#we're not pursuing feelings here. it's a state of being. happiness is a state of being and *as such* is in constant flux.

[tanadrin]

TBH, in a lot of cases wrt infighting, I think the near group is afraid because of experience with being pushed away from their original goal due to that sort of pressure to self-moderate, where they end up losing because the Moderates won, and I think that's the case with leftists here too.

Like, both in terms of the historical narratives of leftists who "sold out" in the name of realpolitik being the reason why leftists lost, and the visible rage that (at least in their view) following the "vote for the lesser evil" argument is being used to exploit us by a party that has active contempt for leftists that wants to keep us ineffective and trapped with them, if that makes sense?

I think it comes from a deep feeling of helplessness at being electorally trapped the Dems , and I feel like saying "vote against Trump" isn't going to break through to them until folks come up with a genuinely good response as to how they can break out of said trap.

Gotta be clear about terminology here: in the leftist example, the in-group is whatever actual leftist group we're talking about; the near group are people more proximate to them on the ideological spectrum than the far group, but who are definitely not members of the in-group. They are part of the out-group, and thus get treated as opponents. The far group is also part of the out=group, but frequently gets ignored in favor of contests with the near group. Near group and far group were coined as terms to explain why battles between an in-group and out-group often focus heavily on only one subsection of the out-group, even when that subsection in theory might be allies (if not actual members of the in-group) in contests against the other.

I think this fear of losing out to the moderates is very much the in-group perspective, and I think it's wrong. If we're talking about, say, the labor struggles in the US at the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th century, the "moderates win" scenario (which is ultimately what happened with the New Deal) is a way better deal for labor than the "reactionaries win" scenario. Was it full-on communism? Of course not. But full-on communists never constituted an effective political majority in the United States, and full-on communism was never in the cards as a result; the choice then, as now, is often between "a moderate--even pretty good--outcome, if we play our cards right" and "demanding metaphysical purity to the point that we are politically irrelevant."

Plenty of organizations are happy to maintain metaphysical purity, and to succumb to political irrelevance--it's a surprisingly durable mode of operation if your goal is survival of the organization above all else. But nominally political organizations exist to pursue political goals, and I'm not in favor of strategies that amount to functionally abandoning those goals, in order to maintain in-group cohesion.

Example: the Democratic party is the way it is--i.e., like most political parties, but even more so--because it is a sprawling and often uneasy coalition--broadly speaking between liberals, progressives, and leftists, but each of course can itself be broken down further. The thing with these sprawling and uneasy coalitions is that they often leave everybody mad, because nobody gets everything they want. But also, they work. They are tatical creatures that exist for tactical reasons: I don't expect anybody to look at the Democratic Party platform and go "Yes, this is the One True Good Ideology." And I expect some people will look at the platform they produce and go, "this isn't enough of what I want to justify me supporting this coalition."

But if somebody's problem isn't that they disagree about tactical goals or tactical methods--if their problem is that they reject coalition fundamentally as compromising their ideology--then I do not believe they sincerely want to achieve anything. Because whether it's by electoralism or direct action or violent revolution or civil war, every political struggle in history requires some form of coalition-building. And the guys that build the bigger coalition usually win!

[yukidragon]

Remember the secret tape with a threatening message from Jack? I think it’s a message left for one of the other love interests and the “them” is Sunshine, but my question is, where do you think did Jack take the MC? He probably has MC close by, and he said that he’s in a place “they can never reach.” Do you think he means “Cloudy Town”? Does that mean he takes us into his tape, or to the original Sunny Time Crew Show studio?

Ah yes, the classic audio of Jack going full yandere. It’s really effective seeing him looking bloody and sanity clearly frayed while he’s giving his monologue too, as you can see on the official twitter.

You know what, why don’t I transcribe the monologue really quick for those who need to run it through a translator.

Quick disclaimer: I have auditory processing disorder, so if I get anything wrong, please let me know so I can correct the transcript.

You think you care about them... don't you. You've convinced yourself that they need saving. That you can save them. It's too late, you know. They're already gone. Where I am, you could never reach. And every day that piece of me grows bigger and stronger. It's only a matter of time until we're one... truly and forever. I love them... and they love me. I'm not letting them go... ever. (Unhinged chuckling)

There’s so much here that could be figurative or literal. We don’t have a full grasp on Jack’s powers, or even what he is exactly, since Jack being a ghost is still in question.

It does seem like that it’s directed at one or more of the love interests. It could even be something Jack would say to the specific love interest that the player is trying to pursue. It would make sense that he would go full antagonist on the other romance routes, since he has every reason to go to desperate lengths to keep his sunshine.

It could even be something Jack would say to one or more love interest that’s trying to get in the way of his route. After all, just because the scary yandere ghost(?) is claiming someone is mistaken about how their darling feels, it doesn’t mean he’s necessarily wrong.

I highly doubt that Jack would willingly want to return to the tape. He described the place as hell, it was cold, and he couldn’t sleep while trapped in there. I doubt he would be willing to hurt MC by forcing them to go there either, even if to keep them. He’s more of a softcore yandere after all; he doesn’t want to hurt his sunshine.

If we take what Jack says as purely figurative, he could just mean that MC has fully chosen him instead of whoever he is talking to. They are so deeply in love with him that any rival’s affections could never reach them the way he can. The piece of him that grows bigger and stronger would be the figurative piece of him they hold in their heart, the love they have for him that only grows by the day.

In this case, being one forever might mean making MC so in love with Jack, need him so much, that they feel just as strongly towards him as he does for them... so, essentially, turning them yandere for him.

If we go with a more literal interpretation, then Jack has physically taken MC someplace accessible only to the two of them. While the tape seems like the obvious location, it seems too extreme for Jack to be willing to send his sunshine to a place he described as hell.

In a fully literal interpretation, there would be a literal piece of Jack inside of MC that is growing in strength and size. Eventually, it’ll get big enough that they will be ‘one’ and as such that they become one entity.

There was a theory that Jack’s ultimate goal was to merge with MC and share their body, though Sauce debunked it. They stated that Jack just wants to bask in MC’s warm and happy light, and he wouldn’t want to do anything to diminish that. He just refuses to let anyone get between them.

This is another reason why I doubt Jack sent MC into the tape. I would imagine being sent to a cold, sleepless hell would absolutely diminish one’s warm and happy light!

What I think, personally, is that there’s a mixture of figurative and literal going on here. My theory is that MC can see/hear/touch Jack because they are literally connected. I think MC has a piece of Jack’s soul inside them, and vice-versa. I’ve gone over this in previous headcanon posts, particularly one where I dissected a quote from the “no” route.

I want him to re-write me in this moment. I want him to do what he wants to help me forget anything that isn’t him. He’s taking some part of me… Infecting me with some kind of fever… Some need… And I don’t want to admit it… But I want to surrender and let him fill it.

I think this is a direct reference to the piece of Jack that’s growing bigger and stronger inside of MC. This only happens in the “no” route, so it could be that the monologue will only happen in most/every route but his.

The very human other love interests certainly can’t literally reach inside of MC to remove Jack from them, can they?

MC could be “gone” in that they’re so under Jack’s influence by that point that he won’t leave, won’t be forgotten. He “re-wrote” them, took a part of them, and is filling the empty space left behind. They love him because they just wanted to forget everything that wasn’t him since he makes them feel so good...

Though, I can see Jack’s speech applying to the “yes” route as well. MC loves him and is choosing him. Sure, he’s nudging things along by making them feel really good, but he��s not going as far with those good feelings as he does in the “no” route. In the “yes” route, he seems almost amazed at times that MC desires him and even takes the initiative sometimes.

While in both routes MC is choosing to be with Jack, in the “yes” route it’s because they’re happy with him rather than being addicted to the good feelings and security that he offers them.

In that situation where MC is actively taking steps towards jack rather than being lured closer with everything he can provide, it almost seems silly to assume that they need saving. Why would they need saving from something they want? They’re an active participant. They want to be with Jack forever.

I think Jack grows stronger the more MC loves and needs him. In the “no” route he’s influencing it with his own emotions, being a living drug and giving them hits of his feelings of love. In the “yes” route, they don’t need that, even if they question the dreamy haze they find themselves in at times when they’re around him.

I think, to some extent, there’s a certain level of involuntary empathy sharing between the two. There are times when MC feels cold, and it reflects when Jack is scared due to the distance growing between them.

Empathy is a really strong feeling. What better way for a yandere to prove just how much they love their darling than by letting them feel it? If they feel it then surely they will understand that they were meant to be together, as this love is too strong to be anything else.

You could say that a yandere’s love for someone is like a drug, and Jack is just sharing his drug of choice with MC when they’re not making their own for him on their own.

Getting back to the monologue, I think “being one forever” does have a supernatural angle to it. I think with enough love, Jack might get more of a grip on reality. It might even progress to the point that he can be perceived by others, strong enough that no one could ever banish him to the hell of the VHS tape ever again.

Heck, if Jack gets stronger, he could possibly gain even more supernatural ghost(?) powers. We really don’t know the full extent of what he can do yet after all.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask #Transcript

[calliecat93]

Well, we're at the end of 2023. I keep going back and forth, feeling like the year went on forever and like it just started. Weird, huh? So things in the world this year... yeah I don't need to say much on the state of things. All I can say is that I hope 2024 will be better... and that Trump doesn't make it into office. Things WILL get worse for everyone if that happens, and that's all I will say about it.

Anyways, my personal life. It actually wasn't too bad. I got to go on my first-ever cruise at the end of April and the first real vacation that I had had since I was a kid. It was such an amazing time~! I even got to hug Mickey Mouse for the first time in 20 years~! Speaking of though, I've done a hard step away from animation. I still reblog stuff, but I'm not as into looking into things like voice actors or history and stuff anymore. The past few years of industry drama utterly drained me and killed a lot of my love and passion for entertainment in general, and it was time to realize that, step back, and let myself begin just enjoy watching things again. Which I have been doing slowly. It's sad, but accepting that I don't want a part of the animation world and remain a casual fan was the right thing to do. I'll always love it, but I don't want to be a part of that world as a career or anything anymore.

Doing so has helped me decide on what I want to do though. Mom had been trying to convince me for years to get into culinary since I both liked it and was good at it. I was reluctant because it's VERY high stress... but I've gotten really into baking and I've decided that I'd like to pursue that as a career. It's fun, not so stressful that I can't handle it, and I'm good at it. I'm hoping to go back to school as the community college here has a culinary program where I can get a baking certification. But yeah, it was a life change that needed to happen.

Otherwise, this was one of my calmer years. There wasn't some major family tragedy for the first time in like five years, Thank God. I turned 30... so I'm old. We adopted out dog Dante that past December and I utterly love him with all my heart. I got my learner's permit a few days ago so I'm one step closer to being able to get my life going. I've fully accepted being sapphic and once I can drive and stuff I'd like to be able to start maybe dating for the first time. I think overall I finally realized how stilted my life had become since my dad died in 2018, but I lacked any motivation and drive to change it or do anything. IDK what's changed, but I want to start living my life and continuing to make progress on that is my goal for 2024.

Fandom life has been a lot slower. Probably as a result of me realizing that I should actually focus on my real life. But it's not dead either. RWBY Volume 9 finally came out and while I almost quit when it did, I stuck to it. I'm glad I did because it's now my favorite volume of the show and while I'm honestly convinced V10 won't happen, if it does I'll be here for it. My TOS passion got reignited, so much so that I had to make a sideblog to contain it all. I haven't really gotten into anything new, really with the state of things, I'm almost afraid to even try any new shows. Like I said, I've been focusing on just enjoying stuff again so it's just been whatever I see around getting reblogged. I guess that made things dull on here, but it did good for me, and in the end that's what I use this blog for. I've even started to get back into fanfic writing after all the RT drama got to me so bad I quit after finally getting over my writing anxiety. But I hope that's a good sign of finally moving forward.

Overall, I know that the world is in dire straits right now. My personal life wasn't too bad this year, but it sucks to think bout how so many have suffered and I can't really do anything about it. Like I said, I hope that 2024 will be better for everyone. Regardless I hope that you all have a Happy New Year and as we enter Year 12 of the blog, I thank you all once again for having stuck with me. See you all in 2024~!

[jammytriestowrite]

A Look Back on my 2022:

If I were to describe 2022 in one word, it would be Calm. This is the year where I learned how to calm down and not be pressured by anything else. Calm down on pursuing the goals, achieving growth and progress. Calm down on my own journey and not compare it with others. I became self-aware and self-reliant on my own happiness this year. I still have my bad days but I accept them now calmly because they're supposed to be there. To be more alive, I guess? Overall, I wouldn't say 2022 is great or awesome or worse. But I just think that is what a year is supposed to be, Calm.

As a look back on 2022, here are my year-end reflection lists:

Habits I shall (or any obligatory word) quit by next year:

Not replying back to friends

Not waking up on time (6:30am will be my new alarm set as a punishment) and oversleeping

Binging too much TV

Saying NO to friends/family

Impulsive buying

Being hot-headed when it comes to certain situations (IDK how to explain this but some people keep testing my patience)

Not asking for HELP

Not asking questions

Doomscrolling. Consuming too much social media.

I will continue, Oh my God, to do all these actions, for the love of me:

READ. Just read more books, articles, essays, etc. Educate yourself.

