#we didn't even have a bad relationship just sort of distant but I know we would have been friends now

[talaok]

Could you please write an imagine where Pedro and reader know each other for a very long time and reader comes from a not so happy family (unlike Pedro)

He’s in love with her and she does love him but does believe love is real or that relationships can last (thinking everyone only wants her for her body from past flings) and can’t give him a chance due to fear

Happy ending if you want

Thanks

warnings: angst, and brief talk about reader's bad childhood

a/n: im starting to honestly think yall should start writing fics, cause the shit you come up with is so good like

The first time you told him you were 13.

You had showed up at his doorsteps asking for a place to sleep.

You couldn't stand another minute of hearing your parents scream at each other two doors down.

They hadn't even noticed you were gone, they never did.

He was your only real friend at the time, and after a sort of awkward moment with his parents, he'd led you to his room and asked what had happened.

And that's the first time he heard the sentence he'd grow to hate.

"Love isn't real. It never lasts"

Your parents were the proof. Love is a trap, it deceives you into thinking you can spend your life with someone, when really, all you're doing is locking yourself into a cage, and when you finally realize what you've done, it will be too late, because then you'll be scared to get out, to start new, and that's why you'll stay, forever imprisoned because your own stupid choices.

From then on, it became your mantra.

With every guy who disappeared after having gotten you into bed, with every guy who dumped you as soon as they'd seen what's underneath your clothes, one sentence engraved itself in your mind.

Love isn't real. Love isn't real. Love isn't real.

And that's why, he, of all people, knew better than anyone why he shouldn't tell you, why he should continue pretending like he'd been doing for almost twenty years,

Maybe he was a masochist, or maybe his feelings were getting too strong and they had started to fog his brain, but he couldn't hold it in anymore, he'd kept it hidden for too long, and no matter how many women he'd meet there was always you in the back of his mind.

It had always been you.

And that's why tonight... tonight he had finally let go.

"Y/n, I love you" 

He saw you freeze before his eyes, shocked and terrified of the words that had just come out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry" he murmured, swiping his sweaty hands on his jeans and looking around your living room to try and gather some composure. "I'm sorry to drop this on you like this. I know how you feel about the whole... love thing" he winced internally as his eyes set anywhere but on yours "And- and I don't want to ruin our friendship, and it's ok if you don't feel the same way, but..." He swallowed what felt like sand in his mouth as he finally looked into your eyes "Y/n I've felt this way for so fucking long" he breathed "I-I think I was too young to understand it when we met, but as we grew up it just became clearer and clearer and... and I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't keep it to myself anymore y/n, I'm sorry"

His words felt distant, muffled.

You felt like you were drowning and he was trying to talk to you from above the water.

He'd just told you the three words you dreaded most in the world, and now you didn't know what to do, or say, or even think.

And it wasn't the same as when any of your old boyfriends had said it, no, with him, with Pedro, those words scared you because they meant so much more, 

because they reached into that deep, hidden part of you that... that felt the same way.

And that part of you was hidden for a reason, that part of you was the only thing that prevented you from becoming like your mom, from falling into the trap.

And now he'd just handed you the keys, and all you needed to do was decide to open the lock.

And you didn't know if you wanted to.

"I don't want to lose you y/n, the last thing I want is to lose you, you- you're the most important person in my life, I-I'd be lost without you, so if you don't feel the same way, it's fine, I promise it's fine, I can take it, but before you say anything I just want you to know that when I say I love you I mean it," Both your hearts were beating faster than they'd ever beaten before"I mean I love every single part of you, every single inch, that I love you when you sing off-tune and I love you when you call me in the middle of the night" he laughed "That- that I wake up and go to sleep thinking of you- that without you I wouldn't know how to breathe, that since I met you, I felt the need to become a better person so that maybe I'd deserve you." he said more softly now "And I'm sorry about your parents, and I'm sorry about everything that happened in your life, but I promise you that I'd never do anything to hurt you, that if you just give me a chance, I'll try my hardest to prove to you that love is real, that- that it can last if you just give it a try"

The soft roar of an engine made its way to your ears as a car drove by outside, the fabric of the couch felt itchy all of a sudden, and your breathing had become uneven.

You didn't know how long you both stayed silent, how long it took you to take in all he had just said, but when you finally opened your mouth, your voice didn't sound like your own.

"Pedro-" his eyes were filled with hope, but yours only with pain "Pedro you know how I feel about this" you murmured, like doctors did just as they delivered bad news "I'm sorry I- I can't do this, you know I can't... I just-" there was this feeling in your stomach, like all your organs were twisting, like your body was telling you you were making a mistake "I don't want to lose you, and I know that if we did... this, it would only end badly" you watched all the hope in his eyes crumble and you didn't think you'd ever hated yourself more than in that exact moment.

"I'm sorry Pedro," you said "I can't"

He didn't look like himself anymore, he didn't feel like it either. He felt as if all the life had left his body, and all that remained was a useless sack of skin.

But still, still, he couldn't help but realize that you hadn't said one thing, the one thing that was gonna make him give up forever.

"So you don't feel the same way?"

It wasn't tears threatening to spill from your eyes, it was liquid pain, liquid hatred for yourself.

"T-that doesn't matter"

He frowned, trying to come up with something to say that wouldn't make him sound any more pathetic than he already was.

"B-but it does y/n. it does"

You swallowed thickly "Pedro, please" you begged

"I need to know," he said with a thread of voice 

"I-I can't" you murmured, as a tear finally stained your cheek "I..."

He took that as his answer.

You didn't love him, and deep down, he'd always known.

"I think-" he cleared his throat to try and gain some composure, "I think it's best if I go," he said as he stood up.

you didn't know if you nodded, you didn't know anything anymore

He glanced back at you for a moment to see if there was any sign of you wanting to stop him, but your head was down.

both of your hearts broke with each step he took, and as he got farther and farther, this... feeling spread inside your body, this presentiment of having just made the biggest mistake of your life sneaked up your throat and robbed you of all oxygen.

And was only when his fingers grabbed the doorknob, and you grasped his arm, that you could breathe again.

"y/n-" he tried to speak, but you needed to do this before your mind could catch up, so you cut him off.

"I do," you said, as more tears fell from your eyes "I love you, Pedro"

His mind was a mess and his heart was a mess but he still managed to spit out a sentence

"Y/n, if you're saying that just because-"

"Pedro" you softly placed your hands on each side of his head, as you huffed out a silly laugh "Just kiss me"

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal blurb #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x fem reader #pedro pascal one shot #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x female reader #Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #the last of us #joel miller #tlou #the mandalorian #javier peña #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #fluff #daddy pascal #pedrohub #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedrito

[cookinguptales]

I just keep thinking about the way that Silvia and Nandor mirrored each other in this episode. Both of them represented Guillermo's two families and how he's really failing them both.

Both Silvia and Nandor love Guillermo and know him well enough to know that something's up. They both know that he's distracted and self-involved and absent -- and won't tell them why. And it's hurting them both.

They're both starting to get angry.

Silvia and Nandor both get pieces of Guillermo that the other doesn't, and both treat him very differently, but... they're both very similar in this episode.

Like, Silvia rarely sees her son. He barely took any time to see her for thirteen years, even though they lived in the same city for most of it, and has missed at least three birthdays in a row. Then he suddenly starts wanting to repair their relationship. He's not just showing up at her house every so often or crashing on her couch in a depression for a week without telling her why. Now he's actively trying to be with her. Be there for her. He's giving her lavish gifts and making time to visit with her.

But even before that, she still loved him. She still supported him. Even now, she's happy for any scrap of attention he gives her. But... she's finally losing her patience with him in 5.05, and you can understand why. She's finally got him there at her birthday physically, but mentally he's not there at all. He's constantly on the phone, constantly ignoring her, didn't even bring a token gift. He keeps trying to make this night about him.

And her Guillermo has always been distant, has never been entirely honest with her about his life -- but he's never been cruel or selfish towards her.

Until now. So for the first time, he's truly disappointed her.

Then, on the other hand, we have Nandor. Nandor has always had all of Guillermo's time, but he's only started to have the emotional intimacy that Guillermo's shared with Silvia very recently. He's become addicted to it very quickly, though. He doesn't just enjoy Guillermo's attention; he's addicted to it. And he's come to really depend on him. He's become used to Guillermo being there for him, protecting him, hyping him up, getting him out of trouble. Loving him.

And now, like Silvia, he's coming to realize that his Guillermo is pulling away. And like Silvia, he doesn't know why. Silvia doesn't know that he became a vampire familiar 13 years ago, and Nandor doesn't know that he's been bitten by a vampire now.

Nandor has sort of been downgraded to where Silvia was for most of the series, hasn't he? He had all of this love and attention from Guillermo, and then he was very abruptly ghosted without any straight answer why.

But he's not like Silvia. He's not gentle and understanding and long-suffering. Nandor, like Guillermo, is fairly selfish. So while Silvia is only becoming disappointed with Guillermo now, Nandor's speedrunning it. lmao

Guillermo betrayed his biological family with his physical and emotional absence, but this episode showed that he's starting to do that to the vampires, too. And while we may laugh at the vampires' antics and it's harder to feel bad for them when Guillermo isn't there to clean up their messes, we understand keenly how badly Guillermo hurt his family by messing up his mother's birthday.

By the end of the episode, though, it's made really clear that to Nandor, the two feel like one and the same. It was an important event in his life and Guillermo, who promised to always be there for him when he needed him, was not. And he was deeply, deeply disappointed.

Compare Nandor's reaction here to his reaction in s2 with The Curse. (I could write an entire meta post just comparing those two episodes, lmao.) He would have liked Guillermo's help in The Curse and seemed a little cross that Guillermo was off "having fun" at a concert or something (read: killing vampires) but he was largely okay with figuring things out himself.

In Local News, though, he was constantly reaching out for his right hand, who was no longer there. Guillermo has become something reliable and depended on and necessary to Nandor -- and he's not here. While it irritated Nandor in The Curse, it seemed to actively hurt him in Local News. He felt betrayed by Guillermo's absence, just like Silvia did.

For both of them, though, it's not actually about physical distance. (Though that obviously bothers them, too.) It's about the emotional distance that Guillermo is putting between them. Guillermo might physically have come to Silvia's birthday, but he was emotionally a thousand miles away. Guillermo's physical absence was felt by Nandor, but it was that he wasn't there to depend upon emotionally that really seemed to fuck him up.

