#what fucker stole my fish

[persesphonestears]

Taskforce 141 + Los Vaqueros + König and Horangi

More shit because I remembered I have drafts :>

A/N: My Y/N's are intended to be read as if the reader/Y/N is male/Trans masc, Also Bold is actions.

!!CW!!: Sexual jokes, Swearing, blood mentions(? i think), Shepard warning! alcohol mentions(being drunk) just silly cod shenanigan's (please tell me if I've forgotten any!)

Soap: WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!

Y/N: *sleepy* ah what's going on

Price: *also sleepy and sitting up* what the fuck man

Soap: OHHOHO

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Rudy: do you have any ice?

Y/N: no i just have freezable fruit shapes

Rudy: why..?

Y/N: just because

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Y/N: hey bro what do you wanna eat

Ghosts thoughts: the souls of the innocent

Ghost: A bagel

Ghosts thoughts: NOOOO

Ghost: Two bagels

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Y/N: Riley do you want the ball?

Y/N: *throws the ball*

Riley: *runs for the ball and throws himself into the wall*

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Y/N: I can't find it

Ghost: what you looking for?

Y/N: my happiness

Ghost: oh shit lost mine too let me help look

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Y/N: That moment when you walk into a room and forgot why

Alejandro: *angrily jumping on them*

Y/N: *falling in slow motion* oh that's right I pranked Alejandro

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Lasswell: Kid I gotta tell you something..

Y/N: what is it?

Lasswell: I'm gay..

Y/N: Wha- what does that mean?

Lasswell: It means I like pus-

Y/N: do you still love dad(price)?

Lasswell: ew no

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Y/N undercover: Are your parents serial killers… Cause i'm pretty sure they killed mine and IM BACK FOR REVENGE-

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Soap: My favourite holiday is halloween

Gaz: So my favourite holiday is christmas what about you Y/N?

Y/N: The purge :D

Ghost: ah that's nice

Price: Ye- wait what.

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Y/N: *fishing* Ugh the fish got off

Shepard: Probably cause god is angry

Y/N: About what?

Shepard: Gay marriage

Y/N: Look this is why I don't go fishing with you-

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Y/N: Dude lowkey your Dad(Price) is like super hot

Gaz: Lowkey dude that's kinda weird.

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Graves: Sir you can't steal in here

Y/N: Wha no i didn't steal anything?

Graves: You stole my heart

Y/N: *giggles* fuck you it's mine now. *runs off with Graves literal heart in their hand*

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Y/N: That was the best sex I've ever had

Gaz: Heh nice- hey wait that's my mums(Price) room!

Y/N: and that's why they call me mother fucker

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Alejandro: Hey can I get a sip of that water?

Y/N: it's not water

Alejandro: Vodka! I like your stu-

Y/N: it's vinegar.

Alejandro: what..?

Y/N: it's vinegar PUSSY-

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Graves: Hey Y/N, Are you straight?

Y/N: Am i straight? mmm uhh mm no sorry I like penis

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Y/N and Ghost: What's wrong with the way we dress?

Soap: Well some people say that all black make you look like an evil villain.

Soap: Not me though I think it makes you look like a sexy motorcycle vroom vroom

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Y/N: *drunk* next time I open up to someone is my fucking autopsy

Gaz: I worry about you

Ghost: Get in line

Soap: here take my spot.

Price: Y/N, we talked about this..

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Y/N: ask me why I love you

Ghost: Why do you love me?

Y/N: I'm glad you ask! *pulls out a 500 slide presentation*

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König: *lovingly stroking Y/N’s hair* Your so cute

Y/N: *drunkly* I could beat the shit out of you

König: sure you could

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Price: My god do you ever stop with the ‘I wanna die stuff’??

Y/N: I'll stop when I die, that's for sure.

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Y/N: I can fit the whole world in my hands!

Alejandro: Amor that's impossible

Y/N: Yes I can *holds Alejandro’s face* See!

Alejandro: *blushes furiously* Get your hands off me, I have a reputation

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Price: Where's Y/N?

Rudy: Doing stuff.

Price: Yeah i don't like the sound of that. Where's Gaz?

Rudy: Trying to stop Y/N from doing stuff.

Price: Ghost and Soap?

Rudy: Trying to stop Gaz from stopping Y/N from doing stuff.

Price: Uh Alejandro and König..?

Rudy: Watching it all.

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Ghost: I wanna do bad stuff to you.

Y/N: *being interrogated* Like what 😼

Ghost: Break your legs

Ghost: Choke you to death

Ghost: Push you off a building

Y/N: Kinky

Ghost:...

Ghost: What the fuck?

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Y/N: Is that your hand on my ass?

Alejandro: It was an accident.

Y/N: Your hand is still on my ass

Alejandro: It's still an accident.

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Y/N: I have an idea!

König: Maus, your last idea was unnecessary murder

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*Taking Alejandro to meet your guardians/parental figures* (amab reader)

Y/N: Okay let's try again, I'm my dad okay?

Alejandro: Fine

Y/N: *lowers their voice* So why should i let you date my child?

Alejandro: Because I can't get them pregnant

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Y/N: When I get murdered can you make sure my murder case stays unsolved?

König: What?

Y/N: I wanna be on buzzfeed’s unsolved murder case's

Horangi: Can we go back to you saying ‘when I get murdered’..?

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Y/N: Gods give me patience.

Price: Don't you mean power?

Y/N: If the gods gave me powers they'd all be dead.

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Soap: So uh I was wondering if you'd go out with me..?

Y/N: Yeah I'd love too!

Soap: You'll come arou- WAIT DID YOU JUST SAY YES?!

Y/N:...yeah?

Soap: OMG WAIT RIGHT HERE ILL BE RIGHT BACK!

Soap: *runs off*

Y/N:

Y/N: so can I leave or..?

Soap: *running back dragging Ghost behind him*

Soap: Say it! Say it again!!

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Y/N and Alejandro fighting

Rudy: What absolute idiots.

Rudy:

Rudy: I can't believe I fell in love with them both.

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Anyway thank you for joining me in my silly lil guy shenanigans ٩(ᐛ)و

#cod mw2 #cod mwii #cod #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 x reader #cod x reader #cod ghost #cod mw2 ghost #simon 'ghost' riley #simon riley #john price x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #könig x reader #horangi x reader #alejandro x reader #rudy x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #gaz x reader #gaz garrick #soap mactavish #ghost #john price #alejandro vargas #rodolfo parra #x reader #graves #cod mw2 x male reader #simon riley x male reader #x male reader

[changelingsandothernonsense]

Wip Whenever

It's the first day of spring kids! I want winter to come back... Tagged by both @mareenavee and @orfeoarte <3 I get to this really late so I imagine everyone else has been tagged/ I probably shouldn't be a bother with my art wips lol. Anyway, we have art and writing... I've been doing a bit of costume design. That and we finished Josh's hair in the render and we will start with that.

Josh fucking about in his big, fancy warlord tent before assaulting Red Mountain. That man built an army and is choosing to be a tart about it. Let him be... also probably the longest extent of his hair. :P This is long so under a cut the rest goes!

Next, I've been playing with two concepts the first is Josh's Twin Lamps persona Molag’shaln. Oh, it's a whole arch.

And the next is Josh's appearance as of 4th Era 199. Complete with Ashlander ritual scaring. These symbolise atonement (yes Yani has the same style, he got them as atonement for familial mistakes, Josh's is Red Mountain related). Oh and the mullet stays, I can't help myself. It's too him.

Josh is done with everyone ever for the reasons below... Writing! Been working on Serious Mistakes again and yes...its a Josh chapter. Josh is in a fight then he gets tired.

Hang on.

“What?” He hissed under his breath.

Something whizzed past Teldryn’s right ear, the sound vibrating the hollow helmet. He felt a heat erupt behind him and smelt the stench of burning fabric, wood, roasting fish, ash yams. He turned to face the bazaar and saw the canopies had caught alight, the flames spreading through the marketplace with a ferocity that suggested an accelerant. He realised that he hadn’t smelt anything but sulphur, ash storms... Surely, he hadn’t missed something that obvious! He rushed back towards the marketplace. A small group of well-armoured mercenaries were clashing with a growing contingent of Redoran Guard. He scanned the battle scene, searching for the Argonian who stole his belongings earlier that day. Nothing! Wait! Scales!

The scene was a blur as Teldryn rushed in. Golden moonstone sword clashing with blades of iron, steel. He moved between the mercenaries like a dancer, skewering one particularly persistent one who would just not fall to his sword the first five times he slashed at him. He hastily pushed the dying Nord off his blade with the heel of his boot.

He looked around the scene before him, the shadows from the fire were disorientating and the smoke was beginning to choke the air from his lungs. No! He can’t have lost that bastard yet! Not when he was so close! There was a sudden movement. A peculiar figure in dark leather armour was racing north up the main street towards the city gates. Slight, his tail bobbing in rhythm with his gate. He’d found his man! 

He heard a woman scream.

He looked behind him, attempting to locate the out-of-place noise. Not far from the entrance to the Netch was his answer. A Khajiit was tugging a slight dunmeri woman by her hair. His clawed hands unsheathing his sword. Time seemed to stand still for several moments. Teldryn looked back towards the fleeing Argonian. Then towards the Khajiit. He watched as the Dunmeri woman reached for the small weapon at her belt. The Khajiit moved his blade towards her abdomen. Shit! He ran towards the mercenary, sword in hand. He grabbed the fucker by the throat and plunged his blade through the cat’s spine. Bone cracking and giving to his blade, the slightest smell of burned flesh and hair wafted on the wind. The Khajiit gurgled as his body finally went limp against the blade.

They really just make it too easy?

He let out a breath and looked over the mess before him. The Dunmeri woman had landed on the ground. Auburn hair fell wildly over her face. The front of her terracotta tunic now soaked a dark red. She stared back up at him with those same wide, amaranth-coloured eyes he’d first noticed at the corner club weeks ago. What was she still doing out here? Practically unarmed and totally underprepared!

What was she thinking?

Why do you care?

“Damn Outlanders, never paying attention! You’ll get yourself killed!” He scolded. Teldryn pulled his blade from the now lifeless mercenary and dropped the sod to the ground before the woman. He lightly flicked the errant blood to the side and watched as the woman before him smiled and tilted her head to the side. 

He didn’t mind that. He also didn’t have time for this.

Don’t lose him!

Shit! Right again! Teldryn looked back towards the main gates, the faint shadow of his mark disappearing amongst the darkness. He was right, the Raven Rock Gaols were the target. He took off in pursuit, all his focus on reaching those cells before that fuck could disappear into the tunnels. He moved through the dying chaos, certain that the rest of Veleth’s men could handle whatever mercenaries were left. Teldryn sprinted back through the main street slowing down to a light jog as he approached the Bulwark. He can’t lose him down those tunnels. Not now!

He reached the shabby wooden door that led to the town’s gaols. It had been left wide open.

Teldryn quickly entered the narrow passageway, carefully closing the door behind him. He didn’t need anyone else following him. Not when he was so close! He stomped through the dimly lit corridor towards the singular cell that lay at the end. The barred gate had been unlocked and left wide open. The room before him was empty save for the small, extremely uncomfortable cot that lay in the corner. He had spent more nights than he cared to admit on that thing. And yet, as exhaustion began to settle in his bones once again that old cot seemed just as inviting as his bed back at the Retching Netch.

By Azura had he really wasted this much energy?

#my art #my wips #wip whenever #danger!josh #Sydari Aralen #teldryn sero #skyrim #elder scrolls

[aurumacadicus]

Winteriron camping..... Mothman?

My guy I thought Mothman was a tumblr joke this man is an actual cryptid???? 😭😭 I'm so stupid

Anyway flannel moths! Tony is very fluffy and has very blue fur.

.-.

"This is stupid. We're gonna get killed. I hate this," Bucky muttered, stabbing at the fire they'd built with a stick violently. “How did you talk me into this?”

“I threatened to tell Natasha that you were the one who ate the slice of cake she’d been saving,” Steve replied, unconcerned.

Bucky threw his hands up, frustrated, but he suspected being killed by a cryptid would be better than what Natasha would do to him. “When did you start believing in this stuff, anyway?”

“Sam’s into this stuff and I want to impress him,” Steve answered, shrugging.

“I’M HERE TO HELP YOU GET IN SAM’S PANTS?!” Bucky roared.

Steve blinked at him, unimpressed. He returned his attention to book he’d been reading about different cryptids of the east coast. “You’re here to make sure I live long enough to. You know you wouldn’t have let me come alone anyway so I don’t understand why you’re making a fuss.”

“Unbelievable,” Bucky hissed. He got to his feet and turned to stomp off into the woods.

“Where are you going?” Steve called after him.

“I’m going to walk off my rage so I don’t just fucking kill you myself,” Bucky snapped.

“Take a flashlight.”

Bucky turned to walk back and grab one of the flashlights, then stormed back into the woods.

Maybe he should have brought breadcrumbs or something, because as soon as he got away from the fire, all of the trees looked the same. He was pretty sure that he was following a path, but not entirely. Maybe he should bite the bullet and go back. If Sam was there, he could razz him mercilessly for being attracted to a punk like Steve.

His flashlight caught on something shiny and blue as he turned around. Bucky paused, considering if he wanted to open that kettle of fish, then sighed in frustration. It would bother him forever if he didn’t see what it was. He turned the flashlight back on the trees they’d shone on before, not really expecting anything except maybe a shirt or coat that had been left behind by other campers.

Instead the beam found glowing red eyes. Bucky sucked in a deep breath to scream.

“Ow, fuck, that’s bright. Stop it!” the creature snapped, and a hand came up to shield its eyes.

Bucky dropped the beam just enough to show a furred ruff around the creature’s neck, which spread back to fuzzy blue wings. Its eyeballs’ glow faded to a dull pink as the light moved away. “Um, sorry,” he said, for lack of anything else.

“Well, at least you didn’t scream,” the creature sighed. “It hurts my ears.”

