#what does it mean that i think i wouldnt question my gender or feel uncomfortable in my body if i was born a dude lmao
Tbh, I don't think chatgpt was ever going to be helpful on that particular subject. Google searches and asks sent to LGBT information blogs might be a better route if you ever decide to try understanding again later. I don't use them personally, but the way I see it, neopronouns are just like any other word used to describe a person. Nicknames, labels, pronouns: people are just using whatever words they feel match up best. People who like more than one gender could all identify as bi if they wanted, but for some, a different word feels like a better fit. As far as grammar, you can always ask on a case by case basis, and I'm sure anyone would get it if you messed up sometimes. But yeah, even Wikipedia would probably be a better resource than a chat bot.
I feel that the thing i dont understand about it would be taken as too pedantic to be worth explaining. And because of that, no google search would give me an answer specific enough for the questions. And yeah chatgpt is definitely not the best option, but i feel uncomfortable requesting of someone for whom this is a personal topic to have patience while they overexplain something that im not getting on an abstract level. I've been going in circles with chatgpt for almost 3hours now about this 😂 because i still havent given up lol.
But to stop being so vague about it, what I don't understand is how a neo-pronoun can resonate with a person. Like, what is it about a particular neo-pronoun that speaks to someone over a more traditional pronoun? This is difficult for me to understand because there is nothing i can compare it to in my own experience. Like, for me I feel that my reasons for my pronouns are not the same reasons someone with neo-pronouns may have. And as far as it being similar to bisexuality, that comparison confuses me because if i idenfity as (for instance) pansexual over bisexual, it would be because to me, pansexual carries a meaning that isnt captured by "bisexual". It would be because, to me, those words, while similar, are not actually synonymous. So if that is also the case with traditional pronouns vs. Neo pronouns, then my question is: what is it about "zir" (for instance) that means something different than a more traditional pronoun like "them" if both suggest a gender identity that is outside of the binary? What does "zir" mean that "they" isn't capturing? What quality of "zir" resonates more than "they"?
Clearly these questions can be subjective and are likely to have different answers from different people. And im also not asking you to answer these for me, anon, just to be clear. Im just explaining my thoughts, and why wikipedia or a google search wouldnt help me answer this. You're right in that I would probably need to ask real people for their insights into this. But im afraid of coming off as disingenuous or even just annoying by being so.. philosophical about my misunderstanding of what i think is supposed to be not this complicated, & im really not looking to upset or offend anyone.
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i really thought hange was non-binary bc the one who said hanges gender was up for interpretation was kodansha us but isayama asked for gender neutral pronouns right?
here!
I’m gonna answer all of the gender asks in one go because for one, I don’t think I wanna flood my own feed and my own tumblr with the same arguments.
I think a lot of the questions on Hange’s gender and the topic of gender and sexuality overall are kinda intertwined and I feel like for anyone who actually reads my stuff, it’s better understood as one big wall of text.
So I was wondering, is that song the absolute proof about hange's gender?
No. I think the interpretation of the song which people are using to prove that Hange’s nonbinary is very western centric. I actually did research around this song and knowing what I know about Japanese culture, I actually interpret the song as a way for Japanese people to break out from gender norms.
For people who are not aware, Japan is incredibly strict with gender norms. The LGBTQ community is not as progressive as it is in Western countries (I mean gay marriage isn’t completely legalized yet). And just looking at it from the stand point of gender roles and gender expectations, despite the progressive thinking, there are a lot of things Japanese men and women have to conform to just to be respected in everyday society. Because in Japan, the community has always been more important than the individual and it’s honestly the same for most asian countries as well.
A lot of the pressure of living in Japan, working with Japanese people is the pressure to conform and I’ve seen my friends do it through small things like getting bangs (because all Japanese women have bangs apparently), wearing make up when going out (because this is generally an accepted for all Japanese people) and always dressing your best because in that manner women are held to an incredibly high standard in Japan. And this goes similarly for men who are constantly pressured to be the breadwinner in the family. If your wife is making more than you, be ready to hear people talk. I know these expectations exist in a Western setting too but Japan is incredibly stiff as a society and this is one reason why, despite having numerous opportunities to moveto Japan myself, I am not at all entertaining that possibility. I have worked in a Japanese company and I hated it and moved to a western company right after six months. I have completely accepted the fact that there is no mobility career wise from a non-Japanese (and a woman at that) in Japanese society.
In conformity, hierarchies etc, Japan is its own monster. That’s why when songs like Jibunrashiku, Hitchcock (by Yorushika) or Shisoukan (by Yorushika) come out, for one it’s in Japanese so I wouldn’t approach the songs from an English and as a Japanese speaker and someone who is pretty familiar with Japanese culture, I can’t help interpret that song as a social commentary for the shitty parts of Japanese society and how they tend to shoot the concept of an ‘individual’ down.
But does that mean I completely shoot down the idea that Hange is NB?
NO. Yams said so himself, Hange’s gender is unknown. But at the same time, Yams recognizes the fact that in the anime and in the live action, Hange is a female. If Yams were that adamant to make Hange NB, I think he would have at least made more of an effort to police how she is depicted in the anime and in the live action.
His exact words were: 「ハンジは彼(彼女)みたいな、ちょっと浮世離れした、枠にとらわれない自由な感じで描きたかったんです。」If I roughly translated it to English, “I wanted to draw Hange as someone otherworldly, free from the confines of gender.”
Tbh, I wanted to avoid these gender asks altogether but I’ve seen the environment in twitter and the ways many people approach gender, particularly ‘nonbinary’ or genderfluid and it really just doesn’t sit well with me. For one, what’s up with all these rules on how to approach our nonbinary and LGBTQ friends? What’s up with all these accusations that if we don’t follow them to a T, then we’re suddenly transphobic or homophobic?
The fact that we’re creating all these rules on how to go about her nonbinary gender for one, just defeats the whole purpose of Hange being a free bird in the first place who wouldn’t have cared and who wouldnt’ ever have been confined to gender in the first place.
I mean the establishment of set rules and social norms on how to navigate gender, sex, sexuality and gender roles is the reason why we had heternormativity in the first place. And what I can see, yes, we did get progressive, we did start recognizing other genders, other ways of thinking but the danger in all this is that, we’re once again creating frameworks and norms about how people that identify as these genders are supposed to act. And this defeats the whole purpose of why we recognized concepts of other sexualities, other genders and breaks from gender roles in the first place.
We wanted to show these people that their feelings are valid, that the way they’re navigating their relationships and their identities are valid and the heternormative society we’ve lived in that has been condemning for so long, was flawed, was wrong.
But the thing is, with the establishment of all these social norms on how to navigate our relationships with LGBTQ people and how to navigate our own gender, sexuality, sex and role is just making us regress back to that shitty heteronormative society of a hundred years ago. Because suddenly, everyone is questioning once again ‘How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m nb?” “How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m trans?” “How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m LGBT?”
And we’re creating these abstract ideas of how exactly, being genderfluid is supposed to feel like. Am I really supposed to be going by ‘they?’ Am I supposed to be uncomfortable with CIS pronouns?
And If I don’t go through this process… If I don’t feel this way then maybe I’m not NB? Maybe I’m not Trans? Maybe I’m not LGBT? And if I don’t conform to this clear cut idea of what NB is which people set up for me, god forbid I might just be transphobic or homophobic.
And Here’s the thing, everyone’s journey to self discovery is unique and there is no exact way to go about your gender or identity. I find it terrifying actually that creating all these clear cut rules have built misconceptions in so many people already on what they are supposed to feel like when they decide to identify with a certain gender which is no different from long ago when people had to hide the fact that they liked people of the same gender because god forbid they might just be persecuted for being gay.
Creating these frameworks, these incredibly strict rules on how someone is supposed to navigate relationships with LGBTs and their own personal identities is only making it all the more dangerous for people who are in the process of discovering themselves.
Back in college, I used to accompany a friend to a clinic when he was starting HRT treatments and before he started them, he had to consult with a doctor and the consultation lasted months. Before all that, they gave him a checklist of ‘feelings,’ which if he does experience them, he checks it and if he does check enough of them and agrees with a huge chunk of them, then he might have gender dysphoria and maybe the HRT treatments and sex reassignment was for him. It was a hundred item checklist, pages full of waivers, warnings and questions about his own experiences with his gender identity. And the fact that he had to consult for months after on that? There must be a reason.
Maybe because the academe realizes, maybe because those adept on the field on gender realize that gender is too complex of a subject to have been boxed into these categories in the first place.
And this whole discourse or I wouldn’t say discourse more of like, this ‘pushing of agendas’ as to say, ‘this is how being gender fluid or non binary is supposed to feel like’ this is how being transgender is supposed to feel like and if you don’t fit it to a T then you’re not transgender or you’re not nb. Or if you don’t fit it all, maybe you’re just transphobic is dangerous for many reasons. Either it gatekeeps people who want to explore their gender further. Or it forces people to have to conform to these and force themselves to ‘feel’ all of these things in the first place.
And god, this is just the gender issue, I haven’t even explored the sexuality, gender roles or biological issue.
i mean pronouns are important but they don’t really reflect someone’s gender??? like there’s people who use he/they, she/they or all pronouns(? they just don’t conform to gender binary ahaha
Given the environment on twitter and having witnessed the bullying first hand that came with one writer who is active on twitter using she/her pronouns for Hange, I feel like my own writing and my own POV on how I go about my writing and how I approach the gender of Hange (since I strictly use she/her) might just be a ticking time bomb and I might find myself at the end of whatever hate war or ‘education’ or as I like to just refer to as bullying, one day.
I believe though I at least have enough knowledge and awareness of the LGBTQ situation and I think I did put a lot of thought already into this before I made my decision to use ‘she’ to refer to Hange.
(And tbh, you can be nonbinary and you can be female at the same time and I’ve written about that multiple times already BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME CATEGORY. And creating this mutual exclusivity between being nonbinary and female just kinda invalidates a lot of those people who are still deciding where exactly they fall in this complex web of identity discovery)
As someone who generally mainly hangs out with LGBT people and i have been doing this since high school by the way, and as someone who has tried all the sexualities on the spectrum, I talked to my asexual friends about possibly being asexual, I have experimented with women and sometimes, I just had dry spells and it just so happened that in the end of all these, I fell in love with a guy but I really believe that gender is such a flexible thing and even though I am with aguy right now, I still simp over lesbians, gays, ciswomen, transgenders because simping isn’t about gender.
And these set of rules on how to navigate genders is just invalidating the experiences of people who are flitting in between the two identities and it just hinders the process of self discovery for a lot of people.
Anyway, the point is, there is only one statement I found fundamental when approaching my relationships with the LGBT community and my own perspective on my self identity.
Recognition of someone’s feelings and their journey to a gender identity and the pronouns that come with it are important.
Then someone might go “THEN WHY DON’T YOU RESPECT HANGE’s NON BINARY PRONOUNS. Because just because someone is nonbinary doesn’t mean they automatically go for they. Just because someone is non-binary, doesn’t mean I have to use every single pronoun on the spectrum. The only one who can tell me what pronouns they want used on them is the person in question.
(I actually read an argument somewhere that going for ‘they’ just because someone is NB is transphobic lmfao. Assuming someone’s pronouns is apparently transphobic too lmfao.)
AND HANGE IS FICTIONAL. And we will never hear about which pronoun she would have wanted in the first place and I think the great ‘nontransphobic’ in-between is just letting people interpret characters how they want to interpret characters in this fictional world (And Hange can be both interpreted as nb and female). It’s the policing which makes the whole process of self discovery, the process of navigating genders all the more difficult for a lot of people.
And policing how exactly people should navigate gender and sexuality is just gatekeeping. Hange is everyone’s character. The only gender and sexuality identity people have complete jurisdiction on, is their own. And this policing of what exactly certain journeys to discovery are supposed to feel like is inherently harmful for those who are still in the process of deciding for themselves where they stand.
And going back to what Yams said “I wanted to draw Hange as someone otherworldly, free from the confines of gender/sexuality/gender roles.” I agree with that.
Because even though I do use ‘she’ with Hange, I do not firmly believe that Hange is a cisgender heterosexual female either. I just believe there are so many more layers to her whole identity and I believe similarly for every single person. Just concluding for one’s self that Hange is nonbinary with a very narrow minded view of what non binary just generally defeats the whole purpose of being ‘free from the confines of gender’ and hinders a lot of discourse and analysis on Hange’s identity over all.
I mean, I don’t know if people agree with this but in the decades I have spent with my close friends figuring out their gender identities, changing pronouns, transitioning, coming out to their parents, here is one thing I noticed. They weren’t asking for a celebration of their gender or sexuality, they weren’t asking for all these policing on how people should approach them. All they wanted was for their feelings to be validated, normalized as an everyday occurrence. I think the point of all these LGBTQ discourse (and by extension race and sex discourse) were all there to just make all these different identities normalized and to completely eradicate the concept of a negative bias or an other which was generally plaguing society for a long time.
And as their friends, I have never approached them as this champion who would make sure EVERYONE RESPECTED THEM IN THAT WAY IN TWITTER THEY BELIEVE LGBTQ PEOPLE SHOULD BE RESPECTED. All these nonverbal rules I have set up for myself on how to go about being friends with them is because I wanted them to be happy and comfortable in their shoes. And what were the types of things they appreciated? Me hiding it from their parents until they were ready to come out, me helping make their relationship work with their partner, me respecting the pronouns they requested for themselves, me accompanying them to HRT when their parents refused.