Spend quality time with family (treat them once in a while)

Same with friends (meet old friends)

Walk. Jog. Exercise. Beat that Move goal challenges.

Dentist appointments twice a year

WRITE! Write your thoughts, your feelings, your frustrations, what you love, etc. Just write to unload those emotions and heal on your own.

Watch documentaries.

Cook and prepare your food.

Embroidery! Finish once your start a piece.

Make art. Draw, sketch, paint, watercolor, make a video, and write a poem. Explore your artistry.

Clean your room once a month.

Be there for people but have boundaries.

Travel and visit new places.

Be curious.

Things I'm grateful for:

Family - I get to spend more time with them this year. Even though we're a family who doesn't talk about personal stuff, I think just being in their presence means so much to me.

Friends - 2022 is the year of meeting with a lot of my close friends. and meeting new ones. My relationship with them is low maintenance where we don't need to chat constantly but hanging out with them once in a while just puts me in a happy state.

Sidelines - I'm so thankful for the clients who trusted me this year. Not to mention, they're the reason I was able to save money. I hope this will continue and grow in the coming year. I'm ready for more side projects.

Travel - This year is my most traveled year so far. I went to Tagaytay, Boracay, Baguio, Bulacan, Laguna, and Pampanga. I went Hiking in Rizal (with complete strangers). And finally visited the National Museum of Natural History with friends. I'm excited about the places I will visit come 2023, I wish I can finally travel abroad which is not work-related, Thailand or Taiwan is my top priority to visit with my budget.

Experiences - Of course, 2022 is memorable for the experiences it brought me. I went to a concert of All Time Low which is one of my favorite bands growing up. It was a very surreal experience. I finally watched a musical last November, it's called We Will Rock You, and a homage to Queen songs, which are some of the best songs for me. More musical experiences for next year, please! Lastly, when I went to Leni-Kiko Rally. It was my proudest moment as a Filipino to be there. I was just merely attending their rally, but it made me hopeful for the country. Makes me think of what could've been if she won the presidency. I know PH is going downhill now, but I hope for a better 2023 for us.

Love/Dating - This has been so idle this year. But still grateful for the learnings it gave me. I only dated one person and it didn't go well because *insert anti-hero by Taylor Swift*. I realized dating requires too much effort and I feel like I want to accomplish more before being in a commitment with another person. But I still want it. I crave it. It's just that I'm not willing to work for it. So that's what I will be doing in 2023. Work for the love I deserve.

That ends my 2022. It wasn't as grand as the others but for me, It's the best year. I really liked it. No, I loved it. Thank you, 2022. Now, I'm looking forward to new experiences, explorations, and self-discoveries. I already know 2023 will be just as calm as this year. Happy new year, everyone! Let's fucking gooooo!

#personal #love #blog #new year #2022 #2023

[terrifickid]

Matsuri

Dunno, it was a very vivid dream to have on a window sill.

I feel real and the nation-state paradigm seems unreal - adversarial, killing everyone including me, corrupt, insane.

I have friends and we talk about it and lots of people respect and support my decision. Just seems like a natural process I'm participating in. Aligned with my values, perceptions and history as part of a legitimate sequence of pursuing my life.

I don't really see any major obstacles or challenges.

That's not ever going to change. If somehow I'm able to keep living it won't be for very long - and I'll not be exiting the spirit world - and I won't be talking to many people again and we're going to work for positive outcomes and well-being - not tourism infrastructure.

I think the first thing that must be realize is our life isn't about health or wealth or happiness. It's about, the glory of God, so to speak. And what we are is part and parcel of our life. Our life is well basically a karmic drama for some reason as part of our work or development or something - it's an extension of 'the plan'. So, you're welcome to start printing ironic tshirts but if nature willed you to live forever you would. It's not that everyone should kill themselves or not or print or not - everyone has their own karma I guess and this is what it looks like.

I don't generally die, but when I do it's wholeheartedly.

Well I believe that I will die because I want to die and I've never wanted that before now. I want to die because I want to leave my body and go to the sun to continue. Corroborating this feeling is a sense of disgust with the planet I have traveled for 40 years and a sense of completion with my career and studies as well as the culmination of adulthood I guess of turning 40.

Moreover, I see no potential way I could continue to live, no ideas as to any alternative life or self or belief, no obligations to shirk, no kids and no personal dreams or aspirations unrealized. Nothing I can imagine would even be bearable to do.

Additionally, 3 years ago I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - so I am constantly experiencing paranoid delusions, ear ringing, and auditory and visual hallucinations. This has been slowly degenerating since birth.

Additionally, I was diagnosed with attachment disorder at 17. A condition arising likely when I was an infant.

So this all aligns with my primary life's work which was to understand who I was, where I was and what was going on. This multidisciplinary study could be said to have converged both miraculously, mystically, actually and historically at mount kurama in the concept of fudo-myo. This is related and aligned with the cosmogony of the soul. That cosmogony and the space I find myself actually in and perceiving is of one universal family of beings within relationship - their interactions promulgating an unknowable becoming within a vast, grand and good design. This perception also includes perceptions of higher dimensionality, a presence or soul beyond my physical body and contact and communication with various 'dragon filled dragons' - relatable intelligences I guess who identify themselves as God, and the angels who are the same dieties as canonized in world religions. Who are very nice, considerate and helpful may I add! These intelligences made their presence known to me as early as when I was 7 or so by performing a miracle regarding bringing me money. These beings have guided me here into the world's religion and those same beings have been experienced to have guided others to help me as well according to my direct questioning of other people.

Irrespective of the truth of any matter - I may or may not act. It's generally considered that people with schizoaffective disorder require assistance with their lives. I believe I have an obligation to take care of my own health. With no cure available I can only manage the symptoms and will require living assistance.

The future has yet to be won and I have no desire or taste for suicide. If I can not attain living assistance, or dying assistance nor take care of myself then continuing to live, to my thinking, will be an impossibility and I will become a schizophrenic homeless person with a short life span.

What will I do then?

I will have to make a choice to act - how would I choose to not immediately seek to end my life in a pleasant way to continue on with my studies?

How could I make the choice to go to a homeless shelter. Would I sit and meditate? Why would I personally choose to do that with no reason? I would neither do that than become the world's foremost baseball pitcher. For what reason would I build houses for the homeless when I would be unable to cooperate with the group, a security liability - moreover - it would not fit the paradigm of universal destiny and divine design - since everyone is fine and these scenarios work to promulgate the fates.

Will I then follow a series of commands?

There will only be my own choice to end this unserving, toxic and abusive relationship or continue within it.

I have already made the decision as far as treatment and a solution to this conundrum.

I will remain present. This form of meditation is the same as mentioned in Psalm 91:1-4 - I for one welcome whatever alien overlords may well be on their way - as well as this spiraling energy tunnel gateway I find myself within at each moment.

I believe this is the exploit I will use to overcome this so-called "Kobayashi Maru" no-win simulation scenario.

And that by remaining present, synonymous with this gateway process will I be ushered into a higher dimensional reality.

And live!

[sluntch]

My Health Journey - A Writing Experiment - Day 1

DISCLAIMER: I want to lay out at the start of this post that, while it has to do with dieting, food, weight loss, and exercise, I do not have a diagnosed eating disorder, am not eating 1200 or fewer calories a day, and am not peddling some diet regimen. I am not a medical professional and nothing I say in this or future posts should in any way be considered medical advice. I'm just a dude out here tryna be healthier.

Hello to anyone who stumbles across this post. I am now going to be actively using this blog that I've had for, like, a billion years. I know I've said this multiple times in the past and have never followed through, but I've been "going through some shit"™ and have become much better at developing and cultivating habits to the degree that I stick with them. The habit I'm trying to cultivate, at this point, is getting back into writing, something I've always been passionate about and loved doing but have never really attempted to pursue in earnest, either due to self-doubt or laziness. I'm unsure which of those two is more powerful in my psyche, to be honest. To that end, what better place to write something, no matter how small or large, every day until writing some number of words becomes a habit than a blog where I can just put snippets about something ELSE that I do every day until I start doing it forever? Ain't that grand? See below the cut if you'd like. Otherwise, happy scrolling!

The thing I'll be documenting is the continuation of a journey that I started a year ago after a visit to the doctor wherein some rough stuff came to light. Just for the record, I'm going to be candid about a lot of the things that are going on regarding my current state of health and being. I don't shy away from sharing things about myself as I don't really embarrass easily. Obviously, these will be within reason. Posts will be tagged appropriately to make sure that, when things get particularly gnarly, which they might, those who wish to shield themselves from those things can do so. As I've never really used this webbed site to it's (omegalul) full potential, my tagging may be rudimentary at best, so I'm counting on being corrected and sitting my white ass down and learning, so if something slips through the cracks please be sure to let me know.

With that preamble out of the way, let's get to the meat and potatoes of this entry.

One year ago, roughly around mid-year, I noticed that my legs and feet just began swelling constantly, some days to the point of actual pain, not just discomfort. Anytime they were pressed against something, indentations were left on my skin and to squeeze them with one's fingers was to feel something akin to a latex bag filled with sand. It was exacerbated to an unbearable degree any time I had alcohol which, back in those days, was near constantly and at considerable volume given how large I was. In order to actually become comfortably buzzed, I would need to consume probably 2-3 cocktails or 3-4 beers. To become fully drunk, namely something reserved for parties, I would probably need to have consumed 3-4 cocktails or 4-5 beers at minimum due to my size, sitting comfortably around 320 pounds. I was drinking, on average, conservatively, 3-4 drinks a night during the week and at parties probably averaged 6 beers and/or liquor (either straight or in cocktails). Coupled with my inherent love of snacking, any given "normal day", however we're defining that, would be around 3.5-4.5k caloric intake. On spike days, like a party on Saturday or Holidays, this would most likely have easily exceeded 5k. Concern from both my wife and myself (mostly my wife) prompted me to go see a doctor, as the insurance from my new job was a huge upgrade from the hourly job I'd had before it. I had also not been to a doctor since I had been kicked off my parents insurance at 26. I was 31 at the time.

The doctor's visit revealed a slew of issues that, given my lifestyle up to that point, should not have been surprising in any way. Most notable were a slightly fatty liver (not enough for a diagnosis of Fatty Liver Syndrome, but still), dangerously low potassium levels, and high blood pressure, for which I was put on at least 3 medications. The leg and feet swelling was attributed to something called Venous Reflux, a condition in which the Greater Saphenous Vein in the leg cannot bring blood from the lower extremities back to the heart fast enough and it just sort of pools in the feet, eventually swelling up through a decent portion of the leg. One of the more notable parts of the conversation was my weight. I had tried two forms of dieting in the past: 2 rudimentary and half-hearted calorie counts and a brush with intermittent fasting. With both, I was stupid and impatient waiting for near instant results and when the holidays rolled around and everything fell apart, I gave up each time around New Years. Neither had stuck and I assumed I was just not built to handle that kind of commitment. When my doctor mentioned keeping a calorie diary at this visit, I slumped a bit thinking about the previous times I had tried and failed to keep to something like that, but figured I had to give it a shot. The alternative was medication for weight loss and I, then and now, didn't want to be on medication possibly for the rest of my life if I could help it. In that moment, I decided to give it a try naturally and this time, hopefully, stick to it. I re-downloaded the Cronometer app onto my phone and, starting the next day, began documenting what I ate, even just to see what a day looked like at the time. That one doctor's visit changed my life to a degree that I'll never take for granted and set me on my current course - something that I believe has saved my life.

I'll cut the story here for now, as this post is already too long. Tomorrow's entry will continue from this point as mostly a lore dump and catch-up for anyone who hasn't heard all of this yet. Thanks for reading if you did and I'll see you tomorrow for the next one. After three months of this crap you'll all be tired of it but, hey, I'll have a new habit formed and then who's the winner?

Me.

#weight loss #weight loss journey #sluntchposting #writing challenge #dieting

[fruiteggsaladit]

No but I NEED Yusuke and Kuwabara to hang out at a burger place once before Genkai's tournament I think

- that one story abt the two demons impersonating them would be a good excuse, except instead of it ending purely in a "we pummeled 'em! Hiei and Kurama were also here" epilogue to the Saint Beasts, those two characters serve as Kuwabara's introduction proper to demons and the supernatural? Should happen after the Three Artefacts arc. Specifically having in mind that those boys are brothers and that instead of handing them over to Spirit Office, Yusuke makes them go home to their mother so she'll be informed abt this. (Botan never hears of this; Koenma never hears of this)

The mother is mortified and relieved that the current Spirit Detective is a lot more reasonable (but also younger -- alarming, but she's not gonna call attention to it when this could have gone a lot worse, and she doesn't want to test anything) and thanks them for bringing her boys home instead of arresting them.

Which Yusuke is unnerved by bc that's a LOT coppier than he's used to thinking abt it - it's in the name but fuck, he doesn't wanna be a cop. Kuwabara meanwhile: woah, demons exist? And they have MOMS?? And APARTMENTS- hey cool place btw, my dad's got that picture too (he's not stupid but he JUST learned abt these things and so far Yusuke hasn't explained SHIT abt being a Spirit Detective, let alone how he's uncomfy about the coppy stuff, so he's not picking up on these details just yet and also he's distracted being a good kid in front of the really embarrassed mother who is apologising abt her kids)

Where the fuck was I RIGHT!!! After that encounter they cool down at a burger place and talk a little about what happened. Yusuke is exhausted and just wants to eat, Kuwa would REALLY like to talk abt things bc Things are Coming To Mind that Didn't Come To Mind Earlier and it was a Bad Time Anyway.

