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#what a weird sad feeling i get when he tells me he'll root for me when i finally fall in love
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just went back to watching community again and I cant-
so this time it's about 'Regional Holiday Music' 3x10,, and adhagsjjsb it's so fucking good because in a manner it sort of addresses all the wants of the characters right? because to convince them to join the Glee club they need to be incentivised and the incentive in this case is what's so interesting to me:
because 1. it starts with Abed and we all know Abed and how he's all he wants is to be together and loved and he chases the belongingness that he didn't find before in the study group right? but also literally the only thing that cory had to do to get him on board was talk about making him and his friends feel better and be together,,, but also it's literally because media of any kind be it behind the screens or people singing is so much simpler for him to understand cause they are catered and made in such a way that they are easy to perceive and take in without it being more complicated and involving other people's feelings in it
which is Great on its own but the second person to get 'caught' is Troy (because obv Troy will follow Abed wherever he goes, because even when he can't follow he'll wait for Abed to come back to him and tell him about his side quests or just be there for him, but I digress-) but also it's because there's this one thing he's always wanted to be a part of and could never but then comes Abed giving it to him on a silver platter and letting him do the things he wants even if it is by providing him with a loophole
and then third is pierce who even though I loathe him, i do understand (ish) because at the end of the day he's a man out of time and place, he's within people he doesn't understand and who don't want to understand him because all he wants to do is relive his glory days instead of rooting himself in the present (which in large part the study group help him with) (he'll never be my favourite character or even a liked one but I see him and I feel sad because of what he is and always will be and the way he came to be this way) all he ultimately wants is to be 'cool' maong his peers even though both of them operate on different understandings of cool (and yeahhhh)
fourth is Annie which, is very very weird to me because we never really get to know what her song was, what her one wish/incentive was,,, but also is it really that hard to assume that she would cave in when confronted by one of the first few people that she could safely feel as if in the company of friends with? also and this is a straight up hypothesis but I do feel that Annie didn't really get a song to convince her because it wasn't that hard to do it because it didn't really matter because at the end of the day it started with Abed telling her that he stayed for that experiment despite being angry because she was his friend,, and this was her way if reciprocating that (because it was just that given, be ause some things don't need to be explicitly stated to be explicit) (but then why did troy have one? because he was technically going against his entire belief system and the way he identified and looked at himself and that is life changing in some manners and he was still the second one and yeah)... maybe
the fifth one was Shirley and this one is rather simpler because at the end of the day, she traces and finds herself within her belief system rooted in Christianity (which while not for mez i can understand the way belief systems can be very all or nothing for some people) and she just wanted to educate and empower children and people with things that she herself feels empowered by (she goes about it entirely the wrong way ofc because forcing religion on others is never an answer but I don't think nad never have that she's coming at it from a malicious position or intention
then we have jeff and like Annie it's very curious that he doesn't get something that he wishes to incentivise him (at least that's the way I understand that episode) instead, we get to see what Annie and further the audience thinks or is supposed to think about Jeff. He's still that impenetrable (hehehe) person that no-one can actually understand because yes he's an asshole but he's constructed in a very stereotypic asshole kind of way so that's all we get to see from him at that point in time (that's all we're supposed to perceive him as which is why unlike others he never joins in on the song) instead all we get is that he also succumbed somehow. but we're never told what made him submit and give in,, we're always made to look at him from a distance (at least till that point in time and show trajectory) and he might be the main centre of the show (ish arguably more around Abed but plot more centered around him (also I'm very very biased cause I deeply resonate with Abed)) and yeah
and then Britta who again doesn't get a song at all because,, and again throwing arrows in the dark here,,, ofc she has a bad voice and narrative voice isn't really imp to Cory and his performance but also because much like Jeff, there's an induced sense of distance, wherein she technically is supposed to be the main female protag at that point (at least that's the intention it seems to have started with) but in many manners, she's reduced to just that, they make her dumb and so unlike the other main heroines (and I will never not be angry with the way they changed her character post season 1) that at the end of the day that's all she ends up being (again till that point in the show's trajectory)
and yeah ,, and then then at the end of everything, Abed gives up on what he wanted for the group as a whole because he realises that this is not actually happiness that it's creating in everyone, because it's forcing them into roles that they've been tricked into and that's never what he wanted,,, yes he wants them to be together but not at the cost of the happiness of even one of them or all of them and yeah
also anyone that says community is just a silly little show, it is. But it's also so much more because the way it talks about created families and families of choice and being an outsider and trying to find belongingness,,, and in the end finding a place that lets you be the trainwreck that you are and helps you embrace it, is insane and great. And I love the way community as a whole does all of that while feeling so organic and experimental but also insightful and a well thought out piece of media with actual things to say and yeah
(also very unconnected to anything I've just said but I truly despise Shirley's song with everything in me,, I'd ironically and unironically listen to all of the rest of the songs in this episode but not that one (yes including whatever was going on with that Annie mean girls esque but make it worse and yeah)(they are bops honestly 🤷‍♀️)
i will go now but yeah I love community (also also last thing but this is the only way that I'll ever be able to fully digest random musicals in any show because community just does it better, I said what I said.)
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ystrike1 · 11 months
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Love In Training: The Wolf And The Kitten - Makihara Maki (8/10)
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This made me angry, which is good. That's how you're supposed to feel. This is a highly toxic age gap story, about an insecure older man with tons of fetishes, and his young coworker. Who is his subordinate. Who happens to be twelve years younger than him. He has no confidence in himself, so he guilt trips her into putting up with his deep-rooted insecurities.
Seiji Kurama is 35. Miyuki is 23, and she doesn't know her romantic meet cute with Seiji was planned by him. When another worker got sick he decided to bring her on a work trip with him instead. They end up staying in the same hotel room, and Miyuki confesses.
Miyuki does have an actual crush on him. She likes mature men, but she wasn't going to confess. She knows they're coworkers with a pretty big age gap, and he's her superior.
He flirts with her during the trip.
He acts cute on purpose.
Her feelings explode and she says she wants to date.
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His flowery flirting has alot of thorns in it. Seiji was abandoned by his mother. His dad's dead too, so he's immature and possessive. He likes to tie his girlfriends up. His previous girlfriends all left because they smelled his bullshit.
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Miyuki is literally too young to see what he's doing. Seiji ENCOURAGES another man. He tells that man to confess to Miyuki, just so he can make her feel guilty with more sob stories. He uses the other man as an excuse to be more possessive.
You're popular so you have to let me leave my mark on you etc...
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Exhibit B
This is manipulation.
It is gaslighting.
Only the reader knows his sad sack persona is planned.
He is never his true self with Miyuki.
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His insecurities are very real though. Seiji is annoying on the inside, and a little sexist. His gentleman act is covering up alot of bad qualities.
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He's going to use children, and pregnancy to tie her to him. He wants to have kids with her just to stop her from divorcing him. He doesn't even seem excited about having a baby. A baby is just a tool. A part of his plan.
I think he'll like his kid(s), but deep down he will always know why he wanted said kid.
It's...weird.
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Here comes the weird sexist virginity fetish. It's very common in lots of toxic stories. Miyuki is a good girl and he's corrupting her etc...