And you know what, that was only a facet of our friendships. My friends’ gender identities and sexualities never dominated discourse. None of them were the ‘token gay friend,’ the ‘token lesbian friend’ or the ‘token asexual friend’ or the ‘token NB friend.’ They were all people I genuinely care about who just happened to have fallen in love with someone of the same gender. They were just people who just happened to be uncomfortable with their original sex. But I would never just describe them as just that. My friend who just so happens to identify as assexual makes a great companion on a night out drinking. My friend who just so happens to be trasngender is really great with logistics and planning and was super helpful and I was eternally grateful when we worked together on that one project. My friend who just happens to be a lesbian has the cutest picture of her girlfreind on her phone screen.
I will memorize their favorite orders, what makes them tick, what makes them such a great companion, their talents, capabilities more than I will remember their gender. And that’s the characetr song in question is called “Jibunrashiku” or in English “just like me.” Because in the end a strict society which creates all these maxims of what exactly people of a certain gender should act would of course birth songs like “Just like me” A society which puts so much emphasis on gender and sex as an identity instead of other things like personality, preferences, skills etc.
And I don’t know if it applies to everyone. But my friends appreciate it because this journey to whatever gender identity they chose wasn’t rooted in some sort of strict framework on how they should be treated according to twitter. It was rooted in their own experiences and how these experiences made them feel.
Do they feel weird in a woman’s body? Do they just don’t feel any romantic attraction to the opposite gender?
Just treat them as how you would treat anyone else you respect. Just be a decent person. Just be a good friend.
Respect their requests for their own personal pronouns. If they need help, help them to the best of your abilities.
And here’s the thing, the approach I use with navigating identities, sexuaities genders are rooted in one very simple concept which can be applied to the race discourse, the feminist discourse etc etc.
Don’t be an ass. Respect people. Don’t reduce people to one facet of their identity. And by extension, when faced with such a dubious situation, think, discern for yourself what’s right or wrong. When there are people educating you, policing you on what is right or wrong, process that information objectively.
All I have here right now is my own opinions on the gender discourse on Hange and my own opinions on the discourse overall.
If you don’t agree with it, then have a nice day and I hope you find something else that will convince you to be more openminded but...
UTANG NA LOOB HUWAG LANG KAYO MAMBULLY NG TAO POTA. MAGHANAP NALANG KAYO NG IBANG PWEDENG GAWIN SA BUHAY MO.
ANG DAMING NASASAKTAN ANG DAMING NATRATRAUMA ANG DAMING NAWAWALANG GANA MAGSULAT KASI DI KAYO NAG-IISIP. PURO TIRA LANG.
Okay thank you for listening. Do what you want with the information up there but I have said my piece.
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ight im gonna go off about the gender crisis again, because its my blog and vent space and i'll do what i want ;)
would i be allowed to label myself as agender, even though i dont experience any gender discomfort? Like, when someone calls me a girl, or says im a sister, daughter, ect, i dont feel uncomfortable. I just feel....indifferent. It doesn't necessarily feel right, but if it felt wrong surely id be feeling more than just mild confusion. agender usually means "genderless", but could it also mean gender...indifferent? Gender...apathetic?
If i were to try and make a comparison so i can better comprehend my thoughts, itd be this. If i were unconscious due to, idk, anaesthesia or something, and then had a surgery performed, id feel nothing. Id feel no pain, no tickling. If when i was still asleep after my mum caressed my face i wouldnt feel comfort. I wouldnt feel anything. Good, bad or neutral. All i would feel would be the dreamscape that the medically induced deep sleep placed me in: abstract. Non definable. One minute in that dream i could be strolling through an enchanted forest, the next I could be falling endlessly. But no matter what happened in those dreams, my physical body would be too out of it to react. Its like my gender identity is in a very deep sleep, feeling nothing objectively but everything abstractly, all at once.
Now lets say those "abstract dreams" in the metaphor was presentation. Most of the time i present very feminine, traditionally. My style is vintage/historical, lots of long skirts and frilly blouses and braided hair. Dressing like that makes me confident, comfortable. But I also really enjoy dressing more masculine. Of course, with super long hair ill always appear somewhat feminine, but wearing waistcoats and vintage trousers and shirts makes me feel confident too. I once said to my nana when i wore a particularly masculine outfit "some days i want to be elizabeth bennet, but somedays i want to be mr darcy". But no matter how feminine or masculine i feel, i dont know how to interpret that as gender. I feel like a girl, if "feeling like a girl" could be defined as "feeling like a vague blur of nothingness". Or am i just equating femininity with girliness. Do i actually just feel feminine, but not "girly".
sjdhskdjdjjddjdjfh why is this so confusing? I genuinely think either agender or genderqueer are labels to consider, even if no label feels better. With the way my brain works, i still need some form of label. but how do i know im not just overthinking things? If i am just, in fact, a cis girl who doesnt understand what that really means?
Surely its not that uncommon an experience? To not be able to recognise what gender feels like. I dont even know what its *meant* to feel like, unlike when i was questioning my sexuality and knew exactly what liking men was meant to feel like bc of my straight friends. Can i call myself a girl for simplicity's sake? It doesnt make me sad or uncomfy, if im being honest it doesnt feel like anything. Could i say im a genderqueer girl? As in, "i'll say im a girl if asked only because the real answer is so fucking complicated and undefined that even I dont know how to word it". As in "i might say im a girl but really my relationship to gender and womanhood is so much more than that. my gender is paradoxial. I both feel and dont feel like something, but i dont even know how to describe that small "something"."
Or would i say im a genderqueer femme? I dont mind being equated with feminitity, but underneath that feminine surface everything is so jumbled and hard to decipher that its easier to just act like a girl and not think about it.
but now ive opened the can of worms. i kinda have to think about it now.
or would i just say, "hey, im (name), my pronouns are she/her but idc if you use anything else, and im......i exist." Because at the end of the day, does it matter that i cant put how i feel into words that feel adequate? Surely just existing, acknowledging that *something* is going on beneath the surface but knowing it doesnt affect me enough to seek out a label, is fine too, right?
god why is this so fucking hard
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hi! i was wondering how you can just use like... any pronouns? I'm questioning, myself so i was just wondering. you dont have to answer if you're not comfortable though!
yeah sure! ill try to explain the best i can, putting it under a cut
im gonna break this down in point form bc thats just how i think about it!!
so im afab, im not gonna try to hide that and i dont care if people know. im not physically dysphoric, meaning that i don’t dislike the fact that i am afab, physically.
i dont get upset when people use she/her for me. i do get happier when people use they/them, thus, i prefer they/them but i am also okay with any other pronouns.
i would be down to change my body if only so that people don’t see me as a woman, though i do not hate my body or feel uncomfortable with it because my brain doesnt really register ‘female bodies’ or ‘male bodies’. i wouldnt go through with surgery or hrt simply because i dont care enough to go through the hassle.
i’m autistic. this means that i don’t pick up on social cues and, self esteem wise, i don’t care about other people’s opinions. people having negative opinions of me does not affect me. autistic people are also more likely to be trans or nonbinary than allistic people.
i believe its bc of my autism that i don’t care what people perceive me as. but i prefer to avoid she/her simply because of the connotations and expectations that people have of women. there are very few ‘benefits’ to being a woman in my eyes, therefore, i don’t vibe with it.
and the way i look at it, what really even defines being a woman anyways? if there is a checklist, i’d like to see it. (this may just be another ✨autistic opinion✨)
if there were no connotations with any gender, i would not care if people used she/her for me, or perceived me as a woman, but that isn’t the world that we live in
everyone’s experience is different, i hope this helps and i hope you can figure out what you’re looking for!
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i call myself a woman bc im female and i never gave it 2nd thoughts. but the more i think about it, the more i feel that im not just feminine or whatever. like that post about becoming a woman, but the other way round: if i woke up in a man's body i wouldnt feel dysphoric, id love it. i always wanted a moustache that id work the hell out of like hercules poirot. i dont feel dysphoric in my female body either. i relate to both my amab and afab peers. is this what being non binary feels like ?
Well, firstly there is no one way to be nonbinary. I personally live in the “as long as I’m not identifiable as a woman I’m happy” zone, hence the top surgery 3 years ago and the fact that I generally look like a 12 year old boy wearing his dad’s weekend clothes. But! That doesn’t mean that it has to apply the same way to you. Also I think that a really important question that you may need to ask yourself is “what does feminine mean to me” and “how does being feminine relate to me as a woman”. I know a lot of people who are women who are not feminine or like being feminine. I know a few guys who are sure enough of themselves that they don’t mind doing feminine things and defend those parts of themselves. Being nonbinary a lot of times means taking the moments to sit and think about what gender and gender presentation mean to you. Just because you don’t have dysphoria doesn’t mean you aren’t nonbinary or trans. You could be genderfluid, agender, bigender, or just reject the complex labels and just go with the good ol gender queer.
I never was good at the feminine thing, it felt weird and uncomfortable and I never really liked it. Any feminine coded interests i had were shoved into a box and I never looked at them again until after I did a lot of soul searching. I didn’t have dysphoria then because I just didn’t know, but once I realized I didn’t have to be a woman and started wearing a binder is when the dysphoria really hit. I’m not saying it will happen to you (honestly I hope it doesn’t because I don’t wish dysphoria on anyone, it’s so uncomfortable), but I think if you take the time to look at what gender means to you, what femininity and masculinity mean and feel to you, I think you’ll come out of this with a whole new perspective on things. Even if at the end of the day you’re like “you know what I’m still a woman” you explored an important part of you that you obviously have thoughts about. Also, something to think about is the phrase “gender euphoria”. Maybe experiencing things the way you are now isn’t the most rewarding, but it doesn’t bother you. But if someone called you “Sir” or you got to rock that mustache, would that make you feel better and more true to yourself than you do now?
It’s exceedingly complex, and each journey is individual and so different. But Anon, I truly hope you find some answers or something that makes you feel joy or an “Oh yes! This is Me!” Moment. If you have any other questions let me know, I’m here for you and I’m wishing you nothing but the best.
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Seunghun As Your Boyfriend
pairing: kim seunghun x reader (gender neutral, if I accidentally slipped up and used non gender neutral pronouns pls tell me so I can fix it)
request: bullet point seunghun as your boyfriend please??
i hope you like dogs bc you’re basically dating a gigantic puppy
ok that wording was a bit weird lmao but i mean,, he really is a gigantic puppy
he’s literally the sweetest, cutest, most loving boyfriend ever
you catch him staring at you at least 4 times a day
i mean, he makes no point in hiding it either
“hey babe, do you want a strawberry cupcake again or do you wanna try a different one today?”
“...”
“...babe?”
“hm what?”
“you were staring again.”
“no i wasn’t”
“ok so what was my question then?”
“..............i might’ve been staring again.”
he just thinks you’re the most beautiful person to have ever walked this earth!!
if you’re insecure about your looks he will not hesitate to constantly remind you that you look amazing the way you are until you start to believe it yourself
but if that doesn’t help, he’d sit you down and talk about what you can do to make sure you’re comfortable in your own skin
cue the weekly gym dates
if you’re confident tho, he’s gonna be your biggest hype man
can and will throw the cheesiest, dumbest pick up lines at you
“ohhhhhh, look at my beautiful baby!”
“damn is it hot in here or is it you?”
but this relationship isn’t a one way street
idk if yall remember but during [redacted] era he constantly said he knew he wasn’t good enough, said he’s never once looked in the mirror and thought he looked handsome
so your boy is in need of some tlc too
and you have no problem telling and showing him
“what has two thumbs and the best main vocalist in kpop as their boyfriend?”
“oh my god don—“
“this one”
begs you to stop doing that in front of his members because he’s highly embarrassed
but he secretly loves it anyway
he’s a clingy baby
doesn’t care about any possible watchers
ok not like that but I could be persuaded into writing that 👀
will hold your hand, wrap himself around your frame, kiss you in public without a care in the world
will also do all of those things in front of the boys, much to their dismay
doesn’t get jealous of anyone except hyunsuk bc you baby him more than you do your boyfriend because he trusts you and knows there’s no one you love more than him (ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)
also doesn’t get jealous of people looking at/flirting with you
honestly, he just goes “yeah that’s fair” bc like I said he thinks you’re the prettiest baby ever
if he notices you getting uncomfortable with someone flirting with you
or if someone truly doesn’t get the hint that you’re not interested and have a boyfriend
he will step in
he’s built like thanos a big guy, could easily tower over most people
8/10 times he’s had to step in for you, they scurried off before he even opened his mouth because he looks that scary, apparently
tries to keep a straight face until they’re out of sight
and then immediately breaks out of character and gives you the cutest smile
you know which one I’m talking about, that big ass eye smile of his
god I love him so much
ok I know I’ve said this a million times already;
but he genuinely, truly loves you more than anything
except
he loves your dog a tiny bit more if you have one, let’s say you do for the sake of the fic
you have to fight your dog for your boyfriend’s attention more often than not
sometimes he comes over late at night, not because he missed you,, but because he missed your dog
has asked you to bring your dog on dates before
it didn’t end well
“hey babe, do you think you can bring noodle idk man with you for our date saturday?”
