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#wei wuxian's mental state is bad and I don't blame him
silverflame2724 · 3 years
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For your fic "Misunderstood," I had another angsty prompt in my head where LWJ had actually managed to grab on to WWX before he could run away but WWX hits him in front of everyone and berates him for bringing him to back when he just wanted to be in peace. Blaming himself, LWJ kneels in front of WWX and begs him to come back to Gusu and that he doesn't have to forgive him or anyone else but WWX refused before he blinds himself by gouging his eyes out so he doesn't have to look at LWJ again
Oh.....Oh my god. That is extreme. Wei Wuxian’s body doesn’t bleed, but for the sake of being as gory as possible, let’s pretend he can bleed! I honestly don’t know if Wei Wuxian would ever go that far and I’m not too sure about his thought process, so here’s a LWJ POV!
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“Wait! Wei Ying!!” Lan Wangji cries out as he lunges forward and catches Wei Ying’s sleeve before adjusting his grip to grasp onto his wrist.
“What do you want?” Wei Ying sighs as he slapped his hands away. The moonlight shines through the trees enough that Lan Wangji is able to see Wei Ying’s beautiful face.
Lan Wangji’s throat bobs, “Wei Ying, it really is you........ You’re back.......I.......”
“I’m back.” Wei Ying cuts him off and then laughs wryly, muttering, “Even though I never wanted to return......”
“Wei Ying......”
“I wanted to be at peace. I was fine dead. But then I was brought back to a world that hates me enough to read my memories. How can I ever face anyone now that they all know?”
Lan Wangji instantly blames himself. He was selfish--is selfish and wanted Wei Ying to come back. But.....none of them ever asked for his opinion. As a ghost, he said he didn’t want to ever return, but they ignored his wishes.
Lan Wangji kneels in front of Wei Ying, hardly aware of how he flinches back. “I’m.....I’m sorry. Wei Ying, but we’ll do better. I’ll do better. Everyone is sorry for what we did. You can come back to gusu with me, everyone wants to apologize.”
“How can I believe you?” Wei Ying whispers.
A knife pierces Lan Wangji’s heart at that. He knows.....He knows how hard it was for Wei Ying to believe anything Lan Wangji said, considering that they are......they aren’t anything to each other. “Please........We’re sorry. You don’t have to believe us, you don’t even have to forgive us or anyone else, but---”
Something splashes against his face and Lan Wangji looks up in horror as Wei Ying gouges his eyes out.
“Wei Ying!” His voice breaks, horrified at this action. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to see anyone anymore! Everyone abandoned me, why should it be different now?!”
Lan Wangji jerks forward, trying to transfer spiritual energy to him to help mend the wounds while Wei Ying struggles against him. His hands were covered in blood and the stench was horrid.
This.....This wasn’t supposed to happen. Why is everything going so wrong? Lan Wangji wants to cry to the Heavens. Was it so wrong to want to bring him back?
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I want to say happy belated birthday Lan Wangji, but would it be too cruel to wish him with such a fic?
Oh, a possible explanation as to why Wei Wuxian went so far: although to everyone else, it’s been thirteen years, to him, it’s been a few days/weeks. His mental state from the moment he died wasn’t too good and he hardly had any time to possibly grieve before finding out his privacy was breached as everyone watched his memories. I wouldn’t blame him for going completely crazy.
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suspiciouspopsicle · 2 years
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I read the great discussion you started about WWX never (except after drunk#3) being uncertain, and then I just read a discussion on Reddit where everyone is agreeing that WWX is depressed. (Started with CQL-verse but people seem to be applying to the novel, too.) Do you think WWX being depressed is also out of character? Or, I think a similar interpretation, that he had PTSD during the YLLZ period?
I do not agree even one single, tiny bit with the idea that wwx from mdzs is depressed. maybe in cql he is, but not in the story I'm interested in.
