#what am i doing with my life lmfao

[depressedraisin]

when i started writing this paper. could i have predicted i'll be sitting here on a fine saturday morning scrolling down chiara ferragni's instagram

#what am i doing with my life LMFAO

[fatuismooches]

EVEN MORE CUTE DOTTORE MOMENTS TO MAKE YOU SMILE 🙏 (because I am too tired to post anything of quality)

#smooches talks #ouhhhh... to experience the domestic life with him... #someone motivate me to start writing actual fics again... #the dottore honeymoon fic merely has the title “medicus scriptor amorem” and “Honeymoon fic” in the actual document LMFAO #i made it on... january 27 oops #idek if im gonna stick to that name because google translate for latin is so bad omfg #(TO THAT KIND PERSON WHO SENT ME IDEAS ILY AND I PROMISE I WILL RESPOND. I PROMISE IM NOT IGNORING U) #i also have another wip i havent touched with loving the harbingers when they weren't in the fatui yet #no like seriously i think churning out 50k words did something to my writing state 💀🙏 #a snippet from dottores part: Il Dottore’s strength was nearly unmatched in the Fatui being the Second Fatui Harbinger and all. #what most people do not know is that he was… certainly not the best fighter during his Akademiya days. #A claymore was also out of the question - he grumbled when he had to lug his numerous research materials and parts to the desert… #In the end you settled on teaching Zandik the basics of a sword. do with this as you will... #however i am still so proud of myself for fabulam diu oblitus #i was rereading in class bc i was bored and i was like #damn i kinda ate with this #thanks for listening to smooches mini writing life crisis if u made it here #okay i go sleep now... i have midterms this week #OMFG THESE TAGS R SO LONG IM SO SORRY

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

phone calls my detested

#i had to make a vet appointment and Wow i am not cut out for this whole independent adult thing lmfao #i had to write down a little script for myself... #i feel so bad for the receptionist i was stumbling and 'uhhhhh'ing my way through that call #fuck and when i was supposed to end the call. i didnt realize #I DONT KNOW THE PROTOCOL OKAY #do i hang up??? do i say bye??? she didnt say bye so was there something else i was supposed to say #she hung up so Yay but oughhhhhhh what the fuck #youre telling me people just Know how to carry a conversation? they just Know the routine? sounds fake #i had to rev myself up for the call too #put on a hat. put on sunglasses to trick my brain into thinking we're outside doing things thus fabricating confidence #phone in one hand fidget-dodecahedron in the other. Pacing #my brain is a normal brain that works perfectly fine thanks for asking #absolutely unprompted #i feel so connected to my neanderthal ancestors when i have to make a call #theyre being stalked by a smilodon... i have to talk to a person... same Fear <3 #no but fr whenever i have to talk to someone my thought process shuts down Completely and i forget that im a living human being #fight or flight - neither. freeze and play dead #i think in my next life... i would like to be... a decorative plant #perhaps one of those tall ferns outside a seaside barbecue restaurant #i'd Win at that life. id be so good at photosynthesizing & rustling in the ocean breeze

[moe-broey]

I was maybe halfway into this when I realized this could have been an edit but. Can anyone hear me

#fire emblem #feh #LIKE YEAH THAT WHOLE MONOLOGUE WAS AN ACT. BUT THIS IS MORE TO DEMONSTRATE #how triandra REFUSES to look past her guilt at all costs. she is ALWAYS so quick to condemn herself #meanwhile alfonse given the right circumstances under the right pressure. #he will go full sicko mode. #LIKE .... AUGHHHHH i can't fully capture it but. they have complete opposite mental/emotional approaches to what they had to do. #AND complete opposite attitudes about it. like alfonse is absolutely remorseful over gustav #and the abuse/neglect he got from gustav is way more nuanced than triandra's father adding even more complexity to it #but like. alfonse's greatest strength and weakness (i like to believe anyway lmfao) is he is practical. #LIKE. TO ALFONSE. the ends justify the means. meanwhile triandra did what she had to and yet #still WHOLEHEARTEDLY believes she's in the wrong for it. like two wrongs don't make a right. #even though her and peony's situation WAS life or death. she still sees what she had to do as #a crime she can never be absolved from. #am i making sense. i am unmedicated. #fe alfonse #fe triandra #my art

[loptrcoptr]

Someone just applied to my job ad and cited… torrenting cds online as “archival experience” and I am tempted to interview them purely because I’m impressed by the sheer audacity wtf

#which is in itself a joke i guess because i have used audacity the program to torrent!!!!! lmfao yall #i died i was like i am not familiar with these are they MARC or something– OH MY GOD #gotta do what you gotta do in this job market lol #work life

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[woundedheartwithin]

