#we couldn't have predicted what happened last year but i had one of them reach out to me about it

[nestasgalpal]

Can't think straight when we are together Pt. 2 [Nessian smut]

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4

Nesta’s Gal Pal masterlist | AO3

Tagging:@zoyaslai@champanheandluxxury@pataytayo@nessiantrashh@dustjacketmusings@saltydreamcollector@generalnesta@simpingfornestaarcheron@arinbelle@a-court-of-valkyries@azrielsgirl@swoopingoccamy@vasudharaghavan@vidalinav@sv0430@nessianforlife@claralady@sayosdreams@malluzia@dealfea@kylosmomm

A/N: Don't mind me, I'm just posting a second part to this a year after because I think I know what I want to do with this fic. It's been a year, so if you want to be removed or added to the tagging list, let me know, I just copied the one I had.

He had played well enough to celebrate the victory and mean it. It had been a great game. Tense, to say the least, but in a good way. The type of tense that pushed Cassian to do better. He was not the captain of the football team, Rhy was, but Cassian had been named MVP of the college league the last two seasons, and he planned on keeping the title this year as well now that graduation time was approaching and the draft peaked on the horizon. Preassure to give his all on the field was always welcomed. And if a certain pretty brunette showed up to watch, even if she was accompanied by some other dude, then his teammates could count on Cassian pushing himself to the limit.

Cassian slurred each syllable when he spoke, even if he wasn't drunk yet. "It's too hot in here, I need some air." Az only nodded. Not that the music being blasted through the speakers would have allowed him to be heard anyway. 

The crowd dancing in Feyre's basement, drinking and making out in the darkest corners of the room, forced him to use his elbows to push people in reaching for the stairs. Circumventing these college students proved as challenging as dodging some of his rivals hours earlier. Cassian tightly secured his red cup as he made his way up. Although Feyre's house was not their most frequent meetup place, Cassian had been in there enough times to know where each room was. To know the basement had a door to the garden behind the house, but if he instead used the stairs, he would find himself in the entry hall at the top.

So he went up, and just as he emerged in the predicted space, the front door was being opened by one of his best friends. Mor gave a squeak and jumped to hug him. "Congrats on the win, big boy!" Cassian hugged her back, and she had to go on her tiptoes so her arms could reach around his neck. He thanked her with a shit-eating grin. Both knew this had been one of his best games this season.

"Where were you? I was starting to think I would have to drain the keg all by myself." He joked, momentarily postponing his planned trip for this quick chat. 

"The cheer team had a pre-party I couldn't miss." Mor explained. Cassian didn't believed her, though, as most of the cheer team had arrived before him at the party.

"Excuse me." The soft voice behind them was followed by an even softer touch as Gwyneth Berdara slightly pushed his arm.

Only then did Cassian realize Mor and he were blocking the front door. He quickly let go of his friend's waist and took a step back, leaving enough room between the blond cheerleader and himself for Gwyneth to walk out. She did so without a word or a second look at them. The sudden panic taking over Cassian was enough to block the shame he should have felt instead. He saw the redhead reach for her phone as soon as she stepped outside, right before the door closed behind her. His widen his eyes went back to his friend, who seemed oblivious to the gravity of what had just happened. Only then did he notice who the varsity jacket Mor was wearing belonged to. A siren went off inside his head. Shit. Cassian hadn't noticed she was wearing his name and number. He had assumed it belonged to whatever player she had been screwing before coming to the party.

Surely Gwyn had noticed as well.

Shit.

"It that my jacket?" Obviously, it was. 

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I was cold and kept it. Do you want it back?" She offered it, but didn't take it off. She pouted, knowing he would let her keep it. It would be useless to ask for it now, anyway.

"I thought you gave it to Nesta. Like I asked you to." 

How tight had he and Mor been hugging when Gwyn appeared out of thin air? He wasn't sure. He tried to remember if his name on the back of the jacket had been visible to the girl, but soon discovered that he couldn't. A message had probably been sent from Gwyn's phone to Nesta's describing what she thought she had seen. She would be wrong in her assumption, but it kind of made his planned trip to the second floor redundant now, nevertheless.

"She didn't want it, Cass. I promise I offered it to her, and she said she already had a jacket. Now, I don't know if she meant hers or the jacket that guy besides her was wearing."

Cassian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Shit Mor, you should have told me. I thought she had taken it."

"Hey, don't be upset with me. It's not my fault." She protested, her pouting lips now more exaggerated. "To be honest, I think this was for the best. Please, Cass, I am begging you to put two and two together and realize that she didn't want your name on her back because she simply doesn't want you. Or else, she wouldn't have gone to the game with a date."

His head snapped at that. "So it was a date? How would you know?" Cassian had always trusted Mor's intuition in this area. She understood girls' behavior way better than he did.

Taking the red cup from his hand and sipping from it, Mor rolled her eyes. "Listen, I don't want to hurt your feelings, especially not tonight, but Nesta Archeron doesn't give a fuck about football, so if her pretty ass was there, it had to be that guy's idea. And she must like him a lot to agree to the plan. Did she tell you she would be there?" He said no with his head. "And why is that? Because she..." Mor pushed a finger against his chest. "Doesn't. Care. About. You."

Cassian just stood there, unconvinced. He wished Mor had insisted more.

"But I still went up there to their seats and offered, like you asked me to, because I do care about you." She kept going. "As does Rhys. Do you think he would like to find out you are trying to get into Nesta's pants?" She arched an eyebrow. "You know he is not precisely fond of her."

The silence, Cassian hoped, let Mor know he was not in the mood to get deeper into that conversation right now. "Yeah, you are right." He considered taking his cup back, but decided not to. Mor could keep his cup and take it downstairs with her advice and opinions. He had to go up, he was now determined. "Az was asking for you down there." The cheerleader's face lightened when he changed the subject, suddenly reminded that there was, in fact, a party waiting for her in the basement.

"Shall we go?" She offered.

"I was actually looking for a bathroom." Cassian excused himself. "I don't trust the one downstairs." He joked. She didn't push it, she simply gave him another quick hug and headed towards the music.

He gave himself a second to clear his head. To mentally curse himself, Mor and this night that had seemed so full of potential until five minutes ago. The stairs to the second floor of the Archeron's house were right there. I should go to her room, Cassian told himself. To explain myself. And so, with the confidence only a guy like him could have, he resumed his original route towards Nesta Archeron's bedroom.

Unknown territory.

It would be easy for him to pitch himself tonight. Pitching both of them, actually, presents Nesta with the idea of what they could become. In a perfect scenario, Nesta would listen. In the case that Gwyneth had misinformed her of what she thought she had seen in the hall, it might require a little more convincing. But Cassian made his way up, truly believing this would be the night he told Nesta what he wanted.

Loud and clear.

The hallway he ended up in was silent, as if there was no party happening in the basement at that very moment. It was pitch dark, and wanting to be as sneaky as possible, instead of turning on the lights, Cassian used his phone's flashlight to find Nesta's bedroom door. A decorative piece of wood in the shape of a perfect "N" hang from the door. Knowing all the residents of the house except Feyre —downstairs— and Nesta herself —at the other side of the wooden panel— were away, he knocked, not allowing his confidence to slip away.

Yes, Nesta had refused to take his jacket when Mor offered it in his name, but not once had she said no to fucking him. If she knew he was on the other side of the door, she would open it for him. When she didn't answer, Cassian knocked again. "Nes, it's me." He had to wait again, but this time he heard the muffled footsteps getting closer. Then, the door opened, and Cassian's grin returned to his face. "Hey." He leaned on the door, knowing from experience that women found the way his muscles flexed to be sexy.

Nesta's half-closed eyes didn't really react, though. "What do you want?" She asked bluntly.

"Were you sleeping?" The question was a courtesy. He could smell in the thick air of the room what she had been up to, despite the open window by the bed. The red eyes were proof as well.

"Yes." She lied. "Did you get lost?" Her sexy lack of patience was amusing and just what he had wanted to be greeted by.

There was soft music playing from her phone on the bed. "I'm almost where I want to be, actually." Cassian said, his eyes wandering through the room behind his girl.

The eye contact that followed was intense. Cassian wouldn't break it, he could stare at her annoyed frown for ages and never get tired. And Nesta wouldn't either, as she simply couldn't stand to lose. She had her hair up in a ponytail that had been perfectly neat maybe an hour ago and now struggled to contain a few pieces of hair that were too short in the front and framed her face. Although Cassian was sure there were a pair of shorts on her legs, they weren't visible under the big t-shirt she used as pajamas. The band logo was unrecognizable after so many trips to the washing machine over the years.

Knowing very few people were allowed to see the perfect Nesta Archeron looking this disheveled, but he was, only filled his chest with excitement. Because not only was he allowed to see it, he was also allowed to take her out of those clothes and make an even bigger mess of her.

"Are you going to stand there forever?"

"Until you invite me in." He retorted.

She rolled her eyes, but stepped to the side and opened the door enough for him to enter. He walked to the middle of the room and heard the door close behind him. "I don't think I've ever seen your bedroom." She didn't answer, nor did she address his presence when she walked back to her bed and jumped in. Cassian just stood there, taking in the empty white walls, the blue stripes of her sheets, and the fluffy rug in the middle of the room.

"I hate shoes inside the house." Cassian needn't be told twice. His socks were stark white, and Nesta took notice. Hers were as well. "Matching," she mumbled distractedly.

The only light came from a round lamp by her bed. It was warm and threw yellowy shades across the walls, the bed and her face. She looked relaxed, and Cassian wondered if he had ever seen her like this. So calm and comfortable. He absolutely hadn't. He would remember. Like he remembered the first and only time he had made her laugh out loud —and actually chuckle. Cassian felt like he should have, though. Hadn't he made her feel good in his arms? He had. Six times, no less.

But Nesta hadn't looked this at ease. Almost the opposite, he realized. She had wanted to get out of his embrace as soon as they were done. She always ran from him.

Well, not anymore. Tonight, he would demand she give him more —at least a chance—, or else they would be done forever.

Please, prove them wrong, he begged her. Prove you do care about me.

From the bed, Nesta stretched her arm to open a drawer. "Do you want some?" An untouched joint was offered to him.

"I've been told I am insufferable when I am drunk and high." He joked. Nesta's lips curled up, remembering the moment she spoke those words.

"You really are." She scouted to the side, leaving room for him on the bed. "But you are not drunk, though."

Absolutely not. He needed his mind to be clear for this. Nesta's parted lips were distracting enough. Her smell. The skin of her thigh hot against the back of his hand when he sat down. Their eyes met, and Cassian cursed himself for accepting the silent offer and getting in her bed. This was not what he had come up here for.

Had she not leaned in, Cassian might had found in him the strength to get up again. But she did lean in, and his body followed suit. She kissed him. He kissed her back, and Nesta was quick to make it deeper, to make it hungry and needy. His hand cupping her face was meant to steady them, as surely were Nesta's on his hair. And his arm finding its place around her waist, or her legs now straddling him.

Yes, when his hand left her pretty face and met its double on Nesta's other hip, his goal was to make sure she was comfortably sitting on top of him. The grinding it caused was collateral damage. The seam of his jeans rubbed the right inch on her body, and soon Nesta was moaning in his mouth.

Hadn't she leaned in, Cassian would be standing on the fluffy carpet, pouring his heart out for her. But she did. And so he was now stripping her of her t-shirt and delighting himself in the realization that Nesta had not been wearing any kind of shorts under it. Just some lovely black panties he was quick to pull aside.

"Fuck!" She let out when his fingers pushed inside her. She was soaking wet just from making out.

There was no excuse for that.

"Tell me what you want." He demanded.

With her mouth open in a silent exclamation, Nesta rode his hand like she should be riding his cock. He curled his two fingers inside her, making her tremble. To keep her balance, Nesta's palms came to rest on his chest, supporting her weight. With her arms at her sides and her back arched, Nesta's tits were pushed right to his face. Not wanting to disrespect his host, Cassian's mouth was on them in an instant.

Hadn't she leaned in...

Nesta tried her best to contain her whimpers, and he did his best to steal new ones from her lips. "Tell me what you want." He repeated, now that Nesta was approaching her climax.

"I just want to come." She pleaded. Her gray eyes found his and gave him that look that almost had him coming in his pants. "Please, Cassian, make me come."

"And what do I get?" He teased, freeing her nipples from the pleasure and torture of his tongue on them. She shuddered, probably feeling the cold now that they were wet with his saliva.

Nesta didn't answer, so he had to be tougher on her. She was lost in her thoughts, bouncing on his hand and enjoying the feeling of his thumb on her clit. With his left hand, Cassian halted her movement just so he could slip his right from under her. Nesta whimpered again, but this time it was unsatisfaction what lingered on her pouting lips. An unexpected swat across her butcheeks made her jump slightly. It had taken her by surprise, although it shouldn't have. She knew what would come when she didn't answer him the first time. "What do I get, Nes?" Cassian was getting tired of repeating himself. She knew better. He spanked her again, just because he wanted to see her tits bounce in his face when she felt it and reacted.

Like a cat, Nesta stretched her body and rested it flat on top of his, gaining access to his neck and covering it in kisses. It was Cassian's turn to groan, more so when she nibbled his earlobe, and he practically melted when Nesta's plump lips sought his again. She was such a smooth kisser, so good at it, Cassian almost forgot she was the one supposed to be begging for his touch, not the other way around. He rolled over, pressing her against the bed now, and grabbed her tits with perhaps more force than needed. Not that Nesta ever complained about sex getting a bit rough. He kneaded them and pulled her nipples to his will, enjoying how hard they got against his palms and how she arched her back for more. When her tongue entered his mouth, Cassian knew she was desperate.

"Anything you want." She promised, thinking she knew exactly what he would take as compensation. "You can have me any way you want, but please," A pause to let out a moan right by his ear, "please, make me come."

Cassian was quick enough in taking down his jeans that Nesta didn't complain about his warm body leaving hers. He wasn't quick enough to put on the condom she handed him from the bedside table, though, so Nesta got on her knees in front of him, matching his pose, and started kissing him again whilst he opened the silver square and wrapped himself in the rubber. When he was done, Cassian wasn't able to tell who was hornier. He only knew one second his hands were in Nesta's ass, taking her in the air, so she could wrap her legs around him, and the next he had slammed their bodies against the mattress again and was fucking her for all he was worth.

It would have been great to say she came quickly and repaid the favor by sucking him, but after all that grinding, Cassian was as close to coming as she was. She squeezed him so tightly he stood no chance, and soon they were both panting, Cassian all the way in and Nesta holding on to him like her life depended on it, needing him even closer. When the climax ran through them, Cassian didn't pull out, nor did she urge him to. Instead, her fingertips started dancing through his back. Making circles at first, then more complicated shapes. Something like triangles, then curves, and more sharp angles right after.

Cassian thanked his past self for staying sober tonight, so he was conscious enough to understand the meaning of the lines she drew.

"Come on a date with me." He whispered against her ear.

"No." Her answer came immediately. Not harshly, at least not with the intention to be harsh. She said the wordas a matter of fact. Empty of feeling.

He closed his eyes. Why? Wasn't this what she wanted? For him to be blunt with his expectations? "You said anything I wanted." Cassian reminded her. He didn't move. Their bodies were still tangled over her bed: him inside her, her legs caging his waist, and her arms hugging his neck. How could Nesta reject him while holding him with such care? 

As if she had read his mind, Nesta let go of him completely, and he had no choice but to sit up. Somehow quicker than Cassian had been when he took them out, Nesta gave him his underwear and jeans back for him to put them on. "I meant something like a blowjob and to swallow." Her coarse words hurt his ego more than his feelings. He didn't answer.

Cassian got up and pulled up his pants, then seated himself again and stared at her, a question in his eyes. She could read it—she in fact did—, but didn't answer. Cassian wondered, had she not leaned in, would he have been brave enough to ask her out with the words he had carried from the football field? Would the result have been the same, or was the fact that they always fucked first, talked later what made them go in circles?

"It was a good game. You did good." Her suddenly bringing that up only made things more awkward. 

"Yeah." Cassian would rather leave now than sit through the silence that followed. He stayed, though, waiting for who knows what to happen and fix the atmosphere, to turn it into... what, exactly? She must have felt it too —the lack of appropriate words to end this night.

Cassian ran a hand through his hair. Nesta fixed it, her touch a ghost. He looked at her and demanded an explanation with just a stare. Nesta didn't give him that either.

"You should go down." She told him. There was no sharpness in her tone, and maybe that was her way of saying she was sorry.

Accepting his fate and just wanting to leave on a good note, Cassian raised a teasing eyebrow and eyed what was between her legs.

"Not that." There it was: the eye rolling, the cute annoyance. "I meant downstairs, to the party. They are probably looking for you."

Indeed.

"You are saying a lot of things you don't mean tonight, Nes. It's kind of confusing."

The accusation finally woke her up from the post-orgasm haze. She jumped out of bed, leaving her t-shirt behind, and going for the door. "You are confusing." Her voice told Cassian she meant it.

"I think I've made myself pretty clear, though. Haven't I?" He took his shoes in one hand and followed her.

"Haven't I?" She retorted, turning around to face him. The defiance in her eyes burned bright, giving her an intimidating glow that compensated her lack of a top. Cassian didn't even look at her tits.

She opened the door for him. He closed it before the gap was wide enough for him to go through.

"Would it kill you to give me a chance?" He finally spat. 

"A chance for what, Cassian? What exactly do you expect? To continue with the fucking, but once a week, grab dinner together?" 

"Well, yeah." Cassian still couldn't understand what was so awful about spending time with him outside their bedroom, a small bathroom or an empty classroom. Be seen out in the open, grab her hand and kiss it just because he feels like it. For Nesta to wear his jersey to his games and celebrate with him and his friends afterward. Grab dinner when their schedules allow, and then go home together.

Nesta held his stare, and this time he couldn't read it. Which could only mean she didn't want him to. Cassian sighed.

"Okay, so whatever I want?" He brought up Nesta's sex-induced promise again. "Just give me a reason I can understand." When she opened her mouth, Cassian's finger sealed it again. "If you want a guy to get you drinks at a party, why can't it be me? If you want to hang out with a guy on a Friday night and go watch a game together,  why won't you let it be me? And don't give me an I don't like you, because you clearly do. What is so awful about me that you don't want to even try?"

When she closed her eyes, unable to look into his, Cassian's heart sank, understanding that there was a reason after all.

"I've tried." She confessed. "I've seen what spending time with you is like, and I don't want it." Not only didn't Cassian interrupt her, but he urged her to keep going, curious to see where she was going. "I've been in a room with you and your friends and remember what was said to me for even looking in your direction a little too long." She started counting with her fingers. "I've spent the afternoon with you guys and been completely ignored by every single one, including you, although I was invited to be there. We've had lunch, I've been trapped at one of your dinner parties and on Feyre's birthday, and there is nothing you can possibly offer me in a relationship to make up for how awful I've been treated every single time and how you did nothing to stop it from happening. How stupid do you think I am to sign up for that again?"

Cassian was equal parts offended on his friend's behalf and his own. Had it been anyone else in front of him, he wouldn't have bitten his tongue at the insult to his friends. They had never spoken ill of her to her face or purposefully tried to exclude her. She simply didn't fit in with the group, and that was okay. They could spend time alone.

"If that is what I'm getting myself into..." She corrected herself, saying, "If that is what you can offer me, then I don't want it."

"Don't you think a relationship is a little more complicated than liking my friends or not?"

"I am in Pre-Med, Cassian, I don't have the time for complicated. I want easy. This..." She signaled between the two, "This is easy. And I like it a lot."

It was his time to be cold. "Sorry, but this won't do it for me." Cassian took a step back, putting much-needed physical space between them. "Obviously, I can't be with someone who thinks that about my friends."

She agreed and stepped to the side, making room to open the door for him. "And I can't be with someone who would let their friends say exactly the same things about me." It was the brief silence as the words sank in what pushed her to keep going. "To be honest, and I am not saying this to be hurtful, you don't deserve more."

Cassian only nodded, not necessarily in agreement, not fully differing either. He understood.

"Have a good life, Nes." He just walked away.