I'm not saying it's out of character for him to have moments of sadness, to get angry, to feel the gravity of a situation or of the past. What I am saying is that negative emotions don't define Wei Wuxian at all. He rarely gets mad, and it took A Lot for him to actually lose control of his temper at Nightless City. wwx feels sadness and grief, absolutely, but he doesn't dwell, and he doesn't let those things define him or create a home in him. He chooses a path, and he makes the best of it as he follows it. (which, okay, that's not mutually exclusive with depression, but whatever. it's certainly not an indicator of depression.)
Tags like 'wwx's canonical depression' or 'self-esteem issues' are a hard pass from me. They mean what's written in that fic isn't going to match the protag I love so much from mdzs.
And I get that it can be hard to write him. Lord knows I've fucked up his characterization. But I always try to keep in mind that, at his core, he is a creature of certainty and simple delights. I feel like a lot of the culture today--the awareness of mental health, social issues, gender identity, persecution, etc etc--is something that we get so used to swimming in that we look at him through it, but doing that doesn't provide a clear image of his character. a wwx submerged so deeply in issues that don't pertain to him or his story is not recognizable as he was originally written.
Do you have someone in your life who insists that happiness is a state of mind? That we can choose to be happy even if we're working a crappy job, or that if we just keep moving forward, change is inevitable and we'll live through whatever bad stuff is currently happening? Life is big, life is grand, life is unpredictable. There are discoveries to be made, and a million tiny miracles all around us. Live! Embrace the world in all its excitement and imperfections! I think wwx needs to be looked at more from that perspective.
Attempt the impossible, right? wwx is defined by optimism.
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So, what's the big deal? People can write what they want. That's what tags are for--to help readers sift through and find the things they like.
Yeah. That is true.
I can't say 'people shouldn't be allowed to write him like that' bc I don't believe they should be barred from writing whatever they want. But it does bother me when he's so drastically misinterpreted, because all wwx is is words. He's a character from a novel. He's constructed entirely of language, and when he's built up of different traits and descriptions in fics...it's not him any more. And because the sad-sack, depressed, making-himself-smaller, constantly-apologizing-for-being-too-much take is so widespread, and because cql (which I still blame for this) is crosstagged so often with mdzs even when the fic is based mostly or entirely off the live action, it's really hard to find fics with the characterization I want.
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hunxi-guilai · 4 years
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hi hunxi! there's a thought that keeps bugging me. During the battle at nightless city we can see that wwx doesn't kill yl and jc is clearly there and sees it as well. It may have been all the loss he went through & all the suffering he had to face, but why would he refuse to accept that and blame wwx anyways? Is it because in his mind that would hurt less?(i can't see how that would hurt him less tho) i admit i don't like jc much but i dont get why would he treat wwx so badly when he returns
hi anon! So I think it’s a little more complicated than simply “blaming Wei Wuxian for Jiang Yanli’s death,” because it’s the slow accumulation of a multitude of smaller events that have snowballed into the respective terrible mental states that both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng are in by the second siege of Nightless City
Jiang Cheng’s eternal frustration with Wei Wuxian emerges from the same question, every time -- why can’t you stop. It’s fun and cutesy during Cloud Recesses summer school, when Jiang Cheng is just constantly rolling his eyes at Wei Wuxian’s oblivious crush on Lan Wangji and being like dude, why can’t you stop riling up the Lans you’re making Yunmeng Jiang look bad but it’s all small-scale stuff, nothing that can’t be smoothed over with a brotherly arm over the shoulder and some mutual teasing
This comes back in an uglier light when we get to the evil counterpart of Cloud Recesses summer school, i.e. Wen indoctrination and the Xuanwu Cave Arc. Here, we see the same issue crop up when Wei Wuxian goes to help a visibly limping Lan Wangji. Jiang Cheng, ever defensive, ever conservative, begs Wei Wuxian to stop sticking his neck out to help other people. They’re not even sure they can protect themselves, because the Wens are making more and more outrageous demands by the second, so Jiang Cheng grabs Wei Wuxian by the elbow in a sunlit clearing, trying to hold him back, and thinks why can’t you stop, don’t you understand that things are different now, don’t you understand that now, your disobedience has real, dangerous consequences that will be visited on both of our heads.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: when it comes to speed, no one can match Wei Wuxian for how swiftly he’ll light himself on fire to save someone else. It’s why we call him a hero; it’s also why his life (the first one, at least) is a tragedy.
