#what do i want

[nobeerreviews]

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.

-- Sylvia Plath

(Siracusa, Italy)

#limited #life #what do i want #travel photography #sylvia plath #siracusa #italy #quote #live #i want to live

[srijswings]

I'll turn 21 in two days. Can I believe it? I've not given it much thought. Years have passed by. Or so it feels that I've not given it much thought.

I was born 21 years ago!

That seems like a lot of years ago, two decades and a year. I've grown up from a toddler to a lil kid, from an adolescent to a teenager and now to a legal adult?! ( I'm not sure if I mentioned the stages correctly or not).

Am I happy? Have things changed? Do I like how I've changed? Do I hurt less?

All of it seems like cold ice. Solidified but will melt as soon as it's out at room temperature. I've done a lot to hold this cold temperature. I wouldn't want to let it go. Mostly it's alright. I can be melted and solidified. I've the flexibility but also the rigidity.

What am I most grateful for? Do I've to be though?

I'm okay with the fact that I've survived, it's been tiring but I love my relentless efforts to try to make it.

What do I hope for?

I hope to buy a big fridge that can hold as many ice trays as possible. I don't even drink cold water or ice creams as much. But the thought of having ice cubes feels rich. Like if it all, I require I'll know I'll have them stocked.

I wish to build a home, not just a house. With big windows and spacious rooms, a terrace to watch the sky from, lots of plants. But will I be able to take care of someone else? The plants I mean.

I feel tired. I hope I have someone who takes care of me a lil more than I take care of them. I hope I'm held gently and fed and listened to.

I also want to be alone. Because I don't think I want anyone else to understand my weirdness, my quirks, the stuff that goes in my head or most of all see me howl and cry and speak to my younger self. It's just v pitiful. I want to be the only one to pity myself and then pick her up.

I want to have privileges. I want things easier for me. I want to be less scared. I want to believe in myself more. Maybe smile more genuinely. I want to find people who want the same for me.

Oh yes I want to have home cooked meals everyday. New recipies. New hacks. All made with love. Just love. And maybe few people to share the meals with. Dinner table conversations and hearty laughter. So that I feel full. My heart feels full.

And I want a big steel jug to keep my water cool. I love drinking water or maybe I'm just used to it.

I want a couch in my garden and a swing. The one that rotates . The couch to lay down and soak in the sun. I want peace and quiet but also laughter and some occasional fights. But nothing intense.

I want mediocrity.

#21st century #21st birthday #leo #book blog #romantic academia #art academia #book quotes #chaotic academia #tumblr memes #what do i want #i want to be loved #i want mediocrity #mediocrity #elder daughter #i will make it happen #joy in simple things

[lithominium]

Oh boy its my birthday i sure do hope for my birthday i get what i want

#what do i want #help

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

i do not feel like a real person

nothing about me is how it used to be like i have no personality and just nothing to say or want or do like idk what i want i just feel off

#idk what is wrong w me #most detached i’ve felt from myself #ever ? #or atleast in a while #i have no memories so who knows #what do i want #how do i feel #nothing #or intense anxiety and distress that i can’t control #so silly so fun #i need to get out more #or just idk do anything #even when i do things i’m just doing them i’m not feeling anything about it #drawing isn’t fun #baking isn’t fun #smoking isn’t fun #gaming isn’t fun #nothing is interesting #i’m just doing stuff #idk i just don’t feel very right #tw vent #lonelly #i wanna just talk #but i have nothing to say rlly #n no one to talk to #autism #social anxiety #rsd #bpd #anyways

[leuchtturmhaus]

oh god I need to make lunch

#what do i want #idk

[clopans]

What Do I Want ? - P.71 - UNDERTALE fancomic

we're out of time (i changed the "night" color palette, it's no longer a blue filter, hooray!)

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#comic #digital art #undertale #sans #human!sans #what do i want #sans undertale #video game #undertale game #fancomic

[haikuku]

Snow Globe

Our every interaction

Leaves my insides

Churned up

Like a shaken snow globe,

My passions stirred,

My feelings unleashed,

As the glittery fake snow

Afloat in the watery sky,

A beautiful swirling mess.

What am I left with

When you are gone and

The squall subsides?

A world placid yet dull

With sentimental drifts

Of emotions unexamined,

Reminders of the 

Seductive chaos

Urging me to 

Shake the sphere

Yet again.

