#weve all had that one friend who meant so much more than we could ever put into words

[softxsuki]

hiya!! if theres still a space open, could i req a valentines letter?

the fandom id like is tokyo revengers, and could i please request mikey?? :p

fem! reader <33

a pet name id like is probably baby or something along those lines sncjefien

relationship status : best friends to lovers?? weve known each other since we were little and hes been in love for years, and is now confessing :0

could the tone of the letter be a love letter? i dont really mind to be honest!

genre : fluff <3

location: maybe he gave the letter when he came over? maybe hid it somewhere to be found later on? or maybe asked draken to deliver it, either way idm!

other info: i has many older brothers (rip my life-) and maybe they might have helped mikey with writing the letter?? but the sano + my family have been close ever since mikey + her met at the sano dojo, and were best friends all our life.

if you need any more content, id be happy to give!! tysm have a great day <33

Mikey’s Confession Letter To His Friend

Valentine’s Day Letter Event Pt.2 (CLOSED)

Pairing: Mikey x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers

Post-Type: Letter

Word Count: 810

Summary: in which Draken pushes Mikey to finally confess to you

[A/N: Helloooooo, Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank you so much for participating in my event. I hope you enjoy this <3]

“Hm, Draken? What are you doing here? Where’s Mikey?” You ask, confused at the tall man at your door instead of your best friend who was supposed to be coming over to your place.

“He’s being a wimp,” he sighs with a frown and hands you something, “Here, it’s from Mikey. He’ll be over soon, I’ll make sure of it.”

Then he walks away, waving you farewell over his shoulder without looking back.

Confused, you close your front door, but open the envelope Draken had given you. He said it was from Mikey, which makes you swallow. Was it a coincidence that today was Valentine’s Day and you were receiving a letter from your best friend who you had the biggest crush on? Or were you getting your hopes up for no reason? Only one way to find out…you begin to read the contents of the letter inside;

Dear Baby,

Okay wait, it’s weird to type that out already, when I haven’t even written anything yet…sorry, you’re probably shocked. That is what I want to call you–actually, it’s what I’ve been calling you in my head for the past few years now. You have no idea how hard it’s been to keep that petname to myself whenever we were together. It’s almost slipped from my mouth so many times.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, Y/N! This is my confession letter to you :D. I think my feelings for you were there since we first met at the Sano Dojo. I didn’t know girls could be tough too, so it made my heart flutter to see you fight so well, since it was something I was also good at. Though we were still kids at the time, so I don’t think I fully understood what those feelings meant, so I just wanted to be your friend.

But now the title of only friend isn’t enough…I need more. I need you. Your my partner in crime, and that will never change, but I want to hold your hand as more than friends, and kiss your lips instead of your cheek. I want to have a future together as lovers. So, will you do me the honor of being my Valentine this year? Will you be mine, baby?

Love,

Manjiro Sano.

You didn’t even get a chance to react to Mikey’s confession before Draken’s booming voice could be heard outside your door.

“I swear if you don’t hurry up and knock on that door. Stop being a wimp, Mikey!” Draken yells at his friend.

“Shut up, Ken-chin, I’m doing it! I’m no wimp,” the man behind the letter to you whines. You can almost imagine the pout on his lips, which makes your heart flutter in your chest.

With a thumping heart, you open the front door and find yourself face to face with Mikey, who has his hand raised as if he’s about to knock on the door.

“Oh, b-, Y/N! Haha,” he laughs nervously, his hand flying to his pockets where he stuffs them, “Funny seeing you here.”

“You idiot, this is her house. Why wouldn’t she be here?” Draken sighs, slapping him upside the head, and shoves him inside, before Mikey could run off.

“It’s about time you both got this over and done with. How blind can you both be…” Draken grumbles before stomping off.

Mikey was nervous–that was something you’d never seen before. He was always full of confidence, never scared of anything…

Mikey glares at his taller friend as he walks away before facing you again.

“Heh, ignore him Y/N,” he laughs, closing the door behind him and making himself at home, as he throws himself on your couch, like always.

“You like me?” You ask him causiously, butterlfiers erupting in your stomach at saying the words outloud. You almost regret them as soon as you say them as Mikey visibly freezes on the couch.

It’s quiet for a few moments between you before he turns around with a small smile and pats the space beside him.

“C’mere,” he invites you over to his side.

Your feet seem to move without you realizing, and before you know it, you’re inches away from his face, now sitting beside him on the couch.

“I think love is a better way to put it. I love you, Y/N,” he confesses, which makes all the air from your lungs vanish.

His confidence is back, and it’s more attractive than ever. This man was going to give you a heart attack. You slap his arm playfully and clutch your chest.

“Mikey! You can’t just say that without any warning, I’m hanging by a string here, you’re gonna kill me!”

He laughs at your dramatics, a glint in his eyes as they meet yours.

“So? Whaddya say?”

“You’re so lucky I love you too, you idiot. Of course I’ll be your Valentine.”

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Posted: 2/14/2023

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x reader #mikey x reader #manjiro x reader #manjiro sano x reader #manjiro sano #mikey sano

[repulsivechameleon]

Im doomed and This is my final destination..

Some people are born to set examples while others grow to be made an example of and im becoming one and i dont wanna see how thats going to end for me, other than suicide. Either ways.

My life is so colorless and i can barely get out of my bed to pee

I dont drink water anymore

Or eat much

I haven’t had food in 4 days and im not even phased

Im so unbelievably ill

Its like my depression is so bad it literally paralyzed me, mentally numbed me that i dont even care about my eating disorder, or my manic episodes anymore, everything is meaningless now even my anxieties and nightmares.

I never catch up until the damage is done good.

Nothing ever matters to me.

Mostly because nothing is ever under my control

Ive always felt like an outsider everywhere i went, maybe its cos im fat maybe its cos im black maybe its because im dumb and ugly or just chemically unbalanced.

I have fought to be normal and to belong every single day of my life just to end up failing at every simple little task i dealt with, just like how i failed every single thing in my life, somehow ill always mange to end up being the weirdo and the target.

I don’t understand how people can stand to be in a room with me.

Im the worst friend, the worst person I’ve known all i do is self destruct

Ruin relationships

Make everyone feel so fucking awkward and uncomfortable

Lie lie lie lie

Im so fucking ugly inside and out I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise but ifs impossible to ignore the truth.

Badly wired like shit

Im so sorry for all of this and what i am

I hate myself so much

I cant even look in the mirror without breaking down i don’t recognize myself anymore

Not even photos

I shaved my head and its so grown and i missed all of it

I’ve missed on major life events, mine and my friends unfortunately i cant take that back

It eats me up alive because there is no excuse for disappearing from thr people i love without notice, there is no way i can bring the days back. The hopes and dreams that we had, the lives we thought we were going to lead once we grew older together, your life is going to be much more better than the dreams weve dreamt once upon a time my friend and knowing that makes me the happiest person alive. Im so sorry to any friend i hurt and i might hurt. Im sorry.

I feel like someone ought to understand why im doing what im doing

nobody deserves to be burden with my stupid meaningless issues.

I have no memories or attention spam anyways

I dont remember anything

Ive been erasing who i am

I just thought this was rock bottom yet i somehow still manage to dive deeper to the lowest point

And the drugs dont work anymore and when the music starts to sound more like background noise without any significance to the words, i know my time is near.

Mental illness, lack of religion, brainwashed im probably going to be called all that but for once in my life i want to not care, call me that so fucking what ill be dead anyways we’re all going to die. Isnt life meant to be a test? This is it.

For once in my life i want to have a say in anything, i want to make a decision on my own and i want that to be my first and last decision i make, just once please.

I do miss believing. When i had religion i had peace and sometimes i wish I listened to my parents and never questioned anything, it would’ve been so much better, different, drastically different than this, different waves of depression but with more stability, anything but this. I wanna believe in something again but it’s kinda too late for me because i can barely look at my reflection and believe what i see.

Im so sorry mama n baba, i would kill myself to give you a better life and a different prodigy wannabe daughter but i just keep taking from you im just a waste of money and resources and i cant bare the guilt anymore, I thought I could fix it but im in too deep. The truth is so disappointing and embarrassing i think i would rather do anything than to face you after you learning about who i am, i dont know what to say than im really so sorry from the bottom of my heart the entirety of my being im sorry snd I love you and i love you and im so fucking sorry that i am the way that i am. Thank you for always being attentive thank you for giving me unconditional love and for making me feel the safest ive known, i know its not easy being my parent, you’ve done amazing and youre doing amazing still. You were just kids who didn’t know anything yourself, i wish that you can somehow forgive me. I fear a lot of things in this world but knowing that my parents could disown me and hate me if they learn my truth, it cripples me. I love you so much mama i love you so much baba. I wish i could give you one last hug one last time but youre a thousand miles away.

To my sisters,

My 2 beautiful sisters, you know.

Im the luckiest person to have had my sisters with me in this life. What a ride, The definition of the word sisterhood. I would take a bullet for my sisters in a heartbeat. Im so sorry

About everything, i hope you can forgive me, i know it grows conflict in your religion, but know that i am going to be at peace now and you dont have to worry about your baby sister anymore. Im not your liability anymore. I hope you grow old to become everything you both ever wanted. I love you so unbelievably much. I love you so much and im sorry. Im going to miss you like crazy. Im going to hug you both again someday somehow.

I dont know when but soon ill be gone, i have a lot to say but i dont feel like leaving anything behind because i dont want to be remembered or cried upon, im selfish for thinking that no one would think to shed a tear for me I know its not true but I don’t want to think about it, once again im a lesson to be learned. Its going ti be better for everyone in the long run. I’ll be more beneficial when im gone<3

I remember i was 12 thinking about suicide, then 15 attempting suicide, promised myself that i would take my life by 18, now 22 surprise surprise im still here.

I’ve always been fascinated by death, I’ve always planned my death it became so normal i would daydream about dying before going to bed and I remember when i was younger during my religious phase, I thought that i could kill myself ages 12-15 so all my adulthood responsibilities and the sins that accompanies that gone avoided too.

I remember thinking it wont count id be tried as a child that god will understand why i killed myself and will somehow sympathize and send me to heaven as if “god” is the highest judge in some sort of fancy supreme court or something that id have to defend my soul for that. I was a fucking child but it was smart. I wish ive done it tho; shouldve listened to the voices huh.

Whatever, im just lonely and bored out of my mind, I feel so old worthless and unaccomplished like I became everything i didnt wanna be, and there’s no going back.

Waadeena, you know that i would give you the world x

#last days #goodbye #last words #its not that deep #grow up #living with bpd

[whatifitoldyou]

the underlying queerness of Bilbo not being able to describe what Thorin meant to him

#weve all had that one friend who meant so much more than we could ever put into words #thilbo #the hobbit #for me it was my freshman year of hs best friend #we were so fucking close and she meant so incredibly much to me #i thought i was straight back then so i never even clocked what all these feelings meant #oh to be able to turn back time and do it all again #bagginshield

[pluckyredhead]

wip amnesty: super sons fake dating (but different)

So while I was working on It Wouldn’t Be Make Believe (If You Believed In Me), my brain abruptly gave me a completely different Super Sons fake dating scenario, insisted that I write two scenes, and then abandoned me entirely. There is like a 1% chance that I will ever finish this so instead I offer it up to you, my very patient friends. (Don’t worry, I have different Jon/Damian fics planned!)

Also, this completely ignores the Bendis run, because...well, you know why. SIGH.

-

Damian cast a weary eye over the guests assembled at the gala, the latest tribute of the Gotham elite to their own wealth and frivolity. He wasn’t even sure what this one was ostensibly raising money for, but he had a feeling most of that money had gone into the refreshments and entertainment rather than the intended charitable recipients.

He hated these things, but Father was in space with the Justice League, Richard was undercover, Drake was on Earth-3, and Todd was just generally unsuitable for public consumption. Once again it fell to Damian, as the heir to the Wayne name, to carry the entire family on his shoulders. He usually didn’t mind, except when it took the form of wearing a tuxedo and making small talk with empty-headed socialites.

Maybe the Riddler or someone would show up and try to steal everyone’s jewelry. That would be a pleasing diversion.

He saw Gracie Van Nuyck, daughter of one of the few Gotham families older than the Waynes, making her way over to him and quickly took out his phone. He was meant to be the latest irresponsible Wayne playboy; he could be rude and spend a whole party texting and not talking to anyone as long as he kept a stupid expression on his face.

He already had a few texts from Jon, he saw when he unlocked his phone.

giant kraken attacking honolulu

titans & i r teleporting over

u in?

Damian clicked his tongue.

I know you’re overriding your autocorrected capitalization to irritate me.

And I can’t. I have to attend this gala.

sucks 2 b u 🐟 🐠 🐬

“Damian Wayne.” Gracie had not been put off by his texting - in fact, she had her own phone in her hand. Damian dimly remembered that she’d once told him she was an “influencer.” She had influenced him pretty strongly to get as far away from her as possible, so he supposed she was good at what she did. “Look at you, all dressed up and looking like a snack.”

“Gracie,” he said. “Nice to see you.” He did not attempt to make it convincing, or glance up from his phone more than briefly.

Trust me, I’m aware. Everyone here is an imbecile and none of the hors d'oeuvres are vegetarian.

“Do you like my dress?” Gracie asked, giving a little twirl.

“Lovely.” Damian did not have Richard’s ability to give genuine compliments, or even Father’s ability to fake them well. It didn’t deter Gracie in the slightest.

“I have a proposition for you, you beautiful boy,” she said.

“I’m the same age as you.”

that blows. what about the orderbs?

Damian fought a smile. I also know you know how hors d’oeuvres is pronounced.

😂 😂 😉

“What’s that smile for?” Gracie asked.

Damian forced his facial expression back to neutral. “What’s your proposition?”

She held up her hands like she was illuminating a marquee. “Gotham’s new dream couple: Dacie. Or we could be Gramian, I guess, but that sounds horrible.”

“Excuse me?”

“You and me, joining forces,” she said. “Me and my millions and my beautiful body, you and your millions and your beautiful body...we’d be the toast of the glitterati.”

“You want to date me,” Damian said, flatly, disbelievingly. This was what Father and Richard’s inability to resist a pretty face had brought him to: being literally propositioned at parties by socialites who thought every Wayne was an easy mark.

“I want to date you,” she agreed. “It must be your lucky day. Well, night.”

Damian stared at her for a long moment, just enough to let it become uncomfortable. “No,” he said finally, and turned back to his phone.

once weve kicked this things ass i bet i can bring u some shave ice before it melts

Bring the kraken instead. It can eat everyone here.

“No?” Gracie repeated.

“No, thank you,” Damian said, as a sop to good manners.

He glanced up. She looked bewildered. It might be the first time she’d ever been told no in her life. “Why not?”

“I’m seeing someone,” he said. Totally untrue, but a reason she couldn’t argue with.

Not that she didn’t try. “Oh? Who’s the lucky girl?” she asked, her expression calculating.

Damian raised an eyebrow. “Not sure why you would assume pronouns,” he said, more to wrong foot her than anything else, though it was true that gender didn’t make much difference to him. He disliked most people equally.

Her eyes widened before she recovered herself. “My apologies,” she said. “Do I know...uh, them?”

Damian’s phone buzzed in his hand. It was a selfie of Jon, with Billy and Lian pulling faces behind him and a tentacle snaking through the air above their heads. Idiots. He fought another smile.