Part of learning and accepting that I have adhd has been mitigating all the things I hate about things I have to do as best I can so that I can actually do them. One of those things has been changing where and how I brush my teeth. One of my biggest issues is that I think it’s fucking gross to brush my teeth in the same room I poop in, so I started brushing my teeth in the kitchen, which also has an added benefit of having a window instead of a mirror. And the best part is, now I can stand there and brush my teeth and watch my neighbor chase his horses all over their pasture because they don’t wanna be caught 😂😂😂

#she speaks #the bathroom’s clean btw it’s just the idea of it that weirds me out #the other thing I hate about brushing my teeth is I hate mint #so I started buying kids toothpaste lol #and I don’t like getting water on my arms or shirt #the kitchen helps with that but also so does using a cup instead of my hands #but I hate the disposable ones because that’s wasteful #so I use a regular one lol #like these are all things I’d been doing for my whole life cuz that’s how I was taught and I didn’t think there was any other option #you use mint toothpaste and you brush your teeth in the bathroom and you use your hands to bring water to your mouth to swish #but the thing is there are no fucking rules #and that’s one of my mantras #there are no rules and done is better than perfect #changed my fucking life fr #course all of this is possible because I am finally properly medicated lmao #this is also things I can’t post on fb cuz I’m friends with my neighbor on there lmfao #I went to school with him too that’s what’s even better #he also lives at home with his parents #millennial culture and all that I guess lmfao

[franky-y]

i actually wanted to draw today but instead i've been sitting here for the past few hours booping random people

#boop #what am i doing with my life #seriously i'm getting nothing done here help lmfao

[skitskatdacat63]

Orb...

+ process kinda

#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL #i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!! #i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece ..... #i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!! #thus: orb #im very happy w it so thats why im posting #idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig #lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not #im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things #and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works #and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay????? #i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane #but i think ive got it down p well :) #ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!! #i like how half my art i post here is either chibis #or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever #yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY #had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis #and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics #catie.art.

[pochapal]

mood for the evening

#:) #was going through the phone i had from 2014 to 2019 and found a couple old selfies i took #and when i tell you i have never seen a more dead behind the eyes individual swamped in despair in my life #like a little jpeg of me aged 20 should NOT have contained as palpable a misery aura as it did. and yet #anyway it's insane how much i have genuinely improved as a human being in the last 18 months #on and off i've been jokingly calling my self improvement process a miraculous resurrection but wholly and genuinely i think that did happe #like. the me now looks way more alive + happy than maybe i ever have in my whole life???? #also what's insane is that in these pictures of me from ages 17-22 i look a million times older and wearier than i do now in my mid 20s #moral of the story is resurrection is THE hottest thing a bitch can do #idk just. very glad i didn't succumb to the pall that had been cast over me for the majority of my life #i am very glad i am alive here and now despite it all. i certainly never believed it lmfao

[toxooz]

ALSOOOOOOO i Finally got to ride a skateboard at the skatepark with bf n friends for the first time ever yesterday and i feel so 👀👀👌👌👌💯💯💯 i managed to be able to balance and push around and stop without falling and it was fun tbh!! i can see getting muscle memory and improvement by doing it consistently 😤 i just hope this aint too short of a phase for everyone so i can hopefully get me own board soon 🙏

#i kno i said i had to take it easy but it was the 4th i had to go out n live a little shhhhh #i think i skate goofy but it might be bc im left handed so its just How Its Gunna Be lmfao hopefully i'll see #theyve been starting to go there recently and a few ppl are thinking abt getting more boards and skates and ofc i Gotta get one #its practically required of me to get one AHA #being able to use my book smarts research abt footing and pushing with the right foot/ stopping without a tragedy was rlly cool #i havent fell yet but im dreading it bc that shit will be inevitable lolol its just a matter of when #it definitely takes confidence and intent and Brother i am but a teacup chihuahua #BUT that is the beauty of progress and improvement and courage #even if its just a couple months fad thing for them it would still be nice to at least get the experience #and get a better idea of what the hell my Entire story is about lmfao #i hate that it took me this long but its what i gotta do better late than never #i think i aint got crippling anxiety for everything and then i realize i cant do like 85% of things #i want to do in life AHAaa #its just one of them things i Gotta have someone do it with me so this opportunity fell into my lap and im ESTATIC #edit looked it up again and i DO NOT skate goofy i skate regualr HELL YEAH

[snakerdoodlle]

Red Queen x Star Wars AU

-

Welcome to Cat mashing together two of his hyperfixations in an attempt to get the slightest bit of motivation 🫰 thus, Dark Side Maven with a red lightsaber is born

You can interpret this AU however you want, I have no idea what I’d do with a plot line or whatever (as of rn) I just wanna draw people with glowing laser swords lmao

#red queen series #rq fanart #maven calore #red queen #I HAVENT POSTED ART SINCE JULY OUUHHH #I’m so sorry #I hope y’all still remember me 🫡 #I’ve been fighting for my life omg #I still am 💀 #also it’s very obvious what character I took inspo from shhhhh #ignore this being kind of a mess I tried my best #first time trying to do some half ass attempt at a grayscale lmfao

[lith-myathar]

.

