#we really thought this nightmare was over

[nightsmarish]

Summary: as summer at hogwarts approaches, both you and Regulus build up your walls again, lose sleep, and are warry of saying yes to the offer to go to Potter Manor.

A/n: might write a pt.2? Would we like that? Maybe? Idk, I lost the plot halfway through and u can tell lmao. Also, have not written for this specific ship, so I may not be as good as the queen of this ship

Update!: pt2

Poly!moonwater x gn!reader (Remus lupin x regulus black x reader) | 1.6k words

Tw: allusions to toxic family, losing sleep, snippy bc of losing sleep, negative thoughts, anxiety, a nap dude

⊹₊ ✰ ⋆⊹₊ ✰ ⋆⊹₊ ✰ ⋆⊹₊ ✰ ⋆⊹₊ ✰ ⋆⊹₊ ✰ ⋆

History of Magic is usually an easy subject. Sit down, take notes, look over the assignment, complete it during dinner or before bed, and you're done.

But today everything but that is happening. You managed to get all the way to sitting down and pulling out your parchment and quill before the words Professor Binns says all mesh together. Nothing makes sense.

And you know it's due to the ache behind your eyes, the pounding in your head and the ache in your bones.

The last few nights you haven't slept, not really at least. It's nearing the end of this year at Hogwarts so everyone is preparing to go home. Planning what they will do with one another over break before the new year starts up. Talking about their family traditions, and a feeling of excitement takes the castle.

Despite this, a feeling of dread has been following you like your own personal rain cloud. The knowledge you'll have to return home eating you alive. Knowing you won't be able to contact Remus or Regulus, less your parents find out you're dating them, making you feel like you're choking on your heart.

The memories you've made this year really should weigh out the weeks you will spend with your family. In the stiff place, you're forced to call home with strict rules and expectations. Yet, you feel horrible. And it's been causing you to force yourself into your studies for the upcoming tests. Avoiding sleep due to nightmares that have recently plagued your mind.

Which leads to now, the room spinning slowly on an axis, ans Professor Binns slightly to blurry, even for a ghost. You know you need to zone back in, drink some water, take a vitamin potion or even visit Madam Pomfrey at this rate. Yet you can't make yourself do it.

Continuing to stay in your zoned out state till the end of class. And that's when even you draw the line.

Standing up from your seat as everyone filters out, albeit a little you're moving a little slower than usual, you exit in search of your boyfriends. Either or both. And it's not exactly a very long search, quickly finding yourself face to face with Regulus Black and Remus Lupin.

"Hey, dove." Remus' voice is sweet, per usual, like the comfort of a spoon full of honey on a sore throat.

Regulus doesn't speak for a full moment, analyzing you. To anyone else it would look judgmental, but the softness in his eyes and slight pull at the edge of his lips tell you differently.

"Hi, Rem." The boys look at one another, an unspoken conversation playing out.

"Why don't we go to my dorm?" Remus looks back to you, "haven't had much time for the three of us. James and Sirius have quidditch, and Peter is going to his study group."

"I'm down." Without another word, the three of you walk towards Gryffindor tower.

ᯓ★

Remus knows that Regulus tends to be a little quieter the closer to the end of the year, having been around the other Black brother for a while now. Already knowing how closed off Sirius would get when he still lived at the Black Manor, building up the walls early to protect himself when he left.

Even now, Sirius does it. Remus isn't sure if it's a habit or the fact that Regulus has been refusing to take the offer to stay at Potter Manor as well.

But you? You, he's not sure. Remus knows you and Regulus have known one another longer than he's known you, and that's never really bothered him. Remus knows all three of you love one another, and he's never felt left out. But know? Know he wishes you'd talk about your own home life.

Regulus doesn't like talking about his experiences at home; the only thing Remus knows is from old stories from Sirius. And Remus will never pry, not wanting to force either of you to do anything you don't want to.

But Merlin, he feels nearly useless right now, wishing to see the tension in your shoulders calm, wishing to see you and Regulus calm again. Wishing Regulus would take the offer to join them at Potter Manor. He wishes for both your safety more than anything.

The walk to the dorm is quite, but not peaceful. Everyone trying to stay calm and wishing someone else would say something. But no one knowing quite what to say to break the silence.

Once you do get up to the dorm, the Gryffindor's dorm, Regulus sets his bag by Remus' nightstand, you following suit, the emblems on your bags a contrast to the surrounding room. Regulus goes to find clothes he's left in Remus' closet before, while you sit on the lycans bed to slip off your shoes. Remus sits next to you, his hand resting on your lower back.

And finally, after far too long, Remus breaks the silence. "Dove..."

You glance up at him as you slip your shoes under the edge of his bed. "Yes?"

Remus sends a quick glance to Regulus, who's slipping on a long black sleeve shirt, one more comfortable than the previous Slytherin uniform. "I understand if you aren't comfortable with it, but..." He pauses for a moment, glancing back to look into your eyes, his thumb rubbing gentle strokes on your spine. "If you want to, you know you're welcome to stay at James' house."

Under his hand, Remus feels you tense, and from his peripheral, Regulus paused to listen.

"That's- that's okay, Remus. But tell James I appreciate the offer, please." You stand up far too fast for your lack of sleep, causing you to fall right back where you were sitting. Alerting both boys.

One of Remus' hands stay glued to your back, the other on your shoulder, as if your keen over. Regulus is quick to stand infront of you.

"Love, you should stay with them." Regulus' voice is full of worry. "It's better than any other option."

"You're not going." Your eyes shoot up to Regulus', far more defensive than you mean to be. Remus' hand, which was previously on your shoulder, moves down to the bed, the other hand continuing to run against your spine again.

"That's doesn't mean you shouldn't go." Regulus matches your defensiveness out of habit.

"You both should come." Remus talks before you can shoot back, hand on the bed finally moving to Regulus' arm, never seeming to catch a break.

There's a heavy pause. One that goes on for an uncomfortable amount of time.

"I'll think about it if you do." Your voice is more timid as you hold your stare at Regulus' eyes, his boring right back into you. Intense, deep, and so, so, loving.

Regulus sighs, "fine."

"Thank you, both. Seriously, you should come. James and Sirius want you guys there. Not to mention James' parents, they love new people." Remus kisses your hair line, standing up, hand leaving your back, before kissing Regulus on the lips. Both your bodies lossen.

Remus moves to change out of his uniform, and you quickly stand up to join him. Regulus' hand comes out to make sure you're steady as you grab a pair of sweats that no one truly knows who belongs to. They were probably once James, but at some point Lily stole them, and at a different point Sirius stole them back, and now so many of your friends have worn them at some point, it's probably weird.

Grabbing those and a jumper belonging to Regulus, you turn back to see Remus already curled around Regulus' back, who lays with enough room for you to join them. Both trying not to show just how eager they are for an afternoon nap.

You climb onto Remus' bed as well, using your wand to close the curtains, magically dimming the lights in the room before placing it on the bedside table. Curling into Regulus' front, leg thrown over his hip, you tuck your head into his neck. Yet your eyes remain open.

You definitely want to sleep, and you know you should, Remus is likely already asleep, knowing the bastard sleeps like the dead. Yet the knowing you could have another wretched nightmare makes you stay awake, staring over Regulus' shoulder the the golden brown hair tucked into his back, belonging to Remus, and letting the black hair belonging to Regulus slightly tickle your cheek.

"Go to sleep dove. Both of you. Please, you can't function without it." Remus' voice seems to startle both you and Regulus, both believing he was asleep, and believing the same about one another.

You pull back from Regulus neck, facing him, seeing the features of his face barely visible in the dark room. "We will, baby." Your voice is soft, as if you were telling a secret.

Remus merely hums and shift slightly before relaxing back into Regulus' back.

"Get some sleep, darling." Regulus kisses your cheek, "it's going to be okay in the end."

"I know. I know. We both need sleep; Remus is gonna kill us." Softly connecting your lips with his, slow and lazy, both smiling at the hum from Remus, confirming the empty threat you made for him.

You return to your being tucked into Regulus' neck. "'M sorry for being snappy with you." You mumble against his skin.

"You have nothing to apologies for, I understand where you're coming from darling." His hand rests on your hip and lower back, relaxing further into you and Remus, closer and closer to having a lovely nap. Of which, you join with the hopes of no nightmares.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x regulus black #poly!moonwater #poly moonwater x reader #poly!moonwater x reader #regulus black #Regulus black x reader #Regulus black x you #regulus black x y/n #remus lupin fluff #regulus black fluff #remus lupin oneshot #regulus black oneshot #remus lupin one shot #regulus black one shot #remus lupin imagine #regulus black imagine #poly!moonwater imagine #poly!moonwater x you #poly!moonwater x y/n #gn reader #marauders #marauders era

[amongemeraldclouds]

no take backs

As the earth collapsed around you, your sworn enemy decides to confess his feelings for you with a kiss. So when the world doesn’t end, what happens next?

