#we really have seen nothing yet.

[hecksupremechips]

Ever think about Date’s view on family and how that relates to his character? When Mizuki asks him to define family, he just awkwardly offers that its like being blood related to someone. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and Mizukis, but like, he literally had no idea what a real family looks like. He’s an orphan, a man who grew up with no family and no name, but he doesn’t know that yet. He has no memory of his past, no way of knowing if there’s someone out there waiting for him to come home, if he even had a place to call home. His only frame of reference for a family is Mizuki and her parents. Deep down he knows it’s not right, not loving, but it fits the mold of a nuclear family, man and woman, blood related, so that must be what family is. When he’s asked to take in Mizuki, he’s absolutely clueless because he literally has zero frame of reference for how a child is supposed to be cared for. He puts distance between them because this isn’t his place, he doesn’t have the right to love this child as his own because he isn’t the real dad. There’s no place for someone like him in a family. And it’s baffling to him to hear that Mizuki not only loves him, she needs him because he is her family. Date believes he’s a nobody, just a sad, lonely man with no name who absolutely does not deserve this kind of love. But he has it anyway because he chooses it, he makes something that neither he nor Mizuki have ever had before. HES HOME

#aitsf #ai the somnium files #kaname date #mizuki date #just crying about the date family for the millionth time nothing new #also i just had this realization that like date literally had absolutely ZERO clue what he was doing #cuz its not like he remembers his own childhood so he cant use that as a frame of reference for how to treat his own child #and yet despite this he does a much better job than renju and shoko ever did just because he like. actually loves mizuki lol #honestly kinda fucking insane that date was asked to take care of her instead of hitomi #like renju has a choice between his long term friend who hes really close with and who he knows has lots of experience in childcare #versus his silly friend who lives in the smallest apartment with tons of debt and has literally never seen a baby before #then again thats probably why he didnt choose hitomi cuz he probably wanted to keep mizuki separate from the family he actually cares about #also for meme purposes its just like date is like wow renju youre literally the worst dad ever #and renju is like well okay hotshot if you think its so easy then how about you raise my daughter asshole #and date is like okie and does a significantly better job at it #i love kaname date so fucking much you guys will never understand what we have 😩

[every-sanji]

#one piece #sanji #black leg sanji #everysanji #thriller bark #ch464 #i think. okay sorry for dragging this out over multiple panels but i do not care #but anyway i think. this scene and confrontation could have been a really good moment for sanji #to develop his motivation and characterization wrt nami specifically #rather than fueling the pervy side of his character it could have brought about a righteous justice #at someone he cares about being violated in this way by a stranger. you know. instead of implying he wants to be the one #doing the violating. truly one of the moments why i question why i like him #honestly any other option for this scene would have worked. #i know it ends up not going anywhere beyond more peeping tom jokes but godddddddd #on my hands and knees begging you to be normal oda.... #i have heard he's better in the opla but i havent seen it yet. #maybe i should watch it with my gf. what do we think gamers #she knows nothing about op should i make her. i'm sure i'll end up watching aeon flux or smth in exchange with her #<- ignore that i literally offered to watch it with her over new years but shit happened and it fell through

[bigkickguy]

wip - trying to doodle my rarepair on the beach and i can't stop trying to make emo ideas happen so im spitting out here to get it out of my head eustace and isaac could be cute !! just let them have their peace and quiet!! I'm starting to rotating them in my mind !!

#kickdraw #granblue fantasy #isaac gbf #esutace gbf #what do i even call this pairing - who cares im the only one out here on this boat ive seen post so far (join me hahaaaa) #eusaac #istace #??? - no idea lmao #reading isaac's fate ep made me so emo knowing how his parents treated him and grace - im glad he got her out of there cause oooouuuggghhh #anyway hear me out on them (I have almost nothing here yet lmao) #we take the 2 sorta solitary dudes on the team and we shove them together : ) #they barely interact before HSM - but yaknow im having my fun out here rotating them lol #just 2 dudes with their lives dedicated to a mission forced on them from childhood both ending their mission and moving on at the same time #guys who would relate to each other maybe if they ever spoke to each other but are too solitary probably - oops oops #grand zeta fate ep says isaac is now working for society fixing up the weapons and needs to work on ranged weaponry next : ) #eustace is the most stoic dude vs isaac being the most visibly nervous dude in the plotline - anyway i think they should kiss #could probably compare their characters more here but i'll just do it in a separate post sometime lol #edit - I FORGOT im eternally emo over how isaac got his arm eaten lmao #im want to draw 500 references to it cause it was really metal

