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#weirdest fucking vent of my life my lord
aloisapologist · 1 year
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tell me your alois head canons :)))
ohhhh you are so so so kind to me okay
gonna stick mostly w modern day headcanons bc I’ve covered a lot of my canon era headcanons in my fic so
- his music taste varies WILDLY. he listens to a lot of female rap artists but he is a doja stan till the end, hes also big on kacey musgraves, glamrock music, and for childhood sentimentality (and also Bc her music fucks) lorde. he’s not much for pop punk but likes the occasional paramore, and enjoys Sidney Gish quite a bit !
- he has no active opinion on taylor swift (except light disdain) but will clown on ciel until the day he dies for liking her music. he respects reputation era bc he thinks its camp (and he’s right) (but he does secretly really like don’t blame me)
- following up on the lorde thing, ‘the love club’ is SUCH an alois song To Me. listen to it and join me in understanding
- okay enough about music, he is very into the y2k trend. he is a menace on thrift stores for this reason. (ciel will not touch him when he’s wearing thrifted clothes until they’ve been washed at least 5 times). his other style inspo is Harley Quinn in birds of prey. you know that one outfit? w the pink top and the caution tape jacket? that’s how he dresses
- he gets a strong following on tiktok when he’s a bit too young to, and after processing a lot of the shit in his life, quits social media entirely for a year or so, and eventually returns with a well-curated instagram and an occasional youtube where he makes longer-form content (gothic novel reviews, rants about shitty YA books, hauls and try-one, videos where he drags in Lizzie — popular in her own right — and Ciel — literally no non-business online presence — to play video/card games w him). his youtube doesn’t do a tenth of the numbers his tiktoks did but he’s happy enough !
- he actually Can drive! he is not good at it by any means, and is as aggressive as any jersey driver, and has absolutely terrible road rage, but ciel refuses to get a license and lizzie is a bit inattentive, so alois is often the one driving
- Lizzie and Alois besties in every single universe. concept for a modern au where Lizzie and Ciel share an apartment in college and Lizzie brings home her new friend she met at the doja cat concert and oh fuck it’s that guy who tried to kill me when we were 13.
- alois gets a rescue pitbull as an esa and her name is peaches. he takes some warming up to the amount of clean up (and dog slobber) but eventually comes to love that dog with everything he is
- his favorite movies include: velvet goldmine, wolfwalkers, but im a cheerleader
- he has transfem swag
- once he’s processed most of his problems, he learns to vent his more sadistic tendencies by being absolutely cruel to his sims (his sim world is fascinating)
- he always orders the weirdest ice cream flavor on the menu. this was once cicada ice cream with real cicadas. he very much enjoyed it
my final and most important headcanon:
- it takes time and it takes work, and it is not always perfect, but he gets to a place where he is, overwhelmingly, happy
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treestargarden · 3 years
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venting about a cis white person below
one of the weirdest things white ppl do is gloating??? about how closely related their family is to nazis??
why did u think this was ok to tell me alone in ur bedroom?? why did u want me to know this?? do u secretly look up to ur nazi roots?? like wtf do i do with this info if not to shit my pants???
n then have the audacity to say they experience racism for being beat up bc they’re white?? like my dude that genuinely sucks but that is not racism...
talking to them is like.... teaching a child to do simple math but the child doesn’t listen the whole time bc they r adamant the abcs r much more interesting so they just scream at u while u try to calmly explain a concept to them???
oh god n the way cis ppl try to sound smart when talking about gender. “do u experience more masculine energy”? ??? my dude my guy...no i experience all n nothing simultaneously.
“yeah but everything is plus or negative” mmmm neutrons exist homie.