(Oh, foils in dinner habits? Yusuke and Atsuko never eating together until Yusuke dies, let alone speaking together while eating together, and even after he gets revived they soon revert back to not really eating together, versus the Kuwabara Household, which strikes me as a family dinner kind of household and everyone talks about their day. Hence further Urameshi "wtf I'm eating I'm busy fucker" Yusuke and Kuwabara "we're eating that means Talking Time" Kazuma)

Maybe they do talk a little! Maybe some progress! (In what exactly? Too many parameters to think, I need to get back to this w an alphabetical or chronological or narrative or by colour order--)

Anyways Keiko comes by bc she craves a burger too and then she spots those two and is GOBSMACKED

Angy Keiko AU agenda: in which Kuwabara accidentally knocked over Yusuke's coffin during the wake and Keiko's been holding a GRUDGE for the guy EVER SINCE.

I want her to be angry on Yusuke's behalf! I want her to be angry on her own behalf for having lost her best and long-time friend since toddlerhood, and this NOBODY DELINQUENT (sorry kuwa) not only lives but that he interrupted her friend's wake bc what? They had a "warrior's bond"? Fuck that guy! (sorry kuwa!!)

Meanwhile Yusuke doesn't really hold grudges (surprising! but he really doesn't! He gets back at Iwamoto one (1) time with his first Spirit Gun blast and that was it; Akashi gets fired soon after Takenaka has evidence of malicious behaviour and sabotage towards students, and Yusuke doesn't pursue him further. There is that jerk in the Kana chapter (ch5) whose dreams are haunted by Yusuke, who doesn't quite feel resolved about Kana's situation even though Kana states she's happy now. And then it was done! Revenge over.*

(Also, he's seen Kuwabara at his best and behaving accordingly to a surprising honour code. He's a clumsy, friendly guy, and Yusuke likes that about him. He won't admit that though-)

ENTER KEIKO WHO HAS UNBRIDLED BEEF WITH KUWA!!! She's kinda mad Yusuke isn't mad, and she's mad at Kuwa for apparently not being bad enough of a dude at heart that Yusuke doesn't feel that apparent annoyance-at-best-apathy-at-worst he used to express about Kuwa when the topic came up.

I need a character who is angry at another character and it's not. Edgy. If anything, it's usually funny? Usually, "Did you say something?" "N-no, nothing," or "I think you were leaving" "As a matter of fact, I was." Which makes the moments when Kuwa lets his guard down and Keiko goes, "Oh. You forgot?" all the stronger? Its about the relationship about how a work uses comedy to make me think, "Oh, the Bad has passed, they're on good terms now," and then it'll strike me in the heart with "Nope. Things are Bad, we're just Pretending sometimes."

It compels Yusuke to maybe speak in favour of Kuwa actually, bc one thing is friendly ribbing, another thing is genuine Keiko fury that isn't going to go away any time soon. To Kuwabara this probably looks and feels really confusing, bc on most accounts he'd say this, a girl storming over to the table of two guys being dudes (and absolutely NOT friends, are you crazy) is the scene of a girlfriend angry at her boyfriend for not spending time with her, but both of them have said they're not going out--

(I don't want this to turn into pining if it's kuwameshi. It'd be too early in the story for that, they're both too constipated for such a thing. The low-hanging fruit of a character secretly being extremely curious abt another character's love-life and an author banging my head with it is unappealing, even in my own writing. One sentence about it functions well enough. Ugh shipping is terrible.)

Keiko joins the burger date! She sits down beside Yusuke so they're together and she can glare at Kuwabara all she likes until he dies or until he leaves. PLEASE childhood friends stealing each other's food (Keiko bc she's MAD) and Yusuke ordering some more food bc his is stolen now. Fic writers on ao3 don't NEARLY EXPAND ENOUGH on the potential of them having known each other their entire lives

Kuwabara gets further confused bc they don't look like paramours the way they're sitting so closely yet completely unflirtaciously, and how they're stealing from each other's plates-- and oooooohhhh she's mad bc she's angry at Kuwa and she's therefore angry w Yusuke for hanging out w him, right. Bc she hates him for the coffin thing and also being a delinquent. Kuwa forgets sometimes he's got an actual nemesis who wishes ill upon him.

Also, in this au, I like to imagine she casts her dislike onto his friends too. Let her be petty and unreasonable, as a treat. This is one of her hills to kill on. But that was Kuwa's friends, he can understand disliking someone and therefore disliking their company, he didn't think she'd admonish Yusuke for hanging out with him.

This is another reason why I want angy Keiko. I think Kuwa would be baffled that someone actually hates him and is angry that her friend (Yusuke) tolerates his (Kuwa's) presence more than they expected. Also, bc it's Yukimura Keiko, who until Kuwa, is the pillar of reasonability and normalcy and staying on the straight and narrow at Sarayashiki. It's a lot more complicated than what he's used to, what he kinda wants from Yusuke or from his usual friends (mutual obsession in the rivalry or plain friendship).

In case this isn't clear, this characterisation is 100% inspired by Ritsu's hatred/apathy of Reigen from MP100! I need Keiko to have more feelings abt other characters than Yusuke or I need a fic where she is THIS close to being a platonic yandere. Let the girl be violent. Let the girl have just as much promise of violence as Yusuke does, if not more. Amen.

Adding this too, that the burger scene was inspired by this post https://timlets.tumblr.com/post/690712797261250560/twitter-really-quite-enjoys-my-shit-doodles-i-make. Previously I thought the scene (the mom and the shapeshifting demons) would just end w Kuwa and Yusuke parting ways "well THAT happened" but having the burger scene feels better.

I need this to be the picture btw, the one the lady should have that Kuwabara can point at and say "hahaha I have that" (source: yyh manga, inner cover of volume 8)

* Remembered that Yusuke is angered that he never got to beat Raizen before Raizen dies, but that's a really aggreviated circumstance, and one that spands an entire year.

#yyh things #I'm not tagging character names anymore I don't trust the fandom #I got a few likes on a previous one that was abt hiei and kurama and went “nope no more im seeing creeps coming in” #hermit crab behaviour #loud text

[utcmmoments]

Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt: A Personal Journey to Success

Fear and self-doubt can be powerful emotions that hold us back from achieving our goals and living our best lives. Whether it's starting a new business, pursuing a career change, or even asking someone out on a date, these emotions can be paralyzing and prevent us from taking action. I know this firsthand because I've struggled with these emotions myself for a very long time. However, through my personal journey, I've learned that it's possible to overcome these emotions and achieve success and happiness.

My Personal Story My personal struggles with fear and self-doubt started when I was young. I was always afraid of making mistakes, looking foolish, and failing. These fears held me back from pursuing my dreams and trying new things. As I got older, my self-doubt grew stronger, and I started to doubt my abilities and worth as a person. When it came to pursuing my dreams, I always had a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that I wasn't good enough. This voice prevented me from taking risks and stepping outside of my comfort zone. This emotional state affected my personal and professional life. I found it hard to take risks or put myself out there for new opportunities. I continuously labeled myself as shy and introverted. I didn't feel confident enough to speak up or share my ideas with others. I was being a follower rather than a leader. My negative self-talk kept me in a constant state of anxiety and worry. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I realized I needed to make a change. Aside from being a psychology minor in undergrad, I started to read self-help books, attend workshops and [free] webinars, search YouTube videos, and do my own research to understand more about the psychology behind fear and self-doubt. I also started to practice self-care, which included meditation, journaling, and exercise. Through these practices, I began to understand the root causes of my fears and doubts. I realized that many of my fears were based on false beliefs and negative self-talk that I've created along the way due to my life experiences. I also learned that it's possible to challenge and change these beliefs and thoughts.

Understanding Fear and Self-Doubt Before we can overcome fear and self-doubt, we need to understand what causes them. Fear is a natural response to perceived danger, but sometimes our brains can't differentiate between a real threat and an imagined one. This is where self-doubt comes in. Our negative self-talk convinces us that we're not capable of handling the situation at hand, leading to feelings of inadequacy and fear. Here are some tips that helped me overcome fear and self-doubt:

Challenge negative self-talk: Whenever you hear that voice in your head telling you that you're not good enough, ask yourself if that thought is true. More often than not, you'll find that it's NOT. Replace the lie with the empowering truth.

Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential for building self-confidence. Make sure to get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and eat a healthy diet. The more balanced you are, the better you feel about the decisions and moves you are making.

Cultivate a positive mindset: Surround yourself with positivity. Read motivational books, listen to uplifting music or podcasts, and spend time with people who support and encourage you.

Use positive affirmations: Repeat positive affirmations to yourself every day. Tell yourself that you're capable, strong, and worthy of success because YOU ARE!

Practice visualization techniques: Visualize yourself achieving your goals. Picture yourself succeeding and feeling confident. If you can imagine it, you can achieve it!

Learn from failures: Failure is a natural part of life, but it's how we respond to it that matters. Instead of letting failure defeat you, use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Losses that turned into lessons - they're nothing but blessings!

Just Start! :Sometimes, the hardest part of overcoming fear and self-doubt is just getting started. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, start small. Take one small step toward your goal, and build from there. Remember, progress is progress, no matter how small. Don't let perfectionism hold you back from starting. Taking a Leap of Faith Overcoming fear and self-doubt is not easy, but it's possible. Sometimes, it takes taking a leap of faith to push past these emotions and achieve success. For me, taking a leap of faith meant starting my own spiritual life coaching business. Starting a business is a risk, and it requires a lot of hard work, dedication, and belief in oneself. However, I knew that this is something I am passionate about, and I want to help others overcome their own fears and self-doubts by helping them renew their mindsets and elevate their confidence. Showing up for my business every day is challenging, but it also gives me a sense of purpose and fulfillment. I am able to use my personal experiences and knowledge to help others overcome their struggles and achieve their goals. Being the Divine Glow Coach is more than a title, it's my calling. I had always been interested in spirituality and helping others, but I was terrified of starting my own business. Considering that I started a photography business and had to dissolve it. The questions came back - "What if I failed?" "What if nobody wanted to work with me?" These questions almost prevented me from taking action, but I knew I couldn't let fear hold me back. In Conclusion Overcoming fear and self-doubt is a journey that requires patience, perseverance, and self-awareness. It's essential to understand the root causes of these emotions and to challenge and change negative beliefs and thoughts. Remember, you are worthy and capable of achieving your goals and dreams. It's important to practice self-care, cultivate a positive mindset, and use positive affirmations and visualization techniques. Don't be afraid to take risks and learn from failures. Remember, failures are opportunities for growth and learning. Taking a leap of faith can be scary, but it can also lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Believe in yourself and your abilities, and don't let fear and self-doubt hold you back from pursuing your passions and dreams. I hope that my personal journey and the tips I've shared in this post will help you overcome your own fears and self-doubts. Remember that you're not alone, and there are many resources available to help you along the way. You deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life, so take that first step toward overcoming your fears and doubts today. Written by: Ashley Conyers, Divine Glow Spiritual Life Coaching LLC

#faithoverfear #yougotthis #myjourney #mentalhealth #keepgoing #dowhatyoulove #livingthroughpurpose

[gunsli-01]

Gotta be real I've been having a crap time for a minute now. From being harassed by a psychiatrist (for literal months) to everything that happened over the past nine years. Like I can only name a handful of good things that have occurred but there's been good things. I won't be discussing them here to not ramble. Just want to say Trevor Noah's shout out to black women saying if you want to know what America is like talk to black women cause they don't have the leisure to fuck around and find out is very accurate.

This year and every year I've wanted something that my Healthcare rightfully should and luckily eventually after several years of searching did turn out to cover testing for autism. Then went under months of testing from a black female psychiatrist. Something a lot of people online say is that finding a psychiatrist similar to you is fulfilling and i know a lot of people don't want to hear this but it was not. I didn't fuck around and find out at every angle where I saw an abuse of power I noted it. When this psychiatrist withheld my diagnosis forms from me despite testing being complete I noted it, when she angrily started editing my disgnosis forms on her computer cause she thought I was being uppity I noted it. If I had issues I made sure I had a detailed record of them and kept everything related to going there. I did not fuck around and find out and I'm happy for the experiences in my life that told me not to. Because if I did fuck around and find out I very well could've been institutionalized over a disagreement with a power hungry ableist psychiatrist.

If and when I go ableism is a problem I'm not saying it from a distance. I'm saying it as someone who grew up with asthma who kept trying to figure out if they had autism until they did. Then immediately after discovering they had it and adhd yep we're triple a in here now apparently. Was immediately considered a child despite being an adult and as though my personal statements on any issue concerning my life were unimportant, harassed, belittled, and infantalized for months as someone refused to give me documentation I needed to leave the situation. Then after I got that and left this psychiatrist tried to send the police to my home by fabricating a state of emergency and claiming I was suicidal so they would technically have the right to. That's the type of shit that can happen when black women fuck around and find out. I've told family about this and reactions have been very telling it's not that's horrible it's oh of course well you should've figured that would happen, that's how it always is, at least you know what this field is actually like now.