“...”
“babe? :(“
“You can no longer text this number.”
*dming you on instagram* “DID YOU???? BLOCK MY NUMBER?????”
“MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED PAYING MORE ATTENTION TO MY DOG I WOULDNT HAVE TO”
“😔”
“who are you dating? me or my dog?”
“I—“
lmao anyway
skip to the ☼ ☼ ☼ if you’re under 18 and/or not comfortable with smut
slow, passionate lover
definitely more of a giver
just wants you to feel good
but definitely wouldn’t say no if you wanna return the favor
still, he cares more about your pleasure than his own
i feel like he’s neither a dom or a sub, but would be okay taking either of those roles if you’re the opposite does that make sense lol
he’s a switch I guess??
one day he’s languidly playing with you underneath a blanket during movie night with his members
the next day he’s begging you to let him cum while you’re riding him
not opposed to trying out kinky stuff but nothing too extreme
☼ ☼ ☼
he’s so full of energy
your dates range from karaoke nights, to going to amusement parks, to hiking with your dog
introduces you to his mom fairly quickly
he loves his mother more than anything so her opinion means a lot to him
but he was smitten with you from the moment you met and is sure his mom would be too
she is, uwu
you and his mom hit it off immediately
and so monthly tea dates with his mom become a thing
seunghun’s not sure whether to be happy you get along with his mom so well, or sad because he’s never invited to them
ok idk how to end this
pls love him lots
he deserves the universe
can you tell he’s my ult of ults?
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1. Name
justdyingslowly obviously come on
2. Nationality
Australian
3. Age
22
4. Birthday
nnnah dont feel like it
5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)
Libra/Scorpio cusp
6. Gender
wamon
7. Sexuality
very very hetero
8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)
androgenous
9. What do you/did you study?
Psychology (focus on sexology) and art.
10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?
I am disabled you think I can work ha
sexologist would be awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to be a fireman but Australias always burning
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11. Your birth order
head first
12. How many siblings do you have?
1
13. Do you have good relations with your family?
yeah
dads finally out of his abusive relationship, nearing age 70 and his emotions and his sexuality are finally opening up for the first time and that makes me SO happy.
14. How many friends do you have?
what kind of fucked up question is this.
15. Your relationship status
relationshipped. Fiance? got the marriage papers in a drawer somewhere with the car rego but can’t be fucked filling them?
16. What do you look for in a SO?
empathetic, mature, calm. Always open to discussion. Prefers to be blunt rather than secretive. Emotional age over 14 (incredibly fucking rare apparently).
Puts an importance on context and understanding other views above all else.
17. Do you have a crush?
Hellll yeah
Crush on my partner and got a crush on a mutual friend of ours who don’t even know hes cute af hehe
one day partners gonna accidentally spill the beans and embarrass me coz hes shit with secrets RIP me.
18. When did you have your first kiss?
You think I can remember this bullshit? Its not that big a deal
19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?
One night stand sex almost exclusively sucks. Just. SUCKS. Because neither of you know what the other likes and it ends up being an awkward mix of trying to please yourself while trying to also be considerate.
20. What are your deal breakers?
Plugging your ears to anything that feels gross, uncomfortable or disagrees with you. How can you grow as a person without introspection? How can you mold what you think and believe without taking in other arguments and comparing them to your beliefs to see how they stack up?
Its pathetic.
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21. How was your day?
cute mutual friend had a fall this morning and were both worried about him. His back is bad and he’s getting a little older, he can’t be getting dizzy and having falls like that.
other than that im anxious about seeing my gastro. He’s lovely but... specialists are specialists. Good at knowing what they know but not always great at listening.
22. Favourite food & drink
you think im allowed to eat or drink?
water and... foods a touchy subject.
23. What position do you sleep in?
Usually on my side with a body pillow to grip so I don’t end up choking my partner in his sleep.
24. What was your last dream about?
uuhhh...going to italy and being unable to get into this tiny basket boat properly.
25. Your fears
does PTSD to medical shit count haha
26. Your dreams
... going to italy and being unable to get into a tiny basket boat thingy?
27. Your goals
- get some sort of diagnosis eventually. Its been 3 years of trying and im tired.
- get back to studying art part time for my bachelors.
- pass JLPT N3.
- go back to university for psychology.
- do the dishes when I get home.
28. Any pets?
two budgies. we also take care of any orphaned or injured birds.
29. What are your hobbies?
feeling nauseous
drawing
writing a little bit
im making a little gameboy game in C atm too
30. Any cool places in your area?
i live next to a national park with waterfalls and koalas and emus and stuff
31. What was your last awkward situation?
mutual friend made a comment on his chest
i playfully smacked it (related to the comment)
it was surprisingly hard
“O-oh wow, thats... I didnt expect that”
my partner laughed at me.
it was awful.
32. What is your last regret?
getting embarrassed at friends pecs stop making me think about it
33. Language/s you can speak
english. N4 Japanese.
34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)
of course not what the fuck
35. Have any quirks?
Quirkless.
I do wiggle when im happy though apparently.
36. Your pet peeves
open doors.
37. Ideal vacation
spend a months chilling in an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice
38. Any scars?
internal? yes
39. What does your last text message say?
peepee poopoo ustinky
40. Last 5 things from your search history
how do i find this
41. What’s your [device] background?
Sam Porter Bridges walkin around
Sam Porter Bridges cuddling BB-28 Louise while he sleeps
my chicken
42. What do you daydream about?
all might
43. Describe your dream home
an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice
44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion
its a comforting thought having a parent-figure who cares about you and looks after all the big things you can’t manage yourself, but institutionalizing it runs a severe risk of becoming harmful cults. And it often does.
45. Your personality type
me
46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done
i saw the lost bunny that was on all the posters in the neighbourhood
looked thin and patchy
so i grabbed him to take him home.
im allergic. sent me to hospital and I almost died.
47. Are you happy with your current life?
feeling sick sucks and partners having a depressive episode but things are pretty good
48. Some things you’ve tried in your life
living
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49. What does your wardrobe consist of?
blacks, reds, whites and pinks
50. Favourite colour to wear?
at the moment pink. Red is always comforting though.
51. How would you describe your style?
mix between lazy alternative punk, teenager with band shirts and harajuku peach kawaii uwu
52. Are you happy with your current looks?
kinda wish i was a bit shorter but what can you do
53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?
bit shorter
54. Any tattoos or piercings?
lol no PTSD
55. Do you get complimented often?
by who? partner constantly, family haha are you kidding
im australian so a friend’s version of showing affection is calling you a cunt and slapping your ass in public
56. Favourite aesthetic?
all might
57. A popular trend that you dislike
blocking because you disagree or find them distasteful.
Ignoring all context to opposing thoughts and arguments.
taking a personal feeling of disgust to mean something is evil.
Blocking your ears to anything that isn’t a circlejerk of what you already think - and trying to isolate anyone who even just listens to something other then the noise of your sloppy dicks to have a thought of their own.
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58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?
The Machine by Low Roar
59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like.
why wouldnt i admit i like a song
60. Favourite genre?
probably enka haha
61. Favourite artist/band/genre?
probably enka haha
oh and tatsuro yamashita
62. Hated popular songs/artists?
why the hell would I hate something like a song? I hate aspects of the music industry as a whole I guess?
63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5
which playlist they aren’t all together in one place
64. Can you sing or play any instruments?
piano, saxophone... uh... partners good at making music and playing shakuhachi
65. Do you like karaoke?
no.
66. Own any albums?
yes? many?
67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?
no.
but triple J, ABC Jazz and Classical. sometimes they even play final fantasy and JRPG music on classical which is pretty neat.
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68. Favourite movie/series?
can i make this about games because then the answer is Metal Gear Solid
69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc
...shounen?
70. Your fictional crush/es
if they’re over 40yrs old, male and happy and bubbily or grumpy and sad then there’s a big ol fat chance I wanna bone.
Solid Snake from MGS4, All Might and pretty much anyone drawn by Tarou Madoromi.
71. Which fictional character is you?
uh
72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so
what does this even mean what language is this
73. Favourite greek god?
idk
hades seems chill
74. A legend from where you live that you like
the story of Tjilbruke is funny and good. all Kaurna stories are good.
75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist?
im in a big egon schiele mood atm.
76. Can you share your other social media?
no i am incapable
77. Favourite youtubers?
many
78. Favourite platform?
not too high up. actually i like being a little lower than ground level in corners.
79. How much time do you spend on the internet?
too much
80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite?
look i just want to say that MGS4 is the best one in the series
and Death Stranding is phenomenally engaging.
81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)
these are all so goddamn definitive how can I pick?
Oh wait the answer is One Piece
82. Do you play board/card games?
I play DnD atm
and know 15 yr old rules to Yugioh
83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?
that shit dosn’t happen here
84. Favourite holiday
golden week
coz its a week
also easter because thats when all the glucose based sweets come back
85. Are you into dramas?
what kind
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86. Would you use death note, if you had one?
no. thats called being a murderer.
87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?
chill people out a bit. when people feel unsafe they get really depenfive and territorial and block their ears to everything, making in-and-out groups for themsevles that end up putting them in more harm.
88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?
im disabled with a disabled partner. we arent funny sure we can survive normal everyday life when society is angled so sharply against us.
89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?
id like to be a mimi spirit
90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?
spooky time
91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?
toshinori yagi
92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?
anyone healthy
93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo
that cursed one with the intense eyes and the hand
94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true
im me
im not me
im pee
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95. Cold or hot?
cold.
96. Be a hero or be a villain?
both are distasteful ideas in reality
97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?
i can’t do either
partner speak sin bad puns and its hell, these both sound about equal
98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?
shapeshifting. controlling time is eithe rmanipulative or lonely. shapeshifing is every other superpower at once.
99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?
both are deeply upsetting ideas
100. ….. or …..?
jiji or ossan?
generally Jiji, but ossans can be lovely too.
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Im kinda bored so this is a little story time about a toxic best friend i had for many many years
Tw : s*lf-h*rm, s*icid*l thought, forced coming-out
To make the story easier let's call her Fish.
So... it started in primary school, i had moved out into a new city when i was in 3rd grade. That's when i first met her and we never really talked much. Then came 5th grade when we actually became friends.
And middle school happened and that's when everything went downhill real fast. In 6th grade i was still friend with her and i tried to get along with her other friend who was a bitch at that time, and i was too, so we never got along (even tho she is now my best friend bc we realised how much Fish was toxic lmao). So i had made new friends and she had too but we still made up over time and the other girl wasn't hanging out with us anymore.
Moving on to 7th, there was a new girl that came at the school at the beginning of the school year (who is also my bestfriend, props to her for staying with me all these years) and Fish immediately started talking to her. Eventually we have a group of 5 friends :me, her, our boyfriends and the new girl. The thing is that there was a trend of s*lf-h*rming yourself just to pretend to be depressed and sad, and Fish was one of the people who followed that trend. Me, being an absolute idiot, had no idea of the gravity. Well, i mean, i knew it was bad but my bestfriend was doing it so it's fine right ? No, it was not and i almost gave in to but i was afraid to harm myself so i never did. And that example is just to show how much i copied her, i destroyed my relationship bc i wanted to be like her and my ex-boyfriend was so good to me. Her relationship was like an light switch, you never knew when they were back together or not. We also had a skype group and messenger group of just three people: me, her and the new girl. Me and the new girl would badly roleplay and she would tell me, and only me, that i was cringy and leave the group chat like that. And i had no right to tell her i didn't like something about her, but she could though ? I let it slip anyway. I thought i was really happy, then came the worst year of my school life.
8th grade. At this point, Fish and her boyfriend had broken since he apparently abused her (im not sure since she is prone to lying) but i was still in good terms with him. Well we were not the best of friends but i wouldn't punch him (now i would bc he became such a fucking dick). But Fish started to become distant, as if she didn't want me around anymore but i ignored it thinking it was all in my head. One day, our teacher assigned us new places in class and i was next to her ex-boyfriend. We of course talked in class and laughed together. But out of nowhere, she started doing the sign where you slit your throat with your finger, y'know ? I thought she was doing it for kidding and i was just really confused, it was break after that class anyway so i can ask her wtf that was. She came to me and thought i was plotting against her with her ex-boyfriend and just told me to go fuck myself basically. I waited for my now ex-boyfriend and my friend to come-out of their class and explained to them what happened while containing my tears. They tried to go to her and try to understand wtf went wrong and funfact: nothing went wrong and she was just being a bitch and i later learned she just wanted to move on and discard everything from the past year, including me. But i didn't know that, i thought i broke everything, i thought i broke our group friend, i felt guilty and i felt, alone. My boyfriend that got out of school just before me went to my mom that was there to come pick me up, that i wasnt really well and he went away when i got out. My mom did ask me what was wrong and i told her that i'll explain when we're home. At home i explained everything and broke down in my moms arm, i dont know if i cried out of anger or sadness, but seeing me cry was enough for my mom to hate her with all her guts. I've felt so lonely after that. I had no one to eat lunch with, i had no one to be in group in class with and i had no idea of how to occupy my brain when i had no one to talk to, i read in the morning waiting for the friends i had left, i would draw whenever i had to wait alone and i would eat fast to get out the fastest possible. I also lost everything i was since at that time i was like a sponge of personality and just squeeze out whatever the personality people wanted out of me. I had lost everything and i didn't want to be here anymore, i just wanted to die honestly. And i think i wouldve if i didnt think there was my family and my friends. However, it does not end here ! Bc my dumb ass made so many more mistakes ! Bc one day in our technology class i had to work with her for an assignment and we gradually made up until we became friend again, but i was still wary of her and my s*icidal thoughts were still very present. So i was still very toxic and pushing the people that were there for me away. My boyfriend broke up with me. I didnt know what to do, but looking back this was such a good decision for him and for me. I am so thankful for him to have broke up with me, but at that moment i was a bit hurt but at the same time i saw it coming so i had so time to grief about it. A month later my mom decided to bring me to Mauritius (where she is from) bc she thought i had a hard time no having her around for the first time which is kinda true but not all the truth. I had no wifi and no way of contacting anyone. That was so refreshing ! That's when i started to understand that i had the right to think for myself first and not be a fucking carpet for everyone to walk on. I was not out of the shit but i started to understand how to get out.
