#we can still hope

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Thistle Debut Day!

#dungeon meshi #Thistle #Old dungeon meshi fans remember the days when it was ambiguous what gender Thistle was. #Now we know Thistle uses he/him pronouns but in my heart Thistle is still non-binary. Clowngender elf with poor coping skills. #I hope the anime-only watchers know that this is a character to keep an eye on. #Love (in it's many forms) and desire (in it's many forms) is the main course of Dungeon Meshi and THIS silly jester? #My goodness. What a perfect encapsulation of how one can hurt other's so deeply in the name of love. #The actions we take to 'protect' other's is often the route to doing the most harm. #Love is letting go. Sometimes that means control and sometimes that means saying farewell forever to someone.

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[uncanny-tranny]

Amatonormativity has destroyed so many people's understanding and acceptance of themselves, and it's heartbreaking.

Yes, it is normal to be in your 20s, 30s, or older and not have lost your virginity, had a first kiss, or a partner. It is normal to say that you aren't ready for those things, too! It is normal if your life doesn't follow the "college graduate -> engagement -> buying a home -> 2.5 kids and a dog" trajectory that so many people have idealized.

So many people associate maturity with losing your virginity, or having a first kiss, or a serious relationship, and I think that's a dangerous association. Maturity isn't gained through those things, and you don't have to have those experiences to be considered "mature" or "grown." It is not a bad thing to go at your pace. Nobody else can live your life but you. If you end up having those experiences, that's great! But it should be done because you want to experience them, not because you feel "broken" and "immature" without them.

#amatonormativity #ask to tag (genuine) #i honestly *wish* conversations like this were things i was exposed to when i was younger... #...maybe then i'd've felt less of a need to surpress my aromanticism and asexuality... #...the feeling of brokenness still trails behind me sometimes because so many of us are taught that this all WILL happen... #...we WILL fall in love. we WILL have a nuclear family. we WILL be satisfied with this... #...and that this is the IDEAL for cishet patriarchal structures... #...and that /any/ deviation to the SLIGHTEST degree is that fault of the *individual*. who WOULDN'T want this life? #there's this idea like i said that maturity is gained as you almost... adhere to expectations... #...and that's genuinely dangerous to associate maturity with that and i hope you can fill in those gaps because it can get dark fast

[sofiaruelle]

Ugh younger siblings am i right??? 🙄 🙄 🙄

#doodle #stardew valley #stardew sebastian #stardew valley maru #hope yall caught the Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse reference #she’s just trying to help #he should pay attention to his surroundings more #can 20+ year olds still be grounded? lmao #is this sebastian’s 13th reason why he wants to leave for zuzu city? #look we all know maru wouldnt accidentally set Seb’s bike on fire #but like as an older sis who has a younger bro who accidentally messes up when they get a little too eager to help..

[napping-sapphic]

I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #today was….not good #and at one point i had a moment #where i was just unbearably SAD and LONELY because i didn’t have anyone to call or talk to about it #but im still really hopeful it will happen some day #because all i want in this world is to feel secure #and for others to feel secure around me #and for everyone to feel secure around people they love #because it’s so painful and scary when you don’t #but one day im going to be warm and happy in someone’s arms and will barely remember this at all #im manifesting it #im completely okay btw things just got a little rough #and in the incredibly stressful and dramatic times i was experiencing my brain STILL had to be gay #im gay and i like sleeping #also yeah i said i wouldnt post after midnight again like two days ago but whatever #im sad and want to yearn on the internet we can make an exception tonight

[t4t4t]

Idk new post bc the last lost traction, no donations in a week. We need 450 for the rest of February, 450 for a deposit, and 950 for March, 50 for the rest of the utilities. We were homeless since Aug 2020 excepting 4 different months whose places fell through for various reasons, have to get rid of the van we were living in because it's falling apart, Collie got FFS December 28th, she's recovering well and maybe could do something with a car if we had a better car, given her ability to drive. I still haven't found much work but I'm still looking. Anything helps.

paypal.me/NoraEstherRose

venmo: nora-esther-rose

venmo: Leah-Esther-Rose

#i wish i could get a loan ? i hate how little my parents have ever helped me. we rely too much on collies mom who can only do so much #we both have various disabilities we still are in the process of understanding.... i hope i get adhd meds soon. :( #we havent been able to afford better anti depressants for over a week now. i hate feeling dependent #i wish it were a prescription.... stupid world. stupid time