(Even though Nadja and Laszlo disagreed on methods, they both comforted and supported each other in a really scary time here. Nandor kept reaching out for that from Guillermo, but never got it. Ouch.)

So both Silvia and Nandor are getting this sense that they're not really important to Guillermo anymore, and that's killing them. Both of them are feeling abandoned -- and for Nandor in particular, who has several hundred years of abandonment issues, that's devastating.

Guillermo, for his part, doesn't seem to realize how much his actions are driving them both away. He's trying to have it all, but he's on the fast track to having nothing. He won't be a full vampire, he won't be a full slayer, he won't have his biological family, he won't have his vampiric family. He'll be all alone, and he'll have no one to blame but himself.

The vampires didn't make him forget his mother's birthday. The slayers didn't prevent him from helping the vampires. Guillermo is just prioritizing his own hopes, fears, and desires, and he's alienating everyone.

It's good to prioritize yourself sometimes, especially when you're a person like Guillermo who's always suppressed his own desires so he could fulfill others', but it's almost like he's swinging too far the other way now. He's letting down the people who depend on him, and he's hurting their feelings in ways that will be very hard to fix.

Guillermo has, up until now, been a very dependable person. Guillermo's mother couldn't depend on his presence, but she could depend on his love and care and kindness. Nandor couldn't depend on his openness, but he could depend on his presence and unconditional support.

But he's not dependable anymore, is he? And that really seems to have thrown both of them. They don't know what to make of this new Guillermo, but they don't like it.

They're both so, so disappointed in him.

And I think Guillermo is, too. : /

#tbh I could write an entire meta just about how this is tying into nandor's deep-seated fear of guillermo leaving him #which is worsened by the abandonment issues he's had since he was alive #but this one is already pretty long #wwdits #wwdits spoilers #wwdits meta #guillermo de la cruz

[shkika]

Hi! I have a question regarding how close pebbles is to moon! I just finished reading pebbles pearl reading dialogue and in all his dialogue he just refers to moon as his neighbor. And he refers to suns as a close friend so do you think that canon pebbles doesnt feel close with moon while moon feels close with pebbles?

Oh no... do you know how much I love Pebbles and Moon's relationship. How well it's written, how every event makes sense and how much I love them?? Anon... you're sending me into a spiral..

Short answer to your question is yes! Moon thought of Pebbles as closer than he considered her in my opinion.

Incomprehensible ramble incoming! Since I NEED this information for my Moonie blog, I've researched this quite a bit, but I'm scatter brained so I'm sorry if it's hard to read.

We actually know this as a fact even merely from NSH talking about their relationship from him perspective!

Actually Sig and Suns are PERFECT candidates to peer into what Moon and Pebs were like! As they were their close friends from different sides of the coin!

Look at this for example.

Pebbles has always been distant. Moon tried to be a big sister to him and Sigs felt like she was never truly appreciated for it proper.

Suns acknowledges this and gives the reasoning that Pebbles sought independence. He didn't want to be told things. Which combined with Moon's seeing him as a younger sibling, it probably led to him being coddled too much.

Which.. no doubt probably annoyed him!

And how could he NOT seek independence on the other hand! He might sneer to Artificer about the protests concerning his creation, but they NO DOUBT left an impact on him! That's my opinion at least.

Not only was his very existence protested against from both the Shaded Citadel people, but ALSO from the very city that built him to MOVE there!!

WE KNOW that not everyone even MOVED!!!

(Ashy green pearl quote- Pebbles)

They did not want a new iterator!! They wanted Moon. No doubt he was compared to Moon as well. He didn't even get the luxury to have his own grounds of sorts. He and Moon are the only example we and hell maybe even they know of iterators being built so close together.

Which is especially sad when we put into perspective that Moon doesn't even like her citizens or have strong fondness for their art and culture. Unlike he very much does!

His last comfort was a pearl containing their hymn. He shares how he viewed the relationship he had with them as mutually beneficial (Very funny when she compares them to parasites.)

Moon is the one with seething hatred for them, not him which is just... so good. It only deepens as the game goes on by the way. Moon you are such a good character.

Back on track though.

What this entire situation reads to me as. Moon wanted to help and be there in any way she can for her little brother. She had responsibility over him. Pebbles was literally the only iterator out of them with another iterator administrator and it was her. She wanted for him to view her as family not as a boss or direct example.

But they were still attached and compared to one another. And although she tried her best, you can see how being treated as the lesser of the two, led to him wanting to be more distant.

Instead he grew very attached to Suns! Who seems like the opposite of Moon in all ways honestly. EXTREMELY BAD with their words, nihilistic prick!!!

It just makes sense. It's sad. I wouldn't blame anyone for the fact they grew a little distant.

I also don't in any way think Pebbles didn't at all like her or didn't care for her or all of that. His feelings were just complicated. I still think they loved each other.

#ask #anonymous #rain world #kiki rambles #PHEW #hope its readable #back i go to drawing moonies page for today #lore rambles

[meadowmusing]

my thoughts before the PJO finale

overall? A good fun show but with some definite stumbling. Faithful in a "remake" sense, but as much as a "port" would be. Still a genuinely good time with a likeable cast, gorgeous visuals, and an engaging (mostly) interesting plot.

Beware spoilers for ep1-7!

My biggest gripes

Pacing. the first episode was horribly paced. Somehow both rushed, not well condensed, and yet also failed to effectively deliver tension in important scenes it was needed in. Scenes like the minotaur felt dragged out and lacked the urgency it deserved, and the fight/victory fell kind of flat. Pacing got better in later episodes thankfully.

Sally Jackson. Yeah I know, not a hot take. She's a more realistic depiction of a mother in that kind of situation but I didn't find her likeable outside of her first scene talking about the name Perseus. She's not necessarily a "Bad Character" per se, but she is not the Sally Jackson from the books. Frankly, I didn't find book Sally all that important, but seeing this version has definitely wised me up to importance of her kindness and patience. Sure she might have seemed like a "doormat" at the beginning, but the more u learnt about her, the more her inner strength and self sacrificial love for Percy was apparent. TV Sally just doesn't have that, it doesn't feel like she has that much affection for Percy, she seems more distant and less loving. TV Sally has far too many scenes of her raising her voice at Percy and being frustrated with him, it makes it seem more like she was randomly stuck with this child and while she loves him, she knows deep down she would have been happier without him. Again, understandable but not book Sally. I feel they've sort of played up Percy's fierce love for his mum (or maybe it just feels more so because its more present in his spoken lines), but it doesn't feel as justified. If anything, id believe a more messy wrought relationship between the two. Its not a bad thing she's not the exact same as her book counterpart, but I do think it was a bad decision when they went so hard on Percy being ride or die for her, when most of her longer scenes are her being just frustrated with Percy being a child.

Gabe. ok more of a hot take I guess but I seriously disagree with his re-characterization. I don't mean to downplay anyone's experiences with toxic or abusive partners, but Gabe is far too bland and inoffensive. At worst, he's kind of annoying and maybe lazy. But he is nothing like the human sht stain that was book Gabe. Book Gabe deserved petrification and a lot worse, TV Gabe does not. The guy deserves a break up, not murder. Me and my friend actually laughed at him, because he didn't give "beats his wife and emotionally abuses her and her child", he gave "dead beat crypto boyfriend". Maybe it was the casting as well, the actor was funny and just seemed more goofy than actively horrid. "what makes u think he hasn't hit sally?" have u met TV Sally?? are u kidding me? she would have that man arrested.

Hades. I don't actually dislike making Hades friendly and more sassy. Sure its not book accurate, but you could argue its a little more mythologically accurate (maybe). My real problem is that he lacks PRESCENCE. Yes he can be nicer ect in this, but he is still the GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD. He should still be able to command a room! His words, even if they're not malicious or intimidating, should hold a certain kind of weight. I don't blame the actor here, I think he does well with what he's given but pretty much everyone else dropped the ball here. If they had supported him, we could have had a friendly Hades that was still a fitting lord of the underworld. Writers, directors, lighting, sound, ect let him down.

Persassy. Percy was great in the beginning but I felt like he started to lose that as the show went on, to give more of his lines/sassy moments to the other members of the trio. Which wasn't a terrible idea, I just think they did it too much, especially with the Ares scenes. Percy is meant to have an epic beef with Ares so much it transcends magic amnesia, but I could not believe that with the current lack of sass. Even the upcoming battle doesn't feel as weighty or deserved as it should. Again, don't hate the idea of sharing the sass around, just don't think it should come at the cost of Percy being toned down so much.

Getting into the underworld / mattress scene WHAT WAS THAT. I can accept that Percy knows more about Greek mythology because of his mom and i feel generally from just current cultural zeitgeist, but WHY THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW WHO CRUSTY IS?? and why was it so quick? there was no quick desperate clever thinking, it was like bro had read the scene from the book and then SPEED RAN IT. Also the Charon scene was far more interesting imo and I don't like that they cut it in favour for Crusty, without even doing that scene well. God that was so poorly executed.

Anyway thanks for reading my rant. Its long so it may seem like I didn't like the series but im being truthful when I say I did. I pretty much liked the rest of it, even some of the changes. I thinks a good show and adaption with some flaws, thats all. Im excited to finish up the season and im so pumped for season 2 and hopefully the rest of the series :D

#just musing #pjo #percy jackson #pjo tv series #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson series #pjo series #pjo tv show #pjo spoilers #pjo tv show spoilers #spoilers #percy jackson spoilers

[teeth-collecter]

The thing I really like about Torchwood is that despite the fact its a spin-off of an alien show it's not about aliens at all. It's a show entirely about humans.

Our main cast is entirely human, and we are supposed to be rooting for them, but none of them are morally perfect. They all do bad things and make bad decisions. But that doesn't make them bad people.

Cyberwoman is a good example of this, and I genuinely think it's a good episode but it happens way to early. Ianto hides his girlfriend in the basement of Torchwood, and this will eventually put the entire team's life at risk. But Ianto never had any ill intentions to begin with. This was all just him refusing to accept the fact his girlfriend was dead, willing to do anything to help her. He was desperately trying to get back the person who loved him, who understood him. Something he really didn't have with any of the other people at Torchwood. The episode is really intense, high with emotion. The episode's only fault is not really establishing any of those emotional moments earlier on in the show, and not really delving into them afterwards.