“you have to choose smth real” i’m as real as it gets baby
“the things u wore the other day were like a costume... this is much more elegant” 1) i didn’t ask 2) all of my presentations r a costume when i can’t be perceived like the air u breathe
“u can’t escape other ppls perception of u” that’s where ur wrong kiddo /u/ just don’t wanna perceive me the way i want u to. that’s a u problem.
like this whole time i was smiling but inside i was on edge ready to fly out the window i am so happy im in the comfort of my own home rn.
oh god n they tried being slick asking for my “mix” bitch didn’t i tell u not to bring that up??? it will come up in convo naturally we ain’t gotta make it a big deal man.
“i just wanna know what u r” first of all it’s not ur business second of all, u collect knowledge about cultures like some kind of museum im ok with u not knowing me like that. i don’t want to be paraded around as part of ur freak show of “diversity points” like u use the ppl from ur past to try “impressing” me little man.
oh n the way they talked about homelessness made my skin crawl!!
“is it true in la the homeless just litter the streets??” the only ones littering in la r the rich bitches who don’t take care of the places they visit. ppl r not “litter”
“u r a unique experience” is this ur roundabout way of saying i’m exotic without saying im exotic???
or fuck they got so preachy on me bc i grew up on ranches?? like raising chinchillas for fur n pigs for meat? they got so fuckin preachy about animal cruelty on me i’m like dude... mind ur business lol mr “i’ve been to so many countries n met so many ppl n know about so many cultures” i’m not interested in being a part of ur fetish collection of cultures???
ohmygod i almost forgot but jfc this fucker literally went down a list of racial slurs, unflinchingly n asked if i was any of “them.” ?????????????????????????? like i didn’t even react i was just so fuckin stunned he said all of them so easily. those have definitely been in his mouth before.
good lord wtf. like thank god this only took me 3 days to recognize as NOT OK. on their own these pieces r...not great but it just kept piling up one after the other until my gut was like... bitch u cannot put this energy into ur life cut the rope gtfoh turn tail abort abort abort.
anyway i texted him when i got home n simply said i felt a lot of ptsd flare ups spending time with him n thought it was best if we just didn’t see each other again n blocked his ass 😂
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nanyoky · 6 years
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It has been a week and A HALF and it’s only wednesday i deserve so much food and the drama BETTER BE GOOD this week
of course chic’s not a blossom he’s a whatever-alice’s-maiden-name-is/jones we all know this please let the confrontation be messy with alice and fp PLEASE LORDS OF MELODRAMA
oh my god. as much as i prefer season 1 alice to season 2 alice, this reaction is great. so great. “who’s his dad? who knows! it’s a mystery! highschool was so long ago i don’t even remember everyone i dated! doesn’t matter! no one needs to know who i rode like a pornstar in the back of his pickup after the homecoming game senior year! and no one needs to know i still think about it all the time! especially when he’s talking all sarcastic with his rough hewn charm! It was one time and I definitely don’t have dreams about it ever, okay? IT’S IRRELEVANT BETTY”
oh no you guys i just thought of the fact that alice cooper likely knows where fp’s serpent tattoo is and i don’t and now i’m DISTRAUGHT
okay- like i love it when they remember people i love are friends, but why is kevin sitting in on this register interview?
....i don’t know who this dude is but kevin is excited so i’m excited for him
also why is hal talking like there’s an audience to this interview? i know i bitched about the bad season one dialogue but now it’s just WEIRD
oh noooo.... veronica actually kinda thought her mom let her invite a friend just to be nice and then had to come crashing down to manipulative reality
jughead’s back on his bullshit again *claps hands aggressively in his face* ACTUAL. AT. RISK. KIDS. SUPPORT. THAT. SCHOOL. BEING. SHUT. DOWN. STOP. TRYING. TO. HIJACK. THEIR. LIVES. SO. YOU. CAN. FEEL. MORALLY. SUPERIOR.