#nessian #nessian smut #nessian fic #nessian fanfic #nessian fanfiction #nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #cassian acotar #cassian x nesta #nesta x cassian

[rayofmisfortune]

Do you ever think about how when Ruin was still under the virus's control, Moon was the first person they saw in who knows how long, the person who he reached out to and begged for help, the person who reassured them that he was planning on saving them, the person who explained practically everything to them when they got cured, one of the people who they owe their LIFE to, and now Moon is the one interrogating them, accusing them of rebuilding eclipse, installing a tracker on them (1/2)

YES

YES I DO AND IT HURTS SO GOSH DARN BAD

New Moon... he just- I used to like him, yes he had his faults even in the past but it was easy to see those as him struggling with coming to terms with being someone who was SOMEONE ELSE before and needing to fit that holr the person left behind. He was relearning everything from scratch. It was understandablw that he would hiccup at some points.

My main appeal of old Moon was mainly that... he could SEE when someone was trying to change, when someone had a chance to turn over a new leaf. Because he HIMSELF had tried and done that. He knew what it was like to be someone viewed in a negative light, but he also knew what it was like to want to BE better and he was lucky enough to get the chance for that. Yes all the celestial family's problems stem from old Moon leaving Eclipse behind in Sun but.. to a level he can't really be blamed for that? He didn't know the killcode would grow sentient, he didn't know it would become its own person. He couldn't have predicted that as it's not something that happened to them before. He wanted to not be a danger to his brother now that they both had their own frames and could exist side to side.

The new Moon... he doesn't KNOW that. He doesn't know why the old Moon did the stuff he did. He doesn't know what it's like to be shaped into a monster by design yet wish for something better, something more. He DOESN'T. He'd never had the chance to learn or experience what that's like. The old Moon had. He doesn't know what to look for in a person to see that they wish to be different but are struggling to do so, or refuse to acknowladge it til the last possible moment. That's why he blasted backup Eclipse, he didn't register the desperation in his voice as genuine ladt ditch attempt to be given a moment to explain. No, he saw it as manipulation. The old Moon, by all means, would hsve most likely picked up on that as... NOT something Eclipse had ever done before. So backup Eclipse was blasted

I think the only reason he picked up on Ruin Eclipse not being the one in control there was solely because he sent Sun into the Ruin dimension and had the proof of that handed to him on a silver platter. Robots there have been infected by a virus that makes them go crazy and kill organic life. So.. he had proof of a person existing under the virus' control. And he did what he could to get that person out of the deep virus riddled sea they were trapped in. Because. He. Had. Proof.

After they managed to cure Ruin Eclipse? He. Had. No. Proof. Of. The. Virus. Being. Gone. He explained everything to them after they woke up, because they needed to know that no, you can't go home. Yes, you're stuck with us now. You were a bad guy. If I remember correctly, Ruin Eclipse was last aware of themself in the year of 2015 or 2017 (< in the episode they woke up, they weren't sure themselves) and the virus had been in their system for... 50ish years? Unsure.

Now we're here. Where they're getting shoved off to the side. Which has been mainly started by the same person that gave them their mind back. Why? Because Moon has no proof of them being cured. He has nothing. So, he's wary, distrustful. Shoving Ruin Eclipse to the side to make them not be a problem. While.. being SURPRISED when they want to help and be included. They didn't ask for this. For all we know they could be locked up in the arcade, reminiscing on how it all probably would be better if they haven't been cured. Haven't been aware. Haven't ever left their dimension. Ect. Ect.

They are lonely and desperate. Confused. Kept out of the loop. They don't know anything unless they ASK. They are thought of as stupid, when.. Ruin, while infected, was miles above Moon and Eclipse combined. To this day, they don't know how he could read what was in the static screens, or even how he did it. No one knows how he did it. And then we have our cured Ruin Eclipse who, may not be as much of a smartsy as Ruin was, but they ARE Sun and Moon combined. They aren't as smart as Moon, sure. But they know how to follow blueprints. If they have a blueprint for something, they can follow it to a T. It's downright insulting to think of them as stupid (same with Sun, he isn't stupid either). Moon thought it necessary to explain how the tracker works at which- Ruin Clipsy was probably thinking something along the lines of "I know how a tracker works."

They just- gosh, they need someone to talk to. To be there with them. Just someone who they can ramble off to, info dump, whatever else they need. Physical touch's important and they've.. I feel like they've been kept away from that a lot

#answered asks #sun and moon show #tsams #sams #ray's ramblings #this got so gosh darn long ahah #lost my train of thought so we're leaving it here jfjfjd

[septembersghost]

my queue was supposed to run out tonight (11/19) - i'm nothing if not someone who clings to dates and anniversaries, and exactly a month ago, i realized i had enough posts stowed in it to last until today. of all the days. kismet. you know when it's time to go. but i ended up adding some posts from my (still copious) drafts, and no matter how i finagled it, it was impossible to make them all fit by the time today ended. so it gets a little bit of extra time. maybe, in honor of this blog's existence, that's fitting.

you all know this, i've said it, typically in gratitude, many times already. this blog was never meant to last. i came back in november 2020 expecting a couple of months, maybe to be here until the new year. i told very few people, anticipating the goodbye, not wanting to cause anyone undue anguish when i had to vanish again. something i didn't expect was the sheer (admittedly devasting) emotion that would tie itself to those two weeks when i started interacting again, nor that it would have any outreach or impact, but somehow it did. then time kept spinning on, extending itself, gossamer threads unfurling each day. my following kept growing, far beyond what i could have anticipated, greater than i'd ever established on any of my previous blogs. moving around is unfortunately a pattern at this point, every time for reasons that felt quietly catastrophic. not being able to pay bills for a while. angel's death and the ensuing difficult circumstances. so here, i kept anxiously imagining why i'd eventually have to leave, how to plan for it. poverty issues. the homelessness we were facing through the entirety of a couple of years until last august (and my dad having to be the saving grace). worsening health issues. i never knew, i couldn't predict it, i just worried about it. often tried to brace for it. maybe i got too comfortable this year, because this was when i started to think it wouldn't happen, that i really could stay. little did i know. and the reasons...are not reasons i ever fathomed, why would i have? how could i have? i wish it weren't so. (i wish a lot of things.)

i thought sometimes about the words i would leave you with, none of which are suitable now. i almost wrote nothing, yet found that feeling wrong, couldn't leave without something about parting.

thus it turns out i'm leaving before it's strictly necessary, before it's the fear of personal catastrophe coming to fruition, not knowing what i'll do or where i'll metaphorically go, as that is the downside of chronic illness and isolation narrowing this to my sole outlet. (lyrics keep running through my mind, there are always lyrics stuck in my head. no matter where i go, there'll be memories that tug at my sleeve, but there will also be more to question, yet more to believe...teach me to be more adaptive...help me say goodbye). my body is in such a fragile state right now (my mind not far behind) that maybe what i need to do is rest. just rest for a while.

this blog was never meant to grow the way it did, to take asks and have conversations like i did, that was a somewhat new (sometimes scary! often fun) experience for me. it's one that will never be replicated. to my loyal and lovely anons, i'm so sorry that i had to cut you off unexpectedly and couldn't reinstate communication - i know that you weren't able to reach out to me as soon as i did that, and that certainly wasn't your fault, it was a response to the tenor of this website. i apologize for the hundreds of messages i never had the chance to answer. i'm appreciative of the things you shared with me and all the times we got to talk.

i sincerely hope some of you learn to be kinder and wiser and less reactionary and more willing to learn and to listen rather than to attack those who have never wronged you and who do not deserve that. i'm being too nice, but i hope you learn that misusing your supposed social justice to do harm and foment hatred and stew in ignorant cruelty makes any principles you purport to have utterly void. my hope for that is low at the moment, but it's still got to be there. waiting to be found.

to those of you who have never been anything but kind, you are true treasures, the lights in the darkness, the loving and compassionate embodiment of human spirit. some of you have (quite literally) helped keep my mom and me alive, and i can never repay that or do enough in this life to quantify it. some of you have been here for me every single day, to listen and laugh and cry and understand. i don't think i would've bothered to fight through these past three years had i not had your presences in my life. i wouldn't have had as much of a reason. there are times when i still haven't felt like i had a reason, i struggle through so many varied griefs, but then i continued to wake up, and would come on here and find something joyful or beautiful or affirming that someone had sent or posted, and it gave me an anchor. there are passions and interests i shared or discovered here that were so uplifting and enlightening, and i will carry them in my heart always. being here to find those was such a blessing. being here with you to indulge in them was such a blessing. thank you. i pray your continued paths have more of that ahead. look at all the things you've done for me. there are certain things that once you have no time can wear away.

you know that line from the wizard of oz?: hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. maybe that isn't true, maybe our hearts being broken is proof of something. there are people who hurt me on such a profound level who i know weren't affected by it at all, but i refuse to define my sensitivity as a negative. my softness (too soft for all of it, indeed) does not quite provide me with a weapon, but it doesn't crumple. hearts can be broken repeatedly and still beat, which i've thought about a lot lately. shattered souls just make a new mosaic. it's a different picture than it was before, but the color and light persists. and in the remains of that, a handful of people have shown me depths of caring and resilience that i wouldn't have gotten to hold onto otherwise, which is an extraordinary thing. the precious rarities have to mean something more, don't they? i would think so. i believe it. or i'm trying. i keep trying with all my might.

maybe i stayed too long at the fair. maybe this is a consequence of overplaying my hand, gambling a little too much with time to where it had to teach me something. maybe i needed the reminder that sometimes we have to fight to retain our spirits, and other times we have to retreat. maybe i needed a reminder that all that extra time was a miracle. i don't take it for granted.

whether we've spoken directly, be that consistently or in scattered flurries, whether we've interacted in very personal ways or simply in liked hearts on the dash, i hope there was goodness and light in it. i hope there's a memory i leave here that's sweet. (as long as i'm borrowing phrases, i hope you'll think of me fondly sometimes.) i hope there was something warm and enriching here. i hope you know what you've been and meant to me. i said so many times that this blog was my cozy haunted house - the ghosts will linger here forever, and i know they'll never mind if you want to step in and visit.

with all my heart, i love so many of you so dearly. i am so lucky to have your friendships. please move gently through life. please hold onto the things that illuminate it for you, and provide that where you can. please do your best to repair even the smallest of tears in the world. you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

there must be lights burning brighter somewhere.

something yet remains. i remain. and i do my best to be brave.

#bubble wrap around my heart #jess.mess #namarie #gam zu l'tovah #edit: december 2. this was as it turns out too nice #because today this website decided to desecrate something central and sacred #i wish i could verbalize to you despicable people the profound soul deep hurt you're causing #and the constant fear and trauma you're instilling by making every space so blatantly hateful and hostile and unsafe #but you don't get to take a PRAYER away from its people. you don't get that power ever. that light will NEVER be diminished #i have no respect for any of you doing this. you're evil #i have infinite respect for myself now though. i know who i am. and i'm done #you don't deserve me and you never deserved my friendship or my trust or my heart #proverbs 4:23 #goodbye.

[hotdsstuff]

Hey! Before you start, a few info about me!

You can call me Aerin

My pronouns are she/her

For now I only write for House of the Dragon, but I might start writing for other fandoms if you'd like

I don't have any guidelines yet, so you can request anything you want, but please understand that if I'm unconfortable with what you asked I won't write it, but I'll explain why.

Onto the fanfiction we go

Blood and Ashes

Hi guys! So I have a fanfiction on Wattpad. No, wait, I have more than one, but this is, for now, the only one that I will share here.

Fandom: House of the Dragon

Reader: Fem!reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Love Interest: Daemon Targaryen

Warnings: none (yet)

Chapter 1: Prologue

' 𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿 76 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 28𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗞𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗝𝗮𝗲𝗵𝗮𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘀'𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗻.

It was mid-August, it was the last days of summer and the Maesters had already predicted a long, hard winter.

Other than that, the king was proud of his reign. He had a peaceful people and a very prosperous kingdom, even if it was still his first years of reign, but that doesn't matter to the story, does it?

Well, where was I going? Ah yes, this king, Jaehaerys, was very curious. He was getting old and he knew it. Not necessarily 80 years old, no, but you know, every day he felt more tired, even though he was very young, he felt deep down that something was going to happen, but he tried to concentrate on what was good, and that was enough.

Ahead, Jaehaerys enjoyed knowing, studying, and exploring the past. He still wanted to explore one last thing, before leaving this world. That "thing" was: Valyria.

Yes, yes, Jaehaerys knew of the rumors of Valyria since the Doom: No one returned from there, and now the ruined island was inhabited by men with Greyscale, a disease that turned them to stone.

But what can you do with a mad old man's desires.... There have been worse, haven't they?

He wanted to try. And nothing and no one would stop him.

So, so it was. A few weeks later, Jaehaerys called a meeting with one of his sons, Baelon. Until now he had remained on Dragonstone, taking care of his sister-wife, who was pregnant with his firstborn.

Baelon didn't want to leave his wife alone. Alyssa was more than a wife, she was a sister, quite literally. Continuing. Also, Alyssa was in the 4th moon of her pregnancy, which meant that in just 5 moons, he would meet his son, or daughter.

But, it was a royal order, Baelon couldn't just disobey the king, especially when the king was also his father, could he?

So, at the end of the month, Baelon took leave of his wife and left, with a promise to return before the birth, and departed Dragonstone.

He took 50 men with him, so that he would be protected. Not that he didn't know how to protect himself, of course not, he knew how to take care of himself pretty well actually. Just him and his sword.

Now this sword, as legend has it, was older than Blackfire and Darksister, who had belonged to Aegon I and Visenya. No... Legend has it that that sword once belonged to the Dragonlords of Old Valyria, forged from pure Valyrian Steel and set with a large ruby ​​on the hilt. It's been said that the sword had no name before it was given to Baelon, which I don't believe, but...what I believe or not, doesn't matter, does it?

As I was saying, the sword had no name so Baelon named it Dracarys.

And so it was, in late August and early September Baelon left Dragonstone for Valyria.

Exactly how long Baelon took to reach Valyria is unknown, what we do know is when, how and with whom he returned.

Well, well, one question at a time.

When? Ah well, it is not known for sure, but it is estimated that he arrived in early November. Yes, it had taken him 4 months to come back. But he came back.

How? No one really knows how Baelon came back, because at the time we are talking, in late October and early November, as the Maesters had predicted, winter was very harsh on the people of Westeros, with icy winds and furious storms. Even Dorne felt the icy embrace of some snow, and that's saying a lot.

Now with whom? That's my favorite question personally.

Baelon returned alone. His ship was just an inch away from falling apart but Baelon didn't have a scratch.

The only thing Baelon brought with him from Valyria intact was a book.

Ah yes, the old book.

But what was so special about this book? You may be wondering, don't worry, I'll explain right away.

This book was a book about: Blood Magic

This magic, which had not been seen since the Doom of Valyria. Lost among the rocks, the fire, the embers and ash that were left of Valyria.

When he arrived, Baelon headed straight for Dragonstone, even before he went to King's Landing. At that moment, his sister-wife and son or daughter were more important than anything else.

As soon as he set foot in his quarters, Baelon found Alyssa sitting by the window, watching the snow and wind. When she looked at him, the first thing she noticed was the huge, dusty book in her hands.

Alyssa got up with difficulty, after all 8 gestation moons shouldn't be easy, and she greeted her brother-husband, then immediately asked him if she could analyze the book.

Baelon, knowing his sister's insatiable curiosity, let her keep the book. One way or another, knowing his sister, he knew she would eventually read it so he might as well do it the easy way. We should never piss off a woman, right? Especially if she is pregnant.

That kept her busy for the rest of the month. Busy that Baelon began to worry about his sister's condition. There were days when she didn't even leave her room and sometimes she "forgot" to eat, she said. It was as if she was always in a trance.

Baelon ignored his instinct for a month, but now December had arrived, the month the Maesters had predicted for the child's birth. Baelon tried to distract her attention from the book and tried to persuade her to get into bed, but she declined, not so politely.

Baelon was far away. For your understanding, Baelon thought he was delirious and hearing voices. But not. It was all real. At night, he could hear Alyssa's voice reciting the same promises in the book, in a whisper, as if she didn't anyone to hear her. And then he saw the impossible.

He'd stayed up longer, to make sure he was right. So when his sister started to whisper, he looked at her and the Fire, it increased to what she said, as if it liked what she was saying.

So this one was decided.

In the middle of the night, Baelon burned the book as he should have burned it from the moment he had found it.

But...what was done, was done. And there was no way to undo it.

The next day, Baelon was surprised when Alyssa didn't ask him about the book. Now, everything felt like a dream. Baelon then decided to take her to King's Landing and ask his mother, Queen Alysane.

Baelon rode Vhagar and Alyssa rode Meleys. Meleys was a dragon experienced in battle, and being a female she could sort of feel what Alyssa was going through, so she flew very carefully. But you couldn't be too careful when the winds pull you and push you back and forth. Meleys did her best and Alyssa arrived in King's Landing safe and sound.

Days after arrival Alyssa finally went into labor on the coldest day of the year. Hours and hours passed until the child was born. And the moment the bells of King's Landing rang, all the dragons roared as one.

There are Maesters who say they could even hear the roars of the Cannibal, Sheep Stealer, Grey Ghost, wild Dragons who lived in the mountains of Dragonstone and King's Landing.

But most surprising was the roar following Balerion's, yes, even the Black Dread roared for her, but right now the focus is not on him. The roar that followed was terrifying, it says it deafened the cattle for at least a week.

And that wasn't all that little queen had to show. Then the unthinkable happened. Those were winter times but the girl was…warm.

And as if by magic at the moment she was born, the maesters looked out the window and saw the sun. Shining over the entire city.

That child had done in a day what the gods had not done in years.

They named her Aerin after a goddess of Old Valyria. The Fireborn.

Aerin grew, each year more beautiful and graceful and, of course, very skilled with the blade.

Her father Baelon had her learning to master the art of using a sword.

Her mother, Alyssa, was tasked with teaching her how to be a lady and behave.

Her grandmother Alyssane taught her the art of persuasion and seduction, something she would put to use in the future.

And her grandfather, Jaehaerys, groomed her to be Queen.

On her 6th nameday she achieved her greatest feat.

The king and his family had gone for a walk in the mountains, at the request of the little princess.

Together with her brothers, Viserys, with 5 name days and Daemon with 1 name day. These stayed with their parents. But Aerin, no...

The princess was as curious as her mother and grandfather. So she ventured into the caves. Until she came to one hidden by ivy and fog at the foot of the mountain.

This cave was huge, enough for Balerion to fit inside, but the princess couldn't know because so far she hadn't been close to the adult dragons. It is true that Aerin was gifted with a Dragon Egg in her crib, like any other Targaryen. But this was a baby dragon.

Alyssa didn't want to deprive her daughter of her knowledge of dragons. But she was afraid, from the moment the dragons had roared when Aerin was born.

But now it didn't have much effect.

The princess was distracted looking at the flowers and didn't see the fiery eyes looking in her direction, attentive to her every move.

The dragon roared in her face, but the moment she smelled her she felt the dragon's blood in the princess's veins and lowered her head.

So, fearless as she was, Aerin rode the Dragon that would later be named Valerian and flew above the clouds.

When Baelon and Alyssa saw Aerin riding a dragon, they were scared mostly because the princess didn't have a saddle.

But when they noticed the dragon's size, they felt proud. This one was bigger than Vhagar and at least the same size as Balerion.

At age 7, she earned her most famous nickname. Aerin Targaryen, Mother of Dragons

Why?

Hmm....because at the age of 7, Aerin had already flown on all dragons. Even the Cannibal she tamed.

And it was on her name day that year that she rode Balerion the Black Dread.

That had been the best gift she had ever received.

She also had various other names given by the people, like The Dragons's Daughter, or The Dragon's Flame.

And so, Aerin Targaryen grew up to be one of the most powerful women in Westeros.

She would forever be remembered as The Mother of Dragons and The Winner of the Dance.