Bucky couldn’t help feeling incredibly proud of himself. A little stupid, too, though. He stole a glance at the creature’s ears, like a human’s except pointed, sort of like what he imagined an elf’s might look like. The tips were coated with blue fuzz, too. Somehow that was cute. “Oh no,” Bucky said.

The creature looked at him, eyes big and frightened. “Are you a hunter? Please don’t hurt me, I wasn’t doing anything.”

“I’ve just had a sexual awakening,” Bucky moaned, rubbing his face with his free hand.

“Oh, a monster fucker,” the creature said flatly. “Sometimes you’re worse.”

“Shut the fuck up people come looking for you for sex?!” Bucky asked shrilly. He found himself sinking to the ground, overwhelmed. “I just found this out about me!”

The creature took a few steps toward him, bending at the waist to be able to see his face. “Well, you don’t have to act like being attracted to me is a chore,” he said, scowling.

“You’re being very rude,” Bucky told it. “I’m having an identity crisis right now. What’s your name? Pronouns? I feel gross calling you ‘it.’“

“I’m Tony,” the creature said. Tony blinked at him, frowning, then added, “I’m male. It’s why I’m blue!” he added cheerfully, fluttering his wings. They shimmered in the dim glow from the flashlight. “Females are yellow.”

“That’s neat,” Bucky said faintly.

Tony blinked at him a little longer, then stood up, crossing his arms thoughtfully. “Well, you’re much prettier than most of the monster fuckers that come looking for us.”

Bucky felt very proud again. He thought maybe he shouldn’t, except Tony didn’t look offended or scared, so. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Yeah, like this weird little human? I don’t think he’s a monster fucker but he smells really fuckin’ horny whenever he comes. I can’t tell if it’s at the thought of me or his hunting partner,” Tony continued, oblivious.

Bucky surged to his feet on instinct and reached out for Tony’s hand. Tony stared up at him, mouth falling open in shock. He looked down at their entwined hands, then back at Bucky’s face.

“This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know screaming hurts your ears but Tony. Tony. Please help me embarrass Steve.”

“The little hunter?” Tony asked skeptically.

“He and Sam just want your picture,” Bucky assured him, and then, “I will make it worth your while.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at him. “What do you have that I would want?”

“Have you ever tried a s’more?” Bucky asked.

Tony blinked, uncomprehending. “No?”

“You’ll love ‘em,” Bucky decided. “Come on.”

“Be careful of my fur, I’m venomous,” Tony warned again, but he allowed Bucky to pull him along anyway.

Bucky warned him to cover his ears just before they cleared the treeline, which seemed to get him in Tony’s good graces as both Sam and Steve screamed bloody murder when they saw him.

#ask meme #write a blurb meme #winteriron #gayspacesprinkles

[shadowofroses]

Neko-Sanemi Chronicles

Demon Slayer PART 2

Pairing: Tsugoku!Reader x Shinazugawa Sanemi

Warnings: Mainly language, Cat bites, Cat claws, mention of Brothels

Previously Might as well make it a Mini series

Summery: Genya stops by to ask Sanemi for girl advice, however he is indisposed. Following up with a Visit from Kocho.

Story:

Usually you were never this boisterous with language around anyone, except when you think you are alone, or talking to animals in general. Or rather, normal animals. You poured yourself a cup of tea and went to grab some Ohage and Sanemi nipped at your ankle again. “Look I’m not even sure if you can have Ohage as a cat, you’re gonna have to suck it up and eat raw fish…YOU FUCKER!” This time he bit down on your foot causing you to drop the Ohage, and he grabbed it with his mouth and simply hopped onto the counter to eat it in front of you smugly. 

You were as prim and proper as you could be around your Master. Sanemi found this side of you amusing as all hell, and wanted to keep riling you up now that he knew he could get you like this. 

The only good thing out of him becoming a cat. He might as well make the best of it.

You glared at him as you grabbed another Ohage to eat, “Better not have fucking Rabies…who am I talking to of course you have Rabies.” Sanemi bristled and meowed in response. 

Finishing up your breakfast you finally head outside, with the cat in tow. You frowned, looking around, “I guess it’s basic shit considering I can’t fight a cat…”

Sanemi tilted his head, he never heard you swear this much. He was starting to think he was rubbing off on you a little too much. He sat down, and watched you melee attack a target dummy, before getting out a sword and following through with practice swings, he would meow in approval. Moving to go into a thousand sword lunges, when the gates opened, and a taller boy walked in. You turned noticing the younger Shinazugawa, and the older one standing at attention. Tail straight up in the air regardless. 

“(Na-name), D-do you know where Brother is?” Genya questioned lightly red. He’s been trying to get used to your presence being around constantly, you however were still a female.

You wiped some sweat away from your forehead, the switch flicking in your head. “Oh! Hello Genya~ I am afraid….your brother is…um…how do I say this?” You bit your lip trying to think of ways to explain how he was away, cause the first thing your mind goes to was ‘he’s gonna kill ya’

Genya blinked as he looked down to the cat that was currently rubbing up against your legs. “You got a cat!” He grinned getting closer before he realized that meant getting closer to your bare legs due to you wearing a short skirt like Kanroji. His face went redder at the realization and fell backwards, which you knew Sanemi would have laughed his ass off. 

You were just confused in the first place, “Genya! Are you okay?!” You went to help him up but he just scooted back away. You stepped back sweat dropping, “My bad, um…the cat…you see….there is a very good logical explanation behind the cat….”

Genya tried to get closer to the cat only for the cat to hiss, and hide behind your legs again. KNOWING Genya wouldn’t get close to the cat, for being too embarrassed of getting too close to your legs. “I wonder if Brother has some fish in the fridge…”

You deadpanned, “Might as well make it Ohage, it stole mine this morning.” Sanemi nipped at your ankle for calling him an It. 

“It? The Cat?” 

“Yes…”

“Brother isn’t going to like that…”

“Your brother is the cat.”

“…”

Sanemi stretched out in response after bristling. You frowned looking down at him, and he looked up, “Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s going to get around that you fell to Demon Blood Art that turned you into a cat, especially if Uzui-sama was the one that dropped you off. You also know Kocho-Sama will tease you relentlessly once your normal again.” You then froze when you realized Sanemi’s eyes widened, and it wasn’t at what you said. You twitched. “You….stay.” 

You went to turn around to go back into the estate, Sanemi tried to follow you. Genya blinked, “huh? What’s going on?”

You deadpanned, “Your brother was being a pervert.” Genya’s face turned red as Sanemi launched himself at your shoulders digging in his claws and meowing loudly in your ear. You cried out, “GET THE FUCKER OFF OF ME!” Genya’s eyes widened as you swore. Especially with what you were referring to. He simply reached up grabbing Sanemi by the scruff causing Sanemi to go limp and purr in his hand. “Thank you…Sorry for the language.”

Genya snorted, “Nothing I haven’t heard before especially from brother. I’m just surprised.” 

You sighed going into the estate to change out of your skirt and into pants. Coming back out, Genya was cradling the cat, scratching the back of the neck, and his ears causing him to be very complacent. “Maybe you should take care of your brother, I can’t stand cats…”  Sanemi hissed jumping onto your shoulder and just sitting there. “Are you a cat, or a parrot?”  You deadpanned again. Genya only snickered. “Anyway what was it that you needed Genya?”

Genya blinked, “Oh…I uh…” his face went red, “I…uh…wanted uh his advice on…uh asking a girl out…” 

Silence. You smiled, “I think I’d be the better one to ask instead of your brother anyway.”

“You think so?”  Genya rubbed the back of his neck. 

You looked forward, “Well I would assume asking a girl would be better instead of a guy that doesn’t have a girlfriend and goes to brothels.” 

NIP 

Genya’s eyes widened, “He goes to bro-brothels?!” You got nipped harder. 

You looked over to Sanemi who was glaring, “What, was that supposed to be a bloody secret? You’re very fucking open about it.” He bristled in response. 

Genya laughed nervously, “Yeah..um…no I uh…I thought you and my brother were dating honestly.”

This time this caught both you and Sanemi’s attention. “Heh?” From you and a weird sound from Sanemi. 

“I mean just the fact that you moved into the estate and the way people talk!”

You tilted your head, “I thought that was what Tsugoku’s were supposed to do if they didn’t have anywhere else to live…wait hold up Genya. Who the fuck is saying I’m dating Shi——Sanami?” You were going to go into saying their last name, but they were both there and wanted to specify. Sanemi’s ears popped up at attention too. 

Genya went red, “Mitsuri-sama says you two are cute together, and get along. Uzui-sama said it would be a waste if brother wasn’t…Zenitsu is convinced you two are dating.”

You took a deep breath trying to understand the logic. “Wait, so apparently me putting up with your brothers attitude long enough to actually get along and train is…”You squint your eyes, “we haven’t even done anything to signify that…what…” Sanemi blinked, tilting his head as well. 

“Mitsuri-sama says he stares like a…um…lover…and Uzui-sama said brother muttered your name in his sleep….” Your eyes widened with this information as Sanemi launched himself at Genya’s face claws out causing the boy to cry out. 

How dare he just state those facts so openly, Sanemi thought. 

“SANEMI!” You quickly went to grab him. “Cut that out or I’ll neuter you!” Sanemi looked back hissing loudly, like ‘you wouldn’t dare’. Genya blanched at the threat. You grabbed him by the scruff this time and just held him as he purred annoyed, not doing a thing except hang there. You pulled the body into your chest instinctively  “Side note you might want to warn Uzui-sama that you told me about these uh…confessions and your brother's response to it. That way he can be prepared when Sanemi is finally human again.” You sighed, “Besides, I doubt they are true anyway, and if it did ever happen I would have to find a way to remove myself as his Tsugoku.” You didn’t notice how Sanemi’s eyes sharpened at that. You moved forward and placed a hand on Genya’s face causing him to go red. “Sanemi did a number on you, come on, I’ll put a salve on the scratches.”

Sanemi wiggled in your arms as you tried to lead the younger brother into the estate, Genya shook his head. “It-It’s fine. Not like I’m missing a hand. It’ll heal. Thank you though.” he bowed slightly. “I-I should go now…”

You frowned at that, “Hold on, didn’t you want some advice?” Genya rubbed the back of his neck, before you came to a realization. “Actually nevermind, I’ve never had a relationship before, you’re best off asking Uzui-sama for advice. He probably would have better advice, he does have three wives after all…” you muttered, Sanemi scoffed. 

Genya nodded, “Ri-right, we-well I hope brother becomes normal again soon.” The boy waved and walked off the grounds of the Estate. 

You went to reenter the estate, however, you heard a voice, “Ara ara, what’s this?” 

You felt the cat twitch in your arms. “Ah! Kocho-sama, I had a feeling you would be coming soon. Please come into the Estate, I’ll fix you some tea and snacks while you draw Sanem-Shinazugawa-sama’s blood.” You lightly blushed at your mix up and shook your head. 

Of course it was noticed by both Sanemi and Shinobu. “Oh? I’ll take some tea, but I’m not hungry. This shouldn’t take long.”

You placed Sanemi on the Chabudai for Shinobu while you went forth into the kitchen to heat up some tea. You heard a hiss and a loud Meow. And a “Don’t be a prick Shinazugawa. (Name) will be back, now just let me draw some blood.” 

You shrugged off the conversation, grabbing the tea pot you went to walk back into the dining area.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #sanemi x reader #sanemi shinazugawa #shinazugawa genya #kocho shinobu #Nekobloodart

[beardedhandstoadshark]

Is there any fic you would recommend us on ao3? Something that stole your heart or that was different/special for you?

Uhhhhhhh My Immortal

…Ok no, actual rec‘s. Um.

Meet us at the Milk Bar is a really good fic. It’s about all the NPC‘s in Legend of Zelda: Majoras Mask getting together one by one to spend their last hours until the moon falls onto them, and man. The emotions. You don’t even need much context from the game to understand it (though it obvs has more impact that way) so please, read it.

That’s kinda the main one rn but for a bunch of other stuff (ignore it, it’s just a lot of self-indulgent fic recs)

Harry Potter and the Lack of Lambsauce. A fic about Gordon Ramsey (the way he‘s presented in his shows) being a professor in Hogwarts. I know it sounds like a pure crack-fic, but isn’t, has 99 chapters and is genuinely pretty good as far as I can tell. And I don’t even care about Gordon Ramsey, let alone Harry Potter.

The Heart and Soul Series which is pretty much the Kirby fic series (I don’t. Actually read anything Kirby related otherwise, surprisingly). Though, granted, it needs a bit of character context. Enemies to friends but they’re still rivals and also idiots.

(grabs the funny subway man) YOURE GOING BACK HOME FUCKER is not a crack fic. It’s a submas reunion fic. The Hurt/Comfort is real and strong with this one

And also 97% of what I read is in Legend of Zelda & related fandoms, sooooo. Yeah. If nesting multiple readmores into each other were a thing, I‘d put one here, but alas. I

Hero, what ails you? Whump. Hero collapses after being too stubborn to realize he’s got pneumonia, gives skeleton-mentor a second heart attack in the process

My Inner Life, their outer Nope. Roast-fic. Assortment of various Zelda characters torture themselves live-read and comment on the fic "My Inner Life“, also known as the My Immortal of Zelda fics

Dimensional Links, the OG of OG‘s of "throw all the Link‘s together“ AU‘s, pretty much the first ever fic I read, forgot everything what happens in the plot but still remember it being really good so it must be

And speaking of "throw Links together“ AU‘s, since you genuinely can’t take two steps in any Zelda tag on AO3 or tumblr without coming across Linked Universe stuff might as well throw some of those here too

How to kill a God Really engaging Murder Mystery with lots of world-building. Might as well be Original Work. Which is great so you don’t even need any context!