Same with Tosh in Greeks bearing Gifts. There were so many red flags showing with Mary, almost immediately, but Tosh was so desperate for someone that she could talk to, someone that could understand her, that she ignored all those things. Her using the necklace with her teammates wasn't a great thing for her to do, but you can't really be mad at her for being curious how her colleagues thought of her. And even after finding out that Mary was an alien and just using her, Tosh was still sad that Jack had killed her.

Even Suzie wasn't evil. You find out she had been murdering people, but she was doing it in hopes that she could achieve resurrection, that no one would have to die via alien again. And when she was taking life from Gwen, it had nothing to do with any negative feelings towards her, or the fact that Gwen had sort of replaced her, but she simply wanted another chance at life. After finding out that her one life was all she'd ever get she wanted another chance at appreciating it more. That's why both of her deaths were equally heartbreaking.

I even think that having the team betray Jack at the end of the season wasn't an entirely bad idea. But, a lot like Cyberwoman, there were just too many things going on that were shoved into one episode. But I think the general idea of their betrayal makes sense because the team doesn't know anything about Jack. He never lets them in, never talks about himself, and yet he expects all of them to never question him or his orders. Some mistrust is definitely going to develop there.

All of them being part of Torchwood automatically makes them distant from the rest of society. But they're still human. They still need and value those connections and relationships. That's why the five of them trying to keep an entirely professional relationship doesn't really work. The only way Jack's idea for Torchwood is going to work is if they have strong trust and a strong relationship with one another. Torchwood is a family, not a business.

#torchwood #captain jack harkness #ianto jones #toshiko sato #owen harper #gwen cooper

[hinatastinygiant]

3 |𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓘 𝓒𝓪𝓷❜𝓽 𝓗𝓮𝓵𝓹

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader

The Author

All time seems to stop as you're trapped, repeating the same scene over and over. Watching Loki's heart break before your eyes at least a thousand times has taken a toll on you. You've tried everything by now, saying no to Thor, rushing to Loki's side, and pulling him into a deep kiss, but no matter what you try, the ending is always the same.

"Please, stop," you plead as your back is shoved against the cold wall once again.

"Y/N," Thor calls, his voice distant. You've given up, your head falling limp as you allow the tears to fall. You sink down against the pillar and tuck your knees to your chest. You don't want to hear his voice any longer. You wish he would just stop.

As he sits down beside you, the small, half-concealed box slips out of his pocket, landing beside your foot. You lift your head and slowly reach for it, knowing exactly what's inside.

"Here, this belongs to you, doesn't it?" you sigh as you half-heartedly hand it to him.

"Y/N, you know how much I care for you," he tries, reaching for your hand.

"Yeah," you mutter. "I do."

"Don't you know what this is?" he then chuckles. Gently, he opens the box and reveals the beautiful diamond inside. "Lovely, isn't it?"

You nod slowly. You've only seen the damn things a thousand times in the past, well, however long you have been here for. "It is."

"If only it made you happy," he sighs to himself as he picks up the ring and spins it around between his fingers.

"Why are you doing this, Thor?" you finally ask, feeling more exhausted than ever.

"What do you mean, love?" he hums, his brows furrowing in confusion.

"I mean, why are you saying this?" you clarify as you tighten your grip around your legs.

"Because it's not hard to see the way he looks at you," he smiles, his voice softer.

"Who? Loki?"

"Yes," he nods. "It's obvious. He's loved you forever. And you, you're not blind. You know that. You love him, too."

You feel the tears swell up in your eyes. Is this true? Does he really love you? And if so, why are you stuck here, watching him watch you marry his brother?

"You don't have to say anything," Thor sighs. "I saw everything the other night when the two of you-"

"Please don't," you sigh. "I feel bad enough as it is. You didn't have to say that. It's my fault."

"It's not your fault," Thor insists. "But that's not why I wanted to talk to you. It's because-"

Before he can finish his thoughts, a red door appears before the two of you and Mobius steps through to greet you.

"Ugh, it's you," you grumble as you begrudgingly stand to your feet.

"Y/N?" Thor hums. "Who is this?"

Mobius simply rolls his eyes and resets Thor to somewhere else. "Came to say our goodbyes," he tells you as he looks back up from his watch. It's then that you see Loki reappear beside him.

"What do you mean, goodbye?" you ask Loki.

"Your dear Loki is going to help me track down another variant version of himself," he explains briefly.

"We've found out that this variation of me is hiding right before an apocalypse-" Loki begins to explain before getting nudged in the side by Mobius who shakes his head.

"We've already got a big of an issue with you knowing that hole in the fabric of time," Mobius tells him. "We don't need it getting out any further."

"Right, well," Loki sighs, turning his attention back to you. "If you wouldn't mind giving us a moment... alone. To say goodbye."

"Not a chance," Mobius shakes his head. "Give her a quick hug and step back before I use the collar."

"Fine," Loki huffs. You can't help but wonder what sort of relationship he has with this strange man. As he turns to you, you can see the pain in his eyes. He pulls you close, his hands on your back as you bury your face into his neck.

"Please," he whispers softly. "Don't be afraid. Find me."

Though his words confuse you, what makes you even more unsure is the way his hands trail up your back and slip something down the backside of your overdress. You want to ask him what's going on, but you know better than to do anything that stupid.

"Alright, hands off, lover boy. Let's go," Mobius interrupts the moment, holding out his hand and shooing you away. "I'm gonna need your help."

"Just a moment long-" Loki begins, before getting instantly pulled back to Mobius' side.

"No can do. It's time."

You watch as Loki disappears with Mobius. Your heart breaks, knowing that he's being forced into something dangerous. And yet, he didn't even seem scared. Why did he ask you not to be afraid?

Slowly, your hands travel behind you, sliding underneath your dress to grab whatever he left there. However, of course, Loki has placed it in the one spot you can't reach. So, you're forced to remove your overdress and toss it aside, revealing your white underdress.

"Dammit," you whisper as you bend down to touch the thing. But the second your fingers reach it, you're instantly teleported away.

"Y/N!" A voice suddenly gasps. You whip your head around fast only to see Queen Frigga racing towards you. "What are you doing out here? In only your slip, no less. Come with me immediately."

"My queen, what is going on?" you whisper as she guides you towards her quarters. However, before she can guide you there, the sound of a loud foot slamming onto the ground rings out before you. There, Balder stands before you.

"What is the meaning of this?" the queen snaps.

"Mother, I've just received word that Princess Y/N..." he begins, before trailing off to allow his eyes to wander down your form. "Has, um, returned."

"No kidding," she sighs. "Now if you would please move aside. The princess is in dire need of some clothes. "You don't object to that, do you?"

"Of course not," he shakes his head.

"Then step aside," the queen snaps, her voice suddenly harsh.

As she nearly shoves you into the room, you notice Balder's eyes still wandering over you.

"Heavens, what is going on today?" the queen mutters, rushing to her closet and searching for a gown.

"Your majesty," you begin, trying your best to keep up with her. "With all due respect, I need to leave."

"Leave?" she hums as she rifles through at least a hundred dresses. "Why would you want to do that? You found my son, haven't you?"

"Well, actually," you swallow, not sure how much you can say.

"Never mind that. Here, this should do," she says, handing you a white and gold gown.

"My queen," you frown, looking up at her. "I need to go back. Loki is in trouble. I hadn't found Thor at all," you begin to word vomit. "H-He tried to save me but then we ended up in that closet and... And then the magic mirror led me here."

"Have you gone mad, my dear?" she questions, taking a step back.

"Perhaps," you sigh as you slide the dress over your head.

"Alright," she shakes her head. "I don't know what you're talking about. But if you are to marry my son, I expect that you will stay here and await his return. I do not wish for you to leave this planet again. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," you answer begrudgingly as you accept the dress, not wanting to cause any more waves than you already have.

"Good. Now, let's get you to the party," she nods as she leads you back toward the door.

"Wait, the party?"

"Of course," she chuckles. "Did you think that we'd be having a small get-together to celebrate your return? A feast will be held at once!"

***

"Oh, darling, I've found her," the queen announces once the two of you arrive back in the ballroom, releasing you from her grasp so the King can wrap his arms around you.

"We thought we had lost you," he sighs. "We're so glad you're safe."

"It's been a rough couple of days," you nod.

"Come, come, there's a celebration in order," he insists. As he begins to call a few servants over, Balder catches your eye with an icy stare that sends a chill down your spine.

"Is everything alright?" the queen asks.

"Uh, yes, I just..." you trail off, unsure of what to say. "I need to use the restroom."

"Of course, my dear," she smiles.

"Thank you," you nod as you excuse yourself and quickly make your way out. You're nearly out of sight when a hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you into a dark room. "Hey!" you exclaim, only to see Balder's gigantic body cornering you.

"Hello, Princess," he smirks, his voice deep and dark.

"Balder," you swallow. "Is everything okay?"

"Doesn't seem like it," he tells you, narrowing his eyes. "What's going on with you?"

You don't know exactly how much he knows. You doubt Loki or Thor ever told him about the party two weeks before your eighteenth and yet, he's acting strange. "I'm not sure what you mean," you admit.

"Why were you missing for so long yet you never managed to find my brother?" he asks.

"I don't want to talk about it," you shake your head as you try to come up with a good enough lie in your head.

"Something happened. You saw Loki, didn't you?" he adds, eyes widening.

"Balder, please," you sigh. "You're being ridiculous."

"So I'm right!" he exclaims.

"Would you keep your voice down? Someone will hear us," you hiss.

"And they should," he nods. "If my brother did anything-"

"Your brother was not the one who did anything," you insist, crossing your arms.

"Did you have sex with him?" Balder asks, making your eyes go wide.

"Excuse me?!"

"Did you?" he asks again.

"I, uh," you mutter, unable to find the right words. "No, of course not!"

"Then what is it?" he continues to press. "You were gone for a long time."

"We didn't..." you begin.

"Well, that's good," he nods, sighing. "I suppose the engagement can go on then. Since nothing happened."

"Well, it's not nothing," you mutter, refusing to look up into his eyes.

"Then tell me, Y/N. What happened?"

"Two weeks before Thor... Loki and I, um, we, uh..."

"You kissed, didn't you?" Balder asks, his expression turning from rage to sympathy.

"Yes," you admit. "I'm sorry."

"Shit, I always thought the two of you had a thing for each other," he admits. "Well, this will change things."

"Balder, you can't tell your father," you beg, reaching out and taking his hands. "Please."

"You're telling me this now and expecting me to keep it a secret? From my own father?"