9th grade, was my savior. This was the best year of my life with nothing to worry about except an exam at the end. You remember the girl in 6th grade that was a bitch ? Yeah we became close friends during that year bc i realised she was a bitch bc she was badly influenced on in 6th and 5th grade. And the new girl remember her ? That's also the year when we got close, the year where we became best friends, when i learned to be and love myself and the year when i started to stand up for myself. I have some bad daddy issues and i have almost always shared my problems with Fish but i started sharing less toward the end of 8th grade. One day i was complaining that i had to be basically the messenger bird of my parents and she looked at me annoyed and tell me 'why don't you go to the police ?'. Like we didnt ??? Like she thinks that my dad was harassing my mom and we didnt ?? That's basically saying 'don't be' to someone who is sad. And i explained that to her and she was like 'don't complain to me if you're going to flip off like that when im giving you a solution', excuse me bitch... what ? I was hella mad. She came fake apologising like a few weeks later. And one day she came out to me as pansexual, great for her, and i was also questionning my gender and thought i was genderfluid so i came out to her. She was like 'oh ok' and i sent her some memes about genderfluidity and she was like 'stop this is annoying'. So i shut my trap. I also learned that during a school i didnt went she faked some anxiety and was being a bitch bc her friend wouldnt come to a shop with her even so another one was ok with going with her. I eventually started to understand that she was bad for my mental health, so i just started ghosting her bc i just didnt want to talk with her anymore and i didnt know how to confront her. She came up and grabbed and pulled me by my backpack that was full of shit just to ask me why i didnt answer to one of her text. I was so scared i just told her i wasnt feeling well and just told her i needed time. The year went by it was great and i didnt want to be in cold with Fish but i also didnt want to be her friend, i wanted to just be classmates, however when she was told this she understood : 'they want to be friend again'. So she clung with us next year.
10th grade, was last year and was full of drama. And we only had 6 months of school. 10th grade is the first year of highschool and the only year where we don't have an exam. I also had a forced new friend that we're going to call Taz so we don't get mixed up. She was also very clingy and it felt like having a leech stuck to me. And Fish was being very, let's say embarrassing and making us feel uncomfortable. She would make ton of sexual joke and we told her it was making us uncomfortable but she would apologise just to do it again the week later so we just gave up. She also outed me in class, thankfully the class was really noisy and only my bestfriend heard it but this fucking bitch just asked outta nowhere 'so you're still on this whole thing about being genderfluid or what ?' And she wasnt talking low, she was talking loud and clear. I felt so embarras and i hoped that no one else heard it. I answered as very quietly 'no.. i think im genderqueer now' and she just said ok. That's also around when i discovered im bi so i was so glad that i didnt tell her about that. And a few months later there was some shit going around about bullying and Fish was one of the targets. And let's say that our english teacher held up a trial so i opened up my big ass mouth to talk and defend Fish. And guess what, Taz just blurted out that i and my best friend were bullying her. Excuse me ? I defended her ass and when i talked to her about it she told me 'no you didnt, you just yelled at me once in physics'. So bc i yelled at her bc she wouldnt listen to me when we had to work i bullied her ? What a thank ! And when i tried to talk it out with Taz, she fucking ignored me and left. I was enraged. I was crying out of fucking rage and still aced a test in english. At the end i explained everything to my crush while i was walking home with her bc she lived next to my moms restaurant. When i stepped into the restaurant, there was my moms friend, which im kinda close to, and my mom who asked me how was my day i cried out of anger. They comforted me and supported me. At school, one day the assistant director called me and my best friend in his office. And told us that in highschool there are no bullying only misunderstandings (i dont really agree with that but anyway) and asked us our side of the story. We explained that we didnt get along with her anymore and made it very clear that we were uncomfortable with her but she wouldnt take a hint. And we left the office just like that. The assistant director probably told Fish our side and she never went to talk with us bc of covid.
Now, im in 11th grade, we do not talk anymore and this feel so much better. Now i'll just drop some bonus drama
She accused me of drowning her when it was her ex-boyfriend that did and made her scared of water, while i was there to support her when she was dealing with her phobia.
And her mom thought that i was a bad influence for her sweet sweet daughter when she was the one to incite me to c*t myself like paper, wow ok.
This is just a personal share and just maybe a way for others to recognise the toxic behaviors of fake friends.
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6 - 3 - 20
So I talked to my mother about Undertale today while I was with her at her job.
She seemed pretty interested, but I know she’ll loose her interest soon once I tell her about the Alphyne ship and the ship between Guard 02 and 01.
She doesn’t admit it, but I know she’s homophobic. Every time I bring up anything that has anything slightly related to a romantic relationship between the same gender, she goes awol. Talking about how God made us to birth and reproduce and populate the Earth.
At this point, I don’t even know if I’m gonna come out to her. I’ve already said once that I’m asexual, and that was from an argument about the crush I had on my female/male friend (he/she are genderfluid). She must have forgotten about it, because when I tried sending a picture to the same friend - we’re still friends it’s just a little bit awkward, plus I still have a crush on her - she asked what the flags were about. My friend had a Bisexual Flag and a Genderfluid pin, but gladly my mom couldn’t see the pin otherwise she would be questioning things and a whole new string of problems would come to light. I had an asexual flag (I’m still questioning my sexuality, but my approach on sex is not sex-repulsed but not too comfortable with having sex either) and a pin that meant Non-binary. She thankfully didn’t see my flag either.
She started asking more and more questions about what asexuality was and why would I think I’m asexual when YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME THAT WHEN I SAID WAS NOT A FAN OF SEX YOU SAID I COULD BE ASEXUAL YOU LITERALLY OFFERED TO ME THAT I CAN BE ASEXUAL AND I ACCEPTED AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA ACT LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ASEXUALITY IS?! IF YOU DIDNT KNOW YOU WOULDNT HAVE OFFERED IT TO ME?! WAS IT JUSF ANOTHER LIE TO GET ME NOT TO LIKE THE SAME GENDER?! JUST LIKE THE LAST TIME WHERE TOU SAID THAT YOU SUPPORT THE LGBT COMMUNITY AND YOU ALLOWED ME TO SUPPORT TI TO- BUT THEN JUST YELL AT ME AGAIN WHEN I SAVE AND POST POSITIVE LGBT STUFF! YOU’RE JUST A BIG LIAR AT THIS POINT!! NOTHING YOU SAY IS TRUE!! AND YOU SAY YOU CAN TTRUST ME!
Then she starts again with new bullshit like “You’ve never had sex before, you don’t know what’s like”, or “soon you’ll have a boyfriend in either high school or college. He’ll want to take things to the next level if you were to get married. Are you just not gonna have a relationship?” LIKE BITCH THAT’S AROMANTIC NOT ASEXUAL AND ASEXUALS COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT IT INVOLVING SEX SEX DOES NTO HAVE TO BE A CURRENT THEME IN A RELATIONSHIP WHEN I ADMITTED MY FEELINFS TO MY FRIEND AND ADMITTED I WAS ACE SHE DIDN TJUDGE ME AF ALL SHE JUST SAID THAT IT WAS FINE I WAS ACE AND THAT SHE STILL LIKED ME NTO EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT REPRODUCTION SHUT UP!!
I’m not sex-repulsed - I just get uncomfortable during sex scenes in a movie - but now she’s making me so upset about this whole thing. She lies about everything and judges me for everything and then starts asking me why I can’t have normal conversations with her. Oh, did I mention That? We had another argument
It was about her asking me a lot of questions about high school and shit and how many friends I’m gonna make and how my relationship with my friends are right now. I was about to get my hair washed and didn’t feel like being bothered, and even if I was comfortable I still don’t talk that much so even if I was a in a good mood I would have answered with short question. Plus the questions themselves were too personal for my liking and I didn’t feel too comfortable with answering them right then and theee, probably when my hair was washed and I could lay down without soaking the sheets with my wet hair.
Then SHE STARTS SAYING STUFF LIKE “why do you always answer me like that?” AND “why can’t you just answer normally” AND “you weren’t like this before. What happened? You used to be so social and talk to me about everything.” THAT’S THE MOTHERFUCKINF REASON CAUSE YOU QUESITONNLITERLALY EVERYTHING!! IF I DONT ANSWER A QUESFION CORRECTLY OR IF I DONT ANSWER IT THE WAY YOUD LIKE YOULL ASK ME STUFF LIKE “why’d you answer it like that” AND “why’d you answer it so weirdly” IF YOU AANT A REASON TO WHY I DONT TALK TO YOU THAT WHY YOU DONT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY YOU QUESTION EVERYTHING I DO AND YOU JXUGE LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING THING EVEN THOUGH LIE ABOUT NOT JUDGING ME.
THEN SHE STARTS PRESSURING ME ASKING ME “why are you not gonna talk to anyone?” AND “you’re not gonna have any friends if you don’t speak up. Stop talking so low.” AND “so you’re just gonna keep two friends?” LIKE BITCH IF I DONT WANT TO TLSK IN SCHOOL TO OTHERS I DONT HAVE TO FUCKIGN TALK BESIDES THE LAST TIME I TALKED OUT LOUD TO ANYONE I WAS MOCKED AT AND CALLED WEIRD AND NEEDY AND ANNOYING AND SHIT. I WAS LITERALLY BULLIED FOR BEING TOO LOUD, THATS WHY I BECAME QUIET. II DONT HAVE TO TALK IF I DONT WANT TO ITS MY MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH.
BESIDES ITS OKYA TO HAVE TWO FRIENDS YOU ACT LIKE I HAVE TO HAVE A WHOLE GROUP OF FRIENDS ADOUND ME AND BE POPULAR AND SHIT WHEN LITERALLY PEOPLE WHO BECOME POPUALR GET TOO INTO IT AND START PEER PRESSURING OFHERS
then she starts lying about “I just don’t want you to fall into the wrong path” like being asexual is wrong and that being apart of the lgbt community is wrong. “I don’t want you to follow others just because you think it’s alright”. Nothing is wrong about the LGBT community and asexuals. Anyone could be who they are. Plus you don’t have to have sex all the time to be in a committed relationship. “You probably thought you were gay (first of all I said I was Bi, not gay. I like both girls and boys.) because your friend was nice to you.” So basically you just called me naive. I mean I admit i am stupid sometimes, but I’ve haven’t fallen in love with someone because they were nice to me. I fell in love with a boy one time because I thought he was cool, and he didn’t even talk to me once. He basically used me and asked me to do all his work for him, and I didn it because I wanted him to like me but turns out he was a jerk and an asshat.
My other friends are nice to me, and I have best friends that are really nice to me, but I haven’t fallen in love with them. So how does that make sense? How does one of my friends with me having a crush on them equal up to them being nice to me and me naively falling for it? Doesn’t add up.
I didn’t argue with her anymore. I didn’t even talk. I just nodded my head to everything until she started saying “stop nodding and talk to me. I don’t even know if you’re listening to what I have to say.”. Oh and the whole talking thing? She gets upset with that too. If I don’t answer Her in a certain way, or if I’m just nodding, or if I’m just staring off into space she thinks what she says is going through one ear and out the others.
I admit the me looking into space thing might come off as not listening, but the other stuff like nodding and and answering a certain way doesn’t make sense. Me answering in a certain way is me giving my opinion. If you don’t agree with that than I can’t share my thoughts with you. That’s why it’s so hard to talk about my thoughts because I think you won’t agree with what to have to say and that it’s better if I just shut up.
And me nodding could come off as not listening - If I wasn’t looking into your eyes. When I look into your eyes, I know what you’re talking about, I’m listening to you. You have my attention.
But that’s all. I have no energy left in me to rant anymore. This is all just mindless thoughts that have been stuck in my mind for a while and I had to let it out.
