#we love a good ol jealous and possessive satan | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moemoemammon · 3 years

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What about the boys with claws, fangs, traits from their animal avatars that they have and use? Instincts that they have? We know Mammon loves gold but does he hoard anything shiny? Are Levi and Asmo poisonous? I love any monster ideas!

Demon Instincts! (lowkey toxic)

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

pspspsps monsterf*ckers come get y'all juice

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Lucifer

Lucifer doesn't flaunt his abilities openly, but in a subtle way that draws attention to his perfection. But the only person he wants to attract is you.

He won't stoop so low as to use underhanded tactics, but his pride simply won't allow you to go around without properly acknowledging his brilliance.

He constantly calls you into his space to make sure you soak it all up, and it feeds his ego like no tomorrow. And if you say something about it? Bliss.

Something about his aura demands your attention. When he enters the room, the hairs on the back of your neck prickle and stand up, and it feels like the air becomes colder.

And that tone of his that whips any demon back in line? It's a literal power he uses over lesser demons. Sparingly, of course. But he's so intimidating that it's hard to even tell when he's using it- (He also finds out pretty quickly that it doesn't work on you >:( )

Mammon

You'd think Mammon was the inventor of the concept of hoarding, with all of his habits. He calls himself a collector, but acquiring more and more stuff for literal eons isn't exactly 'collecting' at that point.

Has an entire closet dedicated to stashing his stuff. I like to think Mammon's got some kinda spacial magic that lets him use that closet as a lil pocket dimension specifically for throwing things into

Anything that seems even remotely valuable is Mammon's go to. And 'valuable' means anything that's prized by ANYONE. If you've got a lucky rock, he'll be tempted to snag it. He sells most things for money, but stuff that's really precious are the things he keeps. Just wait till you find out how many of your things he's got-

Picture an endless sea of riches and junk, and only he can tell the difference between the two. Probably forgets it exists sometimes tho-

Also growls when angry (this is canon). Angry Mammon sitting on his sofa, surrounded by the spoils of his Akuzon splurging, growling at anyone who dares step close to his treasure trove... Oh yeah, MC's in that pile somewhere, too.

Levi

His self depreciation knows no bounds and he can't live up to the pedestal he's put his brothers on, but there IS one thing he knows he can do without much trouble:

Keep you in his room.

Now it's not like he's trapping you or anything, but Levi is a master manipulator with the way he puts himself down and coerces you into pitying him. Don't you wanna stay with him...? No, of course you wouldn't want to stay with a yucky otaku...

His brothers swear he's got a jealous glint in his eye every time he sees you anywhere else but his room. But all you see are his pleading reptilian eyes that almost suck you in... like they're begging you to pity him.

Quite literally toxic. Boy's got a slime fish man coat on his skin, and long exposure isn't too good for your fragile human body.

Satan

As the Avatar of Wrath, revenge is his favorite thing. It's the reason he harasses Lucifer so much, and whoever else has caught his negative attention. Also nobody can convince me that this man isn't a cat.

He can be HELLA cruel, and watches his enemies squirm. He lures them in with that false smile of his, just to make them wish they'd never met him.

Satan can barely resist the strong desire he has to torment and harass those around him, especially the ones he deems weaker.

A big part of his life is centered around keeping himself calm and collected, so he rarely has a chance to go apeshit. But there always that nagging desire to give in and cause mischief. Good thing it's mostly tame, huh?

I fully believe he's constantly on the verge of going into an untamable frenzy and that's why his brothers are kinda wary of him-

Asmo

The snuggly, cute, and oh so affectionate Asmodeus tries to be more subtle about the way his instincts show. Specifically, his possessive side.

Naturally has a sweet scent, and it's quite literally addicting. It adds to his allure when paired with those demon eyes of his, but it's such a shame that it doesn't work on you! Boo..~

He's not shy when it comes to marking the object of his affection, and he LOVES leaving his scent behind. Any sort of sho of 'ownership' does it for him.

Why do you think he likes buying you clothes and sharing his perfumes with you? It's because seeing you walk around with something he gave you is a clear sign that he's been there.

He always wants you in his space, and vise versa. Asmo's desire to claim you completely rival the possessiveness Mammon has over you.

Beel

Beel doesn't always know his own strength, and this is especially the case when it comes to his bare instincts.

His strength matches his emotions, so when he's super happy? Crushing hugs. Angry as hell? You already know he destroys things in an fit of rage.