#daemon targaryen x reader #daemon targaryen #game of thrones #hotd #got #house of the dragon #fanfic

[elvisabutler]

now im just thinking about baz officiating birdie and austin’s wedding and then getting absolutely plastered afterwards omg

anon!!! consider! that exactly what the hell happens in some universe. does it happen in the main one we don't know. i haven't decided. ( look, i have this plotted out, do my small details change? yes. do my base they're together, they break up, they come back together, they live happily ever after change? no. ) tw: drunkenness? baz luhrmann making poor decisions ( seriously @satninbeaulieu wine mom baz is my new favorite thing. )

but okay! consider! you and austin are just in love. we all know this. we also know that truth be told y'all are baz's favorite soap opera and despite him being a grown ass man and y'all being grown ass adults he indulges you two too much. catherine has told him this while also facilitating you two stealing costumes- which honestly, totally baz's fault because everyone stole shit from the set and she just planned ahead and there was multiples of the costumes. basically baz's set was a madhouse in some respects and you two just really fit in very well in a way you couldn't have fit into another set.

but yes you and austin are in love. baz and everyone on set knows this. everyone who isn't necessarily a higher up at wb knows this. so know what. you may want a courthouse wedding. austin may for some reason think it's hilarious for you two to be married by an elvis impersonator. baz? baz wants to marry you two himself. look he's responsible for this and has been from the second he told you to get on the floor and austin told him "that's my priscilla." does he acknowledge that y'all took a real weird road to get here? yes. does it make him love you two and the relationship you two have cultivated any less? no. hell, disregarding the weirdness at cannes and the met and the Shitshow of the Vogue shoot y'all have been the best couple on screen or off for him. he loves you two to pieces.

so when you calling baz- because it's you and not austin because he's the dumb idiot who had you almost passing out in the hallway of some late show with "dove, let's go to vegas." and "we've talked about moving in together and you've told me how many kids you want in the future and we've talked about when we might want them for the past two months after talking about it a year ago, why wouldn't want to marry you right now?" and "i wanted to marry you last year." seriously, austin robert butler there is a time and a place and it not in the hallway after an interview when you're both tired as hell because it's a been a long day. but you say you'd prefer a courthouse wedding and you want to have something borrowed from priscilla and you win that argument sort of. and then you have to call catherine and baz. austin is in charge of the rest of the cast including tom who you know is busy but maybe a part of you is like i don't care how i get married if tom hanks is at my wedding i will be secretly delighted because that's a badge of honor in real life and hollywood.

so you call baz. actually you call catherine but you figure they're next to each other so you reach one you reach the other. you are more than a little excited and in a rush "austinandiaregettingmarriedwe'dlikeyoutocome" and catherine tells you to say a little slower before baz- who has overhead this informs you that he can actually officiate if you'd like. he'd be honored to, in fact.

that should have been the clue that something was going to go very very wrong by the end of the night. but because your life and austin's life are basically ruled by the phrase "in hindsight oops" you two don't realize this until after the fact. catherine should have warned you but honestly, catherine didn't even predict this one.

but you jump at the chance and how fast can we get everyone to the same place because you're going to hunt for rings and you've got this black dress you wore for the last interview and "yes, austin i'm wearing a black dress. i don't want a full wedding dress. and even if i did why do you think it'd be white? be thankful i'm not wearing a suit." "i mean it'd be hot." "focus, daddy." and baz says to meet him at this hotel in the middle of nowhere. which is to say it's somewhere that isn't vegas but isn't la and maybe it really just in upstate new york or utah. it's somewhere where there isn't going to be a lot of paparazzi so that the gaggle of people who will be with the pair of you aren't going to bring a massive amount of attention. you forward the address to priscilla and lisa marie and it's great.

the thing is when everyone gets there you and austin are bombarded with the question "how drunk are you two?" a question that makes you both laugh like tipsy college girls trying their first sip of alcohol.

"unless being drunk on that idiot over there counts, sober." you answer pulling austin closer to you so you can try and curl into him.

"never been more sober in my life." he answers with his hand around your waist and his head dipping down to your neck to nuzzle at it.

baz has had one ( 1 ) singular glass of wine before the ceremony. this does not remain the same throughout the night. he hands catherine his phone and tells her to take a million pictures and video tape and maybe austin hands her his camera or he hands someone- maybe it's kelvin or alton or natasha- but it's someone being given his camera. point is the two of you will have a billion pictures and one video of this entire thing.

baz is surprisingly good at officiating which shouldn't surprise you and yet it does. and maybe you give him war flashbacks with your kiss. you did try and keep it chaste, but truly, you're marrying austin and he's marrying you and maybe it got a little heated. maybe you have to stop yourself from letting austin pick you up but he still 1000 percent squeezes your ass.

here's the thing though, there's alcohol afterward because you've drug these people out to the middle of nowhere it's the least you could do. so you imbibe. so does austin. catherine even sips a big glass of wine and everyone else? they get mildly tipsy at least. baz gets- a little plastered. a lot plastered. look- he rarely gets like this and catherine figured this was fine. it was fine. she was keeping an eye on him and the phone.

up until the point right before she takes his phone and he decides that the world needs to know that his leads are not only having sex but they've gotten married. after ignoring each other for the greater part of a year. it blows up on instagram and quickly slides right onto tiktok and twitter. it is everywhere on the internet. you watch the tiktoks in a panic after you finally grab your phone with austin's dick still inside you while he's passed out at 9:15 in the morning. it's your distressed laughter and whispers of "oh fuck. oh shit. oh noooo." that wakes him up eventually.

no one realizes this until 7am because you're all are enjoying the good time at the reception. you don't realize this until 9am when you finally wake up with austin curled around you, his dick still causally inside you and see a million missed calls, several text messages including one from your own mother asking "why wasn't i invited? what are you wearing? and did he grab your butt at the altar?". you don't move because of austin and because you're not 100 percent your legs work without help despite the maybe 5 hours of sleep you have gotten.

austin doesn't realize it until 10am because you figured the old man needed his beauty rest after last night. why? well that's a story for another ask.

#spoilers: maybe the accidental reveal is becoming full canon. baz luhrmann you menace!!! #did i include two gifs because i could? yeah. #am i teasing y'all? yes. #austin butler x priscilla actress reader #austin butler x reader #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x you #i think i'm funny using that last one btw. #between this ask and the video i am on cloud nine don't mind me. #also hello new followers this is not what you signed up for i imagine but hello nonetheless. #ally writes

[victorious1956]

It's Been One Year

I first watched Brokeback Mountain a year ago today. I don't think any other film has stayed with me in quite the same way. Since then I've written over 100,000 words for Jack and Ennis.

All these are on AO3. The rating is shown after each title.

Listed in order of most recently posted first.

(i wanna be) the only one to hold you (E)

Jack has found the person he knows he could spend his life with, yet he fears what might happen if Ennis becomes aware of his feelings. Then, one evening in late summer, everything changes between them. 1 chapter 3,123 words

No Secrets Anymore (T)

Lureen's life has been a lie, and she has her suspicions about her husband too. When their truths are revealed, each hopes it will pave the way for a more honest future for both of them. 3 chapters 8,368 words

(back and forth between) the dreaming that we once created (T)

As Jack and Ennis struggle to keep their relationship alive, a change of plan causes Ennis to reconsider their future. 1 chapter 3,519 words

Face the Truth (E)

Ennis knows he isn't queer. How could he be? The idea of going with another man had never entered his head, before Brokeback. But things are different now Jack Twist has entered his life. 1 chapter 3,029 words

Stage Whispers (G)

Ennis is enjoying his chosen course at university, but his social life is not so satisfactory. He overcomes his shyness to join a society, and from that point, things begin to improve. 1 chapter 2,965 words

(tell me that you'll) kiss me forever (M)

When is a kiss truly a kiss? Ennis finds the answer to this question when he spends a second night with Jack. 1 chapter 1,055 words

A Christmas Miracle (T)

Since Jack's disappearance and presumed death more than a year ago, Ennis has lived a lonely, rudderless life, and sees no reason to celebrate the festive season. But then a chance comment in a Riverton bar leads to a startling revelation. Maybe Christmas is a time for miracles, after all. 1 chapter 4,544 words

Magic in the Night (E)

Spring makes its way into summer on Brokeback Mountain, and Ennis and Jack enjoy a closeness neither has known before. It's as perfect as it can be. But something is nagging at Ennis, and he wonders if he can come to terms with it. 1 chapter 4,702 words

An Album of Thirty-One Snapshots (M)

31 separate moments in the lives of Jack and Ennis, and their families. Written for Fictober 2022. 31 chapters 14,833 words

(that's how i know) you are the one (M)

When Ennis unexpectedly finds some old correspondence, it reminds him of the past he and Jack share, and the journey they took to reach where they are today. 1 chapter 4,285 words

(where i'm standing) i'm empty-handed (T)

Ennis can't be part of his everyday life, so their infrequent meet-ups have to suffice. Jack hopes it will be enough. But each time it hurts a little more when they part, and he wonders if it's time to draw the line. 3 chapters 5,935 words

Until The Sky Falls Down (M)

One idyllic summer. If only they could stay here, and leave the rest of the world to go its own way. Ennis knew it couldn't last. Knew the contentment they'd found would end as the days cooled and the nights lengthened. But at least they had this, for now. 2 chapters 7,932 words

whatever's written in your heart (that's all that matters) (E)

Jack's birthday is a time for family, and for reflecting on the life he and Ennis now lead. But something is worrying Ennis, and Jack does his best to reassure him. 1 chapter 4,072 words

A Full Recovery (M)

Ennis' life is predictable, mundane, but safe. His marriage to Alma may not be the stuff of dreams, but it's all they have. Yet it seems fate has other ideas, and maybe things will change for both of them. 7 chapters 19,819 words

the world is ours (if you want it) (E)

Ennis never asked for this. Hadn't even known it was an option, until now. Jack has to be patient as Ennis tries to come to terms with what they did, and how he feels about it. 1 chapter 5,157 words

Cut and Run (E)

The job on Brokeback Mountain was not what Ennis had expected. Jack had opened his eyes to a life he was unaware of, and he embraced it fully. But is a few months of happiness all there is? Or might there be a future for them, together? 2 chapters 5,923 words

Shadows Burning in the Dark (E)

After the first time, Ennis' thoughts are in turmoil. And he knows, despite what was said, that once will not be enough. 1 chapter 1,881 words

The Trail Ahead (T)

Ennis lived his life one day at a time. No point in looking ahead. Until the day that all changed. 1 chapter 1,056 words

#brokeback mountain #brokeback mountain fic #ennis del mar #jack twist #heath ledger #jake gyllenhaal #my posts

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

For Skz pack! Are there any heats where y/n only favours the omegas?

"Oof." You let out a breath, blowing the air harshly through your nose, thinking hard. "This is a good question. With a kind of complicated answer-? So bear with me."

You tap your fingers along your thigh in a rhythmic sort of motion, gathering your thoughts.

"Okay, so first off, every rut, for every alpha, is different, so keep that in mind." You point out, chewing on your bottom lip now, the scent of frost spiking in the air almost imperceptibly. "But usually, mine tend to run the same pretty predictable course, unless something screwy happened unexpectedly that year?"

"Oh yeah, like that one year we were all out of town for spring break, but you stayed behind because of late finals." Hyunjin nods seriously, glancing at Changbin, who seems to remember the memory well, judging by the crease between his brows. "You said you'd be fine, you were taking suppressants at the time, but your rut showed up anyway, and early at that."

"Yeah." You shudder, trying to block the memory from the forefront of your mind. It had been miserable. "That was a disaster."

"And then we got snowed in and couldn't get back to help because someone-" Minho pointedly looks at Jisung, who stares defiantly right back. "-thought it would be fun to rent a cabin in the mountains during April."

"Hey, it was a good idea, okay??"

"It really wasn't."

"Anyway." You laugh, waving your hands to stop the bickering. "It doesn't matter. That's all in the past. Currently, my ruts are super regular and pretty normal and I try to track them religiously so I'm not caught off guard again."

"I tend to overall get really needy during my rut? Like I don't need to be around one specific person or one specific subgender necessarily in the early stages, I just basically need my pack close. As long as I have one or more of my packmates with me, I'm usually okay and it's manageable."

You consider silently for a moment and then go on. "Then, as it progresses, things get a little bit more tricky. Usually after the clingy stage, it's the horny stage, where like, I don't care who you are, just don't come near me unless you're willing to put your money where your mouth is, I guess?"

You laugh and shrug. "It sounds crass, but it's biology, and it's what my wolf wants."

"I think that's just an alpha thing, honestly." Seungmin shrugs from beside Changbin, playing with Hyunjin's fingers in his lap. "Scratches the itch."

"For awhile." You nod, tilting your head, glancing over at Felix and Innie, taking in the sweet mixture of their scents-cinnamon and orange-with a smile, before you continue. "And then we get to the picky stage, where people and subgenders start to matter."

"Usually we leave the house during the picky stage." Changbin speaks up, grinning rakishly at you, as you stick your tongue out at him, and he shrugs in response. "Easier on you, easier on us. Because we want to help, but your wolf doesn't want us anywhere near you."

"It's true." It's your turn to shrug sheepishly now. "I usually can't stand the scent of the other alphas around day four or five. And not because they don't smell good or like themselves-they do-but just because my wolf instantly takes any other alpha as a threat in the height of rut."

"It's hardest on Chan." Minho points out with a slight smile, glancing at the head alpha beside you. "He usually spends the last couple of days out of the house moping around the studio."

"I do not!" Chan protests, before sighing, long and low. "I just like to be helpful."

"We know." You reach out and pat his thigh sympathetically, and he shoots you beseeching look as you laugh. "You're very helpful, Channie."

"Anyway, last couple of days is when instinct really kicks in, and I want the omegas." You consider something hard for a moment and then nod. "No, wait, let me rephrase that-I need the omegas."

"Up until that point, I can usually push down primal instincts fairly decently, but in order to get over the last hump, I usually have to give in and let my wolf have what it wants, and that's an omega."

"Hah. Hump." Jisung snickers, and Changbin elbows him in the side hard enough that the beta lets out an audible oof.

"Submissive and breedable, at your service." Hyunjin teases, bowing at the waist in his sitting position, flashing you a cheeky grin with bright eyes. "Always happy to help."

You blow him a kiss and he makes a show of catching it as Jeongin audibly gags in disgust.

"As far as preferring one omega over the other in rut, I don't really?" You hum, tapping your chin, thinking hard again. "Sometimes it will change, based on the trajectory of the rut, and my wolf's instincts, but usually as long as they're one of my omegas, I don't care much about anything else."

"Jeongin usually sits ruts out if we know from experience that they're going to be rougher or longer than usual." Chan speaks up now, glancing at the youngest omega fondly as he does.

You nod in agreement, even as the baby visibly pouts.

"Yeah, and not because we don't want you just as much, Innie." You point out, holding his pouty gaze until he looks at you. "It's simply for safety reasons."

Minho ruffles the boy's hair, and the hint of a smile curves away the pout from his full lips.

"You're still new, pup. You just had your first heat not too long ago. Give it some time and experience and you'll be on Felix and Hyunjin's level before you know it."

Jeongin rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I know." His voice dips down into a whine, even as he clings to Minho's arm. "But my omega wants to help the alphas too."

"We know, pup." Chan offers back soothingly, and you can smell the calming pheromones in the air now, rolling off of him in stormy waves. Jeongin visibly relaxes under the head alpha's soothing words and rainy scent. "And you will, eventually."

"Ruts can make your hormones wacky when you're still newly presented, Innie. We don't wanna trigger another heat too soon." You add, offering the baby omega a gentle smile, snuggled in between Felix and Minho now on the couch. "It would be miserable for you, baby, and none of us would like that."

"I know." Jeongin sighs, and Felix curls around him, tucking the younger boy's head snugly under his chin.

"Felix." You let his name fall from your lips with finality, and he looks up at you, all bright eyes and starry freckles. You offer him a dopey, affectionate grin in return, and glance at the boy curled in his lap.

"Jeongin." He glances at you, eyes wide and dark beneath the line of his bangs.

"Hyunjin." You turn to glance at the last omega, sitting balled up at Jisung's side, and he cocks his head curiously, ears pricked for what you're going to say next.

"Thank you for being the best omegas a pack could ever ask for."

#skz #stray kids #stay #skz!pack #ask the pack #askthepack #skz!abo #a/b/o #alpha beta omega dynamics #alpha beta omega #ask #reply #inbox #moots #mutuals #anon #anonymous #sweet nonnie #my submissions #submission #ot8 #ot8 x you #ot8 x reader #skz x you #skz x reader #y/n #bang chan #seo changbin #lee minho #hwang hyunjin

[hardwaresysx0]

massive vent underneath the cut. i dont know i just started typing and couldnt stop. you can read it if you want, but honestly, i recommend you dont.

i miss the days of when who was going to be in front was predictable. now we've gone through a few day period where there was a new person in front every day. it fucking sucks, especially because all of our old hosts are inactive, even the one that was frontstuck for 2 YEARS! and she WANTED to be! i havent seen her in weeks. one of them tends to front whenever his name is mentioned but even when he DOES pop into front, he always just goes "wow this is so boring. you live like this now?" and leaves. and i think its because the one sense of stability we had for a while is now just. bloop. gone. and the fact that it was our fault too really just adds the cherry on top of everything. speaking of that sense of stability, some people refuse to accept the fact that its even gone! so then we have to deal with delusions that are straight up UNREALISTIC, that we still have that support system when we don't really have anything outside of ourselves and pouring all of our thoughts into this damn website. every fucking day we wake up and think about those people who offered us comfort, it's almost become a routine! and last night before I went to bed I talked about it with a friend, and guess what. i had another fucking dream about them. about *him*. and it was REALISTIC too, it was him messaging us, checking in on us, and then leaving again. it reminds me of the first time something like this happened. and guess what! it was with HIM! IT WAS HIS FAULT! because we were immature and couldn't be expected to take responsibility and now WE suffer from the choices HE made! and instead of trying to figure out the real issue, he tells us hes tired of helping and boots us out, expecting us to move on? really? us? the ones who waited for so long, for you?! our mindset was that a month was nothing. it's somehow carrying over to this but only in the sense that "he'll come back", not in the sense that time goes by quicker even when he's not here.the past month has been the longest month ive had in the past.. i don't know. 3 years? especially with school. and before i had friends to talk to that could hold me over, people i could always turn to, but now those people are gone because of ME. because of US. fucking great. occasionally ill snap and stalk them on social media too! and be self aware during it! they have me blocked on tumblr (THANKFULLY), but there are some they either can't block me on, haven't blocked me on, or didn't even know i had an account there. it fucking sucks, it makes me feel so much worse and triggers a pretty massive relapse every single time (which is what happened 2 days ago) AND I JUST HAVE TO DEAL! we just have to deal with it! WE CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT EXCEPT FOR WAIT. and waiting does nothing, because all of our process gets RESET OVER AGAIN EVERY SINGLE TIME WE SO MUCH AS REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT HIM. i can't even tell whether or not i want them back in my life or not. i genuinely can't tell oh my fucking god UGH, and even if i decide that i do there's no fucking WAY it'll happen! because when i went back to them the first time i fucking exploded and they told me that they would never let me back it's like.... i reach a point of acceptance. i relapse. i decide that i'm better than them. i decide that they're better than me. i decide that i don't deserve them. i decide that i need them. i decide that i'll just pretend they're here. i decide and over. and over. i hate it. i just want to live. let me LIVE. LET ME LIVE! FOR FUCKS SAKE! I JUST WANT TO EXIST BUT MY LIFE HAS TO BE ABOUT PEOPLE WHO LEFT ME AND RENOUNCE ME AND NEVER WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN! BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE WHO FUCKING KNOWS! BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM, BECAUSE WE NEED SOME SEMBLANCE OF STABILITY WHEN THE REAL FUCKING STABILITY CAN'T BE FOUND FROM OBSESSING OVER THEM! OH MY FUCKING GOD. i just want our lives to be about us. to live for ourselves. for no one else. and when that's possible, we just make up someone to have our life be for. i fucking hate it. please let me live. let us live *clears throat* anyways how is yalls thursday going

#vent cw #i needed to vent so bad honestly i havent in a while besides some minor ones

[independentzaun]

[WARMTH] (for Jinx)

[WARMTH] a starter where our muses need to cuddle for warmth

Normally Jinx took Pow-pow with her everywhere these days, but on this particular day she’d left it in her workshop. It needed some maintenance, and also took up a decent amount of room on her back so as she’d gone up to Piltover just purely to steal some stuff for once and hadn’t intended to get into a big fight she’d thought it would be fine. A thought that had obviously been a mistake as she went running along rooftops, and towards the Bridge with a squadron or two of Enforcers on her heels. Normally Jinx would just pull her minigun around, and start shooting however she just didn’t have the firepower right than and there. A mistake that wouldn’t happen again.