I control the weather

Inside my little globe

Except when I can’t

And the blizzard

Consumes me.

--haikuku

#writerscreedchallenge #haikuku #not a haiku #feelings #emotions #poets on tumblr #poem #poetry #original poem #snow globe #storms #all over the place #all the feels #i want more #longing #spilled ink #stuck in my head #what am i feeling #what do i want

[rothinnpanna]

I have a great many secrets that I would tell to none. That haunt me in fear of them being told.

But my greatest secret, the one I try as hard as I possibly can to hide. To bury in layers upon layers of deception. Is one that I wish very much would fade away.

My greatest secret is that I truly have no fucking clue. No fucking clue what the fuck I am doing, why am I here, how do I work, how does life work, how do I communicate without giving away that I haven't a clue how anything works, what do I want, what is my purpose, what is life. Why is life, and why is it so irritating.

#help #help me #what do I do #how do I do #who am I #what am I #what do I want #(other than more tea and chocolate) #why the fuck does this have to be such a long journey #can I not just have some mental compass that can point me in the direction of my true self and/or what I really want/want to do #or well. I do kinda have that compass. but it's rlly shitty and has an inaccuracy of like +-90 degrees #or sometimes it just starts spinning and leaves me going in the wrong direction for a whilr #yea this is a better metaphor. I'm learning to narrow down which direction my compass is pointing me in #only thing is that it feels like it has an inaccuracy of +-135 degrees

[555eternalfabulist]

the concept of "forever" is so scary to me.

the same job forever? living in the same place forever? loving that one person forever? Yes, i want to be loved, be safe and secure, but forever? every day the same? forever?

Will i miss something if i get locked inside that "forever"? What if i can't escape the forever and just accept and live with it, after 20 years of being inside of it, will there still be a way out? Will i notice too late, that i'm right in the middle, maybe even close to the end of my forever?

#ihvntn555 #i want to live life fully #but i don't want to hurt people because of it #imagining being married for 15+ years is scary to me #imagining working at the same job for 5+ years is scary to me #i can't do things forever #forever #scary stuff #tw depressing stuff #escapism #random thoughts #what do i want #i don't know what i want #i just don't want forever #ihvntn555thoughts

[champvictor]

Complex issue...

#complex issue #what do i want #cat #cat's problems #problems #cat problems #wtf #funny #dark humor #bad jokes #web comics #absurd #in shadow of absurd #web comic #art #what i want

[w1tchm0ther]

What do I want?

Every time I ask myself this question, the answer is the same: I don't know.

The first few times I asked this question openly, the answers were clear. Posed by society. From a lower working class family, I wanted more. And I got more. Starting with getting my driving licence. As the first and only one in the family. To this day, even. Then higher education. A Bachelor's, a Master's degree. A corporate career. 12 years starting over and over again because I couldn't see that world for what it was and desperately wanted to succeed in it. So much. Every end to a job felt like my life was ending. I couldn't bear it. And I felt relieved. Every time.

The times I asked this questions over the past 10 years, the answer was always the same: I don't know. Now, lately the general direction has been clearer. So saying I don't know today doesn't mean the same as it did 10 years ago.

When I say I don't know today what I mean is that I feel afraid. I have so much fear inside of me that it has started overflowing. It keeps me from doing things. Yes, there are physical constraints that hold me back from stuff, but that's not the whole story. The fear has gone so far that it is manifesting in my body, too.

My back is stiff. It's not from anything I've done. It's from that fear. I've had enough time and space to come to this conclusion. The fear is stuck in my body and I'd say I don't know how to get it out. But I do. The answer is to meet the fear, to feel it, embrace it and integrate it. I have to make friends with it and then walk alongside it, through it.

On the other side, I know what's waiting. I know it takes time to get there. I know it takes tenacity. Patience. That it's worth it.

I know I'm strong enough. Right now? I don't feel that way. I feel weak and alone and vulnerable and exposed and I'm not used to those feelings. Or at least I'm not used to face them. I'm used to bury them. Create shadows out of them. No more. I'm so done with shadows.

I want THEM exposed. So they no longer hold me back. So we grow together and make this next chapter happen.

Goodbye, old me.

#old me #thoughts #life #shadow work #what do i want #i don't know

[aphroditestummyrolls]

Having a totally normal one.