god i really want there to be a falling out between jughead and toni where she finally tells him off for acting all martyred when he has essentially been a serpent for a hot five minutes and sees it as a novelty that can excuse his selfish actions when the rest of them live the reality of needing a gang to survive poverty and violence and i want that scene to HURT a lot because we like jughead! we genuinely do! but he’s been such a prime fucking pill this season and he’s not going to learn and grow until he gets hurt a little bit as a direct result of the shit he’s been pulling
um so i was excited that ethel was back..... and then a characterization 180 for zero reason other than they needed someone to throw a milkshake????? why
okay that was dumb but josie’s reaction was great
like- i’m still waiting to figure out how veronica’s long con with her parents is going to shake out. they better give her a great season three subplot to make up for this messy crummy mob malarky
that was a SOLID punch
also YASSS let her snap- give us some indication she’s been holding back and biting her tongue this whole time and now she can’t take it anymore
lol leaning HARD into the crimson peak vibe with that “special tea.” they know what we want.
i. am. so. glad. jughead’s hunger strike is a joke to everyone.
but also lol: jughead: why are you being such a bastard, v? veronica: my parents don’t want me to do the thing but i’m going to do it anyway. jughead: you are my favorite friend and i’ve always supported you.
and he’s back into anti mode because betty is being softcore up for some beronica
and a hard cut to toni killing it for no reason other than that we all forgot the vixens were a thing- and toni is a swell dancer so we’re all glad to see it
THE POMPONS ON HER SNEAKERS??????
“inner circle vixens- you know who you are” PPPFFFTTT
“MANDATORY SLUMBER PARTY” GOD I MISSED YOU HBIC VIXEN CHERYL
“you were only at southside high for like- four days” thank you. and i know jughead is tying it all to growing up in the neighborhood but like- come on. jug. he’s right. you didn’t hang out with toni and sweetpea and fangs and joaquin growing up. you hung out with archie and betty and kevin. you should not be speaking for the former just because you shared a zipcode in the part of your life you won’t even remember as an adult. and if you miss your mom and jellybean so much like- call them?! why are they not brought up more often?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! when am i going to finally see neeve campbell claim her right by combat to divorce skeet ulrich in dramatic fashion when she finds out about his lovechild?????????? she killed him twice in the nineties SHE’S EARNED THIS
HOMO EROTIC BRAID TRAIN
what is cheryl wearing is that a dress? a slip? a nightgown? I DON’T CARE I WANT IT ON MY BODY
also HOLY SHIT DOES SHE HAVE HER “BURN IT TO THE GROUND” DRESS ON DISPLAY ON A DRESSFORM GOD LOVE THAT WOMAN
“wait- is this real or a game?” i stand by the headcanon that not only did joaquin tell the gang about “this is riveting-” but secrets and sins and the whole night so toni like- has tangential second hand knowledge of season 1 cheryl’s bullshit and is trying to reconcile that with the vulnerable but emotionally stunted hottie she’s learned to love
god i’m still FURIOUS that we will never see teen serpents all together i would kill for a flashback of them all hanging out on the night of jughead’s birthday and joaquin bursts through the door at 2am like “I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST FUCKING NIGHT OF MY LIFE INCLUDING THAT TIME I STUFFED A BODY IN A FREEZER LET ME TELL YOU *EVERYTHING*”
also i just realized toni has primarily male friends so her confusion might be partially due to the fact she’s NEVER BEEN TO A SLEEPOVER?!?!?! she’s just sitting there like “oh shit- ‘i don’t feel safe in my home’ is this a game??? i haven’t seen this in any teen flicks how do you play??? are their pillow fights involved?????”
SHE JUST CALLED HER TT. LIKE JJ. as a messy bitch who loves questionable things in her suburban gothics: FUCK. YES.
there is.... something both HILARIOUSLY implausible, but also HILARIOUSLY realistic about this. “i invited you all here because i fear for my life in my own home.” “omg same let me tell you MY family drama.” sleepovers just be like that.
