#well duh asshole I spent almost an entire year at home while you were going to your company anniverseries and family gatherings

[partyanimal167]

Paying Back Goodness- Vampire!Miguel x F!Reader

Was this supposed to be just another vampire!Miguel fic during October? Yes.

Is it definitely almost December instead? Also yes.

I need practice writing smut with this man for my other fic, so I'm definitely going to pretend that this came out before that other story lol

cw: modern au, black fem reader, smut, mdni, praise kink, biting (duh), pet names, pussy-drunk Miguel (our favorite munch)

For the life of you, all you wanted to do was rest. Literally. Life was wearing you out, but when a hot stranger needs your help, things somehow get more interesting.

You wanted to get home as soon as possible. You spent the entire day running around for your boss to make sure he didn't miss meetings or forget to send important documents. You didn't see yourself being a secretary, but you took a break from your main career, and this job found you with good benefits and some relief. However, being the workaholic you are, you were just as committed and driven in this job that was only supposed to be a year. Now, it had been two and a half.

It was fine at first. Your first boss was a gentle, sweet old man, but he was replaced a cocky asshole once he retired. You knew that the company was wealthy which meant things needed to be in order, but your boss could totally be tyrant.

You groaned as you turned on your car which beamed with a light stating you needed to get gas. You rested your head on the steering wheel and cursed past-you for being lazy that morning. It didn't matter though. It was Friday, and you actually had the weekend off to disassociate from the grind.

You drove to your favorite gas station nearby and decided to go inside for a snack. It was the normal night commuter crowd who quickly came and went like you planned on. You stood near the register thinking about which candy bar to buy when you heard someone clear their throat in your direction. You turned disinterested but ended up surprised by what you saw.

The man towered over you but looked down softly. He had handsome features: board shoulders, strong-looking arms, high cheek bones. His eyes were gentle as well as his hair that waved at certain points. You gulped quietly.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I left my wallet. Could I trouble you in getting this drink for me?" he scratched his head awkwardly, but the emotion looked cute on him.

You blinked twice then nodded. "Oh yeah sure, no problem." you placed your items on the counter and were in your thoughts. The man was dressed casually, but you were sure it was nice quality stuff. You mean, the situation happens to the best of people, so there was no reason to judge.

"Thank you so much, hermosa. I hope I can pay you back one day." the man smiled. You told him not to worry about it and went your separate ways. He was parked near your car, and you peeked to see how nice of a vehicle it was. You nearly choked. It looked like something that would be driven by your boss' boss. You turned away quickly as you filled your tank. You could hear the sound of an engine starting before a curse and then a door slamming.

You peered up and met the very shy gaze of the man from earlier. "This is really embarrassing, but I seem to be out of gas too..." he trailed off and barely met your eyes.

You just finished filling up, and you smiled to yourself. "Okay then." you walked over to the man's car and inserted your card.

"I'm so sorry. I was in such a rush to leave, and now I'm here bothering a beautiful lady." the man went on.

You coughed at the compliment but tried to play it off. "I get it, but let's just get you home. No point in being stranded. That would suck." you giggled.

The man nodded before searching for a scrap of paper while the tank filled. He fished for a pen before scribbling quickly. "I owe you one. If you ever need anything, anything, don't be afraid to call me please." You looked at the paper and read the name: Miguel O'Hara. Why was that familiar to you? You pocketed the slip and nodded. After insisted that you would call, you two went you separate ways.

You threw on your pajamas and flopped on your bed ready to rest the night away--promptly forgetting about your small act of kindness.

~~~

You were beat.

In the normal chaos of things, you totally forgot about the upcoming fall masquerade that your company was hosting. Thankfully, the event was handled by the marketing department, but you spent hours searching for a dress and mask to wear. You needed to look presentable. Your boss lectured you on who he needed to impress and how you need to find any and all hot gossip about the important business people. It seemed there were some ambitions he wanted to act on.

You didn't really care.

You stared at the garment bag hanging on the back of your bedroom door. You had a couple of hours before you needed to start getting ready, so you pulled out one of your work binders and flipped through the VIP list. You looked lazily at stuffy professional photos, facts on various business adventures, and quirks in people's personal lives. A couple red tabs highlighted your boss' targets, and you tugged on one randomly.

The page showed the strong intimidating face of one Miguel O'Hara. You nearly chocked on nothing. You knew his name was familiar! You were a bit startled by the photo. He looked so serious and commanding--very much the opposite of when you met him randomly at the gas station. The car made a lot more sense now. The man's pockets were deep. You glossed over to the personal facts. Your eyebrow quirked.

There were several bullet points noting how the man was a bit of a recluse, didn't like meetings before 4pm, preferred working at night, etc. He had been a highly sought after businessman for partnerships and investments, but was notorious for wanting all the details and spotting a swindler miles away.

You snorted to yourself. Your boss was going to have to be on top of his shit if he wanted to get away with anything, and you highly doubted that he was.

You hummed to yourself, looking at all the information. It was interesting to see how one's professional life contradicted with the personal. The gas station incident made a little more sense to you now. You wondered what made the man leave his house in the first place. Must have needed something and his staff was away.

You figured it would be easy to spot him later that night. Your boss would be ready to kiss ass and shake hands, so you didn't think you'd have much interaction to mentally prepare for.

Hopefully it would be an easy night.

~~~

"What did you just say?" Despite the mask covering half of your face, you knew that your disbelief was shining through. You were so tempted to kick your shoes off and high-tail out of the gala hall. Be fucking for real.

Your boss scoffed before pinching the bridge of his nose--as if his request was as simple as bringing him another drink. "Please don't be difficult tonight. I hear that O'Hara has been having a bit of a dry spell. If he seems even a little interested in you, pounce on him. Get into his bed if you need to. I'm sure he's got some important information in his home office."

You stared dumbfounded. "I am not fucking him for you! What the hell!"

An eye roll. "Oh please, I'm sure it'd do you some good. You don't have a boyfriend. Plus, I'll give you a raise. You can-," Thankfully, another VIP target appeared to speak with your boss which gave you an opportunity to slip away.

You didn't necessarily hate parties, but this grand showings of your company's wealth was a bit annoying when you felt you could be better compensated for your performance. You grabbed a glass of champagne and walked around a bit--chatting with some co-workers and seeing what little habits the rich and wealthy had. You weren't above knowing a little chisme, just not going to fuck someone for work.

"These things are always a little stuffy." a friendly voice said in your direction.

You didn't turn to see who it was but chuckled a little. "Yeah, but you gotta let the rich people have their fun. Otherwise, they're gonna start torturing poor people again." you kept your eyes on the crowd. Most people you recognized from their files, but despite your boss' wants, you hadn't seen Miguel O'Hara so far. The party had been going around for awhile. You weren't sure if he was going to show up, but that wasn't too much of your concern.

"Mm, that's quite an interesting thought." there was a brief pause, "Well I don't quite find amusement in people's suffering. But sometimes discipline is required--especially when you keep someone waiting." there was some teasing under there, and your brief tipsiness faded when that voice went a little deeper. You turned to face the stranger and softly gasped. "I thought you would have called me by now, Miss y/n."

Somehow seeing him this time, Miguel's presence felt entirely too large as you faced him. He looked down at you confidently, and there was some of that strong demeanor in his eyes. It reminded you of reading his file from earlier. He was definitely in his element here even if he preferred to be at home. You, on the other hand, were not used to high-end parties and social mingling. That's why you were off to the side watching.

Miguel indulged in seeing you decked out in a gown and a lacy mask. Your face was lightly beat, and lips shone in the light. You weren't going overboard like some of the other women there, but it didn't matter. He planned to seek you out after seeing your name as a point of contact for one of rich bastards here.

You took a moment to get your words together. "Ah well, I've been a bit busy...plus I didn't want to bother you."

Miguel grunted. "Wouldn't have been a bother at all. I'm the one who troubled you."

You waved your hand. "Ah well, it's fine really. A simple act of kindness. It's all good." you mumbled a little. There was an amusement in the man's eyes, and they seemed to glow with how his own masked framed his face. "I'm surprised you recognized me..."

A chuckle. "Of course hermosa, how could I forget such a beautiful face? I-,"

And just your luck for your boss to appear. "Ah there you are! Mr. O'Hara, I see you've met my lovely secretary. I hope she's giving you some good company. I'm-," he went on some rant, and you saw this as a chance to try and dip. You did not want your boss getting the wrong idea that you were going along with his shitty plan to seduce Miguel and search his house for whatever blackmail he assumed existed. It did look as though he was paying attention to your boss, so you quietly took a step away.

Immediately, you felt an arm around your waist-- pulling you closer to Miguel. Your faced warmed up. How did he even notice you move?

"Ah yes, I think we have a meeting coming up together soon. I'm interested in the project you proposed." Miguel interrupted the boring ramble. He leaned by your ear for a moment. "Find me on the third balcony in fifteen minutes." he whispered in your ear before letting you go.

You glanced at him then your boss before nodding. Your boss sent an unsubtle glare your way as you walked off.

...

It took an hour before you found yourself alone on the balcony. You took a seat on the sole bench and glanced up at the night sky. You had watched as crowds of people went out of their way to talk to Miguel. From afar, it seemed as though he had such a charismatic control over people. He leaned into it with powerful handshakes and cocky grins.

You were tempted to go home, but then your eyes met his and he winked. You decided to wait a little longer since the man wanted to talk to you.

You sighed after taking off your mask. You fidgeted with the shawl around your shoulders.

"Your boss is pretty shameless." you turned and watched Miguel approached you.

You chuckled before looking back at the sky. "Oh trust me I know. You wouldn't believe what he's asked me to do."

You felt the man stand close behind you. "Oh probably sending out his secretary to tease me." you quickly turned up at him. Miguel had a knowing grin. He licked his lips. "He's going to have to get more creative than that, but," he paused and took in the curious look in your eyes, "I would be tempted since it's you."

Things felt like they were warming up despite the autumn chill. "Excuse me?"

Miguel took a seat right by you, and the closeness wasn't in your favor. "I was hoping to take you out once you called, but that didn't happen." he huffed. "I had to wait to see you at work event. Not so charming."

You scratched your cheek and messed with the shawl again. "Ah well, you don't have to worry about charming me--people!" you corrected quickly. "People are drawn to you."

"Yeah for my money, but I wouldn't mind getting the attention I want for once." he gently reached out and turned your chin so you could properly look at him. "Gosh you look delicious." he groaned. You gasped as a thumb ran over your bottom lip. "Excuse my forwardness, but your sweetness drew me. I just want a little taste." he leaned in, "may I kiss you?"

"Yes." you quietly let out.

There was a shock that ran through you body feeling his lips against yours. You wanted to melt immediately. Yes, the man was attractive, but it was like something was pulling you just from his closeness and attention. You wanted to be greedy and hoard it. It suddenly wasn't enough to be alone with him outside. You feel something a bit pointy graze the skin of your lips, and you opened your eyes to see streaks of red in the man's eyes. Confusion flashed through you though Miguel looked down at you with a gentle fondness and deep hunger.