Jess Mariano x f!Reader

Warning: 18+ only MDNI, fluff, slight angst, unprotected sex, piv, v!fingering, reader has anxiety (only plays a small part in the story), earthquake (no injuries)

Author’s note: Based on this request then I expanded on the concept. This fic is set after he left Stars Hollow.

✿ Masterlist | ✿ Jess Mariano Masterlist | 2.4k words

“Just because I’m letting you drive me home, does not mean we’re friends,” you huffed as you climbed into the passenger seat of Jess Mariano’s beat up car. Vintage, he called it. You’d never admit it, but you found it cute how he was proud of it. To him, it was his key to freedom, going anywhere he wanted whenever he wanted. Except for when nature had other plans.

“Well, a coworker could take his other coworker home, okay?” He said, closing the car door as he slid his keys into the ignition and started up the car. You relent and gave him your address.

It was just your luck that the Earth’s tectonic plates decided to shift in ways that damaged your car, but not your mortal enemy’s. Perhaps it was karma and you were being encouraged to make amends with him in the name of world peace. Try as you might however, the word “peace” and Jess Mariano just did not fit.

It certainly did not feel peaceful being trapped in a car with him. Your cheeks blushed as you remembered how soft his lips felt against yours and the eager way they moved as if it was the final thing he would ever do in his life. And for a few moments back at the publishing house, tucked safely beneath a table while the world shook violently around you, you were both convinced it was your last moments.

It was confusing. The way your heart hammered and you didn’t know if it was from fear of dy*ng or the way his kiss invaded your entire being. From the moans it elicited from your throat, to the air it stole from your lungs, and the butterflies that rushed in your stomach. It was hard to tell if it really was just an earthquake or the mind-shattering truth that your enemy might not actually hate you at all.

Then it was over too soon. The air felt cold without him close to you and he was pulling you up from under the table.

“So we’re just not going to talk about it?” You asked, piercing the awkward silence.

Jess just shrugged and spoke casually, “talk about what?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, of course he wasn’t going to make this easy for you. But he had no right confusing you with a kiss after constantly making your life a living nightmare.

“Jess, you kissed me,” you deadpan, addressing the elephant in the room. “Coworkers don’t kiss other coworkers.”

“A lapse of judgment in a life-threatening situation,” he dismissed, keeping his eyes straight on the road.

Your mouth curled, the sweet aftertaste of his kisses turning sour. You fumed in silence as you looked outside the window with unfocused eyes. You weren’t sure what you were more upset about: his denial or your disappointment - having to face the horrid fact that you also didn’t hate your enemy.

“Shit, the road’s blocked,” Jess drew you out from the thunder of your thoughts as you looked at the cars lined up ahead. It was like a scene from one of those post-apocalyptic films you’ve seen and dread sank in your chest. Perhaps you should stick to watching cheesy rom coms because this pessimism was not helpful at all.

“Can we go somewhere else?” You whispered softly, anxiety bearing down your chest.

Jess looked at you with concern. “Sure, let’s find somewhere we can park until things get better,” he replied with an equally soft tone and you hated it because he knew all about your anxiety and penchant for panic attacks. You didn’t like being weak around him, not if he could be sweet and caring only to take it all back when you’re fine.

He parked the car in between buildings, sheltered from the wails of emergency response vehicles and the rush of people trying to go home. You exhaled after going through rounds of breathing exercises to calm your anxiety.

“My my, a secluded alley. Jess Mariano, whatever do you plan to do with me?” You quipped, mildly accusing him or m*rder when the other meaning dawned on you, something that made you blush. Well, it was too late to back out now.

He smirked, “whose to say you’re not the one who wants to do things with me with that line of questioning, huh?”

“I wouldn’t do anything if I was the only one who liked it,” you hedged. Perhaps life was too short to keep denying your feelings. If there was ever a better time to learn that lesson, it was now. You just needed him to admit he felt it too.

“I don’t like the idea of being k*lled, thanks,” he scoffed as he plastered on a smug smile.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” you looked outside the window, an idea forming in your head.

“It sure is getting hot,” you comment innocently as you undid the top buttons of your blouse. Jess’ eyes followed your movement and you don’t miss the way his breath hitches.

“Better get comfortable, right?” You said, adjusting the car seat to lean back and you felt your blouse open slightly to reveal your cleavage. You were not going to make it easy for him to deny his feelings.

“Stop that,” Jess demanded while his eyes told a different tale of desire and longing.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you replied lazily. Two can play that game.

That’s right Jess, you thought, here’s a dose of your medicine. You continued, “this is much better.” You leaned your head back and stretched on the seat, aware of how your skirt inched up your legs.

You let out a satisfied moan, sighing in pleasure at thoughts of getting comfortable. If by comfort, you meant the satisfaction of derailing Jess’ denial and stubbornness. His eyes traced your legs then followed your chest when they rose and fell with your sigh. 

Jess grunted and you bit back a smile. “Okay, fine. So I kissed you,” he admitted.

You shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “You said it meant nothing, so why would it matter?”

“I never said it meant nothing, I said it was a it was a lapse of judgment.”

“There’s a difference?” You raised your eyebrow, challenging him to continue.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he steeled himself. To Jess Mariano, telling the truth meant peeling back the layers of his sarcasm, which was as painful as stripping off his skin.

“You know when they say the world is about to end, you’d think your life flashes before your eyes. But all I could see was you. And it wasn’t just because you were in front of me. God, I closed my eyes, and all I could see was still you. Laughing at your own jokes, greeting everyone with a smile, typing away on your computer. It would be such a shame if I didn’t get to kiss you if that was the last thing I’d ever do, damn it. But then the earthquake stopped and we were fine.”

Your eyebrows creased as you let his words sink in. “Is it really so bad that we survived?”

He narrowed his eyes at you, “I don’t think I could ever survive you. You frustrate me because you’re just so…you! You’re not someone I could just kiss once and get out of my system. I’d always want more and then I’d inevitably screw it up. It was better that you hated me from the start.”

His eyes burned with untold stories of heartbreak and self destruction. Despite all the ways he infuriated you, you wanted nothing more than to hold him. You had a feeling you were just seeing who he truly was beneath his smug smiles and his devil-may-care attitude.

“Jess, I don’t hate you,” you confess. “Don’t just make it one kiss,” you continue, allowing yourself to be just as honest as him. “Have another one, and another, and heck - have all of me!”

He looked at you in disbelief, as if he wished for the stars and he was told he could have the whole damn galaxy. A spark of joy and hope ignited something wild in him that he no longer let himself think of past regrets and mistakes.

He inched towards you, looking into your eyes for permission and you bridged the distance in response, kissing him. It was fiercer than when you both thought you were on the brink of de*th, because this time, it was a celebration of life and the possibilities that lay ahead.

You felt it when he sucked on your bottom lip and you moaned in pleasure, a small sound for all the words you couldn’t say. How all those time spent hating him was just a shield from your admiration of the man who took destiny in his own hands and never let the world define him.

The man who wrote stories and downplayed them through luck and how ink fumes must have altered his publisher’s minds to pick him. He never once acknowledged his talent, but secretly you did with the way you underlined your favorite sentences and re-read his book as if his words could wrap you in a sweet embrace.

He always kept you at an arm’s length and made your life hell, but it was heaven just being beside him. And you never dared to admit it. Until now, when he’s unbuttoning your blouse as he unravels your secrets. His mouth moves to your neck, setting your body on fire.

“Wait, what if someone sees us?” You ask, a wave of sobriety washing over you.

Jess just smirked, his lips pink and swollen, hungry for more of your kisses. “That’s half the fun.”

You rolled your eyes but god - you needed him. “And the other half?” You asked, mirroring his smirk.

“This,” he just says as he resumes your kiss.

It’s agony when you pull away again just to alleviate your anxiety, “can we at least go to the back?” It’s not much, but it’s better than being right by the windshield.

“Spacious,” he nods, moving away so you could climb over to the backseat. You felt the heat of his stare behind you as you settled in. 

He promptly followed suit until your bodies are tangled again with him laying you down the seat, careful so you don’t hit your head. You bring your hand to his stupid hair and run your fingers through it. His hands return to your blouse and your back arches on instinct when he unclasps your bra and he takes a moment to look at you. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he breathes as he squeezes your breast while he licks the other, planting soft tender kisses.

In his car, the sirens and chaos faded. You were consumed by Jess’ touch, both curious and possessive at the same time. His free hand traveling down your leg as he caressed it, slowly making his way to your inner thigh. You can’t help the way you squirmed beneath him as you held your breath in anticipation. In response, you palm his erection beneath his uncomfortably tight jeans and you’re rewarded with a grunt.

He teased you through your panties and you open your legs for him as he moves the thin fabric aside to feel your soft folds. You bite your lip and try to stifle your moan, but Jess brings his mouth to your ear, “I need to hear you, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” You cursed in response, your mind swimming in a haze of euphoria.

His fingers send shockwaves of pleasure as he spreads your liquid heat, exploring your folds and paying attention to which sensations left you whimpering. He exploited them skillfully, rubbing and teasing, eager to make you a moaning mess for him. You gasped when he plunged his fingers inside you and you arched your back, needing him deeper.