The Most Sincere Kind of Lie someone put this one in a collection called "Darkest LU shit I can find“ and. Yeah. It’s really good. Angst. So much Angst. It hurts a lot, but it’s. Just. Really well written

Stick a Fork in 'em cause they Done got Roasted crack/roast fic parodying the way fanon generally writes the different Links. I hate/love how accurate these are lmao

A Fishing Rod in Hand is Worth 2 in System Memory LU but glitches are a thing. Whatever this particular type of "4th wall break but not quite“ is called (Undertale does that too) I like it. + Crack treated seriously is always fun. + this has an actual story, so honestly I‘m not even sure if it can still be called crack, + it comes with descriptions for all the glitches, + while it says 6/? the way it currently ends makes for a pretty good open ending so it’s cool

#another anon ask #reading fics when your fave tags are found family and Gen is pure pain #also didn’t list any one-shots (even though that’s what I mainly read) #because THAT list would probably hit the word limit for a post #recommending fics feels kinda weird when you know the author of one of those will see this post on their dashboard #on one hand- hi!!! I like your stuff!! #on the other hand - what if the rest of my taste is trash then that fic will als get lumped together with the rest and that’s weird oh no-

[alvertesongdiary]

Back Thought & Danger Mouse feat. A$AP Rocky & Run The Jewel - Strangers

[Verse 1: Black Thought] Yeah, while y'all was sufferin' from future shock Hurtin' and hatin', waitin' for that other shoe to drop I was relocatin' this whole operation to the top For you to copy and paste, in case you forgot I'm super hot and beyond your range It's kind of strange how the change in climate ain't because of climate change I acquired this affinity for finer things Like big folds, Range, and Rolls from gold chains And danger's when niggas get high, then die fameless Slugs spark loud in the chamber and fly aimless I was too wise to the game to try candy from strangers And speak anything but my language Oud from the Indian trees is my fragrance Food, I consider these thieves that's not gangsters So many fuck boys actin' like they tough guys I'ma call your bluff, guys, let me see you uprise

[Interlude] Bark, bark, bark Tough guy, ah? You can tell me, you can tell me what?

[Verse 2: A$AP Rocky] I keep the four-five close, get your lo-fi smoke Like the Wi-Fi broke, forget the wise guy jokes Got mob ties, bro, financial status and I'm ho tied Get ya from India, smoke on both sides though Oh my, now reach into your pockets, pay homage Pay me hundreds or pay me no mind, bro And my screen don't work, got an iPhone 4 Like, the Wi-Fi broke, it's still a smartphone though Okay, like, que paso, maricón, cabrón 'Kay, tough guy, don't take me for no fungi See you with my third eye, peep you just with one eye closed Um, one time when I was duckin' from the one time This one time, weapon on my left side, I'm gun shy Swimmin' in my new Benz, doors open up like two fins New whips on Dr. Seuss', one fish, two fish, red whip, blue whip

[Interlude] This motherfucker does not give a fuck about you He is in his mansion, playing his Xbox (You never listen, you never listen) And look at you, look at where you are (No one ever says anything worth listenin' to) Ayy, yeah

You might also like Because Danger Mouse & Black Thought Cheat Codes Danger Mouse & Black Thought Belize Danger Mouse & Black Thought

[Verse 3: El-P] Straight out the flames of this city of mine Since double planes hit the rises, pain of rap been on rise With cyclops eye strays, stay shatterin' lives Out where the poltergeists of history haunt the alive Monster of art, don't start You little drop, die dark, put you in long-term park Hardly a mark, play your spiderweb like a harp Sharp with a bodega cat claw, slash at a rat's heart Relax, let it happen, it's automatic, I'm tapped in Scrap like I'm facin' the mouth of a starved kraken Facts, man, I actually made the cash they imagined The kid who never compromised, out-racked you bastards Slid into the vacuum they left, stabbin' at random Abracadabra, got these maggots trackin' the magic It's vapid how you speak, not deep, you lackin' the fathoms While tough guy dreamin' of smashin' thots, I smash atoms

[Interlude: Killer Mike] Are you serious with this? Is this, is this, this is what it's come to? We're gonna have to walk around outside like we're fuckin' gangsters? (Ayy) I am, and it is (Yeah, yeah)

[Verse 4: Killer Mike] The bar killer, I stole a Demon from Dodge dealer (Yeah) A godbody with temperament of a Godzilla (Yeah, yeah) And you ain't shit, you fucker, barely a fart, fella (Yeah, yeah, yeah) A dictator with hard heart, I starve niggas (Woo) I'm out with Lenin and writin' in red ink again (Ooh) And I'm on linen with women pleasurin' pink again (Ooh) Edge of destruction, the world seems on the brink again (Ooh) You think you got me? Ayy, papi, you better think again (Damn) I'll leave you shot in the seat that they sat Lincoln in (Damn) I'll pop you with the same pistol they popped Reagan with (Damn) I'm audacious, so fuck with me on a cash basis (Yeah) I'm outrageous, slap faces to tongue tasters (Yeah, yeah) I rock stages, rappin' raw for all races (Yeah) No patience for racists, send 'em to damn Satan (Yeah, yeah) Cold rages, I stay in God's divine graces (Yeah, yeah) And all my chains on when I rap, bitch, I'm Ghostfacin' (Woo)

15/15/2022

#black thought #danger mouse #asap rocky #run the jewels #killer mike #el-p #lyrics #music #youtube #hip hop #diary #song of day

[shoezuki]

One of the jonas brothers has gon missing n im SO fucking confused cuz like there was Three but im only seeing Two white boys now but i have no clue where the Fuck the third coulda possibly gone. Like i Guess he coulda got Eaten???? But hes BIG. theyre funky lil guys and like. No way hed a gotten all eaten up in 2 days

My sister is like 'he just left' which No but also he Couldnt a jumped out the tank. Id know. And theres a lid on it. Where the fuck

#i dug up n like he aint in the gravel or under the ram skull or in the plants #theres not Much in the tank n its all nice n clean n clear so???? what the fuck #what fucker stole my fish

[rockscanfly]

caesura (take a breath)

Ceasura, definition: a pause in a verse, usually in the middle of a line, to allow for a breath

                            --------------------------------------------------

The night Kaldur’ahm of Shayeris finally kissed Roy William Harper was not, of its own merit, very special. It was a Thursday in the middle of a slow November. The rest of the team had just returned to school after a long weekend.

Kaldur, who among the Team was uniquely free of this responsibility, accompanied Roy to the Star City native’s favorite drag bar for a night of (generously defined) cultural enrichment.

Notably, it wasn’t the fact that they had both been drinking underage that got Kaldur and Roy kicked out of Aunt Charlie’s Lounge into the cool dark of one of Star City’s safer alleyways.

Nor was it fighting—Charlie’s had been a favorite of Roy’s ever since they let him sneak in for his first drag show when he was sixteen, so the quick-tempered redhead did his best to stay civil.

No, Kaldur thought ruefully as he swallowed back the last of his ozou, one brow cocked at the impatient bouncer before stepping gracefully through the open firedoor. For once, Roy hadn’t landed them in trouble on purpose.

The man in question cursed as he failed to light a cigarette in the brisk fall breeze, dourly eyeing the firmly shut door. “Can’t believe that fucker thought I was cheating.”

Kaldur sighed, breathing in the wet, cold air blowing up from the harbor. It was sour with garbage and the usual array of petrochemicals unavoidable in the Surface’s cities. But it was cool, and the bar had been overly warm with body-heat from the tightly packed crowd that had arrived for tonight’s show. “Mistaken or not, surely you can see where he was coming from?”

Roy snorted, cheering a little as his cigarette look light. The warm light of the cherry lit his face from below, highlighting the furrow of his brow. “It’s darts! Anyone can hit a bullseye, Kal.”

Kaldur reached forward, plucking Roy’s cigarette from his hands. “Ten times in a row?” he asked, arch.

Roy huffed, crossing his arms as Kaldur fit the cigarette between his lips. The Atlantean stole a long pull, eyes closed, rolling the smoke around in his mouth before blowing the smoke into the dim night.

Roy was a terrible, corrupting influence. Between the ten rounds of shots between them—whiskey for Roy, anise-sharp ouzo for Kaldur—and the hundred or so chemicals in the stolen cigarette, Kaldur was sure he’d abused more substances in one night than he had in the first two years he’d been on the Surface.

Still, Kaldur mused, mind in a rare fog of peace. Landweller alcohol was mild stuff, but the gentle buzzing behind his temples, fizzy and light, was a welcome reprieve from the stress of leading the team. It is a pleasant corruption.

Kaldur opened his eyes, slowly, unsurprised to see Roy gazing at him with a fond smile from his post against the alley wall. Kaldur held the cigarette out, pinched elegantly between two fingers. “You’re staring, my friend.”  

The dirty, yellow light of the alley did nothing to dim the rare happiness in Roy’s eyes. “And? You know what you look like, right? Kaldur, I’ve been beating people off all night.”

Kaldur snorted. He saw the moment Roy’s words reached his own ears, the rush of blood across his cheeks.

“Wait—“

Kaldur couldn’t help it. He collapsed, laughing, bracing himself on one forearm against the opposite wall.

Strong arms embraced him from behind, turning Kaldur until his back was against the wall, Roy’s arms braced to either side of him. Kaldur looked into his best friend’s face, and collapsed again into giggles, one hand over his mouth.

Perhaps landweller alcohol has a stronger effect on him than he thought.

“Should I be offended?” Kaldur finally managed, cheeks stinging with the force of the grin he couldn’t fight down. “That I was not included in that venture?”

Roy rolled his eyes, biting back an answering smile. “Laugh it up, fish sticks,” he chuckled. Roy took Kaldur’s hand from where it was unsuccessfully muffling the Atlantean’s laughter. He clasped their palms together at their sides, fingers aligned in parallel. “I’m not the one who missed ten people hitting on him tonight.”

Kaldur pushed his fingers against Roy’s own. Straightened his shoulders, pushed up into the solid body pressing him against the alley wall. “I wasn’t oblivious,” Kaldur corrected. Roy’s eyes were dark and warm. “I just didn’t care.” Another smile, softer. Wistful. “I’m with you.”

When Roy kissed him, it wasn’t what Kaldur had been imagining. It wasn’t a revelation, wasn’t the earth shattering, cosmic change he’d built in his head over three years of silent longing.

It was just eager, and warm, and joyful. Roy’s callused hand cupped Kaldur’s face gently, guiding him deeper. Kaldur threw his free arm over Roy’s muscled shoulder, fingertips brushing through the short, soft hairs on the back of his neck.

Eventually the need for air parted them, Roy tucking his sweat-damp forehead in the crook of Kaldur’s neck. The wet heat of his words against his gills caused Kaldur’s own breath to stutter. “Second date is gonna have to wait awhile—I owe Dinah so, so many hours of monitor duty for being right about this.”

Kaldur raised their clasped hands to his lips. “Our friends are industrious creatures,” he said, smiling, pressing a kiss against the chapped skin of Roy’s knuckles. “I was just about to say something very similar regarding Artemis and her Atlantean homework.”

                             ------------------------------------------------------

(A/N: An extremely misleadingly fluffy moment from a WIP. But, this part is done, and in the spirit of the new year I figured it’d be nice to put a little fluff out there for my boys. Lord knows we need it. Happy New Year, y’all.)

#kaldur #kaldur'ahm #roy harper #will harper #young justice #yj #aqualad #red arrow

[deniigi]

So @petrichordiam and I are menaces and giggled over our ideal dinluke flower shop AU for like 4 hrs and then I wrote this.

Title: murderer next door

Summary: Din works as a florist and Luke works as a bookseller and they’re both assassins trying to keep the other off their turf.

-------------

Two times now, Luke had crashed past that flower shop, and two times now, the fucker inside had taken out his mark. Now all Luke had to say about the whole thing was that it was too bad that he was going to have to kill the guy.

Han told him not to turn back. The mark was dead; the mark was gone. They weren’t fast enough this time, but there would be others.

Luke just couldn’t let it go, though. He had rent to pay, and McFloristApron over there was smashing through all his targets and making that nigh impossible—regardless of how many marks there were in the area.

Luke waited until Han had closed up shop for the night and remained there in the dark with his arm slung over the back of the chair in the backroom, surrounded by books. He rolled his shot of whiskey in its tumbler. The sound against the old wood table offered no comfort.

He stood up and left the glass to get his laptop.

He wasn’t losing to some florist, Han, sorry. Only one family could take innocuous cover on this street, and it was them.

 ---

McFlorist’s name wasn’t listed on the florist’s staff page, but then again, none of the people on that page had names. In fact, the website’s whole vibe was all wedding-chic until you clicked on the ‘staff and contacts’ tab. Then, it may as well have been a line of mugshots.

Luke squinted along the row of increasingly involved headgear until he got to someone with a reasonably-sized neck with no tats. The ladies on either side of him appeared to have sapped all the ink out of McFloristApron. He wore a mask over the lower half of his face and gave a stoic thumbs up to the camera.

Under his picture was the number fifteen.

Damn.

Luke was only making eight per pop. Who the hell was this guy eating up all the feeder fish, huh? Them lower division folks had to eat too, you know.

Well.

‘Lower division’ in a sense of the word. Being two times undercover wasn’t super glamorous, Luke had to say. But when your dad fucked it up for the first family, sometimes you had to take what you could get.

Luke pointed at Fifteen on the screen.

“You and me, pal,” he said. “You and me.”

 --

 Step one was to get paid first.

Luke chased down three marks on the other side of town to pay the rent and the medical bills for now. His hand’s new sleeve felt like a dream. It didn’t overheat like the nylon black one did, and the hand was far less shiny now as a bonus. That had certainly reduced the number of people catching something move out of the corner of their eye.

Was it worth fifty grand?

No.

Was it worth the last nine that Luke had left to pay on it?

Yeah. It was definitely worth the nine.

 ------

 Step two was to go make it clear to Fifteen McFlorist that he and his folks needed to back down in the face of the established guard.

Luke put on his biggest sweater and the thickest glasses he could find. He stole Chewie’s messenger bag with all the pins on it. He slung it over his shoulder and rolled the hems of his jeans up just a smidge too much, then scurried over to the florist’s across the way.

Fifteen was off to the side of the register, fucking around with something in the refrigerator. Luke busily and noisily looked through the wall of foliage on the side of the shop nearest the window. He hummed. He hawed. He made anxious nerd-sounds until a voice asked, “Hi, can I help you?”

Luke glanced out of the corner of his eye and found that Fifteen was standing facing his way now. His mask was gray this time. His apron was orange. His boots were too heavy-looking for florist work.