Nearly at the bridge her eyes had flickered up, and she’d scowled seeing one of those hoverboards. The last thing she needed right now was a bunch of stupid Firelight’s descending on her while Enforcers were a minute away and gunshots were ricocheting around her. Pulling her pistol she started to aim at the hoverboard before pausing for just long enough to realize two things. One was that unless they’d changed masks the person on the board was Ekko, and the second was that his arm was out stretched towards her and he was yelling something or other about getting on. Jinx hadn’t stopped running, and her reaction was fairly predictable. “Fuck you! I don’t need…” Voice cut off by the whine of a bullet striking almost right next to her foot and speeding off in another direction Jinx rolled her eyes and changed her mind.

Reaching out to grab his arm Jinx swung herself up behind him with all the finesse of an acrobatic, and without any hesitation or shame suddenly her arm was wrapped around his chest with her chest firmly against his back. Looking back towards the Enforcers now chasing both of them she let out a loud cheerful laugh, and let off a few shots with Zapper towards them. “We haven’t done something like this in years hahahah maybe you aren’t such a complete boring stick in the mud!” For once there was no anger in her voice towards Ekko, but just simple glee. Jinx couldn't help but remember days long since past of them speeding around Zaun, and Ekko flipping off the Enforcers while she used her spyglass for a better look or threw one thing or another at the Enforcers and… in that moment with the air rushing past them, and someones warmth against her reminding of what was real and the enforcers chasing both of them just like how it always should have been Jinx was weirdly at ease.

It’d seem as though they were going to get away, but than either a lucky shot or perhaps Caitlyn’s expert aim had ruined that and a shot impacted against Ekko’s hoverboard as they were past the bridge heading over the water and aiming down towards Zaun. The hoverboard suddenly shut down and Jinx’s arm unclasped from around Ekko as she let herself fall down through the air. For a long second her arms were out spread, and her head back as she flew through the air. A particular smile on her face as her eyes seemed utterly relaxed, and than suddenly straightening her body she dived into the water. It wasn’t a perfect dive, and there was certainly water splashed up from it but it was good enough that she didn’t injure herself. Coming back out of the water she shook her head laughing gleefully. “Ekko. Ekko! That was...Ekko?” Looking around for Ekko she blinked seeing him struggling to stay up, and nearly at the same time as he said something about his lack of swimming ability Jinx exclaimed. “OH you can’t swim!” Making her way over to him Jinx grabbed at him pulling him up a bit. Staring at Ekko for a second her head tilted as for a second that glee slid away replaced by puzzlement as she murmured softly. “Why don’t I just let you drown...it’d make everything so much simpler..?” There was no actual threat in her voice this time, but just mild confusion as though Jinx honestly wasn’t sure why she was making the choice she was. All the same a moment later she was telling Ekko to just relax and try his best to float on his back, and with that mix of natural athleticism and her shimmer fueled strength Jinx swam towards Zaun taking him with her.

Eventually they reached the river bank that had them on Zaun ground proper, and climbing up onto it Jinx realized something. She was shaking from the cold. By now it was nighttime, and that river wasn’t exactly warm and with how she dressed there was little to no protection from anything. Arms around herself as she shivered Jinx looked over to Ekko. ���I’m cold.” Voice soft and quiet there was no pleading, or anything else. Just a little comment as she stumbled over to some spot that would at least keep the wind from hitting her, and than sat down. Blinking in surprise as Ekko joined her Jinx tilted her head a bit before the two ended up wrapping their arms around each other, and scooting as close as possible to each other shared what warmth they could neither wanting to end up dying from the cold.

Jinx, being Jinx, ended up for all intents and purposes on Ekko’s lap her arms around him with her shivering body against his as the water slowly dried and ever so slowly they would warm back up. “We are...making a weird habit. Of….of not killing each other. Heh. What will people say huh? We going to have to make sure we fight at some point in public. Big explosive thing.”

#misfitsofzaun #neededwarmth #jinxanswers #postarcane

[your-mail]

Samuel Chukwueze: Winger eyes Liverpool scalp with Villarreal

Nigeria's Samuel Chukwueze is finally flying again with Spanish club Villarreal after an injury-hit spell, and is looking to cause another upset after downing one of Europe's elite.

Full of pace, skill and possessing a majestic left foot, the winger is the latest African talent to catch the eye in the Champions League.

Earlier this month the 22-year-old scored a late winner as Villarreal stunned Bayern Munich 2-1 on aggregate to reach the semi-finals of the continent's premier club competition for the first time in 16 years.

Now he has his sights set on another member of the elite as the Yellow Submarine face six-time European champions Liverpool in the semi-finals.

"We know all about Liverpool and they are expected to win, so the pressure is on them," Chukwueze told BBC Sport Africa before Wednesday's first leg.

"We have a squad and manager good enough to compete against any team in the world. Because of the way Liverpool play some people have already made their own predictions but that is normal in football.

"We have a job to do and we are not going to Liverpool to lose. Why not aim for the best result over there? And that is what we hope to do."

All English final or Spain to reign in Europe?

Chukwueze - who almost joined Arsenal in 2016 - is keen to relive the feelings he experienced in the win over Bayern in Germany, which he describes as "an unforgettable moment for my career".

"I came on as a late substitute and scored a winner that I will never forget in my life," he explained.

"You honestly have no idea how much it meant to the players, the club, our fans and the city.

"Everything happened so fast. My team-mates kept screaming 'Samu!' and I couldn't process it that very moment. And honestly, I couldn't hold myself. I looked across to our fans and once I saw them with tears of joy, I completely understood the impact of that goal.

"I hope to write more important chapters in my career with Villarreal. I have more games to play, and personal glory is not the target."

The Reds may be fancied to reach the final, but Villarreal have showcased a real pedigree in cup competitions under manager Unai Emery.

Chukwueze, meanwhile, is entitled to have a bold attitude, considering all he has had to come through over the past 12 months.

Villarreal 'like a family' for Chukwueze

Daniel Parejo and Samuel Chukwueze celebrate Villarreal's win over Bayern Munich

Chukwueze celebrates victory over Bayern by taking a selfie with Villarreal midfielder Daniel Parejo

It was at the semi-final stage last season that the Nigerian's season came to an abrupt end, also against English opposition but that time in the Europa League.

Villarreal were underdogs ahead of their meeting with Arsenal, but in the end Emery got the better of his former employers to advance to the final.

Chukwueze played his part, assisting a goal in the 2-1 home leg win, before being forced off with a hamstring injury half an hour into the return leg in London.

He would not play again for five months, missing the final win over Manchester United on penalties and undergoing surgery for the second time in three months at the end of May.

All of that disruption was difficult for the youngster to manage, both physically and mentally.

"Coming back, getting injured, doing two surgeries in a season is crazy and tough," he said. "When you come back from an injury and you stay out for three months, go back again and do another surgery, it is so tiring and will weaken your mentality.

"If you're not strong in the head, it's going to weigh you down. Sometimes you get scared. Whenever you remember, you don't want to take some risks again."

Chukwueze credits overcoming that hurdle to the fraternal atmosphere at the club, as well as the personal touch Emery has brought to his recovery.

With the worst now past, he can once again focus on his development and what the future holds.

"Villarreal is just like a family to me," Chukwueze said. "When someone sees potential in you, they will want you to grow more.

"My game has improved because of the surgery and the coach is doing an amazing job for me. I think what else is remaining is just to score goals, and Emery is doing a very nice job on finishing. Finishing is only thing that is remaining [to improve] in my football."

If he finds that touch ahead of the matches against Liverpool, then Villarreal's Champions League fairy tale may, improbably, have another chapter.

Emulating another Super Eagle

Chukwueze has represented Nigeria at all levels, and was an Under-17 World Cup-winner with the West Africans in 2015.

He has previously been linked with Portuguese heavyweights Porto, English pair Liverpool and Tottenham Hotspur as well as Bayern Munich, where his idol, former Netherlands winger Arjen Robben, spent a decade between 2009 and 2019.

"My friends started the whole Arjen Robben comparison because of my playing style, and I consider him as my first football hero," he added.

"I know there is still a lot for me to do to even come close to what he has achieved in football, so I am not getting carried away."

Samuel Chukwueze and Kelechi Iheanacho celebrate a goal for Nigeria

Chukwueze (left) suffered a last-16 exit with Nigeria at the Africa Cup of Nations earlier this year

Instead, Chukwueze arrived at Villarreal from Nigeria's Diamond Academy in August 2017. The following year, he earned promotion to the Villarreal first team and notched his first La Liga goal that November.

He made his senior debut for Nigeria the same month and, having scored at the 2019 and 2021 Africa Cup of Nations tournaments, has four goals in 23 appearances for the Super Eagles.

With the Spanish club his 23 goals and 20 assists in 150 appearances is a decent return - but admits he can do better.

"At Villarreal the officials keep reminding me of another Nigerian - Ikechukwu Uche - who they regard as a legend at the club, and they've told me to try to emulate his ways on and off the pitch," he said.

[llwelleyn]

things I have learned from my first, real adult job:

do NOT, under ANY circumstances lend your coworkers books

it doesn't matter how much you like them or whatnot, don't fucking do it

it's been almost a year and a half since I gave out two books, to different coworkers - who both now no longer work at the same company

one book I've just written off as a complete loss - I've already read it, and don't mind picking up a second copy especially since the second in the trilogy is set to come out soon

the other, I haven't read but really want to, so I'm getting into contact with the borrower to see what's up and to determine if I have to buy it

#llwelleyns thoughts #i like sharing books #i like discussing books #i don't like when people either harm my books OR just never return them #and coworkers are like... flimsy????? they may around for a long time or they might not #we couldn't have predicted what happened last year but i had one of them reach out to me about it #and when i tried to follow up on that he suddenly didn't have transportation and hasn't messaged me again #he also wanted to... give me a different book? so idk what the fuck is up with that #i have the feeling that mine is either lost or he accidentally ruined it so it was what it is

[phantomenby]

Fearing the future

Could I have poly! Lost Boys with a GN! Reader who can predict the future? A polt of Y/N saving Marko + the others by not getting hurt by the Frog Brothers? That's when they kinda reveal their powers?

Mhm! Here you are <3

"Something on your mind dear?"

You turned to David, his eyes were reaching towards yours, the cold blue hue of his irises filled with concern as his hand on your hip squeezed softly.

He had noticed. Of course, he had noticed. Nothing got by your sweet David. For the past week, you had been in a daze, something weighing on your mind that you couldn't explain. It was something in relation to the gift you were hiding from them, but you yourself couldn't explain it.

Each day when they left you to retire to their home you sought out the pressure building in the front of your mind. Each time you were left even more disorientated and the pit in your chest grew.

It wouldn't clear, visions could be testy but this one was hiding from you, even when you pushed through the fog you were met with only small snippets that had been difficult to piece together.

Flashes of golden hair, screaming, golden eyes burning into yours as you held a body to your chest.

You had wanted to say something to your boys, wanting to confide in them. But you remembered the last time you had told someone of your unique ability, a month in a psych ward had prevented you from being open about it again, even after you moved out to live alone and away from your parent's scorn.

"No, I'm fine." He didn't believe you.

You were like an enigma to him, even when he was able to reach into your mind he was met with things so unfamiliar to him, things nothing could explain. They had assumed your imagination was hyperactive, your daydreaming occurred often when you were relaxing in their arms, so they never pushed knowing how delicate you could be.

He was leading you to where the boys were parked, having released Star into the crowd with Laddie so they could watch the new attraction, a half-naked jazz man with pants so tight little was left to the imagination.

When you arrived you were swiftly pulled into the arms of Marko, your sweet cherub. His cool forehead pressed to yours as he breathed you in before burying his fingers into your hair and pulling you closer, burrowing his nose into his shoulder as his lips ran along your neck and his other hand dug into your waist.

"Mmm, missed you," giggling you pressed a chaste kiss to his neck, relaxing in his arms as his chest let out a slow rumble, feeling Dwayne coming to your side and pressing his lips to your hair.

"I saw you two days ago-"

"Too long bambino," you couldn't help but agree with the brunette who had pressed his bare chest against your shoulder, nose buried in your scalp and running across it. It was a rare thing that you didn't see them every day, the last time it had happened you had left town for a week at the beginning of your relationship over a year ago. When you had returned to Santa Carla after your brother's wedding you were met with four very possessive men refusing to let you go, rubbing against you like cats.

"What have we got planned for tonight my loves?"

-

After the night that had just passed, you were more than happy to lay down in your own bed, pressing your face into the cool pillow to soothe your burning cheeks.

They had taken you around the boardwalk until Star was back with the young child who had come to see you as a parent figure, embracing the girl also who had talked to you about visiting the art store for her, wanting to make some new jewelry. You had happily agreed to do so, knowing how lonely it must get being the only girl surrounded by so many boys.

After she and Laddie had returned home the five of you had gone to the cliffs, Marko insisting on showing you a sweet stargazing spot he had found the night earlier when he was trying a new strain with Paul.

It was perfect, exhausting, but perfect. You had forgotten how much better you felt when you were around them, like a piece of a puzzle fitting perfectly into place, or a cog the machine of your relationship couldn't work without.

Now you had something else to do.

Once you had showered you began running the bath, filling it with lukewarm water and staying in only your dressing gown. In hope of rejuvenating yourself, you made a mug of strong overpowering coffee, needing the boost to keep you going for as long as possible.

When the water reached an inch or so below the rim of the tub you shed the gown and climbed in, wrapping the silk blindfold around your head and tying it tight at the back, finishing the ritual by plugging your ears and leaning back to let the water embrace you.

The familiar feeling encompassed your mind and you felt your heart slow, the thumping rhythm calming as blood rushed to your head.

Laughter

Familiar cackles from a languid blonde male who was throwing his head back as he raced his packmates, mocking the human who was trying to keep up with them.

"Come on Michael!"

Emerald eyes, golden curls, a devilish grin.

Marko.

It was your boys, all for of them, smiling like predators as they led the curly-haired brunette from earlier to their home. Taunting him as they weaved across the beach.

The scene moved, pulling you to the woods, feeling wind slap your face as bikes flew past you, watching your boyfriends propel themselves ahead uncaring of the dangerously unstable ground they were riding along.

A cliffside. The bluff.

A punch was thrown and three pairs of hands reached to hold back a figure.

White hair, a cheek unbruised from the hit. A smile that could haunt hell.

"How far are you willing to go Michael?"

Water burned your lungs as your body was propelled upwards, choking on the liquid as you leaned over the edge of the tub, heaving in pain as you tried to breathe.

When you finally calmed down you pressed your head to the side of the tub, cooling yourself, trying to process what you had seen.

"Holy shit..."

It was the first time you had seen something clear all week, so vivid the decision leading to such a situation was guaranteed. The events were to happen soon.

Thinking on it you decided to go for another round, draining the tub which was now tinged pink with blood that had poured from your nose. Repeating the ritual and lowering yourself in the slightly colder water, taking a deep breath and descending into another vision.

"How are those maggots, Michael?"

"What-?"

You tried not to gag as the brunette boy spat out the larvae onto the ground, turning away as they squirmed on the floor. When you looked back there was nothing there besides rice.

God...

This was even more disorientating than before. Everything was moving too quickly and it was then you realized you were becoming weakened as the vision went on. But you would persist. You had to.

"Drink Michael. Become one of us."

There it was. That odd bejeweled bottle you had seen before, one you had never been offered but always spotted shining in the cabinet beneath the wall of keys on the far end of the cave.

The boy grasped the bottle, feeling Star pressed up behind him, fear shining in her large doe eyes.

The room spun.

"-its blood."

Michael merely scoffed, taking a large swig and swallowing the cursed ambrosia, unknowingly changing his life forever.

The scene moved again, making you sway, something that shouldn't be possible in your astral form.

It was daytime now, the sun was shining through the holes in the ceiling of the cave and through the entranceway.

Four boys, Michael, and his curly-haired brother, two others you knew from the comic book store. Frogs.

They were dressed like soldiers, carrying flasks, knives, and wooden stakes..?

The pair jested, jumping around the cave in wonder, running over to Star and threatening her, making a lump form in your throat.

Why was this happening?

Michael stepped in, his screaming muffled as he fought to keep upright, leaning heavily on his smaller brother. Something was wrong with him, some sickness showing on the way his skin was flushed and pale.

You hadn't noticed the boys running to the small passageway, climbing through. The vision took you there, showing you the strange sight of your boys, your beloveds hanging there. It was inhuman, unnatural.

But you were unable to dwell on it for long, noticing how the two Frogs had the wooden weapons in their hands, the one with a red bandanna wrapped around his head stood in front of Marko.

His arm raised, shouting something your ears zoned out.

Your body lurched, your physical form gasping for breath. You refused to let go, eyes wide and your throat constricted.

His arm thrust forward, piercing your lover through his chest, sending glistening blood down below-

"NO!"

-

You had hardly slept, too anxious and scared. Your boys wouldn't return til the sun had set. Now you understood why.

So you sat in your bed, hair still drying from the bath and in a clean set of pajamas, stomach rumbling but being ignored in favor of watching the sun move across the sky.

An hour passed.

Then another.

And another, until the sky was finally dimming, now sporting pink and orange hues as the fiery light sunk below the horizon.

You hoped they would come. Hoped they would sense something amiss and seek you out. No matter how scary it would be you needed to do this, needed to confront them.

The sun had long since set, the stars sparkling above you. You counted them until you were bored, then you began finding constellations. Chewing on your lip you leant against the glass, eyes becoming teary and exhaustion weighing heavily on your shoulders.

They never came, the day now over and the night now passing much quicker. Letting your eyes slip closed you curled into a ball, keeping your window open just a little and burying yourself into the thick quilt you had brought with you. Darkness encompassed you, pulling you into darker dreams.

"Kitten.."

Someone was pulling on your shoulder, and you whined, pulling away as you tried to get back to sleep.

"Now little one come on."

The voice was urgent, familiar, and anxious.

Another hand grabbed your face, wiping away dried blood which had caked on your cheek, sliding down from your nose.

"Baby please...wake up"

The voices were becoming disjointed, trying to breach your consciousness.

A cold body climbed beside you, hands weaved into your hair and tugged, your only response was to lean closer and breath deeply.

"My love..."

Your eyes cracked open, meeting a chest covered with a mesh shirt. Paul.

"Little dove, where were you?" long fingers lifted your chin, bringing your blood-soaked face up to meet their own, pressing a thumb to your lips and against your teeth to ground you.

"Pup..." David warned from your other side, eyes boring into yours, a dangerous glare flashing behind concern, "why weren't you out tonight?"

You didn't answer, wrapping your arms around the pale blonde and tugging him towards you, burying your face into his stomach and taking panicked breaths.

Marko joined the three of you, shushing you and running his fingers through your hair and he kissed your jaw, licking away the red softly.

They stayed like that, soothing you and trying to bring you back to them, something had hurt you. Something they would put a stop to no matter what. Nothing was allowed to cause such fear in their mate.

"Little lamb," Dwayne was kneeling on the floor, meeting your tear-filled eyes as you pulled away from David slightly, "tell us, please."

His eyes were begging, his words pleading, taking a deep breath you began to speak, words cutting through sobs.

"Y-you-" Paul pressed his palm to your back, rubbing up and down against your spine, pushing you to breathe slowly.

Your next words made him freeze. Made them all stop still as they looked at you with grave concern.

"You, you d-died."