He slowly licked around what was definitely a fang as he lifted your hand to his lips, kissing it, then placing it on his cheek. "Mmm, you feel so warm too." his voice vibrated through your skin and its sultry tone kept you aroused and intrigued despite the slow growing concern that things were not what they first seemed. Miguel could see it in your eyes--the curiosity just under that cloud of lust. "Oh nena, you're safe with me." another kiss onto your hand, "I just bite a little."

~~~

You didn't question why Miguel had a suite ready at a hotel nearby. You didn't question how he seemed to know where to touch and what to say. You didn't question what he was despite knowing that those fangs were real and how the pieces about him were coming together.

Miguel planned on being on his best behavior originally. He mentally prepared himself to be in the limelight with people flocking towards him on the pretense of business. He only wanted to speak with you originally about a casual coffee date or to ask you why you were working for a scummy boss. (So he looked into your job and company. Don't sue him) However, things were just so tempting seeing how you easily talked with him, how your dress hugged your body and color scheme lit up your eyes, how he could hear your heartbeat increase and watch the slight twitch of your neck.

He lost that battle to tempation.

So Miguel would take you away from the useless mingling and allow the two of you to indulge in one another.

You gasped as you bounced slightly on the bed and propped yourself up to watch the man. He eyed you almost drunkenly as he pulled at his tie and tossed his cufflinks to ground as if they were worthless. You moaned watching him undress himself all the way to his briefs and felt that hazy sensation when you were pulled to the edge of the bed. A leg was raised, and you bit your lip feeling that sharp grazing sweep over your skin. The skin didn't break, but the possibility excited you especially when the truth was becoming clearer. You saw how his eyes glowed in the dark, and you froze with both arousal and anxiety.

Miguel chuckled as he rubbed his face against your leg--kissing right behind your knee. "Mmm, I don't know how I want to taste you first." he muttered half to himself and you. He edged himself more feeling his teeth on you skin. He could sense your excitement. "It won't hurt, nena; I promise. Just want little bite, please." his sweet begging made you clench around nothing, and of course, he saw it. He reached up and dragged your thin underwear off you. He melted at the sight. "So eager to please me. Just want to be a good meal for a vampire like me? Yeah, I know."

You knew. He knew you did, but the confirmation did things to your body. You heaved for air, and body started to squirm for more. It did was so deliciously appealing to know that this man desired you in more ways than one. You spread your other leg quickly for him and whimpered as the air reached your core. "Please," you started off, "I want it."

Miguel chuckled as his hands ran further up than before, your dress pushing up and gathering by your waist. "You want it?" Miguel teased and mimicked you. "You want what baby? You gotta use your words pretty girl. I know you can do it."

But you weren't sure what exactly. Him to fuck you, yes, but how would it feel if he did those other unspoken things he wanted? If he did more than just bite you but truly indulged in your essence? You didn't want to decide just then; either one would be beyond satisfying for sure. You shook your heard--still squirming and panting for more. "Give me whatever." You yelped feeling a slap against your wet cunt.

"Not the right answer. Be specific, dulce." Miguel went on to slowly run his fingers up and watch the slick coat his fingers. He was starting to lose himself more. You smelled sweet and delicious. He hadn't had the temptation to eat in a long time, but after meeting you, he couldn't shake the feeling. He was fighting so hard to be calm, collected. But you were such putty in his hands. He'd give you anything you wanted too.

"I want you to eat me out, sir." you threw the words together, but they seemed to work since Miguel went straight to work--sucking on your clit. He made himself comfortable wrapping his arms around your thighs; there was no way you'd be able to escape if you really wanted to.

He was messy.

If you weren't so caught up in your own pleasure, you'd think about how he seemed to be doing this for himself. The room sounded wet. You went from gripping the sheets to his hair and thrashing up and down--trying to get even closer to that sinful tongue that moved better than you'd ever experience.

Miguel was definitely pleased with himself and your reactions. Your hands gripped his hair once his fangs ever-so gently pressed on your clit. He was drunk off your scent, your sounds, your essence. He wouldn't have minded spending his night here at all really. He's please to devour you in any shape or form.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come." you breath out.

Miguel enjoyed that confession. He didn't let up at all. He lapped his tongue up and down, sucked on your pearl, teased your entrance. Your body trembled and only babbles were coming out. You were submerged in that intense feeling; you thought nothing could top it really...

But then you felt two pricks. And soon you were drowning deeper.

Miguel drinks from your thick thighs. He couldn't help himself. Your enamored expressions from coming pushed him to have you once again--more towards his nature. You were truly filling his being now. His brain was blanking only having that warm, comforting feeling of safety in ecstasy. Your pleasure became his and vice versa. He was lost in the way you accepted him so easily; he hadn't experienced that before.

The man pulled his teeth out and lapped at the bite deliriously. He rested his head on a thigh and enjoyed watching you come down from that consuming experience.

Your lungs finally seemed like they could get enough air, and you blinked away tears--first staring at the dark ceiling then moving your head down to see those glowing red eyes stare up at you--so much reverence and care. It took you by surprise, but you could only moan. Words still failing you.

"You're so beautiful, reina." It wasn't lost to you how he licked around his pink-tinted fangs. He pushed himself up and kissed his way back up. "So delicious, you have to mine." he was nearly pleading. Another kiss on your neck then lips. His eyes were so eager yet soft. He smiled sweetly at you. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

~~~

Apparently, eights hours was enough time for your world to be turned upside down. While you dreamed of warmth and care, Miguel seemed to have been working to make life a lot easier for you. Breakfast had been ordered. Clothes delivered. And a plan to buy your company, fire your boss, and get you back into your desired profession easily formulated.

You were none the wiser as grapes were gently placed into your mouth even after you insisted that you were fine enough to feed yourself. Miguel wouldn't be having that.

The man was still gorgeous in the soft lights of the hotel room, and it was hard to maintain eye-contact after the night's...festivities. You darted your eyes again, and Miguel chuckled. You looked back. "What?"

Another smile. "Why can't you look at me? Was it too much?" he almost pouted.

You scratched your cheek and fiddled with your hair. "It was amazing...but in my defense, vampires are not common knowledge." you opened your mouth to be fed without hesitation this time.

"Well, we like to keep things that way." he paused for a moment. "And I was wondering..."

The shyness didn't seem like at him at all. You met his eyes though they seemed nervous. "What is it?"

Miguel looked back at you. "I was hoping I could take you out after all of this...maybe some dinner or something." you laughed. "What's so funny!"

You waved your hand. "Nothing. You just showered me in goodness, and you're the one that's shy about me not wanting to see you? I'd be out of my mind." you leaned over and pecked him on the lips. "Guess good deeds to pay off."