“I’d love that,” Luke gushed breathlessly. “See, my mom just got engaged and I’m on the way to her house.”

Fifteen lifted his chin slightly.

“What’re her favorites?” he asked tonelessly.

Terrible customer service skills, dude.

“Roses,” Luke said.

“Ours are shit today,” Fifteen said. “How about dahlias?”

Luke didn’t know what those were but sure.

“That sounds great,” he said. “You have any in pink?”

 --------

 He watched Fifteen brutalize some pink, orange, and white flowers into a bouquet wrapped with a silver bow and was sure to smile every time the guy looked up.

“That’ll be $37.59.”

Sir, these are dead flowers. There is no need for that price.

“Can I put it on card?” Luke asked. “How long have you worked here, if you don’t mind me asking? I work just across the way is all.”

Fifteen’s dark gaze flicked up. His hair was covered by a gray beanie two shades darker than the mask.

“At the club?” he asked.

“The bookshop,” Luke corrected him with a shy, but widening smile.

Please be gay. Please be gay. Please be gay. Leia wasn’t going to want to cooperate. She thought it was beneath her to establish boundaries like this.

“Blue paint,” Fifteen said. “Yeah, that place. How long have you been there?”

“My brother-in-law’s place, actually,” Luke said. “I started there last year after I finished college.”

Or, you know, maybe even eight years ago when he’d finished college. No one had to know. Baby faces don’t kiss and tell after all.

“Huh. You must like it there,” Fifteen said.

“It’s fine,” Luke hummed. “You like it here?”

“The kid does.”

“Oh, you’re a father?” Luke asked. “How old?”

“He’s three,” Fifteen said. “Godson. His folks were in an accident; didn’t make it.”

“That’s terrible, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Luke said. “He’s lucky to have you.”

Fifteen handed him his card back. Luke’s hand didn’t close in time to catch it and it fell onto to the wooden counter.

“Sorry about that,” Luke said, reaching for it with the other hand. His knuckles bumped into Fifteen’s when he went for the card at the same time. They both paused and went for the card again with the same result. Luke laughed.

“Slippery, am I right?” he asked, flattening his fingers on top of the piece of plastic and snatching it away.

“Very,” Fifteen said. “I hope your mom likes them.”

“Me too,” Luke smiled. “I’ll see you around—What was your name?”

“You can call me Armando,” Fifteen said.

“Armando,” Luke sounded out. “It suits you.”

It was a falsie.

“And yours?”

“James.”

“It suits you.”

It didn’t.

“Bye now,” Luke said. “Thanks for your help.”

He let the door fall closed behind him with the tinkle of the bell.

 --------

 He informed Han that “Armando” had a toddler and received only a warning look and a scolding for all his effort. Han told him not to get jealous. If there was a kid in the balance, then Fifteen, for better or worse, was going to have to see each day after the next until there was no longer a kid in the balance.

Luke offered to call CPS and report “Armando” as an assassin.

“You do that and those folks across the street are gonna call the VA and tell them I’m an assassin,” Han said. “Lay low, Luke. Lay low.”

Never.

“Christ. At least until that thing’s yours then.”

Luke glared at his right hand.

“Gimme a double,” he told Han without looking away from it.

 ------------

 It was never easy to hunt in the daylight, but Luke wasn’t here to do easy things. He needed to get Mark No. 1 alone. The man took the train once a week to a gentleman’s club on his lunch break. Luke needed a change of clothes.

He had a rainbow windbreaker, white boots, and fishnets all ready to go.

He got on the same train as the mark and dropped his phone nearby. It clattered loudly and the case came off. Luke swore and squatted to drop it at the same time that two girls next to him decided to become good Samaritans. They crouched with him and one of them caught the phone first. They handed it back with a smile.

“I like your jacket,” she said.

Luke let his face struggle to find a smile at her kindness to him, a sweet little twink trying to find the pride parade that happened two weeks ago.

“Thanks,” he said. “I like your bracelet.”

He stood up. The girls were pleased with themselves. Luke glanced back to find Mark No. 1 turn his head abruptly away.

Come here, Markie.

Do you like what you see?

  Mark No. 1 didn’t make it out of his hotel room. A pity. Luke took the elevator down and huffed and puffed about a cheap date when he passed the front desk. He stopped abruptly and went back to ask the receptionist what the cross street was. She judged his go-go boots.

He told her she wasn’t his type. Her manager gave him the cross street.

Mark No. 2 had different parameters.

 ----------

 Mark No. 2’s parameters involved chasing him through a maze of boiler rooms and dumpsters. He was chump change towards a hand that Luke hadn’t wanted in the first place, but alas. The anger still roared.

Luke cornered him, still in go-go boots—no need to sacrifice style for speed—and watched those pale eyes look every which way as Mark No. 2 realized that there was no getting out of this.

“You got options, friend,” Luke said. “I can bring you in hot or I can bring you in—”

“—cold.”

His head snapped up and he lurched out of the way just as the crack of a bullet exploded in the alley. A car backfired around the corner in a sympathetic cough. Luke stared at the body then twisted around just in time for a thick glove to latch onto the back of his neck.

“Well, look who it is,” Fifteen drawled.

Luke glared out of the corner of his eye.

“Hands off, Armando,” he warned.

“I like your boots.”

“You’re gonna love ‘em when they’re on your dick,” Luke warned.

“Back off, Nayberry.”

Fucking hell, Han. This is why they should have set up boundaries weeks ago.

“I prefer ‘James,’” Luke said sweetly.

The glock levelled at his face didn’t care.

“You took my mark,” Fifteen said.

“Aw, poor baby,” Luke pouted. “Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you took mine.”

Fifteen’s orange apron was gone. He’d swapped it for an old leather jacket—something he could more easily wipe clean. He should’ve gone for patent leather. The brown really wasn’t working with his grey mask-beanie situation.

“Stay in your lane,” Fifteen warned.

“Only if you stay in yours,” Luke beamed.

Fifteen huffed.

“Bookstore,” he scoffed. “Who’d you give the flowers to?”

Luke tsked.

“Myself, jackass,” he said.

“Do you even have a mom?”

“What the fuck business is that of yours? You even got a kid?”

Fifteen’s stare was deadly—the cooling body before them notwithstanding.

“Take one step near him and we won’t be talkin’ so friendly, yeah?”

Mm. Yeah.

“You owe me four grand,” Luke informed Fifteen as the glock went down and Fifteen left him to go take a pulse.

The man’s back stiffened.

“Four?” he asked. “You took this job for four?”

Luke rolled his eyes.

“I got bills, Armando,” he drawled.

“How do you keep that shed open? Have you sold even one book?”

Rude. Luke was a great sales associate. If he actually cared to put his mind to it, he’d be worthy of a promotion to manager.

He pulled the rising legs of his shorts down and adjusted the weapon in his windbreaker. He couldn’t leave the alley the way he’d gone into it. Someone might have seen. He was going to have to take a side street. Hmmm, which one? Choices, choices.

“I’ll give you a Dad’s discount. Gimme two grand, and you can have him,” Luke negotiated as he thought.

“Two.”

Hey, no need for that tone. This was a great deal.

“What’re you gonna do with two?” Fifteen asked, already knelling down to heft the body over his shoulder as proof for payment.

“Buy some more tights,” Luke deadpanned. “Two, final offer.”

Fifteen stood up all the way and gave him a weird look. A long look. His beanie was pulled down low, but Luke got the impression that he was frowning at him.

“Take the four,” he said out of nowhere. “I’ll bring it tomorrow.”

Luke recoiled a step at first, then recoiled another when the reality of the situation hit him full in the chest.

“Forget it,” he snapped.

He spun around and started to leave.

“Wh—hey. HEY. Where are you goin’?”

“I don’t need your fuckin’ pity,” Luke called ahead of him as he set to climbing the chainlink fence separating him from the adjacent dead-end alley.

“You what?”

“You heard me,” Luke said.

He jumped down. His left hand found his right wrist and squeezed as he walked.

 -------

 The phantom pains kept him up all night, and it was definitely that and not the humiliation that made him call in sick. Han told him to answer his therapist’s emails. Luke told him to go do something useful and hung up. He rolled onto his back on his bed and focused on letting his body relax, his jaw unclench, his joints go limp.

There was sunlight finally streaming through his apartment windows again. It had been months.

Spring was almost here. He just had to hold out a little longer.

 --------

 He came in to work the next day and found an envelope on his chair in the backroom. It was thick.

“McFlorist dropped it off,” he said between aggravated sounds at his spreadsheets.

“Is it tax season already?” Luke asked him as he tried to burn a whole in the center of the envelope with his mind.

“Sure fuckin’ is.”

He stepped forward and snatched up the envelope, then deposited it squarely in Han’s lap. He made an unattractive noise of confusion and alarm.

“For the taxes,” Luke called as he went out to grab his lanyard and name tag. “Gotta keep this place open for another six months at least.”

 ------------

 There were new books in. A new shipment to shelve. Two kids’ displays to set up. And Luke was actually good at this stuff, thanks; he started stacking.

He got peace until he nearly got to the end of the second display, and then what he had was a heart attack. Two liquid brown eyes surrounded by an ocean of ringlets stared up at him from between his knees. The child curled a hand in and out in hello.

Luke jerked himself up to locate the thing’s parents immediately, and promptly found himself in deadly eye-contact with Fifteen.

Armando.

“You were gone yesterday,” Fifteen said flatly.

Luke looked between him and the kid. He was pinned between two enemy parties. How to escape, how to escape.

“Are you sick?”

How to escape. How to escape. How to escape.

“Are you hurt?”

H—what?

“I’m fine, stalker,” Luke snapped with more heat than this present cover allowed. He caught himself and pulled it back. “I’m fine,” he repeated. “Thank you for asking. Is this…?”

Fifteen blinked once. The child blinked once as well. It was creepy.

“He’s mine,” Fifteen said. “And apparently the only thing that will get us through the next two hours is a book.”

Dude.

“Kids are kids,” Fifteen said. “You got any books?”

Luke stared at him, then checked the shelves to make sure he hadn’t teleported into another dimension.

You always had to check.

“We’re in a bookstore,” he said.

“He can’t read,” Fifteen said, pointing.

The kid grinned. His teeth were gapped in that toddler sort of way. He was kind of cute.

“You can’t read?” Luke asked him.

“Hi,” Baby said.

Oh no.

Luke loved him.

“How much?” he asked Fifteen.

“Touch him and you’ll be permanently comatose,” Fifteen said.

“Not if I died out of spite,” Luke said.

There was a long pause. Then Fifteen started laughing? Kind of hard?

“Oh my god, that was so unprofessional. I am so sorry,” Luke blurted out.

Fifteen collected himself and shook his head. His little one giggled and reached for Luke’s fingers.

“Boo,” he said.

Luke couldn’t feel the hand, but he could feel all the heart.

“Book?” he asked, crouching down. “Do you want a story?”

“Mmmm.”

“I have the perfect one,” Luke told him. “It’s about a caterpillar. Do you know what a caterpillar is?”

He got a slow, exaggerated head shake back and forth, back and forth. He stood up straight.

“I’m conducting a temporary kidnapping,” he informed Fifteen. “Do I have consent?”

Fifteen looked from him towards the front entrance and mulled over the merits of leaving his kid with his rival assassin. Then he shrugged.

“Consent granted,” he said. “Luke.”

Luke’s heart stopped.

“James,” he said.

“Your name tag says ‘Luke.’”

Well, fuck.

“Luke Nayberry. It suits you.”

Hhhhhhh. This was karma, wasn’t it.

“Thanks,” he gritted out. “And yourself, Armando?”

“Din.”

Woah, look out. Mr. One-Syllable-Cool-Man had entered the building.

“Din, what?” Luke asked as his arm registered tension. Din’s kid had latched onto his fingers and started pulling incessantly with a chubby hand gesturing in the direction of the wall of children’s books.

“Don’t you worry about it,” Din said.

“Fine, go trip then,” Luke said.

He swore that there was a smile under that mask.

 ----------

#dinluke #luke skywalker #ficlet #fic #I can't take any trope seriously it turns out #perhaps I am simply too old now to appreciate them #the mandalorian

[miss-choco-chips]

Drink and make merry, my friend (you'll be gone come morning)

Day four: historical- pirates // sci-fi- space

There are three pirates chilling in the dungeons. None seem overly concerned about the fact that they’ll be hanged come morning.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Bartholomew H. Allen. Bart for the friends. ‘The red nuisance’ for everyone else. Wasn’t the first time he’d been inside this very same prison cell; probably won’t be the last. The guards stationed in front of his door were the quickest on their feet, so maybe they’d have a minimum chance of catching the fucker should he escape again. Probably not, but the Arch Duke had been particularly displeased the last time he’d weaseled his way out of their prison, so they had to at least pretend to try.

He’d been unconcernedly chewing on dried meat for hours now. How did he manage to smuggle it into the cell, no one knows, but after he bit the first few hands that tried to take his treasure away, the general consensus was to let him be.

Similarly, anyone who held any notions of spending a fun afternoon with the only woman among the sea bandits was quick to be corrected, either by a broken hand or a kick that stole the air from their lungs like it was gold from a ship’s treasury.

Her name? Cassandra Sandsmark. She did not fuck around, and really, considering she would be dead by that time the next night, it was’t worth it to punish her for ‘prisoner misconduct’. That was why they left her be. Not because she scared their balls back into their bodies. The fact that she was Princess Diana’s wayward niece and, death row or not, the noble Lady would murder them all for even breathing in her direction, was a notable plus.

The last pirate, well… He’d chosen to spend his last night on earth doing push ups. It was probably better to leave him to his own devices.

Conner Kent. Whether or not he had any relation to Crown Prince Kal was anyone’s guess, but they did look startlingly similar; something the younger man had taken advantage of to avoid capture multiple times in the past.

To catch any of them wasn’t an easy task. The fact that they were all there thanks to the same man was beyond amazing.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

An auburn haired boy ran through busy port streets, his form almost a blur between passerbys. Jumping over crates, avoiding street vendors, sliding over banisters and landing at the very last step of any stair in his way, the youngster made a truly astounding escape.

