#what death taught me

[sems-diarie]

death is insane. wdym i’ll never see my grandmother again

#she’s in her chair in the den cant nobody tell me nothing ok #death tw #grief #what’s this house without my grandmother in it? (all the people she left behind) #i cried this morning while eating grits she taught my mother how to make. love is so big when i think of it like that #i thought i heard her walker clack in the hallway last night. #she wears glasses & we have to decide where to keep them #grief is so strange #i can’t keep crying by myself (i’ll be crying for the rest of my life) #love is carrying on. i think.

[michelle-jacksons-art-blog]

To be loved is to be changed.

#my art #fan art #so this isn't even finished #but like; i hope ure not too mad w me abt that #i just thought it was finally time to let this one go; at least here; on the website that started it for me #what we do in the shadows #good omens #our flag means death #bbc ghosts #the magnus archives #wwdits #ofmd #go #TMA #nandor the relentless #anthony j crowley #crowley #blackbeard #edward teach #the captain #jonathan sims #our good shadows #yeah that seems like enough tags #please do note the little details but also dont #either way; i hope you enjoy this #i really liked working on it. taught me a lot #for many reasons. this represents the transition from one era to another. a change. if you will #and change is good. I think. I've gotten more used to it #doesn't make it any more easier to let go of the past. but you have to leave way to the present and to the future #so. yeah. Cheers. This one's for the future

[extra-somethin-somethin]

ik ppl hate fictional deadbeat moms but im an avid enjoyer. my feminism knows no bounds truly/j

like i get it she did a bad job. but shit she still did a job that's for sure!! like. she did it do you understand. 14 year old girl is pregnant. it's disgraceful. a shameful stain on her family. yusuke doesn't seem to have grandparents or anything so besides yusuke's bio dad she's got no one. and then when yusuke is a toddler the father disappears and considering who he is and what he's like that's probably for the best. gonna go out a limb and say that yusuke was maybe 4 or 5 when his dad cleared out so. at 18 and entirely alone. atsuko looked down at this little thing. this baby because he's still a baby to her this is a baby who only has her. Not even 4 feet tall with the biggest brown eyes looking to her for everything because he quite literally has no one else.

he doesn't know she's a failure yet. he doesn't know people will look down on them just because he exists as he is. he doesn't know how hard this is going to be from now on. all he knows is he loves his momma

so she doesn't cry. she just meets his big innocent eyes and goes "it's just you and me kid" and yusuke doesn't know that that's a sad thing.

so she takes care of him the best she can and it still sucks but yusuke doesn't know what the standard she should be held to is yet. for a small time she is the greatest and best person in his world and he's the only one who thinks so

then he meets keiko and her parents and finds out that his normal is actually dysfunctional and that his mom actually isn't all that great. that living day to day in the bottom of a bottle isn't healthy. so she's no longer praiseworthy but this person he's responsible for. just like that the roles reverse. because while she was all yusuke had yusuke is also all atsuko has. he doesn't respect her but he still punched the motherfucker in the mouth that called her a tramp. she taught him how to do it.

atsuko comes to terms with the fact that Yusuke doesn't really need her anymore, probably never did so she doesn't bother to care when he skips school or beats whoever he wants to a pulp or gambles because at 14 she was expecting so what the fuck can she really say about him. he sneers at her as he makes her coffee. atsuko lights another cigarette

it feels like betrayal when her son dies. at 14 she had him so how can he die at a sorry age like that. i wasted my teenage years on you for what? so you can die and leave me here? you fucking brat. how can she recover from this? yusuke was all she had. he hadn't looked up at her with an admiring gaze since he was 7 and stopped hugging her goodbye soon after but still he was hers he was hers and then he was gone

but then he comes back. and she doesn't get much better as a mom or as a person really. she tries harder than before maybe (keeping him in school) but yusuke never expected her to. he's made up of her bad habits and uncaring attitude but he's so much better than her. became something good something strong despite how shitty of a job she did raising him.

she's not proud because she has no right to be but something like it tugs in her chest when she sees him feeding the people he cares about at his little ramen cart looking as happy as the first time she'd taken him out to park.

yusuke's dad suggests taking another crack at the whole family thing and she wants to laugh in his face. the only family she'll ever have is that little boy who's stronger and braver than she'll ever be.

she doesn't want to see him laying cold in a casket ever again. he's meant for life, a soul as bright and durable as his. atsuko hopes he lives to see the sun explode