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Hi!! if requests are still open, id love to see jane, jack and toby w a s/o whos kinda an eldritch terror. Like, mostly human looking, but w some uncanny valley thing, probably w a “true form” or w/e thats got a bunch of teeth and eyes and arms n all that good stuff. Bonus points if s/o eats ppl :)
oh helll yeahhhh i dig this request u got it!! janes section is for x girl or nb reader since she’s a canon lesbian though oki ^_^ jack and toby r gender neutral though like my other scenarios and hc pieces
Also sorry this kinda turned more into like a meeting/reaction to that turns into being s/o’s post i hope u still like it!!
jane:
Definitely not the first time she’s seen someone like you down here so it doesn’t phase her, its not like she’s totally human looking either haha,
she does take a certain interest in you right away though. but she tries not to stare cuz thats rude (she’ll definitely try to start a convo with you though!! She’s drawn to anyone she thinks looks as cool as her) but despite her efforts to keep it cool you probably notice right away how much attention she gives to you, the non-invasive but genuine questions
when you first show off your true form, she is...Very impressed to say the least hehehe, expresses her admiration while maintaining her cool collected demeanor but on the inside her interest only grows, and the pre-existing soft spot for you only gets that much softer. (won her over with the cool eldrich horror stuff)
Thinks you’re just lovely, in ‘normal’ or true form, privately cant help but be a tiny bit curious about the details of your appearance !! You might catch her staring at your big teeth or getting lost in those multiple eyes sometimes💕💕💕, and if you invite her in for a closer look she’ll take it! Finds you so very endearing, a real testament to the wonders and joys of living in the underworld :’)
She’s usually the strong stoic-y one in relationships, but something about your uncanny horrifying appearance just tugs at her heart, scoop her up in your multiple arms and give her a hug and a kiss and she’ll go so soft just for you 💕💕💕💕💕
Doesn’t mind the people eating thing, finds it kind of funny how years ago it made her so uncomfortable but now it’s just whatever. Whatever makes you happy!
even if you’re a powerful eldritch horror she wants to be so strong for you and impress you, and talks semi-jokingly about protecting you, no matter how powerful you are you’re still her sweetheart 💕 💕💕And she thinks you two are quite cool and good together, true form or not! The uncanny vaguely not-human look suits the both of you well,
She’s very sweet with you , and treats you very tenderly despite your terror being status, gently runs her hand over your cheek, frequently peppers your cute monster-y self with kisses,
Jack:
oh FINALLY . SOMEONE WHO’S FREAKY LIKE HE IS!!!!!!!
immediately very drawn to you, whether you’re a ‘demon’ as well technically speaking or not, finds a lot of solidarity with you. From the weird and uncanny appearance to the people eating thing
Is a little reserved at first just by nature but definitely wants to get to know you...and once you two start talking for real, he’s smitten💘. sorry if its corny but it feels like he’s got someone who like...understands him. since moving here he’s been around mostly humans, and it can feel weird or isolating sometimes is all....
Will try to win you over by sharing food, he hopes you like organs too!! And if you prefer something else, he’ll go out of his way to start collecting that just for you while he’s out
When it’s just the two of you hanging out you can probably just chill in your true form. He doesn’t really have one himself but he feels more comfortable with the inhuman parts of himself around you. His demonic distorted tint to his voice slips in a bit more, he straightens his posture out more to his full 6′ 9′’ height, laughs a little louder letting his rows of freaky demon teeth show up better, keeps his mask off around you, little things like that. Doesn’t feel like he has to worry about scaring anyone or having to be more human-y to fit in when he’s with you
probably one of those close couples who are around each other all the time, finish each others sentences, whats-with-their-weird-mental-link situations. “It’s an inhuman monster thing u wouldnt understand”
You’re still by far more inhuman than him in your true form, you seem really powerful and are just...so cool ... 💕💕💕he realllyyy likes you
Toby:
The first time he sees you he’s mostly just, curious. Wants to know “what your deal is” to put it in a way. Not in a mean way, but he’s still super human, so more inhuman seeming people just make him feel curious yknow!
If you pay attention you’ll probably catch him staring at you from around corners or from other rooms. Maybe you’ll think its annoying, maybe you’ll think its funny, depends
You two should talk ! He’s nice of course, doesn’t even ask any rude questions! At first. But eventually he finally just asks out right “So...Are you like a uhhhh human?”. Now would be a great time to unveil your true form!
“WOAH!!!!!!!”
probably drops his drink, and stares at you wide eyed not out of fear but it’s surprising!.... and fucking COOL. and kind of....hot
Asks nicely if he can see your teeth up close a lot. not only are they awesome looking but its kind of just an excuse to get all up close to your face...Which only feeds into his new crush on you haha
Thinks you must be really strong with all those arms of yours...Asks to be picked up, which whether you actually can or not is up to you
His crush is so obvious no lie. Very flirty and always asking you to show off your cool true form and whatever powers you might have, and always has such a blush on his face too. Might as well just kiss the poor guy already!! He might faint though and you’ll have to catch him in those many arms of yours
youre very very cute together, its a sweet dynamic💕cute human guy who’s all affectionate and very pda and sweet paired with you: a very strange and uncanny not-human who has that distinct horror-y creature aura even in your human-y form . But he loves you so much, you’re his perfect horror inhuman cutie 💕💕💕
oh and about the people eating thing- not a problem. wouldn’t be his first time around someone who does that. often jokes about letting u eat one of his limbs if you got hungry since he cant feel it anyway LOL
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For the director's cut thing, the story where Fabri asks Ermal out on a date but Ermal doesn't realize that? 👀
YO SO WE GONNA DO THAT OR WHAT
Its this fic btw if anyones curious.
Chap 1
Even with closed eyes, he sensed the man lying next to him turn towards him but Fabrizio did not spoke immediately. No, he just stayed silent for a bit, Ermal wasn’t quite sure what he was observing but before Ermal could ask, Fabrizio broke the silence.
its u. he’s gazing at u, u idiot.
*
*
’You didn’t exactly give off the vibe that you’d say yes’
“What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t give off the vibe?!”
mr no-homo meta has NO right to be surprised at that. boy went into a panic attack every time someone as much as breathed the suggestion ofc fab was Anxious
*
*
A certain Roman showing up at his doorstep looking like he’d belong to the Milan Fashion Week.A tight grey shirt whose top three buttons almost begged to be opened (yet remained miraculously, in Fabris case, closed!) clung nicely to the body underneath it. A very fine silver chain hung around his neck that perfectly fit with the rings and the watch on his hand.Instead of ripped denim, now tight & shiny dark jeans were worn and to round this look up, an impeccably tailored black, suit jacket was thrown over him.
so not to be Hoe on main but we all just love Sexy Fab. but more so, i really thought Fabrizio would have put a lot of effort into dressing nicely this time around. Probably called a few friends, crying to help him. He just wanted Ermal to like his look. Which he did. A lot. again, outstanding heterosexual of the year, ermal meta is completely mesmerised by that look.
*
*
“Well, well, Fab. Gotta say, this place is on a whole different level“ The curly haired man commented as he flipped through the menu.“You like it?”“How could I not?”
again, Fabrizio intentionally looking up a fancy place for their Date, something he actually felt a little bit uncomfortable about himself and wouldnt normally chose for himself. But then again, he was greatly relieved when Ermal actually did say he liked it.
*
*It felt.. nice. The whole evening was quite nice, Ermal had to admit, even with the unusual ambient.
Ermal is just honestly iconic in this fic. man enjoys fabrizios appearance, enjoys talking with him, eating out with him, just spending time with him in general sooo much……and yet.
*
*
Fabrizio tilted his head and was it the candle light or something else, but a intriguing shine filled his eyes.“I’d know something sweeter than this.” In the next moment, everything turned upside down when Fabrizio suddenly took his hand and intertwined their fingers, his thumb gently brushing over the back of the younger man’s hand.
THE COURAGE THIS TOOK. THE NERVES WHICH WERE WRECKED. Fab really just went “ok here we go balls to the wall now or never”
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Chap2
“So, Fabrizio….Fabrizio likes me. Apparently.” It felt interesting to say it out loud. Ermal got a tingly feeling at the thought. So ..it was him who made Fabrizio blush earlier? Who made him nervous? And smiley? Christ, he actually really wanted Ermal to like his outfit, didn’t he? A small smirk found its way on Ermal’s face. Who would have thought that he’d have Fabrizio Moro of all people wrapped around his finger.
erm: so im het
also erm: wow i really really like the fact that fabrizio is into me. its actually super exciting. kinda makes me happy in a way.
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*
“Wait, what?! I should ask him out?!”“Yeah? Isn’t that something you want?”Is that something he- But that would imply that he’d want to pursue Fabrizio, his very male, masculine, manly friend Fabrizio who was definitely not by any chance a woman. To have a relationship with guy that was …..romantic… and oh sweet Mother of God, sexual?!“I- I- I don’t know.”
so yeah, to get to the bottom of this, when you’re in the process of realising your own …..non-heterosexuality, its just A Lot to take in. I thought, realistically, that would just be a bit too much for Ermal to take in at that moment. He had to process the mere thought of “yes, you could have a romantic relationship with this guy, since he’s into you. Its absolutely a possibility”. When you’re conditioned to think “i can only ever date people of the opposite sex” all your life, it takes a bit of time to get accustomed to new possibilities.
And then theres the sexual aspect which is like, on Jupiter, for Ermal’s current state of mind.
*
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Chap3
The video he currently was immersed in showed a slow-mo fight between a mongoose and a cobra that in all its intensity outdid any action movie in a heartbeat.
i remember watching that vid before writing that chapter and being mesmerised by it. u fucking go lil mongoose!
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[Bizio]: sorry i cant this weekend
First, i just love the thought of him being saved as Bizio on Ermals phone. Second, the reason why he replied so late was because he was wrecking his mind about it. Should he go? should he not? god, the thought of seeing ermal excited him and yet scared him. nonononno. he’s trying to get Over Ermal. He needs space. he is not ready yet.
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*
[Ermal]:Fabri!! Heard you’re coming up North! 😁 I have this excellent bottle of wine that a fan gave me the other day (don’t ask) so how about we open it at my place? I know you love a good wine 😉🍷
He couldn’t even slide the phone back into his pocket before it started buzzing. Surprisingly, the reply came almost instantly this time.[Bizio]:sorry no the schedule is pretty tight for me at the moment i dont think ill have much time in milan
i just image him getting the weirdest fucking fan gifts. also lmao the lightning speed with which fab replied. homeboy saw that wine would be involved and imemdiately thought “nononononono. worst case, my drunk ass might kiss him, god forbid. we are absolutely not gonna do that”
*
*
[Ermal]:So I’m flipping through the channels at home and there comes a baking show and I wouldn’t normally stop to watch but you know what they’re baking? Those creamy pastry things we had in Lisbon!
Now the idea about the Pasteis de Nata stemms from a real life event! During ESC 2018 i slept at a friends house and since the contest was held in Portugal we decided to cook something portuguese. Thats what we did. They fucking slap. Also, one of the best weekends ive ever had
*
*
However, this is how things continued as to all of Ermal’s messages, he’d receive rather uncharacteristically short replies. When he sent him photos he’d often not reply at all and even when he called Fabri didn’t pick.
Okay we have to image in WHAT kinda mental state Fabrizio is in that time. Boy is EMBARASSED to death. Then obviously, he is trying his hardest to get rid of this crush. So he just isnt talking to Ermal at all. Which in turn makes him lonely and sad. So then Ermal shoots him a message, sends him a picture and Fabrizio is immediately head over heels again. Which he shouldnt be. Bad Fabri. And the circle repeats itself.
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*
Fabrizio who smiled sweetly at the host, who hugged her tightly, who joked with her and oh, whose eyes didn’t stick to her face but wandered more and more south.
Dude honestly, Fab was not flirting with anyone. He was just being nice as he usually is. And we all know he a lil bit sleazy so yeah, he might have looked down once or twice. but he really was not flirting. It was just Ermals affection-deprived mind going berserk.
Also that was the first time Ermal witnessed Fabrizio being affectionate with someone else. And the contrast to that cold shoulder he received was just the last straw for him.
*
*
“Why is he all smiley and lovey-dovey with her while he treats me as if I’m a war criminal?!” Ermal shouted the second the other line got picked up.“Uhm, hello? Maybe a ‘Good morning’ first of all? A simple ‘how are you doing, Sabina?’ would have been appreciated too.”
Damn bitch can ya greet ur sister first before going off smh
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*
And would it have been really that bad if Ermal had just held on to his hand? Let Fabrizio gently stroke him with his thumb, maybe even squeeze back while Ermal’s finger draws circles over letters that covered the older man’s knuckles.It would have been nice and Ermal would have liked it.
I think he just needed to see what he was missing out to realise what he really has always wanted. If things were to go back to normal, he would have never made any realisations.
*
*
“Am I- Do I like Fabrizio?”
No, we dont ask what he is. Because thats for another time, a calmer time. Or maybe not at all. He doesnt know the answer to that question and its not important right now. All he knows is that despite it all, he likes Fabrizio.
*
*
The fact he was a guy was new, but those feelings involved weren’t.
I feel like this is just a very bisexual experience. At least to me it was. Its very confusing when u are genuinely attracted to the opposite sex, so you make the conclusion: you are obviously straight. Its not possibly that you are not-straight.
Then u start feeling attraction to someone of ur own gender and its like “hmmm. Obviously this must be fake since we have established that Im genuinely attracted to the opposite sex ”
But the thing is..it aint going away. And then u think how you’d perhaps be down for sex, and perhaps be down for something more, and perhaps do all those nice things you would be doing with someone of the opposite sex.