I am a sucker for a vampire!Miguel. I want all the sexy, tempting goodness. Help people folks. You never know were it'll get ya 😉

~~~

It took me over a month to get through most of this, but only twenty minutes for the last portion. Writing is weird.

#spiderman #atsv #miguel o'hara #miguel x reader #atsv fanfiction #late halloween post #vampire miguel #black fem reader #modern au #mine #stewie writes #partyanimal167

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

#im so sad im so sad im so sad! #war and peace #great comet #natasha rostova #andrei bolkonksy #uhhh whats their ship name? #w&p playlists #my post #figured out how to do a read more bc this post is so LONG

[cxmetery-gates]

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS - DARK!TOM HIDDLESTON

CHAPTER FIVE: COFFEE AND TINDER

SUMMARY: Lynn and Gabriel have a heart-to-heart talk about her last lover, with Gabe offering barely-legal suggestions. WORD COUNT: 2.45k NOTES: Gabe is probably my favorite character WARNINGS: dark!tom hiddleston, teacher!tom hiddleston, mentions of past relationships, break-up talk, h*tler reference?? never thought i’d write that

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS MASTERLIST

THE SOUND OF A BELL alerts the classroom that the period is over. Everyone had been already packed and ready to go minutes before Mr. Hiddleston even began wrapping up his lesson. Even when I suffered through chemistry or dragged my deflated soul through finance, I never thought of putting my notes and pens away so soon. I know more than one student saw the icy glare I sent across the room but, most importantly and unfortunately, I also know nearly all of them didn't catch the slight disappointment in Mr. Hiddleston's tone.

I truly despise most people.

From the moment class started, it's been so unmistakably clear how much he loves what he teaches, that he enjoys what he spent thousands of dollars on just to show people how great literature is. I understand that all too well— save the going into debt part. Teachers are often times so mundane with their knowledge, not realizing how the way they present the information affects our understanding and interest in such. This is why high school teachers are stereotyped as people who just want a paid summer vacation. However, Mr. Hiddleston really put effort into his theatrics, like his lecture was a play. People with a teaching degree should teach in this way— why else go penniless willingly? The overall excitement was entertaining. And for that, I have to give the man some credit.

"Alright, guys. We'll be diving into the second part of this lecture tomorrow. Have a good one, you are dismissed." I don't think Mr. Hiddleston needed to announce the last blip of his closing statement. As I said, people are so rude.

Ellie begins to shove her notepad and other items into her bag after our teacher finishes speaking, reminding me of my kind company. I, on the other hand, am scrambling to take the last bit of notes, trying to relay any possible concepts mentioned on to paper. While there might not have been much depth in today's class, jotting down every last tidbit of information could be life or death. Or perhaps I'm just anal-retentive when it comes to note-taking. By the time I finish the note, Ellie is already standing.

"Girl, hurry up. We gotta go!" She drags out the last vowel of the last word humorously.

I wave my hand at her, flipping pages and dodging paper cuts. "Go on without me. I'll be fine," I say, remembering that Ellie's homeroom is on the first floor and the farthest down the hall.

Rolling her big brown eyes, she sighs, walking backward. "I'll miss you poppet. I love you." Her fake British accent is terrible, but I don't bother enlightening her. Perhaps the slight discoloration in her cheeks and how fast she dashed out of the room was due to finding Mr. Hiddleston in ear-shot of her terrible accent. I bite my lip, forcing myself to look away out of sheer second-hand embarrassment.

Once all my belongings are together, I turn to leave.

"That truly was an awful mockery," Mr. Hiddleston says in my direction from the whiteboard. His long toned arms wipe the marker away as I begin to walk past him.

I chuckle. "I'll let her know you said that."

Mr. Hiddleston fakes a groan, placing the eraser on the marker tray then turning to face me with those oh-so-charming eyes. There's no other way to describe them other than mesmerizing. "Oh, don't tell her I said it. I like being liked."

"Being 'liked' is the least of your worries with these girls," I mumble, mostly to humor myself. However, I must have been louder than anticipated. The innuendo is heard and doesn't fly over his head.

A titter of a laugh is heard from the man, and I now regret the words I mumbled. "So I have been told," he replies, making a slightly uncomfortable face. I can't blame him; anyone would feel incredibly awkward if teaching a class full of people who would sell both kidneys just to see them without a shirt.

Not in my dreams would I have imagined having a conversation with Mr. Hiddleston about how everyone wants to nail him. While such a phrase hasn't been explicitly noted, I have a feeling both our minds are in the same gutter. And with that recognition, an awkward heat embraces me. I press my lips together tightly and offer a shrug. "I think the proper thing for me to say is good luck."

Seeming to take my word, Mr. Hiddleston passes me a smile. I can't read what the meaning is, but I'll take it nonetheless with a cough to clear my throat. "Ah, well, as much as I love juicy gossip and scandals, I've got a stuck up prune for homeroom, so I definitely need to get going." I send him a wave, making my exit as awkward as possible.

"Warntz?" He asks.

My nose wrinkles at the name. It eve sounds terrible, almost as terrifying as Trunchbull or Umbridge. "You betcha."

"Good luck, Lynn. You've got two minutes."

I want to give another sassy remark, but the teasing look I find when I look over my shoulder sends my body into another blush. Muttering something close to 'whatever,' I decide that leaving is for the best, even if that means awaiting an angry, shriveled up raisin.

══════════════════

Exiting the high school front doors a few hours before the final bell is like the biggest sigh of relief and 'sucks to be you' to everyone else. An arm wraps around my shoulder, one I embrace kindly.

"So, we've got an hour on our hands," Gabriel reminds me, hinting we'll have to come back to grab Ellie and River. As he speaks, I toss my head back on his toned bicep. I swear he works out too much for an unpopular loser. "What would you like to do?"

I groan, dragging my chin down to my chest. "Why do I have to decide? You know I hate making decisions."

"We're taking second lunch here, Lynn. It isn't life or death, you weirdo," Gabe chortles.

"Can we just go get a coffee? I feel like I'm about to pass out." For effect, I pretend to faint, nearly going complete limp before his arms can hoist me back up.

Rolling his dark eyes, my partner in crime pulls a set of keys from his pocket, swinging the lanyard around his fingers while we head towards a tattered white truck being held together by zip ties, duct tape, and love. "You and Elle with your coffee addiction."

"Could be meth," I retort.

Snorting, Gabe slips a key into the slit on the driver's side. I stand on the opposite, sending a humored smile. "Yeah, as if that's any worse."

We make it to the local coffee shop in no time. Luckily for us, the lunch rush hour in this town ends just as we hit the road if we avoid the main highways that is. Gabe's truck and the coffee shop have a similar aesthetic: crowded, old, falling apart with an overwhelming sense of home and personality. I can't count how many times I've broken down and received well off advice from him in both locations. It feels safe here and being around him. Gabe's like the much older brother (by a month) that I never had. We're both complete, utter assholes to each other about 60% of the time, enforcing the sibling-like bond we have.

"Thank you," I say sweetly to the barista as he places my cold brew in front of me and Gabe's hot chocolate in front of him. Mimicking my gratitude, Gabe gives his thanks as the employee shuffled away, awkwardly patting at his frizzy hair.

We both take a sip and visibly relax. "So, the first day of our last year of high school." Gabe is also the mom friend. "Tell me, dear, how were all your classes?"

"Oh, dearest mother, I feel so content with my choices," I reply with a vintage accent, acting as though my voiced popped in from the 1920s. "How ever will I pick a favorite?"

Wiggling his brows, Gabe replies, "I hear someone landed themselves in the hottest teacher's class."

Prompting to return to my normal voice, I roll my eyes, a huff expelling from my diaphragm. "He's definitely a piece of eye candy, I'll tell you that."

"Took four years to figure that one out? I didn't realize unobservant you are." Taking a pause, Gabe brings to smirk widely. "Maybe that's why you haven't asked River out yet."

My eyes grow wide, my skin goes red. Looking at anywhere other than Gabe's eyes and smirking lips is a must. "I don't know—"

"Lynn, everyone knows."

"Sure, but he doesn't." I pause. "Wait, does he?"

"Dude, no, of course, he doesn't. He still thinks you're heartbroken over Trinity."

Ah, yes, Trinity. Who knew a happy year and two months could be wholly demolished beyond reconciliation in a single weekend? Certain not I, as I have spent the past three months moving on and over the ordeal. An annoyed grunt leads my cheek to rest in my fist. "He thinks I'm not over it?"

Gabe leans forwards. "None of us do, Lynn."

I stay silent.

"What happened... you didn't deserve that. Hell, Hitler wouldn't have deserved that. Probably."

"Weeeeell—"

"Point is, I know you're still trying to find a way to heal. You've done a damn good job, duh. But River thinks you're still in love with her."

"Ugh. I'd rather eat hairy horse shit than see her ever again."

Gabriel nods, "I was hoping that would be the case."

Knocking my knuckles on the wooden table, I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Man, I'm tired."

"You know we're all here for you, right?" Gabe asks, leaning in just a few inches. I want to roll my eyes, tell him that he worries too much, but I can't. I can't tell him, not because I want him to shut up or to change the topic, but because he knows me. To Gabe, I'm an open book.

I run out of words to say relating to the topic. The breakup is old news, everything following the incident becoming irrelevant memories and irreplaceable time. I'm kidding myself when I say I've moved on entirely because Gabriel is right: I haven't. Sometimes my thoughts get stuck on what I could have done better or what I should have done to convince her to stay. Despite these annoying blips, I know deep down that it was inevitable, that her consistent cheating and the emotional manipulation would only surface for everyone to see in due time. If they hadn't— which I tried to keep from happening— I have a gut-wrenching feeling I'd still be in the situation. I had a feeling Trinity and me wouldn't last, but it wasn't until after things ended did I realize how well she had me wrapped around her finger. It's taken months to find my way out of her web, but I now face the scary journey of recovery. Thankfully, the process has not been as hard as I anticipated. After all, living two cities away certainly helps.

"Yeah, I know. I'm still going through the motions. I just want it to speed up, you know?"

Smirking and pulling his hand back, Gabriel replies, "Maybe a Tinder will help?"

My nose wrinkles at the mere consideration. Hooking up, dating apps, meeting strangers behind a phone— not really my thing. "Nah, I'll pass on that offer, thanks."

"Suit yourself."

"Hmm, maybe I'll look into a sugar daddy site. Money from older men might make me feel a bit better."

Gabriel takes a sip of his hot chocolate, grinning. "Well, you have an interesting way with teachers. If you're struggling in a particular class, maybe that little fantasy of yours will come true."

"Oh yes, I can't wait to hop on Mr. Riley's seventy-year-old dick."

"Mhmm, yummy."

At this, I bark into a laughing-while-painfully-cringing fit. Never being a fan of the phrase "yummy" and having it tied to a man that's so old he's basically decaying, I find every part of this new conversation revoltingly hilarious. I guess my sudden outburst of laughter caught Gabe off guard, staring at me with a shocked grin and fixing the infamous beanie he wears. I couldn't count how many times I've seen him without; you can't count to zero.

"It really wasn't that funny," he says with a small hiccup of laughter in his voice.

I settle myself now that I feel the eyes of everyone in the coffee shop staring. "You're right, but something about it made me crack." I flip my phone over to check the time. "Should we be getting back? They've got twenty minutes left."

Gabe nods and lets out a content sigh. "Yeah, I guess so."

We decide to chug the rest of our beverages quickly— now room temperature and not as satisfying— before heading back out into the world. Away in the parking lot, the truck seems to beckon us to its forty-year-old, duct-tape-bound seats. As Gabe unlocks the truck doors, I let out a content sign and stare up at the sky. Above, the sun beams down on us and, like an idiot, I managed to look directly into it. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust but by that point, a dark cloud rolled over the blinding, distant star.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

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@khadineberry​

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[justalittlelitnerd]

By A Thread by Lucy Score

We weren’t touching. But it felt like the space between us was charged with something. It was acting like a defibrillator on my heart.

This book had everything I want in a romance: a sassy, non-damsel heroine and a hero with soft boi vibes (I am a complete sucker for assholes covering up soft, warm centers). 