And to be someone who loves him -- Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, Lan Wangji -- and have to watch him as he strikes that match to the kindling of his life again and again and again -- it’s terrifying. It’s devastating. It’s incredibly frustrating, because sometimes you just want to grab him by the shoulders and yell at him until he realizes that he’s loved, he’s valued, that he’s worth more to the world sunlit and laughing and alive than he is tragic and doomed and sacrificed.
Right after the fall of Lotus Pier in episode 16, Jiang Cheng screams at Wei Wuxian, wraps his hands around his throat, knocks them both over in an unnamed meadow during the darkest night of their lives (so far. yikes). Tell me why! Jiang Cheng yells at Wei Wuxian, slamming him to the ground. Why did you save them? Are you happy? How many times did I tell you not to play the hero? You should have just let Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan die! What would their deaths have to do with us? You could have just let them die! Why did you stick your neck out for them?
凭什么!Why! Jiang Cheng screams -- the same words he’ll cry and scream and rage at Wei Wuxian with in a haunted temple, almost two decades later.
Why can’t you stop? Jiang Cheng asks, time and time again -- why can’t Wei Wuxian stop antagonizing Lan Wangji, why can’t Wei Wuxian stop sticking his neck out for other people, why can’t Wei Wuxian just keep his head down and stay safe, why does he have to keep doing things that make the people who love him so, so afraid for him as well?
Why can’t Wei Wuxian put down that goddamned flute and pick up Suibian again? Why must Wei Wuxian insist on being so special, so different? Why must Wei Wuxian stick his neck out again, after the war no less, for a bunch of people they don’t even know well? Why can’t Wei Wuxian stop? Why can’t Wei Wuxian just stay safe?
Jiang Cheng tries, tries to get Wei Wuxian to come back to him, to come back with him, so he can finally protect this foolish brave ridiculous wonderful infuriating generous brother who he loves ferociously. He visits Wei Wuxian in the Burial Mounds; he brings Jiang Yanli to him before her wedding. Jiang Cheng does everything short of telling Wei Wuxian that he needs him, which also means that Wei Wuxian -- filled and overfilled with his own self-perceived guilt for the disasters visited on the Jiang Sect -- doesn’t understand that Jiang Cheng wants Wei Wuxian to come back, burden or no. Wei Wuxian thinks he’s doing Jiang Cheng a favor; Jiang Cheng thinks that Wei Wuxian is rejecting him. Jiang Cheng can’t understand why Wei Wuxian won’t listen to reason for his own good, Wei Wuxian doesn’t consider his own good to be that all that important.
so when it comes to the actual worst night of their lives in Nightless City, when both of them are equally powerless in protecting Jiang Yanli from the sword to her back, the sword to her heart, it’s painfully easy for me to see why Jiang Cheng fucking snaps and shoves Wei Wuxian away. How many times did he tell Wei Wuxian to stop being the hero, to stop standing up for other people, to stop sticking his neck out for others when Wei Wuxian can’t even protect himself or the ones he loves? How many times did he beg Wei Wuxian to do less, to pick fewer battles, to narrow the focus of his vast reservoirs of empathy down to the people closest to him, the people who needed him most? How many times did Wei Wuxian refuse to listen, did Wei Wuxian insist that he had it all under control?
Why is it that Jiang Cheng has to pay for Wei Wuxian’s noble sacrifices?