they just turn in after thiss???? okay THAT i don’t believe. sleepovers are the time for plotting convoluted and dangerous plans to solve your life problems, not vent for 30 seconds and then go to bed
THEY MADE EVERYONE ELSE SLEEP ON THE FLOOR BUT CHERONI IS BATHED IN SEXY RED MOOD LIGHTING I’M CACKLING
i’m trying to picture cheryl announcing the sleeping arrangements and i can’t stop laughing. “as the newest vixen, toni will have the privilege of a mattress. not alone of course. i AM the hostess after all. there is plenty of room.” toni: oh that’s so nice and not weird or suspicious of you cheryl i would love to bone- i mean sleep on the same bed three feet apart from you. everyone else: we’re still here stop being nasty.
cheryl and toni are meant to be because they both don’t remove their makeup before bed like some kind of goblins with naturally perfect skin no matter what hell they put it through
BLOSSOMS! BACK AT IT! THERE’S MY FAM! BRINGIN HOME THE GOLD WITH ATTEMPTED MURDER AND SOME CLAUDIUS/GERTRUDE- I MEAN PENELOPE ACTION
((i can’t tell if this episode is actually better or if i’m just in a better mood tonight. don’t care. having fun.))
molly ringwald!!!! missed you boo
.....who is that boy veronica just snubbed on his cupcake and kiss i only saw the back of his head but i know my TYPE when i see it
“right now i’m only interested in one girl, you.” ethel shifts uncomfortably because no one could resist that gay shit right there no matter how hard we may try
also tho- for the record, i’m with ethel, sexualizing your student body president campaign is tacky and archaic af
oh my god jughead you look like a freshman delivering his first speech at the regional finals
also lol they got like Other Serpents to fill in the club so that it’s not just the snakey core four
AND HE’S BACK USING THE TRIBE FOR HIS OWN NARRATIVE GODDAMMIT JUGHEAD YOU’RE MAKING IT SO HARD TO LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW
KEVIN THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS NONSENSE I THOUGHT YOU AND I AGREED YOU WORK ON JUST BEING YOU FOR AWHILE AND THEN IF JOQUIN COMES BACK THEN YOU HAVE A LOVE INTEREST?!
oh kev i can’t stay mad at you not when you can’t keep a secret to save your goddamn life. sweet bean. precious pea. too good for this world.
oh i like this. i like betty getting FEROCIOUSLY protective of kevin- even though i’m not even entirely sure chic is as dodgy as they’re trying to make us think
ahhh there she is josie- my ambitious girl.
oh my gooooooddddddddddd. serpents why are you listening to jughead- with that edit away from the scene i thought they were gunna let him have it. why do they suddenly think he’s right????? THEY HATED THAT SCHOOL! THEY WERE HAPPY TO GO TO RHS! THIS IS CANON AND IN THE DIALOGUE! I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS SEASON!
WUT THE FUCK BETTY. i kinda love it tho
oh lordy- heavy handed girl power political twisting- COMPLETE WITH SONG
i mean- i know that ethel has always been a very minor side character, but i’m still disappointed they’re using her for this plot when the last we saw of her in season one was her being very mature and understanding that veronica does not control her parents actions and now she’s the exact opposite with like- no new personal story to back this change up. you either get put on a bus at the end of season one or you stick around long enough to be handed a sloppily put together new personality that no one wants.
JOSIE?! honestly i know i keep saying it but this is so messy what even is this show anymore
((sorry i’m whining again- i really liked the sleepover bring that bit back))
that was a well done breakdown from mendes good job girl that built really nice
also was that a spark of season one hermione i saw???? please?????