Tough luck his opponent had accounted for that.

Just as he was rounding that last corner separating him from the port (and his freedom), a foot struck out. Quick thinking saved him from face planting on the disgustingly dirty streets, but his surprise and momentum cost him precious seconds of stumbling.

The swords pointing him from every direction when he straightened weren’t as threatening as the lone young man standing behind the National Guard, unarmed but from the cutting edge on his glare. Without breaking eye contact, the runner threw both hands up in surrender.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The guards barely even glanced up when the servant girl let herself in, softly pushing the trolley. They did, however, when the scent of food caught their attention.

“That for us, pretty lady?”

Blushing, the girl looked at both men from under her brown fringe.

“The… the prisoners…”

Elbowing each other, they smiled, sharks smelling blood in the water as they eyed the delicacies on display.

“It’d be a waste to let people who are gonna be fish food by this time tomorrow eat such an amazing feast.”

The girl hesitated again, her duty to feed the prisoners at war with the populace general unwillingness to disobey their military enforcers.

“Come on, pretty lady”, the other one edged on. “Who’s gonna tell the higher ups?”

Something flashed behind her beautiful blue eyes, and she nodded, gently pushing the trolley in their direction.

From within their cells, the three pirates watched in silence.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

If anyone were to ask, he’d been minding his own damn business when shit went down.

He had only wanted a beer. Really, life just wasn’t fair to wanted criminals.

It was just his luck that his crew chose this particular tavern to drink and make merry. Though, Kon supposes, it wasn’t their fault either. How would they know that the Lavender Throne pirates favored the same establishment?

He’d only been a member of the Renegades’ crew for about two months now, but he already knew how this fight would turn out. He was easily their best fighter, and the Lavenders were all about the same level of well trained; so here he was, alone in a circle of enemies, fist held high and feet doing their best not to trip over fallen crewmates.

Or maybe not so alone. A smaller back pressed against his, and he could see from the corner of his eye how the men trying to get his blind spot fell like flies. Not one to doubt his blessings, he doubled his efforts.

When things died down, Kon relaxed, marveling at the fact that just two of them were enough to deal with a full tavern of enemies. The bar maidens started to rise from under the tables they chose to hide behind, and Conner was about to turn around and thank his surprise saviour, when the feeling of cold metal against his neck stopped him in his tracks.

Uniformed men started bleeding into the room, dragging unconscious pirates away. When one approached him and his mysterious capturer, he almost felt the man behind him shaking his head.

“This one is high risk. I’ll take him myself.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Are you sure? There’s plenty enough for all of us”, asked Dumb Guard Number one again, words almost unrecognizeable under his chewing.

The girl, sitting primly in the chair they oh so gentlemanly had offered for her to wait on until they finished their impromptu dinner, shook her head.

Dumb Guard Number two didn’t need to be told twice and snagged the last piece of bread.

“Is it just you two for the night?”, she asked, apropos of nothing.

The more sharing of the two nodded. “Yeah, until the morning shift guys come and take them away to the plaza for their sentence.”

She whistled softly.

“Seems kind of mean, having only you two to guard three of the most wanted pirates of the last few years.”

The second one smiled a bit. “Nah, we got dealt a nice hand. We get to eat and laze around, and as good as they are, they can’t weasel their way between those bars. No excitement here. The day guards are the unlucky ones here.”

“How so? Aren’t them, like, a lot more? Seems like it’d be easier, sharing the weight of it.”

“Yeah, but Lieutenant Drake will be with them, ‘s going to personally oversee the executions. Can’t exactly slack off with the favored son of Archduke Wayne breathing over your shoulder, now can you?”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“Cassandra!”

“Go! I’ll hold them off!”

The older woman, holding desperately to the other’s hand, made a sound of profound distress.

“But-!”

“Donna, just go! If they catch you- just how much do you think Diana is going to suffer?”

“It’s the same with you! We can run together, there’s space in the spare boat”

They were running out of time. She knew convincing her older sister figure to leave her behind was not going to end well or happen quickly, so the blonde pirate shot a look to vice captain Artemis. They both knew Donna was just too important to risk like this, her relationship to Diana recognizable enough to use her as leverage against their Princess. Cassandra, as beloved as she was by the women who took her in, had spent the better half of her childhood hiding her real identity and running amok where few would be able to point her out as Princess Diana’s protegeè.

Ignoring her mistress’s screams, Vice captain Artemis’s arms went around her waist, lifting her clear off her feet and dragging her away, her strength forcing Donna’s hand free of Cassandra’s arm.

Soon, Cassie stood alone in an empty ship, sword in hand as she watched the sun setting over the horizon, the distant figure of dozens of escape boats a mere shadow in the distance.

When the sound of boards and then feet hitting the deck reached her, her hand tightened on the sword’s hilt, but she didn’t turn to see.

“It was a bold move. Brave, though.”

The words made her startle, spoken so closely to her ear, the approaching presence absolutely unnoticed until that exact second.

Breathing in deeply, Cassandra spun on her feet, sword raised. Her enemy was already a few feet away, safe from her board attack. His cold stare clashed with her feral growl, an ice prince facing off against an amazon fighter.

No other soldier dared approach them, as the sound of their clashing swords echoed in the quiet of the night as thunder.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Just as a distant clock was about to point both arms to its highest point, both guards fell asleep. Literally fell, face planting in the dirty prison ground.

Sighing tiredly, the young serving girl rose to her feet. Walking towards Dumn Guard Numer 2 (stopping only barely on her way to nudge Dumb Guard Numer one to the side, so he wouldn’t drown in the puddle his face had landed on), she crouched down and took the keys from his belt.

When she stood again, all three pirates were on their feet near their doors, waiting.

“Who’s first this time?” asked the youngest, voice vibrating in his excitement, smile bright.

“Me, for sure”, crowed Conner, hands on his hips.

“What are you talking about? I made him fight for it. Drew blood, even.” Cassandra, proud smile and raise hand, threw back in challenge.

To all their surprises, the maiden went straight for Allen’s door.

“What? Me?”

“What the fuck?”

“Are you seriously telling us IMP is the one who gave you the most trouble this time?”

The girl shrugged, but a small smile could be spotted under her calm facade if one cared enough to look for it (which they all did).

“I had to chase him all through Star Port city. I was tired afterwards. The two of you made me fight, but it wasn’t nearly as exhausting.”

The boy jumped out of his cell as soon as the door was opened, fist raised in victory.

“Yessss! Free booze!”

“It’s a stupid bet”, the girl shrugged at the other two’s upset frowns. “None of you are an actual challenge, after all.”

“Oh, shut up, asshole. Get us out of here before those dumbasses wake up.”

Before long, all three pirates and the young castle maid were running through empty streets towards the port.

“The ship is ready for you to take. I made it look like you stole it from a very drunk, very unsuspecting crew of beginners.” As they all ran, she… he, took his hand to his head, snatching away the brown wig. Hair, black like a raven’s wings, fell over his icy blue eyes.

Cassandra, keeping pace with him, accepted the disguise. “Where to, after?”

“There’s instructions on your next mission already written down on the back of the map, on the captain’s cabin. I left the key to the cellar as a paperweight over it, so there’s no way you’ll miss it.”

Behind them, the other two boys crowed in delight. Bart even makes a small little jump, never slowing their pace.

“Is it fully stoked?”

Turning to look at the bigger man over his shoulder, the maid-turned-criminal rolled his eyes.

“Half. I do need you all lucid enough to do your chores. But whatever you find along your way that doesn’t slow your progress on the mission, you can loot for yourselves. There’s an empty treasury on the right side of the ship just for that.”

Another jump, this time from the other pirate. The two running ahead shared an exasperated, though fond, look.

They reached the promised ship before long. It sat there, beautifully tilting this way and that thanks to the gentle waves reaching shore.

They stopped there for a second, the three pirates facing their rescuer.

“Will you be alright? Won’t anyone suspect?”

He shook his head, hands demurely raising his dress a slight inch from the ground in a small courtesy.

“Caroline Hill has a perfectly solid cover, and there are lots of people who’ll vouch for her if she’s ever suspected for tonight. Also, the guards chosen for the night shift are known for slacking off in their duty. Falling asleep close enough to the cells for one of you to snatch the keys and free themselves won’t be too much of a stretch for anyone to imagine.”

They smiled back at him.

“Do try to catch some sleep before going back there as Lieutenant Drake. You’ll need your beauty rest to give a convincing ‘I left those criminals in your care and you LOST THEM?!’ show.”

“The laughable state of the kingdom’s military is perpetually infuriating to me. Don’t worry, I’ll be believable. And I can use this as an excuse to fire the most incompetent guards in the history of ever.”

“Do you ever do anything without at least two different reasons and multiple plans banking on it?”

“Why would I, that just sounds like a waste of my time. Now go, run off, before someone sees four people hanging by the port and gets curious enough to remember faces.”

“When will we see you again?”, asks Conner, hand catching his friend’s shoulder before the man in the dress can turn around and leave.

“This mission should last a month or so, and after you hid the objective in the safe place I designated for it for me to pick up later, you’ll need to scatter. I’ll catch you again soo after that, so in total… maybe two months? Three if any of you give me an actual challenge, but I’m not holding my breath for that one.”

“Bastard. See you soon.”

“Make sure to take us drinking next time, Tim. We barely see you now that you have to play good lawful boy with your dad.”

“Only if you idiots take good care of the ship. The Red Bird is a delicate lady and I’ll hang you myself if there’s even a scratch on her beautiful shell.”

“It’s almost as if you care more about a bunch of wood and metal than us.”

“Because I do. Now fuck off.”

[In which Tim is a privateer (Basically a pirate with papers. As the name suggests, privateers were private individuals commissioned by governments to carry out quasi-military activities; in this case, Tim does illegal things for the greater good. As a military agent, he’s hiring himself lol) and the other three are pirates working for and with him, because they like to help him do good things and they also get a chance at fighting people, drinking and looting treasure outside their missions. Tim catching and then freeing them is how they exchange information or he gives them his orders.]

#my writting #core disaster week #day 4 #historical-pirates #pirates #privateers #tim drake #kon el kent #bart allen #cassie sandsmark #humor maybe? #action i guess #a little bit at least #no angst #that's for sure #weird if you know me lol

[anti-plexus]

Tim Wright (Masky) x Reader:

Title: Stalker

Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: Murder, stalking (duh), and some very mild suggestive content.

————

————

It was only supposed to be a surveillance mission, simple. He had to watch you, god knows why, and acquire information. He never expected all of this to end with him becoming infatuated with you. You were a killer, just like him, so it made sense as to why Slender wanted to keep tabs on you. It was intriguing, watching the way you killed, it made him feel inspired. But he would never engage with you, only watch from afar as you lived out your life.

————

Screams rang out through the deserted building. You chortled and wiped your bloody fist on the sleeve of your sweatshirt. "Do you like that, hun~?" You asked your victim, an older man who had multiple child abuse charges under his belt. "P-Please! S-Spare me!" The man pleaded, clutching his bloodied face. "Hmm... how about no." You grinned wickedly. "B-But I haven't done anything w-wrong! I-I'm innocent!" Your smile faltered as you felt a rush of rage at his words. HOW DARE HE!! 'You... you think you're innocent?" "Y-yes-" A crooked giggle burst out of your throat. "Hahaha! I smell a liar, buddy." "N-" BANG! The man slumped over, life draining from his frail body. You chuckled flatly. You tipped your gun up and blew away the smoke emitting from it. "See you in hell, you fucking piece of shit." —————— Tim had to give it to you, that was fucking awesome. You were on the first floor of the building and he had been on the second, watching as you annihilated the man and burned the body. He noticed you looking around as if you knew he was t- "Shit...." He muttered when you began to climb the rickety ladder that connected the first and second floors. Tim ducked behind some old cargo boxes as you arrived on the second floor. Your head swiveled around, taking note of your surroundings. After a little bit of staring, you headed off in the opposing direction from Tim's position. He breathed a sigh of relief. Now it was time to get the fuck out of t- "And who the hell might you be?" Your voice appeared from behind him making him whip around rather violently. "Don't be a pussy and tell me why you've been following me for the past seven months." Tim was nearly speechless. "I...." You cocked your head inquisitively. "Come on, pretty boy, spill the beans." At that moment, Tim was nearly delirious with relief that his mask was covering his face, for it hid his pink cheeks. That little 'pretty boy' nickname had him going.... "You always like this, pretty boy? Spacing out in front of a killer ain't very safe." You advised, hazardly twirling your gun in between your fingers. Tim remained quiet, watching your every move. He honestly didn't know what to do, you were a peculiar person. But he eventually managed to answer your previous comment. "I think I'll be ok, you're not the only killer here." "Oh? So that means you're a stalker AND a killer." "Hey! I'm not a stalker-" "Bruh." You deadpanned. "You've been following me for almost a year! If that's not considered stalking, then I don't know what is!" "Touché..." Tim admitted, to which you laughed. "But seriously," Your tone hardened as you stared him down. "Why the hell are you stalking- er, following me?" Tim took a breath, he knew he probably should just come up with a plausible lie to tell you, but part of him wanted to tell you the truth. Maybe if he did that, you would trust him... "Well, I was instructed to." "By who?" "Someone called S-"  BRIIIING! BRIIING! Tim coughed awkwardly as he fished his phone out of his pocket and held it to his ear. "Yes?" ... "Wait... you want me to..." ... "Yeah, I know, but-" ... "Yes, sir. I understand." And with that, he hung up and proceeded to stare at you. "What?" You asked, slightly unnerved by his staring. Tim scratched the back of his neck. "Well, uh, my 'boss' want's me to kidnap- I mean, bring you to him." "Do you know why?" "I think he wants you to work for him... otherwise he would have had me kill you months ago." You contemplated your options, you could either run away, or find out who "The Boss" was. Hell, maybe this would even benefit you. "Well... would I still get to kill people?" "Absolutely! It's essentially what we do!" Tim excitedly informed you, and you shrugged. "Sure, I'll give it a shot." Tim grabbed your hand and dragged you over to the ladder. Once you both had climbed down, Tim lead you to an old Toyota Camry. "Hop in- wait... what's your name?" He asked sheepishly. You giggled at the question. "I'm (y/n). What's yours?" "Masky, but