I'm far from thinking that mental health isn't important or something that should be sought after. Simply because it's proveably true that it is important and a necessity that everyone should have access to and feel safe accessing. I'm just stating that for some people even those sorts of places aren't safe. I thought it was for me and through experience I now know it isn't. I now know that at the end of the day the luxury to fuck around and find out isn't one I ever had. The only reason I'm here right now is because I did not fuck around and find out. Even when extending the benefit of the doubt I kept a record of these things. I looked into how to report this behavior if it came down to that which it obviously did. I made back up plans for back up plans even going as far as to get a telehealth therapist at the same time as pursuing testing with this person in case things did not work out with one of them and if it didn't work with either of them down the road I would simply leave.

That's the type of mentality you get when you know you don't have the option to fuck around and find out without it severely negatively impacting or ending your life. People might say why were you so paranoid about getting therapy and testing but I know if I wasn't I would simply no longer be here to the capacity I am right now and that's the problem not how I chose to cope with it.

#gunsli rambles #i provably won't be using that tag again but i didn't want to tag it personal

[medinarea]

The State of My Mental Health

The State of My Mental Health

By:  Reabelle Medina

Every day is distinctive. There is always something new. Our day varies depending on how we're feeling, just as our mental health isn't constantly in good shape. We may feel happy one day, then depressed the next. Every day, we can be both active and inactive.

So, how is my mental health in relation to many aspects of my life?

My mental health has been in a completely different place now than it was perhaps when I was younger. I can now perceive the differences and changes as an adult. Time flies by so quickly now. Back when I was a child, all I wanted to do was play with my friends and classmates. I love asking my parents to get anything I desire in order to make me happy. Before, it sounded like my life's slogan was "enjoying, happiness, and taking time." Every day after school, all I want to do is play in the rain and on the playground using the Chinese garter, hula hoop, and other games.

See? Being a child simply means living a simple, pleasant existence without any difficulties, excess thought, or heartbreaks.

But now that I'm an adult, I can definitely see how things have changed. To put it another way, I can now see everything, which is what we call reality. Now that I've defined it, I can say that life is both magical and unpredictable. Magical because we are here to discover the world. Life can be really challenging, and now that I'm an adult, I feel that there are many things that need to be done and problems that need to be resolved. Our entire attention is devoted to making plans to accomplish and sustain a goal.

The more we get older, the more the responsibilities we need to take. As of now, my mental health rates are about 8 out of 10.

Why?

            It's because I've recently been aware of several things I need to do. Particularly in my case, since I was raised alone without parents. In order for me to graduate from college and earn a degree that will aid in my achievement, I really need to concentrate on my academic work. So that I may assist my siblings with their financial security and better enable them to continue and finish their studies. This puts pressure on me, which is why I always overthink and wonder what my life will be like in the future. Will I make it out alive? Am I capable of overcoming all the difficulties I currently face?

So, how am I feeling mentally?

 It can be both good and awful at times, but I can only say that I always learnt something new every day. I am stronger to continue living thanks to my current sufferings. These days, show me how to control my emotions and sentiments so that I can keep pursuing my goals and desires in life. My mental health, which occasionally has me on the verge of tears, inspires me every day. The phrase "There is always a light at the end of the tunnel" is one piece of advice for this generation. Crying out of pain is not a sign of weakness. Your daily efforts to get stronger will be your weapon in the struggles that will inevitably come into your life. 

#BLOGno.2

#writers #student

[themangledsans0508]

Blitzo and Stolas’ relationship, their character flaws, and how it can improve.

Spoilers for literally the entire series.

Someone on here really irritated me by the way they talked about the relationship between Stolas and Blitzo. To acknowledge myself and the fact I personally think they are a good ship is to acknowledge my bias, but this person is obviously biased against the ship to the point they failed to look at the good parts of their relationship and focus solely on the bad parts.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL OPINION. Nothing I say is anything other than my interpretation. This is a long essay so I will tuck it beneath a Read More

First off, this person makes the failed marriage between Stolas and Stella completely Stolas' fault and implies Stella did nothing wrong while using a child's opinion as proof. While it is true that the failure is because Stolas cheated and that is wrong, Stella is in no way right. She is destroying things, throwing them at Stolas, yelling and berating him all in front of their daughter. She hired an assassin for Christ's sake, we're not going to pretend that's a reasonable reaction to someone cheating.

The proof they use is Octavia blaming all Stella's actions on Stolas, but she is a child. This has probably been her life for some time now and she's probably rationalized her mother's actions as something her father deserved. Kids in toxic households think of extreme reactions as being triggered by something the target did and are therefore excused as reasonable. Stolas cheated on Stella, therefore he deserved whatever she does to him. That isn't true, and Stolas definitely does not deserve to have things thrown and his possessions destroyed. Does he deserve to lose his wife? Yes, but that is not what initially happens.

ADDITION:

@monofpoke4life noticed something that's really interesting. It's implied Stella and Stolas' relationship was never the best by Octavia and Stolas himself. Octavia's comment could be in reference to her current life but Stolas' makes it seem like there has always been issues in their marriage.

They also make Stolas' reaction of hiding his face when he begins to be mocked as embarrassment over the loss induced by lust. I think it's different. He's embarrassed because he chose to pursue a man over keeping a perfect life he wasn't truly happy in. And in the song (let's call it Octavia's lullaby, or Stolas' lament) he references the fact he used to think love would be fun and that he thought he was bold, implying that neither is true. He doesn't like confrontation with the other two and thinks if he ignore it and it'll go away on its own. That's why he doesn't speak up, he's not bold enough to. The reason he could with the humans is they are so insignificant and powerless against him; Fizzarolli and Asmodeus are not.

A little side note, both the show and the other person's opinion makes it seem as if he has lost Octavia in this scene and that's not true- he still has Octavia. It seems he and Stella are divorced or in the process of being at this point as he does say "Octavia is with her mother this weekend" which makes me believe it's either a 50/50 custody situation or he has primary custody. Octavia isn't there because she left him; Octavia is there because he feels like he failed her. Octavia and Stella appearing isn't done by the other two, they're done by Stolas' mind and that's all. It's how he feels they feel about him.

Blitzo being tormented by two jilted lovers wasn't focused on enough besides the fact Stolas did nothing. Let's address that first: Stolas did nothing because he wasn't confident enough to. He didn't know anything about those two and this was the first he had heard about them. He couldn't be witty or snide because he didn't have enough information and he couldn't defend Blitzo because he didn't know how much of their claims were true. Also at this point, he's just trying to process what is going on.

Blitzo's issues with Verosika and Fizzarolli are clearly deeper than any party has stated. Only brief mentions to the past from all three of them and petty insults thrown around. It's clear whatever happened with those two really hurt Blitzo, he still has grudges against both of them. It was a confrontation that Blitzo couldn't get himself out of nor did he attempt to deny any of it, he had no wit and didn't make any comebacks which to me makes it seem there is some truth to the accusations

Next, we have the flaws in both of them in reference to each other.

There is an incredibly difficult power balance here. Stolas is a prince; blitzo is a imp. I'll be assuming here that imps are the lowest in hell's hierarchy hence why it's such a big deal Stolas is sleeping with one. That init of itself makes things incredibly unbalanced in the social sense. Then Stolas is also far stronger physically than Blitzo, although for this relationship I won't be considering it too much since they are not physical in a bad way. Finally, the book. It gives stolas so much leverage in the relationship that even if he doesn't use still exists. It's the basis of their whole relationship, it's what both their worlds revolve around. Stolas being in charge of the book means Blitzo has to be conscious of what he's doing around stolas because he could throw his life askew at any point. Although again, Blitzo doesn't seem to care too much about that as he does not watch himself around stolas and very openly will chastise him (ep 2, ep 5) however it should still be acknowledged as existing.

This is stolas' issue, he has power and doesn't realize/recognize it. He metaphorically (or literally, ep 6) has Blitzo on a lead and because of that Blitzo listens to his words. A majority of the season has been made up of Stolas making sexual comments towards Blitzo or reducing him to an object (phone call, ep 1; "my big dick Blitzy," ep 2; "my impish little plaything," entire series, example in mind is in ep 6) and while there are softer moments ("my darling Blitzy," ep 5; "are you all right, darling?" ep 6) that doesn't change that fact the majority of the verbal indications are taken as their relationship just being sex and Stolas never clarifies that to Blitzo.

Blitzo has multiple issues, he uses Stolas for his gain (the book, getting into the club ep 7) while Stolas either ignores it or looks at it positively. Whether or not he truly cares for Stolas is honestly debatable at the moment to the point both sides would have a good argument. That does not change the fact that their interactions only happen so Blitzo can get something from Stolas, with two exceptions where one was paid (ep 2, ep 5). 

Blitzo's other HUGE problem is he has abandonment issues and some other trauma in reference to relationships and to the extent he cannot open himself up to people and struggles to see himself in a family setting and happy (crossed out pictures, ep 7). In ep 6 Blitzo's subconscious admits these issues in Moxie's bad trip as well as his own while referencing he's scared of what'll happen if he does put himself in that setting. It further solidifies after he drops Stolas off in ep 7. He states: "don't pretend what we have is anything more than me fucking you," to which Stolas is upset but doesn't argue further. However, he contradicts himself, or at least his inner self does. He knows Stolas likes him enough to want to go out on a date. He knows Stolas is excited to be out with him in public and sees how dressed up he gets and the legitimate effort he puts in having a good evening. He did that to spy on Millie and Moxie. If Stolas really just wanted him for sex, why would he go out on a date with him and furthermore why would Blitzo even attempt to ask? It's simple: he knows Stolas likes him (loves? Has a crush on? Idfk) but he actively sabotages himself intentionally or not. Because he doesn't believe it'll work out or doesn't believe he's worth it is unclear and also debatable, the main fact is he knows their relationship could be more they just both have issues.

In an attempt to wrap this up I want to recognize that these are both broken people, Blitzo especially. This person whose statements irritated me did so by stating we shouldn't expect them to change because they bring out the worst in each other. While I agree with the first statement somewhat it is the second one that irks me. I would argue the Blitzo brings out some of the better in stolas, his childlike glee (my darling Blitzy!" Ep 5), his caring and romantic side (Instagram posts (not fully Canon but very closely based), entirety of ep 7), and his protectiveness (ep 6), which are things that have only been brought out by Octavia otherwise (sans the romantic part). 

Blitzo might not have the better brought out in him but is working towards there, he does protect stolas (granted with an excuse, ep 5), start showing gratitude (ep 6), and some level of affection or at least something akin to it (ep 6). What should be acknowledged is that broken people can't fix each other, that is a fact that cannot be argued. Someone cannot fix another person, the only way a person can be fixed is if they do it themself However, two people can support one another and try to better each other and themselves which the both of them are foreshadowed to be heading towards.

The writer also states that people do not know what "red flags" are in a context that doesn't make any sense. There are red flags like Stolas' power and Blitzo using him but those come from either society and exterior circumstances or mental illness. If those root causes are addressed then the flags can be taken down.

To state that their relationship is unhealthy is not an incorrect statement; that being said it doesn't mean it cannot become one. They can't fix each other and love doesn't magically make everything okay and it doesn't always work out, but it can have effort put into it to make it better. Stolas and Blitzo together can make their relationship healthy if that's how the story goes.

The author argues that their relationship shouldn't be expected to be perfect and should not be expected to become better or have the characters change but I disagree. Is the point of a show not to portray characters becoming better people? Is it not to portray optimism and realism? Would it not be more impactful for Stolas and Blitzo to work on their relationship, romantic or not, to model what is good and can be achieved instead of portraying being stuck due to one's flaws? A relationship doesn't have to be perfect to be okay. To be real doesn't mean to throw away what can be good; Stolas and Blitzo can both become better people. I personally hope and think they will.

#helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #stolitz #helluva blitzo #helluva stolas #relationship analysis #chara writes #my post

[iguana-eyanna]

n e d l e e d s : m a r r y m e

"Man it's been a while since we got lunch for just the two of us! Where are you taking us by the way?" Peter asks as he and Ned meet at his place to go out.

"Ummm, Ned... You alright?" Peter asks as Ned looked like his mind was elsewhere.

Ned snapped out of his trance and looked at Peter. "I'm sorry. To be honest, we're not going to lunch. I just needed you to help me get something." Ned asked as his hands were feeling clammy.

"Okayyyyy, no problem. What are we picking up?" Peter questions. Ned takes a deep breath inches closer to him, speaking in a low tone.

"YOU'RE DOING WHAT?" Peter screamed like a maniac on the sidewalk, earning side glares from by-passers.

Ned had to calm Peter down as they were still walking towards their destination. "Can you not tell the whole world right now?" he asks in a hushed tone, too afraid to bump into people he may know.

Peter still looks bewildered as he tries to utter the words out of his mouth. "I'm sorry, it's not every day that your best friend is buying an engagement ring for their high school sweetheart," Peter grumbled, a bit jealous.

But it was true.

You and Ned hit it off in your freshman year, realizing that you had so much in common. Both of you took a liking to the film "Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them", even cosplaying as Jacob and Queenie for Halloween. Though you were young, you two knew that you were made for each other.