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

“it’s so sad you can’t save karlach” you absolutely CAN save karlach and i have a paper to write about why nobody thinks you can

#bg3 spoilers #SHES HAPPY. SHE IS LITERALLY HAPPY TO BE A MIND FLAYER. SHE SAYS TO YOU ‘THIS IS INSANE BUT I FEEL CRAZY LUCKY RN’. #she doesn’t want to do it ! but if she does she’s VERY HAPPY WITH THE TRADEOFF! #bg3 snuck one of the most interesting thought-provoking Meditations On Beauty I’ve ever seen into their viddy game and I am CHEWING on it. #there’s obviously plenty to say about this relative to tav and the other characters as well #and the player’s inherent reluctance to take what is MECHANICALLY nothing but a boost #on the grounds that it will slightly alter their appearance #And like how (and whether!) we justify that as being what our characters would do etc etc yada yada #but it is LITERALLY lifesaving for karlach. The only other options for her are death or going back to a place #that she considers worse than death. #it’s a choice that she would have made happily if she knew going in that it would switch off her engine! #she is nothing but relieved if you talk to her afterwards! she looks radically different but she is the same person! #and YET as a player . Even knowing all of that!! it still sort of feels like losing her #and there’s REALLY something juicy there about how we think about appearance #and the nature of the self etc #also it’s definitely not that deep but I could say something about her appearance rework from EA #and how her being a conventionally ‘attractive’ character plays into this #like honestly? If it was laezel in the same situation I think we’d all be reacting very differently! #and I include myself in that! Through that whole scene I was going WOW this feels like such a hard choice #And at the same time looking at myself like holy shit you’re SO in the beauty complex soup! #anyways. Much to think about. Mind flayer karlach is adorable also. #Rhi talks

[apple-of-my-pie]

Given Ianthe’s eye color fuckery in HtN, Paul’s “there’s time for you and Naberius Tern” comment in NtN, and the consistent reappearance of pretty much every Locked Tomb character that the reader would assume to be dead, one of my top predictions for Alecto the Ninth is that we’re gonna see Babs again

#sorry for babsposting he just fascinates me #babygirl your swagless personality and thematic implications have bewitched me body and soul #like. it was implied at the end of gtn and through most of htn that babs was not fully absorbed #we’ve seen 2 different cavs come back after being apparently eaten by their adepts #there have been some interesting takes on the necro/cav relationship so far #gtn is v much about how gideon and harrow’s dynamic exists within that framework #as yet unsent has the 3 different approaches to it: #judith and marta clearly delineate their relationship boundaries and are never less than adept and swordswoman #cam and pal are codependent as fuck #and corona thinks of it as someone who controls and completes her both at once #with all this mediation on what it means to have a cav or be a cav and what you two owe each other #we gotta add mr. platonic ideal of a cavalier #was really good at swords and got eaten #and nothing else. #locked tomb #the locked tomb #tlt #tlt meta #naberius tern #tlt theories #bay’s originals

[birdmenmanga]

LAUGHTER IN THE END OF THE WORLD IS SOOOO GOOD I CRIED BC IT WAS JUST A ONE SHOT IN MY HEART IT SHOULDVE BEEN LIKE . IT SHOULDVE HAD THE PLACE AND LOVE DEMON SLAYER HAS. IT TRULY FEELS LIKE IT HAD THE POTENTIAL FOR THAT. SORRY FOR THE CAPS LOCK

LMAOOOO LITERALLY... one shot in my heart as well... I KNOW it was 5 chapter I KNOW it was a whole ass volume but it just FELT like a oneshot you know?? like it was only the tiniest glimpse inside this huge huge world...