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me,” he admires as he pumped his fingers in and out. You moved your hips against his hand, needing more of him. He was finally here, doing things you used to just dream about, secrets stashed beneath soft covers in your moonlit bedroom.

“Jess, please. I need to feel all of you,” you begged and his eyes darkened.

“I’m all yours,” he replied as he removed his fingers and cleaned them off with his tongue. “Fuck you taste so good.” 

You helped him free his hard length and you don’t stifle the needy moan that escapes you this time when he fills you up. He takes a few slow movements before building up to a steady pace, the delicious friction making your toes curl. “You feel amazing, Jess,” you tell him.

He kissed you as he rocked his hips into you, a clash of teeth and tongue. There was nothing gentle in the way you moved against each other, it was pure want and longing crashing into each other. It was months of fantasies finally coming true and desires unleashed building in your core.

The car moved along with you, giving you extra leverage to find your rhythm. The irony was not lost on you that as the world shook around you once again, things were falling into place this time.

Filthy, desperate whimpers escaped his lips and you spread your legs wider, needing him deeper inside you. He squeezed your breast in response and teased your taut nipples, eager to worship all of you. You closed your eyes when you felt yourself teetering on the edge.

“Look at me,” Jess tells you instead and so you do. You see the lust and passion in his eyes and it’s enough to unravel you. Little earthquakes of ecstasy erupt through you as you shuddered against him. He increases his pace, eager to coax every last aftershock of your orgasm. It doesn’t take long before you feel his release warming your insides. He rests his head in the crook of your neck as he recovers his breath.

When he pulls out, you swipe his spilled seed from your leg and bring it in your mouth, enjoying the salty taste. “Fuck you’re so hot,” Jess breathes out. 

You grin. “So this happened. You gonna deny it?” You challenged him as he held you.

“Nope,” he said with a grin. “This happened. You’re mine and I’m yours. No take backs.”

“No take backs,” you echoed as you leaned in for another kiss.

It was perfect. The world could end at that moment and you would not mind at all.

Still you were glad to stay alive. Because then, you could always go another round, and another. So it goes.

✿ Masterlist | ✿ Jess Mariano Masterlist

#jess mariano smut #jess mariano x you #jess mariano x reader #jess mariano fluff #jess mariano imagine #jess mariano #gilmore girls #amongemeraldcloudswrites

[fantasyandshit]

Whether you like it or not

Type: One shot

Pairing: Eris x fem reader

Based off of this request

I slowly step down the stairs, careful not to trip over my self, I’m dressed in a dark gown, the gold details shimmering in the fae lights, my hair is laying down my back I’m soft curls, my water line shaded with kohl and a slight tint added to my lips. “Ah there she is.” Rhysand smiles, his arm wrapped around Feyre.

“Well can you blame me? This dress was,” I pause to think of the words, “confusing to put on.”

“Oh but you look hot as fuck girl.” I smirk as my eyes find Morrigans, dressed in a fabulous red dress as always, gold details around the edges and a slit straight up the side, a plunging v-line showing off her full breasts and heavy gold jewelry accenting it perfectly.

“As always.” We chuckle for a moment before sighs escape us in unison and we pair up to winnow to the court of nightmares. It was a dreaded but necessary meeting with Eris and Keir. One I hoped would be quick or I may stab myself before the night ends.

I had never had a problem with Eris really. I had been there the day of the incident with Mor and knew the truth, something that still bothered me to this day was her lies but I never said anything. I couldn’t.

———

I file in with the rest of my family stood in between Cassian and Azriel, my heels clacking and my dress swaying. My shoulders were pulled back, my head held high and a near sneer lay on my face as I gazed forward, never to the crowd.

As I take my place at the foot of the dais, Rhysand takes his seat, Feyre on his lap as she commands us to bow. I drop to my knee in respect, only rising when she tells us too. It is then that I catch sight of the fiery red hair in the crowd, unmistakably the prince of Autumn. We make eye contact, his lips pulling into one of his signature smirks before he disappears into the crowd.

The night continues on, nothing of interest happening as I await the time after this “party” for our meeting so we may get it done and over with. As a new song begins, I’m pulled out of my thoughts by a voice I know all too well, deep and gravely. “May I have this dance, princess.” A smirk of my own graces my features as my hand is placed in his.

“I suppose you may.” My eyes track his body as I’m pulled into the swirling crowd. I can feel the heirs fiery warmth against me as we sway and spin to the music. “So why the sudden urge to dance with my prince.”

“Oh don’t pretend- you know I take pleasure in our escapades every time we have to attend one of these blasted meetings.” That was true, me and Eris often sought each other out when we had to attend the same events, much to my family’s dismay. I had gotten into several arguments with Cass, Rhys, Az, and Mor over the years but I couldn’t explain this pull I felt towards the Fox.

‘Fox.’ I had called Eris that since shortly after we first met, his predatory gaze and orange hair reminding me of the animal, along with other things. I just couldn’t explain the reason but this male was just a fox.

“That’s fair. So what have you been up to Fox.”

A long sigh leaves him as he pulls me in for a dip, “oh my gods it’s been horrid, as I get closer to over taking the throne, more and more must be done, I’ve had back to back meetings all week.”

I shudder at the idea of all that- it sounded like torture, “that sounds Horrid.”

“Oh it is, believe me princess.”

Eris pulls me in one more time as the beat starts to simmer out, signifying the end of the song. We’re close enough for our breaths to mix, my eyes meeting his.

Oh

My

Gods

This could not

Be happening

There’s now way. It’s not possible.

But sure enough as I gasp, falling further into Eris’ touch, I feel the snap of the golden string, and judging by his flinch, he does too. It feels like the world stops, everything blurring around as all I see is him.

He’s all I feel

All I breath

He’s everything

We simply stare into each others eyes for what feels like an eternity, our breaths matching, chests heaving in heavy pants. “You’re my mate.” It’s the softest I’ve ever heard the male speak as he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

“I’m your mate.”

A small smile breaks across his face, it’s sincere, filled with emotion. Not like his usual smirk. His eyes are wet as his brows pull up.

“Everyone out.” I’m broken from my stupor by the low growl of my high lord…shit. I move to leave with Eris wrapped around my arm. “You two. Stay.” He looks pointedly at the two of us. I felt like a child about to be scolded. I’d never seen Rhysand so angry. Mor looked on in disbelief, Azriel looked down right mortified, Cassian looked nearly as angry as Rhysand, his hands clenching at his sides as he stared at the heir of Autumn. Feyre looked shocked, scared but she couldn’t fully grasp the situation in front of her. Amren of course hid her smirk behind a goblet.

Me and my mate. My. My mate. My mate. Eris is my mate. Holy fucking mother above. Me and my mate make our way to the front of the dais, facing Rhysand. Eris’ eyes are hardened as he stares at the big lord, his hand wrapped tightly around my waist.

“Reject it.” His tone is flat as he speaks, it terrifies me seeing him this angry, this calm and raging at me.

“No.” It comes out a growl as I address my high lord. I don’t know what came over me but I refused to let him disrespect me and my mate like this. Refused to let him go.

“No?”

“Yes. She said no. She will not reject the bond and neither will I.”

Darkness and night swirl around the room as Rhys ad starts to lose his cool. “Yn please.” It’s a plea from Morrigan, I turn to face the blond who stands in the corner. “You know what he did to me.”

“Oh cut the bull shit Morrigan! You forget I was there! I saw with my own eyes, I’m tired of going along with your half truth! Stop this nonsense!”

Cassian shakes as he looks to me, Azriel looks saddened and Rhysna and Feyre simply stare in shock at my outburst. But I’m not done. Not yet.

“I’m sick and tired of MY MATE being pictured as this evil tyrant of a male! Rhysand, you know most view you that way? It’s a mask- have you ever stopped to think maybe Eris must put one on too. It’s survival! And I’m so sick and tired of Mor claiming pitty over something that is a half truth. Eris saved her. She knows it, he knows it, I. Know it. Now, if you have any issues with my mate then kindly fuck off! I won’t be rejecting this, I won’t be leaving him. He is my mate. Mine. You should be happy I found someone! Rhysand you remember that feeling with Feyre? It’s my turn to have that! My turn to feel that love.”

“But Yn-“

“I think that’s enough Rhysand. Yn has made her feelings very clear. Neither of us will be leaving this. We will both be pursuing this bond whether you agree with it or not.” I look to Eris as he holds me, a smile coming back to his face as we winnow away.

What. The. Fuck have I done?

—————

Thank you so much anon for the request! I hope this lives up to your expectations!

#acotar x reader #azriel x reader #acotar #azriel #elain archeron #elain x reader #feyre archeron #feyre x reader #nesta archeron #nesta x reader #cassian #cassian x reader #eris vanserra #eris x reader

[touyazbbygirl]

the lights in the Wind

Per requested here's part two. this is part one

Dabi x reader Happier ending? still bittersweet

talks of death, spoiler warning still and still not proof read so if there's typos my bad

A gasp was torn from your body as you shot up. Seeing Touya next you asleep his head resting against your shoulder, or was until you shot up from the nightmare that had infested your thoughts. Touya stirred a bit as he looked at you with a raised brow, “what’s wrong Doll?” He spoke voice gravelly from sleep. “J-Just a nightmare” You spoke, voice wobbling with each word. Taking in his appearance, hair still black he was perfectly fine. 

