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heniareth · 5 months

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ZevWarden Week 2023

Day 3: Fear and Safety

The Flight from Vigil's Keep

Wordcount: 3,440 | Rating: Teen and Up

In the middle of the night, Vigil's Keep is attacked. Zevran and Astala grab their children and flee.

WARNING FOR:

Children in danger (they don't come to harm, but they are in danger. The children are teenagers, 4-year.olds, and a baby)

Explosions

Fire

Fleeing from your home

Canon-typical violence

The attack is racially motivated, but this can be inferred and is not explicitly mentioned or discussed

(Read down below or here on AO3)

Zevran woke suddenly. It took him a moment to orient himself—a moment longer than he would have liked. Something was not right. One heartbeat, and the something not right became apparent.

Smoke.

Fire.

The smell was a mere whiff, but it was not where it should be. That alone made him leave the big, spatious, warm bed and Astala's side. She didn't stirr when he approached the window.

There. The orange glow of fire, inside the inner walls of Vigil's Keep. He opened the window. The smell of smoke grew stronger. Faintly, shouting reached his ear.

It was the unmistakable screaming and clashing of battle.

Zevran hadn't been party to many violent takeovers of a noble's property, but he had seen enough. He didn't bother closing the window. He hurried to Astala, and shook her awake.

"Amore!"

A grunt was his only answer.

"Amore," Zevran whispered, hurriedly. "Please. We need to leave."

Finally, his wife opened her eyes, blinking blearily.

"Whashappenin-?"

"We need to leave," Zevran repeated. He fished his belt with two of his daggers from the foot of the bed and wound it around his waist. "The Keep is under attack."

Astala sat up and looked at him, wide-eyed. "W-what?"

A loud bang, far too close by.

"Amore mio, please." Zevran took her hand. She allowed him to pull her out of bed. "We must be quick. We need to get the children and leave."

"The chil- Oh, Maker." A shudder ran through Astala, and suddenly she snapped into action. "We have to go!"

Zevran was right on her heels.

Eidela started crying when Zevran lifted her into Astala's arms. Her voice echoed through the empty hallway as they hurried to the rooms the rest of the children occupied, until Astala managed to shush her. It sent a sharp spike through Zevran's blood nonetheless. Barely an infant, and far too young to have to flee an invasion.

A low growl greeted them when they opened the door to their children's rooms. It took the old mabari a moment, but Rascal immediately backed down and started wagging his tail when he recognized them. Astala rushed in. Zevran looked around. The younger ones were fast asleep. The older ones, alertness sharpened by the streets of Antiva and the Crows, respectively, had already quietly started suiting up.

Virel and Carlo had pulled on their dark leathers. Perinella was nowhere to be seen. Virel was grim and decided, far from his usual sullen teenage mood. Carlo nervously played around with the pommel of his dagger.

Zevran gave them an approving nod. "Bravi."

Carlo smiled, unsure.

"Help your mother with your siblings," Zevran continued, addressing Carlo. "Get them out of bed and into warm clothes. Keep them close. You will be alright, I promise."

Carlo nodded. With a kiss to the forehead, Zevran let him go, and turned to his oldest.

"Open the passage," he said. "Where is Perinella?"

"Getting potions," Virel said. "She took Brigand."

"Very good. Get her first," Zevran instructed. "I will join you shortly."

Virel wanted to bolt off, but found time to roll his eyes when Zevran held him back and kissed his forehead as well.

"Andaos con cuidado, ¿eh?"

"Sí, padre," Virel muttered. Then he left as well.

Zevran turned and found the twins awake and scrambling out of their beds, eyes big and frightened like Carlo's as he helped them into their boots and coats. No protests came from either if them.

Eidela was crying again, and wouldn't let Astala tie her to her chest. Zevran held the fabric Astala was struggling with in place.

"Maybe I should carry her."

"No," Astala said. "We need you. I can't fight."

"I hope it will not come to fighting," Zevran replied.

"Still." Astala turned her head as he stepped behind her and tied the sling keeping Eidela in place. "Not taking chances."

Zevran glanced at her, at their four youngest, thought of Virel and Perinella out in the hallways with nothing but a dog to watch over them.

"I am yours," was the only answer that came to him.

After a quick stop at their own quarters to suit up, they joined Virel and Perinella up the hallway. Health potions were distributed. Astolfo and Rinona were instructed to hold Astala's hand and not let go. Zevran took Perinella with him to the front of the group, to light their way. Virel closed their march. Quietly, they descended the old servants' passageway.

Their walk was careful. Tense.

"I wish I knew where the Wardens are," Astala said at one point.

"Fighting, most likely," Zevran answered, then smiled wrily to himself. "This invasion is a slight their commander will not forgive lightly, I think."

He caught the beginning of Astala's chuckle when an explosion detonated somewhere far too close by. The whole stairway trembled. Zevran pulled Perinella closer to himself and back towards Astala. Brigand let out a whine of alarm. The explosion ran like thunder through the stairway and then it was silent.

Zevran looked back at his family to find them all unharmed, albeit shaken.

"One of Dvorkin's, probably," Astala said, and ran her free hand over Astolfo's hair.

"I suppose it is good to know that he is up and about," Zevran answered, trying to lighten the situation while fear coiled around his belly like a snake.

A scoff, and then Astala started: "Not if... well."

She didn't finish the sentence, but Zevran knew what she had wanted to say.

The staircase ended in a long, narrow hallway leading straight to the kitchen. The fighting was loud here. Screams, the clash of metal, explosions and the roar of flames filled the narrow corridor, muffled by the thick wall of stone. Zevran picked Astolfo up, Astala carried Rinona on her back. And then they ran. Astolfo was scared. He clung to him with all the strength the arms of a 4-year-old could have and hid his face in the crook of Zevran's neck. Zevran held him tight. Behind him, amidst the ring of battle, he caught snippets of Astala trying to keep Rinona calm. The light at the top of Perinella's staff bathed everything in cold, flickering light.

A torch, a person! Zevran brought them all to a halt as Perinella's barrier flared to life. Brigand and Rascal barked and growled.

"Who goes there?" Astala's sharp voice cut through the din of battle.

"Arlessa!"

The voice belonged to old Gemet, who had been working at the Vigil from before Astala had replaced arl Rendon Howe. Zevran nonetheless set Astolfo down and quietly unsheathed his daggers. Next to him, Perinella stood, tensely waiting.

"They sent me out to find you," Gemet called over the ring of battle, and then they all flinched and cowered as another explosion shook the walls of the narrow corridor. Eidela was screaming now, and Zevran felt Astolfo's hands balled into the fabric of his trousers.

"We cannot stay here," Zevran called out. "Gemet, move back. We will follow."

"Right away!"

The torch and the dark silhouette of Gemet made their way back down the corridor again.

The corridor led to the kitchens, which in turn led to the servants’ quarters. A good fraction of their fellow elves, all occupying different service positions until now, jumped to their feet. The relief flooding the room upon seeing the Hero of Ferelden was palpable. Astala stood a little straighter and stepped forward.

“They are in the Great Hall,” one of these scared people informed her.

“They will come down here any moment,” another said.

From above, a great crash was heard. Astala turned only briefly.

“Carry your small children and make for the outer service door,” she said. “We will ferry people down a few at a time.”

Another crash, and shouting.

“They’re breaking in!” a young girl screamed.

“Keep calm!” Astala commanded. “Move, towards the service door.”

Zevran handed Astolfo to Virel. The little boy clung to his older brother. Zevran held four of the elves back; they were strong, showed less fear than the rest of the people, and were unmarried.

“Stay behind with me,” he asked. “We will build some traps to greet them with.”

Astala stopped, and turned around. For the first time this night, fear crept over his Warden's face.

"You're not gonna stay here alone!" she called, disbelieving.

"Not alone!" Zevran gestured at the four other elves. He knew perfectly well Astala would regard them as insufficient help, and rightfully so, but...

"You can't stay!" Astala walked up to him with long steps, and Rinona had to run to keep pace with her. "Zevran! Those people-"

"I will be alright," Zevran tried.

"They will kill you!" Fear gave way to panic, gave way to wild determination. "I'm not leaving you alone!"

"Amore." Zevran reached out and held the hand with which she was holding Rinona. "Please. There is no time. Keep them safe; I-"

"I will stay."

Virel stood next to Astala.

"No!" Astala cried.

"Go with your brother," Zevran said. "Keep him safe. That is all I ask of you."

"But I-"

"No!"

Zevran immediately regretted his outburst. Virel flinched backwards. The noise was getting closer. They had no time. Zevran turned to Astala again. Her hand trembled; her eyes were wide. Mutely, she shook her head.

"I will do everything I can to return to you," Zevran said and cupped her cheek. "Go, my Warden.

"Please-" Astala whispered.

A loud bang. Screams. Eidela cried.

Astala stepped back. She, too, was crying.

"I love you," Zevran said.

Astala's answer was drowned out by another explosion that shook the walls. Then she turned and hurried down the hallway with their children as fast as her old injury would allow. Already, she was heavily favoring her right leg. She would be in a great deal of pain tomorrow. If she made it out alive.

Virel was leading Astolfo again, and didn't look back. It was Rinona who turned.

"Papa?"

"He needs a moment," he heard Astala say. "He'll be right behind us, just you see."

Then they disappeared around the corner. And Zevran, Crow that he was in his heart of hearts, closed his heart and his ears to the increasingly panicked calls of his daughter.

They grabbed what food they could easily carry. They ripped open a sack of flour so that the air turned dusty white, dumped oil over the floor, set a pot with hot coals over one door and a washbasin full of knives over another.

Voices approached, steps and the clanking of armor. While his four helpers ran for the exit, Zevran stayed by the third and last door and waited, a fire grenade in hand. Something heavy banged against the door. The wood splintered. Then it burst. Zevran stepped into the room. Men, humans with armor and weapons bloodied, poured into the kitchen, bloodlust in their voices. Zevran blew a kiss onto the glass vial that held the grenade and threw it into the kitchen, into their midst, turned and ran. The flour caught fire. The room exploded. The blast sent Zevran stumbling briefly, and then he ran. Screams, heat and a sense of burning satisfaction accompanied him as he rejoined his fellow trap-layers. They barricaded the door and hurried to join the larger group.

They did not take the path that was used to ferry goods up the steep incline that led up to the Keep. Instead, they made through the dark and gnarly forest with its dense undergrowth that covered the rest of the landscape. They hurried through, leaves and branches catching on their clothing. Zevran, in his comparatively tougher leather, led the way.

They found their people halfway to the river, gathered at the edge of a small clearing. A few figures rushed to put themselves between the group and them as they approached, but stood down as soon as they called out to them. There was a commotion at the back of the group. Zevran stepped out of the forest, only to have Rinona crash into him at full speed. Astolfo joined soon afterwards. Rinona was crying, big ugly tears. Astolfo wouldn't let him go. Zevran let them and hugged them tightly in return.

A weight fell onto his shoulders: Carlo. Somebody told him to move, to not squash Zevran, to give him some space: Virel. Somebody stepped behind Carlo when he didn't leave: Perinella. Zevran told them to let the boy be, even if his knees and thighs were starting to strain under the combined weight.

A shadow fell over him, a hand fell to his shoulder, and by touch alone he recognized his Warden. Astala said nothing. Zevran hugged Astolfo and Rinona with one arm and held Astala's hand.

They made their way to the river Hafter and along it, this small refugee group of theirs. Laseth, one of the head servants, who had spent some time with a Dalish clan before she had decided that their life was not for her, led them through the dark. It was a cold night. The heavy cloud cover allowed for almost no light, but thankfully kept the rain it carried to itself. Beside the quiet din of conversations and steps, there was no sound to be heard. The burning Vigil’s Keep grew smaller and smaller, until it vanished into the darkness.

Zevran was carrying Rinona. When his daughter shivered, he wrapped the edge of his cloak around her. Carlo walked next to him, occasionally bumping into him when he misstepped. Perinella was in front of them; she had offered to carry Astolfo on her back. Virel was behind them, silent. Astala walked next to him, Eidela on her back now, and heavily limping.

Her children and these people were still looking to her for guidance.

Zevran saw how tired she was.

They were all exhausted.

He approached Laseth with the suggestion to make camp as soon as they reached a patch of land with a sufficiently big grove of trees. Laseth selected an appropriate spot and set them to work. They built four tent-shaped shelters covered with leaves and ferns to ward against the worst of the chill. What clothes they had on their bodies and the shared body warmth would have to do the rest. There would be no fire. They were still too close to the keep. Zevran and his fellow trap-layers distributed what food they had managed to take with them. Then everybody went to sleep.

Neither Eidela nor Rinona woke up when they were set down; a small blessing. Astolfo fell asleep shortly afterwards, curled up in Zevran’s lap. Virel, Perinella and Carlo did not lie down right away. They sat close to them; grim faces, wide eyes, but unharmed. Alive.

For a while, nobody said anything.

“I’m sorry." Astala quietly broke the silence. “I’m so sorry. This was never supposed to happen. I didn’t want you to have to fight ever again.”

Perinella raised an eyebrow. “But we did not fight. You sent us away.”

“We never wanted you to be in a fight again, then,” Zevran suggested.

Astala nodded. “I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you’re safe.”

Virel and Perinella exchanged glances. Carlo looked like he wanted to say something, but then he just curled up on Astala’s free side, mirroring Astolfo, and went to sleep.

Silence fell back over their group again.

This time, it was Virel who broke it; he was looking at Zevran when he did so. “Why did you not want me to fight?”

Ah. Zevran should’ve known. The Crows’ talons didn't let go easily.

He glanced at Astala.

“Because parents keep their children safe whenever they can," Astala answered in his state. “They care for them, and do not want them to be hurt. Fighting is a very easy way to get hurt.”

“But you train us to fight,” Virel answered, still looking at Zevran. “Why?”

“Because,” Zevran answered this time, choosing his words wisely, “we want you to be able to defend yourselves once you are adults, or if neither your mother nor I are there. Not being able to fight is also a very good way to get hurt.”

For a while, Virel stared off into the darkness. Perinella followed the conversation in silence, with big, serious eyes.

“I am grown,” Virel then said. “Old enough to have been a Crow for years.”

“Yes,” Zevran agreed. “And this is why Crow masters do not make good parents.”

Virel smiled at that, and Zevran did too in a quick, rare moment of shared understanding. Perinella leaned against Astala's free side.

“I want you to know that what your mother said is true,” Zevran continued. “If we could, we would make it so that you never had to fight and never got hurt.”

Virel looked up at him.

“Alas, it is impossible,” Zevran said lightly. “So we do the next best thing: arm you with a blade and knowledge and step between you and any enemies whenever we can, ah?”

Virel smiled again, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Of course, this is not to say that I do not try my very best to return safely,” Zevran continued. “My Warden would never forgive me if I died—"

"True," Astala said quietly.

"—and even if I am a terrible spoilsport who will not let you fight, I hope I-”

He didn’t get further. Virel bumped his shoulder into him, lightly, in a move that surprised Zevran. He was ready to laugh and tentatively push back. But there were confounded emotions darkening his son’s face once more as he leaned away from him again. Zevran stayed still.

“Virel,” Astala said again, gently. “What is it?”

It took Virel some time to speak. Finally, without looking at Zevran, he strung the words together.

“If you had not returned?”

Zevran’s heart lurched slightly within his chest. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Astala tense.

“It would not have been what I wanted at all,” Zevran began, slowly. “I would have… I would have been very sorry to leave you behind. I would have wanted it to be different, although knowing you safe would have been a comfort. We make choices. We do not know how they will turn out. We try our best and take risks. You would have done the same for Perinella.” Virel nodded quietly.

“Then you know why I did not want you to be there,” Zevran continued. “Your help would have been very welcome, and your readiness to jump into danger speaks to your courage. But that risk was not one I wanted you to take. I apologize if I have overstepped. But I wanted you safe.”

For a while, Virel said nothing. The silence stretched on for so long that Zevran was beginning to fear he might have said entirely the wrong thing, and that Virel was now angry. He waited. And waited.

Finally, Virel moved. Slowly, unexpectedly, carefully, as if testing the waters, he leaned into him, wrapped his arms around him and rested his head against his shoulder. Zevran hesitated for one moment, then carefully hugged him back.

They broke their little round up, set Astolfo next to Rinona. Virel and Perinella preferred to sleep to one side. Astala advised them to keep close enough to catch at least some body warmth and tried to get them to accept her cloak. They refused, arguing that they had their own. Astala had to let it be in the end.

As Zevran lay down next to her, she turned to him and pulled him close.

“Thank you,” she whispered quietly into his leather. “Thank you for keeping us safe.”

"You were not pleased," Zevran said.

Astala snorted. "Of course not."

Zevran nodded. Of course she was not pleased.

"I hate it," Astala said quietly. "I hate it so much. I was so scared."

"I am sorry," Zevran said.

Astala leaned back to look him in the eyes. "Don't do that again."

"Amore-"

"I know that- that you had to." She was trying so hard to keep her voice in check, Zevran knew. "I don't care. Don't do that again. Think of Virel. He needs you, Zevran, they all need you. Don't leave them."

The words stung. Zevran savored it.

"And you, my Warden?" he asked quietly.

"Of course I need you," Astala said. And then her voice finally broke. "Please, don't go. Please!"

"I am not planning to," Zevran said, with perhaps a little more edge than he intended.

"I know." Astala wiped her eyes. "I know, I know. I'm being unfair. I'm sorry."

Zevran sighed and kissed her forehead. “I could not bear to lose you, my Warden. You know that.”

“I do,” she nodded. “Thank you for making it back in one piece.”

“I am yours,” he answered. And, teasing, he added, “Yours entirely. How could I deprive you of even one part of me? Imagine me without hair.”

Astala let out an undignified snort and muffled her laugh against his chest. The laugh ended in a sniffle. Zevran held her close.

"How is your hip?"

"Bad," Astala said. "I will manage."

"I will help, if you will let me," Zevran said.

"Thank you."

Astala nuzzled closer and sighed against his skin. Her breath slowly evened out. Her weight grew heavier. Zevran closed his eyes, breathed deeply and thanked the Maker for keeping them safe and whole.

These two are a seasoned battle couple, but separate them and hoooooooooooo the anxiety skyrockets.

It's not clear who attacked the Keep (which means I haven't figured it out yet). Maybe she'll never know. Fact is, the crown doesn't do anything much, and she goes to Antiva with the whole family and settles down there for a peaceful live. Until the qunari arrive (looks at DA4 with suspicion)

I hope you enjoyed this one, and thank you to @zevraholics for organizing this event!!

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the-era-of-shadow · 10 months

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The Breaking Point

Cover by Ash Rose Red

Written by Ash Rose Red

CW/TW:

Swearing, depiction & discussion of psychosis, intense arguing, depiction of guilt tripping, depiction of attempted murder

Summary:

Team Dark, Knuckles, Relic, Fixit and Amy have traveled out to the forest of Knothole to find three shards of the Master Emerald that Knuckles had detected being in the area. But as Knuckles, Relic, Amy, Fixit and Omega get caught up in chasing after a group of troublemakers trying to take the shards for themselves, Rouge and Shadow end up having a much different type of conflict to face, one that just might even finally put an end to the constant search for a certain alien creature for Team Dark and even GUN as a whole.

Notes:

Hiii this is a rewrite of the "Shattered" arc of Sonic universe! Fuck the wizard twins they aren't in here anymore <3

Also remember that "dang Werehog fangirl" mentioned in LoaSAR? Hi, she's here :]

"Oh! Are we here?" Amy asked excitedly.

"Nope, sorry. Rouge and I are just really hungry." Knuckles answered.

"So I made us stop here at this local restaurant. Have no idea what's on the menu, but at least we won't be trying to look for Master Emerald shards on empty stomachs." Rouge added.

"Ah, fair enough. I guess I am getting a bit hungry myself right about now as well!" Amy noted with a giggle.

"I was not created to consume food - however, I will be accompanying you regardless of this fact. This is not a suggestion." Omega announced, already heading towards the backdoor exit.

"Oh! I would like to come along as well, if Madam Rouge would not mind!" Fixit interjected.

"I'm fine with it, as long as a certain someone promises not to antagonize you like he did on Angel Island." Rouge responded, side-eyeing Omega.

"I do not make promises." Omega argued.

Rouge's eyes narrowed, turning her simple side-eye into a death glare.

"Affirmative…" Omega huffed, his sarcasm coming in loud and clear despite his robotic nature - given that he's a robot.

"Relic, you coming?" Rouge then inquired.

"Oh, you all go on and have your fun! I'll be sticking around here, making sure Shadow has some company, you know?" Relic said, turning down the offer.

"I'm pretty sure Shadow can handle themself, but whatever…" Knuckles pouted.

"Now now, Knux - Relic does have a point. We probably shouldn't be leaving Shadow all by its lonesome…" Rouge retorted.

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that…" Knuckles groaned. "... But I guess you have a fair argument."

"So it's settled then!" Amy declared. "See ya later you two!!" She then said, waving to Relic, and to Shadow too - in a symbolic sense.

Although the sun was high in the sky at this point, it was just barely rising when Team Dark had been awoken by the call to action from Knuckles. He apparently had sensed a Master Emerald shard out in the forests near Knothole village while adventuring with the Freedom Fighters, and with there being no time to waste given the whole "Shattered World Crisis" thing still going on, he asked that Team Dark would meet with him and Relic as soon as possible. Apparently the mission was something that had caught Relic off guard as well, leaving her only barely enough time to pack her bags and awaken Fixit. Amy, on the other hand, volunteered to come along. According to Knuckles, he had blabbered on a bit too much about the whole invasion of Angel Island fiasco and Amy felt bad for him.

So now the seven of them were driving off to Knothole in a bus/RV lended to them by GUN. Everyone else keeping each other company during the trip while Shadow sat back and watched them, for right now, as they're on the road, there's more important things to attend to than "finding Master Emerald shards" or "saving the world", or even chatting - like getting a "Perfect" ranking on Lockstep.

"... You doing alright over there?" Relic sheepishly asked once she could infer that the minigame had been completed.

"I got the Perfect." Shadow answered bluntly, eyes still on the screen of their Nintendo DS.

"See? Things aren't all bad!" Relic pointed out, walking over from the door frame that led into the small bedroom-like space to the room's bed, on which she then sat.

"I wouldn't have gotten that if you hadn't waited." Shadow noted, still just as blunt, though now looking at Relic instead of the screen.

"You're very welcome for that, by the way!" Relic remarked with a smile - a smile that Shadow couldn't help but to emulate. "Although, there is of course your own skill that goes into it, too!"

"I'm aware."

"That's a very good thing to be aware of, you know! You should be proud of how good you are at that game!" Relic exclaimed, pulling Shadow closer to her with a side embrace.

"It's just a rhythm game…" Shadow scoffed, rolling its eyes.

"And? You saw me completely fail at trying to play the blasted thing first hand!" Relic argued, making Shadow chuckle.

"Oh Relic, now look what you've done - making me feel better and shit…!" Shadow said jokingly between laughs.

"I have no regrets!" Relic declared.

The two then simply laughed with each other for a minute or two, letting it get out of their systems before any serious talk was to take place.

"Alright, now that you aren't completely in the dumps…" Relic spoke first, planning to lead into a question. But Shadow cut her off.

"The notice was far too soon to put any actual plan in motion… They said to just try to keep everyone else away from their location to the best of our abilities…" They explained.

"I see… I wish we had known sooner - or at the very least, I wish I would have known. I could've rented them a hotel room to stay in or something like that…" Relic lamented.

"... Relic, can I ask you a question..?" Shadow asked rather suddenly after a moment of silence.

"Of course, what is it?" Relic wondered.

"Why are you still here? Why are you still living with Knuckles… if… if you're…?" Shadow's mood began to worsen again.

"Well, to be completely honest… It's because of you…" Relic answered sheepishly.

"B…Because of… Me…?" Shadow questioned, their body tensing up to the point of near paralyzation.

"In a way, yes… Because… If I left suddenly, and especially if Knuckles and the others figured out that it was because of me changing my alliances… Well I'm just worried that they might start to suspect that you would be involved somehow, you know?" Relic thoroughly explained, clearly trying to phrase her words in such a manner as to not cause Shadow any further distress.

And yet…

Shadow immediately curled up into itself, returning to the state they had been in before Relic had entered the room.

"Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit- why why why why why why–" It began to mutter to itself in distress, hyperventilating in the process.

"Shadow! Shadow, breathe!!" Relic called out to them, placing her hands on its shoulders.

"Why… *hic*... Why must it- *hic* Why must it always be me that c-causes everything to go wrong?!" Shadow cried out while sobbing.

"Oh, please don't say that Shadow!" Relic begged to Shadow.

"You do know that none of this would even be happening if you weren't such a goddamn fucking coward, right? If you would just suck it the hell up and pick a side, then you might actually not want to die everyday! Ever thought about that?"

"I do!! I do th-think about that!!! I-It's just that I-I can't, okay?? I am a coward, and I can't do anything about it-!" Shadow yelled, their body shaking as Relic tried to get a hold of them.

"SHADOW!!"

Shadow felt Relic shake them in distress, clearly considered by what it was that it was saying.

"I… I was… You were… Saying that I…" Shadow uttered, attempting to explain themself.

"Shadow, Eclipse and I told you about this! This is why I was trying to get you to calm down earlier!!" Relic lectured, tears welling up in her eyes as well.

"... I'm sorry…" Shadow croaked, its body finally becoming less tense.

"Don't apologize, hun… I should really try looking into making it so you stop having those blasted hallucinations every time you get stressed out…" Relic noted as she pulled Shadow into a hug.

"Would… Would telling Rouge about them be a bad idea…?" Shadow proposed.

"I would sure hope not…!" Relic responded.

"... I don't… I don't think I can do this, Relic…" Shadow admitted.

"I know, hun-"

"The mission hasn't even started yet and I've already had a panic attack that led into a fucking psychotic episode-!!"

"-But we're just looking for the Master Emerald shards, so you should be able to take it easy…" Relic assured Shadow, comforting it.

"... I meant in general… But… okay…" Shadow muttered, their body slumping into Relic's embrace.

"... Oh… My apologies…" Relic replied, not knowing what else she could possibly say in this case.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, the others had returned from their meal, Omega carrying the meals that the group had gotten for Relic and Shadow, Fixit carrying the leftovers from everyone else's meals, and everyone else carrying… souvenirs?!

"Why would they have souvenirs? I mean, did they or did they not say that they were going out to specifically eat?" Relic remarked quietly.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Shadow replied.

"... Ah, blast it all - let's just go get our food…!" Relic surmised, getting up from the bed.

"You go without me… I… I don't feel like moving right now…" Shadow muttered.

"Ah alright then. Rest up, hun." Relic responded as she left the room.

Entering the main part of the bus, Relic noticed that everyone seemed to be rather quiet as they were getting themselves situated for the rest of the ride to Knothole. She could feel that something was amiss.

"Is everything alright…? Something go array at the restaurant…?" Relic inquired.

"Oh no… I'm just… worried about Shadow…" Rouge lamented.

"Oh… Is that so…?" Relic wondered, sitting down next to Rouge on one of the couches. "I don't blame you, honestly…"

"I don't get it… Everything was going so well… But then one morning, the day we were to invade the New Black Comet… Shadow had an amnesia slip…" Rouge began to explain.

"An "amnesia slip"...?" Relic questioned.

"They had forgotten everything that had happened after their fight against the Biolizard all the way back in 2004… Years, suddenly missing from their mind… It barely knew who I was, they didn't recognize Omega at all…! The whole thing was very… scary, honestly…" Rouge clarified.

"Oh dear…! I can imagine why it would be…!"

"... I should've told the Commander to delay the mission, in hindsight. Shadow was in a vulnerable state of mind because of this… It ended up becoming mind controlled by the Black Arms for about two and a half weeks… Towards the end of it, the Commander told Omega and I to start considering… Leaving Shadow to… To…" Rouge's voice began to trail off, the horrors of such an experience clearly setting into her mind. Who could blame her? Relic certainly couldn't. Mind control?? Shadow never had told her anything about any mind control happening to it while aboard the New Black Comet, and neither had Eclipse! Perhaps this was simply a misunderstanding of Black Arms behavior by Rouge and the rest of GUN…?

Relic really didn't want to believe that the Black Arms would do that to Shadow, after all of the regret for killing them that they had admitted to her about… She especially didn't want to believe that Eclipse would do such a thing…

Maybe she would just have to ask about it later…

"... Shadow eventually snapped out of it, but they haven't seemed to really… Recover fully…? I mean, I'm sure it using a Master Emerald charged Chaos Blast with no preparation probably doesn't help…" Rouge continued.

"I see what you're saying, Rouge… And I… I…" Relic thought about her response for a moment, considering if she really should tell Rouge about Shadow's struggles with psychosis. But then she remembered what Shadow had said earlier. They were the one to propose the idea of telling Rouge in the first place. She should tell her. "I've noticed it too, actually. I know I haven't known Shadow for nearly as long as you have, but there are just certain things that you can't help but see and think "yeah, I think something might be wrong with them", you know?"

"Really? Like… Like what?" Rouge inquired hesitantly, her worries ever growing as the seconds went by.

"Ah… Like… Two instances of stress-induced psychotic episodes?" Relic answered sheepishly, very much aware of how this could impact Rouge's emotional state.

Rouge gasped, horrified to hear of such a phenomenon. She couldn't even speak.

"Once on Angel Island, and once… While you guys were gone getting food…"

"Sorry for eavesdropping, and for interrupting, but would it be okay if I asked Sally to look into getting Shadow some sort of treatment for that? She's already been looking into it for me, so it wouldn't be much trouble, really!" Amy offered, interjecting into the conversation.

"I'd… I'd appreciate that, thanks…" Rouge replied flatly, seemingly still processing what Relic had told her.

"The princess is looking into such things for you? Amy, I do hope you don't mind me asking this, but do you struggle with psychosis too?" Relic asked.

"Sonic says that that's the best assumption one could make… I've been hearing things, not in moments of intense stress like Shadow, but all the time, droning on in the back of my head as I go about my day… Heh, it's funny. Shadow's voice is one that I hear quite a lot, actually…" Amy admitted.

"Oh dear…! I'm sorry if this sounds like an offensive question, given that I myself don't experience that sort of thing… But do you think it might be a weird side effect of the Dark Gaia Energy seeping through the cracks in the planet? I mean, it sounds like both Shadow and you have only recently started having these recently? From the research I've done on the subject, I hear that Dark Gaia Energy can take quite the toll on someone mentally!" Relic suggested.