#atsuko urameshi #yusuke urameshi #yu yu hakusho #atsuko means warm child and i wonder if she was. #your son is sleeping and you're worried he won't wake up because you've seen him laying dead before #it takes her back to when he was small enough to cradle. she'd stay up all night just watching him breathe #because he was just so small and she'd heard about that infant death syndrome thing #and what if he just stopped breathing and she was alone #she's not a good mom but she's still his mom and he loves her even though she fuckin sucks! #also the fact that atsuko has connections to the Yakuza which is how she keeps yusuke in school #And pays their expenses is so crazy to me and also apt lmaoo #the Infamous Urameshis #people fear the very name 😤 #atsuko taught him how to fight you can't convince me otherwise

[innkeepercore]

my boys

#this is what happens when i take the time to study #but the urge to disregard everything and not look at references #but references are love #references are life #LOOK AT ME STUDYING #I’m self taught this is an achievement #digital illustration #ofmd #our flag means death #Frenchie ofmd #Edward teach #Blackbeard #Blackbeard fanart #ofmd fanart #ofmd art #sketches

[thym3y]

hornigold's legacy

#ofmd #ofmd fanart #our flag meets death #our flag means death fanart #edizzy #young izzy hands #young edward teach #ofmd comic #izzy hands fanart #blackbeard fanart #cw blood #cw abuse #art #digital art #illustration #artists on tumblr #I LOOOOVE GENERATIONAL TRAUMAAA #i like the idea that hornigold taught ed most of what he knows abt piracy and thats why ed has so much more of a fucked up relationship wit #it compared to the rest of the crew :3 #but like i can totally imagine the stab me scene taking place between hornigold and a young ed. but like way more traumatizing and bad.

[trans-axolotl]

have not left bed today + found out another friend got locked up + want to beat up every single adult that saw what was happening to me and looked away or actively made it worse

#personal #vent #suicide mention tw #i need to call her. last time we talked she said she was going to kill herself if she got incarcerated again #i love her. nothing makes me more angry at so many systems than trying to do suicide support with my friends who are locked up #trying to do this shit over the phone with people listening in. trying to figure out what meaningful support we can even give #because when she says that death is better than months of solitary i know exactly how she feels and what she means and i cannot fucking #most of the skills mainstream peer support has ever taught me are useless in that situation and my best is not enough #there are so many places that need to be burnt down. #there are so many people i love who are not out and it starts to kill me a little bit #and cops are starting to fuck with us here more. i've gotten bruised up a couple times from being shoved around #nothing too bad yet but just #jesus christ #sorry for coming on here to vent all the time but my offline life is a little crazy at the moment and half this shit i can't talk about irl #i honestly think i need to like. start learning how to fight properly again. bc i have so much anger right now #and learning how to actually fight sounds like a better idea then fucking off and getting into random fights like i used to #idk. will look into it

[shorlinesorrows]

just got the time to start the sunshine court and I'm Vibrating out of my skin

#i did not think it was possible for me to like a character this much three chapters into a book #i might actually end up liking Jean better than Neil which is saying a Lot #something about a character whose route to survival had to be giving in and staying small instead of fighting back or running away #something about a character who has been taught to lock up their emotions for years or suffer the consequences #something about a character who is resigned to what happens to them because that's the only way they can survive in their environment #I am desperately hoping that Jean learns how to be ANGRY outwardly without permission. #I need that boy to be able to Rage out loud and do it MESSY #because I'm not convinced he's going to be able to really smile until he does #Also I'm really appreciating both the Renee and Thea content we've desperately needed more of both of them and they showed up so quick #privately hoping both stay present for a while but tbh i'm just excited for where this is headed #Anyways I also just fixated on Jean Moreau then discovered that (SPOILERS) he's 19???? Almost the same age as me??? hate riko hate riko HAT #anyway sorry riko enjoyers i know he's Complicated but I never liked him in the first place #and this book is making me look forward to his death even more than I did when I first read aftg. So. #listen i know he has Issues. I know Ichirou killing him without a second thought is probably the cruelest way that he personally can die #I also want him dead and gone. Those statements can and should coexist imho. #the sunshine court #jean moreau #really looking forward to finding out more about Jeremy too #this is gonna be a wild ride #jeremy knox #all for the game #love how nora's writing and characters can grab me in a chokehold and refuse to let me go thank you nora for the food

[hylianane]

Breathing into a paperbag thinking about the possibility of Elbaf digging the conflict from Water 7 back up again and maybe exploring some long-term repercussions of Luffy and Usopp’s fight that not even they themselves were aware of and and and and and-

LISTEN. the Water 7 Saga absolutely rewired the way I understood the crew and how each member views themselves and the roles they play. And it’s been some time since the Strawhat’s exploration of the New World has allowed them to really take time and consider themselves and each other like that again.