“We need.. we need to talk Touya..” His eye widened as he looked at you. “How.. did you?” He trailed off as he swore, damn dream walkers. “Listen I-“ he was cut off as you shook your head “No Touya you listen. You’re going to fucking die. You’re going to die and leave me because of your past.” You barked at him as he was taken a back by your outburst. They were talking about kidnapping a student from U.A. He didn’t think that taking the kid was going to cause him to end up in a grave. 

“Listen.. I don’t know how far this is.. but, you release a statement on live TV that you are Touya Todoroki. Outing yourself and your family about this. You have a DNA test to also show this.. and you fight both Shoto and your father.. you hurt Shoto really bad Touya.. I know.. I know you have your problems with your family but you’re going to end up dying. Not by them, but you.. you kill yourself Touya. Please, you need to promise me you won’t do this.” You looked at him with a teary expression as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head to his chest. “How did you know..” You sniffled as he spoke looking up at him “I had a dream about it. Just now. I held you in my arms before.. the last time.. I felt you.. in my arms Touya.” He sighed deeply as he pulled you into his lap, rocking your frame in his arms as he pressed a kiss against your head. 

“Id rather you be locked up and having a hard time seeing you than never see you again. To never hear you calling me again.. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lost you, don’t you understand that Touya? You’re my everything, you saved me, I was about to die and there you were. I could still feel the warmth of your flames against my skin when you killed them. I know that guilt from killing them eats at you every single day. You’ve cried to me over it, I know it’s haunting, and Im sorry for that but Im not sorry for trying to save you. Please don’t go through with this. I don’t know If I could lose anyone else.” You confessed, words stern as the tears that you tried your hardest to keep at bay. Gripping the collar of his jacket tightly in your hands as he looked at you shocked. You had never taken such a tone with him, let alone been so aggressive before, not that he minded. 

“Listen doll-“ he was cut off again as you spoke again “Don’t Touya, I will kill you and bring you back to life to kill you again. It’s not happening do you understand me. I don’t care how badly you hate your family, I don’t want you to kill yourself. They already think you’re dead, is not that enough for you? Listen.. Im sure.. you have your own reasons Touya I do. But I can’t lose you.” You would say it as many times as you needed to get it through his head that you weren’t going to let him leave you for his own self fulfillment. “I will say, I do like the hair white too, I like the black.. but something the white makes you look like an angel.. you’re my angel Touya..” You sighed softly as you leaned down pressing your lips against his own. Cupping his cheeks stroking his skin with your thumbs “Listen Touya, I know youre hurt by your past, but right now, I need you to think about me and you. Do you love me?” 

Touya looked at you with a softened expression, cupping your cheek now. “I love you more than anything, I may have my own.. plans and self fulfillment for validation..” He sighed softly as he pressed a kiss against your head before leaning back against the couch. Bringing you with him as he rubbed your back tenderly, reassuringly. “I can maybe rethink my plan or think of another way to get back at my family.  Just.. won’t go too far. I don’t want to lose you either, you.. made me feel things that I never thought I would be able to feel. You made me realize that its not so bad to be around other let alone be alive. You.. have shown me that loving someone doesn’t have to hurt and love shouldn’t hurt. Ive been happy because of you, all those happy things that make me feel alive. Dreams.. that aren’t just dreams and having you stay by me.. I just want to make you smile, I just want to make you smile even through the tears. I never..” He trailed off trying to steady his breathing as he leaned his head back, the red blood filling his lash line. Sniffling as he pets your head gently fluttering his eyes shut. “I thought.. I was just some damaged goods, I thought that I was.. a lot of things but then you cried out for help that day.. you waltzed into my life and changed me, ripping my heart right out of my chest and held it captive ever sense.” His voice trembled before he sighed “When I feel you and hear your voice calling me when we first wake up.. fills me. With so much. I can’t.. when you say those words of love and when Im feeling insecure.. you know exactly what to say, where to touch, how to kiss me. I love you. I love you so much.” He felt your hand reaching up to his cheek, wiping away the blood stained tears. 

“Do you promise me?” You spoke softly as you stood on your knees, cupping his face in your hands his blues starring back at you. “I promise to keep going, just for you.” He spoke, a sniffle coming from the both of you as you pressed a kiss against his lips. 

That night the wind was as gentle as the gentle touches against each others skin. Whispering calls of each others names in words of affirmation. He was like the whispers in the wind, but at least he kept you by his side even on the stormiest of nights. 

tags: @artemida88929

#dabi x reader #Touya x reader #toya x reader #touya todoroki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha dabi #dabi x reader smut #my hero academia x reader #mha fluff #bnha fluff #mha x you #mha angst #mha #bnha #mha fanart #boku no hero academia #bnha manga spoilers #my hero academia #bnha fanart #bnha spoilers #shoto todoroki x reader #shoto x reader fluff #shoto x reader smut #shoto torodoki #todoroki family #touya #todoroki #shoto x reader #shoto todoroki

[trailblazethegalaxy]

Falling Asleep ~ *Blade*

Summary: You've been looking for the cure for Blade's insomnia for ages now. It's beginning to impact your sleep schedule as well. And Blade doesn't like you losing sleep over him.

Pairing: Blade X G/N!Reader

Genre: Fluffyish Drabble

Word Count: 906

Warning: N/A

Masterlist

A/N: Part 2 to Can't Sleep. I strongly suggest reading that one first.

You couldn't tell how much time had passed. Was it weeks? Was it months? You weren't sure anymore. You've been working day and night for so very long to try and find a cure for Blade and his insomnia. But nightmares were a hard thing to fix. And nightmares that came from trauma presented a whole new kind of problem.

At first the answer was simple, he just needed to confront his trauma and then he would be able to sleep through the night. But you knew Blade. He wasn't going to deal with the trauma he faced. Because of this, he was stuck in a perpetual loop of bad dreams each and every night. So you decided to focus on a different strategy. Anything to get his mind off of the pain he faced every night.

As you worked and tried new idea after new idea, Blade watched as you slowly succumbed to madness. At first he was bitter. He told you it was impossible to solve his sleepless nights. You were only hurting yourself in the process. He was angry at you for allowing yourself to be dragged under because of his problems. 

His frustration with you slowly melted into worry. It wasn't a strong feeling, but he knew what he felt. He knew he was making your life miserable because he just couldn't get to sleep. He wished there was a magical cure you could find so that you could finally stop worrying about him. He began to find that he couldn't bear to see you in such pain because of him anymore.

"It's not working, doctor." He said when he was called into your office once more. "Nothing has worked."

"Then we'll try something else." Your voice was short and curt.

He shook his head. "No, we won't. We're done. You're done."

This caused you to snap your glare from your research to him. There was a wild fire in your eyes and if he were a mortal man, he would've flinched under its intensity. "We are not done. We will never be done until you fall asleep."

"Doctor, you tried your hardest. But things don't always work out. You need to give up." Blade wasn't very good at being comforting, so he stuck with being terribly honest.

You slammed your notebooks onto the ground. There were dozens of them, all filled with research that you thought would help him get to sleep. Something flickered inside him. Was it hope? Was it pain? Was it compassion? He wasn't sure. All he knew was he felt something he hadn't felt in a very long time stir within him.

With a sigh, you slumped against the counter. "I have been trying for who knows how long. I've studied sleep and dream theory. I've looked into every possible avenue for something to fix this. And I won't give up until I have found your cure. I owe you that much."

"You don't owe me anything." He muttered, an edge of hatred to his voice. "Besides, you're only doing this because you have a problem you can't fix. It's unfortunate I'll be your first basket case, but you need to let it go and get a grip. It's over. We're done. Find a different problem to solve."

He watched your jaw drop and tears well in your eyes. That strange feeling inside him flickered again. You looked so tired and so broken. Your research has really put you through the wringer. And he felt... bad.

"It may have started out that way, but that's not how I feel anymore." You whispered, your voice cracking as the tears began to fall. "You are not a problem in need of fixing. I care about you so much..." Your voice trailed off.

You didn't even need to finish your sentence and Blade understood.

Standing up, he took your hand. "You need to go to bed."

"I- what?" You looked up at him, confusion and exhaustion clouding your eyes.

"C'mon, let's get you to bed." Before you could protest further, he walked you out of your office and up to your upstairs apartment. Upon bringing you to your bedroom, he pulled aside the blanket and gestured for you to get into bed. 

All you could do was nod, as you shucked off your lab coat and kicked off your shoes. When you crawled into bed, he pulled the blanket up to your chin and stared at you for a few seconds.

"Have pleasant dreams, doctor."

As he turned, you called out. "Wait. Stay."

He glanced at you from over his shoulder. "Stay?"

You nod, your eyelids beginning to droop. "Please stay. I want to try another experiment."