The funny thing is Miyuki enjoys being tied up. She enjoys sadism etc, but Seiji still sees her as pure and innocent...even though she's enthusiastic.
It's strange.
He just won't accept that she actually loves him.
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Her childhood friend has a brain, but he backs off. Miyuki is happy. He doesn't want to ruin that.
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Her parents approve. Seiji wins. He used his position to get closer to Miyuki. He used his other employees like toys to make her choose him again and again. His jealous fits don't even make sense, but he covers up his irrational crap with a gentle smile.
This is the kind of guy you DON'T want to marry, but Miyuki doesn't know that.
I'm not saying Seiji doesn't have good points...but he's right.
Miyuki would never marry him if she knew everything.
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noxiatoxia · 2 years
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while i await your answer for the hanahaki au thing i just wanted to do a little rambling . just because
for my next trick, i will return to my roots. hikakao cuddling, the only scenario ever
personally i like the scenario of them snuggling because one is sad. imagine it's late at night, hikaru's sad about something and he's been sulking over it but really trying to hold back his feelings and just snap himself out of being sad. but he can't, and he doesn't really know how to handle it
so it's about time for bed, and kaoru's getting ready to go to sleep. he already was in casual clothes and then his pajamas, but hikaru's still in his uniform because he didn't feel like changing. kaoru has been trying to get through to him all evening but hikaru just quietly mutters that he's fine. obviously kaoru doesn't believe him, but he doesn't seem to want kaoru to see it so he doesn't press
Anyway kaoru's sitting on the bed and he calls over like 'dude are you sure you're alright' and hikaru tries to say he's fine again but he's audibly near tears. and kaoru is finally like holy shit you are mentally ill come over here and ill take care of you. and hikaru doesn't even say anything he just quietly walks over, climbs into the bed and just,, crawls into his arms..,, hiding his face in kaoru's shoulder. and he clings to him and cries for a while. kaoru strokes his hair and tells him to let it all out, and he does because completely snuggled in kaoru's arms is literally the only place hikaru feels safe enough to. it's the only place he'll ever be ok being vulnerable, because he knows kaoru's there and kaoru will keep him safe. i think the reverse is true too,, kaoru's the more 'emotional' twin but he still doesn't cry in front of anyone except hikaru. and he's so closed off even that's rare
this isn't well written for some reason, idk what it is today,, but you get the idea. snumggles..,,
HI NONNIE!!! Sorry abt the wait, like I said I am.... basically writing a whole fic... bc this will prob be the only way I'll ever get the idea out there damn it so bare with me :pensive:
in the MEAN TIME.... hikakao cuddles are always numero uno. ("for my next trick, i will return to my roots. hikakao cuddling, the only scenario ever" <- AMEN FELT THAT)
but NO I love what you wrote....Hikaru is usually so loud & upbeat, so when he has an off day, EVERYONE feels it. He's not as in sync with Kaoru, he's tripping over words, spacing out.......maybe he's simply not in the best mood today. Maybe he had a really bad nightmare last night. Maybe something personal happened that he can't/doesn't want to tell Kaoru about (eyes emoji ??) either way, he's a little out of it.
When they get home, he takes off his shoes tie n blazer but doesn't change out of anything. they usually throw on more comfy clothes everyday after school, but today only Kaoru does. of course Kaoru asks for probably the 100th time today if Hikaru is doing okay, and Hikaru just halfheartedly assures him he's okay.
Kaoru probably watches him like a hawk, bc it's so OBVIOUS something is wrong but Hikaru isn't talking about it, which is strange. Hikaru, when faced with an issue, will usually always talk about it. Usually in incoherent angry ramblings, but still, he expresses his emotions (that usually being anger). But here, he's withdrawn, purposefully NOT expressing anything, least of all anger, and that's kind of freaky because that's not like Hikaru at all. Both twins are equally as emotional, if not Kaoru being more of the sentimental, depressive type and Hikaru the more in-the-moment explosive and fiery kind. Either way, Hikaru just has a harder time keeping things bottled in than Kaoru does and tends to lash out, making him seem "more" emotional or immature.
Basically: Hikaru is acting like how Kaoru would when he's sad and that's strange and concerning, much like how if Kaoru lashed out like Hikaru does that'd be equally as weird. So he keeps an eye on his brother and tries to offer help, only to be shut down every time.
After showering and putting PJs on (neither of which Hikaru has done) he asks Hikaru to join him in bed, it's late. Hikaru is sitting at the edge of the bed on a DS or his phone or something, not really paying attention to it when he mumbles he's not tried right now.
Kaoru asks him if he's okay again. Hikaru says he's fine in a very not-fine tone. It's squeaky and cuts out and, yeah, it sounds like he's about to start crying.
Kaoru instantly sits up and reaches over to Hikaru to pull him into a hug. And he tells Hikaru it's okay. You don't have to pretend to be fine least of all around me. And Hikaru breaks. He abandons whatever he was fiddling with to bury his face into Kaoru's chest and to start sobbing, letting out the emotions he's been hiding all day. Kaoru slowly lays back with him, and soon enough they're under the sheets, Hikaru still in his school clothes, bawling into Kaoru's chest. Kaoru is a little intimidated and a lot worried for his brother, but the best he can do is pet his hair and whisper small things of reassurance to him. Once or twice he asks Hikaru what's the matter since that usually helps Hikaru, but Hikaru fails to reply both times deliberately, and so Kaoru (although worried out of his mind) doesn't push it. Once he's quieted down from guttural sobs to quiet sniffing he remains just as mute as he had been all day and doesn't say anything to Kaoru. Just keeps snuggling into his chest (tho the fabric is probably wet now :/ sad! well there's other pajamas) and holding onto him. Kaoru doesn't say much besides some quiet reassurances or encouraging Hikaru to get some rest, combing his hand through his hair and holding him close...he almost thinks to ask Hikaru a third time what's going on, but before he can, he realizes Hikaru is conked tf out and is snoring against his chest. They fall asleep like that probably, holding each other. It's adorable, but MAN that must be so fuckin hot esp with blankets. At least if Hikaru complains in the morning about sweating thru his shirt, Kaoru can deduce he's doing a lot better than he was yesterday
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localkage · 3 years
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req: ( @trash-insectoid ) OKAY this is chaotic, but I feel like Kakashi is so traumatised in general, he'll be reluctant to start romantic relationship with anyone. So imagine: reader is like Kakashi u dumb bitch, i know we like each other, we've been flirting for actual months can we just fucking get to it. And Kakashi is unsure, and it's difficult for him to open up and etc fhdhdbdb idk and he wants to be loved and love back but he was hurt so much in the past and it's not like shinobi's life is a normal one
+ ( @rahatake ) Can I rq childhood friends to lovers with kakashi whereas the reader been his friend since his academy days and joined the anbu a few years later then he did so they became really close and the idiot fell in love with her?
I loved these requests so I decided to combine these two and give them a little bit more of backstory. this is long.
warnings: 3k of mutual pining, idiots to lovers, sukea is here. there's also alcohol and one mention of sex (regarding jiraya's book).
•••
You were head over heels with an unquestionable fool. 