"I dunno about Shadow, but I've always had this sort of thing... It did kind of go away for a year or two, but it started coming back recently. If the Dark Gaia Energy has anything to do with this, it's probably just causing it to become prominent again…" Amy answered.

"Oh, I see then. Apologies for my assumption!"

"It's alright Relic! Really!" Amy assured with a smile.

"Dark Gaia Energy or not, I'm sure that everything and everyone will be better when this whole "shattered world" thing comes to an end!" Relic proclaimed, pulling Amy and Rouge in for a hug.

"I'll try my best to make that happen!" Amy proudly declared.

"I can't wait for when that time will come…" Rouge remarked, a bit of cherry red blush forming on her cheeks.

"Hey, Relic, that's a good pep talk you're giving to the ladies, but would ya mind on making sure you and Shadow get to eat? I think we'll be closing in on Knothole shortly!" Knuckles called out from the driver's seat.

"Oh goodness, you're quite right, Knuckles! I'll get on that now!" Relic agreed, quickly standing up from her place on the couch to go grab her food, Amy and Rouge chuckling at the call-out as she did.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shadow stood close to Relic as the group gathered at the outskirts of the Knothole Forest, the two had promised each other that they would stick together in order to make this whole ordeal a lot less stressful.

But it would seem that life had other plans.

After Amy had performed the ritual of "Mystic Melody" to track down the Master Emerald shards in the area, she had surmised that there were three shards in these forests, all most likely in different locations throughout it. In response to this, Rouge took charge of the situation and decided to split the group into three groups; Amy - Omega - Fixit, Knuckles - Relic, and Rouge - Shadow.

"Ah… I was hoping that Shadow and I could stick together…?" Relic admitted. "You can take Fixit with you instead, Rouge." She suggested as an alternative.

"Listen, Relic, honey. I know that you fancy yourself a good friend to Shadow, and I think you're doing a pretty good job, honestly… But can't a gal want to spend some time with her old pal?" Rouge argued, rejecting the suggestion. "Let's stick to the plan I laid out, please."

"But I… I want to-" Shadow tried to speak up, but was interrupted.

"Come on now, I know your whole thing is being a loner, but I promise that I'll make this a good time for ya, Shads!" Rouge assured, pulling Shadow closer to her.

"Ah, may I go with Madam Relic and Guardian Knuckles, actually?" Fixit asked.

"Oh, yeah, go right ahead little guy!" Rouge responded approvingly.

"B-But didn't you say to stick to the plan?!" Shadow protested.

"Fixit can be an exception, he's been on his best behavior the whole ride here!" Rouge explained as an excuse. "Let's get going, Shadster!" She added, taking Shadow by the hand.

"I agree with Shadow, that isn't fair! If Fixit can decide which team he's on then why can't Shadow?!" Relic challenged. At least she had the energy to not take this without a fight…

"As I said, Fixit gets to be an exception as a reward for good behavior." Rouge coldly reiterated.

"Fixit always has good behavior!" Relic argued.

"Nope. We are not fighting about this. We do not have the time for it." Knuckles declared, inserting himself between the two girls.

"I agree." Rouge huffed.

"But-!" Relic still attempted to protest, but was stopped.

"No buts. We don't have time to waste here bickering! Sonic and the Freedom Fighters almost have all of the Gaia Keys, and when they get the Gaia Keys, they'll put the shattered world back together! If they complete their mission before we complete ours, Angel Island will fall!" Knuckles lectured, clearly unwilling to budge.

"... Right…" Relic sighed.

"Besides, Shadow has quite the guts, wanting to dictate who goes where anyhow, given how they're one of the reasons why we even have to do this in the first place!" Of course Knuckles had to add that. There was no way that he'd ever let Shadow forget, huh? It's not like the rest of Team Dark was siding with it when they proposed moving the Master Emerald to a secure location or anything. Not like Eclipse was trying to steal it either, no. Obviously, Shadow was the only person to blame. Obviously.

"Don't be such a sour puss, Shadow! Let's go get a move on!" Rouge pulled Shadow towards the woods, tugging on its arm.

As Shadow and Rogue were walking through the forest, Rouge began to try to raise Shadow's spirits a bit.

"Hey, since we're looking for stuff anyways, why don't we play a bit of "I Spy", hmm?" She suggested.

"I'm not a child, Rouge." Shadow protested.

"I know you aren't, Shads. But I figured that "I Spy" would be a game for anyone to play!" Rouge argued.

"Fine." Shadow replied, rolling their eyes. "I spy something… tall and green."

"Oh, let me guess, a tree?" Rouge guessed.

"Mhm." Shadow nodded.

"Oh come on, that's an easy one! There's trees everywhere here!" Rouge complained, pouting as she did.

"You never said what I could and couldn't spy, you know." Shadow pointed out.

"Ugh, why must you only be talkative when it's annoying…" Rouge groaned. But then she looked over and saw the Shadow was hurt by such a comment, and took a moment to breathe. "Right… I probably shouldn't talk to you that way… Especially not after what Relic told me about on the ride here… Sorry."

Shadow knew what Rouge was talking about. Relic had told Rouge about their recent delusional tendencies, it had overheard the girls talking about it the whole time. Just as they had hoped, the sharing of such information was seemingly going well. Were things finally going to get better now? Would Shadow get to finally rekindle the close bond with Rouge that it had apparently once had? They had been able to rekindle the bond it had with Omega already, spending hours in the training rooms with him, talking about how they'd like to bash the Doctor's head in. It was odd to think about that. Shadow hadn't even recognized Omega when it woke up that fateful morning, and yet, here they were, struggling to reconnect with Rouge instead.

"How come you trusted Relic with that information and not me…?" Rouge asked, sounding upset at the thought of Shadow not trusting her.

"It wasn't that I told her instead of telling you or Omega… It's that she was there to watch me go through it… Both times." Shadow somberly explained.

"... Oh… I'm… I'm sorry." Rouge responded, clearly feeling immense guilt for her assumption.

"It's fine. You didn't know." Shadow replied. Blunt, but sincere.

"... I guess that's why you've formed such a good friendship with her already… She was there for you in a scary moment of your life… She… gave you the comfort you needed then…" Rouge surmised, sounding sullen as she did.

"... Basically." Shadow confirmed.

"Heh. Don't blame ya. She seems like a really nice gal…" Rouge began. "... I wish I could've been the one there for that…" She then lamented. "I wish… I wish I could just be a better friend to you…"

Shadow was about to respond, but was interrupted by the sound of something, someone possibly… growling?!

"Did you hear that too, or a-am I-?" Shadow began to ask Rouge.

"Nope, I heard that too hun!" Rouge responded.

"Then I guess we aren't the only ones in this forest then…" Shadow reasoned.

"I should check where the Emerald shards are at." Rouge noted as she opened her bag. "Shit-!"

"What's wrong?" Shadow asked.

"This stupid fuckin Emerald Tracker is outta gas!" Rouge cursed, tightly gripping said Emerald Tracker with anger.

"Oh, uhm, well- I packed an extra Chaos Drive! I brought it for me but-" Shadow offered, reaching into its own bag. But Rouge declined the offer.

"No way! Don't you need those to live or something??" She had said.

"No, I can survive without chaos energy." Shadow calmly argued.

"To what extent?" Rouge questioned.

"... If I run low on chaos energy, I will go into, at best, an incredibly lethargic state, and at worst… Slip into a coma.." Shadow answered, already realizing that such a scenario, either way, is… less than ideal.

"See! That's not something that we're equipped to deal with! What if Eclipse comes back?! You'd be even more vulnerable than you were on the New Black Comet!" Rouge lectured. Of course she'd bring up the New Black Comet incident… The incident that she was… Very misinformed of, to say the least… And the implied mention of even the possibility of having to fight Eclipse again made Shadow sick to their stomach. But still, she had a point. "I'll just let Knuckles know that we're without a guide…" She then said, pulling out her phone.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" -And you didn't think to charge it before getting here??" Knuckles yelled over the phone.

"Ah, Knuckles… What exactly are you shouting about?" Relic inquired.

"The battery for Rouge's Emerald Tracker died!" Knuckles answered, clearly ticked off.

"Oh dear! Are we going to reconvene with her and Shadow then?" Relic said, trying to calm Knuckles down.

"Nope. They're too far from us." Knuckles answered quite plainly.

"Well, Shadow can just teleport here using Chaos Control, so-" Relic tried to argue, but Knuckles just wasn't having it.

"My answer is no, Relic." He reiterated.

"Madam Relic, why are you so close with Madam Shadow?" Fixit then asked.

"... Madam Shadow?" Knuckles questioned.

"Shadow doesn't like masculine terms, remember?" Relic answered.

"Of course I remember, I've known them longer than you have!" Knuckles responded. "But still, Madam is very specifically feminine, and I didn't think that Shadow was into that either?"

"Fixit had assumed that Shadow was a girl when he first met them because of how its custom honorific of "Mys", M-Y-S, sounds exactly like Miss, a typical honorific for those who identify as women. Therefore, he started calling Shadow "Madam Shadow". I told Fix it that Shadow isn't a girl, but Shadow said it doesn't mind him calling them "Madam", so now we're here!" Relic explained quite thoroughly.

"... Huh." Knuckles responded quite simply, in stark contrast to Relic's long-winded statement. "Good to know, I guess."

"Quite!"

"... Anyway, Fixit does have a good point there. Why are you so close with Shadow, Relic?" Knuckles questioned. "Don't tell me..! Are you… In love with them~?!" He added teasingly.

"No!! My word, Knuckles, I thought you'd know better than to ask those sort of questions!!" Relic yelled in response, feeling offended. "You don't like it when people ask if we're together, so what gives you the right to ask that of Shadow and I, hmm??"

"It's different when people say that about us-! You're six years older than me!!" Knuckles argued back.

"... True. But I'm still not in love with Shadow!" Relic replied.

… Thank goodness he didn't ask if she was in love with Eclipse.

“Anyways… Did Rouge say anything else to you, or did she just call to tell you about her Emerald Tracker?” Relic then asked Knuckles, wanting to change the subject.

“It was mostly just about the tracker, but she did say something about hearing someone… growling in the distance?” He answered.

“My… How odd.” Relic replied.

“Yep. But no matter how odd it is, it does still mean that there’s something, maybe even someone else in this forest with us.” Knuckles surmised. “And if it’s a someone after all, then-”

“They’re probably after the Master Emerald shards?” Relic assumed, interrupting Knuckles.

“Exactly!”

“Then we should go pursue the source of the noise, right?” Relic guessed.

“Right again, Relic! Let me just track the shards down again real quick…” Knuckles responded.

Using his innate connection to the Master Emerald as its guardian, Knuckles was able to sense out the shards down to their exact location.

“They’re on the move, and not towards us!!” Knuckles yelled sharply. “Someone did take them!” He added, already rushing farther into the forest. Relic and Fixit followed from behind to the best of their abilities, looking around to make sure that no one was trying to attack them from the side or behind.

The three spent a good few minutes racing into the depths of the Knothole Forest with no leads on where to go aside from Knuckles’ sense, that of which Relic could tell he was starting to question. But before they had the chance to truly doubt their judgment, they were intercepted - not by a combatant, but by two of their allies.

“Amy?!” Relic called out in surprise.

“And Omega as well!” Fixit added.

The two seemed to not have meant to intercept Knuckles and his group intentionally, but instead had accidentally bumped into them while in combat. The person they were fighting, as Relic got a better look at her, was a dog mobian with fluorescent pink irises, pitch black sclera, dark purple fur, and was quite small for a presumably adult mobian woman. But her most striking detail was none of these, but rather the bioluminescent rings around her eyes that matched her irises. Though she had reminded Relic of Eclipse in appearance overall, this detail brought her much closer to that of the Dark Gaia minions that had been roaming around each night ever since the world had split apart. But how odd is it then, that it was still broad daylight out, and yet, this strange person was here, fighting Amy and Omega, and… holding one of the Master Emerald shards???

"Ugh! Won't ya just give it up already?! That shard doesn't belong to you!!" Amy yelled at the dog mobian, clearly frustrated.

"Oh, I know that, silly! I just wanna borrow it, that's all~!" She responded in a calm and playful tone that was completely opposite to that of Amy's. "And I figured that since you're so patient with Sonic, you'd be just as patient here too! Oh well! Guess I was wrong!" She then added, still just as nonchalant.

"Hey!! Quit bringing Sonic into this, lil missy!! At least I like Sonic in ALL of his forms!!" Amy argued snidely, which seemed to finally break through the dog mobian's laid-back attitude.

"Pardon me?!" She snarled, showing her sharp teeth. "How dare you even suggest that I only like Sonic when he's in his Werehog form?! I've loved Sonic since I was first formed by my Papa when he and I were still in the Aerth's core!! I only wish to see him learn to embrace this new form that Papa's energy has granted him!!" She loudly protested, attempting to take a few slashes at Amy with claws that had just then retracted from her fingertips - but all she managed to scratch was Amy's Piko Piko Hammer.

"So you ARE a Dark Gaia critter then!" Relic stated suddenly, spooking Amy and the dog mobian in the process, as they had seemingly not realized that she at the very least was there, if not Knuckles and Fixit as well.

"... Well first of all, the correct term is "Nightmare", thank you very much-!" The dog mobian began to answer.

"Oh! Is it now? My apologies, I'll write that down right now so I don't forget!" Relic quickly replied, too excited to even let the girl finish her sentence. "Fixit, my notebook, please!"

"Coming right up, Madam!" Fixit responded, reaching into his storage compartment.

"Relic is… is this really the time for this??" Amy questioned.

"Of course it is! This is a clear learning moment, can't you see?!" Relic answered, happily taking her notebook from Fixit.

"The blue one's right! Geez, don't any of the rest of you have any respect?" The dog mobian visibly pouted, crossing her arms in a rather childish stance.

"Her name is Relic! And why would we have any respect for someone who's trying to take something that isn't theirs to take?!" Knuckles angrily interjected.

"Ugh… It's you."

"Pardon?" Knuckles scoffed at the girl's comment.

"Knuckles Guardlander, protector of the Master Emerald… Papa told me about you…. And your stubbornness." The girl growled, her eyes narrowing.

"Who even is this "Papa" you keep talking about, anyway?!" Knuckles fumed, holding one of his fists close to the girl's face.

"Uh? Dark Gaia, obviously?! I'm his daughter, Queenie Lobisomem, princess of darkness!!" The girl answered, casually pushing Knuckles's fist away as she did.

"Oh my! Well, I can't say I've ever heard of you, Queenie! Still, this is very fascinating to know about!!" Relic noted, writing down more information into her notebook.

"Why thank you Relic!!" Queenie replied, her eyes sparkling with delight. "Say, you seem rather interested in all this, why don't you come join us Future Fighters?"

"Future Fighters?" Relic inquired.

"Yeah! It's a group I made based on Sonic's Freedom Fighters! We strive for a future where this world learns to embrace the darkness, and to embrace their wild side!!" Queenie proudly explained.

"She's not going anywhere, thank you very mu-!" Knuckles shouted, but was cut off by Relic.

"Knuckles, dear, I can speak for myself." She said, unimpressed.

"Huh?!" Knuckles reacted as Relic pushed him to the side.

"... Miss Queenie, your offer is highly appreciated, truly! But I'm afraid my allegiances lie elsewhere for now! Maybe some other time?" Relic then answered.

"Of course…" Queenie huffed in a momentarily defeated tone. "Well, see ya!" She then said, running off with the Master Emerald shard still in her hand.

"HEY!! GET BACK HERE!!" Knuckles yelled, chasing after her.

"You're not getting away with this!!" Amy shouted, following behind Knuckles.

"The target will be eliminated!!" Omega declared, following behind Amy.

"Madam Relic, didn't you just reiterate what Knuckles was going to say?" Fixit questioned as he and Relic followed behind Omega.

"No, sweetie. Knuckles's response was much harsher, for one thing-" Relic began to explain.

"Not the time for you two to be talking about previous conversations, you guys!!" Amy called out to them.

"Oh bloody hell, I'm not even a fighter…!" Relic muttered, exasperated.

"Hey Princess! We got two of the Emerald shards!!" A rather young sounding voice had called out after a few minutes of the group chasing after Queenie.

"Awesome!! I have the third!" Queenie responded to the unseen ally of hers. "Mind getting me a ride-?!" She then requested, being pulled up from the ground before she could finish speaking.

The person that had grabbed Queenie was a young adult rabbit mobian of white and cyan fur, riding a hoverboard that was in the shape of a carrot.

"Gotcha, Queenie-Beanie~!" The rabbit remarked in a sing-song sort of tone.

"Carrotia! You're right on time!" Queenie exclaimed happily.

"Hey! Nice work, Carrie!!" The young voice spoke again, the source of which being revealed to be that of a wolf mobian with blue fur that looked like they was in his early teens. They too, were on a hoverboard.

"Falke! Got those Emerald shards?" Queenie asked as she got herself situated on Carrotia's hoverboard.

"You know I do!" Falke responded proudly, holding the two shards in his hands.

"Not for long, you won't!!" Knuckles threatened as he went to approach Falke and the others, but was stopped in his tracks by a large brown bear mobian that had jumped into Knuckles's way.

"Gotta get through me first, motherfucker!!" The bear mobian shouted, clearly already full of rage.

"There you are, Bearenger!" Queenie exclaimed.

"Gladly!!" Knuckles responded, taking up Bearenger's offer.

And just like that, Knuckles and Bearenger began fighting each other, throwing fits at one another at lightning speed. But as that fight carried on, Relic noticed that the other three were taking this opportunity to get away! She wasn't the only one, it would seem, as before she had the chance to say anything, Amy called such a sight out.

"Let's follow them!" Relic said in agreement.

"The targets will be eliminated!!" Omega exclaimed as he took off towards the thieving group.

"I will assist!" Fixit declared as he followed the rest.

Quickly, Amy became the one in the lead of the charge against the fleeing Future Fighters, holding her hammer at the ready for when the time would come to use it.

"Hey, no fair!! We got away!!" Queenie pouted as she noticed she was being chased.

"Not yet, you haven't!" Amy argued.

"Don't 'cha worry, Queenie-Beenie, I got this~!" Carrotia volunteered with a chuckle. "You know, my mousie pal… You're really cute when you get so passionate about something, don't 'cha know…~?" She then said to Relic in a flirtatious tone.

"Oh! Thank you!" Relic responded with an innocent smile.

"You're welcome, love…~!" Carrotia replied, blowing a kiss that manifested into a flying kiss mark shaped projectile - headed straight towards Relic! She managed to dodge it, but still, Relic observed it with much curiosity.

"Was that Dark Gaia energy that you were using just now?" She inquired.

"Why yes it was~!" Carrotia answered. "Oh, isn't it just… Just… MAGNIFICENT~?!" She added, twirling around in a bit of euphoria, sending out a dozen heart shaped projectiles made of Dark Gaia energy just like the last attack.

Everyone managed to properly dodge the attack, but Relic could tell that Amy was starting to have a sense of "now or never" when it came to putting an end to this conflict.

"Sowwy Queenie-Beenie… I tried my bestest, I swear…!" Carrotia despaired over her loss.

"Don't worry Carrie! I'll take it from here!!" Falke offered, tossing their Emerald shards to Queenie.

"Ooooh, good thinking, Falky-Walky~! We gotta save the juices in those shardsies for Mister Papa Darkie Gaia, after all~!" Carrotia noted.

Relic noticed that within such an exchange of the shards, Amy could see an opportunity open up for her, but she also noticed that Falke was summoning about a dozen small round projectiles of Dark Gaia energy that was heading straight towards Amy!

"Amy, look out!!" Relic called out in concern.

"Got it!" Amy responded, her look of determination not wavering as she harshly hit the ground with her hammer. At first, Relic had no idea what purpose this action could possibly serve, but then just a split second after Amy's hammer left the ground, she noticed that her feet had as well! The hit had somehow launched Amy into the sky, allowing her to dodge Falke's attack. But as the look of determination still held on Amy's face, Relic took that as an indication that she wasn't quite done just yet! Relic turned out to be right to think that, as Amy threw her hammer down once again as she hit her peak launch height, hurtling towards the nose of Carrotia's hoverboard - which she hit point blank with the hammer. The hit sent Carrotia and Queenie up into the sky, but unlike Amy, the two of them had not planned on being airborne. So in the confusion of the moment, Queenie had a momentary lapse in focus, and accidentally let go of all three of the Emerald shards. Before either Queenie or Carrotia had the chance to grab the loose shards, Omega quickly charged at the both of them, pinning them to a pair of trees. Falke, seeing the situation go down, tried to rush in and grab the shards before they would hit the ground. But he too was thwarted, as Relic had beaten them to catching the Emerald shards, leaving them to smash into a tree, not having enough reaction time to slow down once Relic had intercepted him.

Now that they had the shards, Relic and the rest could head back to help Knuckles with Bearenger, she thought. But before she could say any such thoughts out loud, before any of the Future Fighters could try at a last ditch victory, they were all interrupted by a very loud voice.

"You WHAT?!"

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything was silent, everything was unmoving, everything was engulfed in pain, anger, guilt, and betrayal, from the moment those words left Rouge's mouth. Rouge, who just moments ago was so innocently worried about her friends, who she could hear being engaged in battle from afar. They were too far for her to reach, and she had felt terrible because of it. She wished that she could be there to help. She hated the thought of once again a friend going through unnecessary pain because she wasn't able to reach them in time…

That's why Shadow had said it, that's why it finally admitted the truth about that incident, about those couple of weeks… They thought it'd comfort her. They thought she would appreciate knowing that the incident wasn't her fault, because there was no incident in the first place.

But it didn't. It didn't comfort her. Instead… it angered her, enraged her.

"You're… You're joking, right?!" Rouge questioned Shadow, clearly trying to hold onto some sort of hope.

Shadow was unable to respond. It knew now that the truth was not what Rouge needed to hear… But there was no taking it back, and Shadow couldn't possibly even begin to imagine playing it off as a joke with any sort of success.

"... You're… You're…" Rouge tried to respond, but was interrupted by her own self, choking on her tears. Shadow tried to comfort Rouge, despite everything, but Rouge was quickly empowered with another spark of fury and pushed Shadow away. "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SCARED I WAS FOR YOU?!" She shouted. "DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MANY NIGHTS I SPENT WIDE AWAKE THINKING ABOUT YOU, SHADOW?! ALL OF THE NIGHTS I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP THINKING ABOUT HOW THE COMMANDER WAS STARTING TO THINK ABOUT KILLING YOU, SHADOW?!"

"I-I'm sorry- I-I didn't-... I j-just wanted to-" Shadow tried to get out, but the words just kept stumbling over each other, as a fog of anxiety clouded Shadow's mind.

"I BLAMED MYSELF FOR SO LONG, SHADOW! I BLAMED MYSELF FOR NOT TELLING THE COMMANDER TO DELAY THE MISSION UNTIL YOU WERE FEELING BETTER, FOR NOT TRYING TO TALK YOU OUT OF YOUR DOUBTS, FOR NOT STOPPING YOU FROM WALKING RIGHT INTO THAT TRAP THAT THOSE AWFUL ALIENS HAD SET UP FOR YOU!!" Rouge continued to loudly lecture Shadow, tears falling down her cheeks like waterfalls. "But… But all this time… IT WAS ALL BASED ON A FUCKING LIE?!" She shouted in disbelief.

"P-p-please… P-p-please s-stop sh-shouting…!!" Shadow shakily begged, covering its ears in terror.

"YOU LIED TO US ALL, SAYING THAT YOU WERE MIND CONTROLLED BY THOSE FREAKS FOR WEEKS, MAKING US ALL WORRIED SICK, AND FOR WHAT, SHADOW?! AND FOR WHAT REASON WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US, HUH?!" Rouge questioned to Shadow's face, forcibly moving Shadow's hands from their ears.

"Please… S-stop it…!! Y-You're s-scaring me…!!!" Shadow begged, tears falling down its cheeks as well now too.

"OH NOW YOU'RE SCARED, HUH?? IT ONLY MATTERS WHEN YOU'RE SCARED?? SO IT DIDN'T MATTER WHEN I WAS SCARED SHITLESS THE ENTIRE TIME YOU WERE OFF HAVING PLAYTIME WITH YOUR BLACK ARMS BUDDIES???" Rouge roared, having no patience whatsoever for Shadow now.

When Shadow had made the decision to tell Rouge about how it had lied about being mind controlled, they could've never imagined it going this badly… It was to the point where Shadow started to wonder, hope, even, that this was all just one of its stress induced delusions. That either they hadn't actually said the words yet, and this was its mind playing out a horrifying example of what could happen if it did, or they did say the words, but its mind, far too scared of what the response could possibly be, was drowning out Rouge's actual response with their imagination.

But then, it looked up, and they saw all of the others - in possession of the Emerald shards and visibly showing that they had just been through a fight - all staring at Rouge's one woman screaming match.

This… This was reality…

And that fact terrified Shadow more than anything else could have.

As Rouge continued on her tearfully angry lecture, the world around Shadow began to fade and become dimmer. Voices - Rouge's voice, really, were beginning to get muffled. Shadow felt themself begin to feel as if its consciousness was leaving its body. They felt their body become heavy and limb, falling onto their knees as everything faded away.

Amongst all this, Shadow heard something. A voice, but not Rouge's, nor the voice of any of the others watching from afar. But the voice was familiar, regardless.

"Enough… I've heard enough. This ends now…!"

Shadow woke up in a sitting position, sitting on an unfamiliar bed. Their mind immediately began to race. Oh gods. Oh fuck oh gods oh gods PLEASE NO NOT AGAIN-

But something calmed it down, stopping them from reliving the past. But what was that something, anyhow? Shadow looked over to its right, where they had thought it had felt that something. But all it saw was a wall, decorated by a poster for Chao in Space, and a collection of much smaller, child-like drawings surrounding it.

… Since when did they have a poster like that? And the drawings, too. The only person who Shadow could think of who could've possibly drawn those would be Hope Kintobor, a young apprentice in the R&D wing of GUN. But these drawings… No, they looked to be drawn by someone much younger than her. But maybe that was just because Shadow hadn't gotten a close enough look? It got up to get closer to the drawings, but as it did so, they realized something that sent a shiver down their spine. For when it got a quick glimpse of its hand, they realized that… it wasn't actually their hand.

Looking again to make sure that it wasn't just a trick of the eye, Shadow pulled the hand in front of their face once again. No, it… It really wasn't their hand, it wasn't their arm, this… wasn't their body

It was Eclipse's…!

But… Why was it Eclipse's?! What in the hell was Shadow doing in Eclipse's body?!

"I can explain, if you'd like me too!" The voice of a young girl rang through Shadow's mind. Looking over to their side, Shadow saw that one of Eclipse's Dark Arms was by its side. "The name's Rhygenta, if you don't remember it!" The voice added. It would seem that this Dark Arms - Rhygenta - was talking to Shadow via the Black Arms hivemind.

"What… What's… happening…? Am I… Am I hallucinating again…?" Shadow muttered in confusion.

"Oh, don't worry, your mind is in reality! You see, Mama's been keeping an eye on things through the hivemind ever since you told them about you, Miss Relic, and the others coming out here to these forests to look for those "Emerald shards" or whatever you call them. You know, for just in case we needed to hide or abandon ship at some point." Rhygenta began to explain. "But when Mama started to hear that bat lady yell so many mean things to you, they decided that enough was enough, and took control of your vessel to deal with the situation themself!"

"My… Vessel..? S-Since when could Eclipse swap bodies with people?!" Shadow questioned, only more confused than before.

"Since they were created, silly! All Black Arms can do that, don't you know? But we can't just swap bodies with anyone! It has to be an exchange of vessels between two Black Arms specifically! Which is why Mama isn't sure if us Dark Arms are able to do it since we're not fully Black Arms… But, as I was saying! As members of a hivemind species, our minds are interconnected with one another. Essentially, we are extensions of the hivemind with various traits that make each part unique from the others in some way, the main trait being that of our individual vessels - the bodies that hold within them each extension of the hivemind! Usually, anyway. Mama told me that they knew a guy back on the New Black Comet that had three parts in one vessel! Isn't that crazy? Oh - right - getting sidetracked again! Hehe Silly Rhy-Rhy!" Rhygenta playfully bonked her head to go along with her remark. "Anyway, the point of all this is, the vessels hold the parts of the hivemind, and the pieces of the hivemind are connected to one another, so given the right circumstances, two or more parts of the hivemind can swap vessels with one another! I say "or more", but I think it's only been done with two before, actually! It doesn't happen often, because it takes a lot of power to do, especially the way Mama did it!"

"So… that means that… Eclipse is in my body right now?!" Shadow asked.

"Yep!" Rhygenta answered.

"... Oh, please don't kill anyone…!" Shadow muttered in worry.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeing Rouge go on such a terrible tirade towards Shadow had filled Relic with fury. How could she possibly be so completely not understanding of the situation? Relic knew from talking to Shadow over the less than a year the two had known each other that Shadow was absolutely terrified of what the top officials of GUN would think, what they would do if they found out that it was considering going back to the Black Arms. How could Rouge possibly not know that as well? She's known Shadow for much longer, hasn't she? They had to lie for its safety, obviously! Why wasn't that obvious to Rouge? Why would she just let Shadow talk? Why wouldn't she just at least try to understand?! Rouge had seemed like a rather sassy but overall friendly lady when Relic had met her on Angel Island! Hell, Relic had imagined in the past that the two could possibly set up a girl's day out together in the future and go on an expedition for jewels and fossils! But those kinds of thoughts seemed completely meaningless now, put up against the cruelty of Rouge's current actions. Relic tried to intervene, to perhaps mediate the situation and scold Rouge on her behavior, but Knuckles and Amy held her back.

Eventually, Rouge finally seemed to calm down, no more words coming out from her mouth as she let the sobs spill forth from her. It was then that both Relic and Rouge realized that Shadow was passed out, body laying almost completely still on the grassy ground, aside from the small movements that indicated that it was still breathing, at least.

"Sh… Shadow…?" Rouge croaked out, a very sincere sense of concern and perhaps even guilt seeming to come to her at that moment. "Are… Are you okay…?"

"Heh… Well isn't that just rich…?"