Stop taking selfies before you get drowned.

“It’s a long distance relationship,” he said. The last thing he needed was Gracie tracking down Colin or Maya or someone and pestering them.

no its cool we made friends with it

i gave it ur shave ice

sorry

“Oh?” Gracie asked. “Where do they live?”

Out of the corner of his eye Damian could see that she seemed to be on her phone too, so he felt even less bad about ignoring her. “Metropolis,” he said, because it was the first city he thought of. You traitor, he texted Jon.

“Innnteresting,” she said. “Well, it was worth a shot. See you around, hot stuff.” She brushed a kiss in the air near his cheek and sauntered off.

Damian blinked. That had been...relatively painless. Maybe the whole night would go by so quickly and easily.

He checked the time. Three and a half hours to go.

Tt.

*

Jon had heard the noise before he stepped outside, but he hadn’t really processed it. Metropolis was a noisy city, and if there were no gunshots or cries for help, he had gotten pretty good at tuning it out.

Which was why he was so surprised when he walked out of his apartment building to be confronted with a sea of reporters flashing cameras at him.

“Jon!”

“Jon Kent!”

“Jon, over here!”

His heart stopped. Had they somehow found out he was Superboy? Which meant they knew about Dad, and Mom was probably in danger, and all of his friends, and…

“Jon, long have you and Damian Wayne been dating?”

What?

“Back off, you vultures! Leave him alone!” Uncle Jimmy emerged from the crowd, red-faced and disheveled. He put one hand in front of Jon’s face and the other on his shoulder. “No comment! He has no comment! Come on, Jon, back inside.”

Thoroughly baffled, Jon allowed Uncle Jimmy to steer him back into the building.

“Hey, Frank, don’t let any of them in unless Mr. or Mrs. Lane-Kent says it’s cool, okay?” Uncle Jimmy said to the doorman.

Frank, who Jon had known since they moved here when he was ten, put his imposing frame in front of the door. “Absolutely not,” he said.

“Thanks, Frank,” Jon managed, and waited until he and Jimmy were in the elevator and out of sight of the reporters. “What the heck is going on?”

“You’re a social media sensation, kiddo,” Uncle Jimmy said, and held up his phone to display a picture of Damian wearing a tuxedo and looking elegantly bored. “Apparently Bruce Wayne’s kid told someone called ‘GraceFace’ that he was dating a boy who lived in Metropolis, and she told her three million Instagram followers. A bunch of them found this photo.” He swiped to show a slightly blurry picture of Jon and Damian in Centennial Park, clearly taken on a cell phone by someone moving quickly. Jon remembered that day but hadn’t realized anyone had recognized Damian, though it did happen. “And someone figured out your name.”

“And assumed I’m the boy Damian is dating in Metropolis,” Jon said, putting it together. “Wait. Is he dating someone in Metropolis? Did he mean me? Why would he say we were dating?”

Uncle Jimmy held up a finger. “No, first question before that: how the hell do you know Damian Wayne?”

“Uh.” Jon paused. Uncle Jimmy knew all about him and Dad, since he was basically Dad’s best friend, but not any Gotham secret identities, and Jon was pretty sure both Damian and Mr. Wayne wanted to keep it that way.

Uncle Jimmy’s eyes flicked to the counter that showed what floor they were on. “And before we get to your apartment...any chance you want to give me the exclusive on this saga of young love?”

Jon’s mouth dropped open. “Uncle Jimmy!”

“What? I’m a reporter, it’s in my blood!”

“I’m telling my mom you asked me that.”

“No, please, tell your dad. He can only heat vision me or throw me out the window. Either way it’ll be quick.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m telling Mom.”

#super sons #damian wayne #robin #jon kent #superboy #i write things #i love gracie and she should be canon

[lovingloudly-archived]

i had an amazing day with my friends :-) ! a lot of rambling about it below ! 🌈🧸

i really can't even verbalise how good today was - i was just buzzing the entire time which i guess is a good sign?? but jeeeez today was incredible!!! i was feeling super inauthentic and fake and doubting if my personality was real etc the last couple of weeks but like… being around these three goofs who i've learned to call my genuine friends (even though i've only known them since sept when we started college) has made me feel so real and heard and involved and aaaaah i would do anything for them.. they are. so wonderful ?? 

i never thought id find a real life group friends like this honestly. and i mean, internet friends are a whole different thing!! i just can't even explain how amazing it is to have people who know me for who i am irl first and foremost rather than what i sometimes feel like i am online which is some sort of idealized version of myself (which isn't true either way. i'm being myself regardless babie and i'm trying to remember that!!) but i just... i just feel so alive and unstoppable with them and i actually feel open expressing things to them?? for the first time i sent them a sentimental ramble kinda like what this is which is very big for me honestly.. when i met them i was fully prepared to never? be truly open with them?? and yet how supportive they've been towards me has completely blindsided me and i'll forever be grateful for all they've done for me so far :,)

i didn't know how they would respond to me being so passionately thankful to know them when they may not reciprocate it. but today really helped me like.. realise that they do care about me and that they love me back which i never expected. today really just kinda… put me back inside my body??? they make me feel like myself again and that its okay to be myself - i wanna cry about it tbh i just feel so happy and grateful to know them. and we saw sonic together btw!!! which was. so wholesome and fun and genuinely enjoyable omg. it had... like elements of all of us in our group of 4, jack said it was like the epitome of us which idk that stuck with me like wow we really have like... learned each others interests and everything after 5-ish months of being friends and it's oddly soft to have that irl :( and i had never seen a movie with more than one friend before this?? so being with my group and just passing our giant popcorn together and bonking my head against one of my friend’s (selin) shoulder bc physical affection babie and calling her pretty and going wild when we saw an ad for our college being like “omg put us in we go THEREEE !!” and. again just. not being afraid to express that i genuinely love them was the best…. i’m v overwhelmed in a positive way sjddjksks. 

i just feel so real and secure in who i am because of them and i hope i get to feel like this more as i...... ?? “recover”? idk i’m still struggling with realising that what i've gone through and been hurt through is enough to validate some sort of recovery but i know i deserve it. everyone deserves that inherently :(

also, if you have seen the sonic movie already, you will know that there is a certain song near the beginning by uhh my fav band wink wink i don't wanna spoil incase any fans see this i want them to see the movie and b surprised with seeing this song playing bc i almost cried. and i ??? hand flapped openly when it played and my friends didn’t judge me or anything i love them i… ??? i’m overwhelmed ohh my gosh i love my friends …. i love them so much. they've been so supportive and there for me when they could have just been these... very uninvolved friends who didn't make any attempt to talk to me unless i initiated it but they aren't that. they're conversational and supportive and care enough to remember the things i like and actually who i am and involve me in things and treat me like i actually add something to the group and asdfghjdfklj i’m v. very thankful for my friends oh myy goodness... i love them so much. 

ALSO. ??? okay silly thing. i hugged all 3 of them today which i ? also initiated which felt very risky bc i always have that lurking fear that my affection or kindness will be rejected and i guess that has made me suppress those sort of things a lot but i hugged all 3 of them!! with selin its a regular thing and her hugs are v soft, harrison’s one was quick bc he had to leave but i just love that despite the other two giving him fistbumps i felt confident enough to jsut.. give him a liddol hug bc i appreciate him and i hope he knows that :( the only other time so far weve hugged was bc he got super excited about his christmas present i got him (its a pin and he wears it everywhere now i could cry!!!!) 

and i hugged jack for the first time which is !! like a v silly little thing but for a bit he was the one i talked to least? but gradually we’ve been closer with each other which is v fun bc we are solidarity in many ways fjsdnvfhkfrjgf...... the curly hair.. the hypermobility (we found this out today and we both went wild btw!! spiderman pointing at each other meme in real life im telling u), the way we say the exact same things, the gay solidarity... anyway i love hugging people oml i haven't had this many hugs in one day maybe *ever*!! so it was euphoric leave me aloneeeeee let me be dramatic i am ridiculously touchstarved goshfhj. they're also all taller than me which isnt saying much i UNDERSTAND THIS (tumblr has made me think my height was average until i went to college and EVERY person i come in contact with is taller than me by a good bit) but omg... hugging taller people as i've now found out... is truly very neat!!!!!! u people that have previously been lucky enough to hug a tall ppl were right :D  it was gentle. hold each other gentle like hamburger !! 

harrison had to leave a lil bit earlier so he missed out on the sick group hug but jhkdmljdskfhg ogmjhkkh i feel so overly dramatic about that but genuinely just.......... and i didn't initiate that one! selin did and it meant so much to me like. idk i've had the fear for the longest time that i was just grotesqueeeee and nobody would be willing to interact with me let alone give me physical affection so having that and kinda just being comfortably squished between them......... the bliss i experienced in that moment u guys........... i cannot......... dang that was a long ramble just about the hugging alone can u tell how happy today made me ohmygogoshd........

argh okay last paragraph u get my point....... i never thought i would have friends like this so it's just like, im not exactly FEELING hope that it will happen it's the just the. god i don't know another more emotive word for it but just?? the realisation that it has happened and i have these guys and that i'm apart of something bigger than just myself instead of strictly one-on-one friendships, im apart of a group and i feel trusted by them and i feel just. i don't wanna say i was “meant” to meet them but i truly feel that meeting them has changed everything for me and i'll always be over the moon about that :,) ! 🌙🧸🌈💞🌙🧸🌈🌙🧸💞🌈🌙🧸💞🌈🌙🧸💞🌈

#chatter #comfort tag #i just want to remember this forever

[p-artsypants]

Rage Awakened (5)

Ten years ago, Terra, Aqua, and Ventus lost their fellow apprentice, Sora, in Deep Jungle. Now, they are to return with two new students, Riku and Kairi, to lock the heart of the world. All the while, something watches from the trees. Feral!Sora AU

@chachacharlieco @violetstar-writes

Ao3 | FF.net

—

As they had every day, the group woke up in the morning and descended from the treehouse, creating their plan for the day.

“Alright,” began Terra. “Since we have to wait for Tarzan before we can go to the waterfall, our next step is looking for Sora, I guess. Ven and I will try over by the lagoon, Riku and Kairi try to treetops, and Aqua will stay behind at camp in case Tarzan comes for us.”

“Why does Aqua get to stay behind?” Asked Riku, sensibly.

“Because Ventus is still in his exam, and you would just sleep the whole time.”

“Fair.”

“Everyone got a radio?”

They all held up their appropriate walkie-talkies.

“Good, then let’s—“

“EEP!”

One minute, Kairi was there, and the next she was gone, with only a yelp to signify her disappearance.

“Kairi?!” Riku cried out.

“What the hell was that?!” Terra shouted, after seeing a blur sweep her off her feet.

The radios blared to life. “I found him! Er—he found me! I’ll try to—“ static.

“That’s horrifying.” Said Ven.

“Okay, new plan,” declared Terra. “Ven and I will check the lagoon, Riku will check the treetops, and Aqua stays here.”

“That’s the same exact plan as before, but without Kairi.”

“Ah but this time, we’re looking for Sora and her.”

Riku scoffed and began walking off on his own.

“Remember! If you see a strange heartless, call for backup!!”

“Aye aye, Captain.” He waved back.

—

Kairi had been listening, like the good student that she was. She knew she’d be paired up with Riku again, since that’s just the way it always was.

Had she been standing a foot closer to anyone else, it may not have happened, but one second she was looking at Terra, and then she was up in the trees. An arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her tightly to a bare chest as her feet left the ground and her stomach dropped into her shoes. She didn’t even scream, just let out a yelp. It’s like she had left her voice behind.

When she gathered herself, she raised the radio.

“I found him! Er—he found me! I’ll try to get him to bring me back to camp!”

The arm around her tightened and she felt her weight shift down. Instinctively, she hugged him around the neck and then hooked her legs with his.

Looking down, she saw that he had taken her high up to the treetops, a dizzying height from the ground. She clenched her eyes shut.

Finally, they stopped, but he did not loosen the hold on her.

She finally opened her eyes, seeing that they had come to rest on a huge branch. She pulled back slightly to look at him, and likewise, he looked at her.

His eyes were blue. She had seen them before in the moonlight, but now, she could see them properly. Large, brilliant, and so so blue. His glance was tender, yet piercing, and froze her to the spot.

“Hello again...” she found was all she could say.

He didn’t respond with words, only the toothy grin that fit so well on his charming face. He leaned in, his nose touching hers in greeting.

She smiled back, shyly and unwound herself from him, only then did he finally let her go. “You know, it’s not polite to pick up a girl without her permission.” She scolded.

He frowned, but then became happy again when he realized she wasn’t mad at him.

“I really need to go back. The other’s will worry about me.”

He frowned again, his brows furrowing. “Danger.”

“Danger? Then I really need to go! They need my help!”

He grunted and stomped his foot. “Danger!”

“I know! I understand! But we need to help them! Please!”

He grabbed her arm, and shook, not enough to hurt, but just enough to get his point across.

Being a princess, Kairi was used to being benched and ‘staying safe’. But ever since she became a Keyblade wielder, she was determined to save herself. And she emphasized this by summoning her keyblade. “I can protect myself.”

He stared at it in shock.

“It’s a keyblade,” She explained. “You have one too, don’t you?”

He hesitated, but held out his hand, his blade synthesizing.

Now, Kairi had only been studying under Eraqus for about a year, and there were plenty of things she didn’t know about keyblades. But there were a few key things she had learned early on.

She knew all keyblades, save for one, were made in the realm of light. The one exception was the king’s blade, the Kingdom Key. Rather simple in design, a blade of gold with a silver hilt, with a relief of a crown at the end, it was the only keyblade of the realm of darkness. It was fabled to have a partner, the Kingdom Key of light. Though Eraqus was never able to answer when asked where it was.

As she looked at the keyblade in his hand, several thoughts passed through her head. But the most prominent, was that something was wrong. It almost looked like the King’s key, except for a silver blade and a gold hilt. But it looked sick, she surmised. Like the keyblade itself was ill, and even dying. Long, fleshy tendrils of darkness wrapped around the blade, and ended in what looked like claws. The hilt was broken and jagged, and parts even looked dissolved. The crown was struck out with an X.

Kairi touched the blade, fearful to find it colder than any keyblade she had ever touched.

“You...really are Sora, aren’t you?”

His eyes widened. “Know Sora?”

“Well, I know of you, Terra and Aqua told me about you.”

He gruffly shuffled away from her, “Danger.”

“Wait...are you saying that Terra and Aqua...are the Danger?”

“Mmm.” He hummed in confirmation.

“Oh Sora...they love you and miss you! Come on, let’s go back.”

He grunted, and if to solidify his decision, he parked it on the branch. He was acting just like a child.

It was almost adorable.

Kairi found the radio again, and called to her team. “I’m still okay, but our friend is being a little more stubborn than expected, so I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

Nothing came from the other line. She glanced at the radio, only to see no lights on it.

Dead.

“Great...They gave me the bad one.” She sighed. “Well, I guess I’m stuck with you.” She plopped down on the branch next to him.

He seemed to be in a better mood now that she had resigned, and scooted over closer to her, straddling the tree branch.

She was startled, but only for a moment, since she was being to get used to him invading her space.

He rested his hand on her heart. “Kairi,” then he mimicked the action in himself. “Sora.”

“Very good!” She praised with a little clap.

Encouraged by her praise, he leaned forward and pressed his ear to her chest.