You know exactly how it started, with a small, innocent crush on the captain of your new Anbu team. He looked so unwavering, like a tree with roots too deep to be taken down.
You were so intimidated when you were assigned to Anbu, you and him were the same age, fighting on the same side and yet, he felt so unapproachable and distant back in those days.
And still, you couldn't help but find comfort in his strenght and reckless confidence, in the way he fought like nothing could stop him, while you were scared to not live another day. You knew that's when passion slowly took its roots in you, a small seed that now, has bloomed into a full flower. 
You entered Anbu two years after him, and left two years earlier. Thanks to the Hokage, and an imminent conflict between Konoha and some of the Feudal Lords in the Fire Country. They were frustrated with some of the close Countries, but that was only an excuse to start another war. 
After everything he went through, Minato no longer had the patience to be cordial and civil with rich old fuckers trying to incite a war for amusement, he knew he would only make things worse.
And he also knew you, an Anbu member that was indicated by the Elders. You're not only an excellent shinobi, but had an amazing skill at persuasion, you were good enough to take secret informations from enemies without needing torture. Minato was betting all his faith on you. 
And he was not wrong to do that. You had dealt with worse than bored old men in power, and the proof rests in the lasting peace in the village. 
Years had passed, you were now a normal Jounin, and Kakashi was the Sensei of three Genin. You were surprised when, some months later after leaving Anbu, he started looking more for your company than he ever did in those days. It had been two years that you hadn't seen him at all, and Kakashi seemed so... Much more friendly now than back then, and the time spent with him only made the love grow in your chest. 
You were absolutely whipped for him.
"How are your students?" You ask, a knowing grin on your lips when he huffs and leans back against the chair, shaking his head.
"Heathens, all of them. I can't catch a break," His words lack the heat and intent of meaning, and you laugh aloud, putting down your tea on the table. 
"Oh, you are in trouble. They got you completely wrapped around their fingers," Kakashi doesn't respond, but you can notice through the small creases on his exposed eye that he's smiling underneath the mask. 
This was nice, even the silence felt comfortable. He always visited you on your break, and you were always at the same tea shop. You would both make small talk, ask each other about your days, while you sipped on your tea and he seated at your front. He never drank anything, he never once gave you a chance of peek to what's beneath that mask.
And you didn't mind, really. The fact that he'd bother himself to always come and check on you, it was enough to make you feel giddly like a little teenager in love.
"Maybe they're not the only ones," Oh, and there is also the flirting. Most of the time it is subtle, but today it makes your heart skip a beat, and you can feel the thrill of it burning at your cheeks. 
"You do come visit me everyday," You retort, raising a brow at him. 
You wish you could see his face right now. Is he blushing? Is he smirking?? Gods, how hot does he look while smirking? 
His single exposed eye doesn't let anything on to you, but the way it is focused on you makes you shiver, "I like your company," It is simple and honest, and yet, it is enough to stir so many emotions within you. 
You bite your lip. You felt so confident trying to persuede Lords and the likes, but with Kakashi everything felt so much more dangerous... Perhaps, because it was your heart on line. 
You try to sound sensual and yet not overly, but you are clearly nervous, what if you got it all wrong? "Are you flirting with me?" 
He is not. And you can see it in the way his posture shifts and he stiffens a little. Oh fuck, you fucked up royally. 
He clears his throat, ignoring your shameful attempt of a flirt, "I have to go. Those three brats will throw a fit at me for being late," He is always late. For everything, but to see you. You nod silently, unable to look at his way as he gets up from the chair.
You feel yourself withering, like a flower. 
"I'm leaving for a mission tomorrow. You won't have to come visit me for the next week," You try to sound teasing, try your best to pretend you are cheerful and ok. But you are not.
This was the most direct flirting you had in all these years, and he clearly was not interested in you the way you were in him. 
You didn't even try to understand what kind of emotions were going on behind his mask. You wanted to apologise to him, for being that bold, for making him uncomfortable. 
But you were breaking inside, and it was overwhelming enough to keep your smile up on your face.
"I have a mission in nearly a week, as well." 
Oh. 
You wouldn't be seeing each other for a long time. You were not sure if you should be sad, or happy to not face even more embarrassment and hurt. 
"Be safe," His hand reaches for your shoulder, and he gives it a light squeeze before leaving the small tea shop. 
•••
Kakashi's mission was fairly easy. Find out about the rumors of a rebellion on a nearby village to Konoha. All he had to do was put on a disguise, and ask around. 
Few people would freely talk to a scary looking Jounin, but with a kind and harmless reporter? With people too drunk to question his own questions, they'd be ready to spill their guts. Hopefully, not literally.
Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura were sleeping at the hotel. He figured they'd be safer there, than on a bar. 
Besides, gathering information is something he is good at. 
He expected to see all kinds of weird and shit-faced people in there, even if the village seemed to be relatively peaceful, it was still a bar. What he did not expect was to see you, hunched over a tabble with a half empty bottle by your side.
What the hell were you doing here?!
You looked bored... No, sad. 
Why were you sad? Did something happen on the mission? Wait, weren't you supposed to be on a mission??
This is the first time he sees you in a week, and it is almost foolish how much he had missed you.
Kakashi's mind is racing. He needed to know if everything was alright with you, but he was disguised. Fuck. 
Would you recognize him if he approached you? No. Nobody ever did. 
"Are you alright?" The honey coated voice ringed smoothly in your ears, but not even that was enough to put you out of your sour mood. 
Can't people drink in peace anymore?
"Do I look like I'm alright?!" You almost regret being so harsh when you finally raise your eyes from the table, and look at the man that dared to disturb you.
He is pretty and looks so... Delicate. If you could use only one word to describe him, unharmful would hit the spot. He looks so warm, wrapped around that scarf and long coat. His hair looks so fluffy, and he is so pretty.
You are not sure how long you just stare at the man's face, mouth slightly ajar. And the spell doesn't break even with his lack of response. You are drunk, and he is beautiful. You have no control of who and how long you stare at for. 
Kakashi, in turn, doesn't dare to answer your question. He can't lie he's nervous at your stare. What if you did notice it was him. 
Relief washes over him when a little bit of consciousness downs on you, and you take your eyes off the brunette.
You already have one man to wail about, pretty or not, you are busy trying to forget about him.
You roll your eyes, grunting, and you are about to reach for the bottle again when he gently stops you. 
"You cannot drink your problems away, but talking can help," Your eyes slowly make their way back to his face, and you are not sure if the incredulity is clear enough for him to understand.
"To who?"
He scratches the back of his head, and the action fills you with warmth. It is something so familiar. It reminds you of him, whenever he got embarrassed or trapped in an awkward situation. 
"My name's Sukea. I'm a reporter-"
"Sit down," You cut him off. Rubbing your temples, you place the blame for conceding to let this... Sukea guy sit down on your table, on Kakashi. Why did everything had to remind you of him? 
Kakashi is almost offended how easy it was as he sits down in front of you. Do you just let any nice-looking man sit on your table?? He'd never face it like it is, but he is jealous. Of himself. 