"I don't know what else to do. I-"

"I don't blame you, Y/N," Balder tells you, squeezing your hands. "My brother just can't control himself apparently."

"No, but it wasn't like that. It was all my fault. I'm so sorry," you plead.

"It's okay," he sighs.

"Promise me, Balder, promise me that you won't tell. Please. If not for my sake, then for Thor's. It'll ruin his reputation if anyone were to find out," you insist, tears forming in your eyes.

"Okay," he agrees. "I won't tell, but you have to go along with the wedding, no matter what. Push those feelings for my mischievous brother and do your duty."

"Thank you," you sigh, leaning forward and wrapping your arms around him. "Thank you so much."

"Come," he says, leading you out of the room. "Before anyone spots the two of us and starts asking questions."

"I hate this," you mumble as you walk, allowing him to tug you along.

"As do I," he nods. "You look lovely in that dress, by the way."

"Really?" you ask, glancing down at it. "Thank you."

"But you will be changing, yes?"

"Why?"

"It's white, Y/N," he chuckles. "Don't want to lie to the people anymore about your innocence, do you?"

You narrow your eyes and quickly yank your arm out of your grasp. "All three of you are the same," you scoff, heading off towards your room. "Assholes."

"Wait, what did I do?" he asks, following after you.

"Do you really have to ask?"

"I was just giving a compliment," he tells you.

"By suggesting that I'm a liar? I told you it wasn't like that, Balder. It just... happened," you sigh, stopping to turn around and face him. "I don't expect you to understand. I'm sure you're the one who taught Loki just the right places to go after dark, so you wouldn't know what it's like to have someone actually have feelings for you, right? So, no, I will not be changing."

"Y/N, I didn't mean-"

"Just leave me alone," you insist, opening the door to the ballroom and rejoining the king and queen. You feel terrible for leaving them in the dark, but you're not quite ready to tell them what's going on. Not yet, anyway.

The Author

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki laufesyon x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson x y/n #loki laufeyson x oc #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki fanfction #loki series #loki season 1 #canon divergence #asgardians #thor x reader #thor x you #thor x y/n #friends to lovers #forbidden love #slow burn #royal romance #time travel romance #misunderstanding #emotional hurt/comfort #jealousy #sacrifices #second chance at love #the author

[honeyfizzly]

Mahiru Shiina character analysis because alot of people misinterpret her character, so here my probably incoherent explanation of her character. I'll at least try to be organized with my points thought!

Credits to https://rochisama.wordpress.com/2021/06/24/milgram-mahiru-this-is-how-to-be-in-love-with-you-mv-text/ for the translations

1. Mahiru had a turbulent relationship with her beloved.

While the diary entries go on for 16 days, it's likely the relationship lasted for about a year or more since we see the change from summer to fall clothing.

We know that for Mahiru it was love at first sight, and she quickly lied about jogging to get close to the person she liked even though she didn't jog.

She ends up confessing and they presumably get together.

From there, cracks in the relationships start to show.

It seems they used to fight alot and break up alot. Mahiru thought this was all normal relationship things, so it seems she tried to reason that the hurt she was feeling was good and they were matching in pain. Mahiru also seems to have trouble with boundaries and being needy with other people, often fighting with her partner before quickly apologizing it seems.

Also something happened on day 12 when she first went to his house where she can't remember anything. This is also when the text changes and gets more disorganized.

Somethings I'd like to point out is that Mahiru is never seen with her partner besides one scene of him handing her a coffee on their outdoor date.

This could represent 2 things- Mahiru was only thinking of herself in the relationship, and how she looked or this is a visual representation of how Mahiru's partner was very distant in the relationship.

I'd argue it's the second option due to how Mahiru says she just dosent want to give, she wants to recieve as well. This implies in the past, Mahiru felt that she was the only one providing effort in the relationship.

Even some lines in the song and the diary express this frustration, like when she mentions in day 10 he probably won't notice her hair cut or how she constantly questions if he knows what love is.

On day 9 is when we see them go on their first date, and it's a bar where her beloved gets fucking blasted. She describes him as drinking himself unconscious. On this day it also includes an hangover cure called "corpse reviver".

Also Mahiru seems to be willing to copy anything her lover does, like in her interrogation questions she says she would smoke if her partner did.

Day 16 is presumably when her partner dies, the day Mahiru is waiting to surprise him with a feast she cooked of his favorite food. It's likely her partner killed themselves, due to the fact Mahiru the image she holds up in her card in undercover is the suicide forest. That's where her "murder" accured.

2. Mahiru Shiina has a shallow view of happiness

It's no secret that too Mahiru, love is happiness. Throughout her voice drama she is always talking about love and loving other people, and she feels as if her life has no purpose if it lacked love.

Alot of Mahiru's music video also features alot of magazine imagery, as if she's the fancy model in her story. Now, here's where things get interesting- Mahiru seems very cautious about what society sees of her, and seems to use surface level things to try and make her happy.

For example, she says "Beige and pink will make you love yourself" on day 10, you shouldn't need colors combinations on outfits to "love" yourself.

Or how in day 14 she says "Just because it’s outdoors doesn’t mean you can relax too much! Even when picking out a date outfit to protect you from the cold, you still want to protect that loveable silhouette".

Mahiru talks like this constantly throughout the mini text explaining her outfit choices in her diary.

Mahiru throughout the mv and the lyrics seems to have some sort of depression with lyrics like, "I really don't want to say I'm okay", "this sickness is pretty bad", "I suck at pretending to smile but see I'm happy cause of you"

Mahiru is very concerned with fitting into public image and chasing a fairy tale romance, hell that chasing of that fairy tale life is probably why she's so asscioated with the blue bird.

The blue bird of happiness is quite litterally in it's name, it's a bird that represents happiness.

Throughout the mv we see feathers falling down, and Mahiru even pouncing on the feathers like a cat. Some people think the feathers were meant to represent the lover's stress, but I personally believe it's meant to represent the relationships happiness.

I think Mahiru pouncing on the feathers is meant to represent how she's chasing after that happiness, but since her view of happiness is so shallow she only gets the feathers and not the bird.

The last feather falling is presumably when she realizes the happiness she's been chasing was all for nothing and her relationship was doomed from the start.

Also throughout the mv we see that Mahiru is in a birdcage. There's a whole shot of her looking longingly out of the bars as if she wants out, before she goes kitty mode and pounces on the feathers- instead trying to reaffirm her "happiness" in the relationship.

Alot of people don't mention that mahiru is in the birdcage as well, and seems to want out as well.

I personally believe the birdcage represents the relationship itself, as both partners probably feel trapped by it.

3. Her behavior after getting voted guilty is concerning. Even after getting restrained and then having the absolute shit beat out of her, to the point she's in critical condition, she reaffirms her love for everyone there.

4. In the teaser trailer for the second trial came out, the one with everyone talking and the big black spiky thing on screen we hear mahiru at her angries- she screams at 0:12 "don't say you love me without any proper weight behind it", it seems she's very concerned on if the person she likes truly loves her.

So with all the information we know about her so far- Mahiru is a young women whos very focused on surface level ways of achieving happiness, which traps her in a toxic relationship that leads to the death of her partner. Mahiru is shocked by this and dosent know if she's the cause or not, and feels that without loving others she has nothing left to live for.

Personally in my books this an essay innocent, not just cause she got beat up for being guilty but also because it's clear that this was just a bad first relationship for her where she rushed into love and found herself in a toxic relationship.

There's still alot we don't know, and her second trial might completely recontextualize things, like it did with Shidou and Muu. But until then, here's my analysis on Mahiru!

#milgram #milgram analysis #milgram spoilers #milgram theory #mahiru shiina #milgram mahiru #analysis #theory #10 more weeks until 2nd trial mahiru...... #its so hard being a mahiru fan

[sugurushimura]

Hi! I was curious about the family dynamics between the Yotsuba members and their parents, more specifically Higuchi and Hatori (since he's the illegitimate son of the Yotsuba CEO). What do you think their relationships with their parents are like?

ooh, i have a lot of thoughts on this, particularly hatori.

hatori's father is yotsuba dainosuke, president of the yotsuba group, and he had him out of wedlock, like you said. we don't know any information about hatori's mother or home situation as a child, but we do know that he uses his father's position to his advantage within the company, according to htr.

i've seen this interpreted before to mean that hatori blackmails his dad, but imo it's more just a case of nepotism. L didn't seem to make his profiles of the yotsuba guys that in-depth, so if he knows about hatori's parentage, it's probably not a well-kept secret. i also just don't think hatori has it in him to outright blackmail someone on his own -- he'd get way too nervous and probably feel really guilty. besides, the other yotsuba guys seem to have low opinions of hatori, and i imagine the way he attained his job is part of that. of course, higuchi and namikawa also have dads who work for yotsuba, but it's okay for them to do it since they're not bastards! they're just going into the family business!

my personal headcanon is that hatori was raised by his mother with financial support from but no physical presence on the part of his father. yotsuba is probably married and might even have children with his wife (i like to think he has a daughter), and i doubt his wife is very happy about hatori existing in the first place. plus, i just... don't think yotsuba is a very caring person. hatori wasn't meant to happen, and yotsuba never wanted to be his father. any consideration he took for his son was out of obligation.

by the time hatori's adult life rolls around and he decides he wants to work for yotsuba, his dad has had enough time to think on things that he feels kind of bad for neglecting hatori so long. he hires him as a way of slapping a band-aid on it, but he isn't really that interested in hatori as a person. their relationship is professional and very awkward. on yotsuba's end, he feels sort of bad about the whole thing but is also kind of annoyed that hatori made him look bad by asking for a job at his company.

hatori... mostly just resents yotsuba for his lack of presence in his life, but a part of him will always want his father's affection and approval after he was deprived of it for so long. he's never going to get it, though -- certainly not his affection -- and he knows that. a professional relationship is the closest he's going to get to a father-son bond, and it stings, but he still works with the man. part of this is because, subconsciously, he wants to be near to and loved by his father, and part of this is because he wants to be normal.

his entire life, he's been something of an outcast because of his parentage. his main interests (literature and ceramics) are artistic, and his hair (bleached, imo) is unprofessional, and yet he works as vp of marketing for a large company. he wants to be normal! he wants to be accepted by the people who have rejected him all his life! he wants to be like them! it's because he's been denied normalcy and the perceived community it brings with it for his entire life, entirely due to his parentage. yotsuba certainly didn't intend for that to be the case, but he also doesn't care enough to mitigate it, because he barely knows hatori and doesn't really want to know him. it's a sad state of affairs for poor arayoshi, and he knows it, and he resents his father for it.