"No, you need to sleep-"

"Trust me. I want to try this experiment." You hold out one of your hands while the other pulls aside the blanket. "I want to see if this will work."

Again, from your actions alone, Blade understood. Taking off his own boots and jacket, he climbed into bed with you. Unlike the other times he tried to sleep, this felt different. He felt warm, comfortable, and relaxed. Your arms around him seemed to be helping.

As you rested your cheek to his shoulder, you whispered, "Have pleasant dreams, Blade."

And for the first time in so very, very long, he felt like he would. And when sleep overcame him, he was pleasantly surprised to find that he did.

#Honkai: Star Rail #Honkai: Star Rail Fanfiction #Honkai: Star Rail Drabble #Anime #Anime Fanfiction #Anime Drabble #Stellaron Hunters #Blade #Blade X Reader #Blade Fanfiction #Blade Drabble #Blade Angst #Drabble #Angst #Fluff

[erose-this-name]

the lone god and the loneliest god

⋅∴∵∴∵∴∵⁂∵∴∵∴∵∴⋅

Narinder opens the heavy door of the temple, it’s hinges creaking through the empty pews. His footsteps echo through its hall.

Lamb greets him, head down over their desk in their office, clawed fingers running through tangled wool between their horns. “... Hello, Nari’.”

“Evening, Lamb. What still keeps you up, after the sun is down?” Narinder says. 

The Lamb yawns, “Accounting, for the year’s grain crop.”

“You gave such tasks to Heket, did you not? You are not quite a god, yet. That body still requires rest.” Narinder says.

“She’s behind on the paperwork, it’s quicker if I just finished it myself… That’s not why you’re here, is it?” Lamb says, still hunched over the desk, not looking up from their work.

“No. But, I suspect you know already why I am.”

“... We can get by without that sacrifice, Narinder. Don’t worry about it.”

Three eyes are narrowed at the Lamb. “You make me your disciple, yet you refuse to let me perform the duties entailed. You ask me for advice, yet you refuse to listen. The Red Crown needs death, Lamb, let him die.”

Lamb sits up in their desk, staring at the stained-glass before them, “You know, I’ve been running the cult with pretty minimal bloodshed ever since you chose me, it’s worked out just fine. You underestimate the alternatives.”

Narinder crosses his arms, “This fear of getting your hands dirty is unbecoming of the god of death. You should revel in it! Even after slaughtering hundreds, thousands, in your crusades… To think a mere sacrificial lamb has become the last god, still frightened of the headsman’s ax.”

“... ‘Sacrificial lamb’? … a ‘sacrificial’ ‘lamb’? ... Is-… is that really all you think of me, Narinder? S-still?” Lamb croaks. 

Narinder rolls his eyes, “Well, I have not said you were a very good one-”

Lamb turns around, pain across their tired face, “We used to just be sheep… But, I don’t even remember that time. Running and hiding from genocidal sacrifices, in the name of YOUR prophecy, is all I’ve ever known. Because of YOUR rebellion! … T-they forced me to watch my family die, Narinder, and then they killed me. And you didn't even have the decency to let me join them… But… But I DID die, Lambert died. And no matter how many times you resurrected the Lamb, I’ve only ever come back as this… lifeless shell. Devoid of choice, of freedom, of rest. All because of this accursed prophecy. Even as a god, I’m even less free. I have nothing but responsibility, can change nothing. Death can not flow backwards…”

“Why not??”

“I DON’T KNOW!” The Lamb yells.

The cat crosses his arms, “You may blame nothing on me, Lamb. You chose to steal the Red Crown. You chose to betray me. Were you to obey me, you would be with them now. And I would have the Crown.”

Lamb screams, “THAT WASN’T A CHOICE! That was an ultimatum, at best! At worst, igniting years of nightmares… You’re no better than the bishops, not one has thought a word of remorse... I was loyal… I trusted you… I didn’t betray you, YOU BETRAYED ME! Yet… in my infinite benevolence… I saw fit to spare you. AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COME INTO MY TEMPLE, BUILT BY MY CULT, AND CALL ME A ‘SACRIFICIAL LAMB’? I AM YOUR GOD. WITNESS ME AND DESPAIR!”

“VESSEL, CALM DOWN!”

“SILENCE!” Bellows the God of Mercy, what was once known as Lamb.

Narinder, through his third eye, sees standing before him not a little lamb, but a towering Bishop. A glimpse of the New Death, the future order, here and now. Summoned by the wishes of the Red Crown.

And that God stares back at former death with three eyes, each smoldering with restless hatred. A predatory ram, the Red Crown between Their spiraling horns. Wool and fleece from the neck down stained black by Their own ichor, and red by the blood of the yet-to-die. In place of chains, They bear a broken sacrificial blade, symbol of all They will abolish. And in Their hand They wield not a scythe, but a cane. Not a harvestman, but a guide. Not an end, but an oscillation. Not a judge, but a jailer, a slaver, a tyrant from which not even death will be an escape from Their flock.

And Mercy’s coming will be heralded by the tolling of the bells around Their neck, and the chanting and pounding of the war drums of a bloody crusade of the undead and deathless, forever matching across a land where no divine laws of nature will ever again hold sway except for decay and stagnation.

And chief lost amongst those eternal legions and hordes will march Narinder, forgotten. The lone god and the loneliest god, as much trapped ghosts as the rest.

The Shepherd of Souls will speak back to Their once master, in voices not Theirs, “Nar-in-der?… I remember you, yes. Do you know why I spared you, and the other bishops? Why I continued to allow you five… to live?”

Narinder’s resolve breaks, for only the third time in his eternal existence, he is afraid. “Lamb, I beg of you, calm down. Your body cannot take this… You are not ready, yet…”

“It was not an act of my m e r c y, cat. I wanted to see you five humbled. I wanted you to understand the hope, and the love, and the mourning, and suffering, and the despair of ‘mere mortals’, I wanted you to understand all you’ve done… Were I to slaughter every cat, every worm, every toad, every squid, every spider, I would have been justified. That would have been equal. But no, that is not enough. Perpetual torment would not be enough. No punishment can ever be enough. I will never let you go, One Who Waited. Your soul is mine. Now, bow.”

“… I-… I’m s-sorry…”

“BOW.” The deep command reverberates through the cathedral, shaking it to its foundations.

The former god plummets to the floor, kowtowing before the demon.

“Good… kitty…”

The Shepherd of Souls deflates, retreating back into their physical form, into the Red Crown, into time and possibility. 

The little lamb sways before the cat, spent. The Red Crown sated. Tears roll down their pale, trembling face, over dark bags from twinkling bloodshot eyes. 

Dying words and sobs slip through dry lips, between their pointed teeth and a bleeding tongue, “Nari… s-save me… help me, please…”

The lamb faints, falling into Narinder’s arms.

Narinder sighs, looking down at the wretched creature in his lap. “You're an idiot, Lamb.”

⋅∴∵∴∵∴∵⁂∵∴∵∴∵∴⋅

#cult of the lamb #fanfic #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #narilamb

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 29 - Beginning of Their Nightmares

The hopelessness that had once infiltrated its way into Don’s anxious heart vanished as soon as he heard the sound of his twin’s voice. All his doubts and the many ‘what ifs’ plunged into the forgotten corners of his mind as he called out to his brother.

“Raph, are you alright?? They didn’t hurt you, did they? Do you feel ok? How many fingers am I holding u-”

“- GEEZ DON- You’re makin’ my headache worse! I’m fine, you can stop freaking out now.”

“I wasn’t freaking out. This is not freaking out.”, Don gestured to himself as best he could whilst being tied down to the floor, “You’re ok? No injuries?”

“Yeah, bro. I’m fine.”

Don recognized the exhaustion laced into his brother’s usual tone, but besides that nothing seemed amiss. All the purple-clad brother had to go by at this point was his hearing, seeing how his brother was still morphed and distorted into nothing but tired and angry pixels.

“What can you see?” Don asked with a hint of ember in his tone, still annoyed with the aching reminder that he still didn’t have his glasses.

“Uhhhh..”

Don heard the whispers of fabric sliding across skin. He quickly connected this to Raph’s mask tails moving as he turned his head to search their new cell. Quickly following was the subtle taps of Raph’s fingers, signifying he was beginning to get anxious. He would always do his little taps when school got too boring, or when he was waiting his turn to join in a sparring session in the dojo; He wanted to move.

“Raph, are you tied down too?”

Don’s ears caught the shuffling sounds of his brother squirming.

“DUH. Otherwise I woulda been over there smackin’ you in the head for letting us get caught like this.” Raph’s voice didn’t burn with bitterness, but instead warmed with brotherly affection. Or at least- as affectionate as the hothead could manage, going against every temper-fueled bone in his body. Don could just imagine the smile gracing his twin’s face.

Even when we’re captured he can’t help himself to tease me. Never change, brother.

“Yeah thanks for that lovely sentiment, dear twin of mine. But we still need to focus on an escape plan. Now you, the only one in this room with proper vision, describe to me what you see so I can calculate a way to get us out of here. Please and thank you.”

Don could tell from the muffled vibrations that Raph was biting his lip as he hummed to himself.