“Are you...listening to my heart beat?”

“…heart…” He said, his voice soft and reverent. Then he sat up and gestured for her to do the same to him.

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Alright, you got me.” She braced herself on his chest and leaned in to listen.

His heartbeat was strong and steady. Much more calm than she was feeling at the moment.

Despite the condition of his keyblade, listening to his heart was soothing, and warm.

Finally, she pulled away from him. “Very nice,” she said awkwardly.

He smiled widely.

Then, without warning, he grabbed her around the waist again and leapt from the branch. This time, she had a second to latch on before she could slip.

“Look!” He demanded, as he moved through the trees.

She didn’t really want to, afraid of how high they were, but she peeled her eyes open.

They were so high up! If he missed a vine, they would be toast.

But this didn’t seem to bother Sora at all. He laughed and hooted as he swung, calling greeting to other animals as they travelled.

Then, she noticed something out of place among the trees.

She pointed, “That’s Riku! Let’s go say hi!”

If Sora was untrusting to Terra, Aqua, and Ventus, then perhaps he’d be more welcoming to Riku. He perched them on a branch a few feet above him.

“Riku?” Sora asked.

“Yeah, he’s my friend. Our friend.”

“Friend?”

“Yes, Sora friend, Kairi friend, Riku friend!”

“Oh friend!” Sora sang, seemingly understanding.

It seemed that Riku hadn’t noticed them, as he almost fell off the branch he was resting on when they landed next to him.

“Riku!” Kairi sang.

“Oh Kairi!” He breathed in relief. “I’m so glad I found you...or you found me, I guess.”

Sora sat between them, glancing back and forth as they talked.

“Riku, this is Sora.” She introduced, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Nice to finally meet you, we’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He held his hand out.

Sora grabbed his wrist, yanking the hand closer to him to study it. When he deemed there was nothing in it, he frowned at Riku.

“You shake it,” he explained, grabbing his hand. “Like this,” he moved it up and down.

Sora watched the gesture, and then enthusiastically shook his hand, damn near dislocating Riku’s shoulder. “Okay okay! Not that hard!”

Sora let go with satisfied giggle. “Like Riku! Like Sora?”

“Yeah, I like you Sora.” Riku confirmed.

“Like Kairi! Like Sora?”

“Yes, I like you too, Sora.” She smiled at him.

“Sora key, Kairi key, Riku key?”

“Keyblade,” he corrected, summoning the Road to Dawn.

Sora smiled toothily. “Sora key...keyblade!” And he showed his.

Riku stared at it in shock. “That’s...” he looked at Kairi, “Do you know what keyblade this is...or was?”

“It looks like King Mickey’s keyblade. The one from the realm of darkness.”

“This is its partner, I’m sure of it. But...”

Both of them looked at Sora, who just curiously looked back, not knowing what they were talking about.

“Something’s wrong with his heart.” Riku deliberated. “I think that’s what’s causing this.” He touched the black coiling bits, shivering in response. “They’re made of darkness alright.”

This worried Kairi even more. Riku had told her about his fall into darkness, and what it had done to his heart. There was no telling what this meant for poor Sora, who probably didn’t even realize the danger he was in.

“We should catch up with the others,” said Riku. “They’re probably worried sick.”

“I don’t blame them. But...there’s a small problem. He’s not really...keen on them.”

“On who? Terra and Aqua?”

Sora hissed loudly at the mention of their names, confirming Kairi’s statement.

“Hey hey,” She soothed. “It’s okay.”

Riku scratched the back of his neck. “Well, it makes sense. If he thinks they left him here on purpose or forgot about him. I’d be pretty salty too.”

“So what do we do?”

“Well, he likes you. Why don’t you just...don’t know, hang out with him? Know his world.”

“Me?”

“Sure. He damn near kidnapped you to see you again. Though I don’t really like the idea of you gallivanting around the Jungle with a strange boy…”

Kairi couldn’t help but giggle, “what are you? My dad?”

Sora decidedly had enough of them talking and took Kairi’s hand and tugged.

“Okay, we can go. I’ll meet up with you when I can.”

Riku nodded once, and gestured them on.

Kairi placed her arms around Sora’s neck.

He excitedly hugged her back and then jumped off the tree.

Riku watched them disappear, and then said to himself, “Aqua’s going to murder me.”

—

Back at the Land of Departure, Eraqus was setting up for a guest. It had grown lonely in the castle these last few days, since he was so accustomed to having the kids around, at least one at a time.

“My, I haven’t seen the castle this empty in ages,” spoke the visitor.

Eraqus smiled at him. “At least 15 years, my how time flies.”

“What brought you to call on me, if not to bear witness to your new master?”

“Is loneliness not a a worthy enough excuse?”

“What some call loneliness, others would call peace and quiet.”

“You always did prefer silence, didn’t you Xehanort?”

The older man chuckled, taking a seat at their chess table. “It helps me think.” He made the first move and the game began. “It’s been a while since we’ve had a game, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, If you forgive me, I never thought it was appropriate to call on you while the darkness was such a threat.”

Xehanort raised an eyebrow. “And it’s not anymore?”

“Almost. As we speak, my students are sealing one last world. The darkness will have no foothold after that.”

“I see. Though the darkness won’t be able to swallow any more worlds, the heartless will not retreat, you know.”

“I know...but in due time, they will fade.”

“If that’s what you believe, who am I to contradict you?” He moved his knight to block a pawn. “What is this last world to be sealed?”

Eraqus sighed. “Well, it’s Deep Jungle.”

If Eraqus noticed how Xehanort’s eye twitched, he didn’t say anything about it.

“Deep Jungle? I’m surprised you would send them there after what happened. If it were me, I would let that world go. There is nothing there.”

“You sound like Terra,” Eraqus smiled slightly. “He wanted to let it go. But a world’s worth is not up to us to decide. Especially if it can be saved.”

“Are they fairing well?”

“Fairly.” He used his bishop to take out Xehanort’s Knight. “They met some people there, researchers to study the gorillas. And they have an idea where the keyhole is. And...” he hesitated, swallowing hard.

“Eraqus?”

“They found him. They found Sora.”

“Alive?”

He nodded. “He’s been alive all this time. He’s...been surviving in the forest. He’s feral now, though I don’t doubt it.”

Xehanort frowned. “Eraqus, I know the knowledge of his survival comes as a joy, but I must advise you against bringing him back here.”

“What? Why?”

“I told you before, when you first took him in as a student. That boy has incredible darkness in his heart, and he is dangerous. If indeed he’s been all alone all this time, there’s no telling how human he is anymore. Can he still tell the difference between right and wrong? Can use critical thinking?”

“Well, what are we supposed to do? He’s not just a human, he’s a keyblade wielder. We need him.”

“Do as you please. But I have given you my advice.”

All this talking had distracted Eraqus and put his Queen in jeopardy, and Xehanort was quick to take her with his bishop. “Check, old friend.”

Eraqus frowned, moving his king. “I’m going to prove you wrong. Sora is important to us. He’s coming home.”

#kingdom hearts #sora #Kairi #Riku #kh #kh2 #kh3 #fanfiction #rage awakened #feral!sora #tarzan au #SoKai

[chunkydusknoir]

Today is my 6 year anniversary of when I asked my beautiful girlfriend @themanicnami to be more than friends. It's been a long six years and very hard. We've had ups, downs, lefts, rights, crazy spirals and all the wonders that come with a Long distance relationship. But we've made it work so far and I hope we can continue to make it work so that distance is no longer what keeps us apart.

What I'm going to share is a story I base a lot of our love on. A type of bond weve developed in our time together and holds special in both our hearts.

In 2012 I met Nami in a Original character tournament (OCT) called Sixfold league. It was pokemon based and a lot of fun. We became real close and even the community knew that. One day this image below circulated and became known as us.

(I dont have the artist to credit. If you do please message me.) (Namipoke and Dezduck)

We adopted the idea pretty quickly and soon made the derpy pokemon our Pokesonas. Had we made our own I could only guess she would pick chandelure or a fairy type pokemom. As for me I'd choose Dusknoir.

As we grew close we developed inside jokes on our Pokesonas. Like they were in a daycare together and had their own corner of doom. We had endless scenarios and ideas for this. I loved every moment. One day we decided to collaborate a scenario. We both know that eventually their trainers would have to come and get them. The following images show our work of that collaboration.

It was a bittersweet scenario. The trainers taking away two pokemon who have become great friends and fallen in love. We didnt do much for this afterwards. But I always imagined a few scenarios after. Like Dezduck breaking free from his trainer and chasing Namipoke. In doing so uniting the trainers together and bringing them into the special bond their pokemon have. A bond similar to the one I formed with my friend Nami.

We have lots of things in common, art, pokemon, food. Weve grown up in similar situations and relate very well to one another. But we are also very different and unique. I dont think we ever stop learning about each other from one another. And that's why these next commissions are meant to represent. I went and asked for these artists to show a world of this bond. Each and every work is something I adore and feel my love for Nami in each one. I can't wait to be able to print these and give them to her in person.

Nami if you are reading this, I love you and I hope that I will continue to grow alongside you. I hope one day we are no longer seperated by distance.

Artist credit: 1. @candybaggins 2. @ sophiescribbles (IG) 3. @fa-magikal 4. @ ramvur (IG) 5.@fcrest-nymph 6.@talas-amaze-blog 7.@quilahva

Thank you all for the hard work and effort you have all put into this. I appreciate it so much and love all these works.

#art #pokemon #good stuff #artists on tumblr #artist #digital art #digital drawing #slowpoke #psyduck

[camillemontespan]

jealous heart [drake walker x mc]

Pairing: Drake Walker & Camille (my MC in the game)

Synopsis: Camille goes in search of Drake in the palace library which also doubles as a bar, so obviously he can be found here. She finds him... and Kiara. But how can she be jealous when he isn’t even hers and she is still in the running to be Queen?

‘Okay, so today you are getting to know King Constantine and Queen Mother Regina. You need to show how much you want to be Queen and also show how much you have learned about Cordonia. This is a big day, Camille. Any issues and this will reflect on you, on House Beaumont, on our entire position in the competition.’ Bertrand was filling in Camille on today’s activities while she was trying on numerous outfits.  ‘Remember: you live and breathe Cordonia and are so grateful to be taken away from your old life as a waitress in New York-’ ‘But my old life wasn’t so bad-’ Bertrand held up a hand. ‘They don’t need to know that. Besides, you were a waitress in a dive bar and lived in a studio apartment.’ Camille’s shoulders sagged. She caught Maxwell looking at her, a pained expression on his face. ‘Bertrand, maybe I can take it from here,’ he said. ‘You go and deal with more pressing Beaumont affairs.’ Bertrand glared at him. ‘’This is a pressing Beaumont affair.’ Maxwell slyly pointed at Camille, who was staring at the floor. Bertrand turned pink. ‘I’m sorry Camille if I’ve upset you. Sorry. I’ll go.’  He left the room. Maxwell stepped closer to Camille.  ‘Camille, are you okay?’ She looked up at him and he saw with shock that there were tears in her eyes. ‘No, Maxwell. I’m not.’

She sat down shakily on the chaise-lounge and clasped her hands together. Maxwell sat down beside her. ‘What’s wrong? Is it because Bertrand said you lived in a studio apartment? I’ve heard those are very different to palaces.’ Camille shook her head. ‘No, although that did sting a bit. I just feel like my heart isn’t in this competition. Like, it’s somewhere else.’ ‘Somewhere else?’ Maxwell ventured. Camille sighed. ‘Someone else.’ Maxwell drew in a breath. ‘Um... can I ask who?’ He tried to push down the hope he had. He had had a small crush on Camille since he had gotten to know her. She was always kind to him and funny and treated him like he was worth something, unlike everyone else who viewed him as the village idiot.  ‘I’m falling for Drake,’ she said quickly, wanting to get the confession over with. Maxwell’s eyes widened. Forget his own feelings, she liked Drake! This was huge!  ‘Camille! How long have you liked him?!’ ‘A while... it’s been a slow burner.’  Maxwell gulped. ‘Would he make you happy?’ Camille looked at him, her eyes sad. ‘I think he would. I can be myself with him.’ ‘Does he know you like him?’ Camille broke eye contact and stared ahead of her. ‘He does. We’ve had... moments. But he seems to believe I’m delusional and that I can’t ever love him. That he doesn’t deserve to be loved.’ Maxwell frowned. He had never seen Drake as the type to be emotional. He always saw this sarcastic, frowning man who enjoyed whiskey a little too much and never wanted to join in with his dance parties. He closed his eyes and all thoughts about Camille ever liking Maxwell back were gone. Though he liked her, he could see now that he had been blind. He thought back to the moments when Camille would insist that Drake join her, Maxwell and Hana for a drink. Or the times in the ballroom when she would sit beside Drake in the corner while everyone else danced. Or even when Camille would be joking around with Hana and Maxwell would glimpse Drake looking at her, a faint smile on his lips.  It was so obvious now. And Maxwell wanted her to be happy.  ‘You should find him,’ he said. ‘Tell him again how you feel and how happy he would make you.’ She frowned at him. ‘What about House Beaumont?’ Maxwell smiled. It was typical of her to think of others before herself. It was one reason why he liked her. ‘We’ll manage. I’ll think of a money making idea to keep us afloat. I just want you to be happy.’ ‘But the competition... Liam...’ she whispered. ‘There’s so much riding on this.’ Maxwell shrugged. ‘Liam could always pick Olivia. Go find Drake.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘Thank you, Maxwell.’ He squeezed hers back ‘Go get him, tiger.’

She wandered round the palace trying to find him until she worked out that he must be in the library. The library also doubled as a bar, which made her want to kick herself because of course he would be in the bar.  With new resolve, she made her way to the library.  She entered and stopped short. She saw him instantly - her eyes always found him first in a crowded room. It was always the way. He was near the back facing her and was emptying his whiskey glass. She was about to walk over to him when she spotted another woman sit at his table, her back to Camille. The woman handed him another drink and Drake smiled at her, toasting his glass with hers. The woman looked to the side and Camille drew in a breath. It was Kiara. 

Kiara had admired Drake since the day of the barn raising when Drake had helped her from being hurt by a beam. This act of kindness and the fact he had also been shirtless at the time didn’t hurt. Camille had spotted it instantly and had tried to ignore it. She had mentioned to Drake that Kiara seemed to like him but he had frowned and said he wasn’t interested. Now, it looked like he was. She watched them as they spoke and Kiara let out a shrill laugh when he said something. Camille’s heart contracted which she hated. Drake could spend time with other girls. He didn’t belong to her and she had no right to be jealous, especially when she was still in the competition to be Queen.  She watched as Kiara leant forward and pushed a stray lock of hair out of Drake’s eyes. He caught her hand and placed it back on the table but it was enough for Camille to audibly gasp. He looked up and saw her in the doorway before she could escape. His mouth dropped open and he rose to his feet. Before Kiara could turn around to spot her, Camille turned and ran away from the library, back to her room, tears springing up in her eyes.