It's not even like it was a self-contained story that had no more story left in it either. There was a CLEAR thing that the narrative would have eventually built up to, which is that if their way of living is hunting down the demons they'd eventually collect all the mouths... and then what? it really begs the question y'know???? the demon's coming back?? what's going 2 happen to haru and luca?

I have never watched or read demon slayer so idk how the two measure up but yeah. where I live anyways demons slayer has so much hype. it genuinely sucks (to ME) that miss tanabe's works are always so underrated </3

#asks #anonymous #laughter in the end of the world #I guess they both have guys with a little sister who's cursed in some way? #I will say that just based on my impressions haru seems to have much more agency than that other girl. nezuko? #like just in fanarts it seems like she's either depicted as 'girl who is seen but not heard' #or 'going feral and losing control of herself entirely' #I have so many feelings about haru specifically. I think it she really began the age of completely unfuckable girls for miss tanabe #good for her #like it is SUCH a good subversion of the 'girl who looks young but is much older than she seems' #because like. genuinely. her character design is unsexy. it veers so hard into abstract symbolism there's nothing there to sexualize #and like I think it's such a good depiction of kids too #like you know she's acting but these 'old but younglooking girls' often act childish in a cute way you know!! #but haru's like childish in a 'I have not yet learned self-control and I am going to pull your hair out for saying mean things :(((' #which again. completely unfuckable. it's so great #but also the setup between the siblings is so crazy... they're literally built to be codependent #they actually can't live without the other and they will never be able to form longterm meaningful relationships with other people either #just the two of us we can make it if we try type beat #like haru will look like a kid forever. she will literally never be respected and will always need a chaperone in regular society #and then luca committed so hard to the bit that he also can't just... go back to being a normal person either #in my mind if it became a longer series I imagine it'd be a bit like mushi/shi... like standalone stories of a wanderer

[britneyshakespeare]

unfortunately it is not the time to be normal. it is time for me to watch richard iii (1983) directed by jane howell for the third time in six months.

#i was trying to watch other things but i couldn't leave off the henry vi trilogy wo watching richard iii #tales from diana #ron cook is sooooo good as richard #also i wonder how ppl enjoy this play (or adaptations w it) without having read/seen the 3 parts of henry vi first? #not like 'i wonder' like 'i dont see it as possible' but like this time around especially #it really just sticks w me how inseparable it is from its 3 prior history plays you know #like i first read the henry vi plays bc ned convinced me to way back in the day #and i knew nothing about any of them medieval english kings. like not the first thing #so i didnt realize r3 was immediately after them or like the same series or anything #im not even sure i understood yet how famous *some* of the history plays are yet? or. i dont remember #i still had had the riverside shakespeare for less than a year when i started reading h6 #so it was still pretty new to me i suppose. #but i suppose i cant imagine how compelling richard might be wo the buildup of his characters in h6 parts 2 and 3 #shakespeare does such a good job of developing his character throughout those plays that by the time you get to his own #its like YAAAASSS BITCH #KILL THEM KILL EVERYONE WE LOVE YOU YOURE PERFECT #(he is not perfect. but he is to me)

[silverislander]

i might have to ask my chaucer prof for an extension on this assignment and fucking god i really don't want to. i REALLY don't want to

i've already had to email him to get the details on literally every single assignment and quiz we've done for two different classes bc he keeps forgetting to give them to us on time, so he definitely knows me by now and i am TERRIFIED it's getting annoying even tho i know it was fully justified. i also recently had to ask him to move my presentation date back for this class (bc he didn't fucking give us the topics for weeks on end so i couldn't have started it early even if i hadn't been too busy to try) which he did do

but i am Going Through It rn w my brain. it's getting really bad again. whenever i open the doc w my essay i just have this wave of anxiety and i can't start writing it. there's only five days left until the deadline, it is five pages and i've written two sentences of the intro + have no sources, i do not have time to procrastinate on this i barely have time to finish it as it stands rn