Satiating his hunger is one of the keys to his happiness, and he projects that onto you too. Have you eaten? You must be hungry. Come eat with him. He wants to make sure you're fed. Hungry hungry himbo

STRONG urge to protect the people he cares about. Like he'll go borderline feral if he even has an inkling that someone's in danger. And when he's in a mood, it's hard for you to pry yourself out of his big ol arms.

literally eats his enemies

Belphie

His clinginess knows no bounds and only intensifies when he's feeding into his instincts. He won't let you go anywhere, and either slowly follows you around, or holds onto you

It's pretty endearing from the outside looking in, but everything in Belphie wants to drag you down to his level, so he can always keep you close.

Do you REALLY need to go out today? Just do it tomorrow. Or use your pact and order someone else to do it.

His words have a drowsy effect that seeps into your head, and it's definitely a power that he may or may not abuse to get what he wants. But you're probably immune to it, being the wonderful MC and all.

Also has the habit of literally cocooning you in blankets so you can't leave his bed. It's like he's turning you into a personal comfort object.

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themyskira · 6 years

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Wonder Woman #48

Previously in What If Wonder Woman But Men???: Earth is being invaded by +~teh D4rK g0dz~+!! They’re an iteration of the Olympian gods from the Dark Multiverse. This means they’re suuuuuper dark and gritty and edgy (i.e. they’re into murdering and subjugation) and have suuuuuper dark and gritty and edgy backstories (i.e. with excessive fridging, slut-shaming and violence).

The reason they’re attacking now is that Diana accidentally summoned them by making a very big and very vague wish while in contact with a magical wishing device, and then forgot all about it.

Last issue, Diana was lured away from Earth by a nakedly obvious distraction so that the Dark Gods could launch their invasion behind her back. This time, we see how Jason managed while she was gone. (In essence: he fails to have any effect on the invaders, but he does discover that his armour gives him a handy infodump power. This entire issue is a waste of space.)

Meanwhile Wonder Woman, our alleged title character, appears in a grand total of one page. Two, if we’re generous and count an unnecessary recap panel.

The panel in question, included here because WHERE THE FUCK IS HER RIBCAGE.

Diana disappears, leaving Jason to fight them monologue at us all on his own.

He calls on the magic of his armour — which, remember, enables him to access ALL THE POWERS OF ALL THE GREEK GODS, but only one at a time because let’s not be greedy.

I want to talk about the armour for a bit, because it comes into play, the more we learn about it, the more utterly half-baked it’s looking.

As of issue #47, we know that the armour was created by Zeus as a weapon against the coming Dark Gods, to be wielded by ‘Earth’s greatest hero’. In a plot snag that only remotely works if every single one of the Greek gods is not only sexist but a complete dunce, the Olympians thought the ‘greatest hero’ in question was Jason and gave the armour to him.

The idea behind the armour seems to be that it allows the wearer to hit the Dark Gods with the combined power of all the Olympians, dealing a greater blow than any one could strike individually. That would make sense. Except that the only stated limitation of the armour explicitly prevents the wearer from doing this: they can only use a single power at a time.

Which means that the benefit afforded by the armour isn’t actually all that great. The Olympians would do better to fight the Dark Gods as a group. Or perhaps appoint a champion who already carries a divinely powerful item and the blessings of many gods. Say, the strength of the earth from Demeter, wisdom from Athena, a hunter’s eye and unity with beasts from Artemis, sisterhood with fire from Hestia, speed and flight from Hermes OH WAIT.

What’s more, the actual powers bestowed by the armour are absurdly ill-defined. In theory, the wearer can draw upon any of the abilities of any of the gods. In practice, that has meant that Jason leans almost exclusively on the Speed of Hermes and the Wisdom of Athena (and oh, friends, we’ll get to that one), with the occasional Strength, I Guess?? and Managed To Hit Something One Time And Claimed He’d Used A Marksmanship Power.

What are the actual powers and limitations of this thing? Can he use the power of Poseidon to cause earthquakes? The power of Dionysus to induce a drunken frenzy in people? The power of Aphrodite to make people fall in love? The power of Hephaestus to forge cool stuff? The power of Demeter to govern the changing of the seasons? The power of Hera to be a petty jealous ass?