So yeah, its ..its really confusing and complicated to figure it out. And if you actually do have a feelings for someone it only makes matters more complicated ig
*
*
“Jesus, I really do like him. Me. Liking a guy.”
Again, once u made That Realisation, its just the WILDEST thing in the beginning. a complete NEW concept being applied to yourself.
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*
“LISTEN CUT THE BULLSHIT I KNOW EXACTLY THAT YOU’RE HOME! OPEN UP OR I WILL STAND HERE ALL NIGHT I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND!” In addition to the knocking he now also started ringing the doorbell. He sure as hell wouldn’t move here until that door wasn’t opened.“I DONT GIVE A FUCK, I WON’T EVEN SLEEP AND NEITHER WILL YOU. I CAN GO ON FOREVER YOU HEAR ME, FABRIZIO MOBRICI?!”
Ermal is just unhinged in all my fics.
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Epilogue
[Ermal💛]: You ready?
Fabrizio added that heart right immediately after Ermal left his house a week prior.
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*
Ermal looked….cuddly.
So yeah we all know Fab isnt the keenest on fashion and shit. And i just though Ermal would want him to be as comfortable as possible on their date, so he was like “ay come casual” . and also, its sort of cute that Ermal lets Fabri see him so casual too, its sort of more private in that sense.
*
*
And those were still the mild surprises, let’s not start with the downright shock he felt when his brain started providing words like kissable, attractive, sexy and hot during lonelier nights.
i have a fic for those kinda nights too
*
*
“It’s not that far and God knows men your age need the exercise anyway.”
ermal just cant show affection like a normal person, he has to roast u even when he’s madly in love with u
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*
What followed behind the colourful door was a small chaos. Literally. People constantly coming and going, with buzzing voices chatting in every corner. They made their way half through the rather crowded establishment, got greeted by a waiter who rushed past them, before they finally spotted a couple leaving, liberating two chairs for them.
SO YEAH. the restaurant. it is loosely based on a place here in Vienna. Its pakistani food too, its a buffet, its kinda chaotic like described in the fic. also u can pay as much as u want.
i just thought, yknow, its home made cooking and its kinda relaxed and chill and casual and has a certain liberal flair to it. and i thought yeah that has fabri energy we gonna use that. also their mango rice puddings fucking slap
*
*
Languages were not his forte, those belonged to Ermal, but Fabrizio ran through his options. It surely wasn’t French or Spanish, that he would at least recognise. German looked different too; they had those dots over their U’s and those curly B’s which allegedly weren’t B’s at all. Swedish? Danish? No. He’s been to Ikea often enough to know that his wardrobe wouldn’t be called Qershor. And Russian had different letters but maybe it was something similar to Russian?
Okay, so I’m a known Slut for Languages. Fabrizio is not. I can pretty much recognise most European languages in written form at some point in a text. Fabrizio can not. Therefore writing this from the perspective of someone who really isnt into languages was kind of interesting and a bit challenging. I was just thinking ‘how would he recognise them when he isnt into them?’ And i think, in the end, i did it realistically.
*
*
“Is it like..Serbian? Croatian? Or something?” He mumbled while putting a piece of eggplant in his mouth but quickly realised the answer when Ermal almost spit out his water from laughing.“No, definitely not. I can guarantee you, it’s very much not Serbian or Croatian ‘or something’.” Ermal chuckled with a bright smile, obviously enjoying their little guessing game. “But you’re close. In a way.”
This is SO embarrassing but this whole language guessing game was just a setup to an inside joke I have with myself. So, for those who don’t know, I speak Serbo-Croatian. And I study Slavic studies. The first things they tell you in the first lesson of the Slavic Linguistics course is “Please, for the love of God, PLEASE, dont say Albanian/Hungarian/Romanian is a slavic language”. Apparently many europeans assume these languages are because theyre surrounded by slavic countries. BUT TO AN ACTUAL SLAVIC NATIVE SPEAKER, the difference is immediately obvious and so its quite comical when people assume theyre related languages. So i thought the reverse would be kinda funny to Ermal too.
*
*
“I can be anything the teacher wants me to be. A good student, a naughty student, whatever floats his boat…” He asked sultrily before winking at the man across of him whose higher brain functions seemed to have ceased at once and just gaped at him like a fish.
boys whole brain got fried when the sexiest man in italy started flirting with him. issokay, he was just shocked. fabrizio has never been flirty with him before, he’ll get used to it.
*
*
“I was just trying to give you the best date that I could.“At those words, the Roman frowned however."Wait, this was a date?!”
im just an asshole honestly
*
*
They giggled as they finally closed the gap between them going for a slow and deep kiss.
i just love them being all SOFT and in LOVE
*
*
“Erm, I- I have an instore tomorrow, I better be well rested.”His counterpart just huffed and raised an eyebrow.“So were you planning on staying up all night, huh?”
Fabs horn dog brain definitively went HmmmmMmm this is nice:) ..could get even nicer:) but no fuck, i have work to do tomorrow
*
*
“Love how you immediately forget about a good night’s sleep once you have a tongue in your mouth.”“Fuck off.”
He just got carried away as if u were complaining ermal smh
*
*
"I bet on everything I have that your password is 'liberoanita1’ so yes, I actually can.”
Parents culture is just using ur children’s names as all your passwords and we all know Fabri is that kinda parent.
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*
All in All, i also wanna talk about how the epilogue mirrors the first chapter, but in a more successful light.
Fabrizio dresses for Ermal - Ermal dresses for Fabrizio
fancy place - more casual place
They take the car - they walk
Fabrizio takes Ermals hand on the open for everyone to see - Ermal takes Fabrizios hand under the table, in private
They eat their dessert seperately - they eat theri dessert together
they fall out - they become closer, kiss
they dont talk - they plan the next date
anyway thanks for reading and thank uuuuuu for this ask julchen
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All the abc OC questions for Erin!
aaaaaaaaaaaaa ty mara, imma put it under a read more so there isnt a huge thing to scroll through
A1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young? shes a pyromancer and a dumbass2. what activities have they participated in? uh they were in robotics club in college3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for? (no clue what that means) but she keeps her friend aria alive with the augments she makes4. what things are they bad at? talking to cute girls, being a person5. what is their most impressive talent? she can dislocate her shoulder on command
B1. what is their hair color? red2. what is their eye color? green3. how tall are they? like 5′44. how old are they? 32 i think?5. how much do they weigh? 160
C1. how do they sit in a chair? the wrong way all the time2. in what position do they sleep? curled up in a ball3. what is their ideal comfort day? chilling out with her partners4. what is their major comfort food? why? anything with a strong lemon taste that isnt a lemon5. who is the best at comforting them when down? her partners
D1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name? she cant decorate worth a damn2. how would they decorate their child’s room? she wouldnt have any kids tbh3. how do they decorate their own room? posters everywhere, failed experiments and other stuff strewn about with clothes4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear? she likes tight pants, crop tops, and a denim vest with boots on warm days, on cold days she wears skirts, tights, long sleeve tops and flannel with a denim vest5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends? she likes them in theory, not in practice since shes terrible with doing makeup
E1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality? kinda? like shes outgoing sometimes but shes also likes being alone, it depends on whos shes with2. do they do things that conform to the norm? only norm she conforms with is being gay3. do they follow trends or do their own thing? she does her own thing sometimes, follows trends other times4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads? she tries to keep up but hardly can5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own? she portrays herself as she is (ie a sarcastic bitch with a dry wit)
F1. what do they do for fun? set fire to things2. what is their ideal party? not a party person3. who would they have the most fun with? she loves being with her partners and has the most fun with them4. can they have fun while conforming to rules? she could if she was boring5. do they go out a lot? she doesnt really go out on her own a lot
G1. what is their most attractive external feature? shes happy with how her thighs and ass are so she loves showing them off as much as she can2. what is the most attractive part of their personality? shes extremely caring but doesnt like to show it to everyone3. what benefits come with being their friend? being a human test subject, you get to learn how to do fighting games, and seeing her in default state (which is only a bra and underwear)4. what parts of them do they like and dislike? she likes her thighs and ass, hates having her cock5. what parts of others do they envy? she envies that faith has a vagina and cant wait to get her own
H1. do they rather a hot or cold room? she likes a hot place, she cant function in the cold2. do they prefer summer or winter? she loves summer3. do they like the snow? she likes melting snow with fireballs but besides that she hates snow4. do they have a favorite summer activity? she likes going to concerts in the summer5. do they have a favorite winter activity? stay indoors with her partners and watch scary movies
I1. what is their sexuality? shes homoromantic bisexual2. have they ever questioned their sexuality? oh the entirety of her high school life3. have they ever questioned their gender? kinda, shes trans and had some trouble realizing that but shes happy now4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT? they arent5. how long would/did it take for them to come out? her parents dont know a lot of whats going on with her after her second stay in the psych ward when she came out to them, but her friends knew the second erin knew
J1. what makes them happy? making her partners happy2. who makes them happy? her partners3. are there any songs that bring them joy? anytime her favorite band releases a new song4. are they happy often? somewhat5. what brings them the most joy in the world? being with her partners and helping aria not be close to death
K1. have they ever thought about suicide? yeah2. have they ever thought about homicide? thought about doing it outright? no, but some of the test subjects she finds dont live through everything3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who? her parents4. who would miss them if they died? her partners5. who would be happy they died, anyone? probably her parents
L1. what is their favorite fruit? apple slices2. what is their least favorite fruit? whole apples3. are there any foods they hate? spicy foods4. do they have any food intolerances? she cant handle spicy stuff5. what is their favorite food? chicken picatta
M1. would they want a daughter or a son? probably a daughter2. how many children do they want? ideally none3. would they be a good parent? shes constantly worried shell end up like her parents4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter? son would be named azarel, daughter would be named valeria5. would they adopt? probably
N1. what would they never do? hard drugs and be in a gangbang2. what have they never done that they want to do? be in a gangbang3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do? have a good relationship with their parents4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done? thought she was a straight guy5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do? successfully keep someone alive
O1. are they optimistic or pessimistic? she finds both to be annoying and doesnt like answering that question (shes more pessimistic than optimistic)2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others? no3. are they good at giving advice? not in the slightest4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them? probably bel5. were they always optimistic? nope
P1. what is their best personality trait? her quick wit2. what is their worst personality trait? her inability to read emotions3. what of their personality do others love? her caring nature4. what of their personality do others envy? her scathing remarks when other people are dumb near her5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities? she hates she cant read emotion that well and hates overly chipper people
Q1. do they ask for help? nope2. do they ask questions in class? and look like a nerd? fuck that3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable? she tries to4. do they ask weird questions? more often than not5. are they curious? yes
R1. do they follow rules? theyre more guidelines and guidelines are more lenient to following than rules are (doesnt really follow the rules)2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent? shed be a bad parent3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule? many times4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking? nope5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous? she find a lot of rules pointless
S1. are they street-smart? not really2. would they give money to someone on the streets? yes she does that a lot3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets? many times4. has anything happened to them on the streets? she beat up people sexually harassing her5. are they cautious when out? she carries a pistol and a knife everywhere
T1. are they honest? she tries to be2. can they tell if someone is lying? not well3. is it obvious when they’re lying? if you know her yes, if you dont its hard4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about? nope5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will? kinda?
U1. have they been bullied? yes2. have they bullied anyone? also yes3. have they been physically attacked by a bully? no4. have they ever been doubted? not as often as she believes5. have they surprised people with being good at something? people who dont pay attention to her a lot so she constantly surprises them when they start to pay attention to her
V1. do they vomit often? she hasnt puked since she was a baby and shes proud of that2. do they get lots of stomach aches? yes3. are they good at comforting someone ill? no4. what do they like as far as comfort goes? being warm and cozy5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting? she hiccups a lot when shes nauseous
W1. do they drink enough water? she doesnt like water, it feels weird in her mouth2. have they learned to swim? yes3. do they like to swim? a bit4. can they dive? no5. can they swim without holding their nose? yes
X1. what is their favorite genre of music? lot of good bass and drum lines, hard guitar riffs2. do they have a favorite song? anything her favorite band puts out3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer? yeah but good luck getting her to tell you (babymetal)4. can they sing well? a bit5. can they rap? nope
Y1. how old were you when you created them? i think like 19 or 202. what inspired you to create them? i kinda figured out i was trans and wanted a character like me but that was a girl (so i project onto her a lot)3. were they different when they were first created? she started out as a destiny oc, she was my warlock4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters? i cant say tbh5. what’s your favorite thing about them? shes a lot like me
Z1. what’s their favorite animal? cats2. do they like animals? she likes cats3. cats or dogs? cats4. what’s their dream pet? like a big cat but housecat sized5. do they have any pets at the moment? nope
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150 for the hella cute questions?
Who was the last person you held hands with?2. Are you outgoing or shy?
shy man i hate people3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
JOJO SIWA4. Are you easy to get along with?
depends. im noice but i choose not to hang with people? if that makes sense5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
no one lmao6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
anyone thats not me but also democrat 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
nah8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
ryan my friend9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Y E P10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
probably my sister11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
me too lmao 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
idk i dont listen to new songs?????? AAAAAAH
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
yes unless but not if its in my face14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
LMAO LUCK IS REAL HOW DO YOU THINK DUMB PEOPLE GET FAMOUS?15. What good thing happened this summer?
i dont remember 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
lmao no fuck them17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
UH YEAH...OBVIOUS18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
idek who it was19. Do you like bubble baths?
yes but they are bad for you vag so i dont do it20. Do you like your neighbors?
ew no. 21. What are you bad habits?
i have OCD so i guess my compulsions22. Where would you like to travel?
israel, UK, Poland, Canada, Austrailia23. Do you have trust issues?