my thoughts on hatori's relationship with his mother are less in-depth. she hadn't wanted a child, imo, and being the single mother of a wealthy executive's son comes with social stigma that she probably blamed hatori for without meaning to. i don't think she was cruel to him, but rather distant. they're on decent terms in hatori's adulthood, but they're not close. part of the reason he doesn't really resent her is because, compared to yotsuba, at least she was physically there for his childhood. he probably also has a step-father with whom he isn't close.

higuchi also has big issues with his father, but they're different in nature from hatori's. i've always imagined higuchi jiro as a strict, severe man -- not purposefully cruel, but often aloof and unforgiving. he made his expectations for kyosuke -- academic and social excellence, exceptional skills in the workplace -- very known, and likewise made his disapproval known when kyosuke failed to meet those expectations.

kyosuke was never an awful student, but he went through spurts of apathy, and when he did care, he still only did moderately well. he had friends, but none of them really liked him or were loyal to him. his work performance was just barely subpar. for a more loving father, all this might have been fine, but jiro only tolerated it with obvious dissatisfaction.

similarly to hatori, i think higuchi both resents his father and aches for his approval. the fact that he has never been able to stand on his own without his father or live up to the standard set by him grates on him constantly for his entire life, as does the fact that, imo, jiro seems to prefer namikawa... which, come to think of it, yotsuba does too. hatori doesn't have Debilitating Higuchi Jealousy Syndrome, though, so he kind of just deals with it, meanwhile higuchi wants to chew on namikawa and shake him around like a dog toy.

i actually think kyosuke's resentment for his father and frustration with being funneled into a professional job reached a boiling point after he graduated high school, when he decided he didn't want to go to college and bought a plane ticket to america without telling anyone. he spent a few weeks wandering around new york before he ended up in a fight, got arrested, had to call his dad to bail him out, got shipped back to japan with his tail between his legs, and ended up in college anyways. i hope to elaborate on this in a pretty extensive higuchi fic i've been formulating in my head for a while.

again, my thoughts on kyosuke's relationship with his mother are less fleshed-out. i headcanon her as significantly younger than jiro and nursing an awful alcohol habit. this habit and her dissatisfaction with her marriage led her to be distant and at times mean-spirited towards her son. he's definitely internalized it, but he hasn't ever really stopped to think about it, whereas he constantly fumes over his relationship with his father.

...i've kind of gone on for a while, so i'll keep the rest more concise. if you'd like to hear anything about any of them in particular, let me know and i'll be happy to elaborate! pretty much all of this is just headcanon, haha.

namikawa's parents both treated him pretty well as a child. he was raised with affection and consideration, and while he was expected to go into the business world or a similar profession, he was never pressed into it against his wishes. both of his parents really love him. however, his mother has always kind of stepped all over his father, and she's probably having an affair that he's too scared to do anything about. witnessing this as a child led namikawa to view the world as a very "use or get used" place and is part of the reason he's... the way he is: he doesn't want to be the type of person to get used, so he has to use instead. ironic, considering he's ultimately a pawn in kira's game. anyways, namikawa respects his mother but secretly looks down on his father. he cares about them both to some extent, but not as much as they care about him.

ooi's biological father was a second-generation nigerian immigrant in the technology industry who died when ooi was a child. he was a good, gentle parent who cared about his son a lot. his mother was an incredibly strong, compassionate woman who was raised in rural japan and had an incredibly close relationship with her son. she remarried soon after her first husband's death in order to give ooi a father and a stable financial situation, and her second husband is the man referred to as ooi's father in L's profiles on the yotsuba group (and the one whose family name is ooi). ooi's stepfather is a tough, military sort of guy, but he gets along well with ooi, who more or less sees him as a father figure. he's also got a younger half-brother who he's taken under his wing.

mido is the only yotsuba to ever discuss one of her parents in canon! higuchi asks her to call her dad up and ask him to get sakura tv's kira program taken off the air. her reaction is to say no and look incredibly annoyed about it, but this is probably because she hates higuchi and doesn't want to help him (besides, it's a stupid idea). i also happen to think she doesn't get along with her parents. they put an incredible amount of pressure on her to succeed from a young age, and as a result she's very much a burnt out gifted kid. she resents them for it. they're also generally aloof and cold, especially her father.

takahashi has a good relationship with his parents. they're both decent people, although their relationship as a couple goes through phases of good and bad, and eiichi probably inherited his womanizing habits from his father. i don't have much thoughts on it beyond that, honestly... i also think eiichi has an older brother.

shimura's parents were never married, and his dad left his mother before suguru was born. in fact, he pretty much disappeared off the face of the planet, probably to another country. shimura's mother, meanwhile, was an unhealthy woman both physically and psychologically, and she took a lot of it out on him. their financial situation was also pretty dire, and since she had a difficult time keeping a job, he had to work from a young age. she passed away when he was in college, and his feelings about her are never really resolved. his closest familial relationship is with his maternal aunt, who used to visit and help out sometimes when he was a child. they still talk from time to time.

kida's parents are both biology professors. imo they worked in human biology and exposed their son to some of their work when he was a child, which has led him to be sort of desensitized to blood and stuff like that. i think he appreciates the access he was given to their work, honestly. outside of that, though, his parents were very strict, especially academically, and had rigid social expectations for masahiko -- his mother was more concerned with his academic performance and his father was more concerned with his social performance. unlike mido, though, kida doesn't really realize this wasn't great for him and has a great deal of respect for his parents, even if they aren't close. he's very concerned with living up to their expectations -- which, for the record, he does, so they're pretty cordial with him as an adult. they probably wouldn't be if they knew he was gay tho :/

and there you have it! i hope this wasn't too rambling for you, haha. again, i'd be happy to elaborate on any of these or chat about them with you! thanks for the ask!

#asks #Yotsuba #Arayoshi Hatori #Dainosuke Yotsuba #Kyosuke Higuchi #Jiro Higuchi #Reiji Namikawa #Takeshi Ooi #Shingo Mido #Eigo Mido #Eiichi Takahashi #Karazo Takahashi #Suguru Shimura #Masahiko Kida #anonymous

[mazeinthemiroh]

hongjoong sfw alphabet

genre: fluff

word count: 2.4k

warnings: none

requested?: yes

song rec: rock with you by michael jackson

pls like and reblog if you enjoyed! feel free to request anything <3

a - affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection)

can't believe this is the first thing i'm going to start with but here goes nothing-

i don't even believe in star signs... but i do believe in scorpios lmaooo

here me out

this is relevant i swear

through many observations of not only people in my life but also characters and celebrities who are scorpios, i have made an assumption. a little theory

i mentioned this in hongjoong's bf headcanons; scorpios (and in this way hongjoong) prefer initiating skinship or physical affection. while hongjoong has said before he doesn't like skinship, there are countless of times where he has been the one to initiate it

my point is: hongjoong is affectionate in his own scorpio way

i can hear all of you laughing at me already

b - best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

he appreciates you being his best friend so much

he feels like when he is with his best friend, he finally gets a chance to breathe and relax and let it all go

he likes to meet at a usual coffee shop or something to chat, even if it's just once a week it gives him something to look forward to

being best friends with joong would include him gossiping to you about idol drama and also unintentional spoilers for their next comeback

c - cuddles (would they like to cuddle? how do they cuddle?)

hongjoong isn't particularly keen on physical affection in the first stages of the relationship

he just needs time to warm up, set and understand your boundaries, and then slowly he will be more accepting of cuddles

gentle ones are preferred. he doesn't like to be smothered too much so gentle ones to help him relax or even drift off to sleep are very much appreciated

he doesn't like people knowing this but he prefers being the little spoon >.<

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

settling down is a nice idea for joong but he's not too sure. he is trying to focus on the present day at the moment so it might take a while for him to decide if that's what he wants

hongjoong is bad at cooking i can't lie. we saw how he squeezed that egg instead of cracking it I DON'T TRUST HIM OKAY??

so give him some cleaning to do lol, he'll be much better at that i'm sure

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

honestly, he really wants to do it via text but he knows that's never the right thing to do

i can imagine him growing distant from you, both emotionally and physically. you don't see him as much, and the dates become less and less frequent

until one day you decided to pop over to the studio unannounced to sort things out. but as you go up to him, you see the seriousness in his eyes and the frown on his face

he didn't think it would be that hard to break up with you

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

he doesn't even know

he doesn't know how he feels about marriage in general. i don't think it's one of his 'must do' life goals at the moment

but in terms of commitment, he expects his partner to be fully committed to him, because he will put his time and energy into this relationship and will remain loyal until the end

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

i have always seen hongjoong as being very gentle

like i don't see him being unnecessarily harsh or brutal when it comes to his s/o

don't get me wrong, we know he can be bossy af. he can't be blunt and likes ordering people around leader habits 🤪 but with his partner he will mostly do that for humorous purposes, just to get on their nerves!!

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

he does like hugs but he will never admit it out loud

not that he needs to because you can totally tell

he likes gentle hugs. the fluffy kind 🥺

give him a back hug and he will melt right into you

idk there are occasions where he feels down about himself or feels that his hard work has gone unappreciated, but on days like these if his partner gives him a simple, soft hug, he feels like all their feelings melt away

hugs to him feel like you're saying: 'well done, you did well today.'