You, completely oblivious about the inner conflict of the nice man in front of you, blame the alcohol for the willingless you feel to tell this stranger of your heartbreak. It's like the words were all stuck on your throat for all this time, just waiting for an opportunity to come out. 
"I just... I don't think he likes me the way I like him, you know?"
Sukea freezes on his chair. You... were interested in someone?
Oh.
He immediately regrets this, not only because he doesn't think is right to hear about your love interests, without you knowing he is Kakashi, your friend, but because he himself doesn't think he's ready to face you are in love with someone else. 
Kakashi, too much of a coward to face his own feelings for you, too scared of the risk of being hurt to let himself have the chance to be loved by you, is now being hurt by the knowledge you love someone else. What was all that worth for? Pushing you away all that time? Afraid to face his own traumas, to love you. Now he'd lose you, anyway.
The placid demeanor of Sukea doesn't seem to have changed for you, and you are too absorbed in your own feelings to notice how fake his smile is, "Then he is an unquestionable fool," The venom in his words is coated in the honey of his voice. He sounds too nice, even when he's not.
You snort, miserably. He notices the sadness in your eyes, how distant you look. Who would be so stupid as to make the most kind and lovable person he's ever known, suffer like this?
"Pretty and knows what to say..." You mutter to yourself, but he hears you, and he blushes.
Did you just... You think he's pretty?? Or are you talking about the other guy?? 
Kakashi is going through an inner turmoil, "What if is just... Me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe I'm the one who is a fool. He doesn't want me."
"He doesn't deserve you," He corrects, and you break a little.
"But he is the only one that I want!... The only one since we were kids." Your voice is weak, and you feel some tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. 
Since you were kids? 
Was it Tenzo? No. You were never that close to Tenzo.
Was it someone you met before Anbu? Who??
Who could be so stupid as to not want you?
Sukea sighs, with eyes closed. Damn, these contact lenses are a fucking pain, and he's about to witness you cry for another man. 
When he opens his eyes, he tries to give you a warm and kind gaze, "Why don't you talk to him? Confess your feelings, at least then you will know the truth, and can move on."  
But you were afraid of his rejection.
You bite your lip, "How will I move on?" 
"There's plenty of fish in the sea, or so I heard."
You chuckle, shaking your head in disbelief. Sukea has a relaxed smile on his lips, and he is one of the most beautiful people you ever seen, for sure.
"Are you one of them?" Maybe it is the alcohol that is making you so bold, because you had never flirted with anyone else but Kakashi. Could you be blamed, though? Sukea seemed to be nice enough, he was kind to you and he was stunning. 
The man smirks, and your heart skips a beat. Damn.
Kakashi allows himself to have this, at least this once, for all the times he had ran away from you. He wished he never had. 
"If he doesn't realize how good you are for him, you can come find me, sweetheart," He winks at you, and you giggle and blush like you were still a kid with a crush.
He is so charming, but you didn't even dare to ask where you could find him. You knew he was just being nice, it was just wishful thinking. 
"I have to go. My teammates are already sleeping!" You get up, only a little bit wobbly. He helps you steady yourself by offering you his arm, and you smile sweetly at him.
Kakashi can't help but smile back. You had idea how beautiful and cute you were sometimes. 
So, he takes your team finished the mission earlier and stopped at the village to rest for the night before heading back to Konoha? That explains it. 
He accompanies you to your hotel, and you feel way better when you reach the entrance. But also, you almost feel sad to say goodbye to him.
He was so nice to you, and certainly made a shitty night so much better. It's crazy, but deep inside you are gonna miss how this man made you feel. 
You thank him, and he takes your hand, guiding it to his lips and pressing a chaste kiss to your palm. The mischievous glint in his eyes is such a contrast to the delicacy of his features. 
"It was my pleasure."
•••
It's been a week and a half since you arrived at the village, and even though you still hadn't taken up on his advice, you caught your mind still wandering to that charming stranger at the bar sometimes.  
He felt so familiar and yet so unlike anyone you've ever met. A stark contrast to the man you were head over heels for, and struggling to find the courage to confess to. 
He had come back from his mission two days ago, successful, of course, and still hadn't come visit you once. You were half relieved, since you didn't know what to say yet. 
"I love you," simply wasn't enough. Not after this long, it didn't capture how much you've longed for this man, didn't tell how much he truly meant to you.
The other half was drowning in fear of rejection. Was he avoiding you because of your comment, that last time? Would he ever want to talk to you again? How would he react to you confessing?? Would he hate you? Avoid you more?? 
You are so conflicted and nearly hoping he never wants to see you again, so at least you would be spared of being rejected again, that you are caught completely out of guard when he actually shows up on the fourth day. 
"What are you doing here??" That sounded way more rude than you intended. You were nervous, and losing it, ok.
Kakashi is speechless, beneath the mask his mouth opens and closes a few times. Didn't you even want to see him anymore?
"I... Can leave if you want?" 
"No! That was not what I meant, is just-" You take a deep intake of breath, and signal for him to sit down with you, "You haven't showed up... I thought you'd finally grown bored of me," You said with a small smile. 
Kakashi huffs, but you know he is smiling, "Hardly."
"I wanted to talk to you." Is what you want to say, but the silence lingers among you, as you sip on your tea. The shop is almost empty at this hour, except for one or two other costumers a few tables from you. 
It always felt intimate, but now, it was scarily so, because this could be the last time you'd have this with him. 
"I met someone during my mission," You start, stirring your tea and watching his reaction. The single exposed brow raises inquisitively at you.
"Can't believe you are flirting on your missions. I thought you were professional," His scolding is so lighthearted, and amusement drips from his voice. You laugh.
"I had already finished my mission, thank you," You sigh, "So, I met him in a bar, the night before coming back to the vilage," You notice the way Kakashi shifts uncomfortably on the chair, but you decide to ignore it.
"I was a little drunk, and I might have cofessed to him that... I liked someone, that probably didn't like me back. And he told me that I should try to confess to him, because only then I'd know for sure." You bite your lip, "It's been almost two weeks and I still don't know what to say." 
Kakashi is visibly not relaxed, "I'm not the best person to ask for help for a nice love confession," He sounds embarrassed, and his voice a little strained. Gods, please, don't ask of him for help you to confess to someone else. Don't break his heart like this. 
But you just let out an exasperated sigh, "I know." There's almost a bitter smile on your face, "You read those porn books with too much sex and too little romance. You push me away every time I get too close, and there is a chance you don't even like me like this, but I do." Your face softens, even as you feel your hands shaking against the cup of the tea, "I like you, Kakashi, for years. And you don't have to like me back, but I need to know."
It's like the whole world stops spinning, and the dome that secludes him from the rest of it cracks right in front of him. All the walls, all the barriers he pulled up so carefully, shatter into nothing, and he is open and exposed. 
It was him you were talking about at the bar. It was for him you were drinking and looking so sad.
He was the unquestionable fool that was too stupid and too scared by his own love, to notice yours. 
The air is knocked off his lungs, and you can hear his breathing getting heavier. The little you can make out of his expression, is not enough, and you prepare yourself for the blow. 
But it never comes. Instead, his hand reaches for yours, shaking around the cup, and takes it. His fingers entwine with yours, until his hand is holding yours. 