“she wears it when she has sex with jughead” oh my. oh dearie me. this is. goodness.
betty you fell into one of the classic blunders- never admit anything you’re accused of until they have proof lol even chic is surprised that worked
alice needs a system reboot at the thought of jughead and betty boning for various reasons- not least of all the generational echo of her life
JUGHEAD AND FP SCENE. these are the only times this season that remind me of my love for that skinny little twerp. their interactions remain golden and heartbreaking and i love themboth to bits.
boys- wake up and smell the custody papers. jellybean aint comin back. good or bad idea. also jug- you’re sixteen? two years you’ll be out of here on a scholarship anyway- stop acting like people don’t move out of small towns anymore
OH GOD THEY’RE GENTLE SNUGGLING HLEP ME just bury me in scenes of these boys bonding over their pigheaded natures
like this annoys me that they’re couching this in archie drinking hiram’s koolaid because “i don’t think jughead’s fighting FOR anything.” is the smartest thing archie’s said all season
archie deserved that now go after jughead, molly ringwald i trust you to dress anyone and everyone down as you see fit
“i’m.... very well acquainted with how alluring the jones men are” yes.... yeeesssss..... yaassssss YASSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“woah- wait-” keep up betty we all knew this from alice and fp’s first interaction in season one
there she goes- puttin it together. “absolutely not” my lumpy ass
“don’t forget what he did.” “i will never forget” ......i’mma confess i honestly forgot about the murder that’s how fucking messy this season has been.
jesus christ this mutual blackmailing but also gaslighting between chic and betty is just nightmarishly stressful 
YASS BACK ON CHERYL BEING THE TRADITIONAL GOTHIC HEROINE OF EVERY MOOR-SET PAPERBACK EVER PRINTED i missed this. i missed the trational gothic heroine trapped in an american/suburban gothic.
*sigh* i’ve spent all season holding out hope- giving varchie the benefit of the doubt that they were both playing close to the chest and pulling long cons on mama and papa lodge, but i don’t know. i think it’s just bad writing now.
yeah hiram like anyone would ever believe that the bulldogs would go to disband a protest of their peers with wire cutters completely of their own volition. NO ONE is going to think the developer who is essentially the only one with a personal stake in the demolition of the school might have twisted their arms. solid plan. no one will suspect you’re pulling the strings of these teens.
god they’re making this so dramatic but i hate this plotline and the lack of consistency with the serpents plot so it’s just laughable
omg omg- can we just forget the unfortunateness of this episode’s plot for jughead and instead get fucking PUMPED to see him try to get votes for student council i am READY FOR THIS TRAINWRECK
lol- if this was anyone but jughead i’d be laughing at him agreeing that she stay in the trailer without consulting- you know- the adult who owns the trailer and is his legal guardian, but this is fp we’re talking about he’s gunna be so stoked. he’s gunna buy like all new pillows and sheets and curtains and like a “welcome home” teddybear and stock the fridge full of healthy things he imagines people like betty eat. like smoothies. fp needs all the strawberry smoothies as jughead’s dowery to seal the deal
MORE MOLLY RINGWALD?! YAYYYY!!!
HOLY SHIT???? i mean- i was all for cheryl being the typical gothic heroine trapped away and called mad once she wised up to her shady family but this is... hmmm. wow. that’s..... a lot. nto sure how i feel about it.
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OKAY - I HAD TO - I HAD TO - 
And I HAVE TO SAY THIS - 
I HAVE TO VENT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL GET IT. And also because I  need to. 
OH MHY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD 
JAMES! DEAR LORD SHE’S AN ATTENTION SEEKING IDIOT 
Oh those beautiful, poor kittens - she’s so selfish 
WHAT THE HELL  - WHAT - THE HELL 
Come on this is so ridiculous 
I haven’t posted here in ages and yeah - I haven’t called her out in forever because I haven’t been paying attention - but - uhh. 
I hate people like this, I can’t believe she turned into one. 
social media brings out the worst in pathological attention seeking no brain people behaviour. 
It’s very creepy and weird. 
And yes, I get that we all take pictures with babies and post them because it’s cute but also it’s a reason to be like ‘look I look amazing but I’m really only posting this because of the cute baby ‘ blah blah hehe - but I mean that’s relatively harmless - it’s only really harmful if the baby is your own and you’re just using it because that’s the only way you value it - but guess what - that’s the only way she values these beautiful babies. AAAAAAA it’s so revolting it makes me sick. And I can’t post a new photo because I don’t like not focusing on the present moment and my happy internal and external life - And also - facebook kind of makes me hate people because of stuff like this so it’s just better for my own happiness not to even look at it. Oh - but she always does this - and this time it involves innocent beings who should be treated equally - with genuine moral consideration -
she’s such a fucking moron - who just uses other people to try to make herself feel important instead of actually being a genuine human being. 