Part of the problem with the concept of the armour is that it assumes that the Greek gods have discrete and clearly differentiated powers. It treats them like a team of superheroes as opposed to, you know, gods, with many and varied domains and associations.

Another problem becomes apparent here as Jason summons what he calls “the Wisdom of Athena”, but could more accurately be described as “the Infodump of the Lazy Writer”. This power doesn’t gift Jason with superior insight, understanding, judgement or strategic thinking — it just enables him to instantly know key pieces of plot-relevant information so that Robinson doesn’t have to go to the effort of folding them organically into the story.

This is how Jason learns the identities and domains of the Dark Gods and, hooboy, if you thought ol’ Khrysanthemum the Grimdark Love Deity was embarrassing, get a load of these guys.

ROLL CALL!

“Mob God, goddess of Chaos. And order, too— the “order” of mob rule. The order of a riot.”

MOBGOB! Horns, feathers, plate mail metal bustier and hoodie make for a confused sense of fashion, but the ripped fingerless gloves let you know she’s edgy™.

Literally just a shit version of the Greek goddess Eris.

“The God With No Name. God of doubt. God of nothing.”

THE HORSE WITH NO NAME! Too lazy to get a proper Halloween costume; thinks nobody can tell he just threw a couple of dirty sheets over his regular clothes. We can tell, Horse. We can tell.

Would crap his dacks in the face of the primordial void of Khaos or the gaping jaws of Tartarus.

“Savage Fire, goddess of war. Not war for some ideal or common good. War for power. War for profit. War for blood.”

SEXY SATAN LADY! Crotch is literally on fire. May want to get tested for UTI because that looks painful. Unclear how flaming-dominatrix-in-a-Halloween-mask getup is thematically connected to war domain.

Bro, you do realise that bloodlust, violence, destruction and slaughter in war is literally Ares’ entire deal?

The fourth Dark God — King Best, whose name sounds like a Melania Trump initiative — remains inside his floating statue, apparently biding his time while the other three take it in turns to attack.

Bear in mind, Jason is completely isolated and overwhelmed at this moment, and there’s no better opportunity for the Dark Gods to crush him into a pulp and feed him to King Be Best (he absorbs people’s power or something, it’s a thing, we’ll get to it). But no, they have to softball it by each waiting in turn to attack Jason while delivering some stilted line or other, aka the exact thing Robinson was poking fun at Jack Kirby for six-odd issues ago.

Sexy Satan Lady sets a bunch of flaming bats on Jason. I get the feeling she’s really not all that on board with the war portfolio. Like, she auditioned for the part of Lucifer, got cast as a war goddess instead, and now she just keeps trying to shoehorn hellfire and brimstone into everything.

Mobgob harnesses the power of the mob and uses it to… make a bunch of people jump off a skyscraper. This provides the Dark Gods with their second opportunity to incinerate Jason, as he scrambles to catch everybody before they hit the ground, but instead the Horse With No Name waits politely until all civilians have been delivered to safety before making his move.

Jason: To me, Polly! Jason [VO]: Named my spear after Mom — discovered another of its powers, too — it can appear and disappear out of nowhere if I will it to.

Oh, get fuuuuuuucked.

Jason has spent pretty much his entire life resenting Hippolyta, and now he loves her and named his magic spear after her because James Robinson told us so (yet again, abusing narration boxes for an infodump). And, by the way, how many super-special magical gifts does Jason friggin need?

But mostly what pisses me off here is that Jason’s weapon — a divine polearm with a feminine name that comes to the wielder when summoned with the words “to me” — is basically just Artemis’ ‘Mistress’.

Also, if you take another look at that panel of Jason, you’ll notice that as he summons his spear he is also diving out of the way of the Horse’s murderblast, allowing three innocent civilians to be horrifically killed in his stead. Cool hero.

(No idea how noxious green murderblasts fit in with Mister Ed’s doubt-and-nothing domain, either, but it’s clear that none of the Dark Gods are particularly married to their areas of patronage.)

Jason throws the spear at the Horse, who disappears, and Sexy Satan Lady tags in, attacking him in the form of a pterodactyl made of fire.

Supergirl shows up and decks her. This makes Kara dizzy, because something something magic, and so rather than pay attention to what Sexy Satan Lady is doing or who she might be endangering, Jason swoops right in to help the swooning Supergirl.

Wait, why isn’t Supergirl still in the Dark Gods’ thrall? I thought their very approach was intoxicating and frenzy-inducing to people? Particularly those, like Kara, who have ambivalent relationships with their own divinities? Have we dropped that plot thread?