"H-huh…?" Rouge reacted, confused,

"You go on a long winded screaming match about how one little thing Shadow did ruined your life and then just expect everything to be alright after all that, hmm…? Heheheh… The audacity…!" Words of contempt and malice spilled out from Shadow's mouth, though Relic could tell that somehow, it was not Shadow who was speaking.

"Sh… Shadow…?!" Rouge questioned, starting to become scared.

"Oh, you fucking wish it was them, honey…!" "Shadow" said as they rose up from the kneeling position their body had been in before, revealing their face to everyone who was watching the scene unfold. It was their eyes that spoke the truth, piercing golden irises and pitch black sclera, a complete change from Shadow's crimson irises and golden sclera. Those eyes revealed to all who it really was that was speaking.

"You…! You!!" Rouge exclaimed, clearly trying to pull herself together.

"Oh why yes… It's me…! How surprising…! Right…?" Eclipse responded, their voice absolutely caked in sarcasm - fueled by a strong, but calm anger.

"You just can't give it up, c-can you?! Your fight for the Master Emerald was already lost! Leave!!" Rouge demanded.

"I'm not here for your fucking Emerald shards, you short-sighted simpleton." Eclipse hissed.

"Then why are you here?! Why are you controlling Shadow's body???" Rouge desperately, yet angrily questioned.

"Oh… You don't know? You really can't take even a single goddamn guess as to why I might possibly want to get involved??" Eclipse implored, their patience very obviously draining quickly. "You really think you can just treat Shadow like that…" Eclipse then began to add, Shadow's body… their body? Their body beginning to form a glowing red aura around it. "And not face any consequences for it???"

"A Chaos Blast!" Amy suddenly exclaimed, seeming to know what this aura forming would lead into.

Rouge seemed to know it, too, flying towards the rest of the group and grabbing them all, pushing them and herself out of the blast radius in just the nick of time.

"Running away now, are we…? After you blamed Shadow for running away from their responsibilities by joining our side back then…? Say… You're a fucking hypocrite, aren't you?" Eclipse asserted.

"Let Shadow speak for themself, you freak!' Rouge argued.

"... Ditto!" Eclipse replied, seemingly unable to keep themself from letting out a cackle. "If you did the same, I wouldn't be here, you know~!" They continued, slowly inching towards Rouge, a sadistic grin across their face.

"How… How are you doing this?!" Rouge questioned, losing control of her fear once more.

"Ohhh… While I'd love to go on a big rambling explanation of it all, given that studying Black Arms biology in all its glory is one of my faaavorite things to do…!" Eclipse began, still inching towards her. "I find that you are… undeserving of such explanations… At the very least in this state…"

"In… In this state…?" Rouge echoed, being confused once again.

"... Maybe one day, if you learn some manners… Maybe change the way you view us Black Arms… Then I'll tell you…!" Eclipse answered, finally being close enough to Rouge to do damage once they had reached the end of their response. "But… That is… Of course…" Eclipse then continued, grabbing a part of Rouge's shirt to pull her closer to them. "If I don't kill you right here and now…!"

Eclipse seemingly tried to summon some sort of Chaos Energy weapon or charge an attack to attempt to slaughter Rouge with, but was unsuccessful. Even upon repeated tries, they had no luck.

"Wh… Why isn't… This…?" Their mumblings to themself were slow, and even slightly slurred. Relic hypothesized that it could possibly be that Shadow's body was running low on Chaos Energy, preventing Eclipse from attacking. "The… The Drive…! Wh-where…??" Eclipse began to look around, seemingly in search of something, but couldn't find it. At that moment, Rouge began to smile slightly.

"You left Shadow's bag back where our fighting started." She pointed out.

Eclipse immediately then dropped Rouge and started to try to reach the bag, but Relic could tell that it was already too late for that. The body was shaking, and quickly losing balance as they tried to walk. Although she had no idea what it was that Eclipse had done to be able to possess Shadow's body, she theorized that it had taken a lot of Chaos Energy to do, and that, combined with the Chaos Blast, had taken a major toll on probably not just Shadow's body, but Eclipse themself as well.

"No… No…! Why… I… I just… Wanted to… P-Pro… tect…" Eclipse muttered as they fell to the ground, quickly losing control of the body. "Sha…dow…. I'm… So…rry…" They then lastly uttered before passing out completely.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Shadow awoke in their own body, it saw both Rouge and Relic watching over it in concern. Rouge looked incredibly guilty and Relic looked like she was resisting the urge to hug Shadow with every bone in her body.

"Shadow, you're awake!!" Relic exclaimed with a tone of immense relief.

"... Yeah, I… I guess I am…!" Shadow noted, letting out a slight giggle.

"Shadow…" Rouge uttered. "I'm… I'm really really sorry for what I said to you… Genuinely, I really am… I… I'll understand if you don't want to forgive me but-" Before Rouge could finish, Shadow got up and hugged her.

"I forgive you… I… I was really scared… Sure… But it wasn't right of me to lie, either." It responded.

"Shadow! Don't say that! I know I wasn't there in the moment but I'm sure you were quite scared of what the government would say if you hadn't pretended to be mind controlled or however you explained it to Rouge!" Relic protested passionately. Rouge looked over at her and gave her an odd look, but then chuckled.

"Yeah… I do suppose Relic's got a point there. GUN's full of jackasses." She agreed. "... Wait… Oh geez I totally stooped down to their level, didn't I…?" She then realized.

"... Yes." Shadow answered honestly.

"Ugh, and just after I said I wasn't gonna talk rudely to you anymore, too! What a hypocrite I am, huh?" Rouge huffed.

"It's okay. We're all hypocrites sometimes… Or at least… I hope so. I still don't remember how or when or even why I joined GUN, but it definitely seems ironic given… Maria…" Shadow responded.

"I remember it. It was after we… fought off the Black Arms the first time…. Uh- Okay now that I think about it, why the hell was I even surprised to hear you faked that mind control shit? When you had that amnesia slip or whatever that you're still going through, you had perceived the whole killing Black Doom thing as a nightmare specifically! Geez! I should've known you wouldn't be comfortable fighting the Black Arms again!" Rouge tried to explain, but got caught up in a ramble. Shadow grimaced at the mention of Black Doom's demise, trying to hold on its emotions as Relic placed her hand on their shoulder for comfort. "Okay, the point is, you had said you wanted to join GUN so that you could keep protecting the world the best you could… And so that you could spend more time with me and Omega, too!" Rouge continued with another chuckle.

"... That sounds about right, honestly." Shadow replied, smiling. "I just wish that the rest of GUN had that mindset too…" They then added.

"Same here. Guess we just gotta give it our all and show them that you don't gotta be a cynical asshole to save the world!" Rouge declared.

"... Yeah." Shadow muttered, looking over to Relic, who had an expression of "Are you sure this is what you want?" written all over her face. "... But what if that doesn't work? … What if they still treat us like shit, no matter what we do? Then what?"

Rouge looked like she didn't have an answer to that question, or at least didn't have one that didn't make her anxious.

"... We'll figure it out then if it gets to that, okay?" She answered simply. It was a dodge of the question, but Shadow didn't feel like pushing her right now. "...But there is one change I'm going to tell the commander to make."

"Oh yeah…? What's that?" Shadow inquired.

"No more missions even related to Eclipse or any of the Black Arms for you!" Rouge exclaimed, playfully poking at Shadow's chest. "Shit's just ain't any good for ya!" She added, making Shadow laugh.

"... Thank you. Though, I don't think you really needed to add that "any of the Black Arms" part… I'm pretty sure it's just Eclipse and now…" Shadow said.

"Hey, you never know! Besides, I think that Eclipse has found a friend…" Rouge argued, gesturing over to Relic.

"Ah drat…" Relic admitted guilt. "Please don't tell Knuckles..." She then requested. "I mean not that it matters that much, I plan on moving out of Angel Island after the Master Emerald is all put together, but still…"

"My lips are sealed." Rouge confirmed. Shadow nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, you two. I hope I can repay you somehow in the future!" Relic responded, very grateful.

"You've already done so for me, being such a wonderful friend and all..." Shadow admitted.

"You know, I'm with Shads on that one. I used to be jealous of the fact that you're so close with it, but… Now, after that meltdown of mine… I'm grateful you could be there for Shadow when I'm falling behind." Rouge added. "But hey, speaking of the Master Emerald, do you still have the shards, Relic?"

"Indeed I do!" Relic replied, pulling the shards from her pockets.

"Excellent! Let's go tell Knux that we're ready to fly them up to Angel Island!" Rouge suggested.

"Oh, is there anything you need me to do, Rouge?" Shadow asked, curious.

"Yeah, actually!" Rouge answered. "Can you take this twenty, teleport back to HQ, order yourself a pizza, and take the night off for me?" She continued, handing Shadow a twenty dollar bill from her wallet.

"... Uhm- S-Sure! I can do that!" Shadow responded in disbelief.

"Thanks! See ya in a bit, hun!" Rouge then said, heading off with Relic to regroup with the others.

Before Shadow teleported away, they wondered why it was that Rouge decided to agree to keeping Relic's shift in loyalties a secret. It was one thing to stand by Shadow - the two of them had been friends for years, even if Shadow couldn't remember most of it, but why Relic?

But then they looked again and noticed that Rouge's face was a good bit redder as she walked with Relic than it had been before, and realized the answer to its question, which made them give out a hearty chuckle.

Well, whatever works, right?

Besides, Relic's pretty swell. Couldn't blame her, really.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue - One Week Later

The view of the newly restored world from the hotel room window did certainly look nice, but there was still a question on Relic's mind.

When Sonic and Chip began to fight Dark Gaia, the citizens of, well, everywhere, were told to leave their homes and stay outside in groups - just in case the effects of the world coming back together from its shattered state were to be like that of an aerthquake. While this ended up not being exactly the case, Relic was still worried about the state of the deserted GUN ship Eclipse called home.

In part of her making sure that Eclipse and the Dark Arms were safe, Relic somehow managed to run into Amy. Eclipse and the Dark Arms were able to disguise themselves in the nick of time, and Relic was able to explain their presence without even really lying at all - Amy was plenty sympathetic to the thought of helping others evacuate, but she still pulled them away from where the ship was, citing that if anything were to go wrong, the forest wasn't a safe place to be.

"Too many trees that could fall on you." She had said, though Relic wasn't sure if any trees would actually fall in the event of an aerthquake-type event. Neither botany nor geology were Relic's area of research, though they were somewhat related to her work as an archeologist. Eclipse on the other hand, studied botany a good bit - but almost exclusively that of their home planet. Both of them were just clueless enough to hesitantly go along with Amy's plan, which ended up with them in the plaza of Knothole village, and in a hotel room in Knothole Inn once the world was back together again.

They hadn't seen the ship since then, which ate at the back of Relic's mind, and seemed to outright keep Eclipse from being able to sleep at all, despite it being rather late.

While Relic had been lost in her thoughts, she heard a knock at the door.

"Just a moment!" Relic responded to it, assuming that the knock was from hotel staff. She did this to allot Eclipse the time to shift into their disguise form as she went to open the door. But once she did open the door, she was met with a pleasant surprise.

"Oh, good. The receptionist gave me the right information…"

"Shadow! What are you doing here??" Relic inquired.

"Can't a hedgehog just want to visit their friends?" Shadow replied jokingly, walking into the hotel room.

"Fair enough, fair enough." Relic sighed.

As Shadow got further into the room, Relic had realized that Eclipse was still in their disguise form, which now Shadow was seeing for the first time.

"... Eclipse? Is that… you?" Shadow questioned, understandably confused.

"Oh, Shadow! Sorry, I didn't think it'd be you showing up at our door!" Eclipse responded as they changed back into their true form.

"... The Black Arms can shapeshift, too??" Shadow asked, now even more confused.

"Ah, why yes we can! It takes training to master, though. That's because it's not something that's truly innate to us, but rather a trait our leaders and ancestors gleaned from another planet that they had visited long ago, back in the early days of the Black Arms! The trait was so useful that the leaders made sure to keep it around in the subsequent soldiers that they would create over the years. But because of its nature, one can only use it if they train it." Eclipse explained.

"... I see where Rhygenta got her rambly ways from." Shadow remarked with a smirk, causing Eclipse to playfully pout at it in response, before the both of them broke out into laughter.

"Seriously though, how are you so ignorant of the nature of the Black Arms??" Eclipse then questioned.

"Blame the professor?" Shadow shrugged, unsure of the answer themself.

"Oh I most certainly will then!!" Eclipse exclaimed.

"Ah, pardon me you two, but I was wondering if you possibly know if the ol' home is doing alright, Shadow?" Relic inquired, inserting herself back into the conversation.

"Oh! Well, it's a funny story, actually…" Shadow began. "While the whole "Fight of The Gaias" thing or whatever was going on, I… Got pretty worried about you two… So I left GUN HQ and made my way to Knothole Forest. By the time I had reached the ship, it was in perfectly fine condition, but I hadn't seen either of you nor the Dark Arms, and… That's what brought me here, actually!"

"Thank the gods! I was really worried there!" Relic responded in relief.

"Thank you for looking out for us, Shadow." Eclipse added.

"No problem." Shadow replied. "I know you two aren't too fond of me staying at GUN, but I'll still try to be here whenever you need me." It added.

"If you really think that's the best route for you Shadow…" Relic sighed.

"Well, if you ever decide to leave, you know who to call." Eclipse offered.

"Seriously, I'll be fine! Promise! We're gonna fix things. We're gonna restructure GUN the Team Dark way!" Shadow argued, surprisingly optimistic.

"That sounds a bit… Unrealistic, don't you think?" Eclipse asked.

"Just let it go, hun… If Shadow thinks they can make a change, let it try." Relic interjected, placing her hand on Eclipse's shoulder in order to try to calm them. Eclipse rolled their eyes, but complied.

"I'm the Ultimate Lifeform, don't you remember? I think I can handle it." Shadow insisted.

"We'll be rooting for ya the whole way!" Relic cheered, genuinely hoping that Shadow could actually somehow fix such problems.

"... Well now what? Are you two gonna leave and go back home now?" Shadow inquired.

"No no, I think we should wait til morning." Relic answered.

"It's too late for us to be able to check out anyway." Eclipse added.

"... So would you two mind if I stuck around here a bit longer?" Shadow then asked.

"Of course not! You come over here and make yourself comfortable!!" Eclipse responded, actively pulling Shadow further into the room with them.

"Exactly what Eclipse said!" Relic agreed. "Here, let me see what's on TV…" She said, sitting herself upon one of the two beds in the room.

To her surprise, Eclipse and Shadow both joined her rather than sitting on the other bed.

"Hey, I think I see one of the TV stations playing a Chao in Space movie!" Eclipse pointed out, to which Relic rolled her eyes.

"As if you don't make me watch those with you enough at home!"

"Didn't you just move in like a week ago, after we found those last three Master Emerald shards in the forest??" Shadow questioned.

"Exactly my point!" Relic replied.

"Oh brother…" Shadow remarked.

The three of them began to laugh again, basking in the moment of just getting to have a good ol time between three friends.

Even if it was three in the morning.

#the era of shadow: origins #sonic au #shadow the hedgehog au #undescribed #sonic fanfiction #sonic rewrite #writing tag #mod ash

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naresnani · 1 year

Text

on Violence

Chapter 1

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Fandom: Ikemen Prince | Nokto Klein / Adam Kain | Words: 2k

Tags: Scriptfic, screenplay format, Political stuff, Slow burn

Summary :

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

One man's last fight against Obsidian's imperial control drags the Rhodolite 'noble beasts' into the fray. Thinking that he is useful for their own cause, Nokto plays along with his schemes, until both of them are not sure anymore which one of them are playing each other.

Notes: I am officially giving up on tumblr's formatting. Not enough curse words in the english language are enough to describe it. ANYWAY this fic is in AO3 only because GOD BLESS AO3'S FUNCTIONAL HTML AND CSS EDITOR. This post will include some preview of the chapter. thank you stopping by :)

Edit: edited the format and added the entire scene instead of just a snippet. still too lazy to post the full thing tho

ACT ONE

INT. DARK ROOM - DAY

Here is a dark dusty room. Here, we can only infer the daytime by the small hole in the wall, streaming sunlight that misses the only furniture standing inside the room, the table and chairs. The two men sitting across from each other could barely see a face in the other person.

One of them is someone we already know, Nokto Klein the 7th Prince. He is forcing his eyes to be able to see and write under this lighting situation. The other man is his prisoner. He sits leaning forward two hands on top of the table as if he's cuffed (he is not) and the way he tilts his head shrouds his expression in more darkness. However, he is very calm.

NOKTO

Alright, so. You are...

ADAM

Mochammad Adam.

NOKTO

Mochammad Adam... Kain?

ADAM

Kain is my father’s name.

NOKTO

Could you spell out your name, please, it would be helpful for me.

ADAM

M.. O.. C.. H.. A.. two M’s.. A.. D. . and Adam as how you usually spell it.

The prisoner has a foreign accent, but the words fall comfortably from his mouth. His countenance and appearance suggests that he comes from a far different culture than the prince. Nokto dutifully nods as he writes each letter into the prisoner's file. His tone and demeanour are unlike his usual bravado. It reeks of fake compassion. Over-pacification of the situation.

ADAM

May I ask, what exactly are your reasons to be here, your Highness?

NOKTO

Well? Like we discussed. I’m here—on behalf of the royal court—to set things straight with your father’s side of the family.

A subtle eye roll.

ADAM

(amused)

... Sure. Only the two of us. And are we waiting for them, or?

NOKTO

Oh, no. I’m representing them.

ADAM

You?

NOKTO

Yours truly.

ADAM

Is it a prince’s job to...represent noble families?

The prince chuckles.

NOKTO

If I may be honest–

ADAM

I would prefer it if you do.

NOKTO

I am here since... This counts as a diplomatic matter. You and your mother, as I gather, comes from Obsidian–

ADAM

The Obsidian imperial government has nothing to do with this.

NOKTO

Yes, regardless, this is still, should we say...an inter-state matter.

Adam resigns to the cards he's being dealt with.

ADAM

Will I ever be talking to my father's family directly?

NOKTO

They may come up in the future.

ADAM

In the future.

NOKTO

Uhuh. Bottom line is, sir Kain, right now all we’re doing is playing catch up. You father's will aside, we don't actually have you yet on our records. Nothing we can do before that, I'm afraid. We’re going to finish this up very quickly though, I promise you.

Clearly, none of this is actually about waiting for his name to be written on some paper. But Adam plays along anyway, as both of the men have silently agreed on doing. Adam points out the suitcase kept under Nokto’s chair.

ADAM

Inside that suitcase you've kindly taken away from me—I’ve brought everything you will need. It’s all translated for you. Record of birth, father, mother...

Nokto wagers the man's intentions before reaching down, pulling the suitcase up on the table. He tries not to rummage too much but he finds inside it some boxes, one clearly of matches and the other a cold, silver one. Could be of cigarettes. He pulls out the papers filling the rest of the case.

They truly look like documentations of sorts, made with a very rudimentary printing method that doesn't sit the ink well. But in the dark he can make it out enough.

NOKTO

Oh, so your tribe keeps records like these! That's very impressive.

We can feel Adam's irritation even through his blank expression.

NOKTO

Sorry I mean, this is a very helpful–

ADAM

Yes we do, only very recently. We’re starting to document every person that we can.

NOKTO

It’s very handy isn’t it. Although I bet it’s a pain in the ass—excuse the language—to file in that many people all at the same time. God knows how much I hate paperworks even on good days.

ADAM

Well... as I found out, it's not that much work.

As Nokto completes what he needs to fill out, he notices something about Adam's documents.

NOKTO

The format looks close enough to ours.

ADAM

Hm. That would be because my father taught us from his years of working in the court.

NOKTO

Ah. That would be it. Isn’t that an interesting history for your people.

ADAM

Sure.

Wrong again! Sitting quietly in mutually acknowledged awkwardness, Nokto finishes up the document.

NOKTO

Alright, well, sir Kain–

ADAM

Call me Adam.

NOKTO

Sir and Lord-to-be Adam, before I go, it would be nice if you could tell me... what exactly uh, happened here. What exactly transpired that led to this.

Here it is, the real purpose of their meeting.

ADAM

I think you’ve heard it all.

NOKTO

I heard everything that you've done, but not your perspective.

Raised brow. 'Is that really, actually what you want to know?'

ADAM

(sigh)

Well, what your Highness needs to understand, is that my father passed away in our home, in Yashpar. You've read his will. We sent messengers to his immediate family but they always replied by kicking us out. After a week has passed, we have no other respectful choice but to bury him.

NOKTO

Yes. This matter. Before all this happened we have received demands from the late Marquis’ family regarding the return of his... remains. However we thought this was clearly not the King's business at all. I believe they strictly want him buried in Rhodolite?

ADAM

Yes and that cannot happen anymore.

NOKTO

I know Lord Kain made it very clear in his will how he wished to be taken care of after his passing, but um, how should I put this...

Nokto drums his fingers on the table.

NOKTO

Regardless, your actions today risks sparking up international concern.

Adam leans back on his chair.

ADAM

It happens every other day. I’m merely defending our territory in self-defence. Is that a felony?

NOKTO

Yes, well, we will get to that, we definitely will.

The door to the dark room is opened, letting out light into what now obviously looks to be a prison cell. Nokto is clearly acting as an interrogator. Not a friend, nor a sympathetic filing clerk. The 'good cop' at best.

Read more on AO3

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikepri fic #ikepri adam #ikepri nokto #ikepri fanfiction

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astheswarmitcalls · 3 months

Text

PART 3: RETURN TOUR WARDROBE - FEMCR

This is the third part of my 4-part analysis of MCR5, the Masterpost for which can be found here. Link to next part found at the bottom of the post. If there's something I missed, or you'd like to add your own spin/elaborate on something I brushed over, by all means I'd love to hear it!!

I’ve been waiting a good 6000 words to talk about these next outfits. Since at least the Revenge Age of MCR, Gerard Way’s toyed with gender expression. He’d frequently wear women’s jeans and had long hair for a ‘guy’ back in the 2000’s. And even before MCR, he recounted being experimental in his youth and going to Arts School in drag. Here though, they really take off with that femme expression.

Guy is in quotations because Gerard’s spoke sparingly about their own gender identity, and from what they’ve inferred it’s not as simple as Man. Gender identity can be an incredibly personal, nuanced thing, and Gerard’s stance on labels is generally negative, that they can be used to control/limit you and I understand that fully. They’re a father and a brother and a guy in colloquial terms, and I don’t believe it’s necessary to get pedantic about language in this discussion.

My Chem has always had a history of this extensive performance artistry and theatrical influence in their shows; they play characters from their albums or make up new ones for the stage. This is that again, but very explicitly feminine.

I’ll be getting into this later, but there’s another layer of meaning with these particular outfits that are tied to Gerard’s own gender expression. They’ve talked about finding themselves more comfortable with femininity, and we can see that reflected in the wardrobe of this tour.

I’ve dubbed this category of clothing FEMCR, and it can be broken down into a further two subcategories: Traditional Female Archetypes and Tragic Historical Women. It’s equal parts self-indulgent and performance artistry. I am so fucking here for it.

(And just like the previous post, costumes that were designed by Marina Toybina are marked with an '*')

*THE CHEERLEADER (CHEERARD): “Alright Naaaaashville!”

I’m so fucking excited to talk about this. Cheerleaders aren’t foreign to the My Chemical Romance mythos. There was the bloody cheerleader photoshoot during their ‘Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge’ Era, the cheerleaders in the ‘I’m Not Okay (I Promise)’ music video, as well as cheerleaders in the music video for ‘Teenagers’ and ‘Blood.’ In all these instances, cheerleaders buy into this Attractive, Young, All-American Icon that gets juxtaposed by gory or macabre imagery (i.e. covered in blood, wearing gas masks). In the ‘I’m Not Okay (I Promise)’ music video, their presence contrasts the outcast croquet-playing, DnD-loving nerds that are played by the band members.

Whenever we’ve seen cheerleaders with MCR, they’re there to juxtapose them. Case in point, the cheerleaders with the gas masks in the ‘Teenagers’ music video. Gerard wrote the song ‘Teenagers’ based on their experience riding the subway with high schoolers; they experienced genuine fear because of how violent and rowdy the teens were. Halfway through the music video, the cheerleaders don gas masks, reminiscent of the ones donned during wartime drills and nuclear scares in the past. This creates that unease, that snappy, bizarre satire.

The cheerleader is this symbol of femininity, of innocence, of that Hallmark High School Patriotism. They’re desirable, they’re upbeat, they’re entertaining. They’re almost decoration with the way they’re positioned in sporting circles, there to support the men and be eye candy. The blood and gas masks subvert that innocent femininity, twisting it into something unnatural to see. It causes cognitive dissonance, those things should just not go together. Gerard could’ve portrayed this cheerleader; the pretty, patriotic schoolgirl covered in blood. Giving that seemingly wholesome figure a fucked up twist would seem at home with MCR’s ethos.

He didn’t do that, however. Cheerard is every bit that feminine, All-American figure. The white and green are almost the antithesis of that Revenge Era red and black. This isn’t a modern cheerleader either, it’s a recreation of a real, vintage uniform. Whereas the modern cheerleader may be seen as more of a sexual symbol (trope of the sexy schoolgirl, it’s pretty messed up). The cheerleader uniform is from the 1940’s. I think when Gerard was talking about costuming with Marina Toybina, they had just said ‘vintage cheerleader’ and hadn’t specified what decade. You could look into it from a propaganda perspective, it was rife all throughout this decade apropos of World War 2. She’s patriotic. She’s wealthy, personable, attractive, acceptable. She’s a white picket American Dream.

Cheerard is so far removed from what has already been established of cheerleaders in MCR’s history. She’s stereotypical and tame in her femininity, which is why Gerard choosing to represent this character seemed so left of centre. First and foremost because of how inextricably feminine it was, but also of what cheerleaders represent in the public eye.

At the Cheerleader’s second appearance, she comes out with a flamethrower. I feel as if this could be sprinkling in those little bits of darkness, the small hints of violence. Mostly I just think it’s cool as shit. Both times we’ve had Cheerard they’re also super bouncy, and I thought that should be pointed out too. Those white sneakers and that short dress just brings out Something Else and it’s fantastic to see. Gerard always looks like he’s having the most fun.

As it turns out, Cheerard would only be the first in a trend of Gerard portraying conventional, desirable feminine figures onstage. How do they come up with this stuff? Mr. Chemical Romance let me pick apart your brain, please.

*THE NURSE: “Take your meds.”

Visually, this character harkens back to two MCR pieces: ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ and ‘The Ghost of You.’

She’s reminiscent of the nurses present in the music video for WTTBP. The album itself has that overarching medical backdrop, and the nurses appearing in the beginning of the music video wear attire incredibly reminiscent of this nurse. Themes of death, grief, morality, and reflection on one’s life all littered throughout the album. Another thing I found interesting about this nurse resembling the nurses in WTTBP is it’s the second time Gerard revisits imagery from their discography; the Cheerleader and the Nurse are both supporting characters/used to establish setting in their respective appearances in the concept albums. He’s not revisiting their established material in the way we’d expect, with outfits that feel at home with or pay homage to the albums. No, he’s specifically portraying these feminine figures that are used to frame and embellish the main characters. Like how the Swarm tour is rampant with the rat motif, but they dressed up as a (sexy) cat instead; still inextricably tied to established symbology but not being lame about it and doing exactly what you’d expect.

No nurses appear in the music video for ‘The Ghost of You’ (unless you count Medic Ray Toro, he’s sort of nurse-adjacent), but the costume itself reads as incredibly vintage. The dress itself is hard to place, it’s certainly reminiscent of white nurse dresses worn from the 40’s-50’s, but it’s not exact. The allusions to a wartime nurse would be at home with the established war imagery present in The Foundations of Decay and the set of the tour. The scrubs of the modern nurse are more or less gender-neutral, but there’s still a large disparity in equal representations of male and female nurses. The Nurse herself appears evocative of a time where nursing was an exclusively feminine career. Nurturing, healing, and tending to another person isn’t thought of as a career for men.

The Foundations of Decay speaks of rebirth and healing. ‘You must fix your heart and you must build an altar where it swells.’ Nurses are healers. They tend to physical illness, but also must maintain a degree of care and empathy with the way they interact with patients. Again, careers that are rooted in nurturing and subservience are deemed to be more suitable for women as ‘natural caretakers.’ Another thought: rats are rampant throughout the tour. What do rats carry? Diseases! Who can treat diseases? Nurses!

The ongoing repetition of decay and rebirth as a theme also marry into the appearance of The Nurse beautifully. The show she appeared too had the word ‘Sick’ written on the drumhead. DESTROYA starts of with ‘I’m sick! I’m so fucking sick!’ Illness and decay alongside healing and rebirth. She just fits so well and looks so good doing what she does, I love her.

There’s instances of Gerard adding in little tidbits in the lyrics and between songs that allude to the character. For the Nurse, the break in DESTROYA was changed to ‘take your meds take your- take your meds.’ It’s mostly for The Bit, because it’s performance and it’s entertaining, When Gerard’s portraying these feminine characters, they have this extra layer of performance to them. As I’ll get into later with some of the other characters, I think they’re purposefully trying to push us to believe these are characters. Again, this wouldn’t be far-fetched. My Chem’s always been a little theatrical, their stories are always multi-medium.

The Nurse? Oh man she’s so cool. She’s got that bright, cheeriness to her. At the end of a lot of the songs she’ll go ‘Wonderful!’ She’s just so happy to be here and I get it. She’s not one of the stoic, scary nurses like that of The Black Parade, she’s friendly and sweet. I love her so.

*JACKIE KENNEDY:

I’ve seen this been referred to the MILF outfit or the Grandma outfit, both of which are fair enough. Others have pointed out that this may be a nod to Jackie Kennedy, wife of President John F. Kennedy who was famously assassinated. The latter I’m more inclined to believe, as although Mrs. Chemical Romance looks fantastic in all of their outfits, I don’t believe this is just another fun femme moment.

While this doesn’t seem to reference any one specific outfit worn by Jackie Kennedy, the shades and scarf are fairly telling.

Also the fact that Gerard and their wife Lyn-Z did a photoshoot reenacting the assassination. He obviously has some level of interest or fascination with the Kennedy’s to be able to revisit them repeatedly.