YUP24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
coffee25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
stomach then boobs then arms and then pretty much everything else26. What do you do when you wake up?
eat breakfast while watching youtube
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
im ok with it now?28. Who are you most comfortable around?
my parents/siblings29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
yeah lmao30. Do you ever want to get married?
that’s gonna be a no from me dog31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
ya32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
team free will, chris’ (evans, pratt, pine)33. Spell your name with your chin.
no.34. Do you play sports? What sports?
i used to play volleyball 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
music. WATCH MUSIC ON THE TV.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
all the damn time.37. What do you say during awkward silences?
nothing.38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKO....
black curly hair, pun and meme connoisseur, loves dogs, loves horror movies
my aesthetic boy type is: people who look like kurtis conner basically39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
American Eagle, Bath and Body Works, Victoria Secret. But i go into forever 21 to just hate on everything then leave without buying stuff.40. What do you want to do after high school?
im in college now and im majoring in anthropology41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
depends on the severity of the sin/crime42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
im seriously traumatized and have shut down.43. Do you smile at strangers?
yeah i feel bad if i dont 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
outerspace45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
the fact it costs money to live so i have to get up if i want money46. What are you paranoid about?
nothing much anymore I have meds for paranoia now47. Have you ever been high?
no i got asthma48. Have you ever been drunk?
yeah its fun49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
no im an average person i dont do weird things50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
green!51. Ever wished you were someone else?
YEAH WTF DOESNT EVERYONE?52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
how i look53. Favourite makeup brand?
tarte or benfit54. Favourite store?
starbucks55. Favourite blog?
animatedtext56. Favourite colour?
GREEEEEEN I ONLY WEAR GREEN AND BLACK57. Favourite food?
sushi 58. Last thing you ate?
ice cream59. First thing you ate this morning?
i think cereal60. Ever won a competition? For what?
volleyball and county art contest61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
i got expelled for not wearing sleeves when i had self harm scars62. Been arrested? For what?
no63. Ever been in love?
ya :/64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
too long but it wasnt awkward and it was on the harbor with an emo guy65. Are you hungry right now?
nah im constipated66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
i dont have tumblr friends :////////////67. Facebook or Twitter?
twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr?
tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?
no youtube70. Names of your bestfriends?
Abbey Mell Nikki71. Craving something? What?
to shit tbh72. What colour are your towels?
white and purple and blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
embarassing but ya74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
idk i have several stored so im guessing 40-45?75. Favourite animal?
piggies raccoons dogs 76. What colour is your underwear?
white and black77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
cinnamon, blueberry, bubblegum, chocolate covered strawberries, oreo79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
green80. What colour pants?
black81. Favourite tv show?
S U P E R N A T U R A L
82. Favourite movie?
lots final destination and heathers83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
karen smith86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
dont like finding nemo so idk87. First person you talked to today?
my parents88. Last person you talked to today?
my parents SORRY IM LAME89. Name a person you hate?
trump, rosie, loren, danielle, jacob, pence, so many more90. Name a person you love?
my dog remington91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
always92. In a fight with someone?
no93. How many sweatpants do you have?
394. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
10????95. Last movie you watched?
greta- not very good96. Favourite actress?
winon ryder97. Favourite actor?
all the chris’ and all of supernatural actors change my fucking mind.98. Do you tan a lot?
never99. Have any pets?
1 dog100. How are you feeling?
sad :/101. Do you type fast?
yep102. Do you regret anything from your past?
MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE103. Can you spell well?
???? like grammar or spell the word well104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
always105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
no ive never been invited anywhere i was bullied a lot106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
yeah felt really bad, i rejected someone’s homecoming invite107. Have you ever been on a horse?
yeah as a baby108. What should you be doing?
homework109. Is something irritating you right now?
everything110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
have you seen my account?111. Do you have trust issues?
yup112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
my parents113. What was your childhood nickname?
mosh, moshi, mashalala114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
yep to oregon washington hawaii and colorado and poland and germany115. Do you play the Wii?
used to116. Are you listening to music right now?
no117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
ye118. Do you like Chinese food?
YE119. Favourite book?
probably beastly i read that so many times and how to ruin your boyfriends reputations120. Are you afraid of the dark?
nah121. Are you mean?
idk122. Is cheating ever okay?
I’d say no123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
NOPE124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
haha no.125. Do you believe in true love?
doubt it but it’s possible126. Are you currently bored?
no127. What makes you happy?
S U P E R N A T U R A L
128. Would you change your name?
probably 129. What your zodiac sign?
gemini130. Do you like subway?
it’s aight131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
i wouldnt date a friend132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
sister133. Favourite lyrics right now?
hey hey mama just the way you move gonna make you sweat gon make you move134. Can you count to one million?
i refuse135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
i cant my blood hurts136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
closed137. How tall are you?
5′7″-5′8″138. Curly or Straight hair?
wavy139. Brunette or Blonde?
brunette orange140. Summer or Winter?
summer141. Night or Day?
night142. Favourite month?
october143. Are you a vegetarian?
no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
dark145. Tea or Coffee?
both!146. Was today a good day?
it’s aigh147. Mars or Snickers?
snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?
“they may forget what you did or what you said but never how you made them feel”149. Do you believe in ghosts?
yup150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
im too lazy(via itsgracesdrunkmametown)
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all of the asks! >:3
god ok
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
😏
2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?
3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
i dont think i could date anyone who does any kind of drugs,, it makes me Very uncomfortable
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
its only 4 babey
5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
sober...ive never been drunk
6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?
i guess?? it was in high school so i dnt think it rly counts since yknow, i was 16
7. What does your last received text say?
“jgdijgjfdivjdjdj me“
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
not enough times !!! i love kissing my gf
9. Where was your last kiss at?
in the parkinglot behind my dorm building
10. When is the last time you saw your sister?
i saw both my sisters when i was home for break a few weeks ago
11. What do you drink in the morning?
coffey
12. Where did you sleep last night?
my bed
13. Do you think relationships are hard?
not rly? i think if relationships r hard then they arent rly meant to be
14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
god i wouldnt have spent so much money
15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
none at all ;3c
16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
i guess rainy....overcast weather is my fav
17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
my mom ! probably lots of other people too shjkdh lee is a fairly common name i think
18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?
jeans
19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
i hope so!!!
20. Does anyone like you?
god i sure hope my gf does
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?
nop
22. Is the last person you kissed gay?
ya thats why i kissed them ghksdjs
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
no one that i know personally.. there r some like celebrities and other famous ppl i dont like
24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
yes i want a tattoo from a specific artist in my hometown!!!
25. In the past week have you cried?
i mean probably i dont remember though
26. What breed was the last dog you saw?
a pug...i saw him in a donut shop
27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?
i dry off as im stepping out of the shower
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
no bc jocks intimidate me
29. Do you think you’re old?
not really in the grand scheme of things.. im only 20 i still have decades ahead of me !
30. Do you like text messaging?
ya
31. What type of day are you having?
its been ok! i spent time w my roommates downtown
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
i hav my septum pierced but a nostril piercing would b nice
33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
cold..
34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
i dont rly think theres such a thing as “opposite sex” since sex is also on a spectrum like gender
35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?
relationship ! flings r nice i guess but i prefer the stability and commitment of an actual relationship
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
i thnik im fairly simple..idk
37. What song are you listening to?
when he died by lemon demon
38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?
yea of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
my best friemd emily40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
theyre hot and funny and very kind!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?
idk maybe an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?
im hungry and not being held by my gf43. How well do you know the last female you texted?
its my mom so fairly well i think44. Does anyone disgust you?
men45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?
no bc im already dating someone46. Are you in a good mood right now?
i feel...neutral47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
my roommate !48. What color shirt are you wearing?
its blue pruple n green tie dye49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?
ya my history professor told me i had to read books50. Anyone you’re giving up on?
no one is coming to mind51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
i dont hate anyone!
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?
almost gave up on ever being able to pet the raccoons outside the dining hall but someday ill be able to earn their trust
53. Do you like rain?
yes!!! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
not rly ! as long as theyre safe about it ykwim55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
no i think ive told most of my crushes how i felt about them at the time 56. Do you like to cuddle?
god yes i love to hold and be held57. Are you shy?
its the social anxiety 58. Do you get along with girls?
i am a lesbian59. Have you dated the person you texted last?
we r dating !! 60. What do you carry with you at all times?
my phone and my peper spray 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
id do it for 10 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
ive been in my current one for 7 and my longest lasted 8 ! 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?
yes! 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?
anything my gf does is cute65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?
my cat yawned when she tried to meow and made a weird squeak sound
66. How old are the last three people you kissed?
18 (or maybe 19 now idk), 19, 20
67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?
i do them myself bc i hate spending money68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?
ghgdh,....neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?
i dont have a car yet 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?
neither...i dont rly like eithr of those music genres71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?
im samsung bitch until i die72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?
its been months. maybe years. i dont like pizza73. Do you like diet soda?
i dont rly like any soda anymore tbh74. What color are the walls in your room?
plain white...f 75. Are you 16 or older?
bitche im 2076. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?
nop i dont even know waht its about77. Do you have a job?
yes i work in a library ! 78. What are your initials?
ylb79. Did you ever have braces?
no :^/80. Are you from the south?
nope im a pnw bitch
81. What does your last status on facebook say?
something about voting82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?
ya shes my best friemd83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?
my mom.. fuck my dad !84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?
i vaguely remember attending a gymnastics class when i was like 5 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?
uhh.. venom i think86. Do you smoke?
no never !!!87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?
flip flops. 88. Is your phone touch screen?
god how old are these questions. who has a phone that isnt touch screen now89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?
my hair is naturally curly !90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?
a pool..... rivers and lakes r scary92. Have you ever made out in a car?
not yet93. …Had sex in a car?
no that seems. . difficult. theres not very much room94. Are you single or in a relationship?
im in a luvly relationship95. What were you doing last night at midnight?
sleepin96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?
new years i think??97. Do you like the camera on your phone?
yea its pretty nice98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?
no but ik i wanted one before i got into my current relationship skdgjhj99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
no but i did drink half a beer thing once and went to sleep bc i got a stomach ache100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?
i dont even use facebook101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
when i was in first grade id play “family” w my friend sometimes and she’d pretend to be the dad and i was the mom so we would spoon each other bc we thot thats what sex was and i thought she actually got me pregnant bc i was 7 and didnt know anything102. Name your favorite Kesha song:
the song blind slaps103. Do you have any tan lines right now?
no its winter and i also dont go outdoors104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?
i hate wearing shorts
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(transcripted convo)
i’m reposting a discussion i had w a terf. i previously posted screenshots but she messaged me and said she didn’t want her url or avatar displayed. editing the pics to post them again was hell so i’m posting a script instead (i learned my lesson tumblr: you suck). if anyone ends up finding the convo and thus the redacted speaker... idc. this is a public website and we technically had this convo in public - the notes of a post aren’t private spaces afaik. i’m posting this as proof that sometimes calmly reasoning with ppl lead to nothing. (i know anyone could say the same but lmao leave me alone.)
tw for transphobia/transmisogyny
[redacted] (speaking to a transmasc discourser about the "woman path"): Ok let me explain what I mean :) if your experience was totally different then thats fine :) im 24 and when I was little i was encouraged to play with dolls and learn 'motherly things' like playing with baby dolls while my brother played with toy trucks. There was a lot of pressure at school to wear dresses, and be sweet and polite.
@[transmasc discourser] then of course, learning to deal with periods and the shame and taboo around them. Removing body hair because its considered unladylike. Etc
@[transmasc discourser] have you had none of those experiences?
neonbaebae: these are all common experiences for women bc of gender roles/stereotypes but none of that defines womanhood as an identity.
[redacted]: completely agree they are gender roles. But menstruation isnt a gender role. Its a frustrating part of being female. But that said, what IS womanhood then?