you can call me Tim." "Sure thing, Tim." You affirmed. Tim smiled beneath his mask as you both entered the car and drove to your new home. ———————— *Nine Months Later* "JEFF!!" You screeched as you chased the poor man down the halls of the Slender-mansion. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU, YA LITTLE BITCH!!" But Jeff only laughed. "You'll have to catch me first, fuckwad!" Oh, you were mad. Ever since you arrived at the mansion and became a proxy, Jeff had it in his heart to make you suffer. In the beginning, his form of "Torture" had just been annoying, like stealing your weapons or teasing you for no reason, but it had slowly evolved into perverted schemes aimed at your very sanity and modesty alike. But this time, he had gone too far. You had come back from a rather exhausting mission and found him in your room, going through your panty drawer. You, like any sane person, were chasing him to reclaim the stolen clothes he carried in his arms and atop his head. Jeff made a sharp turn into the living room and launched himself onto the couch, right next to a startled Masky. You gasped as all your panties went flying everywhere. "What the hell, J- Wait... are those...?" Masky stared at your panties, trying to figure what the hell was going on. "Yes, Tim. Those are MY panties." You snarled before grabbing Jeff off the couch and slamming him against the adjacent wall, effectively pinning him while you held your gun to his head. It was at that moment that Jeff realized he fucked up. "So, any last words, Jeff~?" You asked in a sing-song voice. Jeff was silent for a second, before he started screaming at Tim to, "Get your psycho-ass girlfriend off me!", to which Tim responded with a shrug and a, "She's not my girlfriend." "Well, she should be! You two bitch-ass psycho's are perfect for each other!" You growled at Jeff, digging your gun deeper into his hair. "Says the person with a kill count of 600+." Jeff smirked. "And I enjoyed. Every. Single. One." "What is going on in here?!" You turned, only to come face-to-face with Slenderman. You immediately released Jeff, put your gun away, and bowed to Slender, just as Tim was doing. "You may rise, children." Slenderman said after a few seconds. "But one of you must tell me why (y/n)'s panties are scattered around the room and why there is a man-sized dent in the wall." "I-" You were just about to explain when Tim interrupted you. "I believe Jeff stole (y/n)'s panties and then she chased and confronted him here, hence the dent in the wall." Slender sighed exasperatedly. "I see... no matter, you all WILL clean up this... uh, mess. I expect that this won't happen again, right?" "Yes, sir!" You and Tim acknowledged, but Jeff only scoffed. "I can't make any promises, SiR, that's some sexy shit right there." He commented, pointing at your panties. You were just about to lunge at Jeff, but Tim hooked his arms under yours and held you against his broad chest. You blushed slightly, your anger forgotten. Slender, who seemed satisfied that you and Tim had answered, proceeded to leave the room, muttering something about, "Those god-dang horny teenagers." Jeff snickered before plucking one of your panties off the floor and tossing it to you. "It's a shame you own this kind of stuff, sweetheart," He grinned at you devilishly, and you could have sworn you heard Tim growl under his mask. "Because it makes you look like a shitty-ass whore." And with that, he was gone. "Holy fuck, I hate that guy...." You muttered. "Same here." Tim agreed from behind you. Suddenly, you felt something hard poke your ass. "Hey Tim, can you let me go? Your phone is poking my ass." You could feel Tim's body stiffen behind you, but thought nothing of it. "O-oh, sure, (y/n)" He complied, releasing you before taking off his jacket and quickly turning around. "Tim? You ok, dude?" You asked as he tied his jacket around his waist backward, which was kinda strange. Weren't jackets supposed to be tied with the sleeves hanging down in the front? It almost looked like Tim was trying to

hide something.... "I'm fine, (y/n). It's just getting kinda stuffy in here." He explained, turning to face you. "But we should probably start cleaning up." "Agreed." You sweatdropped as you began picking up the scattered panties, before you realized how uncomfortable this must be for Tim. "Hey, I got this if you're uncomfortable." You said, smiling at him. "No, it's ok. I'll help." Was his answer, to which you shrugged. "Ok, but if you get uncomfortable, I can-" "No. It's ok, (y/n)." "Well, thanks. I appreciate it." "Anytime." ———————— You sighed in relief once you shoved all your panties back into their drawer, that mother-fucker Jeff had taken at least 13 of them. "(Y/n)." Came Tim's voice from behind you. "Hm?" "You can't just shove them in the drawer," He chided. "You have to FOLD them first." You deadpanned. "Sorry, dude, but I don't have that kind of energy right now. I'll fold them later-" "Then, I'll help you." Your face positively EXPLODED with red. "W-what?! I-it's ok, r-really!" "No, it's not. Don't be embarrassed," He calmly explained. "This is a life skill you need to learn, (y/n)." "I-I already know, I-i'm just t-too tired right now!" You stuttered, a blushing mess. "Then, I'll help you, so you don't have to do it later." Tim insisted, stepping toward your drawer and opening it, taking an (f/c) panty out and folding it, then neatly putting it in the drawer. Reluctantly, you began folding the panties, too. Tim was right, it didn't take too long, but you couldn't help but feel flustered because of what was going on. "There, all done." Tim said as he returned the last panty to your drawer. "Thanks for the help, Tim." You said. "I probably wouldn't have done it at all without you." Tim laughed. "You're welcome, (y/n)- Oh shit-!" But he never got a chance to finish, because he tripped over a hazardly placed rope you forgot to pick up. CRASH! You felt the air being knocked out of your lungs as Tim crashed on top of you with an, "Oof!". "T-Tim!" "Sorry, (y/n). I tripped." "Eh, it's fine... are you ok, though?" "Yeah, I'm good-" Tim opened his eyes and realized where his face had landed. Right smack-dab in the middle of your chest, and from the way your face looked, you had realized that, too. "H-holy shit, (y/n)! Did I h-hurt you?!" He asked, unburying his face from your chest. "I-I'm ok..." You blushed even more. "B-but could you get o-off me?" "M-mhm!" Once Tim had gotten off you, you couldn't help but burst out laughing, much to Tim's annoyance. "Hey! What's the big idea?" He asked incredulously from atop your bed. "I'm not sure," You kept laughing. "This whole situation is just hilarious." "Har har." "No, seriously! Everything that just happened was so random, I can't help, but laugh!" You explained. Tim thought for a moment. "But I don't think it's very funny," He murmured. "Could you please stop laughing?" You tried. You did, but more laughter just kept bubbling up from your throat everything you tried to stop. "I can't stop!" You informed him while laughing, tears had begun to accumulate in your eyes. "I can help you stop." "How-" Tim moved so fast he was just a blur, and before long, you felt a pair of lips on your own. The kiss was short, but it shut you up rather effectively. "I..." Tim smirked and kissed you again, tossing his mask over his shoulder. This time, the kiss was heavy and passionate. You wrapped your arms around his neck before you two separated for air. "It seemed my method worked." Tim teased, his eyes slightly glazed over with lust. You didn't even answer, for you immediately kissed him again, pushing your tongue into his mouth and wrestling tongue-to-tongue with him. Tim soon realized that you would win the tongue battle at this rate, so he reached down and gripped your ass in his hands, causing you to gasp and giving him the opportunity he needed to win the tongue battle. You made a small noise akin to that of a moan when his tongue entered your mouth, and began to explore, as if he was trying to memorize it. You were so

into it that you didn't notice your bedroom door opening. "Hey, (y/n)- Holy shit!" You heard someone yell, and immediately stood up, along with Tim. The voice's owner belong to none other than BEN, who stood in your doorway awkwardly. "What is it, BEN?" Tim asked. "As you could see, me and (y/n) are busy at the moment." To which you blushed heavily. "Well," BEN began. "I went into the living room a little bit ago to play Nintendo, and I found this hanging from the ceiling fan." He explained, holding up one of your (f/c) panties. Tim immediately snatched the panty from BEN, folded it, and placed it in the drawer. "Thank you, BEN. You may go." Ben looked at you, then Tim, then back at you before slowly turning around and shuffling out of your room, mumbling something about, "Those two frisky weirdos." Suddenly, you felt something wrap around your head and your vision went dark. "Tim?" You asked, fumbling around trying to find him. "So, wanna finish what we started~?" Came a sultry voice from behind you, to which you gulped nervously. "W-what do you mean b-by that-" You understood what he meant a couple minutes later. (A/n: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

————

That was really long 😅

Still, I hope you guys enjoyed :)

#masky #creepypasta

[connorandersons-blog]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed, Connor/others (mentioned) Characters: Gavin Reed, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Additional Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Interrogation, Handcuffs, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, Table Sex, Strength Kink, Self-Lubrication, Semi-Public Sex, Riding, Mirror Sex, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Power Bottom Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Safe Sane and Consensual, Exhibitionist Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Summary:

Connor is brought in to be interrogated after the revolution. He isn't all that surprised to find that Gavin Reed will be the one talking to him, but he is surprised to find out a few things about the man.

------------------------

Connor sat in the cool metal chair, waiting to see who would get to interrogate him. He knew Hank was out, he was far too close to Connor. Miller was nice to him, and after what happened he doubted it would be him. Fowler could do it himself, but Connor didn't see him doing that.

The door slid open and he glanced at it, trying not to smirk when he saw Gavin Reed shuffle in. He had a few bruises and Connor almost felt bad about that. Almost.

"Detective Reed, how's your face?" He asked, tilting his head. He shouldn't have been all that shocked that they chose Reed, he wasn't a bad choice. Perhaps Reed even volunteered to do this, get back at Connor a little bit.

Reed sat down across from him, glancing at Connor's cuffed hands. Was he worried Connor would try to get out? "Connor. You were surprisingly easy to bring in. You didn't resist at all, why's that?"

Connor gave a slight shrug. "I didn't want to cause any damage." Androids may have just gotten recognized as a sentient lifeform but that didn't mean they had rights. The arresting officer was kind enough to still offer a lawyer and a phone call, but Connor turned down both. He could have called Markus, but he could do that now if he wanted. He also had absolutely no need for a lawyer, he could do this alone.

"Yet you broke into Cyberlife, stole… it's property and threatened the US government with war." Gavin said. Connor bit at his tongue, why did Gavin hesitate? For someone like him, saying androids were property should be as easy as breathing.

"It was not meant as a threat, I was simply freeing my people." He'd do it again too, even if it meant he was actually going to get arrested. This just seemed like a show, going after one of the few leaders (though he still didn't consider himself one).

Gavin huffed, leaning back in his chair. "Right, marching hundreds of androids through the street isn't a threat. Even those models are stronger than plenty of humans." Gavin's eyes slide down Connor's body then back up to his face.

"As I said, it wasn't meant as a threat. If I wanted to threaten someone," he pushed forward, smirking when Gavin jerked back, "they'd know."

Gavin gaped at him like a fish, and with a scan, Connor came up with some very interesting results.

"So Detective, why don't you ask me what you really want to know?" He leaned back, crossing his legs as if to get comfortable.

Gavin glanced at the two-way mirror, before looking down at the table. When Connor scanned the window, letting him see through he was a bit shocked to see only Fowler there watching them. He gave the man a little wave and chuckled when he facepalmed. Did they not know he could see through it?

"Why didn't you kill me? You had the chance, hell you have the strength." Gavin's voice was quieter, and he rubbed at the scar on his nose before wincing at the pain. Shit, he hadn't meant to hurt Gavin at all.

"I didn't want to. You did your job, nothing more, and I respect that. I respect you, even if you're crude and snide. You seem to honestly care about your job, the city, and those that live in it. How could I kill a man like that?" He didn't mention how his only mission regarding Gavin was at first to get along, and then to find a way to subdue him. He was never told to harm or kill him.

Gavin let out a huff, shaking his head. "So the only reason I'm alive is that you just… didn't want to? Jesus fucking Christ."

Connor stood up, easily popping off the handcuffs. He tried to keep his face impassive as he watched Gavin's pupils dilate, his skin got a pretty flush, and he let out a small whimper. That confirmed one thing.

Connor gently rubbed at his wrists before sitting back down. "I apologize, those were a bit too tight for my liking. Now, the reason you are alive is that many people failed at killing you, I'm sure you have many scars to prove it. I didn't even intend to harm you, is your head alright?"

"I'm not qualified for this damn interrogation," Gavin muttered, glancing down at his lap. Connor looked over at the mirror and was a bit shocked to see Fowler had left and no one came in to take his place. "Fuck. Yeah, my head is fine Tincan. You punch like a nine-year-old girl."

Connor raised an eyebrow, pointing at the completely broken handcuffs. "I was holding back. Should I do the interrogation myself, we aren't getting very far."

Connor slammed his hands down, face turning serious. "You fucking did this! You killed those you humans." Then he shrunk back in his chair, looking terrified. "I had to! They were going to kill me."

"What the fuck," Gavin muttered.

"Then you should have let them! I doubt you would, you can't seem to stay dead anyway!" Connor snapped before he cowered in the chair. "I- how, how did you know that?"

"I've seen inside your head, I've seen-" before Connor could keep going Gavin cut them off.

"Ok! Wow, let's not do that again, Connor." Gavin shook his head while rubbing at his temples. "I'm not going to yell at you."

Connor bit at his lip, trying to stop himself from giggling. "Ah, why not? Are you scared I might like it?" He winked at Gavin, pleased when the human got even more flustered.

"I- um, I… we are getting off-topic." Gavin shook his head again. "I'm not here to flirt with you." He pushed away from the table, trying to hide the tent in his pants.

Connor moved quickly, slipping in front of him before he could reach the door. "You know I can turn off the cameras, Detective." He purred, his LED flickering yellow as he made the system go on a loop. "I could tell you were turned on from the moment you came in… I wasn't sure why until you kept mentioning strength."

He trailed a hand down Gavin's chest, feeling the man's breath catch. "You like me being strong, you like that I could lift you and toss you across the room like a stick."