[inkskinned]

one of the things that i think we should pay attention to, socially, about the disney v. desantis thing is that it is really highlighting the importance of remembering nuance.

in a purely neutral sense, if you engage in something problematic, that does not mean you are necessarily agreeing with what makes it problematic. and i am worried that we have become... so afraid of any form of nuance.

disney isn't my friend, they're a corporate monopoly that bastardized copyright laws for their own benefit, ruin the environment, and abuse their workers (... and many other things). this isn't a hypothetical for me - i grew up in florida. i also worked for the actual Walt Disney World; like, in the parks. i am keenly aware of the ways they hurt people, because they hurt me. i fully believe that part of the reason florida is so conservative is because it's been an "open secret" for years now that disney lobbies the government to keep minimum wage down, and i know they worked hard to keep the parks unmasked and open during the worst parts of Covid. they purposefully keep their employees in poverty. they are in part responsible for the way the floridian government works.

desantis is still, by a margin that is frankly daunting, way worse. the alternative here isn't just "republicans win", it's actual fascism.

in a case like this, where the alternative is to allow actual fascism into united states legislation - where, if desantis wins, there are huge and legal ramifications - it's tempting to minimize the harm disney is also doing, because... well, it's not fascism. but disney isn't the good guy, either, which means republicans are having a field day asking activists oh, so you think their treatment of their employees is okay?

we have been trained there is a right answer. you're right! you're in the good group, and you're winning at having an opinion.

except i have the Internet Prophecy that in 2-3 months, even left-wing people will be ripping apart activists for having "taken disney's side". aren't i an anti-capitalist? aren't i pro-union? aren't i one of the good ones? removed from context and nuance (that in this particular situation i am forced to side with disney, until an other option reveals itself), my act of being like "i hope they have goofy rip his throat out onstage, shaking his lifeless body like a dog toy" - how quickly does that seem like i actually do support disney?

and what about you! at home, reading this. are you experiencing the Thought Crime of... actually liking some of the things disney has made? your memories of days at the parks, or of good movies, or of your favorite show growing up. maybe you are also evil, if you ever enjoyed anything, ever, at all.

to some degree, the binary idealization/vilification of individual motive and meaning already exists in the desantis case. i have seen people saying not to go to the disney pride events because they're cash grabs (they are). i've seen people saying you have to go because they're a way to protest. there isn't a lot of internet understanding of nuance. instead it's just "good show of support" or "evil bootlicking."

this binary understanding is how you can become radicalized. when we fear nuance and disorder, we're allowing ourselves the safety of assuming that the world must exist in binary - good or bad, problematic or "not" problematic. and unfortunately, bigots want you to see the world in this binary ideal. they want you to get mad at me because "disney is taking a risk for our community but you won't sing their praises" and they want me to get mad at you for not respecting the legit personal trauma that disney forced me through.

in a grander scheme outside of disney: what happens is a horrific splintering within activist groups. we bicker with each other about minimal-harm minimal-impact ideologies, like which depiction of bisexuality is the most-true. we gratuitously analyze the personal lives of activists for any sign they might be "problematic". we get spooked because someone was in a dog collar at pride. we wring our hands about setting an empty shopping mall on fire. we tell each other what words we may identify ourselves by. we get fuckin steven universe disk horse when in reality it is a waste of our collective time.

the bigots want you to spend all your time focusing on how pristine and pretty you and your interests are. they want us at each other's throats instead of hand in hand. they want to say see? nothing is ever fucking good enough for these people.

and they want their followers to think in binary as well - a binary that's much easier to follow. see, in our spaces, we attack each other over "proper" behavior. but in bigoted groups? they attack outwards. they have someone they hate, and it is us. they hate you, specifically, and you are why they have problems - not the other people in their group. and that's a part of how they fucking keep winning.

some of the things that are beloved to you have a backbone in something terrible. the music industry is a wasteland. the publishing industry is a bastion of white supremacy. video games run off of unpaid labor and abuse.

the point of activism was always to bring to light that abuse and try to stop it from happening, not to condemn those who engage in the content that comes from those industries. "there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism" also applies to media. your childhood (and maybe current!) love of the little mermaid isn't something you should now flinch from, worried you'll be a "disney adult". wanting the music industry to change for the better does not require that you reject all popular music until that change occurs. you can acknowledge the harm something might cause - and celebrate the love that it has brought into your life.

we must detach an acknowledgment of nuance from a sense of shame and disgust. we must. punishing individual people for their harmless passions is not doing good work. encouraging more thoughtful, empathetic consumption does not mean people should feel ashamed of their basic human capacities and desires. it should never have even been about the individual when the corporation is so obviously the actual evil. this sense that we must live in shame and dread of our personal nuances - it just makes people bitter and hopeless. do you have any idea how scared i am to post this? to just acknowledge the idea of nuance? that i might like something nuanced, and engage in it joyfully? and, at the same time, that i'm brutally aware of the harm that they're doing?

