character needs. A character can still love and want human connection despite trauma.

I’m wondering if what’s going on is that people only see Ghost and not Simon Riley? he’s wearing a mask which hides most of his facial expressions, but if you look at his eyes he displays lots of emotions. As if the masking he’s put on figuratively and literally to try to push people away and think of him as something else is working on people in real life?

anyway I hope this answers your question!

edit: I just now properly read the comics (I skimmed through before because it was a bit tough to read), and this post including my post about his SA trauma still stands... He only hurts people who seem to deserve it, and he's feeling a bunch of emotions. I highly recommend reading the Ghost comics about his backstory, it's very triggering tho so be warned, contains all sorts of messed up shit. But this makes me even realise more how many fics and headcanons contain things that would trigger Simon massively and how many portray him as an abusive person, it's a bit unsettling to see. if you don't wanna go through with reading the comics I can list things that happened that will definitely be a trigger for him,

His dad was abusive, absolutely horrible. I don't think calling Simon ''Daddy'' would be something he enjoys.

Christmas times, his family got slaughtered on Christmas, I don't think you'll really move on from that.

He got SA both by women and men, and he feels terrible about it.

He was held captive for months, tortured (this includes SA and physical violence) and they tried to brainwash him, to change him.

Concerts.

He's not a terrible person, he's morally grey. He's gone through a lot of bad shit. He himself is the one who's going to need to want help or seek out things like human connection, Him trusting Soap, and the rest of the team is a step in that direction. I think he can and will open up more and hopefully get the help he needs, but it would take a long time of working on himself. No one can ''fix'' him but himself.

He isn't an emotionless abusive person, I don't understand where people get that from lmao. I mean look at him,

#Simon Ghost Riley #Call of Duty #Simon Riley #Modern Warfare 2 #MW2 #simon ghost riley x reader #Call of Duty Ghost #Simon Riley headcanons #John Soap Mactavish

[rainbow-neko-artblog]

Use this ask as an excuse to infodump about something you haven't been asked about yet :3

Awww Match my friend you spoil me.

Alright! Anyone who likes my work probably knows that ive been posting a lot about my newest oc, a fairy named Shane from the Hatchetfield universe by Team Starkid.

Because hes an oc and i think Starkids fanbase is still pretty small obviously no one is ever gonna ask me about him. So ill just take this opportunity to talk about him and my headcanons for fairies and other creatures in hatchetfield!

Starting with the obvious. "What the fuck, theres no fairies in hatchetfield" cause yea, there isnt in canon. but I LIKE FAIRIES! So i decided to make it possible.

Basically- the lords in black are probably feeding off of humanity right? That being said i'm not sure why other realms aside from the black and white wouldn't form? we as humans believe in a lot of things! This belief allows for my personal headcanon of creatures in hatchetfield to form:

This is only the most basic chart- In all actuality the real chart would have a lot more circles to represent other realms then the black and white and the wilds connecting with earth.

Humans believe in eldritch creatures, low and behold- they exist. Humans believe in the fae, so they exist. These form other worlds all intrinsically connected to ours- from there the inhabitants can manipulate us into keeping them alive through worship, belief, ect. This is why humans tell folklore stories and make up things about eldritch deities. We made them- they're just keeping themselves alive.

Because of this- humans have also unfortunately split our world countless times into timelines as well- as that's a commonly talked about thing. From the outside this allows other worlds to pick and choose what timeline they enter or fuck with- and one of the many reasons why entering the feywilds is such a bad idea- because you can get spit out at the wrong time. This also might cause accidental duplication of self upon crossing back and forth between realms.

The wilds is ruled by it's own Lord much like The Lords in Black, but the Fey Wilds only have one. He's a massive egotistical douche- as its usually described in most texts about Oberon. He's also the one who stripped Shane of his wings and banished him from the wilds as he was deemed much to deadly to remain.

(Shane's extremely paranoid about danger and getting hurt- he fears death more then most and turns to violence when frightened- causing him to kill several fairies, humans, and hurting even lords in his lowest moments.)