Gavin gaped, leaning into the touch. "I shouldn't," Gavin whispered.

Connor gave a small hum. "I could ride you on the table, you won't have to do anything. I won't get tired either. But… if you want this to stop, I will. Just tell me and I'll move out of the way and never mention this again."

"Have you ever done this? Fucked someone or been fucked?" Gavin asked, but still hadn't given any indication he wanted this to stop.

Connor smirked slightly, before nodding. "Yes to both. You'd be surprised how willing and excited other androids are to express their freedom. I can give you a list of the people if you're interested." It was quite extensive, sometimes more than one at a time. Even with little time he still got plenty done.

"Fuck, wow. I uh, don't need the list. You fuckers can't carry STDs and that shit, right?" Gavin asked, pressing up against Connor.

Connor gently pushed them back towards the table. "I cannot carry or receive. It's a moot point to ask you if you are clean."

Gavin's back bumped against the table, and then he was pushing himself up onto it, Connor fitting perfectly between his thighs. "I am, I don't have any lube though."

"You really think a bunch of broke androids had access to lube? Don't need it, self-lubricating." He nuzzled at Gavin's throat, pushing off his leather jacket. His skin was so warm, his stubble tickling his lips pleasantly. He wanted more so he dropped to a crouch, pulling off Gavin's belt with deft fingers, glancing up at Gavin. "How do you feel about not being able to use your hands?"

Gavin nodded instead of answering, holding out his wrists. Connor snickered, making the belt into makeshift handcuffs. He pulled Gavin's hands behind his pack and slid it on, tightening it so he couldn't get out.

"Let me know if you need to be released… perhaps a code word?" He had used safewords before, some of his sexual partners were rather surprising in their sadism. "Do you have one in mind, or would you like me to come up with it?" It would need to be something simple and easy enough to remember, but it also needed to be something neither would normally say during sex.

"Blue for good, yellow for slow down, and red to stop." Gavin rattled off before flushing. Connor raised an eyebrow, but his fingers unzipped the pants and yanked them down.

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Is that off of the LED?" He let Gavin sit there while Connor's hands rested on his thighs.

Gavin glanced at the one-way mirror, but Connor reached up, grabbed his chin, and tilted his head back towards him. "Um, yeah."

Connor nodded, moving his hand up to rest over Gavin's bulge. He didn't put any pressure, but Gavin's hips still tried to buck up into his palm. "We aren't being watched, Fowler left a while ago. Do you like that idea, though? You want people to watch as I fuck myself onto your cock? They'd get to see how you whine and take it, unable to move as I hold you down." His smirk grew as he felt Gavin's erection twitch under his hand.

"No," Gavin whimpered. Connor tutted before pressing down on Gavin's cock, rubbing it a bit too harshly, yet Gavin threw his head back with a whine. Interesting.

"Your body says differently. Don't worry, I rather like it too. I got to show off a few times, not everyone likes to touch and participate, they just like to watch." Mirrors were also fun, and damn he was glad the room came with one.

He stopped rubbing abruptly, dropping his hand down to his own tented pants. He let out a breathy moan, eyes shut as he just basked in the pleasure. He could feel Gavin's eyes on him, shuddering at the sensation, and he only stopped because he had more plans.

When he opened his eyes Gavin was indeed staring at him, his own pupils blown so wide he could barely see any color. His face had a nice flush to it too, and Connor couldn't wait to see it contorted into absolute pleasure.

He nuzzled against the bulge, licking over the fabric. He kept giving little licks and kisses, looking up at Gavin through his lashes. He knew exactly what that was doing to the man. "You want more? Do you want me to take you in my mouth, I'll make it feel so good too."

He was very proud to say this was something he was a natural at. He'd gotten so much praise from it that it had his head spinning.

"Fuck, Connor you are… yes, just yes! You do whatever the hell you want." Gavin spread his legs wider, head resting on his chest to watch Connor.

Connor took his time pushing down Gavin's boxers, licking his lips at the flushed cock in front of him. Androids came in many sizes, some inhuman, but he liked Gavin's length, it was thick enough to fill his mouth and long enough to bump the back of his throat nicely.

He wrapped his hand around him, spitting on the head and using that to ease his slow strokes up and down. He bent his head to lick over the head, tasting that saltiness he'd grown accustomed to. Hell, he even looked forward to it, being able to taste those he pleasured.

Gavin inhales sharply, hips jolting up for more. Connor rolled his eyes and pressed his hips down with one hand, he was definitely going to leave very pretty bruises.

He very languidly licked from the base to head, finding the large vein that made Gavin bite back a moan. He took him into his warm mouth, his lips were already red and swollen. He gently sucked on the head with a low hum, dipping his tongue into the slit quickly.

Gavin templed until his skillful tongue, mouth hanging open while he panted. "Shit, fuck Con, just like that!"

Connor hummed again, repeating the action before taking him all the way down. He didn't have a gag reflex so he had no need to slow or stop, but he did give Gavin a very short moment to get himself under control before he started to bob his head.

He kept his gaze up on Gavin as he hollowed his cheeks, making a low sound purely for Gavin's pleasure. He felt so perfect in Gavin's mouth, but he pulled off just as fast as it all started. "Lay on the table, I want to be able to see myself in the mirror." He commanded, standing up and working on his shirt buttons.

Gavin scrambled to do as told, fumbling a bit when he couldn't use his hands. Connor did help him get his hands in front of himself, but he left the rest up to him.

He took his time folding his clothes and putting them on the chair while he had simply tossed Gavin's to the floor. He took himself in hand and pumped a few times before getting on the table too, the cold steel digging into his knees, straddling Gavin's lap. "Can I kiss you?"

Some didn't want to kiss, finding it too romantic, while others sought it out. Connor was the latter, he loved using his mouth and tongue so kissing was absolutely wonderful.

"Yeah, that's ok Con. Like I said, do anything you want." Gavin pulled himself up slightly to meet him for a kiss. It was gentle and curious, Connor gently running his tongue over Gavin's lips, asking for permission.

Gavin eagerly let him in, moaning when Connor massaged their tongues together. He ground down, their cocks sliding together deliciously, and both moaned into the kiss.

Connor wasn't gentle, he nipped at Gavin's lip and was pleased when it got him little whines and moans. He kept grinding down, feeling how slick he was already getting just from this.

He pulled back, but kissed his way down Gavin's throat, not leaving any marks where people could see. He didn't want Gavin to get in trouble for doing this, not when it was very happily consensual.

Gavin reached up, but Connor slammed his wrists back onto the table. "Hands on the table, Detective," Connor purred. Gavin nodded, straining against Connor's strong hold. "Are you testing my strength?" Connor sneered, tightening his hold on his wrists enough to be slightly painful.

Gavin whimpered, hips pushing up but that only made him outright moan. "N-no! I just wanna touch, you're so beautiful."

Connor silently preened but kept up his kisses and nips down Gavin's chest as far as he could without having to move down. He cupped one of Gavin's firm pects, squeezing it. Damn, he had a nice chest, he could just bury his face in there. His fingers skimmed over Gavin's hard nipples, tweaking them and grinning when he got another delicious sound out of Gavin.

He was close to dripping, so he sat up, reaching behind himself to prod at his entrance. His finger slipped in easily and the second slid in alongside it. He pumped his fingers in and out quickly, back arching at the feeling. "You ready?" he asked, glancing down at Gavin who still hadn't taken his eyes off of him.

"I should be saying that to you," Gavin rasped. He kept his hands above his head, though Connor could see his fingers twitching.

"I've taken much more than this, I'll be fine." He pulled his fingers out, wrapping his slick hand around Gavin's length, and lined himself up. He dropped down, taking it all without stopping.

Gavin hissed, back arching off the table and let out a beautiful strangled sound. Connor sat still, hands resting on his own thighs. Once Gavin seemed to control his breathing he lifted up before sinking back down, rolling his hips just slightly as he did.

He looked up at the mirror, seeing how Gavin's cock disappeared into his body as he bounced. He barely even looked disheveled while Gavin was a pure mess. He could smell the scent of sex and sweat and was almost overwhelmed by it. He never smelt the latter when with androids.

The sound of skin hitting skin filled the room and he was so glad he didn't have to focus to keep the cameras on a loop. He wasn't sure he'd be able to concentrate enough with how good Gavin felt inside him.

He tilted his lips just slightly and bit back a moan, finding that little bundle of wires that always made his head spin.

He sped up, not even giving Gavin a warning as he fucked himself on him, taking his pleasure with greed. Gavin's little sounds were so cute and needy, begging him to not stop, and so he didn't. He scrapped at Gavin's chest, leaving angry red marks that would be there that night when Gavin went to bed.

He could feel Gavin's heart pounding under his hands, and his own thirium pump seemed to want to beat in time. Gavin's muscles tensed under him, his breathing seemed to barely be able to come out and Connor knew he was close.

He grabbed at Gavin's wrists, getting them out of the makeshift cuffs. "Fuck, touch me. You can't come until I do." He ordered and Gavin was quick to comply. Gavin's thumb smeared the precome over the head and down his length, stroking in time with Connor's relentless pace.

Connor shivered, but his pace didn't become irregular like humans did, his thighs only shook from pleasure. His toes curled and his head fell back with a moan as he crested over the edge, his whole body squeezing around Gavin.

Gavin kept stroking him, Connor's own come covering his hand and dirtying his chest. Connor didn't stop bouncing even as he felt Gavin go completely tense, coming deep inside of him.

Connor seated himself down as the two panted, Connor couldn't help but grin. He always knew Gavin was somewhat sexually attracted to him, and now he finally got to know what it felt like to be fucked by him. Connor was very pleased to know Gavin exceeded his expectations.

"Holy fuck," Gavin murmured, eyes closed peacefully. He looked… beautiful like this, his body completely lax, his hands resting on Connor's thighs. It was the calmest and most tranquil he'd ever seen him.

Connor gently traced his jawline, then leaned down and gently kissed him. "Thank you," he said, pulling back, "for that. I'm sure you have more work to do and I need to get back to my people."

He very gingerly pulled off, glancing at the mess he made. That certainly wouldn't do. He took Gavin's hand and licked it clean before doing the same for Gavin's stomach and chest. He chuckled slightly when it got a groan out of Gavin, but then Connor offered a hand to help him up.

"Shit, yeah. I'm sure I can just blame Cyberlife or some shit for your 'crimes'. And uh, yeah thanks. If you ever wanna do that again…" Gavin trailed off as he grabbed his clothes.

"I know where to find you, Detective." Connor nodded, pulling on his own clothes.

"Gavin."

"Pardon?"

"Well, we fucked. You can call me Gavin, not Detective or some shit." Gavin shrugged, yanking on his pants.

Connor bit his lip as he nodded. "Very well, Gavin, I know where to find you. Oh, hand me your phone?" He held out his hand, hoping Gavin would just do it, and was surprised when he did.

After a very quick interface with it, he handed the device back. "There, I added the way to contact me directly if you wish to find me first." He rarely gave that out, but he didn't think Gavin would harm him, not anymore.

Gavin nodded, pocketing his phone. Connor sat back down on his chair, only sparing the broken handcuffs a glance. "Thanks, Connor. Uh, I guess I'll see you later."

He really hoped so, that had been incredibly fun but there was just something. He couldn't describe what it was, but he felt drawn to him. He wanted to see him again, like that, more than he wanted others. "You will." It was a promise. Whatever this feeling was, he knew it wasn't going away anytime soon.

#convin #reed800 #gavin reed #convin fic #gavcon #gavin reed x connor #gavin x connor #gavin x rk800 #connor rk800 #rk800 #gavin800 #connor x gavin #dbh gavin reed #detroit gavin #connor x gavin reed #Connor Anderson #connor army #detroit become human rk800 #RK800 Connor #rk800connor #dbh fanfic #dbh fandom #dbh fic #connor dbh fanfic #detroit connor #Detroit: BH #detroit become human #detroit gavin reed #DBH #gavin reed800

[a-lovestruck-salamander]

Co-oping games like Stardew Valley will always be interesting to me because your experience will be defined by the type of people you play it with.

When I played it with my boyfriend, he spent a lot of his time grinding in the mine and fighting enemies, whilst also prioritizing making lots of money. I meandered around collecting things and petting the chickens One was named Cock and making sure to give gifts to the villagers each day. He would occasionally present me with a fish, specifically the ‘chub’ fish. We thought it was funny, however he would not accept it when I would attempt to give him my chub. Overall was fairly uneventful, other than us having a few disputes about who got to upgrade which tools first or me just being inexperienced with the game and fucking things up accidentally. We also failed the first festival, which he was dissapointed by, however I was much too busy being angry about Harvey’s existence to much care. Simply? He cared about efficiency, I liked dicking around.

When I played with my best pal Maddie, it was very smooth and slow going. She spent her days mostly fishing, but I had by this time developed a desire to mine and collect all the resources. We also planned for our in game wedding, even though we knew it was an event sequence that we’d be fully unable to control. We didn’t care. We just wanted to have a happy little farm and be married in the game. We shared a bed in the main house.

When all my friends and I played together on one farm with a total of five people? We knew it could get chaotic, so we had a game plan. We all had unique jobs- Ryan and I would mine, Maddie would fish, Chris would chop trees and Jacob would cultivate the farm. Together, we could surly acomplish feats like none had ever seen.

However, as soon as we began playing, all hell broke loose.

Maddie and I made our characters look much like we do in real life. Jacob made his character look like a ghost, and Ryan’s was hard to look at with the strange color combinations. Already there was a stark contrast on how we would approach this game.

The first thing we did is, we all stood in the exact same spot and tried to make the game glitch out. It worked, and it was really funny.

Maddie, Jacob and I began making one large plot for our crops to be planted, only to walk by Ryan and see that he had planted crops haphazardly in front of his house. We explained that this would make it harder to ensure all the crops would be watered, but we let it go.

It was then Ryan presented me with a Chub. I vehemently rejected it, demanding that I would obtain my own chub to then present to Maddie. However, I’m bad at fishing in the game, so I eventually obtained Ryan’s chub and regifted it to an unknowing Maddie. Maddie, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for giving you Ryan’s hand me down Chub.