Jason: Where did you come from—? Glad you did, but— Kara: Those insane gods possessed me, using their energy like I said—

That… does not explain anything.

After a couple of panels, Jason realises he’s forgetting something important. “Wait, what are we doing talking—? Should be looking— those ‘insane gods’ are still here.” But they’re not any more, because all of them except King Be Best’s flying stone statue have fucked off. Great heroing, guys!

Welp, out of sight, out of mind: Jason goes right on back to pointless talk.

“This armour is a gift from my father, Zeus. It allows me the powers of the gods — only one power at a time, but still — Athena’s wisdom allows me to know some things… but my inexperience and stupidity don’t always tell me the best way to act upon it.”

This is where it becomes clear that Robinson is confusing ‘wisdom’ for ‘knowledge’. Athena isn’t the goddess of Knowing Shit, she’s a goddess of strategy, innovation, crafty thought and good counsel. In other words, blessed with the wisdom of Athena, you might not have all the answers, but you can assess what you do know with clear and discerning eyes and judge the best course of action, a.k.a. the complete opposite of what Jason is saying.

Jason and Kara only remember that they’re supposed to be stopping supervillains from taking over the world when Steve radios in to tell them that the Dark Gods are taking over the world.

“They appeared in different parts of the world, sowing madness. Their very presence creates worshippers who then fight or become insane in some way.”

If that’s the case, how did Supergirl break free?

Once again, this is the kind of threat that could potentially be very effective, both in terms of building up the villains as a truly terrifying force and in terms of presenting Diana (remember her?) with a serious challenge in which the civilians she’s trying to save are trying just as hard to kill both her and each other.

And once again, Robinson delivers it in off-panel exposition, rendering it all kind of toothless.

The Justice League shows up and Jason fills them in. Somehow he now magically knows that Diana and the Star Sapphires are fighting another Dark God, I guess because his armour told him so. He also knows that the reason King Best & Less has yet to stir is that he’s waiting for something — though it’s not clear what that something is.

Because the Justice League are pros, they immediately decide that the best thing to do is to all fly right up to the super-dangerous floating murderstatue and stare at it curiously.

Supergirl: The way he’s firing those rays reminds me of the dead New Gods on the Source Wall.

oh good. Please, do talk to me more about some crossover event that I’m never going to read.

Jason: Gods? Funny, I never dreamed I’d hear that term as much as I have.

YOU ARE A DEMI-GOD, YOU FUCKING DUNCE. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IS GODS. HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE GODS.

Aquaman: Yes, old, New, Dark. Lots of gods.

I’m so glad we climbed halfway up the Big Bad’s nostrils to have this chat.

It’s at this exact moment that Bestie stops firing his eye lasers and eats the Justice League, which is no more than anybody in this book deserves. Or at least, he absorbs them or eats their energy or something. According to Jason’s useless power of infodump, he needed their power to animate his giant stone form.

Which really raises the question of why he needs a giant stone form. I’m sure it must be fun getting to trample the city and swat drones out of the sky like you’re Godzilla, but when it’s been established that you could be using your powers to induce frenzied levels of devotion and bend everybody to your will… stomping about in a giant rock suit that takes seven of the world’s greatest superheroes just to fuel seems kind of inefficient?

King B swats Jason out of the air, and then we get four pages of Best stomping on buildings while Steve tells us that the world is ending.

“The world’s gone mad. The Dark Gods are defeating everyone — armed forces, superheroes — those whom they haven’t possessed.”

Again, you’re not selling this. You expect me to believe that these dudes are an Apocalypse-level threat, but aside from Be Best eating the Justice League (we already know they’ll be fine), all I’ve seen of them is three rejects in unconvincing costumes making a half-hearted attempt to kill Jason before buggering off. Ten minutes later, I’m supposed to buy that they’ve crushed the world’s armed forces, beaten every hero and brought the entire world to its knees, all offscreen?

Best Buy tries to incinerate Jason; unfortunately Diana arrives in the nick of time to save him, and thus ends another entirely unnecessary issue.

(Oh yeah, and it turns out the big guy in the last issue wasn’t a floaty-stone-statue-Megazord, it was just Be Best. Pity; at least a Megazord might have been slightly more fun.)

#the james robinson shitshow #comics talk

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