Oh James - I just knew you’d get it - you’re the only one who really does 
And also it felt really great to call her out on her bullshit - publically - with genuine real considerations - I’m happy 
I used to do that - I used to use facebook and whenever she pulled crap or used me for attention seeking - I’d call her out immediately and it wwas brilliant. I love you . 
I Just had to do it. 
She;s not thinking about their wellbeing. 
And they’re beautiful and I arleayd love them - but even if she doesn’t end up - if she does move that would be okay - I want to protect them - but evne if she doesn’t end up keeping htem - what can be done - if the go to ‘ the girls’ - they’d be fine but those parent’s would totally abuse and not treat them well - coz they’re horrible {god i LOV E having no human siblings ;p = truly) - - and she’s  stealing their kitten hood. How could she. She had choices. She didn’t have to become like this. 
Please promise me you’ll defy the poison - those extremely sexist and violent video games tell me you’ve been exposed to that way too young - and at all. Please - please respect and genuinely value females. Please. Because we are people in our own right. I know society - every single male has internalised misogyny - society grooms them, - you- to see only males - all texts are angled toward their own uplifting at the expense and subduing of women. Please don’t listen to it. Please consciously recognise it and reject it. Please don’t become an aggreesor toward us. Don’t just respect me because of who I am to you . Respect me because I am a human being in my own right. And I deserve respect. Because I am equal. More than. 
Please be the real you. Promise me. 
 you also know why I’m indignantly pissed off too - you can guess it . 
i’m so worried about those poor babies - she’s stealing their kitten hood for her own gain and then what. They won’t get the quality of life they deserve. THey deserve to be happy and healthy and well looked after and genuinely loved - for them. They deserve a back yard - space. Cats need soo much space. All those idiots who keep them indoors- that’s literally abutse - their mental wellbeing and physical wellbeing - you can’t replicate the stimulation of outside, with it’s smells and sounds and trees and grass and calm and fun. That’s their natural environment. For humans or animals. But animals - especially. That’s basic living being rights - I want to rescue them. I would if I could. 
I’m so angry at her that she would even do this. It’s so morally repugnant. 
SHE is so morally repugnant. 
I jsut saw her fb post for my birthday - wow. Talk about use me for attention - and my childhood - the photos she chose. At least I used to pick nice photos of her - not the one photo where I look like I have the weirdest posture on earth because I’m detaching her earring from my hair mid photo - 
and how much have I said that my childhood is private - and lovely - and I don’t want to be used for attention - or have it put anywhere on social media - Yes - I look like a little doll as a child - Sash literally said that about me when she saw some photos - ‘She looks like a little doll!’ were her exact words - so - you know hehe - and there are SO MANY gorgeous photos of me - - and of me and her -  but she really did pick the least flattering one for the post. She - however, was not so good looking. but it’s really not done out of genuine good will 
My childhood is my own. I don’t want anyone else to have access to it. It’s precious. Why doesn’t she ever respect the integrity of other people. perhaps because she doesn’t have any herself.. ;p.. she mustn’t understand the concept - at least for anyone else but herself . I’m sick of her using me for attention. And other people. Especially those kittens - I have to be their advocate now because no one else is going to do it. They are precious and so are their lives and they deserve happiness, health, safety and genuine, true love - and to be treated like a family. And space ! They’re kittens. Little balls of sweet innocent energy and free will. Because they are family. I want to protect them. 
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One Capsicle A Day
“Sir, I don’t come to you often, but I have a work issue that needs to be resolved.”