#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior #ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing #but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day #i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else #and i didn't feel it happening #my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise #i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes #this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care. #eventually and inevitably i do damage. #and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better #not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that. #trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really #really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect #but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that. #but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated. #all i can ever think to do is isolate #*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist #or adjust my medication. god. im so tired. #why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then

[sproutbell]

having been on tumblr for like 10+ years is such a … weird thing. i’ve been blogging since i was 13!! i feel such a tangible connection to my teen self through tumblr which sounds insane but it’s true. i can go through my archive, organized completely chronically, and see what my 15 year old self was tagging with “goals” or “i want this someday”. and seeing how me and my aspirations have both changed deeply but also stayed entirely the same. something, something, healing my inner child, whatever. it’s nice to feel like i’ve done everything in my life for her (baby me) but she also feels like someone i only used to know. anyway! that’s my ramblings on the matter

#complete nonsense i know #can any other tumblr veterans relate #like I prayed and yearned for someone to love me and for something to happen in my life #and to become a good artist and get tattooed and travel #and work at a museum or a bookstore #and i’ve… done all of that and so much more #but its still so hard to feel fulfilled #i wish i could just tell teen me #who feels like a ghost atm #about what she will do and accomplish and feel and lose and gain etc #but i cant!!! #i know she is me and i am her but it feels so far away and like the miserable adolescent i was will always exist and always be miserable #no i do not go to therapy LMFAO

[moe-broey]

*pulls out a crumpled up piece of paper*

My transfemme Fire Emblem Headcanons. Include:

> Rosado, transfemme non-binary, most likely to use neopronouns or multiple sets of pronouns (fae/faer, she/he, never let 'em know your next move)

> Forrest, has been on estrogen for years but still says "I'm a prince" if asked and insists on using he/him pronouns (may be closeted, may be in denial, may do so out of a sense of obligation, may be a case of pronouns being "indicative of but not exclusive to gender identity", may also just have an exceedingly complicated relationship with the gender)

> Loki, a shapeshifter, chooses to look Like That (and she's so based for it)

> Gullveig. Just. Everything Seidr/Heidr/Kvasir and Gullveig have going on. Is so transgender. To me

And on vibes alone

> Triandra

#fire emblem #i just think. more transfemme hcs in the world. peace and love 👍 #i'm transmasc so you can take these w a grain of salt lmfao #also. very much. just the selection of charas i'm in deepest for esp feh oc wise. #i don't have a lot of fleshed out thoughts on trans triandra aside from it's just normal actually. sometimes people are just trans. #and also. like. a lot of trans people do not/did not have easy home lives. like it just makes sense to me #which is like i don't want the trans experience to be defined by suffering but also i think that's why you should have MANY dif trans hcs #like i think rosado perfectly captures trans joy and being dedicated to advocacy and social justice #meanwhile i think. forrest is in the trenches. i'm so sorry. #also the transformation of seidr into gullveig fucks w me SO HARD. i am so insane i know #but it really does feel like a trans allegory. being outed before you were ready. before you even fully knew what it meant for yourself. #and having it fuck your entire life. like she is so transgender to me #also i think any shape shifter is trans by default. ESP if they have a 'main form' they typically present as. #loki is a titted up as wide as she is tall scantly clad goth woman. on purpose. #this is. how i feel. speaking my truth. ect ect #rosado #fe forrest #fe loki #gullveig #triandra

[ugisfeelings]

my current march revelation is that when u have dental care and u haven't yet been caught w/ an arrest record and you’re not at the threat of institutionalisation and u have at 1-3 friends whom u can spontaneously call w/o shame at weird hours, look forward to any kind of company to catch up over coffee or watch a 3.5hr film with on the weekends, The Other Stuff Does Not Have To Be That Urgent.... u can have fun and do whatever it's not a big deal it doesn't matter........... #livelaughlove

#qq #now i'm not throwing up my guts and blood and i've started to sleep more again i'm like. why have i been anxious and existential this time? #i'm not even in school! my life rules! #i'm like. extremely lucky where i am rn in that i work in a slightly more dynamic office job in archival collections #i live independently and do extracurricular arts&crafts or w/e and gig research work as i please #i am just trying so hard not to take myself seriously! #and most of my energy after work goes to *** *** ********* organising #it's as laura said that one night-- that i sometimes am pathetic but that's been the worst of it (: #i may be writing this bc i'm at the calm before the storm but what's the point of worrying i know what's going to happen for the most part #btw i doubled my stimulants intake lmfao.