Don’t let the office romance aspect dissuade you (it’s obviously a common, but controversial trope in romance b/c power dynamics and whatnot), this is not ~in my experience~ a conventional office romance. 

First, Ally only ends up working at Dominic’s company after he gets her fired and his mom (who’s also his boss at the magazine she also owns) makes the job offer in reparation.  

Second, in addition to the two characters being completely at odds from the first meeting (he got her fired after all), Dominic is staunchly against an office romance not only because of his own values and awareness of power dynamics but because of his father’s history of sexual harrassment and assault. When they eventually fall into bed together (because duh this is a romance) he immediately offers to quit his job so the power dynamics of the office wouldn’t be an issue. 

That being said Dominic is an overbearing, and at times straight up controlling, son of a bitch (sorry as Ally would say his mother is lovely) and it made me want to throat punch him sometimes, but at the same time so did Ally’s stubbornness and pride. 

Score has a talent though for balance because any time Dominic started to get out of control, Ally wouldn’t hesitate to go head to head with him and speak her mind and the honesty and directness was refreshing. 

The ending felt a little bit rushed because clearly Dominic was trying (although in ways that were grossly overbearing and were exactly what Ally didn’t want him to do) and she made it clear that she couldn’t forgive him and I wanted more of a conversation or thought process to why she finally did aside from “that’s what love is.” 

This book was fun and funny and sarcastic and their banter made the story flow and is definitely the main reason I would consider rereading this romance.

Keep reading for some top notch quotes!

It wasn’t out of the kindness of my heart. I had neither kindness nor a heart. I considered it atonement for being an asshole.

Clearly, she wasn’t intimidated by an asshole in Hugo Boss with a haircut that cost more than her entire outfit. I basked in her disdain. It was miles more comfortable for me than the terrified glances and “Right away, Mr. Russo”s I got in the hallways at work.

It had been too long since I’d squashed a disrespectful underling. I itched to do it now. She looked not only like she could take it but that she might even enjoy it.

“Fine. But if she poisons me, I’ll sue her and her entire family. Her great-grandchildren will feel my wrath.” My mother sighed theatrically. “Who hurt you, darling?” It was a joke. But we both knew the answer wasn’t funny.

I knew he felt it, too. That unexpected jolt. Like taking a shot of whiskey or sticking a finger in a light socket. Maybe both at the same time. For one moment of pure insanity, I wondered if he intended to take me over his knee and if I’d let him.

I’d assumed they’d all get used to me. Apparently I’d assumed incorrectly. I was the beast to my mother’s beauty. The monster to the heroine. When they looked at me, they saw my father.

Her tone was steely and anger all but crackled off her. I hoped she got the guy’s balls in the divorce.

“You know, you’d be a lot prettier if you smiled once in a while,” she mused, fluttering her lashes. No wonder women hated it when men said that.

It was fucking cold. February was right around the corner, and if there was anything colder and damper than January in New York, it was fucking February. Of course, fashion didn’t heed below-freezing temperatures. No. Fashion made its own rules outside of time and space and temperature.

I, on the other hand, didn’t trust myself to survive even basic contact. Ally was only safe, my soul was only safe, as long as I didn’t touch her.

He was looming over me, but rather than threatening, it felt intimate, careful, almost safe. Like I wanted to be exactly here with exactly him.

Tell me the top five things you hate STAT. (This is the secret to finding out just how bad a person is in case you need it for interviewing future wives or human sacrifices.)

Somewhere along the line, she’d started talking to me like we were friends. As if that moment of honesty in the bar, those emails exchanged, had somehow made us friendly. And while I craved her next confession, I also couldn’t handle the intimacy. I was ripped down the middle. Torn between wanting to know everything there was to know about this woman and wanting to forget she existed.

I hated it when she walked away from me. It always felt like she took the light and heat with her. I added that to my Hate List.

Those blue eyes weren’t cold now. There was a victorious fire burning in them. And I was acutely aware that I was in immediate danger.

My heart was trying to blast its way out of my chest. I didn’t know where the organ had gotten actual sticks of dynamite, but that’s what was happening. My insides had turned to lava… or magma, whichever metaphor was most appropriate.

“Lots of people dance for money. Prima ballerinas, Jane Fonda, Laker Girls, back-up dancers, Rockettes. All women who make money by moving their bodies. There’s nothing remotely shameful about it,” Faith insisted. “You aren’t doing anything wrong. And anyone who tells you that you are is—” “Part of the patriarchy.”

I hoped to God security was up to the challenge tonight. Because if anyone laid a hand on her, one single finger on her, I was going to lose my shit.

I wondered if I was leaving a trail of body glitter behind me like I was a Questionable Life Choices Tinkerbell.

If mystery bothered him so much, this son of a bitch—wait, no. His mother was a lovely human being. This alphahole was going to suffer. I’d make sure of it.

I wanted to believe in my bones that he was doing this as some stupid mind game, that he got off on playing puppet master with my life. But deep down, I was worried that it was something much, much worse. Dominic Russo was trying to take care of me.

I was so pathetically happy that she was speaking to me in multisyllabic words I would have let her slap me across the face with the folder.

I walked back into the room feeling like Cinder-freaking-rella. If Cinderella’s fairy godmother had given her a sexy, skin-hugging gown the color of crimson or, as I liked to think of it, Dominic Russo’s crushed heart.

Everyone was hitting the open bar like it was last call, and those little appetizers were doing nothing to soak up the liquor. It was entertaining, but I had a feeling this is how bad things happened at office Christmas parties. Inhibitions lowered, tongues loosened, and shit went down.

Oh, boy. I’d heard rumors of Drunk Dominic. But they hadn’t prepared me for the reality of him. He was adorable… and in no way capable of functioning as creative director right now. I needed to get him home.

Damn it. My shattered broken heart was trying to knit itself back together just so it could fall for him all over again.

I hooked my pinky around his and tried not to fall in love with the idiot when he pressed his lips to our joined fingers.

Nights like these changed lives and were retold as stories for years to come. But I didn’t know what my story would be. Would it be the time the up-and-coming designer made me temporarily semi-famous? Or would it be the night I finally realized my heart belonged to a man I was never going to be with?

Tacos and home renovation supplies with an entrepreneur, a male exotic dancer, and a drag queen on her day off. Just another glamorous day in the life.

I spent the rest of the day on the couch, which delighted Brownie. We watched the entire first season of The Great British Baking Show and then three episodes of Queer Eye. I was inspired to order and to eat an entire sponge cake from the bakery three blocks over and pondered growing a beard. Then I pondered what Ally thought about beards. And the shame spiral began again.

“I’m not hiding this,” Dom said quietly. “I don’t think I could even if you asked me.” Okay, coming from Dominic Russo, maybe that was kind of a swoony thing to say. It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it was real. These feelings felt real.

“I don’t need to be saved.” Dalessandra and I blinked at each other as the words came out of both our mouths in unison.

I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to take her worries and concerns and problems and solve every last one of them so she could focus all of her attention on me. And Brownie of course. I wasn’t a completely selfish monster.

I didn’t want her drawing lines when I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to redraw them properly. She would live here. She would have anything and everything she needed. No one would ever take advantage of her or lay a hand on her ever again. End of fucking story. I was her Prince Fucking Charming.

“Dom, of course people are going to talk. Trying to avoid being a topic of conversation is a pretty lame way to live life. Sometimes, accepting the discomfort is how good things are earned.”

It was disconcerting to wake up one day and find myself… well. Here. Making plans for two instead of one. Looking forward to sharing things like beds and weekends and closet space. I’d dated before. But I’d never gotten this deep, this fast. I’d never made space in my home for a woman before. Change was happening, and I didn’t know how I felt about it.

Ally didn’t bitch-slap, but Faith did it like it was an Olympic sport and she was a gold medalist.

“Everyone has baggage, Russo. Most of us are just smart enough not to hurl full-sized suitcases at the people we love.”

But sometimes an inch might as well be a mile. And I didn’t know how to cross it. I didn’t know how to ask him for what I needed. Because I didn’t know what I needed.

#by a thread #lucy score #romance #adult romance #romance books #love #office romance #grumpy boss #enemies to lovers #books #book quotes #quotes #book blog #booklr #book post

[insideoutstory]

Inside Out - Chapter Thirteen

summary: The party ventures to Hawkins Middle to test their plan. They won’t like what they find. word count: 5.5k warnings: n/a

[ masterlist ]   [ FF.net ]

Christine—Needed a bigger radio. Gone to AV club. Be back soon. 

Christine crumpled the note in her hand as she trudged up the steps to Hawkins Middle School. Her legs were screaming at her to stop moving, just for a while. She was getting seriously tired of all the running around. She was gonna kill Mike Wheeler when she found him. 

Walking into the middle school always felt weird. Well, it hadn’t when she was still a student. She was only a year and a half out and already the halls seemed smaller than she remembered. Had she really sat at a desk that tiny in her English class? Or was that desk the same as the one she used now, only shrunken by memories? 

That was one thing that made the hallways seem weird. All those memories. Her locker had been down this hallway one year. She remembered getting the zipper of her sweatshirt stuck in the door, and Barb nearly tearing her arm off trying to get it open again. That was the side door she usually left through when it was time to go to the high school for science. There was the athletics department corkboard, still full of photos of the school’s teams. Once she’d stolen a polaroid of Steve off when she thought no one was looking. It was probably still sitting in her desk at home. 

The other thing that made it weird was the people. Or rather, the lack thereof. Christine had spent the entire ride to the school thinking of excuses, prepared to run into a concerned teacher who would want her off premises. But there was no one in sight. She peeked into a few classrooms, swung by the cafeteria, only to be met by silence at every turn. No one was hanging around. 

She wasn’t surprised to find the door to the AV closet locked. It usually stayed that way until it was time for a meeting. She knocked hopefully anyway, and called through the door. 

“Guys? Dustin? Mike? It’s Christine. Anyone in there?” 

No response. 

Christine sagged, chewing on her tongue. If they weren’t inside the AV room, they must be with everyone else. Besides a fire alarm, there was only one thing she could think of that would get everyone out of class like that. And seeing as a student’s body had been found at the quarry yesterday, she was willing to bet ‘assembly’ was the winning answer. 

She made her way to the gymnasium. The distorted bass of the crappy sound system was echoing down the hallway. Knowing she was on the right track, she picked up the pace. 

 “The school counselor will be available should any of you need to talk,” the principal announced as she drew level with the doors. “But remember. Counselors aren’t the only people to ask for help. Turn to your parents, your teachers, your peers. We can all help each other, and keep Will Byers in our hearts. Thank you.” 

Christine peeked through the window, but everyone was already getting up. The crowd stormed the doors, full of indifferent students who would rather be in class than pretend to care about Will. Christine had to scramble back against the opposite wall to avoid being flattened. She inspected the crowd, looking for Dustin’s hat or Eleven’s close-cropped hair. But none of the party was in sight. 

“Christine?” 

She whirled on the spot, and had to hide her disappointment when it wasn’t one of the kids. 

“Oh, uh—hey Mr. Clarke!” 

“What are you doing here?” he asked. His pleasant surprise turned stern as he added, “Shouldn’t you be in class?” 

“Um…yeah, I know,” she said, running a hand through her hair and inventing on the spot. “But with everything going on, you know, with Will I just…I just wanted to be there for the boys.” 

Mr. Clarke softened. He always did, at stuff like that. He was easily one of the most compassionate teachers at the middle school. It was what made him Christine’s favorite. 

“I understand,” he said solemnly. “Still, skipping class…” 

“My dad already knows. And…well, between you and me, Dustin’s missed curfew a couple times this week. The boys were so sure they were gonna find Will. So, his mom asked me to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t run off.” 