Quickly being thrown out into earth from another plane means Shane exists in some timelines but not all and not even really that many.

His lord abandoning him in such a manner is what forces him to seek help from The Lords in Black- and the way he goes about this varies between timelines of course. In some he accidently courts them- in some he's simply their friend- or on occasion he's a follower of one of them. Due to how he enters hatchetfield you will always find him in an abandoned cabin in the woods surrounding hatchetfield over anywhere else.

#rnanimations #fan art #digital art #art #my art #fanart #starkid #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #hatchetfield oc #oc #rambling #infodump #asks and replies

[rustic-space-fiddle]

Lil rant (MAYBE PJATO SHOW SPOILERS?)

Lots of opinions up ahead so uh, look out.

I’m watching the PJATO show and I really love some parts. The casting—they’re all wonderful (literally everyone, Mr D is hilarious) and any fears I had have been quelled because they’re all amazing and the trio fit their characters well (even IRL and they’re so precious). Camp Half Blood — so well done. The cabins are huge, the colosseum is just what I imagined, and they really did great on making it properly large and vibrant. I love it. Some of the extra beats they’ve added to make it better expanded beyond the strictly Percy POV in the book have been good. Annabeth and Grover chucking Percy into a fountain to try to heal him was hilarious and totally in character—probably my favorite part so far. Also: AHHHH SEAWEED BRAIN!

But is anyone just feeling… like the pacing is super slow? Like I get that us “zoomers” have tiny attention spans and stuff but “The Horse and His Boy” was my favorite Narnia book and I read LOTR when I was 11 so I don’t think my attention span is quite so bad. These kids got ADHD and it feels like every talk and every scene just drags. Every time I think the energy is gonna rise, it gets smacked back down by lackluster scene climaxes. Again, I’m not trying to say we need more explosions or booms or arguments, just that I]it isn’t even remotely eliciting the same kind of goose-pimple/heart thumping moments I remember from the books. I reread them constantly and it’s always thrilling.

And the music… someone I was watching it with said it sounded like generic Marvel music, and they’re kinda right. I can’t remember a single note from the score at all, and I’m always listening to movie/TV scores because they’re like listening to the story in music format! PJATO’s score though? Can’t even remember it. I can’t remember any of it even being used in certain places. I thought they’d try to get older instrumentals to make it unique, like lyre AND electric guitar in the mix, but honestly I can’t even remember what it sounds like. That’s bad, right?

[[EDIT: I just looked up the score on Spotify and it was literally made by the people who did the “God of War” game score. There’s no freakin way this music is bad. I’m gonna listen to it alone later. Maybe it’s just set really low in the mix… ]]

The “death” of Sally Jackson was so lackluster. Just a standard medium long shot, can’t even remember if the music flourished or dropped or anything. Their acting was great, but it was framed so poorly that it just felt… idk…

The pacing feels like it’s something I would do as an amateur who doesn’t yet understand how to edit on my first few write-up’s of a script. I’m not trying to be mean or unfair because I REALLY wanna love this show and I genuinely love a lot of stuff about it and I can tell that so many people are working so hard on it, but holy moly I feel my brain begging for someone to do something impertinent and just slap the show into a roll whenever I’m watching it.

There’s another issue I have with the timing of the most recent episode but I don’t wanna go much further.

Again, this is all opinion and not meant to say anyone shouldn’t like the show or that the people in it are stupid because they aren’t at all and people should like it! I’m just saying that as someone that really appreciated the pacing of the books (that was quick but never sacrificed the storytelling and slowed down when it needed to), I am really feeling that this show isnt shaping up like that. Additional note: I’m not even saying that the pacing of the show needs to BE the pacing of the books. I’m just saying that the pacing of the books is one of the things that made it so good and I really haven’t read many things with pacing of that quality.