"so what do i do?" ... well, often there isn't a right answer. i mean in this case, i hope mickey chops off ron's head and then does a little giggle. but truth be told, often our opinions on nuanced subjects will differ. you might be able to engage in things that i can't because the nuance doesn't sit right with me. i might think taylor swift is a great performer and a lot of fun, and you might be like "raquel, the jet fuel emissions". we are both correct; neither of us have any actual sway in this. and i think it's important to remember that - the actual scope of individual responsibility. like, i also love going to the parks. Thunder Mountain is so fun. you (just a person) are not responsible for the harm that Disney (the billion dollar corporation) caused me. i don't know. i think it's possible to both enjoy your memories and interrogate the current state of their employment policies.

there is no right way to interrogate or engage with nuance - i just hope you embrace it readily.

#does this make sense #to do be deleted probably yikes #(takes a swing at a wasp's nest) #like i think ppl have started to just be really quiet when they like something 'problematic' #and im like... u can be like - #girl tswift NEEDS to just TAKE A BUS . LIKE????????????????????? #while also being like. #''she's a lot of fun'' #if ur personal policy is that u don't support her for that reason that's great #but it's like. eating meat??? #like yeah some people won't bc the environment. but the fact i eat meat doesn't mean i hate the earth #like i can say that i think the meat industry is HORRIFIC and also downright cruel to its employees #but like. still enjoy a chicken nugget.... #there are people who choose otherwise. it's okay . we are people. i make like no money. u probably don't either #us fighting about whether or not it's Right To Eat The Chicken Tender just distracts from like. #actually turning your ire on the corporation #i hope it's clear what i'm saying here is like. when we fight each other for Purity Reasons #we are just doing the work of corporations . for free. like they WANT us to be doing this lol #it's the fucking DREAM of the upperclass that now ALL forms of responsibility fall on the individual

[arcanewebs]

amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot

#needed more riz torment LOWKEY. IM JUST SAYING. PUTS HANDS UP #HE DIDNT HAVE TO SEE FIRSTHAND THE POSESSIONS? DIDNT GET ATTACKED BY BARON PERSONALLY? #i mean i love the way kristen and adaine had those clutch loves that saved riz while he was in jawbones room but STILL #and im also glad baron didnt die. HOWEVER #IDK. HELP. #i really hope its talked about more in the ap or next episode or something #can we hear the word aromantic said out loud PLS! PLS? #aro community is Unsure how to feel? #ann bangers #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #MOVES***** MOVES. MOVES. MOVES. I DONT HAVE AUTOCORRECT ON. FUCK I DIDNT CATCH IT EARLIER #yeah loves why not they all love each other it works i guess what tha hell

[bigfatbreak]

THEY CAN TAKE HER IN FOR SURGERY!! AAAAAA

#actually literally sobbing right now #we might still lose her on the operating table but #we get to TRY to save her #sorry i havent gotten back to anyone today ive been waiting for the bad news #and instead i get a little bit of hope that we can save her #when the vet said she has to get her in for surgery ASAP i almost dropped my phone bc I thought. I really thought. we might just #not be able to save her at all #but the fact that we get to try... man!! im crying my eyes out

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

Heroes of Millennium (HoM) AU

Act 1: What was left behind. - Part 1 (page 1-5) -here- -> Part 2

#heroes of millennium au #hom au #danny phantom #dp #jake long #american dragon jake long #adjl #YEEEEEE BABEY WE GETTING DROPPED RIGHT THE FREACK IN!! NO LONG INTROS JUST STRAIGHT UP MEAT HERE BABIES #CAN YOU TELL IM EXCITED EVEN IF I STIL YET TO ACTUALLY DRAW PART 2??? only rough sketch draft still but fuk it #i have 40 pages of rough comic im allowed to be excited of having that much??? never drew comics for shit before #i feel a need to apologize for my jake's dragon 'redesign' but i actually like it so i wont lol #i would apologize for falsely saying i would post it yesterday haha i overestimated my speed and typography took much longer than i hoped.. #still prolonged 48 hours is better than not posting at all ;D #if you are confused and have questions dont worry its by design (sorta) lol. everything will be answered wit time...long time