It was only two minutes later when her bedroom door knocked. ‘Montespan?’ It was him. Camille stayed put on her bed, breathing harshly. He knocked again. ‘I know you’re in there.’ She groaned and braced herself. standing up to open the door. He stood over her, his face pale. ‘Montespan, it’s not what it looked like.’ ‘It’s alright Drake,’ she said, moving to shut the door. He brought his hand up and blocked her from shutting it in his face. ‘No, it’s not. Let me explain.’ She beckoned him inside and she sat down on the bed, watching him as he paced the floor. ‘I don’t like Kiara. I was in the library having a drink and she asked to join me, I would have preferred to be alone but hey, she was fucking persistent and kept speaking in French until she wore me down.’ Camille shrugged. ‘You can have drinks with whoever you want, Drake. You don’t have to justify it to me.’ ‘I do, though. I don’t want you to think that I don’t-’ He broke off. ‘Don’t what?’ ‘That I don’t care,’ he said. ‘I care about you. A lot. I don’t care about Kiara.’ Camille stood up and moved to him. ‘I can’t ask you to not spend time with the other girls, especially when I’m in this competition. I’d be a hypocrite.’ ‘I told you I would still be here. When you make your choice, I will be there, ready to accept whatever you decide.’ She looked up at him. He looked distraught. She placed a hand on his cheek. ‘I want out of this competition, desperately-’ ‘I know, Camille,’ he sighed, saying her first name. ‘But think of how that would look. How embarrassing for Liam. The press would drag your name through the mud. I can’t have you pull out for me.’ ‘But,’ she said, her voice wobbling. ‘I want you. You know I want you. You make me happy.’ Drake pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. She inhaled his smokey smell of leather and the taint of whiskey. ‘You make me happy too,’ he whispered. ‘More than anything.’ ‘Drake, if he proposes to me, I’m saying no.’ He looked down at her, his eyes burning. ‘He would be hurt. He’d feel betrayed, I’m his best friend.’ ‘He can marry Olivia,’ Camille said desperately, remembering what Maxwell said. Drake ran a finger along her jawline. ‘Somehow, I feel that he doesn’t want to.’  She sighed, clenching her fingers on his shirt.

‘We will work this out,’ he told her.  ‘Not right now but once things become clear, we will work it out. Don’t worry. I’m with you on this.’ She nodded and his lips brushed hers. ‘I promise I won’t speak to Kiara alone again.’ Camille shook her head. ‘That’s not fair. Besides, I know you don’t like her that way. I just saw you both and felt jealous.’ ‘But you know I don’t like her?’ he said, confused. ‘I meant jealous because I wish we could hang out in the library having a drink, being close and not having to watch ourselves. I wish we could spend time together in public without causing gossip. I felt jealous because Kiara can do that with you whenever she likes and I can’t.’ Drake rested his forehead on hers. ‘Maybe one day in the near future, we can.’ ‘Maybe.. it’s not certain.’ ‘Then, let’s just enjoy this moment for now. We’re alone, together. What do you want to do?’ She smiled. ‘Honestly? Something cute. Like a couple would do. Maybe we could order in pizza and watch a movie. Touch each other while watching the movie maybe? I have to meet the King and Queen later today but it will be nice to relax.’ Drake grinned. ‘Pizza delivered to the palace it is. What movie?’ ‘What do you like?’ ‘Anything, as long as I can watch it with you.’ She smiled and squeezed his hand. ‘I want this to be over. I want this out in the open.’ Drake kissed her softly. ‘Soon. But let’s just enjoy this for now.’ They spent the next two hours eating pizza and watching a rom-com. Drake hated rom-coms but he put up with it for her because they made her smile and he liked to see her smile. If he could help her in any way to feel relaxed, safe and happy, then he would watch a million rom-coms. He wrapped his arm around her tighter and she nuzzled into him, smiling, all worries about Kiara gone. 

#trr #drake walker #drake walker x mc #choices the stories you play #the royal romance #fanfiction

[justalittleofyourlove-fic]

Can we have a drabble of Xander and Ryder when Xander is away at college and Ryder calls her for help?

This one got kind of long... I hope enjoy!!

And yes, there are pictures at the end for you.

Staring in the mirror, pulling a deep breath through her nose, Xander Woods was preparing herself for the day. Her first day of her PhD program!

After attending Stanford for her bachelor and masters degrees, she’d moved back to the east coast for the final leg of her academic career. New York City, and Columbia University, was her home for the next couple of years.

“Are you really nervous?” Kelley, her fiancée, stood behind her. She slowly wrapped her arms around Xander’s waist, her chin resting on her shoulder. “I’ve only seen you nervous like… 3 times in all the years I’ve known you!”

“5 years ago, nearly to the day, when we met,” Xander said with a soft smile. Her eyes shifted to meet Kelley’s grey eyes in the mirror.

“A few months after that, before your first lacrosse match,” Kelley added with a smirk.

Rolling her eyes, Xander turned in her arms. “Of course I was nervous! How was I suppose to know I’d meet an amazing Scottish girl at university. One who would actually love me as much as I love her! I’d just asked you to be my girlfriend and you were about to see me play a game everyone said I was the best - ”

Kelley leaned into her, silencing her rant before she could really kick it into high gear. Xander hummed and settled more fully against the counter behind her, pulling Kelley with her.

“You’re going to do great, babe. I know it. Your students will love you!” Kelley whispered against her lips when they separated.

“The third time you saw me nervous was the day I proposed.” Xander replied. She sighed and pressed her forehead to Kelley’s. “I have students. Who look up to me! Love, I’m not a role model!”

Another kiss and an eye roll followed. “Xan. Ryder looks up to you.”

“That’s different! She’s my little sister!”

“Oh, Xander. No. Most 15 year old girls don’t want anything to do with their parents or their big sisters. They’re moody and snarky and tired and stressed over boys.” Kelley’s hands moved up and down Xander’s back as she spoke, smooth lines and wandering circles meant to calm her down.

“I think we both know Ryder Griffin-Woods is going to be a lady killer. No boys for her,” Xander said with a chuckle. “I don’t know if I’m happy about the no boys or worried for all the teenage girls back in Polis.”

Kelley giggles with her. Then she pressed another short kiss to Xander’s lips. “Good luck today, babe. I can’t wait to hear all about it!”

**********************

It was just over a week later when Xander’s phone rang in the middle of the night. Kelley only groaned and rolled over, away from the light and sound.

Xander pulled herself up onto her elbow, fumbling for the bright screen on her nightstand.

Ryder Die: FaceTime Call

Glancing at the time, Xander’s heart began to race. She sat up in the bed, pulling the sheet up over her naked chest as she settled against the headboard.

“Ryder?” She said as she accepted the call. “It’s 1:30 in the morning. Are you okay? Are Moms okay? Clio - ”

“I need your help.” Ryder said.

The tone was more serious than Xander had ever heard her baby sister. She could barely make out her blue eyes on the screen, it was so dark.

Leaning over, Xander flipped on her bedside light.

“Ryder. What’s wrong?”

“It was an accident! I didn’t mean to… I don’t even know how we ended up here!” Ryder spoke quickly. Her words tumbled together and the pitch shifted to panic. “Moms are going to kill me, Xander! I was just trying to impress this new girl, her name is Sammie and she’s just so pretty and funny and she can surf! She came over and we practiced on the wave pool Uncle Linc and Declan built for me and then - ”

“Ryder!” Xander interrupted her rant loudly. Kelley shifted beside her, looking over her shoulder.

Her little sister blinked a few times. Tears sparkles as they fell down her cheeks. “Xander?”

Sitting up, Kelley reached for her shirt and slipped it on. She wiggles her fingers at Xander, wanting the phone. Xander handed it over without arguing.

“Ryder, honey. What’s going on? Are you safe?” Kelley asked.

The teenager only sniffles and nodded. Xander breathes a sigh of relief as she slid out of bed and grabbed the sweatpants Kelley had tossed across the room earlier in the evening. She pulled on an old hoodie, one of Clarke’s from her days playing softball at UCLA, before climbing back into bed.

“Take a deep breath,” Kelley instructed. Xander didn’t know if she was talking to her or her sister, but she took a deep breath anyway. “Where are you?”

“Brooklyn,” Ryder replied. Her voice was barely over a whisper. “I think…”

Xander stiffened. She held her hand out for her phone and shook her head at Kelley’s warning look.

“Ryder Griffin-Woods!” She hissed as soon as she could see her sister again.

“I know! I know! I’m sorry!” Ryder said as quickly as she could.

Xander was already sliding out of bed again. She set her phone down, shaking her head when Kelley reaches for it. Instead she pulled off her sweats and hoodie and grabbed her jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. Pulling on some fresh underwear and a bra, Xander sighed.

“Where?” She asked as she buttoned her jeans.

“A diner. On Metropolitan Avenue.” Ryder sniffled and mumbled the words.

Kelley has joined Xander in getting dressed. She pulled her shirt over her head as Xander picked the phone back up.

“Are you okay? You’re safe?” Xander asked.

“I’m fine. There’s a few cops in here. One of them saw me crying and bought me some fries.” Ryder held one up and smiled weakly. She bit into it and smiled. “They’re really good.”

Xander chuckled and shook her head. “We’ll be there soon. 30 minutes, tops! Do not move!”

“I won’t!” Ryder promised. “Thanks, Xan!”

Tapping the screen to end the call, Xander sighed. She glanced at Kelley.

“C’mon, babe. Let’s go rescue your sister.”

“You don’t have to go,” Xander replied. “I can go get her and we’ll be back in an hour.”

With a shake of her head, Kelley held up Xander’s leather jacket for her to slide her arms into. She kissed her neck and smiled at the sigh her fiancée let out.

“You should probably call your moms. Make sure they know Ryder is safe.”

“I’m sure they think she’s at a friends house.” Xander replied.

“Then you should call them and let them know she isn’t.”

Xander laced her fingers with Kelley’s tugging her out of their bedroom and toward the front door. “You want me to sell out my sister?”

“If you don’t tell her, what happens when Ryder does?”

She took a moment to consider that. She loved being a big sister. She’d taken to the role naturally. Ryder was her little Kork 2.0 and Xander adored her for it.

“We’ll call them once we’ve got Ryder back here.” Xander decided. She shrugged at Kelley’s arched brow. “There’s no point in them worrying about her now. She’s safe and we’re on our way to get her. We’ll wake them up once we’re all safely back home.”

***********************

It was 32 minutes. Xander and Kelley walked into the diner hand-in-hand to find Ryder curled up in one of the booths.

“She’s been out since she got off the phone with you.” The waitress, Roni, said when they slid into the empty bench opposite her.

“Ryder,” Xander said loudly.

The teenager jumped and clutched at her jacket.

“Oh! Xander!” She said tiredly. She yawned and stretched. “I was so scared!”

“Why didn’t you just come to the apartment?” Kelley asked.

Ryder shrugged and dropped her chin to chest.

“Answer the question.” Xander said.

“I don’t have any money with me.” Ryder admitted.

With an eye roll, Xander slid out of the seat again and approached the waitress. The cops had paid for Ryder’s fries and her hot chocolate but left before Ryder ordered a grilled cheese.

Once the bill was settled, Xander handed her jacket to Ryder since she shivered when they stepped into the cool autumn air.

“Ryder?” Xander said, nudging her sister with her shoulder. At the blue-eyed glance that answered, Xander continued, “I am very happy you called me. You know I’ll always have your back. Always.”

“But?”

“We’re calling Mom and Mama as soon as we get back to the apartment.”

Sighing, Ryder nodded. “I kind of figured you were going to say that. I was going to call them in the first place but… you were closer. I didn’t think they’d want to get on the train tonight.”

“Well yeah,” Kelley laughed and draped an arm around Ryder’s shoulders. “But those 3 or 4 hours on the train are nothing compared to the month or so you’ll be grounded.”

Ryder smirked at the ground. “I didn’t take the train. We flew.”

Xander stopped in her tracks. Then she laughed. “I don’t want to know. I want plausible deniability. But you have to know you’ll be grounded until your birthday!”

And PICTURES!!

Xander and Kelley!!

And teenage Ryder!

#drabble #Xander #Kelley #Ryder #teenage Ryder

[jackandmarksavedme88]

My hero. My Love

@ashphoenix06 @nekob00 @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote @goldenoceanarps

"Jackie, im not always going to be around to make you mad when you need to use your powers you know?"

"Marvin, i know! But you do it so well and i want to practice" Jackie laughed

The magician and the hero were in the backyard of their big house. Jackie was practicing his powers, throwing energy from his hands into his enemy, and Marvin is the one brother who knew how to push his buttons and help bring it out. Jackie hadnt *quiet* gotten it under complete control, but he was getting there.

'Cmon Jackie, im tired' Marvin said. 'Weve been out here an hour. And you singed my shirt dude'

'Ok ok, get your boxers out of a twist. Lets go inside' Jackieboyman said, laughing.

As they walked in they heard Jack and Chase talking. And then a female spoke

"Wait....is that?" Marvin said to Jackie

"...Christine?"

They both ran to the kitchen and slid to a stop.

Their brothers stood talking to a woman, about 5'4", brown hair to her shoulders. She turned as they came barreling in and laughed

"Marvin! Jackie! There yall are!'

Christine was a family friend of Jack's. Shed grown to love the Septic Boys and came to visit when she could and always commuicated with them, she knew about Anti, knew about Marvin's magic....however Jackieboy Man was something she didnt know about. Jackie didnt want her having that knowledge and being in a different city, he didn't want to take that chance.

This was a suprise though

"What are you doing here???' Jackie said as he picked her up into a hug

"Ah!" She squealed and laughed 'I had time off work and was bored. So here i am!'

She gave Marvin a big hug and they all went and sat down.

"How are you?! We missed you!" Jackie said. Hed always had a bit of a soft spot for Christine

"Im okay! Making it!" She laughed "I told Jack i was tired of seeing him on my computer and tired of only talking to yall on the phone. So, i said screw it. Im my own boss anyway, im taking vacation time!'

The five of them caught up, laughing and talking

*******

A few hours later it was just Christine and Jackie

"So, J you want to go grab something to eat?" Christine asked after the tv show theyd been watching was over

"Yeah. I can always eat!" He laughed. Lets go!'

She slipped her shoes on and they walked outside and headed for the diner that wasnt too far from the house.

As they walked Jackie studied her out of the corner of his eye. When did she get so pretty? Shed always been cute to him, but now she was just plain out pretty. She seemed...different

'So Christi...whatve you been up to? I havent been able to talk to you much except through text. You seem....different'

She smiled. "Yeah. I feel more relaxed. Ever since i finally published my book and got on the best seller list, i feel like i can breathe. Ive been doing book tours and all that, but im finally in a position that i get to make my own hours and take a break when i need too... Its good for the soul."

"Well. Relaxed looks great on you i have to say Miss Jaymes" Jackie said smiling

She laighed softly and he saw a hint of a blush creep across her face

"So. Have you thought about your new book?"

"No. I mean. I have one idea but...its dumb"

"Why? What is it?" Jackie asked curiously

"Youll laugh. I mean. Itd still be fiction, but based on someone real...."

"Oh? Who?"

She laughed and blushed crimson "okay okay. You know the hero Jackieboy Man that everyone talks about?'

Jackie stopped stiffly "uh...yeah. What about him?"

'Well, a few friends and i were having drinks and started throwing ideas around of like a comic or book with him in it. It be all made up obviously but... I dont know. I wouldn't want to get something wrong and offend him or anything, you know?" She laughed and they started walking again.

"Heh. Well. Im sure he wouldnt mind. Youre a really good writer....... Just give him a very pretty girlfriend" he laughed

Christine rolled her eyes and smacked him in the arm. "Typical man...oh theres the diner!"