Aaaanyway feel free to disagree with me or roast me alive. I just haven’t seen anyone talking about it and I wanted to rant a little and see what other people thought. I’m still gonna keep watching because I think if they can fix the pacing, imma really freaking enjoy this and in case they do, I don’t wanna miss it. And because I’d rather have more PJATO show than less!

#Rusty rants #pjato spoilers #pjato show #percy jackon and the olympians #mild spoilers #critique #please don’t hate me #Mr Riordan I’m sure everyone is trying their best #but this pacing is seriously gonna be the death of me #if I was 10 I would get bored and turn it off #I’m powering through because I love pjato and I wanna support this cast and the team’s hard work #long post #pjato

[easy-revenge]

we need more on the easy revenge and how himeno plays a role in aki’s development please i love her <3 give me the meta i love u thank u

the way y'all are enabling me to be insufferable on main? i love it. its me and my problematic fave against the world. buckle up.

honestly i cant believe i havent talked about easy revenge on here? its my favorite part from himeno's arc and one of my favs for aki as well. so... essay incoming.

gonna start a bit from further back and make some himeno haters mad right off the bat. himeno, in my humble (and correct) opinion, was the person who knew aki better than anyone else. and it has very little to do with how long they knew each other.

himeno knew. she knew that aki wouldn't make it. she knew since before we, as an audience, started observing this story. she knew the harsh but very realistic truth was that aki ultimately was just some guy, and i say that with the unimaginable love i have for him.

he was never special enough. he was never talented enough, strong enough and against popular belief, never driven enough either to kill the gun devil. he gave away his lifespan, he put his life on the line for others every day. he offered to use his sword to save denji, whom he allegedly despised at the time. that's not the behavior of someone who lives for a singular, selfish purpose.

himeno saw him and knew. she knew that if aki was to stand against the gun devil with a sword in hand, he wouldn't make it out alive. she saw him and knew that there were other things he wanted as well.

she was also selfish about it. she wanted him alive and close to her. she wanted them to leave public safety together. she wanted to cup her hands around the dancing little flame that was his shriveling life span and protect it with her life. but selfishness aside, she knew that ultimately it would be the best case scenario for aki as well.

she was proven right. multiple times. after her death. aki admitted to not looking at himself objectively shortly after he lost her, bc he wouldn't have been able to go on otherwise. aki had always been trapped. he'd been set up to fail by the narrative and by makima all along. and even though that was something himeno couldn't know, she was proven correct again when aki died before even getting to look at the gun devil and have a chance to go down fighting.

himeno never told aki that she didn't believe in him. it wasn't something he'd ever be ready to hear, especially while she was still alive. aki wouldn't be able to live without a goal to strive for. he'd clutched at that pipe dream and held on for dear life for too long, gave up too much on his way there. he didn't know how to exist without a finish line to run towards.

but himeno saw him stick gum to a woman's coat for her. she saw him being happy about it. she saw him taking care of power and denji, even though he was aki hayakawa, the devil hunter who hated devils the most. she saw him stare longingly at makima. she felt his breath against her own face as they shared cigarettes.

it rly isnt that hard to see, if u care enough to look. and himeno cared more than enough. aki thought he wanted revenge. it takes a lot of hate in a man's soul to dedicate his life to that. aki was kind. aki cried for his co-workers' deaths. aki wanted to be the big brother he never got to be. he wanted the family he lost. he wanted to save people from things similar to what he went through.

aki deserved to lead a life where his kindness wouldn't put him at a disadvantage.

and that's what himeno wanted for him. even if it wasn't a life he would live by her side, she wanted him to be fulfilled. with her dying breath, she herself left him with a wish he could make come true.

later she'd leave him with a wish he'd at least try to.

easy revenge. small victories. moments of fulfillment. she probably put that cigarette upside down in the packet she died with, for good luck. it's such an honest wish. such a caring one. maybe something himeno would've lived by too if she didn't find her brief fulfilment in addiction.

it seems utterly pointless now. bc aki did die in the hands of the gun devil. he didn't get to protect denji and power. he didn't get to protect angel either. he failed in every way a man can fail bc he didn't escape the narrative. would never have been able to.