#rn i think if i dont have at least every paragraph started by saturday night im gonna have to ask for an extension #and i SUPER dont want to do that bc this has the ability to quickly become a pattern i know myself #im almost def gonna need extensions on at least one of the final projects too bc i always do i should save these requests for then #eventually people are going to stop giving them to me and just assume im being lazy #levi.txt #it doesnt help that ive been so busy i havent gone anywhere but school for almost a month #im supposed to be going out about once a week for my anxiety but i havent had time. bc of school #and my parents are really pressuring me to get things sorted for the honours essay next semester and its stressing me the fuck out #this prof also has been awful at giving us what we need to get started early #well have a quiz in old english and he gives us the things we need to study at 9pm the night before #he only gave me the presentation topics 2wks before my original date. bc i emailed him begging to let me change the date so i can prepare #and its stupid but im also worried bc i dont have a halloween costume yet and ive been wanting to go shopping for it for months now #and then i worry bc ill have to spend money on it and i already dont have a lot #so basically rn my life is school im constantly stressed i havent seen my friends in weeks and i have nothing to look forward to #i am Not Doing Great

[hilsoncrater]

hm.

#my longest friend is from middle school. but he lives on the east coast and i dont #i havent seen him since i was 16 #but we'd keep in touch thru at first snapchat and then thru text/facetime #anyways. our facetimes have been getting super short recently #not that they ever were for more than 30 mins to begin with #but this one today was maaaaybe 15 mins #and originally we were gonna call at 12:45 but i was able to hop on by 12:15 #so when he said his grandma just got home from the lake so he had to go i was like.... #Hm. #Big Hm. #i think i just miss him. he only asked how my dog was #he's been drawing back too. i dont know!! i dont know!!! #he's the only one outside of my family who knows me from middle school #and i think there's a hole i have inside me because i don't Have Anyone Long Term #i cant even conceptualize someone sticking around longer than a year now #the length of my relationships are getting shorter and shorter #3 years to 1 year to now 6 months or less #it's. really discouraging #im doing ACT in therapy but even then. there's just Something Wrong fundamentally with me #i dont like when people say 'theres nothing wrong with you. you havent found your people yet thats all' #look around!!! look around!!!! tell me everything is fine when i cant connect with people!!!! #when i cant maintain any form of relationship outside of familial!!!! #THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG!!!!!!! #I'M DOING SOMETHING WRONG!!!!!!!!! #WHAT IS IT THAT I'M GETTING WRONG??? TELL ME SO I CAN FIX IT!!!!!

[dan-crimes]

I will admit I love Splatoon but it is driving me up the fuckin wall, I've played a lotta Turf War and I'm kinda burnt out on it so I'm playing mostly Anarchy Battles and I know people say solo queue is bad or whatever like I'm expecting people to not exactly be team players y'know we all have those moments of being bad team players but MY GOD MAN I swear people have gotten WORSE about the objective lately! They BLATANTLY IGNORE IT! I have had to use the limited comms of "This way!" a LOT more than I have ever had to do. And it works with players whom get carried away pushing foward but a lotta the times they will see exactly what I'm trying to do and STILL NOT HELP ME! I play a lotta slow weapons that make it hard for me to pop the Rainmaker so maybe that is my fault for not playing Nautilus more but GOSH! They see me struggling to pop and they do not simply SHOOT THE RAINMAKER SHIELD FOR EVEN A SECOND!! As well as in Tower Control people are allergic to touching the tower for even a second and Splat Zones people will not SPLAT the ZONE and instead fail to kill any of the enemy team continuously and never land any of that ink even near the actual objective!! I'm not gonna say I'm a perfect player and playing exclusively for objective wouldn't work obviously but not even a little extra support? Not even ONE person turning around and playing attention to objective? Straight up leaving the Rainmaker unattended at the front of the last checkpoint so that the enemy can push up and dunk the Rainmaker and end the game? Me being the only one trying to pop the Rainmaker shield and failing cuz my teammates left to bumfuck nowhere? I'm use to it happening sometimes but it feels like it is happening almost EVERY TIME now! I think Splatoon 3 screwed up something in the ranking system cuz I have legit seen very very VERY new players in S+ somehow and I mean genuinely new players who can barely hold their camera straight cuz they aren't use to motion controls yet. I don't remember this being a problem in Splatoon 2. As well as pairing up extremely new players with very experienced player in Turf War SPLATOON USE TO BE A LOT BETTER THAN THAT AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAPPEN ANYMORE!! WHAT DID THEY DO TO SCREW IT UP SO BADLY!!!!