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

it won't be too fast. he doesn't feel he should rush to say the L word

like the majority of things joong does, he will only do it when it feels right

it doesn't matter what setting, what day, what environment you guys are in. if his heart is moved to say those three magic words, there is no holding him back

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they're jealous?)

dhdbdhhdjs

ok so

UHHUMMM this gon' get interesting

hongjoong does get jealous. we know this, it's a common fact we atinys collectively have stored in our memories

for instance, he can't have us looking at other idols without giving us a stern look and a scolding!!!

can you imagine what he would be like in a relationship 🚶‍♀️

he's not jealous in a toxic way. and he's not necessarily insecure either. he believes that his jealousy on reacts when it needs to, when it's a valid situation

if you are shamelessly flirting with another guy right in front of him, for instance, you better start running because there's no way he's letting you get away with that, nuh uh

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

hongjoong looks kissing you on your hands like he's a true gentleman. a prince charming, if you will

he doesn't view it like that though. he likes kissing your hands because he's always holding them. like if you are with him while he works in the studio, he'll lean across to hold your hand and randomly pull it up to his lips <3

and he likes being kissed on the forehead >.< it makes him feel precious and fluffy inside dhsbejdmks

ok so kissing hongjoong on the lips? probably the best experience ever, be prepared. like his kisses are breathtakingly attractive; how they start off soft, gentle, delicate, as if exploring the shape of each other's lips before venturing further, passionate and slow and sweet open-mouthed kisses, molding perfectly into each other's lips as you were both made for each other

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

probably the type to think children are cute and watch over them from afar, but not really try to engage with them

he's just hesitant to interact with them, yk?

he doesn't know what to do with tbh so he would prefer to just to observe them and make sure they don't hurt each other or smth

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

grumpy cat >:(

he doesn't wanna get up

will whine if you wake him up or try to get him out of bed

"five... more... minutes..."

that's what he says when half an hour has elapsed

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

well on the nights he doesn't spend working in the studio, he would like to just come over and flop on the couch

he's prone to being more cuddly when he's tired so you can definitely sneak in a good old cuddle sesh

will probably fall asleep like that, you in his arms and the tv blaring on in the background somewhere

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

hongjoong knows through his own observations if someone is trustworthy or not

so even before you even start dating him, if he thinks he can trust you he will be a lot more open with you anyway

at the same time, he can be quite hesitant about revealing things. people in the past have taken advantage of his feelings, which is why he is more careful about who he trusts with them

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

i would say he is very patient

he's a father of 7 kids, who are we kidding?

no but seriously, i think most of the time he is patient because, through the years of beings the captain of ateez, he has learned that patience is one of the strongest qualities to have in a leader

that doesn't mean to say that he still doesn't get short and snappy with his instructions, and may come across as blunt every now and then. it isn't his intention but sometimes, if things need to be done, he gets frustrated when they are not

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

like most people, he will probably remember a good amount, but might need verbal prompts every now and then

for instance, if you said "oh remember we went to that really nice italian restaurant in september last year," he would be like "oh yeah, that's the time you spilt spaghetti on your lap, how could i forget??'

r = remember (what is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

the experiences you share together are something hongjoong truly cherishes

hongjoong is a culture junkie. he lives for experiencing new things: new countries, new places, new food, new music, new art. he has an intense need to explore and learn and appreciate something different from the normalities of life

and now that he has a special person, now that he has you, he has someone to share these things with. and he didn't realise it would make such a difference but it did

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

i'd say he's moderately protective

he knows you are your own individual person and are capable of many things, so he trusts you can take care of yourself

but that doesn't mean he's gonna leave you to do that, no way

he likes to keep a distant eye on you. maybe if you feel nervous about being in a crowded room, for instance, he would never let go of your hand if his life depended on it

or if someone kept making you feel uncomfortable, he would immediately intervene with no second thought

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he feels bad because most of his dates are usually either coffee dates or studio dates

he likes the convenience of them and the fact that he is working all the time makes it hard for him to plan much else, especially if he wants to see you more frequently

but you reassure him that you like spending time with him regardless of where you are

still, i think he makes it up to you with the gifts he gets you. always something useful, heartfelt or expensive! and he would give it to you at the most random times just to see the look of surprise on your face

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

sometimes he has a hard time balancing between his work and his personal life

he can put the same time and energy in for both, it's either one or the other

so when a comeback is coming up it can feel like he is neglecting you or not seeing you as frequently. it's just so hard for him to focus on such different things

he's still learning how to not let his work consume his whole life and find a balance. he's getting better at it for sure

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

hongjoong cares about his looks an appropriate amount

i think he cares more about the clothes he wears, the fashion side of things, than his actual face

because he knows he looks handsome as hell, and he has a face that can match any hair colour, so he's more experimental than anything else!

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

he more like himself around you

he doesn't feel he needs to act a certain way. being an idol comes with certain expectations and etiquette, and even being around some friends and acquaintances there is a certain need to fit in

but with you, hongjoong feels like he can let all of that go and just be himself with no filter or mask

so in that sense, he feels whole when he is with you

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

you. are. his. muse

he can't help but feel inspired at the thought of you. so even when he is consumed with work and under time pressure, etc, his mind usually strays towards you

when mingi read over the song hongjoong had written recently, he started to see a very clear pattern. "what has y/n done to you, you've gone all soft and mushy!" mingi would tease

"what do you mean??" hongjoong protested as he re-read his lyrics of multiple songs, realising that they were all extremely romantic. who knew rap verse could be so utterly poetic?

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

people who are deceitful and betray people's trust. or they tend to talk behind people's backs

because if there is one thing hongjoong has learned, it's that if someone is talking about someone else in a bad way, they are going to be doing the exact same thing to you behind your back

z = zzz (what is a sleep habit of theirs?)

hongjoong will sleep, wherever, whenever, given the chance

the main sleep habit of his, that he has actually said before, is that he will always fall asleep when watching a movie

it's like... the perfect opportunity

good background noise, sitting on a comfortable surface, with the lights dimmed. perfect.

#kim hongjoong #hongjoong #ateez #atz #kpop #requested #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #kpop scenarios #ateez fluff #atz scenarios #atz fluff #atz x reader #ateez x reader #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #sfw #sfw alphabet #sfw headcanons #ateez headcanons #atz headcanons

[batrachised]

I have another theory to add to why people don't remember/like/care about Teddy and Emily/Teddy much. The ending to Emily's Quest is so bad (imo) from both a literary and an emotional standpoint that no one has any time or motivation to form any sort of attachment to them as a couple or Teddy, who has been largely absent in the book, as an individual.

(I say knowledgeably having read this series exactly once as an adult.)

I FINISHED MY REREAD so I feel I can answer this question.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. I went into the remaining books of the series expecting Teddy to finally talk - in emily climbs we have the graveyard scene where they nearly kiss at the beginning- and it just...never happened. I didn't count the number of times he spoke, or even the number of times Emily and him interacted, but they seemed fairly few. In fact, if I were to rank Emily's love interests by the amount of attention they receive, it would be:

Emily's writing

Dean

Teddy

(Perry should be above Teddy but he doesn't really count)

The books consistently present Emily's ambitions/passion as a competitor to love. Dean will be about to kiss her, or she'll nearly cross some similar threshold--and then she'll think of a story (and I love that for her, she reminds me so much of Pat and I'm curious to know if this happened to LMM lmao). Dean also figures prominently in these books and actually has conversations (does anyone else straight up not believe he'd be content with a corner in Emily's house? Lmm was very vague about the number of years at the end of Emily's quest, but I can't imagine it to be decades) with Emily.

Regarding the ending, I feel like it felt...almost random. Emily's pride combined with Mrs Kent being insane (how many animals has this woman poisoned??) results in a mostly passive conflict. Emily and Teddy don't fight--they don't speak. This follows a relationship which mostly consists of thinking about each other. The sharpest conflict we get is when Teddy says he hated the star that represented Emily, and it's one of the most potent scenes in the book!

teddy seems a lot of tell and not show. We get told he's gentle, but that mostly consistent of him not doing something (IE, putting up with his mother). We get told he's a brilliant artist, but unfortunately this doesn't translate easily through text, unlike Perry's tenacity and Ilse's aggressive vibrancy. I do think the detail of him putting Emily into every girl he draws is a nice touch! But it's just a touch. We get told by Ilse, a potentially unreliable source, that Teddy is selfish, but we never really see that at length. To be fair, I am brushing over a lot of plot details here where Emily watches teddy do something or teddy makes a choice (ie staying in Europe so forth), but as always with our Teddy Kent--most of those occur from a distance.

Genuinely, I feel like we got more details about who MARK GREAVES is as a person than Teddy Kent (for all Emily looked down on him, well, he reminded me of her hahahaha). From what we do see, Teddy seems interesting. He can read Emily very well. He understands Emily's ambitions. He has a similar keen artistic sense. But again, a lot of these details are told to us, not shown.

That's what leads up to the ending of Teddy being left at the altar--which, again, we don't get to see his reaction on screen--then Emily basically being very depressed for years, and then him randomly returning. I don't know if you ever read the Pat series, but the ending here is actually very similar. A near absent hero returns after making his artistic name in far distant lands and BAM the couple is together, despite very little interaction in the book. Especially with Emily, I feel like there's a missing scene in between them not speaking for years and them basically immediately being like we do love each other. At the least, a sentence where Emily hesitates because of her pride would have added some texture. I'll end by saying all of this is obviously personal preference - I tend to not enjoy the dreamy artist love interests in the first place, so obviously I'm biased. But I do wish we had seen more of Teddy on screen, and Teddy engaging with Emily. I think the conflict of the third book was silence, and in being silence, it felt empty.

#emily of new moon #lm montgomery #Teddy kent

[rainbowsky]

Can you tell me what's the deal with Du Hua? I know people like to rag on her but I have no idea why.

This is in reference to a previous post.

Honestly, Anon? Because she's a woman.

Especially since she's a successful businesswoman. To most people that automatically means she must be a ruthless battle-axe, because women don't become rich and successful in the business world without betraying their proper nature as nurturing, family-focused, kind, sweet human caretakers (or so misogyny would have you believe).

Most people who hate her are going to utterly chafe at my saying that, because a lot of people feel they've seen/heard bad things about her, what she's supposedly done or how she's supposedly treated DD, etc. etc. and I'll just point out that you hear those things because she is a woman. These stories circulate about her because she is a woman.

If DD didn't respect her and didn't have a good relationship with her, there's no way on the planet he would have re-signed with her. I've watched her over the past few years as she's been much more in the public eye with him - courting him for a contract renewal - and DD has behaved in genuinely open, friendly ways with her.

DD isn't fake on any level. If he dislikes someone, he's going to appear distant, polite and reserved. He's not that way toward her. Nor did GG appear that way toward her when they chatted at the 2019 Weibo awards. They seemed to genuinely get along.

I personally don't buy that she's ever been 'terrible' to DD or the artists under her care. No doubt she had contracts and interactions with them that were on par with industry standards at the time and place in their careers. If there was anything seriously awful or exploitative about her, things would have gone a lot differently lately.

And even if she really is as ruthless as some fans say, isn't that the sort of person we want DD to have in his corner? Someone strong and tough who will look out for his interests?

Regardless of anything that might have happened in the past, at present she and DD clearly get along very well, and he is literally invested in her company now, so fans should get onboard and find a way to support Yuehua if they can't support her.