[elliejoys]

"Itadori. Tell everyone for me: Life wasn't so bad! "

#GEGE WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE #jjkedit #jujutsu kaisen #kugisaki nobara #itadori yuuji #jjk spoilers #myedit #mygifs #no but can we talk about yuuji losing nanami and nobara on the same freakin day like asdfgadsfegresfgrdth #and me losing my faves back to back #im still clinging onto hope that she's alive even if it's been years *cries* #sidenote: thank god they used a white background on the still frames made it easier to move them lmao

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS Height Poll: Who is (technically) the tallest character. Please remember that these polls are for fun!

#mdzs #poll #Please remember that I WILL see notes and comments and reblogs. Let's have fun with this clearly very silly poll! #I am begging everyone to be nice. We can get icecream afterwards if we all behave. #Propaganda is welcome if you dare take up the bat to swing at the hornet's nest. #As always - I will have a little comic at the end of this poll based on the results!!! #I'm so tempted to sway votes but the beauty is in the community response. You guys always surprise me! #Will the winner be based on technicality? WHO'S technicality? So many choices! #NHS and JGY are a big mood for being 'tall' but labeled short due to being surrounded by 'very tall' people. #Shout out to my little cousin who's a natural 6'1"and STILL wears the 6 inch heels. That's feminism. #I wanted to have the next poll be 'who's in the middle of the bed in the 3zun relationship' but I need to draw for that one. #it's been a rough week for me. Comic resumes tomorrow though - I just have not been home to upload anything via scanner. #I'm alright I promise B'*) Just a chaotic lifestyle. Hope you have all been well <3

[bearotonin-international]

Murder kitty quivers before her

#We’ll admit #bearotonin (the noun) has been sparse and fleeting for the team lately #current events and the state of the world being what they are #but this #this image right here induces some quality bearotonin #and can still get a smile out of us every time #so we thought we’d share it #So here y’all go #we hope you enjoy this #Bearotonin boost

[swagveryswagamazinf]

follow the light

#qsmp #qsmp fanart #slimecicle #doodle #juanaflippa #qsmp slimecicle #qsmp juanaflippa #EPIJFIPJEUPJF IM KRILLING MYSELF TJIS LIVE WAS SRUE SOMETHIGN #still I got so happy to see her again I missed her so much I hope we can see her more #don't care if she's a code I love her either way #if she wants to punt an egg that's fine she can do it let her have more hobbies #and if she doesn't that's fine as well I missed her #also don't worry guys she types like that bc the admin got a new keyboard and probably theyre getting used to it trust me😁😁

[ryllen]

He will never get it next time or anytime,

but in my arms he will be my favorite loser woooo~~

#sdv #stardew valley #sdv alex #stardew alex #sdv farmer #stardew farmer #stardew valley farmer #stardew valley alex #fanart #he can just be instantly emitted from all bachelor polls because we all know his result is (affectionate) #fshdh there's really nothing more unsurprising than sdv bachelor polls - other than how many people actually asking it #it's mostly always the same pattern of result #with seb and shane pitting each other #and he is at the very down bottom fshdh #a h ~ i see now tho elliott u are steadily slipping in between the two #anyhow good night! #lmao everytime people drawing bachelors in a set i just hope they don't hate alex enough to not draw him because i still want to seee~~~ #he will only be drawn when people decided to be generous with him #but usually he will be the last if he did get drawn so it took a long wait to see him #RIP me #*closes eyes #there are still 2 artists i wish to see him from #i wonder if the set will ever continue to actually reach him #i was on bed already #but i jumped out of it again to console him

[b4kuch1n]

wizard of both ways

#pokemon #swsh #champion leon #wizard leon! Ive messed arounf with this piece for literal months #and like yesterday my brain was like okay either you finish this or you explode and die #so. been finishing this up #now I can return to work in peace.... #this is! also a revision of an old design #which was kinda made up as I was goin so it wasnt the most coherent thing. but I was like well. its a wizard design #cowboy wizard... sword and pen..... being in two places at the same time..... this is what this wizard is about now #the number of wizard leons Ive got is still at a round ten rn I think. into this new year I'd like to shore up and make a zine for em #got a big to do list this year... hope I get to everything #but for now. we return to the good work. we live n we see #have a good day guys! I get a snack now. a botato jacket. I wish u the opportunity for the same