#long post #but really I'm not sure what they did to Splatoon 3 but they messed some sort of system they had in place #and it is VERY apparent #it use to be that if you lost a buncha games (such as doing squid parties in Splatoon 2) that you would go into increasingly lower levels #and usually it was because OTHER people were ALSO squid partying consistently and you would get paired up with a lotta squid parties #it was OBVIOUS and it was APPARENT that it was happening but that DOESN'T happen anymore! #I have lost tons and tons of battles and yet get put with the same try hards consistently in Turf War like I enjoy it sometimes #but sometimes I just kinda wanna fuckin chill in Turf War? sometimes I just wanna roll around with a roller or something and chill #like people are straight up disrespectful in Splatoon nowadays it's pretty awful #like squidbagging isn't as much of a problem nowadays but we switched it for bloodthirsty spawn campers #and they will spawn camp you when you have a DISCONNECT as if they will win some sort of medal of honor! #nothing honorable about what ur doing you punk ass bitch! fuck off! #luckily I haven't gotten spawn camped THAT badly so far but I've seen it with others and it is straight up despicable #anywayy still love ya Splatoon 😋✌️ but I think you need to get some shit figured out cuz I've seen a lotta ppl complaining #which ik the post was me complaining abt smth totally different but I think it all loops back around the match making system #which they have somehow fucked up from the switch of Splatoon 2 to Splatoon 3 #not saying Splatoon 2 didn't have any of these problems but I feel it was a lot less rampant as it is nowadays in Splatoon 3 #I feel like everyone can feel that I don't think it's just me like even my sibling mentions it

[longagoitwastuesday]

I keep thinking of that reply in my Odysseus/Agamemnon post about how I regard differently Odysseus' and Agamemnon's actions, while acknowledging that at times Agamemnon is written as a sweet man and Odysseus is always straight up shitty, and how it was taken as some sort of defense for Agamemnon and as a form of pointing out the double standard; and that wasn't at all what the post was about for me, even though I can see where they were coming from. To be honest, given I didn't imagine it would spread anywhere other than my own blog, I didn't explain myself very well (or at all).

The fact is that when I talked about Odysseus not caring about hurting someone else's child to start and end a war I was indeed comparing his actions to Agamemnon's, but my words about supporting Odysseus' wrongs and cheering him in his terrible actions, while in a joking tone, weren't entirely a joke. I do think that Odysseus does some very shitty acts, and some quite terrible ones depending on the sources. That's a fact, that he does is at the core of his characterisation and it's what makes him so much fun; but not even when he is at his most cruel does he harm his family, his own son. Agamemnon, while sweet and loving at times in some texts, at his worst is willing to sacrifice Iphigenia. When readers regard with more sympathy Odysseus over Agamemnon despite both being responsible for children dying, I don't think there's a double standard in this aspect at all considering it's never his own kid Odysseus harms. And that's the key, I think.

Odysseus and Agamemnon have very different priorities, a very different view on loyalty and duty. It could be said that Agamemnon acts out of selfishness, but it could also be read in a kinder light, saying that Agamemnon is ruled by the gods first, and by his role as head of the achaeans; Agamemnon is not entirely himself. In opposition we see Odysseus acting perhaps mainly for himself and his own family and men; yes, he is a king, but he has not the role Agamemnon has. As a consequence, Agamemnon submits his family's wellbeing to the war, to the gods, while Odysseus stops the plow before hurting Telemachus but is (depending on the source) the cause of Iphigenia's sacrifice and Astyanax's death.