“Well, that’s good,” he agreed. “I mean, the whole thing is horrible, but I’m glad the boys have someone on their side.” 

Christine smiled nervously. Kids were still rushing out of the gym, no nerds in sight. It was getting harder to hide her panic. 

“You don’t know where they are, do you?” she asked fervently. 

“Oh! Um…well, I don’t see…They were definitely here—I walked them down to the assembly a couple minutes late—but they could’ve slipped past us. I gave Michael the keys to the AV room, though, so that’s probably where they’re headed.” 

“Okay, great! Well, it was nice seeing…” 

“Nonsense! I’ll walk with you.” 

“Oh…okay…” 

Mr. Clarke led the way through the sea of students. Christine was still scanning the crowd routinely, but couldn’t find anyone she recognized. She was so focused she almost didn’t notice when Mr. Clarke spoke. 

“So how are things going up at the high school?” 

“Hm? Oh, um…they’re good. Normal. Mostly.” 

“You’re still enjoying science?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m taking physics now. It’s not chemistry, but I still like it.” 

Mr. Clarke smiled proudly. “A mind like yours, I’m sure Mr. Austin’s class is no match.” 

“I don’t know,” Christine said airily, her mind drifting to a certain head of brunette hair. “Physics has its perks.” 

“You know, I remember watching you in biology. You were always staring out the window or—or disassembling your mechanical pencil. That’s when I knew you needed a real challenge. I always knew we made the right call advancing you. One of the best decisions I’ve made as a teacher. Oh, and one of the hardest, mind you. But I’m proud of it. That, and pairing you with Barbara Holland for your first lab project.” 

Christine was glad that he couldn’t see her miserable smile. “Yeah. I think that was a pretty good decision too.” 

Mr. Clarke continued to talk as they walked to the AV room, talking about their latest ham shack and what kind of students he had in his classes these days. Christine listened, interested but too tired to truly participate in the conversation. It was a relief when they got to the AV closet. He let her be with an enthusiastic farewell, and a promise to catch up when all the craziness had passed. He was just about to leave when he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“I know things have been tough this week. But you’re a smart kid, Chrissy. I don’t think the boys could ask for a better mentor, or a better friend.” 

Christine had been too embarrassed to muster a response. Thankfully, her bashful smile seemed to be enough. With a pat on the back, Mr. Clarke headed back for his own classroom. 

It was a few minutes before the boys caught up to her. 

“Christine!” 

Mike skid around the corner first, grinning and out of breath. Dustin and Lucas almost collided with his back. They were giggling as well, impervious to her stern glare. 

“Yeah, it’s me. What the hell is going on?” 

“Aw man, it was sick,” said Dustin jovially. “We were at the assembly right? And Troy was being an asshole about Will, laughing through all of Principal Sherman’s speech. And then Mike goes up to him, right? And he shoves him over like…!” 

“Not at the assembly,” Christine hissed. “I told you idiots to stay at the house! What are you even doing here? Someone could… Eleven?” 

She almost hadn’t recognized her. Standing nervously at the back of the group was a small girl with light blonde hair. She wore high tube socks and a vividly pink dress, which looked at odds with her blue windbreaker. Gone were the circles under her eyes, the pale skin that almost showed her veins. It looked like she was actually wearing makeup. 

Christine narrowed her eyes at the dress. 

“Where did you get that? That’s not mine.” 

“It’s Nancy’s,” Mike explained. “We had to go back to my house for the wig.” 

“You had to—You went back to your house? Mike! What if someone had seen her?” 

“They didn’t!” Lucas assured her. “We were super careful!” 

“And it worked, didn’t it?” asked Dustin. “Even you didn’t notice!” 

“Alright, if you were going to leave, why couldn’t you just use my clothes?” 

“Cause you didn���t have a wig. Duh. Also cause Lucas was afraid to go in your closet.” 

Lucas promptly shoved Dustin into the wall. 

Christine sighed, rubbing her hands down her face. These kids were easily going to be the death of her. But before she could get too stressed, Eleven walked up to her side. She pulled on the sleeve of Christine’s flannel, and then pointed to her own hair. 

“Same,” she said with a soft smile. “Pretty.” 

The anger slipped out of her, which was very inconvenient. 

“Yeah,” said Christine with a smile. She poked El on the nose, making her jump. “You’re very pretty, El.” 

Lucas elbowed Mike, who rolled his eyes. “Can we get on with this now?” 

Mike unlocked the door to the AV room, and all five of them piled inside. Just like the hallway, the room seemed smaller than she remembered. There were more electronics piled on the shelves. Mr. Clarke was always acquiring new toys without throwing out the old ones. However, there was one toy that stood out from the rest. 

“Holy shit!” Christine was unable to contain a gasp of delight as she saw the radio on the table. She pushed through the boys, ignoring their complaints as she plopped down into the chair. “Holy shit! You guys weren’t kidding! This thing is huge! The signal alone—geez, this thing is a proper, international radio! And with technology like this? Shit, you could pick up walkies, pick up ham shacks, radios. Across oceans! You could hear anything!” 

“Yeah,” Mike said sourly. “That’s kinda the point?” 

“Come on, Chris,” said Dustin, easing her out of the chair. “You can geek out over the Heathkit later.” 

Mike shook his head. “It’s like working with little kids.” 

Eleven was ushered into the chair in front of the radio while Lucas locked the door. Then they all gathered around to watch. 

“So how does this work?” asked Dustin. “Will doesn’t even have his supercomm.” 

“It’s not a manual connection,” Christine explained. She leaned over the radio, powering it up and pulling El’s hand to the tuner. “She navigates the stations herself. Like she’s finding Will’s frequency, not his radio.” 

She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket, unfolding it to reveal another one of Will’s missing posters. She laid it out in front of Eleven, who looked nervous. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Christine asked. 

Eleven nodded stubbornly. She closed her eyes, and began to focus on the radio. 

 Loud static filled the room. Just like last night, the sound was enough to put her on edge. Something about it sent a shiver up her spine. She couldn’t tell if it was her anxiety, or some sixth sense that knew something unnatural was going on. 

“She’s doing it,” said Mike in amazement. “She’s finding him!” 

“This is crazy,” Dustin breathed. 

“Calm down,” Lucas scoffed. “She just closed her eyes.” 

On cue, the light over their head blew out. Everyone except Eleven jumped. Christine fixed the boys with a hard glare in the semi-darkness. 

“Will the three of you shut up? She’s trying to concentrate.” 

Dustin smacked Lucas on the shoulder. “Yeah, dude. She’s trying to concentrate.” 

They quieted down to listen to the radio once more. It was definitely picking up something. There was a repetitive thud or—no, a clang. It sounded metallic, whatever it was. Too steady to be anything human, too slow to be much else. 

Christine furrowed her brow. “What is that? Some kind of interference?” 

She reached for the dial, only for Mike to grab her wrist. 

“I don’t think so. Listen.” 

It was quiet. Then a little louder, then a little more, like Eleven was honing in on the sound. In a matter of seconds, it had clarified to a whimper. That was unmistakably human. 

“Mom?” 

Just the boys’ reaction was enough to confirm Christine’s suspicions. Will’s voice pleaded from the radio, the clanging getting louder around him. 

“Mom! Please!” 

“No way,” said Lucas, and Christine shushed him again. But they were too frantic to listen to her. 

Mike grabbed the microphone, repeatedly jamming his finger on the button. “Will!” 

“Will, it’s us! Are you there?” 

“Can you here us? We’re here!” 

“Guys, stop,” Christine ordered. “Stop!” 

“No!” Lucas yelled. Will was still pleading on the radio. “Why can’t he hear us?!” 

“I don’t know,” Mike groaned. He jammed his finger on the buttons again. “Will?!” 

“Guys, I don’t think it works like that,” Christine pleaded. “Will doesn’t have his supercomm, remember? This isn’t a real connection. There’s nowhere for your voices to go.” 

The boys were ready to argue. But at that exact moment, the banging stopped. Will’s voice faltered, and another sound swelled in the speakers. It was…something she couldn’t place. Familiar in the way that crept up the back of your neck but didn’t quite connect in her brain. The only thing she could think to describe it was clicking, but not in the way a machine would. It was the way an animal might, if it was blind or making a call of distress. She racked her brains, trying to think of an animal that fit, but fell short. 

The clicking grew into a growl, then a roar, and the boys turned to look at her in fear. 

“Chrissy?” Dustin asked weakly. “What is that?” 

“I—I don’t know…” 

Will’s voice was growing frantic. 

“Mom! It’s coming! It’s—It’s like home, but it’s so dark! It’s so dark and empty! And it’s cold! Mom? Mom, please!” 

The roar turned into a high pitched screech, and all four of them stumbled back from the radio. They responded just in time. A moment later, the entire Heathkit radio went up in flames. Sparks flew out in all directions, and a cloud of smoke encircled the room. 

“Shit!” Christine cursed. She scrambled around the table, pulling the kids back. “Shit, get down! Dustin! Fire extinguisher!” 

Dustin was already a step ahead of her. No sooner had the words left her mouth than a stream of white shot at the desk. It kept the flames at bay, but the smoke had already triggered the alarm. Christine resisted the urge to cover her ears. She dove over Eleven instead, as if her body might be able to block her from the harsh, loud noises. 

“It’s okay, El. It’s gonna be…El?” 

For the second time in a matter of minutes, Christine was too shocked to finish her sentence. She knew that Eleven’s powers took a toll on her, but yesterday hadn’t looked like this. Already, she could see the blood seeping from her nose, the dark veins crawling over her head. Yesterday they’d been purple. Now, they were a dark and alarming black. 

“El!” Mike was trying to elbow Christine out of the way. “Are you okay?!” 

He and Lucas both let out gasps of concern when they saw her. But Eleven was completely nonresponsive. Her eyes wouldn’t focus on them, like part of her was still stuck someplace else. 

“We need to get her out of here,” Christine ordered. “Now. Go! Move!” 

She swept Eleven up into her arms, and the entire party fled for the door. The fire alarm was giving her anxiety, but it had its benefits. The whole school had been swept up into a frenzy. With everyone running up and down the hallway, no one looked twice at the nerds sprinting like they were being chased, or the random teenage girl carrying a sick child that didn’t even go to their school. 

They had a short argument when they reached bike rack. Christine was reluctant to let go of Eleven, but Mike insisted that his bike would be better to transport El. In the end, Christine relented and gently loaded Eleven on the back of his bike. She slumped heavily against his back and Mike had to steer with one hand, the other holding her arms tight around his waist. Christine rode close behind them, just in case. 

The fact that they made it back to her house without any major calamities was a miracle itself. 

Christine ushered everyone through the back door, leaving their bikes toppled and askew in the backyard. She swept Eleven back up into her arms and carried her to the bedroom. Then she darted back to the kitchen, grabbing the same supplies as the night before, and returning to take care of Eleven. This was very difficult with the three boys hovering around her. Mike wouldn’t move away from the bed, and Dustin and Lucas seemed to be glued to Christine’s sides. After several minutes urging him to back up so she could wash Eleven’s face, Christine finally snapped. 

“Out! All of you! Get out of my room!” 

“But, Christine—!” 

“Nope! Wait in the living room! You can check the windows, you can lock the doors, you can raid the kitchen, I don’t care! Just get the hell out of my room!” 

She had to shove them into the hallway, and slammed the door behind them. 

It was easier after that. She cleaned Eleven’s face and tried to get her to drink some water. The problem was, El was still in shock. Her arms hung like deadweight, and Christine couldn’t even change her out of the dress and into something more comfortable. The only time she got a response was when she tried to take off the blonde wig. 

“No…” 

Eleven couldn’t lift and arm to stop her, but she whined as Christine pulled it from her head. 

“I know,” she whispered gently, running a hand over Eleven’s natural hair. “But you’ll sleep better like this. And you don’t want to get blood on it, right?” 

She whined again, looking longingly at the wig. 

“How about this? I’ll let you hold it, and you can keep it right here. This way if you want to put it on when you feel better, you can.” 

The offer was good enough that Eleven summoned the strength to take the wig from her, and hugged it to her chest. It broke Christine’s heart in a way. This tiny girl had superpowers, but the thing she cared about at that moment was keeping the wig that made her feel pretty. 

“I’m gonna go talk to the boys,” Christine said, patting the blankets. “Will you be okay for a few minutes?” 

Eleven nodded. Or she tried to, but she already appeared to be half asleep. Christine waited until she’d stopped moving, checked to make sure she was still breathing steadily, and then headed out to the living room. 

“Is she okay?” Mike demanded as soon as he saw her. 