(because every time, Jiang Cheng feels like he does -- he’s the one who’s always there to 收尸 pick up after Wei Wuxian, the one who has to smooth things over with the other sect leaders, the one who has to go on alone. Jiang Cheng keeps being left behind by those he loves and he’s so fucking sick of it)
all of which is a very long, roundabout way of saying: Jiang Cheng knows that Wei Wuxian was not the person who plunged the sword into Jiang Yanli’s heart. But all the factors that led to this convergence of events -- the whole confrontation at Nightless City, the fact that Wei Wuxian just killed the brother of the man who stabbed Jiang Yanli, the fact that Jiang Yanli died because she was protecting Wei Wuxian -- everything about the situation around them revolves unerringly around the gravity point of Wei Wuxian.
It’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault that the sects have selected him as scapegoat, as sacrificial lamb, on this night of all nights. It’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault that Jiang Yanli ran into the middle of a melee to look for him. It’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault that a sword found its way to Jiang Yanli’s heart.
But if Wei Wuxian hadn’t tried to protect the Wen refugees; if Wei Wuxian had just behaved like a normal cultivator instead of riling up the other sects with his uncanny new cultivation techniques; if Wei Wuxian could have just kept his mouth shut for once; if Wei Wuxian hadn’t stuck his neck out for Lan Wangji all those years ago...
It’s years of frustration finally breaking the dam for Jiang Cheng, because he told him, he told Wei Wuxian so many times, and now look what’s happened
They’ve both lost the best person in their lives, and everything around them screams Wei Wuxian’s name.
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adhd-wifi · 4 years
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i'm at the airport and there's nothing here to watch except CNN which is showing either the conservatives being hypocrites/lying or *golf tips* which makes me want to just chuck my boots at the screen so so that I don't commit much money in property damage may I please have some angsty wangxian or like literally anything plz im begging you
I’m sorry this took so long aksjakjskjdsakd but here’s an angsty fic outline about WangXian and their son!!!
Content Warning: Near-drowning, mental breakdown due to heavy guilt+phobia resulted from trauma
Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi were accompanying the Lan juniors on a night hunt, which was supposedly a mid-level threat but they aren’t sure what the actual threat is
They go into the forest surrounding the village being threatened, and split into two groups, one led by Wei WuXian and the other led by Lan WangJi
SiZhui and JingYi are both with Wei WuXian
They go to an area near a slow but deep river, and for a while they couldn’t find anything, but then they heard something in the water
Wei WuXian freaks out, hiding behind JingYi who was the closest, shaking like a leaf, as SiZhui, on his sword, approach the tiny puppy hanging onto a rock in the water
No one questions how a tiny puppy got into the middle of the river on its own like that (Wei WuXian has the excuse of fear)
SiZhui manages to grab the puppy, but is unable to pull it out of the water
The puppy suddenly growls, turning into a massive growling dog (VERY much like the vicious stray dogs of Wei WuXian’s childhood), yanking SiZhui off his sword and into the waters
JingYi panics, rushing forward to try and help SiZhui, leaving Wei WuXian there alone, unable to move due to the knowledge of the demon dog in the water, despite screaming at himself to move
There is a lot of screaming as SiZhui struggles to fight off the unknown creature in the water while keeping both himself afloat
JingYi is unable to grab SiZhui, who’s close to drowning at this point as the demon dog continues to pull him into the waters
Wei WuXian manages to take out ChenQing, but he’s shaking too much to play properly and unable to focus on channeling the resentful energy 
At this point, BiChen appears overhead and plunges into the water, stabbing the demon dog which bursts out of the water with a bloodcurdling howl, releasing SiZhui
Lan WangJi and the other juniors come to help, and they manage to pull SiZhui from the waters, his arm bleeding badly, having been seized by the dog
Unfortunately, the demon dog escapes as they do this, rushing to shore and turning into a brown snake and slithering into the forest
Lan WangJi instructs them all to head back to the village to treat SiZhui, who has his arm wrapped up in one of the junior’s spare robe, saying they will continue the hunt the following day 
Wei WuXian collapses, feeling utterly ashamed and pathetic, and furious upon knowing that thing wasn’t even a dog
They return to the inn, the innkeeper calling the local doctor for them at once as Lan WangJi tells the others to rest while he and Wei WuXian stayed with SiZhui. JingYi stays as well
Once they were alone, Wei WuXian apologises to SiZhui, who tries to play it off as “it’s fine I know you have your fear and I’m not judging, Senior Wei”
Wei WuXian however snaps at him, acting almost exactly like Jiang Cheng
“It’s not fine! You almost died and I just stood there like a coward!”