(rest under cut)
neonbaebae: menstruation is a biological function that is in no way exclusive to female bodies. remember intersex ppl, who come in all forms and shapes. women aren't all the same and it's likewise for men. there are intersex women who don't fit all the criteria for being "female" yet still identify as women. there is a distinction to make between womanhood as an experience and womanhood as an identity.
the woman experience is what you've described. the woman identity is feeling like one, e.g.: liking female-coded clothes, makeup, hairstyles, feeling comfortable in the societal role of being a woman. identity is essentially abt self perception most of the time
[redacted]: intersex is unique and I respect that not all womens bodies are the same. Intersexuality is complex but it doesnt represent the majority of biological women. I dont have a strong baclground in intersex knowledge so I'm certainly not gonna speak on behalf of intersex women.
so if identity is self perception (which I completely agree with) how can a biological man self perceive his femaleness.if he's never experienced it?
neonbaebae: trans women never identify with being male and all in entails. and they can see, thru watching women counterparts and how they interact with the world around them, that they id more w the idea of womanhood and much less w the idea of manhood. it's esp why dysphoria often settles around puberty bc the dissonance manifests physically and that's harder to handle
[redacted]: but what youre talking about is what trans women see women do. If thats what someone aspires to, its a very basic and narrow understanding of what womanhood is. Its only what they see. And people are far more complex than this. Does a biological male aspire to periods stigma, beauty conformity and lesser social stance in the world? Or do they aspire to femininity? Something many biological women dont feel comfortable with
neonbaebae: womanhood as an identity is a feeling that is strengthened by a disconnection to manhood, its polar opposite. someone who completely rejects the idea of being man is likely to prefer being a woman (not always but likely!). many trans women do aspire to femininity and it has nothing to do with the cis women who are uncomfortable w it, just like there are many cis women who embrace it too.
many trans women cannot quite explain their transition in another way than "being a man felt wrong but being a woman feels right and authentic to my true self". i'd suggest to ask an actual trans woman for her pov tho since i'm not one, i'm just basing myself on what i've heard them say
[redacted]: but feeling disconnected with manhood (which is understandable and gender roles are frustrating) doesnt make someone the opposite of a man. As society we need to open our understanding of gender expression. But this isnt the same as thinking 'if I dont feel like a conventional man or connect with male social expectations, then I must be the opposite'. Theres no logic in that
we live in a world where gender stereotype binaries are considered natural, and people who dont fit this understandably feel marginalised. In fact Id argue to a greater or lesser degree, none of us truly fit the prescribed gender binary.
but i find it problematic when a man thinks they're a woman based on what they think 'woman' is.
neonbaebae: you're right in saying that a disconnection from manhood doesn't make someone a woman - a connection to womanhood does. it has v little to do with the upbringing of women which you seem to define thru misogyny and menstruation alone which is frankly a pessimistic view of womanhood. it's less not feeling like a conventional man and more not feeling like a man At All. tru it doesn't sound logical but gender is not logical it's abstract and complex
it seems problematic bc one might think men would gain smth from iding as women but stats show that trans women are at higher risk of assault for being out and open, both of bc of misogyny (not directly related to having a vagina or menstruating after all) & transphobia. it's esp telling that trans men aren't targeted as much. do you disagree w trans men as well?
[redacted]: but as a women i dont connect with womanhood. Lol i am a women. It would be nice to think we live in a world where women are equal, but that's not the world we live in. Womanhood is hard. And we do live under a patriarchal society that's cultivated female inferiority over many centuries. We're still negotiating freedoms today.
Its not about gaining or loss. Its about the male right to self define womanhood on their terms, without the biological or social conditioning. In fact, many have recieved MALE conditioning as children. This comes with its own privileges.
I think transmale is a very different experience so no I categorise them very differently to transwomen
neonbaebae: "as a woman" you say. even if the experiences and stereotypes don't fit you perfectly, even if you reject it, you still id as a woman. you feel like one and you suffer the consequences of being one. believe it or not trans women suffer from iding as a woman as well and thrice as harshly. i can provide sources if you want.
trans women don't think like men bc they feel like women. the thought patterns are different. they don't digest the social messages abt men bc their mind doesn't relate to it. male entitlement and all doesn't apply to them. and in sociology alone womanhood is often defined as more than a biological or upbringing thing. it's a social identity and trans women have a right to it if they don't id and reject manhood altogether
my question tho was do you think trans men aren't men either cus otherwise that'd be hypocritical
[redacted]: my point is its not an identity. Its a reality. Im a woman. I have xx chromosomes and the world treats me as such. Similar to my race. I dont identify as my race, i am treated as the world sees me.
male entitlement does apply. Statistically baby boys are fed for longer than baby girls. And little girls are left to cry for longer than baby boys. Little girls learn many motherly caretaker roles while many of their male counterparts are encouraged to conquer the world. Children are raised by gender. Even subconsciously. I can also provide sources :)
there are many more male leaders and men in authoritive positions in the world. Women fight very hard for the same respect, but womens voices are less valued. It takes no genius to see men have greater standing in the world
about transmen. No I dont consider them men but I'll respectfully use the pronouns anyone prefers, male or female. Its common decency.
I think society needs to get more comfortable with non confirmative gender expression
neonboobear: but it is an identity. that's why there's a distinction between sex (bio) and gender (identity & expression). if it would feel wrong for you to be called a man or nonbinary then that'd be bc you don't id as such. (also there are women with chromosomes other than xx maybe you should avoid phrasing it that way.) i id as my race but race has v different roots & impact than gender historically and it cannot be compared. let's stick with gender.
and i'm not denying gendered socialization but it doesn't shape a child more than their personal feelings on their identity, which can differ v early in life bc (some) would rather engage in activities associated with the opposite gender for example. if it were that simple trans ppl wouldn't go at lengths to "play the part"
you're right society does need to accept gender non conformance but that's v different from the trans experience. i rly think you should have a deep conversation with a trans person to try and see their pov
[redacted]: if womanhood is an identity, it totally invalidates what it means to be female. And yes its arguable that there're are women who arent xx but how about the majority of the population that are. Must we pander to the few at the expense of the majority?
also what makes you assume I dont talk to trans people? Critique doesnt mean lack of empathy.
Children and gendered socialization is complex. Maybe if 'feminine' activities werent coded as female and just 'childhood play' we wouldnt have the same degree of dysphoria. It goes back to the irrational logic, 'if I like the pink toy section then I must be a girl.'
neonboobear: i'm afraid that is your pov for the ideology that womanhood is an experience but also an identity is considered a v valid theory in the science field. the fact that there are women with chromosomes other than xx is proof alone that xx chromosomes aren't what makes a woman. and i've suggested a deep conversation and an intention to Understand the Other. not just a talk. i said nothing abt empathy.
there would be less dysphoria but i'm sure it's still be there. many think the abolition of gender would solve everything but i doubt so
[redacted]: i have a close mtf friend and we have the debate constantly. We don't always agree with her but there's a lot more common ground then you might expect :) Gender roles damn us all. Hmmmm... abolition of gender is impossible but theres is a lot that can be done to challenge gender expectations. But not an easy battle!
neonbaebae: i mean this with the least offense okay but i sincerely think neither of you should be friends. i’m black and i’d never befriend a racist. that’s a lack of self respect on her part and a plain lack of respect on yours.
i’d like to end this conversation here. i’ve said my point and i’d only repeat myself by continuing. and since i’m not a trans woman i don’t want to misinterpret them (so sorry if i’ve already did. trans girls feel free to bring up clarifications). might sound tedious but i strongly suggest you watch this 50-min long video essay by youtuber contrapoints. her vids are informative and entertaining and so v easy to digest despite the length. i’ve heard she’s not v liked in terf circles but it’s worth it to listen to what she has to say as a trans women.
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HERE WE GO, THE LONG WAY AROUND: DW Xmas special 2017 les go
we saw the Hartnell-->Bradley effect as a teaser p early on, but, janky as it is, it really does work. and it's a giant This Ish Gonna Get Meta signpost, which i enjoy
River's Booze Cube in the TARDIS coming back i'm
right that's a straight line from "Deep Breath" to here. 'you're gonna want a drink, dude'
One, here, aside from what we're gonna go over in a later bulletpoint, feels like - more EU inspired, than anything? they feel like Shitty Nervous Baby Asshole Theta, faced with finally having to commit to stepping out into the world. i've never been super into One Doctor Era in terms of like. being really into it, and i do have a variety of EU-based Shitty Nervous Baby Asshole Theta headcanons, so i like this. ymmv
fuck do i love two or more Drs in a room being jerks to/ begrudgingly admiring each other. this shitbird
the guitar being the only dusted thing. gross college-student 'sniffing to see if the hoodie passes the smell test' 12 headcanon confirmed
THE FLOOF MULLET
sorrynotsorry PCap continutes to be weirdly hot throughout this episode
'shitty baby Thete made the first sonic at the academy' headcanon UNCONFIRMED. unless One's jus playing it cool, like, that dumb thing? hah hah never heard of it
god i do not understand this plot at all but it's Moff in full fuck-off mode so. les go
i love League of Gentlemen but have never really enjoyed, like actively liked, Mark Gatiss' contributions to DW. but i like him here a lot. it's a heartfelt, understated performance and kinda anchors the melodrama of the Dr(s). if he coulda poured that out previous a lot of episodes of New Who would be better
"what do you mean, world war one" fuck what a line
right i get why people might be pissed off at One Dr being obviously a dated piece of shit here, but questions of canon aside: DW has been total fuckin shit, like a lot, it's fucked up bad and frequently (and recently) and i'm entirely ok treating this as a meta critique
fuck this building is the same one from Missy's "imagine the Dr" speech. what does she know
i know Moff loves his doubles/copies/etc but did he need put that on Bill cmon that is hinky af
tho seriously i love these two nerds and i need more 12 & Bill in my life
"long story short: i totally pulled" i'm
wouldnt all these Bill n 12 scenes been better if Moff hadn't needed to do the whole pLoT tWiSt ThEy'Re A cOpY thing. i do love Moff. but. why. why this, here now
Gold went fairly old-school Spooky Synths before returning to his Classic Themes later and like. i'm more of a fan of his work now, than i have been before, but i'm okay with him being replaced with someone more inclined to do something other than what we've been hearing since Eccleston.
the fuckin sunglasses. this dweeb
like i do honestly love moff's sort of, short form spec fic, bizarro, 'hold your hat it's about to get wild' style. outside of mainstream SF i do prefer stories that don't explain, that don't world build, that just throw some bullshit at you and expect you to understand the emotional resonance. and i do love this story as a character piece, as a sort of...ambient? intentionally-confusing thing. but i also think it bit off more than it could chew, and it fucked w/ tropes in a way that kind of highlighted why you can't just apply any trope to any character, specifically any minority character, and have it come off how you want
like this episode reminded me what i'll miss abt Moff and what i...won't
Pearl tho fuck i have missed her. and Bill. Big Finish, please, please do me a solid. Bill Potts, tell me what to do
"will you put that buzzing toy away" THIS doof
'the Doctor of War'/'to be fair, they've cut out all the jokes'. i'm. One's face, and how it gets subverted later on
the whole window-size thing
NEW VORTEX SO FRESH N SO CLEAN
fuck tho 12's increasing levels of anger and shame at what they'd been before leads up SO well into the eventual Whittaker
facehuggers what
seriously what the fuck is this plot like i get the plot isn't the point but i do not understand what's happening with Testimony thing like
im drunk so uhhh
~fear makes Drs of us all~
this story would have worked so much better minus the Twist abt the shapeshifting whatevers. Bill's already a space goo, why. why add more things, when the dynamic between 12 n Bill is already so complex
the dr's weaponized self-destruction has always been such a Thing but how offhand 12 is about it, like. fuck dudes. #relatable
RUSTY. all the birds come home to roost
i'll probably come back to this later but DANG the camera and editing and coloring in this are N I C E
"Dunno why Good wins over Evil so i did a Le Both Sides survey" One u r fuckin lyyyyyiiiiiiing don't let Space Reddit lead you astray
oh god this is "Hell Bent" this is Clara on Trap Street this is
"The real world is not a fairy tale" was THE moment i knew Clara was gonna make an appearance
"I don't really know what to do when this isn't an evil plan" both lmao and. i love what this episode is trying to be. not an evil plan, just. circumstance. life. shit happens.
my kink is Dr Who taking responsibility for their shitty short sighted actions
FUCK HE WAS A LETHBRIDGE-STEWART YOUSE WERE RIGHT
please feel free to shake up your headcanons accordingly
the christmas armistice, ok, i teared up. iirc PCap did a spoken word performance of a letter about that, i wonder if there's any direct connection there
"the rug was crap anyway" THIS IDIOT BOY
and dang will i eternally love PCap's physical, specific performance of this role. the absolute exhaustion mixed with fuck-it whimsy and a weird, uncomfortable intimacy, it fffffucks me up
12 pulling their collar up like. this small vulnerable dying boy. my whole heart
Bill repaying the Dr for the photos of her mother - and how, 'zactly, did she come across enough of a Clara to do this like i'm not saying Bill/Clara is canon but
OKAY THEY'VE GOT THEIR MEMORY BACK OF CLARA DELIVERED VIA A KISS OK OK OK
OK THIS IS OK IM OK EVERYTHING IS FINE
Twelvedole is also canon. Whom - the fuck - glass nipples?
please let this boy take a nap
oh it's. the TARDIS is 13's ~First face~. they're not doing this alone, they're doing it with their one true love. 'time to leave the battlefield' yeah
this silly old universe. basic stuff first:
ok yeah that "Heaven Sent" theme is good
mmmmlove the decision to have a lot of the regeneration be JWhit, interspersed with PCap's trademark eyebrows. it pings...something, in my brain, that struggles with gender
the ring no
tiny wee JWhit in 12's outfit so...joyous and fucked up, like they always are. looooove it
they're not gone, they're just someone else now. the cycle begins anew. aw, brilliant
this is such a small, sweet, sad story, which imo is why the basic Moff Bizarro doesn't fit. plot aside, i quite like this one. the fear of death faced and overcome; yourself and your ethos being more important than the shape you take; the importance of kindness, and the possibility - if you try very hard - of a fairy tale. good shit.
laugh hard, run fast, be kind. Doctor, i let you go
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