#yuehua #ggdd entertainment circle #ggdd contracts #ask

[hmshermitcraft]

After Pearl saved Gem's life, they finally started talking now! They learned each others names now. Pearl now knew the strange looking but pretty human's name was Gem(and that Gem wasn't a human but an elf which explains the affinity for magic and pointy ears) and Gem now knew that the mermaid's name was Pearl Pearl was already smitten with Gem before they formally met just had her love double for the wizard and Gem, while she already had a minor crush on Pearl from when she finally noticed the mermaid, took a while to warm up to Pearl and develop an actual major crush

Pearl wanted to see Gem more but at day now because of Gem depriving herself of much needed sleep to see Pearl and Pearl didn't want Gem to nearly drown again and Gem had to explain that she couldn't see Pearl at day and was too busy to sleep at day so she can't compensate for losing sleep Pearl was mildly upset at this and wanted an explanation from Gem which was only just "I'm busy at day, besides, I can't be seen by anyone or else. It's alright though, we can still be together at night" Gem conveniently leaving out the fact that she'll be executed for using magic by the village she's hiding if she ever gets seen So instead Pearl just drags Gem to a cave near the sea where Pearl has made a sort of bed with various sheets and cushions from various shipwrecks she found and dried it out so it's not all soggy and forced her to nap there The ocean flows in there along with shallow pools of water just deep enough for Pearl and there are dry parts where water won't reach for Gem. Initially Pearl thought that it would be too uncomfortable for Gem but Gem was really thankful and made an off hand and concerning comment that it's much better than grimy cells people throw her in or forest floors They stayed a lot of nights in that cave together often holding hands as Gem fell asleep, they still kept meeting up at the beach like before but Pearl preferred the cave as she can be close to Gem more. Though, Pearl does eventually find out about Gem's complicated history and relationship with humans..

first ask!

Pearl is awoken one early evening (because some of them do sleep through the day to meet Gem's schedule) by sloshing water. Sitting up, she found Gem rushing in, hiking her skirt up through the water. Gem kept looking behind her, glancing towards the entrance of the cave.

When she tries to ask Gem what's happening, Gem just hushes her. She doesn't speak for what feels like hours, but Pearl can hear distant shouting from the shore. When she discreetly slips into the water, she sees people searching the shore with bright, burning lights.

Pearl swims back in once the people have left, gasping as she climbs out of the water. Gem is still huddled at the back, and now Pearl looks at her... She can see the full bag across Gem's shoulders, the tangled way her hair falls across her shoulders.

Pearl tells her that the people are gone, and Gem breaths a sigh of relief. And then she delivers the bad news. She needs to leave. The people have found her out. She did a spell to keep a child from falling into the well and somebody saw her. So she grabbed her emergency bag and fled. If Pearl hadn't shown her this cave, she'd have been caught for sure. But now she needs to leave, somewhere that people don't know where she is.

Somewhere away from Pearl.

Pearl refuses to let that happen. Gem says she'll try and settle down somewhere near the sea. That way they can find each other again. But Pearl doesn't like her chances. So she asks instead if there's a way Gem can let her walk on land, so Pearl can come with her. Gem tries to dissuade her, but Pearl has her mind set. She's coming with her.

Gem swallows and pulls out her spellbooks.

#hermitshipping #ask #pearl tag #gem tag #pearlgem #mod 🎀 #weekly theme: mermaids

[brandnewhuman]

ELIJAH KAMSKI HCS

Starring:

Our fav funky gen Z hermit

CONTENT

Tw: mentions of drugs and mature language

A/N: RANDOM HEADCANONS OF MY FAV BOI LET'S GO. I will probably do more cause at this point Im literally writing more for me than for anyone else. BUT HE'S SO WBHDJDNWJW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I'm over being just normal about him. Shout-out to @bloodlst I TOLD YOU THE RANDOM HCS WERE COMING

@the-anxious-youth tagging you too just in case

\\\

You all are gonna appreciate this man whether you like or not

I'll start by saying that he's always very aware of how people perceive him

He knows everyone thinks of him either as a creep or some sort of narcissistic weirdo

And, while it still hurts him a little bit, he has given up in trying to get liked or appreciated

He knows that whatever he does people will always see him as something he's not

He has used that in his favour, he manipulates this version of himself that people see to achieve what he wants and what he needs

The only people who knows the real him are the Chloe's and Connor at some point

He loves to use terms of endearment with the people he loves

The Chloe's are always his stars, or his lovelies or darlings

Connor would always be called love, dear or beloved

He really likes valentine's day, bro is really romantic really nice

Plus he's fucking rich so he just like to flex how much he's able to spoil his loved ones

I genuinely think he's asexual. Or at least demisexual

AND PANROMANTIC we can't forget that

why? Cause I said so

Talking about relationships he has never been in one

Or rather he has been but they were mostly one-sided cause the person who was with him just wanted something from him didn't really loved him

For a person so apparently cold and distant he has a rather hopeless romantic vibe going on

He definitely wishes for that bookish type of love but it's something he keeps for himself

It just makes him feel too vulnerable to say he does want to be loved that much

He definitely had a Tumblr blog and was pretty popular but never said who he really was

He was really just vibing, taking cute pics and shit

He doesn't really talks about it and it's definitely a touchy subject but the things he experienced as a teenager CEO had really fucked him up

He has managed to be best friend with nines and it's aggravating Gavin to no end

Unpopular opinion but I feel like he would not like Elon musk

I know everyone of you fucking bastards are gonna say it's not true but it is and you'll have to accept it

He never cared about the profits from selling androids, he cared about what they could do to improve

What more they could do and how much they could evolve ecc that's why he was booted out of cyberlife

As I said before he used to struggle with addiction with has led him to be quite paranoid about taking anything even if he really needs it

Something..something about him screams anaemic

My vampire powers are telling me that

During COVID he abused the shit out of netflix

Like he literally watched the most obscure and absurd shit he could find

He deliberately leaves both contact lenses and glasses at home when he has to do an interview or a reunion cause he's that petty

AND BTW THAT INVASION OF CONNOR'S PERSONAL SPACE? I BET HE COULDN'T SEE FUCKING NOTHING AND THAT'S WHY HE WAS ALL UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

He prefers to sleep on his couch rather than in his bed

His bedroom makes him feel alone somehow and he hates feeling like that

He has a tongue piercing

He finds it very hard to cry and sometimes that makes him feel even worse when he has bad days cause he feels like he can't let it out

Every time he spends money he does it because of the Chloe's

The pool? The Chloe's wanted to swim. The art pieces besides Carl Manfred's ones? The Chloe's liked them

He literally doesn't care, as long as they're happy then he's happy

His dreams are always either really fucking weird or really fucking bad there's no in between

He's scared of hospitals and of psychiatrists because he doesn't trust them and has an irrational fear of getting sent to a mental hospital

His wardrobe consist of like two or three elegant suits and the rest is band or graphic T-Shirt, hoodies and sweatshirt

He really doesn't likes to have to dress too formal

Carl was his only human friend and the og Chloe is the only friend he had left

Before them there was Gavin but they grew apart

Now obviously he has nines and Connor and even Gavin is coming around him again but for the longest time he didn't had anyone else besides Chloe

He's very hard to upset or offend cause half of the stuff one could say he has either already heard it or it's something that he thinks of himself already

It's always cold, like FR this man temperature is not fucking normal

As soon as he was able to leave his family behind he tried all the things he wasn't allowed to do

Which led to him learning how to play music again

He enjoys playing piano but prefers the ukulele because of practical reasons since it's more easy to carry around

He enjoys animating stuff too

He's weirdly good with kids, like those little gremlins adore him and no one can figure out why

He enjoys cleaning, in fact he does most cleaning around the house

He lets the Chloe's try makeup on him and, if they ask him to, he does their makeup too

Lives his life with a constant migraine but he's used to it

Those days where it gets really bad he just locks himself in his study with all lights off and without anything making any sound cause he refuses to take any medicine

He really likes hugs but never ask for them

He always smells either of something minty and fresh or of rose water

#elijah kamski #elijah kamski dbh #dbh fandom #dbh #elijah kamski headcanon #detroit become human fandom #detroit become human #neil newbon

[thricedead]

oough i read through the summary just now and im just collecting my thoughts... i just feel on one hand terribly sorry for seiya because like through and through he's a person u know? i just feel bad that throughout his life he just... never truly escaped that cycle of abuse. like sure ryuzaki is killed at the end of the story and by his hand or otherwise odile at least sort of grows into someone strong but he dies and is desecrated and he never really escaped a world of exploitation.

i dont think he was just like his mom either and idk like i dont really think the point is how Moral seiya is but he does harm people even though he clearly tried hard to live with some conviction. contrasting the ignorant teenage seiya with the puppet leader he's become who is disgusted by others but also sympathetic to some like him, i feel real ambivalent

just think it's kind of curious the most meaningful relationships (it seems) he has are with a bright girl who can be what he no longer can be and who i think he never keeps too close to his world, a turbulent one with a young man he sees like a son and like jiang bin who is not an idealist but appears trying to live holding onto his art.. idk it's like theres a weird distant in everything

i do kind of like that like honestly we dont know exactly how did seiya's mother end up in this situation. the exact circumstances that heavily complicate each person's personal narrative change but there are things that stay consistent individuals who corrupt, who seek and hold power and the people they bend who lose their ability to be fully autonomous.

anyways it's kind of weird to say cuz junpei wasnt mentioned much but im even more interested in his role now and if he differs at all from those around him.