Both Odysseus and Agamemnon have reasons to support their actions, and both can be sympathised with; it's fiction after all. When it comes to fiction, at the end of the day which character a reader is drawn to or sympathises with is mainly an issue of personal taste, but I suppose it also implies a certain level of one's own views or preferences on morals, what makes us find certain actions more justifiable, or tasteful (perhaps that's a more accurate word), than others. Agamemnon sacrificing his daughter, no matter how sympathetic or understandable the reason, generally sits worse on people than Odysseus doing the same with someone else's kids, because they're someone else's. This different emotional reaction they provoke has place not just metanarratively, but also inside the very story; it is narratively significant, given it determines how their arrival home plays out, how their wives react to them, and thus their futures. Ultimately it determines whether they live or die.

I think both terrible acts go in line wonderfully with each characterisation, showcasing the role they hold in their world, what they value, what they care for, what they're willing to sacrifice for themselves and the others, how much of their own they're willing to give and bend. While looking at the wider picture it could perhaps be drawn that Agamemnon is the better person out of the two, but Odysseus' selfish actions are perhaps easier to empathise with, especially from a modern viewpoint. Odysseus is treacherous and prone to betrayal, but not against his own; Agamemnon follows the rules of the gods. How fitting in that context that Odysseus doesn't die at the end of his story, that he cheats the death heroes so often are fated to, almost as if cheating the narrative itself, bending the rules of the world he is ascribed to; how fitting in the context of those texts that point towards Sisyphus being his father. But that's another topic, and I've already talked a lot.

#Don't get me wrong. Odysseus is super shitty and this is a 'pick your poison' kind of situation #But I don't really think there's a double standard when it comes to the kids situation given that Odysseus doesn't sacrifice his own kid #I really think that's what lies at the core of this. Does that make him shittier and more selfish and a worse person? Actually yeah perhaps #But we are no kings with thousands of people depending on our decision yet cringe at the idea of hurting people close to us #It feels like betrayal. And this is where the moral preference takes the role. Which do you prefer? The one that would betray their family #for the greater good or the one who'd sell the world for their family and themselves? It's interesting because #while in fiction the first option is often the most frown upon while selfish actions for the beloved are easy to sympathise with‚ #in reality these are usually worse regarded. I didn't want to go there because I already wrote so much it didn't fit in the tags #but I actually think the same thing happens with Galahad/Lancelot. Heathcliff/Edgar I'd say has a somewhat similar situation going on #There are many many examples but mainly I was thinking of Galahad and Lancelot #So this is not an 'Odysseus did nothing wrong'. This is an 'Odysseus did many things very wrong but he didn't kill his son #so while both him and Agamemnon were the cause of death of kids‚ their action are not the same so there's no double standard regarding #the particular action of sacrificing Iphigenia. In fiction that kind of betrayal makes characters often unlikeable' #I guess that action 'stains' the view under which Agamemnon's actions are seen and so his character is often seen under a darker light #He is presented a bit as an antagonistic presence opposed to Achilles who is very popular so I guess that also influences this? #Anyway I've been elated by the musical causing Odysseus art and posts but I do have noticed that he is very goodified in it and that #it has influenced how he is being regarded around here (the way it happened with The Song of Achilles as well I suppose) #And I must say I like that less. He is shitty in a fun way but not in a light way. He is very shitty #Definitely not better than Agamemnon depending on the perspective you take. I can't believe I'm 'defending' Agamemnon #He is not my thing at all I'm all for selfish actions for oneself and the loved ones through manipulation‚ #lies and scams and letting the world drown if needed. In fiction Lancelot's‚ Odysseus' and Heathcliff's actions are a lot more preferible #to me than Galahad's‚ Agamemnon's and Edgar's. But yeah #I ALSO didn't want to go there because again it would have take me forever and I would run out of tags (yet here I am) #but there's also a Priam/Hector/Paris comparison in how they act and how they're regarded to be drawn here #Agamemnon/Iphigenia‚ Priam/Hector/Paris‚ Odysseus/Telemachus. And that is not even including everything with Elektra/Clytemnestra/Orestes #or Oedipus and his own family for that matter #But yes. I'll better shut up already. I'm talking a lot more than I intended #I just found that discussion super enthralling and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I still can't #I talk too much #I should probably delete this later