You hear a gentle huff from him, "I may be an uquestionable fool, but I do know how good you are for me," Your eyes widen, lips parted. Those words. How did he-??
He sighs, and his thumb gently caresses your own, "You'll need to be patient with me, it's not going to be easy. And it is much more than I can ask of you," His voice is low, for only you to hear, but every word carries such a heavy honesty that you feel your chest tightening. 
"But if you are sure you want to go through that with me... I want to go through that with you." You are crying, and his free hand gently wipes your tears away with a thumb, cupping your cheek.
He liked you back, he pushed you away but he liked you back. 
"We already went through a lot, Kakashi. I've waited years for this, I am patient. I want this, I want you." 
He is smiling, wide underneath the mask, and he guides your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss through the fabric. The act is so familiar that makes your stomach flutter. 
And you are left completely speechles at his next words.
He sounds amused, and so relaxed, "Guess you won't have to go look for him, after all."
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White Lies (Pt. 13 of 21)
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Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader
Word count: 2.7 K
Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.
But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.
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×
Change Of Heart
“You and Daniel were in a relationship that ended sometime before we met,” Keanu says, gathering his stuff as you do the same, both starting to take the baggage to the living room. “He is Mrs. Davis' son, and I guess she didn't like much when you two broke apart.”
“And where is this Daniel now? I'd like to meet him if he's part of my past.” You stop by the door, as Keanu checks on his phone for the car he just called.
But he puts his phone away, eyes on you. “Daniel passed away a week before your accident.”
“Oh...” You whisper, looking down. “So that's why Lucia got so sad when I said we weren't considering the name.”
“Yeah.”
Furrowing your eyebrows at his weird expression, you step forward and tiptoe, placing a kiss on his lips. “Let's go home, babe.”
•••
Going back home happened without any incidents. But the next days were filled with medical appointments. You assure him you're fine, but Keanu seems to be in an urge to make sure you're completely fine. You try not to complain about it, but things get weird when you notice a strange expression on his face. For too many times to count you caught him looking like he was just about to say something, but for some reason, he gives up. It makes you confront him a couple of times, but he assures you he's just worried as the pregnancy goes on.
Some weeks go by, and you're getting impatient to find out the baby's sex. On your many ultrasounds, they're always on a position that makes it impossible to see it. But you're hopeful for today, and, as you lie on the bed with Keanu, your back against his chest, you take in the soft morning light.
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Keanu has an arm around her waist, a hand caressing her belly. Her bare back keeps his body warm, and despite the constant feeling that time is running short, he places kisses on her neck.
He was supposed to tell her the truth weeks ago, the moment they got back from Miami, but he just couldn't. This went too far, he went too far. In every possible aspect. Keanu didn't only fell for her, but he was intimate with (Y/N) too many times to count, and that makes him feel more guilt than anything else.
Her second trimester is just about to end, and now, he's caught in between. Again, for the millionth time, Keanu is caught in between two feelings. His love and his morals.
In his defense, Keanu did try to break the news several times. The words, the destructive, dangerous words were at the tip of his tongue, ready to desolate his life. But they got stuck, and he was too weak at the thought of losing her. Of losing the baby that he loves so much. It doesn't matter how many times he reminds himself the kid isn't his, he's failing to get this fact to grow roots in his heart. Keanu loves the child as if it's his own.
Guilt threatens to devour him entirely sometimes, but right now, in this moment, happiness suppresses everything else. This is his personal paradise, with her, the baby, healthily growing inside her.
Keanu always wanted a family. Settle down, take less and smaller roles. But nobody ever made him feel like he could. Of all the women he dated, nobody ever made him feel like he would give up everything. He thought he knew what love was, and he thought it wasn't as strong as people say... But now, life proved him wrong. This is love, a wrecking ball that came and destroyed his walls, his heart, his wrong perceptions. If only it happened some other way. If he wasn't caught up in this web of lies.
Dr. Harris wasn't happy to know he was sleeping with her. (Y/N) told her, of course, and even though it was in her usual shy and reserved way, the psychologist got the meaning behind the words. And she confronted him, very harshly, and Keanu could do nothing but listen and agree. Because this is wrong. This is the worst kind of betrayal.
(Y/N) moves a little, breathing deeply as she wakes up. A hand finds his, pulling it to her chest, placing a soft kiss on his fingers. “Morning.” She whispers, voice still clouded by sleep. She's used to it now, Keanu is always awake first.
“Good morning, beautiful.” He replies, fingers caressing her chin. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, but I miss lying on my stomach.” She complains, turning around and snuggling into his chest. “What time is it? We have an ultrasound.”
“I know. And we should probably start getting ready.”
“Alright.” (Y/N) mutters, but doesn't give any signs she'll move anytime soon.
But he knows what today is all about, and it will certainly make her excited. “Hopefully we'll finally find out if this little one is Sophie or Liam.”
“Yes!” Immediately, she pushes herself up, an arm sustaining her weight as she looks down at Keanu. And he tries not to stare at her nude figure, even though this is silly compared to everything they're done. Still, he thinks he should at least try. “The baby must be in a good position today. I can't wait anymore.” With that, she's up, smiling as she makes her way to the bathroom.
And Keanu is left behind on the bed, surrounded by his bad decisions. Maybe this is the right time. Maybe, being this happy, she won't hate him so much.
With a lump in his throat, he goes on with his routine, until they're almost ready to go. Keanu waits by the bedroom door frame as she fixes her hair, the bathroom door half open. This is way too sudden, but if he doesn't do that now, if he waits any longer, he'll never be ready. He'll never be brave or strong enough to do this. He took too long already. Now, he can only hope, pray, that this will somehow end up the way he wants.
That he won't lose her.
The moment he sees (Y/N) walking out of the bathroom, Keanu gives a step forward, arms crossed, heart beating so fast it threatens to jump off his chest. The words are at the top of his tongue when his eyes take in her posture. (Y/N) holds the skirt of her blue dress up, all the way to the top of her thigh with one hand, and on the other, there's blood. Bright and red, staining her fingers and the palm of her hand. His eyes turn to her face, blank, scared as she looks at him.
Without thinking too much, his mind on the verge of collapsing, he forces himself to move, quickly making his way over her.
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You hate the smell of the soap they have here. You hate this hospital and what it means when you're brought here. It's only far worse now. You're still trying not to burst into tears, trying not to break down again. There's no pain, so that's good. And no more bleeding, which is even better. The feeling you got when you found blood on your underwear was the worst thing in the world. For a moment, a desperate moment, you thought you were going to lose the baby. You wanted to yell, but you didn't have it in you.
If it wasn't for Keanu, you don't know what you'd do.
Now, still walking terribly slow out of nervousness, you leave the hospital bathroom, finding Keanu seated on the edge of your bed, already looking at you.
“Hi, beautiful.” He says, and you remember this was one of the first things he said to you. “Come and lie down. Why did you put the dress on again?”
“Because it's clean and I don't want to stay here.” Instead of doing as he said, you stand before him, your forehead on his chest. “I thought I was going to lose our baby.” Your voice cracks as some tears roll down, arms around his midsection.