They went inside and ordered. When the food came they ate and talked more. Jackie couldnt remember the last time he was so comfortable outside of the house.

When it cane time to leave Jackie got up to pay "oh no sir, this is on me!' Christine said standing up.

"Oh cmon Christi. No way"

"Yes way....if it makes you feel better you can buy me breakfast in the morning" she said and stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed and rolled his eyes

"Fine. But thats the last time you pay for my food'

"Yeah yeah. Ok." She laughed and walked uo to the counter. As she was standing there a guy walked up to her, Jackie kept an eye on him and watched as he got Christis attention. She hugged him so she seemed to know him at least. Jackie drank the last of his soda and stood up and walked over.

"Oh. Jackie! This is Steven. And old school friend of mine!"

The guy stuck his hand out and shook Jackie's

"Hey! Good to meet you...yeah me and Christi used to be stuck together at the hip!"

"Yeah...shes talked about you before" Jackie said

Jackie didnt know why, but he didnt like this guy. He make his hands tingle and he felt like his powers would shoot out if he didn't calm down.

"Hey Christi....ill be back. Im gonna go to the bathroom"

He went to walk away, then hesitated and as he stared at Steven he kissied the top of Christi's head,a normal sign of affection towards her, but this guy didnt know that so screw em.

In the bathroom he pulled his phone out and shot her a text 'hey...dont go anywhere with him. Ill be out in a minute'

He splashed water on his face and shook his head "Calm down man. Youre acting like a jealous boyfriend. " he scolded himself. He walked out of the bathroom and didnt see Christi or Steven anywhere. He walked outside quickly and his defenses went up....something was wrong...

"Christine???" He yelled out.... Then he heard something from the alley behind the diner. His heart dropped and he took off running in that direction, stopping at the corner of the building

"What the hell Steven?!" You cant just go to hug me goodbye and grab my ass! That's not how it works! You lost that privilege long ago when we decided to be friends and i was a teenager!"

"Oh cmon Chris, dont be such a stuck up bitch. I always used to smack your butt and you liked it!" Stevens voice made Jackies hair stand on end. Oh no. He didnt like him one bit

"Ok. And i was eighteen! Im freakin 30 now! Thats disrespectful as hell. I trusted you. Ive known you how long? We talk all the time and all of a sudden youre trying to make a move on me? Why would you do that?!" Christine raised her voice.

"Because it was a joke. I didnt realize you were such a fucking prude" Steven sneered

At that point Jackie had enough, he stepped from behind the corner, Christi's back was to him but Steven saw the supernatrual blue glow his eyes had taken on and he stopped "What the--"

"So...let me get this straight...because she doesn't want you to touch her without permission...shes a prude and stuck up?" Jackie said, his voice raspy as he tried to control himself, he blinked hard and his eyes returned to normal before Christi turned

"Jackie...I--"

"Nah. Thats not going to fly. See what youre going to do is apologize to her. Do you know how she talked about you man? You were like her big brother, when she talked about you it was about how much you had grown and changed from when yall were kids....and now you go and show what a shit person you really are...and its a joke?" Jackie said, stepping closer and closer to Steven until the other mans back hit the wall.

Steven could sense that even though Jackie was shorter than him, he had a power. He looked at Christi and stammered "i-im sorry. I shouldn't have touched you....it wasnt funny"

Christi had her arms around herself and tears in her eyes "Just go. Dont talk to me anymore...juat leave!"

Jackie watched at Steven took off out of the alley and then he turned to Christi

"Hey....you ok?" He walked over to her and reached an arm out to hug her but she flinched

"I-...i dont really want to be touched right now....can we walk home?'

Jackies arm dropped "yeah...yeah of course"

As they walked the road, he watched the moonlight play along her hear and face. After about ten mintues he stopped her

'Christi....are you...okay?'

She had her back to him and suprised him when she turned and buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms under his. He just wrapped his arms around her and held her, stroking her hair as she cried, after a while he bent and picked her up bridal style and carried her the rest of the way to the houae and up to the porch swing. He sat down and she curled into his chest

"Why didnt i listen to you? He said he wanted to show me something funny on his phone.... And it was...it was.... '

She trailed off and cried again

"Christi...what hon?" Jackie asked slowly

"It was a...gross video...of him...with himself"

Jackie bristled at the thought of what she meant and clentched his teeth

"Did he....did he try anything else?'

"No...i just feel stupid for trusting him and for being upset because he didnt do much to me...."

Jackie pushed her forward some so he could look her in the face "Christi. No. He touched you without permission and showed you that video without your permission. Neither of those is ok. Of course you trusted him. Youve known him a long time...guys like that...hell people like that prey on the ones they think wont judge them....that they have gotten endless amounts of forgiveness from.... Its not your fault that hes a piece of crap. He just showed you his true colors and you finally took a good look at them"

He kissed her forhead

"That doesn't make you stupid. That makes you someone with a good heart... Naive maybe, but you try to see the good in everyone"

She smiled, head on his shoulder."Thanks Jackie.... I dont know what id do without you"

He chuckled "youd have to walk places on your own" he teased

They sat there in comfortable silence and she soon drifted off in his arms

Marvin walked out and saw them on the swing and touched Jackies shoulder "huh?" Jackie said quietly "oh..marv its you"

Marvin laughed. "Uh...everything ok?" He pointed at Christi who was asleep in his arms

"Yeah...long story' Jackie said. "I think i might be in trouble Marv"

"Why?? Are you hurt?" Marvin asked quickly

"No. Nothing like that...its just..... Really natural to have her here in my arms....i kinda don't want to put her down"

"Oh you mean youre finally admitted your sweet on her? Christ. Took you long enough" Marvin teased. "Now you just need to tell her"

"Yeah. But then id have to tell her everything and--'

"And? She knows about the glitch demon, she saw me do real magic with flames and all and didnt even blink.... I doubt it would phase her...hell she hangs out with Mark and his crazy ass egos all the time. Im pretty sure shes passed anything shocking her"

Marvin had a point....

After Jackie got her laid down on the couch and covered her up he made a pallet on the floor next to her and laid down. In the darkness he heard Christis voice

"Hey J....you awake?"

He sat up. "Christi...you ok?"

She smiled sleepily "yeah....i just wanted to thank you...for all of that and for sleeping down here with me... I feel safer with you around" she reached her hand down to his and squeezed it

Jackie reached over and brushed her hair from her eyes "hey Christi....?"

"Yeah j?"

"When you feel up to it.... Can i....nevermind"

She half sat up "can you what?" She asked

"Its stupid....but...i just...i really wanna kiss you...and i completely underatand if you dont want that i ju-"

His words were cut off my her hand being placed over his mouth

"Jackie....that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever asked... Actually" she smiled and in the faint glow of the streetlight shining into the living room he saw her blush "ive wanted you to kiss me way before now....i just never thought...well... I mean look at you! Why would i think youd kiss me?" She laughed

Jackie moved her hand "why the hell wouldn't i?? Youre freaking beautiful. An amazing person with a heart of gold...funny as hell.." He trailed off "why the hell *did* i wait so freakin long?" He said

She leaned forward and he did the same, cupping her chin and pressing his lips to hers softly

After a moment they pulled back and she smiled "hey...doesnt this pull out into a bed?"

He nodded "yeah. Why?"

"She stood up "i feel like id sleep better in your arms than just holding your hand from the floor" she laughed.

He laughed and stood up and they fixed the pullout with pillows anx blankets and laid down again, she curled into his side and lay her head on his chest. They whispered and laughed and kissed until she finally drifted off into his arms

******

The days passed, Jackie and Christi grew closer. She asked the guys if she coukd rent the spare room in the attic since the subject of her new book was from their city. Her editors loved the idea of a sort of published fiction about everyones favorite superhero.

Marvin was constantly on Jackie to tell her the truth. But covered for him whenever he would go on patrol. She never got too suspicious, believing them when they said he was with Jack helping with video filming. One night Jackie had gone out and Christi was in her room writing. She came down the stairs as Marvin was making some tea in the kitchen, he heard her grabbing her coat

"Hey Christi...where you off too?" He asked

"Oh. Im just going for a walk. Clear my head some, get rid of the writers block."

"You sure. Its pretty dark out there?"

"Yeah Marvin. Ill be fine, im not going too far, just over to the wooded place by the pond. I wont be long...Jackie should be back soon" she smiled and looked down at her watch

Marvin grinned "You two make each other really happy...you know? Hes lucky you came along"

She smiled "i think im the lucky one. But thank you. Its been a good 6 months"

She grabbed her phone and put it in her pocket, then walked out into the cool night.

As she walked she could see her breath in the air. It was chilly, but not overly cold. She walked a little ways and reached her bench she liked to sit in. Jackie had bought it and had it delivered after she saw it at a hardware store. It was big and sturdy, but comfortable. She closed her eyes and listened to the frogs and crickets.... Then her ears heard something strange....she listened again...there! It was a cracking...leaves under feet maybe?

She looked around and didnt see anyone. She turned back and screamed when she saw Anti sitting at the other end of the bench

Before it got completely out of her throat he grabbed her

"Shhhhhhhh" the glitch whispered "now now...dont want to alert the kitty cat do we sweetheart?"

Tears began to form in Christi's eyes

'Now. I just wanted to see my brothers new plaything" he spat out

He stood, bringing her with him and backed her into a tree "hmmmm....what does he want with you? " he stared into her eyes and she went to her knees as it felt like he was crawling into her skull

"Ahhh. There it is. .the damage.... Tsk tsk. Does Jackie know about this? Boy wonder would probably go running if he knew whatd been done to you...is that why you left your home? Came seven hours away to live in a house with a bunch of men you think can protect you?" He cooed as he read her mind and things that had happened.

Suddenly anti stepped back as Christi stood and stared him down "oooooh...stronger than she looks eh? No matter' he flicked his wrist and a red string wrapped around her neck and pinned her to the tree

"Now Christi Jaymes...do you really think that stupid book will fix you? Writing about Jackieboyman saving some poor girl from her stepbrother is gonna fix you? Thats been broken for fifteen years sweetheart. That part of you will never be whole.... Maybe you should have him save your heroine from the ex fiancee....the one who told her what to do, when to do it.... Who wouldnt let her piss without his say so?" He mocked as she began to tremble.

He stepped closer to her and was almost in her face when a blue light shot him backwards into the water

Clad in red and a blue mask Jackieboyman came sprinting down the hill and before Anti could get out of the water he met him head on, eyes blazing a blue fury and cussing him out loud.

As they fought Marvin ran to Christi and with a shot of magic cut the string around her neck, he checked the cut it left but it was only superficial. He tried to pull her away but she stood in awe as they fought. Both of their magic strong

Marvin had never seen Jackie's at this strength before. He watched as they went at it. Wishing like hell he could tell Christi hed be ok...but she didnt know his secret.

Jackieboy knocked Anti down and was about to deliver a final blow when the glitch disappeared completely

Well. That was a new trick.

Jackieboy turned to Marvin and Christi and smiled. Marvin turned toward the house as Chase exited calling out to him. As Jackie stepped forward he saw Christi's face drop in fear and she ran toward him

'What the--'

She shoved him out of the way as Antis knife cut through the air....and instead of landing in Jackie it was lodged in her side

Jackie caught her as she fell. Screaming for Marvin.

Marvin turned and saw what happened and shot a green bolt of magic at Anti at the same time Jackie shot his own. The power sent the glitch crashing through the bench and cracked into a tree. Coughing and bleeding from the head he spat out "this isn't finished!" And glitched out of sight

Jackie picked Alison up and ran for the house, screaming for Henrik. He and Marvin and Chase crashed through the back door. Her blood running over Jackies hands in into his suit

"Christi...hold on....hang in there baby girl" he begged her. Secrets be damned

Henrik ushered him into the basemet and to his makeshift hospital room. As much as he had to care for them he had most everything here for easy access.

"Place her der on ze table Jackie. I need to look at it before we pull it out, okay" the doctor asked. Trying to keep calm

Jackie nodded and laid her down gingerly and took a step back... Schneep...she'll be ok right? Shes gonna be ok??"

"Ill take care of her Mein Bruder.... But right now i need you to step out and let me do my job.... Go ait and get zomting to drink...you look like youre going to vall over'

Marvin grabbed Jackies shoulders and steered him out of the basement and up to the kitchen. Jackie sat there, shaking as Chase and Marvin darted around him making tea and trying to wipe the blood from his face and check on him. The hero just stared at the wall. In shock....then looked down at his hands and began to tremble harder and fell to his knees and cried and howled in a kind of pain Marvin had never heard come from a human before.

Chase went to his knees beajde his and wrapped him tightly in a hug "hey. Jackie...its gonna be ok bro. I promise. Henrik is the best. You know that. Shes gonna be ok. Shhhhh" he smoothed his brothers hair and rocked back and forth.

Marvin called Jack who had JJ with him and they rushed over. All sitting in the kitchen. Taking turns on making jackie something to drink. Or eat. JJ signing funny jokes to try and make him smile and distract him....the five of them sat there for what seemed like years until Henrik opened the door

Jackie jumped from his seat "Is she....?"

Henrik placed his hands on his brothers shoulders

"Didnt i tell you i vould take care of her? She will be fine, the knife didnt damage any major arteries. She wilk be good as new in no time" he smiled tiredly at Jackie

Jackie went to race passed him to see her and Jack called out 'Arent you going to take off your suit?!"

"Fuck keeping secrets. I need to see my girl" Jackie called out as he bounded down the steps, mask hanging around his neck

Christi lay sleeping on the bed. His heart caught in his throat by how beautiful She was. Even with bruises around her throat from that asshole....

She stirred and opened her eyes and seemed confused for a minute and then smiled

"I knew it was you" she whispered and reached her hand out to him. He stepped forward and dragged the chair to her side and grabbed her hand

"What do you mean baby girl?" He asked smiling

"I knew you were my favorite hero all along...and when you smiled at me right before he.... I just knew it was you"

"Im sorry i didnt tell you...i just"

She waved her hand "no no. I get it. I know you wanted to protect me"

"Yeah. Lot of good that did" he said bitterly "why woukd you do something so crazy woman' he asked her, brushing her hair from her forehead

"Because.... I knew it was you....and i couldnt let him hurt you.... I love you too much" she said

The words hit him like a truck "you...you love me?"

She smiled "well. I dont take knives in the side for guys i just kinda like dummy'

He laughed and kissed her forehead "i love you too Christi...so much...now get some rest."

She scooted over to the other side of the bed, injury near the edge and said "come lay with me?"

He happily obliged and she fell asleep in his arms

******

6 months later

*****

"Jaaaack" Christi asked "why wont any of you tell me whats going on?"

She walked down the stairs in her dress and shoes Jackie had left on her bed. It was their one year anniversary and she had no idea where he was. Jack, JJ, Marvin, Chase and Henrik stood in the living room and all smiled when she walked down, clearly knowing something she didnt.

"What?!' She asked exasperated

Marvin laughed "Now Christi. Dont try and ruin it. Just enjoy the fun. Go outside. He'll be here in a minute." And with that the five men left the room and walked to the kitchen. She watched them go and rolled her eyes

"Yeah. Ok" she grumbled. Ahe walked to the front door and opened it. She was greeted by 24 long stemmed roses along the railing and when she turned to the left Jackie sat on the porch swing smiling. Her heart jumped at how handsome he was with his hair pulled back and a button up shirt on.