[inhale-fandoms-exhale-asdfghjkl]

No Lenny in ep 4 😓

#I’m actually worried we won’t be getting a lot of him in season 5 #like I assume they don’t film all the episodes in order so it’s probably nothing to worry about that we haven’t seen him on set yet #or have we? and I just haven’t seen it? #we were just so fed last season that I’m really hoping for a lot of Lenny for the next one #the marvelous mrs maisel #midge x lenny

[johnbleepingzoidberg]

having one of those stay-up-ridiculously-late-to-make-sure-we're-not-dying type of nights

#my mug i drank like 2 sips out of smelled like mildew #so i think there mightve been mold growing inside of it 😬 #nothing appeared wrong on the outside but I'm wondering if it has holes in it that cant really be seen and water got trapped inside of it #anyway theres really no logical way for me to have consumed a harmful amount of mold #like. at all. #i took 2 sips before realizing something was off. my tea tasted fine. it was the mug that smelled bad #and yet here we are at 4 am #one panic attack later #'if i survive 3 hours without anything happening then im fine' type logic #ocd 😀 #i guess i can blame my ocd for this idk #whatever who cares #im doing better just sleepy now #// unsanitary #is that how you tag triggers #idk #just felt like i needed to add that #because personally reading this kind of thing is enough to make me freak out/extremely uncomfortable #off topic (but not really) but damn i wish i properly knew what having ocd and anxiety meant when i was 10. #i wish little kid me had the words for how she was feeling #i wish i was diagnosed with ocd much earlier in life #but i couldnt have known any better #mine

[elytrafemme]

not putting under cut bc i feel like thats weird idk but jsyk im doing more mental health musings here 

u know something i find really interesting is like. okay i’m on my 4th therapist right now, right? which sounds like i burned through a lot and i guess i kind of did but really she’s my 3rd, the first one stared at me blankly for one session diagnosed me with GAD and “a mood disorder” with 0 other specificity and then recommended i go somewhere else. but the other two that followed were at that same place and i guess i just find it interesting how ill prepared they were with dealing with like... complex mental health issues?

because i mean, i don’t think either of the people i saw were bad people. but like. i told the first one about this one time where i was in one of the lowest mental states of my life (and at the time it was the worst i had ever felt) and my friends had been laughing at me during it, right. and so i gave them the finger. and my therapist laughed and was like well if someone gave me the finger i wouldn’t want to talk to them either. and then my second therapist said i hadn’t dealt with any “major trauma” and would watch me have dissociative episodes and do absolutely nothing but go like “i know sweetheart i know” and then the session would just. End. 

and it’s like, they were helpful when it came to things like my school stress, or ... well i guess just that. it was very basic things they could help with, it was like a school counselor. and that kept me from making these realizations about my mental health because they did not know anything more complex and couldn’t talk to me about it. 

my fourth therapist has been different, obviously, treats me like a person. it just so happens she’s the only private therapist i saw, and also the most expensive one. so like. fuck. 

#nightmare.personal #it's strange because i recognize that i know more about my mental health than a lot of people do at 17 #like i've already gotten a lot of work done really early and stuff #and yet i mean. i spent like. so much time not? learning about myself #and i just have to wonder how much time i could have saved if i was told that me having dissociative episodes wasn't normal #when i was just thinking about a memory #how much time i could have saved if i wasn't told that giving someone the middle finger for laughing at my trauma was #unjustified God i'm still so angry about that #and it's been like what. 4 years? #anyway. i don't know. sometimes i wish that i went to a therapist earlier #but i also know that either way i would have only seen the one i'm seeing now #when i started because she also saw another relative so like #otherwise we wouldn't have known her so. no matter how early i started nothing would have changed #i consider being 15 the worst year of my life but by far all the years before when i was with those other therapists. were the darkest.