personally though, i dont think he would've gotten as close as he did to taking something back if it wasn't for that cigarette. if it wasn't for the remnants of himeno, the mere essence of her having the power to give it to him before dying alongside ghost.

bc he did get a family. he got to be an older brother again. he gave two months he couldn't really spare to save a devil. took the same devil out to eat with him.

he ASKED to leave the gun devil mission to protect his family. to not lose anyone else the way he lost himeno. to not see another loved one of his go in the little time he had left.

he did everything in his power to honor both of himeno's dying wishes. he cried for her when she died and got his easy revenge. at least as much of it as he could.

to me, himeno was vital to aki's development and storyline, both alive and in death. aki deserved a person to know him. to see him. and himeno wasn't perfect, but she was that for him, even if it took him a bit too long to fully realize.

#oof i probably forgot half the things i wanted to say and rambled a bit too much #but oh well #i have character studies for aki and himeno sitting in my docs and i rummage through them like a raccoon looking for food in the trash fr #i dont know what this is at this point #thank u anon and also im sorry lmao #answered #anon ask #one day ill talk about how i interpret the snowball scene regarding aki's inner child give me like a week #himeno chainsaw man #chainsaw man #himeno #aki hayakawa #manga #anime #chainsaw man ask #easy revenge #aki x himeno #akimeno

[bbakizz]

sleeping with the enemy by tv girl

soukoku

i could explain how each and every line is exactly like them but im eating rn

okay im done eating ill explain it now!!

okay so obviously the 'enemy' is chuuya because dazai works w the agency n chuuya works w the mafia. so yeah dont go sleeping with him!!!

'i know we said we be true' they expected that their partnership would last until they died [till death due us part theyr literally married], unfortunately it did not :(

'i know you're stranded in the forest if you don't, abandoned if you do' my interpretation of this is that if chuuya was to stay with the mafia, he'd be stranded in the forest [after the battle with lovecraft] and if he joined dazai, he'd be abandoned by his family [the mafia] for a second time.

dont go sleeping with the enemy!!! its a very bad idea!!!!!

erm im not sure about 'if my imagination is getting ahead of me' and 'then let it be known that i can't make it alone' but im sure someone can think of something???

'so get down and stay perfectly still' reminds me of that scene in stormbringer just after adam esplodes guivre and he reawakens where dazai tells chuuya to keep his head down bc guivre reacts to emotions.

'bite down on your cyanide pill' dead apple.

'there's things that you swore you'd never do but you will with the enemy' i like to think of this as dazai not acting like the average teenager when he was in the mafia because he needs to appear emotionless [this was taught to him because of one, mori ougai] to be a successful mafioso, but he would act like a normal teen whenever he was with chuuya.

once again, DONT GO SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY!!!!!!

'then everybody gets to be a hero' no fucking clue, but it could have something to do with the fact that oda showed dazai the light and chuuya cudv been shown the light [murase :((] so they both wudv been ""heroes""

'can ya hear me, are you alive? do you know that there's a war?' chuuya talking to dazai when he was inside that,,, weird circle ability thing during dead apple.

im not gonna say it again, i think you get the point.

'dont forget that we were comrades till the end' call back to earlier w the whole 'till death do us part, we'll always be partners' thing. they were comrades till the end :(((

'they only wanna make love but this is war' they were born extremely unlucky. its like they were doomed to be on opposite sides. fate is like "yeah, yall gotta meet again!!!" but they keep meeting when theyr on opposing sides.

'and the good guys always win' i like this bit cus the 'good guys' are the agency and i want them to always win. but i dont want all the mafia members to die because that isnt exactly a win. anyways, the agency always win cus theyr the good guys.

LAST BIT!!! [this took longer than anticipated]

'so dont kick while we're dragging you home' could be like, when they first meet at fifteen i bet chuuya was pissy as hell when they were 'dragging him home' [first bringing him back to the mafia after the sheeps betrayal]. theres probably a better explanation than that but im a little dumb.