'Jackie" she said quietly. There were candles on the porch and her boyfriend stood up and smiled at her.

"Cmere. Let me kiss you" he said smiling. She walked over to him and he kissed her deeply. Then pulled back. "Happy anniversary beautiful" he said to her smiling

"Baby. You didnt have to do all this"

He smiled and sat on the swing and she sat beside him " you know" he said "This is where i was when i first told anyone i thought i loved you...it was that night...Marvin walked out here and you were asleep and i told him i thought i was in trouble because of my feelings" he chuckled and turned to her and grabbed her hand

"A year ago i held you for the first time, it was so natural. You fit with me perfectly. I didnt know how much youd mean to me though. I thought i cared about you then...but its nothing compared to now. Somehow you fit seamlessly into my crazy world with my crazy family and never blinked an eye... Baby girl im so lucky to be yours"

Christi smiled and ducked her head "oh Jackie. Im the lucky one. You saved me literally and figuratively... And the guys are like family to me. I love them to death. Im just happy to be able to be here with all of you."

Jackie cupped her chin and kissed her softly, she didnt notice his other hand reaching to his pocket.

"Christi Jaymes.... I love you more than i thought possible....and you're the only one i want to hold the rest of my life..."

With that he dropped to his knee in front of her and opened the box revealing a diamong ring

"Will you do me the honor of making me the haooieat man alive and be my wife?" He asked shakily

Inside the house the Septic guys were pressed against the window and cracked open front door "i didnt know if he was going to get it out!" Jack whispered laughing

Christi began to cry and nodded "oh my god! Jackie! Of course! yes yes yes!!" She cried and Jackie slipped the ring on. With that the boy bolted out the door cheering and hugged them both and congratulated them. They all celebrated with whiskey and cake and got stuffed.

******

Later, lying in bed Christi looks at her ring and then at Jackie "you really want to marry me?"

He laughed "hell yes i want to marry you, crazy girl. I love you!"

She smiled "good. Because youre stuck with me now hero boy.... I love you too" she kissed him deeply and he reached over and switched off the lamp, grateful for the distance from his brothers rooms tonight.

[greensungnostic]

Checking in with Grandpa

It's been a while since you visited the old man. You figure you've left him hanging long enough. He'd probably love to hear from you, what's been going on in his granddaughter's life. You head quietly through the halls of the lower floors, still and calm and differently decorated than the upper floors where you live. You stop in front of an old oak door with a brass knob and a plaque on its face, and slowly turn the handle. You peek your head in slowly, looking into Grandpa's study. It's always dim in here, the fug of cologne and gunpowder and cognac baked into the room's very soul. He stands there in the dim, facing the ornate marble fireplace, which -

FWOOMPH!

- ignites dramatically into a warmly crackling blaze as you settle your gaze on it. There he goes - The old man, "Hass" "The Flame" Harley, always with such a flare for the bombastic. Your Grandpa stands Stout and Resolute in front of the mantle, seeming to gaze long and hard into the flames. You take his dramatics as consent to enter, and you stand a few paces behind him, nervously tenting your hands. He's always been so tall, so imposing, and you've barely gained an inch since your session began. You're basically still the same dorky kid as ever, eternally youthful. You hesitate, waiting a reasonably long moment, then finally speak.

hi grandpa! sorry to bother you, i know you probably have a lot of work to do! but i wanted to come visit you in here and say hi! ...sorry i havent come down in a couple of weeks or uhm... months. i got all caught up in my work and in my head and kinda stayed cooped up in my lab up there below the greenhouse. huh? yes! before you ask, ive got three computers with me including the ones in my head and my glasses, and i do think the caliber of my current rifle is plenty sufficient! no i dont need to borrow the blunderbuss but thank you anyway! i will let you know when i need it okay? its overkill for anything but bosses!

You sigh heavily. He's always such a worrywart, hassling you over your preparedness and the bore of your firearms! You huff your trademark Harley Huff, then sigh and deflate a little. You know his hounding you is just how he shows that he cares, in his weird way.

i just wanted to let you know about some of the stuff thats been going on, though im sure youve seen hints of it here and there, mister wise and cunning hunter! first off, take a look at these babies!

You round the quiet old man to stand just past the fireplace on the far side, showing off the fluffy white fur and canine shape of your legs from the thighs down. You lift up one footpaw, showing him the glowing green footpads beneath, and wiggle your toes. The luminous glint of green reflects in your Grandpa's eyes, along with - is that interest, or pride, or just confusion? He's always been so hard to read. You'll opt for confused pride, shy of any context otherwise. You plop yourself into the dusty armchair beside the fire so you can wave your paws idly through the air for his approval, and continue your conversation face to face.

i know, i know, you never quite got all this furry stuff, but think of it this way! i am a little bit better of a huntress now, i can run around all quiet-like like bec! plus it gives my tail a reason to - huh? boots? yeah i guess i could use a custom fit pair, for like lohac or lofaf when its extra cold... if you insist we can find a cobbler, sure! cool digitigrade boots do look cool on cartoon furries... hee... uhmm lets see, what else is on the agenda?

You stroke your chin thoughtfully, then smile sheepishly at him.

so... do you remember rose? yeah, yeah the one ive always talked about! uh-huh, the one from movie nights. the squiddle one! my best friend. the one i... always had a crush on, yeah. well, as you know weve been looking around for everyone from our timeline and...

Your smile brightens, your eyes sparkle. Grandpa waits patiently, letting you talk, green eyes flickering in the firelight.

we found her, grandpa! like the right her! skaia lit up when we came back with her, and cetus showed herself for the first time in ages. its really her, grandpa!! its so good to...so good to have her back in my life. i... you know how much i missed rose. and the best news of all? she... she likes me back. she likes me back!! we are... we are dating now! shes... my girlfriend, a-after all this time. hee, i know, i know, lots of girlfriends. but this is important to me! rose was my first crush!! or uh, second, if you dont count margaret hamilton, haha... gosh i love her. i love rose! aaaah!

Grandpa seems chuffed for you, a twinkle of mirth in those eyes, past his thick glasses. The one good thing about having read all about him on the internet - you never felt uncomfortable coming out to a man you knew was openly bi decades before it was widely accepted. You practically glow in excitement, just thinking about Rose.

oh, we also found aradia! or she found us, anyways. she is one of the trolls! this one is kinda froglike, which is cool! i did not expect her to ever show up, i thought she had run off to play psychopomp! but here she is just hanging around and i guess she can help our search! she has cool psionic powers, and is the maid of time! she kinda showed up all spooky and glowing in the dark the other night! shes slimy like a frog sometimes, but shes cool, honest. youd like her, she loves adventure. maybe ill bring her by sometime?

Grandpa is quiet here, no real feedback, but seems pleased for you. You've never really talked to him about her much, so it tracks. You're sure he'll be interested in finding out more later, though. He always lends a patient ear when you talk about your friends, and he really would like Aradia. Two peas with ghastly interests in a slightly ghoulish pod.

sooo harleytech is doing pretty well! my jadebots run most of the daily stuff for me and i do all the designing, and the special interactions! in a while im gonna do a bunch of installations for some trollian freedom fighters, rebels! thats so cool right?

He seems impressed by this one - a streak of rebellion has always been pivotal to his character as the world's most eccentric philanthropist and Renaissance Man after all, especially if it's against who you think it might be against.

lets see, what else... the garden ship has been doing really well, i just fixed up the alternian section a little! if aradia wants a slice of home, she can put it there! heheh... im still trying to think of a name for that huge maple though... the yiffdrasil is kind of dumb, and its not THAT big. do i name it after another scientist like us, grandpa? what do you think?

The old man doesn't answer, as if lost in pensive thought. It's tough to puzzle out a name for something like an ancient, time-wizened old tree, after all, especially one accelerated through time to its current state. Eventually a name occurs to you, and you clap your hands together.

hmm, maybe instead of a scientist, van winkle or something? yeah, good call! ooh, rip van maple? heheh... yeah, ill try that out for a bit! good idea, grandpa...

You sigh, tone softening, and you rise up to stand next to Grandpa. He's so tall, towering over you in presence and height alike, but you find yourself staring at his feet, the polished maple wood beneath.

youre so smart, grandpa. you always know just what to say.

You're quiet for a moment, just letting him loom over you. With a lump in your throat, you begin again.

hey grandpa? thank you for always... always being so supportive, even if we butt heads sometimes over stuff like hunting or mummies or dumb stuff like that. i know you only scold me and keep an eye on me because you wanna see me grow up to be the best me i can be! right...? always making sure i had the best of everything I needed to... to be who i wanted and needed to be. im so glad youre my grandpa, thank you for... for always being around for me.

i hope im... i hope... a-am i doing okay? am... do i make you proud, grandpa?

With a quaking lip, you look upwards at the old man, towards his serviceable pith helmet and dense, curly moustache. He doesn't say anything, his silence distinguished. Tranquil. You imagine a heavy, distantly familiar palm resting on your head, comforting and warm, but it doesn't come. Your own small hand resting between your ears while teardrops plink off the floor will have to suffice. You rest your head against your grandfather's side for comfort, sniffling softly until the tears subside.

its okay grandpa, you dont have to say anything about it. s-sorry, i just got carried away, th-thinking about what a good grandpa you are... youre right, stiff upper lip, h-haha...

You wipe your tears on your face and offer him a brave smile, seeing a twinkle of pride once more in his aged eyes. You smooth out his tear ruffled coat for him, and reach up to adjust his pith helmet. It's only polite. You hug him gently, then step towards the door. You attempt to pepper a layer of cheer into your voice.

ill let you get back to work, grandpa. thank you for talking with me today, it... it meant a lot that you took time out of your day to do that! ill come see you more often okay? i know sunday is fathers day, a-and grandpas definitely count for that! we can... we can do something special!! maybe ill show you my shooting skills!

dont work too hard and have a good night! a-and ill see you sunday if not earlier, okay!! i love you grandpa!!! byyyye!

You step hurriedly out of the Study and click the door closed behind you, standing in front of it and trying to steady your breathing. Failing that, you find yourself sliding down the front of the door to curl up and hug your legs in front of it, shoulders bobbing as you bury your face in your knees, already deeply missing the old gentleman you just finished visiting.

Grandpa was a lot easier to talk to when he was alive.

#solo writing #solo rp #sad #death mention #long post

[tragictm]

The Future of This Blog

I've been rping on tumblr since around 2012, diving into the indie world in 2014 with my beth blog. It was a fun hobby for a long time, but by 2015 it had become more like a chore. Soon enough I made new blogs, moved every month or two and hoped like hell itd have that spark back. There were moments, people, that made my time here truly amazing. I'll talk about them later. For now, I have to look to myself and to the future.

Which brings me here. While I love my muses and I genuinely adore writing them, something on this blog isnt right. Not just this blog, but all of them. I'm burnt out on this site, its multiple issues not helping, and my constant need for external validation is only making this worse. You've all noticed it, begging for poll responses, asking if a character should be added and making the choice based only in how many votes each option gets. Everything on this site is governed by notes, by reactions, by the thought that what I post here is important or interesting to people. That's not why I was here, it's not why I wanted to write, and as long as it's there i dont know that i can continue to be here.

As 2019 draws near I have to make choices to better my life. In 2019 I'm giving up work to study and follow my dream, I'm giving up my home that I've lived in for my whole life to have a shot in a completely different city, a completely different world. And with that, I'm giving up this.

Writing is so important to me, I've grown as a person so much from doing this, I've made friends who mean the world to me, but this has also been so toxic. My deep and constant fear of duplicates - and yes that includes the ones I follow. My desire to be the best version of my muse, preferably the only version of my muse. I crave attention, crave the glory that I've somehow managed to believe comes from the number of people who follow me. It's stupid. Its toxic. It's made me act like a person I dont want to be.

I dont know when I'll come back. Ideally, I want to be more emotionally and mentally sound before coming here. I want to be less busy. I want to be able to have fun rather than cry because I cant decide what to do with a fucking tumblr blog.

I want to mention some people, talk about what they mean to me and how theyve shaped my experience. That's below the cut. But first: means of contact. I dont want to lose friends, but I cant promise tumblr will be a place I go ever again. For now I'll be on my personal @distortedrebel and probably on @greene-rph but come 2019 theres a chance I wont even be on those blogs. So, heres where to find me:

Facebook, snapchat, etc. are available if you message me, I'd message my personal or one of those accounts though because I wont be logged on to here.

@selfsaving - izzy, you alone have given me so much muse and such a strong feeling of being somewhere I belong. You've been amazing to me, from liking starter calls and interacting with a muse no one interacted with to inviting me to discord servers and being excited to write with me. I genuinely can't describe how great you've been to me.

@mrbisected - kate you've been amazing. You've followed me through so many blogs, even when I never knew who Kenny was. Honestly, I kind of dreaded watching Texas chainsaw at first. I really thought I'd hate it, especially for the first half hour or so. After watching I didnt care that much for Kenny, but the way you cared for him and the way you crafted him into a real person really inspired me and made me fall in love. I fell for nikki because she was hot, but with your help she became someone real and I never imagined giving up on her because of how it had felt having a muse I cared about so much.

@withumans - kacie idk if ur on this blog or using this alias but hey, you're amazing. I know we haven't necessarily been the closest, but you've been a really good friend. You've been through a lot and I know you relate to the need for validation here. You're still young, you're going to grow and change over the next few years more than you could ever believe. I love you, I believe in you, I know you'll get through this. I'm sorry I wasnt super invested in some of your muses, you very clearly love rain more than anything and I really struggled to interact with her, not because of who she is but because of how emily kinney was her fc originally. I know its dumb and petty and I hate that it continued into when shed stopped being the main fc. Rain is a brilliant oc, I genuinely love her and her story. Shes developed, she clearly means the world to you. Tumblr, and quite frankly everywhere else, doesnt care about ocs. They dont care about multis. That puts the two of us in a tricky position. Dont give up on rain, dont give up on ocs. Dont give up on things you're passionate about. You have it in you to do incredible things.

@valorfated - ellie weve talked less lately and I want to apologize for that. Weve had issues in the past, the most obvious being the way I acted with the rph in 2017(?). Theres an age gap between us and clearly a maturity gap there too. Looking back on the way I acted and responded and avoided responsibility is clear. I am sorry for that, I know you were going through rough times and it was rude of me to try to make things go my way simply because you werent there to stop me. Its something I've been working on and I'd like to think I've grown as a person since then. I do want to tell you that you're an amazing writer, and I really hope things are going better for you. Writing beth and Maggie was a really great experience, I loved the dynamic because I've never had much of a bond with my own sister. You helped me realize how sisterly bonds should be and because of that I've started to work towards mending my relationship with my sister and its changing my life. Thank you, good luck with everything..

@gavinsaleks - I saved you for last because this might get long. I'm gonna avoid the literal thousand word letter I usually give you on your birthdays because wow I write a lot, but you already know by now that you've changed my life. The ocs we made meant the world to me and really taught me about relationships and perspectives and what's right and wrong in relationships. You, though, you taught me more. You gave me the courage to come out, you gave me the strength to stay alive in times where I felt like that was impossible, you gave me happiness that i never thought possible. I watched you grow up and you watched me mature and everything changed after meeting you. I never wouldve lasted on this site without you, or in real life really. You're an incredible girl and I really hope that I gave you the same happiness you gave me because you deserve it all and so much more.