It pained you to say it, burned your throat as the words were forced out. Watching them in your vision, slowly one by one being taken out, each death painful and the images of your dear boys being reduced to nothing.

"Kitten..." You didn't meet Marko's eyes, still staring into Dwayne's as they glazed over, fear seizing your chest, "what do you mean we died?"

-

Once you had calmed down, after much reassuring that they weren't angry with you and soft touches from each of them, you were now curled on Markos lap after having latched onto him.

Your face was buried in his shoulder, knees pulled to your chest as his arms held you close, fingers running along your body like he was scared you would disappear any moment.

"Your visions, they aren't permanent?" It was the wrong word to use, but you knew what David meant. Can they be changed? Can we stop our deaths?

It was possible, decisions could sway, and fates were never truly decided.

Nodding you reached a hand out, grasping his cool ones which were bare, having removed his leather gloves once the feeling of them on his skin became irritable.

"The future can change, you just need to choose a different path, Michael-" you watched them all twitch, now less happy about their new brother, "he's involved, you need to talk to him."

Paul scoffed, "about what?"

Shuffling slightly to meet his gaze, feeling Marko's arms tighten around you, "about everything. You tricked him right? That's why he hates you, he loves Star and she was tricked too. They need to understand you're not in control. Maybe even..."

You trailed off but they knew what you were insinuating, there was one common denominator that led to everyone's suffering and destruction. Max.

The video store owner, a towering man who was odd and leery. He was the head, he had control, he was pulling the strings. The boys died because they thought they were in control, if they knew the truth you were sure they wouldn't attack your mates and the Frogs could be swayed.

"If we do this. If we kill him. There's no turning back."

-

Talking to Michael and Star wasn't easy, both struggling through their hunger and the former enraged by the boy's and Star's deceit. But he agreed to help, agreed to form an alliance. His humanity, Star's humanity, Laddie's humanity. All in return for the death of the sire and the safety of your boys.

The Frogs would be difficult, but they could be useful. Sam was close enough to the isolated pair that you were sure they would be happy to help.

Once they were in the cave, and no longer shouting profanities at the boys, a plan was formed.

"So...garlic really doesn't work?" Alan's lip was lifted in a grimace, watching the tall wild-haired blonde ripping through the large slice of cheesy garlic bread like a man starved, shuddering at his sharp grin.

"No, actually it's one of our favorites," Dwayne shrugged, Laddie leaning against him half asleep, enjoying what would most likely be one of their final moments together, "holy water does, we'll need to stock up on that, and I'm sure the old Emerson has enough wood to make stakes. We can trap him."

They all turned to David who had returned with Michael and Marko after scouting the Emerson home, learning the layout.

"When?"

David's mouth stretched, eyes glowing a fiery amber, "tomorrow."

-

Today was the day. Everything had been planned meticulously, even Lucy and Gramps were in on it.

The Emerson matriarch would return with Max from their date, lure him into the house under the pretense of a nightcap, then he would be trapped, and the boys would kill their sire and end their torment.

"It'll be ok love," David was holding your hand as you and the boys hid in one of the upstairs bedrooms, based on the soft bedding and dried flowers decorating the small space you assumed it was the mother's. His nose was pressed against your neck, listening to your racing heart, fluttering anxiously in your chest.

You nodded, "I know, I'm just-"

"Scared..." Paul finished your sentence, looking up at you from where his head was rested in your lap, baby blues shining from below. Once Marko's fate had passed he had managed to relax a little, knowing his closest packmate was safe from his fate. Now the other three would be too, there was no holy water bath, the stereo had been moved to another part of the house and David had no intention of fighting Michael.

You had chosen to hide until Max was firmly trapped, knowing he would sense something amiss too soon if he saw you all waiting for him. The entire house had been filled with various scents, blood from the dead animals in the gleaming red room, lavender from the garden out front, and at least three weed plants burned outside. It had sent everyone into a slight haze but the boys had scared them out of it.

Before you had arrived the boys had taken you down to the sea, so you could complete your ritual one more time. But you were met with nothing, darkness, and silence. Yes, it meant their fates had changed, but to what you couldn't know. The future was uncertain and your lives in the balance of the next few hours, determined by the death of the father.

"They're here" Marko spoke from beside the window, pulling back into the shadows, eyes glowing as they met yours.

It was time.

You all listened intently, twitching as sounds grew below you, the boys could hear better than you. When you heard Sam shout the boys lifted off the ground, being as silent as possible as you were carried by David, he left you at the top of the stairs before dropping down behind his sire.

Max's eyes widened, looking at his sons before his brows furrowed, a dark snarl ripping from his chest. From your position you couldn't see how his face changed, bones jutting out, teeth growing sharper until there was nothing human left of him at all.

"David. What is the meaning of this!"

His children did little more than smirk in response, and as Max turned he realised he was truly trapped, even if he flew away he could be weakened by the boys and the half-vampire, Star, who was smiling devilishly. Even Michael looked a little scared of her.

The beast moved faster than you could see, swiping and growling, pushing away the humans and leaving him surrounded by those who he could try and influence. But it did not work. Regardless of the blood bond, he was no longer truly in control, never again would he be able to force their minds. Defeat and an ounce of fear flashed in his animalistic features.

With a mighty roar he charged, lunging his large form towards the vicious brunette who had been circling him like a panther, arms outstretched and claws sharp.

Max did not reach your love, his arms were seized, wrapped tight by the blondes who dug their talons into his tough flesh.

His eldest, David, climbed upon his shoulders, jaw open wide.

He bit down, his fangs pressing into Max's throat, inciting a scream from the older man. But his arms were restricted, and he was weak. So David's teeth tore, biting harshly until the skin pulled apart and blood sprayed into his white hair.

Max's head fell, tossed to the side and frozen in an expression of torment.

He was dead. His body crumpled to the ground. His second death complete.

-

"You'll get cold if you stay like that little dove," arms wrapped around you, pulling you against a naked chest, soft curls brushing against your shoulders as the person behind you arched his head forward to kiss your cheek.

You hummed, leaning back, enjoying the waves lapping against you.

Hours had passed, and the night would end soon. It was over faster than expected.

David had insisted on cleaning himself, feeling dirty with his ex-sire's blood. Dragging you down to the ocean himself and stripping you with him before pulling you beneath the waves, holding you close as he let your scent cover the one he hated most.

"It's over," Marko smiled into your skin, a hand sliding up your body and encompassing your cheek, turning your face so your eyes would meet his own. He was quiet for a moment, eyes searching yours, full of love and promises. When he spoke he simply mirrored your own words, a reassuring confirmation you would carry with you for some time.

"It's over."

#tlb #the lost boys #dwayne tlb #marko tlb #marko the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys imagines #poly lost boys x reader #david tlb #paul tlb #tlb 1987

[secretbangtnn]

Love Lies | kth I

➤ summary : You never had it easy. From the first day of your life it seemed like fate was a big joke, making every effort to make you feel miserable. Shortly after taking the first step into adulthood, you are convinced that childhood doom follows you like a shadow. On the verge of being broke without any help, you take your friends advice and try your hand in industry you have no idea about.

➤ genre : CEO! au, prostitution but not really au, strangers to enemies to lovers, Smut, fluff, angst

➤ pairing : Taehyung x reader ft. Jimin (This chapter Jimin x reader)

➤ ratings : 18+ NSFW

➤words : 10k

➤ warnings : swearing, prostitution, sex for money, mentions of mental health, toxic household, mentions of violence, explicit sexual content, mxm, fxm, family problems, dishearitance, toxic relationship, Taehyung is bad at feelings, reader is lost, soft boy jimin, sexy hot taehyung (couse that will need a warning) - more to be added

notes ~

I finally did it! I'm so sorry for the wait and how the chapter came out - it's a little more messy than I predicted but i wanted to give you something before the big story. I promise the next chapter is going to start with the big action and main plot and finally with Taehyung. I really hope for some feedback, I worked hard for it to be done before the next week and even though it may seem boring i really hope it’s okay.

taglist:

@jinssexytoe @danyxthirstae01 @alwaysasadaesthetic @luvmingyu @chimincubus @minshookie29

Underneath the sunrise

Show me where your love lies

Relationships that are based on lies never last long and everyone who found themselves in artificial feelings, knows of the truth of those words. Although that sweet sinful lie sometimes replaces that thing we could have never got.

You never thought about yourself as someone low, at least not that low to kneel to beg of something so materialistic like money.

You respected yourself at the same time being sure that you would fight everything alone. Just like a good fighter - you didn't need a good sword in a big war. Even once in your whole life you wouldn't have thought of stepping that low to actually work as a cleaner in old school or supermarket lady, that couldn't even use the calculator right.

How ironic, we love when inevitable doom falls on people that did not deserve it.

You were taught from the beginning, how to live, what to do, how to look, and the most important who to listen to. It's so weird when we find a character that's not extremely bad or good, not the shy mouse of the school, also not the hot rebellious cool girl with too big ego, and mouth so unbelievable that you actually start to think if you have ever met someone without such basic manners.

Fact is that you are bland, your life never yours to live, as someone recorded it with a script in their hands, and a plan for an ending and second part. It was frustrating knowing how many people never cared about you, however you could not say that you indeed did too.

Lessons were taught, those made you somehow resistant to disappointments in life. First happening in early stage, not even first year of your high school, people started to know - know about this and that, about family of yours and how privileged they would be if they had you on their side.

But you did not have a problem with it, mindset so set that you liked to think about money as a guarantee of friendship. And with this thought you let the first people use you, not minding their motive of only getting part of your prosperity.

So you believed to those days that your childhood indeed was normal.

You never tried to run from your life, you never saw yourself as a hormonal teenager in need of attention.

In the end only those who were born in respecting families, where work and pride is placed higher than blood ties, knows how upringbing really looks in such a household. Your standart always high, doing that to not need to put it higher again.

Parents instilling you dreams that were not yours, making you believe in something they always wanted. Like it was written, your whole life does not belong to you, and realization over it came in the moment when it was a little too late. Happy smiles never real, friends you swore would not leave you, disappeared within a night.

However let’s not impose that your parents were monsters, killing you on the inside with their cold demeanor or making your life miserable.

The first problem began when you had enough, when a virus in your mind told you about your own desires.

You remember this day like it was yesterday. Invisible mark on your check is still pulsating, with a wound much deeper inside screaming at you that it is still not healed.

“I want to study medicine.” Those were the exact words you first told your mother, freezing her in place and scarring inside with the power and destruction they held. She did not hold back with ignoring you, acting like the sentence was a mere passing wind, just fluffing hair in a not nice type of way. You expected that, nothing new from a shell of a person your mother has become, money and power empowering her mind, probably killing the young woman you are now, in her.

So the first step of actually making a point of how you processed to cut your family ties, were with your mother, kind of preparing you for what has to come.

Dark room, with marble accents and a woody smell that came straight to your nostrils. Mahogany desk, big enough to contain tons of papers scattered over it like some kind of nto important rubbish. You however knew better, and those innocent stock of inked pages held more value than maybe you yourself.

It was so hard to breathe in this tiny space, now feeling ever more closed up, dark and not welcoming. You tried to believe that the reason for it was not really a man sitting just before you, not minding your presence in a slighlets, but a stress and emotions on your back, you were trying to bear by yourself.

“I’m busy.” Short answer, not even directed to you - not that the man ever looked at you with those dark eyes. Predictable, exactly like you guessed. Cold feeling with a hot flush over your cheek, not knowing where the previous patience had gone.

Maybe you finally had enough. You were too tired to try to understand.

“Dad, please listen to me.” Ice cold bucket over your head, a void eyes now on you, not really expecting them to stay on you for so long, or even look up. Pupils a little blow out, stirring the dark color pallet of his eyes, similar to the tone of the bags under them. What a wrack of a man he really was, lanky hands under the suit, scribbling over something not even a minute ago, now lying lifelessly on a brownish desk.

“You really couldn't find better time for your whining? Go on, I still have a lot of work to do before I need to actually go.” Unconcern, you could even feel the unitresment oozing from him, hitting you with those eyes. They were looking at you, but at the same time it felt like they never were there. Black holes, no feelings found, gaze scary for those who never met someone so indifferent.

“I dropped out.”

“What?” Words came after some silence, piercing straight your beating heart. Hands in fist, just beside your thighs, so white that it could even be a little concerning for those looking from the side. You were nervous, even after you told yourself that this conversation was not going to be easy. Smooth information that it should be, your own life choices never discussed so openly.

“I dropped out of college”

Not a breath was heard, a heavy hand landed on the desk with a smack, knocking in the process some of the scattered pens.

“You did what?” Too calm, his voice was too calm for such information. Nerve wracking feeling once again welcomed you inside, making you take one step back. Soft material of the shirt creased under your hard grip. “It’s not the time for such a jokes Y/n”

“I’m not joking dad, I took the papers yesterday. I'm tired of wasting my time on something I never wanted.”

“Oh? But are you really? What are you going to do then? I'm getting really curious” Tone momocking you in every kind of way. You clench your teeth, an annoyed expression came over your face, just to disappear within one glance of the man.

Questions were rhetorical, laughing at your whole being in the cruelest manner. He knew about your every vulnerability, molding your persona from the beginning. So it must have been funny for him, seeing a little girl, someone he treated not entirely equally, however putting some kind of hope and dreams he himself could not reach, standing before him like a scared puppy asking for a treat.

“You yourself know the best how important those studies are for you. You prepared your whole life to go there and take my place one time, so don’t joke about it like it’s some kind of dish you are bored of eating.”

“You forced me to do it! I never wanted to take your place, study the stupid law.”

“And you decided that this is the time to suddenly realize that? Y/n from the beginning, we always gave you what you wanted, fulfilling your every wish, buying everything you wanted, and even after that you can’t be grateful. We only asked you for one thing, one thing Y/n, there is not such a thing like your dreams, there is only our family.” You wanted to laugh, those stupid exucess, only making you annoyed and wroked up. Manipulating you into believing you were selfish, that you are the problem, and you owe them right to living.

“Don’t be ridiculous father, you are not in the place to talk about family or do I need to remind you of Na-”

You heard it before you felt it. Burning feeling right in your left cheek, head on the side from the harash contact it made with the ringed hand. It was not the first time you saw or experienced such an act. Father being the man that loved to lose his temper rather fastly, hiding on the outside behind the calm demeanor and innocent smile.

Blood on your tongue, the metallic taste in your mouth like a forbidden flower you just tasted.

“You really want me to get mad today hm? “ You really wanted to nod, looking straight at him from your hair that fell after the slap. Hand on the cheek, trying to stop the pulsating ache to echo so much, however you know the best that the hot feeling is only building up and it's the only matter of time till the beautiful tones of purple show on your soft skin.

His own hands now begin viped over the handkerchief, a little blood over the white fabric, likely from the little scratches the rings were able to make.

His back to you as he went back behind the dark desk, sitting on his chair like nothing happened. And you knew, secretly that it was the end, that the conversation was done and nothing else could be said.

You closed your eyes, not even noticing you did it, realizing it after the first salty tear fell to your mouth, giving you a taste of sorrow. Head down, not in shame but in anger, with a pulsating cheek not letting you forget about the consequences your every word bears, you turned around going to the door that before somehow gave you so much hope.

“Oh and Y/n, there is no you without this family, but there is family without you. It won’t be the first time when I lose a child.”

Those exact words hunted you till this day. Rather heavy feeling, three years not long enough to make you forget, or let you accept a new life.

Loud noise of passing cars just outside the dirty window with a pounding of heart echoing in your ears. It was one of those bad days - you liked to say, those however started happening a lot of more. Breaking was never something you wanted to do, working so many jobs you could not count on your fingers, living in shitty apartments for no longer than two months just to end up on someone's couch.

That is the life you chose, the life you barely lived, everyday wishing for a miracle.

Harsh paper under your fingers, weighting your hand weirdly down - maybe it was the words that made the letter so heavy, maybe the truth you needed to face. Fact is that you do not know what to do, trying for the last months to make a living for yourself, get better pay and settle down for a longer time.

Words of your father echoing once again, making your eyes squish with the feeling. It was so hard to accept a defeat, something that you worked so hard for and for so long. You could not beg, you could not go on your knees again, and even if it was an option, imagines and memories of life in such a household keep you in the place you are now.

Head resting under your arms, shielding bright rays of sun from your eyes, long locks falling down in waves just over your pale face. You pulled them with a strength you did not know you possessed at the moment, as if it was because of them you needed to deal with all of this.

“Think Y/n, think” Mutters fell from your mouth like a mantra, supposed to make you cheer up a little. Void in your head, not ending emptiness that scares you as much as the strings of unpaid numbers on this goddamn paper.

An late hour struck on the side clock, hanging on one of the grey walls of the run down apartment you lived in. Sight itself is depressing, leaving you in wonder if maybe it is not one of the reasons for your current mood.

Who you wanted to trick.

A little knock once again echoed in the quietness of your home, reminding you of the late hour. Looking from your thick locks of hair, you sighed seeing how little time you actually got to get there. With one move, you left the scrap of paper on the side, and stood up from the ugly green couch, taking in the process bag of the crookedly hanged hook.

Fast footstep as you nearly run over one of the olders ladies living in the same flat, trying to messily wrap an apron over your waist, which is not as easy as it seemed to be earlier. Bluish fabric holding on to you with all the power, hanging a little on the too long strings, that untied themselves with each step.

You tried not to think about all those stares, looking at you as you run past them, not minding where your feets go, or if you accidentally push someone on the side. Let people think what they want, it's not like your opinion matters, and being a disgrace to your whole family disappears.

Familiar neon letters came to your sight forming the greenish title of caffe you soon found yourself in. A little bell rang as the door opened informing everyone about your presence. Calm atmosphere, everyone was busy in their own word, you loved this, a quiet place which you often found yourself admiring.

You wished that working there was not such an obligation, the only thing that let you stay in your current apartament. Rosy cheeks, and cheeky smiles as people got their morning coffee, thanking you quietly for the drink with such a pure impression, that you could not hold back the smile you gave each one of them.

“I’m so sorry for being late, I hope you didn’t need to run too much.” You said between heavy breaths, still trying to catch remaining puffs of air, head tilted to the side, hands on knees as you looked at the little blonde behind the counter.

Said boy only laughed a little, shaking his head from the embarrassment after the statement. Ringed hands cleaning some cups, quiet melody living his plump lips.

“Am I suppose to feel offended? I’m not an old man you know.” He asks, knowing that the answer will never be given. Voice on the lighter side, something you would expect from such a soft looking boy, warm and sweet to listen, and you indeed do, always keeping quiet when the boy talked about his own day to fill the quietness of your workplace.

You knew the boy was one of the things that made you feel normal, with his bright persona and angelic personality, you liked to believe he was one. He did not ask, knowing some things should stay in the dark, and you repaid him the same, being fully aware of the boy's secrets.

“Not at all. Beside we all know that it's not about you, but about who will get in trouble from your whining - and yes, it would be me. “ You say, patting his back on the way to the other side. Confused gaze now on you, as you smirk at the questioning boy waiting for some kind of elaboration, only getting from you another cup to wipe.

“Should i remind you of a certain person, which came to me with a complaint of how his favorite boy was tired - what was his name? Oh yeah Yo-”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

You laughed at the squeaky voice that came in a form of fast spoken answer, a little too fast to understand every word completely. Pretty blush came over his round cheek, soon appearing on tips of his lears, hidden by mop of blonde hair.

Not a piece of judgment in your gaze, but rather sweet caring look over the embarrassed boy next to you, trying so hard not to look bothered by your everyday teasing, that he was slowly getting accustomed to, liking how your voice gets a little lighter, your eyes light up and a pure giggle leaves your mouth.

Yeah he definitely could live with it if it means he can see the sparkle pops out in the dark of your pupils.

Cup in his hands a little heavy with the next thought that came over him. Melody coming with the pleasant wind of the early monday morning, his eyes however discreetly gazing over your figure. He knew when the times were worse, when your collarbones stood out more, welcoming i'm from the collar of an old shirt, you probably needed to wash by hands, and he hated that even if he tried to explain it, not care so much, he simply could not stop the worry seeking of him.