This is going to sound like some Illuminati Confirmed bullshit, but the show prior was the one were Gerard was dressed in his ComicCon attire with the bullet wound in his skull. Though I said it was a reference to the Watchman Smiley Face, I think it may also be a nod to JFK himself. There’s a few other instances of MCR inadvertently or outright referencing JFK, such as the release of Danger Days falling on the anniversary of JFK’s assassination, and the members of the Fabulous Four spelling out his initials. (Party Poison = President, I assume, the rest are Jet Star, Fun Ghoul and Kobra Kid so just do the math.) So national symbols/presidents/references to American government aren’t foreign to MCR, they may be sort of left-field to a casual fan. Something I am becoming less of by the minute.

This is our first instance of the second subcategory of FEMCR: Tragic Historical Women.

I’m not so knowledgeable on the Kennedy’s, but from my brief research, Jackie Kennedy was subject to a lot of attention from the media following the assassination of her husband. At some point she remarried and moved to Greece, at which point she was bombarded by paparazzi and vilified by the press. She is a woman surrounded by tragedy, that becomes a spectacle to be picked apart by the public. Genuinely, there is a lot to unpack with sensationalised figures like these. There are so many perceptions, so many iterations, it’s difficult to handle. You have to be a certain type of person to find yourself engrossed in stories like these. That’s not particularly a bad thing, I think many people are fascinated by the controversial and macabre, but People are not my thing. Ask me about theme park accidents, and it’s a whole other can of worms.

Another interesting tidbit I picked up on: shows that Gerard Way performed ‘Bury Me in Black’ in their fun little outfits had lyric changes. Instead of the second person ‘I wanna see what your insides look like. I bet you’re not fucking pretty on the inside,’ we had first person ‘You wanna see what my insides look like? I bet I’m not fucking pretty on the inside.’ This shows the shift in perspective from being the enactor of these violent revenge fantasies to the brutalised women on the receiving end.

*THE CAREER COUNSELLOR/TARGET MANAGER (MISS ALPHARETTA): “Alpharetta! Alpha dog! You’re the dog now! Who’s the dog now?!”

IT’S TIME!! IT’S TIME!!!!! I GET TO TALK ABOUT MY FAVOURITE GAL!! I CANNOT STRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LOOK. THE CROPPED TOP. THE SCARF. THE SUNGLASSES. THE SETLIST FOR THIS SHOW IS UP THERE AS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES.

This look hasn’t been tied to any preexisting historical women. On the drumhead for the Alpharetta show ‘You got the job’ was written, and later referenced at the end of Give ‘Em Hell, Kid by our leading lady. This implies she’s some sort of career counsellor, professional woman, or maybe a hiring agent. I looked at women’s business casual fashion from the 70’s and 80’s, but couldn’t find anything concrete. The scarf and pants read as vintage, but the crop top isn’t reminiscent of any vintage fashion in my research. This costume was designed by Marina Toybina, but the Instagram post doesn’t hint at who this character might be. That just makes it more fun for me, actually.

‘The Career Counsellor’ is a bit of a mouthful, so I’ve dubbed our lovely professional woman Miss Alpharetta. I've also heard people call her the Target Manager, and I cannot unsee it. I’m actively fighting the urge the ramble about how much I adore her. All I’ll say is that she loves Grease, she’s from LA, and that she’s a total menace in the workplace. Miss Alpharetta I love you.

(Also, flagrant self-promo but I made another post headcanoning names for all of the FEMCR characters. Not really MCR5 relevant but it's so fun to me. It's here if you're interested!)

Once again, Gerard Way is subverting that emo, brooding, all-in-black perception people have of MCR with this character that is so bright and feminine. I can imagine there’s some level of empowerment for them to be able to express themselves onstage with these characters. Both The Nurse and Cheerard had some connection to MCR’s established lore, but Miss Alpharetta appears to be far removed from those concepts. Instead, our professional lady seems to indicate a shift in concepts; businesswomen aren’t established symbols in the MCR lore, but they’re about to be. Miss Alpharetta’s existence is reaffirming that rebirth for MCR, not so much as a theme for a future album, but for the actual band.

And just like our sweet little lady Nurse Gerard, Miss Alpharetta is incredibly peppy and enthusiastic, but with a bit more of that unhinged energy. She’s the loveliest person you will meet but maybe a bit of a menace.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT? TEACHER?:

Mr. Way that skirt is so short Jesus Christ.

This character’s ambiguous in what her profession might be, but I’ve seen two titles pop up consistently. From the black stockings and red scarf, she reads as a flight attendant or travel agent. Gerard also made that comment onstage when the leg (mannequin leg covered in graffiti) ‘you can get this at the end of class’, which was likely a joke but could also infer that this character is a teacher of sorts. Personally, I’m inclined to believe the former because this doesn’t read as a teacher to me, but the latter is probably more exciting.

^^ Here’s the aforementioned leg.

Both options are, again, seen as typical/suitable careers for women. I don’t feel it to be necessary to keep rehashing my points at this stage, because there’s not much I can add to this. This outfit Fucks, love you Gee Way.

MANSON GIRL:

This would be a cute outfit if not for the subtext. It’s also likely a Colleen Atwood costume since it doesn’t appear on Marina Toybina’s Instagram. Unless this is a purchasable item. That would be so messed up.

Charles Manson was a cult leader and serial killer from the 60’s. I really don’t want to read up on this stuff because it tends to make me feel sort of demoralised and gloomy, but he had this charismatic draw to him which attracted so many people to his cult. The ‘Manson Girls’ were these women, teens and young women, who were obsessed with him, would obey his every command, and end up abetting in the murders committed.

Dianne Lake, one of the ‘Manson Girls’, who had testified in court later revealed she was 14 when she met Charles Manson. It’s all just fucked up, which is no doubt why Gerard has chosen this specific homage for the tour.

These were mostly young women who were manipulated and charmed into following a murderer. Some of those girls were victims in their own right. They are yet another example of women who are surrounded by tragedy that the media so desperately wants to pick apart. That dichotomy of youth and beauty versus darkness is so appealing to a wide audience. Femininity is almost synonymous with innocence. It is something clean and pure and beautiful, it cannot coexist with cultists and murder.

This also functions as a critique on masculinity, mirroring Gerard’s own stance on Rock culture. During the early 00’s (and likely still today), there was a large culture around ‘groupies’ and rampant sexism within the Rock scene. It was all too common for women to be asked to do provocative things for a backstage pass, and Gerard talked extensively on how much he despises that aspect of the scene. These idolised, charismatic male figures taking advantage of young women who are desperate for their approval and attention is a tired old tune we are sick of hearing.

Double whammy with this one. Maybe the most jarring one on the list, but the next entry is a close second.

*PRINCESS DIANA:

The universally loved Princess Di. In all honesty, I should have my mum write this part because she loves Princess Diana, and she is very much before my time. Since that’s not an actual option, Wikipedia.

Much like Jackie Kennedy, she was a woman of high status and regarded for her taste in fashion. The conspiracies that surround her death are what give her story that element of darkness. She’s called The People’s Princess because she really was loved universally. People who talk about her today were fans from her time, or people who are into the conspiracy of it. Genuinely, I don’t have a lot to add to this one. Yeah, she was a beloved woman who may have been murdered by the royal family. Gerard’s got an aesthetic, can’t you tell?

*JOAN OF ARC:

Gerard Way loves Joan of Arc. During the writing of The Black Parade they would have these ‘waking dreams’ of seeing her burn at the stake. I’d love to insert that incredibly long ramble they have about how much they love her. Actually, I will do just that. From the 2007 Rolling Stone Interview:

“Joan of Arc is my favourite historical-legendary-whatever figure. Number one, it’s a boyish, waifish girl in a suit of armor on a white horse, and that’s badass. I’ve always been attracted to that character because it was somebody who was willing to die for what they believed in, and they were probably fucking crazy and like, touched by the hand of God, and I believe in that shit. I totally believe in that stuff. I believe that it can happen to anybody.

Like when we started this band, there was a brief amount of time where it felt like you drank gasoline and shit glass, and you were always covered in your own sweat, somebody else’s spit or blood or something. And I felt that, you know what I mean? I would make crazy speeches that made no sense onstage. I would talk about purifying flames being shot out of our cabinets at max volume to destroy evil and shit like that. I was, you know, touched in the head. And really, when you get touched in the head like that, I think your job at that point for the rest of your career is to remember what it was like to be touched in the head, and kind of keep that going. ‘Cause that can’t last forever, you’ll be dead, I think. Like Joan of Arc. So, yeah, I love Joan of Arc.”

He just thinks she’s the coolest thing to ever grace the earth and he went on about ‘she was probably touched by the hand of God and was batshit and sometimes I feel like that too.’ The MCR Return Tour was supposed to start on the 100th anniversary of her canonization, but it was delayed due to COVID. ‘Just give is war-worn lipstick blood and purifying flame’ is a lyric in Bury Me In Black, which may be a reference to Joan’s demise. She makes an appearance on the art for the Black Parade vinyl.

So there’s the very meta ‘Gerard Loves Joan of Arc’ interpretation of her appearance on tour, but the religious imagery and talk of ‘purifying flames’ do allude to themes of MCR5. She herself was a saint, which is referenced in the lyrics of The Foundations of Decay. Joan of Arc led troops through war and was an accomplished leader before she was sentenced to death, mirroring those allusions to war that are scattered throughout the tour. Crossdressing was considered blasphemous, and while it was an effective tactic to rally troops, it wasn’t so well-received among the French public.

This may be an exception to FEMCR because her story doesn’t fit so cleanly into the Tragic Historical Women category. Getting burned alive is horrifying but considering the times it’s not out of the ordinary. Joan of Arc was only 19 when she was burnt at the stake, and although that’s messed up her story is never one of tragedy, but one of freedom and feminism. This costume dips its toes into that historical heroine horror, but reads more as passionate homage as opposed to commentary.

If it appears that I’ve omitted a particular FEMCR outfit, I can assure you it is intentional. I’m saving the best for last.

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#mcr #my chemical romance #mcr5 #mcr5 theory #mcr5 is real

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brother-emperors · 2 years

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Thank you so much for the previous answer! I also have another question regarding hbo Rome, do you think that Cassius was gay-coded in the show? From the way he looks and talks about Brutus and even the fact that Porcia doesn't even exist in the series. Throughout the show it seems that Cassius has feelings for Brutus but Brutus doesn't quite reciprocate his feelings. Also a small detail but i remember reading some time ago that yellowish-green clothing was considered "gay" in ancient Rome so that explains something lol

HELL YEAH

so cassius in hbo rome exists almost exclusively by extension of brutus: cassius is more or less always in a scene with brutus. cassius' first introduction is within brutus' house, and that carries until the end, so it’s through brutus that I’m saying ‘hell yeah.’

I am so sorry in advance for how long this is going to get, because I’m a Themes™ guy so I gotta talk about what themes I’m latching on to that informs my answer, and because cassius isn’t actually a pov character for hbo rome, I’m going to break down brutus a little bit and hopefully this will be....coherent........RIP

anyway, with cassius specifically, I think you can pretty reliably read him as queer coded in some way in literally any adaption or retelling by virtue of how historical accounts translate over into narrative themes. honestly, you can fit a whole discussion on gender into cassius. (I’ve done it, it’s very fun! he has the range)

with hbo rome, tho, I think it's more of a case that: because brutus can be read as queer coded, you can then infer that cassius is as well. for me, it's not so much that brutus doesn't reciprocate the cassius' feelings towards him, it’s that it takes him awhile for his character arc to let him get to a point where he can, because cassius’ feeling towards brutus are consistent throughout the narrative (alternatively, reciprocation is where where they can finally work in tandem WITH each other, instead of towards each other)

cassius obviously cares for brutus, they bicker and banter like friends, but more importantly, cassius gives brutus a level of autonomy that he's been stripped of. after the fall out between brutus and servilia, cassius engages the conspiracy with brutus head on. the manipulation is there, but brutus is given the choice as it happens instead of finding out that he's been used after the fact. cassius does not use brutus’ name without first trying to find out whether or not brutus would allow it. (an interesting bit for that scene, with the betrayal of servilia, is that brutus has no real problem speaking with hostility towards people he deems worth of that hostility, as seen with quintus, and he does not speak to cassius that way, and instead pulls himself together for a moment to greet him)

this ties into porcia, actually! because porcia (and also brutus' sisters) are not in hbo rome, it creates an interesting vaccum that's filled with a neat parallel: brutus has a lot of common with octavia. servilia and atia both treat their respective children in a similar manner, in manipulating and using them for their own agendas, and even in how they lash out at them. it also means that the closest non familial relationship brutus has is with cassius, and because tertulla is not in hbo rome, they aren’t even in-laws. their closeness in this narrative is entirely their own, and the absence of their respective marriages is pretty compelling.

alright, so the queer coding of brutus exists on a couple of levels, we already got some of the interesting gender stuff regarding his paralleling with octavia out of the way, but we can keep going with it because the costuming for brutus informs his narrative treatment.

personally I think the color of clothing is better suited for a discussion on antony, but the length of clothing is one that fits brutus

masculinity, appearance, sexuality: dandies in roman antiquity, k. olson

brutus is almost always covered up at all times, in every scene, except for the military scenes, and also in that symbolic re birth in the river. (there’s also that scene with caesar, where brutus drops the ‘only tyrants have to worry about tyrant killers,’ line, and it’s a striking character moment)

alright, back to the military, we have two events for comparison with the military: pompey, where brutus is decidedly not enjoying his time there, and then cassius.

I swear this is all coming together.

so cassius is a fixed point for brutus, but also the catalyst for dynamic change in brutus’ character. it’s through cassius that brutus engages in the assassination of caesar, it’s through cassius that brutus gets sober, it’s through cassius that brutus decides he wants to be reborn (disco elysium voice; I dont want to be this kind of animal anymore), it’s largely through cassius that brutus becomes an independent character instead of a passive player in someone else’s plans. brutus leaves rome a few times, but he’s only ever seen happy (and sober) with cassius, in macedonia.

there’s also that whole scene with antony and brutus that’s very 👀 and you can make a pretty compelling case for brutus-cassius, antony-cleopatra parallels, since hbo rome has antony and cleopatra die together, like brutus and cassius, despite the historical fact that there was time between deaths for both pairs. there’s something else to be said about how hbo rome allows for grief between lovers, cleopatra gets her moment with antony, brutus gets his moment with cassius. (other characters are afforded this moment too, but I’m sticking with the cleopatra-antony similarities because, like brutus with cassius, cleopatra follows antony)

so the tldr of it is: yes, I think cassius could be read that way, because brutus’ character arc lends itself to confirmation of that interpretation. cassius’ feelings and treatment of brutus throughout brutus’ character arc are indicative of someone who cares deeply, and brutus’ character growth being connected to (and in the direction of cassius) reads like reciprocation of those feelings.

#this is.....much longer than i expected it to but hopefully. it makes sense........#thank you for the ask anon! this is something i spend too much time talking about during movie night calls with friends lmao #it was fun to type it all out instead of it existing only in 4 hour calls #ask tag #are they (you know) conspirators?#babble tag

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fankerdoodledandy · 2 years

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Oh yeah the foursome is very interesting in that it lets people be a lot of different versions of themselves, depending on what the other person likes. Feral Phil gets to make an appearance, and— well mostly it’s different Phils, as we’ve seen a variety of different Wils with Dream, and Vice versa.

Though I wonder about the dynamics long term with what you said ages ago in the discussion of dom/sub dynamics, and how part of why the kings interactions are the way they are cause Phil doesn’t want a partner who’ll submit to him? (And the Techno doesn’t get any sort of joy out of submitting, in this universe.)

Alright, okay, brace yourself, you're about to get a whole braindump here:

As you may have inferred I have a lot of thoughts about sex and sexuality and identity and kink and relationships and how all those things tie into each other. Katy and I have joked a lot about how we accidentally made this porn au into a thesis on love/sex/identity/attraction/kink/etc and tbh it's only….half a joke.

You called out Feral Phil and that's definitely a big one- my enduring 'who Phil is in bed' characterization is 'man who enjoys being a bastard, but in a loving way' (see: soft techza, the rut fic). It's obviously not the only way he likes sex, but it's probably the role(? Archetype?) that he falls into most naturally.

On that note- we have seen a variety of Wills with Dream and Dreams with Will. I'm glad you noted that; katy and I have talked a lot about all the ways Will and Dream take care of each other, and how sometimes that means they push themselves into being who the other person needs. We're going to get into this a lot a couple of chapters from now, so I'm trying not to spoil that, but… what can I say here.

We've seen Wilbur think about how Dream likes to be teased a bit; we've seen Dream settle Wilbur down when he needs to be taken out of his head. Sometimes loving someone means pushing outside of your comfort zone a little bit to take care of your partner, and you get satisfaction from that even if it's not Your Thing.

(The other thing to note there is- Wilbur and Dream have both been forced into doing things and being versions of themselves that they aren't comfortable with, and in those situations you adapt however you can; that is a similar-looking but entirely different-feeling situation to those in the paragraph above)

To switch back to Phil and Techno- I maybe misspoke or conflated some things I shouldn't have when I talked about how Phil doesn't want a partner who'll submit to him.

As a king and a person outside the bedroom, Phil doesn't want a partner who will submit to him. He wants an equal. He doesn't want someone who will bend to his will just because he's king. Lots of people would! There's a power dynamic there! There's a sort of tenuous line Phil always needs to walk there re: the respect he is owed and the informality he can allow with those close to him (see: all the conversations about titles and names in act 1). It's honestly why I think a majority of the people Techno and Phil have had flings with have been soldiers, who are kind of primed for implicitly understanding the power balance but also understanding where the Rules can bend.

As a…. as a sexual being, Phil enjoys being a bit of a bastard top. He likes domming people! He likes a bit of a challenge! But it's not the only thing he's about. As long as everyone's having fun, he's pretty flexible. (make your jokes here)

For Techno, Phil, and submission: I stand by it. For people who like submission, there's kind of an inherent joy to letting go, to handing off control. That isn't a thing for Techno. There is no situation in this universe where Techno gets something good out of being under someone else's control. There are moments where he's willing to hand the reins to someone else (keep an eye out) but the satisfaction there is still not in the submission itself.

(Katy and I actually talked about this last week before she went to camp, re: upcoming chapters- honestly we don't think Techno subbing for him ever really occurred to Phil. Techno doesn't have the vibes, and, well. Phil wanted Techno, not Techno's submission.)

Phil does get something out of submission, re: being able to take off the crown for a handful of moments at a time. And like I said at the very beginning of this, sex and identity and kink are inextricably tangled together. It's something that could be dangerous for him politically, in a way that it wouldn’t be for someone like Techno or a different noble. So it's something that he and Techno keep very private.

All this being said I do think Phil and Techno's sex life is usually fairly vanilla; sometimes Phil feels a little feral and they have a fling, sometimes Phil needs to not be in control for a bit and they make that happen. Outside the bedroom, they're equals.

God okay this was a lot my meeting is over and I should actually do work now. Please feel free to comment/ask more questions I love talking about this obviously.

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meimi-haneoka · 2 years

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Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 60: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Hello everyone! Welcome back to our monthly rendez-vous.... This month I have to say I'm really grateful to CLAMP, they have saved my sanity. It has been a very difficult period for me and this chapter is so intense, there are so many things that interests me and that I love (and so many translation differences to mention) that it really helped me taking my mind off things for a while. I really hope that you too, who are reading this, can enjoy it and live a lighter moment, long or short it doesn't matter.

I warmly suggest you to read this post, as this month our favorite (/s) translators screwed up majorly once again.

Without further ado, let's see the gif of this month....

Hehe, who's the number one sponsor of chocomint in Clear Card? Yeah...yeah you heard well. Finally her time has come.....

Under the cut!

The color page

"Considering it's you, it will surely be alright" CLOW!! He's been mentioned a lot in the last chapter, and here he is, in all his glory, in the first color page of Clear Card where he appears fully, opening the future volume 13. I'm glad to see him here to remind us that we might not know where the story is about to lead us, but one thing we can be sure about: Sakura is there, so it's gonna be alright.

Outsiders in their own groups

I'm gonna be frank from the get-go: in this chapter, save for one panel at the end, there's no trace of the original characters of Card Captor Sakura. The protagonist is the only one who managed to get that small cameo (and Clow on the cover)... Yes, this chapter is entirely dedicated to the new characters. And if you allow me, I think this kind of backstory was long overdue.... The flash back is from Kaito's childhood. What we believe is Akiho's mother appears out of nowhere beside little Kaito, who's sitting by the infamous fountain, not particularly startling our black kitty but rather surprising him that she was able to pass through his "lockout magic" (Kaito teach me). He's all "what are you doing here, you're your clan's most powerful magician, it's gonna be a problem if you're not there at the meeting" and here I can already spot the first translation difference. She replies:

ENG: "All they ever do is talk" JP: "They're just having a discussion, so it won't be a problem" Why I think it was important to stick to the original meaning, translating everything? Well, first of all because it would be nice if for once we could have a precise translation, but most importantly because Akimom here is already starting to hint at something that will be expressed better in the next pages: her clan doesn't need her to discuss, to express her opinions, to use her intellect and her heart. They just need her powers. So, Akimom here is saying "since they're not performing magic but just discussing, it's perfectly irrelevant to them if I'm there or not". Yeah. We all know they're a sh*tty family so we're not really surprised, are we?

Kaito tries to warn her that her clan might be in the cahoots with the ASSociation of magicians right now, but they can't really know what tricks they might pull on them.... Akimom in response tells him that if that's the case, then he probably shouldn't skip this meeting either because he's the most powerful magician in the Association, but Kaito answers that they haven't requested his presence. Again, when there's "discussion" to do, no one wants the intellect of these people, but just their powers. And in fact, Akimom points out that they're really the same, in that aspect. She thinks there are more important things to do, instead of sitting through those boring meetings. And the important thing is... CHOCOMINT!! Akimom summons out of nowhere some transparent baloons containing all kinds of chocomint-flavored sweets 😂 From her speech is easy to infer that they have spoken at least some other times before, because she already knows that he has never eaten chocomint before, and she's all intent in making him try some today! The way she can even store ice cream inside those baloons is amazing! 😂

But Kaito doesn't understand why she's bothering to reach out to him at all. He's perfectly aware (and here he gives her the second warning) that the ASSociation is bound to betray her clan, sooner or later.

ENG: "All they ever think about is how best to increase their own influence" JP: "Cause all they ever think about is to make the Association grow bigger, to increase their own authority and influence, and what could be the loss and gains for that"

Quite an omission, isn't it? Let's express freely and fully how power-driven are those bast*rds, let's not be scared.

Akimom isn't shocked in the least, because her family, too...

ENG: "I know how that is. All my clan ever thinks about is how to bring all the magic in the world under their command" JP: "My people too, all they ever think about is how to be the exclusive owners of all the magic in the world, and the means to control it"

Quite the ambition, right? And we had some other omissions too. Are we afraid to show how frightful these people can be?

But Kaito proves to be an incredibly kind kid. Is there anyone who is surprised, here? I'm sure there are some people who are, but I'm not. I always knew he had a soft heart. He insists on Akimom that there's no need for her to get involved in these dynamics, with these dangerous spells that her family might perform because of their partnership with the Association. She's their most important magician, after all. But Akimom doesn't budge. There is a need for her to be here. She wants to know him! Probably out of embarrassment (which he never expresses with a blush anyway, but only with some gestures...), Kaito stands up and walks away, but Akimom stops him to convince him to get at least a bite of her sweets!!

Kaito turns and replies "Don't you already know what I think about them? Since you can see the future in your dreams" And yes, ladies and gentlemen, we get the confirmation that Akimom is a Yumemi too. And it seems like it's her best feat, too. I am particularly impressed by her motherly, compassionate way to stare at him in this page...she's really set in helping this kid. But stay with me, cause we're about to see another translation difference that will enable us to see another hidden glimpse of Kaito's painful childhood. ENG: "Have you dreams shown you...what my power can do?" JP: "Have you seen it in your [dreams]? What this power can be helpful for?"

I want to linger for a moment on the verb 役に立つ, which is translatable as "being useful, being helpful, be of service, being good for something". I was surprised when I've read this, because just like my dear friend muthaz-rapapa theorized in her character analysis of Kaito some months ago, he seems to have a bit of a crisis over what good all of that power could do. He's got so much of it, and yet he doesn't really know how to use it in a way that feels satisfying for him. There's no feeling of reward. And this must be frustrating for him. My friend theorized that it's also the reason why he's letting those bastards at the Association make use of it at their own convenience, because he doesn't know what to do with it anyway. Futhermore, it's a suprising parallelism to how the Clan called Akiho 役に立たない, "good for nothing", "useless", because at the end of it having a huge amount of power or having none leads to the same result: the feeling of worthlessness that is distressing them. Akimom tries to light up the mood with a joke (and yes, there's another translation difference):

ENG: "Besides, I'm much taller than you! I don't mind changing lightbulbs for you now and then" JP: "Also, since I'm still taller than you for now, I don't need you to come changing my lightbulbs!" I know this transition got many fans confused (especially cause the translation changed the subject of who is changing the lightbulbs), but what I think is happening here (probably an issue of understanding Japanese humor) is that Akimom is just telling him "look, if you're thinking to use your power to help me in house chores, I don't need it, I'm quite good with it and I can still change lightbulbs by myself!" 😆 Kaito obviously doesn't fall for her attempt to steer the conversation, and Akimom finally confesses that yes, she saw that she would meet him if she went to a certain place on that day. But that's all she needed to know, because even if this was a dream she saw with her own powers, what she'll do with this "information" she got from her dream is for her to decide. I think this will be hugely important for Sakura, too. Remember, all the stories of these characters are interconnected and the most beautiful thing is how each one of them can learn something from the others. I think this importance of being able to decide even if you got the power to see the future in your dreams will be pivotal for Sakura, and the decision she will eventually make in the finale of the arc. There's no need to be afraid of the power to see the future, if you can still assert your own will.

Back to the story, Akimom reiterates that she wants to know Kaito. The little boy, covering his face with the neck of his robe, says he will decline that. But it took just a little time to reply, and Akimom takes advantage of it to wonder if perhaps he took it into consideration for a moment 😆 Still denying it, little Kaito leaves, disappearing magically. Akimom hopes that one close day she can greet him by calling him by his name. And here I wonder: his real name?

The flashback goes on, showing us all the attempts Akimom made to make Kaito try her chocomint sweets, and they were a lot, she basically pestered him whenever she could! 😆 We can see some stuff like "chocomint potato chips" and I'm shuddering just thinking about what kind of taste they can have.......... One lucky day, little Kaito finally caves in and tries one of the chocomint sweets. And here guys we get our confirmation, for who was curious (I was): Kaito hates chocomint!!! 😆 Akimom is a little disappointed that he doesn't like it, since she LOVES IT, but still she's very satisfied that he passed from a state of "I don't care about any taste" to at least finding out a taste that he hates....

Finding something you [like]

Cause disliking something is always better than not feeling anything at all. I dunno if I ever mentioned it here, but thanks to a friend on a discord server I found out some time ago that Kaito's behavior got many traits in common with a condition that really exists and it's called anhedonia , and it usually stems from depression. You can read a lot about it on the internet and you will see that Kaito's behavior corresponds to a lot of those symptoms. It's not officially confirmed (and I don't think it ever will). I think that's what Akimom is trying to help him with, here. And remember that in CCS, food=love so the step is very short. So, after finding out what he hates, next is to find out what he likes. And here we get again that irresistible gesture of hiding behind the collar of his robe 😍 On another night, with a nice moon, Akimom makes him try some chocolate pretzels that she made herself. He says he can eat them, but still not quite to the extent of saying he likes them. Kaito wonders "wasn't it a bother to make these?" (cause he's "bothersome bothersome" boy, after all), but Akimom actually says that she had lots of fun preparing them while imagining what face he would make when he'd try them. Kaito notices that the young woman is more cheerful than usual, and she gets suddenly all embarrassed: spotted! I laughed so much when she said "But my clan didn't say anything about it!!" and Kaito is like "Well, they are...." as if to say "well, they don't count, they are stupid", hahaha!

She explains that she had again a meeting to perform magic spells with one/more distant relatives (unclear). Apparently, the one who makes her heart beat so fast is among those distant relatives. 😁 (hey, don't even start it, it's distant relative, who knows how big this family is, they probably share only the family name and not much more) It seems she had lots of troubles trying to summon a spirit for the past years, and I seem to understand from the text that they might be the cause of it? Maybe cause they distracted her? 😁 I dunno, this panel is another of those confusing ones. Akimom is about to tell more about it, but Kaito spots a different aura of magic: it comes from a ring she's wearing on her middle finger! It's hidden under tons of concealing magic, but he can feel it, hehe. Even more embarrassed, Akimom confirms, and she says that that person gave her that ring in order to protect her (here there's another slight translation difference: the ENG says "Someone's sworn to protect me" and yes, at the end of the day that might be also true, but the translation is omitting the fact that it's the ring that's supposed to protect her. Basically, there's a spell in it!)

Kaito comments that this must be a really powerful magician, and Akimom confirms they're only second to her in terms of power, among the members of her clan. Little Kaito, poor him, makes a question basing only on the experience he's ever witnessed till now: "Are you attracted by their power?" and it makes me laugh how carefree Akimom replies "No, it's not like I'm under a seduction spell or something!" 😂 Again Kaito says that's not what he means, and she says that....

ENG: "Someone very powerful gave me this ring...but I don't fall in love with people for their power" JP: "Magical power is indeed a part of that person, but that's not the reason why I fell in love with them"

See the difference in translation? The omission of the part where she aknowledges that magic is indeed a part of the person she loves? I didn't like that omission (replacing it instead with the fact that this person gave her the ring, something they could've put in the correct panel above). It undermines the complete understanding of Akimom's personality: she's not only not attracted because of magical power, but she also aknowledges and accepts everything about the person she loves. I think that's something very important. Something that she's trying to teach Kaito too. While we see a sneak peek of the moment when that person gave the ring to our young sorceress (Of course they're all covered, but I think I will consider them as a male, since we can see their hands being quite bigger than Akimom's, and this is "supposedly" the one we consider as Akidad), Akimom explains that the moment she saw this person, she knew she had found 「私だけの人」 "someone only for me". Reminds you of something? Yes, it's a theme that is well popular in "Chobits" as well! 😁 Kaito wonders if she saw that in a dream too, but she replies that this is something she told herself. Again, a great statement and affirmation of her own will.