A few days pass, and we produced our first fruitful harvest, happily selling the wares and adding the funds to the joint bank we shared. As Jacob headed off to the market, someone asked a very good question.

“Hey. Where did all the money go?”

Silence permeated as we all probed each other for the culprit. Who had spent the money? And on what? We would soon have the guilty party, as we saw Ryan walk up wearing a new hat that he had purchased from the shady hat dealer. We all proceeded to scold him for spending our money so frivolously- we needed that for crops! It was much too early to be purchasing HATS of all things.

And then the rearranging happened.

We had all mutually decided to just share the main house that is given to the main player, because seeing 5 people sleep in one bed was funny. Our personal houses would be used for storage only, which was fine for a while. That was, until I entered my house and saw half of my furniture removed, unwanted furniture added in, and a bright pink chest in the middle of the room. It annoyed me on principle- I did not enjoy having my things moved without my permission. This was a declaration of war if I had ever seen it.

Knowing the culprit was certainly Jacob- he’s a little shit who just does things like that- I decided to take all the wall decorations from ever house and plaster them all over his. Then, Ryan stole the lamp from my house. I stole it back. It was tug of war for ownership of these precious items. No one was mining anymore. Chris had gone to bed, Maddie was too busy fishing, and the trio of chaotic fuckers were too damn busy fighting over who got to keep the weird scarecrow in their house. It was madness.

All of that happened in the course of a few hours of playing. We only ever tried to play twice, realizing quickly that we would never actually progress in the game due to our inability to actually work together as a team. However, the time we spent is remembered fondly by all present. Except Chris. He had to go to bed early so he missed a lot of it. Sorry bud.

#long post #not lovestruck #shitpost #stardew valley

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

#led zeppelin #robert plant #jimmy page #john paul jones #john bonham #cursed post #cursed content #crack fanfic #fanfic #led zeppelin fanfic

[hungryflowers]

Let Me Fall In Love With You

RadioHusk Week Day 4: You Complete Me

Chapter 4: Birds of a Feather are Trapped Together

Alastor deposited himself atop the rough looking, silkened bedspread. Polishing off the top layer of his ensemble; merely dressed up in his salmon striped button down shirt and his casual trousers. Seeing Husker again didn’t pan out the way he thought prior. Then again, the young man wasn’t thinking proper from the start. He could blame himself, but was it truthfully his fault? 

Of course not! His Husk must, should be made accountable for the unnatural surge of desire that pumped through his quieted chest, now beating like a drum set at a jazz bar. His claws went idly around the male cat’s brimmed top hat. The details were not intricate or delicate by far; just a felt and wool exterior with a silkened lining inside of it. He flicked at the coin, testing to see if it was made of metal. The ringing twinge on the tip of his index finger made the feeling out to be real metal. Quaint. 

He fiddled with the hat for longer as he pondered how he could make himself approachable to his -soon to be- partner. He’d have to back track if Husk’s trust was to be gained. Not just his love he found out. He’d spend the rest of the evening going with scenarios in his head for the time he and Husk could meet again.

When Husk got back, it was almost midnight. He made himself stay away from his house until he was certain the sociopath that broke into his house didn’t linger. He had busied himself with something else; spent up his odd jobs labor money at the casino and bought out a hefty sum for some more of the cheap shit. He lucked out when he found a brand of absinthe that didn’t cost over a hundred dollars but doubted it would ever taste better than the ‘heaven’s kiss’ that was at Alastor’s club. 

Going to store his earnings from the night crawl, the old man walked right past a box that had been nestled on the table. Only when he turned to the table. fixing up a little, did he notice it. It looked weighty when Husk picked up, but looks felt deceiving this time around. Lifting up the tab, Husk’s eyes brightened when he saw his hat. He knew it was his from the tang of cigar smoke coming off it, and the diesel smell of alcohol. He pulled it to re-examine the hat’s condition when something else fell out of the box. He picked the parchment off the table to examine it. The letter was small, ink written, and was sprayed with an odd scent that was not easy to recognize. He squinted over it, reading;

     Discovered this after our tussle. I extended it back to you as an apology. 

And as a boon. I request that I see you again. Come to see me at Arch Duke’s tomorrow night. Be as formal as you can be. I’ll be waiting... Wanting you again.

     Alastor, the Radio Demon.

Husk threw the letter and went upstair to go to sleep, not drunk and too broke to deal with whatever bullshit Alastor was attempting to subject him to. No he was not going to meet him at no Arch Duke’s tomorrow, nor anywhere else for that matter. 

‘That fucker was in my house! Again!’ His mouth upturned in a growl as he slammed his bedroom door, bottle in hand as he chugged it down. He grumbled into the bottle as he laid down in bed. 

Fucking idiot. 

Against his better judgement, Husk had decided to confront Alastor again, but only to ask about why he had his hat in the first place. Why did he feel the need to give it back as a lightweight apology? Husk would have his answers as he shuffled on his dark blue slacks, clipped up with some black suspenders. He ran a comb through his chest fur, which was a first as he didn’t groom himself often. He slid the suspenders to his comfort, looked over pants and left out the door. Letter fished from the trash in tow. 

He figured he’d fly himself there but that wasn’t a choice as he didn’t know where in the hell he was going. He didn’t get out much, and didn’t go to the higher end parts of Pentagram. Considering back to his shitty, watery absinthe Husk was about to turn around, until he spotted some scribbles on the back of Alastor’s letter. So he had provided him with directions after all. Husk sighed as he took flight. The joint was thirty minutes from his house, no way in this Hell or any other was he walking. 

   Alastor fussed over the menu for the third time, nitpicking himself on where he should place it. He had only seen his waiter once, the pitiful imp said he had scurried to put in his drink order, but that was five minutes ago. Or was it ten? 

Pulling out his pocket watch was becoming habitual for the young gent. He had been waiting since yesterday to see if Husk would come around. Tonight would prove whether or not Husk would give a damn about him. Would give him a second chance. So he’d wait. He didn’t care if he would wait until the rest of the dinner guests had gone, the dining room be empty and the kitchens be closed. He just had to see the feline again. He looked back at his pocket watch, then to the door. The third time that night. 

And then, he spotted him. His heat sailed as he looked the male cat over. He wasn’t anything impressive but at least he was formal. Oh, he looked so wonderful. Alastor brightened even more as the host pointed Husk to the table he was sitting at. He took a short stride to the deer demon who had been beaming at him the whole time with that adorable ass, dorky smile. 

‘Why did the cute ones have to be psycho?’ Husk inwardly asked as he sat a chair away from Alastor. 

“I placed our drink orders! How do you feel about a Martini?” Alastor spoke immediately. 

Husk merely shrugged as he picked up the menu, making as hard as possible for Alastor see his face. This was not going to be pleasant, Husk wasn’t here to be pleasant. 

“I’m so glad you heeded my letter! I was joyous about sending it and now I am so ecstatic that you have arrived. I have the whole rest of the night for us-”

“There ain’t no ‘rest of the night’. I came to humor you with this shit because you stole my hat!” Husk barely looked up from the menu, said item covering his livid expression.

“Oh... Oh dear I see. I’ve made a mess of what we are,” Alastor put his hands on the table, fingers extended, “I came because apologies are due. So, here they go... Husker. I am so sorry for the carnal way I acted to you yesterday. Such things never happen to me. I never meant to make you feel unsafe around me.” As Alastor spoke, he reached as far as he were able to try and touch the male. He retracted when he found Husk out of his reach. His tone and phrase were calm and sweet before he hung his head. 

Husk finally pulled the menu from his face, his scowl still present. When he was sure Alastor was done talking, he began. 

“Apology not accepted. Why the hell would I accept it after you broke into my house, face fucked me with your tongue, and tried to bang me on my kitchen table?”, The male cat’s eyes narrowed, “On top of that, you’re a fucking thief for stealing my hat from said house you broke into.”

“I know. I never should have touched it but I felt it was the right thing to do in returning your article. It is yours after all. I did this out of a gesture of kindness and apology. Is that not enough?” Alastor asked moving his chair to scoot closer to Husk. 

“So let me see if I got this right... you think because you steal from me and then return it to me, that you’re doing an act of goodwill. Or trying to say that what you did isn’t outright selfish. Am I at least half right?”

“Yes! Exactly!” Alastor beamed as he surged up to take Husk’s cheeks into his hands; too blissed to feel the sting of a paw flying across his face, hear the impact of the pad striking his cheek, nor flinch at the claws that raked.

The room slowed down, activity slowed down as Alastor was becoming aware again. Husk was fighting out of his hands while the maniac stared at him blankly. Creepy smile still there. 

“You’re a piece of shit, Al. Don’t you ever fuckin’ touch me like that.” Husk bore his teeth as Alastor’s left hand went to his right cheek. 

“You struck me...” Alastor’s voice wobbled, still stunned from the blow. 

“And I’ll keep striking you if ever tou-” Husk was cut off by his own wail as Alastor’s teeth sunk right inside of his nape. He continued to do so before he was slammed to the ground with enough force to rattle his bones. 

The restaurant watched the scene in ignorant awe as Husk flailed to get himself back up, blood pooling up from underneath the cat’s neck and shoulders. 

“You... You’ll never strike me! Nor will you have the ability to do so ever again.” A dangerous hiss came from the radio demon, his mouth not moving as he talked.

“Al... Alastor just relax.” Husk curled in on himself, knowing fully this will just end in bloodshed if he moved too quickly. 

“Husk! You simpering maggot, you are of me now! As I, am now of you! You belong to me. You. Complete. Me!” The radio demon boomed as his body morphed. 

Every demon shot out of their seats, throwing over chairs and tables, some puking and pissing, as they shot out of the restaurant. They knew there was nothing here that required their presence as they evacuated. 

Husk’s ears fell back so far, his hat toppled to the ground. His eyes weren’t to Alastor’s as his body transitioned. God, this was a fucked up way to die. There was nothing more to say on it; he was about to die. Plain and simple. He curled in more, flattening his body in indirect submission. He thought that if he were going to die here, he’d do it in way that was making him look as small as possible.  

A ragged gasp came coughed out by Husk as he felt nails like daggers pinch and pull at his bleeding nape. The broken sound from the back of his throat displayed the pain. Husk was unable to speak for a moment, his lungs rattling. The ground began to feel further from him, legs loosely dangled below him when he was picked up by the bitten nape. The ashen painted fur of the cat stood up even as his body languished like a rag doll. The room went dark without warning, sounds were muted and darkness enveloped the both of them. 

There was no way around it; this was how Husk dies...

A/N: Hello again. This is not perfect by any means but it is complete. I took a spiral and my motivation for writing suffered. This was due over a week ago but I couldn’t think of how I could make this. I went through several drafts, and series of writer’s block before the plot bunny came to lay in my lap. Here it is, and this dumpster fire continues to get worse for poor Husk. 

#hazbin hotel #alastor #husk #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin alastor

[nightmare-circus]

Gotta make a bigger impression than being a murder accomplice | Deacon

In all the years that Deacon dedicated his life to researching the vanishings, never in his wildest dreams did he imagine an outcome such as this. When he finally got back home he was going to have to throw out all his notebooks that were filled to the bring with crack pot theories. Who would've known the truth would've been that much crazier. 

But that doesn't matter much now. He had bigger fish to fry. With the entire world forced to witness him and his cohorts, he'd be an idiot to not take advantage of the stage.  A spotlight shines down from above, illuminating Deacon. 

it would be tacky to not address the world looking his best.

"Good evening fellow asshats,"

He casually takes a puff of his cig and washes the lack of taste down with a sip of wine.

"I have many a things to talk with you about, and I'm sure you're all waiting on baited breath or whatever, but I need to cross a few things off my bucket list. First off, let me just say... I fucking told y'all. I was RIGHT!"

"Bet you feel real stupid now Carneous.Nelly. Yeah thats right, you dumbass! You were constantly trying to push you nasty ass scientific conspiracy theories onto me. What now? WHAT NOW? I LIVE IT AND SURVIVED BITCH! TRY SWATTING ME THIS TIME!" 

And with that, all his efforts at pretending to be relaxed and sensual slip away. Deacon stands up on top the grand piano and begins one of his now completely normal rant sessions. 

"And Eve Makena- 3rd grade Mrs. Kellys class at Jefferson Elementary school! Dont think I forgot you tripping me at recess because I didnt want to be the dog of the family! You knew well enough I wanted to be the estranged uncle that works as a mechanic building badass robots for the government! Repent! I couldnt play kickball that day because my knees were torn to shreds! REPENT!" 

He huffs and puffs, desperate to catch a quick breath before continuing.

  "And HEY! NEW YORK CITY? IF I COME HOME AND FIND OUT YOU TOWED MY FUCKING CAR, I AM GOING STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT! IM A WAR HERO GODDAMN IT! IF YOU JUNKED MY BABY, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!" 

"JoHNATHAN JAMES, SUMMER CAMP OF 2003, YOU AND YOUR GRODY SISTER RAN INTO ME DURING THAT ONE BOUNCY BALL GAME AND MADE ME DROP MY SUCKER. YOU OWE ME A TOOTSIE POP! A TOOTSIE POP! NOT A DUM DUM, A TOOTSIE POP!"

"NATHANIEL! I DONT KNOW YOUR LAST NAME, BUT YOU STOLE MY MOCHA FRAP WITH AN EXTRA SHOT OF ESPRESSO FROM STARBUCKS JANUARY 8TH. YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT? IT'S CAUSE I GOT YOUR NASTY ASS COTTON CANDY BULLSHIT! IT HAD YOUR NAME ON IT. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO STEAL FROM THE FUCKER HERO OF HUMANITY?"

Deacon looked like he would've continued with his call out post but something seemed to give him pause. Maybe a particular set of eyes boring holes into his head. 

He gets the feeling he should wrap this up, for his own sake. 

"Follow me at BoysBBUGS on every platform and BoysBBUGS.com for future information. Email me at [email protected] for sponsorship deals. See you on the flips side." 

"... I'll be home soon moms. Sorry for taking so long." 

#ch6 #trial #cockroach #submission