“I already spoke to the doctor.” Immediately, you pull away, just enough to look into his eyes. “He assured me you're both alright.”
“Are you sure, Ke?” You plead, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I almost lost my mind.”
“He wants you to rest and that's all. He–” He's cut short by the door being open, and you see Dr. Wright and your obstetrician.
“First of all, you must know the baby is alright.” Dr. Williams says as she comes closer, a tablet on her hands. “Sometimes, such discharges happen, mostly as you progress from the second to the third trimester.” She kindly smiles. “Everything you two need to do is keep up the good job. Make sure to rest, eat healthily, and exercise. But I'll recommend you to lie down for the rest of the day, ok?”
“Ok.” You quickly agree.
“It would be good to avoid surprises. The bad ones at least.” Dr. Wright adds, oddly staring at Keanu. But that's normal, he still needs to look after you, so some things are directed to him. “But we have good news today, right, Dr. Williams?”
“Yes.” From under the tablet, she takes a picture from the ultrasound and hands over to you. “The baby was in a good position and we already know the sex.”
“Oh my God.” You exclaim, smiling for the first time since the incident. “What is it?”
Dr. Williams smiles, exchanging a glance with Dr. Wright. “Mr. and Mrs. Reeves, you'll be having a baby boy.”
“It's Liam!” You yell, throwing your arms around Keanu again. “I was right!”
“You were right.” He agrees, a second before you kiss him, not minding the audience.
“Well, you're free to go home. And call me if you need anything.” Dr. Wright says and the obstetrician agrees before they both leave.
At least something good happened today. You'll finally be able to paint the blank white walls of the baby's bedroom, and buy what you still need.
“I was right.” You repeat, smirking at Keanu. “But we can try again and maybe it'll be a girl. I mean, if we ever spoke about having more than one kid.” Blushing a little, you bite your lip. There are still a lot of things you need to be updated on, and you still get a little sad when it happens.
“I'd love to have more kids if that's what you want, sweetheart,” Keanu says and you smile, kissing him again. “But now let's go home. You need to lie down for the day.”
“Can we stop and buy the paint for Liam's room? We already know the color so it'll only take a minute.” You know you have to rest, but you can't help but feel excited for finally being able to finish off the baby's bedroom. “Please? I'll stay in the car.”
Keanu gives you a look because sometimes you don't always do as you said you would. “Fine, but you won't be painting anything. I can do it myself.”
Nodding, you watch as he takes your bag and guides you out of the hospital room you hate so much. Hopefully, there will be a day you won't have to keep coming here, not because of some incident and not for any appointments.
You did wait in the car this time, and as much as you wanted to hit the mall and buy everything blue and green, Keanu forces you to give up the idea and head straight home. And when you get there, you have his undivided attention. He doesn't only make an incredible lunch, and an incredible dinner, he gives your legs a massage, and it takes a lot of effort to just lie down instead of jumping on him. But this is peaceful, slow, and sweet.
In the weeks that follow, nothing bad happens. You feel great, but you also heavier. Liam is growing fast, and you can't wait any longer to meet him. And neither can Keanu. He gets even more protective with time if that's even possible. And after you almost slipped in the shower, you're not even allowed to shower by yourself. Of course you pretend you're annoyed, but the truth is that you love it.
Despite feeling uncomfortable during this period, Keanu makes everything perfect. There are still no signs you'll get the memories back, and that's a fact now, but you'll follow your psychologist's advice. And Laura's advice, since they're pretty much the same. Living in the past will only get in the way of what's happening now. You have an amazing husband, who loves you deeply, and a child on the way. The present is wonderful, and you won't let anything ruin it.
You're around week 37 now, marking it on the calendar on the fridge door, a hand on your back as you make your way to the kitchen table. Keanu is still upstairs, and you take this chance to pour some honey on your plate. You're still eating the awkward combination when he comes to the kitchen, and you try not to let him see. But Keanu sees everything, and when he takes his place across from you, you feel his eyes burning.
“What?” You innocently ask, shrugging your shoulders.
“Are you eating bacon with honey?”
Biting your lip, you raise an eyebrow at him. “I happen to love honey. And bacon. So it makes sense.” He giggles and you kick his leg under the table. “Don't mess with the pregnant lady.” Warning him, you push the plate away. “I'm done anyway. I'll move to the couch if you don't mind, my back really hurts.”
“Sure. I'll join you in a bit.”
“Ok.” Dragging yourself to the living room, you lie down, hands on your swollen belly. You're almost drifting off to sleep when you feel Keanu sitting down, lifting your legs so he can move closer, caressing your thighs. “Ke, I'm huge.” You complain, eyes on the bump.
“You're beautiful.” Bending down, he places a kiss on your exposed belly, since you have the shirt pulled up. “Absolutely gorgeous.”
“Yeah, I doubt that.” Pouting a little, you try to hold back the giggle when you see his eyebrow raised.
“I would love to show how beautiful I think you are, but Dr. Williams told us to give it a little break.”
“Don't even remind me.” You never complained about anything with your obstetrician, but when she told you and Keanu should probably avoid sleeping together, you had to speak up. Even though your cheeks were burning. But in the end, you did comply. And you wouldn't have much of a choice anyway, since Keanu does everything the doctors say. “I heard your phone beeping. Everything alright in Arch?”
“Yes. That was just Lucia.” He says, obviously a little annoyed. “She just moved here. She's renting an apartment not so far away.”
“What the hell.” Sighing, you roll your eyes. This woman won't leave you alone, it doesn't matter what you say. “Why is she doing that? Isn't it obvious we don't want her around?” A couple of weeks ago she showed up again, and another argument happened. Keanu had to kick her out because the recommendations were that you shouldn't be put under any kind of stress.
“She loves you and the baby. That's why she wants to be around.” You don't get it. Keanu doesn't like her either, so why does he still speak like this?
“I know you can't stand her, you don't have to fake it with me.”
“But this isn't about me, sweetheart, it's about you and the people who were in your life before.”
The kindness in his voice makes you sit up, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You're amazing, did you know that?” Placing kisses on his face, you smile. “I love you. I'm worried to death and I'm trying not to get anxious with the labor, but you're making everything perfect. You're the best husband I could ever have.”
“I'm just trying to be the husband you deserve.” With a hand caressing your cheek, Keanu kisses you full on the lips, and you take no time before kissing him back. You don't know what you'd do without him, but luckily, you won't ever have to find out.
×
@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303
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verobatto · 3 years
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Destiel Chronicles
Vol. XCII
It was a love story from the very beginning.
What Do I Do Now?
(12x23)
Hello my dear fellows! We reached the last meta from season 12! This is a sad one, my friends, I know. But we embrace the destiel angst, as good shippers, right?
So, let's cry again with Dean again at the end of this season.
Let's start...
The Promise
When the episode starts we have Kelly Kline dressed in light blue.
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Gif credit @kingofthecrxssroads
The light blue and white color talks about purity and is related to divinity. Those are the colors weared by Virgen Mary, the mother of God, which is now very meaningful to see Kelly Kline, the mother of the future god, wearing the same colors.
After this beautiful detail in the visual Narrative, let's focus on that promise that changed Castiel's priorities for ever.