[swayinghummingbirds]

i feel like i need to blog more stuff out of me to research my own thoughts ignore me or help me either is welcomed. 

so like i was diagnosed with mdd , panic/anxiety disorder so i know how it goes and how it feels and all that jazz. used to be on medication and not for almost two years. i can usually cope well since while i was on medication ifound many ways to do so. but now ive come across season affective disorder and i gotta say i am not a fucking fan. i cant bring myself to do the coping mechanisms because im fucking cold and there is no sun ever.  

this time last year i felt the exact same way and almost moved back to fl but didnt want to give up on tn yet. but im wondering is it maybe time to give up on it? i have no family here. and my family is expanding and growing without me. which makes it worse. 

ive been where i am for almost a year now and its been good. but there are no sidewalks like anywhere? im so tired of sharing walls. sure, its a townhouse and its pretty big and two floors and fire place but my neighbors are so annoying and for some reason in tennessee so many people think its absolutely okay to let their dogs out with leashes? 

knoxville is a really cool city and ive loved living here but idk if i can stand the winter. and its just a mild winter, idk how yall in the north handle it. i see now why when i moved abck to pa for 8 months my mom had it by the time march came around and we moved back to fl. 

a part of me feels like i might even just get bored with where i am after a certain amount of time considering how i was brought up. i have moved 17 times, which is wild for a child. probably why i have a hard time making friends too. 

tried leaving work yesterday after i got my list done (usually isnt a problem for my manager but the ass. manager always fights me with it). i told him three times i already had 2 1/2 hours of overtime and ill be leaving when im finished but bitch never listens to me and acts like he didnt hear me say it to his damn face.Usually i ask just to be polite and make sure but this time im telling him. kind of snapped on him because the day before i just cried all fucking day and had that feeling in my stomach and felt the same way when i woke up. old me would have called out, one because the position i was in was easily fillable but now im actually needed so i go to do my job and if i get done early that means im working my ass off and sweating like a pig to get done three hours early. (and the girl who does the work on the two days im off never gets the shit down or sets the room or anything up in order to have a good morning because the whole thing is very time sensitive and its very frustrating. also she called out like three times this week and made my week shittier than it needed to be.) like bitch no that doesnt mean i want to stay and help with other things after exerting so much energy that i dont even have in myself to begin with. so anyways i cried and then the manager came and talked to me and was understanding because he is aware of my mental health issues and i forgot steve- the ass manager (assistant manager , but also ass because he can be an ass) was not aware. so all in all i talked to my manager and told him and he was very supportive and then i went to apologize to steve and he reassured me i was valued and adored here which was nice. and i had to basically tell him if im trying to leave early it usually means because im feeling like a crazy bitch whos on the break of a mental breakdown so. quit fighting me. 

so anyways. 

even if i did move back fl ive finally gotten myself where i wanted to be in my job but i guess if it was meant to be the universe will take care of it just like it did when we moved here. 

a week before almost moving back to fl my grandparents came to visit and we were in crossville, which is the half way point from here to where we were living at the time and i was like hey lets try knoxville and the next day we went to look at apartments and as we were looking this place went up for rent almost as if the universe here, ask and you shall receive. because i was only looking at places that was in between the three stores that we could have possibly transferred to because i had no idea which one it was going to be i just new it was going to happen. and then when trying to transfer we my fiancees assistant manager knew the manager at this store here and said that he would take both of us and needed help in the area i wanted to be in and i was like wow amazing its all working out. and it did and it was great and then it got cold. and then holidays came. and birthdays came. and i ive learned so much about myself and i feel like yes i needed this part of my life. and now im not sure if istill need it. 

we have a vision of owning a little home a nice big plot of land near the mountains with a spring and creek on site with woods around. if we kept it up and really searched when the time came yeah im feel like we could find it. but what if i still feel this way when were there? then weve bought a home and it would be harder to get rid of. i have a vision of my own business with yoga. i find myself in capable of moving between the months of decemeber and march. then what. even when i get on to the mat i cant get into the flow. 

and what if we move back to fl. would he resent me for giving up on our dreams? will i be tired of people demanding my time and energy? will i bitch about the heat all the time and the fact that neighbros are every where? probably, yes, yes, and yes. 

but will i resent him for not moving back to spend our lives with our families? will i resent myself for not listening to the feeling in my stomach? or would i resent myself if i did listen to that feeling and gave up on the mountainous dreams. 

i know we would welcomed back with opened arms and i know not many would miss us here. 

the mountains are beautiful and so mystical when there. i wonder how it would be to live there. i always end up feeling so creeped out at some point of hikes because i feel like something is watching us, and i know there is, there is always is whether its and animal or a spirit. but sometimes those spirits, or beings, are just so strong of a force. what if we bought a property with one of those that wouldnt be able to make peace with us? i always imagined if we ended up with a property with strong entities then we would make peace and ring singing bowls and plant luscious plants for them. but what if they hate it all. and what if our neighbors down the street end up being cannabilistic cult people? what if some animal tried to maul my dog (which already happens frequently, shes a chihuahua everything is out to get her). what if something happens at oak ridge? i had no idea i was living next to a giant nuclear power plant thing. 

but then its like okay what if theres a giant hurricane that tears my house down (i had a tree fall on my house during matthew which is one reason why we left) or the storm sturge sweeps my house away. trey is scared of tsunamis, not that one has happened there probably ever, idk but it is a weird fear of his. surprisingly tornados do happen in tn too. 

and a day like today, where trey is working all day and i have the day off. there isnt much to do. its cold out so i cant sit on my patio for a few hours like i would in the summer. i dont like to go shopping. i dont have a friend to hang out with, which is my own fault people im really not a big people person. i have hung out with a couple a few tiems, and idk ij ust would rather not. but if i were in fl i could go hang out with my brother, or treys sister, or the few friends i have there. or go to the beach and sit on my own, because its not fucking weird to sit alone there and usually you dont have to worry about getting mugged. i cant go to the parks here on my own. i cant take my dog for walks around here because there are no side walks and people just look shady af everywhere. 

when i went to visit for my brothers wedding in october i realized how i did not appriciate the plant life naturally around all year round when i lived there for 11 years. i guess mostly because it wasnt until two years ago that i really got in to plants but omg i cant stop imagining what our yard would look like if we were in aplace where things could just be outside all year round. i would take cuttings of my plants andjust put them every where have my own little tropical paradise in my front and back yard. 

i know this all is really sounding one sided atm but this time last year i was having the exact same visions and the exact same thoughts. and i thought about how what if my brother has kids and im up here well hello here we are now and thats happening. i feel like i need to be there. theres even a house for sale on the same street as him and all i could was fantasize what i would do to the house and how i would baby sit for them and be able to see my dog that i left with him because ultimately she was is but we co owned her together and just to be there. and be with my mom. shes living in orland with her boyfriend and i feel like the fact shes goingt o be a grandmother might sway him into moving closer, she hates the city and i imagine shes just as depressed as i am to be away and to be in a city where you dont feel safe to go outside alone. we are creatures of nature and both pisces and very sensitive to everything. 

and what if trey and i have a baby at some point? we have no one here to help us. i was thinkg about how our wedding date is a year and like two months away and i have no one here to help me plan. and for a long itme i always imagined myself getting married at this place called sugar mill gardens, a botanical garden that i had always loved in my home town there. when trey and i got together we would pokemon go there and take clippings, and i still have those plants today. but then this new vision came where we would get married on our future property. i feel like we are still a long way away from buying a house here though. idk if we would be there in time. and since we went back in october all i can think about is getting married in sugar mill. he reproposed to me when we were there and that was so sweet and just made me want to be there instead for it. 

this is very long but these are my constant thoughts that all happen at once and it feels nice to get them out to piece them together and not feel so overwhelmed with all them at one time in layers upon layers of thoughts. sometimes my vision even goes out and i dissociate and just work blurred vision cross eyed for ten minutes, who knows maybe its an hour. im back there by myself for eight hours a day idk. 

#v long #nothing to see here #sorry for clogging your dash #idk how to break it

[grammaticalmustaches]

KETTLE KATCHERZ FEEL FREE TO READ

under a read more due to length oops

suddenly overcome with love for my players. its a constant emotion but im feeling it so big right now. 

theyre just so invested in the world! and their characters! and theyre so kind!?! truly i think dnd brings out the best in people.

i gave them some kenku that are having trouble integrating with a community because of the language barrier and now my players are out of game diving into esl education to make a communication book to help them get basic ideas across.

it is an ongoing joke that they adopt every npc i give them and its not much of a joke bc no lie i think there are just as many npcs who travel with the party as there are actual pcs. actually i just counted there are exactly as many party npcs as there are pcs. three of those npcs are kind of just one npc who at one point shared a consciousness but are now separate(-ish) beings and one of those npcs is just a small horde of dust bunnies that occasionally either makes or cleans up messes so you could argue the numbers dont actually line up but it is still an absurd number of npcs to have adopted. i have to plan reasons npcs cant or dont want to go on adventures as one of the first character points i make otherwise their party would be triple its size. i am constantly forgetting how many npcs they have with them at all times but they Dont forget and make points to include them in conversations and decision making.

i just think dnd brings out the best in people!!!

also i lowkey hate making maps but maps are important for understanding the world so iv been doing research and shit and trying to get better at it but! my players literally help with that? not just in making it fun and rewarding but like literally help with the task of it? 

as in we just came from a city that one of my players spent a few years at so he drew a map of the city and wrote me out a Huge world building document about the city and its culture and like, climate and neighborhoods and what was important to his character while living there and everything! and another player gave me a six page document that included maps about the territory their character grew up in like, almost at the very beginning of our campaign! i havn’t even had a chance to use any of that information yet because they come from a very far away place! they dont care they Had Fun making me this big old document! and now we’re visiting a player’s childhood home and They’ve offered to make the map for the area! that would be three whole maps all player made!!! 

theyre just so invested and make things so easy on me!!! it is so easy to dm a group that is constantly focused on Working With the world and moving their characters forward!

and its a super homebrewed campaign partially bc i honestly think thats not only more fun but how dnd is Meant to be played, with some creativity and making shit up on the spot, but also my players are so good!!! about shit being homebrew!!! when something comes up we dont know the rules for or which rules dont exist for we work together to decide what happens!!! if someone knows a rule i dont they let me know and i can ask them what they think happens given the rules that do apply and we make decisions together on how it works with a focus on what makes the most compelling story! 

its just so truly OUR game!!! my beloved comrades!!!

Also like, its been off and on and we’ve taken breaks but we’ve been playing since March 2019? and people have added and left and like i said we’ve had to take breaks but in the end this is not a campaign i can imagine not being in anymore. i cannot imagine this campaign ending just because, like, there’s just so many of them who are so invested!!! and Im so invested! to be honest this campaign is one of the most fun and rewarding things in my life and one of my favorite things about it is how confident i am that it is going to be a constant in my life for a long time. like im really able to just Revel in this campaign and sink hours of work into weird bullshit and plan out arcs and enemies and friends and plot hooks and aesthetic bullshit i dont expect our party to meet for Quite a while because i just! i have no fear that this is going to end!

One of my players got a symbol from our campaign tattooed onto their flesh body? art that i made for dungeons and dragons? it will be on their human body for the rest of their life? and another got a tattoo that (partially) represents what this campaign means to them? another has told me they would love to get a campaign related tattoo with me someday? there is a tattoo in game that binds (most of) the pcs to each other and there has been talk about us getting that tattoo together?

i cannot think about this for too long or i go insane. i made some shapes on canva and spent the whole time wishing i had ms paint because ms paint is my level of art and these are designs that are being added to bodies because we have collectively installed so much emotion and meaning into them. 

i am losin gmy mind.

and like, iv already sunk lowkey a kind of unreasonable amount of time (esp for someone who just went back to school and has homework!) into making my kenku soundboard and mixtape but its been such a passion project already and the whole time iv been working on it iv had Zero fear of the reception because i Know and Trust that my players will think my first attempt at using garageband is sick as hell even if its kind of not because they are just crazy supportive and love our world like i cant even really call it my world its truly Our world and! we all love and contribute to it!!!???!!!

I just love my party so much!!!

i just!!! truly think!!! dnd brings out the best in people!!!

at the end of every session we do a rose/bud/thorn (thing we liked/thing we’re looking forward to/thing that could be improved or issue wed like to bring up) to check in with how the session went!!! we discuss things we didnt like and how wed change them!!! 

they challenge me Constantly not just in pushing my capabilities as a growing dm but they also speak up and challenge my decisions when they disagree! 

i jsut cannot get over how truly we are Working Together in all aspects to make this campaign what it is. 

i have a tendency to move dnd at a crawling pace where every hour of every day is meticulously role played. and they told me they didnt like that and now we work together to make things move faster! and it doesnt always work and we still dont move that fast but weve brainstormed several options and tried a few new things to make it easier for me to go faster!

PROBLEM SOLVING INSIDE AND OUTSIDE OF GAME

dnd! brings out! the best in people!

and also also also theres like, Multiple players who really hate using technology and sometimes esp video chatting. and most sessions currently people’s thorns have been tech issues/being on video. but wer still all (mostly) show up every session! we still submit to the mortifying ordeal of being seen/heard on discord!

some of my players have an accented character voice and i love them So So So Much for this and it makes me feel confident and comfortable enough to try my best at (when i remember to) doing character voices for npcs but we are not critical role and we are certainly not voice actors so none of our voices are very good or consistent! and my players with accents get self conscious about this pretty often but like!!! they are TRYING!!! they are GIVING IT THEIR ALL!!!

what more could anyone possibly ask of them?

multiple players have come to me concerned and looking for advice/help because they dont think theyre very good at role play/staying in character. we’ve got people who so dedicated theyre stepping Way outside their comfort zone and then turning around and apologizing for how far a walk it was??? they are giving it Their All and their biggest concern is how to give MORE?

i had a moment last session where i realized that our current arc is literally exactly the kind of arc i Dreamed of dming when i was first starting out. like, not to toot my own horn but its legitimately open world and they have a mystery that they need to get to know a small community and find out what everyone knows and put all the pieces together to figure out what happened. i used to scroll through dm forums Endlessly looking for Any advice on how to plan a good mystery and i didnt think id ever be at the point where i could actually pull a mystery Or an open world arc off. but like, here i am. its going pretty great so far.

also this current arc is one of the First i ever thought up for this campaign. obviously it’s changed and evolved a lot since original concept but like. just a Bit emotional over, ya know. finally getting here and having it be even better than i imagined. how far we’ve all come, in and out of game. the fact that my players had so much fun talking to my prize npc kenku whom i have been developing for literal years now and adore beyond reason that they are learning about esl studies to help them integrate into the coven they are trying to join.

DND! BRINGS OUT! THE BEST IN PEOPLE!

COLLABORATIVE STORYTELLING. WORKING TOGETHER TO CRAFT MEANING. LOVING AND SUPPORTING EACH OTHERS CREATIVE DECISIONS. MAKING DICK JOKES.

THIS IS WHAT DND IS ALL ABOUT BABY. 

#dnd #for anyone wondering what this super long post is: tl;dr i love my players and our campaign #kettle katcherz #thought i finished writing this very long post #then Went Off in the tags #to the point i got cut off #so i went back and added my tags to the actual post. #sorry not sorry that i just love my players beyond tag limit

[kappasigmalife]

Desolate Caladium: Chp 4 Is this love or war?

Desolate Caladium: Chp 5

Is this love or war?