“There isn’t much, brainiac.. Four walls, a roof and a floor..”

“Thank you for explaining to the audience that we are indeed in a room.”

Don still had that same feeling of someone watching him and his brother, so going by that, he theorized there was another camera hidden in the walls of their cell.

“Oh shut up, dude.. At least I’m not blind.”

Don’s countenance fell at the reminder. He knew his brother didn’t mean for his words to become sharp blades, but Raph’s ignorance didn’t negate the fact that his simple sentence drove a piercing sting into the freckled brother’s heart.

Even with the pain of his brother’s words pulling him down, Don still took the opportunity to get some ribbing in as well.

“Well, at least I have a functional brain, compared to your useless, tied-down muscles. Intelligence can’t be restrained.”

“Ha! Yeah right. Call me when someone wins a wrestling match using nothin’ but their brain.”

“Not exactly what I meant- but regardless, we need to find a way out of here.”

As much as I’d love to continue in this lovely banter, we really need to focus here, Raph.

“Are you tied to the floor too?”

“Not exactly.. I’m on a table.”

Raph tugged and yanked, but no rings of chains echoed. It sounded closer to straps of leather, accompanied with a small tink of what appeared to be a belt buckle.

“You’re what? On a table?.. Like a surgeon’s table?”

Don should’ve thought through those sentences a bit more thoroughly before allowing his brother to hear them.

“A WHAT? Surgeon?!”

Don’s shoulders rose as he hissed through his teeth in regret. Raph’s tugs and yanks became far less controlled by the second.

Yeah, perhaps I should’ve thought that through a bit more..

“Raph stop- you’ll dislocate your shoulder or break your wrist- just.. Calm down.”

“THIS IS AS CALM AS I’M GONNA GET, DON. Cause if this is ANYTHING like in the movies, THEN I AM WAY PASSED SCREWED.”

“Yeah, we’re BOTH gonna be screwed if you don’t let me use your perfect little vision spheres to find a way out of here!”

“I TOLD YOU THERE’S NOTHING IN HERE!”

Don could sense the stress building in Raph’s body, like lava filling to the rim of a volcano. Only instead of the raging inferno being fueled by his temper, it was being fueled by something far less predictable: his fear.

If Raph has a meltdown he’ll be more useless than I am. Calm him down FAST. Use facts. They almost always help me in stressful situations such as this, so hopefully it will be the same for him.

“Please stop yelling. A headache will make my brain, the only useful internal organ I have left, far less helpful. And panicking isn’t going to help anyone. You’re only going to further injure yourself.”

“I’M NOT PANICKING, I’M STRESSING THE CRAP OUT.”

Ok yeah- that didn’t work. Try being more real and honest with him. Less facts, more truth.

“Noted. But if you continue like this you’ll have a panic attack, and that will render you either catatonic or inconsolably violent. Neither of which will help us here.”

The constant tugs of leather stopped.

“.. Did you just call me a cat?…”

You know what, I can work with this! At least when Raph’s confused he’s not moving or hurting himself.. Yes, keep him asking questions, it’s helping him calm down!

“You know, catatonic. Comatose.”

The pixelated blurb that was Raphael’s head tilted ever so slightly.

Hehe.. This is fun. I should do this more often.

Don continued on as he began to list synonym after synonym, further deepening his fiery brother’s confused, dazed state. As long as it kept Raph from hurting himself and panicking, then he would be happy to oblige to confuse the heck out of his brother. Don couldn’t help the growing grin on his face as he specifically chose the most convoluted of words; ones that would leave Mikey with his pupils slowly separating. Normally it would annoy him that his family and brothers didn’t understand the meanings to his wide variety of vocabulary. But now the thing that he had been teased and ostracized for..

.. had become his greatest strength. And with this assumedly useless gift, he had been helping to calm down his fearful brother.

“Don, what the shell are you even sayi-”

The melodious sounds of Raph’s confused tone were jarringly cut off with a sharp gasp. Don twisted his head to face the blur which was his brother.

“Raph??”

Don REALLY WISHED HE COULD SEE.

“Raph what’s wrong?? What’s going on?”

Did he see something? Is he hurt?

“Quiet Don, someone’s comin’.” Raph shout-whispered to his brother, as his voice changed to ‘protector mode’.

All Don’s work to calm down his brother vanished before his malfunctioning eyes, as the sounds of footsteps drew nearer to the door of their cell.

Don’s posture straightened as much as he could manage while still being tied down to the floor. Memories flashed behind Don’s eyes of the Man touching and prodding him like some science project.. He had felt so small under the monster’s watchful eye.. The cells of humanity flowing in his veins seemed to disappear as he refused to speak in front of his captor. It was worth it though.

It was worth it to not reveal to the Man just what he was up against.

It was WORTH IT to keep his humanity from being seen by the monster.

The door opened. Don’s spine shivered at the sound of boots.

Ochitsuke. Focus, Donatello. FOCUS.

As the Man walked towards the chained-down mutant, his pixels combined and formed into a crisp image. But for once today, Don was absolutely fine with not being able to see clearly if it meant he wouldn’t have to peer into the ghost’s face again. The mutant leaned as far back as he could as the Man’s face edged closer. The familiar sound of Raphael’s growls echoed from the back of the room.

“Welcome to your new home. Here you’ll form so many new memories.”

Don’s muscles all tensed as he fought with all his might to not back down from the creature of a Man. His stiff form wasn’t helping the growing ache in his wrists from the chains and cuffs, but it was worth it to prove his strength and will to his captor.

I WON’T BACK DOWN, YOU DEMON.

The Man reached out his hand to Don’s face, caressing the fabric of his mask. The purple-clad mutant let out his own warning growl, but that did nothing just as it hadn’t before. The Man’s slender hands brushed across Don’s cheek, making that same awful chill enter into the mutant’s soul.

Don wanted to throw up if it meant the horrible feeling of dread in his stomach would cease.

The Man took both his hands and wrapped them behind Don’s head, fluidly slipping off his purple mask. The Man pocketed it with the smoothness of a master thief.

“You won’t be needing this. Not an inch of you will be a mystery once my studies begin.”

Don’s face being fully presented to his captor made the mutant shrink in discomfort. Sure it was just a piece of cloth with two eye holes.. But he had worn that mask since he was twelve years old. It was part of his identity. But now he watched as the Man continued to deny everything that made him him; Proof to Don that what was coming for him and his brother would test everything they had in them:

Their constitutions.

Their will.

Their faith.

And especially..

..their understanding of who they are.

“These walls have kept many different… creatures at bay, and over time all of them fell. Some to their madness.. Some to my blade.”

Don’s spirit suddenly felt the embers from his brother’s seething flame.

The Man turned to face Raphael, but stayed uncomfortably close to Don’s side.

“Ah yes. Rabid Red..” the Man tsked in a facade of pity, “Seems the surplus of sedatives did nothing to cure you of your infuriatingly pitiful temper. But that’s fine with me.”

The Man reached for his coat pocket, while refusing to break eye contact with Raph. By the sound of his brother’s growls not wavering, Don figured the Man’s intimidation attempt wasn’t so successful.

But then…

All went silent as the Man revealed a syringe filled with a noxiously potent green liquid inside. The Man rose off the ground and began walking towards Raph, a frighteningly bright smile spread across his face like some awful infection.

“.. I want you to be fully awake for every second.”

Don’s pupils constricted as he turned his head to face his brother.

RAPH NO!

The cap of the syringe was removed with practiced hands, revealing the needle shining in all its horrible glory.

“.. I want you to feel every fluid ounce of agony slowly creep through your skin and into your blood. I want you to see the monster I know you are.”

Don’s ears drowned out the sounds of his captor slowly drawing closer to his brother, and instead focused on the shivering breaths and tight gasps escaping Raph.

He’s terrified.

“.. This is what you get for biting me, freak.”

NO! PLEASE STOP!!!!

Don’s heart painfully beat in his chest as the Man creeped into the pixelated shadows, once again becoming the faceless Specter that would forever haunt the freckled mutant’s nightmares.

RAPHAEL!!!!!!

Don’s hearing finally betrayed him as the sounds of his brother’s anguished cries seared into his ears.

Andddd that's it for this chapter!....

.. Is it bad that I truly enjoyed writing for Specter in this-??? Is something wrong with me?... Have I officially lost my shell? Heheh.

To God be the glory!

~ Melissa

MASTERPOST <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

#my version of tmnt!! #the strength in weakness #SIW Don #SIW Raph #tmnt #hurt/comfort #angst #captured #tw needles #tw fear

[createdbytragedy]

MY GIRLFRIEND (2)

(1)

Pairing: Choi Beomgyu x reader

Genre: Fluff, crack

Warning: Established relationship, cursing , idol! au, Hueningkai is referred to as only kai because I didn't know his spelling (lol), a brief mention of Yeonjun's gf

"Me and (y/n)'s going on a date this Saturday," Beomgyu announced, entering the room with eyes on his phone where he was probably texting his girlfriend.

"This Saturday? I thought we were all going out together to get ramen at the old shop again," Soobin chimed, looking up from his phone.