And here I ask you to prepare for another translation difference, no, a mistake that is confusing a lot of fans and I hope will not cause too much damage to the understanding of the intricated relationships between the characters... Akimom says that however, she knows a little of what will happen from now on, thanks to her power, so she.....

ENG: "My beloved will do what I ask, even if they're a bit hard-headed. They're very kind" JP: "I will make a request. To a creature that is quite stubborn, but very kind"

*inhales deeply*

So what they basically did here with that "beloved" outta nowhere in the ENG translation is to keep Akimom as if she was still talking about the person she's in love with. And since we can see Momo in the background, everybody is thinking now that Momo is the person Akimom is in love with. It's not like that. And believe me, it's not like I insist on this because I don't want it to happen, actually I've been thinking about that myself, some time ago. But I talked myself out of it because we all know how much Momo appreciated Sakura's chocomint macarons, while we also know that Akimom's most important person absolutely hates chocomint. So it couldn't be her. No, what I want is only understanding and unravel the tangle of the mysteries of this damn Clear Card arc in the correct way, without having to check 100 times if the ENG translation is tricking me or not. The relationships between the characters are important, and if you mess up one of those threads, you make a huge mess. You confuse your readers. Everybody is indeed confused right now. Akimom here changes the subject of who she's talking about, and the word I translated as "creature" is actually 存在 sonzai, "existence", "a being". Since "existence" would've felt a bit weird, I translated it like that. Because Momo is not a person, after all. Also, notice how in the panel, Momo doesn't wear her crown yet? Hehe. A symbol of the fact that Akimom hasn't passed the ring to her yet, like we can see in this flashback:

I think this happened at the very end, before she either gave birth to her daughter or....whatever happened there, happened. Yes, I will not hide it, this chapter didn't sedate any of my anxiety for the fact that Akiho and her "mother" are way too similar (even the friggin' mannerism!!!), and some weird shenanigans might be at work there.... I need a concrete proof. The doubt will always be at the back of my mind until we get an uncontrovertible proof.

Anyways, back to our little adorable Kaito (god how much I love him, in this chapter he's showing all the innocence he's hardly shown before), who's quite confused by the concept of Yumemi, since he doesn't have that kind of power. He seems even a bit sad about it? But Akimom reassures him. It's fine like that. Because if he was able to do literally everything, life would be so boring! Little Kaito makes a distressed face....is he perhaps thinking "it is already boring"?

Someone you like who's only yours

Look, I'll put directly the translation difference here so you can see it for yourself. I double checked with the Spanish translation and we agreed on how to interpret this scene:

ENG: "Listen...maybe I can't help you find what you like. But it's got to be somehwere out there. Something you like. Something that's yours alone. And I'll wait for you to find it" JP: "I will probably not be able to look for what you like together with you. But (certainly) there is something out there that you'll like and it'll be yours alone. And that something will be waiting for you to realize it"

First of all, Akimom is subtly hinting at the fact that soon she'll be gone, and she won't be able to look, together with little Kaito, for what he likes. It's a very sad and important hint. And therefore, she cannot be the one who "will be waiting for him to realize it". She'll be gone, after all. Moreover, the が that sets the subject is near "something that you will like", so that's how we know that one is the thing (or the person......) who will wait for him to realize he likes it.

Remember, the verb 好き (suki) not only means "to like", but also "to love", in our common interpretation.

And just like that, this loooooong flashback ends, and our Kaito boy wakes up on the couch from this fever dream. Apparently, Momo found him passed out in the hallway (dear god....) and brought him there. Not only, but she also covered him with his jacket and loosened his tie to let him breathe better. She hides behind a "you were in the way", but Kaito knows her and comments "Indeed... 'a bit stubborn but kind'". Momo immediately understand who he's quoting... "Lilie....that girl, right?" (yes, she used "ano ko"). That's it! FINALLY WE HAVE A NAME FOR AKIMOM! Lilie (to be pronounced as "Lilieh" - it has been translated as "Lillie" too in other languages) is apparently German for "Lily". And Kaito's favorite flowers are...yeah, lilies 😁 Momo's slight blush made me laugh 😁 she probably gets flustered when one makes a comment about her being kind....typical of Momo, didn't expect any less! 😁 Kaito says that he was surprised when he found out that the book and guardian so rumored about, because not even Clow Reed could obtain them, ended up being in Akiho's hands....and when he saw that Momo changed her appearance, too. Of course!, rebuts Momo, if she kept her original form even those numbskulls of her clan would've realized it!! That was really helpful, for Kaito. Because to activate the magic, the Card that Sakura will produce and Momo's book are indispensable. He wonders if Lilie saw this too, in her dreams. He's probably wondering if she prepared things so he would find them at the moment he needed them. Momo, once again, asks the question she's been asking him all along (even in the Drama CD): "You have no intention to stop, right?" But rather than a question, it sounds like a statement. She doesn't want him to go further, but it's not her place to decide for him. He doesn't even reply, smiling weakly. Momo says "Well, the curtain will now raise on the story you've been creating. The story of Sakura and Akiho, the 'Two Alice'. " But she warns him: "However, this story doesn't belong just to one person. It will proceed according to each of the character's wishes and feelings" I want to point out how the words for "characters" have actually the furigana for "people". Ohkawa and her usual play on words. But most importantly, something that the ENG translation left out, FEELINGS (想い) will play an important role in how the story will go. Of course. That's what CCSakura has always been about, isn't it? I feel like this is a huge warning for Kaito. Because if he's really trying to help Akiho, to save her from her destiny of losing her soul due to the spell inside of her, he will not only bump against everyone's wishes, but he will also have to deal with what SHE WANTS. And if what he wants to do involves him dying and disappearing from her life, she will NEVER consent to it. Aside from all the other collateral problems that he might create to Sakura. Just you wait. I'm preparing myself for an assertive Akiho like we've never seen before! And ultimately, he will have to choose too. And if this is bound to a happy ending, he will not choose what he's choosing right now.

The chapter, though, ends with the last warning from Momo, which contains a surprise. "And once it's begun...you won't be able to come back". The ominous warning is made even more ominous by the realization that what Momo is saying is exactly what the Ominous Voice has been saying all along in Sakura's and Akiho's dreams. "Omae" included and all. Is Momo supposedly quoting the person who really says it, or......is she the one who said it all along???

The chapter ends here, leaving us with some answers but, as usual, even more questions than before. I'm sure they will all be answered in due time. But honestly I was very satisfied with this chapter. I've been wanting to know and see more of Akimom Lilie this whole time, and I can expect to see her on the color page, next month. Actually, since it's gonna be at the beginning of the magazine, there's gonna be a double spread, so I can try to imagine we're going to finally see the other side of the illustration with Nadeshiko? I'm highly anticipating what the color of her eyes would be. It could be crucial....

Kaito was adorable. He doesn't seem mean, just a bit stiff, a real lone wolf, but hiding a lot of kindness. Who does he remind me of? Syaoran, of course. Those two have so much in common ... He seemed to sincerely warm up to Lilie, maybe he even had a kid crush on her? But was this enough to spark the change in him? Or did it only "activate the process", but the real change will happen now, in present time? I have so much to say about his evolution and where the story could lead us, but the post is already far too long. Eventually I will talk about it replying to asks, if I feel well enough to do it.

I’m reminding you the dates for Chapter 61: March 29th, on Comixology/Amazon and Bookwalker (digital, ENG) March 30th, on Clamp-fans and Comic-days (digital, JP and other languages) April 1st, on Nakayoshi (paper and digital, JP) See you at the end of the month!

#card captor sakura #cardcaptor sakura #clear card arc #clamp #ccsakura #ccs spoilers #yuna d. kaito #lilie #translation differences

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raindownforme · 3 years

Note

Hey! I’m back with another request!

Reader and Ted practicality have all the same classes and whenever they have to do projects or work in pairs Ted without fail or shame is always like “Can she work with me! Please!” Even in front of the class So he can flirt with her during the project

She/her pronouns pls :D

Also I LOVED ORBITING JUPITER I NEVER HEAR ANYONE TALK ABOUT IT

An Ode to You

Ted Nivison x reader [she/her used]

The teacher, Mrs. Statham, smacked a stack of papers on her rolling cart. She lined the edges of them up to make it straight, then held the stack in her off arm. She turned to face the class, smiling kindly as she stood tall in her professional shoes.

“This week, we’re starting a project. You and a partner will be writing poetry based on prompts and discussing your different styles of writing. Your partner will be randomly assigned-“ the class groaned, some shutting books in protest. “Hey. It’s 9am, you think I want this either?” The class grew quiet. “Exactly. Now, I’m pulling names from a hat. First is…”

y/n leaned into her open palm, closing her eyes for a moment. She could hear students shuffling around their chairs, tennis ball covered legs scraping the cheap cement. She ran a hand through her hair, leaning back to stretch her back over the cheap school chair.

“YES.” Someone stood quickly in the opposite corner of the room, the scraping and falling sound of the chair making y/n jump. She opened her eyes to see her classmate Ted standing up in the corner with his arms upright in a cheering motion. He smiled widely, looking over towards y/n. He quickly realized his outburst, dropping his arms and pushing his glasses further onto his face. “Should I pick up that chair?”

“Yes, Ted. Then go move over to your partner.” Mrs. Statham shook her head, going back to the task she’d been working on before hand. Ted gathered his things, placing the chair back to where it belonged, and headed across the classroom to where y/n sat. He pulled the chair next to her out and sat down, smiling widely.

“Hey, come here often?”

y/n rolled her eyes, trying to hide a small smile. “Good morning Ted.”

“Good morning gorgeous.” Ted looked away from y/n, sorting through his backpack for a spiral notebook and a mechanical pencil. He turned back to y/n, intending to say something, but Mrs. Statham spoke first.

“All partners have been assigned. On the board are types of poetry and some one-word prompts. Yes you and your partner must pick the same type of poem and prompt. If you have any questions, I’ll be up here grading. Go ahead.”

The students began chattering as Mrs. Statham went to her desk. y/n huffed, staring at the board. She wasn’t well-versed on types of poetry, and the list was quite long.

“How about an Ode? You know like an Ode to something?” Ted gestured with his pencil as he talked. “I’ll let you pick the category.”

“An Ode to…” y/n scanned the board, looking for the right word. “Does that say darling?”

“No?” Ted squinted as he looked at the board as well. “I think it says daring. But I like darling! An ode to darling.”

y/n smiled, turning to begin writing in her own notebook. The rest of the lesson went on with only a few scattered comments from Ted.

“What color are your eyes?”

y/n looked up at him, confused. “Why?”

“Never mind I got it.” Ted furiously scratched at his paper, y/n returning to her own.

“What season is your favorite would you say?”

“Fall.” y/n set down her pencil, smiling kindly at Ted. “I like the leaves and it’s usually a nice temperature out. You?”

“I’m a late spring early summer kind of guy.” Ted taped his pencil over and over in a slow rhythm he could only hear in his head. “I mean, unless you have a pollen allergy.”

“Why?”

“I can’t take you out if you’ll be sneezing and coughing the whole time. I don’t know, maybe the fall could be a good time.” Ted waved like he was getting rid of an idea. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Okay?” y/n thought to herself for a moment, then ignored Ted’s question to go back to her work.

“Hey what’s your-“ Ted was cut short by the ringing of the school bell. He groaned dramatically as y/n stood to gather her things. “No! Stop.”

“Why?” y/n didn’t stop, instead zipping her bag shut and throwing it over her shoulder. Ted grabbed onto the edge of her shirt, tugging slightly.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“Ted, I have a class across the school. I’ll see you tomorrow.” y/n gently pulled her shirt from Ted’s grasp. He sighed, standing up.

“Fine. Let me walk you there at least?”

It took Ted all of a minute to gather his things. He shouldered his back pack and led y/n out of the classroom. He let his hand fall to his side, gently taking y/n’s middle finger and wrapping his own finger around it. He looked down at her, smiling softly, and held on tighter when she showed no sign of discomfort.

The two walked in silence across the school, taking y/n to her science class. Ted stopped her before she walked in, keeping her finger is his grasp. “Can I see you later?”

“Ted, we have class tomorrow. I’ll see you then.” y/n patted him in the arm, politely excusing her self. She watched him walk backwards down the hall, and turned to walk into the class.

“I’ll be thinking of you!” She rolled her eyes at Ted’s outburst, avoiding the peering eyes of her classmates.

———

The next few days continued the same way; Ted endlessly flirting while y/n write her ode. The writing came easy to her. She wrote about the stars, about the constellations and the night sky. It was a basic topic she knew, but it was easy to write about and it fit the prompt. She wasn’t sure what Ted had written about, but by now everyone had finished their poems, and it was time to present.

“Alright, Ted and y/n?” Mrs. Statham sat behind her desk, yawning into her mug of tea. “Please state your type and prompt.”

“We chose an Ode, and I miss read the prompt so instead of daring we chose darling?”

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the grading sheet in front of her. “I like it. Go ahead.”

y/n cleared her throat. She looked over at Ted, waiting to see who would go first. He gestured to her, offering her to go first while smiling kindly. Oddly enough, for it being the first class of the day, Ted seemed to be the most awake in the classroom.

“For darkness around you, a pattern to make do…” y/n read robotically from the sheet of paper in front of her. The poem lasted only ten seconds, letting her quickly set it aside and awkwardly smile at her classmates. There was light clapping from the crowd, complimentary almost.

“Very good.” Mrs. Statham scribbled on the grading sheet with a blue pen. “And what was that called again?”

“An Ode to the Stars.”

“Thank you. Ted you’re next?”

Ted nodded eagerly, straightening himself. He smoothed down the front of his shirt and looked expectantly at Mrs. Statham. “Do I-“

“There are no extra credit points for memorization. However, if you’d like to, go ahead.”

“Thank you.” Ted turned back to y/n, smiling widely. “I’m encaptured in your loving stare; My darling girl, my lady, fair.”

Ted went on for a long minute, leaving y/n a flustered mess. Every stanza, Ted found a new way to look at her. A new way to gesture to her. A new way to emphasize the lines he spoke. And after that long minute, the class fell silent for a moment before clapping loudly for Ted’s display.

“Thank you both. Class, did we notice any differences in Ted and y/n’s writing?”

Someone y/n didn’t know the name of put their hand upwards, prompting Mrs. Statham to call on them. “Well, y/n wrote about an object, Ted wrote about a person.”

“Good. Is there anything else we can infer class?”

“Oh!” Someone in the back classroom sat up straighter as they shouted out. y/n couldn’t quite see who it was. “y/n wrote kind of factual? Like things that we could all see. But Ted sees the person differently than we’d normally… perceive them?”

“Yeah. Exactly. Alright good job you two, go ahead and take your seats.”

Ted followed y/n to the shared desk in the far corner of the classroom. Another set of students went up to present theirs, and y/n kept her eyes glued forward on the pair, avoiding looking at Ted.

“I really liked yours.” Ted leaned over to whisper in her ear. She jumped a bit, surprised by how close he sat. “I think it was beautiful.”

“Thanks.” y/n chewed at the inside of her lip. “What was yours called again?”

“An Ode to You.”

“Sorry?” y/n tried to swallow the heat rising to her face, trying to not be flustered in front of Ted.

“It’s called An Ode to You.”

“To me?”

“No— well.” Ted twirled a pencil around in his finger tips. “It’s called An Ode to You, not like An Ode to y/n, I mean technically it is about you-“

“Me? What, are you flirting?”

Someone snorted in the seat in front of y/n and Ted. “You just noticed?”

y/n watched Ted’s face turn bright red. “I mean, they’re right. You just noticed?”

“I assumed it was a joke.”

“Why would I be joking?” Ted looked at y/n with concern etched across his face.

“I don’t know! Are you not joking?”

“No.” Ted very gently took y/n’s hand in his. “y/n, my darling. I would never joke about you.”

“Well Ted, honey, it’s 9am and you’re flirting with a tired teenager.”

“Can I flirt with you some other time?”

“Yes.” y/n yawned, stretching her arms upwards. “Any other time.”

“Tonight then? 7 o’clock?”

“Why 7-?” y/n stopped, her face becoming increasingly heated as the realization came to her. “A date? You want to take me on a date?”

The school bell rang and Ted stood from the desk, placing a folded piece of paper in front of y/n. “Text me, I’ll come pick you up.”

She watched Ted walk away, then looked down at the paper. On it read a phone a number that she assumed belonged to ted. When she unfolded it, however, was a hand written poem with a title reading, An Ode to y/n.

#ted nivison #ted nivison x reader #chuckle sandwhich x reader #chuckle sammy #chuckle sandwich #lunch club x reader #lunch club

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xiaomoxu · 3 years

Text

Lucien - Mind’s Quest: Arriving With The Crowd

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

Please beware of roller-coaster emotions from this. A sweet moment yet has a deep meaning between them, is ready to serve you~

*) I put [...] on my thought about some scene.

Translations under the cut~

Part 1

??: Lucien, MC, we met again.

On the way when Lucien and I get off from work, suddenly a familiar voice came from behind us.

We spontaneously turned around and saw our neighbor, Mr. Zhang, carrying a supermarket bag and beckoning to us with a smile.

Mr. Zhang: Recently, I saw you two commuting to and from get off from work together every day. It's a really good relationship.

MC: Mr. Zhang also helps your wife buy vegetables every day.

Mr. Zhang: My wife’s legs are not good, so I will run more errands. It’s not the same as when you are young.

Mr. Zhang: I remember MC said last time that you were going on a business trip, when would you leave?

MC: I will leave tomorrow.

Mr. Zhang: Oh my, it's no wonder! Then I won't bother you, so I'll leave you two.

Lucien: Okay, I understand, please be careful Mr. Zhang.

Mr. Zhang smiled and looked at us again, then strode away.

I received an outdoor reality show a while ago. I planned to go to the countryside of a neighboring province to shoot for three months. I heard that the signal over there is not very good and it is inconvenient to communicate.

In order to make up for the time when the two places were about to be separated, Lucien and I made an appointment to spare some time every day before departure.

Almost all the spare time was used by us when commuting to and from get off work, visiting the supermarket, and buying breakfast.

Even if it is somewhat "inseparable" in the eyes of others, I still feel that this time is far from enough.

When I was thinking about it, Lucien gently squeezed my hand, recalling my thoughts.

Lucien: How do you plan to spend the last night at home?

MC: Speaking of it, it might be a bit boring...

MC: In fact, my luggage hasn't been packed yet, so I'm always worried about what's left.

Lucien: Let me check it with you later.

Lucien: There is a distance between the shooting location and the urban area, so you still need to prepare well.

MC: Okay.

I looked up at the bright evening sky, and couldn't help but move closer to Lucien, entangled his arm.

MC: But the weather is so good today, let's go slowly.

Lucien: Alright.

As he said that, Lucien slowed down, we dragged a long shadow and walked slowly towards home.

Early the next morning, Lucien escorted me to the station.

After taking the luggage out of the trunk, I stood still and did not move.

Standing at the gate of the station, the dismay of parting suddenly surged up.

Lucien turned around with a sense and helped me stroke the messy hair in my ear.

Lucien: This time it's my turn to help you take care of the green plants. Don't worry, I will take care of them.

Lucien: And for you, if you need my help over there, remember to tell me.

MC: Okay.

I opened my mouth, but couldn't say anything more. Lucien sighed lightly and pulled me into his arms.

Lucien: It's ok, the words you want to say, I understand.

Lucien patted my back lightly, as if he wanted me to feel at ease.

I gradually calmed down, feeling the breath in his arms a little greedily, wanting to save a strength for myself.

None of us spoke, just let time pass quietly.

A radio alert sounded vaguely in the station, and the restraint on my waist was loosened. I also let go of my hand and raised a smile to Lucien.

MC: Phew... Recharge completed.

Lucien: It seems that the big producer is ready.

MC: Um! I will work hard, strive to go and return early.

Lucien: Okay, I'll wait for you to come back.

I waved to Lucien, pulled up the luggage and walked into the station.

After passing the security check and walking far away, I couldn't help but look back.

At the entrance of the station people were coming and going. I don't know who they are going to go to or who they have just said goodbye.

Lucien still stood on the spot, looking at me from a distance.

A train came into the station, and the crowd quickly engulfed him.

But knowing that someone is watching, has filled me with confidence.

Exclusive Radio

Lucien: The question just now is almost like this.

Lucien: After you go back, you can adjust your opening report based on today's discussion.

Lucien: Do you have any other questions?

Student A&B: There's none.

Lucien: Okay, that's all for today.

Student A: Huh? There is another hot search on the news.

Student A: "The villagers broke the news that the film crew was polluting the environment...This film crew seems to belong to the company "Miracle Finders", right?

Student B: Yes, I saw their propaganda a few days ago, saying that they are going to the neighboring province to shoot a reality show.

Student A: Local villagers said that they dumped sewage into the river and also posted photos.

Student B: This is too unqualified, right? Do you want to destroy people's environment in the name of local customs?

Lucien: ....

Student A: Wait a minute, Professor Lucien is the consultant of "Miracle Finders" .....

Student B: It's, Professor Lucien, we didn't have other meaning...

Lucien: It doesn't matter. It's a matter of fact. If the film crew really makes a mistake, it is normal to be criticized.

Lucien: But I want to know, did the photos on the hot search actually capture the scene where the show crew dumped sewage?

Student A: Not really, only pictures of the river.

Lucien: Then we better not draw conclusions so quickly.

Lucien: There is no objective fact of "the program group dumped sewage" in this photo, only the result of "the river water was polluted."

Lucien: People can stand from different angles and use this result to infer many different stories.

Lucien: There is only one true fact.

Lucien: How do you prove it, are the stories you heard were the facts?

Student A: I.....

Student B: Look, the program group issued a statement to refute the rumors!

Student B: They also did a picture comparison. It turns out that the picture on the hot search is a picture several years ago.

Student A: Huh? Then someone maliciously spread the rumors.

Student A: ... Sorry Professor Lucien, we were a little impulsive just now.

Lucien: There is no need to apologize to me, it is essentially the fault of the rumors.

Lucien: However, since the thesis is about to start the topic, you can use this matter to remind everyone.

Lucien: Whether you are doing research or encountering social events, don't be too impatient. Set your mind down and analyze the logic carefully.

Lucien: I will also look at your logic loopholes during the defense. So, I hope you will prepare it well.

Student A: Good professor, we must prepare carefully!

Lucien: Well, let's go back.

(Lucien left the room and close the door behind)

Lucien: Huh? No phone, no news...

Lucien: Forget it.

Part 2 - Main Story

I settled down at the shooting location and confirmed some shooting-related matters. It was too late when I got back to my senses.

--The whole day's hard work hits my body, but the unfamiliar environment makes me sleepless.

I unlocked the phone and saw that the conversation with Lucien was still staying in the report after arriving.

Suddenly I wanted to talk to him, so I raised my arm to find the signal direction and knocked on what I saw today.

MC: "Today, I was dealing with emergencies, the network was unstable, and the scene was very chaotic..."

MC: "But fortunately, I saw a very interesting book on the way, specially introduce words with special meaning."

MC: "For example, this one."

I posted a photo of a page in the book with the Greek word "pathos" on it.

T/N: The Greek word pathos means "suffering," "experience," or "emotion." It was borrowed into English in the 16th century, and for English speakers, the term usually refers to the emotions produced by tragedy or a depiction of tragedy. "Pathos" has quite a few kin in English. A "pathetic" sight moves us to pity.

It means the sense of yearning and longing for those who are absent.

I waited for a while, but Lucien didn't reply, he should have fallen asleep.

I confidently continued to type on the keyboard and talked out all kinds of experiences in one mind.

MC: "The villagers are very kind and hospitable and helped us a lot."

MC: "The air is also very fresh, and a faint fragrance of green grass can be smelled everywhere."

MC: "But there are so many bugs! Thanks to you reminding me to wear long pants yesterday."

I told everything from morning to night, and when I was about to say something, my phone suddenly shook.

A video call invitation appears on the screen.

I sat up, scratching my hair twice before press the answer button.

MC: You haven't slept yet...

Lucien: Well, just after finishing the report, I received your self-thinking message.

Lucien: I thought I couldn't wait for your good night today, but I didn't expect to receive a "big gift before going to bed".

MC: I don't know if you're still awake, is it bothering you?

Lucien: How come, I didn't feel disturbed.

Lucien: It should be said that I am very happy to see you share these experiences, in every detail.

Lucien: It seems that I am also experiencing these with you.

Lucien picked up the phone on the side and swiped, and smiled in a good mood.

Lucien: The book you took is also very interesting. The author has developed such a rich interpretation just around the word "pathos".

Lucien: This is the first time I know what this word means in Greek.

MC: Does this word exist in other languages?

Lucien: Well, I remember that this word is often used in English to convey the appeal of artistic works. It also means "sympathy" and "suffering".

MC: When you say this, you feel that there is a subtle connection between these two interpretations.

MC: Missing or longing for someone you care about can be considered "suffering", right?

Lucien: Maybe it is true.

Lucien: When the person you care about is not around, everything about her becomes more conspicuous, which makes people more aware of the fact that she is not around.

Lucien: Just like today.

Seeing that I was a little confused, Lucien pointed to his mobile phone.

Lucien: I saw some people on the Internet saying that the villagers at the filming location are somewhat dissatisfied with you.

Lucien: Is this the emergency you dealt with?

MC: ....I thought my actions for solving the problem were fast enough to keep you from discovering it.

Lucien: I thought you would talk to me about this sooner, so I have been waiting for your news.

I was stunned for a moment, and then quickly smiled at Lucien.

MC: Don't worry, those on the Internet are all rumors, I’ve already solved it.

MC: In fact, we get along very well, and we promised to let the guests help a family draw portraits tomorrow.

Lucien: Well, then I won't worry about it.

Lucien paused, and suddenly moved closer to the camera, seeming to want to see something clearly.

Lucien: Why you keep supporting your arm like that, is it not comfortable?

MC: No, because the signal at this spot is better...

MC: The accommodation conditions here are actually pretty good, and the rooms are clean and tidy.

MC: Except for the occasional signal, you have to looking for the angle yourself.

Lucien: I can imagine how you would look for a signal while holding your phone.

MC: You're teasing me again!

Lucien: Alright, I won't teasing you. It seems that you can sleep well tonight.

I lay down again holding my phone and patted the hard bed underneath.

MC: Newcomers may still have to get used to the bed for a few days.

Lucien: In this case, I will lie down with you.

Lucien turned off the top light and walked to the bed to lie down. I followed and turned off the ceiling lamp, leaving only the small lamp beside the bed.

The screen went dark, and Lucien's face also looked a little fuzzy.

We lie on each other's sides, looking at the screen, as if we were lying face to face.

Lucien kept looking at me. I was a little embarrassed by him, and my eyes began to drift around.

Lucien: Where are you looking at?

MC: ... I can't sleep, I want to divert my attention.

Lucien: It's better to close your eyes first, and I'll help you.

Seeing Lucien's encouraging gaze, I closed my eyes, and his low voice quickly came from my ears.

Lucien: Next, can you tell me what sound you can hear over there?

I pricked my ears and listened carefully, perhaps because my vision was blocked, my hearing became extremely sensitive.

MC: There is the barking of puppies and the roar of the machine.

MC: The alarm bell of a car rang...It was a bit noisy.

I subconsciously covered my head with a quilt, remembering that Lucien was still watching, and then secretly revealed half of my face.

Lucien: I seem to forget to remind you to bring earplugs.

Lucien: If you bear with it, the owner should wake up soon.

As soon as Lucien's voice fell, the noise outside the window stopped, and the world returned to silence.

Lucien: Is it quiet?

MC: Well, it feels quieter now than before...

We were silent in unison. Maybe the night is getting darker, and there is no other sound in my ears for a long time.

I don't know how long it took before I vaguely caught a tiny movement.

There are small ups and downs in the steady, it is Lucien's breathing.

I brought the phone closer, and subconsciously let my breathing keep up with his rhythm, as if we were in the same space.

My mind slowly calmed down, and my consciousness gradually drifted away in this sudden connection.

MC: Lucien...

Lucien: Hm?

MC: Good-

Did I say "good night"? It was too late to confirm, and my mind was gradually empty.

I do seem to be a little sleepy.

I don't know how long it took, Lucien's breathing gradually became even longer.

The girl on the screen is asleep, but she seems to have not released the phone yet.

Lucien sighed almost inaudibly, then curled the corners of his mouth again.

She was right, "The yearning and longing for those who are not around" does make people suffer.

Lucien gently stroked the sleeping face on the screen with his fingers, and spoke softly.

Lucien: Good night.

Part 2 - Memory Silhouette

Half a month has passed since the shooting. On weekend mornings, I was putting on makeup while chatting with Lucien.

MC: Professor Lucien has worked hard, and accompany me to get up early on weekends.

Lucien: It's okay, I just came back from buying breakfast.

MC: Huh? You finally remember to have breakfast on time!

Lucien: I heard that the spring limited soup dumplings from the Huxin Road store will be off the market in a few days.

Lucien: Thinking you might like it, I bought it.

Lucien: However, I forgot that you were not at home and accidentally bought two portions.

Lucien fiddled with the bag on the table and sighed softly.

I touched my flat stomach and sighed.

MC: I knew I should have eaten it again before I left, now I have to wait until next year...

Lucien: Then wait until next spring, we will buy it the first day it goes on sale.

MC: Okay! Then if you want to eat more today, just eat one for me.

Seeing Lucien nodded with a smile, I just patted the sunscreen on my face and closed my makeup bag.

Lucien: How do you feel that your dressing time has become shorter today?

Lucien: It usually takes at least half an hour before you come knock on my door.

I hummed twice, leaned close to the phone and tapped on the screen.

MC: Professor Lucien may not be aware of it. Make-up takes time and it takes time to remove makeup.

MC: At days, moving bricks are precious as moving gold, and I’m sleepy at night, so I don’t want to bother to remove my makeup.

MC: And now, it’s more important to be able to concentrate on talking with you for a while.

Lucien looked at me, smiling at the corners of his eyes and eyebrows.

Lucien: It seems that I was too accustomed to this intention before, and I will cooperate more with your time in the future.

Lucien: Speaking of this, I found a lipstick at home yesterday, which should have been dropped by you.

Lucien got up and disappeared from the screen for a while, and when he returned, he had the lipstick in his hand.

He opened the lid and showed it to me. I recognized that this was the one I carried with me before. The paste had already bottomed out.

MC: Actually this one is about to run out, just throw it away for me.

Lucien: Do you like this color very much?