Callum had been very distant since he kissed me, all he does is keep to himself while were living out in the cabin, hes rebuilt the wall and stayed out for odd hours of the day only coming home at night. When he kissed me, he said he may love me, im so confused, its like theres multiple sides to him at every turn, the stoic, the loving, and the violent. I wish I could help him through this but I have no idea what goes on in a mages head. Evelyn said that the main problem comes from his lack of control over mana as a mage, but training for five years under a master should of helped him.  This had only happened one time before when he and trev were out in the woods hunting and he got hurt while callum was looking for food. A beast came out of nowhere and callum just snapped breaking its neck in cold blood. She was watching from afar and saw the look in his eyes that told her to stay behind or she may be the next victim. I knew a simple hug wouldn’t help him snap out of the rage, it was something we had to watch and see. The more I think about it the more I notice that I do care about him. When we watched the snow he pulled away from me saying he was sorry for kissing me.

“its not something I can control, I don’t know what I feel anymore, all I know is I feel the need to help you every chance I get.” “then stay with me, your going to do the best you can.” “and what if I am the one to hurt you next”

That made me think all over again what It meant to hurt another person, weve traveled and hid for a long time since the death of the king, and were running out of money. Callum works day in and day out, never sleeping and trying to keep up the energy just to live. He visits Alfin and evelyn in the hospital repeatedly looking for the need to apologize but cant do a damn thing about it. Alfin wants a rematch but callum wont stand for it while hes recuperating. The madness I see in his eyes is nothing but a trivial matter in that state, it’s the power he unleashes that comprimises the sanctity of safety. Evelyn visits me in the day to talk and wants to travel with us in spring as a group considering none of us are capable of being on our own.

“its for the best desmond, were not here for any other reason but to survive in this bout of life.” “doing so will keep us in less danger, so please understand that I need to run this by callum.” “of course he will fully give support on a yes or no, but please we don’t have much time to spare.”

“I know and I will talk to him as soon as I can evelyn, its just he doesn’t seem to wanna talk anymore” “I know desmond, he must be sorting his feelings out, im sure he will be back to normal soon.” over the days going by, evelyn has shown me how to fight with the sickle and even sparred with me a few times, while I am still a novice I will learn to get better. She even made a chain for me to use as a long range weapon and got me a grip so my hand doesn’t get shredded. It was nice of her as I know with alfin in the hospital he wont be much help around so offering her food and a place to talk is fine with her. She does seem a bit worried of both of her friends and doesn’t seem to talk about trev as much as everyone else claims to talk about him as well. She says its cuase hes always distant and would normally just hang out with callum more often than not, but that might be cause they come from similar backgrounds and they saw each other as friends through commonality. Trev was the one who joined him during his training as a guard in case things went south.  She said he was always a man after money and almost got callum expelled cause he was taking payment for guard duty of other mages despite it being against the schools rule of compensation.

Elsewhere in the kingdom, trev appears before a group of elders about his performance. He has been wanted for taking payment against orders and may face expulsion from the knights guard for it. The council perceives him as a threat due to his heritage and bloodline, being a vampire is bad enough but a orc dwarf mix is unheard of even in peasant families.

“dear trevant, why do you think its fine to take wares from those you work under as a job.” “to make a living, nothing more nothing less, I find no need to not accept a payment for a better job.”

“we found the pendent in your quarters, is this what you accepted as payment from that wanted murderer?” “I accepted the pendant as a gift from caladium when he left for training before I was sent over, a personal gift from a friend and comrade, nothing more.” “you think we will fall for that garbage, you let a murderer live regardless of the orders, high treason is what you committed, hence forth the elders have decided to exile you not only from the knights guard but from the kingdom entirely.” “fine with me this place was getting to hectic for my taste anyway, just another group of old folk looking to take down a new generation of progressive movement, heres my weapon and badge, im keeping the armor.” “be sure you will be escorted this evening outside the gate, wehre you go from there is your own issue.” “well thank goodness, I thought id be still here begging for mercy.”

Trev is led out to the citys outskirts and led away from the guards. As he looks back he shrugs his shoulders and shoulders his svardstav looking to the north. He recounts that he is happy to be done with being a knight as he found it too bothersome to save anyone based on an order and many of his so called targets were innocent bystanders, who happen to have crap loads of money. Reaching into his satchel he notices how much money hes got.

“thank you caladium and your magic stash.” trev walks down the dirt path as the snow begins to fall looking upwards he decides to head north before the holiday rush begins, knowing full well being alone on holidays is quite a pain in the ass. He traveled to a small lodging taking a black horse and leaving a small sack of gold in its pen stealing one of the swords from the mans armory and hauling off to the north.

I never thought much of the fact that callum was focusing on himself until it donned on me that he doesn’t have anyone to fight on even footing, at least without going crazy. His fight with trev showed me how skilled he is but also how far hes willing to go for the sake of saving his friend. i see the look in his eyes knowing full well he wont be around all the time for us and that the token of giving up a priceless artifact just to save our lives was not to taken lightly. He came to me for the first time in a few days asking if I wanted to go out to the trade market and shop around. Despite the lack of money, he wanted to get out of the woods and enjoy ourselves for once before the tourists pile in. evelyn chose to stay behind and wait for alfin to fully recover, I promised to get her a new coat as her royal one will remain to conspicuous against finding areas to hide out. I notice though that even as we walked, callum was quiet as ever but was at least smiling at me for the least.

“evelyn been teaching you well, your steps are quieter than before, and your getting more fit.” “well yeah more so im happy that your finally talking to me.” “I know, ive been thinking about what I did and how I either acted stupidly or if it truly was for the best I did it.”

“you didn’t have to do it you know, you didn’t have be kiss me like you needed to prove something.” “well it was an heat of passion, I was blinded by emotion and thought that maybe I had some feelings spilling out, but that wasn’t the case.”

He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to one of the shops, it was an apothecary that had rare herbs and minerals from far off lands. As I gazed around I could feel the energy was pure and whimsical to say the least. Callum had wanted this to be special for me, so he called in a favor from his friends outside the kingdom to make up for being so distant. In the back he set up a special meal for us with my favorite food. He lit the candles using magic and tossed a sphere to create an artificial moon over us. The night went on for hours as we enjoyed out meal and attempted to move past the  problems that we were facing with new comrades and the guards after us.

“never in my life would I feel safer than with you.” “no matter how far one of us goes, the other shall follow til the very end.” “despite the time, I feel as though we knew one another once before.” “that might be the case, but regardless, here we are now.”

I felt his foot going on top of mine not letting me go and proceeded to take me by the hand as the light dimmed into the room. He swayed me across as if it was a royal banquet and held me close. I felt overwhelmed as no one has ever embraced me as such before. The night felt like an eternity as I felt his gentle hands on mine, he rocked me in the room all night kissing my forehead and telling me that he was right to kiss me.

“no more will I be afraid, you were the first man to show me the look of innocence.” “and you are the man who showed me how to be a stronger person, to protect and believe that I am meant for more.” “I missed you so much over those five years, I always wanted to see you but the kingdom had turned on itself and I couldn’t find a way out.” “and I only wished to pay you back the way you did for me so many times.” as we walked out of the building he took my hand and held me close, I never seen him smile so much from one night of fun. He pulled me as we started rushing in the streets, bringing me to a wooden path.

“I wanted to ensure that this night doesn’t end too quickly, so I found a spot we can relax at.” “you really don’t have to do all this.” “trust me youll love this.” as he pulled me through the brush and down the path, I could tell that things were getting somehow warmer, like not just in the air or his smile. I finally felt like someone cared after so long. When we reached the end of the path I could only see a massive emerald fire burning in a pit and blanket sprawled out. callum sat asking me to join him and showed me what he had done.

“I used some old runes I had to make a everchanging flame, as it burns it shows the emotion we both convey.” “that’s really sweet, I can feel its heat from here.” callum kissed me saying that he was happy I loved the idea, the two of us kissed as we both saw the flames going from green to a yellow, and then to a deep red.

“crimson red, the color of love and adoration , all that I give for you is what I wish to hold.” “so long at you are close to me I can feel nothing but the upmost care for a man I see as my eternity.” Callum laid me down and undid my jacket seeing me sweating from the fires heat. He swiftly took his off and continued to caress my neck. I felt my arms grabbing his shirt tearing it slightly. When I apologized, he looked at me with an intense look.

“no need to think you hurt me, for im going to love you until the dawn breaks.” he took my shirt off holding my hands as he played with my nipples and teased my pants. I couldn’t help but look as he tore his off showing off his husky physique and sweated chest, his hair down and his brown eyes staring deeply into me like garnet nuggets in a kiln ready to be smoldered. He laid me down and unzipped my pants and began sucking me off. I could feel no better sensation than ive ever felt. I noticed his pants getting tighter and I unzipped them revealing this throbbing dagger, wholeheartedly grabbing and stroking it making him moan. I pulled the pants off as we stared at one another naked under the moonlight as callum waved his hands and wrapped the flames of love around us.

“I want you to see the magic of both humanity and the love I burn for you.” I watched as the flames began enveloping into a vortex around us and he laid on top of me his his hair parted and smiling at me. I felt as he began teasing my virgin hole with his hands and tongue, he was willing to do so much for me, and I could see the man I saw on horseback all that time ago, ready to make love for the first time. he held my hand as he made love to me, thrusting gently and slowly grabbing my waist and kissing me calling me name. the flames changing from red to yellow to a heavenly white. It was a perfect site to behold around me but the real sight was the man I wanted to see gazing into my eyes. He never topped pleasuring me even when he was the one doing the work, he made me feel so good that night. He made me climax right before him and as he waved his hand the flames receded to the pit and continued to burn. With us embracing the sun began to rise.

“that really was a magical endeavor callum, thank you.” he couldn’t hear as he had fallen asleep, I parted his and kissed his forehead and nuzzled up to him feeling his heartbeat as we slumbered well into the day.

#Desolate Caladium #lgbtpride #gay bear #gay #webcomic idea

[progressivleythin]

whos to blame

whos to blame for the reasons you drink

me

whos to blame for the reasons youve screamed about how you hate her

it was me i was once again the reason.

i dont want to keep going, i want to end it so bad but ive people i wanna see

you tell me im being dilusioinal but i remember seeing you threaten to leave this house if i keep doing that

i was simply laying down by my dad at the time. simply laying down smiling,,happy

shes a child mom my sister yelled i watched from the top of the stairs wondering what was happening. i was four or five

at 13 i witnessed or heard persay my dad finally beat you in front of me. you threw his phone you were both drunk so i was scared to call 911 as id have to live with his mom.

at 14 i realized my dad was a piece of shit but you mom, you stayed golden to me because you were on my side most

still. at 14 my dad punched me for the first time while screaming about how disrespectful id been to him i was simply walking away from him to keep from bursting into tears. he came two days later apologizing saying he cried at work about hitting me.

nearing the end of age 14 you had a fight with him. he was gonna leave and i didnt mind ive been wanting him to since i was around nine maybe?

he kept slamming doors and id chosen to mock him out of anger. bad choice as itd lead to your constant wish for death sofia. “you know what!? shut the fuck up sofia, its your fault its all because of you that me and your mom are always fucked up. if you werent here wed be fine but you and your fucking ungrateful ass keep getting in the way. im fighting it right now but you dont know how much i wish i could beat your ass right now for what YOU did to us”

thats when it clicked..youve never cared about me all along. and my fear of my dad peaked that day and my suicidal thoughts took control i relapsed that day after nearly two years clean! are you proud? you were both drunk and he admitted to his thoughts of abuse to me while you hid away in your bathroom “cleaning” to which i found out meant doing cocaine and smoking weed. i sat completely straight faced listening to him say that and worse trying to shw i wasnt weak but that one tear left my eye and i knew it was over im never gonna be stronger than the fucking hate from my “parents”. that night i tried suffocating myself before bed because i thought itd be better if i was gone.

at fourteen years old you led me to my first suicide attempt,or second if you consider the time i took four ibuprofen pills “because of my headache”.

im fifteen now and nearly cried tonight on the way home because you screamed fuck you to dad and i was scared hed hit you or me in front of the baby. or maybe hed decide to turn into oncoming traffic and end us all. that fears only been growing since and its only been four hours maybe? i nearly cried in front of you both because the baby knew what happened and wanted to cry too.

thank you parents! for showing your child how happy you are to have them in your life.

to anyone currently reading this ive only listed some of the worst. im not abused im not treated as a slave im simply treated as a human im happy when im not around them but im ok i have my older siblings to save me if times get rough.

to my mom if you ever find this i wanna say fuck you but i fucking care about you too much to mean it. i constantly think youre there for me but its because ive tried to forget the moments youve said bad about me.

and my dad i have nothing i want to say to you. no thank yous none at all not even a fuck you because itd mean i care enough to waste my breath. you try but i wont let you back in no matter what.

to my brother.. the only one whos helped me most i truly love you more than my own life! id take anybullet for you okay? youve been more of a parent to me than mom and dad and i thank you more than anything for that i love you so much so so so much franco too. i havent ended my life because of you and im truly grateful for you youre my angel and i cant live without you were both pretty broken after all. i hope you find yourself soon and i find my happy soon. i really really do love you okay? you shaped me into most of the person i am now and i cant imagine not having you. id probably be dead because you know how to make me feel happy. im crying most while writing to you because its true i cant be unhappy with you. thank you so much brother so much youre an angel with your own problems and you still take time to listen to me angrily rant about mom and dad.

to franco. youre three ive known you for a while and im glad i can. im also staying alive for you i want you to remember me as a great older sister rather than an aunt. youre like my little angel too..one that bothers me enough to get out of my room or enough to laugh genuinely inlove you and your dad so so so so so much youre both the light of my life im so truly grateful for youre presence in my life

to my sister. were not as close as sisters should be. im closer with my brother but i have amazing memories with you i hope we have more dude. ive had some deep convos with you maybe not like my brother and me but enough to know how your relationship is and im glad you trust me with that info. i love you so so so so so much too i hope you have an amazing future. i hope we get closer soon otherwise idk who ill come out to first

to my closest cousins. im sorry most of you didnt find this out sooner im sorry for being so awkward with every interaction we have for constantly fucking things up. i feel like an annoyance constantly so thank you for putting up with my shit.

my internet friends ive never met any of you but thanks to you guys too even the most recent ones :) some of you really listen and helped me through some dark shit.

to anna, the first person id ever r e a l l y dated. weve never met and we dated and yeah it didnt seem like it but it feels nice saying i have dated someone even if it was barely anything physical. you truly have heard my nearly darkest thoughts ive kept most because i dont wanna be a burden. you fit with the lil gaurdisn angel group too, youve helped me alot and were both pretty fucking fucked up people. idk what my life would be with out you. you mean alot to me maybe not as much as my brother as he has the highest “score” so far but its near that.

to keana and amaya. im fucking sorry for constantly speaking about my fucking weight to you guys especially you amaya youre so fucking young and ive already shown you eating disorders i hope you never have these thoughts. keana i feel the same i gotta get annoying to you at some point im sorry

to past me this is your “rough draft” maybe? for a suicide note. im not killing myself i just wanna get it out.

once again to my brother your tribute made me cry most dont tell me i dont care for you. you mean so much to me youre really keeping me alive by alot okay? keep it up big bro please i cant do this without you i know youre as broken as me somewhere youre doing great and youre gonna make it i hope i do too.

10.06.17