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Gif credit @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs
This is gonna be the new mission for Castiel. His change of priorities, the cause of the future Destiel break up in season 14. This promise will lead Castiel into his decision that will en with his death, exchanging his life for Jack in Heaven, the deal with the Empty.
Then, in another scene, we have this dialogue:
KELLY: Tell me again. Tell me again what you saw.
CASTIEL: Right, I saw– I saw... I saw the future. I saw a world without pain or hunger or want. I saw the world that this child... that your child...
KELLY: Mm.
CASTIEL: ...will create.
KELLY: Mm.
CASTIEL: And it is a world without fear and without suffering and without hate.
KELLY: Mm.
CASTIEL: I saw paradise.
This is a reflection of episode 15x19, with Jack as the new God, defeating Chuck, creating a new Paradise, Heaven.
Another interesting visual Narrative was Jack's room.
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Pic credit @fallenandinlovewithhumanity
The tree represents: FAMILY, each word of his name is colored in TFW colors BLUE, YELLOW AND RED. The meaning is all over that wall, Jack's family, Jack's parents will be Sam, Dean and Castiel. The family settled with strong roots, like a tree.
Noe the rainbow 🌈 in the Bible represents THE DEAL BETWEEN HUMANITY AND GOD, is a promise of no more harm. An example of it, was the rainbow that appeared after The Great Universal Flood.
I will talk here about a little and funny foreshadow... You'll pick it up quick!
MARY: All right, then. Kind of always wanted to punch the Devil in the face. So how do we find them?
Yes, my friends, this was an easy one, right? Is a Foreshadow of Mary Winchester punching the devil, not just once but twice, one in season 13.
Another beautiful and blatant parallel was this one...
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Gif credit @godshipsit
Those are the same words Mary said to Dean when she was pregnant.
This marks the Jack as Dean's mirror. The kid will try to be like him, to follow his steps. Because just as Dean is a role model to CAS, he will be the same to Jack.
Another foreshadow of Castiel's dead, and example of those who takes bad decisions to have a win, was Crowley.
SAM: Crowley...why did you do it? Save Lucifer– What did you want?
CROWLEY: I wanted to win.
The desire of a win is remarked as the precursor of bad decision. First we will have Crowley explaining why he let the devil out, which will end in his death, and then we will have Castiel at the end of this episode dying after taking a collection of bad decisions. But for Dean it will mean to get Castiel back in 13x06.
Dean and Cas
The reuniom between Cas and Dean was full of dramatism, jealousy and sassy looks, just to exalt their relationship as romantic.
We all recall the scene in which Case opens the door, and everyone is there: Sam, Mary and Dean, but CAS just calls DEAN hahaahaha. Is just Dean for his eyes, well, that's love.
We have Dean and Sam giving a discourse about loyalty and family and work together... Very dramatic.
DEAN: Look, Sam's right, okay? We'll work through our crap. We always do. But right now, we are here to get you, get Kelly, and get gone.
They heard Kelly, and Mary goes to assist her. But then Dean keeps scolding and talking to Cas, but Castiel replies with his sassy self:
DEAN: Hey, if he shows, can you flame on again? Can you torch Lucifer like you did Dagon?
CASTIEL: I don't know. No, that wasn't me. That was the child. And in case you haven't noticed, he's a little busy.
After this Dean will show himself in pain, just to caught CAS attention, like a annoyed boyfriend that doesn't want to ask for help to his boyfriend, because they're fighting, but whining and moving his harmed knee to his boyfriend, is a great method to get away from the fight they're having, showing Castiel 'look how i was hurt when you weren't there, you weren't there so I had to carry with this pain in my knee.' Believe me, i know this method very well. Hehehehe. So, it works, because Castiel goes immediately to heal him.
DEAN: [bends and grasps his injured knee] Aah. Son of a bitch.
CASTIEL: Here, Dean.
DEAN: Mm.
CASTIEL: Let me.
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Gif set credit @shirtlesssammy
So, this is the beginning of jealousy Dean has Because Castiel will put Jack first on his list, just like now, Because is the arriving of a son, and that's a crisis for couples.
Look how Dean accepts his healing, and then smiles shyly, happily, goofily, avoiding Castiel's eyes. He is happy because he got the attention he wanted from his angel. Because even after fighting for the bad decisions CAS had taken, he is still his Cas, and he'ss still caring about him. After feeling Cas was acting odd, this healing is like getting him back.
Another scene full of jealousy, coming from Dean feeling Cas was staying away from him, doing his own life, is this scene:
SAM: Whoa. Cas, what is this?
CASTIEL: As I said, it's– it's Earth. But this Earth is locked in eternal war between Heaven and Hell. There are armies of angels fighting hoards of demons, and the few humans that remain are caught in between.
SAM: How do you know that?
CASTIEL: A friend told me.
DEAN: Oh, good. Now you're makin' friends? That's...
Dean is jealous that Cas is making friends out of his sight.
CASTIEL: You don't have to worry. The child, he opened this door. He'll close it.
DEAN: You sure about that?
CASTIEL: I have faith.
DEAN: Really? In your unborn baby-God?
CASTIEL: Yes.
DEAN: Well, then, you're a dumbass.
Jealousy again, reflected in how Castiel is having faith in Jack, and how he used to have faith in Dean. So Dean is feeling maybe, he is replaced slowly by this child.
After this Castiel explains to Sam and Dean that this Apocalyptic World is a world in which they never born. Trying to remark that Dean and Sam are important to our world.
Then, AU!Bobby mentions bullets that kill angels and Dean goes...
DEAN: Wait, angel-killing bullets? Awesome.
And sassy married look from Castiel...
As I said, everything is so dramatic, because they're so married.
Another important scene was Lucifer appearing in front of them, and saying the following words...
LUCIFER: You're right. What should I do? Oh, God! Don't strike me dead! Come on, Sam. You sound like a virgin in Jesus camp. "We can't. God is watching." No. Chuck "walked." He's gone.
When Lucifer mentions this, Castiel turns around to see Dean. It was filmed that way toake us see that was a thought in Castiel's POV, this is something that will be developed to in episode 14x15 and 14x17. In the first one, Peace of Mind we will have a Castiel's POV, with pink color everywhere (representing happiness) and green all over (representing Dean) as something forbidden, something HE CAN'T HAVE, the second episode, we will have a girl and a boy making out inside a car, and the girl is afraid of her dad finding out their relationship, HE COULD SEE US. As if they were doing something prohibited. Both examples are linked to this scene, and Castiel's Sacred Oath.
Crowley's redemption arc was him sacrificing for the boys. As a prelude of this.
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Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind
Castiel sacrificing himself for Sam and Dean, and dying after this...
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Pic set credit @akitescoldstrings-blog1
The dead that had been foreshadowed for two seasons is here. Stabbed by the back, the bright light showing he is dying, Dean's desperate shout, and his worst nightmare becoming truth.
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Gif credit @they-stare-i-ship
The burnt wings on the ground is another sign that Cas is gone for real. Dean's facial expression is the most sad we an see, defeated, he will bend down on his knees.