'quietly reciting your loyalty oath' maybe this could be chuuya reciting his loyalty oath to the mafia, whether it be during stormbringer, where he was planning to ditch the mafia after learning about his past, or after dazai defected, he was probably suspected of aiding his escape n all that shit, so he was reciting his oath, and trying to convince the mafia that they were more important to him than dazai was. [hes trying very hard to convince himself thats true]

'knife at your throat uncomfortably close to the enemy' gee, i wonder. could there be a moment detrimental to soukoku history, where one has a knife at the others throat, and they are, consequently, 'uncomfortably close'? not ringing any bells?

OKAY IM DONE NOW. case in point, soukoku is very tv girl coded and they both mean a lot to me.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #tv girl #soukoku #im so smart right?? #dazai #chuuya #chuuya bsd #dazai bsd #soukoku bsd #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu

[magnoliamyrrh]

yall i had the weirdest fucking nightmare last night which i feel could be a scenario for a short horror or something

so i was a chicken.

living on this mans farm somewhere in america, but like a rly fucked up farm where he figured out how to genetically modify us chickens or something so wed grow extra wings legs etc so he could cut them off and sell them and keep us alive and we would regrow them. and like idk one day a bit after sunset when there's still light in the sky but its dim, he gets mad at us i think because we were talking amongst ourselves (pretty sure we weren't allowed to talk because it reminded him we were beings like him too and made him feel bad) hes like fuck it its harvest day so he lines us all up and hes going around tearing limbs and shit,, hes like grabbing the skin off of their backs and pulling it over their heads and snapping wings and shit

and its like horrid and horrifying and like he gets to the chicken next to me who tries to speak again maybe to tell him that he wasnt speaking or to not do it which kinda defeats the purpose and like. and like he yells at it that its not allowed to bc were just animals who cant speak etc but like we clearly can but anyway he tears the skin and limbs off of the one next to me more brutally than usual and then he gets to me and like,,,, i just start speaking to him louder and idk saying what but it pisses him off so bad that he grabs me by the neck and takes me to the chopping block and before hes abt to chop me i keep talking to him and idk what i say that gets to him to stop for a moment. i think i remember saying things like we Can speak, we Can you cant just ignore it we can feel and speak and think just like you we may be animals but we Can this isnt right

and i can see his face break a bit, just a bit and he looked at me and i remember thinking Now i have to put on my best act, i have to pretend to care abt what hes feeling, and i go,, you werent always like this with my voice cracking and crying. you werent always like this with us. by this point it is dark outside and the porch light is illuminating us

and he goes no,no i wasnt. i know youre people too. i know you can speak. i can see a look of regret on his face. contemplation. disgust with himself probably. but then he snaps out of it, his face goes cold again. he looks at me with dead eyes and goes on abt how now he has some rare illness thatd gonna kill him so he needs money. some more justifications too this is the world blah blah. he needs to do this. he reaches for my back and tears my skin off over my head, skins me alive, grabs my extra wings and snaps them and takes them with him. i could feel the pain and fear and horror in my dream. ...he leaves me there. but he does not kill me. he does not kill me as he intended

and then i wake up

[pebiejeebies]

PART 10 (FINALE) OF MY CABLOON ANALYSIS! GO TO MY #CABLOON-ANALYSIS TAG TO FIND THE FIRST POST!

(I’m gonna make it easier to access the older ones, I’ll make a master post, then I’ll make it so you can check the next part by a link so you don’t manually tire yourself, give me some time cause I need a mental break from my shutdown 😭‼️)

Literally one of the most precious moments I’ve screen recorded in my whole life, the way he’s sitting beside her, laughing just like her, writing in her files, both of them equally sharing the same annoyed stare at silver spoon (Which is something a lot more common than I thought it was)

THIS.

This is just.. *wipes away tear*

Too perfect..