MC: Yes, it's very versatile.

Lucien thoughtfully twirled out the remaining lipstick. I looked at him with a curious expression and couldn't help but smile.

MC: Lucien, in your eyes, are the various lipstick look similar?

Lucien: Just looking at it, it's a bit difficult to tell.

Lucien: But after you apply it, I can see the difference.

[Not me crying over this conversation ㅠㅠ]

MC: Unexpectedly, Professor Lucien is also have a talent for such things...

Lucien: This is not my talent.

Lucien: You make these colors look clearer and more beautiful.

[UGLY SOBBING]

It sounds like a joke, but his tone is very sincere.

I was a little embarrassed to look away, and my heart was filled with sweetness because of his attention.

MC: Do you have any favorite color?

Lucien: I have. What I see now is the one I like the most.

My cheeks were slightly hot, and I was about to say something when the phone alarm rang suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.

Lucien: Is it time for assembly?

MC: Mmhm, how can time pass so fast...

MC: Then I'll go out first.

Lucien: Be careful on the road and take a break.

Lucien waved his hand as I did, and the sunlight shining in the room reflected his smile more clearly.

After finishing the call, I also subconsciously glanced out the window.

Although we can't spend this weekend together, but fortunately, we still enjoy the same sunshine.

Part 3 - Main Story

It has been a month since the shooting started, and the daytime sunshine gradually warmed up.

Three poles on this day, we set up the machine under the sun, but a guest did not wait.

Perhaps because of the sweltering weather, the guests were not very enthusiastic about their work, and even began to find all kinds of excuses to try "ask for leave".

Physical discomfort, temporary travel, family affairs... all sorts of things like

The reasons for yes and no are endless, which makes us very embarrassed.

I communicated privately a few times, hoping that they would cooperate with the work, but within a few days, the old drama will repeat itself.

Today was another morning without anyone. My colleagues took turns to the residence to persuade. I also made a few calls to the guests’ agents.

Fortunately, after some coordination, the guests finally came forward, and we started the machine in the afternoon.

But in this state, the shooting process becomes a bit difficult. The venue is not cool enough, there are too many retakes caused by the wear, and I don't like interactive sessions...

Little things that did not constitute a problem have become problems. I tried my best to explain from them, so that my colleagues and guests did not quarrel.

In order to ensure the quality, I temporarily decided to stop work ahead of schedule after the key parts were taken.

I took advantage of the break time and prepared to go to the nearby supermarket to buy some supplies to comfort everyone.

Along the way, the villagers who came home passed by, and the sound of conversation and the roar of tricycles filled the evening breeze.

Although they looked tired, everyone was happy on the way home.

I suddenly remembered the days when I left work with Lucien before I left. At that time, I also had the same happiness as them. It was expectation and stability.

I don't know what Lucien is doing now. Did he leave work on time? Did he eat well? I took out my cell phone, but found that there was no signal.

I turned off the screen, walked silently to the entrance of the village, and suddenly a bright light shrouded my head.

The street light was on, and the warm light spread on the road outside the village. In front of the platform not far away, a bus full of passengers was pitting in.

Looking at the scene in front of me, I seemed to be gently pushed by a force and changed the direction of advancement.

I got on that bus.

Clerk: Welcome!

MC: ....

Originally, I just wanted to take the bus to relax, but I didn't expect to sit at the terminal --- the railway station accidentally.

The power that clamored in my heart drove me to buy a ticket for the fastest return to Loveland City.

When I walked out of the Loveland City Railway Station, it was raining heavily outside.

I watched the pedestrians passing by in the rain, and the reason for escaping gradually returned to my brain.

I walked into a nearby 24-hour store and sat down. I was looking at the night view outside the window and combing my thoughts. My phone suddenly vibrated, and Lucien's messages popped out.

Lucien: "Are you done?"

MC: "Well, it's finished."

I thought about it and added another sentence.

MC: "it's raining outside."

Lucien: "It's a coincidence, it's raining in Loveland City."

Listening to the patter of rain, I calmed down a bit and dialed the video call.

Lucien quickly picked it up. With the light on, I saw the familiar room behind him at a glance, which seemed to be my living room.

MC: Lucien, are you at my house?

Lucien: Mmhm, the rain is a bit heavy, let me move the green plants on your balcony.

Lucien: Are you still outside?

MC: I'll go out to buy something for everyone, and I'll go back when the rain drops a bit.

Lucien: It's already a bit late, so be careful when you go back.

MC: Don't worry, I am fully equipped.

As I talked, I nodded vigorously, as if to prove something, and as if I just wanted to convince myself.

Under the bright light, Lucien's dark circles were obvious, and his face looked a little pale.

There was a bit of sourness in my heart, I subconsciously moved closer to the screen.

MC: Lucien, what have you been up to lately?

Lucien: There is a study at the end, and the things at hand are a bit trivial.

MC: Is it very hard? You look a little haggard.

Lucien: In order to avoid blemishes as much as possible, it is indeed a bit harder.

Lucien: But it will be over soon, don't worry about me.

Lucien: But you seem to be very busy lately. Have you encountered any difficulties?

MC: There is a little problem...but fortunately, it is not difficult to solve.

I hesitated for a moment, thinking that I secretly ran back to Loveland City like this, I always felt a little embarrassed, so I changed the subject.

I glanced at the room behind him, and suddenly caught a bright color near the window sill.

MC: Lucien, what's on the windowsill...?

Lucien: Recently, a new flower shop opened near the research institute. There are many type of flowers and they are very beautiful.

Lucien: So I bought some privately and put them in your house.

MC: Well, I want to see it too.

Lucien switched the camera to the rear, and I saw a row of flowers on the windowsill, almost in full bloom.

It can be seen that these flowers are taken care of by Lucien very well, but the colors are all gorgeous, and they are inevitably dazzling when they are placed together.

always feel that this is not in line with Lucien's style, so I spoke with some doubts.

MC: Lucien, did you choose this all?

Lucien: I just chose the type of flowers, and the clerk helped to match the others.

Lucien: What's the matter?

MC: Nothing... they are bloomed very well.

MC: Is it time-consuming to raise so much?

Lucien: It does take time to change the water and pruning, but once in a while, it can be regarded as a kind of rest.

Lucien: Sometimes it is a little more comfortable to do things according to your own will, right?

I vaguely think that he meant something. Did he find out what he sneaked back into? It shouldn't be so obvious....

Just as I was thinking about how to respond to him, Lucien turned back to the camera and met my gaze.

Lucien: What about you, is there anything you really want to do now?

MC: Yes, I really want to go home, and immediately sleep for three days and three nights, and then go to eat hot pot and soup dumplings.

MC: I also want to watch movies and dramas instead of the ones I made myself.

Lucien: I thought that at least one of these wishes was related to me.

MC: Of course it is related to you. These are all things I want to do with you.

MC: It’s just that sometimes I don’t dare to think too much. It would be a little sad if I remember that you are not around.

I lowered my eyes, on the opposite side, Lucien did not speak for a while. Only after a while, I heard his voice again.

Lucien: In fact, every time the flowers bloom and wither, I also get annoyed.

Lucien: It would be nice if I could see it with you. If I raise it with you, it might be able to bloom longer.

Lucien: I am used to witnessing these moments with you. When you are not around, it is really uncomfortable.

I looked at his slightly bent eyes, and the bottom of my heart loosened for a moment, like a seed coming out of the soil.

MC: Then next time there are flowers blooming, please send me a picture.

MC: Although the network on my side may be delayed, it can be considered as a witness with you.

The smile on Lucien's lips deepened, and he nodded gently.

Customers opened the door one after another, and I glanced out the window. The rain had stopped.

Worried about revealing my position, I hurriedly moved closer to my phone.

MC: Lucien, the rain stopped on my side, I'm going to catch the last bus first.

MC: Let's continue tomorrow, go to bed early. Good night!

Lucien: ... Alright, pay attention to safety. Good night.

As soon as Lucien's voice fell, I hung up the phone in a hurry, and quickly bought a ticket to the neighboring province.

The sky was still gloomy, but my mood faintly became lighter.

One-sided thoughts may be troubles, but if this trouble gets a response, it turns into some kind of power.

The feeling of wanting to escape disappears. Between parting and reunion, I will run as soon as possible.

Because I know he is waiting for me.

Part 4 - Main Story

The filming work has been going on for two months, and the sense of summer has gradually become clearer.

It wasn't until the evening when the heat subsided. Colleagues walked to the restaurant one after another. I took out my mobile phone and walked to a place where there was a signal, and left a message to Lucien.

MC: "I have finished work, is Professor Lucien still busy?"

The words "The other party is typing" appeared at the top of the dialog box, but soon stopped and changed to a video call invitation.

I hurriedly picked it up and Lucien's figure appeared on the screen. He was wearing a white coat and seemed to be still in the laboratory.

Lucien: Sorry, I may have to work overtime today.

Lucien: When checking the data, we found some problems, and we need to "rescue" them.

MC: Is it serious?

Lucien: Fortunately, it's just a bit time-consuming to process.

Lucien rubbed his eyebrows, and my heart tightened suddenly as I looked at his tired face.

MC: I remember that you were finishing up last month, is it almost to the deadline?

Lucien: It's less than a week.

Lucien: This time I brought a newcomer, and there are a lot of things that need to be run-in in the details.

MC: They might feel a little nervous, it's the first time they take on an important job.

MC: But with Professor Lucien, everyone will be able to find the way out smoothly.

Lucien smiled and moved a little closer to the screen.

Lucien: I find that in your eyes, "Professor Lucien" always seems to be very powerful.

MC: Not only "Professor Lucien", in my eyes, Lucien is omnipotent.

MC: As the saying goes, those who can do more work, but you can't force yourself too much.

MC: Maybe you can’t rest assured now, but I have a tip to make you feel better.

Lucien: Oh? I really need it. Please tell me your advice, teacher MC.

MC: When it's really difficult, just give yourself a wish.

MC: In this way, every day we are moving towards that final wish and we have overcome many difficulties without realizing it.

MC: For example, arrange a vacation or travel, as long as it is something you like to do!

Lucien looked at me for a while and suddenly laughed.

Lucien: Thank you, teacher MC. I understand.

Lucien: In fact, this wish has always existed, maybe I'm just too impatient.

MC: What is Professor Lucien's wish?

Lucien blinked at me and skipped the question.

Lucien: If I remember correctly, your filming is also coming to an end.

MC: Well, the part of the reality show has basically been filmed, and I will go to the neighboring city next week to make up some empty shots.

MC: It is estimated that I will be able to go home soon to appreciate the flowers and plants that Professor Lucien has taken care of!

Lucien stretched his brows, and the smile in his eyes became deeper.

Lucien: Well, they are also looking forward to seeing you.

The neighboring city’s framing plan is based on the theme of "going home from work", for which the on-site director summoned a group of extras.

However, it rained suddenly before the filming started, so we had to buy an umbrella temporarily and distribute it to everyone.

I looked at the monitor and thinking about the moving line. I saw the light of the traffic light blurred in the rain, like a wet oil painting.

Considering that the theme of this reality show happened to be related to painting, my heart moved and decided to change the shooting plan.

MC: Please use an artistic way to express the theme, we will do slow-motion processing.

Think of this block as the background of the painting. You can use the props to simulate the people in the painting.

The actors seemed to be very interested in this suggestion and tried them.

MC: Let's try it first.

The camera moved slowly on the slide, the light slid between the transparent umbrellas, and the crowd moved closer to the camera and dispersed.

I seemed to catch a glimpse of a somewhat familiar figure in an instant, but in a daze, the figure disappeared again.

...How could Lucien be here? I must have saw it wrong

I blinked vigorously, forcing myself to concentrate.

Some of the people in this "painting" singing, some strode across the puddle, and some pulled out a stack of papers from their bags and threw them into the sky.

The night scene oscillated in these chaotic lines, and seemed to be lit by the warm atmosphere.

A piece of A4 paper flicked in front of the camera. After a brief loss of focus, the familiar figure suddenly appeared in the line of sight.

MC: ....?

I refocused, but found that the scene in front of me was not an illusion.

A narrow gap was opened between the crowds, and I saw Lucien holding the umbrella, walking towards me.

He didn't make any movements, but just followed the crowd forward.

The light-colored coat was stained with some rain, which did not weaken his refined temperament at all.

This is the "Professor Lucien" I am most familiar with. He walks in the crowd calmly, as if he just got off work.

The splendor in front of me instantly lost its sound, and my eyes could only follow him closely.

But why is he here, why did he join the group acting team?

Doubts and surprises are intertwined in my heart at the same time, I really want to run to him immediately. However, at present, the only thing I can do is to look up from behind the camera.

It seemed that I had been waiting for a long time, and the moment I looked at him, I looked into his full of emotions-eyes.

In the next second, he took out a familiar lipstick from his pocket, twisted his fingers apart, and slowly started writing on the inside of the umbrella.

Perhaps it was because the people around him were acting in an exaggerated manner, and his movements did not appear abrupt.

I subconsciously stared at his umbrella and slowly pieced together what he had written.

P-A-T-H-O-S, is the word we talked about.

The continuous rain water glides along the umbrella surface as if soaking it.

There is a faint bitterness in my heart, it is the smell of yearning and longing.

After a brief gaze, Lucien passed the equipment and stopped beside me, as if accidentally covering the umbrella over my head.

I came back to my senses and refocused my attention on the shooting until the group actors had all gone.

MC: Cut!

MC: Xiao Fu, tell the actors, just follow the feeling they just did, and take another shot later.

My colleague walked to the side to greet the actors. Seeing the atmosphere loosen, I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to face the person behind me.

I took a straight step forward, squeezed his sleeve, and poked his cheek again. Lucien leaned down cooperatively, and let me touch him.

MC: Am I really dreaming...

Lucien: Do you need to check again?

The smiling eyes are so near. As if bewitched by the light, I opened my arms to embrace him.

The faint fragrance of green grass enveloped my breath, and I couldn't help but move closer.

MC: Lucien...

Lucien: Mmhm, It's me.

He was holding an umbrella in one hand, and he held me tightly on my shoulder with the other. I didn't care if there were other people beside me, and buried my face in his arms.

A real touch came from under my palm, and the tips of his hair flicked gently in my ears, itchy.

At this moment, without the barrier of the screen, even if I bury my head in his arms, I can clearly outline his appearance.

Lucien gently patted me on the back. I don't know how long it took before I heard his voice.

Lucien: Is it confirmed now?

MC: Hm.… It is indeed our Professor Lucien who has replaced the actors.

MC: But why are you here?

Lucien: Now I'm here, will it affect your work?

MC: No way, you just provided a super awesome picture.

I remembered the busy work he said before, and subconsciously stroked the back of his hand.

MC: Is your research over?

Lucien: It's just ended today.

MC: Why didn't you take a break first...

MC: It’s a few hours’ drive from Loveland City to here.

Lucien: Compared to the past few months, a few hours is nothing.

Lucien: Besides, someone suggested before that I should give myself a wish to face the problems.

Lucien: Now that the problems have been resolved, I will come to realize this wish.

I looked into his eyes and suddenly understood what his "wish" was that he didn't tell me that day.

MC: But we have to go back to the countryside after the filming today. Is such a short time enough?

Lucien: Not enough.

Lucien: But the moment I saw you, I still thought it was worth it.

Lucien: I just don't know.. Does this suit the "going home" theme required by the big producer?

I looked at his questioning expression, and couldn't help but gently squeezed his face again.

MC: Totally suitable.

MC: Lucien, welcome back.

Part 4 - Memory Silhouette

After a brief reunion, Lucien will return to Loveland City.

After the filming was over, my colleagues took the equipment back first, Lucien and I got on the bus to the station.

There were not many people on the bus at this time. We sat side by side by the window, and the neon lights circling outside the window passed by.

This short reunion still made me a little dazed. I stared at Lucien's reflection on the car window, as if I couldn't see enough.

The bus stopped for one stop, opening and closing the gap between the doors, Lucien turned around, with a helpless smile on the corners of his lips.

Lucien: Suddenly holding it so tightly, are you afraid that I will run away?

He raised our tangled hands, and I realized that I had just accidentally used some strength.

I let go hastily, and reluctantly hooked his finger again.

MC: It's a bit, after all, "sweet dreams" are always too short.

Lucien: If this is your dream, don't worry, it won't slip away easily.

Lucien gently folded his fingers and clasped my fingers.

Lucien: Speaking of it, I'm very curious, why didn't you choose the Loveland City for your shooting this time?

I paused and thought about the words before I spoke.

MC: Loveland City is a bit far away from us, and suitable shooting sites have not been approved for various reasons.

MC: But there is another reason that I don’t want to shoot in Loveland City.

Lucien: Hm?

I paused and thought about the words before I spoke.

MC: At first, everyone was back at their home. If they were in Loveland City, they might not even want to work.

MC: Especially knowing that I'm in the same city as you, I can't help but feel sorrowful.

Lucien smiled and stroked the back of my hand lightly.

MC: But how do I remember that you seem to have sneaked back once halfway through?

MC: Huh?! How did you know..

I looked up at him in surprise, but Lucien smiled and clenched my hand, pulling me closer.

Lucien: When you called me that day, it was in the store, right?

Lucien: There is an activity label on the shelf behind you, and I saw the words Loveland City.

Lucien: Moreover, the call that day was particularly smooth. Normally, your signal in the village should not be so good.

MC: ... Then why didn't you break through me?

Lucien: You look a little shaken, I have been waiting for you to tell me why.

Lucien: But you didn't, and you comforted me in turn.

Lucien: So I guess, at that time, you didn't really want to escape, you were just pissing off, or wanted to calm down, right?

The stop announcement of the bus intervened in our conversation, and after a short stop, we continued to move forward.

The night scene outside the window quickly receded, and only Lucien's smiling eyes stayed on me.

I secretly sighed in my heart. Maybe it is because he always looks at me like this that he can always guess any of my thoughts.

MC: I should have guessed it a long time ago, nothing can be hidden from you...

MC: But thanks to you chatting with me at that time, I didn't really waver.

MC: Knowing that someone was waiting for me to go home, it instantly became full of energy.

Lucien: Silly, you have worked very hard.

Lucien: Compared with the past, you already become stronger and braver.

Lucien: Instead, I need to get strength from you now.

I looked at his slightly frowning eyebrows, and there was a burst of soreness in my heart, and I leaned over to embrace his waist.

MC: Can this give you a strength?

Lucien: Hmm... But maybe you have to hug a little tighter.

MC: You are shameless.

With that said, I moved my body and moved closer to him.

A muffled chuckle came from the top of his head, and the temperature between his arms soon covered his back. I leaned on his shoulder and suddenly thought of something.

MC: By the way Lucien, who told you about the filming location?

Lucien: If I told you, would you blame that person?

MC: Of course, it's not right to disclose the itinerary privately

MC: But criticism belongs to criticism. Since it was revealed to you, I will still personally thank this person

I reluctantly rubbed his chin and buried my face in his shoulder.

I felt Lucien resting lightly on the top of my head, and a slight vibration followed his voice.

Lucien: I'll tell you when your work is all over.

Lucien: Now there are only two weeks left, and we can enter the countdown to go home.

Lucien: I hope that when you see me again, you can still be as happy as you are today.

MC: I will definitely be happier than today.

The bus kept entering and leaving the station, muting our tail sound in the slightly bumpy carriage.

I counting in my mind, there are three stops, two stops, one stop left. I'm going to say goodbye to him again.

However, the rainy season is about to pass.

I think it will be a clear sky on the day of reunion again.

Part 5 - Main Story

The three-month shooting is finally over.

Before the hottest day came, I quickly packed my luggage and returned to Loveland City.

As soon as I got out of the station, I immediately looked around, looking for Lucien's figure.

The moment I dragged the box in the crowd, a familiar call suddenly came from my ear.

??: MC!

I turned my head and saw Lucien standing outside the security line of the station, his eyes gazed deeply on me.

MC: Lucien!

MC: Excuse me, please let me-

I dragged my luggage around the crowd, and ran towards him. Seeing Lucien, I rushing towards him, I simply let go of the luggage and jumped into his arms.

Lucien: .... Be careful.

Lucien warned me like this, but his arm had already hugged me tightly.

Rarely, he didn't lean over to hug me and carried almost all of my weight in his arms. I had to stand on tiptoe so I could barely touch the ground.

There was a slight suffocation in the chest, and none of us willing to let go.

MC: Lucien... I miss you so much.

Lucien: I miss you too.

A low breathing sound came from my ear, Lucien let go of me a little bit, his fingertips slid from the top of my head to my shoulders, followed by his eyes inch by inch.

Lucien: Our big producer seems to be tanned, tired and thin.

MC: Really?

I also raised my hand and stroked Lucien's cheek, rubbing it with affection.

MC: Our Professor Lucien has also lost a lot.

MC: It seems that I have to eat more delicious supplements these days!

Lucien smiled and nodded, and pulled the two luggage behind me.

Lucien: Then let's go home.

MC: Well, this time I really "go home"!

After returning to my home after a long absence, looking at the familiar furnishings, I finally let go of the tension that had been in the past few days.

Tired from the long journey, I quickly changed my clothes, walked into the room and opened the curtains, and at a glance I saw the flowers that Lucien kept on the windowsill.

It is a new variety that has never been seen before, and it is still in full bloom.

Lucien walked up to me and was slightly taken aback at the scene on the balcony.

Lucien: ... It seems to be brighter than I imagine.

MC: Imagine?

[DO YOU WANT ME TO CUT 1 KILOGRAM OF ONIONS??!]

Lucien's eyes flickered. I thought maybe he didn't know much about flower arrangements, so I volunteered to pick up an empty vase.

MC: It’s okay, just a little adjustment.

I picked a few flowers of similar color from a few bunches of flowers, trimmed them briefly, and put them in the empty vase again.

MC: Look, is this better?

Lucien: It looks a lot better.

Lucien: Before, I just followed the maintenance instructions to raise it, but it turned out that it needed to be adjusted like this.

MC: The most important thing is to keep the flowers well, I just add a little ornamental.

Lucien: In order to make flowers and people happy, it is best for us to raise them together.

Lucien: If you raise it next time, can you please help me arrange the flowers?

MC: Of course, it's on me!

I raised my head confidently, Lucien rubbed my hair with a smile.

Lucien: In return, I have a small gift for you.

Lucien turned around, picked up a small box from the coffee table and handed it to me, opened the box and there was a lipstick inside. The authentic rose red reminds me of the handwriting printed on the transparent umbrella on that rainy night.

Lucien: Choosing lipstick for the first time, I don't know if you like it.

MC: It looks so beautiful...Why would you think of buying lipstick?

Lucien: I just think this one should suit you well.

Lucien: Want to try it?

MC: Yes!

I picked up the mirror on the table and was about to turn the mouth red, and suddenly met Lucien's gaze from the mirror.

MC: You, why are you looking at me all the time.

Lucien: Can't I watch it?

MC: Not really, just a little embarrassed...

I turned around while I was talking, only to find that he was still looking at me in good time.

MC: .... Lucien!

He was amused by the way I was bulging. He seemed to think a little bit, and came over to take the mirror from my hand.

Lucien: Sorry, it's been a long time since I looked at you like this, I really don't want to miss any of your expressions.

Lucien: But if you are not used to it, I have a compromise.

Lucien: I'll help you put it on, how about it?

This fresh proposal made my eyes bright, and I quickly turned to face him.

MC: Okay, I won’t miss any of Professor Lucien’s special offer!

MC: But did you even know this...

Lucien: I'm not that good, and I may need you to be a "guinea pig."

Lucien: But I will try to be careful.

MC: It doesn't matter, Professor Lucien's "fault tolerance" here is very high.

Lucien: It seems that this is a special treatment for me.

Lucien: Come, sit by my side.

Lucien took me to sit on the sofa, tucked the hair beside my face behind my ears, and then focused on the lipstick.

He opened the lid skillfully, and squeezed it unnaturally

His gaze rested on my lips for a while, and I opened my mouth slightly in cooperation before he made the first stroke.

The moisturizing paste pushed against the lower lip, Lucien lifted my chin unconsciously, extending the color stroke by stroke.

His movements were very light, I was a little itchy, and was blocked by him, so I couldn't move, so I kept blinking and looking around.

Lucien seemed to have not noticed my struggle, so he put on lipstick slowly and didn't forget to look around, as if admiring his own work.

Lucien: This color really suits you, and looks better than I imagine.

MC: Is it "imagination" again?

Lucien: ,After all, it is a gift for you. Since I bought it, I have been imagining the way you put it on.

Lucien: Now, I can finally see it with my own eyes.

Lucien's fingertips gently rubbed along the edge of my lower lip, as if tracing its shape.

I caught a glimpse of the flowers behind him, and my heart trembled slightly.

I don't know how Lucien faced his longing, maybe it was a short daze interspersed with his busy work, maybe it was a "wish" in my heart...

I didn't deliberately think about it, but I felt that it was like a shadow.

I gently held his face and looked at him seriously.

MC: Lucien, now I am back.

MC: Whatever you think of or what you want me to do, you can tell me directly.

MC: After all, during this time, I have also accumulated a lot of wishes about you...

MC: Just as we "compensate" each other!

Lucien looked at me in silence for a while, and finally raised the corners of his mouth.

Lucien: Since I got my wish just now, now it's your turn.

Lucien: What do you want me to "compensate" for you?

I spread out Lucien's hands, seeing that there was still the lipstick that he had just rubbed off on his fingers.

I suddenly realized that it is precisely because there is no barrier at the moment that we can directly leave marks on each other.

And the long separation that I experienced made me want to be more greedy at this moment, leaving more proof of existence around each other.

I followed my heart to stood up and kissed his lips.

Lucien: ...

The newly applied lipstick rubbed against the corners of his lips, like a small blooming flower, dotted on his fair skin.

This color is really beautiful.

MC: If I want this kind of compensation... is that okay?

Lucien met my gaze, raised his hand and rubbed the corner of his lips, and suddenly laughed.

Lucien: Of course you can.

He hugged me up and let me sit on his lap.

Sunlight spreads on us through the gauze curtain, adding warmth to the narrow distance.

Lucien: I thought before that you might need to adjust to your original life for a while... Lucien: Now it seems that I am the one who has been worrying too much.

I took the lipstick from his hand and made a few letters out of thin air.

MC: Remember the "pathos" we talked about before?

Lucien: Yes, I remember.

MC: Later, I read the book carefully and found that there are actually two kinds of misses described by this word.

Not only do I miss the other person when we are separated, but even if the other person is right in front of me, I still long for him.

MC: So, although we are not in the same place in the past few months...

MC: But to me, I never felt separated from you.

Lucien raised his head slightly and looked at me, his eyes seemed to be filled with shards of light.

Lucien: So, even if I am a little greedy now, is it okay?

MC: It’s okay.

Lucien: I not only want to see unique colors, but I also want to leave colors related to me in it.

Lucien: Is it okay?

He took my shoulders and seemed to draw something on my shoulders with his fingertips.

I lowered my head and looked over. The little red he rubbed with his fingertips just now was drawing another "flower" on my shoulder.

MC: Of course, after all... this color suits me very well.

Lucien stared at me deeply, his gaze slowly sliding from my eyes to my lips.

In the drenched sunlight, he held my face and dropped a feather-like kiss on my lips. The soft touch feels like a kind of gentle comfort, which makes me fall into it bit by bit.

I closed my eyes and felt him pull my chin slightly. I opened my mouth slightly, and his breath quickly swept through my perception.

The jaw was clamped by him, and a slight pain melted into the hot breath, which made the kiss look a little eager.

I put my arms around the back of his neck and responded carefully, the pain quickly dissipated, and he asked for it even more with burning sensation.

The faint scent of rouge faints between the lips, I don't know if it comes from the lipstick on his lips or mine.

The shoulders were gradually clasped by him, and the cold air from the air conditioner came in through his fingers and was warmed by his palm.

Every skin that touches him is conveying pleasant sensations. I keep my eyes closed, but my eyes are full of brilliance.

The wet and rainy season that I have just spent alone is all illuminated by the snuggle at this time.

I don't know how long it took, the temperature on my lips slowly faded, I opened my eyes and saw a mess of rose red on Lucien's lips.

MC: Lucien, the lipstick--

Lucien: It's all spent.

We reached out to each other at the same time, trying to wipe off the fainted lipstick. But no matter how you rub it, it will leave a shallow trace.

We looked at each other in embarrassment and couldn't help laughing together.

MC: What to do.. am I ugly now?

Lucien: No, it's cute.

The eyes of the person in front of me are like water, and the sunlight seems to have washed away the complexities in these eyes, showing a bit of pure satisfaction.

Lucien embraced me again and stroked my hot cheek patiently.

Lucien: Any other wishes?

MC: There are a lot more, I feel I can't finish it for several days.

Lucien: It doesn't matter, I will be with you for many days.

Lucien: Those missing seasons, let us make up for it together

Notes from me: I can’t helped but giggling and crying over this date. The writer really gave us how Lucien’s feelings towards MC. They will loved each other for sure, with any circumstances ahead them. My wish just, please give them a happy moment like flying kite maybe? Anyway, thanks for visiting my blog and always reading Lucien’s date, and give him love~ xoxo

#mlqc cn #mlqc #mlqc lucien #lucien #mlqc translations

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amaya-chwan · 3 years

Text

Takeaways from Therapy Game Restart 14 + Illustration Book Release Date

Hello again everyone! ❤️💛💜

It's finally here... chapter 14! In all its glory! 😍🥰✨

Before we get to our takeaways, just some news I missed in the last post!

🎉 SENSEI'S ILLUSTRATION BOOK WILL BE RELEASED AROUND THURSDAY, 23RD SEPTEMBER! 🎉

Image taken from this Twitter post from Dear+!

It is titled "日ノ原巡イラスト集　DARLING" and boasts a collection of illustrations from Sensei's works so far: Secret XXX, Therapy Game, and Kamisama no Uroko.

The current price is ¥2970 with tax (¥2700 without tax). If you'd like to preorder it on your proxy shopping service, I've found it on the Comi Comi Studios website here! The bonus for purchasing it on this website is a B5 clear file~ I haven't seen it on Animate just yet, so fingers crossed it'll appear on their website soon with another (different) bonus! ❤️💛

Alright, with this amazing news done, let's move onto our takeaways, the long awaited takeaways! Thank you for being so patient with me! 💜

My short life update: currently in week 8 of lockdown and I haven't left my house in a long time other than for exercise or groceries. But I do have my vaccination appointment booked so YAY! 🎉

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Oh man, we pick right up from the last page of chapter 13. MINATO, BB, YOU LOOK SO PAINED! 😭

Sensei is the BIGGEST tease... that's all we got of that Minato and Shizuma scene...👀😭

The female staff at the veterinary hospital have really mellowed out! They're not bad, after all. ☺️

Oh dear, Nakajou-sensei, please get better ASAP!