LABBBB thank you so much for reading and sharing these thoughts I am so happy ♡ you perfectly described the main points in your second to last paragraph - Seiya's predecessors and heirs are definitely all a sort of a predatory chain. I'm glad you didn't glaze over Izumi... it's true that she was saved from a similar fate precisely because Seiya refused her attempts to get closer to him. Izumi tried to extend Seiya a helping, compassionate hand and repay his mercy many times through the years but it seems that refusing her loving influence was the kindest thing Seiya could have done for her. Odile did become a strong person who can love earnestly, but his youth was still stolen away by Seiya - Odile breaks the cycle, but Seiya can only gnaw at it without ever breaking free much like his futile attempts to eat through Ryuzaki's flesh. Seiya is a very tragic character and I personally feel strongly for him (not only because he is my creation) but I truly don't think he could be free even in death. He is simply desperately tethered to the circle of being harmed and harming others in return. I think his fate was decided the moment that he stabbed through Smith's eye with a weapon intended for self harm, the moment when he resigned himself to allow his infection to spread beyond him. Did Smith deserve to die? Certainly. But did Seiya have to be the one to exact revenge? Debatable. I don't think theres as much honor in tearing apart your abuser as many think there is. You'll stuff yourself full of tasteless food, and hunger after the flavor of honey for life. Seiya spent his entire life eating wood shavings and choked on them in the end.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary135

1/27-28/2024

saturday - sunday

the move will go crazyyy tomorrow.

today was already sort of crazy i guess. before i get to that just some sundry things, the problem song is really close to working i think, i just need to change the bass, that's rreally it and i think i have an idea for what to do, so i'm gonna do that. while ableton loads, what else, oh yeah, i really need to make 1 minute and like 15 seconds of music for the trailer still, for that movie. deadline coming, hopefully tomorrow we'll be moved in basically, and maybe i can just do it then and there. it'll be weird sleeping in a new place. honestly kind of scared.

the new place is bigger, but it's also made worse than the place we're staying. i think whoever got this building now believes people here pay too little and is kicking everyone out to do renovations and to then raise rent or something. this building is so solidly made, you can't really hear anyone through the walls, but there is no one to really hear anymore i guess. the sink in the kitchen is so nice, the space is kind of perfect to me idk, the new place has stuff that just seems like it could fall apart on us, like the a.c. unit is this window thingy i think. it's probably okay. it's really not as big an issue to me as like, the sink, the bathroom is tiny and has no medicine cabinet, but whatever i have a place to live. i'll also have to navigate to my job from there, if they really do call me back/add me to the roster or whatever, and stuff. i filled everything out for onboarding, probably next week i'd guess.

my gf's mom showed up today, and helped us move, her brother came too and he's so injured generally that he did nothing but stand around and smoke and unpack some stuff. he wasn't useless but he kind of wasn't super helpful. next time he might be more helpful i guess because he'll just be driving so we can load more junk. i value all our stuff but it also does feel kind of like junk right now. like, it frustrates me i guess, i wish it could be instant, instead of car rides with her mom who is falling off the wagon again because my gf's brother got dumped and is going to live with her again. i am somewhat certain their relationship is going to get so destructive again that he is going to come crash at our place for a while.

he made her yell at him, or really all of us, or just everyone in her life vaguely, not even in the car, today. he was so unhappy about moving back, he was masking it decently, but he said about the new place and my apparent disappointment (because i am allowed to not be happy about moving because it was never our choice, her mother seems to think different, she's almost offended that i don't like the place a ton (it's just not the place i've lived in for like 2-ish years now)), that things could be worse, and he started talking about his mom's house, and having lived there, it is pretty bad and gross, she went on a rant about how no one does anything, more than a rant, accusatory and loud, vague as well, no one helped her, she's given up, she does all she can, don't fucking talk about this, don't fucking talk to me, etc. it was unpleasant and it at least wasn't directed straight at me or my gf so it didn't spike anxiety in that way but the language generally reads as her being on the outs with everyone in her life. her husband is talking about quitting his job, taking her to florida. currently, all of her family has distant thoughts of florida, her brother's plan is to go there too, with his friend who is offering to take him there. i don't know if that will materialize, and i don't think her mom's husband will quit and go to florida. but maybe. to keep her to himself, even though he's cheated multiple times and whatever.

my gf says i worry about her family too much but it seems acceptable when they're in her life so much and act destructively and irresponsibly, her stepfather is a gambler, alcoholic, cheater, whatever. he threatened to call the cops on me once, her brother is insane and has groped me and attacked his mother and done plenty else, her mother has terrorized my gf for most of her life and the periods of her being kind to her are the rare bright spots in their relationship. they are also the only 'family' i regularly see because my stepdad is so covid paranoid and my mom is so depressed and trapped with my stepdad that she just does not really want to hang out or anything and i don't blame her but it's miserable. there's not a lot to text about. she doesn't even know how i am, these days, as in, being an androgyne or whatever, i have not come out or whatever it is i'm supposed to do re: my identity/failure to have one. her family doesn't care and as far as they are concerned i guess i'm just a weird boy to them. lately that has been kind of bothering me but there's no way to correct it, at least with her mother, she wouldn't understand.

thinking about it now, i even miss my stepdad. there's a lot of frustrating stuff about him, he is basically very bad to my mom in that he's controlling/paranoid, when i lived there, during covid, he basically (i feel like) took financial advantage of me and used guilting tacticvs to get me to give him basically all of my unemployment money, which i could have done something with, like saved in some way, idk, that was a huge amount of money i feel like even now he stole, i was only able to escape because of my tax return. he's taken advantage of my mom and i many times but he is also not entirely evil. i know he's why i basically am so attuned to/worried by ways my gf's mom behaves, with howe she yells at people about them 'not helping' even if they haven't, it's something nested inside about a kind of entitlement to others and stuff, and being a better person than everyone else, that is really venomous, it's in my stepdad too, but i just wish i guess we talked or something. he raised me, whether or not i like it. i am also worried about him 'accepting me' or whatever. my mom i think would but i guess she might be upset i'm partially a daughter now. or that i always was a kind of daughter. but idk how to make sense of that entirely. how does one even come out . it feels like the biggest block in my relationship to her, i can't say, oh i went to the club and did x, it feels like a level of hiding is there becuz there is a hiding there.

i know my dad, my real dad, would disown me, but maybe he has, idk, i have not spoken to him in a long time, over a year now. he is still a crypto obsessed libertarian reactionary who hates the liberal communists grooming american children, i think.

he used to just think about aliens a lot.

a lot of the people you have no choice to be around in life kind of round out to being a little horrifying. everyone is horrifying.

anyway, tomorrow we're going to try and move a lot of furniture. i'm not really excited for taking apart the bedframe. that was so awful to put together it made me wanna die.

the song is getting closer, i think what i need to do is roll off some high transients or something on the bass tomorrow, or up to the mids even, idk. it's hard but basically i can't have it interacting with the guitars in an ugly and weird way.

anyway i need to sleep now, it's 1 am. so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sccoobydoobers]

linda as a therapist for literally everyone in the show is pretty flawed. yes, she can give perspective on supernatural matters but even her friends outside of the know (ella) go to her when they need the advice of a therapist. feel free to correct me on this but with my vague memory I at least know its highly unprofessional to take on a patient (fully booked and everything I presume) who you know personally or even just, has a impression in your life. as this can very much effect how you treat them and the help you give to them even if you don't mean it too.

lucifer being linda's paitent was obviously highly unethical at the start but eventually they develop into a more professional-friend kind. where still, it is unethical as eventually linda DOES fall into a relationship with lucifer's brother. who was an antagonist of sorts during at least season 1's sessions.

at some point i'd think between seasons 2-3 she starts writing the book about lucifer's therapy sessions and his life, given the book was on its completed first draft and we are shown it at least half way through at some point. and, if you dont know, writing a whole book (especially as long as linda's) takes a LONG time.

meaning, at any point in that time linda could've stepped back and thought: 'this is highly unethical and maybe I should at least get the permission of everyone who im using their private therapy sessions.' its a very simple yet, it couldve changed the whole direction of the book from being the simplified cliches of everyone to more realistic versions of the people.

linda takes advantage of lucifer while doing this, really, as when lucifer finds out about this book, he is thrilled. he is excited because it will be the first book to ever have an accurate representation of him.

And I think later, when everyone reads the book and finds out the contents are a really bad fanfiction of their lives, Lucifer is a bit disappointed. I mean, its supposed to be the first book to portray him in a light most accurate to him, and the book doesn't even end up doing that!

I also want to add that everyone gets mad at lucifer because of their portrayals in the book. When, in fact, they should've at least placed part of the blame on linda, the person who wrote the book. instead of taking literally every word of it to heart. (this post goes into it in more detail!)

Lucifer is, at times (a lot of the time), an unreliable narrator. Because he is made to always tell the truth, something that could be world-ending for Earth might not be important at all to him because x reason etc etc.

(example: the whole mira/rory thing - it didn't occur to him to mention to chloe that this supposed child of him is half angel because that genuinely wasnt important to him and didn't seem relevant to the occasion. chloe then gets pissy at him for this so the more you know)

I'm gonna say something that's pretty obvious but needs to be said: linda is not the group's therapist. of course, she is lucifer's highly unethical therapist. but she is not everyone elses. no one else is shown to have regular one on one sessions with her. apart from maybe ella & maze a couple times and the others are super rare.

her knowing and giving this guidance to her friends is really that. an act of their friendship that they trusted her to give good advice on how to deal with their obviously very stressful and traumatic lives.

then for her to turn around and write it into a book (probably turned book series given how long its said to be) which will be accessed but not only the general public, but also people outside of the know that close to them. like chloe's mother, ella's family, dan's parents etc etc.

that is a horrible thing. even if their families don't read the book, other people will.

imagine ella's distant cousin reads the books after it becomes popular for some reason, connects the dots. then suddenly ella's family are asking if she really had a serial killer for a boyfriend and can imagine the way a person dies perfectly from just seeing the scene and and and

dan is also very dead. at least legally dead. will dan's parents be contacted before the publishing of the book to ask for permission? probably not.

- (it would be funny to think if this is the downfall of the book. dan's parents suing this random stranger who claims to be their dead son's therapist for writing him in a book that hugely slanders and makes fun of him)

this will also affect their professional lives. all of sudden everyone they ever meet will have readily accessible detailed accounts of their lives for the past 5 years, their traumas, their ambitions everything about them at the fingertips of coworkers, employers, bosses, whatever.

even just a snippet of the book (it will most likely gain popularity with lucifer's reputation + the fact more that 50% of the cast for it will be cops) would be very insightful towards the point of view and personal information of everyone involved.

its a breach of privacy, a betrayal of trust and a destroyer to any lives the main cast could possibly lead after the publication. the storyline and concept sucks.

#anti dr linda martin #below the cut is a more detailed rant about the book linda writes and how shes really making some questionable decisions with this #lucifer netflix #anti chloe decker #anti deckerstar #lucifer morningstar #dan espinoza #ella lopez #dr linda martin #mazikeen smith #amenadiel #mazikeen #my post #bad therapists #rory morningstar #therapists in media #to clarify i have very limited information on therapist practises. more on the physical medic side of knowledge #hence: doctor ethics #1am posting #long post #rant #meta