I wonder what happens to Mephone..? (Good lord I am still traumatized till this 

Now expect MANY MANY MANY random screenshots of my babies togethr 

STOP HOW BALLOON EXCITEDLY INFODUMPS WITH CABBY JANSHEHSHQJJEDHHJWWJ

They’re autistics in love I tell you

LOOK AT HOW HE’S TOUCHING HER AHHH (please don’t thkae that out of context omfg—)

I have a feeling that she was slightly uncomfortable here (sTOP PROJECTING YOURSELF ONTO CABBY PEBIE!! STOP!!)

Its canon guys he was trying to impress her here too

Why else would he give her that smug ass look?!/vpos

Then he sees uninterested cabby and gets sad :(

stop guys it’s actually so sad

The way she got excited when she said that was SO SASAADDDDD 

SHES SO STRESSED OMG I FEEL YOU GIRL AAHHHHHH

AHAHGSGAHHSHHEHGWG😭😭‼️‼️

I CANTT THE POOR GIRL IS HORRIFIED

Unsure if she was looking at Mephone or Balloon, but I guess they’re beside each other here, so uh excuse me lol

STOP

STOOOOPPP

THEYRE IN SYNC YALL

LOOOOOOOOK!!! HANDS ON HIPS, SAME FUCKING FACE TWICE, AND IN THE SAME SCENE TOO OMFG

CABBY AND BALLOON RAISE ONE HAND AUTISTICALLY, AND THE OTHER LIKE SILVER SPOON, FROM. THE. SAME. SIDE. AND LITERALLY HAVE A SIMILAR FACE!! I-I CANT BELIEVE HOW MUCH THEYRE ACTING LIKE EACH OTHER WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING IT IM FUCKING EVAPORATING AND EXPLODING… EXVAPORATING!!!

THATS LIKE.. 3 SYNCED POSES + EMOTIONS IN ONE SCENE IM GONNA CRY

GRRRRRR HOW COULD YOU SHAKE MY BOY LIKE THAT!!

ALSO. WHO THE FUCK DARES CALL MY BABIES INSECTS.. LOOK WHO THE FUCK CAME FROM THE DEPTHS OF EARTH ITSELF LOOKING LIKE ONE!!/silly /nsrs /omfgdontkillmeafterthisplease—

Erm actually… Cabby and Balloon are definitely engaging after this. Real. And uh she has AWESOME YINYANG, AAAAND BOT!! Balloom has an awkwardly clingy and.. well.. pathetic friend aswell, but hey! Even they have something to leave with! Look at silver spoon..

He doesn’t have candle on his side anymore

Btw.. look at this: You see how Balloon is holding his arm and looking at cabby?

Do you think he, well… wants to hold her hand?

LIKE— NO SERIOUSLY LOOK

STOOOPP AAAHHH MY HEART

YOU CANT TELL ME THAT HE ISNT WORRIED ABOUT CREEPING HER OUT IF HE HELD HER HAND

(Uh wow maybe me projecting myself up there could make sense— OH MY GOD IM GETTING SO MUCH HEADCANONS IM HAVING A HEADACHE YEEEOWWCH)

It’s either (Read this well cause it might confuse you the first time you read it)

He wants comfort from her

Or

He wants to comfort her

Or

This is all accidentally lining up too well

Or

I’m just delusional and this isn’t even lining up at all

WOOOOAAAAAHHH!! EPIC BATTLE SCENE IN REEAAALL LIIIFFFEEEEE?££\#+@}+++}={==£[&$]^)-][.