Even during the end of senior year, when you decided to pursue your dreams of becoming a singer and enrolled in Berklee: College of Music, Ned supported your decision. You made the long-distance relationship work, even if you were a few hours away.

After graduating from your respected schools, Ned offered to find a space for you both to live in and you immediately agreed. You found a cute studio space in New York and called it your home. Ned became a mechanical engineer for the army and you were about to drop the first album that you worked on for so long.

The Leeds boy loved you, and he knew he wanted to be called yours forever.

Now it led the two friends to a jewelry store, as Ned wanted to find the most perfect one for you. Peter is still shocked at how driven his friend was as Ned knew what type of color you liked or what cut diamond flattered your features. Ned stopped in his tracks as he saw a beautiful single band with a Marquise diamond decorated with two small round ones on each side.

"That's it..." Ned whispered to himself as a jeweler pulled out the ring and placed it on the glass display.

"She really is the one, huh?" Peter says, beaming with joy as the thought of you and Ned getting married made him happier than sad.

"She's been the one since we were 15." Ned replied as the reality of him proposing felt so real.

"I'm happy for you man..." Peter said, becoming tear-eyed.

Ned shoots a sympathetic look at his friend. "Hey, hey, hey. Don't forget that you've supported me since day one. You're like a brother to me, why do you think I just wanted just you here?"

Peter wipes away his tears and hugs Ned. "If she says yes, I have dibs on being your best man."

Ned laughs and replies back. "I wouldn't dream of anything more."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was finally the release party of your album and you were so excited. You were currently getting ready in your shared bedroom, putting on your earrings at your vanity.

"Babe, which tie should I-" Ned asks you but stops in midsentence, taking in your beauty.

You look at Ned through the mirror and laugh a bit in his quiet state.

"Wear the black tie with maroon details." You answered him, fluffing out your hair that you would drive Ned mad.

"If you keep on teasing me, we're not going to arrive on time to your party." You roll your eyes and face your body to him, smirking.

"Let them wait... besides, I want to make a grand entrance with my bubba right here." He walks over to you and places a sweet kiss on your lips and slowly pulls away, taking in your perfume.

"God I can't wait for you to-" he cuts his sentence, realizing he almost spilled his secret out.

"...to what babe?" you try to finish his sentence till you both turn around to the sound of your alarm, alerting you that you both should head out.

"Guess that's our cue." he kisses you quickly on the forehead and races to get ready. Once you are both done, you called an uber and you drove to the event.

As you both arrive, the energy of your event spikes up. Bubbly drinks are shared around your friends and colleagues as they all share their congrats to you.

Suddenly, Ned clinks one of his drinks and the whole room stops to listen to his announcement.

He looks at the quiet room as you stand in front of him, confused. "Wow, didn't realize that would work hehe." He chuckles as he musters the courage he's been waiting for so long.

"This evening when we were getting ready, I saw my girl by her vanity as she was putting on her earrings. Let me tell ya, she looked like a piece of art you would see in those museums."

You begin blushing and that made Ned smile more as he stares at your shining eyes.

"You asked me earlier what I couldn't wait for, and that moment is this." He bends on one knee and the whole room goes crazy. You're already covering your face, crying (as well as Ned) as he takes out a proposal ring in his pocket.

"Ever since we were 15, I knew that you would be the one for me. You are this driven, talented, and passionate woman. I am in such awe every time you sing your heart out and I'm so proud that you wanted to pursue your gifts. I am so blessed to have you in my life, so... will you marry me?"

You nod your head as you whisper yes and lean into Ned for a kiss. Everyone is shouting "congratulations" as Ned slips the ring on your finger. He then gets up and twirls you in his arms, realizing that this is the happiest moment in his life.

Ned places you down and kisses you again, holding your waist.

"God, I can't wait to marry you."

#ned leeds fluff #jacob batalon imagines #jacob batalon #jacob batalon x reader #Nedtober #Nedtober2021 #ned leeds x reader #ned leeds #ned leeds imagine

[the-music-maniac]

You ever notice how similar Xie Wang and Han Ying’s stories and character arcs are?

A warning here that this contains spoilers for all of Word of Honor/Shan He Ling. Stop reading now, I reference a ton of shit.

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I was actually discussing a couple fic ideas with a friend a few weeks ago, and I got to wondering after thinking about those parallels I could see -

Does Han Ying x Xie Wang exist as a ship?? Is that a thing?? That exists?? Can it please exist??

It has so much potential. There's so many narrative parallels with these two characters.

They're two people who deserved better than their respective endings, who never got what they wanted, because of the manipulation of men who wanted power and would stop at nothing to get it (Jin Wang and Zhao Jing). The manipulation of those who saw them as less then what they were.

They also have similarities in their relationships with their "mentor figures" - Han Ying and Zhou Zishu, and Xie Wang and Zhao Jing. They have quite a lot of differences too, enough that their lives parallel each other instead of mirror, and I just think that their personal experiences could make for a very compelling storyline if these two were to interact. It would be an interesting road to a development of a potential relationship, and moreover an opportunity for both of them to learn from the other and heal.

And real talk? I just want the both of them to be happy tbh (and of course that obviously doesn't need to involve a romantic relationship - I just have no self control. I'd be just as ecstatic about a really good friendship though).

I also know they never interact in the drama - but then again these two are also literally dead in the drama. Reality is what you make it 🤣🤣. And considering how close the Scorpion was working with Tian Chuang - honestly I'm pretty sure you can't really say they haven't met either.

So anyways, I guess reasons why I think this would be a good ship dynamic:

First of all, their relations with their mentors and how it's similar to each other and also not. The resulting potential for mutual support:

Han Ying's dearest wish is to be a disciple of Zhou Zishu's, as he says plainly in that one episode.

The thing is, there could be quite a lot of subtext taken from that - I've read interpretations that he's in love with Zhou Zishu, or at least has romantic feelings for him - a strong crush possibly - which I can plausibly see (I can also see it just being platonic, which I will talk about later). But yeah, a romantic interpretation just because of how strong his devotion towards Zhou Zishu is. The wistful looks?????

In that kind of situation, IF the romantic feelings are two-sided instead of one-sided - which I would like to go on the record and say that with Han Ying and Zhou Zishu, I don't believe it is - and as a result actually becomes something, that type of relationship would not be the most healthy, because there's a very strong imbalance of power. Even if the mentor figure genuinely cares and actively minds the mentee's feelings - the mentee still undeniably has that level of hero worship - it won't ever be equal. We can see that already in Han Ying's case, Zhou Zishu repeatedly tells him to stop treating him with so much formality because he's not the leader anymore and yet Han Ying still remains deferential.

In that interpretation, if that were the case of it being two sided - Han Ying would have quite a lot of similarity of experience to Xie Wang's relation to Zhao Jing -

And here I can talk about how Xie Wang and Zhao Jing's relationship is uh. Kinda sus tbh. Like. That doesn't look like a healthy or platonic father-son relationship and it gives me the creeps. In Xie Wang and Zhao Jing's relationship, I'm more inclined to believe there's some semi-incestous yifu fucking going on than anything platonic, there's just so many sus moments - and if I'm not mistaken they dubbed over a line in the show where it was basically stated plainly that it's not a platonic relationship. Or at least - Xie Wang doesn't view Zhao Jing platonically (and I don't believe Zhao Jing discourages it at all, if anything he actively encourages and guides it to make Xie Wang dependent on him). So we got another setup where it's potentially one sided romantic feelings/hero worship. Or maybe two sided for them, who knows.

But the thing is, while I talked about unhealthy romantic relationships in my section about Han Ying, a fundamental difference between Xie Wang and Han Ying's relationships with their mentors is that Zhou Zishu's relationship with Han Ying would be a lot healthier. A LOT healthier. So much fucking healthier, I cannot emphasis that enough. And that's mostly because their relationship is not two-sided, and because he sees Han Ying as a person.

He cares about Han Ying a lot but not as anything beyond platonic - he views him as a student and a subordinate and protects him as such. Han Ying on the other hand could have romantic feelings for Zhou Zishu. Not in love per se, it feels to me like it could be a mix of a really strong crush with really strong hero worship. I don't think Han Ying truly knows Zhou Zishu's other aspects of personality (yet?? I guess because if we're gonna hypothetically bring both Han Ying and Xie Wang back to life he probably will eventually get to know Zhou Zishu properly), because I doubt he ever showed anything beyond his stern assassin leader type of persona to his subordinates. He was likely caring yes, but in a way that keeps people at a distance. So, a mentor-mentee type of relationship where Han Ying could be crushing quite hard on Zhou Zishu. But still a healthy one, as Zhou Zishu, one - doesn't intend to pursue a romantic relationship with Han Ying - and moreover, although might know about his feelings, or his devotion at least(tbh you'd have to be blind not to), he treats them, and him, with respect. He doesn't try and manipulate Han Ying, or use his emotions for his own purposes. He sees Han Ying as his own person. His affection and regards towards Han Ying remains unconditional, even if Han Ying messes up or doesn't follow instructions. Instructions that, btw, repeatedly try to keep Han Ying out of the line of fire, and makes it clear that Han Ying is to put himself first.

Everything Zhao Jing does however is solely to cripple Xie Wang and make him wholly dependent on him. He's been grooming Xie Wang from such a young age, and his positive regard and care is ALWAYS conditional. As soon as Xie Wang messes up, he takes it away as punishment, and because of how Zhao Jing's made himself the center of Xie Wang's world, that action is devastating to him. He subtly encourages and toys with Xie Wang's regard for him for his own purposes, he tries to make Xie Wang jealous so he works twice as hard to earn back Zhao Jing's attention. And as we see with his intention to eventually discard Xie Wang as soon as he is no longer useful - he doesn't view Xie Wang as a person. He's merely another tool in his arsenal.

The reason why I wrote such a long ass analysis about the similarities and differences between Xie Wang and Han Ying's relationships is because as I mentioned before, one reason I think this would be a pretty interesting ship and dynamic is how these two could help each other. At first, it might be more Han Ying helping Xie Wang.

Xie Wang hasn't ever experienced what a proper and healthy guardian type relationship is like, or even what it means for someone to choose him first. He's a victim of abuse, and should he manage to survive the avalanche at the end of the show, there is potential for him to start to undo all the damage that Zhao Jing has inflicted on him all those years, especially if the man is truly no longer around. And I think Han Ying would be in a very good position to offer him support in that journey. Moreover, if Han Ying has had an experience similar to that, it could be the reason he would want to offer support to Xie Wang. He's experienced a lot of what Xie Wang has experienced, but he's also seen what it is for someone to genuinely care about him, and as a result likely has a more healthy view on that type of relationship. They're similar enough for Xie Wang to potentially not want to push Han Ying away if he ever offers his help, but also dissimilar enough that Han Ying could offer new avenues of thought.

At the same time, if you just read Han Ying and Zhou Zishu's relationship as a really strong type of hero worship, this dynamic could make sense too. Han Ying clearly looks up to Zhou Zishu quite a lot, and on top of that, Zhou Zishu in a way represents everything Han Ying has wanted and couldn't have - aka a family and a mentor figure and a home to call his own. Regardless of if it's purely platonic or not, it's still an infinitely healthier relationship, a parallel to Xie Wang's experience, so the potential of the offer of support remains the same.

Second of all, similarity in origin and life experiences, which is a small thing tbh but still an important thing:

Han Ying is someone I don't know a lot of background on tbh - I presume he doesn't have a family anymore, and somehow ended up in the Window of Heaven. I've read fics where Zhou Zishu was the one to save him at some point and offer him a position in the assassin group, and I'm inclined to take that as a plausible head canon (unless it's actually canon, idk I haven't read tyk yet).

So, in bare bones, he's an orphan who is taken in by a mentor figure, and becomes a high ranking member of an assassin group.

Xie Wang is also someone who no longer has a family - we don't know that much about his background either, but I presume he was happened upon by Zhao Jing in some way - I'm not sure at what age tbh, is it assumed that he was raised by him?? Or maybe in teenage years??

Whatever it happens to be, Xie Wang was taken in, maybe even "saved" by (although if you ask me, he'd be better off without) Zhao Jing.

So in essence it is the same thing as Han Ying's experiences, an orphan who is taken in by a mentor figure, and becomes a high ranking (or the leader of) an assassin group.

And not only that, as I mentioned from the beginning, these two both realize and know, eventually, that they’re being used by men who are desperate for power (Jin Wang, Zhao Jing).

I mention this actually as just an extension of my first point, because while I mentioned that Han Ying very obviously can support Xie Wang in that particular “past grooming and abuse” aspect, there are probably still many hidden traumas and scars for these two from the lives they’ve both lead. Their similar experiences lead to similar choices which helped shape who they are, and as a result, I think these two could truly understand each other and where they’re coming from.

Their personalities would fit pretty well with each other. I think:

I don’t know if my interpretation on how these two are is accurate tbh, so feel free to let me know if you think it’s out of character.