"Yeah," Yeonjun added, " we haven't been there in a while. You remember how we used to go there when we were trainees?"

"With sweat and bruises on my knees, yes, I do remember." Taehyun added, earning a few chuckles from the boy beside him.

"The owner invited us. Who knows, we might get a free meal," Kai resorted.

"We're not saying you should cancel the date but -," Yeonjun said and grinned," unless you wanna miss the heavenly ramen."

"No, it's okay," Beomgyu said, flopping beside Soobin," (y/n) would be mad if I cancelled with you guys. "

"Wouldn't she be more mad that you cancelled on the date?" Taehyun questioned, raising a brow. Beomgyu shook his head, picking up his phone to send you a text.

"No, actually, " he said, eyes on the phone and fingers typing, " She actually got more mad when I cancel on you guys. Says I should bond with my "boys" often. " He chuckled, mind wandering back to the moment.

"She's so sweet. Such an angel." Kai added, resting his head on Beomgyu's shoulder to peer at his phone.

"So you mean she doesn't get angry often?" Yeonjun asked, looking pretty surprised at the statement.

"No, she's really patient," Beomgyu smiled," she usually tolerates everything."

"Unlike you." Soobin snickered followed by the others.

"So, like, you guys don't argue? " Yeonjun questioned, now looking really shocked as if Beomgyu had suddenly asked for both of his kidneys, " Me and my girl argue over the smallest of things. She hasn't talked to me in 3 days and maybe I should apologize."

Beomgyu turned off his phone and looked at Yeonjun, " Me and my girl don't argue. She tells me to shut the fuck up and I do," he added, pointing his phone towards him.

"You never shut up when we tell you to," Soobin countered, "That's cause she's my girlfriend. She gets privileges, " He replied, getting up to walk out the door.

"Your corny. Get out of my sight. " Taehyun mocked, pushing Beomgyu out by the shoulder.

"I don't wanna be with singles like you people either. I'm gonna go face time with (y/n)!! " He exclaimed, shoving Taehyun off his shoulder.

"Tell (y/n) noona I said hi," Kai adds, peeking over Taehyun's shoulder.

"Get out already," Soobin shouted earning a glare from Beomgyu.

"Fine! I am going to my room," He shouted angrily, loud enough to wake up a person sleeping if there were any," don't you dare come in at midnight to snatch your charger or snacks or socks or I'm gonna lock you in the closet till morning, get it?!" His voice was still clear even though he was out of the room and was walking in the hallway.

"Goodnight, hyung!," Kai shouted from the door.

And from the other side of the room they could hear Beomgyu yell," I'm only wishing a goodnight to (y/n), rest of you can have nightmares!!"

And with that, a door slammed shut and laughter erupted in the room.

"Gosh, he's down so bad," Soobin laughed, slapping his hand on Yeonjun 's shoulder.

"He wouldn't survive a day without (y/n). " Taehyun said, shaking his head.

"We wouldn't survive a day without (y/n). Apparently, she's the only one who can keep his ego in check and make him shut up without having to stuff tissue papers into his mouth," Yeonjun concluded, the other nod.

"But, they look so happy," Huening smiled.

"Yeah, sure they do. Maybe I should also start shutting up when my girl tells me to," Yeonjun said, earning a laugh from everyone. Then they heard another laughter joining them from the other room.

"Only (y/n) can make Beomgyu laugh like that. "

#Beomgyu #choi beomgyu x reader #choi beomgyu #txt #txt drabble #txt x reader #txt fluff #fanfiction #kpop #txt post #txt scenarios #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu x reader

[smolsix]

-blows dust off this blog-

So

Little Nightmares III, huh???

I was trying to avoid being excited about it because no solid release date and 2024 could be a few months from now or a year from now and Idk how long I can handle being so fuckin hyped for this game YEEHAW

BUT I CAN'T, I KEEP THINKING ABT THE GAME AAHAHHGAGA

so here are my thoughts, if you wanted to know

FIRST OF ALL, i am so glad that after we saw LTNM II we thought it'd be co-op but it was just an AI, that we finally get co-op! AND ONLINE TOO, i spent the first day worried it'd be shared screen same room situation since i wasn't trying to get my hopes up but then I realised I can just.. google it.. AND IT IS!!! ONLINE!! IDK WHO I AM GONNA PLAY IT W FIRST AAAAAAAA

anyways, you can definitely tell it's a new studio working on this game, the world feels mostly the same but the character designs themselves are definitely stylistically similar, but not the same. With Six especially, the MC designs were very simplistic and realistic but used colour (or for Mono, a single design quirk being the bag) to stand out against their backgrounds and against the enemies which are largely neutral colours. But these new ones feel... "over designed"? On their own they definitely aren't, but in comparison to Mono, Six, Seven, and even NPCs like the flashlight girl, they have a lot more going on (especially the little wrench kid, Idk which one is Alone and which one is Low yet btw OOP)

Despite it being a new studio and you can tell, new puzzles and environments, they're still doing their best to have the OGs vibes and whatnot to feel familiar, namely in the trailer they bring back the fuses, and the additional gameplay video there's a short scene with an environment with all the shelves you can find in LTNM 1s gnome section (the one with the cart that is affected by the Maws swaying).

But regardless, it still feels different enough my brain is still nervous about it. I also feel In A Way about Tarsier having LTNM II explode and their franchise getting the attention it deserves, only to have it stuck with Bandai and now it's going to likely explode again and they aren't involved. Idk how anyone on that team feels about it, but if it were me omg.

Also the only boss we've seen so far (i hope they add more and i def want some to be a surprise so im not gonna assume this is the only one for now) feels... out of place? it has the design qualities of a LTNM boss, but the size of it makes it more of a spectacle than a warped/corruption of an adult. All the previous bosses fit in their environment, we are the small ones and they are scaled to the world around them. This is the first time, outside monster Six who imo is a bit of an outlier anyways due to her circumstances, we're getting a boss who is this huge and doesn't even fit their own environment. I hope we get a lore reason for this in some way, because currently the boss doesn't have the same vibe as the others and it's throwing me off a bit. Don't get me wrong, it'll be terrifying, but looking at the picture as a whole they are sort of out of place for me rn. I don't hate the bitch either, I'm not gonna be like omg get rid of it or change it, but it does strike me as odd seeing it for now.

And yes the tall man is too tall for a lot of things, but he's not THAT big. He's more like yer tall guy who hits his head off doorways, which happens irl anyways LMAO

Little Nightmares primarily tries to capture the feeling of being a small child and how everything is big and scary, but a doll that huge is out of the realm of reality set up for us already. It's gone from scary corrupted animal to godzilla, if that makes sense.

OH AND THE MIRRORS ARE VERY LTNM COMICS OF THEM TEE HEE < 3

#while i find the MCs designs to be a bit much for now they're fast growing on me as characters #they give me indie movie vibes more than little nightmares MCs vibes #but hey if we get a 4th installment then it goes from an outlier to part of a trend #my brain will get over it eventually anyways these are just my initial thoughts #oh and as long as they either dont bring back the flashlight or change its controls im mostly fine w the puzzles and whatnot #like suuuuuper minor gripe but i loved in the first games that when you had a weapon it was too big and too heavy #they had serious weight when you swung them and the mcs clearly struggled #and it really helped you feel powerless even when armed #i know the masked kid has a slingshot btw but i just hope it isnt used as an easy weapon and more as a distraction #having any kind of upper hand in this world sort of diminishes the initial scare factor they were going for #being that youre a small child helpless in this world #outside sixs ending but aside from the hallway you literally dont play w her power at the end #text #long post #little nightmares 3 #ltnm 3 #ooc

[astranauticus]

oh lol i forgot to post this robit sketches! because i have one (1) bit and im sure as hell gonna commit to it apparently

#rolling with difficulty #art I made #'shut your up' is a verbatim quote from an ex classmate i just thought it was funny #i dont think it was intentional i think he was just so angry that Words Failed on him #anyway im absolutely not keeping that maxim design. god i fucking hate clothing design *so* much #austin: 'hes a gold plated mechanite dressed in blue and grey robes' me trying to figure out colour placement: 'what FUCK' #i had one (1) good idea and that was 'skeleton shaped robit' and every other part of that design went to hell apparently #bc all the other mechanites we've had were either like... flesh..? shaped?? like that sorta silhouette (basically most of the old crew) #or more mechanical/geometric (vr-la's designs and like.. k-lb? i guess? if that counts) #so. therefore. bone shaped mechanite. also if i was gonna try that concept on anyone it may as well be maxim if you think about it #idk i thought it would be interesting. and also undertale was my first fandom so uh #ANYWAY. MOVING ON FROM THAT THOUGHT. #this started as a 2am intrusive thought of like #'we (artists in the discord) keep joking abt how k-lb would be a nightmare to draw but like.. how hard is it really' #anyway as you can probably expect. famous last words #i mean genuinely mad respect to noir but i think i said to one of my friends when i showed them this sketch #'i mean this in the nicest way possible but you can just tell he was designed for an audio only storytelling format' LMAO #if anyone is unwise enough to attempt this (so basically @ my future self lmao) #do the lineart and colouring for the wires in front of the inner electricity skeleton (???) and the ones behind it on SEPARATE LAYERS #drew the wires all together then the electricity and had to painstakingly go over the electricity with an eraser it was a fucking nightmare