“She’s fine,” Christine assured him. “I told you, it drains her. I think holding the connection for so long was risky, especially after she was pushing it last night.” 

She collapsed into the armchair, rubbing her temples. The boys were scattered throughout the room. Lucas was sitting on the couch, his head similarly in his hands. Dustin sat on the floor, his legs in front of him, his arms limp. His mouth was hanging open as he stared into space, like he was still trying to process everything that had happened since that morning. And Mike, of course, was pacing around the room. Christine wasn’t going to waste energy telling him to stop. 

 At a loss for anything else, she cleared her throat. “Lunch?” 

There was no response. But what other choice did she have? So she dragged herself to the kitchen and started making sandwiches. 

Christine wracked her memory for the next hour or so, but she couldn’t think of a time the party had been this quiet for this long. She couldn’t remember a time where just Dustin had been quiet for this long. It was unsettling. She didn’t blame them, of course. Not after what they’d heard. But she couldn’t figure out what to say. Any assurance that Will was fine would be sickeningly hollow. She wasn’t prepared to make anyone believe that, not when she could still hear the unearthly clicking in her ears. And she knew the others must be hearing it too. 

It wasn’t until later, when the boys had picked apart their food, when Christine had tired of watching them pretend to eat, when she’d taken the plates back into the kitchen to wash, that someone finally spoke. 

“Is this seriously all we’re gonna do?” It was no surprise that Lucas asked. “We’re just gonna sit here eating PB and J’s while Will’s somewhere out there being hunted?” 

“We don’t know that,” tried Mike. 

“Yes, we do! You heard it! I heard it! We all heard it!” 

“What was it?” asked Dustin shakily. 

“We know what it was. It was the Demogorgon!” 

“You said the Demogorgon wasn’t real!” 

“Did that thing sound real to you? Cause it sure as shit didn’t sound like anything I’ve heard before!” 

“Okay, hold on,” Christine interrupted. She threw her towel down on the back of the couch, hoping she seemed more authoritative than tired. “One thing at a time, remember? We can’t help Will until we know where he is.” 

“But we don’t,” said Lucas. “All of that, and we still don’t know! I mean, what was even the point of this?” 

“Because El was telling the truth,” Mike said fervently. “We know she wasn’t lying. We know Will’s alive.” 

“Yeah, but for how long?” Dustin asked. 

It sent a chill around the group, which Christine did her best to push out of the room. 

“Focus. First thing’s first. What did we learn from the radio?” 

“Right,” Mike agreed. He was pacing again. “What was Will saying? Like home…Like home…but dark?” 

“And empty,” Lucas added. 

“Empty and cold,” said Dustin. “…wait, did he say cold?” 

“I don’t know! The stupid radio kept going in and out.” 

“It’s like riddles in the dark,” Dustin sighed. 

“He kept calling for his mom,” Christine supplied. 

Mike gave her a weird look. “What does that matter? He’s scared. Of course he was calling for his mom.” 

“I don’t know. It sounded more like he was talking to her. One half of a conversation.” 

“Okay,” Lucas said slowly. “But Will’s mom isn’t missing.” 

Christine frowned. That was a point. If Will was…somewhere, and his mom wasn’t, how was she talking to him too? Unless she’d also found a powerful superchild to help her contact “the other side.” She wanted to ask, but she couldn’t imagine how that conversation would go. Was she just supposed to call up the Byers house and ask if Mrs. Byers had spoken to Will lately? She couldn’t even tell her about Eleven. What if Christine was wrong, and she just pushed a grieving mother to the edge? What if Jonathan picked up the phone instead? 

“Like home,” Mike was still muttering. “Like his house?” 

“Or maybe like Hawkins,” said Lucas. 

“Upside down.”

Everyone turned to the hallway, where Eleven had reappeared. The circles under her eyes had faded a bit, but she still looked unsteady on her feet. Her wig was back in place, albeit slightly off center. 

Christine would have rushed to her side, but Mike beat her to it. He grabbed her by the arm, helping her over to the couch so she could lie down. Lucas scooted out of her way, wrinkling his nose. 

“What did she say?” 

“Upside down,” Mike repeated. “Upside down!” 

“What?” 

“When El showed us where Will was, she flipped over the board, remember? Upside down!” 

“Wait, when was this?” Christine asked. “The board?” 

“For our campaign. We were in my basement, and she said Will was hiding. Then she flipped the game board upside down. Dark, empty!” 

“Do you understand what he’s talking about?” Lucas asked Dustin, who shook his head. 

“No.” 

“Guys, come on, just think about it,” Mike complained. “When El took us to find Will, she took us to his house, right?” 

“Yeah,” Lucas said flatly. “And he wasn’t there.” 

“But what if he was there? What if we just couldn’t see him? What if he was on the other side?” 

“Wait, the other side?” Christine asked, squinting. “Are we back to the ghost theory?” 

Mike groaned. Without invitation, he grabbed one of the magazines off the coffee table. Then he went to Christine’s card table and grabbed the sharpie she’d been using to do flashcards. Uncapping it, he began scribbling over the back of the magazine. 

“Hey! I was reading that!” 

“Shut up, it’s just an add.” 

 He scribbled until the whole thing was black, then tossed the marker aside. He tapped on the front of the magazine. 

“Look, what if this is Hawkins, and this…” He flipped it around to show them the black side. “…is where Will is? The Upside Down.” 

“Like the Vale of Shadows,” said Dustin, finally catching on. 

“Beyond the veil?” Christine asked. “It still sounds like we’re talking ghosts.” 

“No, not ghosts. Dungeons and Dragons.” 

Dustin held up a finger, running to his backpack. He pulled out a thick black binder, which he slammed on the coffee table next to the ruined magazine. Christine watched as he flipped through pages and pages, all adorned with pictures of large dragons, elves, and dark forests. Involuntarily, she raised an eyebrow. 

“You carry your rulebook around with you?” 

Dustin glared at her. 

“Here,” he said, when he’d found the correct page. “The Vale of Shadows is a dimension that is a dark reflection or echo of our world. It is a place of decay and death. A plane out of phase. A place of monsters. It is right next to you and you don’t even see it.” 

There was a heavy beat as all four of them exchanged dark looks. 

“An alternate dimension,” Mike breathed into the silence. 

“But…how…how do we get there?” Lucas asked. 

Dustin checked the page. “You cast Shadow Walk.” 

“In real life, dummy.” 

“We can’t shadow walk, but…maybe she can.” 

In unison, they all turned to look at Eleven. She was dozing on the couch, still half asleep, but her eyes were open. 

“Do you know how we get there?” Mike asked, and somehow Christine was still surprised by the gentleness in his voice. “To the Upside Down?” 

Eleven shook her head into the pillow. 

Lucas groaned, but Christine shook her head. 

“Forget about getting there. How do we even find it?” 

“Well it’s the Upside Down, right?” Dustin tapped the floor underneath him. “Hypothetically, you open a portal and there it is.” 

“Yeah, but what if you open the portal and get the wrong one?” 

“What do you mean?” asked Mike. 

“Well, we’re talking about alternate dimensions, right? The multiverse?” 

The boys blinked at her. 

Resigned, Christine walked around to the coffee table. She kneeled next to Dustin and picked up the magazine. 

“You’re talking about the Upside Down like it’s the only other possibility. But quantum physics suggests that if there’s more than one dimension, then there’s thousands of them. Infinite dimensions stacked on top of each other. And because they each exist in a relative state, there’s no definitive order to them. Kinda like this.” 

Christine held up the magazine. She showed them the front, then the back, then all the pages in between. 

“So the front is Hawkins, the back is the Upside Down, and in between you have infinite possible alternate universes. And every time I open the magazine, the pages are moving around. I’ve got no way to know if I’m gonna open up on Hawkins version one, twenty, or seven million three hundred and sixty-seven.” 

“So how do we get to the Upside Down?” Lucas asked. 

“I don’t know,” said Christine. “That’s what I just asked.” 

“You don’t know?” Dustin asked incredulously. “How can you know all of this and not know?” 

“This is theory, Dustin! None of this shit has been proven until now. If Will’s in another dimension, it’s the first time in scientific history it’s happened.” 

“Then guess! You’re in physics, right?” 

“I’m in high school physics! Not quantum physics, dumbass!” 

“She’s right,” said Mike. He was looking warily at the magazine. “We need someone who knows more about this than we do. Someone who really knows their stuff.” 

“Mr. Clarke,” Dustin answered almost instantly. Lucas and Christine shot him the same disbelieving look. 

“Really?” Lucas asked. “You wanna ask our science teacher how to open up a portal between infinite dimensions on the forefront of scientific research?” 

“Yeah. Do you have a better idea?” 

Lucas turned to Christine, who shook her head. Ideas were something they were fresh out of. 

“Okay,” said Mike, slipping back into plan mode. “So we bike back to school and find Mr. Clarke. Then we can ask him…” 

“No one is biking anywhere,” said Christine. 

“What? Why not?” 

“Mike, we just set fire to the most expensive radio AV club has ever owned. Do you want to go back and face Mr. Clarke right now?” 

There was a grumble as the boys agreed with her. 

“Whatever you want to ask Mr. Clarke can wait until tomorrow.” 

“Shit,” Dustin groaned. “Tomorrow!” 

“What?” 

“It’s Will’s funeral.” 

Christine sighed. “Alright. So we go to the funeral, and afterwards…” 

“Why do we have to go to his funeral?” Lucas asked. “He’s not dead, he’s in trouble. We can’t waste time going to his fake funeral.” 

“And you don’t think it’s gonna look weird if Will’s three best friends don’t show up?” 

“Who cares if it looks weird?” asked Mike. “We’ll just say we were grieving and it was too painful to go.” 

“No,” Christine said again, putting her foot down. “Look, setting off the fire alarm today was bad enough. We’re not supposed to be drawing any attention to ourselves, remember? Incognito. Eleven has to stay hidden.” 

“Then she can stay here with you,” said Mike. “We’ll go to the school, and…” 

“Mike, you’re not listening to me. You said there are people looking for Eleven, right? The bad men? And that they have insane resources that could probably monitor even an anonymous tip to the police station and get her caught?” 

“Yeah, so?” 

“So, don’t you think they’d be monitoring this whole town for weird things? Will is the only kid to go missing in this town for probably like a century. And if the three of you don’t keep up appearances there, it’s gonna qualify as a really weird thing. We go to the funeral, and deal with Mr. Clarke after. He’ll probably be there anyway.” 

“What about Eleven?” Mike asked. “She can’t come with us.” 

“She’ll be fine here by herself. The funeral will be an hour, tops.” Mike made to argue, but Christine held up a hand. “I will come directly back here, Michael. There’s no adults, she won’t go near the windows, and no one will see her. It will be okay.” 

Mike turned to the other three kids. Again, they were out of ideas and options. Lucas and Dustin merely shrugged. Eleven just followed the conversation with wide eyes and no input. Finally, after staring at her for several seconds, Mike sighed. 

“Don’t call me Michael,” he grumbled. “What are you, my mom?” 

As the planning continued on, Christine couldn’t help but think that she certainly felt like it.

#ocappreciation #fyeahstrangerthingsocs #stranger things oc #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fic #inside out #chapters #chapter 13

[theyearoftheking]

Book Sixteen: The Talisman

If there were ever the time to lose yourself in a dense, chonky fantasy novel... this is the time. I don’t want to admit how many hours were spent cuddling with my dogs and reading The Talisman this week. It was my favorite way to escape the insanity of the world right now.

To be clear, I don’t believe social distancing, and the cancelling of the entire world is insane. I’m speaking more to the people with their bunkers full of toilet paper and canned pears; stocking up on ammo, preparing to fight their governments. Just... stop. Color some pictures with your kid. Rake your yards. Have a beer and play Scrabble with your spouse. Crack open a book. Live your damn life without fear of what could happen next week! 

Ok, rant over. But seriously, keep washing those hands and social distancing yourselves. 

This was my second read of The Talisman, and it remains one of my all-time favorite books. Not just Steve books, but book-books in general. Like with The Stand, I’m going to give the most abridged, bastardized review ever... because there’s just too much to cram into one post. And I’m not ambitious enough to stretch it into two.  

Jack Sawyer (fun fact, the names of two of my favorite humans... Jack was my Grandfather, and Sawyer is my daughter) finds himself chilling at The Alhambra Inn and Gardens in New Hampshire with his mother, Queen of the B movies, Lily Sawyer. They’re on the run from the incessantly ringing phone, and constant calls from “Uncle” Morgan Sloat, who was Jack’s dead dad’s business partner. Spoiler: Uncle Morgan is a bad man. 

A word about The Alhambra... what initially pulled me into this book was the fact the old, abandoned hotel, beach, boardwalk and amusement park reminded me SO MUCH of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. When Steve (and Pete. I call him Pete) are describing the horses on the carousel, and the rickety old boardwalk, “This is where the world ends, right?” 