Whoa... did Onodera just...?? I'm starting to think back to that Onodera discussion we had a couple of months ago... 🤔

Poor Shizuma, always roped into Onodera's workplace stuff! IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE GREAT PEOPLE SKILLS, SHIZUMA! PROUD OF YOU! 😍🙌

Man, Onodera has a really... blunt way of saying things to her human clients. Wow, brave. 😲

But I will say, Onodera really is good with animals. 🙌

Yet again, I think about that Onodera discussion we had... 🤔🤔

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! There may or may not be a surprise scene (or two) there. Please keep reading if you want to see~ 😉✨

Our chapter begins where we left off in chapter 13--Minato pinning Shizuma down on the bed. Shizuma looks up at Minato and reflects on his actions that caused the pained look he is seeing.

Image taken from this Dear+ Twitter post!

On the next page (title page), the dialogue reads: Shizuma wants to understand what it is about his director (Onodera) that is making Minato uneasy. // However, that beautiful liar hides it well...

(I believe we are taken back to the morning before Shizuma and Minato meet up for their date.)

The title page features Onodera walking back to the clinic, bread in hand, with a cat cozying up on her leg. We are then brought to the clinic's lunchroom, with the female staff and Shizuma on break. The roster in the room shows that Onodera is extremely busy, Nakajou-sensei has afternoon house call appointments, Tatsumi is Nakajou-sensei's support for these appointments, and Shizuma has a half day and finishes in the afternoon in lieu of working on his scheduled day off.

Shizuma asks his coworkers what presents they like from their partners and takes note of their answers. One of the female nurses asks if it's Minato's birthday. Shizuma confesses that their relationship has been affected by the various things happening lately, so he wants to get Minato a gift before seeing him later that day.

The nurses quickly pick up that the gift is a "tribute" of sorts as this line of work means a lot of missed appointments and dates, and Shizuma confirms their suspicions. While the nurses realise male-male relationships and male-female relationships aren't that different in this aspect, everyone in the lunchroom is alerted to someone shouting Nakajou-sensei's name.

Shizuma and a nurse see Tatsumi with Nakajou-sensei, who has collapsed on the floor. While the staff are concerned about Nakajou's well-being, she brushes it off as a dizzy spell. Before they can help her up, Onodera sweeps her off her feet and carries Nakajou to her (Onodera's) office. While Nakajou asks Onodera to put her down out of sheer embarrassment, Shizuma and Tatsumi are in shock, with Tatsumi commenting on Onodera's manliness in that moment. One of the other nurses gently smacks Shizuma's shoulder and tells the two to grab a blanket and a drink for Nakajou.

In her office, Onodera asks Nakajou why she's been overworking herself to the point of collapsing. The nurse (who gave the gentle smack) very obviously hints to Onodera that it is her fault. As Nakajou calms the nurse by saying that's just how the director is, Tatsumi asks Nakajou about their afternoon appointments. She says she'll be fine to go after a little rest, but the nurse says she mustn't overexert herself.

After a few back and forths about who should go and the clients' needs/personality (picky about the vet, had a pet that doesn't like men, etc), Onodera says she will go. The nurses are shocked and reminisce about all the issues they've had when Onodera interacts with the owners. Tatsumi and Shizuma stand there, and can very clearly imagine those situations happening.

While Onodera rearranges and informs the nurses of the shift changes to accommodate Nakajou-sensei, Shizuma has a terrible premonition that unfortunately comes true: he is appointed as Onodera's support for the afternoon house calls.

Wearing a sulky expression, Shizuma packs the necessary equipment in Onodera's car and reminds her that he has a very important engagement that night that he cannot miss, and as such will leave immediately after the house call appointments are done. Onodera bursts his bubble, and tells him to give up on those plans while he can since this is the line of work he's chosen.

As Shizuma reads the client files, he questions Onodera on why he is her support when he's never attended to these clients before. While Onodera tells him that good coordination is important with a physician's support and that he's the only one she can rely on to give her an honest opinion and calm the clients, Shizuma realises that he's basically the mediator between her and the owners. She confirms that this is his strong point, has great expectations for him, and proceeds to drive. Shizuma then reads the patient files at lightning speed, realising there's a threatening 'something' that Minato has sensed, but that's just how the director is. He then vows to make it to their meeting tonight, no matter what.

The first three house calls, as expected, involve Onodera insulting and angering the owners--Onodera tells the first client that his insistence on seeing Nakajou rather than a 'young' director is having a negative effect on his pet who needs immediate medical care; Onodera offends the second client, inferring from their conversation that her pet's appearance is more important than the need to shave their fur and get an ultrasound done; Onodera accuses the third client of being irresponsible in caring for his exotic animals and asks for more effort on his part. In all three scenarios, Shizuma awkwardly smiles while trying to ease the tension.

The scene skips to Onodera and Shizuma arriving at their fourth and final house call for the day. Just as Onodera explains to Shizuma that she must check a whole host of things at house calls (and indirectly be too blunt about it with the owners), Shizuma asks her to consider the owner's feelings and change when and how she says things. She glares ahead in silence, and Shizuma is just glad that she is now aware of it. He again reminds her to talk with the owner nicely and gently as he probably won't be able to help with the next client as their pet dislikes men. Onodera tells him to just sit in the corner and witness the client become furious while he doesn't help, making him feel slightly guilty for saying that. He is now adament on not helping her.

They reach the owner's home and we meet an elderly woman named Shiratori and her 9-year-old male cat, Tono. Shiratori apologises to Shizuma as her cat doesn't like men. Tono hisses at them as Onodera opens his cage, but is then coaxed into submission by Onodera who covers his vision with a towel and takes him into her lap to calm down. Shiratori and Shizuma are surprised at his sudden docile nature, with Shizuma witnessing how well she deals with animals.

As Shizuma looks on at Onodera while she completes a check on Tono, he sees she is crumbling at the friendliness and talkative nature of Shiratori, who sings nothing but praise for Onodera and how her family must be proud to have such an amazing daughter. Aiming to ease her troubles and remembering the earlier guilt-trip she gave him, he redirects Shiratori's attention to her broken fly screen and offers to fix that plus everything else that needs repair in her home.

Onodera watches as the two leave the room for a bit before apologising to Tono for ignoring him. Tono looks on at Onodera happily while she asks him how he can live with such a lively human and to tell her his secret to this. She brings him into her arms once more to check his limbs, and as Tono looks up smiling at Onodera, Onodera sees her reflection in Tono's eyes, and both seem to realise something.

BG Text: Stare...

Suddenly, Shizuma and Shiratori, who are busy fixing the window, hear a loud crash and rush into the room to find Tono atop the cabinet and Onodera on the floor, with her hair in disarray. In the next panel, Tono is shown to be hiding in the bookshelf, looking on irritatingly at the humans. Shiratori apologises to Onodera, who shakes it off and says it's nothing to worry about and no harm's been done.

Shiratori asks if Onodera will fix/tie her hair up again, but when Onodera says her hair tie was broken when Tono used her as a launchpad to get on the cabinet, Shiratori runs to get her a new one. As Shiratori gushes over the 3 piece dopey looking character hair tie set she received as a present from her grandchild (and lets Onodera pick one), a greatly displeased look is plastered on Onodera's face. Shizuma, in shock, notices her displeasure and hopes she just thanks Shiratori for it. And Onodera does, bringing a great big smile to Shiratori's face.

As Onodera and Shizuma leave, Shiratori says she's glad to have talked with Onodera and invites her to come over again. As she says this, we see Onodera looking back with a blank look in her eyes.

And that’s it for this chapter! THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 While I was surprised at the lack of Minato in this chapter (Sensei legit is such a tease, LOL 🤣), I'm happy we can learn more about Onodera. Ngl, I'm starting to really question if Onodera is male or female now, given what transpired in this chapter. I guess we shall see in the next one!

I also changed the formatting a bit and removed the bullet points. Please let me know which format is better/easier to read! Ahah!

EDIT: Spelling and grammar checks are done! Didn't change a lot, but hope it reads better! 💜

📢 As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

And please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

There won't be a chapter in next month's (September release) Dear+, so I shall see you in two months for the next chapter (Dear+ November Issue, to be released in October).

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

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leportraitducadavre · 3 years

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What’s a Jonin sensei supposed to be/do, actually? While I agree that Kakashi is a terrible sensei, I don’t think sensei are supposed to do a lot and fandom has fanon expectations. It’s been a while since I’ve watched Naruto, but I don’t remember sensei being anything more than supervisors that are meant to instil loyalty to Konoha and teamwork. The fact that every sensei of every generation has a favourite makes me think picking one genin as a protégée is an encouraged practice, not negligence.

ALRIGHT -SINCE YOU ASKED

Extract from my post on Kakashi's character:

During the first interaction of Team 7 (the one they have on the rooftop, not the one where Naruto pranks him) Kakashi asks his new pupils to share personal information outside the data he already has of them without giving them the same benefit (here), meaning: without providing his own personal information. Furthermore, the way he decides to reply (that is the wording of his answer to his own question), is not only vague but also seems to be on the verge of mockery. Considering the way he acts and how other sensei ask the same thing (we can see that during Gai’s flashback), we can infer that the question wasn’t of his choosing, and he’s most likely following a script. In addition, there are two dynamics that he introduces:

1. The relationship between leader and subordinate (in a general aspect). As a leader, Kakashi is not obliged to share personal information with his underlings, they -however- are bound to share/do whatever he asks of them, due to his superior position in the chain of power.

2. The relationship between teacher and students. Kakashi seems to start their link by severing it from the very beginning, he distances himself from them, favoring the dynamic leader-subordinate over mentor-student (this will be cemented during CH 35, where he calls them “soldiers under his command”, and reiterated on CH 43 -where he refers to them as “subordinates”). The type of relationship we see between Kakashi and Team 7 (particularly Naruto and Sakura) seems to be replicated by every team we are introduced to except for some dynamics that can be put in the latter category: Kakashi/Sasuke (this dynamic in particular is presented in quite a toxic manner, I’ll expand on this later on), Asuma/Shikamaru, Gai/Lee and (to a lesser extent, since Team 8 was never focused on), Kurenai/Hinata.

[Sakura’s need to be trained after her tie with Ino is to be discussed in a deeper manner. The chünin exams are not real exams but displays of the military forces of each village, hence why Sakura wasn’t trained after her failure and why the focus was on both Sasuke and Naruto. The third stage of the exam is a spectacle for other Kages and Daimyos to see, hence why she -almost literally, mattered not].

#anti kakashi #anti kakashi hatake #anti konoha #anti shinobi system

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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 3 years

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I took a lot to convince, I even listened to Oh Johnny, Johnny and thought 'we could be mishearing the lyrics, hearing what we want to,' but I think it was just all the song lyrics that made me go 'wait?' I Know, I Know, This One, Yvonne's the One, the Paris Story and Rockin' On all swayed me in the end. I was like 'bitch. Mclennon's damn real.'

When it comes to justifying the belief that Paul might have had requited romantic/sexual feelings for John (or the belief that maybe they even had a full-fledged relationship), I think lyrical analysis is probably your best proof, because Paul tends to get a little defensive in interviews (eg. this interview where Howard Stern suggests Paul writes love songs for John). Whatever Pauls sexuality is, it is understandable why he would get defensive about that sort of thing, so im not judging him y’know - and also, ive never seen him react in a way that I would consider homophobic, so I find that commendable too! But yeah, I think the best evidence your gonna get is either in the lyrics, or from anecdotes and interviews from other people (‘other people’ because Paul sometimes lies - I hate to say it, but like, look at this interview) (not tryna vilify him, again, I understand why he would lie or evade, and also he doesn’t owe us an any explanation - but its just a reminder that even Paul is not the be all and all of the discussion). I think ultimately, Paul being some born into and raised in 1940/50s Liverpool to quite a regular, working-class family, and mixing that with his already quite inhibited (maybe not the word im looking for but ill go with it) personality, he naturally strays away from getting overly confessional or honest in interviews; whereas lyrics are safer - because at least with lyrics you can hide behind the song.

For me personally, my issue with ‘I Don’t Know (Johnny Johnny)’ has never so much been that I think we are mishearing the lyrics, because while some sections of the recording are certainly unintelligible and up for debate, other sections of the recording I think are pretty unequivocal; and so I think we can draw a pretty distinct narrative of the song from what we can hear. My issue has always more so been that I think its possible that the songs improvised lyrics are just very derivative of generic blues tunes that John and Paul would’ve been influenced by, and mimicking in the song. At the same time though, with that interpretation I also have the issue of not being able to understand why they would be singing a sort of break up song to each other, if they were just platonic. Like they could just sing about a girl, which would make more sense probably, because presumably in the late 50s/early 60s, they wouldn’t want their mates to think they were gay. So I just don’t know with that one! I think its definitely one of the stronger pieces of lyrical evidence though.

But yeah - with the other stuff you mention, I think those are also the most convincing sorts of things for me, and there are times where im like “theres no way that they couldn’t have had an actual relationship!”, but for me, that belief never really sticks in the long term y’know. Like I just reread Johns Paris story* and whilst I was rereading I was like “this just doesn’t have a heterosexual explanation bruv” - but then I flip flopped back to “nah, it was unrequited” because ultimately, in the wider context of their relationships narrative, a short story can’t have me 100% convinced that there was more to it.

But also, I understand that you aren’t just convinced by one short story, like im not tryna patronise you here. I just mean that, for me, whilst the little things are significant, they don’t ultimately add up to unequivocal proof that mclennon was real; but if they add up for you, then thats fine! How we perceive proof is somewhat subjective, if that makes sense?

‘Yvonne’s The One’ is a song that I actually only came across recently, and so I haven’t given it too much deep thought just yet - but I mean it rhymes with John, and the description of “Yvonne” seems pretty similar to John, so…………I might do a more in depth analysis of it sometime :)

I also tend to be weary of too much lyrical reliance, because I think we gotta be careful using songs like This One or I Know, I Know as “evidence” because were walking a thin line between inferring from a song that it is possibly proof J&P had a relationship, and de-normalising men saying stuff like “I love you” to each other. Both are fine (not the denormalising bit but the bros saying “i love you” to each other bit haha), but I just like to remind myself to stay as grounded and as objective as possible. Not saying don’t analyse the lyrics (absolutely do, because they can certainly hold plenty of credence!) but just be weary y’know <3

*SIDE NOTE: I was thinking of doing an analysis of the Paris story in a mclennon context if anyone would be interested in that? Also might do an analysis of ‘Rockin on’ because im an English student and I like analysing stuff alright!!!!

Oh! Another side note actually, if you want to send me stuff to analyse I can - because I enjoy analysing stuff, because im lame haha

#thanks for the ask!#mclennon #discussion #lyrical analysis #opinion

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rose-lord-of-simps · 3 years

Text

Okay if you like Klaus Goldstein I suggest just scrolling past this but if you want to listen to a rant of why I don’t like him and why I don’t think he should be as popular as he is, you can read under the cut. Keep in mind, I understand and see why he is so popular, that doesn’t mean I think he should be.

Also Klaus’ route spoilers ahead.

@eye-cri I made it.

Klaus Goldstein is a manipulative ass hole.

He is the first route I’ve played, I’m almost done with it, and I can see why people love him but that makes me scared for the other characters. If KLAUS is your favorite, then how bad is everybody else?

I’ve been told the reason he is so popular is because he is chivalrous and one of the few people who doesn’t try to just say no to being our buddy.

But bro, I wouldn’t want to be the MC’s buddy either. I’d be polite about it unlike these guys, but look at what a buddy is. When your grades improve, theirs don’t. But when your grades lower, so do their’s. Having a buddy isn’t a benefit, there is more to risk losing than there is to gain and theoretically if they do bad enough, then your entire academic grade will suffer for something out of your control. It’s like when a teacher marks something correct, as wrong but refuses to make it correct even when you prove you’re right. So really it’s not about not wanting MC to be their buddy, they don’t want anybody to be their buddy! And a new student, who no one knows how they got in, just randomly tramples up to the school all optimistic and wanting to learn only to criticize herself about her own magical abilities instead of saying “I know I’m not the best but that’s why I’m here, to learn.” A human who is from some random little town who knows where, is suddenly your buddy. Yeah you’re gonna probably freak out a bit if your grades are important to you! This is also someone who you don’t know well and have to get to know, that’s the whole point of character development.

For Klaus, he is the prefect, he is supposed to set an example, it makes more sense for his character to be like “alright I have a buddy, time to tutor the fuck out of her.” He was also offered something he really wanted in exchange for making sure the MC got into the academy. So yeah he accepted us as a buddy- but he was bribed to do so. He did not want to, he was prepared to let us leave the school until the head master said “if you help her get into the school I’ll make you a teacher after you graduate.” The others can’t be bribed so easily because the head master has nothing to bribe them with. So the argument of “but he was one of the few who welcomed us as a buddy” is false. He tutored and encouraged us, because he was bribed to do so and this later turns into affection. Klaus also genuinely wants to be a teacher, he likes to see people succeed and grow, not just us. He puts so much effort into our training because it’s what he wants to do after he graduates, not because we are special to him originally.

Admittedly, he is a good teacher. He sees a student’s weak points and designs a training schedule that will help them improve these weak points, and then some. However, he is known to be rude in his “encouragement” and instead of giving us positive feedback or saying “this is what you are doing wrong and here is how we are going to fix it” he is just saying “you’re bad and unfocused now do this exercise and practice when you should be sleeping.” With this requires a student who is determined to get better no matter what. And the MC is okay with that, she wants to learn magic, however… she is guilt tripped the entire time. She guilt trips herself, always apologizing always feeling bad with no confidence even when she does something right.

Heck, I’m one of the later chapters she is worried sick about him because he is basically in the school’s prison and then SHE has to apologize for making HIM worry while she was trying to clear HIS name when HE WASN’T EVEN IN TROUBLE IN THE FIRST PLACE! “You made me terribly worried never do that again” “I’m sorry” I THOUGHT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN EXPELLED, YES I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU COULDN’T TELL ME-

But then this guy goes on to say that we are lovers and- when the fuck did he ever ask out the MC? Because apparently it was when he said “will you stay with me forever” during a scene where we were also discussing the MC’s training. Dude. That entire “confession” could very easily be interpreted as him worried as a friend or trying to confess BUT NOT ASKING US TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND! He didn’t even have the guts to say he cared about us until we listened to a message he left for us where it cut out during that part. Then after that he refers to us as “his girl” like buddy you never asked if I was okay with this or if this is what I wanted. He is never clear with you on what he wants. And he says that as prefect he has to hold himself back, but we were in the privacy of his office during the “confession” scene and he could of just told us “MC I have feelings for you in a romantic sense and I want you to stay by my side through thick and thin, will you do that?” THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ASKING US OUT.

Not telling us you have feelings for us, makes it confusing.

Throughout the game Klaus repeatedly tells us to shut up or lets us apologize for things we shouldn’t apologize for, or makes us see a situation from his perspective- without him seeing it from our’s. I expressed in a previous post that something he said about us “not being much of a woman” then glancing to our chest upset me. Because it’s bullshit. He then says that it doesn’t even matter to him and if it doesn’t, why bring it up in the first place? To make us feel even worse about ourselves? I’m almost done with Klaus’ route and the MC’s confidence has not improved. I’m not talking about her confidence in her magic, I mean her confidence that she can be a great wizard one day, the confidence in herself that will allow her to grow. The MC is treated as if she is stupid by Klaus and that continues the entire time. He views her as a stupid bunny head in the beginning of the route then proceeds to see her as someone who could be amazing at magic and just needs to practice but he never says this. We find out when we find the training schedule he made for us near the beginning of the story. “Actions speak louder than words” yes louder but not clearer. His actions of supporting us from the beginning is loud but he never says what he feels. He never tells us he cares and expects us to know through inference. Emotions are complicated and messy, being left to assume and infer is dangerous and results in misunderstanding.

After we confront him about who exactly miss Elaine is, he blames MC for the entire misunderstanding- when he was the reason for the misunderstand of feelings. He tries to pin that one on us as well as if we could just go up to him and ask when he could of just told us “I have romantic feelings for you and would like to be romantically involved with you but it has to wait a while because this is my situation.”

Klaus tries to seem like he can do nothing wrong but he still needs to grow and mature more so he can see that just actions isn’t enough to express to people properly how you feel. Elias is his brother who has grown up with him, he understands how Klaus talks, nobody else does.

I don’t like Klaus because he is manipulative, practically verbally assaults us, says our body doesn’t matter when it obviously does then has the audacity to say that he has been holding himself back because he is prefect when normally he’d like much more than a kiss. All while assuming the MC is his girlfriend.

In one of the later scenes we see him saying “he isn’t my friend and never has been!” In reference to Randy. These two were arguing and talking as if they were close but Klaus insisted they were not when Randy tried to say otherwise. We see Randy leave the scene while the MC thinks “Randy… you’re trying to run away from his insults aren’t you?” Klaus tried to call out to stop him but Randy leaves and when MC asks if he is going to stop Randy, Klaus just says it’s fine and brushes it off.

He is portrayed as mr.perfect prefect, when he very much isn’t. No body is perfect, but the problem lies when he doesn’t admit he isn’t perfect. Klaus continues to pretend as if he is safe to do all of this just because it made the most logical sense, as if emotions weren’t hurt. He acts as if he is perfectly justified and a master of emotions as well. He doesn’t have any character development.

In Klaus’ route there is no character development for either of them.

The MC continues to be kind of shy and quiet and in her one moment of bravery she is made to feel guilty for it instead of being praised and the writing just allows her to understand.

Klaus developed feelings for the MC but continues to treat her like shit.

I don’t like Klaus and I don’t think he should as popular as he is, because he is the stereotype that is made out to middle school girls as “he is cold hearted and treats you like crap but he secretly loves you and just doesn’t want to say it.” That is not healthy and not okay. If you want to be someone’s partner you have to learn how to communicate your feelings to them and admittedly, we only have two weeks there before we may or may not leave, and that’s not a lot of time for character development to happen however, it doesn’t look like it ever will. Not until the MC stands up and says “this is not okay and here is why” to the point Klaus has no logical defense for his behavior. But how likely is this to happen when the MC just repeatedly understands his side of the story, without ever saying their own.

Klaus and MC are not good for each other and the relationship is toxic as fuck.

If I were in that universe, I’d like to be Klaus’ friend but I’d never want to date him because of all of this and then some.

Klaus has good intentions and dreams, but his actions speak loud and confusing and he refuses to explain himself, expecting everyone to just get it. And nobody is telling him that nobody is going to be like Elias but Elias. If they don’t get it then they must be stupid. Klaus doesn’t need other people’s approval which is great but that doesn’t mean he is justified in being an ass to everyone.

Klaus should not be a fan favorite. I’m terrified for how the other characters act if this is how Klaus is and HE is praised as being one of the nicest.

I don’t want a rebuddle or argument in the comments and if you try, I don’t care. I gave you a warning at the beginning to just scroll past if you like Klaus so you chose to read this. If he is your favorite and you’re offended, sorry not sorry. This is my opinion and interpretation of the prefect and I don’t like and think he is over rated. Make a post about why he is great but don’t tag me in because I will ignore it. We have different opinions and that’s okay, get over it.

#klaus goldstein #wizardess heart #shall we date wizardess

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 4 years

Photo

U N P L A N N E D, part fourteen

It was the same place you met up with Jeff. A cozy corner was open when you arrived, you grabbed a seat and ordered a latte. Two minutes, five, then ten.

Maybe he wouldn’t show up, make an excuse like so many times before and leave you wondering why people changed their minds.

But eventually he did, a small smile on his face and an awkward stumble when he realized he didn’t know how to greet you. A hug? A handshake? “Hi--Y/N,” an awkward pause. You did that weird thing, stood a bit when he showed up, as if some form of physical touch was a necessary greeting. But it wasn’t. Instead, you sat back down quickly, folded your arms over your chest and prayed that your bouncing knees wouldn’t shake the table.

“You look great,” he sat down in the seat opposite of you, a white button down had you believing he’d be off to another meeting after this, one without blood ties and maybe it’d be less awkward.

A forced smile seemed to provide a mixed signal in your brain, one that short-circuited the tears and instead left a throbbing in your temples. “Hi, thanks--uh--it’s good to see you.”

He looked older--certainly his hair was grayer and his eyes had wrinkles on the sides. A decade had worn into him, but he wore the same watch around his wrist that you remembered from long ago. A leather strap, a blue face.

He settled into the seat, let out a breath and looked down at his hands. “I know this is overdue.”

You let your hands tighten around the mug, unsure if he was going anywhere with his statement.

“I don’t--uh, I don’t know how you’re handling all of this right now, but, I imagine you’ve got to be exhausted. There’s a lot going on, for you, I guess. I’m glad you were free today.”

A nod, now, you let your eyes trail up to meet his. “Yeah,” you laughed uncomfortably, “saying I’ve been busy is probably the understatement of the century.”

He let out a bit of a chuckle, one that let a flame of nostalgia flicker inside of you. Did you hate him? Could you hate him? No. Could you be mad and think he was a dick and wish that so many things in your life had been different? Of course.

He sat across from you, somehow a stranger and your father at the same time.

“When are you due?”

“January 9th.”

“And you’re healthy? The baby is healthy?”

“Jane,” you said it with confidence. She had a name, she had a penchant for kicking you in the ribs when Harry wasn’t around to feel it and she suddenly made you the biggest fan of hot fudge sundaes. “We’re both good, yeah.”

“I’m sorry it’s been so long,” he spit it out like it’d set his tongue on fire if he didn’t. “I know I haven’t been around as much as I could.”

You clenched your jaw, waited to see if he’d offer something better than that: a better reason for the last ten years of absence.

“I’d been wanting to reach out to you for a bit, and then you emailed me, which hasn’t happened,” he trailed off as if you could infer the last part of his thought.

And maybe you could, you had a feeling he was implying that you hadn’t made the effort either in the last ten years. You ignored the birthday cards, the Christmas gifts or texts for special occasions, stopped telling him about graduations and stopped answering the phone when he’d call every few months. You finally figured out that he couldn’t hurt you if you didn’t give him the chance.

So, sure, you’d written him off a long time ago, and maybe he deserved it, but his words left a sudden weight on your shoulders about the reciprocity that relationships warrant.

But your relationship with your daughter would be different, and her relationship with her father would be, too, right? There’d be no parallels in your life and hers except for the fact that she had a father who traveled for work. Hopefully.

“I thought that you’d find something out on the news eventually,” you admitted. “I didn’t know if you’d care, but--figured I’d get out ahead of it.”

He avoided your gaze for a second, the look on his face let you know your words had stung, but you didn’t feel too bad about it. “Is he--are things alright between the two of you?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, waving a hand as if his question was misplaced. “We’re not together, though. But that’s fine, we’re--we’re making it work.”

“And he’s a good person?”

You nodded quickly, wondering if it’d be too mean to say better than you. Or even why do you care?

But you bit your tongue because you didn’t like being the topic of conversation, and the uncertain state of things between you and Harry wasn’t any more comfortable to discuss.

“How’s Brenda?” You asked suddenly. “That’s her name, right?”

“She’d good,” he nodded. “Kids are good. Callie’s twenty and Kyle’s twenty-two now.”

You hadn’t heard their names in a while. They’d always trailed behind his and Brenda’s on birthday cards, as if they had anything to do with the fifty dollar bill he’d shoved in an envelope.

“And work is good?” He shifted the focus back to you, his eyes were curious when he watched you shift in your seat.

“Yeah--I, uh, I did get a promotion, but I gave it up. It’s kind of too much right now.”

His face fell. “You gave it up? Why?”

“I’ve got a lot going on,” you said it again, suddenly more defensive than before. “I’ve got a baby due in a month and I’m…” you trailed off, unsure how to answer his question or why he had any sort of opinion.

“Yeah, no,” he leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t mean--you know what’s best.”

You nodded, quiet for a second, reaching to take a sip of the latte you’d almost downed before he arrived. “Why did you want to see me?”

His lips parted at that, the elephant in the coffee shop that maybe he assumed you’d never bring up.

“I--I just thought that,” he sighed, a big one that deflated his chest when he looked around the room. “I know I wasn’t good at being in touch when you were younger and I know I was too busy and we didn’t see each other enough, but when you were older you didn’t reply to my emails or answer the phone, so--I just--I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to force you to have a relationship with me.”

Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe you hadn’t actually expected him to give an honest answer, but your eyes welled with water and you tried to blink it away. He hadn’t really answered your question, but he kept going.

“I worked way too much when you were little and I moved and that’s on me, but--” he trailed off, the woman at the table beside you closed her laptop and stood to leave.

“But what?”

“I didn’t know how to have a relationship with you when it seemed like you didn’t want one, Y/N. And when I found out that you were pregnant I figured I should get over myself and make more of an effort, even if you resisted.”

You nodded, unsure if you believed him but hoping it was true. “I guess I always felt like I was second choice,” a shrug, the words seemed to tumble out without much fear. “So I didn’t want to just be the daughter holding you back from a new and shiny life.”

He thought on that for a second, let his hands rest on the table and took a breath. “Things between your mom and I were not good in the end and most of that was because of me.”

You fought the urge to agree. Your mother was always careful to not talk badly about your father, but she’d certainly let a few things slip as you’d gotten older. Forgotten birthdays, a few too many drinks.

“But I let my fear take over and that cost me a good chunk of time with you.”

Quiet for a second, shuffling from the tables beside you, but your world stood still. Words you never thought you’d hear, an admission you thought would never come.

You sighed, “I was too angry to talk to you for a long time because I felt like you just left us behind without a second thought.”

He leaned forward, another nod let you know he wanted you to continue.

“And I was nervous to tell you about the baby and I was scared to see you today.” Saying it out loud made your heart pick up speed, tiny beads of sweat on your forehead felt like drops of dew on morning grass. But saying it out loud felt like the relief of a pool on a sticky summer day.

“I’m glad you came, and I’m glad you told me. Maybe we can, I don’t know, try to be in touch more.”