You were a sweetheart, never judging him, understanding his reason even after he told you about the second job he needed to take. You simply smiled, wishing him all good, and getting excited about dreams that were not your own, laughing with him and talking about his future plans as if you had place in them.

Thanks were never enough to pay off all the hardship you helped with. He respected you, admired so many things about you, how you don’t need a reason to give an arm to cry on, always taking a piece of burden on your own shoulders, whispering promises and talking about a better future that comes with hardships.

“Don’t be so embarrassed~ “ You sing to his ear when you pass him, going over to the coffee machine, big bag of beans in your hands. “I dare to say I got a little jealous when I saw him for the first time.”

“Gosh I hate you sometimes.” He whines, throwing his head back, closing his eyes to remain calm. Smile now on your lips, little giggles leaving your busy persona, trying not to be too loud in such an early hour.

An enjoyable silence came over once again, only sounds of working machines and knocks of cups, that were cleaned and wiped, mind automatically getting fuzzy from the fresh brew of coffees and autumn wind. Not a person in a shop, being still a little too early to welcome customers or get a morning drink, subtle music playing a little louder at those times filling little breaks of silence.

So how surprising it was, when those little giggles tickled your own ears suddenly and strong arms, clothed in white shirt, sneaked around your waist, making you lose the focus on filling the cup with beans. Blonde hair over your cheek, stroking the soft skin with a funny feeling, only pushing you to squirt more.

“You know if you liked him so much, you could have just said. I would think of something.” He whispers mockingly, smacking his lips in the end. Shiver comes with his next move, hands on your hips, keeping them from stirring so much, hot and on the smaller side however still noticeably bigger than your own. “Sadly I do not share my clients.”

With those words, he quickly detaches himself, hitting your bum with a cheeky smile that you soon could see right before you as the boy grabs one of the fresh croissants, putting the whole thing into his mouth.

“It must be big for you to say that.” You laugh, looking at the choking boy with the same expression he was giving you not even a minute ago.

“That was totally inappropriate.” Says blonde, chugging a glass of water you gave him out of pity.

“Now, don’t play an innocent Jimin, I see how you look at that one girl that comes here every friday. Didn’t you even memorize her order - gosh i heard you repeating it so many times that I know it myself.”

“Okay, okay maybe you are right, but it doesn’t mean you can judge me.”

“Would I ever?” A dramatic sight from the boy's accusations leaves your lips, you touch your heart looking at him with the most hurt eyes you could manage to do, a little tear spins in your eye. Mouth full of baked goodie, he laughs showing a little of non eaten food, with a proud expression to it. Your own smile now noticeable on face, happy feeling over your whole being, loving how this short amount of time with the bubbly boy let you forget about some problems. You take one of the left rags of the counter and throw it at his face, hoping to get him to work. “Stop eating! We are opening soon and I don't want to listen to how the coffee machines should be ready before the first client, because someone didn’t want to move his ass.”

“Just say you don’t want to deal with that old raisin.”

Nobody did, but Jimin had some superpower you sadly did not possess, and could at least shut the old businessman that somehow always comes first. Coming back to an earlier job, you pour black beans in the measuring cup, trying not to let the weight of the bag swoop you.

Place once again in a nice atmosphere, Jimin singing somewhere in the back, probably preparing syrups and goodies, sorting eveyrything on the displae plate. You two fell in a pleasant rhythm, doing your jobs like robots, knowing where things should go, and how not to disturb each other in the middle of action.

And it was something you really enjoyed, that piece and order, making you feel secure at least in such a place. Like you had power over your own life, your hands did what you wanted, your mind clear with tasks to be done.

Peace.

You both knew that this place was a mere act in the theatre of lies, you played in. Cafe such like that one, a happy place for two broke students, that tried everything in their power to make a living, pursue dreams so far away, still hoping that they are not going to disappear with all the hardships.

You could just drown in this lie of beauty picture you painted yourself, pretending your lifes do not look as bad, and even though you did not know the boy so well, you could tell from his eyes that he indeed is a player in the same game as you.

The truth being you did not know each other, you were not close. You knew about his job, about his own problems - some of them left unsaid, but who could you judge when you acted exactly the same.

Understanding from each other was enough.

However the boy tried to help you, offering sum of money or better paid jobs in times when you were too tired to hide it, those although - he learned after some time, never were an option for you.

And so with the next passing wind, the first client came welcoming you with kind of a grumpy smile, wishing for you to just make him the coffee. It was as always, a busy morning on the first day of the week, that always seems a little more crowded than any other, with business men and middle aged women trying to get over their morning sickness as fast as possible.

You saw the girl you talked about some minutes ago, looking from her covering eyes bangs, squashed from pink beanie on her head, nevertheless still laid perfectly. A little wave, hand hid under the panda mittens she liked to wear every other day the temperature goes down.

You smiled at the interaction, the excited smile on Jimin's face he tried so hard to hide, not doing a good job with his nearly nonexistent eyes that disappeared just because of it. She was pretty, a student in a university you both go to, however you were not sure what exactly she was majoring in.

Her funky style makes you take a shot at something related to fashion, but that might be completely wrong and the girl could just like wearing such bright clothes.

“Love the mittens, they look nearly as cute as you.” You heard, looking back from your busy hands, to gaze at the flustered pair. Adorable giggle soon leaves her mouth, covering lips with the said gloves as her own eyes disappear from weirdly similar eyesmile.

Jimin was a sweetheart, someone who deserved a happy future. And so you did everything to make that happen, wishing him the best and trying to help him even if it means your own happiness goes on a second plan.

“I'm sorry but could I order.” Coming back to your own job, you look up immediately, catching the gaze of one of the clients you did not recognize.

“Oh yes of course, I'm sorry for the wait. What can I get you?”

----

A loud noise of a closing locker echoes in a quiet room in the back of the coffee shops. Night air chilling from the open window you opened some minutes ago, to get rid of a smell so many people.

The calm of the room soothing your buzzing nerves and shaking hands, that always seems to do it after a hard day of work. Your attention now somewhere else as you try to take off the blue apron, laying it somewhere on the lonely bench next to you.

It was a busy day, helping you forget about what waits for you at home, and what person will probably visit you in the meantime. You didn’t like those times, the quiet after such hard working hours, leaving you with anxious thoughts rotating around the same problems you tried so hard to run away from.

So you tried once again, silence your mind with your hands, taking every job you could, now wiping lockers that never needed to be wiped before. The same rug from before in your hands, sliding over an uneven surface.

“Y/n?” You jumped from the sudden voice, swearing that Jimin was in the other room just a second ago. Turning around, you try to look unbothered, clenching the old rug in your hands with such interest. A little noise comes from your mouth, hum to let him know you are aware of his presence.

“Everything alright?” He asks a little unsure of the question, looking at you from the other side of the room, close to the door connected to the main room.

“Yeah, why would there not be?

“You were cleaning the lockers like not even a minute ago.” He says without thinking. Voice somehow suspicious, full of hidden concern as his suspicions from before seem to be true. You were not alright, and Jimin knows exactly what it may be. “If you need hel-”

“I'm alright! I'm really alright there is no need to worry, I'm just stressed because med major is harder than I thought.” The sigh is enough to let you know that he is not buying it.

Hard steps as he comes closer, opening his own locker situated right next to you, eyes glazing back at you from his clothes is started to put back. Tight lipped smiles is the only thing you are capable of answering with, catching his dark stare for a second.

“Im worried, and I know what you want to say, but I can’t help it. You are always the one that takes my burden so why can I not do the same?” He closes the locker with too much strength, making you jump again from the loud noise.

“It’s different.”

“How is it different? You help me with everything, you let me cry, you let me crash at your apartment when my parents try to make a mess again, so what’s the problem with me?! You don’t even want to tell me what's wrong dammit.” His eyes glassy from all the emotions, hands in a fist as if he tried to hold himself back. He turned completely to you, cornering you to the lockers behind, not letting you leave this time.

“Is it because of my work? Are you ashamed to take dirty money from someone who can’t earn normally and needs to sell themself. Is it this?! Tell me Y/n, I’m tired of seeing you in such a state, you are my friend.”

“You know it’s not that.” You tried to argue catching his watery eyes.

“So tell me, tell what is going on.”

Your own mouth in agape, words lost somewhere in the back of your head. So many years going alone, keeping everything to yourself shows itself with such a hestation of saying easy words that could let you breathe easier at night.

But would they really?

Giving someone your own burden was something you were taught as a shame. Problems should stay in family, and even there your father always told you to fight them alone.

“I - “ Eyes hopeful, looking at you with new found desperation. Big and different from the ones he was giving the sweet girl with panda mittens, and that alone made you sick knowing that the sparkle left because of you. “I’m sorry Jimin I just can’t.”

And you broke. With the remaining energy you mustered, you fell onto Jimin, him nearly not catching you on time. First tears fell, with such a power, rolling down your cheeks, wetting the soft fabric of Jimin’s shirt. You did not know why, why now you decided to just let go, sobbing so much, hoping the boy will understand that you only need someone to hold you.

And he did, wrapping his arms so securely around, letting you hide the red face in a crock of his neck. Fresh smell of flowers and perfume he always wore with a noticeable hint of coffee, you probably possesed yourself. Quiet whispers of comfort, tickling your scalp a little, hands patting your hair with care, brushing them with such a delicacy, like he secretly knew how breakable you are now.

“It’s going to be okay.” Void promise, his lips close to you kissing your forehead, with shaky hands trying so hard to gather every tear that fell down. With a little move he sat on a bench, an apron which you earlier left there dropped on the floor, a quiet thud ran in the small room, you on his lap, trying so hard to become smaller nearly molding in the bigger body of Jimin’s.

Sorry’s fly through your mouth, realizing it after Jimin's starts to rock your body. He peels your face from the safe space of his neck, wiping your running tears with both of his thumbs and trying to smile a little.

“I know it’s hard, but sometimes we need to let someone in, let them help put broken pieces together.” Eyes shining in the dim light of the room, your mouth ready to disagree quickly however quieten by his own speech. ”I know what you want to say Y/n” He starts again taking a big breath. “Being helpless doesn’t mean being weak, asking for help is not something to be ashamed of. Being strong however - is letting someone in, taking they hand and standing up with them - you have to have courage to do it, and I know you do to - but whoever put such a toxic mindset in you, keeps you from it and you need to realize that there is no longer people who will judge you for falling down a litte.”

Eyes falling down, sore from all the crying that has no plans to stop. You wipe the snot with your sleeve as well as wet cheeks, laughing a little after it, sniffles in the room as you try to calm yourself a little.

Jimins gaze still at you, now softer still brushing your hair in a calming manner with the second hand drawing circles on the side of your waist. It was shameful, hearing such words, knowing deep down they were true, but too prideful to agree with them.

“Gosh If I knew you cry like that, I would take a bucket with me. I wouldn’t need to pay water bills for like two months with it. “ He laughs as you smack him with your hand. Smile on your face, you tilt your head leaning on his arm with all the weight, a small sigh leaves your mouth. Smell of coffee now is more prominent with his own perfume, which he wears everyday, pushing your mind into own fuzzy feeling. “You know that I will always be there for you, right?”

A silent nod is enough, not too much to say after such an outbreak from your side still buzzing inside you. You know it was true, with how much you both came through together, it would be stupid to leave someone who become somehow a safe heaven.

“What are you going to do now? You won’t take any money, I guess you either are not going to be too willing to crash in my apartment.” Your head immediately shots up, eyes searching those of Jimin. A look of confusion cross your face for a second, with the words repeating in your mind once again. His face however is still serious, not leaving your surprised gaze.

“W-what how do you kno -”

“Your landlord called, I didn’t want to disturb you on your break - by the way I saw you sleeping you are not as sneaky as you think.” He interrupts you in the middle of talking, brushing his hair.

You frown, looking in disbelief at the boy, a little upset from the news. Touching your phone was okay, but taking a call and not saying anything, it just fell wrong.

“So why were you trying so hard to force me to talk?” The questions came a little more aggressive than intended, but who could you blame when your private life was exposed so easily. Truth being that you felt not as angry as embarrassed, never sharing such information before leaving them in the dark.

“I know you would be angry when I tell you about the phone - which I was right about.” He pouts looking somewhere in shame, like a child that was caught with sneaking sweets.

“But it doesn’t matter, what are you going to do without help? It’s not like our boss will gave you a rise from nothing, and do not even think about starting another job - we have studies, it would be plain stupid unless you ask your family for help, you never mentioned them but they would understand right?.”

“They sure would.” You sneer, standing up from the comfort of his lap. Your smile turned down on the mention of those people, it's not like you want to have something going on with them, it would be asking satan for help and that always comes with a price. “Thanks for everything Jimin, but I will be alright.” You add walking back to the hatstand where your hoodie hangs, grabbing it with your free hand, second one carrying the bag. Jimin's eyes follow you, surprised by the sudden movement and innocently big, like he waited for some better explanations - which he won’t get.

“B-but wait! Where are you going, don’t leave me like that!” You heard the shouts, desperate movements in the previous room meaning the boy tried to catch up, however you were long ago outside the cute coffee shop, starting the journey to your quiet apartment. Maybe it was mean, and maybe Jimin was too good to be treated like this, but your own mood was now too fragile to stay in the same room as the insistent boy.

Autumn wind welcoming you once again, cold weather sneaking inside your clothes, the light hoodie not doing any justice with such temperature - still it was the only thing you owned with better quality. Head full of thoughts a little overcrowded with a starting headache, not letting you walk in a peace you somehow needed just now.

Walk to your house - at least the recent one, was not one of the long one, rather passing as a nice stroll. And even though your shifts ended in night hours, the quiet and calm way never made you feel scared of any sudden dangers awaiting you on Seoul's streets. It was a nice neighborhood, one where families that were a little lower than middle class tried to make a living, keeping their kids in a safe environment. Happy smiles and laughs welcoming you sometimes in the morning, kids rushing to their own school, greeting you even after those months you stayed there, only making you nostalgic at the thought of leaving such a safe haven.

So it was more than surprising when a quick footstep rang in your ears, soon nearing you even faster. Your beating heart now rapidly knocks in your chest, as your eyes try to search for the reason for those sounds.

You didn’t need to search for loong, soon hearing the screech of a voice not so far from you. “Y/n! Wait for me!” It was even worse when the little man started to dramatically draw his hands to touch, however your concern only lay in the thought of waking up the whole neighborhood. Eyes slitted, an annoyed expression crossing your face at the sight of the panting boy, soon stopping before you, not without tripping and nearly taking you with him. “You… really want to kill me.”

Heavy breath hitting your face, his voice strained and tired from the miles he needed to run to catch up to you. You however were more than a little shocked - yes Jimin is stubborn, and yes he is the person to run after someone just because the said person lost a penny, but his appearance here was different. It was crossing the invisible line you both draw, accepting each other's bubble of comfort.

So the question still stayed, your face hard with a thundering gaze waiting for the boy to calm a bit.

“Why did you suddenly leave?” Seriousness leaked out from his tone, however the way his eyes scrunched only meant that he indeed felt a little hurt from your previous action. And you don’t even wonder why, knowing how your choices could wound the innocent boy. “Is it about your family? If its a soft topic we can never talk about it ag-”

“You want me to walk away again?” His eyes got bigger at your cold tone, his foot taking a step back. Your family, the topic you did not want to bring up today, explaining the harsh demeanor you suddenly took. Eyes however softened as fast as they met the boy’s hurted ones, a gulp of remorse sliding down your throat. “Look - I appreciate your help but I don’t need a person to be helpless with.” You took a step forward placing your hands on the boy's arm, squeezing it in reassurement. Looking him straight into eyes a sight left your mouth soon forming in a little awkward smile - the only one you could force yourself into. “You helped me enough, there is nothing else you can do, It’s not your battle to fight you have your own problems and asking you to take mine would be cruel.”

And how awful it was to turn back leaving him again, you did just that, giving him the last pat with a smile. His own mouth opening and closing, agape from the schock you probably left him. And you were sure that this time he will let it go, your words full of coldness not leaving room for arguments.

“But what if I do?” His voice stopped you in the middle of the step, freezing your form with a new squeeze in stomach. You did want to hope for nothing, feeling how your eyes got bigger in surprise, being so close to turning back to face the blonde boy. “What if I can do something?”

“Jimin we are over it - I won’t take any of your mo-”

“I didn’t mean that. I’m not that stupid to not understand first hundret times you made it clear.”” You turn at his clear voice, full of seriousness and unsaid promises. New thoughts fell over your messy mind, Jimin’s voice still ringing in your ears as well as the hot gaze he kept on you, fixated on your weirdly sluggish posture. You were more than confused, his help however not new for you, the sudden change of demeanor was like a bucket of cold water maybe pushing you into admitting that the boy indeed had some kind of solution. “Please try to listen to me first and please try to be open minded.” He adds taking a big breath making him close his eyes for a second, only to stare at you even more firmly, nearly hiding his shaky hands. A silent nod from you lighted once again the enduring fire of his eyes.

Now you were even more curious.

“What if I get you a client?” Innocent question, firstly confusing you even more with the weird words, the realization came with your mouth opening a look of disbelief crossing your eyes for a second even if you tried to remind yourself that you situation it's not the one to be judgy.

“You do-”

“Let me finish, please?” And you could not find the power in yourself to not give in. Looking straight into his gaze you closed your mouth, still hanging from the previous schock you experienced. “I was in the same place as you some years ago, a broke student without any help or hope - and I know what you want to say, but it's not as bad as it seems. You don’t even know how much I wish that at that time I had better option, but there was none and probably won’t be if I still want to chase my dreams The job is really not that bad, people don’t know, they do not need to know - even if they wanted the community of them would not allow it cause they want only that - discretion.”

You winced, the cold brushing your cheeks even more from the chill night, moon being your only source of light shining at boy’s figure like in some kind of movie. And to be completely honest, you indeed feel like in some kind of drama, emotions oozing from both of you in waves crashing in the middle with a tension to it. You didn’t want to seem rude, your face trying to stay some kind of neutral, however you knew that Jimin saw the first pull you unconsciously did, decided to let it slip instead looking at you with even more solemnity.

Yeah you knew about his past, history he one time told you in the middle of breakdown, then seemingly crazy and full of hardship, now you started to see yourself in the boy, his place now taken by you in the most awful way.

“It’s really not that bad Y/n” He whispers, voice full of softness you were thankful about. You felt breakable, the thought of actually doing it scaring you with how probable it really is. “I’m so sorry I can't do more, but it’s the only way I can help.”

You didn’t even realize when he came so close, touching your arm with his little bigger hands clenching it. Your eyes squeezed as your hands fell to your sides lifelessly, emotions now once again leaving you a little too suddenly, the grip you always had on your life slipping from your grasp with a gasp. It was hard, facing something you worked so long for only to ruin it because of such a thing as money. It was so funny, your own younger self laughing at you probably, telling you how your choices led you to that state.

“It’s really the end huh?” You didn’t need to look to know about the sad gaze he momentarily gave you. Arm sneaking around your shoulders, your posture seemingly smaller than normally, bringing you to the warm body of the blonde boy. Not a word said, only the silence being louder than aggressive shouting.

There was no need for a better explanation, your mind was already processing the idea of selling yourself to someone, and how shocking it could be that it never crossed your mind before. You can’t say the job disgusted you, you can't say it did not leave you with a sour taste on your tongue, like something is wrong with the image of you in such an environment again.

Again.

Well that was something that did not sit right with you, running away your whole life from it, now going back to the cave of a tiger - conscious suicade.

Face plastered on the surface of the brown coat, fluffy fabric brushing your face with every breath he took. The gesture leaves you with a heavy heart, not understanding why Jimin wanted to help you so much. Was it an obligation? Did he feel like he owed you something?

You just couldn't grasp the idea why, why was he so insistent, it’s only you in the end, a friend from the same coffee shop he worked in, someone who is not important in his life, someone who he will leave when the time comes. So why?

And maybe with the next gust of wind, a quiet whisper in your ear you realized deep down, that he was the first person in your life which genuinely cared for you. However the musky scent and heavy thoughts still repeated the same question, but you knew somewhere in your mind that it’s only a matter of time when the quiet suggestion will be proven.