Sam will run to the cabin, because Jack is coming, even with Mary falling with Lucifer into the AU, even with Castiel dead, Sam is focused on the mission. But Dean can't. He can't react, because he had just seen the love of his life dying in front of his eyes. And nothing will be normal again for him.
To Conclude:
This episode is linked to with season 15 final episodes. Talking about the new Paradise the New God will bring.
It shows too the role Cas, Sam and Dean will have in Jack's life.
It talks about sacrifice for love, and how Castiel will change his priorities, leaving Dean feeling a little jealous about it.
And this episode ends with Castiel's dead, in front of his lover.
Hope you like this meta. See you in the next one in season 13!
Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper
@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha
@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh
If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.
Of you wanna read the previous metas from season 12, here you have the links:
Vol. LXXV, LXXVI, LXXVII, LXXVIII, LXXIX, LXXX, LXXXI, LXXXII, LXXXIII, LXXXIV, LXXXV, LXXXVI, LXXXVII, LXXXVIII, LXXXIX, XC, XCI.
Buenos Aires, December 13th 2020 9:07 PM
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pbandjesse · 5 years
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Today was a pretty good day. But I woke up with some really bad anxiety. I first got up around 5:30 and try to fall back asleep. I was able to doze at least until around 6:30. But then I got up. I got dressed and I told James I just couldn't you in the house right now. I had to go and clean the old apartment. I was just dealing with too much stress and I couldn't wait till this afternoon.
So I biked to the old place. And I clean the fridge and I took out the rest of the trash. I just tried to do what I could to make myself feel better. I called James because I felt overwhelmed and he told me he would come back later in the day and finish cleaning and do a video walkthrough for me. That made me feel a bit better. Felt like I had some help. Please just spoke so dusty and I couldn't handle it. And I just needed help.
I called my dad and talk to him for a little. Told him a little bit more about the new place and the plan for coming to visit next week. And it was nice. I calmed down enough and I still have almost an hour until I really needed to be at the Museum.
So I decided to bike over to the new place. I looked around to the front and back of the building. Saw that there is a swing set over at the park that we're going to be across the street from. So that's exciting. I love swing set. And then I figured out the best way to get downtown.
And that was really easy actually. There's only one part where there's a little bit of a hill. But it's not a bad Hill and it was a pretty comfortable ride. I'm really excited to move. I'm hoping that maybe while I'm gone for a few days James will take some initiative and just do some of it. But we'll see. We both have pretty full schedules this week and then I go to the beach and I'm going to go see my parents and I'm glad we have the flexibility to kind of move as a process. But I also just desperately want to be over there and I'm packing and putting things away. I am so sick of all the little piles of stuff we have in this apartment. I just want to put it away.
I got down to the museum around 8:30. So I went to McDonald's and got breakfast. I ate it there. And took my time.
It was a really nice day though. I got to talk to some really interesting people. I only gave one actual tour but I went through the museum and would show people stuff and tell stories. I cleaned and organized the back office area. Help Kate bring some stuff up to the office is on the other side of the building. The ones I don't go up to very often. It was nice.
It was mostly very chill day. Around 1:30 ish I went over to Chipotle and got nachos. I came back and had half of them. I think I'm going to bring the other half to school tomorrow. And then at 2 I gave my one big tour of the day.
And man was it a doozy. I knew it was going to be emotional because of all the presidential comments about Baltimore yesterday. And I wasn't as emotional as I thought I was going to be I was angry. Because there was a couple on our tour who were tourists. And the guy could not stop interrupting to make disparaging comments about Baltimore. Overall it was a very good tour. I got to tell my stories and there was comments and questions and the tour lasted a little over an hour. I had this one young couple who is considering coming here for college and they were just so sweet. But that one guy interrupted me when I got into my reasons I love Baltimore part of my tour and he really upset me. Thankfully everyone else in the car kind of jumped on him when he said that Baltimore was the most crime ridden place in America. And I just looked at him and I said no. Here are the reasons you are wrong about the Baltimore Community. The reasons it's a good place. The reasons it has been disenfranchised and the ways that the community is trying to make it better. And by saying that horrible stuff about it it's not helping anything and it's just mean.
Thankfully I had some really nice people to talk to after the tour that had questions and positive things to say. And I got to gush about Baltimore then. Uninterrupted by negativity.
But because my Torrid of a little bit longer than I planned to have you had to wait to have her lunch. I feel bad about that. But you put me in charge of the register and I had not done that at the BMI yet. So it was scary. But it's the same POS system as over at ships so it was fine. I did have some trouble with the credit cards and had to hand type them in because I couldn't figure out how to use the scanner but I sold it and I sold two tickets on a t-shirt. Very proud of myself. I am now trained to work at the front desk.
I left there a little bit before 4. And man it was hot outside. I ended up liking back to the harbor but the sun was so bright I just wanted to go be inside somewhere so I went to Marshalls. I needed to buy jean shorts anyway.
As I was coming up the escalator there was a credit card at the top of the stairs. A man saw it and he reached down to pick it up and I said oh no that's not a good thing to lose. And then I look to the side and there's and insurance card and a driver's license. I was like oh no and then someone said I think that's her over there. So I went to go ask but it wasn't she just had similar hair. So we gave them to the security guard and hoped for the best.
While it was over looking at the clearance stuff I found the girl. And she had already gotten it from the security guard and she thanked me and it was great. I heard her on the phone on the other side the rack telling the person that I was a sweet lady who found her stuff and she basically lost her entire life somehow and felt very stupid was so happy that I found it and not somebody who was mean.
And I found my shorts. They fit me very well but they do have that weird holes distressing thing happening in it. So I think I'm going to put some colorful fabric underneath of it for like a cool effect. But they fit me so good I couldn't turn them down for $12.
I left there and biked home. I took kind of a funny way and was just kind of exploring. But I got back here around 5.
I put some stuff away. Water the plants because they all looked sad. I had a succulent clipping that had rooted, so I planted that. First time I've ever tried this. And then I took a bath. I put olive oil in my hair because my scalp is so dry and now I'm just kind of hanging out. James has a meeting that's supposed to be over at 7. So he'll probably be home soon. So I'm just eating crackers. Tomorrow I have a half day of camp. Because I have to go to my apartment walk through. I am so anxious over this. I hate it. I feel like the last apartment walkthrough I had went so simple and so easy just look around it was like a cool. And then even with the U-haul pick up the guy just looked at said okay cool and signed off. I'm hoping that this will be the same thing. We cleaned it looks great on video but it's probably still Dusty because everything's Dusty. So I'm just hoping that whoever from the maintenance company comes is nice. And doesn't make me feel horrible about everything because I already feel horrible and everything. And I hate that I have to leave work so early because then I have to leave the big kids halfway through stem. And that feels horrible. But I'm hoping that they can at least get started and it won't matter that I'm not there for the second the half of the afternoon. I should have made the appointment for 3 I don't know why I made it for 2. I think I just freaked out.
I still think it will be a nice day. It's the last week of camp and I am hoping it will be great. I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Be safe out there. Take care of each other. Try not to let all the small stuff get to you.
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willowbird · 3 years
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Omg Tohru you are so DUMB you are in LOVE with him you DUMBASS this is not a MYSTERY OH MY GOD.
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