All the nostalgic feels of summers spend in OOB on the beach. Reading these pages, I could almost feel the crunchy beach towels, smell clam strips and fried dough, taste the cocktails I smuggle into my not-at-all suspicious Yeti mug... ALL THE FEELS!! 

And now a word about Lily Sawyer. One of the most memorable details about Lily is her “elementary martini,” which I will now describe for anyone who might need a cocktail during these challenging times. I’m pretending to be a homeschooling mom, so I’m going to take a hard pass. But we have Facetime Cocktail Time with friends tonight, so I might have to have one then. 

“Ice in a glass. Olive on ice. Tanqueray gin over olive... Then, you take a bottle of vermouth- any brand- and hold it against the glass. Then you put the vermouth back on the shelf and bring the glass to me.” 

Lily is spending a lot of time in bed, avoiding the phone, and fighting some kind of illness, which leaves Jack to his own devices. One day while Jack is out exploring, he makes the acquaintance of one Speedy Parker, the maintenance man at the amusement park. Speedy refers to Jack as, “Travelin’ Jack” which is what Jack’s dad used to call him when he was younger. But it’s more than just a cute nickname, it refers to the fact Jack can travel between our world, and The Territories, a Game of Thrones-esque medieval world. Speedy explains Laura DeLoessian, the Queen of the Territories is dying, and only Jack can save her by rescuing The Talisman. Laura is Lily Sawyer’s doppelganger, and if Jack saves Laura, he can also save his sick mother. Jack’s reluctant, but knows he has no other choice. Speedy hands him a vial of mysterious traveling juice that allows Jack to travel between worlds, and he’s off.

The journey is a long one, and filled with some of the best characters ever, as well as some of the worst baddies. And all their Territories doppelgangers. I’m not going to lie, it’s a lot of people to keep track of. No shade if you need to develop a spreadsheet to keep track of everyone. The OCD freak in me immediately regrets NOT creating a spreadsheet... 

My hands-down favorite character (other than Jack Sawyer) is Wolf, a well, Wolf, that Jack meets in The Territories. When they are under attack from Morgan Sloat’s Territories Twin, Jack flips him and Wolf into our world. Wolf does not adjust well. He hates the way everything smells, he can’t be in a confined space, and oh! I forgot to mention... he’s also a werewolf. I’ll talk more about Wolf’s character arch later on when I get to Sunshine Gardener. 

Everyone loves an evil character, and The Talisman has no shortage of them. My favorite Talisman baddies included Smokey Updike and Sunshine Gardener, 

Smokey owns Updike’s Oatley Tap, and hires Jack to come and work for him. Jack is on the move across the country, and needs some cash in his pocket for food and shoes... because he’s been wearing them out an alarming rate. Walking across the country will do that to you. But the fact Smokey would hire a CHILD to haul beer kegs, and mop up vomit in bathrooms pretty much tells you what kind of winner he really is. To add to his charm, he has Jack sleep on a concrete floor, slaps him around, and deducts room and board from the meager amount he pays him every week. And he threatens Jack with calling the cops and reporting him as a runaway if he tries to leave. Jack can’t have that happen. His evil Uncle Morgan knows he’s flipping between worlds, and doesn’t want Jack to get The Talisman, so he’s in pursuit of his quasi-nephew. Sooo basically Smokey’s got Jack as an indentured servant. He’s charming. One night, Jack can’t take the vomit coated floors anymore, and takes off into the night, with the help of Speedy’s traveling juice. Adios, Oatley! 

Sunshine Gardener... there’s a villain who makes Smokey look like someone’s cuddly uncle. Sunshine is a televangelist who also runs Sunlight Home for wayward boys. Sunshine has a sweet deal going: local cops pick up runaway boys, and the judge sentences them to a stay at Sunlight Home. They get paid under the table for adding to the flock, and Sunshine gets to write it off on his taxes every year. Or something like that. He’s obsessed with Jack, and swears they’ve met before (they have. In The Territories. But Jack isn’t about to tell him that). He (and his little band of assholes) proceed to torture Jack, and try to get the truth out of him. Jack resists. Eventually, he and Wolf are caught in the bathrooms, trying to flip over to The Territories. They put Wolf in a coffin-like box in the backyard, where he eventually transforms into a werewolf and kills (almost) everyone in a bloody rage, before he’s shot. I’m not ashamed to admit I cried as Wolf died in Jack’s arms, telling him, “I...kept...my...herd...safe...” 

Yep, I’m bawling all over again. The concept of keeping the herd safe is so important right now. I want to kill these asshole kids on spring break, wanting to live their best life ever. Stop it, you entitled little bitches! Help to keep your herd safe! Social distancing won’t kill you! As my little family is tucked in with a refrigerator and freezer full of food, board games and books on the shelves, and a full wine cellar, all I can think about is keeping my herd safe. Ain’t nothing bringing me out of my house! Except my asshole beagle, who needs two walks a day, to prevent her from eating my dresser. 

Ultimately, Jack outsmarts his Uncle Morgan, gets The Talisman, this glowing ball of light from The Black Hotel; all the baddies get theirs, and Jack heals both his mother and Laura. And they all live happily ever after. Well, until Black House. But that’s a long ways off. 

The entire book is brilliant, and exactly the escape I needed. Steve and Pete are a lethal combination; they successfully weave together horror and fantasy, making you feel Jack’s struggle as if it were your own. You can tell they’re both students of the great Ray Bradbury, they write about the echos between worlds, which mirrored A Sound of Thunder. “...it suggested that just by being over here he could be doing something terrible in the other world. Starting World War III? No, probably not. He hadn’t assassinated any kings lately, young or old. But how much had it taken to set up the echo?” 

Also, their author photo cracks me up. It looks like an IBM promotional shot from the 1980′s or something. 

There were no Wisconsin references, but the book was one, big, underlying Dark Tower reference. There was talk of trains (Blaine, y’all!). Jake and his friend Richard refer to each other as chums (lobstrosities... shudder!). A building named Rainbird Towers collapses (collapsing towers. Duh). I can’t wait to get to the other books in the series. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 14

Total Dark Tower References: 10

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Different Seasons: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

The Dead Zone: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Christine: D

Next up is Skeleton Crew. We all know how I feel about short stories, but it might be a nice palate cleanser after the denseness (is that a word? Spellcheck didn’t flag it, so we’re going to go with YES) that was The Talisman. 

Long Days & Pleasant Nights, Rebecca

#the talisman #stephen king #constant readers #peter straub #coronavirus #dark tower #black house #escape reads

[nothing-but-kpop-dreams]

V Drabble: Just Friends (request) (1/?)

Request: Can I get a request on being Taehyung’s best friend who isn’t girly at all but likes to watch boxing and other rough stuff and she somewhat asks him out on a date but he ends up going out with another person and stands her up....

Author’s note: ... Ok... I really loved writing this and well... I know this wasn’t part of the request BUT I AM GOING TO TURN THIS INTO LIKE A SERIES. Well idk a series, but i am for sure going to add a part or two to this. *but this first part completely fulfills the request*

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 3806

ALL PARTS

It was the usual Friday night and the two of you were kicking off the weekend with the traditional and infamous movie night. You and your best friend, Taehyung, were sitting in a sea of snack wrappers, partially engulfed in the current fight scene from the movie Kickass. The movie was Taehyung’s choice. Being that you demanded the genre of the night be action, the film still had his choice of comedy. So of course he was the one that wouldn't take his eyes off the screen while you couldn’t care less about it and just stole glances at him the whole time.

You and Taehyung had been best friends since high school. It all started when this asshole was making fun of you for wearing a guy’s t-shirt to school. That’s when Taehyung stepped in. He had just so happened to be wearing the exact same t-shirt and used that detail to “explain” that you were both wearing it as part of a couple thing. You had a secret crush on him ever since.

Fast forward almost a decade and here you were with your head rested on his shoulder, but only platonically. For the most part, you were never the nervous or timid type. You weren’t scared to tell people how you felt about them, be it good or bad, but when it came to your one and only Taetae, you were a ball of nerves. Yes, you wanted to tell him how you actually felt about him, but you just couldn’t get yourself to ever do it. It was all because you knew you weren’t his type. Tae liked girly girls, the exact opposite of what you were. You were the rough and tumble type. You kept your hair shorter, barely wore make up, only wore a dress for important occasions, mostly wore what was actually comfortable, played video games, didn't mind getting your hands dirty, never did your nails, you know, the tomboy type. While Tae on the other hand always had crushes on girls who had nice long hair, loved pink, spent all their time and money shopping for clothes, had a face caked with makeup, wore stupid heels and short skirts and tight clothes, were never outside, had long witch nails, and practically showered in expensive perfume and all the other stuff you didn't care too much for.

On top of all that, you never wanted to risk ruining your friendship with him. The two of you had been through so much together. Four years of high school and almost four years of college filled with weekends at each other’s homes, all nighters, video games and deep conversations about stupid relationship drama and you were as tight as friends as you could ever be. You just never wanted to lose someone that meant so much to you.

However as the little girl in the movie, the one with a purple wig, jump kicked some six foot dude, you just had some type of awakening. The two of you were adults now. Feelings like yours wouldn't just come between the two of you especially after years of friendship. Tae wasn't they type of guy to turn his back on you because he has never done it in the past even when you both fought. And so what if you were not his type? The girls he has dated that were “his type” never lasted more than a few months.

With this sudden burst of motivation, you knew it was now or never. You looked up at Tae. A smile grew on his face as the movie came to an end. Just as you were about to open your mouth and reveal the feelings that you had bottled up inside for 8 years, he leaned forward and grabbed the remote… letting your head slide off and pretty much letting the rest of you fall behind him.

“What do you want to see next?” he asked as he looked through the screen for another action movie.

You sat up, fixing your hair and hogging up the blanket that had been covering the two of you. Now that it was the moment of truth, anxiety filled your body and you didn't know how to orient yourself anymore.”....Tae…. Can I talk to you for a second…”

“Yeah, what about?” he asked, not really look at you but instead keeping his eyes focused on looking for another movie.

“Uh… I- uh, - i just like...hm- it’s just-” you couldn't get the words out. you were actually choking. This is what you got for never having a plan. 

Tae let out a chuckle. “ You choking on some popcorn or what? Do I gotta go back there and save you?”

“No! It’s just -uh! I just really have to say something but i can't get the right words!” you grunted

With his back still at you he laughed some more “Then just say it!”

“It's just… It’s just that i- I- “

“I- I- i- du- duh- duh-, blah blah.” he mimicked. “Your talking like a baby~!” he turned back at you and pinched your cheeks “C’mon little y/n what do you want to say~” he cooed mockingly

Immediately you slapped his hand away “That i like you!” you blurted in frustration.

His face fell into an expression of shock and confused “What?”

He was the only one in the room, but it felt like you had a million eyes on you. Your stomach was doing flips and the blanket felt like fire. You didn't know you could feel this anxious around him.

 “... I like you.” you repeated shyly.

“You like me?”

“... Yeah, like in the more than a friend way.” you specified

“...Oh.” was his only response.

That was when the cliche movie moment of the “ugly feeling in your gut” presented itself. You felt all types of sick. You wanted to throw up the snacks you stuffed your face with an hour ago. The longer he went without saying anything, the more sick you felt. You were so worked up even your eyes were being attacked. With every passing second, your vision was more and more blurry with nervous tears filling your eyes.

He stared back at you intensely, almost panicked. “...Y/n… I don’t know if I like you like that” he said in a hush

That’s it. It was done. Rejection. Actual rejection. “Oh.” was all you could get out but even with such a simple sound your voice cracked.

“But!” he continued. “I never really, like, thought about us in that way, you get me?”

 You were doing your best to keep the stupid tears from falling. “Um, no.” you only mumbled at him.

“It’s just like, I’ve only ever seen us as friends, and I like never even thought about us like being more than that.” Those words stung a bit. “So because of that, I like, I just don't know if I like you that way back, since I just never thought of it.” even he seemed as confused as you were about what he had just said.