To me, Han Ying seems like someone who would be pretty calm around the people he cares about; responsible, smart, eager to learn, with a steady sort of presence. He seems like someone who would wear their heart on their sleeve around people he trusts too, but not in any overtly obvious way. I think the reason why I get that impression is that, upon rewatch, I could plainly see his worry about Zhou Zishu in episode one, but when I first started the show, I somehow missed it entirely. Han Ying also didn’t show any qualms about admitting to Chengling that he wants to be Zhou Zishu’s disciple - which can be a very personal piece of info. The way he was around Zhou Zishu, and Wen Kexing also gave off an air of innocent eagerness to do well in his accomplishments and for approval. I’m not saying he’s always like this, because I’m rather certain he has a darker side too - as we see with all the characters, no one is without their traumas and no one is without artifice or without complexity. They’re all grey moral in a very human way, and Han Ying is no different. We’ve seen before too that once he’s got his game face on, the man is pretty competent and also ruthless (his conversation with Gao Chong for example) - I don’t think he could be any less if he’s that high up in the Tianchuang hierarchy. But at the same time I can also see him being a bit of a very subtle disaster (almost?? Slightly dorky??) in certain situations, and we can see that kind of peek through when Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing hijacked his kidnapping attempt and he was kind of like uhh. Okay so, I’m in a choke hold, I think that might be my former commander, so like. Let them go. It’s actually really funny cause while Wen Kexing was telling Gao Chong and Chengling to hurry up and leave, I swear you could see Han Ying contemplating his entire life.

The face of a man confuzzled.

Xie Wang on the other hand, is someone that’s more impulsive, liable to push or be mischievous, less of a steady personality and more like - for lack of better word - an absolute gremlin. A pretty murderous one. It’s a bit hard to tell all aspects of how Xie Wang is tbh, since he has many different mannerisms while talking to different people. With Zhao Jing he has a very subservient, almost dutiful, childlike and innocent air about him, and a sort of. Sa jiao (撒娇) type of demeanor. He craves approval from Zhao Jing, and is just generally very baby around him, and I’m really not sure how much of that is how he actually is and how much of that is him learning that this is the best way to get Zhao Jing’s attention. And tbh I don’t think all of that is grooming, I think Xie Wang probably does have the potential to be as soft or as innocently childlike and happy with others he cares about (just hopefully in a lot healthier way). I think we see his soft side a little with Qianqiao when he gives her the cure. Despite that though, we can still see other aspects of him surface. He makes suggestions and pushes when he thinks Zhao Jing’s refusals are unreasonable, he just goes and does his own thing sometimes (um usually murderous things. Like when he killed Song Huai Ren and told Zhao Jing he’s a traitor). He’s mischievous about some of his actions (after literally stabbing a man, ‘what? he said I should kill him if I have the ability’). He’s a lot more obviously gritty and aggressive and morally grey than Han Ying appears, which I think adds dimension to his character when added in with everything else. He’s also very smart, competent, ruthless - obviously since he runs the Scorpion, but he’s surprisingly fair and almost? Honourable? In certain aspects? And like Han Ying, he does somewhat wear his heart on his sleeve, retains that eagerness to do well and is somehow not as jaded as he could be, as he still finds the capacity to eventually care for a stranger (Liu Qianqiao). 

I may be oversimplifying how these two could be, but with their personality types I think they have a lot of potential both in a romantic relationship or as close friends. And in a way that at first glance would probably be puzzling - how in the hell did these two become friends/get together (lmao you’ll see Han Ying in his rather sensible disciple robes and then Xie Wang is just there in his braids, dramatic black outfits, winged eyeliner, etc. 🤣🤣😅😅) but on closer thought, makes sense. Han Ying could be a more steadying presence for Xie Wang, and Xie Wang in turn could help him loosen up a bit more. (That’s kind of oversimplifying it but it’s 5 am where I am rn and I’m too tired to elaborate) I also believe Xie Wang might push Han Ying to be more ambitious, be able to do things for himself more - because Xie Wang went through a process of, everything I do is for someone else, until I realized they were using me, and now I’m going to do it for myself. In that way they could potentially push each other to higher heights in what they do, and they are pretty similar in ideology and morals and previous actions. They both have blood on their hands, and they’re not afraid to be ruthless or do what’s necessary to get the job done. They have their traumas, their complexities and an understanding of what it’s like to put on masks for different people.

The potential for found family. All the found family. Gimme:

This one I feel like is more obvious and changes some things about canon, but the timeline I imagine for if Xie Wang x Han Ying would be a plausible ship is one where Han Ying survives the stealing of the fake glazed armour incident and becomes one of the disciples of Siji (second disciple of the sixth generation????). Everything else would likely proceed in a very similar way (although in this au in my mind Gu Xiang and Cao Weining are alive). And then during the avalanche incident, with WenZhou trapped in the armoury, Xie Wang ends up surviving and they end up finding him somehow.

Whether or not it’d be out of character for WenZhou to save him I think could be explored, but the bottom line is that eventually they would probably take him back to Siji. There, whether him meeting Han Ying goes smoothly or not is up to interpretation - I very much doubt it would be an amiable meeting tbh - in fact I fully imagine it to be antagonistic af at first, considering what opposing groups they used to be a part of and the knowledge of how deadly the other can be - trust would be hard to come by, which makes a slow development all the more interesting. And moreover them becoming friends or dating would likely help Xie Wang into the dynamic at Siji because now there’s a more tangible connection between him and the place, and I can see while he’s getting to know all the people of Siji, eventually thinking of them as family as well.  And Han Ying in turn gets another person who cares about him, and for him to care about.

I’ll be honest here and say that I don’t particularly care at this point how realistic or in character it all would be -  I need found family in my life I have no self control. Xie Wang and Han Ying my beloveds needs all the good things.

Another possible meeting is just Han Ying being sent to negotiate with the Scorpions instead of Duan Pengju (is that how it went? I’ll admit I’m a little fuzzy on plot points here) and meeting each other that way. There could be moments of understanding while working together, an inevitable kinda separation, and eventually seeing each other again at Siji, after all the shitshow is over. The development could continue from there.

The closer age gap:

I’d like to preface this part with a disclaimer that I’m not trying to bash any other ships that are out there, this is actually just entirely my personal preference.

I don’t really like big age gaps in my ships unless their both established adults - for example in their 30's 40's, even 50's. Even if one of them remains young in body, it’s just not a dynamic I generally like. The most popular ship that comes to mind here is Ye Baiyi x Xie Wang - and all the more power to you if you do ship it tbh, I can see it being really adorable and healing for the both of them, especially since Ye Baiyi never really gets a happy ending either (and he absolutely deserves one 😤😤😤) - but that as a ship dynamic is personally not for me, especially after Xie Wang’s kinda hinted relationship with another man that’s also older than him. Ye Baiyi obviously is ten million times the man Zhao Jing could ever be, and it would be an infinitely healthier relationship anyway, but yeah the age gap thing is just my personal bias.

So I don’t know, I appreciate that Han Ying and Xie Wang are both closer in age to each other. I know there aren’t confirmed ages (I think?) but if I had to take a guess, I’d say I think both of them are probably in their early to mid twenties.

Anyways, it’s literally 5:43 am now where I am, so I think I’m gonna end this way too long post and pass out. Honestly, I’m not even sure if this thing is coherent anymore, I’m half delirious with exhaustion while writing this. I might possibly write a fic or do something about this Xie Wang x Han Ying ship, I might not, but I just wanted to get it out there. It’s a cute idea.

Oh god my eyeballs are burning. Cheers, goodnight.

#word of honor #xie wang x han ying #han ying x xie wang #Han Ying #Xie Wang #Shan he ling #I mentioned WenZhou #so I suppose I should put them in? #CaoXiang #Four Seasons Manor #Zhou Zishu #Wen Kexing #Jin Wang #Zhao Jing #liu qianqiao #word of honor spoilers #spoilers

[thebonggirll]

epilogue

< previous: chapter twenty-five

Seven years has passed since then.

Since class 3-E graduated and the whole chapter of Koro came to an end.

As their deadline for the assassination task came nearer, the government informed the citizens of the danger the world were facing, as a result of which Koro was quarantined in their school. And as per instructions, they decided to fire a laser and kill him before the time arrived.

But no, the students were training for so long, they couldn't let it happen. They found their way in before the laser was shot.

And as for Koro, it wasn't so painful for him. He died peacefully surrounded by his students.

But that was not the case for the kids. They had to carry this burden for their whole life. In a way, they were all happy that their teacher died in the most peaceful way possible.

"I am late Rio," Y/N huffed taking long strides along the familiar path. The voice of her best friend came in her ears, as she tried to keep calm.

"Well, don't worry about it!" Rio paused, "I might be far away, but I can always take a flight and-"

"No, you don't have to. You have work...just like so many of our friends," Y/N stopped and looked at the disheveled state of the building and the ground around it. It brought back memories; a nostalgic feeling surrounded her.

"Come on, it's his joining day. You can't be pissed at him," Rio's voice snapped her out of the pleasant feeling.

"I'm not! I get it how important it is for him. It's just that I have to handle all the other work while he's figuring his work out," Y/N sighed, smiling, "Anyways, I'm here. I just...wish you guys were here too."

"Okay! Send me pictures! Bye!"

Y/N put her phone in her pockets and took in the scenery. She noticed Kayano looking closely at the flower garden. She was wearing her costume, and looked like she came directly from a film shooting. Just as she was about to call her, she heard the familiar voices, "Yo, we have a celebrity!" Everybody joined and talked to each other for a while.

"Okay people, let's clean this place up!" Isogai said.

"Yup, class president till the end huh?" Kataoka chuckled.

"Hey now, you're the ones who wanted me to hold on to the keys," he defended himself.

Class 3-E was a memorial to visit for them. They came back every year and clean the place up, spend some time together and reminisce their old days. Koro's lessons stayed with them, and well he would be proud of all of them, for sure.

"How are you doing Y/N? Heard you often get summoned by Karasuma sensei in special cases," Isogai asked, when they were taking a break after their work.

"Not often, but yeah sometimes. Being a psychiatrist is useful in some cases when the police needs to understand the mind of a victim or perpetrator."

"And Karma? I mean...you are living together right?"

"Wha-" Y/N blushed and gaped at her friends laughing faces, "J-Just so you know, we were about to tell you."

"Oh yeah sure. But...aren't you going to be in danger with the line of work he's pursuing? It's going to be hard for you."

"I didn't get into a relationship with him because it was easy you know. I mean...I want to be a part of it all, even when his back hits the wall, I'll be there for him."

Maehara sighed and joked, "So I've still got no chance?"

"Okay, NOW it feels like we're back in school," Y/N said, as everybody started laughing.

"All right, I brought beer!" Okajima said passing the drinks.

"Oh yeah! I need some, it's too hot." Mimura said.

"Uh..I think I'll skip mine," Y/N said.

"...Why?" Isogai asked.

"I have to drive home."

"No you don't. I saw your driver parking the car down the road."

Y/N blushed and looked at her friends in silence.

"Don't tell me...are you?" Kayano asked.

"I'm not sure yet but the results gonna come out today," Y/N chuckled.

"Honestly it would be weirder if you weren't after spending so much time with a guy like Karma," Maehara laughed as she shoved him playfully, trying her best to hide her blush.

"This isn't the news I was about to give you though," Y/N smiled.

"Holy shit, you've got more?!" Okajima laughed.

"Yeah...well.."

He put his keys on the table and put the music on, sitting down. Opening his laptop, he went through his emails and found a familiar name. The name of his first friend ever. He clicked on it and a video popped up as her voice came through.

"How do I look? Yeah, I put on a pretty dress too." she chuckled, "Don't laugh bastard!"

She slowly walked towards the camera and said, "I'm sending you this video in a pretty little dress....so that you little bitch finally start missing me...and come to my wedding!" She sat down on a chair and showed him the ring on her finger.

"Yeah dude, I'm getting married! And I've got all the plans in my head - you know, destination wedding and all. Can't believe it? Well, me neither!" She chuckled and sighed, now looking serious, "Look, I know that you're reaallly busy, a lot of big stuff is going on with you and you're bloody cool..but.." she smiled at the camera, almost as if he was there in person, her eyes were sparkling with the same happiness he witnessed back in school.

"..please come over? I'm getting mad with all the work over here," she chuckled and rested her back on the chair, "We grew up too fast, didn't we? Okay, bye...hopefully I'll see you."

Gakushu leaned back on the sofa and sighed. Well, it was good to see her finally getting in touch after all these busy months. He scrolled down the email and saw the details of the date he should arrive.

He can take some days off from being a businessman for an old friend.

Y/N sighed tiredly and walked in her house - their house. She noticed the lights turned on and Karma sitting quietly, unmoving on the sofa.

"...Karma?" she chuckled and kept her bag on the table, "You arrived early for someone's first day of work."

"It was just the inaugural ceremony today. A celebration for all the newcomers. I had the chance so I came early to spend time with you," he answered, still not turning back.

"Hey...are you okay?" she asked, her voice laced in concern.

He got up from the sofa and turned around, a piece of paper in his hand, "Is this..true?"

Y/N stared at him confused about his question, but Karma cleared it up quickly by asking her another question, "Are you pregnant?"

She blushed and rushed towards him, looking at the logo on the paper. Yes, it was the medical test results she was about to get today. And by his reaction, she knew what the results were. But she was afraid to ask.

"Yeah...I..are you okay...with.."