[pepprs]

less than 2 weeks left living with my roommates less than 2 weeks left living with my roommates less than 2 weeks left living with my roommates

#i said i would clean the apartment this weekend and yet i hear vacuuming and scrubbing. so i think someone is being passive aggressive abt m #me having not cleaned the apartment yet even though the weekend isn’t over and i am going to do it today. meanwhile im too scared to go use #the bathroom bc i don’t want to be seen not cleaning the apartment and also having not showered. i hate it here i wish i was in brighton so #i could have a bathroom inside my room and not have to do this silent warfare over who is I. the bathroom and who is cleaning it. lol #purrs #like the kitchen is bad enough but i just hate living here sometimes bc we never talk to each other and we are not friends. and it sucks #living with people you are not friends w and who you think hate you. i never want to live w ppl i barely know again it sucks so bad #also i technically am friends w one of my roommates and that’s why we live together like it was the two of us who organized all this and the #the others came along after but it was our friendship that led us to live here. and after this year i don’t think we are friends anymore. i #think she hates me and thinks im a slob and ever since we started living together we stopped talking like we used to and going out to eat an #and stuff and we weren’t rly good friends to begin w but i don’t see us being friends after this experience. bc she’s so neat and perfect an #and put together and im a trainwreck on legs and also keep being loud pn the phone so she has to text me to be quiet and i left crumbs on TJ #the floor last semester and she vagued me in the groupchat and got mad at me for my chili exploding too lol. so yeah no i think after this w #we will never speak or see each other again bc all of our convos now are abt apartment upkeep and nothing abt anything else lole. and i know #i could fix that easily and it takes two to tango but also i don’t want to even try bc im uncomfortable too ♥️ #LOLLLLLLLLLL ok i opened my door to go to the bathroom and as soon as i stepped into the hallway she closed the hallway door 😍 awesome. cool #so now i can’t go into the kitchen and im starving. awesome. this is really cool. i love living here i love this living arrangement

[sluttyten]

🤔

#I joined this GO on Instagram in like March rught #and we all paid #and then the person hosting the GO was like oh damn y’all I’m using my friend’s PayPal and it’s not working atm so I can’t buy the set #(it’s for photocards) #and it’s now been like 2 months and we’ve just gotten another update that the PayPal account mught not ever be back working #(there’s been a few other updates but they’re mostly irrelevant to this story) #and I’m just like is the original set even available anymore? like did the seller just like hold the set for the past two months while the #person/GOM figures this out? I’m confused #but it sounds like maybe we’re finally gonna be getting them? and I’m just confused and have lowkey been feeling scammed for 2 months now #really wishing I could just get my money back but I also really want the two photocards I paid for #like I get that shit does happen but like 😭 #and I’ve never participated in one of these before so I don’t really know how it works but she took our payments and I don’t believe any of #us have given our addresses or anything yet? #and she has SEVERAL group orders going according to her account so I’m like there’s no way that she’s scamming on all of them #anyway I’m just confused and needed to rant #because ALSO I’m kinda feeling scammed because my best friend’s friend who I’ve met a few times messaged me on IG a few months back like #in February I think and was like ‘hey I want to get this thing for her (our mutual friend) and I think it would be really nice for her but #it’s more expensive than I want to spend so I was messaging some people to see if they want to chip in’ so I told her to let me know more #and she told me there were other people on board so I was like ok sounds good and I paid her and now it’s been several months and nothing #so like did she forget about it? is it still on its way? is it because she just hasn’t seen our mutual friend in a few months and she’s just #waiting until they see each other again to give it to her? did I also get scammed here? (which she definitely doesn’t at all seem the type #to scam especially not in the context of the gift and who it was for) #so yeah this is all giving me trust issues lol