“So… Are you saying that, um, now that you know, that you’ll think about it now?”

“Uh, yeah! Sure that.”

“...Cool… So uh, would you want to go on a date then?”

 “Date?!?”

“Yeah. Like you said, you haven't seen me in that way, so let’s go on a date and see if maybe you can.... It can be a trial date!”

“Um, yeah… yeah we can do that.” he mumbled softly.

“Really?” suddenly you felt on top of the world. “Do you want to go on Sunday? Instead of video games, we can go out to eat or something? How about olive garden? You know cuz it is like kinda fast food but also like wannabe fancy, plus endless breadsticks!”

“Um, yeah, sounds like a plan.” he said as his eyes shifted to his phone. “Oh look at the time. It’s getting kinda late.” he yawned. “I should go back to the dorm already.” he said getting up from the couch.

“Oh, but it’s only 10.”  you pointed out grabbing for your own screen.

“Yeah, but remember that new curfew I told you about. Plus my mom is in town and she wants to meet up for breakfast tomorrow. We both know how early she wakes up.”

“Oh well, okay.” you stood up alongside him and followed him to the door. “So when exactly did you want to go? Is 7 a good time?”

“Yeah that's fine.”  he mumbled as he slid his shoes on.

“Okay!” you smiled. “I can't wait!”

“Yeah… uh, see you Sunday.”  he said, grabbing the door knob and walking out so fast he forgot to give you the usual hug bye. But you didn’t care, you were so happy to actually have a date with him.

--------------

That entire day of Saturday all you could think about was the date. And when that day came and went, it was finally Sunday. It was now 4pm and you were standing in front of your closet in just your underwear debating on what to wear. 

You wanted to impress Tae, show him a different side of you, one that could be girly just for him. However, you didn't exactly have the right wardrobe to do that and being the broke college student you were, you didn’t have the finances either. There was just three hours before you had to meet him and you weren't even close to ready so you were definitely in a dramatic panic. You rummaged through every article of clothing in attempts to find something decent enough to be considered feminine in his eyes. 

After what felt like days, all you really found was a bright yellow sunflower dress your mom bought you and had forced you to wear to an Easter party like a month ago. You didn’t have many options when it came to shoes. You kind of just liked wearing the same pair of converse every day. The only other pair of shoes you had were some white flats that you used for a job interview… those were good enough. When it came to accessories you were plain and simple, going for the gold heart pendant necklace your friend, Lisa, gave you for your birthday.Hair and make up was another story. Those were never your strong suit, so this is where all your time was eaten up. You fought your hair, doing your best to blow dry and straighten and then curl to try and give it the “natural wave” look. Thankfully your hard work was rewarded with a cute enough hairdo. And thanks to the access to internet, you spent an hour and a half trying to keep up with a ten minute makeup tutorial, but hey anything for Tae.

The bus ride to the olive garden was blur. All you could think about was how the date would go. You couldn't help but daydream about the fun you guys were going to have. You pictured starting off the date with the two of you eating until you were too full to move and then making your way to your favorite arcade to finally try and get enough tickets for the giant stuffed panda you’ve had your eyes on for almost a year. 

Before you knew it you were at your stop and standing in front of the olive garden.After waiting just a minute you already kept looking around for Tae. 

“Where is he?” you thought as you looked at each passing face

You had gotten there are at around 6:50, now that it was 7, the adrenaline running through you was through the roof, however Tae was nowhere in sight. “Aish, this boy. He can't be on time to save his life.” you laughed to yourself as you continued to wait for him.

After another ten minutes, the stares of the other pedestrians was beginning to annoy you, plus your feet were hurting from standing too long. You decided to go inside and get a table for the two of you. “He should be here any minute anyway.” you thought.

Inside, the kind hostess complimented your dress and led you to a table at the center of the restaurant. She tried to take your order but you let her know that you were waiting for someone.

“Oh ok.’ she smiled. “Did you want me to put the table under your name so they can just say “table for well your name” and I can bring them over?”

“Yeah! Table for y/n. Thank you.”

“Great! I’ll be back later on then, miss y/n.”That’s when you grabbed your phone to text Tae. *Hey. I’m already inside. Just tell them Table for y/n so they can take you to the right one*

You sat patiently with your water, waiting for a reply while the tables around you were filled with more and more people. Still you kept an eye out, but any one that passed by was never him. It wasn't till around 7:30 that you were starting to get a bit worried. 

You decided to text him again *Hey. Is everything okay? Why aren't you here yet? Text me back please*

You waited and waited and waited and it was almost 8, but you didn't hear back from him at all.  That’s when you decided to call him. You went over by the restrooms. You called, but it only rung until it got to his voicemail.In denial, you sat back at your table to just wait some more. 

“Hi again miss y/n.” suddenly the hostess’ voice appeared next to you.

Immediately you looked up, hoping Tae would be besides her. But when you did, she was standing alone. 

There was a look of pity on her face and you knew how bad you looked right now. “I don’t know if your um, friend? was still going to make it, but I was curious if you wanted to make your order already?” the pity was all the more obvious by her tone of voice.

You stared at her for a moment, debating whether you should just walk out now, but she was so nice. If you walked out now the other customers might think she was being rude to you or something of the sort, or she might get in trouble for letting a potential customer leave. 

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat. “Um, they just let me know they couldn't make it after all, but I’m starving, can I get a plate of chicken alfredo?”

“Gladly!”

So you continued to sit around and eat all by yourself like an idiot. You got all dressed up for nothing, made your way across town for nothing, waited around for an hour for nothing.

Yes, you were extremely upset, but you were sad more than anything. The one thing that kept you from bursting into tears was the fact that Tae wouldn’t just ditch you for no reason.

“Something probably came up.” you thought as you dragged yourself out of the place after your sad meal. “His parents are around for the weekend, so maybe they didn't let him leave so they could be with him more?”

You continued to drag your feet as you walked through downtown. The last thing you wanted to do was go home and be alone with your thoughts. The lights of the city were a good enough distraction.Being girly really isn't your thing. The back of your flats were digging into the back of your heels. You could already feel your skin getting tender with every step, but you didn't care. Neither did you care for the staring pedestrians who were very much distracted by your outfit. Yes, you were very out of place with what you wore. Your bright yellow dress really clashed with the pink and red neon signs that surrounded you. Plus, everyone else was wearing club clothes while you looked like you were going to a church party. But just like with your flats, you didn't care. 

You just walked and walked and walked.You passed some pretty interesting places on your walk. You kept down a mental list of some that you would like to go to when you had the time and money. There were alot of clubs and tattoo parlors and psychic reading places, a ton of restaurants and food carts and some cute little stores. 

Despite the countless distractions, the universe just seemed to hate you. Couple after lovey dovey couple passed you. They all were holding hands and hugging or make out obnoxiously against the wall.  When you were passing the theater, it was like walking past a high school. Couples lined the walls cuddling or making out.

One couple in particular caught your attention. It was a tall dude and his girl. From just seeing his back, the guy’s physique was a lot like Tae’s, he even dressed the same as him too. He was just looking down at his date or girlfriend or whatever she was. She had just the tightest pink dress and despite her four inch heels she was still way shorter than him. She had long flowy brown hair. Her makeup was perfect, not too much but just the right amount. Her body was curvy and toned. She was everything you wanted to be for Tae. 

Yes you were being a creep just staring at this couple from a few feet away, but you kept on staring until they inevitably started kissing.  It didn't last too long though. They soon interlocked hands and turned to make their way in the direction you had been coming from. 

When you saw the guys’ face, that same ugly feeling came back to you. That “random” dude was really your “best friend”. Your Taetae was holding hands with and making out with some girl (who he never even brought up before) when he was supposed to be with you. You almost couldn't believe it. It didn't feel real. Your best friend wouldn’t do this to you. He wasn't the type of person to only bail but he would never in a million years not tell you about having someone in his life. He always used to tell you about his crushes or the dates he went on. But when his eyes locked on you and you saw his face fall, you knew this was actually happening.

Tae’s eyes scanned you head to toe, almost like he didn't really recognize you, but as soon as it hit him, he let go of the girls hand. “Y/n?”

A fiery rage filled you and you marched your way up to him. “So this is why you didn't meet up with me?!?”

“Listen I- I can explain.” he started.His “date” only stood confused and slightly frightened.“I was waiting for you like a fucking idiot for a fucking hour!” you shouted.

 “Y/n calm down”

“No! I wasted my fucking time for you just for you to bail on me and go off with someone else.”

“Um are you his girlfriend?” the girl in the dress butted in.

“She isn't” he answered. 

His words, although the truth, stung when you heard them leave his mouth 

“Oh fuck no. I was his best friend that he was supposed to meet up for date, but he decided to come here with you.” you did your best to not bite the girl’s head off. This wasn't her fault, Tae was the one to blame. “But it seems like the two of you are having a good time so i’m just gonna go. I know when i'm not wanted.” you growled locking your eyes on the boy you thought you knew.

“Y/n, y/n wait.” you heard him call after you when you tried to make your escape.

He grabbed ahold of your shoulder and that’s when you spun back around to face him. “Don’t touch me!” you spat.

“Look i’m sorry alright!”

“You’re sorry? You think an “I’m sorry” is going to fix everything?!?”

“No but-”

“You had me waiting at a stupid ass olive garden for almost 2 hours! Do you have any idea how excited i was for you to meet up with me? Do you have any idea how hurt i feel right now? I sat all by myself in a restaurant just waiting and waiting and waiting and for nothing. The whole time i was there i could feel everyone else staring at me knowing that i got stood up. Tae you are supposed to be my friend! How could you do that to me?” now was when the water works hit. The makeup you had worked so hard on was quickly getting ruined by your stupid tears.

“I didn't mean to.” was all he could say

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?!? If you didn't mean to, you would have gone! Or you would have replied back to me that you weren’t going to go to begin with!”

“I didn't go because I don't like you back alright!.” he admitted. “I didn't want to go and get your hopes up. Y/n, we have been friends for years. I love you, but not the way you love me. I see you like my sister.”

“So why didn't you tell me that before?!?”

“Because i didn't want to hurt your feelings.”

You couldn't help but let out an ironic chuckle. You looked back at him, the image of his face completely distorted with your tears. “Well how do you think i feel now?”

Tae stayed quiet. He had nothing else to say. 

You continued to glare at him, noticing his own eyes getting watery 

“Y/n, I’m sorry.”

“Just fuck off Tae.” you huffed before you turned around and walked away.

You stampeded your way without any sense of direction. Your vision was a blur and you walked every which way to try and lose tae in the crowd. You could hear his voice trailing behind you, but you didn't stop waking till you couldn't hear him anymore.

Instead what you began to hear was “Woah is she crying?” “Why is she crying?” “Is she okay?” “Lady you okay?” From the people you accidentally bumped into. 

You couldn't handle the people anymore. All you wanted to do was go home and cry in peace, but you didn't know exactly where you were. 

When the opportunity presented itself, you ran off into an empty alley and cried your heart out.

It was around 10 at night and you were squatted behind a stinky dumpster. Heartbroken and alone, this was the highlight of your night.

But that changed when you heard a voice call out to you “Y/n?”

-Admin Boat

So school started for me so idk when i will get around to posting any of the follwoing parts to this but they will be up later on

#bts #v drabble #v #taehyung #kpop drabbles #bts drabbles #taehyung drabble #angst #kpop scenarios #bts scenarios #kpop reactions #bts reactions #kpop texts #bts texts #kpop angst #bts angst #v angst #namjoon #jin #jimin #suga #jungkook #jhope #bangtan #bangtan boys #beyond the scenes #yoongi #hoseok #rm