“No. you don’t. In fact, last we spoke you were yelling ‘Down with the man!’ You then jumped from my office window after removing all my office furniture and replacing it with stacks of old computer monitors.”
“In my defense, Sir. Tony double dogged dared me.”
“Uh, huh.”
“And Clint helped.” A nerf arrow flies from a vent smacking Steve in the face.
“Barton get out of the vents before I have Senior Agent Coulson pull you out.”
“Fine! Tony’s vents are better anyway.” There is a soft thump, and another nerf arrow smacks Steve in the face. Cap ignored it trying to keep his serious Captain America face intact. He really needed Fury’s help on this.
“Time before that you, Barton, Stark, Widow, and Dr. Banner made an antidromic xenomorph and set it loose on my junior agents. Had the lot of them convinced that aliens were attacking and you died dramatically on stage.”
Steve feel’s his mask slipping. One Agent had screamed and fainted while another had called for Agent May to save them all. It may have gotten a little out of hand when a junior agent blew a part of the base, but it was worth it.
“It was a training exercise, Sir.”
“Did this exercise include Stark laughing maniacally amidst flames and Agent Romanoff declaring herself ultimate Melon Lord of the Fire Nation?” Okay, some things may have gotten out of hand.
“I stand by it, Sir.”
“Of course, you do. You were giggling the whole time while recording the chaos that was unleashed on my base.”
“Is there a point? Sir.”
Fury lifted a brow and leaned back in his chair. It made for a very villainous picture. “What can I help you with Captain?”
“Can you make them all stop with the fangirling?”
Fury’s face twitches and Steve just knows the Director understands the situation exactly. And Director Fury thinks he is the one for dramatics. “Explain.”
“The admiration was only a little awkward at first, but now it's reaching new levels of creepy. It’s one thing for me to sign the comics made while I was alive but not anything after that. Or the ‘action figure’ from the television show I didn’t have anything to do with that.” Steve flexed his hands and took a breath. “There was squealing on my last mission ops. I threw my shield; I always throw my shield.” He widens his eyes with a final plea, “They keep sleeping on my face!”
“No is sleeping on your face, Rogers. It’s a printed a character.”
“No. It is my face. A recent photo of me in uniform printed on standard SHIELD sheets. We both know who’s doing it and all I want is for you to make him stop before I make a formal complaint.”
“You are underestimating his bureaucratic power, Rogers. You must realize that he can make complaints of that nature disappear, easily.”
Director wasn’t going to help when Steve asked nicely. Fine. He survived crazy scientific experiments, Hydra, and pissing off Pepper Potts. He can survive this. “Sure. Sure. Or Tony.”
“Rogers! He is not allowed in my system. Tell Stark and his army of crazy AI’s to stay the fuck away.”
“Except for missions. And if this whole sheet business doesn’t go away, as Tony’s superior officer I can assign all sorts of mission parameters.”
“No, he is too fucking busy.”
“Wanna bet? Do you feel lucky Director? Do you believe that Tony will pass up a chance to run wild through your system? Cause I wouldn’t. Tony would love to install a completely different operating system and make updates to your servers. We both know how Tony is about-” Steve leans back like he seen Tony do when he’s doing the whole Tony Fucking Stark dance. “-Inferior technology.”
But Fury leaned back too. “What if we could ignore this whole situation in exchange for a missing former assassin?”
“You found Bucky.”
“We did.”
Fury is smirking wide but in that spy way where it’s all in the eyes and not actually on the face. Because only the loser spies emotis. Steve is not a spy.  So he laughs, loud and long. “What? You think I’m going to agree and you’ll pick Bucky up like some lost pet.” He snickers and takes a breath. “You know he is a grown adult, right?  Fully capable of tracking me down whenever he wants. Or are you insulting me? Implying I view Bucky as a reward for putting up with your bullshit, Sir.” Steve wants to steepled his fingers but figures that would come off a little sinister for his taste.
“No, I’m not. Captain. But you sure you want to leave it like this? Poor lost sheep Barnes.”