“It’s getting late. You should go home.” A silent nod, your head still leaning on his shoulders, too tired to move. His hands petting your hair, a quiet hum leaving his mouth while he did it, melody not familiar, dancing in the silence of the night. You sighted taking one step back, immediately feeling a cold breeze hitting you, the source of heat now gone, making you shiver in the lighter clothes. Little smile screeching on your lips after you saw his worried gaze, sitting on your figure not planning to move.

“You too.” Sticking your hands into the big pocket of your hoodie, you turned your head in the way he came nodding. None of you moved, gaze met in the middle as you tried to not show how cold you really wera, body shaking in unnatural ways wanting to move for some kind of warm up.

He did not smile, even after your own stretched into a larger one, you decided not to pry and just turn around with a silent wave, head ahead of you eyes looking in the dark depths of the street where you lived. He knew you were not alright, gaze piercing you through every layer you tried to put in a situation like this, a copy mechanism you were not that proud of. And so with the head lowered you took the first step away not minding the still lingering stare on your shoulders.

The main worry now being the cold weather and little clothes that shielded you from it, the idea of the whole conversation put somewhere on the side.

However, he and you were pretty well aware of what is going to happen the next day.

In the end it's you who soon is not even going to possess own body.

----

Sleepless nights were not new, the feeling of tiredness you could not just wipe with the piece of the fabric a familiar one, the eyes trying to stay focused on things even though they were so hard to close themself for some sweet time, just to be forcefully open. Two words were enough for you to not hide the utter ache, you so perfectly masked in the middle of the coldest night.

And so maybe it was the cold keeping you awake in the dark, the blanket not enough to warm up your lifeless limbs, or maybe the lingering touches of the blonde boy that stayed even after so many afters after the whole conversation.

You felt weak, blinking in the grey room watching the wall like it would show something incredible, the scratches on it similar to the one you did when the stress was too much, decorating pieces of your skin like an art. The night was a big blur, hours now looking at the nonexisting stuff passed with a blink of an eye only to put you in another of the memories.

Blonde hair somewhere there scrolled in the side of your mind. Oh yeah, the said boy came the next day, look on his face too hard to forget as the next wall you built was just ruined.

He looked at you from behind his eyelashes with eyes dimmed with a sort of fog. Silence being the only comfort in the moment - early morning helping with it. He knew that this time the situation did not have many options, not any without any loss.

However he came, with a mind to let you help with thinking of any other ideas to help you, the conversation from the other night forgotten after he stepped in the gloomy apartament. And it doesn’t surprise you, the look you probably carried spoke for himself.

In his hands soon layed inconspicuously looking scrap of paper, tempting with his appearance like the most loucioust sin. He read it with squinted eyes, not needing a lot of time to find out what exactly the letter applied to.

What surprised him after such information is, how really the girl hid behind such an innocent facade, the new wave of respect crashed on him with the thought how strong you really are to not ask for help. The human thing was to linger, searching for attention so long to have someone finally do everything for us.

He had money, he had it so much that he could easily help her for next month, but he knew how every proposition like that would end up.

In the end they were really similar.

“Maybe there is another way.” He cut the silence, after a while regretting the action. Eyes met somewhere in the middle and both of their gaze was meaningful enough to answer his void of hope. “Have you tried to talk with the flat owner?”

Grimace on your face once again was enough, you shook your head remembering not the best meeting with the older man. “Many times. The guy is purely business oriented, he doesn’t care about your private life but if you pay everything - which as you can see I have a problem with.”

“I know that it’s a hard topic, but what about your family. There needs to be at least one person.” You looked down, carpet under your feets still fluffy and soft under your feet, the silence embracing you both. Jimin awkwardly scratched his arm, biting his lips in the process, the topic one again making your mood even worse. “Im sorr-”

“There is no need, it doesn’t matter anyway. My family is off limits when it comes to those types of things.” You cut him off, looking from the side at the little embarrassed boy. A sigh leaves your mouth as you lean on to your old couch, ruffling your hair after. “Jimin there is really no other way. Your option is the only thing I can do, even if the idea scares me.”

He looked at you with a small smile, the memories from his past coming back to him, when it was him who was sitting at your place, maybe with a different situation, but the fear in the eyes remained the same. He sat next to you, hand catching yours latching fingers with yours, as if that small gesture was supposed to pass everything.

And maybe it was like that, however how sweet and calming the motion wouldn’t be, nothing has been solved, and your decision it's going to change your life completely.

“You start to accept it with time.” He whispers tightening the grip on your head, the sentence seemingly had a bit more to the story. You guessed he tried not only to convince you both himself too.

Idea still fresh in your mind, hard to process it actually is going to happen, eyes meeting once again with the dark ones of the boy, millions of heistations flowing in the circle of your pupils.

“What If I don’t want to accept it? Jimin, I'm going to sell myself like some kind of animal.” You started, soon seeing how every word pierced the boy, a hurt crossing his face for a while. However he himself knew how his job was not something to brag about, something that should be kept to yourself.

“First - you are not going to be a prostitute, it’s their job. Second - you are not selling yourself, your body maybe, your time - yes. This whole messed up business, which no one truly understands, it's not only based on pleasure and successful bargain. The people you are going to provide services will require more, however you too will be able to demand - and that’s the difference.” He instinctively stood up, turning his back to you to hide his face for you.

You decided not to question that, the topic probably being equally hard for him. Following his figure, you listened to every word which could calm your buzzing nerves.

“Mone-” You started trying to guess about the demand he was talking about. The cash suggests itself in your mind. The boy quickly turned back, dark eyes catching your breath in the middle.

“Respect.” He finished, taking an earlier abandoned cup of tea to his hand. You were confused, your gaze spoke for himself, the utter questions building with every quiet minute he left you with. “Do you know why so few people are able to survive in such a business, or why so few people know about it?” He asked knowing fully he won't get any answer from you. He sighted brushing his blonde hair back, a little oliy from the last day of work, he came to the other side of the room sitting on one of the smaller tables just before you.

“You will need to play a role, you will become an actress in real life without the power to question your own character. People that are directors in fact are going to be your clients, giving you the script you will need to act on. In the beginning it’s going to be hard, but with time you will understand that you can either love it or you are someone who is not suitable for such a job.”

So many questions, which only bundled up with the said words. A weird twinge in your heart, forcing you to stop thinking about it like a sweet temptation, however the beautiful words he wrapped everything with stronger. The idea seems so easy, so free and so good, too good to be true.

You looked at him, the tiredness hitting you suddenly but so many not arranged issues kept you on your toes, so with the remaining power you sighed rubbing your eyes. You decided, your last way out.

“How i'm even going to start?” The question filled him with a relife, not understanding exactly why, the thought of having someone close in the same job loaded him with unanswered happiness. He gazed back, the look making you sit more comfortable forcing your attention directly at him.

“The clients are mostly the people you least expect to. Although they are not people which can afford a whore - lame millionaires or self-proclaimed gangsters. Don’t get me wrong but if they were them they could have just bought the random first person that is willing to do everything they want, for them however the most important is discretion and loyalty.” He started, stopping for a while to take out his phone and quickly search something on it.

With one move he showed you a picture of a man, you strangely knew. Black hair, similar to the blackness of the sky so different from the boy sitting just before you and a beautiful porcelain looking skin. He looked proud, even as a imagine the frozen photo oozing of confidence and power.

You knew those people pretty well, a little too well. Too proud for their own good and too proud to admit their wrongs, making money in such a way to not get attention if they are dirty or not. Familiar contempt towards others. You tried so hard to run away just from people like that, you hoped the clients Jimin was talking about are just the little CEO’s, not that important or dangerous.

And how ironic it was that you yourself are going to willingly put yourself in such a toxic environment again, people that are more influential than politicians and authorities. Next question popping on the side, how the blonde boy survived there without any knowledge.

“I see you can guess about who i’m talking about, and It’s not your first contact with them, right?” He started, brushing his hair once again, a habit you noticed. He needed to admit that your expression put him in uneasiness, look on your face nearly scared like a child that watched horror for the first time. He didn’t want to annoy the topic, leaving it in the air with the restless tension, instead he closed his phone hiding it back into his pocket.

His eyes still on you, your mind somewhere else as the quietness of the room started to spin around. The unanswered question lingered on your tongue, kept in the end of your mouth like some kind of secret. And as you thought it’s the end, the little ping came from the pocket he put his phone into.

“Well, I don’t know If you are interested but there is someone who is willing meet.”

#yandere taehyung #taehyung #taehyung angst #bts #bts fanfction #bts fic rec #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts fic recs #bts x reader #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #taehyng x reader #namjoon #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung x you #taehyung imagine #jungkook fic recs #jungkook x reader #seokjin #yoongi x you #jimin x reader

[gildedmuse]

Hey, everyone.

So recently I've (predictably) very not well. Actually, whenever I don't post for long periods, just assume my body is trying to kill me. But I've gotten messages from three people asking if I. Okay, which is super sweet. I am actually trying to work on the next All Hearts, a really long ZoLaw post and two request fics, but mixing chronic kidney pain and capitalist society's mandate to work 40+ hours is not recommended.

But to prove I'm okay and still me, here is some Shanks antics with him being a total slut while Mihawk and Beckman just roll their eyes and go along with it. [Shout out to @jhaernyl who not only listens to me ramble about this stuff, but actively encourages it]. I also have many thoughts on the latest episodes and so many screenshots it's embarrassing. Hopefully, when I'm in less pain, I'll get around to actually posting those. Otherwise I just look like an insane person who literally takes by the second frame shots every time Zoro is on screen.

.... What is that? I look like that anyway? Fair.

Shanks Is A Bad Influence

It feels like Buggy and Shanks split up after Roger's death (the crew was told to, and they are the only ones who went to his execution) and I find it impossible to think Shanks didn't immediately set out and find a crew; like, pirating is the only thing this kid knows in life. This means two things:

He set out from East Blue. Also, he seemed at ease and familiar with the East so it's possible he spent like a year there getting everything together. Maybe he even played around in the other blues for a while before heading back to the Grand Line. I say this because his crew is from all over so either he found and recruited them in the Grand Line or visited various blues. Either way, I'm gonna say it took him about two years before getting a 'proper' start. In that case, he would have started out properly at the age of 17 and we know One Piece likes it's parallels.

That still puts Shanks at 17 to Benn Beckmen's 28. How the fuck did Shanks manage that? I'd call it grave robbing, but let's face it, the little tyke probably got up to some actual robbing of graves as well.

My point being everytime Shanks teases Mihawk about keeping this 19 year old kid on his personal island, mostly shirtless, Benn Beckmen just lifts an eyebrow.

Excuse me, captain, who had prefected the 'opps still don't have my sea legs' trip-and-fall into their first mates lap by the age of 17?

Shanks: Beckmen, you caught me! *Shamelessly nuzzles up* Thank goodness! I could be a devil's fruit user after all and - Ahh!

Benn: *Drops Shanks straight over the side of the ship into the water*

Shanks: *Sputtering* What what that!?

Benn: Checking to see if you had eaten a devil's fruit on us, Capatin.

Benn: You didn't.

Smart ass. But he can't resist Shanks forever. Shanks will wear him down eventually.

Next time Mihawk tracks him down for another match - because you know he gets bored way quicker than he'll ever admit and Shanks is at least amusing a challenge - Shanks makes a big deal out of how Mihawk follows him around, "accidentally" revealing they slept together, sighing about how it's so hard to resist him.

Benn Beckmen is just leaning against the side of the ship, sipping his booze.

Shanks: -and I can't stay for hours like last time!!

Mihawk: Are you quite done?

Shanks: *whispering* Does Benn look jealous?

Mihawk: He looks bored. Much like I am. Is this some strange attempt to get out of my challenge, Akagami?

Shanks: What? No, come on I told you I was game. But, hey, could you do me a favor? Maybe like try and kiss me or something? Like take a swing like your going to hit me but then stop shot and grab me by the waist instead.

Mihawk: .... Trickery is beneath you. Besides, you're absolute rubbish at it.

Shanks: Oh, come on, I would totally help you get laid if you asked!

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* I want a proper match afterwards.

Mihawk: *In a forced, monotone voice* After this I will take you to my lair and have my way with you, Akagami.

Mihawk: ... My lair? Really?

Shanks: *Holding up cue card with quickly scribbled line* What? That is how you talk.

Mihawk: I can't believe I wasted precious hours of light tracking you to this atrociously rural port.

Shanks: See? Now, read the next one.

Benn: Captain? If this is going to take all night, I am going to go join the rest of the men in the tavern.

Shanks: Huh? Wait! Benn! What if Miha really stabs me this time!?

Benn: *Salutes Shanks with his bottle* Sounds like that is his plan captain. Have a good 'challenge'.

Shanks: What? No... *Reaching out hand, like he might die if Benn leaves, looking completely devastated* Not even a little jealous...

Mihawk: You couldn't have thought that pantomime would actually work.

Shanks: Benny, don't leave me.... *Turns to Mihawk, immediately brightening* Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Hey, Miha, guess whose free all night and horny as a pirate in the calm belt?

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* Very well.

Mihawk might as well get something for the trip he made. Although, he's reconsidering if the sex was actually worth the trouble after he ends up listening to Shanks worry half the night that Benn is shacking up with someone else (after a couple hours of rough and raw fucking, admittedly).

Is it the hat? He likes his captain's hat. Miha, you think his captain's hat is sexy, don't you?

Mihawk: It's utterly ridiculous.

Shanks: ....

Shanks: ....

Shanks: *Smile* Ahh, Miha, I knew you liked the hat!

Shanks: What do you old Northerns find sexy?

Mihawk: I am only four years older than you.

Mihawk: And silence.

Trying to convince Mihawk to go spy on Beckman for him. Shanks doesn't actually care if he does sleep with someone else, it's more that Beckman didn't immediately turn angry and jealous like Buggy would have that has him paranoid.

Mihawk is going to fuck this annoying red head again just to shut him up.

Mihawk: Maybe he doesn't like red haired boys who don't know when to be quiet?

The next morning Shanks is pacing among his poor crew that's gotten stuck listening to Shanks obsess about Beckman again. IS IT REALLY THE HAIR!?

It's not even a matter of Shanks's age (or obvious immaturity). I mean, Beckman got on board and stayed, didn't he? Beckman just enjoys watching Shanks try so hard to get his attention. Like Benn's attention isn't constantly on Shanks. He had to when his captain is always one step away from disaster.

He only left him with Mihawk because it was clear Dracule is not a real danger to Beckman's captain.

Except maybe insulting him to death. But Beckman is pretty sure Shanks can handle it. He's met Buggy. He's suspects Shanks LIKES it if anything.

It gets to the point where when they dock somewhere and see Mihawk waiting, or come back to the ship and spot his familiar silhouette, most of the crew goes off somewhere for another drink (sometimes the newer kids will stay to watch such an awesome fight, everyone else is like... Look, you'll have plenty of opportunities later. This is not a one off.)

Benn just takes a look around, nods to Mihawk (a silent signal for, "he's all yours, do with him as you please, if anything happens to him I will track you down and make sure your last few hours on this blue world are as painful as humanly possible") and heads off.

Oh, it's just the Hawk boy.

That's fine then.

Benn use to be a sailor on a trade ship between the North, East, West and Grand Line. He's seen it all.

They called him The Gun Slinger BEFORE he joined Shanks's crew and became a pirate.

So this young, broke ass kid from the streets of some near artic northern island trying to pass himself off as a Lower North rich type has a thing for his captain? Not really enough to keep Beckman up at night, no matter how good at swords he's supposed to be

Besides, he's pretty sure for the kid to keep tracking down Shanks, he must be bored out of his skull. He's not going to do anything to endanger their captain.

Not if Shanks is the only thing he can find to keep him entertained.

One day, Mihawk is going to be waiting on the dock when a bunch of Red Haired pirates are stumbling home, laughing and chattering amongst themselves (Shanks's crew always seems to be in a good mood). One of them will catch sight if Mihawk and walk by with a smile, patting him on the shoulder.

The captain's occupied. Seems likely he'll be 'occupied' for a good while, too.

Mihawk won't smile, but he will think "So you finally warmed him up to you, Akagami?" and snort lightly.

Poor Benn, though. Mihawk could never imagine being with someone so much younger than him. Shanks is only four years his junior and already it strains Mihawk to put up with his occasional moments of "youthful whimsy" (aka being an annoying, immature child)

"A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair"

Mihawk just putting that on his Not To Do List.

That lasted until Roronoa.

(Mihawk just looking at Zoro knowing this is bad news.)

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

*Cross out, scribbles*

*Hands back to Benn*

Do Not Do:

- A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair a silly hat, who is overly dramatic and in any way, shape or form related to Gol D Rogers.

Ace: Hey what's up?

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

Go ahead, Benn, laugh it up. Mihawk is aware he has a type. Young, pretty, and utterly insane.

After that night where Shanks was otherwise 'occupied', it's over six months before Mihawk sees his friend his rival again. He is, as expected, far too smug and proud looking.

Shanks: Oh, Miha, so sorry you came all this way, I'm-

Benn: Well, I'm off, captain.

Shanks: What!? But we, you, I... Benn, hessoeexyarentyouworriedforyourcaptain?

Benn: *patting Mihawk on the shoulder* Have fun with him. Don't forget to return him by noon tomorrow, we have a schedule. Oh, but if you can babysit him for at least four hours? That would be great.

Shanks: BABYSIT!?

Mihawk: I suppose I can be troubled to do so.

Shanks: TROUBLED!?

Benn: Thanks, Hawkeyes. I owe you.

Shanks: *Fake tears clinging to his lashes* You two are so mean!

No, don't feel bad for him. Shanks is just trying to guilt the two of them into bed at the same time, and they both know it.

Thanks no thanks, they're not into that. But Shanks can be pretty cute when he's trying so hard (Benn) and at least he's not as boring as everything else in this world (Mihawk) so they allow him to keep up the act

Shanks: *looking at Zoro's wanted poster over Mihawk's shoulder* But I feel like you'd gladly go to bed with him and his captain if he asked. That doesn't seem fair to me. You'd never go that far with me and Benn.

Mihawk: *Eyes Benn*

Mihawk: *DEAD. ONLY.*

Mihawk: I have my reasons.

They can and do agree on plenty of things, including reciprocally not being that attracted to each other.

Shanks: Sounds fake to me

Shanks: But guys!

Shanks: This isn't about you

He's gonna need you guys to drop the egos and focus on what HE wants. I.E., being in the middle of two sexy Northern men.

Honestly, so mean to poor Shanks!

#I LIVE #here have some #shanks x mihawk #shanks x beckman #shanks x buggy #mihawk x zoro #and you know there is some Law x Zoro goong on I just didn't cover it #I like my men like I like my civil war sides #Northern #idk but here you go #Shanks #akagami no shanks #dracule mihawk #benn beckman #DEAD ONLY #roronoa zoro #one piece #one piece fanfiction #but not really #just random fun #I jump between time periods like a game of hopscotch #what you gonna do about it #get lost probably

[druigswhores]

what died didn’t stay dead

(originally posted by vormirjumper)

dedicated to @starsvck and @artipotter hope u enjoy this <333

summary: the last thing you remember was fainting in wakanda thinking you saw your own fingertips turn to dust only to wake up in a world where natasha romanoff no longer existed. inspired by marjorie by taylor swift

content warning: natasha romanoff x fem!reader, set after endgame, angst, mentions of death, trauma, their relationship ending on a bad note, trust issues & previous steve x nat, (WANDAVISION SPOILERS AT THE END)

‘моя любовь’ = ‘my love’ in russian <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN! (please lmk if anyone written something similar to this! & if you want more nat content lmk!)

masterlist

PART TWO

You forced your eyes open.

Pulling yourself up from the ground you glanced at your arms in confusion. You swore you saw your own hands turn to dust before fainting. You glanced around to take in your surroundings eyes widening in shock as you saw the hundreds of Wakandan's you fought beside minutes ago appearing out of dust. You stared speechless as you watched people materialise out of thin air, the dust forming into fingers, then a whole hand and eventually becoming a person who's mirroring your exact reaction.