[elytrafemme]

why doesn't anybody talk about schrodinger's mental illness? seriously i think i'm onto something here

#nightmare.personal #i'm starting to think i'm over it like #i've been so happy lately and i'm having these weird nightmares about my family for no reason but like #i have FRIENDS and i'm taking CARE OF MYSELF and like i thought i looked super pretty today #but i am freaking out a bit about how nice this one friend of mine is being to me #which is so weird bc he'/s like the safest guy to be around ever but suddenly i feel insanely unsafe #hm. maybe i'll be fixed if i go to bed #ugh i have classes tmrw which are FINE classes but like. work. and then also therapy #and therapy's good just like. ugh. Ugh. maybe i'll talk to her about me hating my gf's mom's profession and my moral crisis #bc guys it's kind of awkward i really don't fuck with landlords but my gf's mom is um . Kind of one of those #anyway i think i'm better honestly like the klavier and dahlia stuff is starting to just feel like an inside joke #something earlier happened and i was like klav would like this. andi pictured him a bit in my brain as how he looked #and like. we laughed. but i don't think he was there at all #and the BPD stuff isn't happening like i've not mood swung at all lately i don't think #so maybe it was all in my head andi'm fine now? that could be it honestly like. i'm fine. which! #is weird and abrupt but hey i'm into it. y'know. whatever #it would kind of suck if it turns out i was perfectly fine i was just overthinking it but. hey #honestly whatever. people are fine i'm fine i'm safe and the nightmares are stupid #i need to see this guy anyway tmrw because i invited him along to grab breakfast with me and our mutual friend #we're like a trio so i figure it's fine. hopefully the dining hall isn't still on fire i need to fuck up that pomegranate acai drink so bad #it's SO good you guys. but like. idk. i feel happy like perfectly happy. like i don't think much is wrong #these weird feelings of dread and hovering on the edges of panic attacks sometimes but that's really it #ugh. i hope the lecture hall has good chairs #sorry i cannot focus on this i'm restless rn. i need. like. something #i think me and my GF might break up soon bc of the parents work and the sex thing but like. #someone lobotomize me i'm literally fine what's going ONNNN

[caffeinatedopossum]

Events of last night:

Me: *crying*

My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(

Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful

My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.

#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious #thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt #and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd #it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense #but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like #where as me and her obsess much more over morality #like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information #we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people #or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate #like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*) #they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers #theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person. #but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out #but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either #like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are #and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare #sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep. #sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done #sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me? #i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real #i guess what it kinda comes to do is #would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions #all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm #you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of #OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them. #trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world #your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen #theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed #your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for #instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed

[bentacled]

𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄  [ … ]  𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄     bold what applies, italicize sometimes. repost, don’t reblog.     tagged by @apaclypse <3​​

fights honorably / fights dirty

prefers close - quarters / prefers range / (situational)

chats during / goes silent

low pain tolerance / high pain tolerance

attacks in bursts / attacks steadily

goes for the kill / aims to disarm / fights defensively / strikes first

is provoked easily / provokes their opponent / teases

gets visibly frustrated / shouts while attacking

uses strategy / focuses on the battle / experiences conflicting thoughts during battle

rushes in recklessly / tries to read their opponent before engaging

fights wildly / fights calmly / fights apathetically / fights with anger / fights with excitement

fights because they have to / fights because they want to

fights without regard to wounds / runs away when wounded / hides wounds / takes a blow to protect another

prefers a blade / prefers a gun / prefers hand to hand combat / prefers a bow / prefers a shield / prefers a personalized weapon / prefers magic or spells

their greatest weakness is physical / their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional

transforms for battle (???) / fights as they appear

relies on strength / doubts their strength / relies on speed

uses everything they have / proceeds with caution / hides their full potential

exhausts quickly / has high stamina

behaves arrogantly / brags after landing a hit / belittles their abilities

uses psychological tactics / uses brute strength

avoids civilians / strikes down civilians

damages surroundings / avoids damaging surroundings

signature fighting style / makes it up as they go (if needed)

mastered skill - set / learning their skill - set

fancy footwork / sloppy footwork

messy fighter / elegant fighter

accepts defeat / refuses defeat / begs for mercy

compliments their opponent / insults their opponent

uses unnecessary movements / moves efficiently / barely moves

prefers to dodge / prefers to block

defends their blindside / has no blindside / leaves blindsides vulnerable

uses all available advantages / strictly uses one main method

plays around / holds back / fights ruthlessly / shows mercy

waits for an opponent to be ready / strikes when opponent isn’t ready

fears death / fears pain / fears killing

has ptsd / avoids fighting (prefers to defuse with words)

has lost a fight / has won a fight

has killed / refuses to kill

wants to die standing / would succumb slowly

#ok but i have THOUGHTS #we only see ben fighting in that bank scene #which was a MASSACRE #but like i just feel like he would try not to kill anyone?? #but ofc he would be pressured and whatnot?? #bc back then reggie had a Big Influence over ya boy #does he have constant nightmares about every life he's taken?? #yeah #writing tags on mobile is a DRAG #also HEADCANON time #ben probs is pretty good at hand-to-hand combat #cuz it's a way of avoiding using his power #SEND TWEET #don't mind me just remembering how ben was actually?? #regarded as really naive & easy to manipulate #bc don't we love it here

[freebooter4ever]

the inevitable finally happened, baseball boy actually said the words 'date' 'the kind where we get dressed up and go out somewhere', and after months of dodging (heh) his hiking/hangout requests i finally got the chance to tell him a 'no' that would make him walk away for good. I hate that this is a pattern that i am now actively fearful of - that guys act friendly only to reveal that the friendlyness was all supposed to lead to something romantic or else they consider the friendship finished.

I also had a moment of realization that i /dont/ need to be friends with everybody - i can say no too. And not just to romance.

There was also an awkward lightbulb moment when i was telling brian what happened and he said something about baseball boy being sexually attracted to me and i almost spit out my noodles in shock like /what/? And i think brian was shocked at my reaction, he was like 'well yeah duh he asked you out'.

But ive never considered myself attractive in that way? Like with hiker boy its 100% our college connection and nostaliga? And with jon it was the goofy artyness and the fact that i knew even more weird music than he did? And the poor Ex it was the fact that i could come up with progressively more and more challenging programming problems in all his time as a TA. The only time a date's ever expressed sexual attraction to me was nick, and even then that was /one/ time and he walked back on it with the whole 'your personality is attractive but you're not attractive like one of those hot girls' speech he gave me that was really entertaining. Anyway this is probably why baseball boy's relentless attempts to get my attention and stay in contact surprised me so much...i didnt think there was anything he could possibly find interesting about me. But apparently he might've just thought i was hot. (???1!!1??!??!????why). He didnt throw insults or say anything mean after i said 'no', so he gets points there at least. But he still made it clear that this was goodbye, simply because i didnt want to date him.

Tldr i think i might just be fully asexual or fucking clueless :/

#I dunno the pandemic has walked back so much of my mental bullshit #Hiker boy pointed it out totally innocently #Back when i was dating nick only a few years after the abusive relathionship #Nick would note how he felt like i didnt like it when he looked at me or watched me #And i really didnt but i didnt even think about it till he pointed it out #And the last time we hung out in his hotel room hiker boy was saying something similar #And its true im back to the phase where i dont like people looking at me #My face is disgusting and ugly and #If i even think about dating all i want to do is shed my entire skin like a dragon so i dont have to deal with any of it #Anyway this whole thing was an anomaly it will not happen again #Journal shit #It doesnt help that i only got like 2 hrs of sleep last night due to a panic attack #Over some shit that has been happening adjacent to the artist house #And i keep having dreams about my alcoholic mother nightmares not dreams #I thought iwas fucking done with that for good

[ohara-n-brown]

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

#autism #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually autistic #neurodivergent #neurodivergency #neurodiversity #cluster b

[lovingempress]

The horror of a Minecraft villager’s nose is that it is full of endless squares

#nightmares I wake screaming over #me things #it started off as justifying that minecraft noses aren’t racist #(side note drama with Mario style mustache villager) #and it’s like okay I can see where you may think that but my dude it’s part of the theme #in Minecraft everything is made up of squares #and then the guy justifying it said ‘look at the nose’ #and we did #and we kept staring at it #and we saw the shape is two squares #and it makes sense. w cause minecraft is everything is made up of squares #but if you really get down to it each ‘square’ is made up of even more squares #because that’s the nature of graphics #and the squares kept unfolding into more and more squares the deeper we went and looked at it #like some really fucked up spiral illusion that went on forever of flesh toned squares in varying shades #I saw the abyss tonight and it is full of squares in slightly different shades and I’m gonna get fucking hysterical I swear to all that is #unholy #midnight thoughts #screaming