#one of those days where nothing feels right #like nothing is ever going to be better #I’m just… it doesn’t matter what I do or where I go #I don’t want to do anything I don’t want to be around anybody I don’t want to be seen #I don’t want to work #i miss feeling literally any element of stability in my life #a trajectory of WANTING something #but I don’t even know who I am #let alone what I want #beyond wanting to lose fifteen pounds #and wanting to be financially stable #but those are two things that I only associate with shame #I see them as NEEDS #what do I WANT #but all those things feel shameful too #I’m so tired #tw eating disorder #tw anorexia #tw depression #tw self loathing

[my-shields-are-down]

What do ideally want from Chenford in S5? Do you want them together or do you want to see and feel the angst and the near misses. Plus those looks in the promo feel heavy? Is there a time jump?

I want to see them in a relationship, all lovey dovey. Like they are in that promo, but as themselves - not “pretending” as Dim & Juicy.

———

I want them to not only want that themselves but to fight for that as a team, protecting that special relationship they have.

We’ve had 4 seasons of missed opportunities, mixed signals, longing looks, invaded spaces, jealousy, protectiveness, soft words and some yelling.

I personally can’t stand angst. I don’t enjoy watching people suffer, wishing instead of asking, hoping instead of doing, pining instead of knowing.

Yes, saying how you feel and fighting for it can be scary. But if you don’t ask you are not valuing yourself and what you want. You aren’t prioritizing your dreams, taking care of your heart, you are choosing the more painful path on purpose.

Angst is so passive. You are literally putting your life on hold, denying what you want, defaulting your behavior to appease a potential rejection. On a cop show. Where they could die tomorrow. Lucy did die.

To me angst is such a waste of time and energy. Watching that doesn’t bring me joy, that’s not a relationship goal of mine, I don’t want that to be the norm in my life and in society.

I want them to be deliriously happy. BOTH of them deserve that. And I’m pissed off that they aren’t getting it.

———

What do I want in Season 5? I want both of them during this UC pretending situation to have “epiphanies” about each other. I want someone to point out they are already in love with each other and to tell them tolet go so they can be happy. I want them to be engaged by the end of the season if not sooner.

I want them to be all in - no hemming or hawing. To stop wasting each other’s time and my time.

I do not want them to hook up and then have one of them say it was a mistake. Complete bullshit. None of this wishywashy bullshit.

If one of them says, they can’t do it, then why the fuck did you hook up with them in the first place? BOTH of these people are so entwined in the other one - they have to know that if they choose divergent paths, they instead follow a path of ultimate destruction. By not moving forward in the same direction, those actions will rip them apart destroying what they had to begin with.

If one of them is rejected, then the other person should burn it all to the ground. Walk away. Take a job in another division. Protect themselves, value themselves, put their wants and needs first. Prioritize themselves.

Because staying around and driving with this person day in and day out is not going to make you feel better - it’s going to hurt more.

I don’t enjoy watching characters suffer like that. I don’t cheer for that.

Why does every single other character get to experience that joy and happiness, but these two do not?

——-

My expectations are very low for Season 5, and I expect to be let down and no longer watching if by some miracle there’s a Season 6.

PS - everyone assumed there was going to be a time jump because Nolan was going to be a training officer in Season 5. But because he’s getting that unearned golden ticket, I don’t think there will be a time jump, not a significant one anyway.

#askandrea #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #tim x lucy #is the hiatus over yet #low expectations #you’re either in or you’re out #what do i want

[halechief]

i . NEED. to either trim my bangs or cut my hair off why am i so consumed with indecision

#IVE BEEN #ruminating on this #for such a long time now #honestly i have no concept of time it may have only been a week #WHO DO I WANT TO BE ?? #monster high girl or resurrected they of my they/she??? #WHAT DO I WANT #also if i cut my hair maybe i’ll dye it all black … hm

[meteorwinged]

//thinks about ff7 aus

#hm #what do i want

[weirdfanaus]

What do you want? I asked the moon What do you want? I asked the sun What do you want? I asked myself  The person in the mirror didn't know They knew just as much as I knew inside my head  Behind my eyes  Behind years of earning and hope What do you want? I asked the universe I still wait for an answer 

-31 dec 2022

#31 december 2022 #poetry #dunno what i feel #not knowing #existential crisis #wfa poetry #short poem #poem #what do i want #what do you want #feeling