You felt guilty about the first thought that came across your mind.

'Is Nat okay?' You panicked while rushing to look around, ignoring how you spent the last few years loathing her to hide your heartbreak.

You were an avenger since the beginning. The two of you were on the same team during the airport fight which wasn't surprising due to your history together. Despite the slight age difference between the two of you, your personalities worked well together which is why you got along well, so well in fact that those platonic feelings you thought you had for her developed into something more and somehow you found yourself in her bed many times in her arms with your bodies pressed against one another's, struggling to catch your breath, bliss written all over your face. Your legs were intertwined with hers as you embraced the warmth radiating off her. You refused to acknowledge the unspoken tension in the atmosphere due to the fear of speaking out about your feelings and end up ruining what you had. You couldn't help but let the insecurities build up as you gently caressed her cheek, her eyes met yours back in adoration, full of what could've been love.

But you knew she once looked at him in the same way.

"I love holding you in my arms моя любовь." She muttered, as she stroked your hair gently, you hummed in response, not trusting your own voice. What you both had felt right, you didn't want to ruin it, you didn't want to label what you had together due to the job you both have. Being an avenger doesn't exactly mean stability, anything could happen.

You remember the panic you felt when Ultron took her, the chance of losing her filled you with dread, but you also had faith. You knew how strong Natasha was. Your faith gave you strength and it kept you alive, Nat admired that about you.

The two of you fit together well, whether it was on the field or outside of the field. You could predict each other's moves and although telepathy isn't either of your powers, you know what the other was thinking. You made her better. You helped her wipe out the red in her ledger and when everyone's files was exposed to the globe you were right there by her side comforting her as she feared the reaction from everyone. You were there for her when nobody was and you stood by her side no matter what. Those feelings were reciprocated, you knew Natasha would've done anything for you.

She would even sacrifice herself for the possibility of you coming back.

Then the Accords happened and Nat betrayed the Accords, ending up on the run with Steve, Sam, Wanda and Vision. You were left alone at the compound with an injured Rhodey.

"How could you do this?" You spat out, voice full of hatred as you watched Natasha let Steve and Bucky get away. Your pistol shook in the palm of your hands, pointed directly at Natasha who lowered her own onto the ground, allowing herself to be defenceless.

"It's not that easy моя любовь, you out of all people should understand that." She explained, and you scoffed in response. The pet-name which once caused a flutter in your stomach now fuelling the fire that's building up. All the insecurities you felt during your relationship suddenly turned to hatred. You should've expected this, you should've expected that after all this time she would've chosen Steve over you.

"I guess you'll never change." You responded flatly, admitting defeat. You silently walked passed her and climbed out of the rubble that was created, allowing a wall to be in between the two of you not knowing you tore a piece of her heart as you did so.

That was two years ago.

You thought you'd never have to see her for a long time. You hoped you wouldn't have to see her. Clearly things never go the way you wanted it to go as you found yourself staring back at the person who once owned your heart.

"Well, you guys look like crap." Rhodey teased, wrapping the fellow avengers in his arms as you stood to the side, awkwardly watching the scene in front of you while fidgeting with your fingers. The atmosphere in the compound was comforting, it's been a long time since you've heard so much laughter in one room despite the war that's brewing.

Natasha, who was now blonde but as gorgeous as ever, hesitantly approached you. The two of you stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the next move.

"Romanoff." You nodded, greeting her before moving away to greet the other Avengers, missing the way she muttered the now bittersweet name she specifically picked you.

"моя любовь..."

Did she really love you? Or was it just for revenge? You believed that love blinded you, you managed to convince yourself that your love wasn't enough for her and that's why she left you. Your relationship with her died. It was over. You thought you buried it all, all your feelings. But you were wrong, when your eyes met her green eyes all those feelings came back to life, flowing through your veins.

After all this time you still loved her.

But your feelings for her weren't the only thing you couldn't bury.

Within an hour of reuniting with the Avengers, the team found themselves on the quinjet travelling to Wakanda. You wouldn't have said this out loud but you had faith that everything would be okay, Nat was finally by your side after all these years.

You felt as though nothing could go wrong.

That was a couple hours ago you estimated, you glance at Wanda who appeared a couple feet away from you the tears were evident on her face.

"Where is he?" Wanda cries out, clenching her fists, you saw the scarlet red energy glowing around her. You knew she must've been talking about Vsision who should've been on the ground next to her. "Wha- why does everything look different?" You realised, noticing the damages caused by the battle has disappeared. The grass was greener as ever. The corpses of the creatures you fought were no longer on the ground.

It looked as though the battle never took place.

You ran over to Wanda, helping her up from the ground when you hear someone call your name out. "That sounds like Sam." Wanda points out as the two of you held each other up.

"Wanda!" Sam called out.

"Come on, we gotta go! They need us! The fights not over yet!" He shouts from a distance, the two of you made your way to the direction you heard his voice come from, you saw all the superheroes surrounding him and a man in a red cloak. "What about Nat? Or Rhodey?" You questioned, looking for them in the crowd. You missed the sympathetic glance the man shot you before waving his hands up in the air, creating a yellow ring in the air that transformed into a portal.

"We're going to fight beside them right now." Sam confirms before flying through the portal.

The compound was completely destroyed. Your home was crumbling apart. Thor looked completely different, Tony had grey hair and Natasha was nowhere to be seen.

You wanted to finally tell her, tell her that you loved her with all of your heart.

You fought beside hundreds of Avengers that day, but you couldn't help searching for one specific Avenger. You ran over to Clint who was on the ground struggling to fight off a bunch of creatures, saving him within moments.

"Thanks kid." He pant, out of breath from all of the fighting. You smiled at him in response, reaching your hand out for him to take which he gratefully took, lifting himself up. "Have you bumped into Nat on the battlefield yet?" You asked, hopeful. There were hundreds of people fighting so you didn't expect to find her easily. The smile on Clint's face fell.

In that moment he relieved everything that happened moments ago. Flying to Vormir with Natasha, climbing the cliff with her, reminiscing about Budapest. And the way he witnessed her body hit the ground, the crack echoing so loudly he managed to hear it more than just once. He glanced down the cliff and saw her lifeless body faced towards his.

His closest friend. The person he trusted with his entire life. The person he named his son after. The Godmother of his kids.

Gone.

Just like that.

"I need to do this for her Clint, she's моя любовь." Nat whispered to him before smiling back at the oldest friend she had, pushing away from the cliff and inevitably falling to her death.

You found out what happened to Natasha, hours after.

The Avengers won, but at the cost of the lives of the people you cared the most about, the person you'd do anything for and the person who owned your heart the minute you met them. Clint broke the news to you, he felt as though you deserved to hear it from him.

"She loved you till the very end." He finished after explaining what happened on Vormir. You felt as though you couldn't breathe, like your soul was crushed and pulled away from you.

Natasha Romanoff was dead and there was nothing you could do about it.

She never got to hear that you felt the same towards her.

"I didn't think the ending to be so soon." You struggled to hold back a sob, holding the letter Clint gave you tightly in your arms. Scott somehow found a letter on the ground while trying to save Clint, it was slightly damp and covered in mud. But it was written for you in Natasha's handwriting.

You couldn't bring yourself to read the letter even nine days after the blip. You had to live in a world without her, a world where people drag her name through the mud even though she is the reason they're still standing. You adjust to a world without Natasha Romanoff and reading a letter she wrote for you months ago wouldn't help.

You regretted everything. You regret spending those last few years in anger, you should've stayed with her, you could've told her how much she meant to you. You could've told her you loved her, you could've held her in your arms once more. You would do anything to have her in your arms once again.

Sometimes it felt as though she was still there, laughing at something she saw on the TV. You always felt her presence around you after she passed away, it felt as though she never died. It felt as though a part of her lives through you.

You sat in the passenger seat of Wanda's car, staring at the Sword logo plastered on the side of the building, you could feel the letter in your back pocket, dying to be read. Wanda made her way back to the car, face flared in anger, tears threatening to spill.

"Wanda?" You called out as she got into the car, turning on the ignition but not pulling out of the car park. She sniffled quietly, wiping her eyes before glancing back to you. "I saw him." She responded, her eyes glancing to the folded paper on the backseat of the car, she could see the faint colour of red that was in the shape of a heart. "But they're not letting him have a funeral." You realised, looking back at your friend, heartbroken. "I figured at least one of them deserved a funeral, it's not fair. It's not fair that the world can just go on like nothing happened and we don't get to mourn the people we lost." Wanda rants, pulling out of the parking lot and beginning to drive.

"They both deserve a funeral." You agreed solemnly, remembering the fact that Natasha's body is at the bottom of a cliff in space in 2014.

"Where are we going now?" You asked, wanting to distract yourself from that thought. You felt as though you and Wanda were left to mourn your loved ones alone as the rest of the avengers scattered across the country.

"To the only thing I have left of him."

The two of you sat in silence as Wanda drove, you stared at the shrubbery outside the window before closing your eyes and resting your head on the window, allowing yourself to drift off.

It felt like it was only seconds later when you felt the car turn harshly, you opened your eyes and glanced around in confusion when you saw that you pulled into a quaint town, you had only just missed the town sign plastered with the words "West View." You watched the pedestrians walking by, noticing how some of them sat on their own with no one to comfort them similarly to you and Wanda.

The two of you pulled up to a plot of land with the foundation of a house on the ground, it looked at though the house never had the chance to get completed.

"Stay in the car, I won't take long." Wanda reassured you before reaching towards the back of the car to grab the folded up sheet of paper and getting out of the car. You nodded, staring at the built house next to the plot of land.

Your mind wanders as you stare at the home. You think about Natasha. You think about the future you could've had with her, living together in a quaint home like the one in front of you. No stress about being an avenger, just the two of you and your family. You softly smile as you imagine Natasha's reaction to wanting to adopt 5 cats, knowing she was more of cat person. You imagine holding her hand while walking down the street and watching movies with her in your shared bed. You wanting to stay in for the day and watch movies to ignore the real world outside and her letting you.

You think about what could've been.

A heart wrenching scream snaps you out of your thoughts, you rush out of the car and look for Wanda but is blinded by a scarlet red light that knocks you unconscious.

Your eyes open on command.

The room you stood in was black and white. It was a nicely decorated living room with a dining room connected to it, you couldn't pinpoint which decade the interior was from, too preoccupied by the woman standing in front of you.

Although the lack of colour in them, you could recognise those eyes from anywhere, that smile that you've wished to see was right in front of you. The dress she wore matched the decade and decor of the room, her hair curled up neatly. Natasha stood in front of you, reaching her hand out towards you waiting for you to take it.

You hesitantly reach out towards her, happiness flooding your emotions. She pulls you closer to her, welcoming you into a hug. The palm of her hands are warm as they rested on your back, you could feel her heartbeat as you laid your head on her chest, melting in her arms.

"Welcome home моя любовь."

#natasha romanoff #black widow #marvel #avengers #mcu #marvel fanfiction #avengers x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #marvel imagine #natasha romanoff angst #wlw fic #natasha romanov x reader #black widow x female reader #black widow x you #natasha romanoff x you #avengers endgame #wanda maximoff #wandavision #Wanda maximoff #wandavision spoilers #wandavision episode 8 #Wanda vision #Wanda vision spoilers #scarlett witch #vision #tony stark #westview

[bakubub]

Best friend rigs the Secret Santa for Bakugo and yourself to get one another...

A/N: Hullo everybody!! This is part 2 (find part one HERE) of this Pinterest Prompt and part 3 will (hopefully) be the final part. I honestly thought this would be a 800 word fic but now we're barreling towards almost 5k all together whoops lol-

Warnings: Just a few swears here and there, SFW, its literally all Bakusquad shenanigans.

Word count: abt 1.5k, ENJOY <3

"Soooooo~ Who d'ya get for the cringle?" Kaminari asks, leaning back on his chair dangerously to look back at me, sitting on the desk behind him. I raise my eyebrows, since I can't just raise the one, and flick my pen expertly in my hand.

"Mr. Aizawa," I answered seriously. "I'm thinking of getting him another sleeping bag. The musty yellow one isn't really his colour."

Looking genuinely confused, Kaminari looks around to see if anyone else overheard our conversation.

I laugh at him, and kick his chair forward, causing him to shriek as he sits squarely on his butt. I look down to see a folded note on my desk, opening to read it as Mr Aizawa tells us to settle down;

Lover boy was TOTALLY just greasing off Kaminari for making you laugh. I think someone's still jealous from the whole sleeping incident...

Catching Mina's eye, I give her an I don't think so look, which she promptly rolls her eyes at. Its been a whole weekend since the 'sleeping incident', where I had woken up with Kaminari's arms wrapped around my waist and his head nestled on my stomach. Accidentally of course. We, along with Bakugo and Kirishima, had fallen asleep on the couch in the common room, talking late last Friday night.

It really wasn't a big deal... Kaminari apologised several times. I got over it, he got over it, and I don't see why Bakugo, whom Mina just loves to call 'lover boy', would even care.

Plus, I have bigger problems. Like what to get said lover boy for the Christmas Cringle we were supposed to be exchanging this Saturday. He's literally impossible to buy for. Well, I could always just buy him a new pair of shorts or something, but since I've had a crush on him since literally the first day of school, it needs to be perfect.

So far I've thought of a cookbook, an apron, a scarf since he's always wearing the brown one, or maybe even a matching beanie; then again his hair has such personality I don't even know if he CAN put a beanie over those suspiciously natural spikes...

"Hellooooo, come on, Aizawa dismissed us," Mina says, nudging my shoulder.

I snap out of my daze and gather my things, following out of the nearly empty classroom.

"Decided on what to get monsieur Hothead yet?" I sigh, already having predicted this question.

"Nope," I say, popping the p as we walk to the dorm rooms. "I'm thinking of maybe getting-"

"Hey girls, wanna meet at the common room at 6 for a rematch of UNO?" Kaminari asks, coming up from behind us and slinging an arm over my and Mina's shoulders like he always does.

"Yeah sure, we're down." Mina answers, pinching him in the side so he lets us out of his grasp. We duck away, laughing and continuing our banter, before I catch Bakugo's gaze.

"You coming too, Bakugo?" I ask, walking up next to him, ignoring my heart trying to escape its cage.

"Coming where?" He grumbles, still looking disgruntled and angry.

"We're playing UNO around 6 today in the common room. Come on, it'll be fun," I say, trying to persuade him into coming, since he never usually participates.

"HELL NO! I don't have time to waste, especially with you extras," He yells at me. I huff, rolling my eyes and continuing to ignore the feeling of my heart beating in my eyeballs, as I grumble, "you never do," and walk back next to Mina, who was now somehow in a water fight with Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero.

Overall certain that I didn't let my nerves peek through while talking to him, I don't register what's happening as Sero grabs Oijiro's water bottle out of his bag, unscrews the lid, then promptly dumps it over my head.

With Mina, Kirishima, Kaminari and even Bakugo gasping in the background, I wiped the water off my face, before realising my mascara had probably smudged all over my cheeks and glared at Sero, who was slowly backing away.

I practically growl before chasing him, blindly grabbing my own water bottle out of my bag and drenching him, messing up his styled hair which has him shrieking "sorry, I'm so sorry!" and has me cackling in sweet, sweet revenge.

---

"PLUS FOUR?! AGAIN KIRISHIMA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Mina screeches as she pounds Kirishima's arm from next to him, who is laughing and judging from his reaction, barely feeling her punches. I know from experience, that Mina punches hard. He has to be really tough not to show an inkling of pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just really have to win this one!" He says, shooting a guilty smile Mina's way. Maybe he just doesn't feel pain in general...? I stare at him with suspicion as Mina huffs and she rolls her eyes at him, promptly dropping a four plus for the next person in our circle, who just happened to be me.

"Hey! Not cool, hypocrite." I mutter.

"I had to get my anger out somehow. I'm pretending you're Kirishima. Go on, pick up those cards, you slimy rat," Mina says smugly.

Giving her a confused look at her weird logic, I continued the game, Shoji and Hagakure also having joined in half way.

Just as I'm about to announce UNO, Bakugo stomps through the common room and sits right in between myself and Mina, crossing his legs on the floor and leaning back on his two hands.

"BAKUBRO! YOU CAME!" Kirishima yells excitedly, Kaminari and Sero also whooping and cheering.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. I finished my work and came to see what you idiots were doing." He says, voice gruff but not screaming for once.

I raise my brows at him, and he scowls and looks the other way, not being able to face me after he so rudely rejected my invitation a few hours ago.

"Oh please, you just couldn't handle the FOMO." I say teasingly, smirking at him without fully turning my face so the others can hear.

Sero stifles a laugh and Kaminari looks confused before the dots connect and he also has his hand clamped around his mouth.

"She has a green 7," is all he says, a sadistic look of satisfaction overtaking his features. It takes a moment for all of us to realise what he just said.

Mina cackles as she changes the colour to red, effectively stopping me from winning the game.

Shooting him a dirty look, I lean over to grab another card, simultaneously elbowing him hard in the shin, which he doesn't even react to.

What is it with these guys and their weirdly high pain tolerance?

Ignoring him now, we continue the game, Kirishima practically slamming his last card on top of the deck. "I WON, I WON, man that was so MANLY," He celebrates as I see Mina rolling her eyes and silently fuming. I begin to shuffle and hand out the cards deliberately skipping Bakugo, which doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"Oi, where are my cards?" He asks, annoyance evident in his tone as Kirishima continues to gloat in the background about how manly his win was and Kaminari complaining about how he never "gets the good cards." When I don't respond, Bakugo steals my cards from in front of me, leaning forward to play with the others.

Snarling, I grab my cards out of his hand, causing him to snarl back, until we're fighting for the 7 cards.

"What are you guys doing, there's a whole ass deck here, you know," Sero says, eyebrows raised and nudging Kirishima.

"These. Ones. Are. MINE." I gasp out, my knee coming around to jab him in his side as his hand pushes me down from my sternum. Oxygen knocked out of my lungs, I gasped for air as I tried to hold the cards out of his reach, my hero training kicking in as I snake my other arm around the back of his neck to hold him in an upside down headlock. Trying to push his forehead onto the ground, I give the cards to Mina, who laughs and takes them, after taking a photo of us.

Having apparently heard the camera click, Bakugo (after struggling a great deal might I smugly add) gets out of my head lock and zones in on Mina. "Delete that photo, Racoon Eyes," He snarls.

"Not in a million years. Awww, look Bakugo are you blushing?" She says, pointing at her phone.

Eyes widening and red creeping up his neck, Bakugo snatches the phone out of her hand and deletes the photo, before getting up and leaving.

"C'mon Bakubro, she's just joking," Kirishima says, following him out.

"Yeah man, you didn't even play a game yet," Sero adds.

"I HAVE STUFF TO DO!" He screams, seemingly going back to his old self.

"Didn't you just say that you finished your homework?" Kaminari asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"SHUT IT, CHARGEBOLT! I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU," he says a tad too harshly, turning slightly to glare at him with bulging eyeballs. Kaminari closes his mouth and shuffles his cards, trying not to set him off again.

"Bakugo-" I start, but when he doesn't turn, I find myself letting him leave.

Staring dejectedly at Mina, she gives me a giddy smile and grabs my phone, going onto her messages and smirking as she shows me the photo he just deleted.

"I sent it to you as soon as I took it. Thank me later," she says, winking, as she gets up to leave, dragging Sero and Kaminari with her.

I look down at the slightly blurry photo, seeing me handing Mina the UNO cards under Bakugo with a desperate expression. He has his hand pressed down on my sternum, straddling my waist and looking down at me, with an unmistakable smile gracing his features. Unless that's just a new way of scowling.

The phone dims and all of a sudden I'm confronted with my own expression on the darkened screen.

A lovesick fool.

That's all I can see.

A/N: Ngl pretty proud of that ending. JUst in case I'm not as slick as I think I am, she meant herself and Bakugo, hehe <3

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

Find part 3 HERE

#bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou fluff #bakusquad #mha x you #mha katsuki #bnha imagines #bakugo x female reader #mina mha