“Director, I promise you this. One day, I will attempt a plan so stupid and life-threatening that Bucky will rise from the woodworks to save my Punk ass. King Arthur style.”
“You two must have the weirdest relationship.” Comes from the ceiling.
“Right. You win. Barton, call Coulson in.”
Barton dives from the ceiling sticks the landing and skips out the office, as you do.
Steve patiently waits for Coulson, counting the rubber band balls littering the space to pass the time. Fury chose to mutter under his breath about a culling where only the strong would survive.
“Or maybe only the crazy ones would survive making your situation worse.”
“Pure evil.”
Sometimes Steve wished the boy scout look wasn’t so useful so he could get away with steepling his fingers or laughing maniacally. Steve is polite, sure, but that doesn’t mean he can’t rock the crazy.
“You rang, Sir.” Coulson spots Steve, and his professional dissipate like steam. “Cap! Is there something you need?”
“Cheese, stop stalking Rogers and delegate the corresponding blog, as well.”
“Director, Sir, I don’t know what Agent Romanoff has been telling you. But I do not stalk Captain Rogers. I am a professional.”
Sure. But Steve will believe when he sees it, not this circumstantial evidence bullshit.
“No, he totally is. I've proof. Kay?”
“Right. Barton outed you, Coulson, now agree.”
“Or what… Sir?”
“Or I’ll send for Senior Agent Hand.”
“I’ll remember this Nick.” Coulson nods with a smile then leaves. Creepy.
“Fuck. If I get any fallout for this Rogers, I will ensure you get your share of the radiation.”
Eh, he’ll risk it.
“I’ll be seeing Director.”
“Yes, in your nightmares.”
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Idk what to say I miss people I’ve always loved and it fucking hurts man. As much as I can say “nah it’s cool” or “it doesn’t really bother me”
It’s not cool and it does bother me.
Imagine spending so much time with people Building bonds and thinking that you’re gonna love these people and see them grow and support them through whatever shit life throws at them next and then having them torn away from you within a couple of weeks?
I don’t care what you think I don’t care what you’ve heard
I’m a human being and I’m in pain because of what you’ve done I don’t want you to ever forget that Ever.
I think about you all so often, and what you say when you think or talk about me I go through the scenarios in my head a lot and it ruins my day. Maybe I'm being over dramatic, maybe I'm venting one of the thousand things that goes on in my tiny yet impossibly huge brain which has so much stuff locked away which surfaces when I think about anything. I think about a lot of different things, sometimes things the people around me would be confused about and others where they'd just give me the weirdest look I get so hurt by the stupidest most far fetched thought that could never actually happen and a lot of different things scare me I'm so afraid to lose any other people I miss people so easily and find it hard to be on my own for long periods of time but yet I feel so fucking alone And it's weird cause a lot of the time I actually want to be alone but I just can't Cause I do shit like post my train of thought on tumblr Or contemplate drinking the rest of some shitty alcohol I have somewhere cause I want to feel better about a situation or myself for a little bit I've got so many dreams and things I want to do but if it all happened right now, the way things are, it wouldn't feel right. I don't know who the fuck is stupid enough to read all this gross shit but it's impossible for me to say these things to anyone other than my ceiling when my parents aren't at home so I can talk to myself I don't even want to be me at this point in time to be honest The only thing that's keeping me here are my friends my absolutely impossibly brilliant friends. There's no way I could do all this without them It's like they carry all of it with me. I know they're not stupid, and I know they know I'm not exactly the most put together person right now but holy fuck I respect the shit out of them I could name a few right now but jesus lord in heaven there's no way I could ever forget about any of you, if you're reading this right now, any of you, you're all the lights that clear a path for me to walk on through the dark shit so I don't fall and get lost I know I'm clingy I know I get annoying But you all made me who I am and I would do anything for all of you I'm gonna fuck off to bed now Thanks for delving into my honest mind for however long it took you to read this
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