Karma smiled and took short excited breaths, and held her shoulder, "I feel amazing! This is great news! There's gonna be a little one - half of me and half of you!" He hugged her as she sighed in relief and hugged him back.

"You scared me," she chuckled, pulling back, "But...isn't this bad for your reputation? I mean before our marriage-"

"No? I am having a baby with the love of my life!" he laughed, "I promise I'll be there for both you - whenever you need me. I won't abandon you because of my work."

Y/N held his face with both of her hands and smiled, "I know you won't Karma."

He chuckled, almost tearing up and pulled her close, holding her waist "God our child is gonna be handful."

Y/N laughed, "Yeah, with both of our genes combined? Ofcourse."

He kissed her forehead in adoration and looked at her face, slowly his smile coming off. "Wait," he said, "So sex is limited now?"

Y/N teasingly leaned close to his face and kissed him, "We have time left baby."

Karma immediately picked her up and rushed into their bedroom.

ms. misfit

MASTERLIST

#Karma Akabane #karma x reader #karma akabane x reader #akabane x reader #asano gakushuu #asano x reader #assassination classroom

[hannahthedragon]

I was talking with my friends about the knew champion, though we all have some mixed opinions the general consensus was we're pretty excited. One thing lead to another in our rambling and I mentioned that why would she make a doll with the royal crest? Was it for her or maybe a child? It was a sad theory but even in the trailer Isolde and Viego are both looking at her stomach. Eitherway struck with inspiration I wrote a fanfic around this idea.

⚠️So major warning!⚠️ This features pregnancy and the death of the carrying mother. Don't read if these are sensitive topics for you!

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Viego sat at the head of a long table, advisors, treasurers and practically everyone else with any authority in the kingdom sat along the sides. They all debated back and forth about what to do next, something about the financial situation of the kingdom, but their king couldn't bother to listen, instead, he sat there with his head resting upon his hand. He dreamt of his queen, his lover, and the only girl who could seem to hold his attention, Isolde. She had been feeling sick lately, was she going to be okay while he was away? How dare this meeting keep him from more important matters, he thought. 

"Your highness." A voice snapped him back to what was happening around him, along with a tap on his shoulder. Kallista, his trusted General was who the hand belonged to, she stood behind him like a shadow whenever his kingly duties were to be fulfilled, being a far larger help than Viego ever was. "What is it you want to do?"

"Whatever you all can come to agree on. It matters not to me." Viego half-heartedly replied.

"You are the king. And this is your kingdom. It does matter to you." The treasurer replied, barely holding back his anger. Luckily however someone else spoke up suggesting a compromise of their plans, taking the heat off Viego for the time being. Finally, after what felt like an excruciatingly long time, the meeting was over, the king being the first to stand and leave. 

Although Kallista followed at first for his protection, he waved her off, requesting to be alone or for better phrasing, alone with his love. She did just that, having other duties she could attend to with the time. Now alone he entered his chambers, he couldn't help but smile at the sight of Isolde. She sat at the end of the bed seeming to be waiting for him, she looked happy, though nervousness filled the cracks in her smile. "Viego… there is something that I need to tell you."

His smile morphed to concern as he shut the door behind him, moving to sit by her side, "what is it my stars?" 

She took a long pause and a deep breath, then spoke, turning to look Viego in the eyes. "We're going to have a child." A warm smile grew on her face, clearly happy about the announcement. 

Viego seemed just as happy, leaning over to wrap his arms around her, kissing her on the neck. "Finally someone to love just as much as you." He whispered in her ear. Finally leaning away getting his joy contained he asked a question. "How can you be sure?" 

"All the signs were there. So I went for testing. All the best they could offer. Every single one said yes. I should have told you sooner but I wanted to be sure."

"The surprise was well worth the wait." He said, unable to stop himself from kissing his love again.

"I'm sure she'll be strong and kind. Just like you." Isolde ran her fingers through Viego's long hair, hoping to see his face better. 

"She?" He raised his brow.

"Yes. Many of the tests pointed to a girl."

"That's lovely. I'm sure she'll be just as beautiful as you are." Isolde could only reply with a light-hearted chuckle at the complaint, something she received from Viego daily. 

"I can't wait to meet her." She smiled looking down at her stomach, still yet to show any sign of a child. 

"She'll have a kingdom when we do." He said looking as well. Despite the arrogance he knew he was not fit to rule, he never was. This was his brother's throne, cast upon him unexpectedly. He didn't know what to do. So he could only hope to raise their daughter to be better. The lovers spent the rest of the night talking about their future, and the future of their child. This had to be the second happiest day of their lives, only beat by the night of their wedding, and just as they did then, the two fell asleep in each other's arms. 

Time passed, though the king, holding little concern for those of his kingdom made no effort to announce the news to the kingdom, word had gone around inside the castle of the Queen's expectancy. Though little of them could be excited with the kingdom's trouble still being front and center, this only serving to distract the king more. Isolde remained blissfully unaware of these issues while Viego actively ignored them. Mutters went around of how this problem might have been avoided if the king had chosen to marry another royalty as they advised, the kingdoms being able to partner and help each other. But his heart was set on the peasant lady he had fallen for at first sight, and no one could deter him. 

Now Isolde sat in her workshop, a small room filled with her many supplies from her days as a seamstress. A hobby she had kept even when ascending upon the throne. It was obvious to anyone close to her she loved her days before belonging to the kingdom, often dressing in surprisingly casual clothes when not among the public. Simple dresses with aprons atop them. All sewn herself. Even Viego couldn't convince her to ease up on this part of herself. Despite having more than enough resources and power, Isolde sat alone in her workshop sewing small garments for her soon to be daughter. Though it was possible the test could be wrong, such a thought never even passed her by. Blinded by the idea of raising a princess with the world ahead of her. Never having to work long tiring nights as she had done before her new life. 

A candlelit up the simple room, as a music box slowly turned on the desk as music, the same she had received as a wedding gift, and treasured since that day. Isolde and Viego dancing to its tune on late nights, twirling endlessly. Having now made enough clothes to last the first year of the child's life at all stages, Isolde had to start making other things for her to fill her excitement. Laying on the table in front of her was a doll. Cute as she could possibly make it. The spitting image of everything Isolde thought of a princess, something she struggled to see herself in. She was almost done, large bright blue yarn hair filling her head, a frilly dress adorning her body, and button eyes smiling towards the sky. She was just finishing the last touches, sewing to it the ribbon brooch she wore with many of her formal outfits. It carried with it the crest of the royal family, a sign that she would be part of theirs. Viego entered the room just as the music came to a slow, the door creaking open to announce him. 

"Hard at work my love?" He asked, laying his hands over her shoulder to look at what she could be making now.  

"Yes. I just want everything to be perfect when she's here." Isolde smiles, brushing his hands off and standing. Bringing the doll across the room to sit on the pile of clothes she had made. 

"You shouldn't have to work so hard, let others do the work for you." 

"I know, I know. But I enjoy this. Really. This is more than I could have ever asked for." Isolde commented, looking over the collection of colorful fabrics she had access to. 

"Just don't tire yourself," Viego advised, stepping behind her once more resting his head on against hers, one hand resting on her stomach, which had now formed a small bump to it. "Come. Rest with me. You can return here another day." 

"Mmh." She nodded in agreement, resting her hand atop Viego's, they were tired and worn from her grip on the needles and scissors she had worked with all day. She blew out the candle and left the dark room by the side of her beloved.

However the day she returned to her workshop didn't come. Instead collecting dust along the shelves of clothing and the doll of the little princess. The kingdom had enough of the king who was casting their land into ruin, attempting to strike him down, they failed, taking Isolde instead. Though the dagger only grazed her arm, the strong poison acted quick. She wasn't quite dead. Not yet. Instead in a state of lasting sleep. This was a twisted hell for Viego, watching his queen's life drain day by day, as he could do nothing about it. He never left her side but commanded everyone who could to search for a cure. He was advised against this, begged to stop as every last resource of the kingdom went into saving her. He didn't care. What was the point of having a kingdom if his queen couldn't rule it by his side? If his daughter wouldn't be here to see it. 

Everything he could do wasn't enough though. Isolde silently passed one night, Viego by her side. He couldn't accept this. Never. He had seen magic before. Even rumors of immortality, something he remembers hearing his uncle ran to pursue. He knew there was still a chance. He grew more hateful by the day, locking himself away with his wife's body. 

Finally, Kallista, his most trusted General had arrived back from her searches. The torment of the situation had made the king come to despise her, the one who deflected the attack to his stars. He would have killed her on sight if not for her news. An island of blessed water, able to heal the queen. Though when she heard the news of the queen's fate she resisted helping, she gave in. Viego carefully lifting Isolde's body, he carried her to the docks, sailing off to their last hope. His last hope for his family and the last hope for Isolde's hard work. 

The rest of the kingdom joined the workshop in collecting dust after that.

#tw: pregnancy #tw: death #league of legends #LOL #league of legends Gewn #Viego #league of legends Veigo #Isolde #league of legends Isolde #fanfic #league of legends fanfic #Gwen #league of legends gwen

[ya-girl-mc]

Lips on Lips

Character: Kageyama Tobio × Fem Reader

Concept: Kageyama being the awkward babie that he is, has no idea how to kiss. Luckily, his girl's there to help him out (wholesome fluff!!)

A/N: So hiii,,, I finally took the plunge and decided to post my first fic here. Idk if anyone will actually read or like it, but I rly enjoyed writing this one 😅 so hope u will too

☆☆A mostly self-indulgent Haikyuu!! Fanfiction☆☆

The ringing of the school bell signifying the end of final period had always been a highlight for the students of Karasuno High. Excited chatters filled the hallways as students pooled out of their classrooms, eager to pursue after-school activities with some making a beeline towards the exits.

As soon as the bell rang, Kageyama would usually head straight to the gym for volleyball practice, racing occasionally with Hinata as the 'quick-attack' duo turned every mundane activity into an opportunity to best the other. However, with club activities cancelled for the day, Kageyama had but one destination.

Completely oblivious to the wistful stares he got from some of the female students, his attention was fixated on only one of them as she made her way out of the classroom, her expression brightening as soon as she set her eyes on him.

His girlfriend.

Him and Y/N had known each other since middle school. What had formerly been the latter's unrequited love had now blossomed into a romantic relationship, with Kageyama eventually finding himself enamored by her as they reached high school. A couple of weeks have passed since then and everything was going great, if he could say so himself. Despite his intimidating demeanor, Kageyama did his utmost best to keep her happy, however, given his track record of social interactions, he was initially convinced that he would jeopardize their relationship. But, with Y/N’s assurance to accept him for who he is, his worries eventually dissipated.

Kageyama allowed himself the most subtle of smiles as she made her way to where he stood, looking up at him with bright eyes that he had come to adore. Completely unaware of the stares the other students threw their way, the couple continued to gaze at each other. "Tobio! No practice today?" She asked as she smiled at him.

"No, the gym's being cleaned. So, I was wondering..." He trailed off, fidgeting ever so slightly. "Do you want to go and hang out somewhere?"

At that exact moment, Hinata joined the forming group of interlopers as he witnessed his intimidating partner and sworn rival interact fondly with his significant other. Pretty soon, Tanaka and Nishinoya came across the crowd, easily spotting their tangerine-haired teammate. "What's up, Shoyo?" Nishinoya inquired.

Nodding in acknowledgement at his senpais, Hinata gestured to the couple. "It seems like Kageyama's asking her out on a date."

Tanaka let out an exasperated sigh. "It's still amazing that THAT guy managed to get a girlfriend before we did."

Sympathizing with his teammate, Nishinoya placed his hand atop Tanaka's shoulder. "And it seems like it just made his popularity shoot up. How unfair the world we live in is."

Shifting their attention back to the couple, Y/N happily responded to Kageyama's invitation. "Sure! How about at my house? My parents are out working so we'd have the house to ourselves the entire afternoon."

At her rather bold suggestion, jaws dropped in disbelief and with Kageyama completely unaware of its implications, nonchalantly accepted her invitation. "Sounds great."

Gleefully responding to his concurrence, Y/N excused herself and headed to the restroom, paying no attention to the incredulous stares that followed her. As soon as she was out of earshot, Hinata and Nishinoya scrambled towards him.

"KAGEYAMAAA!" Yelling in chorus, the duo tackled him as Tanaka proceeded to disperse the crowd.

Kageyama steadied his footing at the sudden attack, shooting his teammates an irked expression. "What was that for?"

Tanaka soon joined the trio and placed his arm around Kageyama's shoulder. "I can't believe it. Our Kageyama's finally entering the ultimate stage of manhood."

Puzzled by the sentiment, Kageyama jumped in surprise as Nishinoya slapped his lower back, his expression donning that of a proud father. "While we still can't stomach the idea of you getting there first, we salute you, comrade."

"What are you all getting so worked up about?"

Hinata gave his partner a knowing look. "You're about to hang out in a very private place with someone you're in a relationship with, it's basically a perfect situation to do THAT."

It suddenly dawned on Kageyama, his eyes widening as he began to panic, the trio watching him in disbelief. "Seriously, Baka-yama?!" Hinata exclaimed. "We both may be volleyball idiots but I can't believe that I know about more stuff in that area than you."