(Just distract yourself Pebie, ignore how AE made an evil alter of silver spoon aswell.. calm DOWN)

STOOOOOPPPP!! WE GET IT!! THEYRE SOULMATES!! H.. HOW DO THESE TWO HAVE SO MUCH SIMILAR MOMENTS LIKE THIS OMFG/vvvvvvpos

My babies are sticking together OMFG I’m actually exvaporting STICK TOGETHER BABIES!! YOULL GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE!!! HH.HOPEFYKLU

IMANNAHAHWGSBHDJDJAKAKKSNDJD

IM SHAKKIIJHHHHH OKDMDHAHBBAHHHWHGGDGGDAAAAAA

WEEEE SHE SAID WE

SHE SAID WE OMFGGFGAFFSFVS

THE WAY SHE SAVED HIM IN CLUCTH IM FGGISNNG

IM GONNA.CRUY. IM SUBHIAJJJJSJ

LISTEN UP WALKIE TALKIE. YOU DONT DRAE THREATEN CABBY’S FUTURE HUSBAND AND GET AWAY WITH IT GRRRRRRYEHAHWJSJ

But let’s be fr, As much as I love Mephone and his silly shenanigans, this literally affected me the same way it did for them, just.. look at their faces man :(

NOOO NOOO!! STOP STOP STOOOP I DIDNT AGREE TO THIS!1 DONT HURT THEM!! PLLEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEEE 😭😭😭‼️‼️‼️ IM LITERALLY SHIVERING FOR THEM OMFG MY BABIES

I SWEAR IF YOU LAY A FINGER ON ANY OF THEM ILL FUCKING—

Deep betreath… breeaathehees… I’m not ANGRY. nooo wayhhhy.  ,.,,uhm..—

HEY AE.. DO THEY MAKE IT SO THEY ALL LIKE MEPHONE IN THE END?? CAUSE LIKE.. It would be so awesome, it would be so cool—

Yeah WHOOOOH!! I took yesterday night, from 8/9pm to 11pm, STYAED UP ALL NIGHT CAUSE I COULDNT SLEEP FROM THESE TWO, stayed up until like.. 10am, fell asleep, woke up at 2:40pm and BAM! FINSIHED AFTER A DAY!! YIPPIEROONIES!!! (Edit: Two days, since I had to leave, came back at 9:50pm, finished at 11pm cause bedtime lockdown, then woke up at 10am today and started to do it again, so I technically finished at 2pm today)

I have a feeling that someone reading this started liking the ship, or felt curious about their rare pair interaction (if they had any/lh), but either way, I’ll tell you how THIS rare pair even EXSISTED.

(THE LORE OF WHY I EVEN SHIPPED CABLOON)

Let’s start from the beginning. In some of the episodes, before I knew I kin cabby, I always had a little fascination towards balloon, his issues living with him for so long and how he still struggles to make a good image of himself was just. Cute to me (stop I KNOW you simp for objects too.. DONT DENY IT!!)

And at episode 17, after I found out I kin cabby, I started to like their interactions more, and since this ship was a HEAVY SELF INSERT, It somehow made sense.

They both struggled to gain a good image, they both had a toxic friendship in the past that got resolved, they both have TOO MUCH ISSUES, and they both act like each other so much it’s actually wild

None of us EVER cared to really analyze hidden relationships in the show, and this is actually a good example, if I never simped for balloon like the ‘loon’atic I am

*knee slap*

I would’ve NEVER noticed their cute feelings for each other

As much as I wanna continue talking, I feel like this ramble will never end, so I give you a cabloon doodle!

And I bid you farewell *bows dramatically*

#cabloon-analysis

[girlwithfish]