And Elbaf just sounds (MUAH) like such a wonderful opportunity to do exactly that, it sounds perfect, primarily in the way it ties all the way back to the Strawhat’s early days on the Grand Line. And when you look at the presence of the Giant Pirates in Little Garden and Enies Lobby, what they share is that both times the Giants Served the purpose mirroring the conflicts between the crewmates and highlighting the importance of loyalty and comradery. Shit writes itself. Come on Elbaf don’t let me down. Come on Usopp I know you can hit us with another world shattering arc just take the stage love.

#remember when Dorry and Brogy’s story served to introduce us to Zoro and Sanji’s rivalry #by showing that even though they fight constantly theyd break if they lost each other and deep down they are still crew #and now we have an unresolved death pact looming over the two of them #Remember when Kashi and Oimo taught Usopp that the cost of loyalty can b great and harrowing but it is beyond rewarding for the right perso #just when he was doubting wether he was truly strong enough to stand at Luffy’s side or at all capable of the bravery needed to be a pirate #and now he’s going to have to look these friends and allies in the eye and be the one to show them all that his decision to remain- #-a Strawhat has brought him #when asked to look at his journey so far and ask himself if he’s truly reached his ideals will he be able to smile wide and say yes? #or will the seeds of doubt and anxiety start planting themselves in his heart again? #hell you know what would be rlly cool for me. If throughout this arc EVERYONE began losing themselves to their own doubts BUT him #Like okay okay thats an exaggeration but do you get what I mean? #Usopp staying calm and collecting and making tough calls and getting back up again all without realizing- #-that he’s truly acting like the Captain he always wanted to be #thatd be so good. god i hope this upcoming arc hits harder than crack #one piece #elbaf #usopp #monkey d. luffy #strawhat pirates

[moe-broey]

SORRY this tag completely undid me LMFAOOOOOOOO

He needs to buy some fucking shirts........

Sketch vers under the cut bc I was originally just gonna leave it at that but. I was possessed I think.

#fire emblem #feh #secret deeplore i gave alfonse a flip phone bc i misremembered the og vid (was convinced they had flip phones) #but i just. kept it. idk it's just such a funny accidental characterization like it just fits. to me. #also baby vero bc. i haven't finished book 6. love her new design but she's still baby to me. #+ i have a better feel for her baby characterization vs her renewed self. bc. i haven't finished book 6. #book 6 bruno death isn't real it can't hurt you. #ANYWAYS I. HAD SO MUCH FUN W THIS LMFAO???? #i love inventing new and creative ways to avoid digital art LMFAOOO #not even cause digital is hard actually like. it's not. that is the medium i taught myself in for 'finished' works. #but like idk what prompted it but i was just fuckinh sick of it. this shit sucks actually!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #it took a bit but i really love working traditional now! it's engaging and rewarding! #always some damn learning curve too LMFAO but that's actually fun too! when. it isn't devastating #high risk high reward i guess. #but genuinely i am SO happy w how this came out it's SO fun to me #fe alfonse #fe bruno #sharena #fe veronica #my art

[fandom-venturer]

Mia Fey on my mind again. Im goig to stqrt fucking biting people

#I'm goong insanse she's driving me crazy RAAAAAAAAH #Mia Fey #An eldest sister having to watch her younger sibling lose their mother #And leaving all you've ever known to fix it all because that's what you have to do now. Mother's gone. Dad was never in the picture. #There's only you for your sister. But you also can't stay and take care of her #so you make it your life's mission to solve the mystery of your mother's death. #You're leaving everything you've ever known and becoming everything they've never taught you #You live a new life love new people and die without seeing your beloved wake again with only your student to truly continue your legacy #ace attorney. #ace attorney

[goldkirk]

.