"Dumbass, don't compare me with the likes of you!" He growled as he harshly pinched Hinata's cheeks. In a state of uncharacteristic panic, Kageyama began pacing back and forth. "W-what should I do? It's not my intention to do THAT, it's way too early!"

"Let this senpai give you some wisdom." Nishinoya slapped Kageyama's shoulder, stilling his movements. "Listen, nothing good will come out of overthinking matters. You both just started dating after all, just trust your gut and let things flow naturally."

"Nishinoya-san..." Kageyama trailed off in thought as he digested the advice his senpai gave him.

"Noya-san SO COOL!" Hinata and Tanaka fawned over him in admiration.

At that moment, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi passed by the group. Without ceasing his stride, Tsukishima let out a lengthy sigh. "Nishinoya-san, you say that but got no experience to back it up."

Something snapped in Nishinoya as the cold, hard, and undeniable truth was given to him straight. "Ha? The hell did you say? Tsukishima, you bastard!" Nishinoya attempted to lunge at him, however, the trio scrambled to hold the seething libero back. Yamaguchi waved sheepishly at his teammates as Tsukishima held up a peace sign with his fingers which only seemed to rile up Nishinoya more.

Just then, Y/N emerged from the restroom and took in the shenanigans unfolding before her, amused yet relieved at the thought of Kageyama finally finding people he could feel comfortable with. It was a stark difference from how he was back in middle school as his peers isolated the so-called "King". Despite his reputation, Y/N saw through Kageyama and witnessed a sensitive yet unwavering person beneath. It was what drew her to him in the first place.

Shaking her head at how sentimental she had gotten, she approached the group and cleared her throat to catch their attention. She had become accustomed to the rowdiness of the volleyball team, especially with the uproar they caused when Kageyama formally introduced her to them. "Hi Hinata, Nishinoya-senpai, and Tanaka-senpai. Mind if I steal Tobio away?"

"Y/N-chan!" Hinata greeted cheerfully, letting go of Nishinoya's arm to push Kageyama towards her. "Sure, he's all yours."

He stumbled a bit as Y/N held his arm to steady him, giggling at the dagger-like glare he shot his partner. "Since when were you on a first name basis with her, dumbass?"

"Well then, we're off!" She chimed and pulled Kageyama away before he made any attempt to lunge at Hinata, waving gleefully at his teammates. "See you around!"

Bowing slightly at his senpais and shooting one last threatening glare at Hinata, Kageyama let Y/N lead him to the exits. Looking back once more, his expression turned to that of disdain at the enthusiastic thumbs-up his teammates gave him.

Once the couple was out of earshot, Nishinoya let out a whistle. "Damn, she's got Kageyama wrapped around her finger, huh? He better treasure her 'cause a girl like that's a keeper."

Nodding in agreement, the three of them fondly watched the retreating couple, silently cheering their setter on for what's to come.

*****

"Pardon the intrusion!" Kageyama rigidly yelled to no one in particular as Y/N ushered him into her empty home. Settling himself down on the living room sofa while she headed to the kitchen, Kageyama tightly clasped his hands on his lap, not daring to move a single muscle.

To say that he was nervous was an understatement. He never felt this much nervousness before, not even during official matches as it only exhilarated him. But then, having devoted most of his life to volleyball, the dynamics of dating was somewhat uncharted territory for him.

Calm down, calm down. You're both alone in her home, with nothing to disturb you. It's just like what that idiot said, it's the ideal set-up for THAT. Is Y/N even aware? She invited me here so does that mean she wants to do...THAT?! Since when has she been that straight forward? And is she expecting me to initiate something?

Wait, don't get too ahead, that may not be her intention and maybe it's just that Tanaka-san, Nishinoya-san, and Hinata's minds are in the gutter and I'm letting them get to me. But what if she really wants to go THERE? Shit...I don't know what to do! Maybe I should look it up and do some research while she's-

"Tobio," Y/N’s sudden voice roused him from his spiraling thoughts as he flinched in surprise, nearly toppling the contents of the tray in her hands. "Hey! Geez, why are you so jumpy?" Setting down the tray of snacks on the table, she sat down next to him, and - to Kageyama's relief - allotted a reasonable distance between them as he definitely didn't want her finding out that he was on the verge of losing it.

But then again, this was his girlfriend. With a seemingly uncanny ability to see through his stoic persona, she just simply knew how to read and handle him. "So you're nervous, huh?"

Kageyama's eyes widened as he felt himself starting to sweat. "N-no, I'm not," he stuttered, practically giving himself away.

Letting out a nervous chuckle herself, Y/N placed her hands atop her lap, her posture stiffening. "Uh...well to be honest, I invited you here not with the purest of intentions."

Kageyama felt himself freeze, his face burning at her revelation. He kept his gaze trained on hers as he mustered up the courage to say something, anything.

Shit, so she definitely wants to do THAT.

As Kageyama kept staring at her dubiously, Y/N eventually caught on to what has rendered him speechless. Reevaluating her words, it was her turn to become flustered as she realized that they were barreling towards a huge misunderstanding. "N-no! Not THAT impure! Geez, it's way too soon for that! Ugh, how do I say this..."

Kageyama couldn't help but audibly sigh in relief, feeling like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders. But if it's not about that, what's got her so bothered?

Keen on finding out the answer, he looked at her expectantly, watching as she fiddled with the hem of her skirt. Glancing momentarily at Kageyama, her cheeks burned as she forced herself to elaborate on her woes. "Well, it's just that we've been dating for a few weeks now and all we've done is hold hands."

As she fidgeted uncomfortably, Kageyama was intrigued as he prompted her to continue. "What do you mean?"

Okay Y/N, so far so good. This has been bothering you for some time now, just say it!

Tightening her grip on the hem of her skirt, she couldn't bring herself to look at Kageyama as she turned away, hiding her flustered expression from view. "I mean we haven't...k-kissed yet. So I was kind of overthinking lately that maybe...you didn't want to do that with me...?"

There! I finally said it, all that practice in front of the mirror seemed to pay off! But why isn't he saying anything?

As silence engulfed the room, Y/N subtly peered at Kageyama, taken aback at the aghast expression on his face. "Idiot! Why would you think that?"

"Hey!"

Sighing in defeat, Kageyama eventually felt his cheeks heating up once more as he turned away, hiding his face in his hands. He couldn't help but feel guilty since his girlfriend was compelled to harbor those thoughts...well...because of him. After pausing momentarily, it was his turn to shy away. "S-sorry. It's not you, I promise. I've never been in a relationship before so I have no idea how to...k-kiss. And, I was afraid that if I try to do it and I do it wrong...you might not like me anymore."

There! You finally said it, Tobio - albeit quite lamely.

At his unexpected confession, it was Y/N's turn to gape at him as she processed his words.

The hell? What the hell was that cuteness?!

Kageyama usually carried himself with confidence and a subtle tinge of superiority. Seeing this whole new side of him was pretty bad for her heart, as her pride also swelled at the thought that she was one of the few people able to witness this endearing side of him. "Awww, Tobio!" Y/N swooned, scooching closer as she gave him a sideways-hug. Kageyama jumped at the sudden contact as he looked down at his girlfriend, his cheeks seeming to grow even warmer. "That awkwardness of yours is what makes you so adorable!"

"A-adorable?!" He reiterated aghastly.

She put a little distance between them once more which allowed her eyes to met his. "Yeah, I said what I said. So what if you don't know how to kiss? That won't change my feelings for you. I told you, right? That I'll always like you."

It was still pretty amazing how much her words affected him as he felt his insecurities gradually crumble away. Unable to find the right words, Kageyama wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close instead, hoping that that simple gesture was more than enough to convey his feelings.

After a few moments of tranquil silence, Y/N pulled back from the hug and faced him, her cheeks donning a bright shade of pink. "Say, Tobio…w-would you like to try to kiss?"

Gulping audibly, Kageyama shifted to mirror her sitting position. "O-okay." Completely at a loss at what to do, he shut his eyes tightly. With lips subtly pursed, he awaited for the much-anticipated contact, but instead, Y/N's giggling caused his eyes to fly open. "Why are you laughing?!"

"You're too adorable! Geez what am I going to do with you?" She tried to say through her laughter, stopping as soon as she noticed the irked expression he threw her.

Now that's just unfair. He's even cuter!

Clearing her throat, Y/N decided to take matters into her own hands. She scooted closer to him and recounting on all the "research" she's done, she clasped both of his hands in hers. "Where do you want to touch me?" Letting out a shaky breath, she guided his hands towards her face. "Here?" Following suit, Kageyama then found his hands on either side of her waist in one smooth motion. "Or here?"

His hands were shaking pretty badly due to nervousness, and while he was sure she could notice, she didn't pay it any attention. "T-the face," he managed to reply, gently cradling her face in his hands as the space in-between them decreased.

His hands were huge and warm against her cheeks as she leaned into its warmth. Fixating her eyes on his, Y/N proceeded to instruct him. "Now, let's try moving our faces closer until our lips touch. And close your eyes, idiot!"

Both of their hearts were going haywire as the distance between them decreased. Y/N’s eyes have fluttered close and Kageyama followed suit, steeling himself as he awaited for contact. With their lips mere centimeters away, Kageyama felt his nose bump against hers and he drew back in a panic, blushing furiously as he did. "I-I'm sorry, I messed up!"

Ugh, I swear to God this cuteness of his will definitely be the death of me someday!

Refraining herself from giggling at his embarrassed state, Y/N took his hands and placed them once more on either side of her face. "Let's try again, and uh, let's move our heads in the opposite direction. I'll go left, you go right."

Unable to speak as the nerves began building up once more, he simply nodded, the atmosphere suddenly shifting as they locked gazes. Little by little, their faces drew closer and closer, and Kageyama took the opportunity to admire her features amid their current proximity. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her cheeks faintly tinted, and her lips parted slightly as they anticipated his. At that moment, he found her utterly captivating and his eyes fluttered close. With all the courage he could muster, he finally pressed his lips on hers.

The contact was subtle, featherlight, and only lasted a second, but it was more than enough to send their hearts into overdrive. He slowly drew back and found her staring at him with wide eyes, her breathing hitching as she finally came into terms with reality.

H-he actually did it...we kissed. We finally kissed. All those shoujo manga describing the thrill of the first kiss - it comes nothing close to actually experiencing it for yourself.

Mirroring her flustered state, Kageyama slightly increased the distance between them, his eyes darting away from hers. "H-how was that?"

Dropping his hands from her face, Y/N's fingers lightly grazed the spot where his lips met hers, recounting on the enthralling sensation. "My heart feels like it's about to explode."

"Same here," he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly, still quite embarrassed.

"Uhm, can we do it a bit harder?" She requested in a voice so soft he almost didn't catch it. But he did hear, and his heart began racing uncontrollably as a result. Y/N sensed what she assumed was his apprehension and chuckled awkwardly, berating herself for being a bit too wanton. "Is that a weird thing to ask?"

"It's not." Kageyama's reply was a bit too immediate in an attempt to reassure her, but he once more found himself spiraling internally.

Letting out a sigh of relief and with every ounce of confidence she could muster, Y/N wrapped her arms around Kageyama's neck and pulled him towards her, their faces in such close proximity. Too surprised to respond, he simply stared back at her, his hands naturally finding their way around her waist. Her breath tickled his lips, whispering ever so slightly against them. "Follow my lead."

Their lips met once again, but it was different from the one they shared earlier. With an increase in pressure, he could feel just how soft her lips were, and pretty soon, he felt them moving against his. His heart literally close to bursting, he recalled the advice Nishinoya shared with him.

Trust my gut, huh?

Finally letting go of all of his inhibitions, he allowed his lips to move against hers naturally, his eyes fluttering shut as he reveled in the sensations. It was unbelievably sweet yet exhilarating at the same time, both of them losing themselves into the kiss. Neither wanted the moment to end but Y/N was the first to pull away as she panted slightly. Eyes fluttering open, they both smiled sheepishly, their foreheads pressing against each other. "So, how was it?"

"Better, I liked the second one better," Kageyama stated, no longer feeling as much embarrassed as he did earlier. "Where did you learn to do that?"

At his inquiry, Y/N drew back slightly and dropped her gaze, fidgeting once more. "Uh...research?" Her vague answer seemed a bit suspicious, and with Kageyama shooting her an inquisitive look, she groaned and buried her face in a pillow. "Fine! I read a lot of shoujo manga, okay? You happy?!"

"Pfftt," Kageyama couldn't help but sputter out and pretty soon, he was laughing uncontrollably as he clutched his stomach.

Too annoyed by his mirth to swoon over how adorable Kageyama was when he laughed like this, she grabbed the pillow and began hitting him. "So what of it?! The kiss turned out fine didn't it? Stupid Tobio! Idiot! Idiot!" All of a sudden, Kageyama stilled her movements as he leaned over and pecked her lips, both of them blushing profusely at the sudden gesture.

"Hey Y/N, I'd like it if maybe we practice some more?"

"You sneaky little..." Still slightly reeling from his surprise attack, Y/N looked away in embarrassment. "I'd have no problems with that...I guess."

And with that, the rest of their afternoon was filled with banter, laughs, and with a few stolen kisses here and there.

#haikyuu #haikyu x reader #kageyama tobio #kageyama tobio x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #wholesome fluff #haikyuu kageyama