Everyone is shocked at him, and Wei WuXian recoils upon seeing their shock. He feels even more guilty and excuses himself
JingYi quickly tells Lan WangJi to go after him, but even though Lan WangJi desperately wants to, he has to be responsible and wait with SiZhui until the doctor comes
JingYi offers to stay instead with promises to care for SiZhui, and SiZhui promising he was fine, and both juniors soon convince Lan WangJi to go after Wei WuXian
Lan WangJi finds Wei WuXian pacing about a short walk away from the inn and cussing at himself under his breath, acting uncharacteristically upset
He asks Lan WangJi to leave him alone for a bit, telling him to go back  but Lan WangJi refuses, knowing Wei WuXian was prone to spiralling into intense depreciation otherwise 
Wei WuXian, being in a bad mental state at the moment, snaps again, yelling at him to leave him alone, but Lan WangJi doesn’t
Instead he goes up to Wei WuXian, who has turned away from him, and gently takes his hand
Wei WuXian doesn’t turn around, but Lan WangJi can feel him trembling and wouldn’t be surprised if Wei WuXian was crying
He was right
Wei WuXian begins to speak, his voice coming out in broken sobs, saying he was pathetic, he was a coward, clearly broken up about almost “letting A-Yuan die right in front of him” and how “he almost lost their son a second time”
He was definitely crying, and out came more sobs about how he hated how his fear crippled him so badly sometimes, and how he was more concerned for his own safety away from the dog, THAT WASN’T EVEN A DOG, over the safety of his son
Lan WangJi lets him cry, saying nothing as he listens to Wei WuXian vent his frustrations, before finally descending into full on sobbing
At this point, Lan WangJi pulls him closer, hugging him from behind, softly telling him it wasn’t his fault
Lan WangJi: “SiZhui understands, Wei Ying. He knows you would never leave him behind again if you can help it.”
Wei WuXian: “But A-Yuan was right there…right in front of me…I’m a strong swimmer…if it was anything else I…”
Lan WangJi: “But it was something that’s a serious fear of yours. You cannot help your fears, Wei Ying.”
Wei WuXian just cries more, and Lan WangJi just holds him close as he lets out all his frustrations
After a long time, Wei WuXian calms down, and Lan WangJi asks him if he was ready to go back and see SiZhui
Wei WuXian agrees and they head back
The doctor looks at them disapprovingly when they return, but Lan WangJi, SiZhui and JingYi all give the doctor sharp glares, so he says nothing
Wei WuXian noticed though
Luckily, the wound was not infected and it was SiZhui’s non-dominant arm, but he was not to fight just in case
Wei WuXian feels more bad
Once the doctor leaves, he once again apologises to SiZhui, but this time SiZhui reaches out with his good arm and in a rare show of blatant affection, he wraps his good arm around Wei WuXian
“I understand, I promise. Please, don’t blame yourself Dad.”
Wei WuXian comes close to crying again, as he hugs SiZhui back, whispering more apologises
Later that night, Wei WuXian is lying beside Lan WangJi, still shaken by the night’s events
“I don’t deserve you and A-Yuan” he says
Lan WangJi sits up, gives him a soft glare, before reaching up and tenderly brushing a hair away from Wei WuXian’s face
“You don’t have to deserve us, but even so, you will have us by your side” he replies
Wei WuXian smiles weakly, snuggling closer
“You’re too good to me…both of you”
Welp it’s like 6am right now I need to sleep Camie so have this for now LMAO
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