and of course since hes acting like hes normal and nice and like nothing shitty happened between us- you know i guess its not so black and white where this person is bad or this person is entirely good but i guess to me he is mostly bad. even though its confusing to think about and look back upon but im having some thoughts rn and idk its confusing. To me he is not a good person bc how he was to me. he can be the nicest person to other people but to me he was abusive. and i feel bad a lot where idk if its me or if i made him that way toward me or its my bpds fault and whatnot but regardless you should not be fighting your partner and his decisions and actions to be deliberately physically aggressive w/ me are on him. i think thats how i feel about it atm or how im trying 2 make sense of it. like yeah im sure hes a great guy to other people to his family whatever but to me he was not and thats ok if other people dont know that or understand its just something i have 2 deal with and move on and i think i am moving on more bc i havent been nearly as angry anymore the past week compared to a month ago, compared to 2 weeks ago etc. but i get scared i'm absolving him or something. idk if it matters. i guess u just go through something shit and traumatic and have 2 move on and even though there are still moments where im angry or have a vindictive part of me that wishes people knew how shit he was idk thats not how it works and closure isnt real and abuse is complicated. i guess. but anyway i was going 2 say lol that shortly after the breakup he was saying he saw my tumblr blog still even tho i changed my url and i was really paranoid hed get angry w/ me for talking about the breakup and the stuff that was coming out for me mentally like the abuse i talked about it more on here after i was out and processing and things were coming back up that id locked away. and he was like yeah i can still see ur blog but idc what u post haha - acting like im being silly or paranoid and being nonchalant about it and even insinuating that my followers have a warped view of what happened or something based on what im saying but he doesnt care idk. some bs like that. anyway and it just made me mad at the time bc i remember back in May of last year i had posted vaguely about getting into a "physical altercation" and we were both home and he confronted m in person and was pretty pissed and talking about some of his mutuals from discord follow me on tumblr and snatched my phone out of my hand and deleted the post lol. so it made me mad how he decides to act all nonchalant and like oh ofc idc what u post and idk how to describe it. but yeah that makes me mad lol. and i was slowly dying in that relationship and i so badly tried to stick it out the end of november even though when i look back on my mental and emotional state i see so clearly i was getting boiled alive just dying and idk. the relationship was bad for many reasons many reasons im sure i contributed to and i have to admit i contributed to but the abuse and trauma i went through it was messed up and i still dont have the answers for how someone who supposedly loved me could treat me in so many horrible ways but i know thats not how love is supposed 2 be or a relationship. yipee

[lains-reality]

1. what separates non-dualism from something like dissociation?

2. if we become observers how are we able to feel our feelings? how can we be grounded in moments of joy?

I’m just curious after reading your recent post!! It fascinates me and while reading these are the questions that popped up! I appreciate your answer to this question

hi! i'm going off a single google search here, so theres prob a bunch of nuance missing?

"Dissociation is a disconnection between a person's sensory experience, thoughts, sense of self, or personal history." dissociation is usually caused because of trauma, anxiety etc, the root of it is fear.

nonduality is talking abt how underneath the mind and the world is awareness. this isnt caused by trauma, its a way of living. you are already the awareness, and this realisation isn't hurtful.

for some people definitely, its hurtful. but i think this is usually because they are taking nondualism in as a mind/ego, so they think that that ego/mind has to die or something and that the body will stop existing if it dies. it doesn't btw. (and also the mind doesn't need to die but i'm sure you read this already!)

also i think its based in the assumption that their sense of self is what is them and keeping them alive. when nondualism states its not the sense of self (ego/mind) thats keeping all alive, its a shapeless, formless awareness. so theres still "something" to stabalise in. you are infact already it, you might not feel it because you are doing, searching, thinking at 100 miles per hour. but moments when you sit back in silence for a couple of seconds with no thoughts - this is You, awareness.

you are already observing thoughts and feelings. when you are pained, you are not the pain itself, you feel the pain. being an observer, as you already are, does not take away from the experience of the feeling/emotion. the goal is to not play into the minds 6 trillion stories about the pain - e.g 'omg im dying!' 'this ruined my day!' and letting it pass through

you are pure awareness, imagining yourself to be a person. all these concepts cant be you, in order to be able to adopt and change them. when nothing is right in front of you to do and no mental concepts to be concerned with, do you disappear? no, you are just being. you're still and unconcerned with anything, like the I AM that you are. notice how 'I AM' is alone? everything else is extra, being is first.

basically, you are not deleteing your mind/ego or denying/ignoring experiences, you should actually sit in the present moment. you're directing attention away from your mind to your beingness. i don't think it should cause dissociation either. if anything you feel more alive, more grounded because you know who you truly are, live in the present moment, have less (negative) emotional reaction and attachments to things.

i hope this helped

edit: i saw this tweet

#lainsmail