#Im flying home for the last time this year barring another death in the family #and it’s going to be fine everyone’s going to be nice to me like nothing ever happened #and I’m still shitting bricks over here #because Im going to be in a car alone with my sister who I called cps on and we NEVER talked about it aside from her asking me if I could #tell them what I could tell CPS #and mom and dad being super upset with me about it #and relaying how upset everyone was and—I went go into more details #that’s been over for a while #but i feel like everyone is silently angry at me about it bc of how big an emotional and financial problem that was and how much of a #betrayal it was #and I’ve been processing so much religious training trauma and stuff #and processing getting locked in the room weekly at my sisters house #and some of the things I was taught to do to keep the kids in line #and how bad the fighting was between my mom and sister and me during college #and I feel terrible about being so scared about this because #i AM an adult with agency #and i AM choosing to see them #and it’s NICE of them to drive me places #and they’ve been super nice the last couple times I was in town #but conversations and interrogations were usually sprung on me when we were one on one #and if things are like they used to be mom and my sister are always passing info back and forth about me and angling for info to share with #each other to get ideas on how to get me back on the straight and narrow #and i feel crazy for talking about all this #but i still feel SO MUCH GUILT because nothing super bad was happening when I called CPS #and people were working on it behind the scenes and I just didn’t trust and give them time #and last time I was in town I saw another book about bringing your kid back to the faith and morality out on mom’s desk #shh katie #continuing in next post tags bc I ran out of tags here

[ben-man]

Please tell me more about fat Light. I’m so curious

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I AM TO TALK ABOUT THIS I am quite literally physically vibrating. I grew up fat and remain fat so please for the love of fuck nobody be rude about me being just unfiltered about this.

Light Yagami is so obsessed with his exterior shell. His like beautiful ornate carapace. His mask. He's obsessed with his image, and a huge reason for this is his fathers position in society and being the perfect son to make his family proud and the fact that he is empty. There is a certain type of childhood where you grow up with a pit in your gut and anger in your heart and no reasonable place to put it or explanation for why you feel that way.

He is a young boy given the power to kill people, and an unnatural boredom borne of his privilege, nature, and power. He's unchallenged by school, he finds no connection in those around him, the distance between him and his family may as well be a chasm. There is no 'real' Light Yagami you will find under that flesh he cloaks himself in (because he doesn't even know who he is himself, he never got the opportunity to.)

I write this fairly often but I hate the characterization where Light is written as if Light and Kira are two different people. Kira is a young boys realization that if he acts sweet and remorseful enough he can get away with breaking other kids toys. It's the fucking feeling in the air when someone's position gives them the power to do whatever bloody cruel thing they want. Kira is a round-faced boy with a terrible weapon to kill. Many people forget that when Light first killed someone (in the manga) he basically cowered under his bedsheets for an entire night. He is bored, and he is empty, and to him excitement and feeling comes when he is so nervous he feels bile in his mouth.

In my mind he grows up fat, he's a pudgy fucking kid. And you know when you're young and fat and you are meant to be fingerpainting you crawl up that step stool and look in the mirror wondering why your soft, fat, unmanageable body doesn't look good enough.

And when you become an adult, for some the doorway to changing your body opens. It can fucking eat you whole man! And I write Light Yagami with these issues and interpret him as having a fuck ton of internalized fatphobia and body image issues, and now he's thin, unhealthily so. I usually write him struggling with eating.

When I do write him having the happy ending he doesn't deserve, I write him gaining weight as a good thing, and that means a lot to me! Internalized fatphobia makes you bitter and cruel not just to yourself but to others. He gets a very prominent double chin and gets larger gradually as he ages I think.

Also my friend @kattidiot wrote a BEAUTIFUL (unpublished) Light Yagami drabble about him being a child and crushing ants and his mother teaching him to bake so he directs that energy not toward covering his fingers in bug guts and he's looking back on that childhood and describes his fat little boy hands and how he doesn't want to add too much butter or sugar and so it always comes out wrong and his cruel perspective on his own baby-faced self is like so well written its like electric.

Anyway yeah diversity win the deranged mass murderer is fat.