The fear that lit up in your chest when he said it was real. Tingly and sharp and tight. It felt like he was asking you to be hurt, asking you to step into something blindly knowing that it might lead to more pain.

But what if it didn’t? What if the unknown wasn’t as scary as you’d always told yourself it would be? What if no amount of planning and prepping and knowing could promise a life free from pain or heartbreak or sorrow?

You nodded slightly, looked up at him, and took a metaphorical leap of faith. “Yeah, maybe we could.”

Harry was sitting on the floor of his bedroom when you got home that day: a suitcase between his legs and clothes in a pile on the bed. He looked up when he heard your footsteps on the stairs so you slowed to a pause in the doorway, offered a smile.

“Hi, hey, how’d it go?” His eyes were eager, concern etched in his brow. “Did he show up?”

You knew it pained him to not be there. You knew, for whatever reason, that he felt protective and that watching you back out of the quiet driveway in your prius that morning was maybe one of the hardest things he’d done in weeks.

“He did,” you nodded, leaned against the doorframe. “He showed up and it was--it was fine, I guess.”

“Fine? Was he nice? Did he ask about Jane?”

“He was fine,” you said it again, afraid that recounting the specific details would bring too many tears. You had cried the whole way home, not in sadness or in pain--just in contemplation. What did it mean? How had everything in your life shifted so much in nine quick months? “He was nice, I guess. He asked about a lot and I told him things are fine.”

He nodded, hesitance in his eyes when he watched you for a second. “Okay.”

He wasn’t pushing like he used to. He tiptoed around big topics and he backed off with ease when you seemed to flinch under his gaze. You hadn’t meant to instill fear in him, but somehow, saying you needed space made him think you were more fragile than ever.

Maybe you were--maybe he was picking up on something you weren’t.

“M’glad it went well,” he pursed his lips, his mouth was a flat line when he turned back to the clothed he’d strewn about the room.

So you left him alone, headed down the hall to the room that had become yours. Hidden towards the back of the house, enough space that lined the long hallways and settled like dust on the hardwood floor. An oriental rug and a potted plant in the corner that you dumped half drank water bottles into at the end of the day made you feel like a stranger in the house that might never feel like home.

You pulled clothes out from your closet and tried to determine which pants would still fit before you’d head to meet Lexi for lunch. I have an easy day, she’d told you. Come to set and I’ll sneak off for a while.

But the tears came again when the pants were too snug. Your shoes hurt and your shirt felt like it clung to every square inch of your skin, a suffocating reminder of all the changes to come. A knock had you turning around quickly, half dressed to find Harry with his head poking through the crack in the door, eyebrows arched.

“Sorry--I--I just wanted to make sure you remembered I’ll be gone before you wake up tomorrow.”

You tugged the shirt over your body fully, embarrassed to be caught in a whirlwind of emotion. You wiped at your eyes and nodded. “Yeah, I do--I remember.”

“Are you alright?”

You nodded, felt your nostrils flare in the lie and looked over at him. He raised his eyebrows again, challenging your words with a single look.

“I’m huge,” you said it quietly, fearful that enough volume would make it hurt more. “I’m so uncomfortable in everything I wear and my body feels so fucking weird all the time.”

He was frozen, blinking and unsure. He nudged the door open and it bounced against the wall when he took a small step forward. “You’re not huge,” he said, a shake of his head made strands of his hair fall loose over his forehead. “You’re nine months pregnant.”

“What if my body never goes back to how it was, though?”

He shrugged his shoulders, the look on his face let you know that the thought hadn’t really crossed his mind before. “Probably won’t.”

“That’s not helpful,” you sat on the bed and let out another silent sob. He came a bit closer, a quiet laugh from his lips when he bent down on a knee in front of you.

“I don’t mean it like that,” he clarified. “I just mean that your body is changing right now because you’re growing our daughter--not because you did something wrong. And they change,” another shrug. “Bodies change all the time.”

You nodded, knowing he was right but still struggling to believe it.

“I think you’re beautiful,” he spoke more quietly now, almost a whisper in the guest bedroom that felt remarkably un-homey. “I think you’ll always be beautiful, even as your body changes through life.”

You let out a laugh, wiped more tears but looked down at him. “Did you read some guide on what to say to pregnant women?”

The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk. “S’called The Expectant Father,” he blushed a bit, dropped your gaze and cleared his throat. “Quite good, actually.”

Maybe he caught the way you looked at him, thought it freaked you out or made you upset. He stood and backed away, over towards the door to keep the formulaic amount of space between you.

“I know we’re not together,” he said. “But I want to be supportive--I know you’re the one doing the heavy lifting, so the least I can do is read a book or two.”

You nodded, and the sinking feeling in your stomach at his words wasn’t lost on you. He dipped out the door to return to packing and you flopped back on the bed, certain that nothing in your closet fit and that the hormones had finally gotten the best of you.

And he was right, he slipped out the door in the morning quietly, but you still heard it latch into place and you heard the car that hummed outside to bring him to the airport. You kept your eyes closed and wondered how it was possible that you already missed him, alone in clean sheets.

Sometimes you’d dream about it all, a blurry scene of Dr. Weston’s office, the pool outback and your old room at Lexi’s. You’d wake up and be sure it wasn’t real, like the last eight months had been a figment of your imagination, but your tummy made it hard to roll over and stare at the ceiling in uncertainty.

It wasn’t a bad dream, just a surprising one. One that had so much emotion bubbling your chest about Jane and about Harry and about everything else in between that you’d wake up in a cold sweat and sneak downstairs to put your sheets in the wash before he woke up.

But lonely nights turned into lonely days while he was gone, you’d climb the stairs and settle into bed: his, but you’d never tell him. You’d use his pillow and plug your phone into the charger he’d left behind, soaking up the pieces of him without witness.

And on the last night, the curiosity had grown. It got the best of you eventually, when you were home alone after work for three days straight, going through work emails at the kitchen counter, take out containers beside you and stacks of CDs still in eyesight.

Were you allowed to listen to it before it came out? He hadn’t said not to. He didn’t offer it or say you should. But he left you alone in his house with hundreds of CDs, all of them now signed and boxed up for Jeffrey to pick up the next morning.

You pushed away from the counter and padded over to the table, picking one up from a box before turning it over in your hands. You’d seen the photo, he’d shown you one afternoon. The tracklist on the back had been scribbled on a piece of paper on his desk for months. You’d seen it in the summer when you brought him dinner late one night while he was working.

But it was rearranged, now. A different order, two tracks at the top of the printed list had previously been near the bottom. The song that had originally been last was now the penultimate track. One was new, something you hadn’t read before. The final track.

Is that what he’d meant when he said it looked different than it had back in the spring? Was the added song at the end of the record the one he’d mentioned months earlier, here in the kitchen with a smile?

S’just one song, I can play it for you.

You pulled the case open, tugged the pamphlet from the front cover and flipped towards the back. Photos in the studio, of him, song titles, then, finally, you found what you were looking for.

Sure, pieces felt familiar, maybe certain words or images seemed to align. But you didn’t know. You weren’t him. Towards the bottom, at the end, etched in ink on paper that’d be distributed to thousands of people was the lyrical confirmation. We’ll be alright.

You looked over your shoulder, desperate to hear the way he sang it, desperate to know if this was the one song he’d told you about. The one about you.

So you rushed over to the computer he had in his office, thankful that it had a slit in the side for the CD in your hands. You popped it in and waited for a new screen to pop up. Skip, skip, skip. You’d listen to the rest, eventually, one day. But for now, you needed to know if your gut was right.

When the name of the song came up on the screen in tiny letters, a guitar track started, an instrumental opening before he went on to air his feelings. Suddenly, the phrase he’d been saying all this time settled into place, right between his fears and his sorrows, and apparently, his assuredness.

Put a price on emotion, I'm looking for something to buy.

Glenne was seated on the floor of Harry’s office, barefoot on top of the carpet in flared jeans. Lexi sat in the desk chair that he spent a lot of late nights in with her eyes closed.

You had your arms folded over your chest as the same song played over the speakers. You’d listened to the others, alone in the office with the heating pad on your back.

But now, the next morning, you watched as Lexi’s eyebrows arched. You’d played a few others, the ones that were certainly not about you. The ones about Camille and the ones that had you curious.

You felt guilty, like you were sitting here with your two best friends listening to someone’s diary, their inner thoughts or internal monologue that wasn't meant for your ears. But somehow, it was meant for everyone else’s--all of the people who’d listen in their bedrooms and in their cars to pieces of a life that you now were a part of. When the music stopped, Glenne looked up at you.

“Huh.”

“Huh?” Lexi looked down at her. “That’s all you have to say?”

“Well, I don’t know--I’ve heard some pieces of things throughout the process, but, I don’t know,” she trailed off, a tinge of pink on her cheeks.

“Do you think that’s the one about me?”

She let out a sigh, looked around the room. “Do you want to know the answer or do you want me to not tell you?”

“You know?” Lexi said, her voice even more high pitched than before.

Glenne kept her eyes on you and didn’t respond to Lexi’s question. “Yeah,” you nodded. “I want to know.”

“Don’t tell him I told you,” she said.

“Okay!”

Quiet. Lexi leaned forward and made a face at Glenne. “Fucking spit it out!”

“It is!” Glenne leaned away from Lexi and scrunched her nose, bringing her gaze back to you. “He wrote it like--I don’t know, over the summer maybe? I found out that he wrote something about you the same time I found out you were moving in here.”

The air in the room didn’t change. A December breeze rustled the tree outside the window, but somehow, knowing that Harry had written a song about you didn’t send a shiver up your spine and it didn’t send you into cardiac arrest.

Instead, you nodded slowly, processing the words in the final track.

“How’s it feel to be his muse?” Lexi teased, a smirk on her face when she swiveled around to face you.

“I’m not his muse,” you shook your head. “Camille is.”

They were quiet at that, unsure how to reply to your indisputable claim. After a second, Glenne sighed, “it was a while ago.”

Lexi nodded in agreement.

“He loved her, though,” you let out a small laugh, a defeated one. If you hadn’t known before how important she was to him, you did now. Hearing the songs and piecing together tiny glimpses of their relationship left you feeling like an imposter. How could you sleep in this house? Kiss him or hug him as if his heart wasn’t still tied to hers?

Glenne decided to challenge you. “He’s in a different place now.”

You bit your lip, looked outside the window and hoped that the rain would pass before your baby shower tomorrow and the album release. “I know, it’s fine. I mean, him and I shouldn’t be together, so.”

“Are you sure about that?”

The question from Glenne made you snap back into the room. “Am I sure about that?” You repeated the question to make sure you’d heard her correctly. When she nodded, you laughed sarcastically. “I mean, I don’t know, Glenne--you’re one of the people who’ve been warning me about how terrible this whole thing could be.”

She shrunk at that, a guilty look on her face. “Maybe I was wrong.”

It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Not right now, not with four weeks left until Jane and until everything in your life shape shifted into something unrecognizable. Not after not after you watched scenes of his past romance play out before your own eyes and ears. And certainly you finally put enough space between you to assure that he couldn’t hurt you.

But somehow, when Glenne said that, you realized that sometimes no amount of space could keep you safe. Maybe he’d be able to hurt you no matter how much space you forced in the middle. Maybe that’s what love is.

So when he came home that night and told you about the turbulence on his flight, you didn’t tell him you’d listened. You didn’t tell him you had heard the lyrics and you didn’t tell him that now a lot more things made sense.

You didn’t say it because Jeff was there, Glenne and Lexi were too. A few friends from his band lingered in the living room even though it was late. An hour until it hit streaming services, then thirty minutes.

The moment that had hovered overhead, in the future, approaching with certainty this entire time. Aside from Jane, Harry’s album was the only other constant, the only other thing that everything and everyone had been moving towards and expecting.

He toasted at midnight, much more tame than you expected. Jeff pulled it up on his phone and played a few songs over the speakers. Eventually they filed out, promises of see you tomorrow for the show floated up towards the stars when he waved them goodbye from the front door.

Another night of climbing stairs, and when you slipped into slumber by yourself, you wondered if he could smell you on his pillowcase.

You woke up on the 13th of December with a buzzing in your chest, voices already floated up the stairs, he’d warned you that it’d be a busy day.

His mom was there, Jeff took a phone call by the front door but offered an excited wave when he saw you--this time you put a bra on first.

“Morning,” you said, pulling Harry’s attention in your direction. He sat at the island, his mom by his side when he spooned cereal into his mouth.

“Morning,” he said. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good--nice to see you,” you came over and offered his mom a hug, she wrapped her arms around you but was careful to give your belly space.

“How do you feel? Ready for the shower today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you admitted.

Glenne and Lexi swore today would be the perfect day for it. Everyone was already in the same place for the release, the show at The Forum is the perfect nightcap, Lexi said. Your mom would drive down and be there for the whole day, Anne and Gemma were already in town and same with Harry’s gran and a few family friends.

So before you knew it, Lexi showed up and rushed you towards the bathroom upstairs. Harry was pulled off in a thousand different directions, but he stood in the doorway and watched as Lexi brushed some eye shadow underneath your brow.

“I hope you have fun today,” he said, “but--you’ve got the address for The Forum, right? Do you need me to remind you how to get your pass once you get there?”

“Don’t worry about me,” you reassured. “I’ve got Glenne Christiaansen to keep me on schedule and get me from place to place.”

“Every once in a while we get so lucky and that stick up her ass comes in handy,” Lexi laughed.

“Fair,” Harry smirked, letting his eyes wash over you once more. “Well--I’ll talk to you, yeah? Before tonight?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Maybe you can stop by the shower if you have time just to say hi?”

“I told Jeffrey I’d like to, but--we’ll see how everything goes. I’ve got to go over to his place now.”

“Okay.”

Lexi made a face at you in the mirror, her silent observation that things between you and Harry were awkward and uncertain.

“Lexi,” he looked up at her. “Don’t let Y/N rip all of her hair out today.”

“Okay,” she laughed. “I’m on it.”

He disappeared after he flashed another smile, footsteps down the stairs when she smiled at your reflection.

Glenne had jumped at the opportunity to host your shower. She was the only person in your life that you trusted to find napkins, cupcakes, food platters, tablecloths, and plenty of baby themed decorations in the exact same shade of pink. She spent weeks texting you pictures of things she ordered off the internet and found in party boutiques throughout Los Angeles.

So now, you sat in Lexi’s Tesla in a parking lot ten minutes away. You need to be fashionably late, she’d said. Let everyone show up first and have a mimosa.

By the time you walked into Glenne’s house, which was filled with familiar faces, you felt only a little less terrified about the attention that would try to suffocate you. Maybe it was difficult to admit that this was your life now: derailed and sidetracked and messier than you could have imagined.

Anne wrapped her arms around you and introduced you to his cousins, an aunt and an uncle who’d flown out a few days prior. Smiles and congratulations when your mom raised a glass of champagne in your honor, but you had to hide in the bathroom to fight back tears when she said she’d never been more proud of you.

It almost felt like you’d woken up here, coming out of a fog for the last eight months, foolishly believing that things would never come to fruition or that you’d made it through this unscathed. And on top of it, the slow realization that nothing would make it better except for him had you blotting tears off of your cheeks when someone knocked on the door.

“One second,” you said it quickly, grabbed another tissue and blinked a few times to dispose of the evidence.

“It’s me,” Glenne was quiet, she nudged the door open and smiled, shutting it behind her when she frowned at you. “What’s up? You’ve been hiding in here for a while.”

You tried to laugh it off, guilt in your veins for hiding in the host’s bathroom. “Nothing, I’m alright. Just a lot of emotion lately.”

“Makes sense,” she shrugged. “More hormones than ever, probably. And you know, love will do that to you.”

You didn’t reply to that, unsure of what she wanted you to say or admit.

“He just got here with Jeff, they had a little bit of time before he needs to get to The Forum I guess.”

“He’s here?” It immediately made your insides twist, excited and nauseous simultaneously. But you didn’t expect it to bring more tears. When it did, Glenne handed you another tissue but then slipped out of the bathroom, “stay here,” she said.

You were there by yourself for a second, looked down at the yellow dress that splayed out over your tummy. You reached down and let a hand rub over it, maybe things would be easier when she was here, the opposite of what you’d convinced yourself in some ways.

“Hey,” Harry’s voice was somewhat concerned, his eyes narrowed when he stepped inside. He shut the door behind him, just like Glenne. “What’s wrong? Glenne said you’re crumbling,” he let out a small laugh but smiled when you rolled your eyes.

“I’m not crumbling. I’m fine.”

“You look a little stressed,” he challenged.

“I don’t know, I’m alright,” you told him. “There are a lot of people out there. My family is annoying and it’s just a big day.”

“It is a big day,” he said. “Your cousin Carrie told me she’s single within the first three minutes I talked to her.”

“Great,” you said sarcastically. “I shouldn’t have even had one of these.”

“A shower?”

You nodded.

“Every mom needs a shower.”

You shrugged, paralyzed by all of the things that threatened to spill out of your mouth if you opened it. You’d asked for space and gotten it, but sleeping in different beds didn’t make anything easier. You heard the song and cried in the kitchen that night, wondering how he’d gone from a stranger to someone you felt comforted by.

“We might want to go back out there, though--Lexi already probably thinks we’re having sex in here.”

You laughed at that, looked up at him and smiled a bit. “Thanks for not making me feel stupid.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Cause sometimes I can be.”

He bit his lip, but he didn’t ask what you meant. Maybe he knew it was a small confession that your actions were questionable at best, but he patted you on the shoulder and then led you back to the party.

The anxiety got worse when you followed Jeff into a green room in Inglewood, the laminated piece of plastic around your neck had your name in big letters on it, but it didn’t make you feel any less out of place. Harry draped an arm around your shoulders when he introduced you to other friends, recoiled quickly as if he’d forgotten about the things you’d said over the last month.

There were snacks and drinks and an entire room that seemed to be dedicated to the people who’d come to support him. Your mom laughed when his dad told a story about the time Harry begged for guitar lessons, you smiled when his sister took a selfie sandwiched between you and Glenne.

Having everyone together felt like something that should bring you peace, but instead, it highlighted the ways that your relationship with Harry was far from anything either of you had experienced before. Brought together by one night, but now your lives were weeds on a sidewalk that tangled together.

Eventually you were ushered out to a roped off area with the rest of the gang after the lights had dimmed and the screams had picked up, silently wishing that people would be too focused on him to notice the roundness of your body.

It felt like a formal appearance, more confirmation that this was real and you were real and the photo he’d shared on instagram a few months back wasn’t fake or photoshopped or anything of the sort. So when you noticed glances and heard your name being called by a section of people behind you, Jeff’s advice was to smile and wave.

You watched his mom wipe tears from her face after the first song and you settled into the fact that maybe this would be your life. Maybe smiling and waving was something you could get used to.

Harry was in his element, it was easy to tell. It only took a few songs before you were sure that he’d be doing this for a long time, and maybe you wouldn’t mind tagging along with a toddler who’d bop and sway to the music.

You let him wrap his arms around you at the end of the night, happy to shower him with praise and congratulations, proud of the show he’d put on. It took a while before he turned to you in the green room again, “ready to head home?”

A pang of guilt in your chest: would he be heading to another party if it weren’t for you, for the squash-sized human inside of you? He must have seen the look cross your face, heard the hesitation in your voice when you asked, “are you sure?”

“Positive,” he nodded. “We can head out.”

You wondered what people though, the two of you saying goodbye at the same time, like a couple but not. Everything about your relationship seemed to fall under that category: like a couple, but not.

Not when it made it too messy, not when he loved someone before you. Not when the anxiety was woven through your ribcage as a reminder that this would have never happened without a faulty condom and few drinks.

You found your purse and hugged them all goodbye, thankful for the peace and quiet of the backseat of a black SUV heading for the hills.

He leaned against the seat, slumped but with a smile on his face. “You really liked the show?”

“It was fantastic,” you admitted with a smirk. “Way better than I expected.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah--didn’t know what to expect really. First time seeing you do anything other than play the piano in the living room.”

“I know,” he nodded, his eyes wide in the dark of the car. “Was nervous during the first few songs.”

“Why?” You asked, surprised by his confession. “You looked like you were having the time of your life.”

“I was nervous because I knew you were there! Didn’t know if you’d think I was a freak for dancing around the way I do.”

You giggled, “I mean, I didn’t say you weren’t a freak.”

“True,” he laughed, resting his head on the back of the seat again. His eyes closed for a second.

“Ooh,” you shifted suddenly in the seat. “I think she’s moving,” you reached for his hand, pulled it close to you and held it over your stomach, desperate at this point for him to feel what everyone else already had.

She gave a good kick, one that made his eyes go wide. “That’s her? That’s what she’s been doing?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “At all hours of the night, too.”

“Do it again,” he said, his words directed down at your belly. When she did, he looked up at him, lips curled into a small smile.

“It’s kind of terrifying,” you said with a nod. “A few more weeks and she’ll be doing that out here.”

He pulled his hand away from you, let out a sigh and then looked over at you again. “We’ll be alright, love, I promise.” He echoed the last words from the last song when you nodded, ears still ringing from the music of the night.

You were happy to escape to Santa Paula for Christmas, but happier to come home a few days later and stop by Glenne and Jeff’s. They had Tupperware containers from his mom, Christmas dinner on repeat for a few nights when you decided to crash in a guest room on their second floor.

Harry’s house was too quiet, too empty for such a long time by yourself.

He’d call every few days, text to tell you what he was up to and report on the press he did before the holiday. Another show in London, some radio gigs and interviews seemed to keep Jeff busy on calls in the other room.

Lexi thought it was crazy that you hadn’t exchanged Christmas gifts with him, her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “You didn’t let him shower you in presents? You’ve done some crazy shit this year but, I dunno, this has gotta take the cake.”

Glenne reached over to the coffee table in Harry’s living room and smiled. “I mean, she’s not paying rent in this house that they both live in.”

“He owns it!” Lexi’s laugh echoed off the high ceilings, she held up her wine glass when Glenne offered a refill. “He’s not making mortgage payments or some shit for this place.”

She couldn’t argue with that. She leaned back on the couch after she set the bottle down and raised her glass in the air. “Well--it’s only nine thirty, but this is the best New Year’s Eve I’d had in a while.”

“Thanks for hanging out with me,” you smiled, lifting your feet to the coffee table. You lifted your arms above your head to stretch--the tension in your back had been building all day.

They’d promised you for weeks it’d be a quiet night. Wine, a movie, take out--the type of girls night you had before everything changes. They both agreed that it felt like the most appealing way to ring in 2020. You agreed, sans wine.

“Ow, shit,” you leaned forward suddenly, a sharp pain in your back pulled your feet back to the hardwood floor.

“What?” Glenne’s smiled disappeared from her face.

“Nothing--just, I don’t know, back ache.”

“Is it happening?” Lexi’s voice was deep, nervous and excited all at once. She wiggled her eyebrows when you rolled your eyes.

“What? No. No--I’m just,” you adjusted on the couch. “I’m sore today. My back’s been hurting. It’s fine now, I’m fine.”

They both watched you for a second, but it happened again when Glenne sipped her wine.

“Ow, fuck,” you said, rubbing the spot near your hip. “I’ll just walk it out, that normally helps.”

So you stood from the couch and headed over the kitchen counter. They both stood but stayed where they were, eyes trailing you from behind the couch.

“Are you having contractions?” Glenne’s arms crossed over her chest, her tone was suspicious.

“I don’t think so, it just feels like a back ache. And she’s not due for another week and a half.”

“Babies come early,” Lexi said it like you were stupid, her mouth pressed into a thin line.

You sat on a stool and let out a breath. “I’m aware.”

But the problem wasn’t that Jane might be early, the problem was that Harry was a twelve hour flight away. As if she could read your mind, Glenne tilted her head to the side.

“Should I call Harry?”

“No,” you shut her up quickly, a raised hand in her direction to ask for quiet.

You rolled your neck, leaned forward towards the granite to try to release some of the pressure from your lower back muscles. It happened again, you tensed on the stool but didn’t say anything, Glenne came over and put a hand on your shoulder.

She was more serious now: “what is going on?”

“I don’t know, but I’m fine. There’s no pattern either--Doctor Weston said they’re supposed to be a few minutes apart if they’re contractions.”

“What is gonna help you with the pain?”

“I don’t know, Glenne, okay?”

“Well fixing your posture might help,” She said this as if it was obvious, one hand on your lower back to push forward and one on your shoulder to pull back.

“Dude,” Lexi groaned, coming over from the sofa. “We get it, you did ballet. You’re not a doctor.”

“I’m just trying to help!” She defended. “Unlike you, sitting here doing nothing.”

“Oh do not even start with me,” Lexi reached forward and flicked Glenne right in the nipple when she got closer to you both.

“Ouch, Jesus!” Glenne swatted Lexi’s hand away, reached behind your back to try and flick her in retaliation.

“Can you both not right now?! I’m a little too busy to break up your stupid fight!”

Glenne made a face at Lexi and then turned back to you, an apologetic smile. “Do you need a heating pad--advil? Maybe we can just call the doctor and see what she says to do.”

“I’m probably fine. Maybe the heating pad will help.”

“Uh, booboo,” Lexi looked down at the stool, her eyes wide. “I love you, but either you’re peeing or your water broke.”

You looked down, horror when you saw that the stool was dripping and your sweatpants were now a darker gray. “Oh my god--my fucking water broke, is that what that is?!”

“Oh my god! What do we do?” Glenne freaked out, her hands waved in the air and she looked between you and Lexi. “Do we call an ambulance?”

“No!” You shouted, “we drive!”

“Okay, okay, the keys, car keys, we need those,” Glenne looked around the kitchen and talked to herself when her hands fluttered in the air.

“Do you have a hospital bag?” Lexi was much calmer, her eyes demanded an answer.

“Upstairs--the farthest guest room--my room,” you corrected, the slip went unnoticed by both of them when Lexi bounded up the stairs. Glenne grabbed her purse on the counter, then headed to grab your phone from it’s charger in the living room.

“I’m calling Harry,” she said, her voice still frantic and pressured.

“Okay, yeah, that’d be good,” you thought aloud. You got off the stool and found a dish towel, wiped up the fluid that had leaked out of you. “I need a change of pants!” You yelled up to Lexi.

“Got it,” she yelled back, her voice echoing from upstairs.

“He’s not answering,” Glenne said, her voice suddenly raising a whole octave after the beep. “Hey, Harry--It’s Glenne, Y/N’s water broke, so, uh, you need to get your ass back to the United States as fast as fucking possible. Please call me, please listen to this. Okay--I’ll try Jeff. Bye.”

“Fucking Christ,” she looked up at you. “Get in my car!”

“Don’t yell at me!” You snapped back, a hand on your back, still trying to ease the pain.

“Here,” Lexi tossed a pair of sweatpants at you, the duffle bag you’d packed with Harry a week earlier was slung over her shoulder. You caught them and stared at her, wide eyes, unsure of what to do. “Change! Now!” She ordered.

So you stripped right there in front of them, left the previous pair on the floor in the middle of the room. You apologized to Glenne for getting amniotic fluid on the backseat of her Tesla when you pulled out of the driveway. She told you to shut up and blew three red lights on the way there.

The more you cried in pain, the faster she drove.

It was a rush through the waiting room, plunked down in a wheelchair like you saw in the movies when Glenne finally got a hold of him. He’s on his way, she promised, he’ll get here. Lexi brushed your hair out of your face, tears in your eyes when you bent over the bed, give me anything that will make it not hurt so much.

The late night moon gave the otherwise sterile room a soft glow, you paced the floor as if the sound of your feet would distract from his absence--his stupid smirk and his annoying jokes would have made it feel less terrifying. Three centimeters, then four.

Lexi called your mom and she promised she’d come in the morning, the New Year’s Eve celebrations were muted on the TV, Lexi pulled a pair of 2020 glasses from her purse and shoved them on her face at midnight.

You slept a bit after a nurse slid an IV into your arm, the beeping of your heart a steady reminder of the seconds ticking by. Jeff confirmed he was on a plane an hour into the New Year, he paced outside the door and looked guilty whenever he popped his head inside. Six centimeters, but the early morning sun seeped through the windows before he landed.

Your mom came with donuts for everyone, the smell made you sick. Ice chips only, too nauseous for more than a few. Relief came around seven centimeters, a little while longer, but you needed an epidural by eight when your whole body felt like it was on fire. You wished someone had told you that it would only numb the physical pain, did they make something to calm nerves like these? The nurses smiled and promised you’d be okay, as if they knew that this wasn’t how this moment was supposed to be.

Anyone else would have a husband, a wife, someone to tell them it’d be alright and that they weren’t completely alone, even if it felt that way. Lexi did her best, a hand on your back when you cried and reassuring words. He’ll be here. He’s on his way--he’ll be here, you’re okay.

The door pushed open at nine centimeters, his eyes were wide and apologies fell out of his mouth before he pressed a kiss to your forehead--he took the soonest flight out, Jeff was waiting at the airport. Lexi stepped back, her hand in yours was replaced, and somehow, he didn’t need any direction.

When the squeezing was only thirty seconds apart he leaned closer to you and grabbed your hand. You’re okay, you can do this, I’m right here. Doctor Weston came in and smiled, the nurse asked who you wanted in the room, but her words were almost lost in the sound of another contraction.

Just him, you said, muffled through pain and emotion, but you swore your mom smiled before she kissed your cheek and left.

So you stayed like that, Harry’s cheek nearly pressed against yours as his fingers wrapped around your thigh. Doctor Weston counted down from ten, breaths in between. A cool towel on your forehead half way through. Tears on your face the whole time, sad and happy and nervous and afraid.

She cried and cried when her lungs filled with air, but she wasn’t the only one. Your face was wet when she hit your chest, as if the emotions that had been tied up inside you were suddenly released, a thousand balloons towards the sky or a wave crashing on the beach.

She’s perfect, you said, she looks like you.

He tried to blink away the tears, buried his head in your shoulder. She looks like both of us, he said, his voice a tiny whisper in the room, as if speaking too loud might break her. Thank you.

He climbed into the bed beside you when they returned her, wrapped in a blanket as soft as her skin. His arms around you and yours around her. He kissed your shoulder, said her name over and over, melodic and sweet.

Something about his presence by your side felt comforting, a different type of safe than you’d ever felt. He brushed hair out of your face and smiled down at you, a kiss to your lips when the nurse finally took her away.

Sleep, she said, you’ll need it.

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