#light yagami #death note #tw internalized fatphobia #tw: internalized fatphobia #tw: ed mention #tw ed mention #tw: fatphobia #tw fatphobia #for everyone who has it blocked #anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK made me sohappy to talk about #also everyone follow katt :3 #I am so very very normal about Light Yagami #I relate to him which is a curse and probably a very bad sign #anyway one very important thing that was written by me and katt together #was the idea that his mother taught him to bake coffee cake #because he wanted to be like his dad #and drink coffee #and he doesnt remember what his favorite food is as a teen/young adult and couldnt tell you if you asked #but its coffee cake #I write about him and his mom a lot #his feet arent short enough to swing through the air as he kicks his feet from atop a kitchen stool watching her cook anymore #and he's a man now #and men arent supposed to bake with their mothers #and shes ugly now because shes graying and dyes her hair and he cannot be normal about women #he has to pity her because thats what old married mothers are for #even though he is much more pitiable. ya know. #I am the worlds most normal person about light fucking yagami #hope my insanity is appreciated by someone #thank you anon

[klint-vanzieks]

What happened in the forest when you were 19 years old?

Anonymous-

My middle brother, Moriarty, went into the forest. I went after him, but I was far too late.

He never came back out.

Yours to an old crone's cry,

Prosecutor van Zieks

#Questions. #Anonymous. #Barok was only eight at the time. I had been busy watching him whilst our parents worked. #I always wondered... what might have happened if I was there in time. #If death has taught me anything it is that only one of us would ever have been able to escape the forest that night. #I only wish... it doesn't matter now. #What's done is done.

[malarign]

i don’t know what to do at this point 😪 what is this behaviour jungwon??

#yang jungwon #you’ll be the death of me #what the hell is this even #that’s not how i taught you #wnuczek content

[muninnhuginn]

trigun (talking original anime not stampede/manga here as I can’t comment on those yet) is actually genuinely really solid in terms of themes and repeating imagery. the way the very setting of a desert with the associated resource scarcity plays into it all. you get monopolies over water where one family holds everything whilst the surrounding areas are left to rot. but then you have small patches of greenery that could have amounted to nothing but due to years of nurturing they’ve grown up into forests. it’s about what you do with what you’re given and what you choose to pass on to others.

#trigun #trigun spoilers #<- is it spoilers if the series came out over two decades ago. eh. let's play it safe #keep thinking about rem -> vash -> wolfwood and rem/vash vs knives in the whole debate about sacrificing one to save the many #because honestly both rem and knives' opposing philosophies are extremes and the only reason vash survived by rem's philosophy for so long #was because he wasn't human. rem and wolfwood don't have that and so the price they pay for moral purity is steep #(and honestly sometimes you do get scenarios where by choosing not to interfere it means more people suffer and vash is called out on this) #there's a reason why vash decides to carve his own path in the end and that's because both of the extremes are untenable #but he can still hold what he's been taught dear and move forward. people make mistakes and all they can do is try to be better #and that's all humanity as a whole can do. water and resources can be taken advantage of. but they can also be shared communally #and so in the series there is the hope that with water and nurturing eden will return and this desert planet will turn green #(also the christian imagery cracks me up but unlike with death note and eva I can't really call it faux symbolism because it kinda fits) #(and the gunpoint dilemma + cross scenes (rem -> wolfwood -> meryl) are so lovely if painful to watch #because the only time we know the 'right' choice was made is the last instance. the others are left to speculation)

[iamthepulta]

I put the clothes in the washer on a whim and now I don't want to rotate them. I'm in bed with cat :( :( I have tea and I sent my last email for the night and now I want to hide and die.

I'm supposed to host a board game night tomorrow and that is like- the last thing I want to do.

#I was having a pretty good day until I went back to the uni and realized I made a mistake on the gas we had/didn't have. #Then stopped off at the store. As I was taking the groceries in I realized there was a spot free close to the apartment that ppl #have been hogging; and on the second trip I went to move my car and this motherfucker comes in and steals it. #I'm still so mad. They've been hogging it for over a month. I had a flat of cans to carry in. #But this is all an outlet for my preemptive grieving because I'm going to receive a Death Text sometime soon and... I don't know when. #I don't know if I should drive up there even though I already said my goodbyes and there's really nothing I can do. #The limbo is crushing. #You know that post about people leaving imprints on your soul even if they haven't been present for a long time? #My grandmother taught me to break up my instant ramen in the package so you can eat it easier and now I can't eat it #any other way. But she's been a shadow of herself for a really long time too and knowing that hurts worse somehow. When my dog died it #gave me a lot of peace knowing she was free from all the pain that plagued her in her last days; but the shadow is a close enough echo of #what was; that knowing the shadow too will end... #My mind keeps drifting to Miyazaki. I want to rewatch Boy in the Heron. #I miss my grandmother. #ptxt